parenting tips Archives

Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections

October 5, 2026 by dadofdivas

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter takes intention, patience, and a genuine commitment to growth—for both parent and child. That’s the heartbeat of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” a podcast devoted to helping dads nurture confidence and independence in their daughters. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with returning guest Arpan Shah to discuss what it really takes to create lasting, positive connections, even in challenging circumstances.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Jared Mees on Fatherhood, Vulnerability, and Connection

July 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad searching for practical wisdom and heartfelt inspiration on building stronger connections with your daughter, you won’t want to miss the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Jared Mees, father, creative, and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire, for a candid conversation about the joys, challenges, and real-life lessons of fatherhood.

This episode dives deep into what meaningful connection really looks like between dads and daughters. Jared Mees shares his biggest bonding moments, like the summer road trips he’s taken with his daughters since they were little—unstructured adventures that have become cherished family memories. Whether braving uncomfortable camping trips or hours on the road, these simple, unplugged experiences spark genuine connection, laughter, and character-building for all.

As daughters grow up, the balancing act for dads shifts. Jared Mees opens up about learning to give his daughters independence as they get older—recognizing when to lean in, when to back off, and how to be present even when they aren’t seeking attention. For his younger daughter, it’s about reading and drawing together. For his teen, it’s understanding late-night chats and respecting her space.

One of the most powerful parts of the episode centers on vulnerability. Jared Mees shares honestly about a mental health crisis he faced and how it affected his family. Learning to admit mistakes, say “Daddy was wrong,” and seek real support reshaped his relationship with his daughters. His openness models strength and resilience—and shows that kids benefit deeply from witnessing their parents’ growth and recovery.

Other themes include the importance of encouraging kids’ passions without taking over, calling out the specific things that make them unique, and navigating the emotional transitions as daughters become teens. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Jared Mees also discuss letting go of ego, embracing imperfection, and being consistent in small, everyday ways.

If you’re ready to hear authentic stories and actionable advice about being the dad your daughter needs—through life’s ups, downs, and transitions—be sure to tune in. Head to dadanddaughterconnection.com, catch the latest episode, and start building those lifelong bonds, one day at a time.

Don’t miss this uplifting and honest look at fatherhood—listen now!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together, to work on identifying ways in which we can build those relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. It is going to be a journey.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
Having those perfect relationships is going to come in ebbs and flows. It’s not always going to be easy, but there are things that you can do to make it a little bit better one day at a time. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, for you to be able to learn, to grow and to be able to be that dad that you want to be showing up for your daughter every day. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different dance with different experiences to help you to be able to see fatherhood in a little bit of a different way and to be able to see how they are fathering their own daughters, to be able to help you in your journey. Today we got another great guest. Jared Mees is with us today, and Jared is someone I’ve known for a number of years. Jared was on another podcast that I used to have called Dads with Daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
And at that time, it was about four years ago, we were chatting about some music that he was making with his daughters, and his daughters keep growing as they always do. So I’m excited to be able to have him back, to be able to talk about how things are going today and be able to check back in. Jared, thanks so much for being here today.

Jared Mees [00:02:20]:
Thanks so much, Chris. Appreciate it. Excited to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and I always loved starting the conversation because this show is all about connection and how you build those meaningful connections with your daughters. And I. I know you have two daughters yourself. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made it so special?

Jared Mees [00:02:41]:
Yeah, I have two lovely daughters. Piper is 8 and she’s almost 9. And July is 14 going on 24. So we’re. I’m super blessed to have them in my life. And I always thought I’d be a dad of a son or something before I had kids. But then, now that I have two daughters, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, they’re definitely lights of my life.

Jared Mees [00:03:03]:
They’re both totally individual, different human beings, and they both need completely different things. And I try to provide it every day, whether I feel like it or not. And, you know, some days I succeed better than others, as we all do. But I would say, to answer your question, the biggest things that we do together are these road trips that we take every summer. Ever since COVID when Piper was two or three, two and a half, and July was eight, we’ve taken summer road trips to my hometown in Colorado from Oregon, where I live. So just driving around with them and exploring, mostly the western United States and just seeing things, camping. A lot of the. The funnest times are just when there’s no real plan and we just get into something.

Jared Mees [00:03:53]:
We’re on the beach or we’re having a conversation around a fire, or just all the little things that happen along the way. But the road tr. Definitely, we’ve taken one every summer since 2020, and they’re definitely a way to connect. And when I look back, I’m like, those are precious times. And, you know, they can be challenging. And sometimes the challenges, when you’re away from your home and you’re uncomfortable, you know, camping, they think they don’t like camping, but every time we go camping, they have a great time. They can be, you know, character building. And so I remember those fondly.

Jared Mees [00:04:29]:
We’re going on one this summer. This summer is going to be easy going. We’re just going to go down the Oregon coast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:34]:
Those moments are so important, and they’re going to be things that your daughters are going to think back on, remember fondly as they get older. Whether it’s the. The fun times or the squabbles in the car, the moments where you pull off the road to be able to see something cool, you know, it’s going to be those memories that they’re going to relate to. So it’s. It’s so exciting to hear those things. Now, I know you said your daughters are getting older and, and as your daughters do get older, as all of us that have daughters get older, there is the struggle that we go through as dads, which is allowing for us to be able to help our daughters to find that balance, that balance in having independence while still being who they are. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Jared Mees [00:05:26]:
That’s a great question. And I don’t know that I really think about it as it’s happening, but there’s a lot of connection that I feel like I try to foster every day that just kind of lets them know that I’m there and that I’m around and present for them. I try to be there every day when they get home from school, there when they leave for school. And I think just the presence allows me to be just plugged into what they’re going through on a hour to hour, day to day, week to week basis that I don’t know, there’s. That ends up. It makes it where I don’t really get in their way so much. I would say we have a lot of things going on and so trying to just make space for the small things that they want to do. Like my 8 year old wants to play and you know, you don’t always want to play, but you get down on the floor with them for 20 minutes and it means the world to them.

Jared Mees [00:06:20]:
And then my 14 year old wants space. And so sometimes that’s just like coming in, saying hi and being like, I love you, what are you up to? And then if they don’t want to talk, then just letting them have that moment and then eventually they come around and they want to talk. I noticed that my 14 year old really gets talkative right before bed and right before she goes to sleep, which is kind of like the time you want them to be winding down. And so just being around for the moments that they want you and then being okay when they don’t want you. And I think that’s where I’m not like starved for attention myself. Keeping myself really trying to be my own best friend where I’m not like trying to just go get attention from them keeps me from like being too hovery. That makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:05]:
It does make sense. And I think each of us has to find that balance for ourselves and, and also allow for our kids to be able to have that space that they need to be able to be who they are. And that becomes hard as they are transitioning, especially transitioning from that phase where they Always want to be around you to that phase where they’re like, nope, I need my space, I need to be away and I close my door, whatever it may be. But yeah, I completely get it. And I remember times where I’ve gone through that myself. As you think about your daughters and what you’ve done to be able to really work on that bond with them, what are some intentional ways you think that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters even through challenging times?

Jared Mees [00:07:50]:
Well, I think that I have a. We’ve got things that we focus on together on a day to day basis. My 8 year old is learning to read and so reading with her every day, it’s very basic. But reading, drawing, making art, it’s just day to day easygoing stuff that doesn’t feel like, oh, I’m building a bond with my daughter. But over time it kind of builds this repetition of like, this is what we do together and kind of gives them confidence in that they can, they’re developing skills and you’re watching them develop skills and encouraging them to be better while like really noting the improvement that they’ve made or noting something specific. Even if you don’t, you know, have the time to like look at like something small that they’ve made that they’re excited about, you can like, I always have the time to just be like, oh, that’s cool. I like this thing. And I think that’s like, I like this specific drawing of this the way that you did the cat’s whiskers or something versus just like, oh, that’s nice honey.

Jared Mees [00:08:52]:
And so I’ve really tried to like, because I don’t have all the time to sit down and praise them for everything they do, but there is an element of just calling out specifics of something that they’ve done that makes them feel seen. And that’s specifically my 8 year old. But you know, with my 14 year old I do it as well. And so I think that builds like the bond of like, I’m seen, I’m, I’m noted, I’m known. Even if it’s not a big time investment, just like calling out specifics of something that they’re doing. So that’s just like a little thing I do. I think I learned that from a book too. That said, even if you don’t have time, just noting a specific will make the connection for the kid that you are listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:34]:
Let me dig a little bit more on that because you know, showing them that they’re seen is important and I think One of the other things that I’ve noticed is that it’s so important with daughters to be able to let them know that they are both valued and heard. How do you show your daughters that they’re valued and heard?

Jared Mees [00:09:52]:
Well, my daughters are pretty loud and gregarious and like, in your face. And so it’s like, they are definitely heard all the time. I think it comes down to, like, important moments where they’re trying to say. It’s really like during moments of friction. That is probably where it really becomes like, am I being heard or not? Because we listen to them all the time talk about whatever they’re talking about. But it’s like there’s the moments where they need something specific or like, I didn’t. I don’t think that you did this. That you vacuumed even though I asked you to vacuum is like, I did vacuum.

Jared Mees [00:10:29]:
Well, you need to vacuum better. Let me show you how to do it. It’s like, I already know how to do it. You already showed me. And it was like, well, then why didn’t you do it correctly? And like, there’s these moments of altercation that stepping back and not allowing the heat of the moment to get in the way of. Of what they’re trying to tell you. You know, even if they, you think, you know, they did a bad job vacuuming, hearing out that they think that they did a good job and that they’re, you know, they did try and like, acknowledging that while then continuing to offer the input of how to do it better, I think is. Those are like the difficult moments, I think is really where you have to focus on making sure that they’re heard while also not letting them off the hook.

Jared Mees [00:11:16]:
Because I think it’s important to instill that kids know quality is necessary for them to be like a fully fleshed human. They’re going to have to be able to do things in a quality manner. But I don’t know if that makes sense. But it’s ultimately during moments of altercation or friction, allowing some space for them to say what they need to say while also not backing down from the truth that you’re trying to get across. And that can be a fine line. That can be difficult. I think as a man, it’s easy to get angry in those moments. And so you really have to keep your eye on what you want to get accomplished in the conversation versus being right or not being talked to in a sass with sass or anything.

Jared Mees [00:11:58]:
It’s like allowing what they need to say to get said, but Then knowing that the end of it, it’s going to be a. There’s going to be the. Some sort of, like, lesson is going to get taught, and you’re going to feel okay about it. I feel like dads and feel like they need to be heard, too, you know, because I live in a family with three women, and so it’s easy to, like, just have it be a lot of alternating energies and a lot of talking about disparate subjects. And, you know, you can kind of get lost in that sometimes. So it’s important to feel like you’re heard as well, you know, in those

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]:
moments that are challenging. I know that there are times as fathers where we’re not going to make all the right choices. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. There’s going to be errors of judgment. What’s a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:12:51]:
Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever made a mistake. No, it’s. There’s mistakes, you know, get made all the time. And I think that the one thing that I’ve. I’ve learned to say is. And this, like, somehow fixes it all the time is just saying daddy was wrong and just saying it plainly and quickly. And it really does just, like, help the whole thing. And you have to swallow your pride a little bit to say it, but once it’s out of your mouth, everything is like, all the tension goes down.

Jared Mees [00:13:21]:
Once you’ve made a mistake, you say, daddy was wrong. And it’s generally the mistakes I make are in, like I said before, probably letting my anger or, like, my agitation get the better of me in a specific situation because I have a certain set of emotions going on that my kids are not privy to. And I decide to snap at one thing and say, oh, you didn’t do this or you didn’t do that. You didn’t do the thing I asked. And then they say, no, we did. And then I’ve just spent all this time yammering on and getting upset about something that I was just wrong about. And so those are the moments, like, think of growth for me really is like, just saying daddy was wrong. And I think it’s hard for men to admit they’re wrong, but it just feels good once you say it, because it just lets the pressure off.

Jared Mees [00:14:13]:
Like, we don’t always have to be right or get it right, but it feels good to kids to, like, understand that, you know, you’re a human who makes mistakes. And I think trying to hold up some sort of standard, gold standard where you never make mistakes or you’re never wrong or even the illusion of that is just too much pressure on a human. And so it’s kind of nice to, to be able to just admit that and admit it up front and quickly. And it just lets a lot of the air out of things. It’s like we think sometimes that if we say we’re wrong that like our life’s going to end or that we’re going to be less of a man or just there’s some worthiness factor that’s going to enter, but you know, that’s just a lie. And so just quickly copying to things that you’re wrong about is really helpful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:00]:
Definitely. And I know that there’s plenty of times where I think being vulnerable will definitely open things up and allow your daughters to be able to see not only you in a different way, but see relationships in a different way and allow for them to feel differently about the way in which they kind of maneuver through life. So I know that you’ve done a lot of really cool things with your, your daughters and pushing them and encouraging them. You have your own passions and dreams. You have a lot of things with music that going on. You’ve done music with your, with your daughters along the way. Talk to me what you have done over your daughter’s lifetimes to be able to support them in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Jared Mees [00:15:41]:
Yeah, I mean, both my kids dance. They’re really into dance and acting. So it’s, it’s a lot of just driving to and from you. Just the work a day, driving, being in the car, taking them to the thing they want to do. And it’s. You don’t always want to do it. But the barometer I use is like, they’re happier when I pick them up than when I drop them off. And that is worth doing it.

Jared Mees [00:16:03]:
And like, I say that to myself and I say it to other people like, oh man, it’s so much work doing this driving for dance. But it’s like the happiness that you see on their faces when you pick them up from the thing they got to do, that you got to provide the money and time and effort and the car and the gas, et cetera. It’s worth it when you see that they are happier and consistently happier and like, that’s what ultimately makes a happy life. And then also, I don’t know, my 8 year old’s working on a play. She really wants to write a play and so she can’t really type or know how to like format a script or anything, but she knows exactly what she wants the play to be about and she has all these big creative dreams. So like we recently got her play from like in her head to. On a first draft and then we went through it and made it better and better and my 14 year old got involved and so she’s gonna be. We got it all printed out recently and we have.

Jared Mees [00:17:02]:
She had, they had picked the kids, they want to be in the play. And so my 8 year old is going to be directing it and my 14 year old is producing it and we’re going to put it on at the warehouse that we have and just kind of staying out of it and letting them. My 14 year old has a phone now, so she’s texting all the parents to get all the kids to show up for the rehearsals and you know, they’re working on all the costumes and stuff. So just like helping out with stuff like that and being involved while also not like taking it on as like my own project and kind of like letting it be whatever quality it’s going to be, it’s been fun. It’s like in a lot of times I would have jumped in and like made it this super extra over the top thing, but then it kind of becomes my project. It’s nice to sit back and have it be completely theirs. But providing the tech expertise to get things printed and to like share numbers with peop, you know, kind of the executive producer role, I suppose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]:
You know, one of the things that I know that we talked about at the very beginning was that over the last couple of years you had a bit of a scare, you had a bit of a mental health issue that you were dealing with and you had to maneuver through that period, that period in your life with your kids. Can you talk to me about that? And some of the things that you had to do to be able to not only get yourself in a good place, but also to help your children to understand what was going on and help them to better maneuver through that time.

Jared Mees [00:18:35]:
Yeah, you know, I’m an open book about it, but I, I had a mental health issue basically. Like they used to call them nervous breakdowns, but it’s basically a mental health event where I was not really able to function in the capacity that I normally could function because my nervous system basically was shutting down. And so for about three months I was not really the person that, that I normally was. And while I was recovering and this was a Period of basically getting clean and getting sober. I wasn’t a huge alcoholic or anything, but I definitely, I smoked weed every day for 15 years just to deal with my anxiety issue. And so I, when I stopped doing that because I wanted to have a different modality for dealing with my anxiety, there was a transitional period basically brought on a long term anxiety attack slash nervous breakdown. So the transition to getting clean really was difficult. And you know, with my 14 year old I was able to discuss it a little bit because she knew that I smoked weed and we live in Oregon and it’s a very accepted thing but it was, you know, something I had to tell her.

Jared Mees [00:19:46]:
Like I’m doing this to get better, worse. But in the meantime it’s really difficult for me to just deal with things I normally deal with. Noise was a big problem, really difficult to deal with noise for like nine or 10 weeks. And so just being in a house in a normal volume house was really difficult. And so I was like, I had to just explain that I was going through a difficult time. And they’ve gone through difficult times. They go through difficult times every day, every week. And so they understand difficult times but they didn’t understand, I think that I had to go through a difficult time and they didn’t understand why it was taking so long.

Jared Mees [00:20:24]:
And so I was just having, just having to explain the nature of what I was going through in a way, way that they could understand. It was difficult. It wasn’t easy to. Because you can’t really get too clinical and detailed because they kind of tune out. So it was really just about like I just need things to be simple and you know, I’m getting sick in my brain a little bit but my brain’s gonna get better. That’s kind of what we had to tell our 8 year old. And then my 14 year old, I was a little more upfront with her about the, the way things were working in reality. But by and large they were the North Star in the end of it all.

Jared Mees [00:21:01]:
You know, I was doing this for them to be better, not worse. And I feel like I’m definitely a better dad today than I was. I wasn’t bad before, but it was like I’m a better, I’m more confident person and I like myself better. And I think that shines through to the way I parent now. So it’s been a positive thing for them overall. But the transitional period, it was sad. It was difficult for me to try to note. I couldn’t give them what I normally give them.

Jared Mees [00:21:30]:
And you Know, but knowing that it was the best I could do at that moment and allowing that to be okay, that was what I had to focus on, that this was okay and I wasn’t messing them up. And for them to see someone go through something hard and to be better, because they really noted, oh, you’re better. I just noticed we’re doing all sorts of loud stuff and you don’t have any problem with it. And, like, that was really awesome when that came around for them. And they just, like, noticed that I had gone through something at hard and how I dealt with it. And I don’t know, maybe they’ll remember it. They’ll probably remember it as they grow up, but I don’t think there was hardly any moments that were, like, traumatic. There was a few times where I yelled because I was just, like, overwhelmed by my own emotions and the noise.

Jared Mees [00:22:12]:
And like, those were the times that kind of, like, necessitated conversations afterwards. But I don’t think it was. They were pretty quick and dealt with. And I have a support. My wife was super supportive and my extended family was super supportive. My friends were super supportive. So it was. I was able to get away when I needed to get away and deal with my own stuff, away from the audience of my family when that.

Jared Mees [00:22:39]:
When that needed to happen. So I really am thankful to them for, you know, being the North Star and being the guiding light for, like, this is why I’m doing this and why I’m going through this difficult thing. It’s not just for me. It’s for me first and for them second. But definitely they were, like, a huge important thing for getting me through it. I don’t know. I could talk about this for, like, hours and have. Obviously.

Jared Mees [00:23:00]:
But that’s Cliff Notes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:01]:
And what would you say to other dads that may be struggling with their own mental health issues and maybe they’re not getting the support that they need at this point.

Jared Mees [00:23:10]:
Um, gosh, say like that. Really examining at the bottom of it, like, what you need and whether or not you’re getting what you need and. And knowing that every day doesn’t have to be so hard. You know, often when you’re dealing with a mental health issue, it’s because there’s something underneath it that is basically just not working. And then we string it together and jury rig our lives so that it will work, and it’s often with substances and that really just examining what is it that’s not working and taking, like, a moment and knowing that just like, admitting it doesn’t mean you have to fix it. But admitting it is definitely a first step, and then deciding what you can do to fix it incrementally, if possible. And if you can fix something incrementally with discipline and with small changes, that’s definitely, I think, a better way than trying to go cold turkey like I did, and then, like, having to fall off the rails. But, like, the body keeps the score.

Jared Mees [00:24:17]:
And eventually you will have to reckon with the thing that is not working in your life, whatever it is. And to reckon with it slowly and incrementally over time is much easier than just having it reckon with you one day and having to deal with it all at once, one day. So I would say it’s just being honest with yourself about what you need. And it really takes time. Taking time away from your family and taking time away from the stress of life and examining what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it and what is important to you and what you want to do better and what you think you’re doing great. And like, that’s probably through a journal or some sort of, like, cataloging of your life in an organized way can be really powerful. But we often don’t take time for ourselves. As fathers, we’re kind of the ox that has to just continually pull.

Jared Mees [00:25:15]:
And we think that to take time or to not to admit that we are not strong is a failure in and of itself. And I think it’s ultimately the opposite. To, like, take time and to admit that we need help, even if it’s just to ourselves, is super powerful and actually makes us twice as strong. And I think that there’s a current in, like, men’s health that is moving that direction, that examining your problems makes you stronger, not weaker. And I’m excited for that because I really think that a lot of men suffer needlessly just because they don’t think that. They think that if they admit they need help or that they aren’t as strong as they put on, that they are, that somehow that’s going to be the end of something. And really, it’s just the end of your ego. And your ego dying or being minimized is actually a really positive thing for your.

Jared Mees [00:26:14]:
For your life, for being a father, for being a provider, for being a man. It’s like, it’s super important that that happens. It feels like the opposite in the moment, but it’s really important that that happens at some point in your life. I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:28]:
No, I think that was great. And I guess one of the other things that I was Thinking about is you talked earlier about the fact that your daughter is now transitioned into middle school and she’s moved into this. You know, you were dealing with your own issues. She’s now going into middle school and there’s a lot of things that happen in middle school, a lot of changes that happen in the lives of our daughters. Talk to me about that transition for you and balancing supporting her going through this, but also dealing with the changes that come with that and maybe the interplay with the mental health challenges that you were going through.

