parenthood - Dad of Divas

Tips on Bonding with Your Kids

April 30, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Having kids can be one of many joys of life. It’s your chance to raise little humans that will hopefully grow into upstanding citizens one day. However, to get to that point, you’ve often got to put in a significant amount of work. While every child is different and some are more difficult to raise than others, their fundamental needs are usually the same. One of these needs is to feel deeply connected to you as parents or to feel as though they’re accepted and loved. Here are some tips on bonding with your kids worth trying.

Actively Listen

Learning how to listen to your kids actively could go a long way. When kids complain about their parents, it’s not uncommon for them to feel as though they’re not listened to. Below are a few tips for active listening that could help you bond.

Avoid Being Judgmental: Sometimes it takes a lot of effort for your kids to open up and tell you how they feel. In light of this, avoid being judgmental and instead, try and take a neutral stance. When you do this, you build trust and make it easier for them to talk to you moving forward.
Offer Feedback: When your child is talking, offer verbal and nonverbal feedback as a way of showing them that you’re actively listening. It could mean smiling, mirroring their body language, asking questions, or summarizing what they say.

Learn About Them

You may feel that because you’re a parent and are raising your kids, you know all there is to know about them. However, this likely isn’t the case. See your child as another person you are curious to learn about and show an interest in who they are. You can do so by asking questions and offering to participate in activities that they usually do alone.

Learning about them also means knowing what they’re battling with whether low self-esteem or insecurities. For example, when your child is a teenager, you should also be sure they don’t have any addictions they’re fighting, especially if you’ve noticed signs. A drug and alcohol rehab may be a good solution if you find they’re struggling in this respect.

Have Uncomfortable Conversations

Parents sometimes shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with their kids. However, these can be some of the most essential conversations to have, so get good at talking openly about different topics. When talking to them about tough topics, you can have a series of conversations that are age appropriate. You can also admit that it’s awkward and you don’t know all of the answers

Spend Quality Time Together

In order to bond with anyone, it’s crucial that you spend quality time together. When you spend time with your kids, it’s a way of reaffirming your relationship. Allocate time every month that is dedicated to your kids. You could decide to create a family ritual such as having a home movie date every Sunday or exploring your city together instead. During your quality time, make sure everyone feels both comfortable and free.

Dads in the Limelight – Sanderson Dean AKA Stark Raving Dad

April 11, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 871st Dad in the Limelight is Sanderson Dean, otherwise known as Stark Raving Dad. I want to thank Sanderson Dean for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Sanderson Dean with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Sanderson Dean. I’m the author of a humor book called “STARK RAVING DAD” which comes out May 7^th, 2019. Of course, my “real” job is writing advertising for movies and tv shows in the entertainment industry. I work at home, so I’ve been on the front-lines for most of our family baby battles. By this point, I’m a consummate pro at plunging toilets, and I also make a mean PB&J in seconds flat.

2) Tell me about your family

I have two boys, now in their tweens. They’re my pride and joy, as well as my source of constant aggravation. Luckily, I have an awesome, understanding wife who puts up with me and serves as a calming influence for our household. She works too – so we’re constantly doing a balancing act to stay organized (and sane). For the record, our kitchen is rarely clean.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The biggest challenge of fatherhood for me, has been dealing with the daily frustrations. These little beings that I love so much, still have minds of their own. They don’t pick up their socks, they don’t eat their vegetables (or anything healthy), they smear peanut butter on door knobs, and they never, ever flush the toilet. This, of course, comes after years of never sleeping, constantly spilling drinks, and leaving out Legos for Dad to step on. Over the years, I’ve worked very hard not to scream and yell. But it was my wife who came up with the idea of doing “something more constructive with my angst”. I started to write poems… yup poems. And that’s how “STARK RAVING DAD” came about. It’s years of fatherly angst channeled into funny poems. Now when I’m plunging toilets, I’m thinking of rhymes – rather than why my kid tried to flush another Q-tip.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I think my best advice for fathers is to try and enjoy every moment. If you spend two hours trying to force your kid to eat green beans, all you do is end up resenting each other. Plus, no one likes cold green beans, and you’ve lost two hours. I’m realizing the kids grow up really fast(seriously, my kids are already tweens!) And frankly, fighting over green beans isn’t going to make any memories. However, having ice cream on the porch is. (but only if they eat their green beans!!)

