Building Lasting Bonds: Intentional Fatherhood with John Azoni

September 7, 2026 by dadofdivas

If you’re a dad on a mission to forge a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” should be your next podcast download. In a recent episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Azoni, a father of two daughters (ages 9 and 11), who opens up about the real joys and sometimes messy challenges of raising confident, independent girls.

Intentionality and Presence
From the very start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about achieving perfection, but about truly connecting and learning as you go. Each week, the podcast dives into stories and practical advice to help dads show up with intention. As John Azoni shares, “There’s no one right way to father our daughters,” but we can always add new tools to our toolbox by learning from each other.

Creating Meaningful Memories
A standout theme of this episode is making memories, both big and small. John Azoni recounts an unforgettable trip to Japan with his daughter for her 10th birthday—a tradition inspired by a parenting book. But the heart of the conversation reveals that it’s often the simplest moments, like cooking together or going for wonton soup every Thursday, that mean the most. One-on-one time, even a half hour at bedtime, can become the foundation for lifelong connections.

Honesty, Growth, and Mistakes
Both John Azoni and Dr. Christopher Lewis candidly discuss the challenges—especially during difficult times like COVID or navigating questions around faith. John Azoni is honest about making mistakes, from losing patience to not always having the answers. The key lesson? “I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that… I want my kids to grow up and know their dad was crazy about them.”

Encouragement to Other Dads
The episode wraps with powerful advice: Be intentional. Don’t let stress distract you from what really matters. As John Azoni puts it, “The grass is greener where you water it”—the relationships you invest in now will shape the future.

If you’re a dad, or know someone who is, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a heartfelt reminder that showing up, being present, and embracing imperfection are the real keys to building an unbreakable bond with your daughter.

Listen to the full episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection to get inspired and start your journey toward a stronger relationship today!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another and work on building those that we want with our daughters one day at a time. I love that you come back every week because all of us are on a journey. Whether you have toddlers, whether you have a baby at home, whether you have teenagers at home, whether you have adult kids, we all are on this continuum of being a father to a daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:19]:
And we can always learn more. We can always learn more to help us to be able to be better in the role that we have. We’re gonna stumble, we’re gonna fall, That’s okay. All of us do it. There’s no one right way to father our daughters. But what we can do is we can learn from other dads what’s working for them, what’s not working for them, and build some tools for our own toolbox, add some tools for our own toolbox, and be able to get just that much better every day because that’s what we need to be doing. to be able to be there for our daughters. That’s what we need to be doing to be able to be present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]:
And I am really excited to have another new guest this week. John Azoni is with us today, and John’s a father of 2 daughters who are 9 and 11. And we’re gonna be talking about the journey that he’s been on with his daughters. And I’m really excited to have him here today. John, thanks so much for being here.

John Azoni [00:02:15]:
Thanks for having me. It’s great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]:
You know, it’s really, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and to be able to talk to you about the journey that you have been on thus far with your daughters. And I guess one of the things that I always think about when it comes to raising our daughters is we’re always running after those moments. We want those moments with our kids. And as you think back to the years that you’ve had with your daughters thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with them and what made it so special? And one thing I’ll add is they could be separate moments as well.

John Azoni [00:02:49]:
So I read this book a number of years ago called Love Does. The author is Bob Goff and it’s a faith-based book. And in it, he talks a lot about parenting. parenting. And he told the story of taking his kids when they turned 10 on a trip anywhere in the world they want to go to, really leaning into what is it that they are becoming, what is it that they’re interested in, and, and where can we go in the world to kind of deepen that. And so I always thought that that was a cool idea. And my daughter, when she turned 10 last year, my daughter Ellie, in my mind I was kind of like maybe somewhere in the United States. I don’t remember explicitly saying anywhere in the world.

John Azoni [00:03:25]:
So when my daughter was like, I want to go to Japan, I was like, oh, okay. Well, so after a lot of hemming and hawing, I talked to my wife. She’s like, just do it. It’s like once in a lifetime. We’re like, all right, we’re going to Japan. So, so we went to Tokyo last May and it was so cool just to learn about another culture together, to really press into, you know, the stuff that she likes. She’s really into K-pop. It’s obviously not in Korea, but somewhere over there.

John Azoni [00:03:54]:
She’s into that kind of Asian culture and Hello Kitty. And they have the biggest Hello Kitty store in the world there, uh, video games and arcades where she can and do all the— she loves playing those claw games, which are really popular in Asian countries. So, so it was great. I mean, we just traveled around, we ate good food, we went to Paris Disney, um, and just spent a week together. That— and, and even just like, it was a pretty short trip, but— and people were like, well, you’re just going for like 5 days? Like, aren’t you gonna be— I mean, like, a big part of that is just traveling, you know? By the time you get there, I think we had 3 full days there. And I was just like, you know, it’s, it’s the adventure. It’s like traveling is, is part of it. We’re gonna learn how to do the airport together.

John Azoni [00:04:30]:
So on the way there, I kind of led the charge, but on the way back I was like, All right, where do you think we should turn to get to baggage claim or stuff like that? Or where do you think we should go to get our bags checked? So that was fun. And, you know, I’ve had other special experiences with my youngest daughter, Ryland. Currently though, we’re planning her trip. She wants to go to Paris. So we’re planning on going to Paris next year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:50]:
Those will be experiences that they will never forget. And definitely you don’t have to do these huge moments. They can be small moments as well. But I had an experience like that last year with my oldest who is in college, but she was out in Colorado and I picked her up from a camp she was working in and we spent a week going to all the national parks all around in that area. So we went to Zion and Bryce and Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest, all kinds of places. And we hiked and we just had an amazing experience. And I think when you have those opportunities, not only are they great opportunities to be able to have to build memories, but you have time one-on-one. And I think that’s even more important.

John Azoni [00:05:32]:
Yeah, one-on-one time is really special. So last weekend, my oldest daughter went to Florida with my wife because she does dance, and her dance group went to go perform at Disney in the parade. And so that was just a life dream of hers. And she got this one-on-one time with my wife. And previously, we were kind of like, all right, we’re Disney’d out. We’ve been to Disney World. We’ve been on a Disney cruise. I took Ellie to Disney in Tokyo.

John Azoni [00:05:58]:
And we’ve been to Disneyland when we went to California last year. And my wife was kind of like, all right, this is the last time I got to go to Disney. And then I get a text from her in the middle of it. She’s like, this is so great. It’s such a different experience being one-on-one with Ellie and we’re just having the best time. And at the same time, I’m home with Ryland and we had our own special weekend. We, you know, wrote on the whiteboard, here’s all the things we wanna do and we wanna schedule all these things out. Anytime you can write a list on a whiteboard for my youngest, she’s all about it.

John Azoni [00:06:27]:
She loves to just like have a checklist, have a plan. So one-on-one time is something completely different that you just cannot replace.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
Now you talked a little bit about on that trip to Tokyo, giving your daughter some independence to be able to make some decisions and things like that. And, and as our kids are getting older, we definitely have to do that. How are you finding that you’re balancing not only guiding your daughters, but also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they’re becoming?

John Azoni [00:06:52]:
Oh, that’s a tough question. I try to lean into who are they and what is, what is my role in this? Like one of the things that I learned about Ellie on that Japan trip is how scrappy she is. And it’s so different for me. Like she has no problem going up and asking a stranger where to get directions. Or one time we were on the bus going somewhere in Tokyo and some lady was lost. And for some reason my daughter stepped in and starts trying to tell her where to go as if she knows where to go. I’m like, Ellie, where do you think you’re sending her? She just wants to get in there. And I’m just very like, I don’t like to be embarrassed.

John Azoni [00:07:27]:
I don’t like to ask for help. I’m a lot more shy, but she kind of lifts me up in that way. I really try to get on that level with her and also just try to let her be who she is and go out into the world and just talk to new people like her mom does. But I think it’s always a challenge where to step in. I think the biggest area that we are struggling with that right now is, is in faith. And I don’t know if you’re a person of faith, but when I got married, my wife and I were both devout Christians. And over the last 5 years, I’ve kind of deconstructed and my faith has evolved in a way— I wouldn’t say I’m not a believer, but I would say like I just have so many questions that I’m allowing myself to ask. And I’m engaging in these conversations with what I grew up believing versus what can be verified and things like that.

John Azoni [00:08:13]:
So I’m kind of down this more scientific path. My wife isn’t. How do we let our kids discover things on their own? And what do we teach them about the world? That’s been really hard because when you’re defining your parenthood around an entire ideology, like a religion, and that’s the lens that you’re giving your kids, and that’s the lens you’re told to give your kids, you’re instructed to teach them in this way. Well, now when you throw questions into the mix, mom and dad have different answers for what do you do? So I think we’ve kind of landed on. We want our kids to think independently. And when one of my kids has a tough question, I’ll say, well, here’s what I think. Here’s what I’m not sure about. Like, here’s what I have questions about.

John Azoni [00:08:55]:
Here’s what your mom thinks. And you can kind of make up your own decision. And that was also never more true in, you know, this most recent election. You know, my oldest had a lot of questions about who was running for president, who was the good guy, and who was the bad guy. And it’s easy to want to pick a side and train your kid on that side. But we really tried to just step back and be like, well, Well, here’s what this side says. Here’s what that side says. What do you think? And so that’s kind of where we’ve landed, I think, giving them some scaffolding, but letting them kind of figure it out themselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:26]:
And as you’ve been starting to do that with your daughters, especially around this faith journey, what has their response been?

John Azoni [00:09:33]:
It’s tough because they knew me when we were all praying every night and putting them to bed and going to church all the time and, you know, all this stuff. And so they’ve seen me kind of drift and ask these questions that they look at me as I’m supposed to have the answers To these, you’re supposed to know if if Adam and Eve are real people or not. And so that’s been tough. You know, their response has been honestly one of confusion. I wish I had a glossy answer for you. It’s not gone great. It’s very tough to navigate. And like I said, you know, we just go back to like here’s what two different people can think, and we can hold two different things in tension.

John Azoni [00:10:11]:
And certainly the Bible, there are a lot of instances where the Bible is represented as God holding two. seemingly opposing things in tension together and somehow making it work. So we kind of go with that. But yeah, I wish I could tell you that it’s gone. It’s just been perfect. And they’re— they have all the answers that I don’t have. But anytime you’re trying to sort through something on your own and your kid’s looking to you for the answer, that’s just a tough position to be in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]:
It is a tough place to be because, I mean, you try to have that solid front on everything in parenting because when you don’t have the solid front, then things tend to go awry. So I think what you’re hearing here, though, is that John and his wife still have a solid front, but they’re attacking it in different ways. And they’re providing their kids the ability to be able to move in the direction that makes more sense for them. That doesn’t mean that they’re not in alignment on other things in their parenting journey, though.

John Azoni [00:11:07]:
Yeah, I would liken it to, like, giving them— I mentioned the term scaffolding, and I really like that term. And I would just say, So we’ve just really widened the scaffolding around faith to where we’re still in this box. But what that looks like on a day-to-day basis or on an individual beliefs basis can look different. And 2 people can arrive at different conclusions and still have the same heart.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:31]:
So as you think about your daughters and you think about what you’ve been doing with your daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during times that might be more challenging?

John Azoni [00:11:43]:
COVID was a time of obviously being sort of forced into this intentional time. And at first it was very stressful because at the time I had a salaried job and a certain amount of PTO days and I’m a rule follower. So if I say I’m working, but I’m off at the park with the kids, like I don’t, I don’t feel good about that. But like there was all this stuff that you had to do from out of necessity during that time. So it was a stressful time, but it also kind of caused me to be like, let’s really soak this up. And so we did a lot of stuff together as a family, but that actually led me to leave that job. and start my own company, my own video production company. And for a big reason was to be more flexible with them and to be able to be home with them and be there when they need me and not have to worry about PTO.

John Azoni [00:12:28]:
And so that’s opened the doors to a lot of great times where I might be right in the middle of a busy project and I would get a call from the school. And my oldest, Ellie, she was the one that would call home a lot. She would feel a stomachache or something and she’d feel like she needed to go home. And we would have to navigate like a lot of times, like, what is the line that Where Dad will pick you up and where you need to tough it out. But there’s a lot of times where I could have been really stressed about work, but I had to just really be like, you know what, I’m just— I’m gonna go pick her up. I’m gonna be happy about it. I’m gonna have a smile on my face. I’m gonna make her feel like Dad wants to be here.

John Azoni [00:13:01]:
Dad cares about me. He’s not annoyed with me. You know, I think just those small acts have been great. And I remember, you know, other times too, just a lot of our special times revolve around food.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:12]:
Yeah.

John Azoni [00:13:13]:
It seems like every Thursday, a number of years ago when Ellie was in preschool, she would have a half day. And so I’d pick her up and every Thursday we’d go get wonton soup on the way home at this Chinese restaurant. And we learned— Dad stepped out of his comfort zone and learned the owner of the restaurant’s name so that when we called, we can say, hey, Lynn, our usual. She wanted that. Like, that would just be so cool. And so eventually she started calling and being like, hi, Lynn, it’s Ellie, just our usual. And then we’d go pick it up. But we cook a lot together too.

John Azoni [00:13:42]:
My daughters each really enjoy cooking and no matter what we’re making, just spending time together. And that’s where I think one-on-one time is really important because trying to cook with both of them at the same time is just a constant referee of who got to chop what, who got to pour this, who cracked the last egg, you know. So I found just one at a time, we’ll have a great time together, but let’s just, you know. So yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of opportunities, but I think it’s a lot in those small moments where it’s like my natural reaction might be to be stressed or just to be worried about the day-to-day. stuff, but like my daughters are looking to me as like, am I liked? Like, am I loved in this moment? Am I safe in this moment? Does my dad want to be here? And I really try to, to just put on a smile and just be like, you know what, this— because one of the things I say, I started saying since I started my own business was my business is in service of my kids, not in spite of them. And that’s a tough thing to, to stick to because whether or not something gets done has a very real consequences about whether, whether income comes in the door. But, but the reason why I— half the reason I started my own company was to be there for my kids and to not miss this time with them. And so, so yeah, that’s kind of how I think about work and spending time with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:01]:
All of us as dads, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. And while we try our best to be the best we can, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re fallible. We’re humans. What’s a mistake that you made as a father? And what did What did it do, or what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication and connection with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:15:20]:
I think it’s a pattern of mistakes. And when I get overstimulated, when there’s too many people talking to me at once, I get immediate, like 0 to 100 stressed out. And that’s— I’m so likely to just lash out and like snap and say something, tell them to be quiet, but in a rude way that we’re not allowed to say. So that’s where it’s such a tension of like, because they’re both in the back talking like peak back-talking phase. And honestly, my youngest is the most cutting about it. I mean, she will just go right for the jugular. And they talk back usually as a reaction and not as a response, like not as an intentional response. So when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed and I lash out, I’m not doing any service to them.

John Azoni [00:16:06]:
It’s very hypocritical to tell them that’s not how we talk to people. And then just in a, in a different way or a different use of words, I do the same thing. So I think that’s— I think we’re all learning together. How to regulate ourselves. My wife is a therapist, and so we’ve learned a lot about the concept of regulation, and we’ve read a lot of parenting books about when your kids make you mad or something, or they say something completely disrespectful, they’re dysregulated. They’re not really choosing that response. And so your job as a parent is to be the one that regulates, not escalates. And so that’s— that is the toughest thing for me, like— I have to really think I’m feeling myself escalating this situation and I need to be the, I need to be the regulator.

John Azoni [00:16:50]:
So I don’t know if that answers your question, but that’s just a slurry of thoughts of, of communication between me and my kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:58]:
No, I appreciate you sharing that because I think it is important to understand that that happens. I mean, and we’re going to, things are going to adjust and, you know, and all of us get overwhelmed at times. And especially these days, there’s so many things being thrown at every one of us. And whether it’s technology, whether it’s, you know, whatever, there are so many things that are being thrown at each one of us, not only us, but our kids, etc. So it is important to know that. And then finding ways to be able to quiet the noise, not only for ourselves, but quiet the noise for our kids, I think is also important as we think about our— the way in which we’re fathering. Because if we know— if you know that you’re triggered when that happens, you have to figure out for yourself, and you’ve probably already done that, is What can you do to quiet the noise so that you can continue being present and continue, continue being who you want to be with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:17:51]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:52]:
So there’s been a lot of things that you’ve talked about where you’re showing that you’re doing some intentional things to really connect with your daughters. What do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued and heard?

John Azoni [00:18:04]:
I think it’s just trying to get on their level and care about the things that they care about. My youngest, it’s always was so funny, and we, my wife and I laugh about this. We would pick her up from daycare when she was younger, you know, 3, 4 years old. And that could be a very stressful moment because we’re also picking up my oldest from daycare and she’s wanting to do something. Can we go out for ice cream? Or when’s mom going to be home? Blah, blah, blah. And again, too many people talking to me at once. And my youngest, all she wants to do in that moment is show me the drawings that she made and show me the little worksheets that she did. And it’s so important to her.

John Azoni [00:18:38]:
And she feels, you can just see the receiving of love when you look at her and you care about what she wrote, that she wrote her name or that she did something, that she wrote, she counted to 10 or whatever it is. And so, I mean, we have stacks and stacks of paper because that behavior has never stopped. She’s almost 9 and she still to this day wants to show us everything. She went to this art camp a couple weeks ago, made all kinds of art. And the first thing she wants to do when we get in the car is like, Dad, let me show you what I made. And it’s so important that I give her my full attention. And I can get on board with that because I’m— my background’s in fine arts. I’m a painter.

John Azoni [00:19:14]:
So I went to art school and all that stuff. So that’s a perfect thing for me to like get on board with. I think just, yeah, finding in those moments, what are they really trying to say right now? What they’re really trying to say is, Dad, I want to connect with you. Not like, not necessarily about the papers or the drawings or whatever. And I find that with my oldest too. She’s starting to outgrow like bedtime, but she still wants me to put her to bed. And, you know, and I’m kind of just like clinging to that for as long as possible. And we just have the best talks.

