Mental health Archives - Dad of Divas

Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Empowering Daughters: Alan Mallory on Guiding with Adventure and Trust

August 3, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week on The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed adventurer and performance coach Alan Mallory for an inspiring conversation on what it means to truly connect with your daughters. If you’re a dad seeking real-world advice, heartfelt stories, and strategies to build stronger family ties, this episode is a must-listen.

One of the most impactful themes that emerged is the importance of quality time and shared adventures. Alan Mallory talked passionately about how he’s embraced experiences with his two daughters, from spontaneous ski trips to months traveling across the country in a fifth wheel trailer. These journeys provided special opportunities, not just for fun, but for deep conversations and growth. “When it’s just the two of us, you can connect on a deeper level,” he shared, highlighting the magic of one-on-one time.

But beyond the adventures, Alan Mallory emphasized the vital balance between guidance and independence. He champions a parenting style rooted in mentorship rather than control: “You can’t dictate the direction… you have to give them that latitude”. This philosophy was shaped by his own experiences, like summiting Mount Everest alongside his family—and by seeing how trust and empowerment forge the strongest bonds.

Another powerful thread: fostering communication and emotional growth. Mallory admitted to struggling at times, especially when it comes to connecting on the emotional level, teaching us all that vulnerability makes for better dads: “I could probably think of a few times where I should have been more empathetic… and just listened”. It’s a message that resonates—sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is our presence and our ears.

For dads supporting daughters’ passions or mental health journeys, this episode is rich with wisdom: encourage experimentation, be the gentle guide, and above all, show up—time is fleeting, and investing those hours pays lifelong dividends.

The Dad and Daughter Connection is a source of community and inspiration for fathers everywhere. Whether you’re seeking reassurance or a nudge to start a new adventure, tune in—this conversation with Alan Mallory will remind you that being a great dad is about being present, facing the adventures together, and empowering your daughter to blaze her own trail.

Ready to strengthen your bond? Listen to the episode now and start building those lasting connections!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk about, but also work on those relationships that we want to build with our own daughters one step at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:04]:
And I’m so excited that you come back every week because we’re all on a journey. We’re all on a journey of trying to be the best dads that we want to be and the best dads that we can be. But to get there, we’ve got to put in the time. We got to put in the effort. We got to learn from other dads around us and see what they’re doing, see what makes sense and what works for them. But maybe, maybe that will work for you as well, and that’s why this podcast exists. This podcast exists to help you to be able to connect with other dads, but also to learn from some other dads that have different experiences. And I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences every week that can do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:
Today we got another great guest. Alan Mallory is with us. And Alan is a dynamic speaker. He’s an author, he is a performance coach. But I saw him at a recent conference, and he was really talking about some of the things that he’s done in his life to push himself beyond who he thought he was and who he thought he could be. He. In his presentations, he gives kind of a unique blend of psychology, engineering, project management, and some artistic flair to be able to make the presentations really a dynamic one. And in the conversation that he gave to the Rotary group that I was with, I loved the message that he gave because he really rooted his messages in his experiences, both as an adventurer, a mountaineer, but really talking about the things that he’s done with his family, to be able to keep them, to bring them together and seeing that he is a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Of two daughters. I wanted to bring him on to talk a little bit about his own experience in being a father to daughters. So, Alan, thanks so much for being here today.

Alan Mallory [00:02:41]:
My pleasure. Looking forward to it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]:
Well, I’m really looking forward to talking to you today. And as I said, even before we started, I said this is kind of a topic that’s a little bit different than ones that probably you talk about all the time. And I always start the interviews with an opportunity because I know that you have two daughters yourself, 12 and 8. And all of us as fathers want to create those moments, those meaningful moments, those things that we can share with our daughters that they’ll remember but also will remember and that bring us closer together. What’s one’s, what’s, what is the most meaningful moment that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Alan Mallory [00:03:15]:
I don’t know if I could boil it down to one meaningful moment, but I mean, I’ve kind of emulated what my father did with me and my siblings and that spend a lot of quality time, especially out doing adventures with. With my kids. And so in many ways, I’m kind of blessed in the vocation I’ve chosen. I because I’m traveling all over the place, often I’ bring one of my kids along and both my daughters always spent some amazing quality time. Even this past winter, different ski trips, for example, where it’s just kind of a dad daughter ski trip, or when I have events in Hawaii or in kind of tropical locations, often they put their heads up to come along with those. And I found those particularly special when it’s just the two of us and you can kind of connect on a deeper level and just have fun as well. It’s not a chore if you’re doing things that you would normally like to do anyway and that they’ll like to do. And so we go kayaking or stand up paddleboarding or do some sort of adventure.

Alan Mallory [00:04:11]:
And I found those are the most special moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]:
Now your daughters are getting older and you’ve got that daughter that’s a pre tween now and another daughter following not too far behind. And as they get older, they definitely push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them that independence that they need to be able to grow into the people that they’re bec.

Alan Mallory [00:04:34]:
Yeah, I mean, that’s the balance that’s hard to strike. And we, all of us, that are parents really go through that. One of my programs I share kind of A curve between. It’s a parabolic relationship in that you have a mentor role that you want to kind of nudge your daughters in the right direction or what you believe is the right direction, but you can’t dictate that direction. And that’s what’s almost makes the parenting journey such a roller coaster. They’re their own people and sometimes they make. They need to learn through decisions that are made. And, you know, that’s how we learn.

Alan Mallory [00:05:03]:
If we kind of prevent them from discovering and innovating and all of that, then they just end up with bigger problems down the road. And so it’s through small. Allowing them the independence to make small mistakes in many ways, while providing that father mentor role that I think allows them to develop healthily. And it’s a difficult balance to get. And I would say in many ways it’s a balance that our society has really gone one way on. And that’s this kind of, you know, over controlling, bubble wrapping our children rather than allowing them to make mistakes in life, for example. But if you want them to be strong, independent people, you have to give them that latitude. I’d say that’s another thing that I learned from my father, for good or bad.

Alan Mallory [00:05:46]:
You know, he was always a very empowering person. We climbed Mount Everest in 2008, and this was with my father, brother, sister and I. And so also I was kind of learning from how he treated all of us, especially my sister in this case. There was one instance where basically we were in the death zone above 26,000ft. And he empowered her to kind of make her own decision, whether she wanted to continue on or not. And she was all by herself at that point because she had the altitude weakens your immune system. And so she had these awful sicknesses and she had actually internal bleeding, it was so bad. And.

Alan Mallory [00:06:18]:
But that was, you know, a difficult decision to make because obviously in a scenario like that, mistakes can be fatal, and often they are. But I think he’s always kind of had that mentality and I’ve tried to do that as well. You know, you start small so that when they’re young, allow them to make their own mistakes. You know, don’t always be there to provide. Well, I mean, you’re providing the safety rope kind of from a distance. I would say you don’t want them to get badly hurt or die, but that’s how they’re going to learn. You learn through adversity. And when we take that adversity away, which we do out of kindness in many ways, Certainly in the Western society, we’ve lived pretty, what I say, good lives.

Alan Mallory [00:06:57]:
We don’t have the same types of challenges that let’s say our ancestors had. So we try to make life more comfortable for our kids. Well, that can be detrimental because they just don’t learn. You learn through the adversity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:11]:
Well, I’d be remiss to not push a little bit on the trip that you had on Everest. And, and I guess I’m not going to ask you to retell that story because you have some books that are specifically about that. But one of the things that I guess that I am interested in is having you talk a little bit about what you learned from that trip with your siblings and your f and how that experience has either helped you in being the father that you’re becoming or has made you make some pivots in how you’re fathering your kids in different ways.

Alan Mallory [00:07:45]:
Well, that was the ultimate family adventure, you might say. I mean, the stakes are very high. The need for healthy relationships is extreme because otherwise, 70 plus percent of the teens while we were there, they tore themselves apart from the inside out. And at that point it’s everyone on their own and they have to just pack up and head home. And so being able to resolve conflicts effectively and quickly and say what needs to be said, even though it might inevitably result in a conflict, I think that’s a big problem in a lot of families and father daughter relationships that in order to maintain the harmony in the here and now, you just don’t say what needs to be said. It might cause someone to get upset. Well, the problem is these issues, they bottle up within people over time. And so every one of those said, what would you call them, items in order to preserve the relationship in the here and now, it just compounds and eventually it explodes.

Alan Mallory [00:08:44]:
And that’s what tears apart family familial relationships. Now that’s obviously true in spousal relationships. We see that all the time. But there’s plenty of daughters that don’t hardly talk to their fathers when they get married and they move off. And I see that all the time. And I want to, you know, I don’t want that to be reality in my life. No, there’s lots of, of factors you can’t control. But again, I would say maybe I’m giving my dad too many kudos.

Alan Mallory [00:09:08]:
But when I look at his friend groups and so on and there’s just lots of broken family relationships and he doesn’t sugarcoat things, but more than anything, he just makes sure he creates time for doing things with his siblings. He still does. I mean, he’s in his 70s now and I can kind of see in his eyes how much he really appreciates that, that his kids, they keep coming back. I mean, they kind of want to spend time with him and my mother as well. So I would love to able to create the same type of environment where your kids really want to still enjoy spending time with you. And part of the secret to that is get them involved young in things that you also are going to be interested in doing throughout your life now. So it’s kind of a privilege. We all enjoy swimming and biking and mountain biking and kayaking and things like that.

Alan Mallory [00:09:56]:
And so it’s not so much of chore when we’re trying to get together. And I think if I can preserve that, if you aren’t taking an active role when they’re young, and I know some of our family friends, that this is exactly what happened. I mean, the kids kind of go a different direction. The parents are into hiking, the kids are into skateboarding, something like that. Now it’s really tough. And I see in those family relationships how they can hardly get together for Christmas dinner. There’s just no shared interests anymore. And certainly that tears the family apart, but certainly makes it a suboptimal situation to be in as you age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:29]:
So how are you incorporating that mentality, that mantra into what you’re doing with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:10:36]:
If I’ve maybe taken it to the extreme, you might say in terms of the different adventures, but again, it’s kind of a. It dovetails well into the, the work I’m already doing because I’m traveling around. But we lived, for example, for a year on a fifth wheel trailer traveling around the. The southern United States. And every two days or so we were in some new amazing national park, state park. It was during COVID and so the kids were already doing online school. And so in the morning we would do schooling and then in the afternoon we’d be out biking and hiking and swimming and depending where we were. That was just an incredible trip.

Alan Mallory [00:11:15]:
I almost wanted to just stay on the rig and do a whole nother loop. It was so amazing. But those types of things, I mean, whether you like it or not, you’re in close proximity in those in a fifth wheel trailer, for example. So yeah. And then whenever I can, especially the skiing, they’ve really taken to skiing. Both my daughters are just amazing, amazing skiers. And, and it happened quickly too. My eldest, I take her to Whistler and she goes Right down the double black diamonds through the trees and you know, my heart’s skipping a few beats, but again, I tried it.

Alan Mallory [00:11:46]:
Well, she’s got to learn her own limits here. I don’t want her flying off a cliff and perishing. So I’ll kind of be in watching things, but let her own. Make her own decisions. And I remember when we were there, thinking, it was only a couple years ago when I was taking her down the bunny hill at our local ski resort, going behind her to make sure she didn’t kind of get out of control. But I think, did I teach them skiing? I mean, kind of the basics. But more than anything, I just gave them the latitude and the opportunity to figure out where their limits were and develop the skills themselves with a little bit of guidance here and then there when they wanted it. And so that’s just wonderful going on those ski trips now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:29]:
None of us are infallible. We’re humans. We make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:12:41]:
What is a mistake? Well, I’m probably always making mistakes of some sort. I probably don’t connect well on the emotional side as well as I should. I’m still a guy. I don’t necessarily understand kind of the emotions and things, especially at that. The age when they’re kind of going through puberty and so on. And so probably I could be better at just listening at times. I’m an engineer as well, and so I kind of like, like engineering our way out of these problems. But when there’s, you know, those emotional challenges that we all go through.

Alan Mallory [00:13:14]:
Yeah, I could probably think of a few times where I thought, well, maybe I should have been a little more empathetic to that and just listened and really tried to see things from. From their perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:24]:
That’s definitely something that you have to do. I’ve heard that numerous times from numerous fathers and others about doing more listening than talking at times and. And being able to not come in trying to answer the question or to solve a problem, but let your daughter do what she can to be able to guide, whether it is either a solving conversation or a listening conversation. And that’s something that I wish that I had learned earlier than not.

Alan Mallory [00:13:52]:
Yeah, no, it’s interesting in some of my psychological background, you know, I remember reading this same type of thing over and over again when it comes to psychotherapy. You know, half the time the therapist is not really saying anything. You’re just kind of there nodding, allowing the other individual to kind of work true in their own mind, in their own life. And surprisingly, that has just tremendous benefit. You just, you kind of need to be this sounding board that the individual can’t do it on their own. They need someone there that’s almost doing, you know, it’s doing very little than listening, but it’s tremendously beneficial. So the engineer in me says that makes no sense at all. But having just read about it again and again now, I realize as humans, you know, the human mind is not something that can be reverse engineered very well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
And speaking about your background in psychology and now trying to raise kids and raise daughters, talk to me about that. And the juxtaposition between having the understanding of how the mind works but also being able to be the father and being able to be there for your kids in different ways and not bringing too much psychology into it at the same time.

Alan Mallory [00:15:06]:
I went the psychological direction because I had my own mental health challenges in my younger years. I had quite a severe social phobia, an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. And so because I’m an engineer by trade, which is the polar opposite of psychology, but I started studying the human mind as I was trying to work through my own challenges. And I think what got me more and more interested in it is it started to work. I developed these different cognitive strategies that would allow me to quickly bring down elevated baseline stress levels, for example. And you know, I’d play a lot of these mental games that I would read about and, and kind of develop for my own purposes that would change my emotional responses in the here and now. And so now there’s a genetic element to the predisposition to these types of mental health challenges. And I kind of see some of them in my daughters, for example.

Alan Mallory [00:15:57]:
And so I do want to be proactive in providing them the tools that are needed. Now I’m careful to even say that, that there’s a genetic element because so many people just, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for them. You know, my father had this, my mot had this, my grandmother had this. I guess it’s inevitable. I will. And I was actually told that many, many times by the different medical professionals that I thought saw my younger years throughout that journey. Basically you have this chemical imbalance that’s leading to this. And almost all the time they just suggested medication.

Alan Mallory [00:16:28]:
And now I don’t want to be too negative on medication because it obviously has a place, you know, when people are really at low points, sometimes anything that will help is the way to go. But I saw it as something that would kind of hide my symptoms rather than get at the root causes. So I never went down the medical pat. I developed cognitive strategies that would work. And I’ve tried to kind of, you know, when I’ve seen my daughters having, you know, who knows if they’re. I think every kind of preteen has that type of thing. They have to develop their own strategies. So I.

Alan Mallory [00:16:59]:
I’m not saying necessarily are they going to be more predisposed than others to this type of thing, but I also just kind of notice when I was going through a mental health journey, you become hyper sensitized to, you know, noticing little twitches and things like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:14]:
Right.

Alan Mallory [00:17:15]:
Because I’m always so concerned about it in myself, or was at the time. So I’ve kind of tried to share those strategies that I’ve developed. Now. I wouldn’t say I’ve shared them very effectively, or at least they haven’t been adopted. And part of it is because I’m, I guess, the dad. You know, often they’re like, oh, dad, maybe that’ll work for you. But this is a different era and I can kind of relate to that because that’s exactly what I said to most people who tried to share strategies with me, including the different psychologists I saw. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, it’s easy for you to say that.

Alan Mallory [00:17:47]:
You’re not living through this. And so I would mostly brush off the different things they were trying to tell me. And there was always a bit of truth in each one of them. And I really listened. I didn’t really discover some of those, well, let’s call them things that really helped in my life until I kept reading from people that were going through the same challenges that I’d gone through. And. And we’re able to finally figure it out. And it was a combination of self education, learning how your mind works, but also kind of voluntary exposure therapy, and not getting out of your mind, stop fighting yourself, because it’s a response to those symptoms, really, and the way that leads to this rumination that holds us, that perpetuates the disorder.

Alan Mallory [00:18:31]:
So when I try to share those types of strategies, I have to be careful, mindful of how I do it. And if I’m really kind of rushed in my own work, it’s not effective. I think it’s going to be through many years of just kind of, you know, providing little tools here and there. And this is what you should try, maybe give this a try. It worked in my life. And so hopefully I’m able to, you know, just provide what they need and maybe they won’t. Sometimes this is just a natural stage of growing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]:
And speaking of the mental health issues that you were dealing with yourself, how do you talk to your own daughters about that experience in relation to building that connection with them?

Alan Mallory [00:19:11]:
Well, in many ways I haven’t in a lot of detail. I’ve tried to encourage my eldest daughter to read my second book because that’s what it’s all about. She finds it too boring because it’s kind of psychological pace and she’s into, you know, romance and adventure stories and that sort of thing. So I haven’t. Wouldn’t say I have been particularly effective in kind of sharing the whole journey and all the those strategies I’ve tried at times, but there hasn’t been a lot of interest in it. It’s kind of. So I don’t know, maybe they’re still a bit too young. Maybe they won’t need those types of strategies.

Alan Mallory [00:19:44]:
I can certainly relate to how I found it frustrating to try to play the right mental movies in my mind, for example. Your mind almost fights back against it. It says, no, that’s not what you need. I mean, this is futile. I mean, I should just analyze more. Well, the constant analysis of your own symptoms certainly just makes things worse and worse.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:04]:
Worse. You’ve had your own passions, your dreams, your things that you have tried to push yourself to do through your life, and the things that you continue to do. Talk to me about how you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Alan Mallory [00:20:17]:
Well, it’s certainly giving them the opportunity. I guess they are still kind of discovering what their passions and dreams are. And I’ve seen that with my eldest. I would say, if anything, my wife and I are just trying to allow her to try different things because she doesn’t seem to have. Have gravitated to particular sport or dream just yet. There certainly have been things that have captured her interest. We had her learning sign language for a while. Right.

Alan Mallory [00:20:44]:
But it let things wane and as they should. I mean, that’s the whole idea. You want to just try as many things as you can and when you’re young so you can kind of see what tends to excite you, I guess, and ideally align your vocation with. With whatever that is. So got them. I play the violin and so I’ve got them in both playing the violin. And that’s just wonderful to me. And that’s was a little frustrating to me in the early years because like I was when I was a kid, I just didn’t want to do it.

Alan Mallory [00:21:10]:
I didn’t want to practice it where you know, spending the time and energy and money in many cases to pursue that. And I had to keep reminding myself, well I gotta. This really isn’t for them. Even though I’d love to be able to play with violin with my daughters, maybe they’ll go a different direction now. In recent years they seem to have taken it a lot more seriously and I think it says they’ve gotten into the different festivals and started playing some fun songs that they recognize and enjoy and so hopefully that that passion will. Will continue to grow within them. But. And we’ve tried lots of different sports too.

Alan Mallory [00:21:46]:
My parents never got me involved in organized sports and we are trying that a little bit. Like my youngest is playing soccer for example and seems to really have taken to that. I guess the challenges with some of those organized sports is it consumes your life and for a lot of the adventures and travel and so on the that that certainly my wife and I like to do. It’s tough if you’re driving every weekend to different hockey tournaments and so on and so on. Maybe plots could argue. Well, maybe there is a bit of a selfish motivator there and I don’t want to be a non stop taxi driver, but I see how it worked with my dad and he got us into running and biking and things that, you know, they were more like they’re kind of individual sports versus large group sports like that and there’s benefits in both. But they didn’t consume our life. And that can be the challenge with.

Alan Mallory [00:22:32]:
And I don’t want to sound like I’m being negative about organized sports. There’s lots of benefits and you learn camaraderie and teamwork and all of that. But I look at some of my friends and they do nothing but drive around to different sports events.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready? Sure. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alan Mallory [00:22:58]:
Empowering.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:59]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alan Mallory [00:23:03]:
I don’t know if I’ve received very much dad advice, but probably if I had to just choose what I’ve discovered, it would be, you know, spend as much quality time with your daughters as you can before it’s too late, before they move on. Every, you know, every older father basically says the same thing. The time flew by.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:21]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughters love doing together.

Alan Mallory [00:23:25]:
I would say skiing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:26]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alan Mallory [00:23:31]:
Probably to align your vocation with something that really you’re passionate about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:37]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alan Mallory [00:23:41]:
Maybe I don’t have all the answers. I’ve still got a lot to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:23:51]:
That one’s easy. You’ve got to carve out the time. You’ve got to be doing adventures all the time. The father daughter relationships that fall apart. I think it’s dads that are just too busy with other things. And it’s a tough balance. I mean, you’ve got to also make a living, provide for your family in all of that. But you can’t go back.

Alan Mallory [00:24:10]:
Once the time is gone and you haven’t invested those important hours and days in the relationship. Then was it all worth it? I mean, there’s so many people that have regrets when they get older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:24]:
So now, Alan, I know you’ve got a lot of things going on. If people want to find out more about you and your books and everything else that you’re doing, where should they go?

