Listening skills Archives

Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

July 6, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Power of Presence: Building Strong Bonds Between Dads and Daughters

June 22, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? That’s the central question explored in the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, where Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes guest Brandon Smith for an honest, insightful and at times emotional conversation about fatherhood, mistakes, and building resilient, confident daughters.

From the start, Brandon Smith distinguishes between “intended” and “unintended” moments in parenting, emphasizing that the unscripted, everyday experiences often make the deepest impact. Whether it’s a trip for just the two of them or sitting quietly in support during a crisis, simply showing up consistently is the anchor of a strong bond. As Brandon Smith shares, “the small moments mattered the most” — a lesson he learned not only in his journey as a dad but also through the advice of other fathers.

The episode dives deep into the challenges dads face: resisting the urge to “fix” everything, sitting with difficult emotions, and learning to ask open-ended questions that give daughters the space to vent, reflect, and find their own solutions. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith steer the conversation toward agency, urging fathers to build their daughters’ confidence and resilience by empowering them to make decisions — even allowing for failure as an important part of growth.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being truly present — listening, apologizing when you get it wrong, and making your child a priority. Brandon Smith reminds listeners that kids are far more forgiving than we think, as long as we’re willing to acknowledge our mistakes and keep trying. Traditions, whether as simple as a regular dinner or a unique holiday ritual, also play a role in creating a safe foundation daughters can count on, even as they gain independence.

Fathers of daughters — whether your relationship is close or still growing, this episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” is packed with real advice, vulnerable stories, and practical tips to help you show up as the dad your daughter needs.

Ready to deepen your connection? Tune in to the full episode and join Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith on the journey to raising strong, independent women.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you come back. You come back to learn, to grow and to find new ways to be able to build those intentional connections with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And it’s so important because we have to show up. We’ve got to show up every day. We’ve got to learn from the things we do well. We got to learn from the things that we mess up on as well, because there’s going to be times that are going to go perfectly and then other times where we’ll. They may be an epic fail. And that’s okay. That the fact that you do show up, the fact that you do come back and you’re willing to, to learn and to hear others stories about their journeys says a lot about you and it says a lot about where you want to be as a father. This podcast is here to give you some help, some perspective, some thoughts on fatherhood.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]:
Every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have gone through their own fatherhood journey and they’re still going through their fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest. Brandon Smith is with us today and Brandon is a return guest, I’m going to say, in some aspects, not he wasn’t a return guest from this podcast, but for those of you that have been listening to me for a while, you know that I had another podcast called Dads with Daughters, and Brandon’s a past guest from that show. So if you want to find that episode, go over to fathering together, you can check that out. It’s still out there. And he’ll add some hot sauce to your fatherhood as well. And I’ll leave it at that because and tease that out. But I’m really excited to be able to have Brandon on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
We’re going to be talking about his own journey with his daughter. And I look forward for you to get to know him as well. Brandon, thanks so much for being here today.

Brandon Smith [00:02:33]:
Chris. I’m thrilled to be on and I love, I love what we’re going to be talking about here today. I’m very, very passionate about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]:
You know, one of the things that I love starting off with when I think about fatherhood is all of us as dads want to create those meaningful moments where we, we truly are able to, to connect with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Brandon Smith [00:02:58]:
So I’m going to answer that in two ways. So there was the intended moments where you get to plan them, but then there’s the unintended moments that you, that you don’t get to plan them. I would argue the unintended moments are probably more impactful. But let’s talk about the intended moments. So I’ve got three kids. My daughter Abby is my oldest. She’s 24. She’s graduated, working a full time job.

Brandon Smith [00:03:18]:
She’s doing great. We’ll talk more about that then. I have a son who’s Noah, who’s 21, and then a son Aaron, who’s 18. Well, whenever my kids were 12, I would always take them, just me and that kiddo, to Disney World, just me and that one kid. So we could just do whatever they want to do. They didn’t have to negotiate rides and restaurants with their siblings. And we just get that time together. And I kind of kept that tradition going with Abby.

Brandon Smith [00:03:38]:
So when she went off to University of Georgia, she was in a sorority. The nice thing about sororities is they have a lot of planned events. So they’ve got like parent weekends, but then they have mommy daughter weekend and then they have a daddy daughter weekend. So I did that with her every year. So there was always times I was going there, just me and her for weekends and time together. And then even during her summers when she was doing internships and things, you know, she would, we would find time for just she and I to meet up in the city some where and just kind of explore together. So there was those schedule times which I think were really, really important. I would argue that the most important times were the times when she was in crisis.

Brandon Smith [00:04:11]:
And I just sat with her. I was just with her, just being present, not trying to solve it, not trying to offer advice, just sit and listen. And that’s really hard now to be fair. We haven’t Talked much about my background. I have a slightly unfair advantage. I was trained as a clinical therapist, so I do bring that to bear. So I know how to ask questions and listen and do kind of reflective, which does help. But I think those moments were probably the most important, and there were several.

Brandon Smith [00:04:38]:
There was one where when she was graduating from college and there had been a death in her sorority, it really rattled my daughter. And on top of that, she had broken her leg, and she was a big runner, so she couldn’t run. That was her stress relief. Let me tell you, Chris, I’m not sure if I’d want to go relive that weekend with her, but it was an impactful one because I just got to sit there with her while she just kind of raged and vented and just had all those emotions just kind of flood. I once heard somewhere that part of the role of the difference between kind of dads and daughters, or men and women, husbands and wives, and in those dynamics, women are often like the waves of the ocean. They kind of come and go. And sometimes when two. When a wife and a daughter kind of come together, sometimes those waves can create some storms.

Brandon Smith [00:05:18]:
Men are kind of like the rock wall on the side of the coast, and the water’s supposed to kind of hit it, but not move it. So we’re kind of almost supposed to be there kind of that steady, steady, consistent force. I don’t know why that image has always stood out for me, but I know that there’s been moments when I’ve been that kind of that. That rock wall and just allowed her to just kind of vent and rage and not be overwhelmed by that. The most impactful. So a long answer to your question, my friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:41]:
Not a problem at all. You know, I have heard what you said earlier about being willing to just sit and listen from many people and not to solve. And that’s not an easy thing for dads to always do. It tends to take a little bit of reprogramming in our brains to be able to get to that point. Talk to me about that for yourself. And I know you said you have a unfair advantage, so maybe you can give some advice for dads that are struggling with that in regards to what either you had to do or what you might recommend that dads do, to be able to reprogram their brains, to be able to be more of those quiet listeners versus the solvers.

Brandon Smith [00:06:20]:
I think the first thing is to recognize that those emotions don’t mean that something’s broken or something’s wrong. So the Things that we want to not do is either jump in and say, no, you must not feel this way. You must feel this way. Trying to change what they’re feeling. Not a good idea. That’s really bad. Dads and daughters, moms and daughters, not good. You don’t want to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:06:38]:
Second, it’s okay to sit in that discomfort. I know it was my own case of. With my father, he was very different. He could not handle any kind of uncomfortable emotion at all. There was if I. If you just got excited and passionate about a topic at dinner, he’d get up and leave the dinner table. He’s gonna handle it. And my entire life, if I talked to my dad, he’d stick his hand out in my face, wave it back and forth, and he’d say, stop talking.

Brandon Smith [00:06:57]:
None of my business. He really just couldn’t handle that. So I would encourage dads first to just be okay with sitting there. You don’t have to fix it. And. And that negative energy isn’t going to hurt you or hurt them. We need to give them a safe space to let it out. So that’s first.

Brandon Smith [00:07:14]:
Second step. How do you help them let it out? It’s by asking a lot of questions and just reflecting back. Just. Just by saying things like that sounds really hard. How are you doing with that? And just letting them go or say, wow, that is just. That’s a lot. Or one of the great therapist lines, which you can always use in your playbook, works really well in life. Say more about that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:32]:
You can never go wrong with. Just say more about that. And you can start off by saying that. That guys, that sounds really hard. Say more about that. What’s the hardest part? So really sit in it now. Where dads are going to go wrong. Another part where they’re going to go wrong is they’re going to go, so how do you think we need to fix it? You don’t need to do that.

Brandon Smith [00:07:46]:
You don’t need to jump to fixing it. Just let them go. Let them go until that energy really starts to wane. Now, to be fair, my daughter’s grown up with me, and she has very good skills like this. So there’s times I was doing that with her on that moment, I told you, and she said to me, I know what you’re doing. Stop it. So I had to pivot. And one of the ways for my daughter that works really well is when I then get vulnerable, talk about something I’m struggling with in my life, or I get really kind of authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:08:12]:
She connects really well to that my daughter has never done, she came out this way. She’s never done well with people being not performative but, but, but not being real, not really saying what’s really going on. She cannot handle that. So she actually does really well with me just kind of being open and honest and just calling things the way they are. That actually settles her down. So just having some more of that honest dialog and just being present and not trying to change it. I think those are, those are the moments. And she’ll say today, she’ll say, you know, one of the things I’m most proud of, she’ll say if Brandon Smith me says he’s going to be there, he’s going to be there.

Brandon Smith [00:08:42]:
And as a dad that’s really meaningful. I’m feel myself even getting tearing up a little bit just saying that because what dad doesn’t want to hear their kiddo say that? So I would say those are probably two good tips. Just learning to be comfortable in that and then learning how to just ask questions to help it release. By helping it release, you’re fixing it. So I think that’s probably the last thing I’d say. For dads, you don’t have to have a plan of action with three steps or five steps or a phone call you’re going to make today. It doesn’t have to be that clear cut. Just by helping that emotion go, it’ll make a difference.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]:
As our daughters are born, for many years they, they rely so much on us and as they get old they become more and more independent. How did you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needed to be able to grow into the person that she has become?

Brandon Smith [00:09:28]:
It’s a really good question. And this is where we often. So in my professional world, I take a lot of my coaching background and my counseling background and bring it into the workplace and helping leaders get better and those sorts of things. Do a lot of executive coaching kind of work and, and what I think makes this so challenging, it’s kind of like leadership is an art and a science. Parenting is an art and a science. I mean every, every K is a little different. Every situation’s a little different. There’s no one size fits all.

Brandon Smith [00:09:51]:
Sometimes you got to pivot with your recipe. And so where it’s tricky is I’m always trying as a parent, I’m always trying to instill agency. It’s my favorite word. If you ask me, my favorite word on this planet is it’s agency. And for those of you that don’t kind of know the word agency. What we’re talking about when we’re talking about agency for a person, when you have a sense of agency, it’s almost like you tell yourself, I’m enough in the world. I’m not perfect. No one’s perfect.

Brandon Smith [00:10:13]:
But I’m enough. I can get through it. And we have high levels of agency. We have competence and confidence, and we have resilient, and we handle change well. Change doesn’t overwhelm us. What we don’t have when we have high levels of agency is heightened anxiety. Anxiety is the absence of agency. So if you got a really anxious kiddo, just really fearful, kind of struggling with dealing with life, agency is a great antidote.

Brandon Smith [00:10:35]:
I’m always trying to instill that. So the way you instill that is you ask a lot of questions. So, wow, that sounds really hard. Well, what do you think you can do about that? What do you. What do you think you need to do? How do you think you can solve that? How can I help you with that? But you’re. But you’re putting the answers, you’re putting the solutioning, you’re putting the authorship on that, kiddo. So book I published in 2022 is called the author versus editor dilemma. That’s a lot to do with workplaces and leadership and management.

Brandon Smith [00:10:57]:
But I always do a chapter in every one of my books on parenting, and there’s even a chapter in Author editor about that. Like, when should I sit in the author seat and tell them what to do? When should I sit in the editor seat and they tell me what they’re going to do and then I can respond to that. So you want them to have that agency, all solutions to problems. That sometimes means they’re going to fail, and that is okay. Where we need to kind of watch closely is we don’t want the failure to be catastrophic. Failures are good. That’s when you learn. We learn the most in times of failure.