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This feels like a trick question. I’m not sure we ever balanced parenthood and our outside life. However, over the years, we’ve learned to carve out little moments for ourselves. I guess you could call them sanity breaks. My wife likes to go to Pottery Barn. I like to play soccer. And usually when we return, we’re refreshed enough to handle the chaos and our spouse’s spiteful “what took you so long??” (Sadly, I get this response whenever I use the rest room too.)

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I have a friend who’s a father of five. Yeah, five kids! I have no idea how he does it. But he’s always very calm. So, I’ve tried to model him and take things as they come. Honestly, with five kids, you can’t be on top of everything – but you can be there when you need to be. This has helped me to be less “helicopter parent” and to take things more in stride. Additionally, I can tell you another thing I’ve learned… I’m never having five kids! That’s crazy.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Hug more, yell less. Honestly, that’s easier to say than to actually do, but I truly believe that’s a big secret. Trying to find more empathy. If you haven’t guessed, I used to do a lot of yelling – but over time, I realized that didn’t work. Now, in my attempts to be a “centered” dad, I try to follow this quote – “Go with the flow, but keep your plunger handy.” It definitely works a lot better than “yell a lot, and hope they listen.”

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There are so many awesome experiences it’s hard to pick the most memorable. I highly recommend taking as many trips and “adventures” as you can. They always result in some amazing moments together. One of the coolest was when we went to Hawaii. While snorkeling with my oldest son, we came across some sea turtles. I was pulling him along by hand, and when I paused to show the turtles to him. He turned to look at me. Sharing that astonished, wide-eyed joy – framed in his swim mask, I have to say… it was just magical!

If you have any questions for Sanderson Dean, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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How to Cope with Being a Parent and Helping an Elderly Parent

April 5, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs in the world, especially if you’re a caregiver to multiple people. It is not at all uncommon for many young to middle-age adults to be balancing their family life with kids and helping an elderly parent or relative. Because of this, it can make life difficult, exhausting, and depressing. However, it is important to remember that even though you may feel tired taking care of everyone around you, you are an integral part of their health, happiness, and mobility. Even something as simple as having a sleep chair from www.perfectsleepchair.com can help you each day.

Strategies to Help You Cope

It can be difficult trying to balance life with kids and an elderly loved one who needs constant care and attention. One of the best ways to cope is to ask for help when and where needed. If you have a spouse or siblings, tell them that you need help and that you are struggling to balance everything yourself. Let them step in when you need a break. Also, try to make your engagements with both your kids and your elderly loved ones as fun and interactive as possible. Take your kids and your elderly loved one out for a day, as this can help with mobility as well as getting them to feel happier and more connected with the world around them.

Why It’s Important to Take Some Time for Yourself

One of the biggest problems that caregivers have is that they do not make enough time for themselves. You absolutely need to take time for yourself, especially when you are juggling a family and a needy senior. Taking me-time can be as simple as going to the gym a few nights a week, sitting down to watch a movie on a day off or taking regular baths. Many people also find that yoga and routine meditation can help a lot when they are dealing with a busy, hectic life that involves a lot of caregiving. It is important that you always make time to take care of yourself and to spend time with friends and family who make you happy and get you away from the monotony of everyday life.

Creating Happiness for Everyone

You can and should also create happiness for your loved ones on a routine basis. You can help your loved ones with their mobility problems by offering solutions that will get them around the house more freely. You can also increase their happiness by offering different tools and technologies that they can use on their own when you’re not there. There are lots of different things that you can do together when working with seniors. It might also be a good idea to get your children involved so that they can spend time with their elderly relative and offer their own assistance when it is needed. Now is a great time to teach kids the importance of caregiving and how necessary it is when a loved one needs help.

Being a caregiver can be downright difficult, but there are lots of different ways for you to utilize your skills and knowledge to make a happier and brighter life for everyone involved. The key is to add stimulation to everyone’s lives each day and to provide new and inventive ways to stay connected. Offering mobility options for your loved ones as well as technology that they can utilize every day is great for when they want and need this help. You will also find that it is easy to get kids involved when there are fun activities involved. Finally, it is important to always make time for yourself so that you are able to get the rest and relaxation that you need. You can’t take care of anyone if you are completely run down yourself. Because of this, you need to find ways to rejuvenate yourself without it being a problem. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when it is needed so that you can get the breaks that you need and the rest that you require. Caregiving is an around-the-clock job, but you will find it is a lot more rewarding when you look at it from a different angle.