Alan Mallory [00:24:34]:
Well, my website’s pretty comprehensive. It’s just Alan Mallory.com a L a N and have a YouTube channel. And I put various videos on there. My electric violin and my different adventures and so on. And yeah, those are probably the. The two places to start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:48]:
And I will tell you, check out his electric violin. He is an amazing electric violin player. And I was really impressed. I didn’t even know that he was playing at the event that I was playing. And then I looked up and I’m like, oh, this is Alan playing. And it was great. So I really encourage you to check out all of that. We’ll put some links in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
And Alan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing some of your journey today. I look forward to hearing more about the adventures not only that you have, but the adventures that you’re having with your kids and being able to live a little vicariously through what you’re doing. And I just want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Alan Mallory [00:25:25]:
My pleasure. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Alan Mallory [00:25:57]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can.

Jared Mees on Fatherhood, Vulnerability, and Connection

July 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad searching for practical wisdom and heartfelt inspiration on building stronger connections with your daughter, you won’t want to miss the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Jared Mees, father, creative, and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire, for a candid conversation about the joys, challenges, and real-life lessons of fatherhood.

This episode dives deep into what meaningful connection really looks like between dads and daughters. Jared Mees shares his biggest bonding moments, like the summer road trips he’s taken with his daughters since they were little—unstructured adventures that have become cherished family memories. Whether braving uncomfortable camping trips or hours on the road, these simple, unplugged experiences spark genuine connection, laughter, and character-building for all.

As daughters grow up, the balancing act for dads shifts. Jared Mees opens up about learning to give his daughters independence as they get older—recognizing when to lean in, when to back off, and how to be present even when they aren’t seeking attention. For his younger daughter, it’s about reading and drawing together. For his teen, it’s understanding late-night chats and respecting her space.

One of the most powerful parts of the episode centers on vulnerability. Jared Mees shares honestly about a mental health crisis he faced and how it affected his family. Learning to admit mistakes, say “Daddy was wrong,” and seek real support reshaped his relationship with his daughters. His openness models strength and resilience—and shows that kids benefit deeply from witnessing their parents’ growth and recovery.

Other themes include the importance of encouraging kids’ passions without taking over, calling out the specific things that make them unique, and navigating the emotional transitions as daughters become teens. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Jared Mees also discuss letting go of ego, embracing imperfection, and being consistent in small, everyday ways.

If you’re ready to hear authentic stories and actionable advice about being the dad your daughter needs—through life’s ups, downs, and transitions—be sure to tune in. Head to dadanddaughterconnection.com, catch the latest episode, and start building those lifelong bonds, one day at a time.

Don’t miss this uplifting and honest look at fatherhood—listen now!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together, to work on identifying ways in which we can build those relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. It is going to be a journey.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
Having those perfect relationships is going to come in ebbs and flows. It’s not always going to be easy, but there are things that you can do to make it a little bit better one day at a time. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, for you to be able to learn, to grow and to be able to be that dad that you want to be showing up for your daughter every day. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different dance with different experiences to help you to be able to see fatherhood in a little bit of a different way and to be able to see how they are fathering their own daughters, to be able to help you in your journey. Today we got another great guest. Jared Mees is with us today, and Jared is someone I’ve known for a number of years. Jared was on another podcast that I used to have called Dads with Daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
And at that time, it was about four years ago, we were chatting about some music that he was making with his daughters, and his daughters keep growing as they always do. So I’m excited to be able to have him back, to be able to talk about how things are going today and be able to check back in. Jared, thanks so much for being here today.

Jared Mees [00:02:20]:
Thanks so much, Chris. Appreciate it. Excited to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and I always loved starting the conversation because this show is all about connection and how you build those meaningful connections with your daughters. And I. I know you have two daughters yourself. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made it so special?

Jared Mees [00:02:41]:
Yeah, I have two lovely daughters. Piper is 8 and she’s almost 9. And July is 14 going on 24. So we’re. I’m super blessed to have them in my life. And I always thought I’d be a dad of a son or something before I had kids. But then, now that I have two daughters, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, they’re definitely lights of my life.

Jared Mees [00:03:03]:
They’re both totally individual, different human beings, and they both need completely different things. And I try to provide it every day, whether I feel like it or not. And, you know, some days I succeed better than others, as we all do. But I would say, to answer your question, the biggest things that we do together are these road trips that we take every summer. Ever since COVID when Piper was two or three, two and a half, and July was eight, we’ve taken summer road trips to my hometown in Colorado from Oregon, where I live. So just driving around with them and exploring, mostly the western United States and just seeing things, camping. A lot of the. The funnest times are just when there’s no real plan and we just get into something.

Jared Mees [00:03:53]:
We’re on the beach or we’re having a conversation around a fire, or just all the little things that happen along the way. But the road tr. Definitely, we’ve taken one every summer since 2020, and they’re definitely a way to connect. And when I look back, I’m like, those are precious times. And, you know, they can be challenging. And sometimes the challenges, when you’re away from your home and you’re uncomfortable, you know, camping, they think they don’t like camping, but every time we go camping, they have a great time. They can be, you know, character building. And so I remember those fondly.

Jared Mees [00:04:29]:
We’re going on one this summer. This summer is going to be easy going. We’re just going to go down the Oregon coast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:34]:
Those moments are so important, and they’re going to be things that your daughters are going to think back on, remember fondly as they get older. Whether it’s the. The fun times or the squabbles in the car, the moments where you pull off the road to be able to see something cool, you know, it’s going to be those memories that they’re going to relate to. So it’s. It’s so exciting to hear those things. Now, I know you said your daughters are getting older and, and as your daughters do get older, as all of us that have daughters get older, there is the struggle that we go through as dads, which is allowing for us to be able to help our daughters to find that balance, that balance in having independence while still being who they are. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Jared Mees [00:05:26]:
That’s a great question. And I don’t know that I really think about it as it’s happening, but there’s a lot of connection that I feel like I try to foster every day that just kind of lets them know that I’m there and that I’m around and present for them. I try to be there every day when they get home from school, there when they leave for school. And I think just the presence allows me to be just plugged into what they’re going through on a hour to hour, day to day, week to week basis that I don’t know, there’s. That ends up. It makes it where I don’t really get in their way so much. I would say we have a lot of things going on and so trying to just make space for the small things that they want to do. Like my 8 year old wants to play and you know, you don’t always want to play, but you get down on the floor with them for 20 minutes and it means the world to them.

Jared Mees [00:06:20]:
And then my 14 year old wants space. And so sometimes that’s just like coming in, saying hi and being like, I love you, what are you up to? And then if they don’t want to talk, then just letting them have that moment and then eventually they come around and they want to talk. I noticed that my 14 year old really gets talkative right before bed and right before she goes to sleep, which is kind of like the time you want them to be winding down. And so just being around for the moments that they want you and then being okay when they don’t want you. And I think that’s where I’m not like starved for attention myself. Keeping myself really trying to be my own best friend where I’m not like trying to just go get attention from them keeps me from like being too hovery. That makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:05]:
It does make sense. And I think each of us has to find that balance for ourselves and, and also allow for our kids to be able to have that space that they need to be able to be who they are. And that becomes hard as they are transitioning, especially transitioning from that phase where they Always want to be around you to that phase where they’re like, nope, I need my space, I need to be away and I close my door, whatever it may be. But yeah, I completely get it. And I remember times where I’ve gone through that myself. As you think about your daughters and what you’ve done to be able to really work on that bond with them, what are some intentional ways you think that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters even through challenging times?

Jared Mees [00:07:50]:
Well, I think that I have a. We’ve got things that we focus on together on a day to day basis. My 8 year old is learning to read and so reading with her every day, it’s very basic. But reading, drawing, making art, it’s just day to day easygoing stuff that doesn’t feel like, oh, I’m building a bond with my daughter. But over time it kind of builds this repetition of like, this is what we do together and kind of gives them confidence in that they can, they’re developing skills and you’re watching them develop skills and encouraging them to be better while like really noting the improvement that they’ve made or noting something specific. Even if you don’t, you know, have the time to like look at like something small that they’ve made that they’re excited about, you can like, I always have the time to just be like, oh, that’s cool. I like this thing. And I think that’s like, I like this specific drawing of this the way that you did the cat’s whiskers or something versus just like, oh, that’s nice honey.

Jared Mees [00:08:52]:
And so I’ve really tried to like, because I don’t have all the time to sit down and praise them for everything they do, but there is an element of just calling out specifics of something that they’ve done that makes them feel seen. And that’s specifically my 8 year old. But you know, with my 14 year old I do it as well. And so I think that builds like the bond of like, I’m seen, I’m, I’m noted, I’m known. Even if it’s not a big time investment, just like calling out specifics of something that they’re doing. So that’s just like a little thing I do. I think I learned that from a book too. That said, even if you don’t have time, just noting a specific will make the connection for the kid that you are listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:34]:
Let me dig a little bit more on that because you know, showing them that they’re seen is important and I think One of the other things that I’ve noticed is that it’s so important with daughters to be able to let them know that they are both valued and heard. How do you show your daughters that they’re valued and heard?

Jared Mees [00:09:52]:
Well, my daughters are pretty loud and gregarious and like, in your face. And so it’s like, they are definitely heard all the time. I think it comes down to, like, important moments where they’re trying to say. It’s really like during moments of friction. That is probably where it really becomes like, am I being heard or not? Because we listen to them all the time talk about whatever they’re talking about. But it’s like there’s the moments where they need something specific or like, I didn’t. I don’t think that you did this. That you vacuumed even though I asked you to vacuum is like, I did vacuum.

Jared Mees [00:10:29]:
Well, you need to vacuum better. Let me show you how to do it. It’s like, I already know how to do it. You already showed me. And it was like, well, then why didn’t you do it correctly? And like, there’s these moments of altercation that stepping back and not allowing the heat of the moment to get in the way of. Of what they’re trying to tell you. You know, even if they, you think, you know, they did a bad job vacuuming, hearing out that they think that they did a good job and that they’re, you know, they did try and like, acknowledging that while then continuing to offer the input of how to do it better, I think is. Those are like the difficult moments, I think is really where you have to focus on making sure that they’re heard while also not letting them off the hook.

Jared Mees [00:11:16]:
Because I think it’s important to instill that kids know quality is necessary for them to be like a fully fleshed human. They’re going to have to be able to do things in a quality manner. But I don’t know if that makes sense. But it’s ultimately during moments of altercation or friction, allowing some space for them to say what they need to say while also not backing down from the truth that you’re trying to get across. And that can be a fine line. That can be difficult. I think as a man, it’s easy to get angry in those moments. And so you really have to keep your eye on what you want to get accomplished in the conversation versus being right or not being talked to in a sass with sass or anything.

Jared Mees [00:11:58]:
It’s like allowing what they need to say to get said, but Then knowing that the end of it, it’s going to be a. There’s going to be the. Some sort of, like, lesson is going to get taught, and you’re going to feel okay about it. I feel like dads and feel like they need to be heard, too, you know, because I live in a family with three women, and so it’s easy to, like, just have it be a lot of alternating energies and a lot of talking about disparate subjects. And, you know, you can kind of get lost in that sometimes. So it’s important to feel like you’re heard as well, you know, in those

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]:
moments that are challenging. I know that there are times as fathers where we’re not going to make all the right choices. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. There’s going to be errors of judgment. What’s a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:12:51]:
Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever made a mistake. No, it’s. There’s mistakes, you know, get made all the time. And I think that the one thing that I’ve. I’ve learned to say is. And this, like, somehow fixes it all the time is just saying daddy was wrong and just saying it plainly and quickly. And it really does just, like, help the whole thing. And you have to swallow your pride a little bit to say it, but once it’s out of your mouth, everything is like, all the tension goes down.

Jared Mees [00:13:21]:
Once you’ve made a mistake, you say, daddy was wrong. And it’s generally the mistakes I make are in, like I said before, probably letting my anger or, like, my agitation get the better of me in a specific situation because I have a certain set of emotions going on that my kids are not privy to. And I decide to snap at one thing and say, oh, you didn’t do this or you didn’t do that. You didn’t do the thing I asked. And then they say, no, we did. And then I’ve just spent all this time yammering on and getting upset about something that I was just wrong about. And so those are the moments, like, think of growth for me really is like, just saying daddy was wrong. And I think it’s hard for men to admit they’re wrong, but it just feels good once you say it, because it just lets the pressure off.

Jared Mees [00:14:13]:
Like, we don’t always have to be right or get it right, but it feels good to kids to, like, understand that, you know, you’re a human who makes mistakes. And I think trying to hold up some sort of standard, gold standard where you never make mistakes or you’re never wrong or even the illusion of that is just too much pressure on a human. And so it’s kind of nice to, to be able to just admit that and admit it up front and quickly. And it just lets a lot of the air out of things. It’s like we think sometimes that if we say we’re wrong that like our life’s going to end or that we’re going to be less of a man or just there’s some worthiness factor that’s going to enter, but you know, that’s just a lie. And so just quickly copying to things that you’re wrong about is really helpful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:00]:
Definitely. And I know that there’s plenty of times where I think being vulnerable will definitely open things up and allow your daughters to be able to see not only you in a different way, but see relationships in a different way and allow for them to feel differently about the way in which they kind of maneuver through life. So I know that you’ve done a lot of really cool things with your, your daughters and pushing them and encouraging them. You have your own passions and dreams. You have a lot of things with music that going on. You’ve done music with your, with your daughters along the way. Talk to me what you have done over your daughter’s lifetimes to be able to support them in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Jared Mees [00:15:41]:
Yeah, I mean, both my kids dance. They’re really into dance and acting. So it’s, it’s a lot of just driving to and from you. Just the work a day, driving, being in the car, taking them to the thing they want to do. And it’s. You don’t always want to do it. But the barometer I use is like, they’re happier when I pick them up than when I drop them off. And that is worth doing it.

Jared Mees [00:16:03]:
And like, I say that to myself and I say it to other people like, oh man, it’s so much work doing this driving for dance. But it’s like the happiness that you see on their faces when you pick them up from the thing they got to do, that you got to provide the money and time and effort and the car and the gas, et cetera. It’s worth it when you see that they are happier and consistently happier and like, that’s what ultimately makes a happy life. And then also, I don’t know, my 8 year old’s working on a play. She really wants to write a play and so she can’t really type or know how to like format a script or anything, but she knows exactly what she wants the play to be about and she has all these big creative dreams. So like we recently got her play from like in her head to. On a first draft and then we went through it and made it better and better and my 14 year old got involved and so she’s gonna be. We got it all printed out recently and we have.

Jared Mees [00:17:02]:
She had, they had picked the kids, they want to be in the play. And so my 8 year old is going to be directing it and my 14 year old is producing it and we’re going to put it on at the warehouse that we have and just kind of staying out of it and letting them. My 14 year old has a phone now, so she’s texting all the parents to get all the kids to show up for the rehearsals and you know, they’re working on all the costumes and stuff. So just like helping out with stuff like that and being involved while also not like taking it on as like my own project and kind of like letting it be whatever quality it’s going to be, it’s been fun. It’s like in a lot of times I would have jumped in and like made it this super extra over the top thing, but then it kind of becomes my project. It’s nice to sit back and have it be completely theirs. But providing the tech expertise to get things printed and to like share numbers with peop, you know, kind of the executive producer role, I suppose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]:
You know, one of the things that I know that we talked about at the very beginning was that over the last couple of years you had a bit of a scare, you had a bit of a mental health issue that you were dealing with and you had to maneuver through that period, that period in your life with your kids. Can you talk to me about that? And some of the things that you had to do to be able to not only get yourself in a good place, but also to help your children to understand what was going on and help them to better maneuver through that time.

Jared Mees [00:18:35]:
Yeah, you know, I’m an open book about it, but I, I had a mental health issue basically. Like they used to call them nervous breakdowns, but it’s basically a mental health event where I was not really able to function in the capacity that I normally could function because my nervous system basically was shutting down. And so for about three months I was not really the person that, that I normally was. And while I was recovering and this was a Period of basically getting clean and getting sober. I wasn’t a huge alcoholic or anything, but I definitely, I smoked weed every day for 15 years just to deal with my anxiety issue. And so I, when I stopped doing that because I wanted to have a different modality for dealing with my anxiety, there was a transitional period basically brought on a long term anxiety attack slash nervous breakdown. So the transition to getting clean really was difficult. And you know, with my 14 year old I was able to discuss it a little bit because she knew that I smoked weed and we live in Oregon and it’s a very accepted thing but it was, you know, something I had to tell her.

Jared Mees [00:19:46]:
Like I’m doing this to get better, worse. But in the meantime it’s really difficult for me to just deal with things I normally deal with. Noise was a big problem, really difficult to deal with noise for like nine or 10 weeks. And so just being in a house in a normal volume house was really difficult. And so I was like, I had to just explain that I was going through a difficult time. And they’ve gone through difficult times. They go through difficult times every day, every week. And so they understand difficult times but they didn’t understand, I think that I had to go through a difficult time and they didn’t understand why it was taking so long.

Jared Mees [00:20:24]:
And so I was just having, just having to explain the nature of what I was going through in a way, way that they could understand. It was difficult. It wasn’t easy to. Because you can’t really get too clinical and detailed because they kind of tune out. So it was really just about like I just need things to be simple and you know, I’m getting sick in my brain a little bit but my brain’s gonna get better. That’s kind of what we had to tell our 8 year old. And then my 14 year old, I was a little more upfront with her about the, the way things were working in reality. But by and large they were the North Star in the end of it all.

Jared Mees [00:21:01]:
You know, I was doing this for them to be better, not worse. And I feel like I’m definitely a better dad today than I was. I wasn’t bad before, but it was like I’m a better, I’m more confident person and I like myself better. And I think that shines through to the way I parent now. So it’s been a positive thing for them overall. But the transitional period, it was sad. It was difficult for me to try to note. I couldn’t give them what I normally give them.

Jared Mees [00:21:30]:
And you Know, but knowing that it was the best I could do at that moment and allowing that to be okay, that was what I had to focus on, that this was okay and I wasn’t messing them up. And for them to see someone go through something hard and to be better, because they really noted, oh, you’re better. I just noticed we’re doing all sorts of loud stuff and you don’t have any problem with it. And, like, that was really awesome when that came around for them. And they just, like, noticed that I had gone through something at hard and how I dealt with it. And I don’t know, maybe they’ll remember it. They’ll probably remember it as they grow up, but I don’t think there was hardly any moments that were, like, traumatic. There was a few times where I yelled because I was just, like, overwhelmed by my own emotions and the noise.

Jared Mees [00:22:12]:
And like, those were the times that kind of, like, necessitated conversations afterwards. But I don’t think it was. They were pretty quick and dealt with. And I have a support. My wife was super supportive and my extended family was super supportive. My friends were super supportive. So it was. I was able to get away when I needed to get away and deal with my own stuff, away from the audience of my family when that.

Jared Mees [00:22:39]:
When that needed to happen. So I really am thankful to them for, you know, being the North Star and being the guiding light for, like, this is why I’m doing this and why I’m going through this difficult thing. It’s not just for me. It’s for me first and for them second. But definitely they were, like, a huge important thing for getting me through it. I don’t know. I could talk about this for, like, hours and have. Obviously.

Jared Mees [00:23:00]:
But that’s Cliff Notes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:01]:
And what would you say to other dads that may be struggling with their own mental health issues and maybe they’re not getting the support that they need at this point.

Jared Mees [00:23:10]:
Um, gosh, say like that. Really examining at the bottom of it, like, what you need and whether or not you’re getting what you need and. And knowing that every day doesn’t have to be so hard. You know, often when you’re dealing with a mental health issue, it’s because there’s something underneath it that is basically just not working. And then we string it together and jury rig our lives so that it will work, and it’s often with substances and that really just examining what is it that’s not working and taking, like, a moment and knowing that just like, admitting it doesn’t mean you have to fix it. But admitting it is definitely a first step, and then deciding what you can do to fix it incrementally, if possible. And if you can fix something incrementally with discipline and with small changes, that’s definitely, I think, a better way than trying to go cold turkey like I did, and then, like, having to fall off the rails. But, like, the body keeps the score.

Jared Mees [00:24:17]:
And eventually you will have to reckon with the thing that is not working in your life, whatever it is. And to reckon with it slowly and incrementally over time is much easier than just having it reckon with you one day and having to deal with it all at once, one day. So I would say it’s just being honest with yourself about what you need. And it really takes time. Taking time away from your family and taking time away from the stress of life and examining what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it and what is important to you and what you want to do better and what you think you’re doing great. And like, that’s probably through a journal or some sort of, like, cataloging of your life in an organized way can be really powerful. But we often don’t take time for ourselves. As fathers, we’re kind of the ox that has to just continually pull.

Jared Mees [00:25:15]:
And we think that to take time or to not to admit that we are not strong is a failure in and of itself. And I think it’s ultimately the opposite. To, like, take time and to admit that we need help, even if it’s just to ourselves, is super powerful and actually makes us twice as strong. And I think that there’s a current in, like, men’s health that is moving that direction, that examining your problems makes you stronger, not weaker. And I’m excited for that because I really think that a lot of men suffer needlessly just because they don’t think that. They think that if they admit they need help or that they aren’t as strong as they put on, that they are, that somehow that’s going to be the end of something. And really, it’s just the end of your ego. And your ego dying or being minimized is actually a really positive thing for your.

