parent-child connection Archives

Empowering Daughters: Alan Mallory on Guiding with Adventure and Trust

August 3, 2026 by dadofdivas

This week on The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed adventurer and performance coach Alan Mallory for an inspiring conversation on what it means to truly connect with your daughters. If you’re a dad seeking real-world advice, heartfelt stories, and strategies to build stronger family ties, this episode is a must-listen.

One of the most impactful themes that emerged is the importance of quality time and shared adventures. Alan Mallory talked passionately about how he’s embraced experiences with his two daughters, from spontaneous ski trips to months traveling across the country in a fifth wheel trailer. These journeys provided special opportunities, not just for fun, but for deep conversations and growth. “When it’s just the two of us, you can connect on a deeper level,” he shared, highlighting the magic of one-on-one time.

But beyond the adventures, Alan Mallory emphasized the vital balance between guidance and independence. He champions a parenting style rooted in mentorship rather than control: “You can’t dictate the direction… you have to give them that latitude”. This philosophy was shaped by his own experiences, like summiting Mount Everest alongside his family—and by seeing how trust and empowerment forge the strongest bonds.

Another powerful thread: fostering communication and emotional growth. Mallory admitted to struggling at times, especially when it comes to connecting on the emotional level, teaching us all that vulnerability makes for better dads: “I could probably think of a few times where I should have been more empathetic… and just listened”. It’s a message that resonates—sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is our presence and our ears.

For dads supporting daughters’ passions or mental health journeys, this episode is rich with wisdom: encourage experimentation, be the gentle guide, and above all, show up—time is fleeting, and investing those hours pays lifelong dividends.

The Dad and Daughter Connection is a source of community and inspiration for fathers everywhere. Whether you’re seeking reassurance or a nudge to start a new adventure, tune in—this conversation with Alan Mallory will remind you that being a great dad is about being present, facing the adventures together, and empowering your daughter to blaze her own trail.

Ready to strengthen your bond? Listen to the episode now and start building those lasting connections!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk about, but also work on those relationships that we want to build with our own daughters one step at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:04]:
And I’m so excited that you come back every week because we’re all on a journey. We’re all on a journey of trying to be the best dads that we want to be and the best dads that we can be. But to get there, we’ve got to put in the time. We got to put in the effort. We got to learn from other dads around us and see what they’re doing, see what makes sense and what works for them. But maybe, maybe that will work for you as well, and that’s why this podcast exists. This podcast exists to help you to be able to connect with other dads, but also to learn from some other dads that have different experiences. And I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences every week that can do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:
Today we got another great guest. Alan Mallory is with us. And Alan is a dynamic speaker. He’s an author, he is a performance coach. But I saw him at a recent conference, and he was really talking about some of the things that he’s done in his life to push himself beyond who he thought he was and who he thought he could be. He. In his presentations, he gives kind of a unique blend of psychology, engineering, project management, and some artistic flair to be able to make the presentations really a dynamic one. And in the conversation that he gave to the Rotary group that I was with, I loved the message that he gave because he really rooted his messages in his experiences, both as an adventurer, a mountaineer, but really talking about the things that he’s done with his family, to be able to keep them, to bring them together and seeing that he is a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Of two daughters. I wanted to bring him on to talk a little bit about his own experience in being a father to daughters. So, Alan, thanks so much for being here today.

Alan Mallory [00:02:41]:
My pleasure. Looking forward to it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]:
Well, I’m really looking forward to talking to you today. And as I said, even before we started, I said this is kind of a topic that’s a little bit different than ones that probably you talk about all the time. And I always start the interviews with an opportunity because I know that you have two daughters yourself, 12 and 8. And all of us as fathers want to create those moments, those meaningful moments, those things that we can share with our daughters that they’ll remember but also will remember and that bring us closer together. What’s one’s, what’s, what is the most meaningful moment that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Alan Mallory [00:03:15]:
I don’t know if I could boil it down to one meaningful moment, but I mean, I’ve kind of emulated what my father did with me and my siblings and that spend a lot of quality time, especially out doing adventures with. With my kids. And so in many ways, I’m kind of blessed in the vocation I’ve chosen. I because I’m traveling all over the place, often I’ bring one of my kids along and both my daughters always spent some amazing quality time. Even this past winter, different ski trips, for example, where it’s just kind of a dad daughter ski trip, or when I have events in Hawaii or in kind of tropical locations, often they put their heads up to come along with those. And I found those particularly special when it’s just the two of us and you can kind of connect on a deeper level and just have fun as well. It’s not a chore if you’re doing things that you would normally like to do anyway and that they’ll like to do. And so we go kayaking or stand up paddleboarding or do some sort of adventure.

Alan Mallory [00:04:11]:
And I found those are the most special moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]:
Now your daughters are getting older and you’ve got that daughter that’s a pre tween now and another daughter following not too far behind. And as they get older, they definitely push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them that independence that they need to be able to grow into the people that they’re bec.

Alan Mallory [00:04:34]:
Yeah, I mean, that’s the balance that’s hard to strike. And we, all of us, that are parents really go through that. One of my programs I share kind of A curve between. It’s a parabolic relationship in that you have a mentor role that you want to kind of nudge your daughters in the right direction or what you believe is the right direction, but you can’t dictate that direction. And that’s what’s almost makes the parenting journey such a roller coaster. They’re their own people and sometimes they make. They need to learn through decisions that are made. And, you know, that’s how we learn.

Alan Mallory [00:05:03]:
If we kind of prevent them from discovering and innovating and all of that, then they just end up with bigger problems down the road. And so it’s through small. Allowing them the independence to make small mistakes in many ways, while providing that father mentor role that I think allows them to develop healthily. And it’s a difficult balance to get. And I would say in many ways it’s a balance that our society has really gone one way on. And that’s this kind of, you know, over controlling, bubble wrapping our children rather than allowing them to make mistakes in life, for example. But if you want them to be strong, independent people, you have to give them that latitude. I’d say that’s another thing that I learned from my father, for good or bad.

Alan Mallory [00:05:46]:
You know, he was always a very empowering person. We climbed Mount Everest in 2008, and this was with my father, brother, sister and I. And so also I was kind of learning from how he treated all of us, especially my sister in this case. There was one instance where basically we were in the death zone above 26,000ft. And he empowered her to kind of make her own decision, whether she wanted to continue on or not. And she was all by herself at that point because she had the altitude weakens your immune system. And so she had these awful sicknesses and she had actually internal bleeding, it was so bad. And.

Alan Mallory [00:06:18]:
But that was, you know, a difficult decision to make because obviously in a scenario like that, mistakes can be fatal, and often they are. But I think he’s always kind of had that mentality and I’ve tried to do that as well. You know, you start small so that when they’re young, allow them to make their own mistakes. You know, don’t always be there to provide. Well, I mean, you’re providing the safety rope kind of from a distance. I would say you don’t want them to get badly hurt or die, but that’s how they’re going to learn. You learn through adversity. And when we take that adversity away, which we do out of kindness in many ways, Certainly in the Western society, we’ve lived pretty, what I say, good lives.

Alan Mallory [00:06:57]:
We don’t have the same types of challenges that let’s say our ancestors had. So we try to make life more comfortable for our kids. Well, that can be detrimental because they just don’t learn. You learn through the adversity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:11]:
Well, I’d be remiss to not push a little bit on the trip that you had on Everest. And, and I guess I’m not going to ask you to retell that story because you have some books that are specifically about that. But one of the things that I guess that I am interested in is having you talk a little bit about what you learned from that trip with your siblings and your f and how that experience has either helped you in being the father that you’re becoming or has made you make some pivots in how you’re fathering your kids in different ways.

Alan Mallory [00:07:45]:
Well, that was the ultimate family adventure, you might say. I mean, the stakes are very high. The need for healthy relationships is extreme because otherwise, 70 plus percent of the teens while we were there, they tore themselves apart from the inside out. And at that point it’s everyone on their own and they have to just pack up and head home. And so being able to resolve conflicts effectively and quickly and say what needs to be said, even though it might inevitably result in a conflict, I think that’s a big problem in a lot of families and father daughter relationships that in order to maintain the harmony in the here and now, you just don’t say what needs to be said. It might cause someone to get upset. Well, the problem is these issues, they bottle up within people over time. And so every one of those said, what would you call them, items in order to preserve the relationship in the here and now, it just compounds and eventually it explodes.

Alan Mallory [00:08:44]:
And that’s what tears apart family familial relationships. Now that’s obviously true in spousal relationships. We see that all the time. But there’s plenty of daughters that don’t hardly talk to their fathers when they get married and they move off. And I see that all the time. And I want to, you know, I don’t want that to be reality in my life. No, there’s lots of, of factors you can’t control. But again, I would say maybe I’m giving my dad too many kudos.

Alan Mallory [00:09:08]:
But when I look at his friend groups and so on and there’s just lots of broken family relationships and he doesn’t sugarcoat things, but more than anything, he just makes sure he creates time for doing things with his siblings. He still does. I mean, he’s in his 70s now and I can kind of see in his eyes how much he really appreciates that, that his kids, they keep coming back. I mean, they kind of want to spend time with him and my mother as well. So I would love to able to create the same type of environment where your kids really want to still enjoy spending time with you. And part of the secret to that is get them involved young in things that you also are going to be interested in doing throughout your life now. So it’s kind of a privilege. We all enjoy swimming and biking and mountain biking and kayaking and things like that.

Alan Mallory [00:09:56]:
And so it’s not so much of chore when we’re trying to get together. And I think if I can preserve that, if you aren’t taking an active role when they’re young, and I know some of our family friends, that this is exactly what happened. I mean, the kids kind of go a different direction. The parents are into hiking, the kids are into skateboarding, something like that. Now it’s really tough. And I see in those family relationships how they can hardly get together for Christmas dinner. There’s just no shared interests anymore. And certainly that tears the family apart, but certainly makes it a suboptimal situation to be in as you age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:29]:
So how are you incorporating that mentality, that mantra into what you’re doing with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:10:36]:
If I’ve maybe taken it to the extreme, you might say in terms of the different adventures, but again, it’s kind of a. It dovetails well into the, the work I’m already doing because I’m traveling around. But we lived, for example, for a year on a fifth wheel trailer traveling around the. The southern United States. And every two days or so we were in some new amazing national park, state park. It was during COVID and so the kids were already doing online school. And so in the morning we would do schooling and then in the afternoon we’d be out biking and hiking and swimming and depending where we were. That was just an incredible trip.

Alan Mallory [00:11:15]:
I almost wanted to just stay on the rig and do a whole nother loop. It was so amazing. But those types of things, I mean, whether you like it or not, you’re in close proximity in those in a fifth wheel trailer, for example. So yeah. And then whenever I can, especially the skiing, they’ve really taken to skiing. Both my daughters are just amazing, amazing skiers. And, and it happened quickly too. My eldest, I take her to Whistler and she goes Right down the double black diamonds through the trees and you know, my heart’s skipping a few beats, but again, I tried it.

Alan Mallory [00:11:46]:
Well, she’s got to learn her own limits here. I don’t want her flying off a cliff and perishing. So I’ll kind of be in watching things, but let her own. Make her own decisions. And I remember when we were there, thinking, it was only a couple years ago when I was taking her down the bunny hill at our local ski resort, going behind her to make sure she didn’t kind of get out of control. But I think, did I teach them skiing? I mean, kind of the basics. But more than anything, I just gave them the latitude and the opportunity to figure out where their limits were and develop the skills themselves with a little bit of guidance here and then there when they wanted it. And so that’s just wonderful going on those ski trips now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:29]:
None of us are infallible. We’re humans. We make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:12:41]:
What is a mistake? Well, I’m probably always making mistakes of some sort. I probably don’t connect well on the emotional side as well as I should. I’m still a guy. I don’t necessarily understand kind of the emotions and things, especially at that. The age when they’re kind of going through puberty and so on. And so probably I could be better at just listening at times. I’m an engineer as well, and so I kind of like, like engineering our way out of these problems. But when there’s, you know, those emotional challenges that we all go through.

Alan Mallory [00:13:14]:
Yeah, I could probably think of a few times where I thought, well, maybe I should have been a little more empathetic to that and just listened and really tried to see things from. From their perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:24]:
That’s definitely something that you have to do. I’ve heard that numerous times from numerous fathers and others about doing more listening than talking at times and. And being able to not come in trying to answer the question or to solve a problem, but let your daughter do what she can to be able to guide, whether it is either a solving conversation or a listening conversation. And that’s something that I wish that I had learned earlier than not.

Alan Mallory [00:13:52]:
Yeah, no, it’s interesting in some of my psychological background, you know, I remember reading this same type of thing over and over again when it comes to psychotherapy. You know, half the time the therapist is not really saying anything. You’re just kind of there nodding, allowing the other individual to kind of work true in their own mind, in their own life. And surprisingly, that has just tremendous benefit. You just, you kind of need to be this sounding board that the individual can’t do it on their own. They need someone there that’s almost doing, you know, it’s doing very little than listening, but it’s tremendously beneficial. So the engineer in me says that makes no sense at all. But having just read about it again and again now, I realize as humans, you know, the human mind is not something that can be reverse engineered very well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
And speaking about your background in psychology and now trying to raise kids and raise daughters, talk to me about that. And the juxtaposition between having the understanding of how the mind works but also being able to be the father and being able to be there for your kids in different ways and not bringing too much psychology into it at the same time.

Alan Mallory [00:15:06]:
I went the psychological direction because I had my own mental health challenges in my younger years. I had quite a severe social phobia, an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. And so because I’m an engineer by trade, which is the polar opposite of psychology, but I started studying the human mind as I was trying to work through my own challenges. And I think what got me more and more interested in it is it started to work. I developed these different cognitive strategies that would allow me to quickly bring down elevated baseline stress levels, for example. And you know, I’d play a lot of these mental games that I would read about and, and kind of develop for my own purposes that would change my emotional responses in the here and now. And so now there’s a genetic element to the predisposition to these types of mental health challenges. And I kind of see some of them in my daughters, for example.

Alan Mallory [00:15:57]:
And so I do want to be proactive in providing them the tools that are needed. Now I’m careful to even say that, that there’s a genetic element because so many people just, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for them. You know, my father had this, my mot had this, my grandmother had this. I guess it’s inevitable. I will. And I was actually told that many, many times by the different medical professionals that I thought saw my younger years throughout that journey. Basically you have this chemical imbalance that’s leading to this. And almost all the time they just suggested medication.

Alan Mallory [00:16:28]:
And now I don’t want to be too negative on medication because it obviously has a place, you know, when people are really at low points, sometimes anything that will help is the way to go. But I saw it as something that would kind of hide my symptoms rather than get at the root causes. So I never went down the medical pat. I developed cognitive strategies that would work. And I’ve tried to kind of, you know, when I’ve seen my daughters having, you know, who knows if they’re. I think every kind of preteen has that type of thing. They have to develop their own strategies. So I.

Alan Mallory [00:16:59]:
I’m not saying necessarily are they going to be more predisposed than others to this type of thing, but I also just kind of notice when I was going through a mental health journey, you become hyper sensitized to, you know, noticing little twitches and things like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:14]:
Right.

Alan Mallory [00:17:15]:
Because I’m always so concerned about it in myself, or was at the time. So I’ve kind of tried to share those strategies that I’ve developed. Now. I wouldn’t say I’ve shared them very effectively, or at least they haven’t been adopted. And part of it is because I’m, I guess, the dad. You know, often they’re like, oh, dad, maybe that’ll work for you. But this is a different era and I can kind of relate to that because that’s exactly what I said to most people who tried to share strategies with me, including the different psychologists I saw. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, it’s easy for you to say that.

Alan Mallory [00:17:47]:
You’re not living through this. And so I would mostly brush off the different things they were trying to tell me. And there was always a bit of truth in each one of them. And I really listened. I didn’t really discover some of those, well, let’s call them things that really helped in my life until I kept reading from people that were going through the same challenges that I’d gone through. And. And we’re able to finally figure it out. And it was a combination of self education, learning how your mind works, but also kind of voluntary exposure therapy, and not getting out of your mind, stop fighting yourself, because it’s a response to those symptoms, really, and the way that leads to this rumination that holds us, that perpetuates the disorder.

Alan Mallory [00:18:31]:
So when I try to share those types of strategies, I have to be careful, mindful of how I do it. And if I’m really kind of rushed in my own work, it’s not effective. I think it’s going to be through many years of just kind of, you know, providing little tools here and there. And this is what you should try, maybe give this a try. It worked in my life. And so hopefully I’m able to, you know, just provide what they need and maybe they won’t. Sometimes this is just a natural stage of growing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]:
And speaking of the mental health issues that you were dealing with yourself, how do you talk to your own daughters about that experience in relation to building that connection with them?

Alan Mallory [00:19:11]:
Well, in many ways I haven’t in a lot of detail. I’ve tried to encourage my eldest daughter to read my second book because that’s what it’s all about. She finds it too boring because it’s kind of psychological pace and she’s into, you know, romance and adventure stories and that sort of thing. So I haven’t. Wouldn’t say I have been particularly effective in kind of sharing the whole journey and all the those strategies I’ve tried at times, but there hasn’t been a lot of interest in it. It’s kind of. So I don’t know, maybe they’re still a bit too young. Maybe they won’t need those types of strategies.

Alan Mallory [00:19:44]:
I can certainly relate to how I found it frustrating to try to play the right mental movies in my mind, for example. Your mind almost fights back against it. It says, no, that’s not what you need. I mean, this is futile. I mean, I should just analyze more. Well, the constant analysis of your own symptoms certainly just makes things worse and worse.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:04]:
Worse. You’ve had your own passions, your dreams, your things that you have tried to push yourself to do through your life, and the things that you continue to do. Talk to me about how you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Alan Mallory [00:20:17]:
Well, it’s certainly giving them the opportunity. I guess they are still kind of discovering what their passions and dreams are. And I’ve seen that with my eldest. I would say, if anything, my wife and I are just trying to allow her to try different things because she doesn’t seem to have. Have gravitated to particular sport or dream just yet. There certainly have been things that have captured her interest. We had her learning sign language for a while. Right.

Alan Mallory [00:20:44]:
But it let things wane and as they should. I mean, that’s the whole idea. You want to just try as many things as you can and when you’re young so you can kind of see what tends to excite you, I guess, and ideally align your vocation with. With whatever that is. So got them. I play the violin and so I’ve got them in both playing the violin. And that’s just wonderful to me. And that’s was a little frustrating to me in the early years because like I was when I was a kid, I just didn’t want to do it.

Alan Mallory [00:21:10]:
I didn’t want to practice it where you know, spending the time and energy and money in many cases to pursue that. And I had to keep reminding myself, well I gotta. This really isn’t for them. Even though I’d love to be able to play with violin with my daughters, maybe they’ll go a different direction now. In recent years they seem to have taken it a lot more seriously and I think it says they’ve gotten into the different festivals and started playing some fun songs that they recognize and enjoy and so hopefully that that passion will. Will continue to grow within them. But. And we’ve tried lots of different sports too.

Alan Mallory [00:21:46]:
My parents never got me involved in organized sports and we are trying that a little bit. Like my youngest is playing soccer for example and seems to really have taken to that. I guess the challenges with some of those organized sports is it consumes your life and for a lot of the adventures and travel and so on the that that certainly my wife and I like to do. It’s tough if you’re driving every weekend to different hockey tournaments and so on and so on. Maybe plots could argue. Well, maybe there is a bit of a selfish motivator there and I don’t want to be a non stop taxi driver, but I see how it worked with my dad and he got us into running and biking and things that, you know, they were more like they’re kind of individual sports versus large group sports like that and there’s benefits in both. But they didn’t consume our life. And that can be the challenge with.

Alan Mallory [00:22:32]:
And I don’t want to sound like I’m being negative about organized sports. There’s lots of benefits and you learn camaraderie and teamwork and all of that. But I look at some of my friends and they do nothing but drive around to different sports events.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready? Sure. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alan Mallory [00:22:58]:
Empowering.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:59]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alan Mallory [00:23:03]:
I don’t know if I’ve received very much dad advice, but probably if I had to just choose what I’ve discovered, it would be, you know, spend as much quality time with your daughters as you can before it’s too late, before they move on. Every, you know, every older father basically says the same thing. The time flew by.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:21]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughters love doing together.

Alan Mallory [00:23:25]:
I would say skiing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:26]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alan Mallory [00:23:31]:
Probably to align your vocation with something that really you’re passionate about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:37]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alan Mallory [00:23:41]:
Maybe I don’t have all the answers. I’ve still got a lot to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:23:51]:
That one’s easy. You’ve got to carve out the time. You’ve got to be doing adventures all the time. The father daughter relationships that fall apart. I think it’s dads that are just too busy with other things. And it’s a tough balance. I mean, you’ve got to also make a living, provide for your family in all of that. But you can’t go back.

Alan Mallory [00:24:10]:
Once the time is gone and you haven’t invested those important hours and days in the relationship. Then was it all worth it? I mean, there’s so many people that have regrets when they get older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:24]:
So now, Alan, I know you’ve got a lot of things going on. If people want to find out more about you and your books and everything else that you’re doing, where should they go?

Alan Mallory [00:24:34]:
Well, my website’s pretty comprehensive. It’s just Alan Mallory.com a L a N and have a YouTube channel. And I put various videos on there. My electric violin and my different adventures and so on. And yeah, those are probably the. The two places to start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:48]:
And I will tell you, check out his electric violin. He is an amazing electric violin player. And I was really impressed. I didn’t even know that he was playing at the event that I was playing. And then I looked up and I’m like, oh, this is Alan playing. And it was great. So I really encourage you to check out all of that. We’ll put some links in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
And Alan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing some of your journey today. I look forward to hearing more about the adventures not only that you have, but the adventures that you’re having with your kids and being able to live a little vicariously through what you’re doing. And I just want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Alan Mallory [00:25:25]:
My pleasure. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Alan Mallory [00:25:57]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can.

The Power of Presence: Building Strong Bonds Between Dads and Daughters

June 22, 2026 by dadofdivas

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What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? That’s the central question explored in the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, where Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes guest Brandon Smith for an honest, insightful and at times emotional conversation about fatherhood, mistakes, and building resilient, confident daughters.

From the start, Brandon Smith distinguishes between “intended” and “unintended” moments in parenting, emphasizing that the unscripted, everyday experiences often make the deepest impact. Whether it’s a trip for just the two of them or sitting quietly in support during a crisis, simply showing up consistently is the anchor of a strong bond. As Brandon Smith shares, “the small moments mattered the most” — a lesson he learned not only in his journey as a dad but also through the advice of other fathers.

The episode dives deep into the challenges dads face: resisting the urge to “fix” everything, sitting with difficult emotions, and learning to ask open-ended questions that give daughters the space to vent, reflect, and find their own solutions. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith steer the conversation toward agency, urging fathers to build their daughters’ confidence and resilience by empowering them to make decisions — even allowing for failure as an important part of growth.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being truly present — listening, apologizing when you get it wrong, and making your child a priority. Brandon Smith reminds listeners that kids are far more forgiving than we think, as long as we’re willing to acknowledge our mistakes and keep trying. Traditions, whether as simple as a regular dinner or a unique holiday ritual, also play a role in creating a safe foundation daughters can count on, even as they gain independence.

