5 Ways to Reward Your Teen for Their Good Behavior

September 8, 2020 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Reward systems and charts might have once helped to regulate your son or daughter’s behavior, but they might not prove as effective when they enter their teenage years.

However, you can connect privileges to their actions, which could ensure they follow the rules set for both inside and outside the home. Find out how you can reward your teen for good behavior.

Screen Time

Many parents often limit a teenager’s screen time, which will ensure they don’t spend their days playing games, scrolling through social media, or watching videos. However, if your teen has received a good report card or completed all their household chores, you could reward them for their hard work and effort by providing extra screen time.

A Fun Birthday Party

You can guarantee your teen would jump at the chance to climb walls, complete obstacle courses, or bounce on a trampoline with their friends on their birthday. However, you could promise to only organize a party at the likes of a trampoline park if they’ve been on their best behavior throughout the year.

For example, you must state they can have a birthday party if they:

Complete their daily chores
Work hard at school
Are polite and respectful both inside and outside the home

You can rest assured they’ll follow the above rules if they know they’ll enjoy an epic birthday party with their friends.

An Extended Curfew

If your son or daughter never argues when given an instruction, is performing well in school, and maintains a clean and organized bedroom, you could consider extending their curfew by an hour when requested.

If you believe it is safe to do so, you should allow them to spend a little longer with their friends, which will show them the benefits of good behavior. Plus, it could help you to establish trust between each other, so they’ll be less likely to break their curfew rules in the future.

A New Bedroom

Many teenagers often view their bedrooms as their haven away from the rest of the world. Help them to stay on their best behavior by promising them new wallpaper, furniture, and/or accessories, which can help them to put their stamp on their interior. You can guarantee they’ll stick to every household rule if they can create a more stylish, grown-up space.

Concert Tickets

Have you heard your teen’s favorite band or artist is coming to your town? If so, you could reward them for performing well in school with concert tickets, and you could even book an extra ticket so they can invite a friend to the show, too. It is a great way to show your appreciation for your son or daughter’s hard work throughout the year. Plus, it could encourage them to work harder to secure top grades and make you proud.

So, if you are scratching your head about how to improve your teen’s behavior, the above tips could be an ideal solution.

Resources for Dads of Teenagers

June 18, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Being a dad is a job that never ends. Every stage of your child’s development brings its own challenges, and you’ll probably never be fully prepared for them. One stage that parents everywhere are holding their breath for is that if the teenage years. This is when your not so little kids reach adolescence, and you have to start rediscovering them all over again. Nevertheless, it’s a phase that will pass, but it’s crucial you develop a trusting relationship with them the best you can. Below are a few resources for dads of teenagers.

Puberty

One of the things you’re going to need to think about is how to support them through puberty phases. This can be a scary time for both you and your teen, so being equipped with the right resources is a must. Every teen experiences puberty differently, meaning there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

Parents: You should know that you’re one of the best resources for your kids when it comes to learning about puberty. When talking to them about puberty, remember to start as early as possible, especially before they start reading and seeing information on the internet. For girls, make sure you prep them before their period comes, so they know what to expect. For boys, it may be helpful if you explain to him both about his body and emotional changes.

Books: Aside from sitting down and having the talk with your teens, giving them books to read on puberty could help significantly too. Some helpful books for girls include Period, A Girl’s Guide to Menstruation, and The Period Book. For boys, Secret Men’s Business by John Marsden and What’s Happening to Me? By Alex Frith are options to consider.

Drug Abuse

Although no parent wants to think about their child taking drugs, it’s a reality many are battling with. You can’t be with your kids around the clock, but you can educate them on the drugs out there and the implications of using them.

Online Resources: When it comes to drug abuse, your teens won’t always be forthcoming and tell you that they’re struggling. Start by educating yourself on the signs of drug abuse so you can identify changes in their behavior.

Rehab: You should have knowledge of rehabs near you just in case you ever need it.

If you live in the Georgia area, then look for a drug rehab in Georgia as they can offer personalized treatment and medically assisted detox.

Bullying

Another common challenge that teenagers have to deal with is bullying. If they’re having challenges such as acne, being unusually tall, or having a body odor, for instance, it could cause bullying from other kids.

