parent-child communication Archives

Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Embracing Change: Strengthening the Father-Daughter Bond as She Grows

July 13, 2026 by dadofdivas

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In the most recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes special guest Colin Gray—podcaster, international speaker, founder of The Podcast Host, and a proud father—to discuss the evolving journey of fatherhood and the unique relationship fathers share with their daughters.

This insightful conversation revolves around the central theme of connection: what it truly means to connect with your daughter as she grows, how that connection changes, and the intentional steps dads can take to foster it. Colin Gray reflects on his experience raising his now eleven-year-old daughter, candidly sharing that as children mature, simple activities like park visits or ice cream trips no longer hold the same power to bond as they once did. Instead, it’s the “little weird normal moments”—joining in on a silly dance or matching her energy in the kitchen—that create genuine connections. He urges dads to let go of preconceived expectations and instead meet their daughters where they are, embracing who they’re becoming.

Another major theme is the balance between guiding and granting independence. Colin Gray shares that encouraging his children to try things for themselves, even if it means letting them fail, has been key to building their confidence and autonomy. It’s about being there with support and constructive feedback, but resisting the urge to always be in control or solve every problem.

Intentionality shines through as a guiding principle: intentionally seeking out your daughter’s interests—even if they’re outside your comfort zone—fosters meaningful conversations and establishes trust. Whether it’s learning about makeup and hair to connect with his daughter, or simply being curious about her favorite YouTube trends, Colin Gray models engagement and the willingness to step into her world.

The conversation is honest about parental imperfection—both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Colin Gray admit to making mistakes, but emphasize the importance of being open to feedback from their kids and growing together. They highlight the value of mutual respect, adaptability, and leading by example.

This episode serves as a warm reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent presence, adaptability, and listening. If you’re a dad looking for real advice, encouragement, and stories from the trenches of parenthood, don’t miss this episode. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and keep building the bond your daughter needs—one moment at a time.

Listen now and join the journey!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to reach, work together on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters. And I say that it’s learning and growing because every day we have to learn and grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
We have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to set aside things that we think we know and go with the flow a lot of times with our daughters. And it’s important to be able to talk to other fathers, learn from other fathers, hear what they’re doing, and to gain some perspective, because we don’t have all the answers. Let’s be honest. None of us are infallible. There’s going to be times where we make mistakes, and many of us may not have a lot of examples of what fatherhood is before we become fathers. So that’s why every week, I love being able to have different people with different experiences that can offer you some different perspectives to help you in your own fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Colin Gray is with us, and Colin is known as the podcast host. Colin and I have known each other for a while, and I’ve loved listening to him and what he’s been doing, but he’s a podcaster, he’s an international speaker, a he’s founder of the podcast host and Alitu the podcast maker. But he started out in astrophysics before realizing how much math you had to do. So that being said, he turned to podcasting, and he has made a amazing, amazing life for himself and his family. And we’ll talk a little bit about the journey that he’s gone on, but also we’re going to be talking about his own journey in his journey as a father to two kids and especially his oldest, his daughter. And I’m really excited to have him Here. Colin, thanks so much for being here today.

Colin Gray [00:02:43]:
No worries. Thanks for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:45]:
It is my pleasure. I really appreciate you joining me. I know it’s the evening for you, the morning for me, and but I appreciate you taking some time to chat about this relationship with your daughter. And I love being able to start by really thinking about this journey that you’ve been on because every one of us as fathers wants to have those moments, those moments that we connect and we work hard to try to create those moments with our daughters. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Colin Gray [00:03:16]:
I’ll maybe avoid the question slightly, but give you a different type of answer perhaps in that. One of the things that I’ve found or I’ve learned, I suppose, over the last five years as my daughter’s become much more grown up. She’s 11 now and it used to be quite easy to make a connection with her when she was like three, four or five. You just go and you do kind of anything and they just become absorbed in what you want to do with them and just love spending the time with you and you know, they’ll often just do whatever you kind of lead them into playing, you know, a game or Lego or go outdoors to the park, whatever that might be. As my daughter’s got older, I found those things harder because obviously she has much more of her own mind, her own preferences, her own things, things that she wants to do. And I found myself even a couple of years ago when she wasn’t getting into 9 or 10, as she was getting much more of those preferences, I would choose to say, let’s go for a wee walk into town, we’ll go and have a wee walk around, we’ll grab like a nice cake or something in the shop and then we’ll walk home again. And because she’s much more her set, her own person now, she’d have preferences and maybe be a bit grumpy or, you know, it wouldn’t be perfect and I would end up getting grumpy because it wasn’t as perfect as I, you know, wanted this kind of connection to be. And I would kind of sabotage it for myself.

Colin Gray [00:04:30]:
These days I’m much more accepting of the fact that actually those connections just come in those little weird normal moments actually and it’s less about planning, like to go in for a three hour walk with her into town and a cake or an ice cream or whatever and it’s more just Actually, I walk into the kitchen and she’s sitting there, whether it’s reading a book or doing a dance or whatever it is she’s doing. And I’ll just walk up behind her and do the same thing. It’s like something about matching her energy much more. And because she’s kind of just learning who she is, I guess as a developing human, I find that’s what actually creates the connection these days. It’s actually just those little silly, messing around things where she’s doing a dance and I just walk in and join in in a super stupid, silly way, and that’s it. And it’s those little bits and it just takes like 30 seconds. But actually, those are the times when we just laugh and smile at each other much more. And there’s much less chance that the kind of budding teenager in her creates some kind of friction that ends up with both of us being angry at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:31]:
One of the things that I guess that I would ask in response to that is you said that there was a little bit of a journey for yourself in the sense of, you know, getting from where you were to where you are today. What were some intentional steps that you had to take to be able to, I guess, in some sense, let go and just be present and be a part of the energy that she’s giving versus having those. Those, I’m going to say, preconceived feelings of what you wanted to happen and then being let down because you have to be able to grow from where that was to where you are today.

Colin Gray [00:06:04]:
I mean, you know what it’s like when they’re small. You are like the definitive boss, aren’t you? Because they’re liable to do something that could hurt themselves. Or you need to teach them how to be humans, you know, how to be. How to be decent and nice and kind and share and all that kind of stuff. But there’s a point they get where they’re. Suddenly they know those things. If you’ve done your job well enough, then they mostly know those things. And you can kind of let go of that a little bit.

Colin Gray [00:06:29]:
And then actually it comes to the point where you’re trying to do nice things with them and make those connections that you’re talking about. But you can’t be the definitive boss in those. You can’t decide what their fun is. You can’t decide what their preferences are. You can’t say, oh, well, I like, I used to love going for an ice cream with you, and you used to love it as well. So now, because you say you don’t want to do that anymore, I’m going to get annoyed and grumpy. And I went through a point of that. So, yeah, you said the words there, letting go.

Colin Gray [00:06:55]:
And it was definitely a letting go of that. Partly you’re the one that’s always in charge and making the decisions, and there’s still a bit of that, you know, as a parent, no matter what age they are, of course. But you have to let go of a lot of that, I think. And let go as well of the fact that you feel like you know what they enjoy. Because I don’t know what they enjoy these days. Like, both of my kids, especially my daughter, she’ll teach her mind every other week, and that’s fine. She’s just figuring stuff out. But I can be surprised one day when I go and ask her to do something and she’s like, no, don’t like that anymore.