Jared Mees [00:27:02]:
Yeah, you know, as my daughter turned 13, I was kind of going through the mental health transition and I just cried and cried like a baby for God, like an hour one night. And it was just like kind of mourning the transition that like my baby was gone, my little girl was gone, and not feeling like I knew the new person that they were. And it’s not so black and white like that, but it felt very black and white at that moment and that it was like a new person had been placed where the old and the old one had been taken away. And I think it was important to have that moment of like acknowledging the transition because I think often the transitions are kind of just glossed over as we go through life and that we don’t get the moments to really acknowledge internally what’s happening for ourselves. Like, of course we have birthday parties and quinceaneras and bat mitzvahs and whatnot. But there’s gotta be an internal reckoning with the transition that’s happening so that you can then treat them in the now and be like communicating with them in the now and not have this constant mourning or sadness that it’s time has passed me by and where did my little girl go? And I think there’s a element of letting that out and acknowledging it. And that’s what these coming of age parties are supposed to be about. But I think often fathers don’t really do the emotional work to truly transition for themselves and the way, and like the way they’re thinking of their daughters.

Jared Mees [00:28:42]:
And I think it’s healthy to have some sort of internal moment with a journal or with yourself, just to like acknowledge that you tried your best for them, you did your best for them when they were little, and now they’re. You’re going to do their best for them as they’re this age and every age after that, you know, and then it’s really. Nothing has changed in terms of your commitment to the person, but it’s like your commitment to them being this and not that I think is important to them, really living in the now, in the present. This can take some pressure off, at least for me. It’s like taking some pressure off just having some sort of like internal transition moment, like emotional acknowledgement, like a ritual or something that is yours, that is specific to you and feels right to you rather than this, you know, these big outward public displays. Those are great and those are gonna happen, but it’s like, did you really get what you needed out of that? Did you really acknowledge it internally to where you can now transition with her and not just continue to think you have a three year old when you have a 13 year old and be frustrated that you don’t and feel like the time where did all the time go and feel sad. There’s so many emotions that come up that we press down, you know, that are nostalgic memories and et cetera. And it’s like those need to be acknowledged.

Jared Mees [00:30:05]:
It’s important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call Our Dad Connection 6, which are six more questions that delve deeper into you, you as a dad. Are you ready?

Jared Mees [00:30:14]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:14]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:30:19]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Jared Mees [00:30:24]:
Take life one day at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Jared Mees [00:30:30]:
Let’s say drawing. We all like to draw together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Jared Mees [00:30:37]:
Let’s say to love yourself and love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Jared Mees [00:30:45]:
Life is long and there’s lots of transitions and to take time with each period because it will soon be gone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:54]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Jared Mees [00:31:02]:
I would say letting your own ego go and letting expectations you may have on yourself go and just being present with your kids as often as you can in small ways is important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:18]:
Well, Jared, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Jared Mees [00:31:24]:
They can visit tenderlovingempire.com that’s my business. I run with my wife that we sell the art of 500 different artists and we run a record label here in Portland, Oregon. And or my Instagram is just aradmeese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:38]:
Well, again, Jared, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for being so honest and open. About the the highs, the lows, and everything in between of fatherhood and your own journey and being a father. And I wish you all the best.

Jared Mees [00:31:54]:
Thanks so much, Chris. I appreciate you having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:56]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:27]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the want you now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Discover Creative After-School Activities That Expand Kids’ Horizons

July 23, 2026 by dadofdivas

For busy parents seeking after-school activities that actually support child development opportunities, the hardest part is sorting through limited traditional activities that feel repetitive or narrowly focused. Many families run into the same creative extracurricular challenges: programs are full, choices don’t match a child’s interests, or the options don’t seem to build real confidence and curiosity. The good news is that children’s enrichment options can go far beyond the usual categories while still fitting real schedules and budgets. With the right lens, after-school time becomes a reliable way to expand skills, interests, and independence.

Quick Summary: Creative After-School Options

Explore crafts for kids to build creativity and confidence through hands-on making.
Try arts education to expand self-expression with guided, skill-building activities.
Practice musical instrument learning to develop focus, discipline, and a lifelong hobby.
Add language acquisition for children to broaden communication skills and cultural curiosity.
Choose STEM experimentation, after-school volunteering, or youth entrepreneurship to grow problem-solving and purpose.

Turn Big Ideas into Digital Art with Supervised AI

Once you’ve spotted a few creative paths worth testing, digital art with supervised AI can turn imagination into something kids can actually see. Creating art with AI tools can be a child-friendly outlet when you sit with them, talk through ideas, and treat it like playful experimenting rather than a “right answer.” With an AI art generator, you can create unique images together, you can learn more to see what’s really possible. Your child can type in a prompt to generate an image, then customize the style, colors, and lighting to match the story in their head.

Choose One: Step-by-Step Ideas Beyond Sports and Homework

If your child liked generating digital art with supervised AI, you already know the secret: a small, safe creative prompt can turn into a real skill. Use the same approach here, pick one lane, take a first step this week, then expand.

Try a “mini-studio” painting plan: Start with one 60–90 minute session at home: choose a single subject (a pet, a bowl of fruit, a favorite character) and limit supplies to paper, one medium, and three colors. End by hanging the work and asking your child to name one technique they want to try next (shading, texture, perspective). This builds creative skill development through repetition, not perfection, and it’s easy to scale into a community painting class when they’re ready.
Test theater with a low-stakes role first: Look for a short workshop, school drama club, or community youth theater, but begin with a “starter role” goal: stage crew, narrator, or one-scene character. At home, practice a simple routine, read the lines aloud twice, then once with a different emotion, to build comfort fast. Theater strengthens communication, memory, and teamwork without requiring an “outgoing” personality.
Pick one dance or music lesson and run a 4-week trial: Choose a single style or instrument and commit to four lessons before deciding to continue. Make practice concrete: 10 minutes after a snack on three weekdays, using a checklist (warm-up, one skill, one fun piece). Dance and music lessons work well for kids who enjoy AI art because they’re also about patterns, iteration, and getting feedback.
Build a weekly science-and-technology project loop: Set a repeating schedule: one “build day” and one “improve day.” Start with household engineering (bridge from paper, rubber-band car) or a beginner electronics/coding kit if you already have one; then keep a notebook with three columns: Idea ? Test ? Change. This mirrors the supervised AI process, try, review, refine, and turns curiosity into problem-solving habits.
Choose community service for youth with a clear job description: Help your child pick one cause and one task they can own for 30–60 minutes weekly, sorting donations, making cards for seniors, walking dogs at an animal shelter with supervision, or neighborhood litter pickup. Before the first shift, agree on a “success metric” like “show up on time and finish my task,” then debrief with one question: “Who did this help today?” Service builds empathy and reliability while expanding social horizons.
Start a tiny “after-school business” with training wheels: Keep it simple: one product or service, one customer type, one weekly selling window (e.g., Saturday morning). Add two rules, track costs and time, and reinvest the first $10, so it’s about learning, not pressure. The fact that small businesses account for 44% of economic activity can be a motivating talking point, but the real payoff is planning, communication, and follow-through.

After-School Options Compared at a Glance

These options all build creativity, but they differ in cost, adult time, and the kind of growth you will see first. Use the table to match your child’s interests with a realistic weekly rhythm, so you can start without overcommitting.

Option	Benefit	Best For	Consideration
Mini-studio visual art at home	Builds technique through repeatable practice	Kids who like quiet focus and visual detail	Needs supply setup and a consistent workspace
Theater club or short workshop	Boosts communication and teamwork	Kids who like stories, characters, or group goals	Rehearsals can run long near performances
Music or dance 4-week trial	Improves coordination, timing, and confidence	Kids motivated by routines and measurable progress	Practice time matters more than natural talent
STEM build-and-improve loop	Strengthens problem-solving and persistence	Curious tinkerers who enjoy testing ideas	Adult supervision needed for tools and troubleshooting
Weekly service role	Grows empathy, responsibility, and social awareness	Kids who want purpose and real-world impact	Requires reliable scheduling and transportation

A simple rule: choose the option with the lowest friction to start, then add a challenge later. When you can, lean into supportive involvement since research links parental involvement with long-term educational outcomes, while overly strict approaches may backfire. Knowing which option fits best makes your next move clear.

Pilot One New Activity to Build Confidence and Growth

Choosing an after-school activity can feel like a balancing act between a child’s interests, time, cost, and the worry of picking “wrong.” A low-pressure mindset helps: treat the decision as a short pilot, lean on what fits the family right now, and use empowering parental support to keep expectations realistic while encouraging creative exploration. With diverse after-school engagement, confidence building in kids often shows up first in small ways, showing up, trying again, and finding their people, then grows into positive child growth outcomes over time. Start small, stay curious, and let the activity reveal what your child needs next.

Building Unbreakable Bonds: Chris Singleton on Fatherhood and Love

July 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

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In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes an extraordinary guest: former professional athlete, best-selling author, and inspirational speaker Chris Singleton. This heartfelt conversation dives deep into fatherhood, resilience, and the profound ways dads can nurture strong, confident daughters, even amidst life’s toughest challenges.

Chris Singleton opens up about the joy and responsibility of raising his young daughter, sharing intimate stories—like their first daddy-daughter dance—that remind us how essential it is to be present and cherish each moment. He emphasizes intentional fathering, recognizing that quality time matters more than quantity and that even simple routines, like reading together or affirming your child’s beauty, play a vital role in building self-esteem and resilience. As Chris Singleton says, “Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there… your presence, it matters” 28:18.

A powerful part of the conversation addresses difficult topics: teaching compassion, navigating conversations about differences, and helping children process a sometimes divided world. Inspired by his personal journey through tragedy and the loss of his mother, Chris Singleton shares how he uses children’s books and open dialogue to foster empathy and curiosity in his children. He encourages dads to model respect for all, even when encountering different beliefs or backgrounds, and to proactively address hard questions rather than shying away from them.

Other highlights include practical advice for approaching conversations about race, mistakes Chris Singleton made early in fatherhood, and strategies for raising compassionate, curious kids in the age of social media. Vulnerability plays a central role; letting children see emotion and grief, he explains, not only builds trust but also reassures them that it’s okay to feel and share openly.

Ultimately, the episode offers a hopeful message: embracing love, forgiveness, and open-mindedness at home can prepare the next generation to lead with unity and understanding.

To every dad looking to grow deeper connections with his daughter—and to anyone seeking inspiration in today’s world—this episode is a must-listen. Hear the full story and practical tools by tuning in to The Dad and Daughter Connection—it may just change the way you parent, and the way you see the world.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:53]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk together, to work together to help you to be able to make those meaningful connections with your daughters one step at a time. It’s not always going to be easy. It takes time, it takes effort, and you do have to work at it. But it is so important to put in that work and to know that putting in that work is you are going to be able to build those connections and build those true bonds with your daughters that you want to have every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are offering you an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow and to put some, I’m going to say, tools in your toolbox that you can take with you. And you may not take everything, but my hope is that you have an opportunity to be able to take something, whether it’s one thing, five things, 10 things that you’re like, ah, that’s something that I’m connecting to. And, and today we got another great guest. Chris Singleton is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
And Chris is a former professional athlete who played for the Chicago Cubs. And following the loss of his mother in a racially motivated mass shooting, Chris has now become a nationally renowned inspirational speaker and best selling author. And he travels all over the United States and beyond to be able to spread a message of love, of compassion, and of really helping others to be able to think, think differently about the world around us and how we talk to one another, work with one another. But even beyond that, he’s a father of three and he’s got one daughter. So we’re going to be talking about his own experience in being a father to a daughter. And we’ll also talk about some of the journey that he’s been on and some of the things that he has been doing with his own kids to be able to help them to live in the world that we’re in today. So I’m really excited to have him here. Chris Singh, thank you so much for being here today.

Chris SIngleton [00:02:53]:
Absolutely, man. I’m grateful to be on talking about my baby girl. Girl, love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:57]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to be here today and to talk to you. I know we just saw each other at a recent conference that you were speaking at, and this is a topic that you don’t always get to talk a lot about. You mentioned your daughter in your speech, but I love it when we get to delve into fatherhood. And I guess first and foremost, I wanted to ask you about that relationship with your daughter. And I know she’s still young, but in her life so far and in your life with her so far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Chris SIngleton [00:03:28]:
Yeah, I think one of the most meaningful moments thus far is the first daddy daughter dance we did. You know, she’s almost three. And so at two years old, that daddy daughter dance and she was actually dancing. I was like, oh, it’s just going to be just her standing around and no, she was getting after dancing and wiggling and we had a great time. And there was a point where, you know, one of the older girls at their school started dancing with her and I just saw her. I was getting like a little emotional. Like, man, this is what a blessing it is that I get to be her dad and not only protect and provide for, but just be her friend. As she grows older and I’m looking at her, I just started getting emotional.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:06]:
So that was probably a moment where I actually stopped and just felt the moment. Because so frequently you have these experiences with your kids and you’re just like, oh, it’s an experience. You don’t really stop and just take it all in. And that’s one that I know in 20 years I’m going to remember that first daddy daughter dance that we did and how I was getting emotional. Like, man, how cool is that? I get to be her dad. So that was one so far.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:27]:
And like you said, your daughter is still young, but I’m sure that there are some ways in which some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to strengthen your bond with your daughter. So talk to me about some of those things that you tried to do intentionally with your daughter to be able to build that Unique bond with her versus what you’re doing with your sons.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:46]:
Yeah. And I think it’s super important because my boys, I coach them in baseball, I coach them in sports. And so she sees me doing this. We know. Even when we do bedtime, sometimes we’ll take the boys to bed first, and they’ll be talking about me coaching them. They’ll be talking about something baseball. And then my dad said. Then my daughter says something about, hey, Daddy, what about me with ballerina? Or what about me with this? And I’m like, you know, daddy loves that too, sweetie.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:09]:
And, you know, I can’t wait for you to go to your ballerina class on Friday. And so we have those same moments where it’s like, yes, I have my time with my boys, and I kind of combine the time with the boys sometimes, but I need to do a little better about splitting them up. Hey, older son get some time. Younger son gets some time. And most of the time, it’s like, hey, Daddy, with the boys. And then it’s like, daddy with baby girl. And whether it’s just reading with her the other night, I noticed it because I didn’t notice this with my boys. How.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:33]:
And I don’t know if you know, the stereotype is girls learn so much quicker. They’re so much smarter than boys when they’re young. But my daughter was literally sitting down in her. In the rocking chair that we usually sit in before bedtime, and she was flipping through this book as if she knew exactly what she was doing at 2 years old, and she’s pretending like she’s reading, and I’m sitting there smiling at her, and it was a beautiful moment. I’ve got this nickname for my daughter, and of course, I told you guys at the conference that I call her Chocolate Chip. And so every time I’ll say, hey, who’s my Chocolate Chip? And she’s like, I am. And I said, do you love dad? She’s like, yes, I love Daddy. And so we have these little small moments.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:07]:
But I know one day when she’s a little older, I might be dropping her off at school. And I’m like, who’s Daddy Chocolate Chip? She’s like, dad, come on. So I got to cherish these moments right now. And I surely, and I truly am

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:17]:
now, no dad is infallible. We all make mistakes. We’re humans. And I guess even this could be with your sons, too. But with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made? And what did you learn about fostering positive connections? With your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:06:33]:
Yeah. I think the biggest mistake so far is just thinking when I’m spending time with all three of my kids, that I’m spending time with every single one of them. And I didn’t do that with my daughter. I’m picking my boys up from school, we’re taking them to the batting cage real quick, Then we’re going back to get baby girl. Or it’s like, hey, my middle child likes to play golf, and so I’ll go play golf with him. I’ll let the oldest stay at home. And I’m spending quality time one on one with my older boys. And I wasn’t doing that with my baby girl.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:57]:
And my excuse, because we have to give ourselves excuses. I used to say, man, she’s so young. Can I do with her? And I realized you can do literally everything with her, too. And so I started to try to be more intentional about saying, hey, maybe this Friday I’m picking baby girl up early, and I’m taking her with me. Whether I’m riding around to the bank or whatever it is, just having her with me, spending that quality time, not just all three kids, but just with her. And I think that was probably a mistake I made early, is just having the excuse. Well, she’s so young, I don’t know if I can do anything with her. And I realized once I started bringing her with me, it doesn’t matter.

Chris SIngleton [00:07:28]:
You can take her just about anywhere. Even if we’re on the golf course, she’d like to just sit in the golf cart drinking juice box by herself and watch Ms. Rachel. So, like, sometimes it’s just bringing her with me and not using the excuse, oh, well, she’s too young. I think that’s a mistake that I made early on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:43]:
Every one of us, as fathers of daughters, are doing what we can to be able to try to help our girls to feel both valued and heard. What have you done thus far to help your daughter feel that in your relationship to date?

Chris SIngleton [00:07:59]:
Yeah. I think every kid, but especially daughters, they find their confidence, they find their beauty, and they’ll ask daddy or mommy, hey, do I look beautiful? And my daughter is obsessed with those words. And so every morning when we get baby girl dressed and we’ll put clothes on her, she doesn’t like it, she’ll let us know immediately if she doesn’t like the clothes. So we already know at a young age she’s going to be some type of fashionista. And so she will put on her clothes. If it’s not a dress, she doesn’t want it. So we have to change her clothes and put on a dress and we finish and we do her hair, whatever it is, she’ll always give a little twirl and say, daddy, do I look beautiful? And I think she’s asking for that recognition. And I tell her every time I say, baby girl, you’re beautiful before, and yes, you’re beautiful right now.

Chris SIngleton [00:08:41]:
And so just hearing those words, I think is so important. Building that self esteem, knowing, hey, in my faith, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, like God made me the way that I am, and I’m beautiful on the inside and out. And just hearing that from dad, I think it hits deep. Because yes, she asked mom, but she always runs to me and asks me to, hey, daddy, do I look beautiful? And she does a little twirl and I say, baby girl, you look so beautiful. And you see that smile, you see that confidence. And I never want that confidence to waver. And so as kids grow, there’s middle school where kids use mean words for no reason, but it’s just part of the gig. And there will be a time where I’m sure somebody’s going to say something about my daughter that, you know, isn’t the nicest thing.

Chris SIngleton [00:09:19]:
And my hope is that she’s heard from her mom, from her dad, from her family, like, I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am smart, I am courageous, I am all these different things. And so if she hears otherwise, it should be in one ear and out the other, because she knows she is. And that’s what I’m trying to instill at this young age. And hopefully she gets older. I’m sure there’s going to be still be those parts of her where she’s, you know, crying because X, Y and Z happened. But I want her to know deep down inside, hey, I’ve always heard who I am as a person. And so if somebody has something else to say about me, that’s a problem with them and not with me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:52]:
I mentioned at the beginning that you speak all over the world. You have been bringing a message of love, your neighbor, to the world in many different ways. And your message of love, your neighbor really came out of an incredibly personal tragedy. How has becoming a father changed the way you think about that message today?

Chris SIngleton [00:10:14]:
Yeah, well, I think initially the only reason why I started writing children’s books is because I’m thinking, how do I even tell my own kids about my story? It’s very traumatic. It’s very glass half empty type of story. Not message but story, I mean, just losing my mom the way that I did and having to tell your kids that, you know, unfortunately there are some people that hate others because of the chemical in their skin that makes them the color that they are or telling your kids, hey, unfortunately, there’s people that judge others based on their first language and all these different things that they’re hard conversations to have with your kids, especially when there’s tragedy involved. And so writing children’s books is the way that I said I can talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And so yes, there’s going to be conflict in my children’s book, but it’s not conflict of losing a life. It’s a conflict of maybe a kid gets picked on because the clothes that they wear or maybe their hair is a little different or maybe they wear glasses or whatever it may be and so they feel a little different. But in the end of my stories, they’re always celebrated, no matter where they’re from, what they look like or what makes them different. And sharing this with my kids, sharing it with kids all across the country in the world, kids start to look at each other a little different, like, oh man, okay, so we all have something that makes us different.

Chris SIngleton [00:11:17]:
Maybe my grandma does raise me, that makes me a little different. I don’t have my mom and dad raising me. But you know what, that’s okay. This person’s a little different because maybe they’re on the spectrum or maybe they wear glasses or I’ve even had kids would say, hey, Chris, I’ve got six fingers and I thought I was the weirdest kid in the world until you showed that everybody has something that makes them different. Now, you know what? I’m not ashamed of my difference. It’s what makes me who I am. And so sharing this with my kids, sharing it in children’s books is the easiest way for me to talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And it’s been a blessing to be able to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
As I thought about that, as parents, many of us want to raise our kids who are compassionate and empathetic, but we also know that the world can be divided. What would you say are some practical ways that dads can intentionally model love and respect at home?