Jared Mees [00:26:14]:
For your life, for being a father, for being a provider, for being a man. It’s like, it’s super important that that happens. It feels like the opposite in the moment, but it’s really important that that happens at some point in your life. I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:28]:
No, I think that was great. And I guess one of the other things that I was Thinking about is you talked earlier about the fact that your daughter is now transitioned into middle school and she’s moved into this. You know, you were dealing with your own issues. She’s now going into middle school and there’s a lot of things that happen in middle school, a lot of changes that happen in the lives of our daughters. Talk to me about that transition for you and balancing supporting her going through this, but also dealing with the changes that come with that and maybe the interplay with the mental health challenges that you were going through.

Jared Mees [00:27:02]:
Yeah, you know, as my daughter turned 13, I was kind of going through the mental health transition and I just cried and cried like a baby for God, like an hour one night. And it was just like kind of mourning the transition that like my baby was gone, my little girl was gone, and not feeling like I knew the new person that they were. And it’s not so black and white like that, but it felt very black and white at that moment and that it was like a new person had been placed where the old and the old one had been taken away. And I think it was important to have that moment of like acknowledging the transition because I think often the transitions are kind of just glossed over as we go through life and that we don’t get the moments to really acknowledge internally what’s happening for ourselves. Like, of course we have birthday parties and quinceaneras and bat mitzvahs and whatnot. But there’s gotta be an internal reckoning with the transition that’s happening so that you can then treat them in the now and be like communicating with them in the now and not have this constant mourning or sadness that it’s time has passed me by and where did my little girl go? And I think there’s a element of letting that out and acknowledging it. And that’s what these coming of age parties are supposed to be about. But I think often fathers don’t really do the emotional work to truly transition for themselves and the way, and like the way they’re thinking of their daughters.

Jared Mees [00:28:42]:
And I think it’s healthy to have some sort of internal moment with a journal or with yourself, just to like acknowledge that you tried your best for them, you did your best for them when they were little, and now they’re. You’re going to do their best for them as they’re this age and every age after that, you know, and then it’s really. Nothing has changed in terms of your commitment to the person, but it’s like your commitment to them being this and not that I think is important to them, really living in the now, in the present. This can take some pressure off, at least for me. It’s like taking some pressure off just having some sort of like internal transition moment, like emotional acknowledgement, like a ritual or something that is yours, that is specific to you and feels right to you rather than this, you know, these big outward public displays. Those are great and those are gonna happen, but it’s like, did you really get what you needed out of that? Did you really acknowledge it internally to where you can now transition with her and not just continue to think you have a three year old when you have a 13 year old and be frustrated that you don’t and feel like the time where did all the time go and feel sad. There’s so many emotions that come up that we press down, you know, that are nostalgic memories and et cetera. And it’s like those need to be acknowledged.

Jared Mees [00:30:05]:
It’s important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call Our Dad Connection 6, which are six more questions that delve deeper into you, you as a dad. Are you ready?

Jared Mees [00:30:14]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:14]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:30:19]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Jared Mees [00:30:24]:
Take life one day at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Jared Mees [00:30:30]:
Let’s say drawing. We all like to draw together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Jared Mees [00:30:37]:
Let’s say to love yourself and love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Jared Mees [00:30:45]:
Life is long and there’s lots of transitions and to take time with each period because it will soon be gone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:54]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Jared Mees [00:31:02]:
I would say letting your own ego go and letting expectations you may have on yourself go and just being present with your kids as often as you can in small ways is important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:18]:
Well, Jared, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Jared Mees [00:31:24]:
They can visit tenderlovingempire.com that’s my business. I run with my wife that we sell the art of 500 different artists and we run a record label here in Portland, Oregon. And or my Instagram is just aradmeese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:38]:
Well, again, Jared, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for being so honest and open. About the the highs, the lows, and everything in between of fatherhood and your own journey and being a father. And I wish you all the best.

Jared Mees [00:31:54]:
Thanks so much, Chris. I appreciate you having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:56]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:27]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the want you now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Healing Artfully: Creative Ways for Dads to Connect with Their Daughters

March 23, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad looking for meaningful ways to connect with your daughter and navigate the often tricky terrain of emotions, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is essential listening. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features Cheryl Rosenberg—a coach and creator of the Healing Artfully program. Together, they unpack the challenges and rewards of building lasting father-daughter relationships.

Understanding Through Story and Experience

Cheryl Rosenberg opens the conversation by reflecting on her own close relationship with her father, emphasizing how his steady love, honesty, and encouragement shaped her life. She shares that the simple act of her father being present—whether teaching her to paint or expressing pride in her achievements—made an enduring difference in her confidence and sense of being valued. Her story is a reminder that it’s the consistent, every-day practices—not grand gestures—that lay a foundation for trust and communication.

Reconnecting When Emotions Run High

One of the central themes of the episode is how fathers can best respond during the turbulent teenage years, when daughters might seem withdrawn or overwhelmed by big emotions. Cheryl Rosenberg notes that, for many dads, the instinct is to “fix” things or resort to logic and discipline. But often, what daughters need most is simply their dad’s calm presence and willingness to listen. As Dr. Christopher Lewis puts it, “connection doesn’t come from fixing, it comes from presence.”

Tools for Emotional Connection

The episode delves into creative solutions for building rapport, especially when words fall short. Cheryl Rosenberg’s Healing Artfully program encourages both daughters and parents to use artistic expression and journaling to process feelings and spark honest discussions. These activities don’t require artistic talent—just the willingness to explore and share emotions together. Dads are encouraged to participate, using art and even weekly “check-ins” to open new avenues of dialogue and trust.

Practical Takeaways for Every Dad

Listeners will come away with actionable advice: set aside regular time to check in, engage in shared activities (even a simple card game), and respond with compassion rather than quick solutions. And most of all, dads are reminded that their steady presence and acceptance are the anchors their daughters need to thrive.

Ready to build a closer relationship with your daughter? Tune in to this episode and start the conversation today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our own daughters to make them be as strong as they can be and to help us build those strong lasting relationships that’ll help us to be amazing dads, but also having amazing relationships with our kids. And every week I love being able to have you here to be able to work on this together. And I love being able to introduce you to people that have resources that can help you to be able to do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]:
And today’s guest is someone that I know you’re going to appreciate. Cheryl Rosenberg is a coach, and she’s the creator of the Healing Artfully program, where she helps students ages 12 to 20 who are struggling with big emotions, disruptive behaviors, or stress at home or school. But you know what I love about Cheryl’s work is that she doesn’t just focus on the child. She works closely with All of Us as Overwhelmed Parents: Helping Families Rebuild Connections, Emotional Regulation, and Peaceful Communication. If you’re a dad who’s ever felt unsure how to respond to your daughter’s big feelings or wondered how to reconnect when things may feel tense, this conversation is definitely going to be for you. Cheryl, thanks so much for being here today.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:14]:
Thank you for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:16]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and As always, I love being able to start the conversation reflecting back on your own relationship with your father. I guess first and foremost, before we even get into the relationship, tell me a little bit about your dad.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:31]:
I would love to. My father, he was raised in a very poor environment. Grandfather was out of work, and they had very little food, which made my father very self-sufficient and very driven to be crosshu— provide for his family. And he was a wonderful man. He was honest and sincere and very loving. And he had a brother who was not quite as capable as he, and he would take him to different job sites and get him work that he could do, stuff that he was able to complete and, um, contribute. He had wonderful hand skills. He could make anything.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:03:17]:
But my father was 17 when he went into the Army in— during World War II. He was all over the European theater, and he would tell me stories about being there and what they would do, and about going into farmhouses that had been vacated, and they’d find potatoes and cook those. That’s the only thing they had to eat. And about different battles and, and how they survived and the different things that they did. He was very fair. He was hands-on, and he was just so loving. And I used to love to sit next to him on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and watch a movie with him. And if he had seen the movie, he would tell me a little bit about it.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:04]:
And I, I just loved to listen to him, listen to him talk. And he had his old ways and his old patterns of speech, but he was a self-made man and he did very well for himself. He was a telegrapher on the railroad, which means that he would take the messages that were sent and he could more or less tap Morse code and, and then get down to the tracks and change the— change the direction of the tracks. And that was up in the tower, his tower too, where he worked. But Couldn’t have asked for a better father. He was there for me all the time. And I didn’t have a great mother, but I did have a great father and he made up for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:51]:
So tell me one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, or valued as a daughter.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:59]:
Well, he always taught me— I always felt like he wanted me to be my best, do my best, and he would speak to me in those terms and tell me how I could do that and what I needed to do. And then he’d say, “Try it. Just be— just be diligent in your efforts.” And he would tell me about working in school and how he was so proud of that, of me and my schoolwork. And he would say, you know, “You, you’ve done a marvelous job with—” I always— cleaning the house or doing the laundry or, like I said, schoolwork or being a good sister to my sister, helping my mother and helping him. I used to love to help him paint. I took on his ability to paint and I used to hand paint furniture artistically. So he taught me that and that was ingrained in me and he just always made me feel loved and cared for. And I would go to him with anything because he was so understanding.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:05]:
Now, looking back, was there a moment where your dad’s support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth? Or confidence?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:14]:
I don’t remember any one specific time. I just— it was constant. There was a constant feeling of support and love, and I can’t think of a one particular incident at this moment, but he was always there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:30]:
Now, no father is perfect. We all have our flaws. What are some things you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:39]:
Well, this may surprise you, but my sister and I have talked about this at length. And my sister and I both wish that our father had left our mother. But he wouldn’t do that. He was from that era where you didn’t divorce. When he was home, he would take care of a situation that she had created. But when he wasn’t, we were at her mercy. And, uh, so that was the one thing we wish that he would have left and taken us. With him because it could be bad when he wasn’t there.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:13]:
So we felt like it would have been better to— for him to step in and, and help us all the time, when some of the time he would just let her take charge and we would be— we never knew what was coming.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:27]:
What do you feel is one thing that your dad taught you that has made a huge impact on your life?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:34]:
To be and do my best at everything that I tried.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
And if you had the opportunity to spend a day with your dad now doing anything, what would it look like?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:45]:
It would look like going to an, an old park where he would take my sister and I when we were children, going there and sitting on a blanket because we did that, uh, we did that often with him and sitting around and talking and, or possibly a movie. He was a big movie buff and knew all the actors and would tell us everything that he knew about them. It was a lot of fun to be with him, and he would play games with us. And today I would so love to be able to chase around with him and just enjoy his company.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a program called Healing Artfully, and for dads who may not be familiar with your work, tell me more about Healing Artfully and what kind of challenges are families usually facing when they come to you.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:31]:
Healing Artfully is designed for children and teens who cannot express themselves in words. They, they don’t know where to begin. They really don’t know about their feelings. They’re kind of lost. And part of healing artfully is also journaling. And I teach them to spend, even if it’s 5 minutes, journal. Journal what happened that day. Journal how you feel.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:59]:
Their feelings are so important, and that’s the biggest part of the program. And I don’t just do— we don’t just do the mind, we do whole body. So you can’t just work on one part, you need to do the entire sweep of the body, okay, and the mind. So I teach them good habits, and if you establish good morning routines, that’ll keep you alive longer. It’s been proven. So I teach them to have good hygiene, to have a good exercise habit, whether it’s in the morning— even if it’s just waking up in the morning and getting out of the bed and marching for 4 minutes just to get your body started. And then later on in the day, do some exercises. We do the health, we do the, the food.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:09:55]:
We talk about a healthy diet. A healthy diet supports a healthy mind. And it just teaches them a good way to live their life. And then we work on solving the emotional part through the artwork. And there is no talent involved. It is strictly what you see in your mind, what you’re feeling. And we talk a bit about color and strokes and how those things can be— translated into your emotions. What this— what you’ve done and what you see on the paper talks about your feelings.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:10:35]:
And so we, we sit and discuss that, and that gives them an outlet to start talking. And eventually they open up and they start talking about their emotions. And that is not the only program. I have 4 other programs that we do, and it— I have a toolkit for parents where I give them dialogue and I give them worksheets and It’s bringing the parent and the team together. It’s family-oriented. You can’t have one person in the family working on their issues and no one else understands what’s going on. So we work as a unit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:14]:
I know that in a number of your programs you talk about expression and being able to use some creativity. And I guess, how can creative expression help daughters relate regulate emotions and how can dads participate in that process even if they don’t consider themselves— I’m gonna say artistic per se?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:11:36]:
Uh, well, the good thing about it is it doesn’t require any artistic skills at all as far as the healing artfully goes. They are, uh, the parents come in after sessions and we discuss the work together and a father and a daughter can really open up because I think fathers sometimes are they just feel awkward and really don’t know how to get their daughters to open up or to comfort them or— so if they’re brought in and we explain and talk about the work that their child has done, then it starts creating a little path for them to walk down to get to where they’re more comfortable approaching their daughters they’re more open and they’re ready to listen and it brings the families into— sometimes into a great discussion and they will talk about incidents that had happened throughout the week, how it was handled, what could we do now to handle that in a better way. I have had some great success with just using the art and giving the parents the know-how to handle many different situations with that child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
A lot of dads tell me that as they have gone through those teenage years, they sometimes feel shut out, especially when emotions run high. I guess from your experience, what’s really happening underneath those big emotions or disruptive behaviors, and how can dads be able to be helpful in those periods? But also, how can they come back in per se and not be as shut out in that whole process?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:13:22]:
Well, you’re right. Chris, that is definitely a time when fathers just kind of throw their hands in the air, and they do feel left out because a lot of times girls and their mothers don’t think that dad is really all that interested in this girly stuff. But in reality, they are, and it doesn’t have to be every little detail. But say if your daughter is preparing to go to a dance, then she can, uh, involve dad by putting on her dress and saying, “Dance with me! Let’s have a dance together before I—” have to dance at the prom, putting the dress on and asking dad what he thinks. Does he like it? Does he like the color? Just bringing him into what’s going on with his daughter. And moms can be a great service in that area too, to get dad going, get him interested, and get him to feeling comfortable about relating to his daughter in the feminine areas. I think men Um, and boys are— feel very awkward, and so they just kind of don’t respond at all when their response is so important. So it’s just an easy— it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:14:36]:
Things are much easier than people imagine. Just doing us that simple thing like, hey Dad, I’m gonna go try on my dress, I want you to tell me what you think. Hey, let’s take a few dance steps together. Just something that gets him smiling and comfortable and they’re engaging with one another.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:55]:
So what I’m hearing you say is the reaction of a father is definitely very important. And I guess when I think about that, I know that when a dad reacts to his daughter’s stress with logic, fixing, or discipline, that can have kind of the negative impact. And I guess as you have seen that and worked with families, what impact does that make when a dad does come to that situation and try to provide logic, fixing, or discipline, which is kind of an MO for a lot of men or a lot of fathers. And I guess, what is a more emotionally attuned response that a dad can do?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:15:31]:
I would suggest that the father and the daughter set aside some time each week for a short talk. Doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out affair. Just, hey, let’s check in. Let’s put this on the calendar. Let’s check in on this day, and I want to hear what you’ve done this week, and I might have some suggestions for you, and then make suggestions for the next week and what you can do. I would like to see you accomplish this. How do you feel about that? Do you feel comfortable? Do you think you can get moving on that? Do you need some suggestions? Do you need some help? It’s so important that, that they are connecting and that there’s compassion and there’s thought and compassion and that everybody feels that. Everybody can sense that we’re working on a problem, but we’re having a good time doing it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:23]:
So it sounds like a lot of daily work. And I guess, are there specific small daily practices that dads can do to either work on the relationship, rebuild trust, and provide that emotional safety to a daughter, especially if their daughter is pulling back or maybe they seem withdrawn or reactive or overwhelmed?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:16:44]:
Well, the best thing that they can do is to not react themselves, to, to calm the situation down. To have the teen or the child— sit them down and have a conversation on— or you can definitely sit at a table and drag out a game that you play all the time, a deck of cards or something, and sit down and talk while you’re doing something that you both enjoy, um, and getting— sometimes that brings out the emotion and the problem, and then the father can deal with it in a more relaxed atmosphere. And they don’t have to get so down to the nitty-gritty. Just gradually work on completing the answer to the problems, the, the solution, and scheduling— like I said, scheduling a once-a-week check-in is a great way to do it. And if they’re, if they’re having— they’re highly emotional, calming them down with just something that they enjoy and something that you enjoy, then you can get them off of the intense emotion and sit down and start doing something that you both enjoy, and you’re just Talk about it and discuss it. And you might not get anything right away, but you just keep trying and you let them tell you when they are ready. They’re not going to sit down and be able to open up right away with every emotion and every problem, but after a while you’ll see them opening up and you’ll see that the parent, the father, is much more comfortable being in the situation that is so highly emotional. And it’s a daily or a weekly practice.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:24]:
I mean, Daily is the things that they’re supposed to be doing, and the parent can always be checking in. In the morning when you see each other for the first time, hey, how, how was yesterday? What are you going to do today? And that shows love and respect and concern, and, and the kids feel it. They know it. So it is a very hands-on, a very eye-opening and rewarding experience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:49]:
Well, Cheryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing everything you’ve shared today. If people want to find out more about your programs, where should They should

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:58]:
go to Cheryl, Cheryl, at D-R-O-S-E-N-B-E-R-G-I-O.com. And I have a website there and they can ask for consultation. It’s a free consultation. And so I do that in order to start talking to them about where they need to start and what we need to start working with their child. And then I give them the supplies, the toolkit. Kit, and then I check in with them and we talk about that. I give them worksheets that they can use with their, their team. Um, it’s really a nurturing experience to go through this and have everyone be able to feel comfortable and feel cared for, and it does everybody a lot of good.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:19:49]:
And they’d be surprised, they’ll be very surprised at the results that they get. And it usually— if it’s not a, a real deep problem, then they’ll see a turnaround in as little as 2 weeks. So it’s a great way to try to get the family back together, talking, communication, hands-on. It brings everybody to that point and we’re all working to get the resolution. And so no one feels left out and everyone will benefit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
Now, I always finish my interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection 6, and usually I ask dads these questions, but when I have daughters on, I ask them some similar questions. So, quick questions for you. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your own father?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:37]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:42]:
Um, before my father passed away, he said to me, “What did I teach you?” And I said, “You taught me to do the best at anything that I tried.” And that’s my best from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
Now, you mentioned what your day would look like before, but what’s one activity you and your dad loved doing together?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:59]:
Painting. I mean, he was painting walls. That’s entirely different. From what I did, but he taught me techniques and just care of the equipment. I was so much further ahead than a lot of other people because I spent those hours with him just painting walls and cleaning brushes and preventing any paint splashes or paint on the floor, paint on the woodwork, just everything, because he was so meticulous. And I learned that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:26]:
And as we finish up today, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:21:34]:
I would say that being there, loving them, guiding them with your knowledge, giving them their space and allowing them to speak to the work that you’re all accomplishing, trying to accomplish, working on, and just be open and be honest. And the two of you will always be in sync if you start when they’re an early age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:00]:
Cheryl, thank you so much for being here and for the incredible work that you’re doing with families. And dads, if there’s one thing I hope that you take away from this conversation, it’s this: it’s that your daughter’s big emotions aren’t a rejection of you. They’re often an invitation, an invitation to slow down, to listen, to regulate yourself first, to create safety. Connection doesn’t come from fixing, it comes from presence. And sometimes the strongest thing that you can do as a father is simply stay steady when— stay steady when the waves get big. If today’s conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to learn more about Cheryl’s Healing Artfully program and the tools that she shares with families. And I’ll make sure that there’s links in the notes today. Until next time, keep showing up, keep listening, and keep building that intentional connection with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:51]:
It matters more than you know.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:53]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, Being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:23]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen. Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Stronger Bonds: Dads, Daughters, and Calming Teenage Anxiety

March 9, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with ups and downs, learning curves, and rewarding moments. On a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with teen mental health specialist and author Sophia Vale Galano to explore this crucial bond, especially during the challenging teenage years.

The episode kicks off with Dr. Christopher Lewis and Sophia Vale Galano reflecting on their own relationships with their fathers. Sophia shares how her dad’s ability to truly listen and validate her feelings stood out as a pivotal part of her upbringing. As she recalls, even during rough patches or adolescent turmoil, her dad’s nurturing, present, and non-judgmental approach cultivated a sense of safety and trust—a lesson that still shapes her adult life and the way she parents her own child.

A major theme explored is the importance of active listening over “fixing” when it comes to supporting anxious teens. Sophia pulls from her book Calming Teenage Anxiety and explains that while it’s natural for dads (and all parents) to want to solve problems, the real magic happens when parents simply listen. Reflecting on both her personal experience and her professional expertise, she emphasizes that daughters don’t always want solutions—they want support, validation, and someone in their corner.

Another core topic in the conversation is the challenge posed by today’s comparison culture and social media. Rather than restricting or policing teens, Sophia urges dads to engage in open conversations, seek to understand their daughter’s experience with digital platforms, and help them build healthy self-worth amidst outside influences.

The podcast also addresses the pressure teens feel to “succeed,” encouraging dads to balance ambition with empathy. It’s all about collaborating with teens, understanding their interests, and making sure encouragement doesn’t accidentally become overwhelming pressure.

The episode closes with practical advice: It’s never too late to repair and grow your relationship with your daughter. Vulnerability, communication, and a willingness to meet your teen where they are can make all the difference.