Colin Gray [00:07:27]:
And she doesn’t say it like that, of course, but something’s changed. So there’s something around letting go of predictability as well and kind of thinking that, you know, what will make that connection or please her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
A lot of the things that you’re talking about really talks to the fact that our kids, as they’re getting into the age that your daughter’s in, is really pushing and stretching that rubber band of independence. We’ll say they want more independence than they’ve had in the past. How, as a father, have you been able to balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needs to be able to become the person that she’s becoming?

Colin Gray [00:08:06]:
I think if there’s many things I’ve got wrong as a dad over the years, one of the things I think I have done reasonably well is the independence side of things. And I think I was. Myself and my brother were really independent kids when we were younger. My mom and dad worked. Both of them, they had to work. And also they were just quite independent themselves. They were both like farm kids, so they grew up on farms, and therefore they were given a lot of responsibility when they were kids as well. And that passed on to us.

Colin Gray [00:08:31]:
And so I come from a family that is kind of from that point of view, from an early age, you get on and you just kind of look after yourself. And I’ve always encouraged my kids reasonably gently, but sometimes forcefully, to do things for themselves. You know, they ask for little simple things done for them, and I’m like, no, you know how to do that. I’ll show you how. I’ll help you do it, but you’ll do it. And so I’ve often done that all the way through. And it’s one of the things where my wife and I differ a fair bit. But she enjoys doing things.

Colin Gray [00:09:00]:
Like she really enjoys looking after the kids and like making sandwiches for them and stuff like that. But then when she’s away for the week, the kids make their own sandwiches for their lunch. And I don’t think it’s. It’s not only because I’m lazy, it’s partly because I want them to know how to do that as well. So I’ve definitely encouraged that from the very start. Like they need to know how to do things and I’ll leave them to do those things and fail at them as well. My daughter was cleaning the car the other day and she volunteered to do the inside and I offered to pay her a bit more for the inside. And I was like, I could go out and I showed her a few things, but I just left her to it for a few hours and she came back and I went back and I told her, oh, no, that’s not right, that’s not right.

Colin Gray [00:09:37]:
And it was just. I think it’s that kind of constructive feedback is something that I do. I tend to treat them a lot more like grownups right from the start and. But then, yeah, alongside that, just play silly games as well. So there’s a bit of a balance there, isn’t there?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
There definitely is a balance there. And it sounds like there’s some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to build that bond, those connections that we have with our daughters, you talked about when she was younger and the things that you like to do and some of the things that you’re doing now, as you think about intention in intentional ways in which you’re trying to build that bond, what are some of the things that you’re doing today that you try to be intentional about as you’re building relationship and building that bond?

Colin Gray [00:10:18]:
I’m constantly trying to find the things that she likes that I can talk to her about. There’s a period she’s going through right now where she’s definitely connecting a lot with her mum because she’s getting into quite girly things like makeup and hair and things like that. And that’s cool, that’s wonderful to see them doing that. And they kind of. They go for little shopping trips in and buy like a little, you know, two pound lip balm that she gets really excited about and all these kind of things and it’s, it’s lovely to see. I can try. I can kind of like learn a bit, a bit about these things, but I’m just like, I’m a guy with no hair, so I can’t get into the hair stuff. I’m a 40 year old man, so I can’t quite get into the makeup stuff.

Colin Gray [00:10:52]:
I’ll try on the lip balm for sure, but can’t get too excited about an extra good lip balm. So I think I’m just constantly trying to ask her things like what she’s into. I think, you know, it might be the same with yourself, Chris, like around the kind of being in this world of podcasting and media and YouTube and all that kind of stuff. That’s one thing that I do find I can connect with her quite well with actually, because I’m really interested in like, you know, trends on YouTube trends and podcasting, trends in media in general. So talking to them about who they’re following and who they like and who they’re becoming fans of and even in music as well, but more so the visual media side of things, I find that a really good conversation. That’s something that I bring up often, actually, because I find that that’s a good way to connect because I probably know more about that stuff than your average mid-40s dad, just through the jobs that we do. So that’s one thing that I do a lot is try and have those conversations. So, yeah, I don’t know.

Colin Gray [00:11:40]:
Do you find that with your set, with your own daughters, you know, a little bit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:43]:
I find I still don’t completely understand TikTok. I still don’t understand it, but. But my youngest loves showing me tiktoks. And I’ll watch them and I’ll be in my mind saying, I don’t get this, but I’ll be here and I’ll be present and I try to figure out what the intrigue is. So. And I think that as podcasters and someone. For me, it’s all about storytelling, right? And it’s about how do we tell these stories or allow other people to tell their stories. And I think you do that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:18]:
And I’ve tried to impart that on my own daughters to try to explain to them the power of story and the power of allowing them to not only tell their story, but allowing for others to tell their story. And I’ve tried to show them that as well. And I’m sure you have too, right?

Colin Gray [00:12:35]:
Yeah, definitely. And you know, it’s interesting, you bring that up because it’s not something that I’d put a label on before, but something that my daughter and I particularly connect around a lot is stories around characters in our house. So something we’ve always played around with, even when she was really small. But it’s grown into. I kind of thought this would fall away, but it hasn’t. Is around, like, soft toys and dolls and that kind of stuff. And she’s not into playing with, you know, dolls and teddies and stuff like that anymore. But we have these stories around them that ends up the two of us play around with them together.

Colin Gray [00:13:07]:
So when I go in to say night to my daughter at night, she’s got a few different soft toys lying around in her bed. And they all have their names, but they also. Big backstories that we’ve made over the last, like, five years. There’s a great one, this big, massive yellow teddy that we have, which we acquired in Japan, actually, when we’re on a holiday there. And there’s a whole backstory around how we acquired it, but equally, it went for the trip around with us, and me and her were just sitting around, like, making this teddy do things all the way around this trip. And ever since then, as well, it’s had that story where it’s from Japan, and it’s. We do things around the house, and it’s got a personality. And I think.

Colin Gray [00:13:40]:
I’m not sure maybe everyone does this, to be fair, but I feel like we go a little overboard in giving all these toys personalities and backstory and making them do things over the years. And that’s definitely something that we connect around a lot. But you’re right, it’s. As you said there. It’s the story. It’s all around the backstory. It’s all around the plot, what their likes and their dislikes are and all those things. Is that kind of like.

Colin Gray [00:14:02]:
Does that make sense?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:03]:
It does. My daughters are at an age that we don’t really have those kind of stories anymore, but I do try to get them involved in what I’m doing. They’re not always interested in it, but I try to show them, explain them. I actually. I just was talking to my oldest the other day about. I said. I said, you’re a storyteller. You like to talk to people you like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]:
I said, you should have a podcast. And she’s, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, dad. And. But you never know. I mean, they watch, they. They learn, and you never know, they might decide to pick something up along the way.

Colin Gray [00:14:36]:
That’s it isn’t it. It’s all example. I think there’s so much. I fall into this trap as much as anyone. But it’s so much so easy to find yourself telling them something while doing another thing, isn’t it? Whereas if you just do the thing, you don’t need to tell them anymore because they just see that as normal. So yeah, exercise is one of those. Daphne’s a dancer so she does a fair bit of dancing and different formats and stuff. So she does a fair bit of exercise.

Colin Gray [00:15:02]:
But I think some of that has come from the fact that she sees me and my wife like we, we make a big point of, you know, working out four times a week and doing a fair bit of exercise and being active and getting out in the hills and all that kind of stuff. So I think example is so powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:16]:
It definitely is. Now every one of us as fathers want our daughters to feel valued, heard and to know that we are there for them. What do you intentionally do to help your daughter to feel valued and heard?