Brandon Smith [00:11:22]:
My midd kiddo, he just went through the college internship process this year. It’s been really tough on college students and interns to find internships this year. It’s a tougher cycle. He had a couple lined up. He waited too long. The offers exploded on him and he had to scramble. And my wife and I were thinking how we could help him. Well, he ended up coming up with an internship on his own.

Brandon Smith [00:11:40]:
He found one, and he’s loving it. And I think the fact he recovered on his own, I mean, that’s really what you want. You Want that level of agency. So all that to say, you know, you’re trying to equip them to solve problems on their own. You’re going to support them. And even when my kids were little, they come home and say, oh, the teacher’s being me. The teacher’s bullying me. It triggers that inner parenting instinct.

Brandon Smith [00:11:58]:
You want to jump in and say, talk to that teacher. I always stopped myself and said, I’m not going to do that. And I would say, what conversation do you think you need to have? I know you can do it. I believe in you. And I said, I’ve got your back. I’ve got air cover for you. It doesn’t go well, you can call dad. Dad will jump in.

Brandon Smith [00:12:12]:
Dad will fix it, but why don’t you take the first crack? I did it with all my kids. I never had to have a conversation with the teacher. They would go back and they had it on their own because I was trying to again equip them to the agency. And also, those are great skills. You’re gonna have to have a conversation with your boss one day. Why don’t you learn that now? So then when you have to neg negotiate your salary or say you can’t work on the weekend, you learn how to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:30]:
Those are great examples. And I think, you know, I’ve. I feel like I’m going through a lot of those myself with my daughter that’s in college right now and figuring out, okay, where do I push, where do I pull, where do I just sit back? And that as you kind of talked about the author role or not. And so that’s always a challenge. And I think it always continues to be a challenge as you sit back and you’re like, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. You can learn from me, but you may need to make these mistakes yourself. And I get that too now, talking about intentional things and thinking in my head of what you just said.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:
Some of the things that we do are very intentional. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked throughout your daughter’s life to be able to strengthen that bond that you had with her, especially during those challenging times.

Brandon Smith [00:13:16]:
So my daughter’s a lot like a cat. You have to let her come to you. If you try and go to her too quickly, it’s not going to go very well. So being intentional, I think, is really important. I will say this. I think going back to the word agency, I often joke with my wife. My daughter kind of came out of the womb just frustrated because she didn’t have any agency because she’s 4 and she wants to do stuff. She’s 8 and she wants to do stuff.

Brandon Smith [00:13:36]:
She’s 12 and she wants to do stuff, and she can’t. And it got frustrated. Well, now she’s 24 and she works for a consulting firm, and she can do all the stuff. So I think that’s helped a lot. But I will say the hardest time for us was probably those high school years where it was the most pressure. And every year she went off to college, her feelings towards us improved, her connection towards us improved on her own, she made those things happen because I think she was just seeing her friends and some of their dynamics with their parents, and she realized we’re not so bad. And every time she called, we always made that time for her. So she calls my wife every day.

Brandon Smith [00:14:10]:
She talks to my wife every day. But she knows she can call me and I will drop whatever I’m doing if she calls me. So I think part of it is just being present with her, not being too pushy, but, you know, letting her come to me. The other thing was I always schedule time with her, and I always tell her, you are one of the most important people and most important relationships in my life. I really want to make sure we get to spend time together. And I find things that my kids like. My daughter likes to go to nice restaurants. She likes to try new food.

Brandon Smith [00:14:32]:
So we’ll go try the local Portuguese restaurant, or we’ll try the Persian restaurant or whatever happens to be. And so now that she’s on her own and she’s figuring out career stuff and life stuff, we try to do quarterly dinners. So we’ll do quarterly dinner. She’s still in Atlanta. I live in Atlanta. So we’ll meet up for dinner somewhere and just have a nice dinner and just talk about life, Talk about her career, her boyfriend, all the other things. I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s always kind of being there when they want to come to you.

Brandon Smith [00:14:57]:
That’s an intention and making them a priority. So that’s kind of more of a firefighter on call kind of intention. When the phone rings, I answer it. But there’s also keeping that connected. And I think when you plan something with someone, you’re signaling to them that they’re a priority. So when I tell my daughter, you mean a lot to me, and our relationship is very meaningful. I want to spend time with you. I’d love to take you out to dinner.

Brandon Smith [00:15:15]:
She never turns me down. So those are Some examples.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:18]:
I love those examples. And I try to have similar things with my own daughters. And I know that it makes a difference. Sometimes they say it, sometimes they don’t. And you have to know that. That you just have to realize that even if they don’t say it, it still matters. Now, none of us are perfect. We all make m mistakes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:37]:
What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:15:44]:
Oh, goodness. I’m going through my very large inventory of mistakes, Chris. So if I’m pausing, it’s because, wow, kind of a lot. Well, I would say I’ve done the opposite of a lot of things I’ve said. Like, I pushed on her too hard, pushed on solutions, pushed, pushed on answers, pushed for answers. That doesn’t go well with her. So that’s not good. But on the flip side, sometimes I don’t come to her when she’s upset.

Brandon Smith [00:16:06]:
That gets her really mad. So if she’s upset, upset, and she’s sending all the signals that she’s upset, and I’m not going to her saying, hey, you seem upset. And maybe I just don’t want to deal with it. I’m going to be honest. Maybe it’s just one of those times where I’m really tired. I don’t have much in the tank. Like, I can’t deal with her just, you know, her upsetness today, that makes her more angry because I’m not coming to her and acknowledging how she’s feeling. So I think there’s a lot around those things.

Brandon Smith [00:16:27]:
Yeah, it’s tricky. Parenting is such a startup experience. Fail fast or fail forward. You’re always trying to adjust. So, you know, I can tell you another great example, like when she was in high school and applying to colleges and she wasn’t getting the SAT score she wanted and she had one last shot, I mean, take the sat and like, I think it was October of your junior year last time. She could really take it and have it count. And she was procrastinating on studying for that, studying for that, studying for that. And whether this was good or bad to me, I’m not sure.

Brandon Smith [00:16:52]:
But I finally told her, I said, look, you don’t have to study for it. You can keep your same SAT scores, and then you’re going to go to this slate of colleges and they’re all perfectly fine. But if you want to go to this slate of colleges, you’re going to need to get that SAT score up. So you’re going to make a choice. And I said, if you want to go here, you’re going to have to do some studying, which means you can’t go off doing brunches on the weekend with your friends. You can’t do that. You got studying to do. You’re running out of time.

Brandon Smith [00:17:12]:
Time. Well, she went off. She said she wanted to do that. She wanted the other schools. She wanted a better score, but she kept doing the brunches. So finally, I had to go in one day and say, I’m sorry, Abby. I hate to do this. I’m your dad.

Brandon Smith [00:17:22]:
I want to honor your request of what you want. I’m grounding you for the next two weeks. You’re going nowhere. You can study. That’s what you can do. Now, I don’t know if that was the right decision or not. She did end up getting the score that she needed at the end of the day, so just barely by the skin of her teeth, but she got that score. But that was an example where I had to step in and ground her on something that she said she wanted, but she wasn’t living up to her own expectations of herself.

Brandon Smith [00:17:45]:
So. I don’t know. Plenty of times I’ve lost my temper with my kids. But I will say this. One of the big things I did learn in life is your kids really want to have a relationship with you. They are actually way more forgiving than we give them credit for. But they will not be forgiving if you don’t apologize. You have to be the first one to go say, I’m sorry.

Brandon Smith [00:18:02]:
Dad screwed up. I shouldn’t have handled it the way I did. I promise I’m not going to do that again going forward. And she. And she had a moment with me a few years ago. It was Christmas, and my wife and I were kind of in a little bit of a spat. And it was happening on Christmas Day, and my daughter was not happy about that. And so she came over to me and she pulled me aside, and she’s like, what’s going on? She was really upset, and I committed to her.

Brandon Smith [00:18:20]:
I said, I’m sorry. You’re right. This shouldn’t be happening on Christmas Day. I’m going to fix it. It’s not going to happen again. And that’s what I did. But you got to be willing to say you’re sorry, and you’re got to be willing to adjust. And if you do that, our kids aren’t expecting perfect from us.

Brandon Smith [00:18:31]:
They’re expecting, like, that effort that we’re trying so when you say you’re going to make a change, you make the change. But they don’t expect perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:37]:
And what do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Brandon Smith [00:18:43]:
I saw an interview with Reese Wither Witherspoon at some point and she, she made a comment and dad, the words that a dad says to their daughter, it’s like permanent marker on their brain. And so I always want to feed her in that way. My daughter, you know, she doesn’t have a lot of money, but she likes to kind of get good fashion. So there’s like you could all these services, you rent clothes and she’ll run clothes, she’ll come downstairs and she’ll be wearing a new dress. And I’ll say, oh Abby, that dress is beautiful on you. You look absolutely just beautiful. And she’s like, oh, thanks dad. But I know that’s, I know that’s feeding into her self conscious and her level of confidence about herself or self talk.

Brandon Smith [00:19:15]:
I always tell her, you’ve got great skills, you’ve got great intuition on people. So I really look, lift up and reinforce her strengths. So not only does she feel kind of seen, but I’m also trying to tell her, you’ve got some great things, don’t lose those. So those are things I really try to be intentional about in my talk with her and also trying to give her support and guidance. Now sometimes it also means not answering her questions. So the recent one she was doing was she’s got a boyfriend who she really likes and we really like. And she’s asking me, she’s saying, dad, I mean, what do you think? I mean really, what do you think? I mean, do you think he’s a good fit for me? I mean, and we like him. And she had a particular thing she was asking about.

Brandon Smith [00:19:49]:
I said, you know, Abby, that’s not my answer. That’s not for me to answer. It’s a question for you to answer. And I laid out some scenarios and things for her. I said, but it’s not for me. She kept pushing on me, pushing on, trying to get me. I wouldn’t answer. I wouldn’t, wouldn’t answer.

Brandon Smith [00:20:00]:
A few days later she came to my wife and she said, tell dad I’m sorry for pushing him so hard. I was having a, it’s one of the phrases that you probably heard your daughter say recently. She’s like, I was having a crash out and I was pushing dad a little too hard and I, I shouldn’t have been telling actually everything’s okay. I’m fine with my boyfriend. So I think knowing sometimes when not to insert your opinions is also important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
You don’t want to have those insert foot in mouth moments as you’re talking to your daughters and, or having to backpedal. So sometimes being silent or as you said, kind of pushing back and allowing for them to work it through probably makes a lot of sense.

Brandon Smith [00:20:36]:
It reminds me there was a Seinfeld episode where, you know, I think, I can’t remember, maybe Kramer had a girlfriend that no one liked. And so they all told him he broke up and we’re like, oh, we don’t like your girlfriend. And then they got back together. Then now it was awkward because they told Kramer we don’t like your girlfriend. But now he’s back with her girlfriend. So I think there’s times when you just have to some things or for them to figure out. And frankly, if she’s happy, that’s, I mean, that’s one of the things we’re going for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:00]:
And how did you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Brandon Smith [00:21:04]:
It’s a challenging one. So in high school, she would come at my wife and me and she’d say, you guys put high expectations on me. You hold me an unfair standard. And it’s funny, Chris, we never did. We never did. We never did. My wife and I are little, a little Gen X in how we raise our kids. We’re a little, wouldn’t say feral, but a little more.

Brandon Smith [00:21:23]:
More like that in this way. We Never had life, 360 on any of our kids. We didn’t track them where they go. We never, once they got into high school, we never looked at the report cards again. Now I’ve never seen a report card for my kids in high school or college because what I told them was I said, your grades are your grades. And my expectation is you work hard and own and be proud of whatever grade you get. If you got a C and you didn’t work hard, then decide to make an adjustment. But if you got a C and you gave it everything you got, that’s great.