John Azoni [00:19:43]:
Like, there’s just no greater conversation than when we’re just— I’m just laying in her bed with her next to her and we’re just, just talking about whatever, just laughing about things. I mean, so much laughter happens in those moments. And I listen when I’m putting my other daughter to bed, my wife’s putting Ellie to bed, I hear them cracking up too because they just get into the funniest, you know, they just become a new person. They feel so safe. And so I think just being intentional about those moments, because sometimes I’m like, I’m tired, it’s 9:30, I got to get up at 5 in the morning. I don’t want to spend a half an hour, you know, laying, laying with you and waiting for you to brush your teeth and waiting for you to put your pajamas on. And it’s getting towards 10 o’clock now. And so I try, but I try to really push that aside and say, hey, she’s, she’s not going to ask me to do this for much longer.

John Azoni [00:20:29]:
And in 5 years, I’m going to miss any, any attention she gave me, like her wanting to actually hang out with me, because it’s going to be the other way around. So, so I think it’s just, I think it’s just recognizing in those moments what’s really most important and then just leaning into that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:52]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:56]:
Humor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:57]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

John Azoni [00:21:02]:
It’s probably from when you’re walking around a grocery store and you get like a whole stream of like elderly men that will say, I remember when my daughter was that age and then she started driving the next day. Like, don’t miss it. I really actually took advice to heart, like what I just said. I’m like, there’s gonna be a time when they’re not gonna want to hang out with me, so don’t miss it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:20]:
What’s one activity you and your daughters love doing together?

John Azoni [00:21:24]:
Cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:25]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Azoni [00:21:30]:
I think just don’t change for other people. Don’t be the person that you’re with. I think like maybe girls especially start dating and things like that, they want to change to be liked and to impress and things like that. And so I think my advice would just be to just be yourself and be What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad? I have learned, I have learned that I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I just want my kids to grow up and know that their dad was crazy about them. And for all my flaws, I want them to— I watched this video one time. It was my boss’s. We did a story on my boss at the time at my old job, his family.

John Azoni [00:22:11]:
And we interviewed his wife and they were talking about her parents and they asked her, what’s your favorite thing about your dad? And she said, said how much he loves me. And she started crying. And I edited that video. So of course, I’m like, I’m like tearing up and like, you know, you got the music going and stuff like that in the edit, in the video edit. So, but I’ve always kept that with me as like, that’s like my mantra as a dad. Like, I’m gonna mess up, but like, I want my kids to, to really feel and be imprinted with how like crazy I am about them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Azoni [00:22:48]:
I think it’s just being really intentional with them. I think for me, I just think about, it’s like we have 18 years if we’re lucky, and I want to build as many memories with them as possible. And I don’t want to waste this being stressed about stuff that’s just not going to matter in 50 years. And so, and I think about it the same way of like marriage advice. People contrast the saying of the grass is greener on the other side. side with, with saying the grass is greener where you water it. And I like that about marriage. And that’s something that I keep in my mind.

John Azoni [00:23:20]:
But I also think that that applies to kids too. I mean, the type of relationship that you’re going to have with your kids now and when they’re older is determined by how intentional you are in these early years and just watering that grass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:34]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing what you shared with the journey that you’ve gone through. If people want to find out more about you, I know you got a podcast. Is there a place that people can go to find out more?

John Azoni [00:23:46]:
Yeah, I’m very active on LinkedIn. My name’s spelled J-O-H-N-A-Z-O-N-I if you’re searching for me. That’s probably where I hang out the most, on LinkedIn. I don’t post a whole lot of family stuff, but once in a while you might get some sort of business advice through the lens of being a dad to 2 girls.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Well, again, John, thank you so much for being here, and I wish you all the best.

John Azoni [00:24:03]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:03]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:34]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. So bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

July 6, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Power of Being Present: Fatherhood Lessons with Mitesh Khatri

April 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

What does it really mean to be a great dad to a daughter? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection digs deep into this all-important question. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis, joined by guest Mitesh Khatri—Melbourne father, writer, and corporate strategist—explores the daily challenges, triumphs, and small yet powerful moments that shape our relationships with our daughters.

A central theme of the conversation is the importance of being truly present. As Mitesh Khatri candidly shares, simply being in the room is not enough; it’s about showing up emotionally and giving your attention, especially during routines like bedtime or unstructured play. One meaningful moment he describes is when his young daughter told him to “stop rushing me.” This wake-up call led him to rethink how often stress and distraction rob us of precious connection—and how even “routine” moments can become the foundation of trust and closeness.

The episode also explores the challenge of balancing professional ambitions with family life. Mitesh Khatri discusses how corporate careers often offer clear metrics of success—promotions, projects, and accolades—whereas fatherhood can feel less measurable. The takeaway? We must create our own scorecards within our families: counting moments of connection, presence, and patience as real victories.

Perhaps most powerfully, the episode underscores the need for vulnerability. Mitesh Khatri opens up about his struggles with stress, his journey to calm his nervous system, and his realization that anger often masks deeper feelings like disappointment or sadness. He introduces practical strategies—like pausing before reacting and honest journaling—to help break generational cycles and model healthier emotional regulation for our daughters.

For dads who worry about not getting it right, Mitesh Khatri says it’s not about perfection, but about trying. He advocates for intentionality, ongoing learning, and talking openly with other dads. As host Dr. Christopher Lewis reminds listeners, “being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.”

If you’re searching for practical insight and heartfelt stories on building meaningful father-daughter relationships, this is one episode you shouldn’t miss. Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for real conversations that will leave you inspired to show up, connect, and be the dad she needs.

Listen now and start building your own toolkit for intentional, loving fatherhood.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper and into the relationships that you want to build with your kids. And I love that you’re here. Every week you’re here, you’ve rolled up your sleeves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
You are doing what you can to be able to show up for your daughters in so many different ways. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be that dad that you want to be. And I try to bring you different people, different people with different experiences every week to allow for you to be able to learn something new, to gain some tools for your toolbox that can help you to be able to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest. Mitesh Khatri is with us today. And Mitesh is a father from Melbourne, Australia. He’s got two kids himself and we’re going to focus on his daughter, but he also has a son and we’re going to learn a little bit more about him and I’m really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Mitesh, thanks so much for being here today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:01:53]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. And really appreciate all the work you do for fatherhood and dads and daughter in this connection. This podcast is fantastic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
Well, I really appreciate that you’re here today and we’re going to talk about a new book that you have out to help fathers in many different ways as well. But. But we always start our interviews talking a little bit about you as a dad and especially as a dad to a daughter. And I know you’ve got a six year old daughter and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper. And I guess as you’re thinking about your relationship with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful mom that you’ve been able to share with your daughter, what made it so special?

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:28]:
Yeah, I think one of my most meaningful moments has definitely been the bedtime routine. I think it’s been really. Because it’s come from a moment where it wasn’t the best moment for me. So, you know, there was a time when I was completely stressed out. Two young kids, and my daughter was four. My son was five and a half. And I remember my son is quite direct. But my daughter, she is more subtle in her ways of expressing her emotions.

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:54]:
And she said to me one night, and as I was putting her to bed, four years old, looked up to me and said, you know, stop rushing me. Those three words, I just froze. And she wasn’t being difficult. I was trying to get through the routine. Please put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, read a book or two, or cut it short. I was stressed, I was depleted, and I didn’t want to be there in the room mentally, even though, you know, my beautiful daughter was just asking me to be there and to actually be present with her. And we talk about present all the time. I hear it on your podcast.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:23]:
It’s all be present. It’s so difficult to do. You can’t think yourself to be present in the moment. You physically can sometimes not be able to be present, and your mind is rushing and your body is not allowing you to do that. So it was quite a low moment. But today, when I look at it, it’s one of the most beautiful times I have, is to put her to sleep every day, read her books, that routine, the cuddle she gives. And I look at her now, she’s six years old, just turned in April. We take time with that routine, and I really cherish that time.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:51]:
Is she’s so sweet and she has the cutest smile and the cuddles and kisses you get at that time, you think, well, you know, I’m never going to get this back. And she’s only going to be this age, like this, this moment. So we have to make the most of it, because they do fade. I hear it from people with older children. You have clearly girls that have grown up. You have to appreciate that. And so I think my best moments, they’re around the bedtime routine because you get to talk about the day. You get to talk about what they really enjoyed, what they liked in the day, what they didn’t and might do differently.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:21]:
And it’s really sort of deep, meaningful connections which you might not get it. Sort of school pickup. How was your day?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:26]:
So talk to me a little bit about that transition that you had to go through because just hearing those three words, you can’t switch on a dime. You definitely have to go through a process for yourself to, I’m going to say, reinvent yourself in many different ways to be able to change that paradigm for yourself. So talk to me a little bit about that and what you had to do to be able to make that shift. I’m guessing failing a few times along the way and then getting to the point where you are now.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:55]:
Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, what I found was I thought I could think myself to be present and calm. And actually I found at that point my, my body was tense. It was stressed out from work, stressed out from home work, life management, all things that new dads or sort of dads at least, I mean all dads, but especially with the young children, you have a lot of competing priorities. And I didn’t think to look there, but actually looked to my body and I was tense in the shoulders, my back was hurting, I felt I was short of breath. Deadlines and emails and what’s next for the kids in terms of what we need to take care of. And I had to go through a bit of journey to really understand how to relax my nervous system. Right.

Mitesh Khatri [00:05:38]:
Ultimately our. If we think back to sort of hunter gatherer times and we think about the threats we had, right? We always talk about the lion and we sort of have to run away from the lion, the threat, and then our sort of nervous system can calm down. In today’s day and age, we all know with technology and the pace of life, there’s almost this ambient stress and therefore our automatic nervous system actually never sort of calms down. So we need to be sort of this safe and secure place. Polyvagal theory sort of talks about this where you need to be safe and secure. The next stage is survival mode and then complete shutdown. And I think many of us, at least me at the time, I was at least in survival mode every day, if not shut down on every other day. And I had to get my body back and I had to sort of calm my body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:06:25]:
And I have a sort of framework in the book around how we can discharge that stress. And there’s techniques and things you can learn to do. And I sort of had to learn how to do that and how to bring my body back to its irregular state.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:38]:
And that’s never easy. And I guess one thing that comes to mind is you and I talked at the very beginning that you’re a busy guy, you have Your professional work, you’re balancing that. You’re balancing being a dad, you’re balancing other things in your life. So talk to me about balance and how you’ve been able to find that optimal balance for yourself to be able to be the professional you want to be, the person you want to be, the father you want to be as you are today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:04]:
Yeah, I think balance is a very interesting word. Right. I think you have to really dig deep. If I sort of bring a parallel to corporate life, and I’ve been in corporate Life for like 20 years, helping organizations with complex jobs, blue chip organizations. I’m a sort of marketing corporate strategist, working in research and consulting. And, you know, we’re helping brands launch new products and services and ensure they meet consumer needs and doing some complex work around that. And I was sort of succeeding in that sort of arena because I had the metrics to sort of measure and perhaps in the most important area of my life, my family and my children, I didn’t have the metrics, I didn’t have the measure, and I felt like I was failing. It always came sort of second.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:44]:
And I think myself, and when I talk to other dads in the community and friends and colleagues, I find it’s an easier thing to measure. So men sort of go towards things we can measure and we get that affirmation we’re seeking from work. We get praised with it. And it’s this scoreboard, I think, that we can easily track and see. When I think fatherhood’s not so easy, it’s in feelings, it’s in moments, it’s in those relationships where you can feel them. But you sort of. No one sort of celebrates the dad that comes home at 5pm on time to put his kids to sleep. But you do get the accolades and success at work when you succeed in your career.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:19]:
And I’m not saying that we should sort of give up and forego our careers. I think it’s. It’s finding ways to measure things that matter. Those moments at home. So it might be the time that you don’t actually have your phone on you and just. Just have unstructured play with your children. You’re just getting on the floor. You’re not in any structured piece of work or structured time is taking them to dance, taking to music, taking him to soccer practice.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:42]:
You know, that’s very structured. And kids need. Kids need that structure. But I think almost equally important or more important, they need that unstructured time. So I think when you can have those moments, you can say I’ve had 1, 2, 3, 4 moments this week where I’ve had really had unstructured time and play with my daughter. Whether we’re doing teacups or playing with Barbie dolls or kicking the ball outside. Those are the measures of success that I just didn’t have. I had all the traditional stuff, the KPIs that you get in your corporate life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:10]:
And there’s always this push and pull when it comes to raising daughters. And as you are trying to raise your daughters, you’re balancing, trying to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to become the person that she’s becoming. And I know she’s still young, but I guess as she has been growing up. How do you balance that? How do you balance guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence?

Mitesh Khatri [00:09:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s a really interesting one. I think kids in general, but daughters especially you are the model they’re looking to when it comes to men right from a very young age age. So there’s, there’s that scanning they do of the environment to see how do you react to situations, how do you carry yourself when things get tough, how do you treat your partner, her mum, you know, how are you treating different women, how do you sort of interact, how do you talk to friends that are female, how do you just treat people in general? So I think they’re modeling and learning of what a man should be. So I think you want to sort of help them with that. And in terms of independence, I think it really comes down to having honest, open conversations as much as you can for that age where you can really help them distinguish between right and wrong. What is the right kind thing to do and what is not so kind, what are the sort of right behaviors to be following? I guess. And one of the things I’m always mindful of is no one’s a perfect father, but not moving straight from a stimulus like some sort of stressor, straight to anger. And I think we as men tend to do that, perhaps more when especially I was doing that quite a bit where I’d find myself, kids are running late to school, we need to go.

Mitesh Khatri [00:10:41]:
And I actually get really angry. It’d come out in the force in my voice. And then you sort of how it is, you tell your kids not to shout at the other one and that’s what you’re doing and that’s the behavior and modeling. So I think modeling the right behavior is pretty critical. And that sort of journey of really understanding myself, modeling the right behaviors was pretty critical for Me for the last sort of two years. And, you know, recognizing that actually underneath that anger, it’s actually not anger that we’re feeling often. Maybe we’re hurt because actually we really wanted to spend that hour playing with our daughters before they go to school. Maybe we’re sad because.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:14]:
Or disappointed because we wanted the morning to go a particular way and on time and not be late for something else. And we sort of go straight. We almost skip that emotion in between. Sadness, disappointment, hurt. Because I think we just weren’t taught that. And therefore our daughters are learning that. They’re modeling that as well. You know, when I get angry, I’ll just.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:33]:
I’ll just go straight to voice, you know, raise my voice and actually not express my emotions. So I’m trying to say I’m hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t do the right thing there. And I apologize. I felt really sad that we couldn’t be on time because of these reasons. So it’s trying to label the emotion and model that. But I think the independence thing is hard. I think you’re always scanning the environment to go, how much do I let her go? How much do I pull her back in? Whether it’s at parties, whether it’s devices, whether it’s certain foods she might be eating or whatever it is.

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:02]:
That’s a tricky one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:03]:
Completely understand. And we never have all the right answers. I mean, we definitely do our best and we try our best to be the best people we can be, but we’re flawed. Everybody is flawed in talking about that, I guess. What’s the mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it, about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:22]:
I think I’ve made lots of mistakes. Probably like many dads, we all make lots of mistakes. I think one potential mistake I’ve made my daughter, and it probably comes from being that almost pushy parent when it comes to activities in sports. So sports or music or whatever it is really pushing them, maybe pushing them too much as well. We’re often projecting our own childhoods onto our kids. And they can lose the fun, you know, in what they’re doing, whether it’s dance or they’re playing some sport or whatever it is, and I think you want them to do well. But I think it’s also recognizing that they’re just kids, you know, we’re not sort of in the professional leagues. So I think I’ve really learned from that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:02]:
To not be the parent on the sideline shouting. I think it’s encouraging your kids, but not in a way that’s perhaps disrupting their sort of natural way to enjoy what they’re doing, whether it’s. Yeah. Dance or sport or whatever it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:16]:
Now, as I mentioned, you’ve got a new book that’s out there called the Fight or Father Using Calm to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. As a author myself, I know that many times when you’ve got this idea in your head and you got this passion to be able to get these words out and trying to connect with your people that, that you go all in. But you definitely have to have a passion for it to get to that finish line. So give me the story of the book and tell. Talk to me about why. Why you decided to write it, why you decided to put the time, the effort and the passion into it to get it out into the world.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:52]:
I never thought I’d be a writer myself, but I’ve always sort of been research and really, as I was saying to you earlier before we started, always very interested in why people do what they do and what drives our behavior, what motivates us. Right. So I mean, I’m the sort of tragic in the self help section looking at the next book and going, how can I learn from this? I wrote this book because I think modern fatherhood is really breaking men and the expectations have changed and you’re supposed to be a provider and present with your kids. You’re meant to be the breadwinner and also emotionally available. And no one really taught us. If we think about our father’s generation, they didn’t really teach us how to do that. Our fathers really had a role which was sacrifice, commit yourself and be the breadwinner and be respected at home and very traditional household. I guess I’m talking to.

Mitesh Khatri [00:14:40]:
And I think I see a lot of modern parents for really my sort of discoveries on this journey started about five years ago. Kids very young. I see a lot of dads just grinding through it, myself included, exhausted, distracted. We’re snapping at our kids. We sort of promise ourselves we’re going to do better tomorrow and. But deep down we know something’s wrong, something’s not working. We need better tools, we need better ways to parent and we know that it’s a learning process at all. So I wrote this in almost a way to sort of say we can choose to fight and react and be in that sort of survival mode or shutdown mode when stresses hit with our kids, or we can choose a almost new way to father modern fatherhood.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:19]:
I think it takes the best of what our fathers taught us. And it builds on that. And I think it builds on, you know, a lot of what you talk about, Christopher, is, is showing vulnerability. We need to show vulnerability to our children. We need to show not just the masculine side, but actually it’s okay to get things wrong. And this is what you do to repair that. And I think, I’m sure there’s lots of books that sort of talk to various things around that out there. I didn’t see something targeted specifically at that aspect.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:45]:
And therefore, yeah, really focused in my own journey of switching from a dad that was reacting all the time at his kids, didn’t have the patience. As I said, my body was chronically stressed at the time. I put on weight and wasn’t eating well. I was numbing pain through alcohol, etc. And it’s not enough to just think yourself to a better version of yourself. You need tools, you need techniques. So I wrote the book and have got some practical techniques on what dads can do. You know, simple things like just having clear boundaries between work and home.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:18]:
It’s so difficult, particularly post Covid. Many of us are working home in hybrid sort of environments and it blurs. You have your kids next to you in the school holidays. We’ve got school holidays going on now. My son or daughter will work almost in the same room in a work mode. I might close the laptop, but still mentally be processing the emails that I haven’t sent, the tasks I haven’t done. So I think it’s having those practices to say, you know, simple things, five seconds, where you might go, I’m home now, I’ve closed the laptop, let me show up. Or you might go wash your face or you might go change your clothes.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:48]:
It’s just physically doing something. You might do 20 star jumps. But you need that transition process and just one example from work to home. So that calm framework is really around that. So you clear your body of the stress. Firstly, you anchor yourself between work and home. So have a ritual around that. You lead with calm because kids follow your regulations.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:09]:
You need to be calm and have techniques for that and model and repair is probably the most important part where when you get it wrong and you will like myself every day, there’ll be something I do wrong, I need to admit to it and I need to label what that emotion is, which is then going into my vulnerable side, you know, it’s going into really understanding what that emotion is, not just anger and then coming up with a repair, you know. So yeah, I just remember I Actually had an argument with my daughter. I was stressed this A couple of days ago. She wanted to play. She can we play. She likes doing tea parties and cafes in her room. And I didn’t have the patient. And I just said to her, I’m really tired.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:47]:
I’m stressed. I’ve had a long day and a hard day. And I shouted at you, is it okay if we start again? And she just looked at me and she said, okay, dad. And I think previously I would have just shouted and said, I’m not doing this, and it’s time for bed. So I think. I think it’s having those skills. It’s. Firstly, I’ve been quite vulnerable in the book myself.