Colin Gray [00:15:31]:
I think the main thing I try and do, rightly or wrongly, is I’ve always tried to be as honest and constructive as possible. And I think I’ve certainly. My wife thinks I go too far with this sometimes to actually criticize a painting. They’ve done a painting or made something and you’re like, don’t criticize that. That’s not the right word. But critical feedback. Oh. So good effort on doing this.

Colin Gray [00:15:57]:
I wonder what do you like about it? Do you like this part and this part? I love this part about it. I wonder that year is not quite right. I wonder if we draw that dog. How would you normally draw a dog ear? So it looks a bit more accurate and I certainly think you don’t. This is probably something that many people would disagree on, but I’ve always done that ever since they were quite small. So I think that has built more trust over the years. So that when I do give my daughter a compliment or I tell her she’s done well at something, I think she trusts it rather than, you know, as a kid you always appreciate the praise from your parents but. But you begin to realize that your mom’s going to tell you you’re great at whatever you do, no matter how good you are at it.

Colin Gray [00:16:35]:
So I think that’s what I’ve always tried to do is to be quite honest and be a little bit critical friend when I can so that trust builds. So is that something to do yourself? Do you find that with more grown up daughters have you had any feedback on that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:52]:
I do. I try and sometimes I fail. And I think that they’re much more willing to tell me when I’m failing. And I think that that’s okay. I think that all of us, as I said before, none of us are infallible. We all make mistakes. And I think that we have to be willing to learn and grow and not be so set in our ways that we’re not willing to take that feedback ourselves. I try to give feedback to my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:22]:
But you also come to learn when you can push, when you can pull, and when you just need to be still.

Colin Gray [00:17:28]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:29]:
And I think as they get older, that’s definitely something. You have to learn that along the way.

Colin Gray [00:17:33]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you’re absolutely right there around making it mutual. It doesn’t work unless it’s mutual. And we do that quite a lot, actually, me and my wife. We say, like I often say to both of our kids, listen, I know I’m getting you in trouble for something here. I know I’m giving you, like, telling you what to do and all that kind of stuff, but if there’s ever any. I’m always willing to take feedback. If there’s anything you think I’m wrong about, I will always listen to you.

Colin Gray [00:17:56]:
If you say it to me in a reasonable, fair manner, if we can talk in normal tone of voice, and we’re not going to shout at each other. If you ever give me feedback, if you ever want to tell me something if you think I’m wrong, please just tell me and I’ll always listen to you. I might disagree, but I’ll always listen as long as we can talk about it in a civil manner. And I think that’s often built a decent bit of trust as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:
And I think a lot of fathers and parents in general get in trouble when they don’t approach parenting in that way. Because I think when you get into arguments and you’re butting heads, especially during the teenage years, because that tends to happen, that’s when things go sideways. And that’s when you say things you regret in the end or you injure or hurt the relationship in a way that becomes harder to come back from. And I like the word that you said when you said you come at this with a mutual, you know, and it’s. I think there’s a mutual respect. Right. You need to be able to provide respect for your child. You want them to have respect for you, too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
But ultimately, as they get older, you need to show that mutual respect for the decisions that they’re making as they become adults, while at the same time knowing that you may not be agreeing with the decisions that they’re making.

Colin Gray [00:19:09]:
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Because I’ve had that happen.

Colin Gray [00:19:12]:
Yeah. I’m sure that’s one of the areas where I have a big weakness. Like my. Probably my biggest weakness as a parent is I can end up stuck on a road. Stubbornly. My wife will back this up. That I have a stubborn streak whereby if I have started down some kind of path, I say it relates to what we were talking about earlier. Like I’ve decided we’re going to have a good day by walking into town and having an ice cream and then we’re going to have a nice chat and then we’re going to come home.

Colin Gray [00:19:37]:
And that’s in my head. And stubbornly I’ll stick to that. Even though I realize my daughter’s not really into this anymore or she’s actually just had a bit of a bad day because her and her friend just had a little fight or something has happened which means that we should be changing plans. And it’s kind of ironic because I think run my own business. I do a bunch of other stuff that means I need to be flexible. I need to be flexible and adapt to plans. But with my children, sometimes I’m very bad at that. I’m not good at adapting.

Colin Gray [00:20:02]:
So when something starts and I end up on a track and I stubbornly stick to it, that’s when I end up seeing things I’ll regret all the time because I’ll somehow just refuse to be able to change my mind or to be able to go back on something. Even though I realize that I’ve ended up. It’s at least half my fault, if not more, that we’re now shouting at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I think that showing them that adaptability is important because so often in life we have to be resilient and you have to bounce back. I just had an example of that with my oldest daughter up till Monday of this week. She was supposed to be flying out yesterday to go on a month long mission trip to Kenya. It got canceled Monday afternoon.

Colin Gray [00:20:45]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Because of the diseases that were happening in and around Kenya.

Colin Gray [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:51]:
And of course she’s devastated and you have to understand and you have to try to help her to be resilient. But there’s also that understanding of where your daughter is at the time to be able to be in the mindset of hearing that message while knowing that she may not be able to take that message in at the Right.

Colin Gray [00:21:13]:
Time. Yeah, yeah, totally. That’s a pretty general human thing, isn’t it? There’s certain times when we’ve had bad news or we’re in a bad mood, the last thing you want to hear is, oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. Like, I don’t get. It’s not going to be okay. Yeah, it’s hard to find that empathy, though. That’s. Yeah, it’s difficult, especially with a teenager, I think it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]:
So, you know, I think, though, that showing them that adaptability, though, leads them to be resilient and to be able to see that it’s okay to change plans and it’s okay to move in a different direction. Now, I will say that if you have neurodivergent children, changing plans and being adaptable may be harder. And I’m just going to recognize that because I know that that can be more of an issue. I don’t want to say that all kids are going to be the same in doing that, but I think that it is still important to help them to be able to understand how can we be adaptable based on the life of what’s happening in our life, what’s happening today, what’s happening tomorrow and beyond.

Colin Gray [00:22:14]:
Yeah, definitely. I think. I don’t know. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this as well, Chris. But like, when we were in Japan last year, I found that a really interesting trip in the. We planned a lot less than we usually would. So we were there for a few weeks and there were so many little problems came up on that trip. Like something went wrong, something didn’t turn up on time, and it was all because we didn’t actually plan it that well ahead because we wanted to be quite flexible.

Colin Gray [00:22:37]:
But there was so many, like, great experience moments in there, around that hopefully the kids again, from example, isn’t it like seeing my wife and I say, all right, okay, so we can’t get that train after all. So can’t get to our hotel tonight. Which means pretty unfortunate, but we’ll find something else. So we just start looking for other things and kind of about. And talking to folk. And I think that’s sometimes actually a great way or I found a great way to show them that and to teach them that is actually to take a chance on something that’s a bit less. A bit more unpredictable. Maybe plan a bit less than you would normally or try a type of trip that you wouldn’t normally take or things like that.

Colin Gray [00:23:13]:
And then obviously attempt not to entirely Panic when it goes, goes wrong yourself, which is not always the easiest thing, but give it a go at least. Have you ever tried something like that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
I have. You know, and I think I find that I tend to like to be busy when I’m on vacation, like you’re saying. And I tend to like to know what’s around and, and I try to plan things but sometimes the, the best trips that we’ve been on have been ones where we have a general sense of what we’re going to do but then we leave it open to a bit more chance of okay as we’re driving around. You know, it’s not that we have to be there right at 10 o’, clock, but hey, that sign says something’.