Brandon Smith [00:21:47]:
So I think part of it is setting that, pushing kind of that ownership and agency properly on them. It’s your life. Your grades are the beginning of that, but it’s just going to evolve into more decisions that are yours. I think the second thing is I’m always trying to remind her and reinforce to her what her natural gifts are, what her natural gifts and talents. I think so hard she’s trying to fit herself into a box. Like when she was in high school, she took a lot of computer science classes because she thought, oh, I’m a girl, I should take computer science classes because it’ll round me out. It was not her love language. It’s not her love language and she would tell you that.

Brandon Smith [00:22:17]:
But she has a lot of great love languages that she’s really passionate about. And I’m always trying to remind her of that because she’s in this early part of her career where she’s trying to figure out what does she want her career to look like. And so I’m trying to encourage her to pursue those areas where she says more natural strengths and passions because it will. It’ll play out in a much, much more fulfilling way for her. So I think it’s just lifting those things up. That doesn’t always mean that she hears it in the moment. I think that’s another important thing too. Like, if dads are looking for kind of, I do this and I get an immediate kind of response.

Brandon Smith [00:22:47]:
It’s not, it’s not like that. I often, I’ll chat in my author editor book and you want to talk to my clients when they’re like, doing too much for their teams. I’ll say to them, are you trying to win an mvp? Are you trying to win a world championship? Because are two very different muscles. And I think sometimes as dads, we’re trying to win MVPs, like, we want the immediate hug and the gratification in the moment, like we just scored a touchdown. And really we should probably be thinking about more like winning a world championship because, like, those are lag indicators. You don’t really know how well you’re doing until you start to get further into the season. Then you got to get in the playoffs. So touchdowns don’t.

Brandon Smith [00:23:18]:
The touchdown itself doesn’t really matter. So I’m getting more of the payoff way after the fact from her. Not in the moment. And sometimes she’ll dismiss my comments in the moment. But I know I’m planting seeds.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]:
What’s one way you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Brandon Smith [00:23:31]:
I would say the simple answer is if she knows. And she’s very respectful of this. She knows if she calls me during the day, I’m going to answer as quickly as I can. If I have to call her back, I will. And I will then clear my calendar to whenever she wants to talk. I will cancel other business calls that I have to make that time for her. Now she does, she does not abuse that. She’s very, very respectful of that and sometimes I’ll tell her I’m tied up, I can’t have a public, let’s talk tonight.

Brandon Smith [00:23:55]:
But I always try and make her a priority when she needs to talk. And so I think that’s the number one way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
And when you think back to relationship with your daughter in the past now, what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that really strengthens your bond?

Brandon Smith [00:24:12]:
I think there’s a couple, one for sure is are just going out to dinner together. We love to do that and traveling together. When my daughter and I did our 12 year old trip to Disney, we stayed at a different kind of Disney hotel. And we just walked around all the hotels one night and she picked out what she’s like, oh, I love this one. We should stay here from now on as a family. And sure enough, that’s what we started doing. So I think finding things that your daughter likes that you can share with her is really good. And that can be a variety of things.

Brandon Smith [00:24:36]:
My daughter, she likes sporting events because she likes to sit with people that she cares about and have conversations, but she doesn’t actually care about the event itself. But she’ll go because she likes to have that time together. I think finding those things that we can do, I think are definitely one. And then we have other traditions that we’ve always done as a family, which she actually appreciates. We always try to have dinner together as a family as much as we could. We thought this was normal. Apparently it’s weird. We live in Atlanta, so we live in the Southeast, but every Christmas Eve after church we go to Waffle House.

Brandon Smith [00:25:02]:
Waffle Houses are Christmas Eve tradition. And just things like that that she really likes, I think it provides a lot of that stability. I’ll also say, like as I mentioned to you before, my daughter was never very touchy feely. Like she was never like daddy’s little girl in the sense that she just worshiped me and always wanted to spend time with me. But that has gotten more and more as she’s gotten older. Last time she was over to her house, she gave me probably three hugs before she left the house. And so I do think that, you know, it’s definitely a marathon and a long race, more like trying to win a world championship than it is winning an mvp.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]:
Now we always finish our interview with what I like to call our dad connection. Six, six more questions that delve into you as a dad. Are you ready? What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Brandon Smith [00:25:42]:
And this isn’t Meant to be creepy, but I really like this word. It’s intimate. We cover the can. I’m open and honest and things I’m kind of working through. She’s open and honest with things she’s working through. So there’s just a commitment, openness with sharing. Kind of our. We’re very authentic.

Brandon Smith [00:25:54]:
We’re vulnerable. We share needs and wants. We just, we’re just have a very open relationship. So I would say that what’s the

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:59]:
best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Brandon Smith [00:26:04]:
I would say the best piece of d. Bad advice I ever received actually came from a client of mine. And it was because he had worked a very long career with a big company. It’s a privately held company. He wasn’t going to get the CEO job. He was right below it. So he decided to retire and he traveled all the time. And one day his kids told him and he made it a point.

Brandon Smith [00:26:22]:
He was like, I was always going to be there for the big events. I’m always going to be there for the soccer matches and the award ceremonies. And he would fly back in town, he’d go to those events and he thought like, ah, being a great dad. And then his son one day said to him, he said, dad, you were always there for the big moments, but you were never there for the small ones. And the small ones mattered the most. O so I do think the soccer matches really don’t matter. They really don’t. The dining room table, that matters more.

Brandon Smith [00:26:45]:
The being able to like go in your kids room when they’re sad and crying and just sit with them. That matters way more than seeing their baseball tournament or their dance recital. I’m not saying those things are bad. I’m not saying you should dismiss them. But it’s not the same thing because frankly we over index on that stuff. We’re like, ah, I was with them. Dance recital. You were sitting in an Auditorium.

Brandon Smith [00:27:03]:
Auditorium 20ft away from your kid. You weren’t talking to them, they weren’t talking to you. They were doing something and you were watching. It’s not much different than watching your kid play video games. It’s really not any different. It’s not connected. But we tend to think it’s some kind of connection. So I think those small moments are the key.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Brandon Smith [00:27:21]:
Definitely restaurants. That’s an easy one to plug in. Travel. She’s always game for travel. So if I said let’s go to a city and then I’ll and I let her plan it, and we go around and do things. Things, that’s great. So I think those are things that she loves to do that I like to do, too. So those are the two big ones.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Brandon Smith [00:27:39]:
Be true to yourself. It’s probably cliche, but what that really means is understand how you’re hardwired and find a swim lane that honors that. Life’s much easier and more fulfilling. If you go in the direction of the current, you’re already wired to go down. If you try and force it and fake it and go down another path, you’re not going to be happy. If you try and chase other things, you’re also not going to be happy. So I think just finding, really get a good understanding of who you are, figure out, plug that into the world, you’re going to feel a lot, a lot better. And I think that’s hard for daughters today because there’s a lot of pressure.

Brandon Smith [00:28:06]:
You should be a career woman, and you should put off having kids. And that is a choice for some women. They can do that. But some women might decide, I want to have a family. And there’s not as, maybe as much discussion and balanced conversation on different options for women. So I think today, ironically, it’s kind of like almost gone the other way. It’s like, you got to have a career, you got to make as much money as possible. And I know she’s felt pressured to do that, and she’s adjusting what she wants, so being able to help in that process.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Brandon Smith [00:28:38]:
Two quick ones. So first I would say tell them that. Tell them that I want to build a relationship with you. You are one of the most important people in my life. I would love to explore what that might look like or how we could do that. So I think that’s one second that I mentioned earlier. The secret sauce to all this is being able to apologize. That’s the equivalent of fail fast in the entrepreneurial world or fail forward.

Brandon Smith [00:28:56]:
Apologize dies quickly. When you make a mistake, go in quickly and be like, I screwed up. Dad screwed up. I’m sorry. Here’s why it happened. But it’s not going to happen again. They will quickly forgive you. But if you don’t do that, that emotion will see them fester.

Brandon Smith [00:29:08]:
And then that’s when you get World War iii. And daughters are good at waging World War iii. If necessary so you can avoid that with a quick apology.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:16]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Brandon Smith [00:29:20]:
Yeah, the simplest place is just Google the workplace therapist. That’s my handle. So you can Google the workplace therapist. I’m the only one. Well, there’s one other person in Australia now, but I’m the only other one. So you’ll look for the guy not in Australia and you’ll find me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
Well, Brandon, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this journey that you’ve been on with your daughter. I know it’s not over, it’s definitely going to just continue. But I truly want to say thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best.

Brandon Smith [00:29:49]:
Thank you. Thank you for all the great work you do for dads out there trying to be better. So thank you for having me. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
It’s about being present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents? Bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them Be the best, best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Connection Before Correction: Building Strong Parent-Child Bonds with Eran Magen

July 14, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Parenting is a continual journey, one that evolves as our children grow and as we, too, learn new ways to connect with them. This week on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dr. Eran Magen—father, relationship expert, and creator of the Parenting for Humans and Divorcing Dads resources—for a heartfelt and refreshingly honest conversation about fatherhood, connection, and resilience.

Presence Over Perfection

One of the central themes of the episode is the power of presence. Eran shares that being fully present—and putting away distractions, especially digital ones—lays the groundwork for genuine connection. Whether through playful activities like acro yoga or watching a favorite show together, the focus isn’t on orchestrating perfect moments, but on truly showing up for our kids, time and time again.

Respect and Emotional Safety

Eran emphasizes treating children with deep respect, validating their feelings, and giving them true space to express themselves. Instead of rushing to fix problems or dismissing their emotions, he advocates for really listening—even paraphrasing back what they’ve shared—to make sure they feel heard and understood. This builds not only trust but helps children develop a positive, self-compassionate inner voice that stays with them for life.

Connection Before Correction

Drawing from his work at ParentingForHumans.com, Eran introduces the concept of prioritizing connection over correction. When the bond between parent and child is strong, discipline becomes less about control and more about collaboration. It’s about building relational habits—like kindness, presence, and respect—into everyday life, so that challenges are easier to navigate when they arise.

Navigating Divorce and Co-Parenting

For fathers navigating separation or divorce, Eran offers wisdom and hope. He urges dads not to let shame or fear of disconnection hold them back from seeking support, or from fighting for meaningful time with their children. Even in limited circumstances, quality of presence trumps quantity—being truly engaged makes all the difference.

If you’re finding yourself in this position, then don’t agree to any schedule immediately. Instead, go to a divorce lawyer to learn more about what’s reasonable in your specific situation. In many cases, they’ll be able to provide in-depth guidance and even negotiate with other parties on your behalf. Understanding where you stand early on and your co-parenting situation keeps the focus where you want it: on spending time with your kids instead of arguing with your ex.

Whether you’re a dad seeking fresh ideas, a parent amid big transitions, or simply someone passionate about fostering strong family relationships, this episode is an inspiring listen. Tune in for practical tips, honest stories, and compassionate advice that will help you nurture lasting bonds—one present moment at a time.

Ready to be inspired? Listen now to the full conversation on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love being able to talk to you about this connection that you want to build with your daughters. And we do that every week because it is a process. This journey that you’re on is going to be one where you’re going to have to learn, you’re going to have to grow, you’re going to have to be willing to be open to finding new ways to build that relationship day by day. Because as your daughter grows, you can’t just think that one way of doing things is going to happen and stay the same. You got to keep adjusting and being there, being engaged and helping your daughter one step at a time and being engaged and connected to your daughter in so many ways throughout their life. That being said, that’s why every week I bring you different guests, different people with different experiences to help you along this journey, to give you some tools for your toolbox and to allow for you the opportunity to learn and grow, to be able to find new ways to build those stronger connections and to leave every episode with an opportunity to be able to start something new from the end of that episode on. This week we got another great guest. Dr.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:28]:
Aran McGinn is with us today. And Aron is someone that, as he says, he believes in relationships, believes in people and helps people to have better relationships. Perfect fit for you as a dad with a daughter. He’s also a father of a son, so we’re going to be talking about his own journey being a father. He’s been working with individuals for quite a few years and most recently he’s been created two new resources that are definitely going to help you as a dad. He has a site by the name of Parenting for Humans as well as divorcingdads.org we’re going to talk about both of these resources and some things that may help you along the way, depending on your own situation and where you’re at. And I’m really excited to have him here today. Aron, thanks so much for being here.