Chris SIngleton [00:12:01]:
Yeah, I think first and foremost, I think there needs to be. You have to teach your kids there’s a certain level of respect we have for everyone. In doing so, you say, hey, this is maybe not the way that we do it in our family, but some families out there do it that Way. Now, you don’t compromise on the things that you believe in and things that you hold near and dear to your heart and your morals, but you acknowledge that, hey, to your daughter, like, hey, this is the way that some people do it. Now, we don’t think that way, we don’t believe that way, but we still going to respect them because that’s how they think, and that’s how they believe. I think having that conversation early on and letting them know you don’t have to compromise on who you are to just acknowledge that somebody else does something different is powerful. So doing that, I think it’s been really cool to see that in the progression. And then it also, when your kids ask you questions, you got to be able to answer them, because even at a young age, it’s like, hey, well, dad, what are they saying? It’s like, oh, well, that’s Mandarin, right? That’s not what we speak, but that’s a language out there.

Chris SIngleton [00:12:55]:
Or you see families that look totally different than yours. You’re like, well, dad, what is that? And you’re like, well, hey, that’s not the way that we do it, but that is out there. And so I just want to teach you and let you know that things may be different out there, and maybe that’s not what you believe or what I believe as a family, but that’s out there. And I think sharing that early on helps people, especially our daughters, understand. Okay, just because it’s different doesn’t mean we have to hate or doesn’t mean we have to do that, because that’s not what we do. But we can still acknowledge that that could save some kids and our daughters from. From learning things elsewhere and not talking to us about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:30]:
I mentioned that you speak to organizations and schools and other groups across the country about and connection. What conversations do you think that parents are avoiding right now that they actually need to be having with their kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:13:46]:
Yeah, just the one I just shared, right? Talking to kids about how some families may look different or how, like, I’ll give you a prime example. When my oldest was five years old, he went to school and he told me how one of the. One of his classmates had two moms, and he’s like, well, dad, you know, where’s. Where’s your dad? And I was like, hey, well, this is how they do things, their family, dad. It’s a little different than what mommy and daddy have, but that is out there. And so sometimes as parents, we’re like, man, I don’t want to talk about that, like, they’re shying away from it instead of leaning in and letting their child know, hey, this is out there. But that’s just not what we do in our family, in our household. And as awkward as it is, as nervous as it makes you to talk about certain things, believe it or not, the kids are seeing it, and they’re putting two and two together in their own minds.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:29]:
And so they need Daddy to be there. They need parents to be there to kind of navigate that for them so that they’re not questioning everything else. That’s what I’d say is important. And don’t shy away from it. You gotta lean into it. In one of my books, I say loving everybody, whether their skin is darker or lighter, whether their skin is looser or tighter, their hair is looser or tighter, whether their skin is wrinkled or rough. Why should it matter? Love is enough. And so we’re talking about different people and different things.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:54]:
You know, some people are on the back end of life, and we just share all these different intricacies about being a human being, and we’re talking with kids about that, and I think that’s beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:03]:
So the reality is that difficult events happen. Things do happen. People see it in the news, and some of these do involve race, hate, or violence. How do you think that fathers can approach those conversations with their kids in age appropriate but meaningful ways?

Chris SIngleton [00:15:18]:
I will say one mistake I made as a. As a dad is sometimes I talk to my oldest. Because, you know, you’re your first. Your oldest is like your guinea pig. You’re just. You’re doing everything you can trying to figure it out, right? And I wouldn’t let my son have Nerf guns. I wouldn’t let him play, like, shooting video games. And one day he finally like, why can’t we do this, dad? And I said, because, you know, Daddy lost his mom to a person with a gun, and it was a very hateful guy.

Chris SIngleton [00:15:41]:
And so then my son became very scared of just anything with guns. And I said, man, I probably told him that a little too young. And so what I should have probably said, going back is like, hey, we’re not gonna do that, because Daddy doesn’t like those. And when you get a little older, they’ll tell you why. And so when things happen in our world, maybe explain it in a way that, you know, maybe that’s not teaching love. Maybe that’s not loving people like we should and how Daddy’s gonna teach you. But that is out there, and that’s why I’m. It’s so important that I’m teaching you this because I never want you to feel that same way too.

Chris SIngleton [00:16:10]:
And so explaining it in that way early on is important. And then as kids get older, especially middle school, oh, my goodness. We think because middle school is the age where you want to shelter them, but life is being thrown at them because some kids are growing up a lot earlier than others and so they’re hearing stuff. And so we have to be proactive in saying, hey, this is what we think, this is what we believe. And yes, this is happening in the world and it’s terrible and you know, we hate to see it, but that’s why I’m teaching you the lessons that I’m teaching you, because I want you to know I want us to lead with unity and love the way that I think that we should.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:40]:
You know, your story is rooted so much in forgiveness. How do you teach either your kids or other kids the difference between forgiveness and ignoring wrongdoing?

Chris SIngleton [00:16:51]:
That’s beautiful. I think even when we give consequences to our own kids, it’s like, hey, I was in a small group with parents and one of our themes was I learned it from a dad who was phenomenal. So I use it all the time. And when we discipline our kids, we say, hey, I’m doing this to either keep you safe or make you better. Single time. I’m either doing this to keep you safe or make you better. Well, dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Because I want to keep you safe. Doing that is going to hurt you or hurt somebody else.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:17]:
But dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Well, I want to make you better. You’re not getting better as a person by doing that. So that’s why we have this consequence, right? And so in every scenario, sharing that has been really neat. And so I use it for everything. I mean, literally everything. Daddy, why can’t I have, you know, candy right now? It’s 9:30. You know, eating candy right now. You know, you probably don’t want to brush your teeth like you’re supposed to.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:40]:
That’s not going to keep you safe, right? You’re going to have cavities. You’re going to do X, Y and Z. It’s been a huge tool for me even as my kids get older. Well, dad, why can’t you buy me the nicest car? Well, I don’t think that’s going to make you any better. You got to have some sweat equity in this deal. And so if I give you everything, I’M not making you better. And so I’m going to use that with everything. And I think that’s the tool that all dads should have when they.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:01]:
They had to discipline their kid or have to say no.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:04]:
You know, a lot of dads worry about saying the wrong thing when talking about race or bias with their kids. What kind of encouragement would you give to parents who want to start these conversations but are feeling uncomfortable?

Chris SIngleton [00:18:16]:
Yeah, well, we have to do the work on ourselves first and figure out, make sure we’re in a good space to teach. Because the worst thing you could be is a hypocrite and you’re telling your kid to do something and you’re doing the exact opposite. And so I think that’s the number one thing. You lead by example. I don’t want to touch back on the whole forgiveness piece just really quick, because I don’t want to rush past that. When I think about forgiveness, forgiving doesn’t mean that there’s no consequence. There’s no accountability. Right.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:41]:
So if I forgive my daughter for doing something, I’m still going to say, hey, you still got time out. I still love. You know, I love you, but you still have to sit in time out for a minute because that was not kind to do. That was not smart. You didn’t listen. So it doesn’t mean that I forgive and just pretend like it didn’t happen. No, you’ve got to learn from your mistakes. But I also say my faith, belief, forgiven.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:00]:
And we all are forgiven if we receive that. And so it’s a line where it’s like, hey, there’s accountability, but there’s also grace. And I think you got to have both. And so I want to just touch on that really quickly because I don’t want people to think that forgiveness is letting the person off the on the hook. No, there’s going to be consequences, But I forgive to move forward. And I think that’s big.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
Some of the things that you’re talking about really are. I’m hearing you, that you’re encouraging your kids to be curious. They really try to see the world in a broader view. What are some simple habits that, that dads can build into their lives that help their kids to grow up with a mindset of curiosity instead of fear toward others?

Chris SIngleton [00:19:38]:
I think a big one is watching sports. You know, I said, we’re gonna talk too much sports. But, you know, you got the World cup coming up. You had the Olympics. You know, when the Olympics are here, learning about different countries. Well, dad, what’s Botswana. I don’t know. Let’s look it up real quick.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:51]:
Let’s look up what they do in Botswana. Let’s look up their culture. So having these. These conversations is really cool. In our household, soccer is big because my wife is from Brazil. And so because my wife’s from Brazil, I’m sure my daughter’s gonna grow up playing soccer because mommy’s gonna want her to play soccer like my wife did. And so, you know, you’re gonna learn about different cultures. You know, the more that you play sports, and if you’re a dad that likes sports, you know this.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:13]:
The longer you play sports, the more that you’ll play with people that are from different places, different cultures, different whatever. And that’s a beautiful thing to teach your daughter. One of my friends, his daughter was actually really, really good in soccer. And then she started playing in college, and she started playing with girls from around the world, and she’s like, whoa, you know, there’s different levels to this. And you realize that once you start playing at a higher level. And so watching sports, learning about different countries, the World cup, the Olympics, and then you dive deep when you watch with your daughter, like, hey, let’s look up Morocco. I always love looking up language, food, and where it is on the map. And so those are three things I love looking up.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:49]:
And so if we’re watching France, because we think France is going to win the World cup, and we’re like, let’s look up France. Let’s see what they got going on over there. And having those conversations, it’s fun, and it’s in a proactive way. And then when something may happen in the world, you’re not, like, circling back, man. I don’t. You’ve never talked about this place before. It’s like, no, we want to be upfront about different places in the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
I’ll ask you one other question about sports, and that really comes down to the fact that I’m sure that there are things that have happened in your life through sports that have provided you some lessons and things that have helped you to be the father that you are. So what lessons from sports or teamwork have influenced the way in which you father your kids? Kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:21:27]:
Yeah. Well, I. I’ve read some statistic, and I’m going to butcher it, but I. I saw, like, most women in leadership played sports at a young age, and I don’t know what the percentage was, but it was a high percentage. A high, high percentage. And so, dad, you guys can look that. That percentage up So I think sports are good just to put your daughters in sports. I think it teaches accountability, it teaches leadership.

Chris SIngleton [00:21:46]:
It teaches leading by example, because your teammates won’t buy into anything you’re saying unless you’re doing it too, so you got to do that. It also teaches failure. Failure and realizing, hey, we’re not going to succeed in everything all the time. But how you respond to that failure is everything in life. And so if we turn the ball over in basketball, or we strike out with the bases loaded in softball, or if we miss a free throw when we really needed to in basketball, like, whatever it is, how we respond to that is how we will make up majority of our lives. So those are some things that sports has taught me as an athlete.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:16]:
You know, I think about the world today and how social media has really created a lot of division. How do we help kids hold on to hope and kindness when they’re constantly exposed to negativity online and in the media?

Chris SIngleton [00:22:31]:
Yeah, I actually did some work with our legislators about this because I saw that social media has just become so divisive. And I love the stories where it’s like the kid with a lemonade stand out at the first tee, raising money for his buddy in school that has cancer. I love those stories. We need more of those stories. But it seems like we get pushed and we get fed the beast of the algorithm is anything divisive just gets. Gets pushed to us even more. And so censoring or monitoring what our kids are watching are engaging in is important. And then making sure, because we have to make sure that our kids aren’t the ones that are bullying or on the other side of that.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:07]:
And we all think, especially our daughters, like, oh, our daughter is just. She’s so amazing. She’s the nicest person ever. She would never. Until we started reading some of the stuff that they’re posting, we’re like, hey, we might have to have some conversations. So being proactive and not being blind to that is important as well, because we never think it’d be our kid to be the bully until we find. Find out that it’s our kid that’s the bully. And so just monitoring what they’re watching, what they’re saying.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:28]:
And then I always say there is. It is a blessing and a compliment to have high expectations for your kids. And so with our daughters, I have high expectations that you won’t do this online, you won’t say this online, you won’t be that person online. And so if that’s my expectation for you, it May be high because I’m monitoring your stuff. I’m making sure you don’t say X, Y and Z. I’m doing that at a place of love because I have these expectations for you. You. And making sure that the algorithm that they have isn’t one that’s going to fuel hatred and division.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]:
You know, you’ve inspired a lot of audiences through vulnerability and honesty in what you share in front of the groups. How important is it for dads to let their kids see emotion, grief, and healing?

Chris SIngleton [00:24:11]:
Oh, my goodness. It’s so big. Because if our daughters, our kids especially, just grow up thinking that dad doesn’t show any emotion, sometimes they’re gonna think they shouldn’t show emotion or they’re not going to come to us because he won’t understand. Because I’ve never seen him get sad, right? So if they’re sad, you know, I probably can’t tell dad because he won’t understand. I’ve never seen dad sad before. Now, if we’re open and vulnerable, it’s like, you know, I can come to dad with anything because I’ve seen him have the same emotions that I felt and he’s going to feel with me when I share this with him. I think that’s big. And for so long as husbands and fathers, we think, man, we have to be that rock that nothing shakes us.

Chris SIngleton [00:24:46]:
Us, right? We’re the foundation of the family, and nothing should shake us or hurt us. But in doing so, sometimes things won’t get to us because, hey, he’s not going to understand. He won’t get it. Because I’ve never seen him say that he messed up, or I’ve never seen him say that he’s grieving right now. And so I think it’s so important that we’re open and honest with our feelings and our emotions. Even other day, I’m watching a video in the car, and I saw this video. It’s like this kid had his dad at one of his games, and before the game, he got his son a new baseball bat. He hit a home run for his dad on Father’s Day, the dad catches it outside of the fence, and he’s like, I got it.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:23]:
I got your home run ball. And you see the son kind of point to the dad, the outfield. And I’m crying real tears, man. And my daughter, my son, they’re like, dad, are you okay? I said, daddy’s fine. But this made me feel emotional because this is a beautiful moment. And so I have happy tears right now, guys. And so like having those conversations, them, they see that dad has feelings too. And yes, we’re strong, yes, we’re going to protect our baby girls, our daughters.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:48]:
But they need to know, hey, we have feelings too. So anything that they feel they can share with us as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]:
What legacy do you hope to leave not only through your speaking, but through your role as a father?

Chris SIngleton [00:25:58]:
Yeah, one non negotiable that I have as far as my legacy is. I don’t want my kids to ever think daddy made a huge impact on the world, but he didn’t make a huge impact on us. I think that’s a, a huge failure as a man that I could have is if I do that, I want them to say Daddy was an amaz person. Not only to people around the world, but to us. He was dead. He was at our daddy daughter dances, he was at our games where we had our first hit or our first home, whatever it may be, he was there. It’s just being active and knowing that they have somewhere to run to or to talk to is huge. And then all the life lessons that I share with them, you know, I just hope that they keep 10% of them.

Chris SIngleton [00:26:32]:
That’d be my legacy. Right. I’m sharing stuff all the time and make sure you’re saving. We’re gonna do a Roth IRA for you young so you can do X, Y and Z. All these things. I just hope that they remember something of this stuff that I’m instilling in them and in doing so, maybe they run into a problem when they get older and they’ll say, you know, my dad always told me, and then they’ll share something else and that’d be huge legacy for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:52]:
So if every family embraced the idea of loving their neighbor, how do you think the next generation would look different from the one we have today?

Chris SIngleton [00:27:00]:
Man, what a beautiful question. I think that kids will grow up knowing that there’s going to be differences in the world. There’s going to be different faiths, there’s going to be different languages, there’s going to be different. Different Everything doesn’t mean different means bad. My wife is from Brazil and in Brazil the culture is all family. You don’t really move away too much in their culture, right? You don’t go away for college. I know you’ve got daughters that are going to college and all this stuff and they’re kind of moving away. And that’s not really the culture in Brazil.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:26]:
It’s all about family and having dinner together on Sundays. And so sometimes we could say you know what? Maybe I want that culture for me, even though I’m American. When you learn about something different, when you learn that, you know, sometimes times in some cultures they don’t use technology, they just sit around the table and talk and have meals together on certain days. I like that. And so maybe we can put that into our family values as well. And that’s beauty. When you see that when kids growing up, that different doesn’t mean bad. Different just means different.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:54]:
I think our world would be a lot better place now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:56]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. You ready?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:03]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:08]:
I’d say right now it’s just very gentle. Right now, gentle is my word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:17]:
Your presence matters. Is the best advice I’ve received. Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there and you’re just there for six hours, or are they really going to care? They’re so young. Your presence, it matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:34]:
Right now I’d say he’s reading books together. She loves that. So reading is our activity right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:44]:
Hard work is important. Would probably be. My biggest thing is like, hey, working hard is important. In a world where AI makes stuff easy and there’s shortcuts to everything, hard work is still super important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:55]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:59]:
I’ve learned that sometimes I need to stop and take in the moment more because I’m young guy and I had to grow up really quick and so I’m always ripping and running and doing that, you know, all these different things. But sometimes stopping and just being present in the moment is the greatest blessing we could ever receive. And so that’s something I’ve learned about myself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:19]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:26]:
I’d say having high expectations for our baby girls is important. And never get so caught up in that you have to provide that you forget that being there matters just as much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, what you’re doing, your books, etc, where should they go?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:43]:
My website’s chrissingleton.com and I got all the social medias. If you just search up C. Singleton underscore two or just search up Chris Singleton, you’ll see all my content and stuff there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:54]:
Well, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for not only sharing about your own journey as a father today, but sharing your message of love thy neighbor and help us think a little bit differently about the way in which we not only talk about this, but treat others. I truly appreciate the message. I truly appreciate the time and I wish you all the best.

Chris SIngleton [00:30:15]:
Thank you so much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:17]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being correct perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:47]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

July 6, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Art of Fatherhood: Lessons in Letting Go and Growing Together

June 29, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

How do you nurture independent, confident daughters while creating a deep, lasting relationship as a father? That’s the question at the heart of the Dad and Daughter Connection, hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis—and in a recent episode, guest Art Eddy, host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast, shares relatable, hard-earned wisdom every dad (and parent) can appreciate.

Cherishing the Small Moments

One central theme is the value of everyday experiences—the dinners, shared jokes, and simple activities that reveal how “the small things make the big impact” in your relationship. Art Eddy recounts favorite moments: attending chorus performances, bonding at Bruins games, and even just sharing movie nights or video games at home. These aren’t grand gestures, but they’re where connection is built.

Letting Go and Fostering Independence

A recurring challenge, as discussed by both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Art Eddy, is finding the right balance between protecting your kids and gradually letting go. With both dads preparing for daughters to leave for college, they reflect on that poignant “crossroads”—learning to trust the foundation you’ve laid, and accepting that your children need space to stretch, fail, and grow. Art Eddy shares a particularly touching story about watching his daughter walk a college campus by herself for the first time, a real-life metaphor for this parental transition.

The Power of Listening and Honest Conversation

Listening—truly hearing your daughter, not just advising her—is another core message. Art Eddy emphasizes “two ears, one mouth—listen more, talk less,” offering support when asked, and encouraging self-reflection instead of top-down instruction. This nurtures strong communication and respect, especially as children become teens and young adults.

Imperfectly Present

Both speakers candidly share their own mistakes, whether it’s not asking for help, occasional impatience, or the struggle of balancing technology and quality time. The takeaway? No one is perfect, and being present—putting the phone down, engaging authentically—is what matters most.

Fatherhood Is for Every Dad

Finally, Art Eddy speaks passionately about celebrating diverse stories, real fatherhood from all walks of life, and creating positive, supportive communities for dads.

If you’re a dad (or parent) looking for practical wisdom, honest conversation, and plenty of heart—and maybe a few laughs—the Dad and Daughter Connection is for you. Listen in, and start building those small moments that make the biggest difference.

TRANSCRIPT

Art Eddy [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you show up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:56]:
You’re showing up not only to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be, but you’re showing up for your daughters. Because every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn something new, to be able to meet new people, people that have gone through what you’re going through, people that have something that they can share with you to help you to be that dad that you want to be. That’s why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to be able to help you build those strong connections with your daughters who one day at a time. Because it’s not always going to be roses, it’s not always going to be easy, but showing up, being there, and being willing to put in the work, you’re going to have a ton of dividends in the end. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences, people that can give you some of their own experiences as being either dads, two daughters, or other people with resources that can help you to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest, Art. Eddie is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Art and I have known each other for a long time. He is a father of two daughters. He’s also the host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast. Great podcast. If you haven’t listened to it, definitely check it out and we’ll be talking about that. But as I said, he’s a father of two daughters. So we’re gonna learn a little bit more about his own parenting journey, and I’m really excited to have him here. Art, thanks so much for being here.

Art Eddy [00:02:17]:
Chris, appreciate being on the show. Love the work that you’re doing. It’s always good to catch up. Even before we started recording, we had like a 30 minute, like, awes podcast of just a reunion podcast. It was so good, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
It really was. And we didn’t record it. We probably shouldn’t have recorded it.

Art Eddy [00:02:33]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]:
But it was still fun.

Art Eddy [00:02:36]:
Yeah. No, it’s good, though, because, like, I miss these connections. I miss, like, you know, I mean, we were just talking about how fast time flies with our, you know, your daughter is in college. My daughter, my oldest. Your oldest is in college. My oldest is going to be going to college in the fall of this year. And it’s just like, where’d the time go, man?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Oh, the time just flies by. I mean, my youngest is going to college this fall, too, so our daughters are my youngest. Your oldest are both the same age, so we’ll be going through that together as well. And things change, I tell you. I. I’m. I’m a little nervous about the empty nesting type of thing going on to see kind of what that dynamic brings. It’s definitely going to be a lot quieter in the house, and I don’t really know what to expect yet.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]:
So it’s gonna be a different situation at home, you know, and your relationship with your significant other is gonna change in different ways because you don’t have the kids around to be a part. And the things that you focus your time in also change because for so many years, as you know, I mean, we put all this time and effort into raising our kids to being there for their activities and their. And the things that are important to them. And then as they go away, then we have to, we have to do other things. And, you know, we’re focusing back on each other and going back to the beginning and, and really. And it’s just different. So it’s going to be interesting.