Whether you’re a seasoned dad or just starting the journey, this episode is filled with wisdom, warmth, and actionable strategies. Tune in for real stories and expert insights that will leave you feeling inspired and better equipped to connect with your daughter.

Listen now to the full episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and start building the relationship your daughter needs today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity, a great opportunity to be able to work on building those strong relationships with our own daughters. And I love that because every week I love being able to walk with you on this journey. I can’t say I am an expert.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I try my best. I have two daughters myself, as you know, but all of us can learn and all of us can be better fathers in the end. And that’s why every week I love coming back to be able to, to walk on this journey with you and to be able to have these conversations that we have every week. And that’s why I bring you different people with different experiences that can share those experiences with you to help you to to prepare you and to provide you with some tools for your own toolbox to help you be the dad that you want to be. This week, I am really excited to be able to have Sophia Vale Galano with us. And Sophia is a licensed clinical social worker and teen mental health specialist and the author of a book called Calming Teenage Anxiety. And for any of you that have teens, you know that anxiety comes with it. So it is important to know how to manage that, but also to kind of ride the wave as you’re going through those teenage years and to be able to support your daughters in many different ways, because Sophia’s work focuses on helping parents like you and I better understand what anxiety really looks like in today’s teenagers, and more importantly, how to show up in ways that truly help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
One of the things I really liked in reading through the book myself, I loved the fact that I saw a lot of real-life stories, practical tools, and powerful reflection exercises that you can go through to help you to be more attuned to what your kids are going through. Because Sophia is, is guiding you as the reader to build a calmer, more connected relationship with your teen, not by fixing them, but by walking alongside them with empathy, awareness, and confidence. Her message is one that for me, and I think from you too, you’re gonna find that it’s a message you need to hear. And it’s that your presence, your listening, and your emotional modeling matter more than you think. So I’m really excited to have Sophia here today to be able to talk to her and to have her as a guest on the show. Sophia, thanks so much for being here.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:03:07]:
Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here and I appreciate the lovely introduction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:12]:
I really appreciate you being here. And I always start these interviews with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your dad. So I guess to start off, tell me a little bit about your dad. And what’s one thing that your dad did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Endia Crabtree [00:03:30]:
I so appreciate that question. I’m really excited to chat about this because full transparency, I really do feel very fortunate because I’ve had a really positive relationship with my dad. Of course, there have been bumps. Nothing’s perfect, but overall my dad and I have always been very close. I grew up in a bit of an unconventional family structure where my mom went and worked in an office. She ran a major film company. She traveled a lot, and my dad was at home with me from ages 5 and up. So really, I feel fortunate in the sense that, you know, A, I got to spend a lot of time with my dad, which I feel that a lot of people don’t have.

Endia Crabtree [00:04:08]:
And also, I felt very heard and seen by my dad. I feel that my dad did an amazing job at really listening to me and validating me throughout the years. I have such distinct memories of being a teenager and coming back from high school, grabbing a snack, and, you know, going into the room and chatting with him about my day, talking to him about what happened with friend drama, boy drama, things that most people don’t speak with their dad about when they’re age 16, you know, particularly a, you know, 15, 16-year-old girl. And I feel my dad, I remember kind of around age 12 or so when I was in 7th grade. And, you know, my dad talks to me about this now, you know, since, you know, I’m an adult now, my dad’s an adult. And he always jokes that he had this kind of, you know, revelation when I was age 12 that, oh, my daughter, even though she’s 12, is starting to have more needs as an adult, as a, a woman versus a girl. She doesn’t want to be fixed. She doesn’t want to be told what to do.

Endia Crabtree [00:05:08]:
She wants to be listened to. She wants to be validated. And I think it’s really eye-opening for him because I was so young, but it really— he noticed a shift, and honestly, I noticed a shift. And that’s something that honestly still, still happens. I still call my dad when I’ve had a rough day, and I’m just like, ugh, I just need to vent, or I just, I just need to talk this out. And he’ll hear me out, you know, and he’ll listen to me, and then he will say, what can I do to support, or what can I do to help? He’ll ask me those questions. But my dad, again, I’m so fortunate because my dad really, really does a fantastic job of listening to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:43]:
So let’s delve a little bit into that because what do you think it was? And maybe you’ve had these conversations with your dad about this, but what allowed for your father to be able to— I’m going to say flip the script because a lot of times a lot of dads don’t have that innate ability to as you said, listen, to connect, and to be able to build those strong relationships. And it seems like your dad was able to do that from an— from early on. So what was it about your dad or what allowed for him to bring that to the relationship from early on?

Endia Crabtree [00:06:14]:
Yes. Well, I do think that my dad was very present with me. I mean, obviously, you know, when he was there with me, we were talking, of course, he’s present, engaged in the conversation. But, you know, I had so much interaction with my dad on the day-to-day. So I think that really helped because he really got a sense of, you know, how I operate. And he knew me really, really well. Um, but it really— we talk about this, my dad and I kind of laugh about it now— that when I was 12, I moved to America from England. I know it’s hard to believe with my accent, but I had a really tough time as a 12-year-old adjusting to, you know, life in Los Angeles in 7th grade.

Endia Crabtree [00:06:48]:
You know, it was really, really tough. And I remember being really unhappy, and I remember being kind of the first time where, when we first moved back, my dad and I were kind of butting heads a little bit. Nothing over the top, but I remember us just not seeing eye to eye. And I’m not sure, you know, kind of what led him to this realization, if there was some sort of moment where he did kind of meet me where I was at in terms of listening and validating me and hearing me, and then it was kind of a wake-up call for him to say, wait, this actually works more than kind of telling her what to do. But something clicked, and that’s what he always kind of jokes about, that he was like, I had this realization at 12 years old that I have to start treating you like a young woman. And not to stereotype, but most women like feeling validated and they like feeling heard and they like feeling listened to versus given these kind of solutions or kind of minimizing what they’re going through. Again, not to stereotype, this is a, a very broad overview, but I think it was a bit of a shift for him. And I work with parents all the time about learning to treat their teenagers a little bit more like a young adult versus a kid, you know, and it’s tough, that transition, I think, for my dad because I wasn’t even a teenager.

Endia Crabtree [00:07:58]:
Yeah, I was 12. But the thing that’s really cool about my dad, and I really appreciate this, is my dad, I know, always wants to improve, and he wants to grow, and he wants to evolve, you know, as a person and also with his parenting. And that’s why I’m so grateful for your show and for your listeners. I appreciate the dads out there that are really trying to improve the relationship with their children, particularly their daughters, and I see that too now as an adult, how much my dad was really trying to do that. And it doesn’t go unrecognized, you know, maybe as a 12-year-old, I wasn’t sitting down and saying, “Dad, I’m so appreciative of your emotional development and willingness to meet me where I’m at.” I see it now as a 36-year-old, but I have a lot of credit for my dad. And I really do think that helped me see him as a very safe person that I could go to in high school. And my dad also wasn’t judgy as well. I think a lot of dads, a lot of parents are very protective over their children.

Endia Crabtree [00:08:56]:
And that can come across as sometimes too teenager, a bit of judgment, or, you know, they’re trying to control me. Whereas my dad was very much, you know, inquisitive and curious of— I want to hear more, tell me about that, you know, let’s talk about it— versus, well, just don’t hang out with that person, or that person’s bad news, forget it. It was more, tell me about it, what did that feel like?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:18]:
How would you say that your relationship with your your dad influences the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Endia Crabtree [00:09:28]:
So much, and in a positive sense. I mean, I think there’s a variety of different factors here. I mean, first of all, seeing that my dad isn’t perfect, neither am I, and that we still love and care about each other and we can navigate that when there is turmoil or conflict, which is destined to happen with anyone, you know. And also again, just seeing that, eh, as a daughter that I can have really positive relationships with men, you know, I, I think that’s something that I have felt for most of my life, which I think also is quite unique as a female, is feeling very comfortable with men. Even when I was younger, you know, when I was doing therapy, I didn’t have an issue seeing male therapists. So I feel— I have a lot of male friends, I have a really great relationship with my husband. I feel that there’s safety and comfort with men, and I do think that my dad laid the foundation for that. And my dad has a very nurturing energy to him.

Endia Crabtree [00:10:21]:
My dad is a strong man. He’s strong, but he’s nurturing too. And I can feel that as well. I have a daughter and my hope is that my daughter will have a similar relationship with her dad too. I feel again, very fortunate with that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:37]:
Now, I guess one thing that I think about— you, you’ve mentioned a lot of really positive things that have happened throughout your life that your dad has really helped you to maneuver through and to be able to become who you are today. And you said, Nobody’s perfect. Your dad’s not perfect. You’re not perfect. None of us are. What are— what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Endia Crabtree [00:10:58]:
I feel— and this is where it’s tricky, you know, and I talk a lot about this in my book, which is kind of finding this balance of relating while still adhering to boundaries— is, I guess, understanding that my dad is still a human being. When I think when I was younger too, my parents got divorced when I was, um, 19. So, you know, I still kind of the later later end of being a teenager. And that was quite a challenging time for my relationship with my dad because there was this major shift in our family structure. And I think at that time, what I feel would have been helpful for me, you know, and I’ve shared this with my dad, but, you know, is really understanding. And maybe it would help to have him have verbalized this. We’ve talked about it, of, you know, seeing him as a human being who’s still working on himself and maybe being more vulnerable with me. Maybe that’s what it is, is allowing himself to be vulnerable.

Endia Crabtree [00:11:53]:
While still, again, of course, having boundaries. And again, I think it’s tricky here because we want to be mindful of, you know, parental roles. We don’t want it to shift that, you know, the teenager, you know, even an older teenager, the 19-year-old who’s technically an adult but still a teenager, becomes the parent, but starting to see the parent as a human being who’s still going through their own journey and their own process. And I think that was very jarring for me as a 19-year-old, a bit of a wake-up call for me to see, oh wait, my parents are not not slap this label, you know, it’s an extreme label, but like still quote unquote flawed in many ways, aren’t we all? And I think, you know, having conversations with my dad about his challenges and having more vulnerability there, I think would have been helpful in a nurturing and compassionate manner. But again, it’s, it’s not, you know, easy. And I credit so many parents for tackling these issues because it’s not black and white. It’s tricky. And I think just, again, I give everyone so much, so much credit for wanting to try.

Endia Crabtree [00:12:55]:
And I think that’s all that Matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]:
Now, I— you mentioned your book and you are the author of Calming Teenage Anxiety. And as an author myself, I know that there’s a lot of time, passion, blood, sweat, and tears that go into being able to put something out into the world. So tell me that origin story of the book and what made you decide that you wanted to put all of that time, blood, sweat, and tears into putting this out into the world?

Endia Crabtree [00:13:19]:
Yes. Well, first of all, well said, that is incredibly accurate. The blood, sweat, and tears, you know, blessing the curse in many ways. But there were a variety of different factors, you know, that kind of went behind the motivation of writing this book. So the first was, A, feeling very inspired. There was such a need for guidance in this area. So, you know, I talk about this in the introduction of my book is, you know, when I was kind of early on in my career, what I would do is I would go and provide educational talks at different schools or lectures, and I would pick a different topic kind of depending on the needs of the school and the students. So I remember doing one on teen substance use, on vaping, on depression, you know, a variety of different topics, but I really remember giving a talk on teen anxiety and just being so blown away by the amount of guidance that was wanted.

Endia Crabtree [00:14:07]:
And this— I remember the room just being completely packed. I remember parents standing alongside the walls because all the chairs were filled and really wanting very concrete tools. So I think there’s a lot of conversations out there right now of, okay, teen anxiety is on the rise. It’s a problem, but what do we do with that? So really, I left that talk and I said, okay, what if there was a book that doesn’t just talk about the problem, but actually talks about what to say and what not to say and what questions to ask and what questions not to ask and how to prevent restriction while still adhering to boundaries or what communication tools are success or what are some kind of typical scenarios. You might see, how do you differentiate between what’s normal versus concerning? So kind of should provide a general sort of overview or blueprint here, which kind of leads to the next factor that kind of led me to writing the book is I said to myself, let’s see what comes out. Let’s like give it a go, let’s start writing. And I know it might sound a bit cheesy, but it kind of just poured out very naturally. And I really felt like there was such a need.

Endia Crabtree [00:15:11]:
And my hope was that even if this helps one person, it’s successful. When not everyone has the resources the time to go to therapy or study this for years and years, or, you know, become a psychologist themselves. My hope was for any adult to pick this up, whether they dropped out of high school, whether they have a PhD, and they can start using it immediately. So to be very accessible and very approachable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]:
You know, a lot of dads see anxiety in their daughters but aren’t sure what they’re looking at. From your experience, how does teen anxiety often show up differently than parents expect?

Endia Crabtree [00:15:49]:
So first of all, I always like to remind adults, and it might sound like a bit of a no-brainer but important to remember, that teenagers are not expert communicators, first of all. So they’re going to communicate in a way that’s very, very different than adults might communicate. So, you know, we kind of joke about this, and I was kind of joking before, that a teen is not going to sit down with their parent and say, Mom, Dad, I’m really struggling emotionally. I’d benefit from some coping skills and emotional regulation technique. Let’s come up with some solutions together to support my mental health. Probably not. I haven’t met a teen that does that. Maybe they’re out there.

Endia Crabtree [00:16:20]:
What it’s gonna look like instead is, say, a teen isolating, a teen being avoidant, a teen maybe even seeming irritable, hostile, even at times combative. It might not seem how anxiety would look for an adult. So it’s important to remember that. And I remind parents too that it’s important to assess how often a teen is struggling, and to what extent. So I give this example where let’s say a teenager is nervous before a math test. So let’s say they’re kind of spiraling, they’re feeling really panicky about the test, they don’t want to go to school, they’re feeling really kind of moody about it, but they manage to go to school, they take the test, they go on with their day, they attend their extracurriculars, they complete their assignments. Okay, we’re not gonna overlook that, but we’re gonna take a different approach than the teenager that refuses to go to school. The teenager that is so preoccupied with the anxiety for this test that they can’t complete their other assignments, that they need to drop out of their extracurricular activities, that they’re becoming avoidant socially.

Endia Crabtree [00:17:26]:
We’re going to take a very different approach, you know. Or what if the teenager has a panic attack before the exam or throws up before the exam? That’s an indicator that this is more severe than sort of your standard teenage behavior. And with this said, we want to assess how often this is happening. So let’s say that a teenager has that kind of quote-unquote extreme response and it happens once a year, are we gonna overlook it? Absolutely not. But again, we’re gonna take a different approach if this happens once a week, multiple times a month, multiple times a week. Very, very different stance here, but it does require very mindful observation of the teen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]:
You know, one of the things that you talked about earlier about your own father was he was a good active listener, and in your book you talk about the importance of active listening as well. The challenge, of course, is that a lot of Dads feel like they are natural fixers. So for dads who are those natural fixers, what does listening to an anxious daughter look like in real life and what should they avoid doing?

Endia Crabtree [00:18:27]:
So I also want to preface that it so goes against our instincts as parents to not fix. You know, we see our child suffering and we want to alleviate the problem. We don’t want to just sit there and wait for the slow, gradual change. So that is really understandable for the parents listening. If they’re thinking to themselves, shoot, I do that all the time. If I completely messed up, No, you know, and a lot of my work with the teens is also helping the teen understand that the parent is coming from a good place and to have some empathy for the parent as well. What I will encourage the dads listening who are, are very prone to fixing is to actually remind themselves that active listening, validating, seeking to learn, understand, employ this kind of curious mindset is actually fixing in the long run. It’s just a more subtle way of doing it.

Endia Crabtree [00:19:17]:
It. So what I would recommend avoiding— and I will say there are of course going to be emergency exceptions to this, this is a general overview— if a teen is suicidal, there’s severe self-harm, substance use, we’re going to take a different approach. We’re going to intervene, we’re going to fix. If a teen expresses that they’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, or the dad is noticing this behavior, instead of saying, well, why don’t you go meditate, or have you gone take— go, go for a walk outside, While those are great solutions that do work, the teen feels not heard. And often what happens is the teen says, “Oh, you don’t understand me, you don’t get it.” And the dad or even the mom too, you know, it’s like, well, what just happened? Now my teen’s even, you know, kind of farther away and I actually was coming from a really positive place. Instead, what the parent can say is, “I would love to hear a little bit more about that. What is that like for you? How do you feel about sharing about this?” So really leaning on these open-ended questions, avoiding, first of all, closed kind of yes or no question, of course, unless an emergency, and really seeking to learn more, speaking with the teen versus just providing some type of solution for the teen. And, and with that being said, you know, and obviously this is quite complex, I go into significant detail about this in the book, but it can be helpful to, to have these conversations in a setting that might feel different for an adult.

Endia Crabtree [00:20:40]:
It might feel maybe a little informal, a little too casual, but it’s really important for the teen to feel that this is coming up organically. So when you’re driving, in the car, walking the dog together— oftentimes the teen is very closed off when the parent is sitting across from the table at the dining room table saying, okay, let’s talk about your anxiety. They’re going to feel very put on the spot and very caught off guard. So it’s about kind of modifying how we have the conversations, where we have the conversation, and remembering that actually active listening validating, learning more is ultimately fixing and helping.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:16]:
You know, one of the other things that you talk about in the book is you describe how today’s teens are growing up in a comparison culture shaped by social media. Any of us that have kids that are above the age of 10 know the power of social media and know how much it can impact our kids as well. How can dads help their daughters build self-worth when the world keeps telling them

Endia Crabtree [00:21:39]:
that they’re not These are such amazing questions, and I’m so grateful that you’re asking me this, because oftentimes what happens is people instead take kind of a more restrictive approach of like, okay, you know, I’m protective over my child, I’m not going to let them use social media, and it kind of backfires again, unless an emergency. So instead, it’s actually about having these conversations with the teen of seeking to understand what they feel like when they use social media, what comes up for them when they look at certain pages, you know, have they noticed any kind of parallels emotionally, do they feel more anxious when they’re on social media, A lot of teens, you know, and, and it’s a bit of a controversial take, you know, and I’m not advocating for social media, but some teens will say, you know, actually it’s really helpful for me to follow these certain pages that actually support mental health or support my hobbies, or it’s helpful for me to go on here. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but it’s important to talk with the teen about their feelings with social media. And of course, you know, we wanna set boundaries with social media. You know, again, go into detail about what that can look like, whether it’s, you know, unfollowing certain pages, muting certain people, integrating more positive pages into a teen’s social media presence. But it’s really about talking with the teen here, seeking to learn. And oftentimes parents even coming from this stance of, I didn’t grow up in this world. What is it like for you? You know, I’d love to learn more.

Endia Crabtree [00:23:04]:
I’d love to hear your thoughts about it. And this goes back to the, again, unless an emergency, as challenging it is not to to restrict or prohibit a teen’s access to social media because that really does not help build self-esteem. If anything, that’s teaching the teen that you don’t trust them to use social media in a good way or that you can trust your teen to kind of learn from their mistakes, uh, foster resilience. Instead, it’s actually teaching the teen that they’re still like a kid and, you know, they need kind of policing or monitoring here. So it’s a bit of, again, relearning in terms of parenting a teenager, you know, that, okay, I wanna give them the skills so that they feel comfortable using this as they emerge into adulthood, that when they turn 18, they’re out of the house, they’re in the workforce, they’re at school, at college, that they are equipped to deal with the pressures of social media and they’re not completely caught off guard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Many fathers push their daughters to succeed because they want opportunities for them, but you warn in your book that that can overload and increase anxiety. So how can dads How do you help dads tell the difference between healthy encouragement and harmful pressure?

Endia Crabtree [00:24:17]:
And again, it’s not black and white. So it’s also okay if, you know, let’s say parents listening again are saying to themselves, oh no, maybe I pushed too hard. Is that a lost cause? No, not at all. This is where it goes back to that collaborating and communicating with the team and finding that balance. You know, I think you hit the nail on the head too, is oftentimes, you know, parents really believe that they’re equipping their teen for success. And also, you know, a lot of times parents will— and again, it comes from a really good place— is they say, let me get my teen involved in X, Y, and Z because that’s going to help them, you know, not be stuck on their phone and isolate in their room, and that’s kind of the key to help them not be anxious when in reality it overwhelms them or overloads them. So we want to find the balance. We want to make sure they have their leisure time, their time to relax, their time to unwind, while also doing things that, you know, they enjoy as well.

Endia Crabtree [00:25:09]:
And talk with your teen A, how they feel about these activities, and also if it’s something that they want to do. Are they interested? Are they passionate about it? I mean, most teens are going to feel more excited about hanging out with their friends, you know, versus, you know, getting an internship somewhere. But it’s still important to make sure it’s something that they want to do. It’s not something that they feel completely forced into or that they’re going to be— I don’t even wanna say punished, but more— but judged or disappoint their parents if they don’t do it. Again, it’s collaborating with the teen, it’s communicating communicating with the teen. Those, those words are going to come up again and again because they could be applied to all areas here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]:
One final thing that I want to ask you about the book is if a dad is listening today and he feels like he’s already missed signs of anxiety, what would you want him to know about repairing connection and becoming a safe person now?