Therapy: If your teen is a victim of bullying, think about getting them a therapist. They can help with anything from bullying to school problems or anger. In a therapy session, they could end up talking, solve problems, or do activities.

Online Resources: There is a range of online resources you can use to educate yourself about bullying so that you can support your teen. The Bully Project, for instance, has action toolkits and tips for how you can get the school involved. KidsHealth also has extensive information that could help.

How a Teenager Should Talk to Their Dads About Cars

September 10, 2018 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

The dynamics of a conversation between a father and his teenage son or daughter have significantly changed. One of the reasons is that it is simply hard to even focus. Parents have to compete with phones and screens and other distractions.

Among the conversations that dads need to have with their teen children is about cars or about driving. Apart from the technical aspects, the most important subject of car conversation with teens is responsibility. If you are a teenager or a young adult who would like to drive his or her own vehicle, it is important that you ask the right questions and the right intentions. This shows you are ready and that you understand what you are getting into.

Are you ready to take the big leap? Your dads are the perfect go-to guys. Here are things you need to find out, and why.

Is it important that I know about cars and driving?

Driving is a life skill. It is one of those things that can get you places, literally and figuratively. It is of course not mandatory, but it is always a plus.

You want to have the right intention for even asking about cars or driving. Asking why it is important or necessary is a good conversation starter. From here, lead the discussion to dependence. Those who are not skilled and trained to drive need to depend on other people’s time, availability or resources. Talk about flexibility, too, and how driving can give you more options in terms of managing your time, getting yourself from point A to point B, and so on.

Can I handle it?

Photo courtesy of kaboompics via Pixabay

Admit it: your dad’s approval matters to you. If he trusts that you can handle a wheel, you will be able to handle a wheel.

This is important to be part of your conversation because this shows that you value your dad’s opinion. And the truth is that this is one of the most important questions you’ll have to ask yourself before taking the driver’s seat. You need to be able to convince yourself that you can handle it, and your dad’s assurance and approval will help boost your confidence.

How tough is the financial responsibility?

You will most likely not pay for your car, and you’ll probably drive the family car anyway. But this does not mean you should completely excuse yourself from all the financial responsibility.

This is important in engaging your dad on the conversation on cars because it shows that you are willing to shoulder some responsibility and make sacrifices in exchange for the convenience. This includes shouldering parking expenses or fuel costs.

How tough is the maintenance?

Photo courtesy of RyanMcguire via Pixabay

There’s more to car maintenance that just having it washed regularly. No car conversation between teens and their dads should go without the cost of maintenance, not just monetary but also time and effort.

Some of the basic questions regarding maintenance that any teen should ask are: how often do you need to perform a tune-up? When do you change tires? What is the lifespan of a car battery? What’s an air filter and how often does it need to be replaced? How do maintain the car’s paint? Does waxing and washing too often make it lose its original shine?

Dads will have a ready answer to everything. He is also most likely to provide you with the cost and the scenarios you are likely to encounter if you don’t know a thing about proper preventive maintenance.

What do I need to do before driving off?

Photo courtesy of StockSnap via Pixabay

A teenager can be very excited, and sometimes reckless, about cars. The moment they get behind the wheel, they step on the gas and drive off. Such act demonstrates carelessness and irresponsibility.

On the other hand, if you ask about essential car tips, specifically on the drill before driving off, it shows some semblance of being responsible, accountable, and in control.

Your basic driver checklist should include these questions: Have you inspected the vehicle? Is your tire pressure okay? Inside the vehicle, are you alert, tired or feeling sleepy? Are you buckled up? Are your rear and side mirrors aligned to your vision? Are your doors locked? Do you know where you are going? If not, set up your navigational app first. Are you capable? Are you calm or emotionally stressed? These questions are important because they basically show your regard for your own safety and everyone else’s.

What if I get a ticket?

Getting a ticket can be very intimidating to a teenager who is a first-time drivers. What are you supposed to do? This is also a good conversation starter with your dad because it shows that you are responsible, that you want to do things right, and that you have high regard for the law. It also teaches you about accountability in so many ways.