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:04]:
So, you know, I’ve had sort of beta readers say it’s been quite difficult to read at times because they’ve seen themselves in it as well. So I think it’ll. It’ll definitely make you turn the mirror on yourself and analyze your own life, your own behaviors, and perhaps you’ll pick a couple of techniques and tools that you can use to just be that modern father and not fight all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
And one of the things you write about in the book is being there, but not there. And many dads believe simply being physically present is enough. What helped you recognize the difference between proximity and true presence? And how can dads begin to see that difference in their own lives?

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:42]:
I like the bedtime routine with my daughter. It was actually that really broke me when she said, stop rushing me. And you really, you know, reflect on those things and try to make a change. And you don’t always get it right. But my son said to me one day, he was on the, I think, kitchen table, dining table. I was scrolling on Instagram, you know, usual blur posts that we would normally go, just mindless, scrolling, doom scrolling. And Taj was nearby and he. I don’t know what he was doing exactly.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:08]:
And that was part of the problem. And without looking up, he said, you’re always on your phone, dad. Not angry. He wasn’t whining, just like matter of the fact. Like, he was describing the weather. And I looked at him and, you know, his face was soft. He was disappointed. He wasn’t trying to start a fight with me about it, that he was just telling me the facts for what he saw.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:26]:
And I said automatically, almost automatically, I’m not quite defensive. I just need to do this one thing. And clearly I was lying to him, right? I wasn’t being honest. I was lying to him. I wasn’t being honest to myself. I put the phone down in that moment and I felt my chest get tight and I had a little shake in my hands and I felt enormous guilt that he had just seen me more clearly than I had seen myself. And I think we’ve all been there and I think researchers, you know, we’ve heard this all the time, we hear about phones all the time. But technically interference.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:57]:
Dr. Brandon Michael actually coined the term where seemingly sort of normal amounts of phone use during parent child time. It’s actually linked to increased behavioral problems in children. So the screen time, not because of the screen time itself, but what it communicates like. You’re not important to me. Right. Right now, in this moment, this is most important to me. We’ve all heard that before.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:18]:
So that’s what I mean by you’re there, but you’re not really there. You’re in the room physically, but in your mind you’re somewhere else. You’re in another place, you’re thinking about something else. You’re not actually aware of your surroundings. You’re not actually picking up the cues or the people in the room. So I think that in itself because it increases the behavioral problems and we see how much time we spend on our phones and screens. It’s something which I’ve been much more conscious with. Now the phone goes on the charger.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:44]:
Leave it there at 6pm in the evening. Sometimes I’ll throw it upstairs in the bedroom in a drawer. Because when it’s there we’re just so automatic. We’re so addicted to these devices that are in our pockets that are so powerful. So I think that’s really what I mean. We’re not there. And that can be a physical device, but it can also be actually we haven’t decompressed from the day and we’ve got all the stress from work or so we’re thinking about something else. We’re actually not there with our family.

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:08]:
We’re just unavailable and we’re not in tuned with not engaging with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]:
Now one of the other things that I read in the book was you talk about how many fathers suddenly hear their own dad’s voice coming out of their mouths during those stressful moments that you kind of talked about. When that realization happens, what practical steps help a father pause long enough to break that generational pat?

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:32]:
Yeah, that is a real difficult one. I think. I think what I’ve done is pause for five seconds. So when you see your voice coming, and you might even hear, you might even see in your children yourself, then your father talking to you In a particular way, that is really difficult. And I think we have to appreciate everything they did for us in terms of sacrificing, building a life and opportunities for us, and appreciate all those things. But at the same time, they maybe didn’t know how to deal with that stress or anxiety, anger. And when I say anger, it could be hurt, it could be disappointment, it could be sadness around something. So I think, you know, pausing, reflecting.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:10]:
It’s a lot of journaling. So the last five years, on and off, journaling, I haven’t been as regular. But journaling on those moments where you know that you’ve almost automatically reacted in a way, and you can hear your father’s voice, whether it’s the harshness, whether it’s the criticism, whether it was the absence of. Of a father. I think we tend to overcompensate from what we had or didn’t have. And I think it’s a lot of deep reflection that needs to be done. But I just encourage everyone to just pause, pause. You don’t have to respond straight away to your kids.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:41]:
You can pause for a couple of seconds, reflect, and actually sit with those thoughts. I think you got to do quite a bit of deep work and journal and plenty of services out there where you can talk to psychiatrists and psychologists and so forth to really understand the relationships with our parents. I think I’d also encourage if. If you can and your father’s around, have a conversation with him, Talk to him about things that you really have a lot of gratitude for and the things you wish that he could have done better. I think those things, and it’s not sort of pointing the finger or blaming anyone, it’s just having those honest conversations. And I think you’d be surprised where that might take you as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:17]:
It definitely is a journey. And a lot of times we’re constantly trying to find new ways to be able to measure up as a dad. And we look around us and we think, oh, all these dads are doing better than we are. And there’s almost that. As you talk in the book about that scorecard that we have in our book, about how we are grading ourself, how we’re scoring ourselves, and you talk about rethinking that internal scorecard that we use to measure success. What are the most common invisible scorecards that you’re seeing that fathers are running, and how do they quietly pull dads away from connection with their kids? But also, how can we change the script on those scorecards and allow for us to be able to look at that in a different way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:03]:
Yeah, I think that there’s a powerful primary story here. We almost have this deep obligation we have to build, we have to secure, we have to work long hours. We have to sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. And love looks like a mortgage paid off, a fridge that’s full, a future that’s funded for the kids. And that is important, you know, and elements of that are really important. And it’s a powerful story, and it has deep roots in human history, and male identity has been shaped by that. And I sort of talked about this a little bit earlier, earlier in the sense that fathers of men that do that, you know, they keep reinforcing that scorecard that exists.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:37]:
So, you know, status follows the achievement. Respect comes with that success. The man is getting the promotion or close the deal or starting a new business and is an entrepreneur. They get admired. But we’re not throwing the awards and accolades for the dad who’s performing really well at home with his kids and actually teaching them about vulnerability, teaching them about how to regulate themselves, teaching them about how to show kindness and how to introduce themselves and respect others and be part of the community and. And, you know, have strong values and those sort of things. So I think men chase the thing that’s being rewarded, and we pour ourselves into that, you know, into our careers and into our work, and then we don’t have much left for the family. So.

Mitesh Khatri [00:25:16]:
And I think what fathers can do is have that sort of scorecard for themselves. So I have read sort of James Clear Atomic Habits, and, you know, we’re all sort of creatures of habits. So in my diary that I physically write, I write time with my wife, specific things I want to do, time with my kids, specific activities, time for my exercise. And I tick those things off, right? So I’m not just my career ticks and successes, but actually, what are my goals for my relationship with my son, my relationship with my daughter, my wife? What are my goals? How am I working towards that and am I sharing those goals, what I’m trying to do? So I think almost like we have KPIs for work, if you have a team and you have some employees and you sort of evaluate them, you can’t evaluate them on something you haven’t actually given clear KPIs on. And I think it’s hard to evaluate yourself on your family life if you’re not clear on those KPIs as well, and your children as well. If you want them to respect other people and talk with kindness, then you need to Teach them that. So you need to sit down, maybe it’s 10 minutes, maybe it’s a couple of hours where you need to show them what kindness looks like. How do you actually talk to someone? How do you greet someone? You know, how do you leave a social situation in a respectful way? I think those things we don’t measure and therefore we just think they just happen and get done.

Mitesh Khatri [00:26:34]:
I think, you know, the adult, the age old sort of saying what gets measured gets done in corporate life also matters in our personal life. And so we need to create those measures at home. And I don’t really know what the perfect measures are. It might just be that I had a beautiful moment with my kid today, you know, have a box for that and it’s a tick. So there were three nice things that my child said to somebody else as a measure around that. I think we need to create our own measures of success and have some KPI guys similar to what we would do in our career, because that’s how you get to the next level. You sort of can’t do that in your relationships if you don’t know what those measures of success are. So I think we all need to sort of create those.

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:12]:
And they’re going to be different for different, you know, whether it’s a girl or a boy or different ages, you sort of need to come up with those and your kids can be part of it, your wife can be part of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:20]:
The one thing I really liked about your book, and I think we could spend the next few hours talking about different aspects of your book, but one of the things that I really liked was the fact that your book, as you said, wasn’t written from the perspective of someone that’s figured everything out. You talk about where you are now, what you’ve learned along the way, but at the same time that you’re still failing, that you’re still flawed, and that there’s still things to learn. So as you are continuing your journey, what are you still learning about fatherhood that is surprising you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:52]:
So there’s just everyday surprises, I guess, with kids. You know, they sort of surprise you in different ways. But I’m just trying to think of more sort of themes that surprise you. Me, I think their maturity surprises me. You sort of sometimes underestimate how much your kids are learning as they grow up and where they’re at. They’re 7 and 6 and my daughter’s 6 years old, but you know, she knows a lot about the world and she is very mature when she needs to be And I sort of sometimes don’t want that to go away. Like her being very young, that small little girl, that beautiful girl that I put to bed at bedtime, I don’t want her to grow up to too quick. So, I mean, coming back to your question, what, what am I still learning is I think our kids are becoming independent and learning more than sometimes we appreciate or sort of take notice of.

Mitesh Khatri [00:28:38]:
And I mean, that’s come back, comes back to your independence. You know how, you know, you want them to have that independence and learn and grow and not slow them down in those settings. But I think my natural instincts is maybe to slow them down at the age they’re at and make sure they don’t grow up too quickly. So I think that’s a tough sort of battle I’m sort of facing. That’s what sort of comes to mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:58]:
And I guess finally, as I think about your book and for you, as you think about the legacy that you’re leaving behind in the book, you ask fathers to consider what their children are going to remember about them. If your kids were adults today, in reflecting on your parenting journey, what do you hope that they would say, say most about you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:29:21]:
I hope my children at the start of my book, this book is for every that that’s trying and I hope they see that I really tried. I, I got it right a lot of the time and probably got it wrong a lot of the time as well. So I think if I can have them growing up seeing a man that really tried to improve themselves, really tried to improve himself around his relationship with them and worked hard at the that and didn’t take my situation and where I was, as you know, that’s how it is. And I improved on who I was and knowing that those I was never going to be perfect and that I tried, that I love them, that I wanted the best for them and wanted to support them in everything that they did. So particularly with Alia, if I think about her, she has a lot of strength and it’s through sensitivity. She feels our feelings much more than my son will. She’ll notice things in others. She’ll carry emotions that’s probably bigger than a small little body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:30:18]:
I want her to know that she really has a superpower there in terms of that emotional intelligence and she can sort of really sense the situation. I hope that I give them the foundations of what being a good person is, what a kind person is, that vulnerability is strength. Whether you’re, whether it’s my daughter or my son being vulnerable, being Self aware, being calm when things get tough, showing emotional strength. They’re going to be the backbone of everything that sort of helps you in your life, whether it’s career or family or social. I want them to get rid of emotional sort of just thinking about it, but I just want them to remember myself and my wife really loved and cared and, and did everything for them to ensure that they got the right values in life, that they got all the opportunities they wanted to have, and that we really tried, that we always loved them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:16]:
All right, let’s try it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:17]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:20]:
Beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:21]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:26]:
Work on you first. Start with yourself. Then you can serve the people you love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:35]:
There’s many, but. Bedtimes, tea parties, playing with her dolls. I’m definitely a dad that has not done that until my daughter came along. So really getting down on the floor and playing those games. Games. Originally I felt quite ridiculous doing it, but then I thought I found joy in it because I’ve just never done it before. Just freeing into my sports and, you know, all the manly activities.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:00]:
You know, always, always speak your mind and stand up for yourself. You have a lot of potential.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]:
Now, you’ve mentioned a number of these, but what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:12]:
So much. Yeah. Um, that you really need a lot of patience. We hear it all the time. But I think more importantly, everything you do has to be quite intentional and intentional. And I’ve heard you talk about it. Chris. Christopher as well.

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:23]:
Intentionality is probably one of those cornerstones of everything you’re doing in fatherhood, especially with your daughters. You’ve got to be quite intentional, but not, obviously, taking away from unstructured play time. But by being intentional, you can be present, you can be there, not outside the room.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:46]:
Treat vulnerability as strength. And I think if you were to journal or you talk to some close mates and dads and actually really get into the deep and meaningful and get vulnerable. And in my book, I have A lot of stories from other dads I run with and friends and we start to realize that we’re living parallel lives and when we get vulnerable, something unlocks, we learn something. And I think men don’t talk enough. So I’m a big advocate of dads talking about talking. And podcasts like this bring different topics and things dads are going through to, to life because we tend to bottle everything up right. We’re not very good at that. So I just encourage everyone to talk to someone and around things you’re going through and it might surprise you that actually somebody else might be going through very something very similar and can you can relate and you can bond over that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:35]:
So make sure you join these sort of podcasts or some sort of dad group or have a set of friends you can can have those conversations with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]:
Well, Mitesh, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for putting this book out into the world, for sharing your journey with us today. And it’s not over, but I know that it’ll keep continuing and you’ll keep learning. But I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:59]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. Really appreciate it. And yeah, the book comes out on 28th of July, so it’ll be available Amazon, all sort of good book stores.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]:
We’ll definitely put a link in the notes today and I congratulate you on getting this out into the world and look forward to others reading it and learning from what you’ve learned along the way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:34:17]:
Thank you so much, Christopho.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at the end dad and daughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:34:49]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the miracle we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be the best that you can be.

Growing Together: Consistency, Challenges, and Connection with Daryl Potter

September 29, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Navigating the journey of fatherhood comes with unique joys and profound challenges, especially when it comes to building lasting, meaningful relationships with our daughters. In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Daryl Potter—a seasoned banker, published author, and devoted father—for an inspiring conversation about the realities and rewards of raising both neurodivergent and neurotypical children.

Right from the start, this episode sets a heartfelt tone about the power of presence, vulnerability, and intentional connection. Dr. Lewis reminds us that fatherhood isn’t a quest for perfection, but a continual commitment to showing up, listening, and learning alongside our children. Daryl echoes this philosophy, sharing deeply personal stories from his nearly 30 years of parenting—a journey shaped by both typical milestones and unexpected challenges. His openness about raising a daughter with a degenerative, nonverbal condition is both moving and eye-opening, reminding listeners that every child’s journey (and every dad’s, too) comes with its own unexpected plot twists.

A central theme of the discussion is the idea that parenting is storytelling—not just the stories we tell our kids, but the stories we live alongside them. Daryl explains how he intentionally crafts and shares stories about his own mistakes, growth, and childhood, giving his children not only a sense of family identity, but also permission to be imperfect, learn, and evolve. Just as importantly, he emphasizes the impact of the “stories” parents tell through their actions: how we handle spilled milk, failed attempts, or tough seasons. Our reactions can either instill shame or build resilience and belonging.

The episode is packed with practical wisdom: the importance of consistency, the transformative power of focused listening, and the annual necessity of “rewriting” our own parenting narrative as our children grow. Daryl shares beautiful examples—like letting his daughter choose her own socks, even when communication is limited—that illustrate how honoring a child’s agency and individuality nurtures their confidence and sense of self.

For dads seeking actionable inspiration and heartfelt encouragement, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a testament to the fact that connection isn’t about being the perfect father—it’s about showing up, embracing the journey, and learning to see the world through your daughter’s eyes.

Ready to go deeper? Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection and discover more stories, challenges, and wins from fathers on the same path. Your journey to a deeper connection starts here.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper into the relationships that we want to build with our daughters. And every day we’re going to be pushing ourselves to challenge ourselves to be that much better.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
And we have to be willing and open to learn and to grow and to be able to know that we don’t know everything. We’re flawed. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. And that’s why this show exists, that’s why this podcast is here, and that’s why I love every week being able to talk with you, to be able to walk with you on this journey. You know, I’ve got two daughters, many of my guests have daughters. And in this journey that you’re on, be open, be open to listening and hearing what people are saying. Doesn’t mean that you’re going to take something out of every episode. I hope you do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:40]:
But you’re going to hear things. You’re going to be able to learn things from every person that’s on. That’s why every week I bring different people on, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to learn, to grow, to learn something a little bit new that you can put into that toolbox of your own. Now, today’s guest is Daryl Potter, a seasoned banker, published author, devoted father who spent nearly 30 years balancing demands of a high level career and the joys of challenging. The joys and challenges of raising both a neurodivergent child and a neurotypical one with grown children and a strong, enduring marriage. Darrell brings a unique blend of wisdom, humility, and heart to this parenting conversation. I’m really excited to be able to have him here, to be able to talk not only about his own experience in raising a daughter, but he also talks about the fact that he believes that parenting is storytelling both the stories we tell our kids and the ones we live ourselves. So today we’re going to be talking about that and delving a little bit deeper into the stories that we are sharing, but maybe the ones that we want to share as well and how we can better create stories to make us better parents in the end.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Darrell, thanks so much for being here today. I’m really excited.