Colin Gray [00:23:55]:
Here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:55]:
Maybe we, let’s, let’s take that little side trip and we don’t have to be there right at 10. We could be there at 10:30. Let’s go check that out. Or you know, you’re, you’re walking and you’re headed toward a direction but then you see a, a side shop that looks really interesting. Is it going to matter that you’re 10 minutes late? Maybe it will. And if that’s the case, then you can come back. But if there, if you don’t have the specific things that you have to do at the right time, at the right, you know, in the right order, sometimes it’s fun and it makes it even more memorable.

Colin Gray [00:24:27]:
Yeah, definitely more memorable. I mean some of the most memorable things we’ve done all together as a family were completely unplanned, completely unpredictable or even it’s just a complete mess ups. Like when the car breaks down and you have to walk a mile to the garage and you get stuck somewhere in a bog because you try to take a shortcut. You know, silly things like that, that’s the stories that stick around. It’s never the ones that you, you plan for like the beautifully crafted Christmas dinner or the, or the, you know, the trip that was planned within an inch of its life that was meant to be most memorable. It’ll be, it’ll be the silly, the silly one thing that went wrong on those things every single time that comes up, isn’t it? It’s always the family stories.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Colin Gray [00:25:10]:
Go for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Colin Gray [00:25:14]:
Feisty.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received I that it’s

Colin Gray [00:25:20]:
always just a phase. So if it’s something good that’s happening right now, if they’re in a great mood, if they’re all like, if the relationship’s going well, then appreciate it, because it will probably change. But if it’s all going terribly, if they’re behaving terribly, if there’s something bad happening, you can’t get them toilet trained, whatever it might be, it’s just a phase. It’ll pass. So either way, if it’s good, appreciate it. If it’s bad, it’ll pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:42]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Colin Gray [00:25:45]:
Piggybacks still. Even though she’s getting way too heavy and it keeps me strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Colin Gray [00:25:55]:
I think it is something around what we were talking about there, around resilience and change. It’s like things will change, but you have the strength and the intelligence and the resilience to adapt it. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll figure out a way that our family is a family of problem solvers. That’s what we all do. So we love to solve problems. So just see it all as an interesting challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:17]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Colin Gray [00:26:20]:
That I am a much better person to be around when I can abandon my preconceived expectations and actually just go with the flow more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Colin Gray [00:26:36]:
There’s something around probably the hardest thing which is holding them more loosely than you feel like you should, whether that’s how much you need to protect them, whether it’s how much you need to guide them or whether it’s how much you need to tell them the way to do things. We should probably. I certainly I should. I have learned certainly to do that more loosely than I naturally would otherwise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Well, Colin, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing with podcast host or anything else that you’re doing right now. Where should they go?

Colin Gray [00:27:08]:
Yeah, probably the best place actually is just go over to Colin Gray. So my name, Colin Gray link. That’s kind of links to all the stuff I’m doing. So yeah, just Colin Gray link.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
And I’ll put a link in the notes today to for you to be able to connect with Colin. Colin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate the time today. Appreciate you sharing your story. I know it’s continuously evolving and it will continue to evolve as your daughter gets older, but I really appreciate your time today and for you sharing with us and I wish you all the best.

Colin Gray [00:27:39]:
No, thank you very much for having me on. It’s always a pleasure to chat. It was good to catch up. So, yeah, cheers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:28:14]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Navigating Period Conversations: A Dad’s Guide with Al Zonsius

April 14, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding the time and approach to foster strong, meaningful relationships with our children can be challenging. This is especially true when it comes to the deep and nuanced bond between fathers and daughters. In a heartwarming discussion from a recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis and guest Al Zonsius of The Period Academy explore themes that resonate beyond the confines of typical parenting advice, offering powerful insights into building lasting connections.

Presence Over Perfection

One of the standout themes is the importance of being present over being perfect. Al Zonsius shares personal stories about her relationship with her father, highlighting the rollercoaster ride filled with both highs and lows. She emphasizes that the consistent act of showing up and being there, even amidst imperfections and disagreements, builds a foundation of trust and support. This theme urges listeners to focus less on being flawless and more on being there, listening, and engaging in the little everyday moments that matter most.

Educating for Empowerment

Another vital theme revolves around education and empowerment. With Al’s background as a student nurse midwife and co-founder of the Period Academy, the conversation underscores the importance of equipping daughters with knowledge about their bodies. Fathers are encouraged to step into this dialogue confidently, fostering an environment where their daughters feel empowered, informed, and unashamed about natural processes like menstruation. This educational empowerment extends beyond physical health, imparting self-esteem and confidence that carry into other areas of a young woman’s life.

Bridging Emotional Gaps

Fathers often grapple with understanding the emotional landscapes their daughters navigate, especially during puberty. The podcast discusses strategies for bridging these gaps, such as offering support, practicing empathy, and creating spaces where daughters feel comfortable discussing their feelings. Acknowledging and validating emotions builds a framework for open communication, making daughters feel heard and understood. In turn, this emotional availability strengthens the father-daughter bond.

As you reflect on these themes, consider tuning into the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast for further insights and practical advice. Listening to real stories and expert opinions can inspire and equip you to enhance your relationship with your daughter. Because at the end of the day, being an engaged dad isn’t about knowing all the answers—it’s about being there, learning together, and growing stronger, one conversation at a time. So, why not take a moment, listen in, and start building those bridges today?

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I’m really excited to have you back again this week to really delve deeper into that relationship that people have between dads and daughters to be able to build those strong connections that will help to create that, not only communication, but that relationship that we all want to have with our daughters. And every week, I love being able to have you here, to talk to you, to help you, to give you some resources to draw upon, to help you to become the dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]:
Because it is so important to be able to have resources at your fingertips because the bond that you are creating, the connections that you’re creating with your daughter are so important. And anything that you will read, any person that you will talk to will tell you how important that relationship is. And it may not always be easy, but it is so important to put in the time, the effort, and be willing to put yourself out there to build that strong relationship. And every week, I love being able to have different guests to help you along that journey. And today, we got another great guest with us. Al Zanzias is with us today. And Al is a student nurse midwife, but also she is the cofounder of the Period Academy. And one of the most awkward conversations sometimes that dads are most concerned about concerned about having is talking to their daughters about their period, talking, going into that stage of their life when their bodies are changing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
And as a dad, you’ve not gone through that and you don’t always know what to say or how to support your daughter. And this academy that Al has co founded is one resource that’s out there that can really help you to be able to start not only understanding it for yourself, but to also be able to be a good resource for your own daughter. And I’m really excited to be able to talk to her about her own experience as a daughter, but also to talk about the Period Academy. Alf, thanks so much for being here today.

Al Zonsius [00:02:54]:
Thank you for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
You know, I’m really excited to have you here. And I always start these conversations really delving a little bit deeper into the relationship that you had with your own father. And we were talking beforehand and I said, Sometimes those relationships can be positive, negative, or somewhere in between. But I always love having these conversations because I think that not only do I learn something, but others will learn things about ways in which we can build those stronger relationships. So, I guess, thinking about the relationship that you had with your father, what’s one thing that your father did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Al Zonsius [00:03:35]:
That is a great question. So, it’s funny you say that some are positive, some are negative. And my dad and I had a very roller coaster ride of a relationship. At times, it was really wonderful, and we were really bonded. And at times, it was pretty negative, and we were very disconnected. But I will say the times that I remember so fondly as a child or as a young teenage girl were times where my dad would go above and beyond to be present with me. He actually traveled quite a bit for his job and was on the road a lot in and out of town. And I happened to be a big athlete when I was young, and there would be days that he would fly in just to come see me play basketball.