Art Eddy [00:04:01]:
No, 100%. Like, things, like, all right, how do you do things? Like, my wife and I got a little taste of it a couple weekends ago. Like, my daughters were hanging out with, like, some of their friends together, and they had like a sleepover like a Friday night. And they had something all the way through, like, Saturday. And it was just like, like Saturday night. And my wife, like, this is what it’s going to be like, huh? We had, we went to go see a movie. We had like a nice breakfast together on Saturday morning. I was like, this is cool.

Art Eddy [00:04:27]:
But we also miss, like, it was funny. Like, one of the things, like, I love hanging out with my daughters, but, like, one of the college visits, they separated the, the parents and the kids. The kids were doing like these different, like, one on one interviews with some of the admins and we had the adults, like, getting in this one room to kind of talk and, like, this one, like, couple song. They’re like, I can’t wait. You know, this is my last kid. And then, like, I get to, like, take care of their room and change it into, like, their gym. We’re so excited. And it was like, yeah, I can’t wait.

Art Eddy [00:04:55]:
I’m like, what? I was like, oh, my gosh.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:00]:
I can’t say that I. I can’t wait. I mean, I. I am going to miss having them around.

Art Eddy [00:05:05]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:05]:
I mean, there are days. I think we both know that there are days.

Art Eddy [00:05:09]:
Yes. But I had one day yesterday, actually, where I had to go search everywhere for a broken. For a. To replace a broken dryer knob that was like, I didn’t want to, like, pay or, like, get some sketchy thing from, like, a secondary source. So like, I found here in, like, North Carolina, a place that, like, sold that stuff. But I had to, like, take time out of my day, then fix it. I was like, ah. I didn’t like this.

Art Eddy [00:05:33]:
My day just got totally upside down.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:36]:
I know that you’re really engaged with your daughters, and you have had some amazing moments with them throughout their lives. As you think about some of those moments and some of those moments that have been most meaningful for you, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you would say that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Art Eddy [00:05:54]:
Yeah, for me, I would probably say, you know, as a collective, when they both are in chorus. So when I see them perform and when my youngest was playing the saxophone, it was great to see that, just to see, like, their achievements and different things. When my oldest got accepted to the college she’s going to, which was great. The trials and tribulations, you know as well as I do of, like. Like, when we were going to college, totally different, but, like, the process is totally different, and I appreciate her journey into that. And then my youngest, she and I will go to Bruins games when they play here in North Carolina, and we have those moments where we joke around. And, like, she, like, my youngest and I kind of share the same type of humor. We have different senses of humor, but we share, like, if you have a Venn diagram, certain parts of our humor, like, coexist.

Art Eddy [00:06:40]:
And so, like, we’re at the dinner table, like, one of the things that we always strive to do most of the time, I’d say, like, out of the seven days of the week, probably four to five times we’re having dinner together. And we’re all talking about our days, and we’re just kind of like, learning, like, the ups and downs and stuff. But, like, I’ll say something, and my youngest will like, look at me. And we’ll just like, have this moment and everyone, like, the other two, like my wife and my oldest, like, what? What? And I’m like, don’t worry about it. So it’s just like, those are the moments that you cherish seeing my youngest right now, she went to regional for track for her high school, and she got her own personal record, which was awesome to see that. And then I think also too, like, when you hear a teacher or in. In for me, for my oldest, when she gets a compliment or she got, like, employee of the year for the ymca, I was like, that was impressive. Like, those are the things where I’m like, that’s awesome.

Art Eddy [00:07:31]:
And I. I say, like, I’m proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. And we just kind of talk about, like, how they got to that certain spot and stuff like that. So, yeah, there are certain times where you’re having to fix a broken dryer knob and you’re just frustrated and I don’t have any hair, so I can’t pull any hair out anymore. But then there’s the good. Totally outweighs, like, the. The frustrating parts of being a dad.

Art Eddy [00:07:52]:
So, like, it’s good, but it’s just like, just those moments where I can celebrate their wins together with them and share those jokes or share those laughs. Like, my youngest and I went to see Mortal Kombat 2 recently. We had fun, and she got the different jokes from, like, playing Mortal Kombat with me and stuff. So it was just like, it was cool. Like, those moments, the bonding and listen to them, you know, man, like, is. You’ve talked about this. I love when you have, like, on LinkedIn or different places where you have those, like, five minutes of, like, hey, this is how you can connect to your daughter. Right? Like, I appreciate those because I’m, like, nodding my head listening to you.

Art Eddy [00:08:24]:
I’m like, yep, I have experienced that too. So it’s the small things. And my kids have taught me it’s the small things that make the big

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:32]:
impact of those memories, really is the small things. And a number of the things that you talked about really make me think about. You’ve done a really good job of being able to help your daughters as they’ve been older to become more independent. And you, you’re doing a lot to be able to prepare them. You’ve got your oldest going off to college. And, you know, I’ve done the same in trying to help my daughters to be able to be those independent people. But that’s not always easy. It’s not always easy to find that balance between kind of guiding your daughter while also giving them independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:06]:
How did you do that in your own parenting journey with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:09:10]:
It’s tough, man, because I think you’ve heard this probably before on your podcast. We probably had this conversation before, years ago, or at the different conferences we might be at together. But, like, your job is to make sure that you are no longer relevant in their lives anymore in the sense of, like, them needing you. Like, they can, like you said, be independent. And that’s tough. But, like, there was one time earlier this year when a metaphor actually came into reality, because you’re at that crossroads of, like, letting your daughter or your child be more independent, and they’re going off to college and they’re going to be their own. I remember we were touring the. The campus of Clemson, and it was when spring break was happening, like, right.

Art Eddy [00:09:46]:
Right around, like, March Madness. So the campus was, like, empty, according to, like, the people we’ve talked to. And it was like alumni weekend. So the weekend was kind of, like, busy with, like, alumni and all that other stuff. But, like, there are no kids there. All the buildings, for the most part, are shut down. And we’re walking the campus, and my youngest and my wife are kind of, like, looking at this one, like, plaque or memorial. And I’m in the middle between, like, the distance of them and my oldest, who’s walking it by herself, and I’m just like, oh, should I run up to her, like, you know, catch up with her and see what she’s doing? And I’m like, no, this is something where, like, the metaphor actually is happening in real life, where I’m at a crossroads of, like, maybe it was a brick crossroads, but I’m like, I’m gonna stay here in the middle, wait for my youngest and my wife to catch up, let my daughter do her own thing, because that’s what she’s going to need to.

Art Eddy [00:10:32]:
And for me to physically feel that. I was just like, this is life, man. And I think the first time that my wife and I, Reese, like, in, like, I’d say a couple years ago, really got emotional is when our oldest. I’m in the process of teaching my youngest how to drive right now. She’s almost done with her hours and requirements. But when our daughter, our first one, went off, drove by herself. Like, it was emotional. This is growing up, but it’s also scary out there.

Art Eddy [00:10:57]:
So those are the things you, like, have to trust. You can’t be that helicopter parent you were when you were, like, when they first were learning how to walk. And you’re just near them and making. Making sure that they don’t, like, fall and hit their head or something like that. But now it’s totally different and you’re letting the reins go. You have let the reins go for a while now, but it’s just those are the moments where life gives you a little push. And it’s like you got to make sure that you did the best you could. And I bet you probably when your oldest was going off to college, you’re like, did I say everything I needed to say before she left? And it’s just, like, frustrating when things pop up and it’s like, I’ll talk to them later about it, but, like, are you going to find that time? So it is always that struggle of letting go, but also making sure you give them all of your, like, the wisdom you think that they’ll need in the future.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
And you’re never going to be able to unpack everything. You’re never going to be able to give them everything. The way I look at it is, is that what you at least can hope for is that you’ve given them enough and that you’ve given them the tools to one, figure out things for themselves, or two, give them the ability to be able to say, hey, I need to call dad. I need to ask and see what he has to say. And know that you’re always gonna be able to be there if she needs you. But that at the same time, you want her to fail, you want her to learn, and you want her to grow. Now, speaking of that, in regards to helping your daughters to be able to kind of learn, grow, and be kind of ready for the things that they want in their life. Every one of our daughters has passions, they have dreams, they have things that you talked about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:34]:
Music and track and things that in high school are important to them. But as they get older, they start to up ideas for who do they want to be, what do they want to do? And those become the passion and dreams that they’re aiming for. The light at the end of the tunnel, the goals that they’ve. They’ve set for themselves. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Art Eddy [00:12:55]:
Great question. Listening. I think the biggest thing is listening. And when they ask for advice, you can give it and say like, you know, I always preface saying, when I was around your age, things were a little bit different. But there are some similarities. Cliches happen, are there for a reason because they happen throughout eons and all that. I remember one of the podcasts I had, I was talking to a gentleman and he was saying the best advice he got from his father in law is like, things change. Technology changes.

Art Eddy [00:13:22]:
Everything here and there is like the one thing that’s constant is people having babies. In parenthood there hasn’t been like this huge advancement in the sense of like yes, certain things through a medical system and all this other stuff. Yes. But it’s like for the most part nothing has really changed. So it’s like people have been doing it, people have been making mistakes, but the generations are still living on and I think just making sure that you’re listening into seeing what they want at that time. There are certain things that I’ve watched from the quote unquote sidelines being like, that’s what they want to do. But I don’t see them like having any drive or what I would have done. Like, it’s hard to separate what, how I would approach it versus how they would approach it.

Art Eddy [00:13:58]:
And there’s certain times where they’ve experienced, whether it’s through school, I mean they get good grades, great grades, they do really, really well with friends and some other things. But whether it’s like managing a budget or sometimes not studying as much, I said, hey, you know, mom and I were saying you should have kind of done this. But like, what did you think? What did you feel? Did you feel like you were online with your friends more than you should have, like playing Roblox or something? Like that’s like the whole rage where like after dinner and they get all their work done, they’ll stay up for a while and playing out. I’m like, you guys go with everything. Like, yeah. And then there’s certain times where like she had to make my youngest or my oldest had to like prepare their lunch for the next day because like I’ll get them the ingredients from like you have to, to make it, this is your lunch. If they’re running late or something, or not feeling good, sure I’ll make them breakfast and all that other stuff. But for the most part you want them to be self sufficient.

Art Eddy [00:14:44]:
But there are certain times where like you just kind of like smile and wave. And then there’s other times you’re like, how’d that turn out? And then you don’t be like mean or something. But you’re like, seriously, like, how did you feel like that worked out? And did you think you could have probably done better? And you just want to give them those learning moments while it’s in the moment. If they don’t listen to you, that’s fine. But then if they succeed doing it their own way, perfect. But if there’s other things, like, hey, I might have probably let down, like, I probably would have played less Roblox, my friends online and studied for us a little bit more. But again, like, they get great. They get great grades, but I think sometimes they get ticked off if they get a B or something.

Art Eddy [00:15:19]:
And it’s like, well, like, if you wanted the better results, you needed to put more work in. And they’re like, I know that, but we’ve all had that. This is an adult. There’s certain things I kind of need to do X, Y and Z around the house. But there’s a new Star wars animated series that just dropped two episodes. I. I’m going to watch that right now. And then my day gets a little pushed on the next day, a little bit more busy just because I kind of should have done stuff on, like, Monday.

Art Eddy [00:15:40]:
Now it’s left for Tuesday, if that makes sense. And so there are certain times where my kids call me out and I’ll be like, yeah, you’re right. I should practice what I preach. And this time I didn’t. So thanks for calling me out. And you want to make sure that you, like, I think nowadays as you see this as well, like, there are so many, whether it’s online or in conversations where if someone knows that they’re wrong, but they’re still, like, trying to prove that they’re right. It’s like, it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong and move on, say you’re sorry, or like, hey, I should have known a little bit more information before I jumped into that conversation. So those are the things that, like, we have these conversations where, yes, I’m still the parent, they’re still the kid, but we.

Art Eddy [00:16:13]:
As they get older, you’re gonna. There’s that gap where it’s shortening and letting them be more vocal instead of just telling them, like, no, it’s bedtime, like when they’re a toddler. So those are the things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:24]:
One of the things that that says to me is that none of us are perfect. Right? I mean, our daughters aren’t perfect. We’re not perfect. We’re humans. We might make mistakes, and they may make mistakes. It’s about how do you talk about it, how do you communicate, how do you work through it in the end? You know, speaking of mistakes, I know that as fathers, we always make mistakes and we don’t always show it, but we do make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a. As a dad, and what did you learn from it about fostering, I guess, more positive communication with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:16:56]:
I would say. And I think this maybe is a stereotype or something that dads kind of go through. There’s different levels of suffering and silence, but, like, it’s like, on a smaller scale where it’s most of the time and just with our schedules and stuff like that, even, you know, teaching a class at UNC or, you know, running the Art of Fatherhood, I’m the one that mostly picks up my youngest teaches, like, you know, gets a drive time hours and makes the meals, does the cleaning, does the cooking and all that stuff, because I’m very robotic and I’m very strategic in my weekly. I know Tuesday is going to be cleaning day, and all of a sudden, like, my laundry pattern is down to, like, a science, right? Sometimes I’m going to need help, and sometimes, whether things get, you know, more things get piled on my plate, I don’t ask for help. And there are some times where I get frustrated. If someone didn’t pick up the thing, I asked them, like, three times in a row, and then like, the fourth time I’m like, fine, I’ll just do it myself. And I. And they’re like, well, why are you upset? I’m like, because I’m doing everything.

Art Eddy [00:17:46]:
Like, well, tell us. You need help, right? So, like, I think sometimes asking for help and what stinks is you think, like, we can put all the burden on ourselves. It’s not a great model to teach our kids. So that’s the thing where it’s like, I’ve messed up a couple times. And that’s the thing where maybe in the beginning, as when I became a dad, like, learning how to be patient. Now it’s like, I need to, like, ask for help. And that is really hard for me to do because I don’t want to burden anybody with stuff I need to do, if that makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:13]:
It does make sense. And you’ve talked about your podcast a few times, and I want to talk a little bit about that because you’ve been doing Art of Fatherhood for many years now and probably of fatherhood podcasts that I know of. I think yours is probably one of the longest standing That I know that is still running today, but not everyone has listened to it. And I guess I want to go back in time a little bit first and talk to me a little bit about why art of fatherhood. Why did you decide that you wanted to do this? I know that your background is in radio and in media, and you worked in that for many years, but when you pivoted and you went to create the art of fatherhood, you didn’t have to do that. You could have kept doing the radio thing. You could have done something else, but you went all in. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:56]:
Why did you decide to do that? And why have you kept doing it for this many years?

Art Eddy [00:19:00]:
Yeah, thank you for asking. I appreciate it. I was working in radio. We had our second child, and my wife and I were like, all right, let’s. We don’t want to go to the daycare route. And again, like, for anybody doing daycare, I’m not. I always feel like I have to say, like, I’m not judging. Like, it was just something like, every family pieces of advice for new dads, if they’re listening to this.

Art Eddy [00:19:17]:
It’s like, your family does not have to keep up the Joneses or that Instagram family that looks like everything is glamorous on every photo. But my wife and I were like, yeah, one of us. You need to stay home. And radio wasn’t the most secure landscapes in career field. So I was like, all right, I’ll be the home dad. And I started writing for, like, maybe Yahoo, Bleacher Report and some other things. Once I started getting my own pattern down of being the stay at home dad and then the different groups, like, you know, meeting you, the dad 2.0 conference. I started working for a fatherhood site, doing a lot of creative and writing stuff, and then started doing the podcast.

Art Eddy [00:19:49]:
And then that kind of disbanded years ago. And so I’m like, I still want to do this because I have a passion for talking about it. I feel like not only do I love talking about father, but I feel like it makes me a better father because I’m in forest and like, I understand, like, all the different conversations and all the. The conversations that I have and me reflecting on fatherhood as through my writing, I’m like, it makes me better. And I feel like there’s a space that you and I are doing this because not just to hear ourselves talk, but we have a passion for making sure that we’re not only being good dads ourselves, but highlighting other good dads. And you Want to break those stereotypes here and there of what dads look like. And we’re not. We’re not looking to create these awesome Instagram accounts.

Art Eddy [00:20:29]:
And, like, these are the words of wisdom. It’s real life fatherhood. And so that’s my passion. So I went out on my own, obviously, have a little dad joke in there, the art of fatherhood. And sometimes, you know, people will be like. When emails are like, hey, what’s up, Eddie? I’m like, actually, my first name’s Art. And they’re like, oh, I get it now. It’s like, yeah, it’s like, so I just love it.

Art Eddy [00:20:52]:
But it’s really, for me, just seeing the different viewpoints of fatherhood. I was just. Last night, I was with. I run at our church, like a men’s ministry group, me and a couple other guys. And we try and like, throughout the year, we have, you know, some service events where we’ll clean up the church or we’ll clean up other. Do other things around community service, but then we’ll have fun events. This one was a fun event where we had some pizza. It was just a bunch of guys playing can jam and, you know, talking to just having fun, like pizza, soda, seltzer, all that good stuff, and just hang out at a park.

Art Eddy [00:21:22]:
And we were just talking about, like, how people pretty much are more connected than they see than they seem on the media, where there’s such this great divide, right? And I think for you and I, we’re trying to have positive examples of father, but also too, like, we’re seeing the connections that we’re more similar than we are different, and we’re not as divisive as different news organizations want to pin us to be. So my passion is to, like, have a great conversation on fatherhood, positive examples of fatherhood, and a community of dads are looking to do things. Like, I even feel bad we’re white guys, right? But, like, you see black dads or other minority dads, maybe in this country or worldwide, have a bad reputation and have, like, go on these stereotypes. I love bringing all guys from different walks of life, whether they’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, whatever the case may be talking about fatherhood in a positive way, seeing that you might look different, but you actually have the same goal of raising great people in this world. We need more of that instead of just looking for clickbait, like. Like, I have seen even parenting sites, and you’ve probably seen this too, where they create this controversial question just so where they can, like, create more clicks or Whatever. Like, I’m not about that. I’m just.

Art Eddy [00:22:34]:
You and I are both about positive things. Like, especially people listening to your podcast, you want dads to connect with their daughters in a healthy and positive way. So, like, you and I are on the same page with that. So that’s where, like, the art of fatherhood and, like, that’s like, what fuels my passion all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
And I know you’ve had a couple of different podcasts, and in the past, when you were affiliated with the Life of Dad podcast, you had a book with John Finkel called Life of Reflections on Fatherhood from Today’s Leaders, Icons, and Legendary Dads. But since then, like you said, going off on your own and having art of fatherhood, you’ve continued to have those conversations, and I guess you’ve had many of them. And I’m sure that in those conversations, some trends have popped up, some things have come out where you like. Either one, yep, it reinforces the idea. Or two, you know, I never thought of it that way, and I think all dads need to be thinking about some things in this way. So what are some of those trends? So what are some of those things that you found in all of these conversations that you’ve been able to have?

Art Eddy [00:23:40]:
Yeah, great question. Some of the trends are. I mentioned it before when I was, you know, when my kids were younger, like, having patience. I think when I ask, you know, like, a piece of advice for, you know, new dads that I’m asking my guests so that they can offer to them that are listening, it’s like, no, it’s like, you need to have patience. Everyone’s going to work on that. And another thing, too is like, people, like, especially nowadays listening to this finances, right? Like, people think, like, kids are expensive. Yes, kids are super expensive. I think if you have kids in high school and they’re kind of on the border of going to college and all this other stuff, like, like, I felt like this was the most expensive year of school and, like, getting ready for college for me and my wife, like, just, just in general of, like, all these different trips, all these different new.

Art Eddy [00:24:24]:
Like, one of my daughters went to, like, a brand new school and they have the only two classes, sophomore and freshman, and she’s a sophomore. So it’s just like all the different expenses with this and that, and it’s like, like finances. Like, there’s always going to be finances, but you find a way. And then two is just the idea of putting the phone down. Like, you hear people say, I need to Put the phone down. I need to put the phone down. And the more and more I hear about that, like, I remember my mom worked in the medical field, like, working for, like, you know, working in, like, in the office space, like, helping out with the doctors and all that other stuff when I was in, like, elementary and middle school and high school. And then my dad worked in the medical device field.

Art Eddy [00:25:03]:
So, like, he was, like, busy with certain things, but when they got home, they were home.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
Home.

Art Eddy [00:25:08]:
Chris, I’m. I’m guessing there are certain times for work or for your podcast, there’s just other things, like the phone bings and it’s like a notification. Even you have no notifications off. You might still like, did I get that email that I was waiting for, for the end of the day? And then you miss that opportunity to talk with your kids. So putting your phone down. Putting your phone down. And that’s why we love having, you know, dinner. There’s no devices at the table.

Art Eddy [00:25:29]:
And then there’s certain times we’ll be watching a show together, or my wife and the girls will go to the gym together. Whatever, whatever. I work out at home. I used to work out at the gym with them, too. But, like, when the pandemic came, I got all the stuff. I’m like, well, I’m just working out here. So, like, that’s. That’s the, like, I guess the downside, but, like, when I go to the gym as a guest pass, like, they love having you here.