Eran Magen [00:02:18]:
My great pleasure. Thank you for inviting me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:21]:
Well, it is my pleasure having you here. And as I said, you are a father of a son and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit into you as a dad to get to know you and your own journey. I guess as you think back to the time that you’ve had with your son thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with him and what made it so special?

Eran Magen [00:02:41]:
I’m glad you want to talk about my son, because it’s my favorite topic. And, you know, if we don’t watch ourselves, we’re going to have the podcast equivalent of me showing you every photo of my son except an audio version that I have. I’m. I’m one of those people. There are a lot of good moments. The most recent, I’ll go with the most recent that, like, stood out to me, which was really fun. And then I’m happy to scan backwards, if you want, and come up with even better ones. I do a thing called acro yoga, and Acroyoga has very little to do with yoga and more to do.

Eran Magen [00:03:04]:
Like, sometimes people call it partner acrobatics. It’s when. When people balance on each other. And a lot of parents do this with their kids, right? The parent lies down on his or her back, and the kid is on the parent’s feet, sort of belly down, arms forward, Superman, right? Like, we. We all do this with our kids, but it gets much more sophisticated, and you can do many more interesting things. People can sit on other people or stand on other people or flip around on other people and so on. And you can do it with grownups, and you can do it with kids, obviously. And it’s easier with kids because they’re little, alert.

Eran Magen [00:03:31]:
And so this is something that I’ve been doing with my son since he was little, and we do it a little bit. I kind of wish he was super into it and he’s kind of into it, but he’s the most into it when he can show off to other people, when it’s just the two of us. He’s like, I don’t know if I need to do it right now. But we were playing soccer in his school after I picked him up, and we’re playing with another kid that often plays with us there. And then my son went off and did something else. And in the meantime, I was doing some acro yoga with this other kid, introducing him to it, and his mom, who was there and consented to the whole thing. And my son ran back and really wanted to do some acro to show the other kid that he knows more. That was very motivating for him.

Eran Magen [00:04:06]:
And then we did, and it was fun. But then the next day we came out, and it was sort of the first day of spring here in Connecticut, and we. We just stepped out to the yard, and out of nowhere, my son says, dad, do you want to do some acro yoga? Do you want to practice? And my heart just Expanded. It was just so nice because he, he, you know, I didn’t suggest it, I never mentioned it, but it was sort of back on his mind. And it’s just so nice to feel like our kids are into things that we’re into and they want to spend time together doing those things. That was a really fun moment, but they’re just thousands of these stories. This is the most recent. I keep a spreadsheet that I made when he was born.

Eran Magen [00:04:36]:
When he was born, I did two things. I created an email inbox for him, which I occasionally write to things that I can’t say now that he wouldn’t understand. So I write stuff that I want to tell him, letters for later, and I’ll give him the login credentials when he’s. Or 18 or something. And the other thing I did is start this spreadsheet called Milestones and Memories and First Times. And I just sit down and write stuff that happened every once in a while. So I have like this long list that I can go through and see the things that were exciting for me. When he was 2, when he was 4, when he was 6.

Eran Magen [00:05:04]:
It’s really fun. And this is one of those moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:06]:
As your son is getting older and you are trying to guide him and work to be able to mold and meld him into the adult that he is becoming, how do you balance guiding your son while also giving him the independence to grow into his own person?

Eran Magen [00:05:23]:
I think my job is mostly to provide kind of safety and nourishment and let him grow where he grows. I’m not trying too hard to move him one way or another. I’m vegan, for example. I don’t insist on him being vegan. Not my job, not his problem. I keep my home vegan because it’s more comfortable for me. But if he really wants to bring something into that, we’re in the supermarket and we’ll buy stuff and he really wants to get something that isn’t, that’s fine. Then we will.

Eran Magen [00:05:47]:
Certainly, if we’re out in the world and he wants to get something or word a party and he wants to eat a thing, everybody eating totally fine. And so I’m not trying exactly to mold him into anything. I’m trying to provide good supports for him as he grows into things. There’s a little bit of a gray line, right? Because if I see him kind of starting to spin out about something, be really anxious about something in a way that I think is not necessary, I’ll try to help him figure out ways to not be upset about it. And so is that molding? I sometimes ask myself. Yeah, but it feels very kind of benevolent and not coercive. You know, this. This feels more like me removing roadblocks than forcing him to go down a specific path.

Eran Magen [00:06:24]:
And so I really think there are many ways to describe the job of parent, and many people have lots of ideas about what those jobs are. I think they’re probably all true. I think one of the most important parts of being a parent, one of the most important jobs, is creating the voice that kids have inside their head, how they talk to themselves, because that voice will stay on for many, many years. And changing that voice requires a huge amount of therapy. And so that, to me, is a very, very important part of what I think about as a parent. How I hear him talking to himself and helping him adjust that voice. I’m not trying to tell that voice what to tell him to do. Right.

Eran Magen [00:06:56]:
It’s more how he relates to himself. So in a real sense, one of my primary jobs is making sure he has a good relationship with himself. What he grows up to be is up to him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:04]:
What are some intentional ways you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your son, especially during challenging times?

Eran Magen [00:07:11]:
I would divide the ways into two big categories. I think one is just helpful habits, and the other is maybe specific events or specific things in time. The most important habit by far is bringing my full presence. Right. My phone is away. My phone is often on do not disturb. It’s 100% focus on him when I’m with him. And I think that makes an enormous difference.

Eran Magen [00:07:31]:
He’s not orbiting. We do stuff together. And when we’re not doing stuff together, then we’re not. Then we’re doing stuff separately. But if we are connecting, I’m fully there. I’m not splitting my attention. And I think that’s enormously important. The other thing that I do, I don’t want to make it sound like I am the first person to do this or the first to have thought about it, but I just think it’s so important, is I communicate with him with great respect.

Eran Magen [00:07:55]:
I treat him as a person, not as a soldier or a servant or an ignorant person or any of those things. If he has a question or if he has a thought, we really discuss it for as long as he wants to, basically. And when I see that he’s starting to look in different directions and is getting antsy, then we’ll go do something else. Like, we don’t have to belabor the point, but really taking Very seriously. His thoughts, his questions, his ideas, his opinions, they really count. So these are all things that I would put in the relational habits bucket in terms of the, like, more specific things that I do to strengthen the bond. We really do a lot of this stuff together. So for example, videos, YouTube, you know, or shows on Netflix or whatever, we watch those things together and we’ll talk about them.

Eran Magen [00:08:37]:
It’s a big part of what we talk about later. And I think it’s helpful to help him process and understand what he saw and what his opinion is and whatever. But I don’t just like send him off to watch a thing and then we do our next thing. A lot of this kind of activity is something that, that we’ll do together and it creates a huge amount of shared language and shared jokes and shared things. We also do just a lot of activities together. I’m into a lot of stuff and I’ll offer these things to him and if it’s of interest to him, then we’ll do it and we’ll go, you know, ice skating or practice proto jiu jitsu on the carpet or cook together or whatever, whatever it is. But a lot of time and a lot of shared activities. So I think this combination of doing lots of stuff that we both enjoy together and being very respectful of his preferences and opinions and thoughts and questions and ideas, and interacting him as though he’s an actual person and not less of a person than I am.

Eran Magen [00:09:26]:
These are probably the main columns supporting the relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:29]:
What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Eran Magen [00:09:37]:
There are a couple of things. I remember where I noticed my son having difficulties with some things. And I thought, ah, the world will correct this. I don’t need to step in. And that’s sort of a, I don’t know, call it like a general tendency that I have. I guess in some contexts it’s good, in some contexts it’s bad but. Or helpful and unhelpful rather. I guess.

Eran Magen [00:09:53]:
But I tend to wait until stepping in and intervening with something and often that’s a good thing. Like, you know, a lot of parents are really worried about their kids still using a pacifier when they’re X months old or. And I’ve never seen a kid in college with a pacifier in his mouth. You know, like these things tend to work themselves out, but people can get super worried. And so I’m usually of the opinion that like the world will fix this. We just give it time and this will work out. But there are some things where he really had difficulty, and I waited too long to step in and do what I would consider a more significant intervention. Right.

Eran Magen [00:10:27]:
Like some kinds of. I want to be mindful of my son’s privacy as well, because in 60 years, when he chooses to do something, or in 40 years or 20 years, you know, somebody digs up, the podcast says, oh, you used to do this thing. So I’m actually. I’m very mindful of the privacy of kids in sessions that I do, including, I guess, when I’m interviewed. This is the first time that I’m talking about this. But he had some social challenges that he was going through and were noticeable to me. And I thought, oh, the world will polish this off. This will be okay.

Eran Magen [00:10:53]:
And I think it was like, it. It required some sort of a more thoughtful, intentional intervention that eventually the school recommended, and then we did. And I think it’s been very helpful and not. Not too hard. We didn’t catch it super late. Like, no crisis resulted, but I could have done it earlier. I felt sad for not doing it, because it just would have made, I think, life a little easier for him during those, I don’t know, two, three years. And now there’s something that there’s a pathway that got laid down that was not the most helpful.

Eran Magen [00:11:20]:
And changing something and undoing something is always harder than it is just correcting course earlier on. So I don’t know if this is exactly answering your question in terms of, like, a relational mistake, but this is a parenting mistake that I feel that I made and learned from.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:33]:
No, it definitely does. And I think that, I mean, learning that is definitely something that all of us have to do along the way as well. Is there anything that you intentionally do to make your son feel valued and heard?

Eran Magen [00:11:45]:
There are a few things that I do. And really, a lot of how I relate to my son is in service of making him feel valued and heard. And so I’m trying to pick out the more specific things that I do because a lot of this is on my mind, kind of ongoing. How do I make sure that he feels like he has a voice? And so a few things that I can say when he’s upset about something. I remember this when he was two, and I remember this two weeks ago when he was seven and a half. I don’t shut down the upset. I spend some time, a good deal of time, letting him express the upset, and I’m still comforting him during the process. But I don’t say it’s not a problem.

Eran Magen [00:12:19]:
I don’t say, you know, stop crying. I don’t say, you know, I ask him to explain what happened and what was so upsetting. And I’ll kind of sit in it with him and I’ll paraphrase and say it back and so on. But I’m not trying to shut it down or fix it too quickly. And I think that’s really important because I’ve seen him develop this habit of as a result, I believe, of when something upsetting or surprising or scary happens, he’ll have the reaction, but then he’ll narrate the process back to me and sort of calm himself down as he more or less immediately gains an understanding of this story and what made him upset. I think that’s been really useful. But I think just in general, it’s a nice thing for people to do with one another, right? Not shut down the upset, but rather sit with it for a little bit and sit in it together. His opinions really matter.

Eran Magen [00:12:57]:
If he suggests things that didn’t occur to me, I’ll consider them really seriously. He’s at this point, he’s suggested some ideas for not just ways to spend a day, but like a vacation destination or a totally new activity that we’ve never done that he just heard about from a friend, and that becomes a real thing. We’ll research it together a little bit, and if it seems appealing, we’ll go and give it a try. So he really gets to to lead when he wants to, or at least suggest directions, and then I’ll operationalize it. But he has a real voice and a real say in how we spend time individually and as a family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:30]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a few different resources that are available. You have your parentingforhumans.com website as well as divorcingdads.org and both of those were created not only to help others like yourself that were going through similar things, but also in your work and your engagement with people and seeing the need. You expanded that. And there are a couple of questions that came up when I looked at both of these sites. And I think first and foremost, when I was looking@parentingforhumans.com, your site emphasizes connection before correction. Can you explain what that means and why it’s so crucial for parents, especially fathers?