Al Zonsius [00:04:17]:
He would fly in just to come see me play volleyball, and I just knew how much effort that took. And not that it has to be every single day, every single game, every single moment going above and beyond, but I just remember the, like, just full body joy I would feel watching him show up in the gymnasium for a game knowing that he was, you know, across the country just, you know, that morning before. And so I remember those moments and, you know, having that up and down relationship with him has really kind of encouraged me to encourage my partner to kind of go above and beyond in those moments when he has the opportunity to do so because that was so impactful for for me as a child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:58]:
You know, I I wanna unpack. You said that you had a roller coaster of a relationship, and and that can be challenging, of course. I mean, but I guess as you think back to that and where you are today as a person, how has that relationship and the experience that you had, and you already talked about talking to your own partner and how they can support you, but how did that relationship with your father influence the way in which you navigate life relationships and challenges today?

Al Zonsius [00:05:27]:
As an adult woman now, I would say that something that I that will always be with me as as the daughter of my dad is that he was always so strong in his stance on morals and beliefs. He wasn’t that he was closed minded. He was always open to learning. He was always trying to learn something new. But it makes me very, very strong in my beliefs and how I wanna advocate, whether or not it’s just in my daily life as a mom of my daughters or as my role as a clinician in the hospital. I mean, I’ll really put up a fight for every single patient I encounter, and that I know deep into me in my soul is because of him, because he was that way. And that’s probably why we had those negative moments in our roller coaster ride together because we both were heavy handed in that way. We both had, like, big, big opinions and big, big feelings, and we would stand our ground.

Al Zonsius [00:06:24]:
And so I think we battled a lot because of that, for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]:
And you’re not the only daughter that goes head to head with their dads, and there are definite points in time in a person’s upbringing where that happens, but also sometimes in life, it just happens in regards to the relationship. Talk to me about what did you have to do to try to bridge that gap in the moment? And are there things that you might say to other dads that are having those tumultuous times that might help them to bridge the gap with their own daughters?

Al Zonsius [00:06:58]:
Yeah. I think gosh. I think that what and by the way, my dad actually passed two years ago, and so I keep talking about him in the past tense. But he would you know, we would have years, months go by where we wouldn’t speak because we had a little argument. We disagreed about something, and that argument turned into, I’m not gonna re reach out to him first, and then he would think the same thing. I’m not gonna reach out to her first. And I guess for me now as a an adult woman, I would say that because he was the parent, he should have always been the one to reach back out. In my mind, I was most of the time being stubborn, teenage, early adult years, making, you know, crazy decisions in life, learning life lessons as we go.

Al Zonsius [00:07:45]:
But I always needed him to reach out and to restart, rekindle the conversation of and just kind of get back into our relationship. And as we grew older as he grew older, him reaching back out became fewer and far between. And I always really had a difficult lot of resentment for sure too. And I just say, like, when I think about the future of dads and, like, what they can do is just always remember that you are the parent, you’re the nurturer, you’re the protector, you’re the safe place. And so don’t stop ever reaching out to your children. Don’t ever stop trying to reconnect with your kiddos, especially if you’re in a kind of a bumpy relationship, especially with a daughter, because it might not be that one day that you send a text message or that she’s gonna respond, but two weeks later, she might really need you to reach out. So just never give up on them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:35]:
I love that, and I think it’s so important that the last point you just said is to never give up on them. And I think that too often when people dig in, and it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, and they’re not willing to meet in that middle. And I appreciate you saying, you know, you’re the parent. And yeah, that you may not see eye to eye, but you’re still the parent. And you can meet in the middle. You might not always have to agree on things, but you can still unconditionally love your child, and be there for them, even if you don’t agree with everything that they are doing, or the way in which they live, or whatever it may be. So I really appreciate you sharing that because that’s it’s not an easy thing to take in, but it is so important to internalize and to be able to think for yourself, Where am I at right now, and where do I wanna be? And I guess let me ask you this, and if it’s too personal, you don’t have to answer. Your father passed away a few years back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]:
At some point, at toward the end of his life, were you able to get to that point of understanding? And if so, what did you have to do to get there?

Al Zonsius [00:09:42]:
We did and we didn’t. I was actually one of the final people with him when he was kind of put to rest. And I feel like in those moments, I could picture us back in the, you know, good old days when I was a little kid, and I was, you know, just obsessed and adored my dad. But leading up to that, we were still in a very kind of rocky, unknown. Communication was pretty minimal, not very deep. And so I wouldn’t ever say that we were perfect when he passed. I did get closure in a lot of different ways just being with him in those last moments and saying a lot of things to him. But I think the way to get to it, which was part of your question, I guess, would be I had to also meet him in the middle even though I feel and felt a certain way about, you know, certain things, how I wanted to manage my family.

Al Zonsius [00:10:34]:
And so, yeah, there was things that I had to be sacrificed in a way to ignore and push beside to have a relationship with him. And so we both had to do that. And I think if we would have had more time, I think we could have gotten back to a really good place, but he passed very suddenly. And so I yeah. I always have a lot of regrets though. And I think that if any dads are listening who have daughters, like, just know that every day is not promised and that you gosh, you don’t wanna leave this earth in a rough situation with your kids. I mean, I think about it all the time, how many more conversations I would have loved to have with him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:10]:
Well, I appreciate you sharing that and and being willing to to go down that path because it’s not always an easy thing to talk about, but I appreciate you sharing that even though it wasn’t always the most positive experience. Now I talked about the fact that you’re co founder of the period academy. And as I said, talking about a period with your daughter is not only awkward for the dad, but it’s awkward for the daughter too. And a lot of times your daughters may not wanna talk to you about their periods, but it’s still very important as a dad to understand what they’re going through, how it’s impacting their bodies, but also their mindset, their etcetera. And I, as a father of two daughters that are now 17 and 20, You know, I’ve gone through this and definitely something that I wish that I had had the Period Academy at the time when things were first happening. So I guess one of the questions that came up when I heard about this was first and foremost, tell me the origin story and why you decided to go and become a cofounder of this organization, the Period Academy.

Al Zonsius [00:12:20]:
Yeah. Of course. Okay. So, honestly, it really started the company came about for many, many different reasons that just kinda kept telling me to do something, telling me to create some sort of educational platform. For me as a clinician, I work as a nurse now, and you mentioned I’m a student nurse midwife. And so I’m in my kind of final months of residency to be a midwife. But we take care of I take care of kids from very early age when they start to experience puberty all the way up until menopausal time for women. And so I see a big spectrum of different patients.

Al Zonsius [00:12:51]:
And a reoccurring theme in this field I’m in, and I’ve been in this field for almost ten years, is adult women didn’t get educational resources as children. They they are very unaware of basic anatomy. They’re also often unaware of what a period is and what is actually happening to their bodies. And I see it in the clinic, and I see it when they go to have their babies at the hospital. So that was a hospital. So that was a big thing that started to come up for me a lot, is that I was like, oh my gosh. Like, this is not this woman’s fault that she doesn’t have this knowledge. We must have missed something.

Al Zonsius [00:13:23]:
And the other reason is I was 11 when I started my period as a young kid, and I did not know what the heck was happening to my body at the age that a lot of women my age, and I’m in my late thirties, but a lot of my age women and even probably younger, like, it was very taboo. It was a very stigmatized conversation. My parents did not prepare me at all. And it still has a lot of stigma around it, which shocks me, but it does. And it is hard to talk about. And so what I started to notice is because of my experience in the healthcare field doing reproductive health, I also have two daughters and my daughters are four and six. And they are a little early for this talk, but I will tell you, my four and six year old know a heck of a lot about periods because I’ve been exposing them since they were born. You know, they ever since they could crawl after me into the bathroom, they have been exposed.