Fathers of daughters — whether your relationship is close or still growing, this episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” is packed with real advice, vulnerable stories, and practical tips to help you show up as the dad your daughter needs.

Ready to deepen your connection? Tune in to the full episode and join Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith on the journey to raising strong, independent women.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And it’s so important because we have to show up. We’ve got to show up every day. We’ve got to learn from the things we do well. We got to learn from the things that we mess up on as well, because there’s going to be times that are going to go perfectly and then other times where we’ll. They may be an epic fail. And that’s okay. That the fact that you do show up, the fact that you do come back and you’re willing to, to learn and to hear others stories about their journeys says a lot about you and it says a lot about where you want to be as a father. This podcast is here to give you some help, some perspective, some thoughts on fatherhood.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]:
Every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have gone through their own fatherhood journey and they’re still going through their fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest. Brandon Smith is with us today and Brandon is a return guest, I’m going to say, in some aspects, not he wasn’t a return guest from this podcast, but for those of you that have been listening to me for a while, you know that I had another podcast called Dads with Daughters, and Brandon’s a past guest from that show. So if you want to find that episode, go over to fathering together, you can check that out. It’s still out there. And he’ll add some hot sauce to your fatherhood as well. And I’ll leave it at that because and tease that out. But I’m really excited to be able to have Brandon on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
We’re going to be talking about his own journey with his daughter. And I look forward for you to get to know him as well. Brandon, thanks so much for being here today.

Brandon Smith [00:02:33]:
Chris. I’m thrilled to be on and I love, I love what we’re going to be talking about here today. I’m very, very passionate about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]:
You know, one of the things that I love starting off with when I think about fatherhood is all of us as dads want to create those meaningful moments where we, we truly are able to, to connect with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Brandon Smith [00:02:58]:
So I’m going to answer that in two ways. So there was the intended moments where you get to plan them, but then there’s the unintended moments that you, that you don’t get to plan them. I would argue the unintended moments are probably more impactful. But let’s talk about the intended moments. So I’ve got three kids. My daughter Abby is my oldest. She’s 24. She’s graduated, working a full time job.

Brandon Smith [00:03:18]:
She’s doing great. We’ll talk more about that then. I have a son who’s Noah, who’s 21, and then a son Aaron, who’s 18. Well, whenever my kids were 12, I would always take them, just me and that kiddo, to Disney World, just me and that one kid. So we could just do whatever they want to do. They didn’t have to negotiate rides and restaurants with their siblings. And we just get that time together. And I kind of kept that tradition going with Abby.

Brandon Smith [00:03:38]:
So when she went off to University of Georgia, she was in a sorority. The nice thing about sororities is they have a lot of planned events. So they’ve got like parent weekends, but then they have mommy daughter weekend and then they have a daddy daughter weekend. So I did that with her every year. So there was always times I was going there, just me and her for weekends and time together. And then even during her summers when she was doing internships and things, you know, she would, we would find time for just she and I to meet up in the city some where and just kind of explore together. So there was those schedule times which I think were really, really important. I would argue that the most important times were the times when she was in crisis.

Brandon Smith [00:04:11]:
And I just sat with her. I was just with her, just being present, not trying to solve it, not trying to offer advice, just sit and listen. And that’s really hard now to be fair. We haven’t Talked much about my background. I have a slightly unfair advantage. I was trained as a clinical therapist, so I do bring that to bear. So I know how to ask questions and listen and do kind of reflective, which does help. But I think those moments were probably the most important, and there were several.

Brandon Smith [00:04:38]:
There was one where when she was graduating from college and there had been a death in her sorority, it really rattled my daughter. And on top of that, she had broken her leg, and she was a big runner, so she couldn’t run. That was her stress relief. Let me tell you, Chris, I’m not sure if I’d want to go relive that weekend with her, but it was an impactful one because I just got to sit there with her while she just kind of raged and vented and just had all those emotions just kind of flood. I once heard somewhere that part of the role of the difference between kind of dads and daughters, or men and women, husbands and wives, and in those dynamics, women are often like the waves of the ocean. They kind of come and go. And sometimes when two. When a wife and a daughter kind of come together, sometimes those waves can create some storms.

Brandon Smith [00:05:18]:
Men are kind of like the rock wall on the side of the coast, and the water’s supposed to kind of hit it, but not move it. So we’re kind of almost supposed to be there kind of that steady, steady, consistent force. I don’t know why that image has always stood out for me, but I know that there’s been moments when I’ve been that kind of that. That rock wall and just allowed her to just kind of vent and rage and not be overwhelmed by that. The most impactful. So a long answer to your question, my friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:41]:
Not a problem at all. You know, I have heard what you said earlier about being willing to just sit and listen from many people and not to solve. And that’s not an easy thing for dads to always do. It tends to take a little bit of reprogramming in our brains to be able to get to that point. Talk to me about that for yourself. And I know you said you have a unfair advantage, so maybe you can give some advice for dads that are struggling with that in regards to what either you had to do or what you might recommend that dads do, to be able to reprogram their brains, to be able to be more of those quiet listeners versus the solvers.

Brandon Smith [00:06:20]:
I think the first thing is to recognize that those emotions don’t mean that something’s broken or something’s wrong. So the Things that we want to not do is either jump in and say, no, you must not feel this way. You must feel this way. Trying to change what they’re feeling. Not a good idea. That’s really bad. Dads and daughters, moms and daughters, not good. You don’t want to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:06:38]:
Second, it’s okay to sit in that discomfort. I know it was my own case of. With my father, he was very different. He could not handle any kind of uncomfortable emotion at all. There was if I. If you just got excited and passionate about a topic at dinner, he’d get up and leave the dinner table. He’s gonna handle it. And my entire life, if I talked to my dad, he’d stick his hand out in my face, wave it back and forth, and he’d say, stop talking.

Brandon Smith [00:06:57]:
None of my business. He really just couldn’t handle that. So I would encourage dads first to just be okay with sitting there. You don’t have to fix it. And. And that negative energy isn’t going to hurt you or hurt them. We need to give them a safe space to let it out. So that’s first.

Brandon Smith [00:07:14]:
Second step. How do you help them let it out? It’s by asking a lot of questions and just reflecting back. Just. Just by saying things like that sounds really hard. How are you doing with that? And just letting them go or say, wow, that is just. That’s a lot. Or one of the great therapist lines, which you can always use in your playbook, works really well in life. Say more about that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:32]:
You can never go wrong with. Just say more about that. And you can start off by saying that. That guys, that sounds really hard. Say more about that. What’s the hardest part? So really sit in it now. Where dads are going to go wrong. Another part where they’re going to go wrong is they’re going to go, so how do you think we need to fix it? You don’t need to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:46]:
You don’t need to jump to fixing it. Just let them go. Let them go until that energy really starts to wane. Now, to be fair, my daughter’s grown up with me, and she has very good skills like this. So there’s times I was doing that with her on that moment, I told you, and she said to me, I know what you’re doing. Stop it. So I had to pivot. And one of the ways for my daughter that works really well is when I then get vulnerable, talk about something I’m struggling with in my life, or I get really kind of authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:08:12]:
She connects really well to that my daughter has never done, she came out this way. She’s never done well with people being not performative but, but, but not being real, not really saying what’s really going on. She cannot handle that. So she actually does really well with me just kind of being open and honest and just calling things the way they are. That actually settles her down. So just having some more of that honest dialog and just being present and not trying to change it. I think those are, those are the moments. And she’ll say today, she’ll say, you know, one of the things I’m most proud of, she’ll say if Brandon Smith me says he’s going to be there, he’s going to be there.

Brandon Smith [00:08:42]:
And as a dad that’s really meaningful. I’m feel myself even getting tearing up a little bit just saying that because what dad doesn’t want to hear their kiddo say that? So I would say those are probably two good tips. Just learning to be comfortable in that and then learning how to just ask questions to help it release. By helping it release, you’re fixing it. So I think that’s probably the last thing I’d say. For dads, you don’t have to have a plan of action with three steps or five steps or a phone call you’re going to make today. It doesn’t have to be that clear cut. Just by helping that emotion go, it’ll make a difference.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]:
As our daughters are born, for many years they, they rely so much on us and as they get old they become more and more independent. How did you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needed to be able to grow into the person that she has become?

Brandon Smith [00:09:28]:
It’s a really good question. And this is where we often. So in my professional world, I take a lot of my coaching background and my counseling background and bring it into the workplace and helping leaders get better and those sorts of things. Do a lot of executive coaching kind of work and, and what I think makes this so challenging, it’s kind of like leadership is an art and a science. Parenting is an art and a science. I mean every, every K is a little different. Every situation’s a little different. There’s no one size fits all.

Brandon Smith [00:09:51]:
Sometimes you got to pivot with your recipe. And so where it’s tricky is I’m always trying as a parent, I’m always trying to instill agency. It’s my favorite word. If you ask me, my favorite word on this planet is it’s agency. And for those of you that don’t kind of know the word agency. What we’re talking about when we’re talking about agency for a person, when you have a sense of agency, it’s almost like you tell yourself, I’m enough in the world. I’m not perfect. No one’s perfect.

Brandon Smith [00:10:13]:
But I’m enough. I can get through it. And we have high levels of agency. We have competence and confidence, and we have resilient, and we handle change well. Change doesn’t overwhelm us. What we don’t have when we have high levels of agency is heightened anxiety. Anxiety is the absence of agency. So if you got a really anxious kiddo, just really fearful, kind of struggling with dealing with life, agency is a great antidote.

Brandon Smith [00:10:35]:
I’m always trying to instill that. So the way you instill that is you ask a lot of questions. So, wow, that sounds really hard. Well, what do you think you can do about that? What do you. What do you think you need to do? How do you think you can solve that? How can I help you with that? But you’re. But you’re putting the answers, you’re putting the solutioning, you’re putting the authorship on that, kiddo. So book I published in 2022 is called the author versus editor dilemma. That’s a lot to do with workplaces and leadership and management.

Brandon Smith [00:10:57]:
But I always do a chapter in every one of my books on parenting, and there’s even a chapter in Author editor about that. Like, when should I sit in the author seat and tell them what to do? When should I sit in the editor seat and they tell me what they’re going to do and then I can respond to that. So you want them to have that agency, all solutions to problems. That sometimes means they’re going to fail, and that is okay. Where we need to kind of watch closely is we don’t want the failure to be catastrophic. Failures are good. That’s when you learn. We learn the most in times of failure.

Brandon Smith [00:11:22]:
My midd kiddo, he just went through the college internship process this year. It’s been really tough on college students and interns to find internships this year. It’s a tougher cycle. He had a couple lined up. He waited too long. The offers exploded on him and he had to scramble. And my wife and I were thinking how we could help him. Well, he ended up coming up with an internship on his own.

Brandon Smith [00:11:40]:
He found one, and he’s loving it. And I think the fact he recovered on his own, I mean, that’s really what you want. You Want that level of agency. So all that to say, you know, you’re trying to equip them to solve problems on their own. You’re going to support them. And even when my kids were little, they come home and say, oh, the teacher’s being me. The teacher’s bullying me. It triggers that inner parenting instinct.

Brandon Smith [00:11:58]:
You want to jump in and say, talk to that teacher. I always stopped myself and said, I’m not going to do that. And I would say, what conversation do you think you need to have? I know you can do it. I believe in you. And I said, I’ve got your back. I’ve got air cover for you. It doesn’t go well, you can call dad. Dad will jump in.

Brandon Smith [00:12:12]:
Dad will fix it, but why don’t you take the first crack? I did it with all my kids. I never had to have a conversation with the teacher. They would go back and they had it on their own because I was trying to again equip them to the agency. And also, those are great skills. You’re gonna have to have a conversation with your boss one day. Why don’t you learn that now? So then when you have to neg negotiate your salary or say you can’t work on the weekend, you learn how to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:30]:
Those are great examples. And I think, you know, I’ve. I feel like I’m going through a lot of those myself with my daughter that’s in college right now and figuring out, okay, where do I push, where do I pull, where do I just sit back? And that as you kind of talked about the author role or not. And so that’s always a challenge. And I think it always continues to be a challenge as you sit back and you’re like, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. You can learn from me, but you may need to make these mistakes yourself. And I get that too now, talking about intentional things and thinking in my head of what you just said.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:
Some of the things that we do are very intentional. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked throughout your daughter’s life to be able to strengthen that bond that you had with her, especially during those challenging times.

Brandon Smith [00:13:16]:
So my daughter’s a lot like a cat. You have to let her come to you. If you try and go to her too quickly, it’s not going to go very well. So being intentional, I think, is really important. I will say this. I think going back to the word agency, I often joke with my wife. My daughter kind of came out of the womb just frustrated because she didn’t have any agency because she’s 4 and she wants to do stuff. She’s 8 and she wants to do stuff.

Brandon Smith [00:13:36]:
She’s 12 and she wants to do stuff, and she can’t. And it got frustrated. Well, now she’s 24 and she works for a consulting firm, and she can do all the stuff. So I think that’s helped a lot. But I will say the hardest time for us was probably those high school years where it was the most pressure. And every year she went off to college, her feelings towards us improved, her connection towards us improved on her own, she made those things happen because I think she was just seeing her friends and some of their dynamics with their parents, and she realized we’re not so bad. And every time she called, we always made that time for her. So she calls my wife every day.

Brandon Smith [00:14:10]:
She talks to my wife every day. But she knows she can call me and I will drop whatever I’m doing if she calls me. So I think part of it is just being present with her, not being too pushy, but, you know, letting her come to me. The other thing was I always schedule time with her, and I always tell her, you are one of the most important people and most important relationships in my life. I really want to make sure we get to spend time together. And I find things that my kids like. My daughter likes to go to nice restaurants. She likes to try new food.

Brandon Smith [00:14:32]:
So we’ll go try the local Portuguese restaurant, or we’ll try the Persian restaurant or whatever happens to be. And so now that she’s on her own and she’s figuring out career stuff and life stuff, we try to do quarterly dinners. So we’ll do quarterly dinner. She’s still in Atlanta. I live in Atlanta. So we’ll meet up for dinner somewhere and just have a nice dinner and just talk about life, Talk about her career, her boyfriend, all the other things. I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s always kind of being there when they want to come to you.

Brandon Smith [00:14:57]:
That’s an intention and making them a priority. So that’s kind of more of a firefighter on call kind of intention. When the phone rings, I answer it. But there’s also keeping that connected. And I think when you plan something with someone, you’re signaling to them that they’re a priority. So when I tell my daughter, you mean a lot to me, and our relationship is very meaningful. I want to spend time with you. I’d love to take you out to dinner.

Brandon Smith [00:15:15]:
She never turns me down. So those are Some examples.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:18]:
I love those examples. And I try to have similar things with my own daughters. And I know that it makes a difference. Sometimes they say it, sometimes they don’t. And you have to know that. That you just have to realize that even if they don’t say it, it still matters. Now, none of us are perfect. We all make m mistakes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:37]:
What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:15:44]:
Oh, goodness. I’m going through my very large inventory of mistakes, Chris. So if I’m pausing, it’s because, wow, kind of a lot. Well, I would say I’ve done the opposite of a lot of things I’ve said. Like, I pushed on her too hard, pushed on solutions, pushed, pushed on answers, pushed for answers. That doesn’t go well with her. So that’s not good. But on the flip side, sometimes I don’t come to her when she’s upset.

Brandon Smith [00:16:06]:
That gets her really mad. So if she’s upset, upset, and she’s sending all the signals that she’s upset, and I’m not going to her saying, hey, you seem upset. And maybe I just don’t want to deal with it. I’m going to be honest. Maybe it’s just one of those times where I’m really tired. I don’t have much in the tank. Like, I can’t deal with her just, you know, her upsetness today, that makes her more angry because I’m not coming to her and acknowledging how she’s feeling. So I think there’s a lot around those things.

Brandon Smith [00:16:27]:
Yeah, it’s tricky. Parenting is such a startup experience. Fail fast or fail forward. You’re always trying to adjust. So, you know, I can tell you another great example, like when she was in high school and applying to colleges and she wasn’t getting the SAT score she wanted and she had one last shot, I mean, take the sat and like, I think it was October of your junior year last time. She could really take it and have it count. And she was procrastinating on studying for that, studying for that, studying for that. And whether this was good or bad to me, I’m not sure.

Brandon Smith [00:16:52]:
But I finally told her, I said, look, you don’t have to study for it. You can keep your same SAT scores, and then you’re going to go to this slate of colleges and they’re all perfectly fine. But if you want to go to this slate of colleges, you’re going to need to get that SAT score up. So you’re going to make a choice. And I said, if you want to go here, you’re going to have to do some studying, which means you can’t go off doing brunches on the weekend with your friends. You can’t do that. You got studying to do. You’re running out of time.

Brandon Smith [00:17:12]:
Time. Well, she went off. She said she wanted to do that. She wanted the other schools. She wanted a better score, but she kept doing the brunches. So finally, I had to go in one day and say, I’m sorry, Abby. I hate to do this. I’m your dad.

Brandon Smith [00:17:22]:
I want to honor your request of what you want. I’m grounding you for the next two weeks. You’re going nowhere. You can study. That’s what you can do. Now, I don’t know if that was the right decision or not. She did end up getting the score that she needed at the end of the day, so just barely by the skin of her teeth, but she got that score. But that was an example where I had to step in and ground her on something that she said she wanted, but she wasn’t living up to her own expectations of herself.

Brandon Smith [00:17:45]:
So. I don’t know. Plenty of times I’ve lost my temper with my kids. But I will say this. One of the big things I did learn in life is your kids really want to have a relationship with you. They are actually way more forgiving than we give them credit for. But they will not be forgiving if you don’t apologize. You have to be the first one to go say, I’m sorry.

Brandon Smith [00:18:02]:
Dad screwed up. I shouldn’t have handled it the way I did. I promise I’m not going to do that again going forward. And she. And she had a moment with me a few years ago. It was Christmas, and my wife and I were kind of in a little bit of a spat. And it was happening on Christmas Day, and my daughter was not happy about that. And so she came over to me and she pulled me aside, and she’s like, what’s going on? She was really upset, and I committed to her.

Brandon Smith [00:18:20]:
I said, I’m sorry. You’re right. This shouldn’t be happening on Christmas Day. I’m going to fix it. It’s not going to happen again. And that’s what I did. But you got to be willing to say you’re sorry, and you’re got to be willing to adjust. And if you do that, our kids aren’t expecting perfect from us.

Brandon Smith [00:18:31]:
They’re expecting, like, that effort that we’re trying so when you say you’re going to make a change, you make the change. But they don’t expect perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:37]:
And what do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Brandon Smith [00:18:43]:
I saw an interview with Reese Wither Witherspoon at some point and she, she made a comment and dad, the words that a dad says to their daughter, it’s like permanent marker on their brain. And so I always want to feed her in that way. My daughter, you know, she doesn’t have a lot of money, but she likes to kind of get good fashion. So there’s like you could all these services, you rent clothes and she’ll run clothes, she’ll come downstairs and she’ll be wearing a new dress. And I’ll say, oh Abby, that dress is beautiful on you. You look absolutely just beautiful. And she’s like, oh, thanks dad. But I know that’s, I know that’s feeding into her self conscious and her level of confidence about herself or self talk.

Brandon Smith [00:19:15]:
I always tell her, you’ve got great skills, you’ve got great intuition on people. So I really look, lift up and reinforce her strengths. So not only does she feel kind of seen, but I’m also trying to tell her, you’ve got some great things, don’t lose those. So those are things I really try to be intentional about in my talk with her and also trying to give her support and guidance. Now sometimes it also means not answering her questions. So the recent one she was doing was she’s got a boyfriend who she really likes and we really like. And she’s asking me, she’s saying, dad, I mean, what do you think? I mean really, what do you think? I mean, do you think he’s a good fit for me? I mean, and we like him. And she had a particular thing she was asking about.

Brandon Smith [00:19:49]:
I said, you know, Abby, that’s not my answer. That’s not for me to answer. It’s a question for you to answer. And I laid out some scenarios and things for her. I said, but it’s not for me. She kept pushing on me, pushing on, trying to get me. I wouldn’t answer. I wouldn’t, wouldn’t answer.

Brandon Smith [00:20:00]:
A few days later she came to my wife and she said, tell dad I’m sorry for pushing him so hard. I was having a, it’s one of the phrases that you probably heard your daughter say recently. She’s like, I was having a crash out and I was pushing dad a little too hard and I, I shouldn’t have been telling actually everything’s okay. I’m fine with my boyfriend. So I think knowing sometimes when not to insert your opinions is also important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
You don’t want to have those insert foot in mouth moments as you’re talking to your daughters and, or having to backpedal. So sometimes being silent or as you said, kind of pushing back and allowing for them to work it through probably makes a lot of sense.

Brandon Smith [00:20:36]:
It reminds me there was a Seinfeld episode where, you know, I think, I can’t remember, maybe Kramer had a girlfriend that no one liked. And so they all told him he broke up and we’re like, oh, we don’t like your girlfriend. And then they got back together. Then now it was awkward because they told Kramer we don’t like your girlfriend. But now he’s back with her girlfriend. So I think there’s times when you just have to some things or for them to figure out. And frankly, if she’s happy, that’s, I mean, that’s one of the things we’re going for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:00]:
And how did you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Brandon Smith [00:21:04]:
It’s a challenging one. So in high school, she would come at my wife and me and she’d say, you guys put high expectations on me. You hold me an unfair standard. And it’s funny, Chris, we never did. We never did. We never did. My wife and I are little, a little Gen X in how we raise our kids. We’re a little, wouldn’t say feral, but a little more.

Brandon Smith [00:21:23]:
More like that in this way. We Never had life, 360 on any of our kids. We didn’t track them where they go. We never, once they got into high school, we never looked at the report cards again. Now I’ve never seen a report card for my kids in high school or college because what I told them was I said, your grades are your grades. And my expectation is you work hard and own and be proud of whatever grade you get. If you got a C and you didn’t work hard, then decide to make an adjustment. But if you got a C and you gave it everything you got, that’s great.

Brandon Smith [00:21:47]:
So I think part of it is setting that, pushing kind of that ownership and agency properly on them. It’s your life. Your grades are the beginning of that, but it’s just going to evolve into more decisions that are yours. I think the second thing is I’m always trying to remind her and reinforce to her what her natural gifts are, what her natural gifts and talents. I think so hard she’s trying to fit herself into a box. Like when she was in high school, she took a lot of computer science classes because she thought, oh, I’m a girl, I should take computer science classes because it’ll round me out. It was not her love language. It’s not her love language and she would tell you that.

Brandon Smith [00:22:17]:
But she has a lot of great love languages that she’s really passionate about. And I’m always trying to remind her of that because she’s in this early part of her career where she’s trying to figure out what does she want her career to look like. And so I’m trying to encourage her to pursue those areas where she says more natural strengths and passions because it will. It’ll play out in a much, much more fulfilling way for her. So I think it’s just lifting those things up. That doesn’t always mean that she hears it in the moment. I think that’s another important thing too. Like, if dads are looking for kind of, I do this and I get an immediate kind of response.