Daryl Potter [00:02:59]:
Pleasure to meet you, Chris, and to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]:
We start our episodes with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. I said you have a daughter. And I guess one of the things that I want to know first is every father has a unique relationship with their kids. You have a unique relationship with your daughter. What is one of the most meaningful moments you’ve shared with your daughter and what made it so special?

Daryl Potter [00:03:24]:
I got 24 years of experiences to try to filter in a hurry. To be honest, the probably the best experience is really one of the first because it was formative for setting me up for the following almost quarter century. And that is I can remember we described when she first came home as it being like a baby honeymoon. And when you think about when you have a newborn daughter, she offers you nothing except noise when she’s hungry and smelly bits at certain times. And I can just remember those first few days of we’d take naps, my wife and I, in the afternoon and we’d settle her in beside us and I’m a little larger than my wife and and so she’d roll towards me and she’d wind up with her head pressed into my ribs, just quietly breathing to the rhythm a little quicker, but to the rhythm of my ribs. And I, I couldn’t fall asleep. I’d afraid of rolling over on her. And so we would just lay there.

Daryl Potter [00:04:15]:
She’d sleep and I would just feel her against me. And I think that’s been the I’d never had an experience like that in my life before, and it shaped the following 24 years because I recognized that I have to come to where you are right now. And at three days old, what she needed was a warm body to press against while she slept.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:36]:
Now, with our daughters, there’s always a balance. There’s a balance in being able to guide our daughters while also giving them independence and allowing them to grow into the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about what you did to balance that for yourself.

Daryl Potter [00:04:54]:
So it’s interesting. I want to answer that question two ways because as you mentioned, I have A neurodivergent and a typical child. My son is the one who’s typical. So I’m a big believer that, you know, my wife and I have talked about we’re raising adults, not hobbies or reflections of ourselves or what have you. And so early on we had that really as a mindset to be thinking about the future as we transition through toddler to school to, you know, on and on. With our daughter, it’s quite different because she out intellectually, physically at about eight years old, her condition kicked in and more strongly and it’s a degenerative condition. So by age 12, she stopped talking. By age 14, she stopped walking, even with a walker and, and so on.

Daryl Potter [00:05:40]:
So the, a lot of, so it requires in, in her case, so much more deliberateness. But it’s the same philosophy as with our son. So as we, you know, for example, getting her dressed in the morning, it’s so important to let her choose her own socks. She can’t talk anymore, she can’t get around by herself. But we can bring to her a, a options and she can still pick. I want the pink ones today. You know, obviously with our, with our son it’s a, it’s a totally different, you know, game and, and I would love to have had the opportunity to do the same thing with a daughter because I think it’s so. It’s so needed in today’s society for females to be raised, for girls to be raised to be not adjuncts to the men in their lives, but to be their own person.

Daryl Potter [00:06:42]:
And as much as we can, we try to do that for our daughter. It’s just very difficult when she can’t even dress herself anymore. So it’s a different scenario.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:50]:
Definitely challenging. And I can only imagine, you know, trying to understand her needs and being able to truly be able to still build that bond while interpreting what is needed. So I guess in thinking about that, when as you said, she’s, she’s non verbal and she can’t do many of the things that like you said, your son can do. What are some intentional ways that you had to work and maybe you still are working today to continue to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially during these challenges, the challenging times that you have.

Daryl Potter [00:07:36]:
Yeah, I think one of the challenges that certainly I was, I would have had going into fatherhood and I think I’ve observed around me in society, friends, what have you, is that I do think men, particularly when they start having children or at a life stage, career wise, marriage wise, personal maturity wise, very goal Oriented, very driven, whether it’s by, you know, family of origin issues or ambition issues or what have you. And there can be a really dangerous trap of missing moments, maybe even missing seasons. Our daughter was 10 days old when she we discovered that we had problems and we, we were event took a while to get a diagnosis. She essentially wasn’t supposed to live past age 3. Definitely wouldn’t make it into the teen years. The fact that she’s 24 makes her a bit miraculous. But what that did for me early on is I had those as I described moments few days old of like bliss and imagining the future. And you know, all I have to do is just lay here quietly and she’ll sleep to like literally a week later discovering she’s going to be gone before long, like weeks or months.

Daryl Potter [00:08:57]:
And it had, I think it could have many impacts denial or what have you. The effect it had on me was like reaching into my chest and just grabbing my heart and squeezing and I was like, I have to know you, I have to connect with you, I have to. You might not even live to language so I have to eye contact, physical touch. You must know that I love you and I must be able to read you before you’re gone. Now the little turkey wound up going on for almost 25 years now. And you know, so that was, that’s been false alarms every few days for 24 years, which is its own version of trauma. But it taught me how to be a better dad to my son as well, that need to learn focus. And I had a friend remind me of it actually quite explicitly maybe half a decade later in a situation where he reminded me, you know, they’re not going to be five forever.

Daryl Potter [00:10:00]:
A year from now you won’t have a five year old anymore. So if, if you want to get to know your five year old, one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:05]:
Of the questions that I guess that comes to mind is as you’re continuing to support and to help your daughter now into adulthood and doing what you can to be able to probably still push her, challenge her and help her in many different ways to be able to live the best life that she can, what’s one way that you consistently are showing your daughter that she can always count on you?

Daryl Potter [00:10:31]:
You know, you used the key word there is consistency. For her to be able to count on us and it applies to neurotypical children just as equally if not more for her to know that she can count on us, we have to be consist whether it’s sleep deprivation or moodiness or what have you an Inconsistent parent is an inconsistent reality when a child is very young. And that can lead to a very unstable understanding of how to trust, how to relate, how to read, how to enjoy. It can have really long reaching implications. And a child at 10 may start to become cynical if the parent is too unpredictable. On the other hand, a child at 10 can just become hopelessly enmeshed in trying to adapt in well meaning but ultimately unhealthy ways that have to be undone later in adulthood if they’re going to have healthy relationships. So I think that consistency is absolutely essential, obviously positive consistency, but being reliable in your engagement that even I think sometimes. For example, I got a buddy of mine who I did a lot of camping with, family camping, and he was great because he had two rules, no falling in the fire or drowning in the lake.

Daryl Potter [00:11:43]:
Like those were his two rules when he was camping. And you know, I think sometimes we make too many rules and then don’t enforce them. And so that’s a kind of inconsistency that can feel well meaning. But maybe we need to think, you know, maybe there’s more rules than just not falling in the fire or drowning in the lake. But you know, that’s not a bad target to, you know, especially when they’re really young to help them understand and then be consistent. Like seriously, thou shalt not fall in the fire. But maybe let tripping over the 10 peg go is not exactly a crime.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:27]:
Now, you know, I, one of the things that also comes to mind is as your kids get older, you, you mentioned earlier, you’re not trying to create a replica of yourself, but you inevitably, as your kids are growing, you have dreams for, you have ideas for them, you have a picture in your mind’s eye of where you think they may be and then the reality sits in of where they end up. It may be very different as, as we, we’ve heard in the story of your daughter as well. So in talk and thinking about who your daughter is now, who she was as she’s grown up, how do you, I’m going to use that word, consistency. How do you consistently support your daughter and helping her to pursue her passions and dreams even when she can’t speak or do some things that you know, she wants to do.

Daryl Potter [00:13:16]:
If you think about it, verbal or nonverbal, we learn a lot about what our children want by watching them. How old is a child before they start really talking in a way that really makes sense? We might say two, but is it, isn’t it closer to four before it’s like okay, now I’m really fully getting cognitive communication here. But we don’t wait till 2 or 4 to understand what they want. And I think a parent who’s paying very close attention is not just listening, they’re watching. They’re being sensitive to the non verbal cues that their child is giving. As a matter of fact, your child is more likely to tell you the truth and the most intimate parts of what they want to express non verbally when they tell you yes, but their body says no. Once they’re past age 4 or whatever the age is, you can start pulling on that thread a little bit and teaching them how to communicate, teaching them that it’s okay to express, you know, a negative emotion or what have you. So in terms of how to help them onwards towards their dreams, sometimes that’s just helping them understand it’s okay to verbalize those dreams.

Daryl Potter [00:14:27]:
So do you want to go with your friends to do such? No, no, no, I don’t want to do that. But why that tone? Why that body language? Why that? And maybe it’s not, we have to learn some parenting skills. Maybe it’s not a frontal assault to challenge what doesn’t sound like a totally forthcoming answer, you know, and then to discover there’s a rupture in the friendship, or there’s been a hesitation as to whether they feel like they have what it takes or maybe like you don’t want them to do such and such and to be able to draw that out in dialogue because, you know, we’ve had these sort of conversations with my son and engaging with my daughter where they want to do things that they’re not going to be allowed to do. But by teaching them that it’s okay to have the conversation and not be in trouble for wanting what they’re not allowed. And we can talk through it and there may be alternatives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:09]:
Now, I talked about the fact that you describe parenting as storytelling. What does that mean to you? And how has that idea shaped the way that you’ve raised your kids, especially your daughter?

Daryl Potter [00:15:20]:
One of the strongest ways, I think we first connected over a book that I’ve written, something more, Living well in a Broken World, that was published last year. Kind of a deep dive on the whole topic of storytelling as a process of unpacking. Call it the meaning of life, living well in a broken world. How to navigate the hungers and dissatisfactions and complexities of being an adult on a planet that doesn’t always do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And so for the storytelling Aspect both in the book and in life. We’re storytelling creatures. We remember stories. I could give you a whole list of facts, but if I gave you a brief story, you know, a week from now, you might.

Daryl Potter [00:15:59]:
You’ll remember none of my facts, but you’ll remember the story. And the book starts with one of my kids asking me a question that leads to a story which led to the writing of the book. I see it working in a couple different ways. One is for myself. What story do I tell myself about my stage of fatherhood, about where my kids are at, about my role in my kid’s life? How can I take the present moment and tell a story to myself about the future and where. If this was a. I’m a novelist on the side as well, so. So the, you know, how would this plot play out if my actions with my child today were the opening of chapter one? Where is this relationship going? Based on how Saturday afternoon’s conversation went, it’s also incredibly powerful as a parenting tool by telling stories about ourselves to our kids.

Daryl Potter [00:16:49]:
Our kids are fascinated by the fact that their adult parents used to not know how the world worked. Surprise. Kind of still don’t. But we used to not know at the level of a 7 year old or a 10 year old. And the mistakes we made, what we learned from them. They learn so much from that. They learn our biographies. They learn a little bit of their own identity because if they’re not adopted, they probably share some genetic traits that are similar.

Daryl Potter [00:17:14]:
They learn also humility by accident because they hear you tell how you tripped and fell and how you overcame a particular situation or how a bad choice led to some extra work. So the process of telling stories about ourselves is deeply interesting to children and deeply memorable. I can remember stories my parents have told that tell many, but I think I remember every one of them from their childhoods.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:38]:
So as you think about stories, what kind of stories did you find yourself telling intentionally or unintentionally as your kids grew up? How did those stories impact their sense of identity and belonging?

Daryl Potter [00:17:52]:
The stories that were told about self for the benefit of their growth. So that was quite explicit. One of the biggest stories we tell is the ones that are also non verbal. So for example, child messes something up at the table, knocks the glass of milk over and breaks the glass and kind of screws up dinner a little bit. You tell a remarkably impacting, potentially decades long impacting story by how you respond. Are they a stupid person for knocking the milk over? Are they lectured for I told you not to put the milk at the edge of the table that how many times have we had this conversation? Or are they oh, did any of that glass get on you? Don’t move. Let me make sure we get pick up the glass first. Just make them feel protected.

Daryl Potter [00:18:37]:
Or is it funny? Holy cow, you hit the dog. Like what story do you tell by your natural reactions? Now the challenge with those kind of stories is they’re often immediate and not thought out. And therefore my advice to dads is you gotta a therapy term would be to do your work. You’ve got to really kind of unpack a little bit of maybe self. If your immediate reactions to unpleasant events tell the story you’d actually don’t like that plot on There may be a little bit of work unrelated to even being a dad needing to be done before but even those situations can be fantastic self storytelling opportunities to realize ah, I don’t like that the milk got spilled and I made it about something negative. It’s just milk. If the kid’s done it five times this week, maybe it’s time to get them a plastic tumbler A little too quick out of the sippy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:26]:
Because I mentioned earlier and we’ve talked about this, that you’ve raised both a neurodivergent and a neurotypical child and that brings unique challenges. How did the story that you told yourself as a parent help you stay grounded and connected through those differences?

Daryl Potter [00:19:43]:
I’m going to slightly change your question or my answer, but I will touch on what you’re talking about because what I found was I had competing stories, particularly with my daughter, because I think society tells us stories. Some of them can be just quite negative and sexist in terms of she needs to be look a certain way, she needs to have a certain type of interaction model. A tomboy girl’s not acceptable, you know, what have you. But step beyond that. For a parent with a special needs child, there can be a story that some part of your psyche might tell yourself that you did this somehow or this somehow reflects on you like your child is your resume. And I was somehow didn’t produce a good one in terms of the society’s expectations of being tall and beautiful and smart and volleyball team and whatever is going on in your particular culture and neighborhood. So there’s a lot of competing stories that we have and then we have our family of origin stories in terms of what’s expected with the style of respect to grandparents or the type of clothes they wear or all sorts of things. There could be such a loud chorus of conflicting stories for us to filter through that.

Daryl Potter [00:20:54]:
Some of the most important story work I felt that occurred was the turning off everything and just learning what story matters to me and then learning to rewrite that story. So in my daughter’s case, when it became apparent that she wasn’t going to join the Olympics or the debate team, I needed to make sure that my story didn’t have Olympic athlete or verbal jiu jitsu star anywhere in my internal makeup. The end goal to the story of my daughter, this is her life, her health, her biology, and in the case of, of my typical child, I think more in terms of also their dreams and their specific intellectual gifts and so on. And I need to help them achieve their story, not play out one of the many, including some that might be just my own personal stories that I want them to wish fulfill.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:45]:
And thinking about that, I think sometimes we think of storytelling as something that we do for our kids. But how can dads listen for the stories that their daughters are trying to tell about themselves and the world around them?

Daryl Potter [00:22:04]:
I love that you asked that question because I really believe that sometimes and this doesn’t just apply to parenting, this applies to marriage and being a manager at work and whatever else. Honestly, in so many situations, loving comes down to listening. The time given to letting another human being know that you have my full attention. And this was true when my kids were young, before smartphones were a thing. I think it’s just heightened now in an era of smartphones to really know that I put that thing down and we have eye contact. In the case of my daughter, it also helps with physical contact. She responds very well when I’m with her. Sit cross legged in front of her and hold her hands.

Daryl Potter [00:22:43]:
She’ll let me know if she’s not in the mood for that today. But that bonding is so important to the sense of connection. Humans need to be listened to and children all the more. Prior to being your child, they didn’t exist. You are shaping their understanding of how reality, reality works and whether or not they matter in that reality. And that bank is being filled up one coin at a time with every second you give them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:08]:
Now, looking back, were there moments where you had to rewrite your parenting story? Maybe a time when you realized that the narrative you were living no longer served your daughter or your family 100%?

Daryl Potter [00:23:22]:
I would say there is at least an annual exercise like that, because my wife and I have described the whole process of parenting as being one long process of letting go. When a child is born, you decide everything they can cry if they want, but you’re still the one deciding if the bum gets changed or the tummy gets fed. The micromanaging control that a parent has at birth is just kind of bizarre. But by the time they’re 20, they should be adults. They should be able to, if they’re not in school, pay the rent if they are in school, show up to classes on their own and have a plan for the future. And not mom and dad’s plan. They should be having their own plans and putting those plans place. But the bridge from infancy to 20 can’t start at 18 or 12.

Daryl Potter [00:24:09]:
Our son got his first chores when he was 4 and a half or 5. So that every single year we have had to have a process of telling ourselves a new story of what parenting now means for this age group. And gradually, the way we phrased it is, is we would extend both privileges and responsibilities was how we packaged it. We would extend additional privileges, meaning like staying up later or food choices or whatever when they’re young. And responsibilities could be something essential, simple as taking the recycling to the garage or whatever, but pairing privileges and responsibilities together as the children advance through the years. So it’s not just a case of hey, I’m your chauffeur from 8 to 16 and then you’re on your own. But there’s a real intimate connection between their expanding maturity and their expanding responsibility. And that starts with parents telling themselves the story of they turned seven, I don’t have a six year old anymore.

Daryl Potter [00:25:03]:
What does talking to a seven year old sound like? Because if it sounds a lot like six not growing as a parent or helping them grow, and if I’m only responding to them, I’m probably going to eventually frustrate them and we’re going to get into some negative pushback come teen years if I’m always the one lagging as they grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:20]:
Very true. So we already mentioned your daughter’s 24, your son’s 21. Now that your children are grown, how do you see the stories that you told and lived echoed in the people that they’ve become? And what legacy do you hope that those stories leave behind?

Daryl Potter [00:25:36]:
Wonderful question. They are easier when we talk about my son because he’s neurotypical. But I think that it’s true for my daughter as well. They are more confident in themselves, in their place in the world, in their ability to navigate within the limitations of their life situations. My daughter being the one more limited. Of course, my son’s limits tend to be more economic because he’s in third year university. But as a result of that they always have known they are loved. They always have heard stories to learn from our mistakes so that they could avoid them.

Daryl Potter [00:26:11]:
We have worked very hard to not let that spilled milk be be an opportunity for verbal abuse or just using that as an illustrative example and letting them advance from age 6 to 7 and then making sure 8 looks different. The result is neither one of them are socially desperate. Neither one of them in the way that I would describe myself at that age or, or I think I can speak for my wife in terms of her background. Neither one of them are socially insecure. Neither one of them are I’ll speak more for my son now socially inept. My daughter’s. Well, she has seizures and stuff so that kind of screws up social interaction when you you throw that in with non verbal but the point is even with my daughter at times I look at her and I think you are more secure with us than I can ever remember being growing up and I know my wife could ever remember being growing up and she hasn’t been able to say a word to us for over a decade and I don’t know how much of what we say to her she fully understands anymore because there’s a cognitive decline there. Although she’s cheeky by nature.