Al Zonsius [00:14:16]:
They’ve been desensitized almost to it. It’s a very normal thing in our home. And I’ll explain to you some, like, very easy things fathers and dads can start doing at home. But but yeah. So I actually started to have friends reach out to me. Hey. Do you have any tips of how we can get this conversation started with our kids? And I said, well, actually, funny you ask. I do.

Al Zonsius [00:14:34]:
I have so many opinions about it, and here’s what you can get started with. Here’s just a couple of easy ways to just start the conversation and start it as soon as you can. Because what we know is girls can start their periods as early as eight years old. That’s a normal range, eight to 17. It’s a big range, but we’re starting to see girls start their periods earlier and earlier in life due to many different factors. But I just always tell people start sooner than you even think you would ever need to start because before you know it and you won’t even realize it, they’re gonna start to get information from friends at school. So start having those conversations. I started giving tips out and talking to parents about it.

Al Zonsius [00:15:09]:
And then I mentioned it to my partner one day, and my husband and I said, listen. We think we need to create some sort of period educational something, seminar, presentation because nobody is doing this. And why not? And, you know, I started to research what are kids getting in public school systems, and it’s so minimal. And I was just, like, shocked by it, really. And I was also trying to explore who’s doing this, who’s educating our kids so that the parents because, you know, because we have this lack of comprehensive, standardized period education, menstruation education in school systems, it all falls on the dad and it all falls on the mom. The parents are expected to do it all. And that’s a big burden, in my opinion, as a parent myself, to put on parents who maybe don’t have the experience I have. I talk about periods every single day with about every single patient.

Al Zonsius [00:15:57]:
I ask them about their period and we talk about their period. And so for me, it’s very easy. Right? The language, the tools, it’s easy, but that’s not the same for every household. So the Period Academy was born, and my husband really was a cheerleader of it. Created a really wonderful kind of world of illustrations and how we could teach it. And then it just took off from there, and it was such a beautiful thing to see at the very beginning stages. We start we kinda opened up shop last summer, and hearing all of the parents just be so grateful that it’s a great starting point. It gives them the language to use at home.

Al Zonsius [00:16:30]:
And then I’d always have moms leave and parents leave, like, telling me how much they learned. Even though I’m really focused on my teaching is really kid focused. Right? I’m not teaching as if it’s adult people. I’m teaching them as kids where they’re at. You know? And this is, like, age kind of eight, nine, 10, 11 is where my target usually is. So that’s kind of how it all started, and now it’s going really well. And it’s amazing. And I feel like maybe I can make a little dent in some of these kids’ brains and give them a lot of education.

Al Zonsius [00:16:59]:
And my really ultimate goal is for a kid to start her period and not be scared. If just some kids could start and feel empowered and feel ready, like they have the tools and that they know they’re gonna be okay, because it is a very terrifying life, you know, transitional moment for most kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:16]:
Many fathers may feel unprepared or even uncomfortable discussing menstruation with their daughters. What advice do you have for dads who want to be supportive, but aren’t sure how to start the conversation?

Al Zonsius [00:17:30]:
Yeah. No. That’s a really good question, and I’ll start it with this. And this I’ll be interested to hear how this feels as a dad. Right? So I would say one of my number one questions I get from kids and I teach kids in groups of, like, 10 to 15 kids at a time. And the number one question I get is what if my mom’s not home and only my dad is home? So we’ve already built this society, this norm, this world where young girls assume they can only go to their mom. Now this is assuming we have a traditional household. Right? We have a mom and a dad that they’ve grown up with that dynamic.

Al Zonsius [00:18:05]:
So we’ve already spent however many years, eight, nine, ten, eleven years of that child seeing their parents that way. And I would say to that is how can we shift that? Because I know when I talk to dads, I know that they would feel so humbled and grateful if their daughters knew they could go to them if they needed help. And so they start their period, Mom’s not home, maybe mom’s on an out of town trip, and they start their period at school because most kids we know most kids will have their very first period at school. It’s because they spend so many hours during the week at school, or they might be at, like, a camp or, you know, an extracurricular activity. So sorry to go back, but we know that this is already in their brains. So which really every time I get asked this question, it hurts my heart because I know the dads in this world wouldn’t make them feel like they did something wrong. They’d be so supportive, and I know they would. So how can we get this shift to happen in

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]:
the

Al Zonsius [00:18:59]:
household? And the advice I always give is for dads to not exclude themselves from the conversations. Every adult person and even older sibling in the household should be part of the conversation and should contribute to it. So if we’re maybe starting to introduce anatomical parts to our children, you know, one, we know we always need to use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts. That’s a big part of my the very beginning of my presentation. Use appropriate terminology with your kids. And then also like, make sure that you know what those are for a girl. Know what the difference is between a vulva and a vagina. Help teach your kid that because if you can start that early, early on, you’re gonna always be seen as a safe space for your daughter.

Al Zonsius [00:19:43]:
Your daughter will feel like she doesn’t have to hide her period in the bathroom until get mom gets home the next morning or or whatever it might be. Just be part of the conversation. I think and this is a big expectation, but the moment I had a daughter, I had a very high expectation for my husband to be able to be the default when it comes to those things because I work a lot. When I go to the hospital, I’m there fourteen hours. That’s a long time to be gone. And and if my daughter were to need help, I always have told him, I want them to feel so safe with you that they can come to you and not even think twice about it. Mom’s not home? Okay. I’ll call dad.

Al Zonsius [00:20:19]:
Oh, dad’s in this room. It’s a little closer than that room. Like, I can just go to dad. That’s my expectation for him. And my husband, you know, he also helped me build this company, but he really did put in an effort. And that’s what I think it is. I think dads just have to put in a bit of effort to know basics about period. You should also know basics about anatomical reproductive parts for boys and girls, and you should know the basics about a period, especially just how to manage it.

Al Zonsius [00:20:43]:
Pads, tampons, period underwear. How because that’s what your daughter’s gonna come to you for. Right? She’s gonna have a period at school, and she’s gonna be probably very overwhelmed, and she’s gonna want, you know, know what to do next. The other tip I give to people in their households, not only being a part of this conversation, and this conversation, by the way, is very ongoing. Right? We’re talking about it all the time, is to start to expose your kids in the home to menstruation products and, like, actual in the moment menstruation. And sometimes my kids well, even today and my kids are a little unique, right, because I’m their mom. But, you know, sometimes I’ll be in the bathroom and my six year old will be like, do you want me to go get you a pad? Are you on your period? I make it so it’s such a normal day in the month that sometimes in my period I’m on my period, and sometimes I’m not. I actually and if parents are comfortable with it, and I know that not all parents are, but invite them into your space, especially when they’re really little.

Al Zonsius [00:21:36]:
Right? When they’re really little. Because the more you show them period blood, pads, what you when you wipe and you have very bright red blood, the more you show them that you’re sitting on that toilet and you’re okay, you’re not hurting, you’re okay, it desensitizes it, It normalizes it. It becomes a very normal part of life, and it’s very, you know, and it’s every month for, you know, most adult women. As long as they’re regular, it’s every month. So it’s such a normal part of life. And so just by exposing them, don’t make it a big deal. Yeah. This is just period blood.

Al Zonsius [00:22:08]:
This happens to your mom every, you know, twenty five days. And, you know, it doesn’t bother me. I have pads and I have tampons. This is what I use. You know, my kids love to play with pads and tampons. Have you ever given a three year old a tampon? It’s awesome. They love it. It’s very fun.