Endia Crabtree [00:26:03]:
First of all, it’s not too late. I do want to say that, that it’s never ever a lost cause and it’s never too late. So even if dad, let’s say, says, I have done absolutely everything wrong. I haven’t listened. I haven’t asked the open-ended questions. I fix it all. It’s okay. And this actually kind of circles back to your earlier question about my dad, which is, A, it’s okay to share with your teen that you’re a human being and you’re still learning, that, hey, I recognize maybe some of my own limitations here and I want to better help you.

Endia Crabtree [00:26:34]:
How can I be there for you? How can I support you? Again, we want to adhere to appropriate boundaries. You know, I wouldn’t suggest going to the teenager and sobbing and screaming that you’ve done anything wrong and have the team parent or comfort you, but more being vulnerable that I have— I acknowledge that maybe I haven’t got this the most effective way, and I want to make a change here. And what would feel best for you? How can we work together? I want you to know that I’m here for you. I love you. I support you. And if you feel that you want me to listen more, if you want me to support you in that way, I’m here for you. If you want me to provide solutions, I’ve got you. It’s really meeting the team where they’re at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
So we always finish our interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection Six. And these are six more questions that I usually ask dads, but I’ve got you here. So I’m gonna ask you a little bit of a tweak.

Endia Crabtree [00:27:26]:
That’s cool. Mix it up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]:
So what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:33]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:33]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:37]:
I guess I would say— and I’m not quoting this directly, but my dad has always encouraged me to try new things. And know that it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. That my dad is very much, “Go for it. Try it out. Like, why not?” So I think that has been really helpful in terms of kind of fostering my independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:58]:
What’s one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:01]:
Well, so that’s changed over the years for sure. I mean, now we love gardening together. It’s funny, I feel when I was younger as a teenager, we would talk a lot about music and bands together, so we would do that. I mean, I’m giving a lot of different activities. Let’s say stick to adulthood. We like to garden and we like to hike. So spend time in nature and talk about art and music.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:23]:
Now, you— as a mother yourself and as a mother to a daughter, if you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:29]:
I would say that it’s okay to make mistake.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:32]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a mother?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:37]:
You cannot control what goes on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Endia Crabtree [00:28:47]:
Even if your daughter doesn’t express it, your daughter is going to appreciate the role that you play in their life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:52]:
Well, Sophia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here. If people want to find out more about you and the book, where should they go?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:58]:
Yes, thank you so much for having me. So you can visit my website, www.sophiagallano.com. Um, you can follow me on Instagram, Sophia Vale underscore Gallano. My book is available Penguin Random House, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, independent bookstores. You can also reach out to me directly if, you know, you’re having a hard time finding it or you want a signed copy. I can do that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:20]:
Well, again, Sophia, thank you so much, not only for being here today, for sharing your own story with your own father, but also for putting this book out into the world. It is a challenging time at this point for our kids as they maneuver through those teenage years. And for all of us as parents, we always are going to have that anxiety that’ll rear its head within our kids, and we have to know ways to be able to do that, and this book does just that. So I truly appreciate you sharing not only thoughts for us to consider today, but also for putting this book out into the world as a tool, as a resource for us to be able to be those parents that we want to become.

Endia Crabtree [00:29:55]:
Thank you so much for having me, and thank you for everyone listening. I appreciate the dads out there that are seeking to become even better parents and support their teens. So thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:05]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:30:36]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Brotherhood: How WeBus Connects Dads for Support and Growth

October 27, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Fatherhood doesn’t come with a manual—but the journey is deeply rewarding, especially when you’re intentional about connecting with your daughters. In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Wes Piatt and Chris Roness—two dedicated dads and founders of WeBus International—to dig deep into the realities, challenges, and incredible rewards of raising daughters.

One of the main themes woven throughout this heartfelt episode is intentional presence. Both Wes and Chris reflect on their own meaningful moments with their daughters, highlighting how vital it is to be truly present. As Chris shares, “It’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer… it’s all about being present with my kids.” Wes echoes this commitment by intentionally setting aside daily time to let his daughters choose activities, stressing that, “Whatever they want to do, I’m going to be a part of it.”

The episode doesn’t shy away from the hard parts either. Both guests open up about mistakes and moments of failure, offering reassurance that vulnerability and honest communication are essential. Chris tells a story about miscommunicating with his daughter about their schedule and how owning the mistake, genuinely apologizing, and learning from it turned it into a powerful teaching moment. Wes reinforces that failure is not only inevitable but also an opportunity for growth, both as a father and for teaching his daughters resilience.

Another profound theme is connection among fathers. Wes shares his personal struggles during a challenging time and how reaching out to other dads led to the creation of WeBus—a supportive community where men can share experiences (not unsolicited advice) and lift each other up. Through this network, fathers form bonds, share practical solutions, and most importantly, realize they’re not alone on this path.

The episode wraps up with actionable wisdom: be present, cherish powerful moments, communicate openly, and seek connection—both with your children and other dads. As Wes and Chris emphasize, it’s about being the man and the example you want your daughters to look up to.

Whether you’re looking for inspiration, a reminder that imperfection is part of the journey, or simply some practical dad-to-dad guidance, this episode is packed with genuine stories and strategies. Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for insights that will help you become the dad your daughter needs—and maybe find a brotherhood along the way.

Ready to listen? Find the episode at dadanddaughterconnection.com and take the next step on your fatherhood journey.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week. I love being able to reconnect with you, to talk with you, to be on this journey that we’re both on together in raising our daughters and building those strong connections that we want to have with our daughters. One step at a time. Because none of us are thrown into fatherhood with that manual, per se. We have to learn it along the way. And it is so important to have strong connections with our daughters, and especially our daughters, because of that bond that happens between a father and a daughter and all of the research that shows the power of the relationship between the father and the daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:36]:
So every week, I love being able to talk with you, to walk with you on this path that you’re on, but also introduce you to other dads that are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. And we got two great guests today. We’ve got Wes Pyatta and Chris Ronas are here. And we’re gonna be talking to them not only about being fathers of daughters. Cause Wes has two daughters himself and Chris has three daughters. And we’re also, though, going to talk about their new venture, their new business that they’ve been working on for a bit now that is called Webus International. And we’re gonna be talking about that as well. So we’ll learn a little bit more about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]:
So, Wes, Chris, thanks so much for joining us today.

Wes Piatt [00:02:23]:
Heck, yeah. Thanks for having us on.

Chris Roness [00:02:25]:
Yeah, man, thanks for having us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
This is the dad and Daughter Connection. And I think one of the things that I’d love to ask you first is as you think about the relationships with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Wes Piatt [00:02:39]:
Man, I had some pretty amazing moments with both of My daughters, they were born early and both in the NICU for a few months. And I remember there was specifically one moment with my daughter Joey where we had a rough time in the parking lot right before we went in and just kind of soaking in the extreme nature of everything we were dealing with and our first child and all this stuff. And I’ve got my hands in the little incubator and I’m trying to change her diaper on this little tiny, tiny human. I mean, she was the size of my hand. And the nurse walks over and goes, oh, let me show you how to do that with one hand. In that moment, I was so grateful for all the time that we had in the nicu, all the time that we were going to get in the nicu, because I felt like I got like a. You said we don’t have a manual for being a. I felt like they gave me a manual on so many things.

Wes Piatt [00:03:26]:
I was in the NICU both with Joey and with June because June was also born early. And having that time going into the nicu, June and being actually excited about it, knowing she was going to be fine, and then knowing I was going to learn even more from these amazing nurses that were there for 20, 30, 40 years teaching me how to do all these little things that most dads don’t get. It was an amazing, not necessarily like moment in time, but I guess like per se, but, but amazing time within their lives where I learned like, man, bad things can really lead to some pretty awesome stuff.

Chris Roness [00:03:58]:
Wow, dude, that’s powerful, man. Dude, Chris, that’s hard. You want me to just pick one? I’ve been blessed to have millions of them. And I think if there’s a theme about any one of them, it started just like Wes was talking about. From the day they were born until even today, Even with my 12 year old who’s doing the pre teen thing, it’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer, you know, they’re coming to me as a sign of strength and all the things and. And to me it’s feedback. To me, the second that I got my first daughter, the doctor handed her to me. He goes, $150 a month.

Chris Roness [00:04:30]:
And I was like, what is this? My bill? Like, what are you talking about? He goes, $150 a month. That’s how much you need to put in the bank every month for this child. So that someday down the road, whether it’s education or a wedding or something meaningful to them, you’ve got that Money set aside to give them a good quality life. But it was the awe of having this kid in my hand and still realizing it’s so much more than that. It’s so much more than that. And, and for the kids, like this 12 year old now who doesn’t even know that I’ve been putting $150 a month towards her. You know what I mean? Like, it’s not about some sort of material thing. It’s those moments where, like we talked about that bond that we’ve had through all those little moments where they’ve come to dad because Dad’s the answer.

Chris Roness [00:05:12]:
Even at 12, it’s not exactly the same conversation. It’s not a hug, it’s not. Whatever. She loves Benson Boone now, man. Like, she just loves this dude. She loves to sing. She loves to sing his songs. And so at nighttime we connect around his videos.

Chris Roness [00:05:27]:
And that’s my moment to just give her space so that she can say whatever she wants to say. And every single time that I provide that opportunity, she capitalizes on it and she’ll say, hey, Dada, let’s talk about this or let’s talk about that. And she’ll just start going and it’s awesome. So to me, it’s those special moments where they just, they need me. And for me, that same moment was recognizing that I had to be the best human, best man I could be because I’ve got three daughters and at the time, no sons, and now I have a son. But regardless, my thought was I need to be the best example of a man I can be for them so that someday they’ll bring me home three awesome sons.

Wes Piatt [00:06:01]:
Word. That’s it right there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]:
So what I’m hearing both of you say, I mean outside of those first moments, is being intentional being intentional with your time, being intentional with the moments that you do have with your daughters. So talk to me about what are some intentional ways that now you’ve worked to or you’re working on strengthening that bond with your daughters. Even during challenging times, man, I make.

Wes Piatt [00:06:27]:
Sure that every day we do something intentional together. I literally just posted this on my Instagram this morning about how I make sure every single day my phone is away and we’re doing something that they want to do. What do you guys want to do? And Dad’s coming along for the ride. Let’s go do it. And it’s not something I had pre planned or something I want to do or are going to lead to even a goal at the end of it. It’s just Whatever they want to do, and I’m going to be a part of it.

Chris Roness [00:06:51]:
Yeah, that’s good, Chris. One thing I didn’t disclose that I should have is we actually had four daughters, but one of them, at 37 weeks, didn’t make it. And that was a really hard time as a parent and as a husband. But also, at the time, I was a senior leader in the Air Force running a unit, and I had a lot going on. But what that child taught me in that moment was the power of a moment. And I realized I was constantly like, in a minute, kid, I got to finish this thing first, or I got to finish that thing, or, I’ll be right there. Just give me one second. I got to finish up this thing.

Chris Roness [00:07:22]:
And it was always a thing that I always had to finish up because I was doing important work, right. As a dad, not realizing that the important work was right in front of me. And so now, as a result of that powerful lesson that I got from my daughter, Ava, was her name is. Her name was the power of a moment. So now, to me, being intentional is remembering that once this moment’s gone, it’s fleeting. Like I’m never going to get it back. So when my child comes to me with a picture that they’ve drawn, and I’m in the middle of 500 things that I feel are super important that have got to be done right now, I can catch myself and go, this is what’s important. Show me this picture.

Chris Roness [00:07:58]:
Let’s be intentional about this moment. Because once the moment’s gone, you can’t get it back. And I’ve been able to do that with everything. It totally has changed my perspective on everything, and I feel has made me a much better father because I’m much more present with my kids, with everything. I mean, now I’m involved in everything they do, and I don’t want to miss moment for that only reason. And life has actually been so much better and more forward. And guess what? All those things that I thought were important, they weren’t, and they still got done.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:20]:
They definitely do get done. Even though at times in our minds we’re like, oh, oh, no. You know, we gotta get it done. But I. I completely hear you there. And there’s been many moments in my own life that that’s definitely happened, and moments where, as you kind of said, you make the wrong decision and you look back later and you’re like, ah, dang. You know, I shouldn’t have done that. So I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]:
I guess one question that I would have is none always right. And then we’re always going to make mistakes. We’re not infallible. So what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communications with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:08:59]:
That’s good. I got one just yesterday, a simple one. But we have a very busy schedule with all the kids activities. They’re all, of course, doing something different. And I communicated to one of my daughters that today was going to be a day that she was going to ride the bus to go home with her brother while I took another kid to an appointment. And yesterday she thought was the day, not today. And so as I was picking them all up yesterday, she went and got on the bus instead of getting in the vehicle. And I had to send one of her sisters to get her.

Chris Roness [00:09:31]:
And her sister was a little fiery.

Wes Piatt [00:09:32]:
She’s like, come on, you gotta go.

Chris Roness [00:09:33]:
Get off the bus. And she was. She’s a very. She has a very big heart and wears her heart on her sleeve. And she just got to the vehicle just completely upset. Dad, you told me today was the day I had the option to go home. And on that I was like, okay, guess what? I confused you. I miscommunicated.

Chris Roness [00:09:50]:
And I just took the time to explain to her how I made the mistake and that I was going to own it and that we were going to move forward though, you know, hey, so this is on me. I told you about something, but the something that I told you about doesn’t actually happen until tomorrow. And I wasn’t strong enough in my communication about what we were doing today. And so I gave her genuine apology by saying the three things that go into a genuine apology. Hey, what I did wrong, right? That I’m genuinely sorry about it, and what I’m going to do about it in the future to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Hey, I’m going to communicate better about what we’re doing today. Then I’ll go into what we’re doing tomorrow, but I’ll follow it back up with what we’re doing today just so we don’t make this mistake again. And the power of that conversation was she went from completely upset and hurt and emotionally distraught to just, okay, I’m good.

Wes Piatt [00:10:35]:
I can’t come up with a single one. But I think for me, the biggest takeaway is what I do after I mess up. It’s that I go back and I tell them I’m sorry. I explain what I did. I go through exactly what switch has talked About Chris just talked about that. It’s. I’m not perfect and it’s okay not to be perfect as long as you do these few things after you’re not perfect and you learn from it and you get better from it and you move on from it and we grow from it. It’s like, I want them when you talk about failure, they’re super into gymnastics.

Wes Piatt [00:11:07]:
That’s like their sport now. And. And we talk about failure constantly, how much we look forward to it and we can’t wait for it. And when it does, it’s opportunity to get better. And it’s like there is no such thing as bad failure. And even when dad messes up, like, look, I’ve been around this earth for almost 40 years now, like, I’m still screwing up the most basic things and that’s going to happen forever. And that’s totally okay. I think that that’s the most important thing.

Wes Piatt [00:11:29]:
And they know that failure is good and failure is okay as long as we learn from it and do it. What Chris was talking about in recovery, I guess you could say from the failure or whatever you want to call.

Chris Roness [00:11:37]:
It, we call it debrief in our family. Debrief what we learned.

Wes Piatt [00:11:41]:
Let’s go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
I mentioned that the two of you a organization called webus International. So talk to me about webus. What is it? And talk to me about those origin stories. What inspired you to start the organization and how did your role as dads influence the vision?

Wes Piatt [00:12:00]:
I’ve told this story now probably a dozen times and I’ve cried every single time. I’m going to do my best to hold it together because it is we bus is what has kept me alive. And there was a moment. I own a CrossFit gym, small business owner, my wife as a teacher and for context, I used to be a firefighter. So I was a full time firefighter before I opened up the CrossFit gym. And I was doing both for a little bit where I was traveling down, doing my shifts, coming back up, coaching all the classes, traveling down and doing the thing. And I had a call, I went on that made me decide like, oh, I’m actually going to follow this path instead of this one. And I really regretted that during COVID because my business was getting shut down, all my members were leaving and everything seemed like it was like, man, I just made so many bad choices up to this point.

Wes Piatt [00:12:49]:
Like, why? Also for context, me and my sister grew up with just a mom and she happened just so happened to be bipolar and have schizophrenic episodes. So we had quite the upbringing. And during COVID I was having a really hard time controlling my reactions, controlling just the simplest things would set me off. And I. And I was just so upset with all the choices I had made and where I put my family, kind of, in a sense. And I started to get nervous. And maybe, actually this was a bipolar beginning to show itself in me. And maybe I had what my mom had.

Wes Piatt [00:13:24]:
And at the time, we just had. We had one child, and we were about to have our other one. And I was thinking to myself, you know, if you off yourself, these kids won’t remember you, and your wife can remarry. Find somebody who’s not in the financial situation you’re in. Find somebody who doesn’t have these triggers that you do and doesn’t have all of this background. And you can actually, actually, really, maybe your job was really just to bring these kids here and to peace out. And I was really considering it. And I was considering it so much so that I actually created a list of things that I had to do before I did the thing, because me and Switch were in the military.

Wes Piatt [00:14:01]:
I was in the Air Force as well for four years. And I was along with Switch, but I had quite a few friends who had committed suicide after getting out of the military. And that’s what Switch does, is his other. This is where I usually start to get choked up a little bit with his other company that he has called. You Matter, and you Matter focuses on ending veteran suicide, which is obviously an epidemic that’s happening around the world, and something that we need to work on and we are working on. But I digress. I was mad at every single one of them that did that because they didn’t call me first and they didn’t just go, hey, I’m struggling. I just wanted to let you know maybe you could help.

Wes Piatt [00:14:36]:
And so one of the things on my list that I had to do is I had to reach out to people and let them know I’m not doing good. This is where I’m at, just letting you know. And I was too nervous to do that with the people that were closest to me because I didn’t want my life to feel different. I wanted to be able to go to my family and my staff and everybody else and for things to be like, hey, we’re doing our best. Like, keep it going. You know, like, we rock and roll. And not for them to be like, oh, poor you, and how can I help you? And all that. I didn’t want that.

Wes Piatt [00:15:03]:
So I reached out to a bunch of strangers on Instagram, a bunch of people that I kind of know, but don’t really know in the CrossFit space, and just told them, like, hey, I’m struggling. I don’t know if you’re feeling the same, too, owning a CrossFit gym or being a CrossFit coach or any of that kind of stuff. And I just got back nothing. But, yes, I am struggling. This is tough. I’ve actually thought about doing that as well. And, like, I’m, like, I had multiple people go, thank you for reaching out to me, because I’m actually thinking about doing that. And this is just serendipitous.

Wes Piatt [00:15:30]:
This is amazing. This is happening. And we just started meeting on this app called Marco Polo that my wife was using, actually, with her college roommate friends to stay in touch. And it’s a really cool app that you can send a FaceTime video to any, anybody, and they can respond with another FaceTime video whenever they have time. And there’s a bunch of other cool stuff you can do with it. But I was like, hey, would you guys want a battle buddy check? Let’s just check in on each other, like, once a week and just keep the momentum going. And that slowly turned into over a hundred dudes around the world that call themselves We Bus Dudes and talk vulnerably on this app called Marco Polo about their struggles. And.

Wes Piatt [00:16:05]:
And it’s become an amazing thing, because right when we started it, we had one rule, and that rule was that you could not give advice. And when we say advice, objectively, what we mean that is something that you actually haven’t experienced or been through yourself, but you feel you could maybe help somebody else out with. And this is what we call the bro advice. You call your buddy up. You’re struggling with this thing. They’ve never been through it. They have no idea what you’re going through, but they’re like, oh, bro, here’s what you’re going to do. My cousin went through this thing, and here’s the best way to fix it, and blah, blah, blah.

Wes Piatt [00:16:32]:
And you’re just like, that’s not what I want from you right now. What I want from you is just to listen and to hear me and to sympathize and empathize with me, and that’s all I really need. And so we made one rule. We said you can only share experiences. So you, come on, share your experience you’re going through. For example, I’m going nuts. I can’t get my Girls to get dressed and eat breakfast and out of the house in time and to school in time without it being just an absolute nightmare. Anybody else experiencing this as well, and you’ll have like 50 dudes that will come on there, all varying ages, all kids of all ages, all been through the gamut and all coming with experiences of how they solved it in completely different ways.

Wes Piatt [00:17:12]:
Ways. So now you have this experience where these people are getting to go, hey, yeah, here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. And then this guy just gets to go like, oh, maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use none of it. Maybe I’ll use some of it.

Wes Piatt [00:17:24]:
And the idea is that they’re going, checking in to see, like, hey, I remember going through that. Where are you at now? Because I remember where I was at. And they check in. And so we both started in my garage on the floor, literally thinking about killing myself to where it’s at now where I. We just did our last we bus camp in South Dakota and just looking around at all the guys there and all the things we were doing to Mount Rushmore, it was just. How do you go from being at that point to being at that point and within a relatively short amount of time? And the answer to that is with the brotherhood. We bus is just straight dudes that want to be better humans to make this world a better place. And the only way that they’re doing that is by just sharing their traumas and their experiences with each other and being vulnerable and being open.

Wes Piatt [00:18:10]:
And I’m very proud of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Can definitely tell, I guess in thinking about that and thinking about what you went from, from where you were to where you are today, and you think about the business that you’ve created. I know that webus emphasizes collaboration, connection. And I guess as you think about that and what you’re learning from other dads in relation to your own fatherhood journey itself, how does that collaboration and connection that you’re do, that you’re building in the organization, align with the way that you’re either raising your daughters to interact with you or interact with others.