Brandon Smith [00:22:47]:
It’s not, it’s not like that. I often, I’ll chat in my author editor book and you want to talk to my clients when they’re like, doing too much for their teams. I’ll say to them, are you trying to win an mvp? Are you trying to win a world championship? Because are two very different muscles. And I think sometimes as dads, we’re trying to win MVPs, like, we want the immediate hug and the gratification in the moment, like we just scored a touchdown. And really we should probably be thinking about more like winning a world championship because, like, those are lag indicators. You don’t really know how well you’re doing until you start to get further into the season. Then you got to get in the playoffs. So touchdowns don’t.

Brandon Smith [00:23:18]:
The touchdown itself doesn’t really matter. So I’m getting more of the payoff way after the fact from her. Not in the moment. And sometimes she’ll dismiss my comments in the moment. But I know I’m planting seeds.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]:
What’s one way you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Brandon Smith [00:23:31]:
I would say the simple answer is if she knows. And she’s very respectful of this. She knows if she calls me during the day, I’m going to answer as quickly as I can. If I have to call her back, I will. And I will then clear my calendar to whenever she wants to talk. I will cancel other business calls that I have to make that time for her. Now she does, she does not abuse that. She’s very, very respectful of that and sometimes I’ll tell her I’m tied up, I can’t have a public, let’s talk tonight.

Brandon Smith [00:23:55]:
But I always try and make her a priority when she needs to talk. And so I think that’s the number one way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
And when you think back to relationship with your daughter in the past now, what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that really strengthens your bond?

Brandon Smith [00:24:12]:
I think there’s a couple, one for sure is are just going out to dinner together. We love to do that and traveling together. When my daughter and I did our 12 year old trip to Disney, we stayed at a different kind of Disney hotel. And we just walked around all the hotels one night and she picked out what she’s like, oh, I love this one. We should stay here from now on as a family. And sure enough, that’s what we started doing. So I think finding things that your daughter likes that you can share with her is really good. And that can be a variety of things.

Brandon Smith [00:24:36]:
My daughter, she likes sporting events because she likes to sit with people that she cares about and have conversations, but she doesn’t actually care about the event itself. But she’ll go because she likes to have that time together. I think finding those things that we can do, I think are definitely one. And then we have other traditions that we’ve always done as a family, which she actually appreciates. We always try to have dinner together as a family as much as we could. We thought this was normal. Apparently it’s weird. We live in Atlanta, so we live in the Southeast, but every Christmas Eve after church we go to Waffle House.

Brandon Smith [00:25:02]:
Waffle Houses are Christmas Eve tradition. And just things like that that she really likes, I think it provides a lot of that stability. I’ll also say, like as I mentioned to you before, my daughter was never very touchy feely. Like she was never like daddy’s little girl in the sense that she just worshiped me and always wanted to spend time with me. But that has gotten more and more as she’s gotten older. Last time she was over to her house, she gave me probably three hugs before she left the house. And so I do think that, you know, it’s definitely a marathon and a long race, more like trying to win a world championship than it is winning an mvp.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]:
Now we always finish our interview with what I like to call our dad connection. Six, six more questions that delve into you as a dad. Are you ready? What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:25:42]:
And this isn’t Meant to be creepy, but I really like this word. It’s intimate. We cover the can. I’m open and honest and things I’m kind of working through. She’s open and honest with things she’s working through. So there’s just a commitment, openness with sharing. Kind of our. We’re very authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:25:54]:
We’re vulnerable. We share needs and wants. We just, we’re just have a very open relationship. So I would say that what’s the

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:59]:
best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Brandon Smith [00:26:04]:
I would say the best piece of d. Bad advice I ever received actually came from a client of mine. And it was because he had worked a very long career with a big company. It’s a privately held company. He wasn’t going to get the CEO job. He was right below it. So he decided to retire and he traveled all the time. And one day his kids told him and he made it a point.

Brandon Smith [00:26:22]:
He was like, I was always going to be there for the big events. I’m always going to be there for the soccer matches and the award ceremonies. And he would fly back in town, he’d go to those events and he thought like, ah, being a great dad. And then his son one day said to him, he said, dad, you were always there for the big moments, but you were never there for the small ones. And the small ones mattered the most. O so I do think the soccer matches really don’t matter. They really don’t. The dining room table, that matters more.

Brandon Smith [00:26:45]:
The being able to like go in your kids room when they’re sad and crying and just sit with them. That matters way more than seeing their baseball tournament or their dance recital. I’m not saying those things are bad. I’m not saying you should dismiss them. But it’s not the same thing because frankly we over index on that stuff. We’re like, ah, I was with them. Dance recital. You were sitting in an Auditorium.

Brandon Smith [00:27:03]:
Auditorium 20ft away from your kid. You weren’t talking to them, they weren’t talking to you. They were doing something and you were watching. It’s not much different than watching your kid play video games. It’s really not any different. It’s not connected. But we tend to think it’s some kind of connection. So I think those small moments are the key.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Brandon Smith [00:27:21]:
Definitely restaurants. That’s an easy one to plug in. Travel. She’s always game for travel. So if I said let’s go to a city and then I’ll and I let her plan it, and we go around and do things. Things, that’s great. So I think those are things that she loves to do that I like to do, too. So those are the two big ones.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Brandon Smith [00:27:39]:
Be true to yourself. It’s probably cliche, but what that really means is understand how you’re hardwired and find a swim lane that honors that. Life’s much easier and more fulfilling. If you go in the direction of the current, you’re already wired to go down. If you try and force it and fake it and go down another path, you’re not going to be happy. If you try and chase other things, you’re also not going to be happy. So I think just finding, really get a good understanding of who you are, figure out, plug that into the world, you’re going to feel a lot, a lot better. And I think that’s hard for daughters today because there’s a lot of pressure.

Brandon Smith [00:28:06]:
You should be a career woman, and you should put off having kids. And that is a choice for some women. They can do that. But some women might decide, I want to have a family. And there’s not as, maybe as much discussion and balanced conversation on different options for women. So I think today, ironically, it’s kind of like almost gone the other way. It’s like, you got to have a career, you got to make as much money as possible. And I know she’s felt pressured to do that, and she’s adjusting what she wants, so being able to help in that process.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Brandon Smith [00:28:38]:
Two quick ones. So first I would say tell them that. Tell them that I want to build a relationship with you. You are one of the most important people in my life. I would love to explore what that might look like or how we could do that. So I think that’s one second that I mentioned earlier. The secret sauce to all this is being able to apologize. That’s the equivalent of fail fast in the entrepreneurial world or fail forward.

Brandon Smith [00:28:56]:
Apologize dies quickly. When you make a mistake, go in quickly and be like, I screwed up. Dad screwed up. I’m sorry. Here’s why it happened. But it’s not going to happen again. They will quickly forgive you. But if you don’t do that, that emotion will see them fester.

Brandon Smith [00:29:08]:
And then that’s when you get World War iii. And daughters are good at waging World War iii. If necessary so you can avoid that with a quick apology.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:16]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Brandon Smith [00:29:20]:
Yeah, the simplest place is just Google the workplace therapist. That’s my handle. So you can Google the workplace therapist. I’m the only one. Well, there’s one other person in Australia now, but I’m the only other one. So you’ll look for the guy not in Australia and you’ll find me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
Well, Brandon, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this journey that you’ve been on with your daughter. I know it’s not over, it’s definitely going to just continue. But I truly want to say thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best.

Brandon Smith [00:29:49]:
Thank you. Thank you for all the great work you do for dads out there trying to be better. So thank you for having me. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
It’s about being present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents? Bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them Be the best, best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Listening, Laughing, Loving: How to Be the Dad She Really Needs

May 25, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Building a strong, lasting relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with challenges, humor, and countless meaningful moments. In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with dedicated father Charlie Davis and his tween daughter, Harper, to explore what it really takes to foster connection, confidence, and independence in young women.

This week Charlie Davis shares how creating traditions—like their annual “Daddy Daughter Dance” outings—has become a cornerstone in their relationship. These shared rituals become “core memories,” strengthening their bond year after year.

Navigating the tween years brings new challenges. Charlie Davis talks openly about balancing guidance with granting independence, highlighting the importance of giving daughters space to make decisions and learn from them. He reflects on the need for gentle communication, admitting that a softer approach encourages frank discussions and helps avoid misunderstandings.

Supporting individual passions emerged as another vital theme. For Harper, a love of animals is front and center, and her parents actively support her interests—arranging shadow days at the local veterinary clinic and fostering her involvement in horseback riding. This affirmation and encouragement empower her to pursue her dreams.

What truly shines in this episode is the warmth and humor that permeates Charlie Davis and Harper’s relationship. Whether it’s inside jokes (“be careful!” before bed), binge-watching favorite shows, or simply running errands together, these small moments add up to a profound sense of closeness and trust.

The advice offered is relatable and actionable for dads everywhere: Be present, listen actively, don’t take yourself too seriously, and never underestimate the power of laughter. Most of all, remember that daughters are always listening, so choose your words and actions with care.

If you’re a dad looking for inspiration to deepen your connection with your daughter, tune in to this heartfelt episode. Full of personal stories and practical gems, it’s a must-listen for anyone striving to “be the dad she needs.” Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com and keep building those lifelong bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, to work with one another and, and for you to be able to take something tangible, something tangible out of every episode so that you have an opportunity to be able to build some tools for your toolbox. Learning from others and finding some things that might allow you to build that type of relationship that you want to have with your daughter. That’s why I love that you’re here every week, because every week you are showing up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:21]:
You’re showing up to be able to learn, to grow and you are doing what you have to do to be able to build on those relationships. We don’t always do it right. There’s going to be times when we trip. That’s okay. What’s important is that you do keep showing up and that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be able to do just that. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that will provide you with some of their own experiences, some that might work for you and some might not. But it’s good to be able to hear and experience and learn from other people in that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Today we got another great guest. Charlie Davis is with us today. Charlie is a father of a daughter. He has almost 12 year old daughter and we’re going to be. And she may pop her head in, in just a little bit and, and talk to us a little bit as well. But I’m really excited to be able to have Charlie on today and to introduce him to you. Charlie, thanks so much for being here today.

Charlie Davis [00:02:13]:
Absolutely. Glad to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:14]:
You know, first and foremost, Charlie, I guess one of the questions that I want to be able to start with is that every one of us as fathers love to be able to create those moments, those meaningful moments that are Ones that our daughters remember and allow for us to build those bonds. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Charlie Davis [00:02:36]:
I’d say it’s kind of a repeat moment, but we try to do it annually. We try to take. We try to take the time to make sure that, you know, we spend some individual time together. But she had, you know, with her older brother and their mom and everything. But every year, there’s a particular moment where we try to attend the annual Daddy Daughter Dance. And that is something that we have kind of made a tradition. She hasn’t grown out of it yet. She actually still enjoys going with me.

Charlie Davis [00:03:01]:
So that part’s great. It’s an evening that we can just take to ourselves and just her and myself and we’ll go out to dinner. Usually it’s the same place. We have a particular restaurant we like to go to. It’s an Italian place, particularly for the overly large piece of chocolate cake that we have every time that we go each year. And it’s just a memory, kind of a core memory that sticks, that, you know, she brings up from occasion and even reminds me to make sure that I look to see when the next dance is coming up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:26]:
It’s always important when you have those type of moments. I remember going to the dances with my own daughters, and it was always so fun to be able to share those times and to have those special moments in that regard. And your daughter is now getting into those tween years, and there is going to be that inevitable push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Charlie Davis [00:03:51]:
Well, to tell you the truth, with her in particular, it’s been a little easier than I expected. I don’t expect it to always be that way. But she’s had a sense of independence for a while anyway. She’s not one that runs around in large crowds, you know, all the time, wants to be away from the house a lot. She’s very much into reading. She actually prefers to do that with her free time most of the time. But the biggest balance is me being able to take a step back and let her live basically like you. Let her make some choices on her own, you know, within reason, and just kind of see how she does with those choices now to kind of evaluate how she may approach certain larger decisions later in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:30]:
None of us as dads are perfect. We are fallible. We’re humans. We make Mistakes. What’s a mistake you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive communication with your daughter?

Charlie Davis [00:04:41]:
Well, I learned very quickly that I have to speak and approach her very differently than her older brother. I could be a little more firm with him than I can with her. I can still be firm to a degree with her when need be, but for the most part with her it is. I’ve learned that I need to approach it with a gentler tone a lot of the times, just to kind of step back, kind of lower the tone basically and approach her in a more conversational manner so that she can actually be calm in her response back to me. And we can actually foster communication that way as opposed to it just being an argument or one sided. And we actually accomplish a lot more that way than we do by just a one sided, angry parent coming at you, telling you what to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:22]:
And what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Charlie Davis [00:05:29]:
Well, we definitely have had to try to work. I know our whole family is guilty of this on occasion, but especially whenever they have something, you know, we’re having a group conversation as a family and they start to speak and you make sure you don’t speak over them. You don’t interrupt and cut it off because you know you’ve got a particular point that you’re trying to make. You just make sure that they’re literally heard in, in those moments. Let them finish their thoughts and then actively engage in whatever comment that they made, you know, whatever your feedback may be to that to let them know that you’re engaged in the conversation and that they are heard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:00]:
And I know we talked beforehand about some of the things that she really likes when we were chatting about you coming on the show. And all of our daughters have their own passions, their own dreams, the things that light them up. You talked about her reading. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Charlie Davis [00:06:17]:
Well, actually for the most part right now. Besides, I mean, reading is definitely one of her favorite hobbies. But as far as a passion, she is all about animals, all things animals. She has a love for every animal that exists. And there’s a shadow day coming up for, you know, particular careers and things like that. And we have a good relationship with our veterinarian and she’s probably going to end up going shadowing there and working with the animals for the day. We have been out to the, the animal shelter several times for a particular dog that we saved a couple years ago to go visit and she’s also involved in horseback riding, which, you know, another completely different animal. Literally.

Charlie Davis [00:06:56]:
But anything that involves animals that she can actually do something positive with or make an impact, we make sure to get her there, let her know about those upcoming events so she can participate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]:
Hello. Well, Harper, thanks so much for being on the show. I really appreciate you sharing your voice. Can you share a favorite memory with your dad that’s really made you feel close to him?

Speaker D [00:07:17]:
I played basketball with him this weekend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
It sounds like fun. Sounds like a lot of fun. I heard you love reading books. And has your dad done anything to be able to help you, kind of to foster that reading in you over the years?

Speaker D [00:07:30]:
Well, he buys.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]:
I love it. What’s one thing that your dad does that helps you to feel that you can be confident in who you are and who you want to be?

Speaker D [00:07:42]:
Maybe, like, whenever he tells me, like, stuff before, like a quiz or something, like, I had a math EOG today.

Charlie Davis [00:07:48]:
They may not know what EOGs are. That’s end of grade testing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:51]:
Okay.

Charlie Davis [00:07:51]:
But usually before any tests or anything like that, she does go over a lot of stuff with her mom as well, to review things and then kind of follows up with me on subjects that I’m particularly proficient in just to make sure she’s on the right track. And I let her know that she is. And if she’s not, then we make sure that she is before the test actually starts.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:07]:
Harper, is there anything that your dad does that really shows you that you can always count on him?

Speaker D [00:08:12]:
You always get very protective when I talk about boys. I mean, I bet you I could call you and you’d be like, oh, yeah, I’m going to pick you up. Sure, yeah, yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:08:20]:
If you called me from anywhere, I would come pick you up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:22]:
Let’s flip that around to you there, Charlie. What’s one way that you think that you try to show Harper that she can always count on you?

Charlie Davis [00:08:29]:
Well, I mean, I’m not exactly one of the dads that tries to avoid too many conversations when the girls are speaking. I like to let her know that if she does want to talk to me about something, whether it is a boy or not, that if she has something she wants to know or something she’s trying to figure out, I’m still going to help answer. I mean, at least to the best of my ability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:48]:
And what’s a tradition or a routine that both of you have created together that really allows for you to be able to create that strong bond together, something that you share?

Charlie Davis [00:08:58]:
I’d say A lot of times, because, you know, with traveling, with work every now and then, and her mom does as well. And especially whenever a mom is out of town and, you know, just dad in charge, we tend to stay up a little later than we should. We have a couple of shows every now and then that, you know, we will binge watch together and just kind of stay up and talk in between each episode. And it’s just something that we typically always do anytime that the free time is allowed. It’s just something that we always kind of look forward to whenever we have the opportunity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]:
Anything else you want to share, Harper?

Speaker D [00:09:27]:
Well, like, whenever he says good night

Charlie Davis [00:09:29]:
to me, it’s like saying good night to you.

Speaker D [00:09:31]:
Yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:09:31]:
Every night. Yeah. No. Okay. Yeah. We’re just making sure that I do have the. The good night and I love you. Every single night before she goes to bed and not skipping that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:40]:
That’s always important.

Speaker D [00:09:41]:
And for some reason you say, be careful. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, hit my head on the bed?

Charlie Davis [00:09:45]:
Yes. We do have a saying that’s been around since she was very, very little. You know, every time we leave the house, we always tell each other, hey, you know, be careful. Just kind of a thing, you know, besides, I love you too. And she did not know that that was mainly for leaving the house when she was younger. And she repeated that back to me one night before she was going to bed and said, be careful. So it was a laugh. We laughed about it.

Charlie Davis [00:10:06]:
And I want to say she was not much more than two, maybe three, and kind of an ongoing inside joke that every night it’s be careful. Love you, night, night, get some sleep. And so the be careful makes no sense to anyone else but us, but it’s just an inside joke that we’ve had before she goes to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:24]:
It’s always important to have those inside jokes, something that the two of you that are special for the two of you, something that’s meaningful, that definitely creates those bonds and allows you to be able to strengthen them and be able to always have something that’s just your own. I love it. Now, I always finish our interviews, what I like to call our dad connection. 6. And usually I ask the dads, only the dads, these questions. But, Harper, I’m going to ask you too. So you have to do your best and see what you can answer. Harper, I’ll start with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:48]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Speaker D [00:10:52]:
Humorous.

Charlie Davis [00:10:53]:
And, Charlie, I was actually going to go along the same lines as funny. Humorous. There are always Jokes. He did.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:59]:
Harper, what’s the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?

Speaker D [00:11:02]:
Well, there’s a few, but I can’t say them.

Charlie Davis [00:11:04]:
Okay, well, I know. Do as I say, not as I do. Oh, okay.

Speaker D [00:11:08]:
Don’t do what your brother does.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
And, Charlie, what’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Charlie Davis [00:11:15]:
Do not get too complacent. There’s always someone out there working just as hard, if not harder than you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:21]:
And, Harper, what’s one activity that you and your dad love doing together?

Speaker D [00:11:26]:
I mean, sometimes we just, like, drive places. Like, I go with them to go places and stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]:
And, Charlie, what would you say to that?

Charlie Davis [00:11:32]:
Typically, if I have to make a trip to the grocery store or run an errand to do anything, I just ask if she wants to go with me, just because that’s. That’s a lot of the times whenever we will actually be in the car together, just us. And if we’re not singing some goofy song together or making up our own words of that song, then that’s a lot of times when our conversations are actually sparked because there. There’s no outside interference. It’s just her and I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:53]:
Okay, next two questions are just for you, Charlie. If you could give Harper one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Charlie Davis [00:12:01]:
Never doubt yourself and that your support system is always here for you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:06]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Charlie Davis [00:12:10]:
Always doubt yourself before you approach a situation. When it comes to having a daughter, reevaluate the way that you’re going to approach it first, especially if you’ve learned through having a son first and then completely recalculate everything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]:
And, Harper, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Speaker D [00:12:32]:
Well, you kind of got to be careful with what you say because, well, the daughters always eavesdrop. So you got to be like, you got to think it over all the time.

Charlie Davis [00:12:40]:
They’re always listening, always listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]:
What about you, Charlie?

Charlie Davis [00:12:44]:
Don’t be so serious all the time. Make sure that you know, that you’re approachable, that, you know, smile. I mean, laugh with your daughter. Make jokes about things. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t have a conversation, that you can’t enjoy each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]:
Well, Charlie Harper, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your story. And I know it’s not over. There’s definitely going to be more things coming as life goes on. But I really appreciate you taking some time today to share your relationship with us and for taking some time to be able to reflect back and to help other dads. And I wish you both the best.

Charlie Davis [00:13:18]:
Well, it was an honor being on here. I really appreciate you having us and I hope you have a great one and hope that we can speak again soon.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:25]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence, confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:13:56]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling Astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen and get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Supporting Passions: A Father-Daughter Story of Trust, Creativity, and Growth

May 18, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

On the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis brings listeners an inspiring and heartfelt conversation with Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. This episode dives deep into the journey of father-daughter relationships, the importance of celebrating individuality, and how simple acts of connection can shape a daughter’s confidence and independence.

One of the standout themes is the power of acceptance and encouragement. From a young age, Eva shares how Drew Bennett always made her feel seen, heard, and valued – whether through supporting her interests in comics and pop culture, or giving her the freedom to express herself creatively. Eva Bennett highlights moments where her dad invested wholeheartedly in her passions, from discussing favorite characters to spending weekends at comic conventions. These shared experiences became more than hobbies; they were opportunities to bond, laugh, and build trust.

Cosplay, in particular, played a unique role in strengthening their connection. Eva Bennett describes their adventures crafting costumes for conventions, often designing duo costumes (like Lord of the Rings’ Eowyn and Theoden or Spider-Verse’s Peter B. and Mayday Parker). Drew Bennett shows up not just as her dad, but as a supportive partner in creativity – accompanying her to events, holding props, and celebrating her success.

But this episode isn’t just about shared interests – it’s also about giving children the independence to grow. Drew Bennett reflects on the balance of guidance and freedom, stressing the value of supporting his daughter’s choices and letting her explore her own path. Eva Bennett expresses gratitude for this sense of trust, which helped her feel safe sharing challenges and seeking advice.

As Eva prepares to leave for college, both reflect on how their relationship will evolve. They promise to keep in touch through quick texts, TikToks, and special traditions like convention weekends, showing that even as life changes, strong roots make lasting bonds.

In their closing advice, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Drew Bennett, and Eva Bennett urge other parents to “meet your kids where they’re at.” Even if you don’t fully understand their passions, dive in, listen, and show that you care.

If you’re a dad (or a parent) hoping to nurture a close, meaningful relationship with your daughter (or child), this episode is packed with authentic stories, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that showing up – whatever form it takes – truly matters.

Listen to this powerful episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover how small moments can forge lifelong connections. Subscribe today and join the journey toward building stronger family bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And that’s why this show exists every week. I love being able to have you here to listen, to, learn, to be able to show up. Because by showing up, not only are you doing this for yourself, but you’re doing it for the relationship between you and your daughter. And that’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences, and I always love it when I have the opportunity to be able to have a father and a daughter on the show, because I know it. It doesn’t always happen, but today I do. And today I’m introducing to you Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. And I’ve known Eva since she was very young, virtually. I’ve known Drew for many years as well, and Drew’s been a guest on other podcasts that I’ve had, but we’ve never had Drew and Eva on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]:
And I’m really excited to be able to have them both on to talk about the journey that they’ve been on, and I’m looking forward to introducing them to you. Drew, Eva, thanks so much for being here today.