A privilege and a responsibility

This should be the core of every car conversation with a teenager — your dad knows it, and you know it. Having a car or a license is not a right; it is a privilege given to you by your government and your parents, if you are still under their guidance. This privilege comes with a great deal of responsibility. If you are behind the wheel, safety should be your top priority. You owe it to yourself, other motorists, and pedestrians.

A conversation about cars or driving is one that is bound to take place, and one that parents, especially dads, prepare themselves for. A teenager or a young adult who wants to take this leap are blessed to have dads who will walk them through the basics, as well as support them along the way. Ask the right questions, and have the right intentions.

Talking to Your Teen About Drug Addiction

July 21, 2018 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Talking to Your Teen About Drug Addiction

Talking to your teen about drug addiction will probably be the most complicated and complex conversation you will ever have in your life. So many things can go wrong when you’re trying to convey such a crucial and powerful message, so you have to be extremely careful. The following are some tips that can help you get through this experience with as few hurt feelings and angry emotions as possible.

1. Do not Accuse or Condemn

The most important tidbit of advice that you can use is not to accuse or condemn your teen in any way. You have to approach this sensitively. Therefore you cannot accuse even if you find a ton of evidence that indicates that your child is using drugs. A teen is going to react defensively to the slightest hint of accusation, and he or she will definitely react defensively to condemnation. Once your teen shuts down about the subject, it’ll be extremely difficult for you to resolve anything. Therefore, you have to come up with a strategy that will minimize the possibility of a negative reaction. Just ask your child if you can talk to him or her at a convenient time when your teen is not overwhelmed with schoolwork, busy with sports or stressed in any way.

2. Discuss the Detriments

You may want to start off your conversation by simply discussing the detriment of drug addiction and drug abuse. You can open up the conversation by asking your teen if his or her school has discussed these things. That way, you are not accusing. You are simply opening a dialogue. Once you have your teen’s attention, you can start discussing all the negative aspects of drug use and drug abuse. Examples of topics that you can discuss are health issues, job losses, relationship deterioration and so forth. That will at least get your teen to think about the negative things that can happen behind the activities.

3. Share a Story

It may be easier to talk to your teen if you can align with him or her. Telling a story is one of the most effective ways to do that. If you can think of a story about someone that you knew who overcame drug addiction, that might be helpful. If you have a personal story to tell, that may be helpful as well. The goal is to gain your teen’s trust and let them know that you are not going to be judgmental.

4. Be Supportive

If you want to get through this situation with your teen, you have to be very, very supportive. You have to approach the subject with love and offer your unconditional care and assistance. Your teen needs to know that you will be there for him or her if things don’t work out the first time. Many people try to drug cessation several times before they are successful. Your support can make that easier.

5. Offer to Help Find Resources

Next, you want to help your child find the resources that he or she needs to recover. Offer to search for successful rehabilitation programs. Gather educational materials, and talk to your child about getting help if he or she has a problem with drugs or alcohol. Anything that you can do to support the healing process will be good for your teen.

Offer to Help Keep Your Child’s Life in Order

Finally, you may want to offer to help your teen keep his or her life in order during the time at the rehabilitation center. Offer to be someone who will help keep the teen’s Affairs in order so that he or she won’t go through shock upon leaving the facility. Those are all the topics you’ll need to cover when you talk to your son or daughter about drug addiction.

If you follow the tips as written above, you should be able to approach the subject of drug and alcohol addiction smoothly and without any outburst or instances. Once you break the ice about the matter, the two of you can get to the heart of the issue. From there, you can create and walk the path to recovery.

Raising Teens: How Dads Can Play A Role

May 13, 2015 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Raising Teens: How Dads Can Play A Role

You expect something, they do something else. You ask for an explanation, they ignore you. You say, “You’re not allowed to do this,” they say, “Stop me if you can!”

Teen behavior can be challenging to cope with for parents, and when the defiant ones near the age of 18 or 19, you just can’t bribe them with chocolate anymore, or put them to nap and breathe a sigh of relief.

While adolescents don’t need to be supervised as much as younger kids, fathers need to be physically present and talk to teens about a number of issues.

Rebellion

Society’s expectations of the male gender may lead some boys to engage in rebellion. Teens who are expected to do well at everything, such as relationships, may rebel or withdraw due to being overwhelmed. And boys may become frustrated when the independence they expect isn’t granted.