Eran Magen [00:14:12]:
It’s my strong belief and also my consistent observation that when the relationship between a parent and a child is good, everything is easy. There’s just not the constant conflict. There’s not the badgering. Do this now, like I told you a thousand times, things are just easy and smooth. And when people have a stronger relationship, then there’s more trust and there’s more willingness to be vulnerable and honest on both sides. And there’s more forgiveness and there’s more cooperation. And so spending time just laying the foundations and having a good relationship just preempts and prevents all these negative things that then need to get corrected. It’s sort of like living a life and eating well and doing a reasonable amount of exercise and sleeping enough, socializing and having enough fun, and then you just have to deal with a lot less, fixing medical problems.

Eran Magen [00:14:57]:
Right. They just tend to happen. And I think it’s very much like that in relationships too. Just spending time building a strong relationship rather than relying on occasional forceful corrections which leave everybody, I think, unhappy, basically. And for a lot of people growing up, the role of the dad is often as the disciplinarian. At least that’s the caricature. I’m not totally sure that that’s always true or even true the majority of the time. I know a lot of soft dads, and I know a lot of harsh moms, and I know a lot of harsh dads and a lot of soft moms.

Eran Magen [00:15:26]:
But I do think that a lot of men, certainly from the past three generations, grew up not being taught how to show affection in a soft way and how to connect in a way that feels warm and comfortable and consistent, as opposed to occasionally dropping in and doing some big gesture, but in the meantime being sort of cold or reserved or stoic. And when you don’t have a strong relationship, inevitably things start, start sliding and then you need big corrections to happen, which I think damage the relationship further. So I’m a big, big believer of creating that foundation of just a strong relationship through good daily, call it relational hygiene, just developing good relational habits. Things that we do without thinking over the course of the day as, as a habit that we, we adopt. And through that, strengthening the relationship constantly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:13]:
Now, many parents want to be more supportive, but fall into that problem solving mode. How can dads become better listeners and emotionally attuned to their kids?

Eran Magen [00:16:23]:
There’s one technique that I think is magic and keeps us safe. It keeps us from making these kinds of relational mistakes. And the technique is not only magic, but also super simple, which is what’s so nice about it, which is paraphrasing. Learn to say back what the other person said to you. And the, the thought behind it is the thought we want to have behind it when we’re paraphrasing. Is, am I understanding your experience correctly? Just that, right? So our kids come in, our kid comes in and looking, you know, unhappy. And we say, what’s going on? And kid is in a sharing mood that day. And she says, oh, my friend Jessica is being a pain at school.

Eran Magen [00:16:59]:
And so to be able to say in our heads, huh, let’s see if I understand correctly my kid’s experience and saying, so Jessica is being mean to you because that’s what we understood. And then our kid might say, no, no, she’s not being mean to me. She’s being super nice to me. But I know that behind my back she, blah, blah, whether we get it right or we get it wrong, it doesn’t matter. Just putting herself in a position and in kind of a mental stance of trying to understand our child, child. And all we need to do is say back what we heard. We don’t need to interrogate, we certainly don’t need to diagnose, definitely not give advice. Just getting in the habit of when our kid looks upset to just once, just for one turn, try to paraphrase, try to say back what we understood.

Eran Magen [00:17:40]:
And seeing what happens. And very often they will share more and more. And it’s kind of amazing because parents often feel like their kids, once they hit a certain age, will not share with them anymore. But if we’re not trying to shape their experience, they want to be heard, right? And as we build trust with them, they share more and more. So if I could suggest one single thing, which I think is what you, you were asking me to do, I would say try paraphrasing once as the first thing you do in a conversation and see what happens. And then if you can, keep on paraphrasing as they continue talking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:07]:
Now, you also talk about emotional safety and parent child relationships. What are some simple everyday ways fathers can do that?

Eran Magen [00:18:15]:
So I’ll continue a little bit from my previous answer and then I’ll give a couple of other things. The huge power of paraphrasing comes not just from having the child correct you yes or no, but we’re showing so much when we’re trying to check if we understand the child’s experience right. We’re showing that we want to know. We’re showing that we’re not judging and we’re not taking charge of the conversation. We’re letting the child lead. We’re showing that we’re curious about the child’s experience and validated. There’s just so much power there. And we do all this pretty Implicitly, through the process of paraphrasing.

Eran Magen [00:18:44]:
I think also doing it explicitly is very, very important. So a lot of us grew up not seeing examples of. Well, some of us just grew up without having people around us saying, I love you or I care about you or any of those things. And then we feel awkward saying them ourselves to other people. And likewise, maybe we never saw examples of people saying something like, your happiness is the most important thing for me, or I really care about how you feel, and I want to know what. What could make things better for you, in your opinion or any. Any of those things. And I think that the assumption of telepathy, or the hope of telepathy, silent relationship killer, including between parents and kids.

Eran Magen [00:19:22]:
Right? Because we know parents occasionally will say in anger, everything I do, I do for you. How could you possibly think that I don’t care? And usually when it’s done in anger, it happens because it’s. It’s too late into the process. And the kid really didn’t understand. The kid really didn’t see it. And being able to verbalize it earlier is so important. So I think getting into the habit of telling our kids, not in anger, but in great warmth and happiness to say, I’m so happy to see you happy. Let’s say something good happened.

Eran Magen [00:19:48]:
Our kid, you know, did something that our kid feels good about. And to say, this is awesome. I’m so glad to see you so happy. You know, I love seeing you happy like this. Like, just remembering to say these things rather than just say, good job, you know, punch in the shoulder, move on with our day. It’s so important to verbalize it. And when our kid is upset to say, I can see you’re upset, you know, and I really want to help you solve it. Or if our kid says, I really want to get into band at school.

Eran Magen [00:20:11]:
And then two days later, we realized that it would be a good idea for a kid to spend more time practicing the oboe or. Or whatever it is using to get into band. And to say, not just, I think you should be practicing your oboe. Like, if you want to get into band, I think you should just. But to lead with. I remember a couple days ago, we were talking about how much you want to get into band. And their kid goes, yeah. And we say, you know, I.

Eran Magen [00:20:31]:
I want to see you achieving your goals, right? I want to see you happy and doing things you want to do. And it looks like band is one of those things. And. And I was thinking about ways, you know, things you could do or we could do to help you get into band. Do you want to talk about this? Do you want to hear what I’m thinking? Right. But just being explicit about our goodwill toward our child, ridiculous as it sounds to many parents, is so important because the kids don’t know. How would they know this is their first time around. Right.

Eran Magen [00:20:54]:
We’re just. We’re expl. Expecting them to know all these things that they. They might not. And so being explicit about our goodwill toward our kids is enormously important. So that’s one thing. And the second thing I’ll say much more briefly is remembering to be present is number one, to be nice is number two, and to be respectful is number three. So being present, I talked about this already.

Eran Magen [00:21:13]:
Just actually having times when are dedicated to our kids and everything else on the side. Being nice. By being nice, I mean remembering to actually say thank you, remembering to praise, remembering to tell them how good we feel when we’re around them or we see that they did certain things. These are all so important and don’t happen often. And then number three, in terms of being respectful, I touched on this before. Treating them like we would treat people who are farther from us, like we would treat colleagues in terms of the level of respect. So not just kind of waving your hand at them when it’s time for them to leave or do a thing, but actually turning our body and looking at them and saying, why don’t you? Blah, blah, blah, or would you please? Or things like that, instead of shouting instructions from a distance, coming over and speaking with them and saying about the things that we want them to do. So being present, being kind, being respectful goes an extremely long way in just developing habits around that into our daily behavioral, relational repertoire.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:05]:
Now, I mentioned that you have another resource called divorcing dads.org and I know that you created that not only for yourself, but for others that are going, that went through or are going through divorce and what they can do to be able to not only stay connected to their child, but be advocates for their child, etcetera, etcetera. And I know that divorce can bring a sense of failure or shame. When I’ve talked to dads that have gone through this in the past, that’s definitely the case. What’s the first mindset shift that you encourage fathers to make when they go through a separation?

Eran Magen [00:22:39]:
I think the very first act to do when going through a separation is to connect with support. Like you said, a lot of people are blocked because they feel ashamed of what’s happening, whether or not they Feel it’s their fault. They feel like this is a shameful thing and not to discuss or they don’t want to talk about it with other people. It’s very common. I agree. But to connect with support is step one. Step one is not to eliminate the shame or remove the shame. That can take a long time.

Eran Magen [00:23:01]:
Connect with support anyway, right? Just going to deal with the shame. You don’t have to change it right away. We do want to change it later on. But step one, by far the most important thing, connect with support. Friends, family, people who care about you, counseling, faith leaders, you know, a hotline, whatever it is. But just connect with somebody. Start getting support. Don’t, you know, sit alone in your dark home despairing.

Eran Magen [00:23:23]:
That road leads to very bad places. Just immediately reach out and connect with support.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]:
Now I know that in looking at your site you’ve said that co parenting is more like being co workers than ex lovers. How can dads adopt a more businesslike approach to parenting with an ex without sacrificing empathy or communication?

Eran Magen [00:23:44]:
There are many flavors of co parenting, you know, depending on how the separation and divorce happen. I know co parents who used to be be romantic partners. They have a very good relationship and it’s very easy and fluid and supportive and friendly and that’s wonderful. And I think that’s ideal. And sometimes that doesn’t happen, right? Sometimes there’s neutral at best relationships or sometimes there’s a lot of bitterness and hostility and stress. And still things need to happen, right? Decisions need to happen about the kids. Logistics do need to be coordinated one, one way or another. So what I’m going to say now, I’m referring to these more high tension in or more conflict ridden relationships.

Eran Magen [00:24:19]:
Not the super friendly. If it’s super friendly then, then great, be super friendly. You don’t need to force collegial relationship on a friendship. If there’s a friendship there, that’s ideal, that’s wonderful. But if there isn’t, how do we still communicate? So tension will rise as conflict rises. Anything we can do to reduce conflict, I think is worth doing. And you know what, I’ll take another little detour here. There’s this, I think myth floating around that kids are hurt by divorce.

Eran Magen [00:24:40]:
The divorce is bad for kids. That’s not the case. What’s bad for kids is being exposed to parental conflict whether or not the parents are married or divorced. And you can see this easily in very bad relationships where people stay together. The kids have a very difficult time and will carry that difficult time for a long time and divorces that are friendly and cooperative and work well, the kids are doing fine later on, it’s so important to insulate the kids from parental conflict. So ideally reduce conflict and at any rate insulate the kids from the conflict. And so first principle is whatever we can do to reduce conflict, we should. And if we’re able to discuss it with the other parent in advance, things that we disagree on but can agree on, on solutions that work for everybody, great.

Eran Magen [00:25:18]:
If we can’t do it on our own, go to a mediator, work on that, go to a co parenting coach or counseling or something like that. These things exist and work and are well worth it in terms of treating the parent as a colleague. Create boundaries, Create boundaries that work for you and ideally work for the other parent as well. But certainly they have to work for you. Whatever makes you feel safe physically, emotionally, relationally is fair game. You can ask, please don’t contact me during these and these hours unless it’s an emergency or you can say, let’s limit our communication to email. Email, I’d rather not talk on phone or it’s too spontaneous or make up a reason or whatever you need. Right? But if it’s too activating for you to talk with the other parent or you get kind of sucked into conflict this way, then find communication methods that do work for you and respect the wishes of the other parent about this.

Eran Magen [00:26:02]:
Right. Because the goal is to reduce tension. There’s so much stuff that can easily activate either parent and so find ways to communicate that cause the least amount of activation for the other parent. And the other is like in a work setting, just have very clear delineation. Here are the to do on items. Here’s what you’re going to do. Here’s what I’m going to do. Is this correct? Just assume nothing, make it super, super clear what’s going to happen.