Dads in the Limelight – Matt Amundson of The DadBase

March 6, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 870th Dad in the Limelight is Matt Amundson. I want to thank Matt Amundson for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Matt Amundson with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Matt Amundson, and I’m a 43 year old father of 4. I’ve been a dad longer than I’ve been anything else. I started when I was 18, just after I finished high school, and it wasn’t planned, but that’s not the same as not being wanted. We had no intention of having a child, but as we deliberated on what to do, we couldn’t conceive of losing her.

For work, I’m a training and learning development specialist, or at least training to be one, which really means I apply my dad teaching skills to adults. In my non-dad time, I make liqueurs, watch baseball and football, play 4 year old video games (they’re less expensive when you buy them used and I’m looking forward to Red Dead Redemption when I can get it for $5 in 2 years), and my new hobby, waste money on gym memberships. I also enjoy grumbling about too many lights on in the house.

For some reason, Dad of Divas thought I should be in the limelight, and I’m not entirely sure why. I run my own web series called The Database (Thedadabase.com) where I interview other dads over a beer or two (or tea or scotch or water, etc.) and we talk about their stories and experiences as a dad, so that we can all learn from each other. Maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s our mutual admiration of traveling teddy bears.

Matt Amundson of the DadBase is the 870th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

2) Tell me about your family

I have 3 children from a prior marriage. They are Restory (24), Anna (18), and Rose (16). My 4th child is Maxamilia (5) years old. All girls. I also have a loving wife, Sonja, who is an amazing mom and bonus mom to all of them. Somehow, someway, I was entrusted with these wonderful gems of people. I can’t understand that reasoning from the universe, but I’m thrilled with it and still intimidated by the responsibility.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Our family has a history of mental health issues on just about every side of my children’s ancestry, and they’ve had their own bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts, and even self-harm. It’s humbling and terrifying to worry about your children, and feel helpless, and so I strongly advocate for parents to establish a healthy mindset towards therapy and counseling WELL BEFORE a child needs it. Pre-teens and teens can benefit from going to therapy when things are good just as much as when they are working through an issue. Having an unbiased 3rd party that they can talk to confidentially about ANYTHING THEY WANT is an unbelievable asset, and could save everyone so much hardship and grief down the road.

Just as equal of a challenge was the end of my first marriage. It was painful and many times very ugly, and the worst pain of it all was dealing with a transition that I couldn’t see my children every day as before. It was the most painful part in an ocean of sorrow and bitter tears. I eventually found some silver linings, but that initial separation, and not having a say in where they were, who they spent time with, or how they were cared for was incredibly difficult.

My daughter Rose has a dairy allergy as well. She carries around an epi-pen in case she has an accidental exposure/ingestion of dairy in some form. I’ve had to use it a handful of times now, and then rush her to the ER to make sure she’s safe. Getting other people to understand the severity of her allergy can be frustrating for everyone involved.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Ok, so this is going to be a long section, so just bear with me.

First and foremost, be prepared to fail. All the time. Again and again and again. And know that the next day, the next moment, is a chance to get it right. You have to be able to admit when you were wrong, and own up to that. Some of the worst feelings is when you have to apologize to your own children, and they forgive you when you feel like maybe they shouldn’t. And you’re going to be scared more often than you think, wether it’s because of actual potential harm to your children, or fear from indecision. But as my own father told me about parenting “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.” It’s not for the faint of heart, and the payoffs come in the smallest of moments. But they’re better than anything else you’ll experience.

Other advice? Sure.

Your intimate life is NOT going to be the same as it was before your children. Don’t expect it to, especially for a good few years. Yeah, I said years. Talk it out with your partner before and after the baby, and have some patience and understanding.

Take paternity leave to be home with your baby. Yes your partner needs your help. That’s not why you’re doing this. You’re doing it to spend time with your child and bond so your family gets off on the right foot. Get that time with your newly formed family, and bask in it.

As soon as it’s even possible, get skin to skin contact with your baby. And I mean… as soon as possible. Put that baby on your chest. Moms usually get first go at it, which is totally cool. In some instances like cesarean, it’s not always possible. That’s your moment. Either way, you WANT that moment. It will be monumental and you’ll wish it never had to end.

