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Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections

October 5, 2026 by dadofdivas

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter takes intention, patience, and a genuine commitment to growth—for both parent and child. That’s the heartbeat of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” a podcast devoted to helping dads nurture confidence and independence in their daughters. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with returning guest Arpan Shah to discuss what it really takes to create lasting, positive connections, even in challenging circumstances.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to Work together on these relationships that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

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At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Empowering Daughters: Alan Mallory on Guiding with Adventure and Trust

August 3, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week on The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed adventurer and performance coach Alan Mallory for an inspiring conversation on what it means to truly connect with your daughters. If you’re a dad seeking real-world advice, heartfelt stories, and strategies to build stronger family ties, this episode is a must-listen.

One of the most impactful themes that emerged is the importance of quality time and shared adventures. Alan Mallory talked passionately about how he’s embraced experiences with his two daughters, from spontaneous ski trips to months traveling across the country in a fifth wheel trailer. These journeys provided special opportunities, not just for fun, but for deep conversations and growth. “When it’s just the two of us, you can connect on a deeper level,” he shared, highlighting the magic of one-on-one time.

But beyond the adventures, Alan Mallory emphasized the vital balance between guidance and independence. He champions a parenting style rooted in mentorship rather than control: “You can’t dictate the direction… you have to give them that latitude”. This philosophy was shaped by his own experiences, like summiting Mount Everest alongside his family—and by seeing how trust and empowerment forge the strongest bonds.

Another powerful thread: fostering communication and emotional growth. Mallory admitted to struggling at times, especially when it comes to connecting on the emotional level, teaching us all that vulnerability makes for better dads: “I could probably think of a few times where I should have been more empathetic… and just listened”. It’s a message that resonates—sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is our presence and our ears.

For dads supporting daughters’ passions or mental health journeys, this episode is rich with wisdom: encourage experimentation, be the gentle guide, and above all, show up—time is fleeting, and investing those hours pays lifelong dividends.

The Dad and Daughter Connection is a source of community and inspiration for fathers everywhere. Whether you’re seeking reassurance or a nudge to start a new adventure, tune in—this conversation with Alan Mallory will remind you that being a great dad is about being present, facing the adventures together, and empowering your daughter to blaze her own trail.

Ready to strengthen your bond? Listen to the episode now and start building those lasting connections!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk about, but also work on those relationships that we want to build with our own daughters one step at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:04]:
And I’m so excited that you come back every week because we’re all on a journey. We’re all on a journey of trying to be the best dads that we want to be and the best dads that we can be. But to get there, we’ve got to put in the time. We got to put in the effort. We got to learn from other dads around us and see what they’re doing, see what makes sense and what works for them. But maybe, maybe that will work for you as well, and that’s why this podcast exists. This podcast exists to help you to be able to connect with other dads, but also to learn from some other dads that have different experiences. And I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences every week that can do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:
Today we got another great guest. Alan Mallory is with us. And Alan is a dynamic speaker. He’s an author, he is a performance coach. But I saw him at a recent conference, and he was really talking about some of the things that he’s done in his life to push himself beyond who he thought he was and who he thought he could be. He. In his presentations, he gives kind of a unique blend of psychology, engineering, project management, and some artistic flair to be able to make the presentations really a dynamic one. And in the conversation that he gave to the Rotary group that I was with, I loved the message that he gave because he really rooted his messages in his experiences, both as an adventurer, a mountaineer, but really talking about the things that he’s done with his family, to be able to keep them, to bring them together and seeing that he is a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Of two daughters. I wanted to bring him on to talk a little bit about his own experience in being a father to daughters. So, Alan, thanks so much for being here today.

Alan Mallory [00:02:41]:
My pleasure. Looking forward to it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]:
Well, I’m really looking forward to talking to you today. And as I said, even before we started, I said this is kind of a topic that’s a little bit different than ones that probably you talk about all the time. And I always start the interviews with an opportunity because I know that you have two daughters yourself, 12 and 8. And all of us as fathers want to create those moments, those meaningful moments, those things that we can share with our daughters that they’ll remember but also will remember and that bring us closer together. What’s one’s, what’s, what is the most meaningful moment that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Alan Mallory [00:03:15]:
I don’t know if I could boil it down to one meaningful moment, but I mean, I’ve kind of emulated what my father did with me and my siblings and that spend a lot of quality time, especially out doing adventures with. With my kids. And so in many ways, I’m kind of blessed in the vocation I’ve chosen. I because I’m traveling all over the place, often I’ bring one of my kids along and both my daughters always spent some amazing quality time. Even this past winter, different ski trips, for example, where it’s just kind of a dad daughter ski trip, or when I have events in Hawaii or in kind of tropical locations, often they put their heads up to come along with those. And I found those particularly special when it’s just the two of us and you can kind of connect on a deeper level and just have fun as well. It’s not a chore if you’re doing things that you would normally like to do anyway and that they’ll like to do. And so we go kayaking or stand up paddleboarding or do some sort of adventure.