Daryl Potter [00:27:13]:
So I think sometimes she pretends she doesn’t understand just she’s still got a personality. So I think that that process on the other side. First of all, parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Tied maybe for doing a decent job of marriage, fantastic. But requires a level of engagement that didn’t exist when I was a bachelor, it’s very satisfying to come out the other side and to see a lot of hard work pay off. Now when you’re dealing with a special needs child, payoff looks differently than it does on our son who’s going to head off to fourth year before long. But nevertheless payoff in emotional rewards and practical rewards as we see them develop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:49]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Daryl Potter [00:28:01]:
Close.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:02]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Daryl Potter [00:28:05]:
When my son was in his Pokemon phase and one of my camping buddies took me aside and said you better learn to love Pokeman now or he will talk about it with his friends instead. And by the time he gets to 10 you will have trained him not to talk to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:20]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Daryl Potter [00:28:23]:
Going for walks in the woods. Ever since she was a baby she’s loved trees and I’m a bonsai guy. So between the two of us, she might get that from me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:29]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryl Potter [00:28:33]:
Your mom and dad love you unconditionally and adore you. You don’t measure up to the mentioned the Olympics and the debate team. It doesn’t change our love for you for a second.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:45]:
What’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryl Potter [00:28:50]:
But love isn’t about what you get, it’s what you give. Infants teach you that, but so do 10 year olds when they’re a little self and you start to realize I love you anyways.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:01]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryl Potter [00:29:09]:
Get down on their level, like literally sitting on the floor if they’re really young. Get that eye contact and learn to understand the human behind those eyes as opposed to society or our wishes or whatever else might impose between as a filter. Strip away the filters and learn the human. There’s so much to be discovered and behind a daughter’s eyes. And they will learn not to tell you who they really are. If you teach them that you only want to see the screen between but focus on who they really are. That’s magic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:45]:
Well, Darrell, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your own ongoing journey that you’re if people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryl Potter [00:29:53]:
They can find me on my website, darrelpotter.com that’s a D A1R Y L.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:59]:
Potterlikeharry.com Again Daryl, thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you all the best.

Daryl Potter [00:30:06]:
Thank you Christopher. It’s been fantastic to talk to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:39]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny, screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

How to Teach Your Daughter to Believe in Herself

May 2, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one intentional action at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today, we’re talking about something every dad wants for his daughter—helping her believe in herself.

Confidence isn’t something we’re born with—it’s built over time through encouragement, experiences, and the way people treat us. And as a dad, you play a HUGE role in shaping how your daughter sees herself.

So today, I’ll give you simple, practical ways to help her develop self-belief, resilience, and confidence—so she grows up knowing her worth.

Why Your Role as a Dad is So Important

Your daughter looks to you for validation and reassurance—whether she’s 5, 15, or 25. When you consistently show her that she’s capable, valued, and strong, she starts to believe it herself.

?? She’ll take more chances.
?? She won’t be afraid to fail.
?? She’ll trust her own instincts, instead of looking for approval from others.

And that? That’s priceless.

5 Ways to Help Your Daughter Believe in Herself

Praise Her Effort, Not Just the Outcome

It’s easy to say, “You’re so smart!” or “You’re amazing at soccer!”—but real confidence comes from knowing she can work through challenges, even when things don’t come easily.

Instead, say:
? “I love how hard you worked on that.”
? “I saw how you kept trying even when it was tough—that’s what makes you strong.”
? “You didn’t give up, and that’s what really matters.”

Teaching her that effort matters more than perfection builds long-term confidence.

Encourage Her to Take Risks

Confidence grows outside of the comfort zone. Let her:

Try a new hobby, even if she’s nervous.
Speak up in class or at a family gathering.
Make decisions without second-guessing herself.

When she hesitates, remind her: “Being brave doesn’t mean not being scared—it means doing it anyway.”

Help Her Reframe Failures

Every mistake is a lesson. Instead of letting failures shake her confidence, teach her how to learn and grow from them.

If she messes up on a test, loses a game, or makes a mistake, say:
? “What’s one thing you can do differently next time?”
? “Every time you fail, you’re learning something new.”
? “Even the best people in the world failed before they succeeded.”

This helps her see failure as a stepping stone, not a dead end.

Show Her Confidence in Action

Your daughter learns from watching you. If she sees you:

Handling challenges without panicking…
Speaking up with confidence…
Trying new things without fear of failure…

She’ll start to mirror that same belief in herself.

You don’t have to be perfect—just show her how to keep moving forward, even when things don’t go as planned.

Tell Her You Believe in Her—Often

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is say it out loud:

? “I believe in you.”
? “I know you can handle this.”
? “You are strong, capable, and enough—just as you are.”

Hearing those words from her dad can shape how she sees herself for years to come.

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here’s your challenge: Before the day ends, tell your daughter one thing that makes her strong, capable, or brave.

? Praise her effort, not just the result.
? Encourage her to take risks and step outside her comfort zone.
? Help her reframe failures as learning moments.
? Model confidence so she sees it in action.
? Tell her you believe in her—because your words matter.

When she hears these things over and over, she won’t just believe in herself—she’ll carry that belief with her for a lifetime.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5! If this resonated with you, share it with another dad who wants to raise a confident, self-assured daughter. Until next time—keep showing up, keep believing in her, and keep being the dad she needs.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
Hey, dads. Welcome to dad connection in five, your quick practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter, one intentional action at a time. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something every dad wants his daughter to do. We want her to believe in herself. Confidence isn’t something we’re born with. It’s built over time through encouragement, experiences, and the way people treat us. And as a dad, you play a huge role in shaping how your daughter sees herself. So today, I’ll give you simple practical ways to help her develop self belief, resilience, and confidence so she grows up knowing her worth.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:53]:
So why is this important? Well, your daughter looks to you for validation and reassurance. Whether she’s five, 15, or 25, when you consistently show her that she’s capable, valued, and strong, she starts to believe in herself. She’ll take more chances. She won’t be afraid to fail. She’ll trust her own instincts instead of looking for approval from others. And that? That’s priceless. So I’m gonna give you five ways that you can help your daughter believe in herself. First, praise her effort, not just the outcome.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:29]:
It’s easy to say, you’re so smart or, You’re so amazing at soccer. But real confidence comes from knowing she can work through challenges even when things don’t come easily. Instead, say, I love how hard you worked on that, or, I saw how you kept trying even when it was tough. That’s what makes you strong. Or, you didn’t give up and that’s what really matters. Teaching her that effort matters more than perfection builds long term confidence. Second, encourage her to take risks because confidence grows outside of the comfort zone. Let her try a new hobby even if she’s nervous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]:
Speak up in class or at a family gathering. Make decisions without second guessing herself. When she hesitates, remind her being brave doesn’t mean not being scared. It means doing it anyway. Third, help her reframe failures because every mistake is a lesson. Instead of letting failure shake her confidence, teach her how to learn and grow from them. If she messes up on a test, loses a game, or makes a mistake, say, What’s one thing that you can do differently next time? Every time you fail, you’re learning something new. Or even the best people in the world failed before they succeeded.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:51]:
This helps her see failure as a stepping stone, not just a dead end. Fourth, show her confidence in action. Your daughter learns a lot from watching you. If she sees you handling challenges without panicking, or speaking up with confidence, or trying new things without fear of failure, she’s going to then start to mirror that, and she’ll believe in herself. You don’t have to be perfect, just show her how to keep moving forward even when things don’t go as planned. And fifth, tell her that you believe in her. Often often the most powerful things that you can do is say it out loud. I believe in you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:33]:
I know you can handle this. You are strong, capable, and enough, just as you are. Hearing those words from a dad can shape how she sees herself for years to come. So some quick takeaways, you can start this today. Here’s your challenge. Before the end of the day, tell your daughter one thing that makes her strong, capable, or brave. Praise her effort, not just the result. Encourage her to take risks and step outside of her comfort zone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:01]:
Help her reframe failures as learning moments. Model confidence so she sees it in action, and tell her that you believe in her because your words matter. When she hears these things over and over again, she won’t just believe in herself. She’ll carry that belief with her for a lifetime. Okay. So that’s it for today’s dad connection in five. If this resonated with you, share it with another dad who wants to raise a confident, self assured daughter. Until next time, keep showing up, keep believing in her, and keep being the dad that she needs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:40]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:05:11]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your A game Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and beat the world to them. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:06:04]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Navigating Period Conversations: A Dad’s Guide with Al Zonsius

April 14, 2025 by dadofdivas

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In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding the time and approach to foster strong, meaningful relationships with our children can be challenging. This is especially true when it comes to the deep and nuanced bond between fathers and daughters. In a heartwarming discussion from a recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis and guest Al Zonsius of The Period Academy explore themes that resonate beyond the confines of typical parenting advice, offering powerful insights into building lasting connections.

Presence Over Perfection

One of the standout themes is the importance of being present over being perfect. Al Zonsius shares personal stories about her relationship with her father, highlighting the rollercoaster ride filled with both highs and lows. She emphasizes that the consistent act of showing up and being there, even amidst imperfections and disagreements, builds a foundation of trust and support. This theme urges listeners to focus less on being flawless and more on being there, listening, and engaging in the little everyday moments that matter most.

Educating for Empowerment

Another vital theme revolves around education and empowerment. With Al’s background as a student nurse midwife and co-founder of the Period Academy, the conversation underscores the importance of equipping daughters with knowledge about their bodies. Fathers are encouraged to step into this dialogue confidently, fostering an environment where their daughters feel empowered, informed, and unashamed about natural processes like menstruation. This educational empowerment extends beyond physical health, imparting self-esteem and confidence that carry into other areas of a young woman’s life.

Bridging Emotional Gaps

Fathers often grapple with understanding the emotional landscapes their daughters navigate, especially during puberty. The podcast discusses strategies for bridging these gaps, such as offering support, practicing empathy, and creating spaces where daughters feel comfortable discussing their feelings. Acknowledging and validating emotions builds a framework for open communication, making daughters feel heard and understood. In turn, this emotional availability strengthens the father-daughter bond.

As you reflect on these themes, consider tuning into the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast for further insights and practical advice. Listening to real stories and expert opinions can inspire and equip you to enhance your relationship with your daughter. Because at the end of the day, being an engaged dad isn’t about knowing all the answers—it’s about being there, learning together, and growing stronger, one conversation at a time. So, why not take a moment, listen in, and start building those bridges today?

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I’m really excited to have you back again this week to really delve deeper into that relationship that people have between dads and daughters to be able to build those strong connections that will help to create that, not only communication, but that relationship that we all want to have with our daughters. And every week, I love being able to have you here, to talk to you, to help you, to give you some resources to draw upon, to help you to become the dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]:
Because it is so important to be able to have resources at your fingertips because the bond that you are creating, the connections that you’re creating with your daughter are so important. And anything that you will read, any person that you will talk to will tell you how important that relationship is. And it may not always be easy, but it is so important to put in the time, the effort, and be willing to put yourself out there to build that strong relationship. And every week, I love being able to have different guests to help you along that journey. And today, we got another great guest with us. Al Zanzias is with us today. And Al is a student nurse midwife, but also she is the cofounder of the Period Academy. And one of the most awkward conversations sometimes that dads are most concerned about concerned about having is talking to their daughters about their period, talking, going into that stage of their life when their bodies are changing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
And as a dad, you’ve not gone through that and you don’t always know what to say or how to support your daughter. And this academy that Al has co founded is one resource that’s out there that can really help you to be able to start not only understanding it for yourself, but to also be able to be a good resource for your own daughter. And I’m really excited to be able to talk to her about her own experience as a daughter, but also to talk about the Period Academy. Alf, thanks so much for being here today.

Al Zonsius [00:02:54]:
Thank you for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
You know, I’m really excited to have you here. And I always start these conversations really delving a little bit deeper into the relationship that you had with your own father. And we were talking beforehand and I said, Sometimes those relationships can be positive, negative, or somewhere in between. But I always love having these conversations because I think that not only do I learn something, but others will learn things about ways in which we can build those stronger relationships. So, I guess, thinking about the relationship that you had with your father, what’s one thing that your father did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Al Zonsius [00:03:35]:
That is a great question. So, it’s funny you say that some are positive, some are negative. And my dad and I had a very roller coaster ride of a relationship. At times, it was really wonderful, and we were really bonded. And at times, it was pretty negative, and we were very disconnected. But I will say the times that I remember so fondly as a child or as a young teenage girl were times where my dad would go above and beyond to be present with me. He actually traveled quite a bit for his job and was on the road a lot in and out of town. And I happened to be a big athlete when I was young, and there would be days that he would fly in just to come see me play basketball.

Al Zonsius [00:04:17]:
He would fly in just to come see me play volleyball, and I just knew how much effort that took. And not that it has to be every single day, every single game, every single moment going above and beyond, but I just remember the, like, just full body joy I would feel watching him show up in the gymnasium for a game knowing that he was, you know, across the country just, you know, that morning before. And so I remember those moments and, you know, having that up and down relationship with him has really kind of encouraged me to encourage my partner to kind of go above and beyond in those moments when he has the opportunity to do so because that was so impactful for for me as a child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:58]:
You know, I I wanna unpack. You said that you had a roller coaster of a relationship, and and that can be challenging, of course. I mean, but I guess as you think back to that and where you are today as a person, how has that relationship and the experience that you had, and you already talked about talking to your own partner and how they can support you, but how did that relationship with your father influence the way in which you navigate life relationships and challenges today?

Al Zonsius [00:05:27]:
As an adult woman now, I would say that something that I that will always be with me as as the daughter of my dad is that he was always so strong in his stance on morals and beliefs. He wasn’t that he was closed minded. He was always open to learning. He was always trying to learn something new. But it makes me very, very strong in my beliefs and how I wanna advocate, whether or not it’s just in my daily life as a mom of my daughters or as my role as a clinician in the hospital. I mean, I’ll really put up a fight for every single patient I encounter, and that I know deep into me in my soul is because of him, because he was that way. And that’s probably why we had those negative moments in our roller coaster ride together because we both were heavy handed in that way. We both had, like, big, big opinions and big, big feelings, and we would stand our ground.

Al Zonsius [00:06:24]:
And so I think we battled a lot because of that, for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]:
And you’re not the only daughter that goes head to head with their dads, and there are definite points in time in a person’s upbringing where that happens, but also sometimes in life, it just happens in regards to the relationship. Talk to me about what did you have to do to try to bridge that gap in the moment? And are there things that you might say to other dads that are having those tumultuous times that might help them to bridge the gap with their own daughters?

Al Zonsius [00:06:58]:
Yeah. I think gosh. I think that what and by the way, my dad actually passed two years ago, and so I keep talking about him in the past tense. But he would you know, we would have years, months go by where we wouldn’t speak because we had a little argument. We disagreed about something, and that argument turned into, I’m not gonna re reach out to him first, and then he would think the same thing. I’m not gonna reach out to her first. And I guess for me now as a an adult woman, I would say that because he was the parent, he should have always been the one to reach back out. In my mind, I was most of the time being stubborn, teenage, early adult years, making, you know, crazy decisions in life, learning life lessons as we go.

Al Zonsius [00:07:45]:
But I always needed him to reach out and to restart, rekindle the conversation of and just kind of get back into our relationship. And as we grew older as he grew older, him reaching back out became fewer and far between. And I always really had a difficult lot of resentment for sure too. And I just say, like, when I think about the future of dads and, like, what they can do is just always remember that you are the parent, you’re the nurturer, you’re the protector, you’re the safe place. And so don’t stop ever reaching out to your children. Don’t ever stop trying to reconnect with your kiddos, especially if you’re in a kind of a bumpy relationship, especially with a daughter, because it might not be that one day that you send a text message or that she’s gonna respond, but two weeks later, she might really need you to reach out. So just never give up on them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:35]:
I love that, and I think it’s so important that the last point you just said is to never give up on them. And I think that too often when people dig in, and it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, and they’re not willing to meet in that middle. And I appreciate you saying, you know, you’re the parent. And yeah, that you may not see eye to eye, but you’re still the parent. And you can meet in the middle. You might not always have to agree on things, but you can still unconditionally love your child, and be there for them, even if you don’t agree with everything that they are doing, or the way in which they live, or whatever it may be. So I really appreciate you sharing that because that’s it’s not an easy thing to take in, but it is so important to internalize and to be able to think for yourself, Where am I at right now, and where do I wanna be? And I guess let me ask you this, and if it’s too personal, you don’t have to answer. Your father passed away a few years back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]:
At some point, at toward the end of his life, were you able to get to that point of understanding? And if so, what did you have to do to get there?

Al Zonsius [00:09:42]:
We did and we didn’t. I was actually one of the final people with him when he was kind of put to rest. And I feel like in those moments, I could picture us back in the, you know, good old days when I was a little kid, and I was, you know, just obsessed and adored my dad. But leading up to that, we were still in a very kind of rocky, unknown. Communication was pretty minimal, not very deep. And so I wouldn’t ever say that we were perfect when he passed. I did get closure in a lot of different ways just being with him in those last moments and saying a lot of things to him. But I think the way to get to it, which was part of your question, I guess, would be I had to also meet him in the middle even though I feel and felt a certain way about, you know, certain things, how I wanted to manage my family.

Al Zonsius [00:10:34]:
And so, yeah, there was things that I had to be sacrificed in a way to ignore and push beside to have a relationship with him. And so we both had to do that. And I think if we would have had more time, I think we could have gotten back to a really good place, but he passed very suddenly. And so I yeah. I always have a lot of regrets though. And I think that if any dads are listening who have daughters, like, just know that every day is not promised and that you gosh, you don’t wanna leave this earth in a rough situation with your kids. I mean, I think about it all the time, how many more conversations I would have loved to have with him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:10]:
Well, I appreciate you sharing that and and being willing to to go down that path because it’s not always an easy thing to talk about, but I appreciate you sharing that even though it wasn’t always the most positive experience. Now I talked about the fact that you’re co founder of the period academy. And as I said, talking about a period with your daughter is not only awkward for the dad, but it’s awkward for the daughter too. And a lot of times your daughters may not wanna talk to you about their periods, but it’s still very important as a dad to understand what they’re going through, how it’s impacting their bodies, but also their mindset, their etcetera. And I, as a father of two daughters that are now 17 and 20, You know, I’ve gone through this and definitely something that I wish that I had had the Period Academy at the time when things were first happening. So I guess one of the questions that came up when I heard about this was first and foremost, tell me the origin story and why you decided to go and become a cofounder of this organization, the Period Academy.