I’m not done.

Take a baby sign language class, because your baby will be able to communicate what they want long before they can use words.

Take naps with your baby as often as you can, because it’s the best quality of naps, and has nothing to do with the “sleep when they sleep” advice you’re going to hear everywhere. Remember when you slept with stuffed animals and how great that felt? This is thousands of times that.

Learn baby CPR, because you want to have those skills and never have to use them, but if you have to use them, you’re gonna want those skills.

Trust your instincts.

If you’re not sure if you should take your child in to the doctor, take them in and remove the doubt. Whatever your copay is, it’s worth the peace of mind.

If your wife/partner isn’t sure about going to the Dr, and you think it’s fine…. Go to the dr. Whatever your copay is, it’s worth your partner’s peace of mind.

When you bring the baby home, and people come to visit, your job is to protect mom. That means you have to be the bouncer sometimes. That especially applies to family.

Volunteer at the school as often as you can. Go on field trips. They will love it. Until middle school. Go anyway.

Whenever it’s possible, get down on the floor and match your child’s level. It shows them respect that they deserve, and helps them relate to you better.

Get used to being a jungle gym. Sometimes as a dad, you need to take a beating as playground equipment to keep the peace in the household.

Talk to your children like people… not like children. Treat them like people. Because they are. Don’t dumb down your language unless you absolutely have to. It will help their vocabulary, and building their minds.

Every message to your children should be supportive, whenever possible. The world is full of critics ready to tear people down. Your children need you to lift them up.

Teach consent. Teach respect for other people’s bodies and opinions and feelings.

When you argue with your spouse, argue respectfully.

YOU ARE THE EXAMPLE YOUR CHILDREN WILL FOLLOW. Remember that all the time. Give them the model that they should follow.

You can’t give kids your childhood. Things change. So don’t try. Give them as great of a childhood of their own as you can.

Write memories down. Even the little ones. ESPECIALLY the little ones. You don’t think you’ll forget, but you will.

Put the phone down. Don’t try to record even moment… savor some moments just to be in them.

Come talk to me if you need more advice, or you want clarifications on what I’ve shared.

Oh, wait! Establish a ritual of individual time with each of your children along with group family time, so that they know they are individually important to you as much as they are part of the family.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I was terrible at it. I spent so much time with my first 3 children, that I missed out on so many things. I would go to work to make the money and get the health benefits they needed, I couldn’t do the volunteer work I am doing now, or interact with them the way they deserved. It wasn’t until I was laid off that I could make up for lost time with my youngest. I established a rotating daddy-daughter night where Wednesday of each week I would take one of them out for mini golf, or Dairy Queen, or whatever just to check in and let them know I cherished my time with them.

That said, you’ve got to be able to take care of yourself, and get some time away as well, to recharge your own batteries. I was poor at that for a long time as well, and I’ve only recently learned what it means to invest in myself. I think that comes from having children at such a young age, and having to work so hard just to scrape by.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Patience, humor, and the ability to appreciate that each child is different, and needs a different approach. It’s such a wide set of variables. What works for me might not work for you, or for your child’s temperament. Some respond differently to pressure. There’s limitless ways of being a good dad, and plenty of ways of being a poor dad.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Lessee, I’ve shared so much… what’s left?

I rarely measure up to the standards or expectations I have for myself in my head. At Christmas or Hannukah, I regularly wish I could have done more. I can beat myself up pretty good over failings. There are times when I’ve had to discipline my kids, and things feel really low, and I wonder if the kids and I are going to get through our hurt feelings. And then a day or two later, they come up and give you a hug (or vice versa) and you have a nice little moment, and everything is good in the world again.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I’m a big baseball fan, so some of what comes to mind are trips to the ball park on Fathers day. Most of the kids don’t care about the game, but they go anyway because they know how much I enjoy it, and they want to see me happy, and that feels great. Also, hot dogs, cotton candy and soft pretzels are core values.

I’m a big Twins fan, and we were in the playoffs against the Yankees a few years ago. My oldest daughter was at work, and as soon as she got out of her job, she raced to my house, walked in and grabbed 2 beers from the fridge. She opened both, handed one to me and sat down on the couch next to me. I didn’t know that was on my bucket list until it happened, but that small tiny moment is an example of where all of the hard work, and tears, and heartache that comes with raising a child pays off. It is a small moment like that which will be impossible to place value on, because of how much it means. It will mean everything to you.