Art Eddy [00:25:47]:
I’m like, yeah, just whatever. It’s just my routine. But I would say those are the trends of, like, putting the phone down. Finances. There’s always going to be tough battles that you’re going to have, like, make sure you’re communicating with your spouse about that and the patient. So those are, like, the trends I see. And then the things that I’ve learned, like, you’re asking me, I’d say, say in terms of finances, I’ve had guys who are in the financial area and just like, in the industry and. And work and different things.

Art Eddy [00:26:11]:
And it’s just the idea of, like, teaching your kids about money at an early age, I thought was like, man, I wish I kind of did that. I wish I had this conversation when my kids were, you know, 10 and 8 or something like that. Like, they have an allowance. They. We told them how to budget certain things here and there. But there’s more certain things. I was like, that would have been better if I told him that. So what about, like, managing finances and having those being, you know, financially responsible.

Art Eddy [00:26:36]:
And we’ve been having more and more conversations with that, especially with our oldest as she gets into getting to go to college and all that. I was gonna say getting into the real world, I hate that. I feel like we’re always in the real world, but like, it almost like dumbs down our kids experiences because they are in the real world. Going to school, having a part time job, all these other things. So that’s why I kind of paused for that. It’s like everyone’s like, why, why? What was going on there? So I just almost had to catch myself. But I wanted to explain it. But like just the idea of learning the finances, but then also too embracing technology is something that I’ve kind of had to learn because we always like, I think when you and I were in our heyday, when, you know, I’d say around like 2015, 2016, like dads were having a moment and I remember you and I were kind of doing campaigns on like screen time and digital age and all these other things.

Art Eddy [00:27:22]:
But if you, you negate your kids learning the technology that’s happening around them, but you want to do in a healthy way and there’s different ways you can do that, different companies and different apps and all that other stuff. But like if you tell them like, oh, they’re not having any screen time, okay, that’s fine. Like maybe they’re not watching shows. If you teach them about technology, whether it’s a smartphone or whether it’s an app or something, like developing code or whatever, that’s a thing where you got to kind of embrace that. And that was the thing where I was just like, like, oh, screen time. Okay, yes, but how do you manage that? And how do you teach the kids about the future? Because like our, like our parents growing up, their rate of technology change was a lot slower than ours. And the, the rate of technology change for our kids is super fast compared to when we were growing up. You picked up a phone, a landline, and we were online doing like a report on Abraham Lincoln for high school.

Art Eddy [00:28:15]:
The Internet just got disconnected because someone picked up and had to make a phone call. So I’m just saying like technology and learning how to embrace it and the health, but also talk about the negative sides as well, I think are certain things. And then also too, you see, I don’t know if you’ve read this as well, but a lot of kids are underage, drinking is going down, but now that weed and some other things are available, like that’s popping up like Gummies and other stuff. Like, so that’s the thing where it’s like, how do you. You gotta also be, like, talking about certain things where. When we used to say, like, oh, yeah, you know, weed, that’s illegal now. It’s legal in certain things in a certain age. Like, how do you teach your kids about that, too? And navigating that space.

Art Eddy [00:28:50]:
So that’s another thing that I’ve learned talking to some other, you know, dads and moms along the journey, too. If you shy them from everything, then as soon as they get out and expose, they’re like, what’s this? What’s this? It’s like, you should have those conversations before things get. When they’re out of your home. And like, they’re like, I wish dad and mom talked to me more about this. You know?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:07]:
Completely understand that. Now. As you think about the future of the art of fatherhood, I ask two questions. One, what’s in store if you can unveil and lift the curtain a little bit? But two, who’s that elusive guest? Who’s the one that you’ve been. Because you’ve had a lot of celebrities, you’ve had sports people, you’ve had. I mean, you’ve had a lot of people and had a lot of opportunity to have a lot of people. But who’s the unicorn? Who’s the one that you’ve really wanted to have that you’ve not been able to capture yet?

Art Eddy [00:29:37]:
Nothing to, like, unveil or nothing, like, behind the curtain, so to speak, for the art of father. I just, again, like, just kind of like you. Like, I see the work that you put in week in and week out in. It’s. I wouldn’t say slow and steady. It’s steady because I don’t think the work that you and I do are slow at all. It’s just the. The pace that we need to.

Art Eddy [00:29:54]:
It’s steady in terms of this and in the content that people expect from you and I. So, like, that’s the thing where I’m like, okay, keep it going. There are some other things I’m trying to maybe work out. Maybe some new columns, some new ideas in terms of maybe the certain questions I ask or whatever. But for the most part, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I appreciate the feedback I get from people and the reviews and the subscriptions, all that good stuff. People, when I talk to them about sponsorships, like, I really love what you’re doing. Like, all right, cool.

Art Eddy [00:30:19]:
The elusive guest, I would say, like, and and it’s funny. It’s more of, like, being a Jordan fan. My friends are like, when are you gonna get Jordan? Because I’ve had, like, Mark Ham. I’ve had. I’ve interviewed Bo Jackson, Dave Robinson, like, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, like, my sports idols. Like, people I appreciated as a kid growing up. Like, when you get in Michael Jordan, I’m like, do you know how hard it is for people in the sports landscape to talk about, like, to get an interview? I said, like, if it happens, that’d be great. But, like, right now, he’s doing this nascar.

Art Eddy [00:30:44]:
Like, I think most of my friends, especially my friends from high school, being like, oh, I see you interviewed so and so when you get in Jordan, I’m like, thanks, man. Let me celebrate this win first, and I’ll try to see if I can get Jordan. So I think that’s, like, that was the thing. And teaching at unc, everyone’s like, you’re gonna get Belichick. And I’m like, unc’s huge, man. Like, I. I don’t know, like, the. The intricacies of, like, trying to get everybody.

Art Eddy [00:31:06]:
And I don’t want to, like, put that card out there and be like, hey, like, I’m not going to be that guy, right? So it’s just the idea of, like, for me, it’s Jordan. And like I said, it’s mostly my friends being like, cool. You got this person. That’s awesome. When’s Jordan? I’m like, all right, thanks. So I’d say Jordan, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
For me, I have always wanted to have Dax Shepard on, and I’ve tried numerous times. Never been able to get him on. But I love the. How engaged he is as a father of daughters and how protective he is, too. But also, I think he has a lot that he could share beyond what he already shares on his own podcast. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen, but being someone. He’s also from Michigan, so love to have another Michigander and also a good dad on the show.

Art Eddy [00:31:49]:
But yeah, man, like, I keep again, like, it’s always, you gotta keep. And that’s another thing you can teach your kids, right? Whether they. They listen to this episode, but they’ll see the work that you’re putting in and what you want to do, right? And if you get him, then it’s like, they will see that win, and it’s just like, you might get 75 no’s. Sorry, he can’t do it. He’s busy. Nope, can’t do it. But then that’s 70 time. He’s like, how’s next week sound? Is there a good day? And you’re like, I’ll make it.

Art Eddy [00:32:14]:
Like, I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure this works. So, yeah, I hope you get a man. I really hope you get them. And again, it’s just, I think all the things that we try and do, not just in this fatherhood space, but we should share our victories with our kids just so that they know, okay, it is going to take work, I think, especially nowadays with the. I’m talking on both sides of my mouth about social media and technology. But, like, social media, like fomo, exists now because people are seeing other things. I think when we were kids, FOMO promo was like, you. You’re riding your bike and you see all your friends at one house with other bikes just standing in the lawn and be like, why don’t I get called? Or, why didn’t someone get me? Right? Like, now everybody has it right in their face if they, you know, are on social media and stuff like that.

Art Eddy [00:32:50]:
So, like, there is that grind that a lot of people sometimes don’t see that you’re putting in. So hopefully you get them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:56]:
Man, I appreciate it. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. You ready? Yep. What’s one word, word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:08]:
Communicative.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:08]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Art Eddy [00:33:12]:
Yeah, two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more, talk less.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:16]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Art Eddy [00:33:19]:
I would say any type of, like, video games, whether it’s NHL or whether it’s Mario Kart or something on the Nintendo Switch. A certain plane like that. Or go and see movies we love, like checking out movies.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:29]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Art Eddy [00:33:34]:
You’re enough.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:35]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Art Eddy [00:33:38]:
How much love you can have for another person.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:48]:
Talk to your kids on their level. Never say, like, oh, don’t worry about this. It’ll pass. Understand where they’re at, meet them where they are, then they’re going to meet you where you are, and you’ll have a great relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:59]:
Well, Art, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today for being a part of the show, for the work that you’re doing. If people want to find out more about you and the art of fatherhood, where should they go?

Art Eddy [00:34:09]:
Artofatherhood.net podcast comes out every Monday. Different articles throughout the week. But again, I really appreciate the time. I love the work that you’re doing. Again, like, our friendship is great and over the years we’ve like, you know, we can just like text each other or just send, you know, DMs or something like that to make us chuckle. But again, it’s really cool to see not just your wins, but also your family’s wins, too, and different things that we see out like that you post on social media. But yeah, it’s always been a blast and I always appreciate taking time to chat with you, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:35]:
Same here. And I wish you the best as you get your daughter ready for college and as you transition into being a dad with one daughter in the household. It does change things and it, and it definitely takes a little bit of time and patience, but you’ll get there. And as always, thanks again for all that you do.

Art Eddy [00:34:54]:
Appreciate you, man. Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:58]:
Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Art Eddy [00:35:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:11]:
to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad.

Art Eddy [00:35:14]:
And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make some meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

The Power of Presence: Building Strong Bonds Between Dads and Daughters

June 22, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? That’s the central question explored in the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, where Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes guest Brandon Smith for an honest, insightful and at times emotional conversation about fatherhood, mistakes, and building resilient, confident daughters.

From the start, Brandon Smith distinguishes between “intended” and “unintended” moments in parenting, emphasizing that the unscripted, everyday experiences often make the deepest impact. Whether it’s a trip for just the two of them or sitting quietly in support during a crisis, simply showing up consistently is the anchor of a strong bond. As Brandon Smith shares, “the small moments mattered the most” — a lesson he learned not only in his journey as a dad but also through the advice of other fathers.

The episode dives deep into the challenges dads face: resisting the urge to “fix” everything, sitting with difficult emotions, and learning to ask open-ended questions that give daughters the space to vent, reflect, and find their own solutions. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith steer the conversation toward agency, urging fathers to build their daughters’ confidence and resilience by empowering them to make decisions — even allowing for failure as an important part of growth.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being truly present — listening, apologizing when you get it wrong, and making your child a priority. Brandon Smith reminds listeners that kids are far more forgiving than we think, as long as we’re willing to acknowledge our mistakes and keep trying. Traditions, whether as simple as a regular dinner or a unique holiday ritual, also play a role in creating a safe foundation daughters can count on, even as they gain independence.

Fathers of daughters — whether your relationship is close or still growing, this episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” is packed with real advice, vulnerable stories, and practical tips to help you show up as the dad your daughter needs.

Ready to deepen your connection? Tune in to the full episode and join Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith on the journey to raising strong, independent women.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you come back. You come back to learn, to grow and to find new ways to be able to build those intentional connections with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And it’s so important because we have to show up. We’ve got to show up every day. We’ve got to learn from the things we do well. We got to learn from the things that we mess up on as well, because there’s going to be times that are going to go perfectly and then other times where we’ll. They may be an epic fail. And that’s okay. That the fact that you do show up, the fact that you do come back and you’re willing to, to learn and to hear others stories about their journeys says a lot about you and it says a lot about where you want to be as a father. This podcast is here to give you some help, some perspective, some thoughts on fatherhood.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]:
Every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have gone through their own fatherhood journey and they’re still going through their fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest. Brandon Smith is with us today and Brandon is a return guest, I’m going to say, in some aspects, not he wasn’t a return guest from this podcast, but for those of you that have been listening to me for a while, you know that I had another podcast called Dads with Daughters, and Brandon’s a past guest from that show. So if you want to find that episode, go over to fathering together, you can check that out. It’s still out there. And he’ll add some hot sauce to your fatherhood as well. And I’ll leave it at that because and tease that out. But I’m really excited to be able to have Brandon on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
We’re going to be talking about his own journey with his daughter. And I look forward for you to get to know him as well. Brandon, thanks so much for being here today.

Brandon Smith [00:02:33]:
Chris. I’m thrilled to be on and I love, I love what we’re going to be talking about here today. I’m very, very passionate about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]:
You know, one of the things that I love starting off with when I think about fatherhood is all of us as dads want to create those meaningful moments where we, we truly are able to, to connect with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Brandon Smith [00:02:58]:
So I’m going to answer that in two ways. So there was the intended moments where you get to plan them, but then there’s the unintended moments that you, that you don’t get to plan them. I would argue the unintended moments are probably more impactful. But let’s talk about the intended moments. So I’ve got three kids. My daughter Abby is my oldest. She’s 24. She’s graduated, working a full time job.

Brandon Smith [00:03:18]:
She’s doing great. We’ll talk more about that then. I have a son who’s Noah, who’s 21, and then a son Aaron, who’s 18. Well, whenever my kids were 12, I would always take them, just me and that kiddo, to Disney World, just me and that one kid. So we could just do whatever they want to do. They didn’t have to negotiate rides and restaurants with their siblings. And we just get that time together. And I kind of kept that tradition going with Abby.

Brandon Smith [00:03:38]:
So when she went off to University of Georgia, she was in a sorority. The nice thing about sororities is they have a lot of planned events. So they’ve got like parent weekends, but then they have mommy daughter weekend and then they have a daddy daughter weekend. So I did that with her every year. So there was always times I was going there, just me and her for weekends and time together. And then even during her summers when she was doing internships and things, you know, she would, we would find time for just she and I to meet up in the city some where and just kind of explore together. So there was those schedule times which I think were really, really important. I would argue that the most important times were the times when she was in crisis.

Brandon Smith [00:04:11]:
And I just sat with her. I was just with her, just being present, not trying to solve it, not trying to offer advice, just sit and listen. And that’s really hard now to be fair. We haven’t Talked much about my background. I have a slightly unfair advantage. I was trained as a clinical therapist, so I do bring that to bear. So I know how to ask questions and listen and do kind of reflective, which does help. But I think those moments were probably the most important, and there were several.

Brandon Smith [00:04:38]:
There was one where when she was graduating from college and there had been a death in her sorority, it really rattled my daughter. And on top of that, she had broken her leg, and she was a big runner, so she couldn’t run. That was her stress relief. Let me tell you, Chris, I’m not sure if I’d want to go relive that weekend with her, but it was an impactful one because I just got to sit there with her while she just kind of raged and vented and just had all those emotions just kind of flood. I once heard somewhere that part of the role of the difference between kind of dads and daughters, or men and women, husbands and wives, and in those dynamics, women are often like the waves of the ocean. They kind of come and go. And sometimes when two. When a wife and a daughter kind of come together, sometimes those waves can create some storms.

Brandon Smith [00:05:18]:
Men are kind of like the rock wall on the side of the coast, and the water’s supposed to kind of hit it, but not move it. So we’re kind of almost supposed to be there kind of that steady, steady, consistent force. I don’t know why that image has always stood out for me, but I know that there’s been moments when I’ve been that kind of that. That rock wall and just allowed her to just kind of vent and rage and not be overwhelmed by that. The most impactful. So a long answer to your question, my friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:41]:
Not a problem at all. You know, I have heard what you said earlier about being willing to just sit and listen from many people and not to solve. And that’s not an easy thing for dads to always do. It tends to take a little bit of reprogramming in our brains to be able to get to that point. Talk to me about that for yourself. And I know you said you have a unfair advantage, so maybe you can give some advice for dads that are struggling with that in regards to what either you had to do or what you might recommend that dads do, to be able to reprogram their brains, to be able to be more of those quiet listeners versus the solvers.

Brandon Smith [00:06:20]:
I think the first thing is to recognize that those emotions don’t mean that something’s broken or something’s wrong. So the Things that we want to not do is either jump in and say, no, you must not feel this way. You must feel this way. Trying to change what they’re feeling. Not a good idea. That’s really bad. Dads and daughters, moms and daughters, not good. You don’t want to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:06:38]:
Second, it’s okay to sit in that discomfort. I know it was my own case of. With my father, he was very different. He could not handle any kind of uncomfortable emotion at all. There was if I. If you just got excited and passionate about a topic at dinner, he’d get up and leave the dinner table. He’s gonna handle it. And my entire life, if I talked to my dad, he’d stick his hand out in my face, wave it back and forth, and he’d say, stop talking.

Brandon Smith [00:06:57]:
None of my business. He really just couldn’t handle that. So I would encourage dads first to just be okay with sitting there. You don’t have to fix it. And. And that negative energy isn’t going to hurt you or hurt them. We need to give them a safe space to let it out. So that’s first.

Brandon Smith [00:07:14]:
Second step. How do you help them let it out? It’s by asking a lot of questions and just reflecting back. Just. Just by saying things like that sounds really hard. How are you doing with that? And just letting them go or say, wow, that is just. That’s a lot. Or one of the great therapist lines, which you can always use in your playbook, works really well in life. Say more about that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:32]:
You can never go wrong with. Just say more about that. And you can start off by saying that. That guys, that sounds really hard. Say more about that. What’s the hardest part? So really sit in it now. Where dads are going to go wrong. Another part where they’re going to go wrong is they’re going to go, so how do you think we need to fix it? You don’t need to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:46]:
You don’t need to jump to fixing it. Just let them go. Let them go until that energy really starts to wane. Now, to be fair, my daughter’s grown up with me, and she has very good skills like this. So there’s times I was doing that with her on that moment, I told you, and she said to me, I know what you’re doing. Stop it. So I had to pivot. And one of the ways for my daughter that works really well is when I then get vulnerable, talk about something I’m struggling with in my life, or I get really kind of authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:08:12]:
She connects really well to that my daughter has never done, she came out this way. She’s never done well with people being not performative but, but, but not being real, not really saying what’s really going on. She cannot handle that. So she actually does really well with me just kind of being open and honest and just calling things the way they are. That actually settles her down. So just having some more of that honest dialog and just being present and not trying to change it. I think those are, those are the moments. And she’ll say today, she’ll say, you know, one of the things I’m most proud of, she’ll say if Brandon Smith me says he’s going to be there, he’s going to be there.

Brandon Smith [00:08:42]:
And as a dad that’s really meaningful. I’m feel myself even getting tearing up a little bit just saying that because what dad doesn’t want to hear their kiddo say that? So I would say those are probably two good tips. Just learning to be comfortable in that and then learning how to just ask questions to help it release. By helping it release, you’re fixing it. So I think that’s probably the last thing I’d say. For dads, you don’t have to have a plan of action with three steps or five steps or a phone call you’re going to make today. It doesn’t have to be that clear cut. Just by helping that emotion go, it’ll make a difference.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]:
As our daughters are born, for many years they, they rely so much on us and as they get old they become more and more independent. How did you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needed to be able to grow into the person that she has become?

Brandon Smith [00:09:28]:
It’s a really good question. And this is where we often. So in my professional world, I take a lot of my coaching background and my counseling background and bring it into the workplace and helping leaders get better and those sorts of things. Do a lot of executive coaching kind of work and, and what I think makes this so challenging, it’s kind of like leadership is an art and a science. Parenting is an art and a science. I mean every, every K is a little different. Every situation’s a little different. There’s no one size fits all.

Brandon Smith [00:09:51]:
Sometimes you got to pivot with your recipe. And so where it’s tricky is I’m always trying as a parent, I’m always trying to instill agency. It’s my favorite word. If you ask me, my favorite word on this planet is it’s agency. And for those of you that don’t kind of know the word agency. What we’re talking about when we’re talking about agency for a person, when you have a sense of agency, it’s almost like you tell yourself, I’m enough in the world. I’m not perfect. No one’s perfect.

Brandon Smith [00:10:13]:
But I’m enough. I can get through it. And we have high levels of agency. We have competence and confidence, and we have resilient, and we handle change well. Change doesn’t overwhelm us. What we don’t have when we have high levels of agency is heightened anxiety. Anxiety is the absence of agency. So if you got a really anxious kiddo, just really fearful, kind of struggling with dealing with life, agency is a great antidote.

Brandon Smith [00:10:35]:
I’m always trying to instill that. So the way you instill that is you ask a lot of questions. So, wow, that sounds really hard. Well, what do you think you can do about that? What do you. What do you think you need to do? How do you think you can solve that? How can I help you with that? But you’re. But you’re putting the answers, you’re putting the solutioning, you’re putting the authorship on that, kiddo. So book I published in 2022 is called the author versus editor dilemma. That’s a lot to do with workplaces and leadership and management.

Brandon Smith [00:10:57]:
But I always do a chapter in every one of my books on parenting, and there’s even a chapter in Author editor about that. Like, when should I sit in the author seat and tell them what to do? When should I sit in the editor seat and they tell me what they’re going to do and then I can respond to that. So you want them to have that agency, all solutions to problems. That sometimes means they’re going to fail, and that is okay. Where we need to kind of watch closely is we don’t want the failure to be catastrophic. Failures are good. That’s when you learn. We learn the most in times of failure.