Alan Mallory [00:04:11]:
And I found those are the most special moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]:
Now your daughters are getting older and you’ve got that daughter that’s a pre tween now and another daughter following not too far behind. And as they get older, they definitely push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them that independence that they need to be able to grow into the people that they’re bec.

Alan Mallory [00:04:34]:
Yeah, I mean, that’s the balance that’s hard to strike. And we, all of us, that are parents really go through that. One of my programs I share kind of A curve between. It’s a parabolic relationship in that you have a mentor role that you want to kind of nudge your daughters in the right direction or what you believe is the right direction, but you can’t dictate that direction. And that’s what’s almost makes the parenting journey such a roller coaster. They’re their own people and sometimes they make. They need to learn through decisions that are made. And, you know, that’s how we learn.

Alan Mallory [00:05:03]:
If we kind of prevent them from discovering and innovating and all of that, then they just end up with bigger problems down the road. And so it’s through small. Allowing them the independence to make small mistakes in many ways, while providing that father mentor role that I think allows them to develop healthily. And it’s a difficult balance to get. And I would say in many ways it’s a balance that our society has really gone one way on. And that’s this kind of, you know, over controlling, bubble wrapping our children rather than allowing them to make mistakes in life, for example. But if you want them to be strong, independent people, you have to give them that latitude. I’d say that’s another thing that I learned from my father, for good or bad.

Alan Mallory [00:05:46]:
You know, he was always a very empowering person. We climbed Mount Everest in 2008, and this was with my father, brother, sister and I. And so also I was kind of learning from how he treated all of us, especially my sister in this case. There was one instance where basically we were in the death zone above 26,000ft. And he empowered her to kind of make her own decision, whether she wanted to continue on or not. And she was all by herself at that point because she had the altitude weakens your immune system. And so she had these awful sicknesses and she had actually internal bleeding, it was so bad. And.

Alan Mallory [00:06:18]:
But that was, you know, a difficult decision to make because obviously in a scenario like that, mistakes can be fatal, and often they are. But I think he’s always kind of had that mentality and I’ve tried to do that as well. You know, you start small so that when they’re young, allow them to make their own mistakes. You know, don’t always be there to provide. Well, I mean, you’re providing the safety rope kind of from a distance. I would say you don’t want them to get badly hurt or die, but that’s how they’re going to learn. You learn through adversity. And when we take that adversity away, which we do out of kindness in many ways, Certainly in the Western society, we’ve lived pretty, what I say, good lives.

Alan Mallory [00:06:57]:
We don’t have the same types of challenges that let’s say our ancestors had. So we try to make life more comfortable for our kids. Well, that can be detrimental because they just don’t learn. You learn through the adversity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:11]:
Well, I’d be remiss to not push a little bit on the trip that you had on Everest. And, and I guess I’m not going to ask you to retell that story because you have some books that are specifically about that. But one of the things that I guess that I am interested in is having you talk a little bit about what you learned from that trip with your siblings and your f and how that experience has either helped you in being the father that you’re becoming or has made you make some pivots in how you’re fathering your kids in different ways.

Alan Mallory [00:07:45]:
Well, that was the ultimate family adventure, you might say. I mean, the stakes are very high. The need for healthy relationships is extreme because otherwise, 70 plus percent of the teens while we were there, they tore themselves apart from the inside out. And at that point it’s everyone on their own and they have to just pack up and head home. And so being able to resolve conflicts effectively and quickly and say what needs to be said, even though it might inevitably result in a conflict, I think that’s a big problem in a lot of families and father daughter relationships that in order to maintain the harmony in the here and now, you just don’t say what needs to be said. It might cause someone to get upset. Well, the problem is these issues, they bottle up within people over time. And so every one of those said, what would you call them, items in order to preserve the relationship in the here and now, it just compounds and eventually it explodes.