There are moments when I see the older girls step up to take care of their younger sister, and seeing them interact in a positive way gives my soul rest from worry. It’s my greatest fear that they will drift apart when I am gone, and I hope they maintain a true sisterly relationship the rest of their lives, despite the age difference.

I played mini golf in the rain with my daughter Rose on the last day of a vacation at a resort. It was terrible weather, but it was worth the smile on her face throughout. I remember telling her goofy stories to help keep her calm during a dairy allergy reaction. She’s become an even better punster than I.

I sat in the crowd as my daughter Anna bared her soul at a feminism event called Roar, and saw how unbelievably strong she is. I’ve watched her compete in swimming, and listened to exasperated groans of “Daaaaaaad” at my goofiest moments.

I danced with each of my first 3 daughters at my 2nd wedding, and it was a moment I go back to often in my more wistful dreams. Another reason I wish I could go back and re-play that day, and never make any changes.

I make biscuits with Maxamilia on a regular basis, and I don’t care how they turn out. I just love the experience of working together with her. She’s also big on planting and growing tomatoes and other plants.

It’s the little moments that become memorable.

If you have any questions for Matt Amundson, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Angel “Papi” Santiago

March 3, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 869th Dad in the Limelight is Angel “Papi” Santiago. I want to thank Angel Santiago for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Angel Santiago with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Angel “Papi” Santiago and I am a dedicated husband and father of three living in the DC area. I own an entertainment company and perform at high end social events throughout te capital region as an “MC” or Event Host. For 15 years I was a Director at a large Entertainment Agency and began working from home three years ago to be more invested in raising my young children. This time at home became known as PAPI PRESCHOOL. I stepped down this past year to be a Full Time Stay at home dad and make Papi Preschool priority #1! When I’m not rocking an event or running Papi Preschool, I am usually creating in some way (IG posts, Voiceover work, cooking). You

2) Tell me about your family

My family is magical. My wife is a bombshell with a heart of gold who is a Spanish teacher full time. My oldest son is now 12 and is bing home-schooled tris year. He has a YouTube channel and loves to play Fortnite. My middle son is now 6 and loving Kindergarten. He is a huge Dinosaur fan and can accurately identify over 50 types of Dinosaurs! And my youngest, my princess, the boss, she is a trip! Love her energy and most certainly not afraid of anyone pulling one over on her, she is absolutely in charge, and I love it!

Angel Gonzalez is the 869th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

My hardest challenge by far has been in the way I speak t my kids. As a vocalist and performer, everything I do is LOUD! I have come to learn that if your always loud, then raising your voice when the moment calls for it, means nothing. I have never one spanked my child so some stearn words need to get the job done for me. Finding my “Dad” voice was a challenge that I feel I have begun to conquer.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

ENJOY THIS! EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Most any of us can go out and earn the responsibility and title of “Dad”, the secret is realizing the blessing in being a “Father”.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

By making sure that Parenthood comes first and everyone knows it. When my 6 year old was 2 I decided to try and work from home. I didn’t ask, just did it. I got pushback but I knew once I proved this new method, all would be fine, and it was. In the process I showed my employer that Parenthood was much more valuable to me in this time of my life. No apologies necessary!

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That Fathers are NOT all made equally. My method is a bit different than fathers I live around so I was ridiculed a bit. No one could understand how I would walk away from 6 figures to “watch” my kids. I’m not a babysitter, it’s called Parenting! It took me interacting with Dads I found on Instagram to realize there are many more Dads like me out there than I thought!

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

We are going to be misunderstood and labeled incorrectly ALL THE TIME! I’ve come to accept this, while continuously working on breaking every stereotype there is. Soon enough, especially with events like DAD 2.0 SUMMIT, the conversation will change.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I mean, all of it. I’m a visual person and a visual artist so I remember things like a montage. When I close my eyes and think of the last 12 years, three words come to mind, DREAM COME TRUE!