Brandon Smith [00:11:22]:
My midd kiddo, he just went through the college internship process this year. It’s been really tough on college students and interns to find internships this year. It’s a tougher cycle. He had a couple lined up. He waited too long. The offers exploded on him and he had to scramble. And my wife and I were thinking how we could help him. Well, he ended up coming up with an internship on his own.

Brandon Smith [00:11:40]:
He found one, and he’s loving it. And I think the fact he recovered on his own, I mean, that’s really what you want. You Want that level of agency. So all that to say, you know, you’re trying to equip them to solve problems on their own. You’re going to support them. And even when my kids were little, they come home and say, oh, the teacher’s being me. The teacher’s bullying me. It triggers that inner parenting instinct.

Brandon Smith [00:11:58]:
You want to jump in and say, talk to that teacher. I always stopped myself and said, I’m not going to do that. And I would say, what conversation do you think you need to have? I know you can do it. I believe in you. And I said, I’ve got your back. I’ve got air cover for you. It doesn’t go well, you can call dad. Dad will jump in.

Brandon Smith [00:12:12]:
Dad will fix it, but why don’t you take the first crack? I did it with all my kids. I never had to have a conversation with the teacher. They would go back and they had it on their own because I was trying to again equip them to the agency. And also, those are great skills. You’re gonna have to have a conversation with your boss one day. Why don’t you learn that now? So then when you have to neg negotiate your salary or say you can’t work on the weekend, you learn how to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:30]:
Those are great examples. And I think, you know, I’ve. I feel like I’m going through a lot of those myself with my daughter that’s in college right now and figuring out, okay, where do I push, where do I pull, where do I just sit back? And that as you kind of talked about the author role or not. And so that’s always a challenge. And I think it always continues to be a challenge as you sit back and you’re like, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. You can learn from me, but you may need to make these mistakes yourself. And I get that too now, talking about intentional things and thinking in my head of what you just said.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:
Some of the things that we do are very intentional. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked throughout your daughter’s life to be able to strengthen that bond that you had with her, especially during those challenging times.

Brandon Smith [00:13:16]:
So my daughter’s a lot like a cat. You have to let her come to you. If you try and go to her too quickly, it’s not going to go very well. So being intentional, I think, is really important. I will say this. I think going back to the word agency, I often joke with my wife. My daughter kind of came out of the womb just frustrated because she didn’t have any agency because she’s 4 and she wants to do stuff. She’s 8 and she wants to do stuff.

Brandon Smith [00:13:36]:
She’s 12 and she wants to do stuff, and she can’t. And it got frustrated. Well, now she’s 24 and she works for a consulting firm, and she can do all the stuff. So I think that’s helped a lot. But I will say the hardest time for us was probably those high school years where it was the most pressure. And every year she went off to college, her feelings towards us improved, her connection towards us improved on her own, she made those things happen because I think she was just seeing her friends and some of their dynamics with their parents, and she realized we’re not so bad. And every time she called, we always made that time for her. So she calls my wife every day.

Brandon Smith [00:14:10]:
She talks to my wife every day. But she knows she can call me and I will drop whatever I’m doing if she calls me. So I think part of it is just being present with her, not being too pushy, but, you know, letting her come to me. The other thing was I always schedule time with her, and I always tell her, you are one of the most important people and most important relationships in my life. I really want to make sure we get to spend time together. And I find things that my kids like. My daughter likes to go to nice restaurants. She likes to try new food.

Brandon Smith [00:14:32]:
So we’ll go try the local Portuguese restaurant, or we’ll try the Persian restaurant or whatever happens to be. And so now that she’s on her own and she’s figuring out career stuff and life stuff, we try to do quarterly dinners. So we’ll do quarterly dinner. She’s still in Atlanta. I live in Atlanta. So we’ll meet up for dinner somewhere and just have a nice dinner and just talk about life, Talk about her career, her boyfriend, all the other things. I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s always kind of being there when they want to come to you.

Brandon Smith [00:14:57]:
That’s an intention and making them a priority. So that’s kind of more of a firefighter on call kind of intention. When the phone rings, I answer it. But there’s also keeping that connected. And I think when you plan something with someone, you’re signaling to them that they’re a priority. So when I tell my daughter, you mean a lot to me, and our relationship is very meaningful. I want to spend time with you. I’d love to take you out to dinner.

Brandon Smith [00:15:15]:
She never turns me down. So those are Some examples.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:18]:
I love those examples. And I try to have similar things with my own daughters. And I know that it makes a difference. Sometimes they say it, sometimes they don’t. And you have to know that. That you just have to realize that even if they don’t say it, it still matters. Now, none of us are perfect. We all make m mistakes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:37]:
What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:15:44]:
Oh, goodness. I’m going through my very large inventory of mistakes, Chris. So if I’m pausing, it’s because, wow, kind of a lot. Well, I would say I’ve done the opposite of a lot of things I’ve said. Like, I pushed on her too hard, pushed on solutions, pushed, pushed on answers, pushed for answers. That doesn’t go well with her. So that’s not good. But on the flip side, sometimes I don’t come to her when she’s upset.

Brandon Smith [00:16:06]:
That gets her really mad. So if she’s upset, upset, and she’s sending all the signals that she’s upset, and I’m not going to her saying, hey, you seem upset. And maybe I just don’t want to deal with it. I’m going to be honest. Maybe it’s just one of those times where I’m really tired. I don’t have much in the tank. Like, I can’t deal with her just, you know, her upsetness today, that makes her more angry because I’m not coming to her and acknowledging how she’s feeling. So I think there’s a lot around those things.

Brandon Smith [00:16:27]:
Yeah, it’s tricky. Parenting is such a startup experience. Fail fast or fail forward. You’re always trying to adjust. So, you know, I can tell you another great example, like when she was in high school and applying to colleges and she wasn’t getting the SAT score she wanted and she had one last shot, I mean, take the sat and like, I think it was October of your junior year last time. She could really take it and have it count. And she was procrastinating on studying for that, studying for that, studying for that. And whether this was good or bad to me, I’m not sure.

Brandon Smith [00:16:52]:
But I finally told her, I said, look, you don’t have to study for it. You can keep your same SAT scores, and then you’re going to go to this slate of colleges and they’re all perfectly fine. But if you want to go to this slate of colleges, you’re going to need to get that SAT score up. So you’re going to make a choice. And I said, if you want to go here, you’re going to have to do some studying, which means you can’t go off doing brunches on the weekend with your friends. You can’t do that. You got studying to do. You’re running out of time.

Brandon Smith [00:17:12]:
Time. Well, she went off. She said she wanted to do that. She wanted the other schools. She wanted a better score, but she kept doing the brunches. So finally, I had to go in one day and say, I’m sorry, Abby. I hate to do this. I’m your dad.

Brandon Smith [00:17:22]:
I want to honor your request of what you want. I’m grounding you for the next two weeks. You’re going nowhere. You can study. That’s what you can do. Now, I don’t know if that was the right decision or not. She did end up getting the score that she needed at the end of the day, so just barely by the skin of her teeth, but she got that score. But that was an example where I had to step in and ground her on something that she said she wanted, but she wasn’t living up to her own expectations of herself.

Brandon Smith [00:17:45]:
So. I don’t know. Plenty of times I’ve lost my temper with my kids. But I will say this. One of the big things I did learn in life is your kids really want to have a relationship with you. They are actually way more forgiving than we give them credit for. But they will not be forgiving if you don’t apologize. You have to be the first one to go say, I’m sorry.

Brandon Smith [00:18:02]:
Dad screwed up. I shouldn’t have handled it the way I did. I promise I’m not going to do that again going forward. And she. And she had a moment with me a few years ago. It was Christmas, and my wife and I were kind of in a little bit of a spat. And it was happening on Christmas Day, and my daughter was not happy about that. And so she came over to me and she pulled me aside, and she’s like, what’s going on? She was really upset, and I committed to her.

Brandon Smith [00:18:20]:
I said, I’m sorry. You’re right. This shouldn’t be happening on Christmas Day. I’m going to fix it. It’s not going to happen again. And that’s what I did. But you got to be willing to say you’re sorry, and you’re got to be willing to adjust. And if you do that, our kids aren’t expecting perfect from us.

Brandon Smith [00:18:31]:
They’re expecting, like, that effort that we’re trying so when you say you’re going to make a change, you make the change. But they don’t expect perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:37]:
And what do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Brandon Smith [00:18:43]:
I saw an interview with Reese Wither Witherspoon at some point and she, she made a comment and dad, the words that a dad says to their daughter, it’s like permanent marker on their brain. And so I always want to feed her in that way. My daughter, you know, she doesn’t have a lot of money, but she likes to kind of get good fashion. So there’s like you could all these services, you rent clothes and she’ll run clothes, she’ll come downstairs and she’ll be wearing a new dress. And I’ll say, oh Abby, that dress is beautiful on you. You look absolutely just beautiful. And she’s like, oh, thanks dad. But I know that’s, I know that’s feeding into her self conscious and her level of confidence about herself or self talk.

Brandon Smith [00:19:15]:
I always tell her, you’ve got great skills, you’ve got great intuition on people. So I really look, lift up and reinforce her strengths. So not only does she feel kind of seen, but I’m also trying to tell her, you’ve got some great things, don’t lose those. So those are things I really try to be intentional about in my talk with her and also trying to give her support and guidance. Now sometimes it also means not answering her questions. So the recent one she was doing was she’s got a boyfriend who she really likes and we really like. And she’s asking me, she’s saying, dad, I mean, what do you think? I mean really, what do you think? I mean, do you think he’s a good fit for me? I mean, and we like him. And she had a particular thing she was asking about.

Brandon Smith [00:19:49]:
I said, you know, Abby, that’s not my answer. That’s not for me to answer. It’s a question for you to answer. And I laid out some scenarios and things for her. I said, but it’s not for me. She kept pushing on me, pushing on, trying to get me. I wouldn’t answer. I wouldn’t, wouldn’t answer.

Brandon Smith [00:20:00]:
A few days later she came to my wife and she said, tell dad I’m sorry for pushing him so hard. I was having a, it’s one of the phrases that you probably heard your daughter say recently. She’s like, I was having a crash out and I was pushing dad a little too hard and I, I shouldn’t have been telling actually everything’s okay. I’m fine with my boyfriend. So I think knowing sometimes when not to insert your opinions is also important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
You don’t want to have those insert foot in mouth moments as you’re talking to your daughters and, or having to backpedal. So sometimes being silent or as you said, kind of pushing back and allowing for them to work it through probably makes a lot of sense.

Brandon Smith [00:20:36]:
It reminds me there was a Seinfeld episode where, you know, I think, I can’t remember, maybe Kramer had a girlfriend that no one liked. And so they all told him he broke up and we’re like, oh, we don’t like your girlfriend. And then they got back together. Then now it was awkward because they told Kramer we don’t like your girlfriend. But now he’s back with her girlfriend. So I think there’s times when you just have to some things or for them to figure out. And frankly, if she’s happy, that’s, I mean, that’s one of the things we’re going for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:00]:
And how did you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Brandon Smith [00:21:04]:
It’s a challenging one. So in high school, she would come at my wife and me and she’d say, you guys put high expectations on me. You hold me an unfair standard. And it’s funny, Chris, we never did. We never did. We never did. My wife and I are little, a little Gen X in how we raise our kids. We’re a little, wouldn’t say feral, but a little more.

Brandon Smith [00:21:23]:
More like that in this way. We Never had life, 360 on any of our kids. We didn’t track them where they go. We never, once they got into high school, we never looked at the report cards again. Now I’ve never seen a report card for my kids in high school or college because what I told them was I said, your grades are your grades. And my expectation is you work hard and own and be proud of whatever grade you get. If you got a C and you didn’t work hard, then decide to make an adjustment. But if you got a C and you gave it everything you got, that’s great.

Brandon Smith [00:21:47]:
So I think part of it is setting that, pushing kind of that ownership and agency properly on them. It’s your life. Your grades are the beginning of that, but it’s just going to evolve into more decisions that are yours. I think the second thing is I’m always trying to remind her and reinforce to her what her natural gifts are, what her natural gifts and talents. I think so hard she’s trying to fit herself into a box. Like when she was in high school, she took a lot of computer science classes because she thought, oh, I’m a girl, I should take computer science classes because it’ll round me out. It was not her love language. It’s not her love language and she would tell you that.

Brandon Smith [00:22:17]:
But she has a lot of great love languages that she’s really passionate about. And I’m always trying to remind her of that because she’s in this early part of her career where she’s trying to figure out what does she want her career to look like. And so I’m trying to encourage her to pursue those areas where she says more natural strengths and passions because it will. It’ll play out in a much, much more fulfilling way for her. So I think it’s just lifting those things up. That doesn’t always mean that she hears it in the moment. I think that’s another important thing too. Like, if dads are looking for kind of, I do this and I get an immediate kind of response.

Brandon Smith [00:22:47]:
It’s not, it’s not like that. I often, I’ll chat in my author editor book and you want to talk to my clients when they’re like, doing too much for their teams. I’ll say to them, are you trying to win an mvp? Are you trying to win a world championship? Because are two very different muscles. And I think sometimes as dads, we’re trying to win MVPs, like, we want the immediate hug and the gratification in the moment, like we just scored a touchdown. And really we should probably be thinking about more like winning a world championship because, like, those are lag indicators. You don’t really know how well you’re doing until you start to get further into the season. Then you got to get in the playoffs. So touchdowns don’t.

Brandon Smith [00:23:18]:
The touchdown itself doesn’t really matter. So I’m getting more of the payoff way after the fact from her. Not in the moment. And sometimes she’ll dismiss my comments in the moment. But I know I’m planting seeds.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]:
What’s one way you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Brandon Smith [00:23:31]:
I would say the simple answer is if she knows. And she’s very respectful of this. She knows if she calls me during the day, I’m going to answer as quickly as I can. If I have to call her back, I will. And I will then clear my calendar to whenever she wants to talk. I will cancel other business calls that I have to make that time for her. Now she does, she does not abuse that. She’s very, very respectful of that and sometimes I’ll tell her I’m tied up, I can’t have a public, let’s talk tonight.

Brandon Smith [00:23:55]:
But I always try and make her a priority when she needs to talk. And so I think that’s the number one way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
And when you think back to relationship with your daughter in the past now, what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that really strengthens your bond?

Brandon Smith [00:24:12]:
I think there’s a couple, one for sure is are just going out to dinner together. We love to do that and traveling together. When my daughter and I did our 12 year old trip to Disney, we stayed at a different kind of Disney hotel. And we just walked around all the hotels one night and she picked out what she’s like, oh, I love this one. We should stay here from now on as a family. And sure enough, that’s what we started doing. So I think finding things that your daughter likes that you can share with her is really good. And that can be a variety of things.

Brandon Smith [00:24:36]:
My daughter, she likes sporting events because she likes to sit with people that she cares about and have conversations, but she doesn’t actually care about the event itself. But she’ll go because she likes to have that time together. I think finding those things that we can do, I think are definitely one. And then we have other traditions that we’ve always done as a family, which she actually appreciates. We always try to have dinner together as a family as much as we could. We thought this was normal. Apparently it’s weird. We live in Atlanta, so we live in the Southeast, but every Christmas Eve after church we go to Waffle House.

Brandon Smith [00:25:02]:
Waffle Houses are Christmas Eve tradition. And just things like that that she really likes, I think it provides a lot of that stability. I’ll also say, like as I mentioned to you before, my daughter was never very touchy feely. Like she was never like daddy’s little girl in the sense that she just worshiped me and always wanted to spend time with me. But that has gotten more and more as she’s gotten older. Last time she was over to her house, she gave me probably three hugs before she left the house. And so I do think that, you know, it’s definitely a marathon and a long race, more like trying to win a world championship than it is winning an mvp.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]:
Now we always finish our interview with what I like to call our dad connection. Six, six more questions that delve into you as a dad. Are you ready? What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:25:42]:
And this isn’t Meant to be creepy, but I really like this word. It’s intimate. We cover the can. I’m open and honest and things I’m kind of working through. She’s open and honest with things she’s working through. So there’s just a commitment, openness with sharing. Kind of our. We’re very authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:25:54]:
We’re vulnerable. We share needs and wants. We just, we’re just have a very open relationship. So I would say that what’s the

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:59]:
best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Brandon Smith [00:26:04]:
I would say the best piece of d. Bad advice I ever received actually came from a client of mine. And it was because he had worked a very long career with a big company. It’s a privately held company. He wasn’t going to get the CEO job. He was right below it. So he decided to retire and he traveled all the time. And one day his kids told him and he made it a point.

Brandon Smith [00:26:22]:
He was like, I was always going to be there for the big events. I’m always going to be there for the soccer matches and the award ceremonies. And he would fly back in town, he’d go to those events and he thought like, ah, being a great dad. And then his son one day said to him, he said, dad, you were always there for the big moments, but you were never there for the small ones. And the small ones mattered the most. O so I do think the soccer matches really don’t matter. They really don’t. The dining room table, that matters more.

Brandon Smith [00:26:45]:
The being able to like go in your kids room when they’re sad and crying and just sit with them. That matters way more than seeing their baseball tournament or their dance recital. I’m not saying those things are bad. I’m not saying you should dismiss them. But it’s not the same thing because frankly we over index on that stuff. We’re like, ah, I was with them. Dance recital. You were sitting in an Auditorium.

Brandon Smith [00:27:03]:
Auditorium 20ft away from your kid. You weren’t talking to them, they weren’t talking to you. They were doing something and you were watching. It’s not much different than watching your kid play video games. It’s really not any different. It’s not connected. But we tend to think it’s some kind of connection. So I think those small moments are the key.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Brandon Smith [00:27:21]:
Definitely restaurants. That’s an easy one to plug in. Travel. She’s always game for travel. So if I said let’s go to a city and then I’ll and I let her plan it, and we go around and do things. Things, that’s great. So I think those are things that she loves to do that I like to do, too. So those are the two big ones.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Brandon Smith [00:27:39]:
Be true to yourself. It’s probably cliche, but what that really means is understand how you’re hardwired and find a swim lane that honors that. Life’s much easier and more fulfilling. If you go in the direction of the current, you’re already wired to go down. If you try and force it and fake it and go down another path, you’re not going to be happy. If you try and chase other things, you’re also not going to be happy. So I think just finding, really get a good understanding of who you are, figure out, plug that into the world, you’re going to feel a lot, a lot better. And I think that’s hard for daughters today because there’s a lot of pressure.

Brandon Smith [00:28:06]:
You should be a career woman, and you should put off having kids. And that is a choice for some women. They can do that. But some women might decide, I want to have a family. And there’s not as, maybe as much discussion and balanced conversation on different options for women. So I think today, ironically, it’s kind of like almost gone the other way. It’s like, you got to have a career, you got to make as much money as possible. And I know she’s felt pressured to do that, and she’s adjusting what she wants, so being able to help in that process.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Brandon Smith [00:28:38]:
Two quick ones. So first I would say tell them that. Tell them that I want to build a relationship with you. You are one of the most important people in my life. I would love to explore what that might look like or how we could do that. So I think that’s one second that I mentioned earlier. The secret sauce to all this is being able to apologize. That’s the equivalent of fail fast in the entrepreneurial world or fail forward.

Brandon Smith [00:28:56]:
Apologize dies quickly. When you make a mistake, go in quickly and be like, I screwed up. Dad screwed up. I’m sorry. Here’s why it happened. But it’s not going to happen again. They will quickly forgive you. But if you don’t do that, that emotion will see them fester.

Brandon Smith [00:29:08]:
And then that’s when you get World War iii. And daughters are good at waging World War iii. If necessary so you can avoid that with a quick apology.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:16]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Brandon Smith [00:29:20]:
Yeah, the simplest place is just Google the workplace therapist. That’s my handle. So you can Google the workplace therapist. I’m the only one. Well, there’s one other person in Australia now, but I’m the only other one. So you’ll look for the guy not in Australia and you’ll find me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
Well, Brandon, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this journey that you’ve been on with your daughter. I know it’s not over, it’s definitely going to just continue. But I truly want to say thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best.

Brandon Smith [00:29:49]:
Thank you. Thank you for all the great work you do for dads out there trying to be better. So thank you for having me. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
It’s about being present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents? Bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them Be the best, best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Building Father-Daughter Connections Through Presence and Support

June 1, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Are you a dad striving to forge a deeper, lasting relationship with your daughter? The latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is a must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this heartfelt conversation with guest Craig Parks spills over with practical wisdom, real-life stories, and a focus on the small moments that truly matter in father-daughter relationships.

A central theme in this episode is the extraordinary power of being present. Craig Parks reflects on the transition from seeking only “big moments” to cherishing the everyday interactions—whether it’s sharing a chat during the drive to school, game nights, or the simple rituals at bedtime. These small but consistent acts of presence, he argues, lay the foundation for trust and connection that daughters carry into adulthood.

As the episode unfolds, the conversation shifts to the challenges and joys of raising daughters through their tween years. Craig Parks emphasizes the importance of balancing guidance with allowing independence. He shares, with refreshing honesty, the natural struggles of parenting—highlighting the need for self-reflection, giving space for children to assert themselves, and not taking it personally when daughters begin to assert their own identities.