Eran Magen [00:26:26]:
And lastly, if the other parent is acting in ways that are upsetting to you or uncomfortable to you as you’re trying to do something for your child, just do your best to put aside, ignore the emotional layer of the communication. Focus on the logistical so you can do that. Just like if you had an annoying co worker and there was nothing you could do about it because you tried fixing it and the language didn’t change and you went to HR and they don’t care and they’re like, well, well they’re technically within the balance of whatever and so you can’t change their behavior. But focus on the actual specifics that need to happen in Order to make sure you’re taking care of your kid. And remember that this person is no longer your anything other than the parent of your children. Right. I think it’s a very helpful semantic switch to go from my ex to my kid’s mom because it’s actually true. That is the function of the person in your life right now.

Eran Magen [00:27:12]:
And I think it helps us remember also that this person is actually very important. Important. And we need to treat that person with the right level of respect and consideration because our kids need their mom. It’s like they need their dad. And it reminds us to just tread a little more lightly because we don’t want to actually hurt our kid’s mom or distance our kid’s mom. The kids need their mom. We just need to figure out how to coordinate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
Some fathers worry about becoming less present or connected after a divorce. What can they do to maintain a strong bond with their kids, even if custody time is limited?

Eran Magen [00:27:45]:
Feminine There are a few things to do and I’ll say them in no particular order. One is work to have more time with the kids. It can happen through discussion and agreement or it can happen through legal action. But don’t give up on having more time with your kids. That’s really important because it’s very easy to perceive a societal message that says there’s no reason for you to have more time with your kids or of course they should be spending more time with their mom. It’s kind of a societal default at this point and you don’t have to accept the default default. And it’s okay for you to want to and act to have more time. So again, first and foremost, express your wishes clearly.

Eran Magen [00:28:19]:
And if your wishes can’t be met, if you’re not able to see them as much as you would like, consider pursuing them possibly through legal action. That’s a possibility. Consult with a lawyer and see what can happen. Or at least I mean start with mediation and then ideally go to non adversary legal representation, which is a whole thing that I wasn’t aware of before, where it’s a lawyer who, who signs an agreement with you in advance to never represent you in court. And so they’re incentivized to keep you out of court because if you go to court, you stop working with that lawyer. So the incentives become aligned through that kind of practice. So if you and your kid’s mom can get with a non adversarial practice, that’s a huge win. And if necessary, yes, go to court, of course.

Eran Magen [00:28:54]:
But step one, make your wishes known. Step two, argue and work to actualize your wishes. Having said this, in the meantime, what do you do in terms of connecting with your kids? One really important thing to remember is that, that it’s extremely hard for kids to become disconnected from their parents. There are many kids, I’m sure that all of us know, and maybe some of us have been, who see their dad once a week, twice a month, once a month, three times a year. And still as kids had this sense of like, this is my dad and it’s exciting, I’m going to go see my dad. Where, you know, as the dad in the story, you’re like, this is horrible. I’m never seeing my kids and I don’t know what’s going on with them. But the kids remain very connected to their parents.

Eran Magen [00:29:31]:
It takes a lot to disconnect, connect the kid from the parent. And so fear less, have less fear about your kids becoming estranged from you. Again, do what you can to have more time. But, but it’s unlikely your kids will stop thinking about you as their dad or as their parent and want to connect with you. So that’s, number one, just kind of reduce intensity internally. Number two, during the times that you do have together, be a hundred percent present, especially if you don’t have a lot of time together, 100% present, zero distractions, block everything off. It’s, it’s amazing what the impact of this kind of quality time is. And if you look around at friends who have access to their kids all the time, you may discover that they have a lot less quality time with their kids than you do because they’re not as focused, they kind of take it for granted.

Eran Magen [00:30:12]:
And you can build an amazing relationship off of a handful of times a week for a relatively short amount of time. If you’re 100% focused and present on the relationship, you don’t need to do crazy stuff. You don’t need to constantly bombard them with gifts. You do not need to play catch up with the things that they do with the other parent or compete on gifts and excitingness and whatnot. Just focus on being the best father you can be while you’re with them. It’ll take you such a long way and they will stay connected to you. Just be present, Just use that time that you have well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:46]:
You also provide scripts and guidance for difficult conversations. What’s a good way for a dad to explain the divorce to his child in an age appropriate, supportive way?

Eran Magen [00:30:57]:
So back to first principles. It’s really important to insulate kids from parental conflict. Exposing Kids to parental conflict and parental animosity is just very bad for the kids. The kids are strongly connected to both parents. They can’t help it. Asking them to acknowledge that you’re upset or hurt or, you know, what have you, it is tearing them apart. It’s just so damaging. And so leaving that part out, I think is very important.

Eran Magen [00:31:23]:
Maybe that’s something you talk about with them when they’re 30. It’ll still hurt when they’re 30, but by then they will have figured some of it out. But leave out the hurt and the nastiness. And I would say talk in terms of friendship. Talk in terms of, we were such good friends for a long time, you know, and we lived together and we had you and we had your sister, and we were so happy in doing this. And at some point, and then whatever the actual story is, I think it’s fair to say maybe it was your decision, maybe it was Mom’s decision, maybe it was a mutual decision. But you could say, like, you know, at some point we realized that we don’t want to live together anymore. We want to live separately.

Eran Magen [00:31:53]:
And we, of course, continue to be our parents. And that’s a point to keep emphasizing. Right? We both love you so much, and you. You are so important to us. But we didn’t want to continue living together. We decided to go more or less our separate ways, but to continue to be your parents and make sure that we’re taking care of you and all of this and kind of present it fairly lightly. I wouldn’t say nonchalantly. It’s not like, I mean, unless that’s the model of relationships you want your kid to have in their head, if that’s how you’re thinking about it.

Eran Magen [00:32:18]:
But for me, personally, I don’t want to present it as, oh, yeah, you know, we were super committed to each other and lived together and then decided not to. And, you know, we’ll see what happens, happens next. Like, it’s a big thing. Maybe it’s a big, important decision, and it’s okay to say it was. It was sad for us or it was hard to figure out how to continue from there. But, you know, we knew all the time that the most important thing is to take care of you, blah, blah, blah. And I think that about covers it. So just kind of sanitize it a little bit in terms of conflict.

Eran Magen [00:32:41]:
Sanitize the conflict out of it. Explain that you reached a decision that was ultimately mutual. Right. Even if, let’s say it was. It was Mom’s idea And you really didn’t like it. Eventually you agreed to the separation, obviously. Right. You’re not camping out under mom’s bed against her wishes.

Eran Magen [00:32:55]:
Like you agreed at some point that this needs to happen. Sanitize the conflict. Emphasize that was a mutual decision. Emphasize repeatedly that you are committed to your kids, that they’re important to you, that you love them, that you want to do the right thing for them always. And that’s about it. You don’t need to dwell on it an enormous amount. Kids, especially when they’re younger, up until, I don’t know, maybe nine or so, are so amazingly self centered. They don’t dwell too much on like your experience of things.

Eran Magen [00:33:20]:
It doesn’t really matter to them. They just need a story that makes sense to them, to them. And I think that version of the story is reasonable that you tell them later on as they get older. If they want more detail, maybe you can share. But I would encourage everybody to not disparage the other parent ever again and not start kind of hearing the kid in both directions or say things that are can be upsetting about the other parent. And if you hit a point where the kid asks a question, which they will at some point about the other parents motivation or about the other parent’s thinking or about why would the parent do this thing? The answer is, you know, I really don’t totally understand it myself, but I respect your mom’s wishes or you know, her choices. And I don’t have a better answer that sometimes people do things that we don’t understand completely, but they still get to make the choices that they make and leave it at that. If the kid wants to go talk to the other parent about it, fine.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection six where six more questions to delve into you a little bit deeper as a dad. Are you ready?

Eran Magen [00:34:16]:
I am ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:17]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your son?

Eran Magen [00:34:20]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:20]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Eran Magen [00:34:24]:
I’ll give you a twofer actually. As I was going through the separation process and I was very worried about my son becoming essentially estranged from me because I didn’t see him a lot the first few years and a friend taught me to ask two questions whenever I start kind of spinning out. One is how’s my son doing? And the other is how’s my connection with my son? And as long as the answer is good and good, then there’s nothing to worry about. Sure. I might want to See him more. Sure, I might worry about what will happen in the future, but right now, he’s well, he’s taken care of. He’s fine. And my connection with him is great.

Eran Magen [00:34:50]:
And so the problem is more in my head than in the world. So learning to ask these two questions, specifically, going through a divorce or separation, how’s my son doing? How’s my connection with my son?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:59]:
What’s one activity you and your son love doing together?

Eran Magen [00:35:02]:
There’s so many. I’m gonna have to go with wrestling. I’ve been doing jiu jitsu for many years now, and I love it. And I’m very careful not to sort of impose it on my son, but I would say at least every other day, he’ll sort of tackle me to the ground and then start climbing on me and kind of shriek and enjoy himself. And it’s just super fun. It’s so physical. It’s not violent. Like, we’re very gentle with each other.

Eran Magen [00:35:21]:
There’s so much physical contact that happens that’s really fun. Sometimes it’ll stop and ask a technical question, and then I feel good about being able to explain something, but it’s. We’re just messing around most of the time, so just kind of rolling around on the carpet or the beanbag. It’s just super fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:33]:
If you could give your son one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Eran Magen [00:35:38]:
I think about this a lot. One life lesson, one advice for life that I would give my son. Son feels so momentous. A message that I often convey to him is, you can learn anything. You can become great at anything if you’re willing to put in the work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:53]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their kids?

Eran Magen [00:36:02]:
Have focused, present fun with your kids, starting now, and never stop. It’s not a later thing. Just right now, start having the relationship you want to have all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:11]:
Well, Aran, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your journey as a father, but also the resources that you have created. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Eran Magen [00:36:22]:
Well, first of all, thank you for your very thoughtful questions and responses. I really appreciate it. Like, it’s clear that you’re so connected and interested and thoughtful about it. It’s really. It’s such a pleasure to get to think about my own parenting this way to learn about me. I. Yeah, the two places would be either parenting for humans.com that you mentioned or divorcing dads.com that you mentioned then I’m very easy to find and contact through these places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:46]:
Well, again, Aran, thank you. Thank you for being here today and for sharing this and I wish you all the best.

Eran Magen [00:36:53]:
Likewise. Thank you so much.

Talking About Feelings: Helping Your Daughter Express Herself

May 16, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one intentional action at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today, we’re talking about something that can be tough for dads—helping your daughter express her feelings.

Let’s be honest—talking about feelings doesn’t always come naturally, especially for us dads. But helping your daughter feel safe sharing her emotions is one of the most important things you can do for her.

So today, I’ll share why emotional expression matters, what stops kids from opening up, and three simple ways to help your daughter feel comfortable sharing her feelings.

Why Helping Your Daughter Express Feelings is So Important

When your daughter knows she can talk to you about anything, she builds:

?? Emotional confidence – She learns that feelings are normal and manageable.
?? Stronger relationships – She understands that good communication is key to connection.
?? Resilience – Instead of bottling things up, she learns to process emotions in a healthy way.

And most importantly, she knows that no matter what she’s feeling—happy, sad, excited, or frustrated—Dad is a safe place to share it.

Why Some Kids Struggle to Talk About Feelings

Sometimes, your daughter may not open up because:

? She doesn’t have the words to describe what she’s feeling.
? She’s afraid of being judged or dismissed.
? She thinks she has to be “strong” and hold it all in.

That’s why it’s up to you to create an environment where she feels safe expressing herself.

3 Ways to Help Your Daughter Express Her Feelings

Be Her Safe Space – No Judgment, Just Listening

When she shares her feelings, avoid the instinct to fix or minimize the problem. Instead of:

? “That’s not a big deal.”
? “Don’t be upset—it’ll be fine.”