If you have any questions for Angel Santiago, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Eric From The Modern Father

February 21, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 868th Dad in the Limelight is Eric from The Modern Father . I want to thank Eric for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Eric with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my
readers knowledge)

I became an expecting father in May 2015; 2 weeks after that I learned I was going to be the father of twins. Just before they turned 2, I started writing about my experiences as a dad. I felt that many of the resources I found were directed at mothers, and written from that viewpoint. It wasn’t something that offended me; fatherhood has stayed in a very narrow lane until the last couple of generations. That’s why I titled my site “The Modern Father” and started with an article about the differences between a traditional (Ward Cleaver) dad and the kind of dad I wanted to be.

In addition to the site, I co-host the Tangential Parenting podcast with my long-time friend Rachel.

And I also won a 2019 Oren Miller Scholarship for the Dad 2.0 Summit.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife, Jenny, is a middle school band teacher as well as a performer in a local concert band. We met in college, and after a lengthy and at-times bumpy courtship, we married. After 4 years of being married, enjoying life, and having money, we decided to have kids.

We have twin boys, who turned 3 just a few months ago. They are fraternal twins who have very different personalities and challenges. Experiencing both at the same time while they go through the same developmental milestones has been fun, interesting, and exhausting.

Oh, and I recently became a stay-at-home dad!

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Something I have been more open about in the last year is that I have cystic fibrosis. As this has been a lifelong situation, it wasn’t a surprise it would be a factor in my life as a father. What I didn’t expect was how much it would impact things. If you know (or have known) people with CF, you’ll know there are a lot of pills, a lot of treatments, and a lot of infection control/avoidance. There is also a persistent understanding that things are always going downhill; all you can do is keep the grade as close to 0 as possible. I wasn’t ready for the challenge my health would have on my mental health and my decision-making when it came to the boys.

The other aspect was on the journey to fatherhood. Because of CF, we required some medical assistance to have kids. I will be writing some more about the added complexity of parenting while also maintaining health and health care regimens. I’m sure I’ll also have more to say about taking to your kids about such things as my boys get older.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Always remember kids are not small adults. They don’t have the wisdom or baggage that comes with age. They look to you for guidance, even if they won’t admit it, so modeling is a very impactful method of teaching.

At the same time, they are more resilient than you think; don’t beat yourself up for a bad day or week. Just because you love them doesn’t mean you like them all the time.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

Honestly, this was an area of difficulty for the first three years, which is why I made the decision to become a stay-at-home dad. Between the commute, the time in the office, and the distraction when I was at home, I found myself a part-time father. So when my health decided to take a temporary turn for the worse, it made my decision easy: I jettisoned the full-time work and rededicated myself to my health and family.

In the meantime, I took up some creative hobbies that could turn into income-generating endeavors in the future. For now, I will just play around to stay sane while Nickelodeon plays in the background.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

This is an area of weakness for me, as I haven’t interacted with many. Most of my male friends have become fathers, but when we get together it’s to do anything but talk about parenting. That’s why I’m trying to become more active with my local chapter of City Dads Group and the National At-Home Dad Network.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Don’t be afraid to speak up. Whether it’s to your partner, your parents, your friends, or other dads, you aren’t alone. There are numerous resources out there. While you might feel like the only person who ever experienced your circumstances, there is probably someone out there who can relate. Even if it’s just to vent or blow off steam, there is a ton of value in talking.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far
as a parent?

Watching my boys become sentient beings. More specifically, the transition from a reactive, animal-like infant to a walking, talking, thinking human. There is something that seems miraculous about it, perhaps because there are so many moments where it seems like first stage won’t end. But then one morning, you hear them creating a story based on experiences, books, and events that is unique to them. Maybe because I like to be a storyteller, to see it happen in my boys was amazing. I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of listening to them build on each other’s stories in a “Once Upon a Time…” fashion.

If you have any questions for Eric , please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – David of Life with Benjamin

February 14, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 867th Dad in the Limelight is David of Life with Benjamin. I want to thank David for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing David with all of you.

1: Tell me about yourself

Hi, my name is David, or @life_with_benjamin on Instagram. My story as a father started during the Canadian economic downturn of 2015. At this time I was rudely canned from my job as a Geologist. My termination also coincided with the pregnancy and birth of my wife (Krista) and me’s first sob (Benjamin).

Around Benjamin’s first birthday, my wife went back to work, and I became a stay at home parent. This was also the time I started messing around with photography, to maintain my sanity.