You might be surprised to discover that your talkative little tike has now become someone who is reluctant to communicate with you. Teen boys like to respond to every question with a few word answers, and attempts to get more information out of them might be dealt with anger or annoyance.

Co-occurring disorders

This is when the teen goes through two different conditions; substance dependence and a mental ailment. This means that a teenage boy suffering from anxiety disorders and depression may also engage in substance abuse; as a result he could be diagnosed with a co-occurring condition during diagnosis for treatment.

Research revealed that teens who suffer from dual diagnosis may be going through the following conditions: high intake of drugs lead to their mental ailment, deviant behavior of friends can have a negative impact on both conditions, and the intention to outperform in activities such as sports can lead to the aggravation of both conditions.

Social media dependency

Social media is a great way for teens to make friends and connect with influencers, but excessive use of this platform can lead to negative consequences. One survey found a positive relationship between teenage social media use and drug abuse. Those who use social media to interact every day are 5 times more likely to take drugs. The data made sense as those exposed to pictures and results are more likely to experiment in teen years.

So regardless of the genes possessed by a teenager, increased social media use with already prevalent peer pressure only increases the pressure to try new things. Apart from drug abuse, constant exposure to adult content may lead teen boys to engage in unprotected sex and other unsafe activity.

What can you do as a father?

There are several steps you can take to help your child overcome teenage woes. For instance, you can educate them about improper social media images, or implement parental controls to ensure your child stays away from inappropriate content.

Treatment options for men or young adults makes it easy for parents to help their children overcome troubles like co-occurring disorders. Self-diagnosis may not work, as it is often challenging to find out the exact cause of substance abuse in a teen who is dually diagnosed. However, a proper treatment center can help them overcome abuse without prescription drugs.

And just like treatment centers, parents can educate children about self-patience and politeness by enrolling them in specialized programs to reduce rebellious behavior.

(Re)Connecting With Your Teen on Spring Break

March 15, 2015 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

(RE)Connecting with Your Teen
on Spring Break

by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

Spring break is here and that means family trips. If you’re like many parents, you’ve been busy with your job, your kids’ activities, your partner and your aging parents. It’s easy to forget that you are raising teens, and taking everyone on a family vacation may be more challenging than you expected. Teens aren’t the easiest to travel

with. They have an attitude over things that may not have concerned them before; they insult under their breath; and often they melt into screaming, slamming doors and tears. It can make living with them trying, but traveling with them can push you over the edge.

Rather than give in to your own stress and anger, it’s better to embrace an attitude of reconnecting with your teen(s). This requires you to be an adult, and not take what they say personally, but rather see the vulnerability inside. You want them to be grateful for all the sacrifices you’ve made, and you have a better chance of seeing their gratitude if you make an adjustment within yourself.

Here are suggestions to help you get closer to your teen on spring break, or any time.

Calm yourself down first. Vacations can be stressful and when you take your stress out on your teen, you will get it back double fold.
Remember you’re the parent. Your child is not your friend. Don’t get drawn into petty arguments with them. There is no worse car trip than being locked inside fighting with your teen.
Respect boundaries. Your teen needs privacy and that need is present on vacations, too. Create a space for them to be alone at times, and don’t guilt them or shame them for needing that.
Talk less, lecture never, and listen always. Kids will tell you so much if you don’t make them feel interrogated.
Kids learn most by watching you, especially how you treat their other parent, strangers and waiters. If you are rude, talk down or are mean, they learn that it’s okay to treat others that way.
Before the trip have expectations listed and make sure each child understands exactly what is expected on the trip. Teens are less anxious when they know what to expect.
Always look for behaviors your kids do right, and tell them how impressed you were. Teens need to know they please you.
The whole family needs to have a set time to unplug on vacation. Decide that prior to the spring break and enforce it with your kids and yourself.
The family that plays together stays together. Lighten up, join your kids in ridiculous laughter and fun. Life without humor would be unbearable.

If spring break is going to be spent at home instead of away, these same suggestions apply. Use the time to reconnect with your teen.

Spring break is an opportunity to take a break with your child, getting to know who they are, and reconnecting with them without the pressures of school activities.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com.