Drew Bennett [00:01:58]:
Oh, thanks for having us.

Eva Bennett [00:01:59]:
Thank you for having me.

Drew Bennett [00:02:00]:
It’s my pleasure. I love being able to have dads and daughters on, and I guess I’m going to be asking both of you some questions because I want to get a better sense of your relationship. And I’m going to start with you, Eva. What’s one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Eva Bennett [00:02:20]:
I think that’s something that, honestly, my dad has always been really, really good at is, like, making sure that I feel seen and heard, and especially in terms of, like, what I’m interested in at the time, because I definitely got a nerdy streak from my dad. So when I was growing up, he had all of these things like Transformers and Marvel and stuff that he was really into, and he would share with me on, like, a child appropriate level. And then when I got older and started to have my own interests and stuff, he was always really good about making sure that I had space to talk about that and to talk about what I care about and feel like I was able to share that stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]:
I guess I want to flip that a little bit, because, you know, you just heard Eva talk about that you supported her passion in the things that were most important to her. How did you support Eva in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Drew Bennett [00:03:12]:
Well, like, Eva was talking about some of the shows and things that she likes, and really, it was just like, giving her the space to explore certain things that, you know, I did certainly try to influence some of the loves of different nerdy genres, specifically Transformers. I am a huge fan of that and have a huge collection. You know, one of the things, it’s like, I really want to share my collection of toys with the kids and. And they really didn’t care too much about the toys. But early on, we watched some of the shows together, and Eva found characters that spoke to her, and we would talk about the characters and what those characters like, and any chance I got to expose Eva to different characters that would. Would speak that I thought would speak to her, I would. So I found Avatar the Last Airbender. And I was like, all right, with both kids, we’re gonna.

Drew Bennett [00:04:08]:
We’re gonna sit down and watch this, because this is a fantastic show. And we watched one episode, and they’re like, eh, it was good. And then I don’t know when it was, like, months later, Eva finds it on Netflix and watches all the seasons. I was like, what? I like, there was things like, I want to spend this time. I want to have these things that we can talk about. So there are a lot of different. I think a lot of it started with pop culture stuff that we could connect with. And so every year, I would bring Eva to Free Comic Book Day, which I collect comics.

Drew Bennett [00:04:39]:
We love comics. And when Eva was real little, I’d be at Free Comic Book Day with a little Power Ranger Princess with me. And then Eve would start to find her own way of expressing in costumes, which is something that has grown into something that’s even more of a passion for Eva is. Is costuming, which I’m sure we’ll talk about later, especially with college and stuff. But those things kind of came about from the influences of different genres of entertainment that we connected with together. I always wanted to, like, when a new show would come out. Way back when, when I was doing stuff with. With Netflix, they had shows like she Ra Came out and Kipo and Voltron.

Drew Bennett [00:05:27]:
And so we would watch these things together, and there would always be different characters that we could discuss a connection with that, you know, maybe Eva had a connection to a specific character, and I had different connections to different characters, but we could always find those sort of things to talk about together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:45]:
Now, speaking of costuming, I know that one of the things that you’ve bonded on over the years is cosplay, and some of that came down to the costumes that Eva, that you created and that you got your dad involved with as well. Why don’t you both talk a little bit about that and those connections that you built through that?

Eva Bennett [00:06:03]:
Yeah, so I’ve always kind of been interested in dressing up as a kid. I remember we used to have. This was like a knight’s cape, so the back had fabric that looked like chainmail, and it was all silver at the top. And there’s a photo of me when I was little in, like, a purple T shirt and leggings and that cape and, like, Thor’s helmet with my foam sword that I had as a kid, and I still have it. So I’ve always been interested in dressing up and mashing together whatever pieces I could find in the costume bin with kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten into some sewing and a lot of fiber arts and a good way for me to put that to use and kind of have, like, a clear goal in mind when I make stuff is to make costumes. So I’ve gone into making a lot of costumes, and dad took us to a convention, I think, in, like, 2019. And I wasn’t sewing at the time, but I put together costumes for all of the days that we were there.

Eva Bennett [00:07:03]:
And then Covid happened. And then a couple years after, I think in maybe 2022, we ended up going back to that same convention. And by then, I had picked up with making and putting together costumes again. And then I think two years ago now, I talked dad into doing a, like, a duo costume with me. And it was a father daughter costume, actually. He went as Peter B. Parker from the Spider Verse movies and I did like a teenage Mayday design. So we did that together and that was really fun.

Eva Bennett [00:07:36]:
And I’m still in the planning phase of this right now, but I’m working on another father daughter costume for us right now, which is Eowyn and King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings. So not exactly father daughter, but close enough. And my dad was awesome enough to let me do that, and he’s going to let me put him in a big crazy costume that I make.

Drew Bennett [00:07:56]:
It’s funny because, like, the costumes that I’ve had, I go as Bobby Singer from Supernatural, which all I have to do is slap a hat on my head and I’ve got the grumpy old man look and the beard and I’ve got this, you know, dirty ball cap that I can be Bobby Singer. And I’ve done that the past two years with Comic Con. We go to it’s Granite State Comic Con in New Hampshire. And that’s become the thing that Eva and I do together. We went as a whole family. I think it was 2018, where the kids kind of participated in the kids costuming side. And then Eva and I went a few times where Eva was in costume and I was the support system of holding all her stuff.

Eva Bennett [00:08:39]:
And you’re really the best for doing that.

Drew Bennett [00:08:42]:
So I do that. But then, oh, you know what? I could do this character. And that was kind of been a bit of a hit because people love Supernatural and I do look like Bobby Singer when I put the costume on. But when we went as Peter B. Parker and Mayday Parker, that was a lot of fun because again, you know, all I had to do is put on schlubby clothes. I did a mixture of the two movies into and across the spider verse. And so where the first one he had the sweatpants and the two different shoes, and then the next one he had the pink robe. So I kind of mixed those two together walking around as Peter B.

Drew Bennett [00:09:18]:
Park with like a. With a Spider man shirt. Eva had a really cool costume that went along with it. And so, yeah, so when Eva’s done working on these ones from Lord of the Rings, which is another genre that when Eva gets into something, she gets fully into it. How many times you’ve watched the special editions of Lord of the Rings? More than I have ever had. Three times at this point.

Eva Bennett [00:09:41]:
And the Hobbit since the beginning of the year, which is when I watched it for the first time. The beginning of the year, we’re only on round two.

Drew Bennett[00:09:48]:
We’re in April, like, I’ve had these movies. I’ve been waiting to watch them on a big screen, and then we got the big screen, and I never watched them, and then I’m like, oh, wait for the kids to watch them. Then I was at Eva’s suggestion to watch Lord of the Rings, so we watched Lord of the Rings and since has watched Lord of the Rings and then gotten so far into it, so. And it’s awesome to watch the progress that Eva’s made, not only within cosplay community and in conventions, but then she’s also turned that love of costuming into a position at school. So been the costume lead for the school’s theater program for the past two years, and. And that’s going to be a focus towards college. So it’s really interesting how the progress has been made. And I am always just in awe that Eva will come downstairs and say, hey, mom, can I borrow crochet needle? And, like, two hours later, she’ll come down with, like, this whole thing that you made, like, oh, yeah, I taught myself on YouTube, and, like, now I can crochet.

Drew Bennett [00:10:50]:
And. And then not just. Just get into it more and more and more to perfect those skills. There’s so many, like, skills that Eva has just developed on her own that it’s just, like, fascinating to me how. How amazing she can do them. I’m like, I. I can’t do any

Eva Bennett [00:11:08]:
of that at all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
So. You know, Drew, one of the things that I’m hearing from you is, I mean, you really have tried to guide Eva over her lifetime in many different ways. She may have taken your advice and may not have. We know that as fathers. But I. One of the things that comes to mind that I wanted to ask you was, as Eva has grown up, how did you balance guiding Eva while also giving her the ability and the independence to become the person that she is becoming?

Drew Bennett [00:11:41]:
I think never really had to say, you have to do things this way, or, like, it’s always just been the freedom to explore what Eve’s wanted to do. I feel that we kind of give the leeway of just like, hey, you want to try this? Try this. You want. The only times I’ve ever, ever pushed on anything was, you got to watch this. Check this out. But I know that if you push Eva, she digs in her heels and, like, no, not going to do it. But then occasionally she’ll go find something like that on her own, and it’s like, oh, I discovered that I’ve been trying to get you to show, like, Like, I’ve been wanting to watch this or do this. Okay.

Drew Bennett [00:12:17]:
I know it’s like, it’s going to be in her own time, and if it’s something that speaks to her, it’s going to be full in 100%. So it’s really just been discovering what those things are. And then I always try to. If there’s something that Eve is into, I’d like to, like, read it or watch it. Some things. There are some things that I just. I never really got into that didn’t speak to me, but it spoke to you. And I understand how that was, how much you enjoyed that.

Drew Bennett [00:12:43]:
There was a lot of, like, Minecraft smp.

Eva Bennett [00:12:46]:
Yes. All the Minecraft stuff that I’ve enjoyed.

Drew Bennett [00:12:49]:
Yeah. So, like, what. These kind of came about during the pandemic where people made these videos. It was just something that Eva liked, and it kind of influenced the different cosplays that she created early on. And Eva would try to explain the storylines and, like, oh, that’s. That’s really, really, really cool. It’s not something that I would be into, but I can appreciate it. And I would try to say, oh, check out this.

Drew Bennett [00:13:17]:
Or it would always just kind of give her the freedom to just explore certain things that were of interest and then try to find what was mutually of of interest to the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]:
And, Eva, how has the relationship with your dad influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Eva Bennett [00:13:39]:
I think dad has talked about giving me a lot of freedom to explore what I’m interested in, look at what I’m interested in, and I think that’s been really important in how in my life, like, I’ve never felt like I was gonna get laughed at, or I never thought that my parents were gonna think it was weird that I was into this thing or, like, so having that kind of relationship definitely made it easier for when I was having a problem or if I wasn’t happy about something, I felt like I could go talk to my parents. Like, I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything, really, because they’ve always given me the space to do what I want to do and have the mutual understanding of, we are giving you this freedom because we trust you, and that’s helped build trust in return.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:21]:
It definitely makes sense. And, Drew, what’s one way that you consistently are showing Eva that she can always count on you?

Drew Bennett [00:14:30]:
I try to be at anything that I can be to support. So if there are shows, if there’s something I know Eva likes, try to get tickets to it or go to different things, but just, I mean, I’m always around. One of the things is I have a weird work schedule. So I think after the first. First year that Eva was born, I was still traveling and I hated it because I never was around. So I switched my whole way of working to work overnights on weekends so that I would be home all week. So we don’t do a lot of weekend stuff, but during the week, I’m always there. We try to have, you know, as a whole family, we try to sit down and have dinner every night, and we all talk about, you know, what went on during the day.

Drew Bennett [00:15:14]:
Might be the same repetitive questions, but we do, you know, get into talking and we know what. What everyone’s into and what they’re doing and how the school days went. And I always found that that was important to be there and home in that way for those meals and, yeah, I think just being around, I guess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]:
Eva, can you share a favorite memory with me that you and your dad shared that made you feel really connected with him?

Eva Bennett [00:15:40]:
I mean, going back to what we’ve been talking about before, but, like, the conventions that we do, it’s like a two hour drive to get there. So I. We get up early, and I’m up at 8 already getting bags packed, getting hair done, makeup done. I’m doing all this stuff. And then we get in the car and I’m like, so hyped up. And then we’re in the car for two hours. And you would think that it would get awkward, but it’s really nice because then dad and I get to chat and he gets to tell me about the book series that he was reading. What was the.

Drew Bennett [00:16:09]:
Yeah, it was a Silvers. Yeah. Book series by a guy named Shane Silvers who wrote about this character named Nate Temple. And it was. This whole guy wrote like 34 books starting in like 2015 or something like that.

Eva Bennett [00:16:22]:
So it’s like a crazy expansive universe. There’s a ton of books, and you’ve read them in like, every order that you can because there’s like multiple series and they overlap in different places. And I’ve tried so hard to follow them. I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I don’t know what happened in that book series. There was so much happening.

Drew Bennett [00:16:40]:
Well, it’s funny because it’s the same thing when you try to tell me about the SMPs, and I’m like, okay, so this one is this, and there’s that, and, oh, okay. But I can recognize Eva’s passion for and love for this thing, whereas she can recognize it in me for what I love and why I love it, but is not gonna remember all the details about it and that I don’t think it really matters what the details of those are. It’s how she feels, talking about it and how it makes her feel and how it’s influenced the friendship she’s made. And we go to a convention, and she is cosplaying this character, Technoblade. The first time we went to the convention, first time we did it was not at Granite State. It was at WickedCon. But we’re walking around and there’s these people. They’re like, hey, Technoblade and Eva less lit up.

Drew Bennett [00:17:29]:
And I still didn’t quite understand the whole Technoblade thing and how important it was, but I know how it made Eva feel, and I saw how it made Eva feel, and that was what was the most important.

Eva Bennett [00:17:40]:
But I really love our drives to conventions because they’re two hours, so we both get a lot of time to talk, and we also get a lot of time to, like, just sit in the quiet if we want to, especially on the way home. We kind of. By the end of the weekend, we’re kind of done. We don’t really want to be around people anymore, so we, you know, sit and we don’t talk to each other for two hours. And that’s great that we’re able to do that and not, like, feel awkward. And we’re not, like, you know, fighting by the end of the weekend. Because as much fun as conventions are, they can also be really stressful because you’re in a place with a lot of people and you’re dressed up and you’re probably not super comfortable in what you’re wearing, but you’re wearing it because you love it. And.

Eva Bennett [00:18:16]:
And, like, you’re hot and gross, and there’s people everywhere, and you’re kind of done. But, like, we have such a good relationship that we can get to the end of those two days and be on the drive home. And the drive home feels like this massive, huge, like, endeavor. And we’re sitting in the car and we’re together, and we’re not talking to each other, but we’re sitting there and we’re. It’s. It’s nice to be able to sit in the quiet with somebody and not feel like you have to fill the space. Like, you can if you want to, but you don’t have to, and that’s going to be okay, too. So all of that to say, I think one of my favorite memories is just doing that convention with you, like, drive up, drive back included.

Eva Bennett [00:18:56]:
Even if the drive back doesn’t seem as fun in the moment.

Drew Bennett [00:19:00]:
Well, it’s funny. I’ve noticed that at the end of a school day, if you had a particularly tough school day, I pick Eva up from school most of the time that I might ask a question or two at the beginning of the drive, but then the rest of it is in quiet because I know you need time to just process the day and relax without so many questions. And I’m very much the same way. It’s like I’m home by myself all day, and then I don’t hear a lot of things. I don’t talk a lot throughout the day. And sometimes I do want to talk a little bit, but sometimes I’m just like, all right, there’s too much activity coming at me. And I know that you kind of do the same thing or feel the same way sometimes with that. And I try to be like, okay, we could just be comfortable in the quiet.

Drew Bennett [00:19:44]:
And we know it’s not that anybody’s feeling any feelings of, like, resentment or anything. It’s just that we know we need some quiet time. That’s all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]:
You know, I can tell this bond that you have is a very strong one. We touched on it just a second ago. But, Eva, you’ve got some big changes coming, right? You’re heading to college, going to be taking that passion for costuming on to your dream school. And I guess I want to talk about that a little bit, because your relationship’s going to change a bit, and you’re not going to have that person to talk to all the time. Right? Neither of you will. So talk to me about either the conversations you’ve already had or how that makes you feel in regards to this change that’s coming.

Eva Bennett [00:20:25]:
I mean, it’s definitely going to be a big change, but I’m not going to be too far from home. So I can. If I’m really missing being at home and missing being near mom and dad, I can come home. I’m not allowed home within the first two months, but according to Mom.

Drew Bennett [00:20:40]:
Okay, I was going to say I didn’t. I didn’t say that.

Eva Bennett [00:20:42]:
According to Mom, I’m not allowed back in the first few months, but after that, if I. If I feel like I need to come home and I need to be with you guys, I can do that, and that’s okay. And I am also. I know that if I need you guys When I’m not able to be back home, I can call you guys for whatever, and I might need a little bit of a push reminder to give you guys updates on what I’m doing. And that’s just because I really am terrible at talking to other people and keeping them updated on stuff. So that might be a little bit of a struggle. Just because I have a bad memory when it comes to, like, you know, sharing my projects and giving update pictures. Because I just go and I do stuff and I don’t.

Eva Bennett [00:21:22]:
I’m normally not sharing it with anybody, so I kind of. I forget that there are other people who, like, want to see that. So I think that’s going to be a little bit difficult. But I know that, like, if I need something or if I just want to talk to you guys, I can call, I can text. I think it’ll be fine. I will miss you guys, though. I’ll miss being, like, in the same house.

Drew Bennett [00:21:40]:
Yeah, it’s definitely something that is not going to hit me until it hits me and thinking about it. We’ve already made our plans for September to go to the convention again, so we have that to look forward to. I’ll come up to school, pick Eva up for the weekend, and we’ll go to the. To the convention. We’ve got that. But, like, other ways, too, that we kind of communicate in our own little ways is that we’ll, like, send each other different tiktoks of things that we love. So, like, there’s a guy who does, like, what is it, the mandolin or the liar who will takes, like, 80s songs or other songs and does, like, medieval covers. Yeah, medieval covers of, like, 80s hair bands and stuff like that.

Drew Bennett [00:22:22]:
Because since you drive to school with me, you’re going to get the 80s hair band playlist and also metal and stuff like that. It was just funny because when Eva and I were in Krav Maga, when we were taking that, our sensei would always play these different songs that are always on our playlist. He’d quiz the teens and be like, who. Who sings this? So. And Eva would always know it because it was in the car, because this is the stuff that I listened to, which is fun. But then we find something like that we know that particularly speaks to our interests. We’ll send a quick little TikTok that we might have found back and forth and that, you know, to me it’s just another way of saying, like, I see you and I see what you love. And this made me think of you.

Drew Bennett [00:23:03]:
That’s How I send those things along in, you know, just like, another way. So if we don’t talk all the time, okay. I want to see everything that’s going on. But I know Evie’s got to have this room to grow and make these new connections and these new friendships. But I know that there’s always, like, space for her mom and dad. But we’re not going to be overbearing in that way. We’re going to miss her, certainly. But to wanting to be at every point of thing, we want to be there for the big stuff, and I mean, also for the little stuff, to be supportive, but we don’t have to be there every minute holding hands kind of thing.

Drew Bennett [00:23:38]:
So I think what I’ve seen Eva in the past few years, specifically growing up and becoming more independent with stuff, has been amazing. So Eva started her first job last year where she does a teaching assistant for a summer science school. And seeing Eva meet a whole group of kids that became great friends, I was like, I’m not worried about Eva making friends in college because I think no matter where Eva goes, gonna find her people. And I think that’s great. It’s very. They find deep friendships, so that’s a good thing I see happening. And so, yes, I’m going to miss Eva big time, and I don’t want to know what’s going on. And I think on our end, we have to maybe prompt.

Drew Bennett [00:24:23]:
Hey, what are you working on this week? Or, you know, things like that, but not too much, you know, I mean, I don’t want to be like, constantly, hey, give me an update, give me an update. But once in a while, what’s going on? Or once in a while, I was thinking of this. Are you into this? Have you heard about this? That sort of thing. Just finding the ways that we could continue to connect across being away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:43]:
Now, I always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 6 and usually it’s just a dad on. But now that I have both of you, I’m going to ask you both the questions. So, Eva, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Eva Bennett [00:24:55]:
Like, the first word that came to mind was silly. Because I feel like we like. Of course we’re able to have really important talks and we’re able to talk about stuff like that, but we’re also able to be silly and talk about stuff that doesn’t feel as important but kind of it still is. That was the first word that came to mind.

Drew Bennett [00:25:14]:
I can see that too, because I know that, like, when you were little, we’d play certain music, and I do silly dances, and you’re only the person who sees the silly dances. And I can be silly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:27]:
And what word would you say, Drew?

Drew Bennett [00:25:30]:
I would say independent. That Eve has always been independent, fights for what she believes in, and is just very, very strong in that. In the. In the independence. So what. You asked what it describes our relationship, didn’t you?

Eva Bennett [00:25:47]:
Yep.

Drew Bennett [00:25:47]:
Not what describes Eva. Is that a question for later? I’m sorry, Did I just totally mess that up? That is how I think of Eva. But, like, our relationship, I want to say, like, the word is fandom, that we appreciate the fandoms that we enjoy, and we can appreciate each other’s. So I think that’s helped us bond is the different things that we love together and separately and how we can talk about them together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]:
And, Eva, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Eva Bennett [00:26:17]:
I feel like just the message of be yourself and you’ll find your people, because that’s something I’ve always been very worried about, and that’s something that you seem to have no worries about for me on my behalf. So I think that’s. That’s a big piece of advice that I have gotten a lot, if not. If I haven’t internalized it entirely yet. But it’s something that I have gotten and has always been a very important message to me from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:40]:
What about for you, Drew? What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Drew Bennett [00:26:44]:
I think from my dad, I used to work with him cleaning up, and he was a contractor, and on the job sites, I would do a lot of the cleaning. And that has helped me in different jobs over the years. It’s like, if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean. I know that’s mostly in the restaurant business, which I kind of picked up a second job to do that. And that has always just been my. There’s always something that you can do to help, to be. To be useful, and that’s always something that he may have. Might never have said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean.

Drew Bennett [00:27:13]:
But that’s like how I’ve internalized that, is that if you’re there, you’re there to help, to work, and to do what you can. And that’s what I’ve taken with anything that I’ve ever done is like, you know, you’re there. You do what you can while you’re there sort of thing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:27]:
Now, this is a question that we’ve been talking a lot about. And it may be the same answer, but you can have a different answer. So I’m just going to say that. So, Eva, what’s one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Eva Bennett [00:27:38]:
I mean, saying going to a convention feels like cheating, because that’s what we’ve talked about this whole time. But that’s definitely my favorite thing. That’s our thing that we do, just the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]:
Drew, do you want to give a different answer?

Drew Bennett [00:27:49]:
I mean, that is definitely something that I love doing, but I also just like nerding out over something that we both enjoy. So talking about it in such depth, because one of the things Eva will do is that after reading something, like a lot of books. So we both really loved the Percy Jackson series. And it was funny because that was the series that I was like, you gotta read this. I know you’re gonna love it. And he’s like, nah, now I like this other thing. No, no, no, no. And then Eva’s cousins was reading it, and they decided to swap and say, okay, you read this, I’ll read this.

Drew Bennett [00:28:24]:
And then Percy Jackson became the more interesting thing than the other. Oh, no. Oh, okay.

Eva Bennett [00:28:30]:
Sorry. I’m gonna cut in for a second. When we swapped, I still didn’t like it until you got tickets to see the musical.

Drew Bennett [00:28:35]:
That’s right.