Another powerful takeaway is the value of supporting your child’s passions and dreams. Craig Parks’s support for his daughter’s love of music and theater—showing up for rehearsals, being her biggest cheerleader, and even creating a “Daddy Daughter Duo”—serves as a model for embracing who your child truly is, not who you expect them to be.

The podcast doesn’t shy away from the tough stuff either. Craig Parks candidly shares a parenting mistake, underlining the importance of apologizing and repairing relationships. This humility and willingness to grow set the tone for authentic connection.

Rounding out the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis and Craig Parks discuss actionable tips, from fostering safe communication to managing your own well-being as a dad.

Ready for more heartfelt advice and stories that inspire? Tune in to this episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection.” You’ll come away equipped and encouraged, with fresh ideas to nurture the most important relationship in your—and your daughter’s—life.

Listen now and start building those everyday moments that last a lifetime!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, working toward building those strong relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is so important that you show up, because every day that you show up shows your daughters that you care, shows your daughters that you’re in it to be able to be the dad that they want and that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:18]:
And that’s why this podcast is here. It is here to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, to provide you some perspective and allow for you to learn from some other people that have gone through different experiences that can give you some different perspective that can help you to be the dad that you want to be. Today, we’ve got a great guest. Craig Parks is with us. And Craig is someone I’ve known for a few years. He’s a past guest on my other podcast, Dads With Daughters, that I did for many years. And I asked him to come back to talk about where we are today, because the last time we chatted was about. About five years ago, I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:56]:
And things are definitely different. Kids are older, and life is different in many different ways. So I’m excited to be able to talk to him, especially about his relationship with his daughter, and to be able to share him with you. Craig, thanks so much for being here today.

Craig Parks [00:02:09]:
It’s an honor. Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]:
Well, I really appreciate you being here today and for sharing this journey that you’ve been on with your daughter. And I know she’s in those tween years, so we’ll be. We’ll. We’ll talk a little bit about that, too. But one of the things that I love talking about first is that each of us as a dad, really want to create those moments, those moments that Our kids will remember. And I guess for you, as you think about your relationship with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Craig Parks [00:02:39]:
For me, we often will think about kind of the really big moments, and certainly those are going to happen. But to be honest with you, my focus is less on the big moments and understanding that most of parenthood is actually made up of the everyday small moments and really trying to be present for those. Right. Whether it’s like when I’m driving her to school every day, am I present, am I with her, are we sharing something in the evening when we’re hanging out, am I on my phone, or am I like, really with her? You know, are we playing games, are we talking, are we. And if she’s going through any kind of struggle, like at bedtime, when she opens up a little bit more, am I listening in a way that will make her want to continue to. To open up and see me as a trusted source of support? So there’s some just amazing moments of watching her on stage, she’s in musical theater, or just playing Rummy Cube with her often, or she’s also a musician. And so for me, like, what’s really special is when she sits down at the piano and we’re starting to put together a little thing called the Daddy Daughter Duo. And our dream is to go out and gig together.

Craig Parks [00:03:40]:
So anytime we play any music and harmonize together, those moments are so incredible. But I don’t look towards, like, the big moments I want to soak in because I just know how fast it goes. I know that in a matter of six years can be out of the house. And it’s like I just want to make the most of the tiny moments each bedtime that she still wants me there every time she gives me a hug and wants to hug me. And as you mentioned, she’s in her tween years now, so I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all roses either, because she is in her individuation process, which is a natural process. Right. So there are some really hard moments to too, where she’s very defiant and she’s bumping up against those boundaries and that’s her job as well. So that’s really kind of what’s in my heart around that.

Craig Parks [00:04:22]:
I mean, it’s a good question. And I know that we will look back and I, you know, when I look back on her 11 years already, I mean, the pandemic was actually a really huge one, honestly. And that’s where we created part two, Party Central. We did a weekly interactive show together to kind of get us through the pandemic and help others get through the pandemic. And we created this amazing interactive family variety show for people. So that’s a memory that’s like, wow, that’s really huge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:46]:
Now, with your daughter getting into those tween years, there is a point in time where your daughter goes from the daughter that is still holding your hand and wants you there and has those stars in their eyes as they’re looking at you and being its dad. Now, they still say it’s dad, but they’re looking at that independence, and they want that independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Craig Parks [00:05:11]:
Such a great, great question. And, you know, I think when we listen to podcasts or it’s easy to think of, like, oh, there’s an expert on. And they have it all together. And, you know, and I just want to be really honest. I think that, first of all, it is a great question. It’s an important question. And I think it’s important for us parents to remember that. That we’re never going to be perfect.

Craig Parks [00:05:31]:
And so that balance between fostering her independence and when she was like, oh, I want my daddy, but there’s that part of her that’s like, you are embarrassing me. You are gross, and get away from me. For me, I just do my best to, one, not take it personally when things get really, really hard. And two, to actually understand development, I think, is really important for us dads as well to know what is actually natural. Like, for them to start breaking away is actually natural. And if we’re hoping that they’re going to be continue to look at us like, oh, Daddy, you want to hold our hands when they’re 15 and 16 and 17, that’s actually not inv their best interests. I’ll share this with you. I was nervous, and I think when we spoke many years ago on the podcast, I shared this, too.

Craig Parks [00:06:12]:
I was actually quite scared to have a daughter. As somebody who’s worked with children of all ages for over three decades, and it wasn’t because I was afraid I was going to love my daughter. It was because I think my knowledge of what. What girls and women go through, it’s like, wow, that’s tough. And. And so when I found out I was having a daughter, it’s like, okay, I want to do everything I can to help my daughter own every bit of her power. And. And so I created a mantra for her even when she was in utero.

Craig Parks [00:06:39]:
And her mantra is, I am powerful and creative. And it is something I just. She is. I just shared with her almost every single day of her life. And what’s great is she’s actually really internalized it. And yet the irony is that when she owns that power and that creativity and uses it, quote, unquote, against me, I have to take a step back, not take it personally, and realize, okay, she actually is asserting her independence. And. And I want her to be.

Craig Parks [00:07:03]:
I want her to be strong, and I don’t want her to just follow the crowd. I don’t want her if even in her dating life, if she’s feeling a little bit weird internally, I want her to trust her intuition. I want her to trust and feel confident. Say, this doesn’t feel right. So I’m not looking for a daughter who’s just going to obey me and be completely obedient. No, I want. I want a daughter who’s going to be able to question me when she feels like something is not fair or just or right. I want to foster that in her so that I know that when she’s out in the world, she has the confidence to do that and know that that’s.

Craig Parks [00:07:35]:
That’s actually a good thing, that that’s a really wonderful thing to do. So there’s tension in that. Right? Because of course, who doesn’t want the sweet, loving daughter, right, that’s just going to want to hug us all the time. But I think it’s important to know that that’s actually not in their best interest, that it’s. That they do need to break away. They need to actually go up against the boundaries. And it’s our job as parents to one continually question, are these boundaries still developmentally appropriate and are they fair? And if they are, it’s our job to, even against their resistance, to hold firm and be okay with them hating us in that moment because they’re going to say some things that if we could take personally, but I think our job is to not take personally and stay calm, as calm as we can, and loving and. And have some grace for ourselves as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:19]:
You know, a little bit earlier you talked about that your daughter’s into musical theater, that you can tell that she has some true pass, that you’re wanting to do some gigs with her and to try to get out into the world to showcase what you both have together. And those go into the passions and the dreams that our kids have. And as fathers, we do whatever we can to be able to support those. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Craig Parks [00:08:44]:
Well, I think a lot of it is just like taking her to all the rehearsals, picking her up, and also being there, just being present. My dad was such a hard working dad, just trying to support the family. He missed a lot of my childhood. I think a lot of what I do and what I chose to do as a profession, working with kids, and certainly as a dad, I think was largely driven by a lot of that pain of like wishing that my dad had been kind of more present. I understand. I mean, he, it wasn’t for a bad reason. He was working his tail off trying to support the family. Right.

Craig Parks [00:09:14]:
But I knew I wanted to design a different kind of life for myself as a dad. And so I think the way we support our kids and our daughters is by understanding who they are. So like, my daughter is really into music and musical theater and she never got that into sports and that’s fine. So it’s like trying to understand, like, what are their true gifts, what are their true passions and trying to let them become who they actually are rather than mold them into who we want to be. I mean, look, I wish I was out gigging last year with her already because she could do that. But I also don’t want to be the, the parents, be like, no, we’re going to practice this way and have it be some. I want it to be joyful and connecting. So for me it’s just being present.

Craig Parks [00:09:50]:
When she has rehearsals, I work it out with, with my wife so that who’s going to drive her, who’s going to pick her up? And she sees that dad is often the one doing those things. Every performance I’m there. On the very rare occasions where I can’t make something, I see she’s bummed about it. And for me as a kid, it was just the norm. So the fact that I know my kid is disappointed and can show that to me is actually another beautiful thing that reflects the, the connection that we have, that she can actually express her sadness and disappointment and I can too. But just being there, being present, seeing what they’re into, seeing what they’re passionate about and supporting it, I think is one of the best ways that we can really support our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:26]:
The other thing that I think a lot of us as dads want to do is be able to show our kids that we believe in them, that we value them. And I guess for you as a dad, what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel both valued and heard?

Craig Parks [00:10:42]:
We talked about kind of the small moments of each day. I think it happens in the tiniest of moments. Each. Each moment when she’s speaking, don’t be looking at your phone. And I’m guilty of that. And so. But in terms of my intention, that’s what I want to make sure is when she’s speaking, presence, am I present? Am I actually hearing and understanding what she is saying, and am I asking questions that she could tell I’m really thinking about what she’s saying and can I do it without judgment? And that’s tricky for us parents, too, because of course, we’re going to have our judgments about things. But.

Craig Parks [00:11:11]:
And then the other thing is. And this could be hard for us parents, too, is letting them fail, letting them make mistakes, let them learn from those mistakes, giving them space to be able to fail, to not rescue them and. But let them know, like, we’re here, we see you, and we believe in you. This is something I was actually conscious of from really day one, especially with a daughter. I did not want a daughter to learn that she was just helpless. I wanted her to know I believed in her. So I guess a little kid, you know, she. She’d fall off the play equipment or she.

Craig Parks [00:11:40]:
She’d scrape her knee or whatever. And. And I wasn’t just, like, running to her like, are you okay? You know, I was like, get on up. You got this. You know, just letting her know, like, I’m here. I see you. I believe in you. You can get up.

Craig Parks [00:11:50]:
You got it. And obviously, if she was really, really her, I. Obviously, I’d be nurturing and take care of her, but, you know, just let her know, like, whatever it is, like, we can learn from them and we can grow. And so to not get upset if they fail, if they, you know, they don’t do something, they don’t do a chore, it’s like, okay, well, you’re not going to get this until it’s done. But with no anger in the voice of, like, cool. This is the way it is. I think the more us parents can understand our boundaries and understand how to set up kind of natural consequences, it’s easier for us to not lose our cool. And especially as dads, it could be really scary for kids when us dads can lose our cool and lose our temper.

Craig Parks [00:12:25]:
Our. I think our biggest job is really to just work on our own presence and our own being so that our kids just feel safe. Around us to be whatever they need to be. And I know that’s a high bar, but for me, that’s what I’m really

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:37]:
conscious of as a dad now. None of us as dads are perfect. We all make mistakes, and we have to live with those mistakes and learn from those mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it regarding fostering a positive communication with your daughter?

Craig Parks [00:12:55]:
So there’s one memory that. And this happened a lot of years ago. You know, I don’t know how old she was. It was. She was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and it was, like, three days in a row. She kept spilling water in the backseat of the car. And there was one day where, really I lost it. And I grabbed whatever I could.

Craig Parks [00:13:14]:
It turned out to be her artwork. And I used it to, like, dry up the back seat. And Christopher. I felt like such garbage. I felt so bad. Like, I took her creation, I took her art, and in anger, right up the seat, and she was crying. She was really upset. And later that night, you know, when I got calm at bedtime, I really debriefed the whole thing and took full responsibility.

Craig Parks [00:13:37]:
And I apologized. And I think it’s important for our kids to hear us apologize when we make mistakes, if we want them to be able to do that, too, make repairs. And I asked her, too. I told her. I was like, there was no part of that that was right for me to do, and that I felt terrible. And I apologize. And I. And I asked her, I’m like, and I really hope that you’ll forgive me.

Craig Parks [00:13:55]:
And, you know, and she said that she did. And the reason I bring this up is because she still, to this day, will bring that up to give me a hard time. She’s like, dad, you took my art. And, you know, and the fact that, like, that that’s the one that she goes to after all these years, that she doesn’t have, like, 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 of those terrible memories to go to, to me, is, like, a really beautiful thing. It shows that I’ve done a pretty good job of staying pretty calm and peaceful and connected and loving. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t had moments where I haven’t had to apologize to her in all these years. I don’t. I don’t want to set that up.

Craig Parks [00:14:30]:
But what that showed me is that one certainly repairing, repairing, repairing when there is a disconnect, when we have not been our best, repairing that moment revisiting that moment, letting them know that we’ve thought about it and that we were not proud of our moments when we’re. When we’re not at our best and to let them see a vulnerable side of us, that we’re actually thoughtful, we’re reflective, that we care about the relationship. That, I think is one of the biggest, biggest lessons that no matter what goes down, because we will never be perfect, we shouldn’t be perfect. We’ll never, you know, and so when we have those moments, repair, repair, repair. And if we could do that, we keep our relationship strong and we keep that trust. When they see that we’ve reflected and we’ve owned where we have not been our best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:17]:
Now, one of the things that I know that you’ve done in the past and that you’re working on right now is you started a site called parentingharmony.com and I guess I want to go back to the beginning of this and bring me back to the inception of the idea. And what made you decide that you wanted to venture into this space and start this journey? And what needs were you trying to fill?

Craig Parks [00:15:44]:
So I’m in San Diego, California, and I’ve started two summer camps, and I ran summer camps for about 30 years, and I’ve worked with kids of all ages. And I’m also a professional musician. So I’ve done music with a lot of children, done parents, and taught classes, and there’s a lot of things I’ve done with kids and then having my own. I ended up writing a lot of music, and I wrote a lot of music just in the natural flow of being with my kids. Kids. And I ended up recording an album of music that I wrote with my kids that ended up. And. And when I first released, I thought, oh, I kind of want to be the next Raffy, you know, and, like, just be out there doing this kids album.

Craig Parks [00:16:19]:
But the more I thought about it, and as I was trying to get it out there, I realized, wait a minute. These songs are not just kid songs. These are actually parenting moments. So it was songs like Dancing on Daddy’s Shoulders, where I would actually have my daughter up on my shoulders, and we would sing this song and dance together every day. When she was young, during bath time, I wrote a song for bath time. I wrote a lullaby for my son. I have all these songs that were parenting experiences. And then I thought, wait a minute.

Craig Parks [00:16:45]:
Okay. I have these songs that turn everyday moments into actually positive, beautiful memories. And I’ve also taught so many people how to work with kids. And I actually want to share all of this wisdom so that parents one can be present one they’re not going to look back at their child childhood in regret. Like, oh my God, I missed it in the blink of an eye because I didn’t make the most out of bedtime. The things that happen every day, that’s most of parenting. Because Christopher, you asked about the big moments, right? And we can take our kids to Disneyland and that will be a memorable moment. But most of parenting isn’t that.

Craig Parks [00:17:19]:
Most of parenting is the wake them up, make sure they’re fed, make sure that they’re bathed, make sure that they go to bed at a reasonable hour. All these things that we have to do every day. And so what for me it was like, oh, I feel like I’ve kind of really have something to show parents of how to make the most of the mundane and make up connecting fun. So I created the parenting A to E philosophy. And A stands for our affect, right? I’ve talked about presence, I talked about being common and our affect in our body and in our voice will create the E the effectiveness of the kind of relationship we want. And so, and this is what I taught all the people I trained to work with kids is how do we use our body and how do we use our voice to create connection in a way that’s memorable. And so my parenting aide course teaches parents how to use their body, their voice. It has the 14 songs for that and then there’s 10 games as well that they can do to use the affect that are just really fun, really connecting, that are screen free.

Craig Parks [00:18:15]:
And then there’s bonus material like bedtime rituals and bathtime rituals. So this is to help parents and amazing like and they’ve told me like it has made such a difference and things that they just don’t think about because maybe they’ve never worked with kids, right? Something as simple as lower your body and get down on their eye level. Can you imagine being, you know, if everybody in your world was 10 foot 6 inches and you walked out the door and Everybody was like 2ft taller than you, like how intimidating that world would be. And we forget that that’s the world that our little children are in every day of their lives. And so the simple act of lowering our our bodies and getting eye level creates trust safety. So those are the powerful kind of techniques that I teach in my parenting A to E course. And then the songs are easy, they’re for non musicians that are very, very simple melodies but are super fun and connecting and when you do these as a ritual every day for bedtime, the lullaby or washing hands or bath time or whatever it is, our children will look back on their childhood and they’ll remember, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah.

Craig Parks [00:19:13]:
I remember we used to sing this song when dad would wake me up. It was the wake up song. So there’s all these different things, and music is one of the most powerful ways to create memories. So I just wanted to share all these things that I had learned and done and created so that there’s more love, more joy and connection that parents have access to. And that for the parents who’ve used this course, that’s what they’ve done. And then I also created out of the Parks Party Central show, every episode had activities that parents could do with their kids. And so I look back on our episodes and I created the Parks Party Central parent child activity book. And it’s 25 screen free activities that parents can do with their kids that are silly.

Craig Parks [00:19:48]:
They’re really fun. And so I have different ways and offerings that parents can take advantage of if they really want to have more fun, more connection, and more joy. That’s what parenting harmony is all about. And you can find these@parentingharmony.com now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:00]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Craig Parks [00:20:07]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Craig Parks [00:20:12]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Craig Parks [00:20:17]:
Take care of your own well, being first so that you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
It’s the old adage of the airlines and putting your mask on before you help your child.

Craig Parks [00:20:27]:
We’re stressed and we’re hungry and we’re just a ball of nerves all the time. Like, we just. We can’t be our best. So I meditate every single day.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Craig Parks [00:20:38]:
Playing music. Oh, and I’m going to throw in a bonus one. We are really into Rummy Cube right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]:
It’s a fun game.

Craig Parks [00:20:44]:
Yeah, it’s great.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Craig Parks [00:20:49]:
Take on the mindset of owning your power to create no matter the circumstances.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:55]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Craig Parks [00:20:58]:
My heart and capacity to love is much bigger than I even realized.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Craig Parks [00:21:11]:
The most important thing, I think, is being there, is being present as much as possible. And I know that we have to work right and we have to do different things, but as much as possible, when we are able to be there, be there with an open mind, an open heart, and with curiosity and with love being the foundation of it all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:30]:
Well, Craig, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate you being back and sharing your journey with your daughter. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Craig Parks [00:21:39]:
They can go to parentingharmony.com and they can write to me at Craig Parks parentingharmony.com and I also want to. If anybody’s made it this far and they’re actually interested, I want to offer this to your listeners. If you write to me and you want the parenting Harmony, the parenting ate digital course, I will take $200 off the course. That’s way more than 50%. So just write to me and say that you heard me on this podcast and I will get you. I’ll get you that discount. Because if that’s something you want, I also guarantee that if you do this course, you will have more laughter, you will have more joy, and you will have more confidence in your parenting. And.

Craig Parks [00:22:15]:
And ultimately what I want is that for you, more love, more joy, more connection, because that is what will ripple out into a more peaceful world for all of our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:23]:
Well, Craig, thank you. Thank you not only for that wonderful gift for us, but also for sharing your story today. And I truly wish you all the best.

Craig Parks [00:22:32]:
Thank you, Chris, for always a pleasure to be with you.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:35]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:05]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can.

Listening, Laughing, Loving: How to Be the Dad She Really Needs

May 25, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Building a strong, lasting relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with challenges, humor, and countless meaningful moments. In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with dedicated father Charlie Davis and his tween daughter, Harper, to explore what it really takes to foster connection, confidence, and independence in young women.

This week Charlie Davis shares how creating traditions—like their annual “Daddy Daughter Dance” outings—has become a cornerstone in their relationship. These shared rituals become “core memories,” strengthening their bond year after year.

Navigating the tween years brings new challenges. Charlie Davis talks openly about balancing guidance with granting independence, highlighting the importance of giving daughters space to make decisions and learn from them. He reflects on the need for gentle communication, admitting that a softer approach encourages frank discussions and helps avoid misunderstandings.

Supporting individual passions emerged as another vital theme. For Harper, a love of animals is front and center, and her parents actively support her interests—arranging shadow days at the local veterinary clinic and fostering her involvement in horseback riding. This affirmation and encouragement empower her to pursue her dreams.

What truly shines in this episode is the warmth and humor that permeates Charlie Davis and Harper’s relationship. Whether it’s inside jokes (“be careful!” before bed), binge-watching favorite shows, or simply running errands together, these small moments add up to a profound sense of closeness and trust.

The advice offered is relatable and actionable for dads everywhere: Be present, listen actively, don’t take yourself too seriously, and never underestimate the power of laughter. Most of all, remember that daughters are always listening, so choose your words and actions with care.