Wes Piatt [00:18:45]:
It goes back to what Chris said earlier. We’re trying to get dads to be the people they want their girls to marry.

Chris Roness [00:18:51]:
Yeah. We have a kind of a little mantra on the webus. We. We tell folks, get off the struggle bus and get on the we bus because we’re helping the world be a better place. One dad at A time and the power of the shared experience concept organically. Like, it’s not like we designed it to do what it’s doing beyond that, but the secondary and tertiary effects of what’s happened is you don’t see any really heavy discuss about beliefs regarding faith or politics or anything like that. But that’s not to say that those things don’t come up. They come up through a shared experience.

Chris Roness [00:19:22]:
Hey, I’m going through something. I’m struggling with this thing I just saw, or I’m struggling with this direction I want to go with my faith. Does anybody have an experience with this? And then those folks will either break off and have a separate conversation on what we call a solo polo, or we even have topic rooms now, where, for example, we’ve got one called the workshop. And in the workshop, this is where dads have unique skills of handyman skills, whatever those might be. You can go in and go, hey, guys, I’m working on this today. Let me show you how I’m doing it in case you ever come across this, and vice versa. Maybe somebody is a dad now that didn’t have a dad to show them how to fix a flat tire on a bicycle. Well, you could go to YouTube and look up that stuff.

Chris Roness [00:20:00]:
But the difference is on webus, you go to the workshop, you can go, hey, guys, I’m gonna fix this flat tire. And you’ve already got a group of guys that you’re connected to that will not only walk you through that, but they’ll walk you through how that connects to a life experience or a connection that you can have with your child by maybe walking your child through how you’re doing that at the exact same time, things like that. And it’s just really powerful because the other organic thing that we’ve discovered with this is that men are coming out of the woodwork to join us on we bus because of this shared experience. And one of the interesting things that happens right off the bat is a new dad. Well, he’s just going through it and he’ll listen to what the other dads are saying for a while first before he even says anything. And then that dude will come on and just let it all out. And you can watch them. You can watch them just as they’re letting it out.

Chris Roness [00:20:44]:
And that becomes the beginning of the first step to how they’re going to be a better dad. Because now they’re open to gathering all this shared experience from everybody else and learning in a whole nuanced way that is not deliberate. It’s not constructed, it’s not academic. It is just life as it’s happening in everybody’s lives as we learn from each other. It’s powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
You know, in thinking about those experiences where you’ve seen dads unburden themselves and be able to share the things that they’re going through, can you share a moment for each of you where your connection with another dad through webus had an impact on your own fatherhood journey?

Wes Piatt [00:21:23]:
Oh, my gosh, dude. So many. Every day there’s something in there that we connect with with somebody. Like just the other day, I was connecting with Nick on CrossFit stuff and he tried his first CrossFit class and he was so nervous, and I was giving him all the ins and outs on how to do it and where to go and who to talk to and where not to stand and where to stand. And it’s like a little like, insiders, insider. And that’s what, you know, Chris was talking about with the. These groups that we have in these, like, breakout rooms. So you have like the main we bus and then all these breakout rooms that people can find their little niche in.

Wes Piatt [00:21:53]:
And when they get in that niche, they really get to work through whatever that little thing is that they’re struggling with, with people that are more connected to that little thing too. Nick was really struggling just with wanting to improve his fitness a little bit more. And he just like, you know, I’m stuck at a wall. I don’t know where to go from here. And there’s like five dudes that came rushing in with, like, experience up the wazoo to be like, like, well, here’s like 15 different things that you can do and choose what you want. We’re here to support whatever way you need. That’s rock and roll.

Chris Roness [00:22:20]:
Yeah. I’m telling you, there’s like this deeper level. I can’t point to one exactly, like, one particular thing because there’s so many things that I’ve learned from all these guys across the gamut. I mean, when I started on Webus, I wasn’t doing CrossFit, although I was familiar with the sport because we would do it when I was deployed in the military and I just retired from the military, had landed myself in a small town and was trying to find, like, we got spoiled in the military. Here’s the gym, here’s the everything you need right there on the base. And now I’m in this small town trying to find those same resources, and I couldn’t find them anywhere. And I was able to go on here and talk to these guys that did CrossFit and go, hey, tell me some more. Now, I do it regularly, and I’ve learned that for me, that particular sport isn’t something I do for the fitness.

Chris Roness [00:22:59]:
To me, fitness is the byproduct. I go to the gym for the community. But in that vein, like, one of the things that happens through these dialogues, as you start to learn more about these guys at a deeper level. And so Wes, we’ve known each other what, three years maybe?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:12]:
Yeah, right.

Chris Roness [00:23:13]:
Well, check this out. I just learned. I was yesterday years old when I learned that Wes plays the drum. And it’s all because we started a recent topic group called the Bandwagon, where guys that play musical instruments or just want to talk about the songs that they enjoy can get in that chat room and play music together or talk about music or whatever. And Wes is like, yeah, here’s my trap set. I’m like, what, dude? You play the drums?

Wes Piatt [00:23:33]:
Like.

Chris Roness [00:23:33]:
Like, we’ve been very close. We’ve had very deep conversations, and I never knew this. Here’s another example. One of the guys on weboss is a good friend of mine that I went through basic training with over 20, like almost 30 years ago. And me and this guy have talked regularly for 30 years. And it was not until he joined Webus that I learned he was a Batman fanatic. Had no idea. 30 years I knew the guy, had no idea.

Chris Roness [00:23:55]:
He loved Batman. And that’s kind of what happens. You get into this level of understanding somebody just through shared experience on a different perspective or scale. And there’s all these resources right there for you. If you just. One of the things we do is what we call rfi. Request for information. Hey, guys, I’m getting ready to make a decision.

Chris Roness [00:24:11]:
Has anybody dealt with this? And it’s powerful.

Wes Piatt [00:24:13]:
Yeah, that’s how I got my financial planner, actually.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:15]:
As interacting with dads in this way and as you’re listening and you’re taking in all that they’re experiencing, I know that you’ve got dads and non dads that are in the community that. But in talking with the dads, what are some of the challenges, the unique challenges that you’re seeing that these dads are collectively having? And how is your organization working to either connect those dads together or help them to be able to work through those in different ways? What have you learned through this venture that you’ve been on?

Chris Roness [00:24:49]:
And I’ll offer one right now. The number one thing that we see consistent is that dads feel like, they’re doing it alone. They feel like they’re in it alone, that they’ve got to be the strong horse for the family. They’ve got to push through. They’ve got to do all the things, and they can’t just. Like what Wes was saying, like, they can’t let those people know that they’re going through a moment, or at least they think that, because they have to be the strong horse. And. And when they come into the we bus, we see that every single time.

Chris Roness [00:25:17]:
And I would offer that there’s a byproduct of using the app that we use with Marco Polo that everybody has benefited from because they mention it. And that is, as dads, we want to be problem solvers right off the bat. That’s our job. Hey, you got a problem? I heard my wife talk about this. I’m gonna go fix this. I heard my kid talk about this thing. I’m gonna go fix this thing. But especially as dads of daughters, you leave the video.

Chris Roness [00:25:38]:
Guess what? In order to listen to that video, you’ve got to literally sit there and watch it and listen. And the byproduct is we’ve all become much better listeners, and we’re all present as a result of that. And I think that’s one of the things that we all struggle with as dads is how not to just be problem solvers, but to be present and listening and to realize that we’re not in it alone, that there are other dads going through it too.

Wes Piatt [00:25:59]:
Do.

Chris Roness [00:25:59]:
And. And we can all connect around nothing but just that singular thing of fatherhood. And it’s just amazing.

Wes Piatt [00:26:05]:
Yeah. I mean, there’s so many things. And I think this is why we created. We call them dojos, and they’re these little breakout groups that we have. And we have dads that are going through divorces. We have dads that are thinking about getting a divorce and trying not to. We’ve got dads that are losing their job and trying to find a new job. We’ve got dads that are trying to get in shape.

Wes Piatt [00:26:23]:
We’ve got dads that have. Were in shape and now are trying to get back in shape. We’ve got dads that are trying to do everything. And so by creating these smaller group, one of the things that Chris really hammered on was Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the amount of people you can actually have in your life and actually communicate well with and make sure you’re creating actual deep connections with. It’s got to be small. So we Keep those groups relatively small, eight to 10 people max. And we keep the people that are in there experts. Like, we gotta have somebody in that group that’s an expert in this thing in some way and can give you sound advice and help you out with where you really need it the most.

Chris Roness [00:26:56]:
And to piggyback on that a little bit, it’s not just about the dad that’s struggling. It’s about the dad that’s achieving high goals like Wes talked about. I mean, one of our dads started out as an alcoholic three years ago and weighed, like, almost 300 pounds. The dude has lost, like, 150 pounds, and now he’s an Ironman athlete.

Wes Piatt [00:27:11]:
We call him 75 heart because he’s gone through that so many times, and he’s become such a different human being. It’s insane. It’s literally. It’s like biggest loser transformation, but, like, in a healthy way now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:25]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I give you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as dads. You ready?

Wes Piatt [00:27:33]:
Yeah. Good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:27:39]:
Love.

Wes Piatt [00:27:39]:
I was going to ask if I could use loving kindness as one word, but yes, love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Wes Piatt [00:27:48]:
That it goes really fast and so be present. That’s the only thing I found universally true.

Chris Roness [00:27:53]:
Yeah. It’s the same as, hey, 18 years. Goes really quick. Capitalize on the moment. The power of that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together?

Wes Piatt [00:28:05]:
Oh, my gosh. Going to the beach or going skateboarding. Anything that has to do with activity, like just being. We got a big trampoline out back. It’s like 10 times a day. Can we go jump on the trampoline? You know, like, yeah, let’s go. But anything physical activity wise, they just want to go do it.

Chris Roness [00:28:18]:
Yeah, it’s the same with my daughters. They. They are all very active and. And very musically talented. One of the things that we all do together is we. We sing and play music together on our church youth group, and it’s a blast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:29]:
If you could give your daughters one lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Wes Piatt [00:28:34]:
You’re not perfect. Life’s not perfect, and that’s okay.

Chris Roness [00:28:37]:
I would say choose the person that you want to be with and the life you want to have very carefully. Those will be the two most important choices you ever make in your life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:46]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad.

Wes Piatt [00:28:51]:
Oh, man. I would say that failure is okay. I’ve learned honestly that because, like, I’ve said that my whole life. Yeah, failure is great. You learn from it. You grew from it. Let’s go. Hoorah.

Wes Piatt [00:29:00]:
You know, and then. But when you fail, you’re really upset about it. You don’t really learn from it. You don’t really take it. But I’ve really learned that. No, guess what, bro? You’re gonna fail hard no matter how much you prepare. And that’s good as long as, like what we talked about before, you come back and repair it and do what you need to do.

Chris Roness [00:29:16]:
The greatest growth and connection happens when you step out of your comfort zone. Man, changing diapers, the way I grew up was a mom’s job, but I got all into that. And the same thing with braiding hair and all the things is that big tough guy stuff. No, but man, the magic that happens with that. And that’s where the connections are at and that’s where the growth occurred.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Wes Piatt [00:29:46]:
I wouldn’t. I would just share experiences.

Chris Roness [00:29:48]:
The advice I’m going to give comes from a good friend of mine, Lindsay Ko, who lost his daughter to suicide. And I asked him what would he have done differently and he said, I would have been present more often. I would have just been present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:00]:
Well, Wes, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing what you are doing with your own daughters, but also what you’re doing with Webus. And if people want to find out more about Webus, where should they go?

Wes Piatt [00:30:11]:
Www.webusint.com and fill out the interest interest form. You’ll see it on the menu bar up top. And then our buddy Jeremy or Alan will reach out to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:23]:
Well, again, I just want to say thank you. Thank you both for all that you’re doing to be able to connect dads with other dads, men with other men. It’s so important. It’s so important for men to have those connections in their life. And I really appreciate all the work that you’re doing with that and thank you for sharing your own journeys with your daughters. And I wish you all the best.

Wes Piatt [00:30:42]:
Same to you, Chris. Thanks for doing what you do in this space and keeping it going for so long. I really appreciate it.

Chris Roness [00:30:48]:
Absolutely, dude. Keep staying awesome. Chris, we really appreciate this, man. And we look forward to seeing all the other videos that are coming after this one and the ones before for sure. That’s a wrap for this episode of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]:
The dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:31:28]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents Bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes.

Musical Performer [00:31:58]:
By just like a dynamite blast Calling.

Musical Performer [00:32:03]:
Astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to.

Musical Performer [00:32:11]:
Them.

Musical Performer [00:32:15]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Performer [00:32:20]:
Be the best that you can be.

Navigating Fatherhood: Lessons from Parenting Children with Disabilities

September 8, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Fatherhood is a journey filled with highs, lows, and countless unexpected turns—something this week’s episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection beautifully illustrates. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Steve Harris, author of Dads Like Us: A Survival Guide for Fathers Raising a Child with Disabilities, to share his personal story, hard-won wisdom, and practical advice for fathers facing one of life’s greatest challenges: raising a child with special needs.

From the very beginning, it’s clear this conversation isn’t just for dads of daughters or even just for dads of children with disabilities—it’s for anyone committed to being present, adaptable, and truly connected as a parent. Steve’s authenticity shines as he reflects on meaningful moments with his sons, the heartbreak and resilience of navigating medical crises, and the importance of simply “being there.”

One of the standout themes throughout the episode is the need for self-care as a caregiver. Steve reminds us that fathers, especially those facing long-term challenges, must take care of their own mental, emotional, and physical well-being. “The stronger we are as dads, the better dads we’re going to be,” he shares—a lesson learned through years spent in hospital rooms and therapy sessions.

The episode also tackles often unspoken emotions: grief for the future you envisioned, anger at situations you can’t fix, and loneliness when you feel pushed to the sidelines. Steve offers compassionate advice: acknowledge your feelings, reach out for help, and remember you are not alone. He encourages dads to stay involved, advocate for their children, and celebrate the unique gifts and victories—big or small—that each day brings.

Perhaps most poignant is Steve’s advice for those just starting this journey. In the first bewildering days after a diagnosis, he urges fathers to resist the urge to isolate, reach out to loved ones, and move through grief towards gratitude for the child in front of them.

For anyone on the path of parenthood—especially those facing extra challenges—this episode is a supportive, practical, and inspiring listen. Don’t miss it. Tune in to hear how showing up, adapting, and loving unconditionally shapes both father and child.

Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection wherever you get your podcasts, and discover more stories and resources at dadanddaughterconnection.com.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to be able to become those fathers that we want to become for our children. And every week, we do that with an opportunity to be able to meet other dads, dads with different experiences that can share some of the things that they have learned to help you in the journey that you’re on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it is a journey because every day is going to be a little bit different. Every day we have to work, work to build those relationships with our children. And it is important to be open to the idea and the thought that you have to put in the work. You’ve got to put in the work. You got to be willing to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be. And that’s why every week I come back and I know that you come back to be able to learn from other fathers. And today we got another great guest. Steve Harris is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]:
And Steve is a father of two sons. And we’re going to be talking about the journey that he went on and a book that he wrote called Dads Like Us, A Survival Guide for Fathers Raising a Child With Disabilities. And we’re going to talk about his own journey. As I said, he had two sons. One of his sons has passed. And we’re going to talk about that journey with his own sons, as well as the book and some things that you might want to think about, especially if you’re raising a child with a disability. And I’m really looking forward to having him here today. Steve, thanks so much for being here.

Steve Harris [00:02:23]:
Well, thank you, Chris. It’s honor to be talking with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
Now, one of the things that I love doing at the very beginning is talking about you as a dad. And many times I talk to dads with daughters. You have sons. But many of the questions that I ask are very much related to just being a father. So I’m going to ask you some similar questions that I ask to dads with daughters, and we’ll go down that pathway. So as you think back to the time that you had with both of your sons, what’s one meaningful moment that you shared with them and what made it so special?

Steve Harris [00:02:55]:
Wow, there have been so many. I have two sons, Andrew, who’s now 37, and Matthew, who passed away, almost made it to his 40th birthday. So we had a long journey. And I can think of a moment with Matthew especially, I mean, comes to mind. First, sixth grade graduation. He had been able to be in school with a lot of special help and support from the teachers and paras there. They had a graduation ceremony. For some reason, Matthew was kind of verbal, not hugely verbal, but he could say things in moments that had a lot of meaning.

Steve Harris [00:03:24]:
They invited him to come up to the podium and address his rather large crowd. I was kind of nervous watching that all taking place, but Matthew wheeled up to the microphone, had a big smile on his face, and just said thank you. And for me, that was an amazing moment. It was very simple. Maybe to others it would not seem like a big deal, but the fact that he had made it in his life through all kinds of physical challenges and that he would sit there in his wheelchair and say thank you and be grateful. Wonderful person. Meant a ton to me that he did that. Andrew played a lot of, we call them handicapped sports, but adapted sports in high school, became the co captain of his adaptive soccer team.

Steve Harris [00:04:02]:
He was able to show some leadership and be a leader in a situation that was difficult. And I’m hugely proud of my boys. I’ll say that I’ve got a million moments like that, but those were two.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]:
As your sons got older and you continued to help to guide them in the journey that they were on and becoming the adults that they became. How did you balance guiding your sons while also giving them the independence that they needed to be able to grow into their own person?

Steve Harris [00:04:34]:
Well, the situation that they faced, they both had inherited a pretty, very rare genetic condition called Polysius Mersbacher disease. We didn’t know that right at first, but. And Matthew was also born with spina bifida. They had so many physical challenges and long hospital stays, and they’ve had a lifetime of tough stuff. I have tried to appreciate them as individual people, that they are unique persons, you know, made in the image of God, with a potential for their lives and trying to find out in lots of different ways what that potential could be, I guess. Chris, I’ve just tried to love them. I’ve tried to be there for them. I’ve tried to, through ups and downs, tried to show them that they are totally valuable, priceless people, as valuable as anybody else who walks the face of the earth.

Steve Harris [00:05:22]:
That they’re very special. And I can’t think of one exact strategy I had other than to hopefully be their loving dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:28]:
What are some intentional ways that you worked with your sons to strengthen that bond with them, especially during challenging times?

Steve Harris [00:05:35]:
Well, I guess number one would be being there. That sounds kind of simple, but the sad truth is that I talk about it in the book and stuff and other places that dads of kids who are disabled, they have a unique journey. It’s a tough journey. It means that we are. I don’t know if you agree with this, Chris, but I think dads are kind of wired to be the fixers and the protectors of our kids, definitely. So when we get into the life that we live as the dads of children with disabilities, most of the time we can’t be that. We can’t be the fixer, we can’t be the protector. And that can be frustrating.

Steve Harris [00:06:07]:
It creates all kind of different conflicts and emotions for us. But I’ve tried to be there for them. Again. A sad statistic is that many dads don’t stay involved in the lives of their kids when they are disabled, thankfully, as a small percentage. But just trying to hang in there. I think, number one, just being there has been a huge challenge and very important challenge for me in my life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:29]:
What would you say is a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive connections?

Steve Harris [00:06:37]:
Dads of kids who are disabled are caregivers. All dads are caregivers. But I think we’re given a challenge to be a caregiver over a long stretch of time. It takes a lot. And I think a mistake I made early is maybe not taking care of myself, not realizing that if I was going to be the best dad I could be. I’m talking about a situation where Matthew was in. Lived in an intensive care ward of a hospital for the first year of his life. It was a very stressful and demanding experience.

Steve Harris [00:07:06]:
It made it hard to live a really good, balanced life. And I think looking back, I should have taken better care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, right away. I. I think that sometimes in our quest to be great dads we may forget that we also have our own personal needs. And at times that sounds and feels selfish, and it sounds selfish to say that, but the stronger we are as dads, the better dads we’re going to be. That needs attention. It needs taking care of ourselves, making good choices. Sometimes in the crisis moments, that is very difficult to do, but I guess that’s one I would say.

Steve Harris [00:07:40]:
I’m sure there are others. I’m sure there are many, but I’ll mention that one right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:44]:
Now, I know you mentioned the book, and as I said at the beginning, you wrote a book called Dads Like Us, A Survival Guide for Fathers Raising a Child With Disabilities. And I guess first and foremost, before I delve too deep into the book itself, give me the origin story of this, because I’ve written a book myself. I know how much time, effort, passion goes into these passion projects. But tell me about the. The journey and what made you decide that you needed to tell this story and that you needed to get it out into the world.

Steve Harris [00:08:19]:
That’s a great question. It’s one that I have a Won’t say. It’s an easy answer, but I have an answer. My son Matthew, my first son, was born on October 13, 1980. It was a very exciting day in our lives. Our first child. Things in the hospital early on were just going beautifully, just perfect. When they discovered that Matthew had spina bifida, which is right away, things kind of came crashing down all of a sudden.

Steve Harris [00:08:43]:
Was in a very precarious situation. They didn’t know if he was going to make it out of the delivery room. Anyway. In that room was a number of nurses, but one of them, I noticed, was actually feeling quite excited and happy about the whole situation. And it struck me that she had that big smile on her face and she said, you know what? This is quite a coincidence. I’m taking a class on spina Bifida. Within about 20 minutes after they had rushed Matthew out of the room to take him by ambulance to another hospital for surgery, she came back to me and she said, do you remember I told you I’m taking that class on spina bifida? This is the textbook we have for that class. And she wanted to hand me this big, thick book and said, you might want to read this.