Al Zonsius [00:12:20]:
Yeah. Of course. Okay. So, honestly, it really started the company came about for many, many different reasons that just kinda kept telling me to do something, telling me to create some sort of educational platform. For me as a clinician, I work as a nurse now, and you mentioned I’m a student nurse midwife. And so I’m in my kind of final months of residency to be a midwife. But we take care of I take care of kids from very early age when they start to experience puberty all the way up until menopausal time for women. And so I see a big spectrum of different patients.

Al Zonsius [00:12:51]:
And a reoccurring theme in this field I’m in, and I’ve been in this field for almost ten years, is adult women didn’t get educational resources as children. They they are very unaware of basic anatomy. They’re also often unaware of what a period is and what is actually happening to their bodies. And I see it in the clinic, and I see it when they go to have their babies at the hospital. So that was a hospital. So that was a big thing that started to come up for me a lot, is that I was like, oh my gosh. Like, this is not this woman’s fault that she doesn’t have this knowledge. We must have missed something.

Al Zonsius [00:13:23]:
And the other reason is I was 11 when I started my period as a young kid, and I did not know what the heck was happening to my body at the age that a lot of women my age, and I’m in my late thirties, but a lot of my age women and even probably younger, like, it was very taboo. It was a very stigmatized conversation. My parents did not prepare me at all. And it still has a lot of stigma around it, which shocks me, but it does. And it is hard to talk about. And so what I started to notice is because of my experience in the healthcare field doing reproductive health, I also have two daughters and my daughters are four and six. And they are a little early for this talk, but I will tell you, my four and six year old know a heck of a lot about periods because I’ve been exposing them since they were born. You know, they ever since they could crawl after me into the bathroom, they have been exposed.

Al Zonsius [00:14:16]:
They’ve been desensitized almost to it. It’s a very normal thing in our home. And I’ll explain to you some, like, very easy things fathers and dads can start doing at home. But but yeah. So I actually started to have friends reach out to me. Hey. Do you have any tips of how we can get this conversation started with our kids? And I said, well, actually, funny you ask. I do.

Al Zonsius [00:14:34]:
I have so many opinions about it, and here’s what you can get started with. Here’s just a couple of easy ways to just start the conversation and start it as soon as you can. Because what we know is girls can start their periods as early as eight years old. That’s a normal range, eight to 17. It’s a big range, but we’re starting to see girls start their periods earlier and earlier in life due to many different factors. But I just always tell people start sooner than you even think you would ever need to start because before you know it and you won’t even realize it, they’re gonna start to get information from friends at school. So start having those conversations. I started giving tips out and talking to parents about it.

Al Zonsius [00:15:09]:
And then I mentioned it to my partner one day, and my husband and I said, listen. We think we need to create some sort of period educational something, seminar, presentation because nobody is doing this. And why not? And, you know, I started to research what are kids getting in public school systems, and it’s so minimal. And I was just, like, shocked by it, really. And I was also trying to explore who’s doing this, who’s educating our kids so that the parents because, you know, because we have this lack of comprehensive, standardized period education, menstruation education in school systems, it all falls on the dad and it all falls on the mom. The parents are expected to do it all. And that’s a big burden, in my opinion, as a parent myself, to put on parents who maybe don’t have the experience I have. I talk about periods every single day with about every single patient.

Al Zonsius [00:15:57]:
I ask them about their period and we talk about their period. And so for me, it’s very easy. Right? The language, the tools, it’s easy, but that’s not the same for every household. So the Period Academy was born, and my husband really was a cheerleader of it. Created a really wonderful kind of world of illustrations and how we could teach it. And then it just took off from there, and it was such a beautiful thing to see at the very beginning stages. We start we kinda opened up shop last summer, and hearing all of the parents just be so grateful that it’s a great starting point. It gives them the language to use at home.

Al Zonsius [00:16:30]:
And then I’d always have moms leave and parents leave, like, telling me how much they learned. Even though I’m really focused on my teaching is really kid focused. Right? I’m not teaching as if it’s adult people. I’m teaching them as kids where they’re at. You know? And this is, like, age kind of eight, nine, 10, 11 is where my target usually is. So that’s kind of how it all started, and now it’s going really well. And it’s amazing. And I feel like maybe I can make a little dent in some of these kids’ brains and give them a lot of education.

Al Zonsius [00:16:59]:
And my really ultimate goal is for a kid to start her period and not be scared. If just some kids could start and feel empowered and feel ready, like they have the tools and that they know they’re gonna be okay, because it is a very terrifying life, you know, transitional moment for most kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:16]:
Many fathers may feel unprepared or even uncomfortable discussing menstruation with their daughters. What advice do you have for dads who want to be supportive, but aren’t sure how to start the conversation?

Al Zonsius [00:17:30]:
Yeah. No. That’s a really good question, and I’ll start it with this. And this I’ll be interested to hear how this feels as a dad. Right? So I would say one of my number one questions I get from kids and I teach kids in groups of, like, 10 to 15 kids at a time. And the number one question I get is what if my mom’s not home and only my dad is home? So we’ve already built this society, this norm, this world where young girls assume they can only go to their mom. Now this is assuming we have a traditional household. Right? We have a mom and a dad that they’ve grown up with that dynamic.

Al Zonsius [00:18:05]:
So we’ve already spent however many years, eight, nine, ten, eleven years of that child seeing their parents that way. And I would say to that is how can we shift that? Because I know when I talk to dads, I know that they would feel so humbled and grateful if their daughters knew they could go to them if they needed help. And so they start their period, Mom’s not home, maybe mom’s on an out of town trip, and they start their period at school because most kids we know most kids will have their very first period at school. It’s because they spend so many hours during the week at school, or they might be at, like, a camp or, you know, an extracurricular activity. So sorry to go back, but we know that this is already in their brains. So which really every time I get asked this question, it hurts my heart because I know the dads in this world wouldn’t make them feel like they did something wrong. They’d be so supportive, and I know they would. So how can we get this shift to happen in

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]:
the

Al Zonsius [00:18:59]:
household? And the advice I always give is for dads to not exclude themselves from the conversations. Every adult person and even older sibling in the household should be part of the conversation and should contribute to it. So if we’re maybe starting to introduce anatomical parts to our children, you know, one, we know we always need to use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts. That’s a big part of my the very beginning of my presentation. Use appropriate terminology with your kids. And then also like, make sure that you know what those are for a girl. Know what the difference is between a vulva and a vagina. Help teach your kid that because if you can start that early, early on, you’re gonna always be seen as a safe space for your daughter.

Al Zonsius [00:19:43]:
Your daughter will feel like she doesn’t have to hide her period in the bathroom until get mom gets home the next morning or or whatever it might be. Just be part of the conversation. I think and this is a big expectation, but the moment I had a daughter, I had a very high expectation for my husband to be able to be the default when it comes to those things because I work a lot. When I go to the hospital, I’m there fourteen hours. That’s a long time to be gone. And and if my daughter were to need help, I always have told him, I want them to feel so safe with you that they can come to you and not even think twice about it. Mom’s not home? Okay. I’ll call dad.

Al Zonsius [00:20:19]:
Oh, dad’s in this room. It’s a little closer than that room. Like, I can just go to dad. That’s my expectation for him. And my husband, you know, he also helped me build this company, but he really did put in an effort. And that’s what I think it is. I think dads just have to put in a bit of effort to know basics about period. You should also know basics about anatomical reproductive parts for boys and girls, and you should know the basics about a period, especially just how to manage it.

Al Zonsius [00:20:43]:
Pads, tampons, period underwear. How because that’s what your daughter’s gonna come to you for. Right? She’s gonna have a period at school, and she’s gonna be probably very overwhelmed, and she’s gonna want, you know, know what to do next. The other tip I give to people in their households, not only being a part of this conversation, and this conversation, by the way, is very ongoing. Right? We’re talking about it all the time, is to start to expose your kids in the home to menstruation products and, like, actual in the moment menstruation. And sometimes my kids well, even today and my kids are a little unique, right, because I’m their mom. But, you know, sometimes I’ll be in the bathroom and my six year old will be like, do you want me to go get you a pad? Are you on your period? I make it so it’s such a normal day in the month that sometimes in my period I’m on my period, and sometimes I’m not. I actually and if parents are comfortable with it, and I know that not all parents are, but invite them into your space, especially when they’re really little.

Al Zonsius [00:21:36]:
Right? When they’re really little. Because the more you show them period blood, pads, what you when you wipe and you have very bright red blood, the more you show them that you’re sitting on that toilet and you’re okay, you’re not hurting, you’re okay, it desensitizes it, It normalizes it. It becomes a very normal part of life, and it’s very, you know, and it’s every month for, you know, most adult women. As long as they’re regular, it’s every month. So it’s such a normal part of life. And so just by exposing them, don’t make it a big deal. Yeah. This is just period blood.

Al Zonsius [00:22:08]:
This happens to your mom every, you know, twenty five days. And, you know, it doesn’t bother me. I have pads and I have tampons. This is what I use. You know, my kids love to play with pads and tampons. Have you ever given a three year old a tampon? It’s awesome. They love it. It’s very fun.

Al Zonsius [00:22:20]:
And so exposing them. Having products out in the open, I’m big advocate of this. Having a basket of your pads out in the open so kids can ask questions, especially when they’re really young. Let them ask questions. Dads know how to use a pad, know how to put it in the underwear, know how to take it away, know that they can only wear it up to eight hours, know that they should really wash their hands before and after. Those are things that dads should know, and moms too and parents too. But, yeah, those are kind of like the general and the go to things I say. These are the things that you guys can start doing that’s not really gonna need a lot of effort is just to start to increase exposure in the home to periods.

Al Zonsius [00:22:55]:
And I always joke, and I recently was interviewed. And I always say, like, the big reduction of stigma moment for me is when I go to a bathroom in a public space, I always hold my tampon or my pad outside of my pockets because I just want it to feel like this is a normal, physiological, natural thing that half the world’s bodies do. And we’re so scared of it and scared to talk about it. And I just wanna keep finding ways to make it less scary, less stigmatizing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
Now you kind of already talked about this, but one of the things that I was thinking about when I looked at your curriculum is that it covers a lot of the topics like period management, self care, puberty. And I guess, how can dads help to normalize periods and ensure that their daughters feel confident rather than embarrassed about this natural process.

Al Zonsius [00:23:45]:
And not only in a way of periods, but I think dads can build confidence in girls, which I think is something that’s really needed in our world today. Right? We need to kinda make young women, young girls more confident, have higher self esteem because we’re seeing it kind of at a big downfall right now. And I think if you can build your kids up from day one, always be their biggest cheerleader, always be their biggest fan. And I personally, and my husband too, like and it’s really easy. It’s just the language you choose to use. So when my kid has, like, a new outfit on, I try not to say you look really cute or look really pretty, but I always tell her, you look super brave, or you look really confident, and you look really kind today. Because those words in their brain are going to go far, far deeper than just this idea of, like, an outfit. Right? So ever since they were babies, it’s like, you’re look you’re being so brave.

Al Zonsius [00:24:37]:
It’s not you look so cute. I mean, my kids are adorable. Don’t get me wrong. They’re I’m obsessed with them. They’re the cutest things on the Earth. But I try to impede their brains with language of how brave they are, how smart they are, how autonomous they are, how important decisions they make are could be life changing for them. And so building those kids up. And then when it gets to time where you start to experience puberty, because we know you’re gonna start to notice puberty for your kids probably before they have a period, we do have an expectation that you’re likely gonna have breast buds.

Al Zonsius [00:25:08]:
You’re gonna likely grow some pubic hair, maybe some underarm hair, have a big growth spurt, and may even start experiencing vaginal discharge right before you have your very first period. I think that would be a great time for dads to really start to empower their kids. Have a moment where you see, like, okay. Maybe maybe you’ve noticed your daughter has some pubic hair or some breast buds, or you noticed when you did laundry that when you helped with laundry one day that there was vaginal discharge in her underwear. This is a great, great time for you to make sure she’s ready when she’s away from the home. It’s also a great time to make sure she’s ready at home. Make sure you have pets. Make sure she knows where they are.

Al Zonsius [00:25:46]:
Make sure they’re teen sized or preteen sized pads and that you can assume she’s gonna use what the other adult female in the house uses because it’s different, you know, tampons and pads. And we do know that I mentioned tampons here and there all the time because kids kinda get forced in a tampon usage, which is another conversation. But most children will use pads for a very long time. So dads can assume if they have an eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 year old that they’re gonna need to use pads first. Okay? So you don’t even need to worry about tampons quite yet, but really focus on having pads available and access to them. Like, where are they? And then also having something in their backpack for them so that they know it’s there. And I would encourage dads to I give kids at my seminars. I give them all a period kit, but it’s not like anything that is hard to do.

Al Zonsius [00:26:31]:
It’s just a little canvas bag, and it’s got pads in it, a moist towelette. And I also put a little note in there, and it’s an encouraging note that says, you got this. You’re gonna be okay, and we are here to support you. This is a big day for you. And so we are here if you need us. And I think if it had put that on a little piece of paper, like, you’re gonna you’re you’re great. You’ve got this. It’s gonna be okay.

Al Zonsius [00:26:54]:
I know it’s overwhelming because we can have prepare and prepare and prepare. But the first time you bleed, it’s a lot. It’s a big you know, and most adult women would probably be able to tell you where they were, maybe even what they were wearing, what the bathroom looks like that they were in, and what they felt in that moment. And and so being an outspoken empowered women, I can kind of assume that I have unique experiences in those ways, but most women are very shut down and fearful about it. So, yeah, if a dad can just give her the tools, make sure she’s got something in her backpack. Even a spare pair of underwear would be ideal. Right? Because you can assume she might either first start her period when she goes to sit to go pee. And we this happens often because your pelvic floor rests at that time, and so period blood can come out.

Al Zonsius [00:27:39]:
It might be noticed on toilet paper when she wipes, or she’s gonna have some in her underwear. And that is very overwhelming for kids. Kids ask me about that a lot too. What if I bleed through my undies? And so I like to say, put a pair of underwear in your backpack as well to always have, always have maybe an extra pair of shorts or something like that as well. And then just remind your kid, you can call me if you need me. I will come bring you clothes. I will come bring you pads. I’m always here.

Al Zonsius [00:28:05]:
Just communicate with them that you are accessible and that you are supportive. And if you don’t have all of the answers, I think that’s fair too. Right? Because I don’t have all the answers either. And I have kind of started to become very knowledgeable about periods for young girls, but but I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes kids will ask me a question and I’ll be like, oh my goodness. I gotta get back to you on that. And I think dad’s being, like, very humble and and transparent. Like, I don’t know the exact answer you need from me right now, but I do know how we can go find it, and we can kind of help you.

Al Zonsius [00:28:34]:
Just be supportive and communicate with your kids and remind them that they can always come to you. Just keep keep reminding them. I’m always here. You can always come to me even And this sorry. I’ll my answers are so long, but this is one more thing I’ll always mention. I like to tell kids when we have these conversations, whether it be puberty conversations, period conversations, sex conversations, that it is very normal to have a feeling in your body and in your mind that is a little strange and uncomfortable. And that’s normal to have this uneasy feeling. And I think if dads just expressed that to their kiddos, like, I know talking about these things with me might make you feel a little weird in your body, but it’s still something important we should do, and I need you to know you’re safe with me.

Al Zonsius [00:29:21]:
And that’s kind of a big deal, making kids feel safe when they use their words and they have big feelings and wanna talk to you. So that’s something I would suggest too is to always tell your kids, you’re gonna feel weird about this, but you’re safe with me. And that’s you know, I feel weird. And he would tell him, I feel weird about it too. You know, it’s a hard conversation to have. Be honest with your kids. You’re human.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]:
Now I know that puberty can also bring mood swings, PMS, and other emotional shifts. How can fathers recognize when their daughters need emotional support, and what strategies can they use to help without overstepping?

Al Zonsius [00:30:02]:
Yeah. And I you talk about premenstrual syndrome, PMS, in the presentation, and I talk about it because it becomes a very big part of your life when you start to have a cycle. And for some people, it can be a very debilitating part of your life. And so I talk about what is expected, what’s the most common, and then when is it too much or an issue where we would wanna maybe speak to a clinician. But when it comes to mood disturbances, irritability, a little less patience, even anxiety can increase as your period’s approaching. These are huge, huge, huge feelings that your daughter is probably feeling. And in your mind as an adult parent, you’re probably thinking, oh my gosh. Who is this child? One moment, they’re crying.

Al Zonsius [00:30:38]:
The other moment, they’re happy singing in the car. And so it’s like very it can be very roller coaster ride. I think just reminding yourself that oftentimes mood disturbances and irritability and that kind of anxiety that kids can get right before a period is something that’s really generally out of their control. And that’s because hormones, when they come in, they come in hot. And so and it’s something that’s very difficult to understand, especially when they’re experiencing it for the first time. And they’re really young and they’re, like, preparing to go through these stages. So I would just say, instead of taking this approach of, oh, you’re you must be PMSing. I mean, we’ve all heard it.

Al Zonsius [00:31:14]:
Right? Mom’s PMSing. Go, you know, go clean your room. Or mom’s PMSing. Don’t talk back. Do the dishes. Do your chores. I think instead of if you approached it in like, you know what? It seems like you might be having some bigger feelings these days, and I wanna know if there’s a way I can support you. Because sometimes kids will be able to tell you that, yeah.

Al Zonsius [00:31:33]:
You know, I just don’t wanna talk about it. But they also might say, oh, yeah. I’ve noticed that too, and I don’t really know the way I could use support right now. And then you can give suggestions. I oftentimes try to take my kids’ leads, you know, and it’s not a perfect example, but when my kids are tantruming or we’re in a moment and all parents know these moments, right, where your kid is not thinking logical. They’re tantruming. They’re not logical. They’re having definitely some hormone stuff happening.