Try:
? “I can see this really matters to you.”
? “That sounds really tough. Tell me more about it.”

Sometimes, she doesn’t need a solution—she just needs to be heard.

Help Her Name Her Emotions

If she’s struggling to describe how she feels, help her put words to it.

? “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because of what happened at school. Is that right?”
? “Are you feeling nervous, or is it more like excited energy?”

Giving her language for her emotions makes it easier for her to express them.

Lead by Example – Talk About Your Own Feelings

Your daughter learns how to talk about emotions by watching you.

Instead of bottling up stress, say: “I had a tough day today, but talking about it helps.”
If you’re feeling proud, say: “Seeing you work so hard on that made me really happy.”

When she sees that you’re open about emotions, she’ll feel more comfortable sharing hers.

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here’s your challenge: Today, create one small moment where your daughter feels safe talking about her feelings.

? Listen without judgment or trying to fix things.
? Help her name her emotions if she struggles.
? Model emotional openness in your own life.

The more she feels safe talking to you now, the more she’ll keep coming to you as she grows.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5! If this was helpful, share it with another dad who wants to build a stronger, more open relationship with his daughter. Until next time—keep listening, keep supporting, and keep showing her that her feelings matter.

Encouragement Over Praise: A Guide to Boosting Your Daughter’s Self-Esteem

April 21, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of a strong bond between fathers and daughters cannot be overstated. As highlighted in the recent episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection podcast featuring Martha Burich, nurturing these relationships is essential not only for personal development but also for fostering a sense of security and confidence in young women. Martha Burich, speaks about her book “Yes, You Can Raise Happy, Responsible Children” and shares some of the things that she has learned and shared through her writing to help all parents.

Dr. Christopher Lewis and Martha Burich delve into the complexities of father-daughter dynamics, emphasizing that fathers play a pivotal role in shaping their daughters’ perspectives on life and relationships. While mothers naturally receive recognition for their nurturing roles, Burich points out that fathers often don’t get the accolades they deserve, despite being fundamental to their daughters’ emotional and psychological development.

Martha shares her personal story, detailing the challenges and triumphs within her own father-daughter relationship. Her father, affected by his experiences as a prisoner of war, faced demons that impacted their family life. Despite these challenges, Martha highlights moments of learning and tenderness, illustrating that love and kindness can coexist with imperfections.

A significant theme of the podcast is the idea that fathers must actively engage with their daughters to help them grow into resilient and independent women. This engagement includes encouraging daughters to fail and learn, breaking the cycle of needing perfection for validation. The podcast underscores the difference between praise and encouragement – with the latter focusing on effort and growth rather than outcome, fostering a mindset of persistence.

Discipline, another critical component of parenting discussed, is portrayed not as a harsh reality but as a foundation for building respect and boundaries. Children, Martha explains, need to learn the value of ‘no’ for long-term personal and societal benefits. Fathers, therefore, should strive to create environments where discipline is balanced with love, ensuring their daughters understand and respect boundaries while feeling supported.

Moreover, the power of everyday interactions is highlighted as being instrumental in shaping a child’s emotional well-being. Fathers are encouraged to engage in meaningful dialogue with their daughters, asking about their daily highs and lows to foster deeper connections. Listening, rather than always providing solutions, is presented as a tool for building trust and understanding.

Ultimately, the podcast serves as a reminder that being a present and engaged father isn’t about perfection—it’s about authentic connection and consistent involvement. By focusing on these themes, fathers can better support their daughters in becoming confident, independent individuals prepared to face the world’s challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you are here this week. And as always, every week, I love being able to sit down, talk to you, work with you as you are working to create that strong connection with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
No matter where you are right now, there are always things that you can do to be able to build a stronger relationship, but also a stronger connection in general with your daughter. And that’s what this show is all about. Every week, I wanna be able to offer you opportunities to be able to learn, to grow, to be able to identify new ways that you can create those strong bonds that are going to help you and your the relationship with your daughter as you continue on together. That’s why every week I bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can give you some perspective on this. And hopefully, at the end of every episode, you’re gonna be having some some notes that you’ve taken, some things that you’ve thought about, some maybe brain explosions that allow for you to be able to say, hey, I haven’t thought about it that way, but maybe I can think about things a little bit differently. Maybe I can do some things a little bit differently. This week, we’ve got another great guest with us. Martha Birch is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
And Martha is an author, a speaker. She’s a behavioral change consultant. And she has a new book that is out called Yes, You Can Raise Happy Responsible Children. Now don’t all of us want to raise happy, responsible children? I know that I definitely want my kids to be happy and responsible and would have loved to have had this when they were very young as well. So we’re gonna be talking to her about not only her own experience as a daughter herself, but also talk about this new book with the resources that are in it that could help you with your relationship with your daughters. Martha, thanks so much for being here today.

Martha Burich [00:02:45]:
Chris, I’m absolutely thrilled to be here. Your dads are so important. And, you know, it seems to be in our society today that dads don’t get the accolades and they don’t get their due because father daughter relationships are pivotal for positive adult male female relationships.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:03]:
Definitely agree with you there. It is so important. I mean, there’s so much research that’s out there that shows that, and it is still important. I’m not negating the importance of the bond between the mother and the daughter, because that is crucial as well. But every study that I have seen out there, every study that I’ve read shows that daughters without a father that is actively engaged in their lives, it severely impacts their ability to be strong, independent individuals in society and definitely makes a difference. So, so I would love to start with delving a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your own father. And I know at the beginning we talked about the fact that your relationship was, I said, was it positive? Was it negative? Was it somewhere in between? And you said it was somewhere in between. So talk to me a little bit about that relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:50]:
And you said it was in between. Talk to me about that. What made it in between for you?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:55]:
And and

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:55]:
then we’ll we’ll go from there.

Martha Burich [00:03:56]:
Well, my father was a prisoner of war of the Germans in World War two before I was born for two years, and that definitely skewed him. You know, he was a very, very nice man, a kind man. He he never yelled, but he was affected and it affected him. He became a very heavy drinker, but you could never tell. He he was never drunk. I guess maybe he was always drunk. I don’t know. You can never tell.

Martha Burich [00:04:20]:
But he he pretty much gambled and drank all the money away. And, on the one hand, you can’t blame him because who when people go through experiences, we have no idea what he went through. But then on the other, you know, my mother would tell me stories of when I was very, very young and there was no food. We had no food because my dad drank and gambled at all. So he could be the kindest man in the world, but he was irresponsible in that way. So, yes, we had a bit of a rocky relationship. I I don’t know. There was never any outright animosity or anything, but, you know, my parents divorced when I was about five.

Martha Burich [00:04:51]:
So I didn’t see my dad a lot, but I did see him about once a year. And I want to tell you a story. When I was about seven, my stepmother was a very heavy drinker. She was an alcoholic and a mean drunk. And I think I was seven or eight and she got mad at me for something. I I don’t know what I did. So I went to bed and pretended to be sleeping. And my dad came home, and she just Martha this and Martha that and blah blah.

Martha Burich [00:05:13]:
Just I guess I could do no right. And my dad looked at her and he said, Kathleen, she’s eight years old. What could she possibly have done that that’s bad? But, you know, that kinda tells who my dad was. He he really was a kind human being. And I remember another time we had a dog. Oh, this really touches me. He had a dog. We didn’t have a dog at my mother’s house, but dad had a dog.

Martha Burich [00:05:36]:
And the dog threw up in the car one time, and dad was cleaning it. And I was very young, and I said, how can you do that? And he goes, when you love something, you take care of it. That just touches my heart because my dad really was a caring and loving man, but he had these demons I think that ran him a little bit and made him not as positive an influence as he could have been.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:56]:
Now, you talked about those demons and some men have those, some fathers have those in their lives and they have to deal with those or if they don’t, it’s going to impact the relationships around them. As you and your father grew in your relationship as you got older and and he got older as well, talk to me about those demons and how or if you ever had an opportunity to talk through that with your father. And if not, what do you wish you would have talked to him about?

Martha Burich [00:06:28]:
Yeah. No. We we never we never discussed it. I don’t think he ever discussed it with anyone. I think that was something that he probably took to his grave. And, you know, my brother and I were were both talking about, you know, was our dad an alcoholic? Because he would drink a fifth a day, but he would be the same person all day long. A lot of people drink and they become mean or just unpleasant and silly. But my dad was the same person all day long, so we really don’t know.

Martha Burich [00:06:53]:
We think maybe he was just a heavy drinker, but that’s a pretty heavy drinker. Let’s talk about the importance of dads. And and, you know, for for my dad or for dads, if you have a drinking problem, it’s time to get it get it solved because you’re not helping your family or your children or society in general. So it really is time to take a look at yourself. I go to the jail every Monday and the treatment center every Wednesday, and I talk to the women, addicts and alcoholics. And, you know, a lot of them have mixed relationships with their parents, with their dad, with the men in their lives. They expect I think we become confused about relationships. What’s the point of a relationship? To build a future together.

Martha Burich [00:07:29]:
Not to constantly make one another feel good, but to build a future together. Where are we going with this? How do we want our children to behave? What do we wanna have in ten years, in twenty years? How are we gonna build that? But if we’re constantly men do this and women do that, then we’re wasting our time, really, basically. You know, that’s another thing too. We’re constantly looking for highs and pleasure, immediate pleasure. Well, then we’re we’re ruining our lives that way because if people who can’t say no to themselves become people who are addicts, alcoholics, very unpleasant to be around. So we have to learn how to say no to ourselves and to our children. And I think that’s part of what’s happening in society today is children aren’t hearing no the way they need to, and then they don’t say no to themselves, and then everybody’s miserable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:13]:
Now with that mixed relationship that you had with your dad, with the highs, the lows, and probably the in betweens as well, are there things that you wish that your dad had done differently when it came to building the relationship that you had?

Martha Burich [00:08:27]:
Yes. You know, my dad was was a hunter, and he shot deer, you know, being here in Michigan. I wish he would have taken me hunting or things that he did with my brother that he he never did with me. You know, there’s a picture of my brother when he was two standing on the bumper of a car while my dad’s fixing it. My brother’s got a little tool in his hand that he’s gonna hand to my dad. Well, I didn’t get to do that. I have a friend whose dad, she has four boys, but her dad taught her everything. She can tear down a car.

Martha Burich [00:08:55]:
She can take the engine out of it and put it back together because her dad taught her how to finish furniture, how to do all that cool stuff, the kind of stuff that makes you feel competent and and useful. So that, I wish that he would have showed me how to do a lot more things than he did. I have another story. Let me tell you a story, Chris. I have a friend. He’s got grandchildren, and this is about his grandson. Anyway, the grandson was about four, and he had one of those little, gas powered motorcycles. This is a real one.

Martha Burich [00:09:22]:
And the kid’s four, and I think it it went fast. Anyway, so he’s toodling around, and dad and and, grandpa are watching the child out in the field with his little motorcycle. And he comes around, and he comes up to grandpa. And grandpa goes, you know, I don’t think you’re going fast enough. Would you like to go fast enough? Said no mother ever said no. And, you know, that’s another reason why dads are so important because dads take you fishing. You see grandpa and the daughter with the you’re fishing. Dads do all that kind of cool stuff, teach you how to fix things and do things.

Martha Burich [00:09:52]:
And, you know, so it’s really, really an important relationship. And another thing that, I wanted to you probably already know this. College, when parents take their children to colleges to look at them, it’s usually dads and daughters, moms and sons. I heard this from a person who worked at a college who did the college days.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:10]:
I have seen that, and that is an interesting dynamic that you don’t always think about, but it is true. So, as you think back to the relationship that you had with your father throughout your life, how has that relationship that you had with your father influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Martha Burich [00:10:30]:
Well, that’s such an interesting question. My husband was a very nice man. He died in 02/2008, and, we were married twenty five years, and he was a gentle soul like my dad. I remember one time, his name was Tony. Tony and I were looking at our son, Anthony, when he was a baby. We used to have date night, I think, on Friday or Saturday night. We came home, and then we would watch look at Anthony in his room, in his little crib sleeping. And I remember one time, my husband looked at me and he said, I don’t know what I would ever do if anything happened to this baby.