It didn’t take long before I alienated myself from everyone by constantly trying to show him or her photos of Benjamin. I couldn’t even catch people off guard because anyone that owns a DSLR knows that these cameras aren’t exactly stealth. When you walk in the door with a suitcase, backpack, and computer people instinctually know you are going to try to show them photos.

So I went searching for a larger audience.

Enter Instagram, the largest photo sharing thingy out there. Instagram started as an outlet but has slowly grown over the past two years to the point that I’m now almost 1/1,000,000th as popular as Selena Gomez.

2: Tell me about your family

My wife and I met in school, both studying Geology. She currently works as a Geologist in Calgary. Our son, Benjamin, is almost 3 years old. We are expecting our second child at the end of March 2019, a baby girl.

3: What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Being a stay at home father has unique challenges. I have heard on a few occasions’ moms exchanging phone numbers and arranging separate play dates with their children. The reality is that, for me to attempt to arrange a one on one play date with another mom ultimately feels wrong. As harmless as it is, the questions that could arise from such a thing aren’t worth it.

So it can be isolating as a father, especially in a mom dominated world.

4: What advice would you give to other fathers?

Be involved when it comes to knowing the schedules, routines, and quirks of your children. I’ve seen older generations of fathers feel like outcasts because they can’t play the games right, or make dinner properly.

5: How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This is definitely a struggle. Having children makes you feel like you are always shuffling priorities. However, for me, it comes down to scheduling. My wife and I share a calendar so this has helped a lot with making sure that I can play hockey, attend events, etc.

If it’s on the calendar, then I can see when we have things as a family, when my hockey games are, or when my wife has something to attend. My wife and I have always worked well together when it comes to planning schedules.

6: What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve really been amazed by the fact that most fathers seem envious that I get to stay home with Benjamin and do a little bit of freelance work.

Prior to talking to them, I thought most fathers had a more “traditional” view fatherhood. Similar to how my father was. He viewed a fathers role as providing for the family and the mother was responsible for taking care of children.

But, that really isn’t the case. Most fathers I talk to that are similar age to me, are very open to being the primary caregiver of their children. It’s really enlightening and amazing.

7: What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

I always find it funny how much I tried to prepare for becoming a father only to find out that nothing really prepared me. It is something that could only be experienced for me. The ups and downs, the really long days, and extremely short years.

It simply amazes me how Benjamin can argue with me all day about every single detail. But then, he’ll turn to me and say, “I love papa today”, and all is forgotten.

8: What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

When Benjamin was first born he would get up every few hours to feed and change. So my wife would mostly do that. However, there was this magical time in the mornings that Benjamin and I would spend together.

Benjamin would usually wake up around 7 am in the morning. So during this time I would get up and take him downstairs so my wife could sleep another few hours. During this time Benjamin and I would lay chest to chest on the couch and just stare at each other. He was looking at me and I was looking at him.

I cannot stress how much I cherish this time we spent together. I think about it to this day. I was a proud father bonding with my newborn child and helping my wife stay rested and healthy during this sleep challenged time.

If you have any questions for David, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Brandon Handley of Fatherhood for the Rest of Us

February 7, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 866th Dad in the Limelight is Brandon Handley. I want to thank Brandon Handley for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Brandon Handley with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Brandon Handley and I am a husband, father and man who has decided to fan his desire to share stories and engage life full on. Podcast Creator of Fatherhood for the Rest of Us – Fatherhood Podcast focused on great conversations with Dads from all walks of life in order to show that many share the same love of fatherhood & some of the same challenges, and the various ways that those are overcome.

2) Tell me about your family

Meg my wife known each other for over 20 years now, we have a bit of a When Harry Met Sally slash High Fidelity Reltionship Two Boys Finn (9) and Liam (6) – both think for themselves and are creative in their own right, we look for ways to encourage their independence and they look for ways to become independent faster… We recently moved from NC to NJ for my work, Meg & I work essentially from home and we are a fairly standard deeply involved family.