If you’re a dad looking for inspiration to deepen your connection with your daughter, tune in to this heartfelt episode. Full of personal stories and practical gems, it’s a must-listen for anyone striving to “be the dad she needs.” Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com and keep building those lifelong bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, to work with one another and, and for you to be able to take something tangible, something tangible out of every episode so that you have an opportunity to be able to build some tools for your toolbox. Learning from others and finding some things that might allow you to build that type of relationship that you want to have with your daughter. That’s why I love that you’re here every week, because every week you are showing up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:21]:
You’re showing up to be able to learn, to grow and you are doing what you have to do to be able to build on those relationships. We don’t always do it right. There’s going to be times when we trip. That’s okay. What’s important is that you do keep showing up and that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be able to do just that. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that will provide you with some of their own experiences, some that might work for you and some might not. But it’s good to be able to hear and experience and learn from other people in that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Today we got another great guest. Charlie Davis is with us today. Charlie is a father of a daughter. He has almost 12 year old daughter and we’re going to be. And she may pop her head in, in just a little bit and, and talk to us a little bit as well. But I’m really excited to be able to have Charlie on today and to introduce him to you. Charlie, thanks so much for being here today.

Charlie Davis [00:02:13]:
Absolutely. Glad to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:14]:
You know, first and foremost, Charlie, I guess one of the questions that I want to be able to start with is that every one of us as fathers love to be able to create those moments, those meaningful moments that are Ones that our daughters remember and allow for us to build those bonds. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Charlie Davis [00:02:36]:
I’d say it’s kind of a repeat moment, but we try to do it annually. We try to take. We try to take the time to make sure that, you know, we spend some individual time together. But she had, you know, with her older brother and their mom and everything. But every year, there’s a particular moment where we try to attend the annual Daddy Daughter Dance. And that is something that we have kind of made a tradition. She hasn’t grown out of it yet. She actually still enjoys going with me.

Charlie Davis [00:03:01]:
So that part’s great. It’s an evening that we can just take to ourselves and just her and myself and we’ll go out to dinner. Usually it’s the same place. We have a particular restaurant we like to go to. It’s an Italian place, particularly for the overly large piece of chocolate cake that we have every time that we go each year. And it’s just a memory, kind of a core memory that sticks, that, you know, she brings up from occasion and even reminds me to make sure that I look to see when the next dance is coming up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:26]:
It’s always important when you have those type of moments. I remember going to the dances with my own daughters, and it was always so fun to be able to share those times and to have those special moments in that regard. And your daughter is now getting into those tween years, and there is going to be that inevitable push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Charlie Davis [00:03:51]:
Well, to tell you the truth, with her in particular, it’s been a little easier than I expected. I don’t expect it to always be that way. But she’s had a sense of independence for a while anyway. She’s not one that runs around in large crowds, you know, all the time, wants to be away from the house a lot. She’s very much into reading. She actually prefers to do that with her free time most of the time. But the biggest balance is me being able to take a step back and let her live basically like you. Let her make some choices on her own, you know, within reason, and just kind of see how she does with those choices now to kind of evaluate how she may approach certain larger decisions later in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:30]:
None of us as dads are perfect. We are fallible. We’re humans. We make Mistakes. What’s a mistake you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive communication with your daughter?

Charlie Davis [00:04:41]:
Well, I learned very quickly that I have to speak and approach her very differently than her older brother. I could be a little more firm with him than I can with her. I can still be firm to a degree with her when need be, but for the most part with her it is. I’ve learned that I need to approach it with a gentler tone a lot of the times, just to kind of step back, kind of lower the tone basically and approach her in a more conversational manner so that she can actually be calm in her response back to me. And we can actually foster communication that way as opposed to it just being an argument or one sided. And we actually accomplish a lot more that way than we do by just a one sided, angry parent coming at you, telling you what to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:22]:
And what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Charlie Davis [00:05:29]:
Well, we definitely have had to try to work. I know our whole family is guilty of this on occasion, but especially whenever they have something, you know, we’re having a group conversation as a family and they start to speak and you make sure you don’t speak over them. You don’t interrupt and cut it off because you know you’ve got a particular point that you’re trying to make. You just make sure that they’re literally heard in, in those moments. Let them finish their thoughts and then actively engage in whatever comment that they made, you know, whatever your feedback may be to that to let them know that you’re engaged in the conversation and that they are heard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:00]:
And I know we talked beforehand about some of the things that she really likes when we were chatting about you coming on the show. And all of our daughters have their own passions, their own dreams, the things that light them up. You talked about her reading. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Charlie Davis [00:06:17]:
Well, actually for the most part right now. Besides, I mean, reading is definitely one of her favorite hobbies. But as far as a passion, she is all about animals, all things animals. She has a love for every animal that exists. And there’s a shadow day coming up for, you know, particular careers and things like that. And we have a good relationship with our veterinarian and she’s probably going to end up going shadowing there and working with the animals for the day. We have been out to the, the animal shelter several times for a particular dog that we saved a couple years ago to go visit and she’s also involved in horseback riding, which, you know, another completely different animal. Literally.

Charlie Davis [00:06:56]:
But anything that involves animals that she can actually do something positive with or make an impact, we make sure to get her there, let her know about those upcoming events so she can participate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]:
Hello. Well, Harper, thanks so much for being on the show. I really appreciate you sharing your voice. Can you share a favorite memory with your dad that’s really made you feel close to him?

Speaker D [00:07:17]:
I played basketball with him this weekend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
It sounds like fun. Sounds like a lot of fun. I heard you love reading books. And has your dad done anything to be able to help you, kind of to foster that reading in you over the years?

Speaker D [00:07:30]:
Well, he buys.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]:
I love it. What’s one thing that your dad does that helps you to feel that you can be confident in who you are and who you want to be?

Speaker D [00:07:42]:
Maybe, like, whenever he tells me, like, stuff before, like a quiz or something, like, I had a math EOG today.

Charlie Davis [00:07:48]:
They may not know what EOGs are. That’s end of grade testing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:51]:
Okay.

Charlie Davis [00:07:51]:
But usually before any tests or anything like that, she does go over a lot of stuff with her mom as well, to review things and then kind of follows up with me on subjects that I’m particularly proficient in just to make sure she’s on the right track. And I let her know that she is. And if she’s not, then we make sure that she is before the test actually starts.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:07]:
Harper, is there anything that your dad does that really shows you that you can always count on him?

Speaker D [00:08:12]:
You always get very protective when I talk about boys. I mean, I bet you I could call you and you’d be like, oh, yeah, I’m going to pick you up. Sure, yeah, yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:08:20]:
If you called me from anywhere, I would come pick you up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:22]:
Let’s flip that around to you there, Charlie. What’s one way that you think that you try to show Harper that she can always count on you?

Charlie Davis [00:08:29]:
Well, I mean, I’m not exactly one of the dads that tries to avoid too many conversations when the girls are speaking. I like to let her know that if she does want to talk to me about something, whether it is a boy or not, that if she has something she wants to know or something she’s trying to figure out, I’m still going to help answer. I mean, at least to the best of my ability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:48]:
And what’s a tradition or a routine that both of you have created together that really allows for you to be able to create that strong bond together, something that you share?

Charlie Davis [00:08:58]:
I’d say A lot of times, because, you know, with traveling, with work every now and then, and her mom does as well. And especially whenever a mom is out of town and, you know, just dad in charge, we tend to stay up a little later than we should. We have a couple of shows every now and then that, you know, we will binge watch together and just kind of stay up and talk in between each episode. And it’s just something that we typically always do anytime that the free time is allowed. It’s just something that we always kind of look forward to whenever we have the opportunity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]:
Anything else you want to share, Harper?

Speaker D [00:09:27]:
Well, like, whenever he says good night

Charlie Davis [00:09:29]:
to me, it’s like saying good night to you.

Speaker D [00:09:31]:
Yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:09:31]:
Every night. Yeah. No. Okay. Yeah. We’re just making sure that I do have the. The good night and I love you. Every single night before she goes to bed and not skipping that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:40]:
That’s always important.

Speaker D [00:09:41]:
And for some reason you say, be careful. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, hit my head on the bed?

Charlie Davis [00:09:45]:
Yes. We do have a saying that’s been around since she was very, very little. You know, every time we leave the house, we always tell each other, hey, you know, be careful. Just kind of a thing, you know, besides, I love you too. And she did not know that that was mainly for leaving the house when she was younger. And she repeated that back to me one night before she was going to bed and said, be careful. So it was a laugh. We laughed about it.

Charlie Davis [00:10:06]:
And I want to say she was not much more than two, maybe three, and kind of an ongoing inside joke that every night it’s be careful. Love you, night, night, get some sleep. And so the be careful makes no sense to anyone else but us, but it’s just an inside joke that we’ve had before she goes to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:24]:
It’s always important to have those inside jokes, something that the two of you that are special for the two of you, something that’s meaningful, that definitely creates those bonds and allows you to be able to strengthen them and be able to always have something that’s just your own. I love it. Now, I always finish our interviews, what I like to call our dad connection. 6. And usually I ask the dads, only the dads, these questions. But, Harper, I’m going to ask you too. So you have to do your best and see what you can answer. Harper, I’ll start with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:48]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Speaker D [00:10:52]:
Humorous.

Charlie Davis [00:10:53]:
And, Charlie, I was actually going to go along the same lines as funny. Humorous. There are always Jokes. He did.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:59]:
Harper, what’s the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?

Speaker D [00:11:02]:
Well, there’s a few, but I can’t say them.

Charlie Davis [00:11:04]:
Okay, well, I know. Do as I say, not as I do. Oh, okay.

Speaker D [00:11:08]:
Don’t do what your brother does.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
And, Charlie, what’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Charlie Davis [00:11:15]:
Do not get too complacent. There’s always someone out there working just as hard, if not harder than you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:21]:
And, Harper, what’s one activity that you and your dad love doing together?

Speaker D [00:11:26]:
I mean, sometimes we just, like, drive places. Like, I go with them to go places and stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]:
And, Charlie, what would you say to that?

Charlie Davis [00:11:32]:
Typically, if I have to make a trip to the grocery store or run an errand to do anything, I just ask if she wants to go with me, just because that’s. That’s a lot of the times whenever we will actually be in the car together, just us. And if we’re not singing some goofy song together or making up our own words of that song, then that’s a lot of times when our conversations are actually sparked because there. There’s no outside interference. It’s just her and I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:53]:
Okay, next two questions are just for you, Charlie. If you could give Harper one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Charlie Davis [00:12:01]:
Never doubt yourself and that your support system is always here for you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:06]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Charlie Davis [00:12:10]:
Always doubt yourself before you approach a situation. When it comes to having a daughter, reevaluate the way that you’re going to approach it first, especially if you’ve learned through having a son first and then completely recalculate everything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]:
And, Harper, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Speaker D [00:12:32]:
Well, you kind of got to be careful with what you say because, well, the daughters always eavesdrop. So you got to be like, you got to think it over all the time.

Charlie Davis [00:12:40]:
They’re always listening, always listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]:
What about you, Charlie?

Charlie Davis [00:12:44]:
Don’t be so serious all the time. Make sure that you know, that you’re approachable, that, you know, smile. I mean, laugh with your daughter. Make jokes about things. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t have a conversation, that you can’t enjoy each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]:
Well, Charlie Harper, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your story. And I know it’s not over. There’s definitely going to be more things coming as life goes on. But I really appreciate you taking some time today to share your relationship with us and for taking some time to be able to reflect back and to help other dads. And I wish you both the best.

Charlie Davis [00:13:18]:
Well, it was an honor being on here. I really appreciate you having us and I hope you have a great one and hope that we can speak again soon.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:25]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence, confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:13:56]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling Astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen and get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Building Stronger Father-Daughter Bonds: Insights from John Francis

May 11, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Francis, founder of Fathers Eve and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you’re a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen.

One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it’s okay to be real and open as men.

The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the “helicopter” parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he’s witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for.

Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He’s candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment.

Finally, don’t miss the inspiring story behind Fathers Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father’s Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved (“It’s fun, it’s free, it’s everywhere!”) and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow.

If you’re looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection”—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that’s why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father’s Eve, or we’re going to be talking about Father’s Eve, because Father’s Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we’re going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he’s done with Father’s Eve, and I’m really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]:
Thanks so much for being here, John.

John Francis [00:02:06]:
Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I’m glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I’ve had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we’re going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you’ve had with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special?

John Francis [00:02:47]:
Wow, that’s a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I’ll think about something. I guess what’s coming to my mind is they’ve seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don’t know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad’s birthday or a holiday or something.

John Francis [00:03:19]:
And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn’t stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine.

John Francis [00:03:35]:
It was natural and appropriate. And I think I’ve learned how to. That’s living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren’t little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn’t do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it’s okay, look, here’s our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here.

John Francis [00:04:00]:
But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it’s not always just, rah, rah, let’s go crazy. Was here’s dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I’m gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I didn’t stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we’re going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn’t hold it.

John Francis [00:04:35]:
But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it’s okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you’re together with your family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]:
It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don’t always share things. And I’ve said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you’re going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end.

John Francis [00:05:20]:
Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we’ve had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I’m a lucky guy that I’ve been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that’s just normal. Doesn’t everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that’s not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I’ll call it. So it was intentional for me and I’m just so grateful because we’ve got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us.

John Francis [00:06:09]:
And I’m just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren’t, aren’t, aren’t thinking about it that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]:
You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they’re becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming?

John Francis [00:06:43]:
Well, that’s another great question. I don’t know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what’s coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn’t just solve the problem or I didn’t make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I’ll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They’ve got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they’re not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life.

John Francis [00:07:26]:
I mean, not that I wasn’t. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they’re very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they’re siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they’re both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it’s like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here’s what I saw.

John Francis [00:07:57]:
And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We’re all learning, and I’m still learning, that’s for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That’s something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I’m like, oh, man, you’re right.

John Francis [00:08:20]:
I didn’t see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn’t want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That’s not who I am.

John Francis [00:08:42]:
It’s not who I want to be. And that’s not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you’re dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I’m capable of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]:
I think that what you’re saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we’re working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it’s conscious and some of it’s intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you’ve done, what are some intentional ways you’ve worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it’s not always easy.

John Francis [00:09:26]:
No, nothing’s easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you’re together in the car. We didn’t go anywhere.

John Francis [00:10:03]:
I mean it wasn’t like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I’ve seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that’s kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren’t like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I’m home, that’s where I’m going to be. That’s one thing.

John Francis [00:10:35]:
The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it’s not a novel, it’s a few pages, but I’ve written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that’s clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you’re graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it’s not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it’s more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there’s something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you’re long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives.

John Francis [00:11:46]:
So I’ve done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I’m one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she’s like, what are you writing? And he says, I’m writing letters.

John Francis [00:12:14]:
You’ll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that’s quite a gift, so I’m grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she’s only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she’s got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that’s something I’ve learned and I’ve tried to do, and it’s certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that’s probably the hardest part, but it’s so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they’ve got it. And so I feel like that’s.

John Francis [00:12:53]:
I can’t give them everything, but I can give them that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]:
Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We’re fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you’re thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what’s a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

John Francis [00:13:16]:
Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that’s maybe relevant. I’m thinking about each girl. They’re so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn’t see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I’m going to defend my wife first. So that’s what I thought was the right thing to do.

John Francis [00:13:47]:
And so that’s what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you’re siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that’s the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we’re happy, we’re not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy.

John Francis [00:14:15]:
One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn’t maybe the best option all the time.

John Francis [00:14:46]:
And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it’s like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you’ve learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We’re all in this room together, and so it’s fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that’s where a good therapist is really valuable.

John Francis [00:15:21]:
And I’m glad we did that. And I expect we’ll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn’t you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that’s one thing I learned. I’m thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn’t useful, wasn’t healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that’s not smart.

John Francis [00:16:03]:
That’s not what I was trying to do, and that’s not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it’s not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it’s not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I’ve learned that. Again, my girls, they’re not. Well, they’re both adults, so they’re not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I.

John Francis [00:16:31]:
I’m sure we’ll have more lessons along the way is what I’m trying to say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]:
It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We’re going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father’s Eve, and Father’s Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don’t you tell me a little bit about Father’s Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father’s Day.

John Francis [00:16:57]:
Well, thank you. Father’s Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father’s Day, we’ve got Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. And so I invented Father’s Eve Eve because I love Father’s Day. I love being a dad. It’s the most important thing I’ll ever do is raise some children. And so Father’s Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father’s Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad’s Night Out. And this year it’ll be June 20, 2026.

John Francis [00:17:25]:
Of course, it’s Saturday because Father’s Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday.

John Francis [00:17:56]:
And I didn’t have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we’ll just have a little get together in the garage and I’m going to call it Father’s Eve. Because that’s just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage.

John Francis [00:18:24]:
And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father’s Eve now. We said, well, that’s. This worked out great, so let’s do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized.

John Francis [00:18:46]:
Well, the third year we did Father’s Eve, there were guys coming that I didn’t know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they’re having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let’s get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father’s Eve? Why don’t you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some.

John Francis [00:19:26]:
Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it.

John Francis [00:19:49]:
The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad’s group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I’m like, where have you guys been my whole life I’ve been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there’s groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there.

John Francis [00:20:26]:
We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father’s Eve is fun, it’s free and it’s, we say it’s everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father’s Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We’ve done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities.

John Francis [00:20:57]:
We’re not a charity, so we don’t want the money. We want. If you’re going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let’s help dads be better dads. I mean that’s really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out.

John Francis [00:21:20]:
So Father’s Eve now, this year we’ll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father’s Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o’ clock. So people know on New Year’s Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father’s Eve, we back that up to 8 o’.

John Francis [00:21:49]:
Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don’t want to see midnight. It’s Father’s Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o’ clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It’s really kind of fun.

John Francis [00:22:12]:
And they, they click, they connect. So it’s like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we’re Central time. So we’ll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there’s no fee, there’s no credit card number, there’s nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something.

John Francis [00:22:42]:
If you don’t, you don’t. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It’s. It’s just show up and maybe you’ll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it’s loosely organized. I’ll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there’s not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect.

John Francis [00:23:01]:
And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I’ve learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We’re very inclusive and there’s really no agenda. We’re not selling anything, we’re not promoting anything. We’re not saving anyone.

John Francis [00:23:36]:
We’re not solving any problems. We’re just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I’m learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don’t get out in circulation. I’m a lucky guy. I’ve got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don’t.

John Francis [00:24:01]:
And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father’s Eve. Whether it’s in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn’t know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there’s always something new and interesting. And so it’s just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I’m trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father’s Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up.

John Francis [00:24:36]:
Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we’re glad to do it and it’s been a lot of fun and we’re still learning, we’re still growing, but it is, it’s been meaningful and I think it’s a lot more room to improve always.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]:
Now, if people are interested, they’re hearing this, they’re saying to themselves, hey, I’d like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this.

John Francis [00:24:56]:
This.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]:
Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun.

John Francis [00:25:02]:
Well, Father’s Eve is the website. There’s no apostrophe, right? Because it’s not possessive, it’s. It’s plural, right? It’s for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where’s the apostrophe? I’m like, well, I didn’t trademark it with an apostrophe. So it’s Father’s Eve.com and we’re on all the whatever socials. I don’t know how to do tick tock, so I don’t think we’re there. But anyway, not hard to find.

John Francis [00:25:24]:
And there’s five rules for Father’s Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let’s go crazy, right? It’s have a good time. I would say it’s PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That’s rule number one.

John Francis [00:25:39]:
Number two, it’s for the dads, and that means all the dad. It’s not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We’re not rigid, really, but it’s inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We’ll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement.

John Francis [00:26:06]:
A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That’s fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that’s pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That’s number three. Number four is work together.

John Francis [00:26:25]:
We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I’ve learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you’re doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don’t screw it up. Don’t be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us.

John Francis [00:26:50]:
So none of this involves any. Any fee. It’s really all just common sense. And we’re trying to build a movement, we’re trying to build a group. We’ve got social media, we’ve got an email, we send a newsletter. It’s not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we’ll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father’s Eve.

John Francis [00:27:11]:
I could think of a lot of things. I’d like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it’s attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there’s some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there’s new dads, there’s old dads, there’s about to be dads, There’s. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that’s really the goal.

John Francis [00:27:43]:
So Father’s Eve is fun. It’s free. It’s everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There’s an agreement there. There’s a trademark, a license agreement, but it’s free. There’s no fees, no nothing there.

John Francis [00:27:54]:
We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we’re not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn’t you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it’s pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you’re up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I’ve made some great guys that are doing Father’s Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year.

John Francis [00:28:22]:
I think Chicago, I think they’re on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they’ve been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it’s same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It’s fascinating to see what they’re doing. And that’s really what it’s all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]:
Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

John Francis [00:28:47]:
I’ll try. I’ll do my best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

John Francis [00:28:53]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

John Francis [00:28:57]:
Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]:
What’s one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together?

John Francis [00:29:06]:
We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Francis [00:29:15]:
Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it’s 80% of your happiness or misery in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

John Francis [00:29:28]:
Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It’s a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can’t imagine not being a dad. Dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Francis [00:29:48]:
Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they’re really hard to do consistently. But I’ve tried and I’ve gotten better, and there’s always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There’s no other way. I think that’s the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you’re doing with Father’s Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father’s Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you’ve shared today. I wish you the best.

John Francis [00:30:30]:
Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.