Martha Burich [00:10:57]:
You know? And I just I just remember thinking what a tender heart he has.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:01]:
Now if I know your your father has passed, and I guess if you look back now or if you could spend one more day with your dad and do anything, what would it look like?

Martha Burich [00:11:12]:
That’s really interesting. What would it look like? I guess I would just sit with him, ask him about his life. My brother and I are both confused because we believe our dad was adopted. There’s there are no records, and I was looking back through genealogy. And we think he was adopted by his stepdad. But, see, we just had no relationship with his side of the family at all. So there are so many questions when it comes to our dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:37]:
Now I mentioned at the beginning that you had, that you’ve put out a new book called Yes, You Can Raise Happy, Responsible Children. As an author myself, I know how much time and effort goes into the, and some blood, sweat, and tears go into the writing of these books to get great content out in front of the world. But, I guess, talk to me about the impetus and what made you decide that this book needed to be written and that you wanted to put it out into the world.

Martha Burich [00:12:09]:
Well, that’s a really great question. You know, my son’s grown now, and he’s successful. He has his own business. When he was four, he was just spoiled rotten. His dad and I, we thought the way that you raise a happy child is you always say yes. No. That didn’t work too well. And I remember one day carrying him outside of a store because I finally learned to say no, and I meant it.

Martha Burich [00:12:28]:
This time, I really meant it. And he was in shock. He was in shock. I had to carry him out of the store screaming and kicking and everything else because I had finally learned to say no and put my foot down and then took parenting classes. And in six weeks, we turned him around from being so spoiled that we really didn’t like him very much. He was very unpleasant to a very cooperative, pleasant young man. As I said, he’s he’s successful now and he’s grown. And everything that I learned there, I put in the book because and it’s also the information that I used.

Martha Burich [00:12:57]:
I was ten years as a child psychology professor and sixteen years as a high school special education teacher. And all the information that I put in the book are the same things that I used to communicate with my parents, with my students, and also with the ladies and the the people at the jail and the treatment centers. So, yes, it’s only 60 pages and pretty much just tells you, here’s what you do at the grocery store if the child won’t behave. Here’s what you do if they won’t put their seat belt on. It’s just boom, boom, boom. A quick read to help here’s what you do to improve their, self esteem, to help to get you to the place where your children are cooperative and you’re working together. Because so often as parents, our children don’t realize that we’re a unit. We’re a family unit.

Martha Burich [00:13:36]:
Family is the basis of society, and a happy family helps create a happy society. So our families, just like our partnerships, need to be what’s our goal? Our goal is to build our family to be happy and healthy and to work together to help each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:51]:
And I love books that are practical and be able and allow you to be able to take something right out of it and put it into into action right away. Now I know that in reading through your book, your book really emphasizes the importance of building self esteem in children. How can fathers specifically help their daughters develop confidence and resilience, especially in a world that often challenges their sense of worth?

Martha Burich [00:14:17]:
Let them fail. Just you’ve got to encourage them to try everything and fail. Go after if you wanna if the daughter comes on here let me tell you this story. This is a typical one too. The child come home from school and go, they’re having a play at school. They’re having a play at school. I’m so excited. I’m gonna try out for the lead.

Martha Burich [00:14:34]:
Oh, honey. Oh, I’m so glad they’re having a play, but the lead, you might not get it. Why don’t you try to be one of the frogs? You’ll get that part. I bet you’ll get that part. Already, we’re teaching our children to not go after what they really want, to go after what they think they can get. This is how you get adults who go, you know, I I I probably won’t get that job. I won’t even try for it. I probably won’t be able to, you know, that person would never date me.

Martha Burich [00:14:58]:
I’m not even gonna try. So we have to teach our children to accept to, one, accept no for an answer, but also to realize that no is not the end. It’s the beginning. So teach your children to never give up and to keep failing because the only way to win is to keep going up the steps along the way. But failure and hearing no, you know, if you got to if you have to practice it, no, no, no, no, no. Learn to take no and go next, next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:25]:
Now you also distinguish between praise and encouragement in your book. Can you share why this distinction matters and how fathers can use encouragement to build stronger, more authentic relationships with their daughters?

Martha Burich [00:15:40]:
That’s a really good question, Chris. Praise is, oh, you’re the best, honey. Oh, yeah. You do that. You you do that really well. You’re the best at that. Praise makes people feel superior, and there are places for it. But encouragement is, oh, you know, I like the way you did that.

Martha Burich [00:15:57]:
You took your time. I see you really pay attention to detail. Encouragement is giving the specifics and saying, don’t quit. Keep going. You know, oh my goodness. You’re almost there at tying your shoes. You can almost do it. Wow.

Martha Burich [00:16:10]:
You keep going. You don’t give up. So encouragement is encouraging, keeping them moving. But pray praise. Wow. You’re the greatest ball player. You’re oh my goodness. You always hit them out of the park.

Martha Burich [00:16:20]:
That makes people feel like the only way that they can get attention or love is if they’re perfect or if they do something really well. Praise is like, oh my goodness, you got a hundred on that test or oh, then the child thinks that, well, I a hundred is what I have to get. So it’s a fine distinction, but you have to be careful, especially and you don’t wanna tell you’re the best at this. You’re the best. Out of 8,000,000,000 people in the world, who can be the best? You know what I mean? The best you’re very good at this. You’re one of the best, but the absolute best is a whole another story.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:51]:
Now discipline is also often misunderstood. And in your book, you highlight some firm yet loving approaches. What advice do you have for fathers who want to set boundaries while still nurturing a deep trusting connection with their daughters?

Martha Burich [00:17:08]:
You have to. You have to. You will get no respect. Your children will walk all over you if you don’t when you say no, mean it. So think long and hard. When you say no, don’t say no and change it to yes because that’s what got me and and my husband in trouble. And that’s what gets a lot of people in trouble with their children and with their families. They say no, but then they change it to yes when people push back.

Martha Burich [00:17:30]:
So you have to really think, alright. When when a child asks you for something, you have to think, well, am I do I wanna say yes or no? And if I’m going to say no, am I gonna back it up? Because otherwise, you’re gonna be a pushover and everybody will be miserable. Everybody will be miserable. Children who don’t accept no become unpleasant humans at school. They cause problems at school and they keep others from learning. So we have to learn to accept no. So definitely and you know what? Don’t just yell across the room. If the child’s doing something, Get up.

Martha Burich [00:18:03]:
Get up. Go up to the child. Look them in the eye, and don’t rather than saying stop running, say walk. I had one person tell me she told a a friend of hers who’s a kindergarten teacher. The teacher said, oh my goodness. My classroom is these children are so poorly behaved. And she said, well, why don’t you try this? Why don’t you tell them what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do? She said in a week, the teacher came back to her and said, just that one tip has changed my classroom. Now children, here we’re going to start this activity.

Martha Burich [00:18:29]:
Here’s what I need you to do. We’re gonna have our paper and our pencil out, and we only draw on the paper. What did what did I just tell you? Where do we draw? We only draw on the paper. Tell children what you do want, not what you don’t want. We’re gonna go to the grocery store. I need you to walk right next to me. If you can’t see me and I can’t see you, there’s a problem. So what do I need you to do? I’m gonna walk right next to you, mom, dad.

Martha Burich [00:18:50]:
That’s right. Exactly. And if I can’t see you, guess what? You’re gonna sit in the cart. And then when they run off and they will, the grocery store is a fun place. I love it. And, you know, everything’s right at their eye level. They get excited. They’re gonna run off.

Martha Burich [00:19:03]:
Okay. So you just took go to the chat and go, I see you decided to sit in the cart. Where are the bananas? I need help. Look. Look for this. Look for that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now you also talk about the power of small everyday interactions in shaping a child’s emotional well-being. What are some simple but powerful ways fathers can intentionally connect with their daughters on a daily basis?

Martha Burich [00:19:25]:
You can’t just say how was school. I used to ask Anthony, what was the best thing that happened to you today and what was the worst thing that happened? And we would have a discussion. He would tell me his. I would tell him mine. I knew more about what was going on at school than the teacher a lot of times. I knew who misbehaved. I know what they did. You know, he would tell me everything.

Martha Burich [00:19:43]:
One time he came home and he told me this absolutely fabulous story, It Could Always Be Worse. I called a cut winner, and he described this book to me. In fact, I bought a copy of that book. I loved it so much. But, you know, that’s how we would share. He would tell me the stories he learned, and he would tell me the stories. And he would tell me about what happened. And it wasn’t what happened at school today, but what’s the best thing that happened? What’s the worst thing? What do you think about this? What do you think about that? What’s your opinion on this? Why do you think she said that? Why do you think he did that? Because those are real connections.

Martha Burich [00:20:12]:
And what happens is when we don’t really listen to our children and and I’ll I’ll tell you another story. One time, Anthony was about 10, and he had gone with a friend and the friend’s father, and they had gone shopping. Well, the friend’s father had bought his son a toy, but he didn’t buy Anthony anything. So when Anthony came home, oh, he was mad. He goes, I can’t believe it. He bought him a toy. He didn’t buy me anything. And I said, well, what do you expect? You’re not his son.

Martha Burich [00:20:35]:
And Anthony looked at me and he goes, I’m never talking to you again. You don’t understand. And I realized what I had done. I had gone mother on him, correcting him. And I said, oh, I I apologize. Please tell me again. He told me the whole story again, how angry he was and, you know, and it’s just not fair. Blah blah blah.

Martha Burich [00:20:52]:
And I said, boy, it sounds like you were really hurt and you’re mad. And he said, yes, I am. And then he went off and played. He just wanted to be heard. Sometimes your kid you know, your your kids, your spouse, your friends, they just need, need you to listen. They don’t want advice. They don’t want help. Or you could say, I I have some advice.

Martha Burich [00:21:09]:
Would you like to hear it? But otherwise, they’ll just listen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]:
Now, many fathers may have been raised with different parenting styles than what your book suggests. What strategies do you recommend for dads who want to break cycles of criticism, tough love, or emotional distance, and replace them with healthier patterns?

Martha Burich [00:21:28]:
You know what, Chris? Here we go. Shut up your mouth. That’s what my grandmother used to say to me. She came from Italy. Shut up your mouth. Just because you think it doesn’t mean it comes out of your mouth. Sarcasm and insulting, those don’t foster positive relationships. You really need to think, is this going to improve our relationship or not? If it’s not going to improve the relationship, be quiet.

Martha Burich [00:21:55]:
Be quiet. Your child doesn’t need constant advice and to be told what they’re doing wrong and how they can do it better. What they need is a good listening ear and someone that they know that if they have a problem, they can go to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:07]:
Well, Martha, I really appreciate you sharing all of this, and I’ve really enjoyed reading through the book. As Martha said, it is a short book. It’s it doesn’t take a lot of time to go through, but it’s got practical, great advice that can help you in your daily interactions with your own kids. Now, Martha, if people wanna find out more about the book about you, where should they go?

Martha Burich [00:22:28]:
Well, the book is up at Amazon, but also I have a Facebook group called Mastering Child Behavior. Join the Facebook group, and in there, there’s a free quiz. Your your parenting style tells you your parenting style and how it affects the behavior of your children. So, yes, join my Facebook group, Mastering Child Behavior, and I’m on Facebook and LinkedIn and all the places, and I do have a website, marthaburridge.com.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:50]:
And we will put links in our notes today to make sure that you have all of those. But, Martha, thank you so much for being here today, and I truly wish you all the best.

Martha Burich [00:22:59]:
Thank you, Christy. You really touched my heart today. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, Get out and be the world to them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]:
Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.