Brandon Handley of the Fatherhood for the Rest of Us podcast is the 866th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Learning how to control my emotions, thoughts, outbursts… to great success… the boys & wife have lead me to be self controlled

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Do it with love and you really can’t go wrong

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

Realize that the outside world is out there again… that is… the first few years were heavily focused on the children alone, and we forgot to engage the outside world… realizing this we both take time out for each other, as well as ourselves… the how kinda takes care of itself once you remember that you have a life outside of parenthood.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That fathers need each other – trying to do it alone is not necessary

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

It’s a fun ride if you let it be.. the challenges you face help you grow just as much as the children grow… as a matter of fact its like Miracle Grow for personal development

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Their births, – just miracles watching those… there were a couple of vomit episodes that were pretty memorable… their smiles, their laughter… the first Christmas, the moments they ride their bikes without training wheels…

If you have any questions for Brandon Handley, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

A Helpful Guide to Coping with Family Stress

January 15, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

While your family can add much enjoyment into your life, they can also be a big source of worry and stress. For example, you might be struggling with a hectic home life, going through a divorce, or are busy caring for a dependent parent, which can take its toll on your mental and physical health.

If you want to wash away your tension and enjoy a healthier home life, here are some top tips on how to cope with family stress.

Take Time for Yourself

Whenever your home life becomes a little too much, or you are struggling with workplace stress, take a step back from all the chaos to enjoy a little time to yourself. For example, you could go for a walk to breathe in some fresh air and enjoy a change of scenery, read a book, or go out with your friends for a coffee or lunch.

Get Enough Sleep

According to research by the Sleep Foundation, enjoying a minimum of eight hours of sleep every night can lead to lower stress levels and a happier mood. It can also help you to effectively manage your anger, so you will be less likely to collide with your loved ones.

To enjoy a better night’s sleep:

Go to bed and wake at the same time every night
Avoid sleeping in and napping
Enjoy light exercise after meals
Find ways to relax before bedtime (turn off your phone, read a book, enjoy a warm drink)

Seek Support

Stress might be building up inside your body as you are struggling to do everything yourself. If this sounds like you, it is important to seek support as and when you need it.

For example, if you are struggling to care for an aging relative, visit inhomecare.com to find out more about affordable in-home care services. It could potentially take some of the worry and pressure off your shoulders without compromising on your loved one’s quality of life.

Use Your Support System

There are bound to people around you who are willing to help you when needed. Rather than struggling in silence, turn to your support system when life becomes a little overwhelming.

For example, if you are forced to choose between your job or caring for your child, ask a trusted relative to babysit your children. If you are struggling with your emotions, call up a friend to discuss your feelings, as they could help you through a difficult period, such as a marriage breakdown.

Focus on Your Health

Dealing with family stress could lead to you adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as eating junk food or drinking alcohol each day. Unfortunately, they can damage both your mental and physical health, which can boost your stress levels.

If you want to eradicate stress and become a good role model to your children, you should embrace a healthier lifestyle, which means enjoying a balanced diet, exercising at least 30 minutes each day, and drinking alcohol in moderation.

Get Professional Help

If a stressful family life is causing you to feel depressed, stressed or anxious, it might be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. The act of talking could be enough to lower your stress levels and lift your mood. A therapist could also recommend various techniques to help you effectively cope with your emotions.

Dads in the Limelight – Patrick Pedraza of Hardcore Band Dad Brains

November 27, 2018 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 864th Dad in the Limelight is Patrick Pedraza. I want to thank Patrick Pedraza for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Patrick Pedraza with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Patrick Pedraza. I sing in a hardcore band called Dad Brains. I’m 42. Im a Libra and kinda weird…in a good way….I think? :-).

Link to buy my 7” vinyl: http://shop.piratespressrecords.com/products/627051-dad–7 brains-self-titled

2) Tell me about your family.

I’ve been married for 4 years and I have a 14 month old daughter named Violet. I started late.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I’m a stay at home dad so yeah…..it’s actually a blessing, but I didn’t know there are so many things to do at home with and for a baby!!! Big respect for all stay at home moms and dads!!! You rule!

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Lead with love and know that everyday is different…. Seriously.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

Um…I’m working on that one right now. This is all still new for me, but being in a band helps. It’s a great outlet.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

They all have struggles in some way. Just like me.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Love, breathe, and engage. Everyone is telling me it’s gonna go by quickly-and I believe them.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Um…Good or bad? I’ll give you one of each.

Good-The first time Violet smiled at me.

Bad-All the times she falls and cries….she just started walking…oh man.

If you have any questions for Patrick Pedraza, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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