Al Zonsius [00:32:01]:
And I always just ask them, do you want me to give you space, or would you like me to sit here with you? And I think sometimes as parents, that’s just needing to sit there and be quiet is a great way to show support and to hold space for your kids. And and even ask them, would it be better if I sat out right side the door and you let me know when you would like me to come in? Do you wanna maybe listen to some music together? Do you wanna go on a walk together? Do you want me to give you more ideas of how we can kind of support you, or do you wanna let me know when you have some ideas? And I think just making sure you’re not abandoning them in those big, big feeling and moments, and you’re giving them the opportunity to have autonomy over what they’re experiencing. You’re telling them that they can tell you what they need, and that’s so empowering for a young girl. Right? Being being very open. Like, is there something that specific I could do for you? Sometimes my daughters will ask me they’ll be in that headspace that’s out of control, but I’ll just say, would you like me to be here with you, or do you want some space? And they’ll all the time say, I want you here with me, but I don’t want you to talk. And so they’re just telling me they need the space. They need the sound and this chaos to slow down, but they need somebody in there to also hold on to all of that chaos with them until they’re ready to then talk about it. Sometimes I just offer, you know, let’s go sit outside for a second.

Al Zonsius [00:33:20]:
Let’s just go take a couple deep breaths. Let’s listen to some music we both like. Let’s put on a record we both like and just sit and just sit. Let everything slow down a little bit. But I think giving your kids autonomy over what they need is so huge. Those kids, eight to 12, is a tough age. It is a tough age. They’re experiencing a lot of things in that lifetime.

Al Zonsius [00:33:41]:
So, yeah, giving them the choice how they can be supported.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. And, you know, your your mission is so much more than just periods from everything that you have just said. It’s from what I’m hearing, it’s about not only periods, but helping young people to understand and feel comfortable with their bodies. And I guess as we finish up today, is there anything else that you’d wanna say in regards to how fathers can truly contribute to their daughter’s overall sense of body confidence and autonomy in a way that fosters trust and empowerment?

Al Zonsius [00:34:17]:
That’s a big question. I’m gonna try not to carry on like I have. I would say try not to always let the default for when it comes to very feminine things in life always go to the mom. I think starting to show that maybe because you’re a guy, you’re a male figure, that you don’t have any kind of understanding of those things for kiddos. I think, like, there’s nothing more wonderful than, like, my husband taking out my girls and then picking out a a Barbie and a really sparkly dress. And, like, that may be seen as something that I would do with them, but he loves having those moments where they can be in their feminine selves. And and I he sits down and paints their nails, and they sit down and paint his nails and, like, just kind of really desensitizing this idea that all the feminine times in your life have to go towards one way. And like I said, you know, girls really do have these fears, about being only with dad when they are in the most, you know, vulnerable time of their life.

Al Zonsius [00:35:16]:
And that to me just shows me that dads just need to do more inside the home, be part of more conversation inside the home. Maybe it’s not something you’re comfortable talking about, but maybe you have, like, a pamphlet or a brochure. I have a good print off on the our website on theperiodacademy.com, and it’s like it’s like the stages of puberty so that when you know, like, your period might be getting close, just give that to your kiddo and say, I found this. I thought it might be helpful and supportive of you to know kinda where you are at in your puberty years And when we know the period’s coming, bring her things home. If she’s PMSing and starting her period or she’s on her second cycle or whatever it might be, like, bring her something sweet home. Bring her a bouquet of flowers home. Make her feel feminine. Make her feel good.

Al Zonsius [00:35:56]:
Make her feel empowered. Build that relationship so that you are such a safe space for her that you can be like that forever. Be that guy that’s, like, really hard to compete with when she’s an adult woman, you know, looking for her life partner. And I think that would be the best. Right? I want our kids, my children to always say, like, you know, their future partners in their lifetime, if they so be you know, happen to be males, you have to compete with the love and the safety my daughter my dad provided me. And I think that’s, like, the goal dad should have for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:27]:
Well, well, Al, I just wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And I guess as we conclude and we finish things up, as you think about fatherhood and your dad and other dads that are out there, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Al Zonsius [00:36:51]:
I would say to as much as you can, when you’re together, to be very present with each other. We live in this world where we’re kind of being overpowered by technology, and I have found it greatly affects kids. And for myself too, I always find myself answering emails on my phone or messages on Instagram or whatever it might be. And in my brain, I’m like, I’m working. I’m working. I’m always working. But when you’re in the same room as your kids, try to find those moments to be super intentional. Turn off all the technology and be just intentional with your time.

Al Zonsius [00:37:24]:
Even if you do have work to do, give your kids an hour of your undivided attention because that is starting to become very rare for a lot of relationships with kids. And especially for dads who maybe are the breadwinners and who maybe work a lot, you know, just like even if it means scheduling it. Scheduling, you know, from twelve to two, like, everything’s off just me and you, kid. Like, what do you wanna do? What do you wanna get up to? And I think, you know, that’s a good kind of tool of advice for a lot of parents and even for myself to remind myself to really kind of carve out time to be intentional and be really kind of mindful of your interactions and make them be something that is clear to that child that you are engaged with that child in that moment, whatever their kind of game they’re playing or wanna do. I think that’s really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:07]:
Now for anyone that wants to find out more about the Period Academy, where should they go?

Al Zonsius [00:38:11]:
You can go to the periodacademy.com, or you can find us on Instagram. On Instagram, I do a lot of tips and kinda teaching tools, and I share a lot of videos about how we can kind of approach certain topics based on periods. And then also on TikTok, I’m in my late thirties, remember, so I’m getting better and better at TikTok, but I’m trying. And, so, yeah, the period academy at the period academy on all the social medias.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:33]:
Well, Al, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Not only your story about your own relationship with your father and the things that you had to do in your life with that, but also in what you’ve created and what you’re continuing to create to help parents, not just dads, to help their daughters to be able to maneuver through this time in their life that can be kind of tumultuous, but also concern thing, it can also be a questioning time for them, for you as a dad, and I truly wish you all the best.

Al Zonsius [00:39:06]:
Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:09]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:39:40]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:40:32]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Creating Community: Patrick Rowe’s Guide for Dads

February 10, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Fatherhood is a journey, and like any adventure, it comes with its own set of challenges and joys. This week on the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast we talk with father of two Patrick Rowe to explore the nuances of raising daughters, overcoming fears, and the importance of building a supportive community. Here are some key takeaways from their insightful conversation.

Embracing the Journey

Patrick Rowe and his wife were overjoyed but also slightly apprehensive when they learned they were expecting daughters. Like many dads, Patrick initially felt more equipped to raise a son simply because he could relate more to the experience of being a boy. However, he quickly shifted his perspective, realizing that the essence of fatherhood lies in being present, adaptable, and committed.

Patrick shared, “Being a father is not always easy. It takes time, effort, and patience. My biggest fear was how strong the foundation I’ve created with them is. I want them to always know my love is unconditional.”

Overcoming Challenges

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and one of Patrick’s biggest challenges has been setting expectations for experiences he has never gone through himself. He emphasized the importance of patience and self-awareness, understanding that repetition and calm reasoning are essential when dealing with young children.

Patrick revealed that he’s learned to slow down and ask himself critical questions about his actions and reactions. For instance, why get upset about having to ask multiple times for his daughters to put on their shoes? This shift in mindset has helped him foster a more loving rather than demanding approach.

Building Unique Relationships

Each child is unique, and understanding their individual needs is crucial for building a strong bond. Patrick explained how his daughters have different temperaments, with his eldest being a people-pleaser and his youngest a more emotionally intelligent, independent spirit.

“With my eldest, we have this special thing where we say, ‘You fill my bucket,’ meaning she brings me joy. This small phrase has built an incredible connection between us. With my youngest, it’s about being present while she does her activities. We connect quietly, often while she’s drawing or reading,” Patrick shared.

The Importance of Community

One of the standout points of the discussion was the value of building a community of other fathers. Patrick emphasized, “Community is probably the most impactful resource I have on being a father.” He detailed traditions like “pancake Saturday” and “daturday,” where dads meet with their kids to bond and share experiences.

These gatherings go beyond superficial interactions, offering a space for vulnerability and real support. Patrick highlighted the need to show our kids that dads can also be engaged, supportive friends for each other. This not only enriches the fathers’ lives but also instills in the children the value of a supportive community.

Taking the First Step

For dads looking to build their own communities, Patrick recommends starting small and being open. “Invite people over with no expectations other than spending time together. Ask the deeper questions. It might feel awkward at first, but the benefits of having such a network are invaluable,” he advised.

In summary, fatherhood is a continuous journey of learning, adapting, and loving. Patrick Rowe’s experiences highlight the importance of being present, building unique relationships with each child, and fostering a supportive community of fellow fathers. Through these efforts, dads can navigate the challenges and joys of raising daughters, guiding them to become strong, empowered women.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk with you about this journey that you’re on in being a father to a daughter. It’s an important journey that all of us are on, and it is a journey because you’re going to be having to be flexible. You’re gonna have to be you’re gonna have to adjust along the way. There’s gonna be so many things you’re gonna learn along the way that are going to help you to be not only a better father, but also a better man. And along the way, you’re gonna stumble, you might fall, you might make some big mistakes, and you’re gonna have some fun as well. And what’s important though is that you’re willing to go on the journey and you’re willing to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]: And that’s why this podcast is here because every week, I want to be able to help you in some way to be able to learn, to grow, and help you to be able to see that you’re not alone. That’s why every week I bring different guests to the show to allow for you to learn from other fathers, from other people that have different resources and have different experiences from your from yourself to help you along this journey. This week, we got another great guest with us today. Patrick Rowe is with us today, and Patrick is a father of 2. He’s got a 4 and a 6 year old, and we are gonna be talking about his own journey in being a father. And I’m really excited to be able to have him share that with us. Patrick, thanks so much for being here today.

Patrick Rowe [00:02:00]: Thanks, Chris. Really looking forward to this. I think what you all are doing is super important in this time, and I love an opportunity to share what I’ve seen from my perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:08]: I love that. And as I said, fatherhood is definitely a journey. And one of the things that I love doing and starting our conversations is really to turn the clock back in time. I said that you have a 4 and a 6 year old daughter. Let’s go back. Maybe it’s 7 years, 6 and a half years. Back to that first moment that you found out that you were gonna be a father to a daughter, what was going through your head?

Patrick Rowe [00:02:28]: Yeah. Well, my wife and I were really blessed with this opportunity to have some things fall in place in terms of our home and and resources that we had. And we knew that having a family was something you were really excited about and ultimately you know there isn’t that much of a window of time between the time that you find out you’re going to be a father and then the time you have an opportunity to find out what the the gender of your child is going to be and I remember that moment very clearly. There was no part of me that wanted to have a son or a daughter. It was very truthfully an open excitement and joy. And that moment that I heard that it was a girl was equal excitement and concern. And the only reason I felt concern really was for some reason I had in my head that if it were a boy at least I would understand it a little bit better. I felt slightly more equipped as a boy dad.

Patrick Rowe [00:03:17]: Maybe 51 to 49% more equipped. But in that moment, I was so excited and so elated. And to be able to share that kind of special surprise moment with my wife was really great. And we just floated our way out of the hospital after that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:33]:

Now I hear from a lot of dads that I’ve talked to over the years that in raising a daughter, there’s some fear that goes along with that. What would you say was your biggest fear in raising daughters?

Patrick Rowe [00:03:43]: My biggest fear in raising daughters, and this could likely be the same if if I had sons, but it’s, of course, all those things I can’t control. And so I guess my biggest fear is how strong is that foundation that I’ve created with them? Recognizing that I will go through challenges and they will go through challenges and together we will too. What tools am I giving them to help them know what my relationship with them is like and what their relationship with me is like to give them that clarity of my role, my position as their dad, a listener, consultant, someone who loves him unconditionally. And so I just try to think about the aspects of that that I can control and really that’s how I show up for them in every moment, Whether that’s in the morning when they’re groggy or at night when they’re scared or sometime in the middle when they’re excited about something. Just being overly present with them, right? And making sure that those distractions are taken away so that they recognize that they are just wonderful and so special in my eyes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:41]: And being a father is not always easy. It takes time. It takes effort, and there’s definitely challenges along the way. What’s been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Patrick Rowe [00:04:51]: The hardest part has been, you know, just how do you set expectations for things that you’ve never done before? How do you set an expectation for what school experience you’re going to have together? What’s that support going to look like from that perspective? How do you set expectations on how they should care and respect each other? And so it’s challenging for me. I’d like to have a rule book in front of me or or some kind of structure in front of me that says if you say these things and you support these things and you encourage these things, then this would be the result. And not being able to have that rubric is challenging and that that’s really difficult. It’s required more patience. I always thought I was a very patient individual. I have learned that I’m not necessarily as patient as I imagined I was. And so just recognizing that and one of the biggest ways that I’ve been able to recognize this is honestly just by slowing down, asking myself questions internally. Like, why am I asking my kids to put their shoes on? Why am I getting so upset if I have to ask them 3 or 4 times? Well, you know, what’s the point? Are we going to be late to the pool? Why is there a reason to get upset? Yes.

Patrick Rowe [00:05:56]: It is frustrating repeating oneself over and over again, but ultimately, they will learn it and they will get there. And just knowing that that’s the end goal, that’s the end result, and being able to present myself in a loving way rather than a demanding way is not always easy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:12]: And you have 2 daughters. And anyone that knows that when you have more than one child, there’s a whole new dynamic. And with that, many times, your children’s personalities tend to be not completely alike. They tend to be very different from one another and what they need, and you have to build those unique relationships with each child to be able to connect. So talk to me about that connection and not only what that you love to do with each of your daughters to keep that connection, but what have you had to do to be able to develop those unique relationships with each of your daughters?

Patrick Rowe [00:06:46]: Yeah. That is so true. Our oldest is very much like me and she is a people pleaser. And so there’s a lot of fun and excitement that comes in that. Right? She’s always so enthusiastic to share what she’s learning and doing. And she always wants to know what I’m interested in or what my wife is interested in so that she can continue to do those. That’s fun and that’s really exciting and we get to share a lot of similar interests and opportunities whether it’s playing games or kind of the stories we’re talking about or the subjects that we focus our time on or things like that. But it’s also really challenging as well.

Patrick Rowe [00:07:20]: Right? I wanna make sure that she understands where my love is coming from and that it’s not coming from a place of expectation. It is coming from a place of true love from the absolute from an absolute source. And so we have little ways that I remind her of that often. We have this little phrase that we came up with called you fill my bucket, and you fill my bucket just means what you are. You are bringing me joy, and you are filling my bucket for me. And so there will be times when she’s doing something and I can say to her, I just want you to know that you fill my bucket. And there are times when she’ll come up to me and say something similar and I have a little hand motion that we do now so that I can share that experience with her. We can connect even if we’re not allowed, able to talk to each other.

Patrick Rowe [00:08:00]: So if we’re across a room or if she’s on a stage or something, we have that chance. My youngest daughter is an absolute firecracker and she is by far the most emotionally intelligent member of our family. She is the sweetest and the kindest, and I also have no idea what she wants or needs most of the time. And so with her, it’s a whole different experience. What I’ve learned is that just sitting with her is the way to connect with her. We don’t need to be playing a game. We don’t need to be watching something. Oftentimes, when I get the most out of the time with her, it’s because we are quietly looking at a book or she has a stack of crayons in her hand, in a piece of paper, and I’m not doing anything.

Patrick Rowe [00:08:43]: I’m just there. And while she is doing that activity, she’s usually talking to me about something that she needs, right? A fear or a pain or a joy from her day. So making sure we create that opportunity for time with her too has been really great. And then with the 2 of them, I love doing events with both of them at the same time, but also I’m very conscious of pulling one individual away for, you know, a special trip to run an errand and then also maybe we get some ice cream or, you know, it’s I think it’s fairly common these days for dads to take their daughters on, like, a date night thing. And and I try to do that at least once a year, usually twice a year where it’s just me and one of them and we go to the restaurant of their choice. It’s It’s the beginning of the school year. I like to talk about all the wonderful things we did during the summer together and and ask them questions. What are your expectations for this coming school year? What are some ways that you want to improve or learn? And then at the end of the school year, we do the same thing and we retrace our steps.

Patrick Rowe [00:09:38]: Hey, last year, you said this is a thing that you wanted to do. And guess what? You did that. And how does that make you feel? And just being really inquisitive with both of them has been really eye opening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:47]: Now I know in conversations that you and I have had community for you and building a community for yourself of other fathers has really allowed for you to be a better dad. Talk to me about the importance of community and how that has made you a better father.

Patrick Rowe [00:10:07]: Yeah. You’re right. Community, I think, is probably the most impactful resource I have on being a father. And don’t get me wrong. My father was wonderful and and still is. And he’s been a great resource as well, but I’ve found that sharing my life with other guys who are in the same season while we are in that season together is just such an enriching resource. I’m learning about how they’re showing up as fathers, how they’re showing up as husbands, how they’re showing up as employees, as siblings, as sons, all of these different perspectives. And we are honing each other into being better dads.

Patrick Rowe [00:10:42]: And sometimes that’s because it’s just the dads getting together and we’re talking, Hey, what are the things that you’re doing with your kids right now? How are you keeping them engaged in the summertime? What does it look like for you in this season of your life to balance work and time with your individual child or time with your children or time with your family? How are you doing that right now? Or honestly, a lot of times it’s just a group that I can be vulnerable with and show up and say, I’m struggling in this part. Can you give me some advice or can you help support me or encourage me or point me in a different direction for that? And it manifests in a few ways, right? So it can be as simple as meeting up, every couple weeks around somebody’s backyard fire pit. We have a pretty standard regular tradition that we call daturday, which is usually sometime around Saturday morning at 9 or 10 o’clock. A group text goes out with some plans for what we’re doing that day. And it started as an opportunity to give our wives a little bit of a break, but what we quickly found out was this was a special time for us and our kids. And I think it’s really important not only for men to make time with their kids, but also to show your kids what it looks like to have dads who are engaged beyond just their own dad, to know what it looks like or a community of dads to be great dads together. And sometimes that also looks like us failing together. Daturday isn’t always pretty.

Patrick Rowe [00:12:08]: It’s not always let’s go to this donut shop and then end up at the park and everyone’s happy and smiling, especially when they’re younger or for any various reason. That trip to the park becomes a total failure. It’s an emotional scream fest. It’s some kind of injury. It’s, oh, I think she’s going through something at this point. And just having guys there who can help and encourage you in that, but also just knowing that other people are going through it too. And just to be able to be together in those situations and share that excitement, but also commiserate and support has been invaluable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:39]: So talk to me about how you built that community for yourself because men are not always the best at building a community once we’re an adult. And I think when we’re growing up, you have your friends and you are able to build those friendships. You go into college maybe or you’re young and you meet other people and you make friendships there. But then from what I have seen, a lot of fathers hyper focus on their family and you have these casual relationships where you’re kind of like, hey, what’s up? Oh, good. Yeah. Things are good. But going deeper than that is not always something that a lot of dads want to do or that they’re innately pushed to do. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]: How did you develop that group for yourself? And how would you recommend for other dads to be able to start that process?