Al Zonsius [00:22:20]:
And so exposing them. Having products out in the open, I’m big advocate of this. Having a basket of your pads out in the open so kids can ask questions, especially when they’re really young. Let them ask questions. Dads know how to use a pad, know how to put it in the underwear, know how to take it away, know that they can only wear it up to eight hours, know that they should really wash their hands before and after. Those are things that dads should know, and moms too and parents too. But, yeah, those are kind of like the general and the go to things I say. These are the things that you guys can start doing that’s not really gonna need a lot of effort is just to start to increase exposure in the home to periods.

Al Zonsius [00:22:55]:
And I always joke, and I recently was interviewed. And I always say, like, the big reduction of stigma moment for me is when I go to a bathroom in a public space, I always hold my tampon or my pad outside of my pockets because I just want it to feel like this is a normal, physiological, natural thing that half the world’s bodies do. And we’re so scared of it and scared to talk about it. And I just wanna keep finding ways to make it less scary, less stigmatizing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
Now you kind of already talked about this, but one of the things that I was thinking about when I looked at your curriculum is that it covers a lot of the topics like period management, self care, puberty. And I guess, how can dads help to normalize periods and ensure that their daughters feel confident rather than embarrassed about this natural process.

Al Zonsius [00:23:45]:
And not only in a way of periods, but I think dads can build confidence in girls, which I think is something that’s really needed in our world today. Right? We need to kinda make young women, young girls more confident, have higher self esteem because we’re seeing it kind of at a big downfall right now. And I think if you can build your kids up from day one, always be their biggest cheerleader, always be their biggest fan. And I personally, and my husband too, like and it’s really easy. It’s just the language you choose to use. So when my kid has, like, a new outfit on, I try not to say you look really cute or look really pretty, but I always tell her, you look super brave, or you look really confident, and you look really kind today. Because those words in their brain are going to go far, far deeper than just this idea of, like, an outfit. Right? So ever since they were babies, it’s like, you’re look you’re being so brave.

Al Zonsius [00:24:37]:
It’s not you look so cute. I mean, my kids are adorable. Don’t get me wrong. They’re I’m obsessed with them. They’re the cutest things on the Earth. But I try to impede their brains with language of how brave they are, how smart they are, how autonomous they are, how important decisions they make are could be life changing for them. And so building those kids up. And then when it gets to time where you start to experience puberty, because we know you’re gonna start to notice puberty for your kids probably before they have a period, we do have an expectation that you’re likely gonna have breast buds.

Al Zonsius [00:25:08]:
You’re gonna likely grow some pubic hair, maybe some underarm hair, have a big growth spurt, and may even start experiencing vaginal discharge right before you have your very first period. I think that would be a great time for dads to really start to empower their kids. Have a moment where you see, like, okay. Maybe maybe you’ve noticed your daughter has some pubic hair or some breast buds, or you noticed when you did laundry that when you helped with laundry one day that there was vaginal discharge in her underwear. This is a great, great time for you to make sure she’s ready when she’s away from the home. It’s also a great time to make sure she’s ready at home. Make sure you have pets. Make sure she knows where they are.

Al Zonsius [00:25:46]:
Make sure they’re teen sized or preteen sized pads and that you can assume she’s gonna use what the other adult female in the house uses because it’s different, you know, tampons and pads. And we do know that I mentioned tampons here and there all the time because kids kinda get forced in a tampon usage, which is another conversation. But most children will use pads for a very long time. So dads can assume if they have an eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 year old that they’re gonna need to use pads first. Okay? So you don’t even need to worry about tampons quite yet, but really focus on having pads available and access to them. Like, where are they? And then also having something in their backpack for them so that they know it’s there. And I would encourage dads to I give kids at my seminars. I give them all a period kit, but it’s not like anything that is hard to do.

Al Zonsius [00:26:31]:
It’s just a little canvas bag, and it’s got pads in it, a moist towelette. And I also put a little note in there, and it’s an encouraging note that says, you got this. You’re gonna be okay, and we are here to support you. This is a big day for you. And so we are here if you need us. And I think if it had put that on a little piece of paper, like, you’re gonna you’re you’re great. You’ve got this. It’s gonna be okay.

Al Zonsius [00:26:54]:
I know it’s overwhelming because we can have prepare and prepare and prepare. But the first time you bleed, it’s a lot. It’s a big you know, and most adult women would probably be able to tell you where they were, maybe even what they were wearing, what the bathroom looks like that they were in, and what they felt in that moment. And and so being an outspoken empowered women, I can kind of assume that I have unique experiences in those ways, but most women are very shut down and fearful about it. So, yeah, if a dad can just give her the tools, make sure she’s got something in her backpack. Even a spare pair of underwear would be ideal. Right? Because you can assume she might either first start her period when she goes to sit to go pee. And we this happens often because your pelvic floor rests at that time, and so period blood can come out.

Al Zonsius [00:27:39]:
It might be noticed on toilet paper when she wipes, or she’s gonna have some in her underwear. And that is very overwhelming for kids. Kids ask me about that a lot too. What if I bleed through my undies? And so I like to say, put a pair of underwear in your backpack as well to always have, always have maybe an extra pair of shorts or something like that as well. And then just remind your kid, you can call me if you need me. I will come bring you clothes. I will come bring you pads. I’m always here.

Al Zonsius [00:28:05]:
Just communicate with them that you are accessible and that you are supportive. And if you don’t have all of the answers, I think that’s fair too. Right? Because I don’t have all the answers either. And I have kind of started to become very knowledgeable about periods for young girls, but but I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes kids will ask me a question and I’ll be like, oh my goodness. I gotta get back to you on that. And I think dad’s being, like, very humble and and transparent. Like, I don’t know the exact answer you need from me right now, but I do know how we can go find it, and we can kind of help you.

Al Zonsius [00:28:34]:
Just be supportive and communicate with your kids and remind them that they can always come to you. Just keep keep reminding them. I’m always here. You can always come to me even And this sorry. I’ll my answers are so long, but this is one more thing I’ll always mention. I like to tell kids when we have these conversations, whether it be puberty conversations, period conversations, sex conversations, that it is very normal to have a feeling in your body and in your mind that is a little strange and uncomfortable. And that’s normal to have this uneasy feeling. And I think if dads just expressed that to their kiddos, like, I know talking about these things with me might make you feel a little weird in your body, but it’s still something important we should do, and I need you to know you’re safe with me.

Al Zonsius [00:29:21]:
And that’s kind of a big deal, making kids feel safe when they use their words and they have big feelings and wanna talk to you. So that’s something I would suggest too is to always tell your kids, you’re gonna feel weird about this, but you’re safe with me. And that’s you know, I feel weird. And he would tell him, I feel weird about it too. You know, it’s a hard conversation to have. Be honest with your kids. You’re human.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]:
Now I know that puberty can also bring mood swings, PMS, and other emotional shifts. How can fathers recognize when their daughters need emotional support, and what strategies can they use to help without overstepping?

Al Zonsius [00:30:02]:
Yeah. And I you talk about premenstrual syndrome, PMS, in the presentation, and I talk about it because it becomes a very big part of your life when you start to have a cycle. And for some people, it can be a very debilitating part of your life. And so I talk about what is expected, what’s the most common, and then when is it too much or an issue where we would wanna maybe speak to a clinician. But when it comes to mood disturbances, irritability, a little less patience, even anxiety can increase as your period’s approaching. These are huge, huge, huge feelings that your daughter is probably feeling. And in your mind as an adult parent, you’re probably thinking, oh my gosh. Who is this child? One moment, they’re crying.