Steve Harris [00:09:22]:
My first reaction was a textbook on spina bifida. I don’t think I want to read it. I think I want to throw it at you right now, really, to be honest. But that moment, which was one moment of even a thousand of that day that I remember that moment planted a seed in me that what did I need at that moment as a dad, as a parent, to deal with the crisis that was unfolding for my son? It wasn’t a textbook. I am a writer. I have been writing stuff my whole life. But anyway, even in the first couple of months after that, I thought, there should be something for dads in those moments. And I started thinking about the need for.

Steve Harris [00:09:56]:
To write a book or a desire or whatever to write it. Now, it took me 40 years to pull it off because I kept trying and starting and stopping. And then I realized, you know what? Maybe I have to live this before I can write it. And that’s exactly what happened over the years. Just learned a lot, experienced a lot, met tons of people, had experiences with my sons, like we all do as dads. But these were all in kind of challenging settings. I thought, I am going to write that book someday. Because I read a statistic recently that said that dads who had spent a significant time with their kids in an intensive care unit, 50% of them said that they did not feel like they were getting the information or support that they needed.

Steve Harris [00:10:34]:
And I thought, I can relate to that because you’re in a brand new world right away. So what is it those dads, dads like me, could need? And so I said, I’m going to write a book. I want it to be brief. I want it to be practical. I want it to be like a positive conversation between me and another dad saying, these are the. Some of the things you’re going to face. Here are some of the ways that that will help. Here’s my story.

Steve Harris [00:10:57]:
It’s not a memoir, but it’s a lot of stories about my experience in those places. But basically to say, dad, you’re facing a unique challenge. Is it going to be tough? You’re going to make it. But here’s some practical advice as you head into that world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:10]:
And you said, it is a brief, practical book. It is. It is a brief and practical book. As I was in reading through the book, I know your book really does talk about grief. Not for the child that we have, but for the expectations that we lose. How can fathers process that sadness without feeling guilt or weakness?

Steve Harris [00:11:29]:
First thing I would say is, you are going to feel sad, you are going to feel grief. There’s no shame in that. There should not be an embarrassment for that. We love our kids. They mean the world to us. So to see your child going through surgeries and physical disabilities, mental disabilities, there’s just a ton of stuff to feel sad about. So I do feel sad. I will always have a sense of grief about it, but kind of move.

Steve Harris [00:11:51]:
Grief doesn’t go away. It evolves and changes. There’s a writer, James Autrey, in his book about gratitude, says there comes a point in time when you have to stop grieving the child who is not there and celebrating the child who is there. That was a powerful statement for me. It’s. It’s not a one time thing, but it’s letting go, realizing there’s going to be sadness. But you move on and love the child that you have. You’re sad because of some things that did not work out, sad for some dreams that never did come true.

Steve Harris [00:12:21]:
But you have a wonderful, precious child in your life as your child and you’re the dad who can love him for who he is. So I accept the sadness, deal with it and move ahead, I guess now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:33]:
Also in the book you write about the fact that many dads feel invisible in the care process. What advice do you have for dads who want to be more than just helpers, but who want to lead?

Steve Harris [00:12:47]:
Right. We need to be there. We need to be good advocates for our kids. I talk in the book about the fact that dads of kids with disabilities will watch a parade of people march through their life right from day one. Doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, counselors, teachers, paraprofessionals. There’s just a parade. A lot, a lot of people come in. It is easy and I think there are some complicated reasons for this, but I think it’s easy for dads to kind of be pushed off to the side.

Steve Harris [00:13:13]:
There are times in the hospitals, for example, when, and I think there’s some natural stuff going on here that moms are seen as the basic primary caregiving, nurturer person. Dads don’t quite know where they fit in there. Sometimes the people are working with, the dads don’t know quite where they fit. My advice or encouragement that I wrote about in the book was to dads that say, don’t let that happen. Make sure you get at the front of that parade. Make sure you stay there. Make sure that you initiate communication with doctors and nurses that is needed. Make sure that people see you as active, involved and key caregiver in the situation.

Steve Harris [00:13:46]:
So yeah, my encouragement to all of us dads is to hang in, in there and, and stay involved at the front of all that’s happening with your child’s care.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:55]:
What were some of the most unexpected or we’ll say joyful lessons that you learned from your sons. Maybe things that reshaped how you thought about parenting.

Steve Harris [00:14:07]:
Both of my boys have faced immense physical and mental challenges. The disease that they have is progressive. It’s incurable. It’s been a journey of learning to take one day at a time and enjoy each day and to be thankful and grateful for each day. Sometimes we want our kids to succeed. We want them to be, you know, the star athletes and the best students and getting the big scholarships. And we have dreams for our kids. My boys have taught me that more about what’s really important in life, what the priorities are in life, what’s.

Steve Harris [00:14:41]:
What are the most valuable things in life. I wrote a chapter in there about pride. You know, it’s. It’s different for dads like us. We find different things to be proud about, and yet we come away with a greater appreciation and love for our kids than we maybe we ever would have had before. One doctor told me that he said, you, son Matthew can’t do many things. He can’t walk, he can’t talk, he can’t eat normally. He can’t really.

Steve Harris [00:15:03]:
He can’t do many things, but one thing he can do is stay alive. And Matthew had a determined spirit, a courageous spirit through all those things and even, even above that, it was a spirit filled with smiles. He had a smile that melted the heart, heart of every nurse he ever met. I never once heard Matthew in nearly 40 years express any kind of bitterness or anger or early on when he had more mental capabilities. There was nothing negative coming from him. He was in many ways the most content person I ever met. And yet he was living in a situation that was incredibly difficult for him, with scores of operations and what we would call limitations. But he had a spirit in him that was incredible and it was amazing to watch.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:45]:
Now, the book also walks through some common emotions like anger, loneliness and fear. How can dads navigate those strong emotions without getting stuck or isolated?

Steve Harris [00:15:56]:
I would say again, number one would be just to acknowledge that they’re going to be there and you’re going to go through these different emotions. Don’t feel bad about that. Be aware of it. Don’t let them become destructive in your life. I think it means having a sense of. We’ll take anger, for example. I talk about sometimes get really quiet. They say that anger turned inward becomes depression, and that can happen.

Steve Harris [00:16:17]:
But there’s also dads who get angry and they have eruptions. They have. They have times when they just explode. And I compare it to volcanoes. They Say that the worst volcanoes are the ones that build up and build up and build up and then they finally blast. Whereas if there are volcanoes that kind of let off a little steam here and there, it’s actually better because it doesn’t build to a point that’s so destructive. I think with anger, that can be true if you keep squashing it down, squashing it down. And all of us get angry about different things.

Steve Harris [00:16:45]:
I think dads like us, we have situations in hospitals or with doctors and care decisions and things that kind of build up. But if we can learn to express some of the anger in really small doses, it’s better than waiting for some kind of a bigger explosion. That’s one example of one emotion.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:00]:
Now, you talked at the beginning of this about your reaction to your first son being born in the feelings that you were feeling. What’s your advice to dads who are listening, who just got the news that their child has a disability? What should they do in the first 24 to 48 hours?

Steve Harris [00:17:20]:
That’s such a great question. And that’s exactly why I’m thankful that it worked out that this book got written, because those first 24 hours, that first week is really crucial. So thank you for asking that question. What I would do if I was back there today, if today was day one, I would fight through the temptation that comes to isolate, to pull back. Sometimes there’s such a swirl of emotions that you really can’t function. You’re kind of in a mental. Mental fog. Take a breath, make sure that you’re, you’re.

Steve Harris [00:17:48]:
You fight through the. Any temptation you have to isolate, talk to your wife, talk to people that you have that you’re close to. Make sure that you make some connection with them. You’re going to need people, and yet it comes at a point when you start to push them away. And that’s a dangerous point. So I would say, number one, pray. Number two, connect with the people that you love who will be there to support you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:11]:
Now you close your book with gratitude and pride. What would you say now to your younger self sitting alone in that hospital waiting room?

Steve Harris [00:18:20]:
I’d say you are walking into a world that you do not, did not expect. You had hopes and dreams of having the normal kids that everybody else seems to have. That’s not going to be true for you. For whatever reasons and however life works, that’s just the reality of it. So face that reality and it will be difficult. And it’s not a one day, one week, one month process. It will be kind of a lifetime of adjustments. But face the reality, but also be aware that you are being in invited into a parenting experience that will change you in wonderful ways, that will open doors to wonderful relationships.

Steve Harris [00:18:57]:
It is not. Well, I’ll quote, I’m sure that others who know about this stuff know this, but Emily Kingsley Pearl, welcome to Holland. Are you aware of welcome to Holland, Chris?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:08]:
I’m not. Tell me more about that.

Steve Harris [00:19:09]:
Okay. She was one of the original writers in Of Sesame Street. She wrote an analogy, apologies, probably 30, 40 years ago now, called welcome to Holland. And the idea is that parents who are having a child, it’s kind of like they’re getting a dream vacation to Italy. And so they get on the plane, they’re all excited, you know, prepared to enjoy Italy. The plane lands, the announcement comes over the loudspeaker, and they say, good afternoon, everybody. Welcome to Holland. And the parent sitting there says, well, wait a minute, I didn’t expect to be in Holland.

Steve Harris [00:19:39]:
I’m going to Italy. And also, you find out you’re in Holland, you are in a place that you did not expect. You’re not prepared for it. And she said, okay, be disorienting. You can be angry about it, you can be frustrated. But she said, as you are in Holland, all of a sudden, there are challenges to it. It’s got new languages and new experiences you didn’t expect. But as you are there, you’re also finding out that Holland has Rembrandt and Holland has tulips and Holland has all kinds of joys and things that you did not expect and you did not prepare for, even think about.

Steve Harris [00:20:08]:
But there you are in this new place and you can enjoy Holland. That analogy has helped many people. It helped me early on to realize that, no, I wasn’t in the place expected to be as a dad. I was in a world that presented all kinds of challenges. But over time, given time, and there are good days and bad days, but you realize that the life I’m living as a dad right now with my kids, with my two sons who are disabled, it’s an amazing, wonderful, rich, rich life. It takes you to places you didn’t want to go, maybe, but you’re very grateful that you went there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
Now, if people want to find out more about the book, where should they go?

Steve Harris [00:20:43]:
Well, I have a website, www.steve harris author. They can look me up there. It’s also on Amazon and other places. If they want to contact me directly, I’ll send them a book. You know my dream about this book. Early on, this is probably naive. This was not about book writing thing. I wanted to just be handing these books out.

Steve Harris [00:21:02]:
And my dream still is to have this book in every hospital in America because I think it’s a book for dads to read and for moms and family members. But I really hope that doctors and nurses, social workers and teachers and chaplains and counselors will read this book because they’re working with these men, they’re working with these families and these kids. I would love to see the sensitivity heightened about what these families are going through so that they’ll be supported because ultimately it supports the kid. A strong dad is going to be a better dad. And our kids are going to need all kinds of support to reach the potential that they have for their lives. A dad as important as any of them in that group of people who are helping. But I hope that the book gets read by all kinds of people out there, but especially by dads, of course. And I do hope that they’ll be passing them out in hospital rooms across America.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:53]:
Now. We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, which is an opportunity to get to know you a little bit more as a dad. Are you ready?

Steve Harris [00:22:01]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:01]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your sons?

Steve Harris [00:22:05]:
Playful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:06]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Steve Harris [00:22:10]:
Be there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:11]:
What’s one activity that you and your sons love or love doing together?

Steve Harris [00:22:18]:
Wrestling on the living room floor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:19]:
If you could give your son one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Steve Harris [00:22:24]:
Be grateful and have faith in better things to come.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:27]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Steve Harris [00:22:31]:
I would say I have learned and am learning that I need not a great dad. I need help. And I guess learning to reach out for that help, that’s a longer answer. But learn to reach out for the help that you need for the challenges in front of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:44]:
What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their kids?

Steve Harris [00:22:51]:
Appreciate them for the unique individual that they are, that every day is new. You kind of said that in your opening introduction there. That every day is new. We grow, we change, they grow, they change. And be aware of that and connect with that each day.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:05]:
Well, Steve, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story, for letting us get to know your sons in a little bit different ways, and also for the book that you’ve created to help help other fathers that are raising children with disabilities to be able to help them to know that they’re not alone, but also to help them to negap to navigate the journey that they’re going to be on in a very practical way. We’ll make sure to put a link in the notes today to make sure that people know how to get access to that, but I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Steve Harris [00:23:41]:
Well, thank you very much, Chris. It’s a pleasure to meet you today and thank you for letting me share my story.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:45]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:16]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Social Media and Fatherhood: Dr. Stuart Ablon’s Approach to Successful Parenting

February 10, 2025 by dadofdivas

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In the latest episode of the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast, we talk with Dr. Stuart Ablon, a psychologist and director at Think Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital. This episode is packed with vital insights on effective communication, the challenges of social media, and the importance of empathy in parenting. In this blog post, we delve into some of the key topics covered in their discussion and explore how fathers can better connect with their daughters through listening and understanding.

The Power of Listening

Dr. Ablon emphasizes a listening approach that includes asking questions, making educated guesses, reflecting back, and providing reassurance. Listening is a fundamental tool that fosters empathy and understanding. Rather than focusing on trying to motivate children to behave in specific ways, Ablon suggests that listening and collaborating on solutions can lead to more meaningful and lasting outcomes.

Balancing Work and Family Life

One of the challenges highlighted by Dr. Ablon is maintaining a balance between work and family life. In today’s fast-paced world, the boundaries between work and home are increasingly blurred. Ablon advocates for the importance of being organized and efficient to preserve family time. This balance is crucial in ensuring fathers can be present and engaged in their daughters’ lives.

Navigating Social Media

Social media’s impact on children’s brain development and mental health is a significant concern for today’s parents. Dr. Ablon explains that while social media apps are designed to be addictive, leading to mental health risks, the introduction of social media should be based on individual child’s skills, such as impulse control, rather than a specific age. He advises parents to start conversations about social media early, focusing on listening rather than immediately solving problems. Resources like “YourBrainOnSocialMedia.org” and the Shaw Family Foundation provide valuable guidance for parents.

Empathy as an Essential Skill

Ablon’s philosophy, “kids do well if they can,” underscores the idea that individuals, including dads, perform to the best of their current abilities. Building empathy involves understanding another person’s experiences and perspectives without necessarily having personal experience or agreement. This understanding is crucial in shaping healthy relationships and solving behavioral issues collaboratively with children.

Consistency and Role Modeling

Dr. Ablon emphasizes the importance of consistency and modeling the behavior parents wish to see in their children. Children are quick to detect hypocrisy, making it essential for parents to recognize and own their mistakes honestly. He suggests that dads unsure of how to start conversations about challenging topics like social media should focus on easier aspects and choose optimal settings for discussions.

This episode offers indispensable advice for fathers aiming to build strong connections with their daughters. By prioritizing listening, balancing work and family, navigating the complexities of social media thoughtfully, and fostering empathy, dads can create an environment where their daughters feel understood and supported. Want to be a part of our new community? Fill out this short survey to tell us more!

Remember, effective communication and empathy are cornerstones of successful parenting. As Dr. Ablon reminds us, listening is not just hearing words but truly understanding the feelings and perspectives behind them.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you know, we have a conversation together to be able to help you walk on this path that you’re walking on, to help your daughters to become those strong, independent women that you want them to become. None of us walk into fatherhood knowing exactly what we’re doing. There is no one right way to be a father. There’s no one right manual. So it is so important for us to be able to be on this journey together, to be open to listening, to learning, and to hearing what others have to say, and to be able to find things that we can take and put into action with our own kids. That’s what this podcast is all about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: Every week, I love being able to be on this journey with you, but also to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that are bothering in their own way, but also that have resources that you can draw from to help you on this journey that you’re on. Today, we got another great guest with us today. Dr. Stuart Ablon is with us today, and Stuart is the founder and director of Think Kids in Think Kids in the department of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. He’s an award winning psychologist. He is the Thomas Stenberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School, the author of 3 books, changeable, handpicked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach. I’m really excited to have him on today. We’re gonna be having a conversation about him as a father himself, but also we’re gonna be talking about social media and the impact of social media on our kids and some of the things that he’s been delving a little bit deeper in, into looking at this, into identifying ways in which we might be able to work with our own kids on this as they’re getting older and starting to utilize social media for themselves. So that being said, I am so excited to have Stuart here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]: Stuart, thanks so much for being here today.

Stuart Ablon [00:02:44]: My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me, Chris. It’s, an honor to be here. I’m looking forward to the discussion.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:49]: Well, it’s my pleasure having you here today. And the first and foremost thing that I love doing is getting to know you more as a father. So I wanna turn the clock back in time. I know you you have 3 kids, and I’m gonna focus on your daughter. I mean, that this is the the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast. And I know you’ve got an 18 year old daughter that’s about to be grown and flown and out of the house and head into college, but I wanna go all the way back, all the way back to that first moment that you found out that you’re gonna be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head?

Stuart Ablon [00:03:15]: Oh, gosh. Wow. You’re taking me by surprise here, and I have to say just your question alone gives me goosebumps because I I do remember sitting there and watching the ultrasound and we actually had 2 older sons. And with our 3rd child, we decided that preparation trumped surprise. And so no longer were we gonna be surprised by boy or girl. Preparation with the 3rd was a good idea. So and when they said you’re having a baby girl, I remember just being sort of overcome, frankly, with emotion and so excited. Daunting a little bit because I felt like I got this boy thing down a little bit and it’s a experience near, but but so excited to have a girl join our family as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:03:52]: And I have to say it’s a little tough imagining and extending her off to college and that chapter of my life being done. But, yeah, it’s been my greatest pleasure in my life really is raising these children and having a daughter as the baby, the last one, incredibly special, and she’s a special kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]: Well, one chapter closes, but another chapter opens. So you’re definitely never done being a father. And fatherhood is not always an easy thing. There’s gonna be ups. There’s gonna be downs. And I talk to a lot of dads about being a father to a daughter, and many of the dads say that they walk into fatherhood being a little fearful. But especially when they have a daughter, there’s some fear that goes into that. What would you what would you say was your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:04:38]: Well, and honestly, I I have to say, I did feel fear, but I also felt, like, equal measure, just excitement and just being thrilled for the experience of having a daughter. And, you know, I I don’t wanna try to call it fear, but I felt maybe you could call it pressure, a little bit of anxiety to really be the kind of role model for her that would set the stage for, honestly, the kind of relationship she would wanna have in her life and potentially with men and partners in her life in the future as well, depending on how, you know, everything panned out for her. So I felt some some, you know, I think, inherent pressure, in that regard. And just to protect her and take care of her because the world can be a scary complicated place, period, and particularly for young girls and women. And so there was that feeling as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:27]: So you talk about fear. And as you go through you talked about phases of fatherhood, and you go through a number of phases of fatherhood as your children are getting older. As you think back to those different phases with your own daughter, what was the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:05:44]: When I think about all the sort of joys of fatherhood when it comes to a daughter, I think the hardest part for me is trying to find a way to be close to her and involved with her in areas that typically fall into the this is mom’s territory. And, you know, I’m the kind of parent who I wanna be involved in everything. And the boys, there were no limitations. And then along comes some issues especially around puberty and beyond that it’s like, oh, that’s not typically something that dad’s involved in. And wanting to normalize that actually dads can be involved in those things as well. And and, you know, so but how to walk that line respectfully, carefully, and be able to be a part of things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:28]: I think that’s so important, and so many dads with daughters have to walk that road and figure out how they can be a part of it, be there for their child even though and empathize with their child and try to understand what they’re going through even though they’re never gonna truly understand.

Stuart Ablon [00:06:44]: Well, and this is where, you know, I think sometimes people misunderstand. They think empathy means you have to have walked in somebody’s shoes when actually the the word empathy, it really means to understand, and you can work really hard to try to understand somebody else’s experience, perspective, concerns, etcetera, even if you don’t share them. And in my work, I’m always reminding people empathy also doesn’t mean agreeing or disagreeing. It just means trying to understand, which is something that I try to work really hard to do as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:12]: Now you’ve been busy. I talked about all the different accolades, all the things that you’re doing, working at Mass General, working at Harvard, being an author, doing a lot of different things. And as you were doing all of those different things, you’re also balancing and trying to find that balance between profession and home life and whatever hats you’re wearing. Talk to me about balance and what you had to do to be able to balance work and raising your kids.

Stuart Ablon [00:07:42]: Yeah. I mean, I think it’s the it’s one of the biggest challenge for working parents. And, you know, for me, I I have to say, I I really have felt strongly all along that I wasn’t gonna be somebody who was working all the time on the weekends and in evenings and things like that. And I really wanted to preserve a lot of family time and be present for my kids and show up at all their games and all their events and recitals and everything. And to me, that meant really having to be super efficient, to be honest, and make sure that I was, like, highly organized and efficient and effective. And I have traveled a lot for my work. So when I have to travel, making the absolute most of those times, so that when I know I come back, I’m ready to be there with the kids, which is why, you know, historically, you wouldn’t see me watching many movies on an airplane. You’d see me cranking away, getting my work done so that I could arrive back and be present.