Eva Bennett [00:28:36]:
You made me come and see the musical, and that’s when I started to love it, and I loved it so much that I got a T shirt when I was there, and that’s still in my closet somewhere.

Drew Bennett [00:28:44]:
Yeah.

Eva Bennett [00:28:44]:
So sorry. I just had to get the timeline right. Right.

Drew Bennett [00:28:46]:
And then there. So. And then there. There’s. And we can always find something to talk about there in that. So with the different characters and stuff like that. So bonding over, like, our love of reading. Both big readers.

Drew Bennett [00:28:58]:
Right now, I’m more audio because I just don’t have the time, and I love audiobooks so much. I may also. I will read a book, but I just love so many of the different ways that people do the narration of audiobooks. It’s amazing. So I love that. But it’s also absorbing what’s going on in the books and being able to talk about the books. And we have this really beautiful bookstore in our area called Unlikely Story that’s actually owned by the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jeff Kinney. You haven’t run into him? No, he’s there all the time.

Drew Bennett [00:29:27]:
But I’ve never met him and never run into him.

Drew Bennett [00:29:29]:
But he has such a wonderful bookstore, and that we love going there for books and just bonding over books, I think is something that. And if Eva’s reading something that just really, really into, it might not be the genre that I’m into, but I’ll give it a try. And one of the books she really loves, I read it, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So discovering new things together is fairly important too.

Eva Bennett [00:29:52]:
My answer kind of felt like I was cheating. The father daughter dance for school. We’ve always done that together. That’s something that we really enjoy doing together, and that kind of feels like a cliche. Cause, like, every. Pretty much every dad and daughter does that, because that’s, like, the thing specifically for them.

Drew Bennett [00:30:08]:
But, yeah, I mean, not every school has it, but it has been something that has been important part of our lives, because we even have our little things that we do at the father daughter dance. Like, we take the selfie with the dessert, or we’ll dress alike with. To match.

Drew Bennett [00:30:24]:
Done that the past, you know, years. And that’s something that I really, really love. Yeah.

Drew Bennett [00:30:28]:
And every time we go to get the picture, people are like, wow, how you guys? Because it’s just, like, I want to support in one way that shows that we’re there together and having a good time. And it’s not just, all right, all the girls go off and dance together, and all the dads sit at the table. There’s some of that. I don’t dance so much, but I’ll dance enough. But. But we do. That has been a good one. And this.

Drew Bennett [00:30:49]:
This was our last one this year, so that was kind of tough.

Eva Bennett [00:30:52]:
It was a good one.

Drew Bennett [00:30:53]:
It was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:56]:
Now, Drew, the next two questions are for you.

Drew Bennett [00:30:58]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:59]:
If you could give Eva one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Drew Bennett [00:31:03]:
Pursue happiness. What it is that makes you happy. It might be hard, but that is going to be the thing that’s going to be the most important as you go through life. So do that thing that makes you happy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:14]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Drew Bennett [00:31:18]:
I know early on, I did not have very much patience, especially with more Eva’s brother. But I’ve developed much more of that in a way that, like, there’s so much that doesn’t matter as far as, like, the things that I got stressed out about that just didn’t matter. But the things that do matter are the things that stick. So I try to give the kids Just the freedom to do that which they want to do, because I know that they’re smart kids. They’re. They’re good and kind kids. That is probably one of the most important things, is that they’re good and kind. They think about other people and just not a lot of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:54]:
So, Eva, in closing today, and Drew, you’ll have a chance at this, too. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Eva Bennett [00:32:04]:
Try to connect with them about things that they love, like meet them where they’re at. And I know dad has talked about that a lot, but I think that that’s a really important part of why we have such good relationship, because he’s talked about trying and reading books and stuff that I love, because there was a book that I like four times last that I loved so much, and you read it. You borrowed my copy, and you read it, and you didn’t love it. It wasn’t really your thing. You didn’t entirely get it, but you knew that I loved it, so you still gave it that try. And I think it’s things like that that are why we are able to have such a good relationship. Try and meet your kids where they’re at. Even if you don’t totally get it, give it a shot, because it might give you an opportunity or, like, a window into understanding them better.

Drew Bennett [00:32:45]:
You definitely meet them where they are and you find something that the two of you can enj. It might be something that you didn’t know or you were adverse to doing. Like, maybe your daughter loves cooking, so you experiment with cooking together. Or they love photography or they love I’m not a sports guy. Maybe they love sports, but, like, wherever they’re into, be into it enough that you can talk about it and show that you’re making an effort into what they like. That’s a good way to just start the ball rolling is be there where your child is at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:25]:
Well, Drew, Eva, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And, Eva, I wish you the best as you go forward into the next step of your journey into college and beyond. And, Drew, thank you for sharing this special bond that you have together, and I wish you both the best.

Eva & Drew Bennett [00:33:44]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:44]:
Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad, dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming, passing? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world you now Be the best dad you can

Musical Performer [00:35:47]:
be

Musical Performer [00:35:50]:
Be the best dad you can.

The Power of Being Present: Fatherhood Lessons with Mitesh Khatri

April 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

What does it really mean to be a great dad to a daughter? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection digs deep into this all-important question. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis, joined by guest Mitesh Khatri—Melbourne father, writer, and corporate strategist—explores the daily challenges, triumphs, and small yet powerful moments that shape our relationships with our daughters.

A central theme of the conversation is the importance of being truly present. As Mitesh Khatri candidly shares, simply being in the room is not enough; it’s about showing up emotionally and giving your attention, especially during routines like bedtime or unstructured play. One meaningful moment he describes is when his young daughter told him to “stop rushing me.” This wake-up call led him to rethink how often stress and distraction rob us of precious connection—and how even “routine” moments can become the foundation of trust and closeness.

The episode also explores the challenge of balancing professional ambitions with family life. Mitesh Khatri discusses how corporate careers often offer clear metrics of success—promotions, projects, and accolades—whereas fatherhood can feel less measurable. The takeaway? We must create our own scorecards within our families: counting moments of connection, presence, and patience as real victories.

Perhaps most powerfully, the episode underscores the need for vulnerability. Mitesh Khatri opens up about his struggles with stress, his journey to calm his nervous system, and his realization that anger often masks deeper feelings like disappointment or sadness. He introduces practical strategies—like pausing before reacting and honest journaling—to help break generational cycles and model healthier emotional regulation for our daughters.

For dads who worry about not getting it right, Mitesh Khatri says it’s not about perfection, but about trying. He advocates for intentionality, ongoing learning, and talking openly with other dads. As host Dr. Christopher Lewis reminds listeners, “being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.”

If you’re searching for practical insight and heartfelt stories on building meaningful father-daughter relationships, this is one episode you shouldn’t miss. Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for real conversations that will leave you inspired to show up, connect, and be the dad she needs.

Listen now and start building your own toolkit for intentional, loving fatherhood.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
You are doing what you can to be able to show up for your daughters in so many different ways. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be that dad that you want to be. And I try to bring you different people, different people with different experiences every week to allow for you to be able to learn something new, to gain some tools for your toolbox that can help you to be able to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest. Mitesh Khatri is with us today. And Mitesh is a father from Melbourne, Australia. He’s got two kids himself and we’re going to focus on his daughter, but he also has a son and we’re going to learn a little bit more about him and I’m really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Mitesh, thanks so much for being here today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:01:53]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. And really appreciate all the work you do for fatherhood and dads and daughter in this connection. This podcast is fantastic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
Well, I really appreciate that you’re here today and we’re going to talk about a new book that you have out to help fathers in many different ways as well. But. But we always start our interviews talking a little bit about you as a dad and especially as a dad to a daughter. And I know you’ve got a six year old daughter and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper. And I guess as you’re thinking about your relationship with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful mom that you’ve been able to share with your daughter, what made it so special?

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:28]:
Yeah, I think one of my most meaningful moments has definitely been the bedtime routine. I think it’s been really. Because it’s come from a moment where it wasn’t the best moment for me. So, you know, there was a time when I was completely stressed out. Two young kids, and my daughter was four. My son was five and a half. And I remember my son is quite direct. But my daughter, she is more subtle in her ways of expressing her emotions.

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:54]:
And she said to me one night, and as I was putting her to bed, four years old, looked up to me and said, you know, stop rushing me. Those three words, I just froze. And she wasn’t being difficult. I was trying to get through the routine. Please put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, read a book or two, or cut it short. I was stressed, I was depleted, and I didn’t want to be there in the room mentally, even though, you know, my beautiful daughter was just asking me to be there and to actually be present with her. And we talk about present all the time. I hear it on your podcast.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:23]:
It’s all be present. It’s so difficult to do. You can’t think yourself to be present in the moment. You physically can sometimes not be able to be present, and your mind is rushing and your body is not allowing you to do that. So it was quite a low moment. But today, when I look at it, it’s one of the most beautiful times I have, is to put her to sleep every day, read her books, that routine, the cuddle she gives. And I look at her now, she’s six years old, just turned in April. We take time with that routine, and I really cherish that time.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:51]:
Is she’s so sweet and she has the cutest smile and the cuddles and kisses you get at that time, you think, well, you know, I’m never going to get this back. And she’s only going to be this age, like this, this moment. So we have to make the most of it, because they do fade. I hear it from people with older children. You have clearly girls that have grown up. You have to appreciate that. And so I think my best moments, they’re around the bedtime routine because you get to talk about the day. You get to talk about what they really enjoyed, what they liked in the day, what they didn’t and might do differently.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:21]:
And it’s really sort of deep, meaningful connections which you might not get it. Sort of school pickup. How was your day?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:26]:
So talk to me a little bit about that transition that you had to go through because just hearing those three words, you can’t switch on a dime. You definitely have to go through a process for yourself to, I’m going to say, reinvent yourself in many different ways to be able to change that paradigm for yourself. So talk to me a little bit about that and what you had to do to be able to make that shift. I’m guessing failing a few times along the way and then getting to the point where you are now.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:55]:
Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, what I found was I thought I could think myself to be present and calm. And actually I found at that point my, my body was tense. It was stressed out from work, stressed out from home work, life management, all things that new dads or sort of dads at least, I mean all dads, but especially with the young children, you have a lot of competing priorities. And I didn’t think to look there, but actually looked to my body and I was tense in the shoulders, my back was hurting, I felt I was short of breath. Deadlines and emails and what’s next for the kids in terms of what we need to take care of. And I had to go through a bit of journey to really understand how to relax my nervous system. Right.

Mitesh Khatri [00:05:38]:
Ultimately our. If we think back to sort of hunter gatherer times and we think about the threats we had, right? We always talk about the lion and we sort of have to run away from the lion, the threat, and then our sort of nervous system can calm down. In today’s day and age, we all know with technology and the pace of life, there’s almost this ambient stress and therefore our automatic nervous system actually never sort of calms down. So we need to be sort of this safe and secure place. Polyvagal theory sort of talks about this where you need to be safe and secure. The next stage is survival mode and then complete shutdown. And I think many of us, at least me at the time, I was at least in survival mode every day, if not shut down on every other day. And I had to get my body back and I had to sort of calm my body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:06:25]:
And I have a sort of framework in the book around how we can discharge that stress. And there’s techniques and things you can learn to do. And I sort of had to learn how to do that and how to bring my body back to its irregular state.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:38]:
And that’s never easy. And I guess one thing that comes to mind is you and I talked at the very beginning that you’re a busy guy, you have Your professional work, you’re balancing that. You’re balancing being a dad, you’re balancing other things in your life. So talk to me about balance and how you’ve been able to find that optimal balance for yourself to be able to be the professional you want to be, the person you want to be, the father you want to be as you are today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:04]:
Yeah, I think balance is a very interesting word. Right. I think you have to really dig deep. If I sort of bring a parallel to corporate life, and I’ve been in corporate Life for like 20 years, helping organizations with complex jobs, blue chip organizations. I’m a sort of marketing corporate strategist, working in research and consulting. And, you know, we’re helping brands launch new products and services and ensure they meet consumer needs and doing some complex work around that. And I was sort of succeeding in that sort of arena because I had the metrics to sort of measure and perhaps in the most important area of my life, my family and my children, I didn’t have the metrics, I didn’t have the measure, and I felt like I was failing. It always came sort of second.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:44]:
And I think myself, and when I talk to other dads in the community and friends and colleagues, I find it’s an easier thing to measure. So men sort of go towards things we can measure and we get that affirmation we’re seeking from work. We get praised with it. And it’s this scoreboard, I think, that we can easily track and see. When I think fatherhood’s not so easy, it’s in feelings, it’s in moments, it’s in those relationships where you can feel them. But you sort of. No one sort of celebrates the dad that comes home at 5pm on time to put his kids to sleep. But you do get the accolades and success at work when you succeed in your career.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:19]:
And I’m not saying that we should sort of give up and forego our careers. I think it’s. It’s finding ways to measure things that matter. Those moments at home. So it might be the time that you don’t actually have your phone on you and just. Just have unstructured play with your children. You’re just getting on the floor. You’re not in any structured piece of work or structured time is taking them to dance, taking to music, taking him to soccer practice.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:42]:
You know, that’s very structured. And kids need. Kids need that structure. But I think almost equally important or more important, they need that unstructured time. So I think when you can have those moments, you can say I’ve had 1, 2, 3, 4 moments this week where I’ve had really had unstructured time and play with my daughter. Whether we’re doing teacups or playing with Barbie dolls or kicking the ball outside. Those are the measures of success that I just didn’t have. I had all the traditional stuff, the KPIs that you get in your corporate life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:10]:
And there’s always this push and pull when it comes to raising daughters. And as you are trying to raise your daughters, you’re balancing, trying to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to become the person that she’s becoming. And I know she’s still young, but I guess as she has been growing up. How do you balance that? How do you balance guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence?

Mitesh Khatri [00:09:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s a really interesting one. I think kids in general, but daughters especially you are the model they’re looking to when it comes to men right from a very young age age. So there’s, there’s that scanning they do of the environment to see how do you react to situations, how do you carry yourself when things get tough, how do you treat your partner, her mum, you know, how are you treating different women, how do you sort of interact, how do you talk to friends that are female, how do you just treat people in general? So I think they’re modeling and learning of what a man should be. So I think you want to sort of help them with that. And in terms of independence, I think it really comes down to having honest, open conversations as much as you can for that age where you can really help them distinguish between right and wrong. What is the right kind thing to do and what is not so kind, what are the sort of right behaviors to be following? I guess. And one of the things I’m always mindful of is no one’s a perfect father, but not moving straight from a stimulus like some sort of stressor, straight to anger. And I think we as men tend to do that, perhaps more when especially I was doing that quite a bit where I’d find myself, kids are running late to school, we need to go.

Mitesh Khatri [00:10:41]:
And I actually get really angry. It’d come out in the force in my voice. And then you sort of how it is, you tell your kids not to shout at the other one and that’s what you’re doing and that’s the behavior and modeling. So I think modeling the right behavior is pretty critical. And that sort of journey of really understanding myself, modeling the right behaviors was pretty critical for Me for the last sort of two years. And, you know, recognizing that actually underneath that anger, it’s actually not anger that we’re feeling often. Maybe we’re hurt because actually we really wanted to spend that hour playing with our daughters before they go to school. Maybe we’re sad because.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:14]:
Or disappointed because we wanted the morning to go a particular way and on time and not be late for something else. And we sort of go straight. We almost skip that emotion in between. Sadness, disappointment, hurt. Because I think we just weren’t taught that. And therefore our daughters are learning that. They’re modeling that as well. You know, when I get angry, I’ll just.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:33]:
I’ll just go straight to voice, you know, raise my voice and actually not express my emotions. So I’m trying to say I’m hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t do the right thing there. And I apologize. I felt really sad that we couldn’t be on time because of these reasons. So it’s trying to label the emotion and model that. But I think the independence thing is hard. I think you’re always scanning the environment to go, how much do I let her go? How much do I pull her back in? Whether it’s at parties, whether it’s devices, whether it’s certain foods she might be eating or whatever it is.

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:02]:
That’s a tricky one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:03]:
Completely understand. And we never have all the right answers. I mean, we definitely do our best and we try our best to be the best people we can be, but we’re flawed. Everybody is flawed in talking about that, I guess. What’s the mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it, about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:22]:
I think I’ve made lots of mistakes. Probably like many dads, we all make lots of mistakes. I think one potential mistake I’ve made my daughter, and it probably comes from being that almost pushy parent when it comes to activities in sports. So sports or music or whatever it is really pushing them, maybe pushing them too much as well. We’re often projecting our own childhoods onto our kids. And they can lose the fun, you know, in what they’re doing, whether it’s dance or they’re playing some sport or whatever it is, and I think you want them to do well. But I think it’s also recognizing that they’re just kids, you know, we’re not sort of in the professional leagues. So I think I’ve really learned from that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:02]:
To not be the parent on the sideline shouting. I think it’s encouraging your kids, but not in a way that’s perhaps disrupting their sort of natural way to enjoy what they’re doing, whether it’s. Yeah. Dance or sport or whatever it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:16]:
Now, as I mentioned, you’ve got a new book that’s out there called the Fight or Father Using Calm to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. As a author myself, I know that many times when you’ve got this idea in your head and you got this passion to be able to get these words out and trying to connect with your people that, that you go all in. But you definitely have to have a passion for it to get to that finish line. So give me the story of the book and tell. Talk to me about why. Why you decided to write it, why you decided to put the time, the effort and the passion into it to get it out into the world.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:52]:
I never thought I’d be a writer myself, but I’ve always sort of been research and really, as I was saying to you earlier before we started, always very interested in why people do what they do and what drives our behavior, what motivates us. Right. So I mean, I’m the sort of tragic in the self help section looking at the next book and going, how can I learn from this? I wrote this book because I think modern fatherhood is really breaking men and the expectations have changed and you’re supposed to be a provider and present with your kids. You’re meant to be the breadwinner and also emotionally available. And no one really taught us. If we think about our father’s generation, they didn’t really teach us how to do that. Our fathers really had a role which was sacrifice, commit yourself and be the breadwinner and be respected at home and very traditional household. I guess I’m talking to.

Mitesh Khatri [00:14:40]:
And I think I see a lot of modern parents for really my sort of discoveries on this journey started about five years ago. Kids very young. I see a lot of dads just grinding through it, myself included, exhausted, distracted. We’re snapping at our kids. We sort of promise ourselves we’re going to do better tomorrow and. But deep down we know something’s wrong, something’s not working. We need better tools, we need better ways to parent and we know that it’s a learning process at all. So I wrote this in almost a way to sort of say we can choose to fight and react and be in that sort of survival mode or shutdown mode when stresses hit with our kids, or we can choose a almost new way to father modern fatherhood.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:19]:
I think it takes the best of what our fathers taught us. And it builds on that. And I think it builds on, you know, a lot of what you talk about, Christopher, is, is showing vulnerability. We need to show vulnerability to our children. We need to show not just the masculine side, but actually it’s okay to get things wrong. And this is what you do to repair that. And I think, I’m sure there’s lots of books that sort of talk to various things around that out there. I didn’t see something targeted specifically at that aspect.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:45]:
And therefore, yeah, really focused in my own journey of switching from a dad that was reacting all the time at his kids, didn’t have the patience. As I said, my body was chronically stressed at the time. I put on weight and wasn’t eating well. I was numbing pain through alcohol, etc. And it’s not enough to just think yourself to a better version of yourself. You need tools, you need techniques. So I wrote the book and have got some practical techniques on what dads can do. You know, simple things like just having clear boundaries between work and home.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:18]:
It’s so difficult, particularly post Covid. Many of us are working home in hybrid sort of environments and it blurs. You have your kids next to you in the school holidays. We’ve got school holidays going on now. My son or daughter will work almost in the same room in a work mode. I might close the laptop, but still mentally be processing the emails that I haven’t sent, the tasks I haven’t done. So I think it’s having those practices to say, you know, simple things, five seconds, where you might go, I’m home now, I’ve closed the laptop, let me show up. Or you might go wash your face or you might go change your clothes.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:48]:
It’s just physically doing something. You might do 20 star jumps. But you need that transition process and just one example from work to home. So that calm framework is really around that. So you clear your body of the stress. Firstly, you anchor yourself between work and home. So have a ritual around that. You lead with calm because kids follow your regulations.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:09]:
You need to be calm and have techniques for that and model and repair is probably the most important part where when you get it wrong and you will like myself every day, there’ll be something I do wrong, I need to admit to it and I need to label what that emotion is, which is then going into my vulnerable side, you know, it’s going into really understanding what that emotion is, not just anger and then coming up with a repair, you know. So yeah, I just remember I Actually had an argument with my daughter. I was stressed this A couple of days ago. She wanted to play. She can we play. She likes doing tea parties and cafes in her room. And I didn’t have the patient. And I just said to her, I’m really tired.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:47]:
I’m stressed. I’ve had a long day and a hard day. And I shouted at you, is it okay if we start again? And she just looked at me and she said, okay, dad. And I think previously I would have just shouted and said, I’m not doing this, and it’s time for bed. So I think. I think it’s having those skills. It’s. Firstly, I’ve been quite vulnerable in the book myself.

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:04]:
So, you know, I’ve had sort of beta readers say it’s been quite difficult to read at times because they’ve seen themselves in it as well. So I think it’ll. It’ll definitely make you turn the mirror on yourself and analyze your own life, your own behaviors, and perhaps you’ll pick a couple of techniques and tools that you can use to just be that modern father and not fight all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
And one of the things you write about in the book is being there, but not there. And many dads believe simply being physically present is enough. What helped you recognize the difference between proximity and true presence? And how can dads begin to see that difference in their own lives?

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:42]:
I like the bedtime routine with my daughter. It was actually that really broke me when she said, stop rushing me. And you really, you know, reflect on those things and try to make a change. And you don’t always get it right. But my son said to me one day, he was on the, I think, kitchen table, dining table. I was scrolling on Instagram, you know, usual blur posts that we would normally go, just mindless, scrolling, doom scrolling. And Taj was nearby and he. I don’t know what he was doing exactly.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:08]:
And that was part of the problem. And without looking up, he said, you’re always on your phone, dad. Not angry. He wasn’t whining, just like matter of the fact. Like, he was describing the weather. And I looked at him and, you know, his face was soft. He was disappointed. He wasn’t trying to start a fight with me about it, that he was just telling me the facts for what he saw.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:26]:
And I said automatically, almost automatically, I’m not quite defensive. I just need to do this one thing. And clearly I was lying to him, right? I wasn’t being honest. I was lying to him. I wasn’t being honest to myself. I put the phone down in that moment and I felt my chest get tight and I had a little shake in my hands and I felt enormous guilt that he had just seen me more clearly than I had seen myself. And I think we’ve all been there and I think researchers, you know, we’ve heard this all the time, we hear about phones all the time. But technically interference.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:57]:
Dr. Brandon Michael actually coined the term where seemingly sort of normal amounts of phone use during parent child time. It’s actually linked to increased behavioral problems in children. So the screen time, not because of the screen time itself, but what it communicates like. You’re not important to me. Right. Right now, in this moment, this is most important to me. We’ve all heard that before.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:18]:
So that’s what I mean by you’re there, but you’re not really there. You’re in the room physically, but in your mind you’re somewhere else. You’re in another place, you’re thinking about something else. You’re not actually aware of your surroundings. You’re not actually picking up the cues or the people in the room. So I think that in itself because it increases the behavioral problems and we see how much time we spend on our phones and screens. It’s something which I’ve been much more conscious with. Now the phone goes on the charger.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:44]:
Leave it there at 6pm in the evening. Sometimes I’ll throw it upstairs in the bedroom in a drawer. Because when it’s there we’re just so automatic. We’re so addicted to these devices that are in our pockets that are so powerful. So I think that’s really what I mean. We’re not there. And that can be a physical device, but it can also be actually we haven’t decompressed from the day and we’ve got all the stress from work or so we’re thinking about something else. We’re actually not there with our family.