Al Zonsius [00:30:38]:
The other moment, they’re happy singing in the car. And so it’s like very it can be very roller coaster ride. I think just reminding yourself that oftentimes mood disturbances and irritability and that kind of anxiety that kids can get right before a period is something that’s really generally out of their control. And that’s because hormones, when they come in, they come in hot. And so and it’s something that’s very difficult to understand, especially when they’re experiencing it for the first time. And they’re really young and they’re, like, preparing to go through these stages. So I would just say, instead of taking this approach of, oh, you’re you must be PMSing. I mean, we’ve all heard it.

Al Zonsius [00:31:14]:
Right? Mom’s PMSing. Go, you know, go clean your room. Or mom’s PMSing. Don’t talk back. Do the dishes. Do your chores. I think instead of if you approached it in like, you know what? It seems like you might be having some bigger feelings these days, and I wanna know if there’s a way I can support you. Because sometimes kids will be able to tell you that, yeah.

Al Zonsius [00:31:33]:
You know, I just don’t wanna talk about it. But they also might say, oh, yeah. I’ve noticed that too, and I don’t really know the way I could use support right now. And then you can give suggestions. I oftentimes try to take my kids’ leads, you know, and it’s not a perfect example, but when my kids are tantruming or we’re in a moment and all parents know these moments, right, where your kid is not thinking logical. They’re tantruming. They’re not logical. They’re having definitely some hormone stuff happening.

Al Zonsius [00:32:01]:
And I always just ask them, do you want me to give you space, or would you like me to sit here with you? And I think sometimes as parents, that’s just needing to sit there and be quiet is a great way to show support and to hold space for your kids. And and even ask them, would it be better if I sat out right side the door and you let me know when you would like me to come in? Do you wanna maybe listen to some music together? Do you wanna go on a walk together? Do you want me to give you more ideas of how we can kind of support you, or do you wanna let me know when you have some ideas? And I think just making sure you’re not abandoning them in those big, big feeling and moments, and you’re giving them the opportunity to have autonomy over what they’re experiencing. You’re telling them that they can tell you what they need, and that’s so empowering for a young girl. Right? Being being very open. Like, is there something that specific I could do for you? Sometimes my daughters will ask me they’ll be in that headspace that’s out of control, but I’ll just say, would you like me to be here with you, or do you want some space? And they’ll all the time say, I want you here with me, but I don’t want you to talk. And so they’re just telling me they need the space. They need the sound and this chaos to slow down, but they need somebody in there to also hold on to all of that chaos with them until they’re ready to then talk about it. Sometimes I just offer, you know, let’s go sit outside for a second.

Al Zonsius [00:33:20]:
Let’s just go take a couple deep breaths. Let’s listen to some music we both like. Let’s put on a record we both like and just sit and just sit. Let everything slow down a little bit. But I think giving your kids autonomy over what they need is so huge. Those kids, eight to 12, is a tough age. It is a tough age. They’re experiencing a lot of things in that lifetime.

Al Zonsius [00:33:41]:
So, yeah, giving them the choice how they can be supported.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. And, you know, your your mission is so much more than just periods from everything that you have just said. It’s from what I’m hearing, it’s about not only periods, but helping young people to understand and feel comfortable with their bodies. And I guess as we finish up today, is there anything else that you’d wanna say in regards to how fathers can truly contribute to their daughter’s overall sense of body confidence and autonomy in a way that fosters trust and empowerment?

Al Zonsius [00:34:17]:
That’s a big question. I’m gonna try not to carry on like I have. I would say try not to always let the default for when it comes to very feminine things in life always go to the mom. I think starting to show that maybe because you’re a guy, you’re a male figure, that you don’t have any kind of understanding of those things for kiddos. I think, like, there’s nothing more wonderful than, like, my husband taking out my girls and then picking out a a Barbie and a really sparkly dress. And, like, that may be seen as something that I would do with them, but he loves having those moments where they can be in their feminine selves. And and I he sits down and paints their nails, and they sit down and paint his nails and, like, just kind of really desensitizing this idea that all the feminine times in your life have to go towards one way. And like I said, you know, girls really do have these fears, about being only with dad when they are in the most, you know, vulnerable time of their life.

Al Zonsius [00:35:16]:
And that to me just shows me that dads just need to do more inside the home, be part of more conversation inside the home. Maybe it’s not something you’re comfortable talking about, but maybe you have, like, a pamphlet or a brochure. I have a good print off on the our website on theperiodacademy.com, and it’s like it’s like the stages of puberty so that when you know, like, your period might be getting close, just give that to your kiddo and say, I found this. I thought it might be helpful and supportive of you to know kinda where you are at in your puberty years And when we know the period’s coming, bring her things home. If she’s PMSing and starting her period or she’s on her second cycle or whatever it might be, like, bring her something sweet home. Bring her a bouquet of flowers home. Make her feel feminine. Make her feel good.

Al Zonsius [00:35:56]:
Make her feel empowered. Build that relationship so that you are such a safe space for her that you can be like that forever. Be that guy that’s, like, really hard to compete with when she’s an adult woman, you know, looking for her life partner. And I think that would be the best. Right? I want our kids, my children to always say, like, you know, their future partners in their lifetime, if they so be you know, happen to be males, you have to compete with the love and the safety my daughter my dad provided me. And I think that’s, like, the goal dad should have for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:27]:
Well, well, Al, I just wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And I guess as we conclude and we finish things up, as you think about fatherhood and your dad and other dads that are out there, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Al Zonsius [00:36:51]:
I would say to as much as you can, when you’re together, to be very present with each other. We live in this world where we’re kind of being overpowered by technology, and I have found it greatly affects kids. And for myself too, I always find myself answering emails on my phone or messages on Instagram or whatever it might be. And in my brain, I’m like, I’m working. I’m working. I’m always working. But when you’re in the same room as your kids, try to find those moments to be super intentional. Turn off all the technology and be just intentional with your time.

Al Zonsius [00:37:24]:
Even if you do have work to do, give your kids an hour of your undivided attention because that is starting to become very rare for a lot of relationships with kids. And especially for dads who maybe are the breadwinners and who maybe work a lot, you know, just like even if it means scheduling it. Scheduling, you know, from twelve to two, like, everything’s off just me and you, kid. Like, what do you wanna do? What do you wanna get up to? And I think, you know, that’s a good kind of tool of advice for a lot of parents and even for myself to remind myself to really kind of carve out time to be intentional and be really kind of mindful of your interactions and make them be something that is clear to that child that you are engaged with that child in that moment, whatever their kind of game they’re playing or wanna do. I think that’s really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:07]:
Now for anyone that wants to find out more about the Period Academy, where should they go?

Al Zonsius [00:38:11]:
You can go to the periodacademy.com, or you can find us on Instagram. On Instagram, I do a lot of tips and kinda teaching tools, and I share a lot of videos about how we can kind of approach certain topics based on periods. And then also on TikTok, I’m in my late thirties, remember, so I’m getting better and better at TikTok, but I’m trying. And, so, yeah, the period academy at the period academy on all the social medias.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:33]:
Well, Al, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Not only your story about your own relationship with your father and the things that you had to do in your life with that, but also in what you’ve created and what you’re continuing to create to help parents, not just dads, to help their daughters to be able to maneuver through this time in their life that can be kind of tumultuous, but also concern thing, it can also be a questioning time for them, for you as a dad, and I truly wish you all the best.

Al Zonsius [00:39:06]:
Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:09]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:39:40]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:40:32]:
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