Stuart Ablon [00:08:34]: But it’s really hard, especially in this new reality where the sort of boundary between work and home life is eroded. You have to be really diligent about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]: Now I mentioned at the beginning of this that you have been working very closely, with Mass General, but also with some of the work that you’re doing with some other nonprofit organizations on looking at social media and understanding the impact of social media and on kids today. I would love to delve a little bit deeper on some of the work that you’re doing. If you can give my give me a little bit more context and what you’re learning in regards to how social media and electronics use in general is impacting maybe the brain development of our kids, but also the interactions, the relationship building, the social skills, etcetera, that kids are trying to maneuver through in this time and age.

Stuart Ablon [00:09:32]: Sure. I’d be happy to. You know, I think this is, in my mind, the biggest parenting challenge of our generation as parents, because there’s been, frankly, a massive social experiment that’s been going on with our children’s brains and mental health as they’ve been exposed to social media and have smartphones in their hands and at their side at every moment. And I’ve seen this in my eldest is 25. My My youngest that we were talking about is 18. Just in those 7 years, remarkable differences in sort of the influence and the impact of smartphones and and social media in particular on our kids. And there’s no doubt there’s an incredibly strong correlation between the amount of, for instance, social media use and risk for mental health issues. And we don’t have the kind of research that can tell whether this is correlational, whether it’s the more time you spend on them, the the worse your mental health is, or could go in the opposite direction.

Stuart Ablon [00:10:24]: But we do know that these apps that kids are spending most of their time on are sort of built algorithmically to addict. They are built to just have the kids want more and more and more and more and attach themselves to them. And there are a number of consequences to that and not particularly healthy for when we look at how human brains develop in the best of cases, sort of healthy human neurotypical brain development. Those are not the ideal circumstances for our brains to develop in this social world that we live in. There’s a ton of reasons to be really worried about the impact of social media on our kids’ mental health. Not to say that it’s all evil and terrible because particularly for some kids from historically, marginalized communities, those kids can find incredible connection on social media and belonging, but it’s complicated for them as well. And for most kids, it’s a big risk. Now the work that I’ve historically done over the last few decades, I’ve specialized in helping parents and other adults work together collaboratively with kids to try to solve really tough problems that are involved in very concerning behavior.

Stuart Ablon [00:11:29]: And I’ve done work in homes, schools, treatment centers, hospitals, prisons, all kinds of places over the years. And we’ve developed an approach that’s been shown to help adults problem solve together with kids, decrease concerning behaviors, solve problems, help build or restore our relationships with kids and help kids build the skills they need to handle things more independently in the future. So why do I say that? Well, because a partner, the Shaw family foundation here in Boston approached us because they’ve been doing a lot of work on the impact of social media on our kids and their mental health. And one of the things that kept coming up all the time from parents is parents were saying, okay. It’s great to hear about all these parental controls that we may be able to use. It’s great to hear that legislation is coming down, you know, down the pike soon to try to protect our kids. But what do we do in the meantime? And what most parents, most of us are told is you need to be talking to your kids about social media. So for me, as a dad, I need to talk to my daughter about social media.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:26]: Well, Chris, I don’t know if you’ve had these conversations, but in my experience, I’m working with tons of parents. Most parents try to have these conversations, and the experience is easier said than done. And it either, like, goes nowhere or gets, like, conflictual. And either case, it ends up with us dads being, like, okay. I’m out. Forget it. Like, I don’t you know, this is that’s it. I tried.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:49]: As opposed to an ongoing conversation, which is really what we need to be having with our kids. So that’s the work we’ve been doing is trying to equip parents with the skills to have these conversations with our kid, and we have sort of a pretty clear formula for how to do that, honestly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:05]: So talk to me about that strategy. And as you said, it’s not a one time conversation that you have to have. But I guess a lot of times, parents are getting mixed information when they look online or they talk to others about when did you introduce your kids to social media? And maybe that’s not the right question to ask is when, but maybe it’s what skills your kids really need to have to be able to manage the responsibility of being on social media. So I guess in you hearing both of those pieces, is there a right age? Or are there specific skills that we need to be teaching our kids first to allow for them to be prepared enough to manage the responsibility of being on social media in general.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:00]: Yes. To manage the responsibility and to protect and safeguard themselves, their their mental health, etcetera. So the answer to your question, you know, is there a right age or is it about the sort of skills that a kid has? The answer is yes. It it you know, it’s both. The reality is the longer you can hold out, the better. There’s a lot of good research that shows if you can hold out till somewhere at least in the 10 to 13 range, it’s gonna be a lot better for a kid’s mental health. 15 might be ideal, but that’s hard to do these days with everybody else on social media. So the longer you can in that window, the better.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:34]: But it depends. It really depends on your kid’s skills. How socially skilled are they? How much impulse control do they have? These things vary. Not all 10 year olds have the same level of impulse control. Some 13 year olds have 10 year old level of impulse control, for instance. So, you know, that really has to be taken into account. But, you know, we have a lot of resources. The website that, we created together, the Shaw Family Foundation, sponsored all this work and has organized this all.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:59]: The website is called your brain on social media. Your brain on social media dot org. Ton of resources that can guide parents in making these kinds of decisions. You know, regardless of whether your kid’s on social media now, we’re thinking about it, what age, etcetera, ton of resources there. And one of the big resources you’ll see is the part that I’ve been heavily involved in, which is how how to talk to your kids about social media. Although I was joking the other day, I think it’s a little bit of a misleading title because what we really ought to call it is how to listen to your kids when it comes to social media. Because the most effective collaborations with our children, the sort of foundation of them is listening to our kids first and foremost.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:40]: And sometimes dads are not always the best at listening. So we have to keep that in mind is that sometimes we try to fix way more than we try to hear what’s being told to us, especially from our daughters. And I think that it’s so important, like you said, that we do have to be able to listen and and really hear what they’re saying. And you have to start early to be able to set that relationship up.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:05]: Absolutely. We have a bit of a philosophy that guides our work when it’s applied to kids. It it sounds like this. It it goes, kids do well if they can. Not kids do well if they want to. And if they’re not doing well, we just gotta make them want to. But kids do well if they can. We we think that all kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have to handle what the world’s thrown at them, but we apply this to adults as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:24]: And we should most certainly apply it to dads, which is to say dads do well if they can. So we dads may not always be great at listening, but we’re doing the best we can with the skills we have. And here’s the good thing, we can build those skills. And to your point, Chris, the earlier we build them, the better for us getting better at it and for building a relationship with our daughters that really emphasizes listening, understanding and collaborating. And it’s one of the things I spend a lot of time doing is actually teaching people how to listen because we tend to jump to solutions very quickly. And, you know, I think if we’re really being honest with ourselves, when we’re talking to somebody, somebody’s saying something to us, we tend to spend more time thinking about how am I going to respond to what I’m hearing than let me make sure I really understand what I’m hearing. But that can be taught. You can learn how to do that.

Stuart Ablon [00:17:14]: It’s one of the things that we we show when it comes to these conversations around social media is there are some very clear guideposts you can follow to make sure you’re really focusing on listening. It’s

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:23]: so important to do, and it’s not always the easiest thing, and you’re gonna have you’re probably gonna stumble more times than not, and you’re gonna have to pick yourself up and just try again. And the nice thing is is that your kids will your kids tend to forgive you a lot more than others will, and they will give you a lot more grace in regards to the amount of times they’ll forgive you. So especially when they’re young. So keep that in mind. As you’re trying to have these conversations, don’t be afraid of them. Jump in. Talk about the things that you’ve had problems with and that you’ve been kind of drawn into yourself because even adults can be drawn in to the addictiveness of social media. And if we can get drawn in, that means our kids are gonna be drawn in even quicker.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:07]: Absolutely. The thing is that listening is so hard, frankly. I often recommend to parents when they’re approaching trying to do some problem solving around social media to not even try to problem solve in the first conversation. To have your first conversation simply be listening. The process of empathizing, gathering information from your child, trying to understand their perspective, their point of view, asking a lot of questions, taking guesses if you need. Anytime you hear something from your child, reflecting back to them what you’ve heard to make sure you’ve got it correctly. Those kinds of things to really understand whatever aspect of social media you’re trying to talk about. And, you know, that’s one thing, Chris, we haven’t really covered, but I think another mistake that we dads and parents in general tend to make is trying to have a conversation about social media at large.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:52]: Way too big. I always tell people bite off some piece that you can chew, whether that’s like use of social media after school that’s getting in the way of homework time or it’s keeping kids up at night or you’re worried about a particular aspect of social media, like being stuck on tracking where your friends are at all times that makes you feel like you’re left out of different things to being on in the, on social media or your phone in the car when you ordinarily could be connecting with other people or, your phone finding its way to the dinner table or things like pick a thing to start and ideally low hanging fruit. That’s something you can get some traction on, pick an aspect, one piece first and start there and start with the listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]: Now one of the other questions that I guess that I ask is about consistency. And what comes to mind is, as I was talking about your kids giving you grace, I think they also are very much watching you. And how do you talk to parents about dealing with inconsistency when it comes to what you may be doing versus what you’re telling them that they should be doing and how you have some parity there?

Stuart Ablon [00:20:01]: We just hosted an event focused on this topic, and we were joking that one of my fellow panelists was saying that kids are like heat seeking missiles, I think she said, for, hypocrisy, and this is a great example of that. Like, if you try to set some boundaries, some expectations, rules around social media use, and then you violate them yourselves, Oh, look out. You are going to be called out. But honestly, rightfully so in most cases. I mean, it’s like any other behavior that we’re concerned about with our kids. We have to model as parents the way we want them to go about this. And as you said earlier, Chris, that’s hard. It is really easy for us to get caught up in the addictive algorithms of things we’re scrolling on and 20 minutes later feel like I just wasted 20 minutes of my life when I could have been connecting with my daughter being out doing something active, like all kinds of things.

Stuart Ablon [00:20:47]: So it’s okay to mess up. We’re not gonna be perfect models all the time, but what’s important is to own it when you mess up. And to be able to recognize and point out to your daughter that, you know, you struggle with this as well. And I’ve actually had instances where my daughter who’s holding me accountable to the things that I’ve suggested we ought to be practicing as a family. Now having said that, it is also okay for us parents to have different set of expectations for, for instance, social media use than kids because our brains are much more fully developed, and we hopefully have more impulse control and perspective taking skills and things like that so that we can navigate this world a bit more successfully. So it’s okay. Just like it’s okay in a family to have different expectations for different kids because they’re at different developmental levels. That’s okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:41]: So for the Dad that’s listening right now that is at his wit’s end, he doesn’t know how to start this conversation or really broach the topic to get things moving. Where would you have him start?

Stuart Ablon [00:21:53]: Well, first thing I would say to him is, like I said a few moments ago, pick an aspect of this conversation you wanna focus on. And what are the easier ones than one of the harder ones? So pick any aspect of it. If it’s, like I said, that your your daughter wants to be on her phone when she’s going to bed and you’re worried that, you know, it’s keeping her up way too late and making her tired the next morning, etcetera, etcetera. Make that the focus. Just that piece. And then I would say to him, give some thought to when and where and while doing what it’s gonna be best to have this conversation. Because oftentimes, the worst thing we can do, Chris, is, like, call the family meeting and sit down looking at each other, and it’s, like, very disregulating for kids. So pick a time when you know your daughter is more accessible.

Stuart Ablon [00:22:36]: Like, when my daughter was younger, she loved to go out in the street in front of our house and have me throw a football back and forth with her. It’s this sort of patterned, repetitive, rhythmic, regulating experience, and we can have great conversations. Other times, it’s when we’re in the car and she’s captive and we don’t have to look at each other or, you know, it it just pick your spots, I think is the first thing to say. But then I would say to him, kick it off with a neutral observation. Say something that about the problem that that doesn’t put your daughter on the defensive immediately. Say something like, hey, I’ve noticed that, or it looks like, or it seems as if, and fill in the blank with the situation. Hey. It seems as if you’ve been on your phone a bunch or you’ve wanted to be on your phone a bunch right before you go to bed and I’m just sort of curious about that.

Stuart Ablon [00:23:21]: Fill me in. What what’s up with that? So you’re just trying to launch a conversation with as neutral an observation as possible and just ask for information and then you hop right into listening mode. And I tell people I I’ve studied this. I studied this for about 5 years and I found when we are listening to our kids we should be doing 4 things and 4 things only. Asking questions, taking educated guesses if need be because they’re having a hard time filling us in, reflecting back to them in our own words, anything we’re hearing from them to make sure we’re getting it correctly. And the 4th thing is if they start to get upset or shut down or anything, reassure them that this is not about you imposing your will upon them, that you’re really wanting to understand their experience, their concerns, their perspective. So for me, that looks like saying things like, hey, you’re not in trouble, Or I’m not saying you can’t. I just wanna understand what’s going on here.

Stuart Ablon [00:24:09]: I know there must be an important reason that, for example, you’re on your phone a lot before bed, and I just wanna understand that. So help phone me in. Questions, guesses, reflect anything you heard, provide reassurance, and just do that. That would be my guidance to this hypothetical dad we’re talking about is just do that piece first. Don’t worry about your concerns, your perspective, your point of view, your proposed solutions. Hold on to those. We’ll get to those later. Listen first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:33]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:40]: I think so. I hope so.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:42]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:43]: Joy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:44]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:48]: Watching my daughter interact with adults at school and getting a chance to sort of see her in action in her school felt like I’ve done my job here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:00]: If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:04]: Probably silly, not taking myself too seriously. But since we’re coming off of a bladed Father’s Day with my daughter and she wrote me the sweetest of cards, she also described me as interested and always interested in what she’s up to and supportive. And so even just getting I get choked up just thinking about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:22]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:25]: I mean, that’s an easy one. You know, my dad, same thing. You know, my dad is the ultimate support. You know, he’s like in your corner at all times. And the other thing about my dad is my dad, if you ask my dad to do anything, anything, his answer is, yep. Let’s go do it. Always up for everything. So tremendous role model and mentor as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]: Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice. You’ve shared your own journey and definitely given a lot of advice as it comes to social media. But in thinking about all dads out there, what’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:01]: A piece of advice I would give to every dad is resist the temptation to think that our role as dads is to motivate our children to behave in the ways that we want them to behave and sort of incentivize them. And instead, embrace that notion that I said before, which is kids do well if they can, but all our kids are trying to do the best they can. It’s it’s infrequently a lack of motivation that’s getting in any kid’s way. Listen hard, empathize, try and understand where they’re coming from, and then collaborate and invite our kids to be co authors of solutions because it’s not only great practice for our kids, but my goodness, the kids come up with some great ideas too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]: They sure do. Now I know that you mentioned the foundation that you’re working with, but if people wanna find out more about you, the work that you’re doing, where should they go?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:48]: Thanks. Sure. So the program that that I have the pleasure of directing at at Mass General Hospital is called Think Kids. And if people go to think kids, the word think and the word kids put together dot org, they’ll find all about the resources we offer there. People can find me, personally at, stewartablon.com. That’s stewartab l0n.com. And the partnership with the Shaw Family Foundation, that’s spelled shah, Family Foundation, around social media. A tremendous resource is your brain on social media.org.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:24]: I really encourage people to check it out. There’s so much rich information there and really easy resource guides to walk us parents, us dads through how to have these collaborative conversations. Really helpful. So I encourage people to use those resources.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:39]: Well, Stuart, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Thank you for being here and the work that you’re doing to help parents to maneuver through this challenging time that we’re in, and I truly wish you all the best.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:52]: Well, it was great to meet you. Thank you for your work supporting dads on this difficult but incredibly fulfilling journey. I mean, that’s right. That’s fatherhood is is the most fulfilling and the most challenging thing, you know, you’ll do. So So thank you for supporting people. Thank you for having me on. I hope it’s helpful for people. And remember, dads do well if they can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: We’re all in the same boat And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]: Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Does Insurance Cover Virtual Therapy?

October 21, 2022 by dadofdivas

Online addiction counseling and therapy have virtually exploded in popularity since the COVID-19 pandemic began. While the pandemic, unfortunately, created its own mental health crisis, it also highlighted the growing need for more accessible mental health and substance abuse care. Even though in-person therapy has resumed, it seems that virtual therapy is here to stay.

There has been a sharp increase in the number of apps and online health platforms offering some form of therapy. The services provided range from standard counseling to receiving prescriptions from licensed psychiatrists.

Some prominent online therapy providers include:

Talkspace
Online-Therapy.com
Teen Counseling
AmWell
ReGain Counseling
BetterHelp

Fortunately, insurance companies have responded and expanded their coverage to include most of these apps and platforms. Many of the most popular online mental health services forums are covered partially or entirely by major insurance companies.

Why Should I Try Online Therapy?

Online therapy has both pros and cons, but one of the main pros is that it’s made therapy significantly more accessible to people with tight schedules, people with disabilities, and people in more rural areas. Some other benefits include:

you can attend therapy at home, school, or even at work
no need to deal with transportation
limited or no wait times for appointments
lower costs than traditional therapy
therapists are available at all times of the day

How to Find Out if You’re Covered

The first step is to check out the online therapy platform of your choosing and see if they have a link discussing insurance. Some major platforms, like BetterHelp, do not accept any insurance and function entirely on a subscription model. You can, however, try getting reimbursed by your insurance for using this service. Other online therapy providers like Talkspace do accept most major insurances. Some employers even provide this as a benefit.

If you’re seeking virtual therapy through a local therapist’s office, the easiest way to find out if your insurance will cover sessions is to call them and ask. They can also give you pricing ranges for consultations and regular sessions with counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists.

Once you have an idea of which therapist or platform you may be interested in, it’s a good idea to contact your insurance provider directly. You can use this opportunity to find out if you have benefits or coverage for online therapy and whether you can expect any copays, deductibles, or other out-of-pocket costs. Your insurance provider can also tell you if there are any specific therapists that are in-network to help you avoid out-of-network fees.

Here are some of the major health insurance providers that cover online therapy:

Aetna currently covers telehealth for mental health problems
Blue Cross Blue Shield, or Anthem, covers video telehealth sessions
Cigna plans vary, but most cover virtual health visits for mental illnesses
Humana covers most or all of online therapy costs
Tricare fully covers all virtual mental health services
United Healthcare is currently covering online therapy at the same rates as in-person therapy, though this may end soon

If you have Medicaid or Medicare, you’re in luck — almost every state has expanded their coverage to include online therapy. There are a few who still may not cover certain services though, so call the number on your insurance card to verify coverage before scheduling an appointment.

The Next Step

Starting therapy can feel intimidating, so breaking it down into a step-by-step process can be helpful. Getting your insurance sorted out and choosing a therapist is half the battle. Once that’s over, you can focus on what truly matters: achieving your mental health goals and getting on track to a healthier, happier life.

Mental Health Tips for Parents

February 17, 2021 by dadofdivas

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and in the midst of the recent COVID-19 pandemic, you may be struggling more than ever to keep your mental health in check. As a result, you may have felt a sense of guilt or uselessness for your inability to take control of everyday situations as you once did, but this is completely natural given the circumstances, and you shouldn’t feel the need to talk yourself down. In this guide, we’re going to look at some helpful tips you can take on board to keep your mental health in check as a parent. Take a look at these tips below:

Talk to your partner

There are days when you may feel completely at your wit’s end to the point where you question your abilities as a parent – and you wouldn’t be the only one. Everyone struggles from time to time, and in such as unprecedented state of events that we’re currently living through, it’s natural to feel moments of panic or uncertainty in your capabilities of taking care of yourself and your children’s needs. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to reach out to your partner for support. They should be one of the only individuals in your life who completely understand your personal circumstances and is happy to support you every step of the way. Through discussion, you should hopefully be able to come to some decisions about how to ease the burden and share responsibilities so you don’t feel overwhelmed or stressed when you are suffering from days of severe depression or anxiety.

Know the signs in others around you as well

If your mental health has suffered quite badly over the past year or so as a result of the pandemic, you may begin to notice when others around you are struggling in the same way. Keep an eye out for the key signs that your family or friends are suffering too. Some of the most common signs of depression include:

Irritability
Lack of confidence
Lack of interest in hobbies
Unable to sleep / irregular sleep patterns
Inability to concentrate

For instance, your teenager could be struggling to open up with anybody. By noticing the signs and being open about how you feel could help them feel not so alone. If, upon noticing the signs, you feel like trying to handle your own mental health issues and help your child is too much, the best option would be to seek professional help such as a counselor or treatment program. Mental health conditions can worsen without the correct strategies, and you may not have much of an idea of how to help your child get it under control. If you believe your teenager is suffering from any of the above symptoms, it would be well worth visiting depression clinics to help them get their life back on track while you also find solutions that work for you. Often clinics can give you essential tactics to cope with parenting a child with mental health issues, for example.

Recognize your strengths

When times get tough, and your mental health is suffering, it’s very easy to focus on your weaknesses rather than your strengths. However, remembering how great you are will certainly boost your confidence and hopefully help switch off negative thoughts that are causing you to ruminate. Instead of telling yourself, ‘today isn’t going well’ and ‘I am a failure,’ recognize what you have achieved and what you are capable of. Children are inspired by the behavior they are surrounded by, so aim to stay as positive as you can to be a good role model.