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:08]:
We’re just unavailable and we’re not in tuned with not engaging with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]:
Now one of the other things that I read in the book was you talk about how many fathers suddenly hear their own dad’s voice coming out of their mouths during those stressful moments that you kind of talked about. When that realization happens, what practical steps help a father pause long enough to break that generational pat?

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:32]:
Yeah, that is a real difficult one. I think. I think what I’ve done is pause for five seconds. So when you see your voice coming, and you might even hear, you might even see in your children yourself, then your father talking to you In a particular way, that is really difficult. And I think we have to appreciate everything they did for us in terms of sacrificing, building a life and opportunities for us, and appreciate all those things. But at the same time, they maybe didn’t know how to deal with that stress or anxiety, anger. And when I say anger, it could be hurt, it could be disappointment, it could be sadness around something. So I think, you know, pausing, reflecting.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:10]:
It’s a lot of journaling. So the last five years, on and off, journaling, I haven’t been as regular. But journaling on those moments where you know that you’ve almost automatically reacted in a way, and you can hear your father’s voice, whether it’s the harshness, whether it’s the criticism, whether it was the absence of. Of a father. I think we tend to overcompensate from what we had or didn’t have. And I think it’s a lot of deep reflection that needs to be done. But I just encourage everyone to just pause, pause. You don’t have to respond straight away to your kids.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:41]:
You can pause for a couple of seconds, reflect, and actually sit with those thoughts. I think you got to do quite a bit of deep work and journal and plenty of services out there where you can talk to psychiatrists and psychologists and so forth to really understand the relationships with our parents. I think I’d also encourage if. If you can and your father’s around, have a conversation with him, Talk to him about things that you really have a lot of gratitude for and the things you wish that he could have done better. I think those things, and it’s not sort of pointing the finger or blaming anyone, it’s just having those honest conversations. And I think you’d be surprised where that might take you as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:17]:
It definitely is a journey. And a lot of times we’re constantly trying to find new ways to be able to measure up as a dad. And we look around us and we think, oh, all these dads are doing better than we are. And there’s almost that. As you talk in the book about that scorecard that we have in our book, about how we are grading ourself, how we’re scoring ourselves, and you talk about rethinking that internal scorecard that we use to measure success. What are the most common invisible scorecards that you’re seeing that fathers are running, and how do they quietly pull dads away from connection with their kids? But also, how can we change the script on those scorecards and allow for us to be able to look at that in a different way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:03]:
Yeah, I think that there’s a powerful primary story here. We almost have this deep obligation we have to build, we have to secure, we have to work long hours. We have to sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. And love looks like a mortgage paid off, a fridge that’s full, a future that’s funded for the kids. And that is important, you know, and elements of that are really important. And it’s a powerful story, and it has deep roots in human history, and male identity has been shaped by that. And I sort of talked about this a little bit earlier, earlier in the sense that fathers of men that do that, you know, they keep reinforcing that scorecard that exists.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:37]:
So, you know, status follows the achievement. Respect comes with that success. The man is getting the promotion or close the deal or starting a new business and is an entrepreneur. They get admired. But we’re not throwing the awards and accolades for the dad who’s performing really well at home with his kids and actually teaching them about vulnerability, teaching them about how to regulate themselves, teaching them about how to show kindness and how to introduce themselves and respect others and be part of the community and. And, you know, have strong values and those sort of things. So I think men chase the thing that’s being rewarded, and we pour ourselves into that, you know, into our careers and into our work, and then we don’t have much left for the family. So.

Mitesh Khatri [00:25:16]:
And I think what fathers can do is have that sort of scorecard for themselves. So I have read sort of James Clear Atomic Habits, and, you know, we’re all sort of creatures of habits. So in my diary that I physically write, I write time with my wife, specific things I want to do, time with my kids, specific activities, time for my exercise. And I tick those things off, right? So I’m not just my career ticks and successes, but actually, what are my goals for my relationship with my son, my relationship with my daughter, my wife? What are my goals? How am I working towards that and am I sharing those goals, what I’m trying to do? So I think almost like we have KPIs for work, if you have a team and you have some employees and you sort of evaluate them, you can’t evaluate them on something you haven’t actually given clear KPIs on. And I think it’s hard to evaluate yourself on your family life if you’re not clear on those KPIs as well, and your children as well. If you want them to respect other people and talk with kindness, then you need to Teach them that. So you need to sit down, maybe it’s 10 minutes, maybe it’s a couple of hours where you need to show them what kindness looks like. How do you actually talk to someone? How do you greet someone? You know, how do you leave a social situation in a respectful way? I think those things we don’t measure and therefore we just think they just happen and get done.

Mitesh Khatri [00:26:34]:
I think, you know, the adult, the age old sort of saying what gets measured gets done in corporate life also matters in our personal life. And so we need to create those measures at home. And I don’t really know what the perfect measures are. It might just be that I had a beautiful moment with my kid today, you know, have a box for that and it’s a tick. So there were three nice things that my child said to somebody else as a measure around that. I think we need to create our own measures of success and have some KPI guys similar to what we would do in our career, because that’s how you get to the next level. You sort of can’t do that in your relationships if you don’t know what those measures of success are. So I think we all need to sort of create those.

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:12]:
And they’re going to be different for different, you know, whether it’s a girl or a boy or different ages, you sort of need to come up with those and your kids can be part of it, your wife can be part of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:20]:
The one thing I really liked about your book, and I think we could spend the next few hours talking about different aspects of your book, but one of the things that I really liked was the fact that your book, as you said, wasn’t written from the perspective of someone that’s figured everything out. You talk about where you are now, what you’ve learned along the way, but at the same time that you’re still failing, that you’re still flawed, and that there’s still things to learn. So as you are continuing your journey, what are you still learning about fatherhood that is surprising you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:52]:
So there’s just everyday surprises, I guess, with kids. You know, they sort of surprise you in different ways. But I’m just trying to think of more sort of themes that surprise you. Me, I think their maturity surprises me. You sort of sometimes underestimate how much your kids are learning as they grow up and where they’re at. They’re 7 and 6 and my daughter’s 6 years old, but you know, she knows a lot about the world and she is very mature when she needs to be And I sort of sometimes don’t want that to go away. Like her being very young, that small little girl, that beautiful girl that I put to bed at bedtime, I don’t want her to grow up to too quick. So, I mean, coming back to your question, what, what am I still learning is I think our kids are becoming independent and learning more than sometimes we appreciate or sort of take notice of.

Mitesh Khatri [00:28:38]:
And I mean, that’s come back, comes back to your independence. You know how, you know, you want them to have that independence and learn and grow and not slow them down in those settings. But I think my natural instincts is maybe to slow them down at the age they’re at and make sure they don’t grow up too quickly. So I think that’s a tough sort of battle I’m sort of facing. That’s what sort of comes to mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:58]:
And I guess finally, as I think about your book and for you, as you think about the legacy that you’re leaving behind in the book, you ask fathers to consider what their children are going to remember about them. If your kids were adults today, in reflecting on your parenting journey, what do you hope that they would say, say most about you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:29:21]:
I hope my children at the start of my book, this book is for every that that’s trying and I hope they see that I really tried. I, I got it right a lot of the time and probably got it wrong a lot of the time as well. So I think if I can have them growing up seeing a man that really tried to improve themselves, really tried to improve himself around his relationship with them and worked hard at the that and didn’t take my situation and where I was, as you know, that’s how it is. And I improved on who I was and knowing that those I was never going to be perfect and that I tried, that I love them, that I wanted the best for them and wanted to support them in everything that they did. So particularly with Alia, if I think about her, she has a lot of strength and it’s through sensitivity. She feels our feelings much more than my son will. She’ll notice things in others. She’ll carry emotions that’s probably bigger than a small little body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:30:18]:
I want her to know that she really has a superpower there in terms of that emotional intelligence and she can sort of really sense the situation. I hope that I give them the foundations of what being a good person is, what a kind person is, that vulnerability is strength. Whether you’re, whether it’s my daughter or my son being vulnerable, being Self aware, being calm when things get tough, showing emotional strength. They’re going to be the backbone of everything that sort of helps you in your life, whether it’s career or family or social. I want them to get rid of emotional sort of just thinking about it, but I just want them to remember myself and my wife really loved and cared and, and did everything for them to ensure that they got the right values in life, that they got all the opportunities they wanted to have, and that we really tried, that we always loved them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:16]:
All right, let’s try it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:17]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:20]:
Beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:21]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:26]:
Work on you first. Start with yourself. Then you can serve the people you love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:35]:
There’s many, but. Bedtimes, tea parties, playing with her dolls. I’m definitely a dad that has not done that until my daughter came along. So really getting down on the floor and playing those games. Games. Originally I felt quite ridiculous doing it, but then I thought I found joy in it because I’ve just never done it before. Just freeing into my sports and, you know, all the manly activities.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:00]:
You know, always, always speak your mind and stand up for yourself. You have a lot of potential.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]:
Now, you’ve mentioned a number of these, but what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:12]:
So much. Yeah. Um, that you really need a lot of patience. We hear it all the time. But I think more importantly, everything you do has to be quite intentional and intentional. And I’ve heard you talk about it. Chris. Christopher as well.

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:23]:
Intentionality is probably one of those cornerstones of everything you’re doing in fatherhood, especially with your daughters. You’ve got to be quite intentional, but not, obviously, taking away from unstructured play time. But by being intentional, you can be present, you can be there, not outside the room.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:46]:
Treat vulnerability as strength. And I think if you were to journal or you talk to some close mates and dads and actually really get into the deep and meaningful and get vulnerable. And in my book, I have A lot of stories from other dads I run with and friends and we start to realize that we’re living parallel lives and when we get vulnerable, something unlocks, we learn something. And I think men don’t talk enough. So I’m a big advocate of dads talking about talking. And podcasts like this bring different topics and things dads are going through to, to life because we tend to bottle everything up right. We’re not very good at that. So I just encourage everyone to talk to someone and around things you’re going through and it might surprise you that actually somebody else might be going through very something very similar and can you can relate and you can bond over that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:35]:
So make sure you join these sort of podcasts or some sort of dad group or have a set of friends you can can have those conversations with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]:
Well, Mitesh, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for putting this book out into the world, for sharing your journey with us today. And it’s not over, but I know that it’ll keep continuing and you’ll keep learning. But I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:59]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. Really appreciate it. And yeah, the book comes out on 28th of July, so it’ll be available Amazon, all sort of good book stores.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]:
We’ll definitely put a link in the notes today and I congratulate you on getting this out into the world and look forward to others reading it and learning from what you’ve learned along the way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:34:17]:
Thank you so much, Christopho.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at the end dad and daughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:34:49]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the miracle we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be the best that you can be.

Why Teaching Your Daughter Financial Literacy Starts Early

December 15, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, where in just five minutes, we give you simple, powerful ways to connect with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, capable young woman. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about a life skill that often gets overlooked but has a lifelong impact: financial literacy.

Here’s the truth: money habits start young. And as a dad, you have a huge opportunity to shape how your daughter thinks about money—how she earns it, saves it, spends it, and shares it. And no, she doesn’t need to wait until high school economics or her first paycheck to start learning. She can start right now—and so can you.

Why Financial Literacy Matters (Especially for Girls)

We teach our daughters how to read, how to tie their shoes, how to be kind—but too often, we skip over how to handle money.

And yet, money touches nearly every part of adult life:

Making choices
Building independence
Planning for the future
Setting goals

Girls who learn early are more likely to feel confident, empowered, and in control of their futures.

And let’s be honest—you want her to know how to manage her money before someone else tries to manage it for her.

Three Simple Ways to Start Teaching Money Skills Early

1. Give Her Real-World Practice

Even young kids can understand the basics of spending, saving, and giving—if we give them opportunities to practice.

Use a jar system or a simple app: one jar for saving, one for spending, and one for giving.
When she earns or receives money, help her decide where each dollar goes.
Take her shopping and talk about prices, choices, and value.

Let her make small decisions now so she can make better big decisions later.

2. Talk About Money Out Loud

Most of us were raised to treat money like a private, sometimes awkward topic. But if we want our daughters to grow up confident, we need to normalize the conversation.

Say things like: “This is why we’re saving for vacation instead of eating out tonight.”
Talk through your budget: “We’re choosing this item because it fits our budget.”
Let her help plan: “We’ve got $20 for this birthday gift—how can we make it special?”

The more she hears you think out loud, the more she learns that money isn’t scary—it’s something she can handle.

3. Teach the Difference Between Needs and Wants

It sounds basic, but it’s huge. Especially in a world where ads, influencers, and social media blur the line.

At the store, ask: “Do we need this, or do we just want it?”
Involve her in choices: “We could buy this now, or save for something bigger later—what do you think?”
Celebrate when she makes thoughtful decisions, not just thrifty ones.

This builds decision-making, discipline, and delayed gratification—which are key financial life skills.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Today, include your daughter in one small money decision.

Let her help compare prices at the store.
Ask how she’d split $10 between saving, spending, and giving.
Talk about a financial goal you’re working toward—and ask if she has one too.

Even a two-minute conversation can plant a seed. And over time, those seeds grow into financial confidence, independence, and strength.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you see money as more than math—if it reminded you that raising a strong daughter means teaching her how to manage her own future—send it to another dad who’s ready to do the same. Until next time—keep showing up, keep talking openly, and keep raising a girl who knows her worth and how to manage it.

When to Give Advice and When to Just Listen

December 1, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome back to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute stop for meaningful, real-world tips to help you build a lasting bond with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re unpacking a topic that every dad wrestles with at some point:

“When should I give advice, and when should I just listen?”

We’ve all been there—your daughter comes to you upset, confused, or venting, and your immediate instinct is to jump in and fix it. That’s what we do, right? We want to protect. We want to help.

But here’s the truth: Sometimes she doesn’t need you to fix anything. She just needs to know you’re listening.

Let’s talk about how to tell the difference, why it matters, and how you can respond in ways that keep her talking—and trusting you—over time.

Why This Matters

Giving advice too quickly can shut her down.
Just listening—without judgment—can open her up.

When you respond the right way at the right moment, you’re telling her:

“Your feelings are valid.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I believe in your ability to figure things out.”

And that’s where real connection lives.

3 Ways to Know When to Listen vs. When to Advise

1. Ask Before You Answer

This is the golden rule: before you offer advice, ask this simple question:

“Do you want me to just listen, or would it help to hear what I think?”

You’ll be surprised how often she’ll say, “I just need to vent.”
And when she says that? Honor it. Stay in listener mode. Nod. Reflect. Let her speak without interruption.

Giving her that choice builds trust and autonomy—and she’ll be more likely to come to you again next time.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Solve

When she’s talking, don’t plan your response while she’s still mid-sentence.
Don’t jump to “Here’s what you should do…”

Instead, use these kinds of responses:

“That sounds really hard.”“How
did that make you feel?”
“What are you thinking about doing?”

Your calm, grounded presence teaches her that it’s okay to sit with tough emotions—and that she doesn’t have to rush to fix everything.

3. When You Do Give Advice—Make It Collaborative

There will be moments when your wisdom is needed. But make it a conversation, not a lecture.

Try something like:

“Would it be okay if I shared something that helped me in a similar situation?”
“Can I offer a different perspective?”
“What do you think about this idea?”

When you invite her in—rather than directing her—you’re treating her with respect. That’s the kind of guidance she’ll actually remember.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem, pause before responding.

Ask, “Do you want me to listen, or would it help if I offered some advice?”
Then follow her lead—really.
Let her talk without solving unless she invites you to.

Because sometimes the best thing you can say is simply:

“That sounds tough. I’m really glad you told me.”

In that moment, she’s not looking for a fix—she’s looking for you.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you rethink how you respond to your daughter’s challenges, pass it on to another dad who wants to build that same kind of trust.

Until next time—keep listening well, offering advice gently, and showing up with the kind of love that puts connection before correction.

Teaching Life Skills in a Fun and Engaging Way

November 3, 2025 by dadofdivas

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We want our daughters to grow into confident, capable, and independent young women—and that starts with giving them the tools to thrive in everyday life.

But teaching life skills doesn’t have to feel like a chore, for you or for her. It can be:

A bonding activity
A confidence builder
A memory maker

And when it’s fun, she’ll want to keep learning more.

3 Ways to Make Life Skills Fun and Engaging

1. Turn It Into a Mini-Challenge

Take something simple—like cooking dinner, pumping gas, or sorting laundry—and turn it into a challenge.

“Let’s see who can fold the most shirts in two minutes.”
“You’re in charge of dinner tonight—but I’ll be your assistant chef!”
“Let’s create a $20 grocery list together and see what healthy meals we can make.”

This makes her feel empowered. She’s not just helping—she’s leading. And when you bring some friendly competition or creativity, she’ll lean in instead of zoning out.

2. Use Real Life as a Classroom

Life skills don’t have to be “taught” in a sit-down lesson—they’re everywhere.

Grocery store trip? Talk about comparing prices, reading labels, or budgeting.
Car ride? Teach her how to check the oil or change a tire.
Paying bills? Explain how to track expenses or save up for something important.

The key is to involve her—not just tell her. Ask questions. Invite her to try. Let her mess up and learn from it. That’s real growth.

3. Make It a Shared Project

Want to teach organization, planning, or teamwork? Start a project together.

Build a birdhouse
Plan a weekend getaway
Start a garden
Set a savings goal for something fun

Projects are a great way to sneak in multiple life skills while building something meaningful side-by-side. It becomes less about the lesson and more about the journey you take together.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Pick one life skill your daughter hasn’t mastered yet—and teach it in a way that’s fun.

Maybe it’s:

Cooking a meal while listening to her favorite playlist
Creating a savings goal for something she wants
Turning laundry into a timed “level-up” game
Make it memorable. Make it fun. And make sure she knows:
“I’m not just teaching you this because you need to know it. I’m teaching you because I believe in you.”

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters

October 13, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a can’t-miss listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features a heartfelt conversation with Alex Greenwood, father of an almost 17-year-old daughter, who opens up about the everyday realities, challenges, and rewards of being a present and engaged dad.

The Power of “Hey, Dad” Moments

One of the episode’s core themes is the importance of creating and treasuring meaningful moments—sometimes in the simplest ways. Alex shares about his “hey dad” moments, where his daughter pops downstairs to sit and talk, checking in on him and sharing her world. These moments, whether brief or lasting for hours, have become the heartbeat of their connection. As Alex says, “these conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours… and we talk about everything.” These authentic check-ins remind us that genuine connection isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s nurtured in consistency and willingness to simply be available.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Another central theme is the delicate balance between guiding and giving independence. Alex describes the challenge of working demanding hours, yet prioritizing availability for his daughter, whether it’s teaching her to change windshield wiper fluid or sending a supportive text on a long workday. He emphasizes that, especially with teens, “availability” is key—not forcing connection, but being there when she seeks it.

Intentional Parenting: Preparing for Life’s Realities

Alex and his wife have been intentional about preparing their daughter not for control, but for independence. They’ve communicated their evolving roles—from “bosses” when she was young, to “supervisors” during college, and eventually “consultants” and “friends.” Through practical life lessons—whether teaching financial literacy through a make-your-own business project or discussing the realities of loss—they empower her with resilience, critical thinking, and empathy.

Conversations that Matter

The episode doesn’t shy away from tough topics: discussing impermanence and loss, embracing vulnerability, and fostering trust through honest communication. Alex reminds fellow dads to “give yourself permission to be human” and always talk to your kids with respect.

Listen to Grow as a Dad

If you’re seeking real-life stories, practical tips, and inspiration for meaningful father-daughter connections, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Be reminded that being the dad your daughter needs is about showing up, growing together, and cherishing the journey—bumps, laughs, and all.

Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and start building those memorable moments today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:56]:
As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We are working our tail off trying to build these amazing relationships that we want to have with our daughters one step at a time. And I’ll tell you, it’s not always going to be easy. There’s going to be bumps in the roads and you have to be able to sometimes be humble and know if you make mistakes, you’re going to pick yourself back up and keep going. And it’s so important that not only that you know that, but it’s so important that you’re willing to learn, to grow and to listen, because there are so many individuals around us that are fathering in different ways, and there is no one right way to father. That’s why this podcast exists, because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering their children in different ways and they can bring some perspective for you to consider for yourself. Doesn’t mean you’re going to take everything that you’re going to hear on every episode and turn it into something that you’re going to use today. But it provides you with some tools for your toolbox to allow for you to be able to consider different things and maybe make some adjustments along the way that’ll help you to be the dad that you want to be.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:12]:
This week we got another great guest. Alex Greenwood is with us, and Alex is the father of an almost 17 year old. He’s. And I’m really excited to be able to have him here for him to share some of his own experiences as a father. Alex, thanks so much for being here today.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:26]:
Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here. Thank you.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:28]:
It is my pleasure. Really excited to be able to talk with you today and to. And to Delve a little bit deeper into your relationship with your daughter. And this podcast is all about connection. So I guess first and foremost, one of the things that I’d love to ask you is all of us are on are in a journey of trying to do what we can to be able to build meaningful moments. Meaningful moments that you and I can create with our, with our kids, that they can take with them. Think back to one of those meaningful moments. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Alex Greenwood [00:03:04]:
I am always just surprised is the wrong word. Amaze is too strong a word. But I’m always so energized by and I feel so wonderful. And it’s a very simple thing, Chris. It’s not some life changing, earth shattering thing, but I have a little. It’s not really a man cave. It’s just a place where I go, it’s downstairs and I got a TV and I got a place to read and that kind of thing. And I go down there just because I have a job.