Patrick Rowe [00:13:35]: Yeah. You’re spot on. It is one of the major challenges, I think, socially in our country right now is that men have a hard time making friends, which sounds a little weird to say out loud, but it’s absolutely the case. I’ll wind it back a little bit and give you what I think the reason was. I came from a family of people who really valued hospitality. So our home was always open, and my parents were feeding people all the time. And so when my wife and I got married, one of the first things that we were discussing was how do we be a hospitable couple as a family? How are we welcoming people into our lives? And along the same time, I’m big on traditions by the way, and I think traditions can be huge. They can be, flagship Christmas time things or family, whatever it might be, but most of the traditions that I keep are much smaller.

Patrick Rowe [00:14:25]: And one of the ones that we did early on was pancake Saturday. And on Saturday morning, actually, we call it Paul Simon’s pancake Saturday because every Saturday morning, I put on Paul Simon albums, and I make pancakes. And I’ve been doing this since my wife and I got married. So when we had our kids, we started doing the same thing. And we were in the season, right, of being I was in the season of being a new dad and we had friends and acquaintances who were also starting the same season almost right around the same time. And this community of dads started with pancakes. It started very casually as, hey, our house is crazy on a Saturday morning because we’ve got this baby and like her sleep times are weird and I’m gonna be making pancakes. If you guys happen to be up, just swing on by.

Patrick Rowe [00:15:09]: And that’s how it started. And one couple came with their baby and we just got an opportunity to share more and become closer and closer. So to answer your question, how do you facilitate this? You have to be open or you have to create on your own opportunities just to spend time with other guys. It’s not any more than that, but you also have to go into it with no expectation. If you go into, oh, I’m gonna start inviting these neighborhood dads over to my fire pit every Wednesday night for a beer and just chatting because I wanna make more friends, you’re gonna run into some roadblocks there. But I think if you say, for the sake of opening up my home, I’m gonna invite people over. And being open and willing to whatever comes out of that, you will find that 1 or 2 or in my case blessed with many guys where we were all in that same space of being willing to get to a point where you can share that one little thing. Usually it’s one opportunity where you think I’m comfortable enough now where I’m going to say this one thing.

Patrick Rowe [00:16:05]: And if the other person with you picks up on that, then there’s an opportunity to run with it. So I guess my recommendation would be be proactive in creating opportunity. Don’t be afraid when the feeling comes to share maybe one little thing. But then also, when you’re in that opportunity, don’t be afraid to respond when someone else, another dad, shares that thing just to be be a willing and open ear.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]: I love the concept because I think that, like I said, so many dads are not able to do that. You might have a father right next to you in the house living next door, and you talk to them, you know, when they’re outside or you might break bread or have a beer or something every once in a while. But a lot of times, it’s very surface level. So talk to me about your community and that you’ve been able to develop. And how do you get below the surface into the issues that you’re dealing with as a dad and not just stay on the surface?

Patrick Rowe [00:16:57]: I think we all have those topics that we are maybe a little bit nervous to talk about and find yourself an opportunity or one other dad that you can talk with where you are not afraid to ask a question from one of those topics. So maybe saying to a friend, my daughter is struggling with x serious issue or whatever that serious issue might be. Have you all seen that? Have you experienced this? Or saying, my child is falling behind in school, and we have a counselor for them for that situation. Or my wife and I are having a hard time together understanding what we can do for our daughter in this space. And then asking for advice. So think about what those they’re not really taboo topics, but those topics where we’re all living in them. It’s being willing to open up about them. But I would challenge, instead of saying, okay, I’m open for someone to ask me a question about it, I would challenge a dad who’s looking for that to ask that question of someone else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:51]: Now you said that this started with finding other fathers that were going through similar experiences to what you were going through at a similar point in time. As your kids are getting older, how are you welcoming other dads into that community versus staying with that core group and not allowing others to experience what you’ve been able to experience thus far?

b You know, I think those opportunities exist a lot more often if you’re willing to recognize that it’s an opportunity. So my oldest daughter started kindergarten this past year and that meant a new school with new friends and each one of those friends has a dad and we are engaged as a family, right? So we are members of our PTA and our school is in our neighborhood and so we are there often. We walk to and from school, and I get introduced to somebody’s dad 2 times a day during the school year. Right? Maybe on average throughout the season. And those could be a surface level if I wanted them to be. It’s like, oh, hey. Hi. I’m Patrick.

Patrick Rowe [00:18:51]: Yeah. Oh, cool. You’re so and so’s dad. That’s nice. Great. Have an awesome weekend. Or you could spend a moment with that person. And oftentimes, if you ask a couple of questions, again, maybe even opening yourself up to be a little bit more vulnerable, when you’re with a person directly, one to 1, they value that time differently than if you were just in passing.

Patrick Rowe [00:19:09]: And I think what you’ll find, especially with a lot of dads, is if you go into it with this idea that my interaction with you doesn’t have to be a surface level, you might even see it lift off of them in that moment too, right? Because we’ve we’ve had so many of those where somebody’s somebody’s kid’s dad comes up to us and says hey I’m so and so and you’re like great, that’s fine. I’m busy. I’m going to go on and do my own thing. But going back to what I was saying a little bit earlier, pausing, slowing down. Why am I trying to rush away from this opportunity to be introduced to someone else? So being engaged in the events that our kids are are doing, right? We’re getting involved in a girls and dads group this coming fall that I’m really excited about of the group. I think there are 5 or 6 girls. One of those dads is involved in kind of my current community, but the others are not. And my daughter is thrilled to be a part of this group.

Patrick Rowe [00:20:00]: I am probably equally thrilled to add in an opportunity to add these men into my kind of brain trust. And we will have a lot of opportunities to share beyond that surface level if we’re willing to. And I think that kinda goes back to that key point too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:09]: You know, as you think about the future and the experiences that your kids are having in growing up and growing up around these other families, what do you hope that your kids will take out of this experience? And what do you hope that it will do for them as they get older?

Patrick Rowe [00:20:26]: Yeah. Well, I told you we listened to a lot of Paul Simon, so I’m gonna quote Simon and Garfunkel. I want them to understand that they are not Iraq. They are not an island. And that it is okay and very natural to rely on other people. So if there is one thing that my daughters take away from what they may be seeing in the emphasis that I put on community, it’s that they have more than just their mom and dad as an outlet to go to. I read something years ago about why children need to have what I think they called 3 families. 1 was your immediate family.

Patrick Rowe [00:20:57]: So that was your parental units. Your second family, which was usually members of extended family or maybe that like really, really, really close friend of a parent who you could go to with very serious questions and conversations that you didn’t, for whatever reason, feel comfortable sharing directly with your parents. And then the 3rd family is coaches and teachers and and those individuals that you respect and that you care for in a different way, but you might not be at a point where you’re taking those like personal experiences too. So in this opportunity, I’m hoping that my girls see that they have a broad community of that kind of second family level, individuals that they can go to if they’re if I’m not available or for whatever reason, it makes more sense for them to to share, talk with someone else. Well,

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:43]: I truly appreciate you sharing all of this, and we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Patrick Rowe [00:21:53]: I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:53]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Patrick Rowe [00:21:55]: Giving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Patrick Rowe [00:22:00]: One time, my daughter asked me what respect meant and she was young and I didn’t have an answer in front of me at the moment. And so I came up with something off the cuff and I said, respect is how we care for other people with our thoughts, words, and actions. And more recently this was years ago. And more recently, I was in one room, and I heard my oldest daughter tell my youngest daughter, respect is how we care for people with our thoughts, words, and actions.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:26]: They do listen.

Patrick Rowe [00:22:27]: It was wild.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:27]: Many times you think they’re not, but it comes back and you hear it from others in your community, and then you’re like, oh, that actually did sit. Well, okay. Good. Now if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? They’re

Patrick Rowe [00:22:43]: very young still, so you’re probably going to get some funny things. He is silly. My youngest will absolutely say that I’m stinky. I have no doubt about that. I think if you got them to pause for a moment, they would tell you, hopefully, that I’m caring and that I like to present myself as whatever the representation of love can be. And that shows up in different ways. And so you might get some different words from them in that, but hopefully all pointing towards that direction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:07]: And let’s go 10 to 15 years down the road. What do you want them to say then?

Patrick Rowe [00:23:11]: He was there. I want my kids to see me as reliable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:15]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Patrick Rowe [00:23:17]: Oh, of course, that community. But I come from a pretty large family. And so I have an opportunity to see fatherhood from the perspective of a son. I have an opportunity to see fatherhood from the perspective of a nephew and a grandson up until just recently. And so those men all had a or have a strong emphasis on family and what it means to be a network of people who love each other. And when I think about what makes great dads, I think about I think about those men who were and still do love each other, but but but also come together really well and show up often for their immediate kids and also for kind of their extended family kids too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:58]: Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice today, a lot of things that you are doing yourself that are helping you to be a dad, and they and I really appreciate all the things that you shared. As you think about all dads that are out there, what’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad?

Patrick Rowe [00:24:14]: Slow down and take a different perspective. Right? So, again, in the moments, we’re always in the moment. And I think it is incredibly, incredibly important to be present with your children as much as you can and to make significant strides and, you know, significant changes to focus that you will never, ever wish that you had spent less time with them. And so, so that’s key. But in addition to those things, it’s pausing to ask yourself why. Creating that time is important. Putting your phone down to be with them while they’re playing is important. All those things are great.

Patrick Rowe [00:24:50]: But why? Ask yourself why and ask yourself the, you know, that kind of perspective question. What is it that I’m what is it that’s so important about me being with them? And if you can take yourself out of that equation, right, the, well, this is what I want out of it, I think you’re gonna get much more out of it, and and obviously the the

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:07]: girls will as well. Well, Patrick, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today and your community with us, and I truly wish you all the best. Thank you, Chris.

Patrick Rowe [00:25:17]: This was really wonderful. I appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:18]: We’re all in the same boat, And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. The best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Celebrating Moms

June 24, 2024 by dadofdivas

Today I have to take pause to celebrate al of the Moms out there and especially a special one in my own household. J-Mom is defeinitely a special person and she works so hard to keep our home, just that, a home…you may notice I did not say a house, but instead chose to say a home…this implies many other things than just a physical structure. It implies caring, nurturing, patience, respect, and many other things.

Speaking for myself, I think that many times us dads get it a bit easy…whereas moms take the brunt of many attacks. Now dads don’t slaughter me now…but I am just saying… I work every day while my wife stays home and keeps our home running as smooth as can be expected. When I come home, it is like, daddy, daddy, or rather, the conquering hero has returned (at least for a little while – until other discipline issues occur).

Moms continually are balancing no only there plates, but everyone elses in the family’s as well and this is something that I do respect. I know there will be a lot more balancing issues as my girls continue to grow and get more involved and get into school, but I think that both J-Mom and I are ready for the challenge.

I will also put a plug in for my own mom and grandmother…I was born into a family of strong women…I spent a large portion of my growing up years with my mom as my Dad worked a lot…as I have grown older, I have come to find that my father and I are now closer and my mother and I have grown a little further apart, while my wife and mother have grown closer…kind of an interesting change of events, but I digress. Anyway, my mother and grandmother have taught me a lot of what I know about being patient, kind, loving, persistent – all traits tat I feel have made me the person that I am… so today I have to say thank you…

So all you moms out there… know that at least this dad says – keep up the good work, and know that you are appreciated and respected, not only today, but always.

When a Marriage Can’t Be Saved

October 14, 2019 by dadofdivas

When two partners get married, the marriage is always seen as being together forever. They’re the love of each other’s lives and will hopefully grow old together. During the first year of their marriage, they’ll buy a home and will probably be expecting a child together. Throughout their many years of marriage and parenthood, there will be plenty of good memories to look back on. There were also be bad times, arguments, and fights.

Arguing and fighting is expected to happen every now and then in a marriage as well as relationships and engagements. After both of you have let out your anger and frustration, you calm down, are able to think with a clear head, and apologize. Disagreements are also expected to happen often in a marriage, but plenty of partners are able to figure out a compromise. But if these arguments, fights, and disagreements become more frequent, it might be one of the first signs that being married isn’t working out anymore.

Once it starts to become obvious that a marriage isn’t the same as how it started, many couples will try to find a way to bring back that newlywed spark. Before turning to family law professionals, like KoonsFuller Family Law, couples may schedule more alone time together wherever they can. They’ll find a babysitter for the kids so they can have a date night. Date night can include going out to dinner, going to see a movie, or another enjoyable activity. Even though your kids are everything to you, couples need alone time to enjoy each other and remember why they got married.

Another thing a couple can do in an attempt to save their marriage is going on a getaway. Just like with date night, any kids you have together can be left with a babysitter. This getaway can be a weekend or a week-long trip. It can be camping in the woods, a cabin up in the mountains, a resort on the beach, etc. Whatever type of getaway both of you will enjoy, the choice is yours. All parents will agree that your kids are your world, but it can be nice to have a break from them and have all of your attention on each other.

If whatever idea you and your spouse come up with doesn’t rekindle the spark in your marriage, marriage counselors are available to help. They have the knowledge and experience to give suggestions on rekindling the romance based on why the marriage seems to be going downhill. Besides doing what they can to help your marriage work out, they also know if it’s best that you get a divorce.

Going through a divorce can be hard and stressful. You’re separating from the person you thought was the love of your life. You’ve spent the last decade or two having them as your life partner. You’ve raised kids together, have gone on plenty of adventures, and have stuck by each other’s sides through thick and thin. Whatever struggles life threw at you, you faced and survived them all.

A divorce can be difficult for any kids involved. All kids grow up viewing their parents’ marriage as being together forever. The most ideal childhood to have is both parents under one roof. The age of the kids at the time of the divorce can determine what their reactions will be. Teenagers may be upset and act out in response. Younger children may not fully be able to understand the situation but may be sad about mommy and daddy no longer being together.

When a divorce includes kids, one decision will be who’s going to have custody of them. If both partners are completely capable parents, it can be joint custody. If one parent is dealing with being unemployed or an alcohol or drug addict, the other parent may receive full custody.

Whatever the custody situation ends up being, it’s important that both parents are still in the kids’ lives. If the mother has full custody, the kids can visit their father on the weekends and vice versa. A divorce may mean that both parents go back to handling life on their own, but raising the kids is a responsibility that both share together.

7 Reasons A Loving Marriage Brings Hope and Security To Your Kids

July 14, 2017 by dadofdivas

7 Reasons A Loving Marriage Brings Hope and Security To Your Kids

A loving marriage is a wonderful thing to be part of. When you’re in a loving, supportive marriage, you feel safe and secure, knowing that your partner has your back and is always there for you.

Building a strong marriage takes long term work and commitment, with plenty of open communication, and a good dash of humor and forgiveness thrown in. The results are worth it – you’re building a bond that will last a lifetime.

There’s another positive aspect to a loving marriage, beyond the benefits it brings you and your partner: A loving marriage brings hope and security to your kids.

Coming from a home where a supportive, affectionate marriage is central, is nourishing and helpful for your children. Here are 7 reasons why keeping your marriage strong benefits your children too:

Kids Feel More Secure

A home full of arguments or even the impending stress of a possible break up doesn’t provide security for children. It’s hard for kids to feel safe and secure when their home life is on a rocky ground.

A loving marriage gives kids a secure background and a safe home where they can relax and truly feel at ease. A harmonious home life boosts kids’ self esteem, reduces tension, and can even increase their confidence.

The importance of feeling secure cannot be overstated. By keeping your marriage stable, loving, you’re giving your kids a gift of great value.

Affection Becomes The Norm

Seeing their parents be loving to each other lets kids see that affection is normal and natural. Kids who grow up in a home without a lot of hugs or hand holding are at risk of growing up unsure of their emotions or how best to express them healthily.

Growing up around affectionate parents helps kids grow up into affectionate, loving adults who aren’t afraid to show their love for others. One day in the future, they’ll show that same affection and openness to their own kids, continuing a positive cycle.

They See What A Healthy Relationship Looks Like

One day your kids are going to grow up and get into relationships of their own. They may choose to marry. The relationship they see growing up gives them the idea of what a relationship is, and what it should look like.

Kids who see their parents treating each other with love and respect grow up with the healthy notion that respect and love are the norm in a relationship. They’ll have healthy expectations and, with some encouragement from you, will learn to reject any partner who doesn’t treat them with appropriate love and respect.

Learning That Conflict Can Be Dealt With

Even the most loving marriage experiences a little conflict from time to time. If your marriage is strong and loving overall, the occasional conflict won’t be too frightening for your kids.

Seeing that you and your spouse can disagree but still treat each other kindly models excellent behavior for your kids as they grow. They’ll learn that conflict can be dealt with, and that it’s possible to disagree with someone without lashing out and using cruel words.

They Learn The Importance Of Being Mindful Of Others

Seeing you and your spouse treating each other with consideration is a valuable life lesson for your children. When you’re in a loving marriage you’re kind to each other, and show thoughtfulness towards each other’s needs and feelings.

Teaching your kids to be mindful of others sets them up to become considerate, thoughtful adults who act with integrity and maturity in their relationships, and forge deep and enduring connections as a result.

The Value Of Teamwork Is Highlighted

When your kids see you and your spouse working together to get the chores done, plan a vacation, move home, or overcome an obstacle, they learn about the value of teamwork. And if you involve them in projects so they can work alongside you, that’s even better.

Kids who learn how to share, compromise, and work together, are learning valuable skills that will benefit them not only in relationships, but in work, friendships, community activities and more.

Space To Explore And Grow

Kids who feel secure also feel safe enough to explore who they are and their place in the world around them. They have the security they need to grow into themselves and explore what matters to them, what talents and gifts they have, and what makes them happy.

When you create a safe and secure marriage, you give your kids a beautiful environment in which they have the safety and support they need to develop into teenagers and then into adults with a sense of hope and fun.

A loving marriage is wonderful for you and your partner, and it gives your kids a safe, nurturing life at home.

Author Bio:- Rachel Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.