Alex Greenwood [00:03:28]:
I work in communications at a university. I have 12 hour days, I talk to people all day and I have a long commute. So I get to a point where when I finally get home, sometimes I just want to go down there and just recharge a little on my own. I’m one of those ambiverts. I mean, I’m not an introvert by any means, but I do have to charge the batteries a little bit. And sometimes I, I just go down and contemplate and all that. And my daughter, who, her name’s Caroline and she’s going to be 17 next year, but she’s done this thing for a long time. And you know teenagers, I know you have kids that are a little older than that and you know how it is with them, especially in the teenage years, they just get to a point where it’s not that they don’t love you anymore or don’t want to be around you, but they’re doing what they’re supposed to do.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:05]:
They’re starting to kind of break away and become more independent. So sometimes I find myself missing her quite a bit, but I don’t burden her with that. Right? I don’t do, do that. That’s not fair to her. Don’t make her feel guilty for doing what she’s supposed to do. So it’s just interesting. She has this wonderful habit of every now and then popping downstairs, sitting in a chair across from me and saying, hey, dad. And I’m like, well, hey, kid, what’s up? I call her kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:29]:
I’ve always called her kid. She’s my only child. And she just asks me about how I’m doing. She’s like, I just want to check in with you. How you doing? And what I realized, and I call these hey dads now, by the way, but I realize the hey dads are not really just her wanting to hear how I’m doing and. But it’s also her way of saying a couple of things. One, I miss you, dad. And two, I want to tell you what’s going on in my life.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:53]:
And that’s what we do. These conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. And we talk about everything. And I mean everything. Books she’s reading, the TV shows she likes music she loves. Taylor Swift, of course, The Mighty Chiefs, our football team here. You know, speaking of Taylor Swift, we’ll talk about relationship. We’ll talk about her grandparents.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:14]:
Chris it’s how I feel like I might have actually been doing a pretty decent job as a dad, is that she enjoys speaking with me. And I’m not saying she happens. It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens more than enough for me to feel very blessed. And I don’t know if that sounds like anything all that interesting to folks, but for me, it’s just about everything.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:32]:
No, it’s so important, especially as they get older and if they’re still checking in with you, still willing to talk to you, and especially as they get into those upper teen years. I’m not saying that to scare people, because it’s not the same with every kid. And with some kids, teenage years can be easygoing, and then other kids could be harder. But if you have put the time and effort in. In raising your child through the years and built that solid relationship with them along the way, them coming back to you and being willing to continue talking to you, being willing, engage with you, and keeping you as a part of their world is so important. Now, you talked about the fact that you work a ways away from home, so you’re balancing a lot. You’re balancing going to work and coming home and trying to still maintain that connection with her and keeping that balance. So talk to me about balance.

Alex Greenwood [00:06:30]:
And how do you balance not only all of the things that you’re trying to do, but how do you also balance guiding your daughter while also giving her that independence that you want her to have to be able to grow into the person that she’s become becoming?

Alex Greenwood [00:06:42]:
It’s a Real balancing act. And first of all, I’m an older Dad. I was 40 when she was born and so I’m not as spry as I used to. I take care of myself. I work out. My days are averaging 12 hours because I drive about 82 miles each way four days a week to work. I get one work from home day which I can usually take if you put in a 10 hour workday, that’s about a 12, 12 and a half hour workday. And when I, by the time I get home I’m pretty tired.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:06]:
Yet I still manage to. I run a couple of my own podcasts, I write a substack column, I’m working on another book. I find time to do a lot of stuff. But the main thing is though is to develop that availability to my daughter when she, so that she can come talk to me anytime or she can text me or sometimes just, just a connection on texting. She started her first job this summer and she’s, she’s just loving it. She’s loving to be able to raise her own money and buy the things she wants to buy and, and I’ve been so proud of her about that. And what’s interesting is like yesterday, you know, today’s as we record this Chris, today’s their first day of school for junior year in high school and she’s got a hand me down car I gave her. It’s 11 year old car and she loves it and she takes care of it.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:50]:
And I showed her how to. Yesterday I showed her how to change the wall, the windshield wiper fluid. It’s finding moments like that where it may not be all day, it may just be touches like that. A good text and I’ll text her. I’m not gonna lie. I text her sometimes and I just say, hey kid, I love you. I hope you hope you’re having a great day. Or if I have to work, particularly Thursday, it’s going to be about a 15, 16 hour day.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:11]:
I am not going to see her Thursday night. I will text her at some point, maybe a goofy picture of me at work and just say thinking about you. Hope everything’s going great. So for me it’s about being available and understanding that particularly at this age where my kid is at least I have to be available to her when she feels that need to connect with me. And that’s okay. That really is okay. Because when you think back to when your kids were so little, I still remember my kid coming up to me and saying she’s four, will you play with me. And I was running my own business back then.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:43]:
I was working a lot of hours then too. But I did have the wherewithal to know because I had a. My dad didn’t necessarily play with us all that much. But I realized this is important to this kid. She doesn’t have any siblings. I’m here. Let’s do that. So that’s how it evolves, I think for me, I don’t know if I answered your question very effectively, but it’s availability.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:01]:
It’s those touches. No matter how busy you get, remember the one reason you are working so hard is to provide for her. And that’s what I’m doing. And she plans on attending the university where I work. And she’s going to get a nice break on her tuition. So it’s worth it for me when I’m driving all that way. And I miss her a little bit more than I’d like to, knowing that one, I’ll see her a lot more when she comes to university here. I’ll go to lunch with her at least once a week.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:25]:
I told her that. And two, it’ll save her the burden of worrying about student loans too much.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:30]:
You’re lucky because I work in higher ed as well and neither of my daughters want to come to the university where I go to where I work. So. So they’re not getting the tuition benefit that your daughter’s getting. So I say that in jest, but it’s great to be able to have her be. To take that advantage of that. Not only for her, but really for you too, because it again, allows for you to keep that connection.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:51]:
I know she’s an extraordinarily pragmatic person and she’s so different from her mother and I, which is. I’m so glad she’s a jock. She’s a talented athlete. She’s also makes like a 3.8 on average. She’s been accepted into an accelerated medical professionals program. She wants to be a nurse. She knows who she is and she’s a kind person and pragmatic and also understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. She’s an only child being raised by her mother, who’s an only child.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:17]:
I was one of four, but I was kind of the middle. And I think that one reason our daughter’s like that is she was raised by two adults and we never talked baby talk to her. We never talked down to her. We talked to her like a little human. We didn’t talk to her like an adult, but we talked to her like a little human, you know what I mean? And she’s always been extraordinarily verbal and had good verbal skills, which has impressed people. And I think another thing she learned, too, her old man was an old politician. So I taught her, like when she was about 8, how to shake hands with people. And I said, you extend your hand, you look them in the eye, and you use their name and you say, chris, it is lovely to meet you.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:51]:
I’m Caroline, and I’ve seen her do this. Speaking of my dad, we lost my dad in January and we had to go to Oklahoma for the funeral. And she met all these extended family she didn’t really know. Second cousins, third cousins, uncles, aunts, great aunts, you know, all those folks that. You know what I mean? You’re a kid, you have no idea who they are. And she did that without fail. And I can’t tell you how many of my cousins came up and said, good Lord, that young lady, she just walks right up and shakes your hand, looks you in the eye. And I’m so proud of something like that, that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:20]:
Because that’s a skill she can use. When I say it’s a skill, it’s a skill, though, that is indicative of somebody who is a young person who is confident and wants to engage. And I just couldn’t be happier with that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:32]:
It’s such a great skill to be able to have, especially going into a helping profession where you’re going to be having to interact with so many different people. And it’s definitely a skill that all of us should work to help our kids to be able to is making those connections with others and building those intentional connections with others. Speaking of intentionality, talk to me about what you do to intentionally let your daughter know that she is being valued and heard.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:01]:
Well, if I could, I’ll take a step back and tell you a little bit about how my wife and I have been parenting Caroline. And one of the things my wife, Stephanie and I decided early on was that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about preparing your child to stand on her own. And again, I’m an older parent. I am not going to be around, likely for 60 more years, for sure. 50, doubt it. 40, maybe. But the point being, a lot of folks whose parents are younger, they’re going to have more time with, God willing.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:27]:
So I decided early on we decided that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about repairing your child to stand on her own. And so we told Caroline from the time she was very little that for the first part of her life. Your mom and I are your boss now. When you get a little older and you get into college, we’re not necessarily your boss. We’re more like your supervisor. We’re here if you need us, but we still control the purse strings. You know, we have your paycheck, so to speak, and all that, and we expect you to do certain things, but we’re not watching you every minute of the day, telling you what you can, can’t do, what to eat and all that kind of thing like you do with a baby or a little, little kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:57]:
So college, we hope to be like her supervisors, still keeping an eye on her, but letting her take the lead. So then when she graduates and gets a job, we want to become her consultants. And hopefully, as life goes on, we’ll be blessed to be her friends from that point. So along that way, we’ve tried to her with some core values. Respect for herself and others. Curiosity and critical thinking are huge with us. Kindness and resilience. She’s a very talented, very strong athlete.

Alex Greenwood [00:13:24]:
But she’s also realizing as she gets older, she probably isn’t going to walk onto the university volleyball team. She’s good, but she’s probably not going to do that. And she’s fine with it. She knows how the world works in that regard, and she doesn’t take it too hard. And it seems to be working so far, pretty well, this way of raising her and watching her grow into what I believe is a thoughtful, capable young adult who lives those values in her own way. And that’s just been one of the greatest privileges of my life, is to realize that. So that’s some of the things we’ve done to get her ready for life and for her to understand what we expect of her. I’ll just tell you one more little quick anecdote that makes me very proud of her.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:02]:
She’d be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her and telling everybody this stuff, but I’m proud of her. And she had a friend in elementary school, a little boy, and he had an arm that didn’t quite work right, and he was a little awkward. And she would tell us about him and how he. Nobody would sit with him at lunch, so she would sit with him at lunch, and then some other kids started pushing him around, tried to beat him up, and she just jumped right in the middle of it all and said, back off, you’re not doing this. And I’m just. That, that right there, that kind of empathy and that kind of kindness look at the world we live in. I mean, we need people like that. We need generations of people who will step up and say, that’s not right.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:37]:
And so that’s, that’s the instruction we’ve given. Because again, I hark back to this. Again, I don’t like to sound morbid, like I’m going to die tomorrow, God forbid, but I’m not going to be there to protect her forever. And so I like the idea that she’s confident and hopefully she’ll find a mate who will be supportive of her and accent that and accentuate that and have family of her own where she can pass those values on. That’s the most important thing to me.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:03]:
All of us have to have those type of conversations, whether your child’s an only child or they have siblings that are going to be there, because you never know. You never know what will happen. And you need to have those kind of meaningful conversations. So talk to me about how you and your wife have been preparing her. And if a father is hearing this and says, you know, we haven’t had any of these conversations, but I feel like we should start some of these conversations and start preparing our own child for that. Where should someone start?

Alex Greenwood [00:15:32]:
Well, I could give you a practical thing. Would that work for you? One thing during the pandemic. So that would have put her. What was that about three or four years ago, she wanted to start her own mail order era earring business. She was going to make her own earrings and sell them. And long story short, we thought, this is a teachable moment here. Let’s teach her about how commerce works, about how that is. And she’s like, mom, Dad, I know how to make these.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:54]:
And she’s made some stuff. They’re kind of nice earrings. And we said, look, you need capital, though, to, to buy more stuff, to make more earrings and to market these earrings on your website and all that. She goes, yeah. And she said, well, you give me the money. I said, well, no, I won’t give you the money, but your mother and I will invest in you. So we set this whole thing up and we, we even had her draw up a stock certificate for us that we had stock in her company. Forgive me, I forget the name of the company, but, and get this, she got really excited.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:21]:
We taught her what that meant, what investing meant. And then when the pandemic started to let up, there’s a local farmer’s market and we, we applied to get her a booth at the local farm. So every Saturday, she’d go down there and sell these things. And she would pay us back out of what she earned for the materials she bought. Of course, we put that money in her college fund, but she doesn’t know that. Don’t tell her. But anyway, we taught her how to do that. And so that was a lesson we taught her.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:45]:
So now she has a kind of understanding how investing works and how. Kind of an understanding how stocks and bonds kind of work. We try to explain that to her, but also what we’re teaching her are other financial lessons. Okay, I need her to understand how money works. And having a job, by the way, has been very instructive of that. She’s had her first job and she gets it. And she understands taxes and the anguish of taxes. But I try to explain to her that taxes are kind of the price you pay to live in a civilized country.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:10]:
You’re not going to always want to pay them. You’re not going to love them. Sometimes they’re going to be too high, sometimes they’re going to be whatever. But they’re important part of making the country what it is. And so she understands that. So we try to teach her about that and let her understand a credit card, what those are and how dangerous and treacherous those can be. We try to let her know, too, that just, you know, she. You know the old joke about, you know, you hear this all the time, oh, well, I must have more money.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:32]:
I still have checks, but they don’t even use checks anymore, so that’s not even useful. But we teach her those kinds of practices, practical lessons, how to change a tire, what to do if you feel like if you’re out in the car and you feel threatened by somebody, use your phone, find the nearest police station or the nearest public place. Just little things like that. But before anybody thinks I’m some kind of weirdo who just constantly tells her everything’s awful in the world, I don’t. But I want to prepare her for the fact that not everybody is always going to have your best interests at heart, that you got to pay attention, keep, as I’ve said to her many times, keep your head on a swivel, pay attention to your surroundings. Those kind of little lessons, I think, have helped to make her as confident as she is and is helping to make her resilient and confident. And I think she doesn’t fear the world. I think she’s excited to get out there and see the world.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:18]:
And I think a lot of that is that we didn’t baby her. She understood that she had to work to move forward in the world. And that doesn’t mean we don’t spoil her a little bit. Of course we do. We adore her. She’s our child. But we try to make sure she understands those basic things. It’s really not some kind of magic formula.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:32]:
It’s just something that seems to be working for us to do these kinds of practical.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:37]:
I love that because I think, you know, those practical things and getting her to be able to understand it in that way is something that she’s going to always remember and it’s something that she will take with her no matter where she goes. So it is definitely something that I think others can also put into action and try for themselves. Now, you talked about not being morose, and you talked about the fact that you may be here for 30, 40 more years, but then at some point you are going to pass on. And that’s not always an easy conversation to have with a child is to talk about the fact that all of us are mortal. We’re not all going to be here forever. And there’s always that first time where they impact death for the first time. So talk to me about beyond the practical nature of preparing her to stand on her own, having those conversations that are hard. And give me some examples of how you’ve had those type of conversations with your daughter and how you started those and how you continue those.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:34]:
Well, as I mentioned, I lost my dad unexpectedly. He was a distracted driver of injuries from that event eventually killed him. And so we knew he wasn’t doing great for a few weeks. And my daughter and her mother, I couldn’t get away from work. I’d seen him on my own, but they went down to Oklahoma to see him. And he was alert and talking to her and. And she came back and I. She was quiet about it.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:57]:
And she said, dad, I. I don’t know how pop’s doing. I said, he’s not doing great, kid, but it’s important to him that you came down there to see him. And I didn’t broach. I didn’t have to. I think she intuited that he was not doing so great. And then he got Covid. That was the end.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:12]:
He couldn’t fight Covid after that. The point being, when we lost him, I found out I was at work and I had to drive 85 miles before I could get home and tell her. And I came home and tell her and she just. She fell apart. But it was not the first death she had experienced. One of her best friends was killed in A car wreck when she was about 8 years old, 9 years old. So she understands the impermanence of life. She understood it unfortunately, pretty early, but.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:34]:
And she cared about her friend, don’t get me wrong, but to lose your papa, your grandfather. I think that I could see a change in her. And I hope this doesn’t sound strange, Chris, but, you know, I mentioned going to the funeral and being very mature, and I was. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t. I was a wreck. And I’ve been the eulogist at several family things, as you could probably tell. I don’t have a problem talking, but I couldn’t do it with my dad. And I wrote up a little essay and I asked her, would it be okay if you read it? And I said, you can feel free to say no, it’s a lot of pressure to put on you, but if you could get up in front of everybody and read it.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:06]:
She didn’t blink. She says, I’ll do it, dad. And she got it and read it and she did a beautiful job. She held it together. And when she was walking to sit down, some weird was like. It was like at a concert, somebody said something like, bravo, young lady, or really well done or something, you know, just called that out to her. And I realized that she really had. In just those few short weeks since he was injured, I saw her grow up a little bit and realized the.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:30]:
About that impermanence. And so we’ve had regular discussions about when her mother and I are gone. She asked me the other day, she said, dad, it’s occurred to me that, you know, I’m getting ready to go to college in a couple of years. And I know it’s not my business to know all about the family finances at this point, but how are we going to pay for that? I know that I’ll get your tuition break and all that, but what about extras? Will we be able to afford for me to have a dorm room? And, you know, she’s starting to ask these questions and she doesn’t ask them out of any kind of other thing than she’s starting to realize I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to be making a transition into a different part of my life soonish. And I think the fact that we’ve never sugarcoated stuff because she’d asked me when she was a kid, what happens when we die. I said, I don’t know, I don’t know. She says, what about religion? I said, if religion helps you, absolutely.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:17]:
I went through a phase where the family. We went to church and I was an elder in my church. I don’t go anymore. It’s not something I’m all that interested in anymore. But I told her, go anytime or I’ll take you. And she would go with her friends. I don’t know if it made much of an impression on her either. And I could hear religious people out there groaning.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:32]:
But it’s like, you know, I can’t force her. When I was a kid, I was kind of forced to go to church and I hated it. And I just told her, I’m not going to force you to do that, but I’m going to definitely expose you to it. I want you to see it, I want you to feel it. So I guess what I’m trying to say here, Chris, and again, pardon me for just going on, but is just that we tried to offer her the opportunity to experience things. We rarely say no to something unless it could be dangerous. We let her meet people, we let her go do things. We try to answer her questions.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:59]:
But you remember what I said earlier, We’ve always just kind of talked to her a lot, like a little person. Well, we just feel like we’re paying her the compliment of her intellect and her personhood to just tell it straight the way we know it. I don’t get, you know, brusque about it or anything like that. And I, I don’t get all worked up about it. And it seems to work for us. It’s just, it’s just honesty and being candid. If I were to grow up again, I would appreciate straight talk to my folks.

Alex Greenwood [00:23:20]:
And so many of our folks didn’t have those type of conversations with us. So I think our generation are definitely doing a lot better than our own parents did or their parents did before them. And that’s a broad generalization because some of our parents did a great job and continue to do a great job if they’re still in our lives, in preparing for the inevitability of life and. But what I’m hearing you say, Alex, is we can do even better. And that the more that we can prepare our kids in a non morose way, the better they’re going to be able to prepare for it themselves and stand alone or stand together in that time. That is challenging.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:02]:
Chris, I really do believe that this has also made her appreciate the moments that she has with her mother and I and her grandparents, her living grandparents. She has said to me that all the time we’ve done certain things, gone on trips or some Things have happened. And she said, I’m going to. Basically said, I’m going to try to hold on to this. I want to remember this. So I think we’ve managed accidentally through all of this to set a stage for her to say, this is your journey on this earth, we’re here to help, or your consultants, et cetera. We’re going to be here for a while and then it’s on you to do this. But I appreciate that she has picked up on the fact that the impermanence is a factor.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:35]:
And I’ve always told her I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life. Her mother’s very successful in what she’s done. I failed more than I succeeded. I have. I could bore you with all these things I’ve tried in my life that I completely failed at. But she knows about most of it and she’s told me before. She says, I just love dad. That you tried, that you’re out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:51]:
I said, I was never picked for the ball team. If I got to play, I was on the C team. I was the Bad News Bears team and I wasn’t even any good. But the point was I tried. Did you play T ball and Little League at all? I always got money. Ghost spirited player at the end of every season, which is not mvp, folks. And I told her, you gotta try, kid. I always tell her that you gotta get out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:11]:
And throughout her life I’ve just said, what’s it gonna hurt you to try?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:15]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:23]:
Sure.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:24]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:28]:
Trust.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:29]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:33]:
Oh, wow, that’s a tough one, Chris. I think the best dad advice I ever got was with my uncle. And he just, he was like a kindly favorite uncle type. He was just like. He basically said, don’t talk down to your kid. Basically because he was my, one of my uncles who I adored and, and he, he never talked down to me. And I always remembered when Uncle Robert talked to me, I always felt special. And I was one of 22 grandchildren.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:55]:
But I always felt like Uncle Robert thought I was the only person in the room when he talked to me. So that’s the best advice was don’t talk down to your kid. Make them feel good. Look them in the eye, talk to them.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:03]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughter love doing together.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:06]:
We used to love, when she was little, we’d go to, like, Starbucks. I’d get her a chocolate milk and a cake pop. And now that’s moved up to, like, going to get a cheeseburger. I love just going to lunch with her, just she and I, and just doing more of that. Hey, dad, more of that talking. I just love doing that with her. Just, just love it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:21]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:26]:
In the great casino of life, don’t put all your chips in the center of the table and go all in in your twenties, you’ll regret it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:32]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:36]:
You know that movie Jack Nicholson did years ago, and there’s that great line, and he says, you make me want to be a better man. Something like that. Before I met her mother. Her mother and I’ve been together, all told, about 20 years. And I had a lot of, of relationships that didn’t work real well. Not until then, anyway. The point being, I don’t think I knew how to be. Don’t get me wrong, I was a good person, but I don’t think I met my capacity or my potential for kindness.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:04]:
I think I got into a bit where I felt like every time I was kind to somebody that took advantage of me. So I kind of decided, well, maybe that’s not what to do. And my wife was the first person to kind of start to peel away that veneer. And then, man, the moment I’m standing behind my wife while they did the C section, I lifted my baby out of there. It all. I changed. I know that’s so cliche. Everybody says that, but I, Chris, I did.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:25]:
I changed so, so much when I was the first one to hold her. And she has made me a better man. Caroline, my daughter has. She has absolutely done that. I don’t want to do anything that she would be disappointed in me in.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:38]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alex Greenwood [00:27:46]:
Guys, don’t be too hard on yourself. Chris said this early on, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to say dumb things. We’re going to be tired and cranky. But here’s the thing. You’re not going to believe this, but I, I, well, I don’t believe in corporal punishment first, but that’s, that’s not a big deal these days. I hope I’ve Never really even raised my voice at my daughter. I don’t yell at her when I’m disappointed in her, I tell her.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:05]:
But there’s been moments when I’ve been sharp with her here and there. So few moments, by the way, that I still remember each one of them, like, just a handful. And I think you’ve got to give yourself permission to be human to your daughter and to your kid to apologize when you’re sharp with them and say, hey, I just had a bad day. I was tired. I. And without fail, every time I’ve done that, those few times in my life where I’ve been cross with her or sharp with her, she’s like, dad, it’s all right, man. You were having a bad day. It’s okay.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:30]:
By the way, if you want, I could tell you my kid can annoy me just like yours can. I mean, just so you know, she’s not perfect, but she spends too much money on clothes. But I don’t care that much about that. But I just. So I. I feel, like, bad. Like I’m just sitting here telling you every positive, wonderful thing, you know, it’s. Trust me.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:48]:
She also really needs to clean her room. She just. She needs to.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:52]:
I think all of us have those little things that get under our nerve, but in the end, we love them for who they are, even though they can irk us along the way.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:02]:
Definitely, sir. Definitely.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:05]:
Now, Alex, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your own journey today. And it is not over. It is just beginning and will continue into the future because being a dad never ends. And I just want to say thank you for your time today, for sharing your own journey, and I wish you all the best.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:21]:
Chris, it’s been my privilege to be here. And thank you to listeners for letting me go on and on about my daughter. Just. I hope everybody can find that wonderfulness in their own kid and just hopefully eventually go from being their boss to being their friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence. Independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:05]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Toddler Wisdom: Parenting Lessons from Dr. Hasan Merali

August 4, 2025 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a father looking to deepen your relationship with your daughter and embrace all the wonder (and chaos) of parenthood, the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” is a must-listen. This week, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dr. Hasan Merali, a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, researcher, and author, for an insightful conversation that flips the script on how we view toddlers—and offers practical ways dads can cultivate meaningful bonds with their daughters.

Beneath the Tantrums: What Toddlers Can Teach Us

Toddlerhood is too often painted as a stormy sea of tantrums and “why” questions, but Dr. Merali’s experience—as both a physician and a dad—reveals something different: young children are bursting with curiosity, resilience, empathy, and joy. Drawing from his new book, Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life, Dr. Merali explores how toddlers’ natural enthusiasm and openness hold powerful lessons for adults.

He urges parents to recognize that tantrums are fleeting (just a few minutes a day!)—what really fills children’s time is laughing, learning, loving, and connecting. By tuning into these moments, dads can nurture strong, joyful relationships with their daughters.

Building Bonds Through Presence and Play

One standout theme from the episode is the value of intentional time together. Dr. Merali shares how his paternity leave—six months spent at home during the pandemic—allowed him and his daughter to connect without distractions. He also discusses family traditions, like a soothing bedtime routine and regular father-daughter hikes, that help anchor their relationship even during life’s busy or challenging seasons.

Crucially, Dr. Merali encourages dads to embrace play—rediscover what you loved as a child and share that joy with your daughter, whether it’s music, sports, or just being silly together. Kids thrive off connection and fun, and those experiences build trust that lasts.

Raising Confident, Curious Daughters

The conversation delves into giving children space to struggle, fail, and try again—because confidence is built through doing, not just succeeding. Dr. Merali reminds dads to maintain a sense of curiosity, to model positive self-talk, and to let their daughters take (safe) risks, developing independence one small step at a time.

If you want both encouragement and actionable strategies for being the dad your daughter needs, tune into this episode. It’s a heartfelt reminder that the best parenting wisdom might come from the littlest voices in our lives.

Listen to the full episode at Dad and Daughter Connection and start building an even stronger bond today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those connections that we want to have with our daughters. I love being able to talk to you every week and coming back every week to talk about this important relationship that we have with our daughters and the important journey that we all have to be on to be able to build an even stronger relationship, building stronger connections with our daughters. That’s why every week I try to bring you different people, people with different experiences, different journeys that can talk to you about their own journey, but also some tools for your own toolbox and help you along the path.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:35]:
This week we got another great guest. Dr. Hasan Merali is with us and Dr. Merali is an Associate professor in the Department of pediatric at McMaster University and a pediatric emergency medicine physician at McMaster Children’s Hospital in Hamilton, Ontario. He received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School and a Master of Public Health degree from Johns Hopkins. And his research from focuses on child injury prevention in low and middle income countries. He’s published more than 25 peer reviewed journal articles. He has a brand new book that we’re going to be also talking about today called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a happier, more successful way of life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
I’m really excited to have him here and to welcome him to the show. Hasan, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:29]:
Yeah, thanks for having me. Great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:31]:
It is my pleasure. Love having you here. And first and foremost, I want to talk to you a little bit about your own journey as a dad and especially a dad to a daughter. And I guess as you think about the time that you’ve been able to spend with your daughter thus far, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Your daughter thus Far.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:49]:
You know, there are so many that come to mind. We had a very special bonding experience. Kind of unique. Number one, because I live in Canada and I’m very fortunate, I was able to take a paternity leave and I took six months off with her. So I was off when she was six months to one year. And that was also the first year of the pandemic. And so everything was pretty much shut down. My wife and I are both essential workers.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:03:10]:
So she was back at work, and Aria and I just had that time alone for six months and we didn’t have anywhere to go. And it was just the two of us @ home. So we had a very, very special bonding experience. And I think what really came out of that is the fun that we can have day to day. And one of the things I talk about and write about is how much young children love to laugh. And I think that’s just this special moment in time that we had those six months kind of continue daily where she is making me laugh every day. And I’m trying to make her laugh just as much, but she certainly is a funnier person. And I think that’s the special moment that continues on each day for us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:46]:
Now, I know your daughter’s still young and she’s still becoming her own person, but as she’s getting older, she’s probably asking more questions, starting to get into that why phase of things. How do you balance the idea that you want to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:05]:
I really encourage that why question. And it’s just an important part of early childhood development and how little kids can learn at actually a much faster rate than most of us. And so. And I often don’t know the answer, and that’s okay. And I want her to teach her that. It’s an important question to ask, but it’s also okay if we don’t know the answer. And my job, I think, as a dad, is to instill that in her and maintain that curiosity, but also give her the tools of how we’re going to look things up. And so, you know, for example, one of the ways, a really great way is the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:37]:
And so we try to make it every week, but I’ll say every two weeks for sure, to the library, where we’re getting books on topics that she’s interested in or that she just becomes interested as she’s walking around and go through that. And so I really want to instill that curiosity, learning how do we get the answer Reading as part of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]:
You talked about the fact that you got to spend that quality time with your daughter at an early age during COVID And I guess as you think about either those times or where you are today, what are some intentional ways you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during times that might not be the easiest, maybe those challenging times?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:14]:
Yeah, I think one of the ways that I’ve done that, you know, I live in a larger city. There’s just a large mass of people who live between Toronto and Hamilton, and I’m a part of that. But I didn’t grow up in. In a large city. I grew up in a very small town, a lot of wilderness in Northern Ontario. So one of the things that I tried to do more with her is take her out into nature. And we know all the health benefits for young kids as they’re developing, but also for adults as well. And so we try to go on hikes, which we can get to about 30 minutes away.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:42]:
And then at least two, three times a year, just her and I, without mom will go away out into cabins without electricity or running water, and we go canoeing and do a little bit of fishing. We use propane stoves. And that’s really nice because there’s no technology either. And I think that’s, yeah, for me, the best times of the year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]:
Now, every one of us has to learn along the way. We’re not always going to be perfect. There’s going to be mistakes. There’s going to be things that we do that we look back on and say, why did I do that? What’s a mistake you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:06:20]:
I think one of the biggest mistakes certainly that I’ve made and I. And I see this in a lot of parents now that I’ve gone through the data, is jumping in when they’re struggling with something. I mean, there are certain things that she’s for right now, so she’s just not going to be able to do, and that’s fine. But there are a lot of other things where she needs to have that struggle and get to a point where she wants to ask for help or try to learn and figure out new ways to do things. And that point of where you jump in is sometimes far too early as a parent, when you’re trying to help them along, when you see them struggling or trying to work something out. And so that is something that I’ve really had to just watch and Observe her. She knows that I’m there. She knows that I’m there to support her.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:04]:
But I’m not actually going to do the thing for her until she’s given that a good shot or asked specifically for help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:10]:
Now, you just mentioned the fact that you show her that you are there. What’s one way that you tangibly show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:20]:
Yeah. So one of the things, and she’s very. She asks about this is about schedule. And so, you know, she’s at the age where schedules become very important to her. And she has a little calendar. And so we can map out not too far in the future, but maybe a week or so. And so I am going to show her for that week and for that day of when we’re going to be together. And so she kind of has her school routine.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:43]:
You know, I work in the er, so I’m not always there in the evenings. Like this evening, I won’t be there. So I just make it very clear to her that, you know, today I won’t be there. It’ll be mom, but then tomorrow I will be picking you up. And we will do X, Y, Z. We have her in a few activities and that we’re going to do those things together. And I think that schedule and understanding on what day, at least today and tomorrow, what’s happening, where I’m going to be and where I’m going to be for her is important. And that really works well for her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:10]:
Talking about schedule, that leads to really traditions. Right. And routines, as you said, beyond what you just said in regard to that daily schedule, what’s a tradition that you’ve created thus far that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:27]:
Yeah, I think the most important one. And I actually wrote an article about this now. I’ll put it in the. In the show notes. I’ll send it to you because I think it’s really important and adaptable for adults, too. And that’s the sleep routine. It’s this toddler preschooler sleep routine that we do together every night. Takes about 45 minutes, an hour total.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:46]:
But it really helps us down and connect together at the end of each night that I’m there. And so what that means is about an hour before bedtime, we take a bath. After the bath time, we do some type of hygiene activity. Usually for her, it’s flossing and brushing. And then always before bed, we go through a book. And it doesn’t have to be any particular book. It can be one of her favorites. It can be one of the new ones that we’ve got from the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:11]:
But that time spent reading and that daily tradition of this is the bedtime routine before and mom is involved as well, I think really helps us bond and helps her get to sleep better and helps me get to sleep better because I do something similar a few hours later when I go to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:28]:
Now, I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life. And I also, in your bio, I talk about all the different hats. You’re wearing many hats as a pediatric ER doctor, a researcher, and now an author, as well as a dad, husband, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So talk to me about the journey and what inspired you to write this book.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:58]:
Yeah, so I’m very fortunate that I day to day get to work with children. And I’ve been in pediatrics for about 15 years. And these young children in particular, and I focus on this magical age between 1 and 5 toddlers and preschoolers, they just think in such a different way and they do things so differently. And I’ve had such so many positive experiences with them. And then I look at kind of the media and what’s portrayed about toddlers, and I just see Tantrum, tantrum, Tantrum, and then something else, and then Tantrum. And that just doesn’t do them justice, and it’s just not who they are. And so this book really came out of what do I want to show the world about who these people really are? You know, tantrums last. We know this from the data, and if we look at the data, a median time of one to three minutes.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:10:43]:
So that means, you know, half of them are less than that time, half of them are more. It’d be very rare to get to 10 minutes and very rare to get to 15. But let’s say that’s true. 15 minutes. They’re awake for 12 to 13 hours a day. So what are they doing all of the other times? You know, they’re making connections, they’re learning, they’re laughing, they’re doing all these wonderful things. And when I dove deeper into the data on this, the way they live their lives actually maps perfectly well onto a lot of the adult wellness literature. And people just focus on toddler tantrums and what we need to do for them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:14]:
I wanted to flip the script completely. And so my book doesn’t have anything to do with parenting. It is Wonderful for parents because they’ll get it, I think. But it is all the lessons that young children can teach us. And I really wanted to make sure that people know that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:29]:
We’ve already talked about the fact that your daughter Aria is between 4 and 5 right now. And so she’s right in the middle of the toddler and preschool years and getting toward the school years. So talk to me about that interplay of being a dad and how that. And also a doctor, and working with all these other kids in your professional practice, and how that influenced your research and writing.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:57]:
So she actually pops up quite a bit in the book because I started this book during the pandemic as well. The book proposal and my actual writing was between when she was between one and two, two and a half. So it actually occurred when she was at that age. And so I was able to pull in a lot of stories from her at that time, as well as a lot of my experience working with children in the ER as well. You know, one of my favorite stories and I and I write about this is the number of times I’ve been with young children who have had to fast because of me. I’ve told them to because they have belly pain and we have to do blood work, ultrasound, all of these things to them. And it’s been several hours that they haven’t eaten. And most of the time, good, they’re okay, they can eat.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:12:39]:
I tell the parents that the parents are ready with their favorite snack. It’s always some type of cracker, usually goldfish, something else. And they give this child these crackers. And they look at me, they’re able to tell just by my face somehow that I haven’t eaten. Also in six or seven hours. And, you know, multiple times it’s happened where they’ll just give me a cracker. I don’t even have to ask for it. Or they’ll take a couple and then offer it to me, or they’ll lick one and give it to me.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:02]:
And they’re just so kind and generous that these types of interactions really, really helped me put this all together. And I’ll say, just on kindness, hands down with the 20 years, I’d say of research I kind of dug through to write this. I don’t think there’s anyone kinder than young children.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:18]:
Let’s go a little bit deeper on that, because you do talk in the book about the fact that toddlers do show that pure empathy and kindness toward others. How can parents nurture and maintain those qualities as their kids grow older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:34]:
Yeah. So I think one of the main ways, because kids naturally have this, as I mentioned, finding ways to give back or to helping them maintain that. So I think the easiest in some ways, but hard because it requires time, is some type of volunteer work. You know, every one of us and every little child has some cause that is very meaningful to them, whether that’s taking care of pets, whether that’s taking care of elderly people, something. So I think if that can be made into a family activity where there is some type of volunteer work and maybe it can be a structured thing where you’re going every week and that’s amazing, or maybe it can just be an informal thing where that’s happening once a month when you’re able to, is I think one of the ways that we can maintain their need and want to always be kind to others and make themselves feel happy from doing those activities.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:26]:
You know, earlier you talked about the importance of connection for toddlers and building those deep connections with others around them, whether it be parents or other kids or things like that. What do you think that fathers can learn from their about strengthening the father daughter bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:46]:
I think one of the ways that we can do that, and my daughter reminds me about how I can do this all the time, is with play. And you know, it requires no data to know that kids love to play more than adults do. And it’s something they inject into their lives all the time. And the older, the older we get, it kind of drops away. But there’s a lot of good research with adults that it actually helps us feel more relaxed, it makes us more fun to be around and more fun for the other person and all these wonderful benefits. So I would just encourage people to have that play in their lives. And one of the things I found that has helped me is to think about what are the things that I used to like to do when I was younger and kind of bring that to my daughter. So when I was really thinking back, one of the things I did when I was maybe in elementary school was play drums.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:15:38]:
And that was something a lot of fun for me. And so modified that and found a hand drumming class recently and started learning how to do play hand drums. And I’m fortunate that my parents are from East Africa and they have a large collection of hand drums that they don’t use, they’re just on display. But we picked these up, I gave one to my daughter and after I’ve learned a few beats, I’ve come home and kind of showed her a little bit. And this is one way where something fun for me that was meaningful for me as a childhood I can bring to my daughter. And I think that would be a great way for dads to introduce something new, but also to remember what it was like to be a child as well yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:12]:
I love that. And I know earlier I talked about that your daughter was at that age where I’m sure you’re getting a lot of the why, why, why. And they ask ton. Toddlers ask hundreds of questions a day. But the interesting piece is as you look at kids as they grow older, as you look at adults, so many adults hesitate to even ask one question in a meeting. So how do you feel that dads can encourage their kids to keep that natural curiosity alive as they get older and as they grow?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:16:43]:
Yeah, it’s such an important question and I’m glad you asked it. I have a whole chapter in my book dedicated to this about asking because it’s such an incredible thing that they’re able to do. And as you said, over time we just go over this like XY graph cliff of how many questions we ask. You know, if toddlers are left to themselves and they’re recorded, this is in studies, they can ask 107 per hour. It’s really incredible how many questions they’re just able to ask. And interestingly that they’re getting to the answer faster what they need to know. And that’s something important for us. But the other reason that they ask questions and that we should be asking questions, especially follow up questions, is that it is an incredible relationship building tool and that’s really born out in the data with adults as well.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:17:28]:
And so I think both ways, like encouraging your child to keep asking those questions and just doing everything you can to not get annoyed with those and realizing that they are doing it for a couple of different reasons. And then you yourself being inspired by them, because I think they’re inspiring people to ask more questions of not just them, but other people around you, especially at work or in other types of two adult relationships. Because that’s what actually has shown to make us more likable as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:55]:
I know that in the book you also highlight the way toddlers take risks without overthinking it. How can parents balance risk taking while still ensuring safety?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:18:08]:
Yeah, it’s a tough one and it’s a really, really good question because as a pediatric ER doctor, I see both ends of the spectrum. I see the absolute worst of it and I see all the minor injuries. And so most importantly, we have to make sure car Safety and pool safety and safety around ingestions, pills is there people they have to be in the correct car seat, there have to be four walls around pools and medications have to be locked up. But you know, most injuries around kids happen on the playground because they’re just out there, they’re enjoying themselves, they’re trying to do new things, they’re developing gross motor skills and they’re going to have falls and they have falls and they have cuts. And a lot of what I do with young children is fixing fractures and fixing cuts that they have and suturing them up. And I think it’s really, really important that we let kids on the playground scenario really just play and we don’t have to hover around them. We know from years and years of data that the vast majority of injuries that kids get in the playground setting are minor injuries. And we can fix almost all of them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:19:10]:
And then we’ve gotten to the point where we’re just hovering over them and making sure that nothing else happens to them and it’s too much for them. They need that space, they need the room to grow. And I realizing this more and more that we’ve gone a little bit too extreme with the safety and we need to pull back. And it’s not like this in other countries. A lot of European countries will let their kindergarten grade one, grade two Asia just go into the forest and they’re watching them, but they’re not hovering over them. And they’re learning to discover those new natural obstacles that they need to engage with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
Now some of what you just talked about really talks about resiliency in kids and the fact that children are resilient when they break a limb or they fall. And I guess as you have seen that and observed that in kids, not only what have you observed from children’s resiliency, but what from that resiliency can parents learn from?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:02]:
It’s a difficult issue. So many things come to mind and so many difficult diagnoses I’ve had to give over the years and more recently too. And it’s incredible the resilience of kids that I’ve seen who have to come to the hospital for so many different appointments with long term illnesses like cancer. I think one of the things we can learn from children is just that they’re able to maintain a positive attitude. They don’t get down on life as quickly and they don’t get down on themselves. And one of the things that they’re able to do much better than adults too is actually self talk and a Lot of their self talk, and it’s funny because they talk to themselves out loud. It’s so cute. Is very positive and it’s very encouraging.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:40]:
And a lot of our self talk that happens in our minds is very negative and we get down on ourselves a lot. And so to be able to learn from them and flip that script and get our minds in a more positive space, the way we talk to ourselves, I think is a. An easy but incredibly powerful strategy. One of the things just to give your listeners a practical takeaway is when you’re in that negative talk cycle, think of yourself talking to a close friend instead of yourself actually. And you’ll just notice the language completely changes of how you’re talking. And that can be one way to get out of that, that cycle.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]:
Following up on that self talk. I know that as you talk about that, it is a powerful tool for success with your kids and especially raising daughters. That self talk is really important because they will hear things outside of themselves. They will see things and hear things, and society will add things into the mix. So how do you believe that fathers can teach their kids to develop positive inner dialogue from that early age that continues as they get older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:21:46]:
One of the ways, and multiple studies have shown this with older kids and adults and we can start to teach them this. And I think something that adults need to learn is substituting I for second and third person. So when we’re thinking about how we’re feeling, we have to use you and we have to use our third person name. So for example, when we’re in a very stressful situation and they put people in FMRI machines where they can measure the brain waves and they give them very aversive images and they say, what am I feeling? And then they measure the brainwaves and then the person again just says their name. So what is Hasan feeling? And when they do that, that the emotional reactivity centers in our brain are far tuned down. And so as kids get older, not at the age my daughter is at, but at maybe the age that your daughters are at, start to teach them the strategy of talking to themselves in second and third person. And it’s a very hard thing to get your head around. But once you start to do that, it starts to make a difference.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:22:38]:
And I think that’s one of the longer term things that we can definitely leave for our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:42]:
One question that comes to mind after what you talked about in regards to resiliency in the way that kids process things is that, you know, I’ve seen so many Toddlers that just live in the moment and they embrace joy. How do you believe that parents can live more of that toddler mindset and add that into their daily lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:03]:
Yeah, I’m so glad you brought that up because, you know, we talk about living in the moment as an adult wellness thing, and there’s no one that actually is able to do that as good as toddlers are. And we can’t exactly get there because their brains are completely structurally different and they don’t have a developed prefrontal cortex. And so they’re not thinking about the future and, you know, what’s going to happen in next week or maybe even in a few days. And so they’re, they’re naturally in tune to that, and you can see that all the time because they’re looking at different objects and they’re noticing things that we would never notice. So it is an incredible skill. I wish we were able to do that more. One of the ways, and this I know has probably been repeated to your listeners so many times, is getting rid of that phone. And when I come home, I’m not perfect and I mess up a lot, but I try when I come home to put it in my nightstand drawer on airplane brain mode.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:50]:
And it’s there until my daughter goes to bed. And so that’s between 4 and 7:30pm at least those three, four hours when I’m with her. Not having the phone is, I think, the single best thing we can do to be more present with our kids. And I wish I was better about it. And I’m still working on it. And it’s a really good strategy to help this because they’re not interested in that as much and they just want to engage with you. And so if you’re with them and nobody has their screens, then I think that’s a wonderful way to be more in the moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]:
And I know you also talk in the book about how adults need to be more toddler. Can you share any specific examples that you might be able to offer where adults like us can be more toddler in our own lives and that may have shown positive results or that could show positive results in our lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:24:42]:
Yeah. And this is an incredible toddler superpower that is very obvious. And it’s their ability to say no. There is nothing more powerful than a toddler. No. When they say no, they really, really mean it. And it’s, it’s, it’s amazing. And I don’t mean to be too simplistic or that we should be rude about it, but it’s actually incredibly useful if we’re able to say no like they are, or as many times as they are.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:25:06]:
You know, we want to default to yes and we want to make sure that we don’t make the other person feel bad if we’re saying no when all these requests are coming towards us. But what that does over time, if we keep saying yes, it leads to overwhelm and an over scheduled calendar. And that’s not good for us either, especially when we have children and we need to be around them. And so I want to empower dads and I’ve had to learn to do this too because I just don’t have as much time anymore because I have a daughter is that I need to be better at saying no. And she’s taught me that really well. And so really evaluating the requests that are coming and one good strategy that can sometimes be helpful if it’s a bigger ask, is actually mapping that out on a calendar about the parts of the ask. If you have some type of report, for example, then you could break the report down into different subcategories and then actually getting a better estimate of the time before you say yes. Because we’re notoriously terrible at estimating also the time something will take.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:01]:
But the toddler no is something we should all be using more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:04]:
Now, you’ve given a lot of pieces of advice today. If there was one other key lesson that you’d want every person to take out of the book, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:12]:
I think the other part is the toddler level of confidence is also incredible. They just think they’re able to do anything, including flying and things they’re not clearly able to do. And you know, we don’t have to be that extreme, but we also get to the other extreme where we don’t have the confidence to try these new things. And that’s really what helps us grow the fastest, is is trying these new things and having the confidence to do that. So I really admire them for that and I hope that everyone can see them for what they’re able to do with confidence to bring a little bit of more of that into our own lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:46]:
Now, if people want to find the book or follow your work, where should they go?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:26:50]:
So the easiest place is my website because it has everything in one place. Hasan Meraliy.com and that will have links to the book. And I’m very active mostly on LinkedIn as well as X. And you can find me there. I’m happy to connect and I post lessons we can learn from children multiple times per week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:05]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our. Our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:13]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:13]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:17]:
Fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:22]:
I think it’s to go back to living in the moment and dropping the cell phone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]:
What’s one activity you and your daughter love doing together?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:31]:
Canoeing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:37]:
It’s to keep up her curiosity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:27:44]:
That I absolutely love being a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:55]:
Find the activities that you really love to do and bring those to your daughter. We talked about my example of the hand drumming, but there are things, and this is what kids need, is new experiences. And so there’s. There’s things that from your childhood that you can bring to your daughter and that will be incredibly meaningful for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:14]:
Well, Hasan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for writing this book to encourage all of us to be more childlike, to be more like a toddler, and to start thinking about things differently and acting differently, but also being able to keep young no matter what age we are. And I truly wish you all the best.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:28:36]:
Thank you very much. It was nice to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis

That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection@gmail.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:29:08]:
We’re all in the same boat is full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.