Alan Mallory [00:08:44]:
And that’s what tears apart family familial relationships. Now that’s obviously true in spousal relationships. We see that all the time. But there’s plenty of daughters that don’t hardly talk to their fathers when they get married and they move off. And I see that all the time. And I want to, you know, I don’t want that to be reality in my life. No, there’s lots of, of factors you can’t control. But again, I would say maybe I’m giving my dad too many kudos.

Alan Mallory [00:09:08]:
But when I look at his friend groups and so on and there’s just lots of broken family relationships and he doesn’t sugarcoat things, but more than anything, he just makes sure he creates time for doing things with his siblings. He still does. I mean, he’s in his 70s now and I can kind of see in his eyes how much he really appreciates that, that his kids, they keep coming back. I mean, they kind of want to spend time with him and my mother as well. So I would love to able to create the same type of environment where your kids really want to still enjoy spending time with you. And part of the secret to that is get them involved young in things that you also are going to be interested in doing throughout your life now. So it’s kind of a privilege. We all enjoy swimming and biking and mountain biking and kayaking and things like that.

Alan Mallory [00:09:56]:
And so it’s not so much of chore when we’re trying to get together. And I think if I can preserve that, if you aren’t taking an active role when they’re young, and I know some of our family friends, that this is exactly what happened. I mean, the kids kind of go a different direction. The parents are into hiking, the kids are into skateboarding, something like that. Now it’s really tough. And I see in those family relationships how they can hardly get together for Christmas dinner. There’s just no shared interests anymore. And certainly that tears the family apart, but certainly makes it a suboptimal situation to be in as you age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:29]:
So how are you incorporating that mentality, that mantra into what you’re doing with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:10:36]:
If I’ve maybe taken it to the extreme, you might say in terms of the different adventures, but again, it’s kind of a. It dovetails well into the, the work I’m already doing because I’m traveling around. But we lived, for example, for a year on a fifth wheel trailer traveling around the. The southern United States. And every two days or so we were in some new amazing national park, state park. It was during COVID and so the kids were already doing online school. And so in the morning we would do schooling and then in the afternoon we’d be out biking and hiking and swimming and depending where we were. That was just an incredible trip.

Alan Mallory [00:11:15]:
I almost wanted to just stay on the rig and do a whole nother loop. It was so amazing. But those types of things, I mean, whether you like it or not, you’re in close proximity in those in a fifth wheel trailer, for example. So yeah. And then whenever I can, especially the skiing, they’ve really taken to skiing. Both my daughters are just amazing, amazing skiers. And, and it happened quickly too. My eldest, I take her to Whistler and she goes Right down the double black diamonds through the trees and you know, my heart’s skipping a few beats, but again, I tried it.

Alan Mallory [00:11:46]:
Well, she’s got to learn her own limits here. I don’t want her flying off a cliff and perishing. So I’ll kind of be in watching things, but let her own. Make her own decisions. And I remember when we were there, thinking, it was only a couple years ago when I was taking her down the bunny hill at our local ski resort, going behind her to make sure she didn’t kind of get out of control. But I think, did I teach them skiing? I mean, kind of the basics. But more than anything, I just gave them the latitude and the opportunity to figure out where their limits were and develop the skills themselves with a little bit of guidance here and then there when they wanted it. And so that’s just wonderful going on those ski trips now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:29]:
None of us are infallible. We’re humans. We make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:12:41]:
What is a mistake? Well, I’m probably always making mistakes of some sort. I probably don’t connect well on the emotional side as well as I should. I’m still a guy. I don’t necessarily understand kind of the emotions and things, especially at that. The age when they’re kind of going through puberty and so on. And so probably I could be better at just listening at times. I’m an engineer as well, and so I kind of like, like engineering our way out of these problems. But when there’s, you know, those emotional challenges that we all go through.

Alan Mallory [00:13:14]:
Yeah, I could probably think of a few times where I thought, well, maybe I should have been a little more empathetic to that and just listened and really tried to see things from. From their perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:24]:
That’s definitely something that you have to do. I’ve heard that numerous times from numerous fathers and others about doing more listening than talking at times and. And being able to not come in trying to answer the question or to solve a problem, but let your daughter do what she can to be able to guide, whether it is either a solving conversation or a listening conversation. And that’s something that I wish that I had learned earlier than not.

Alan Mallory [00:13:52]:
Yeah, no, it’s interesting in some of my psychological background, you know, I remember reading this same type of thing over and over again when it comes to psychotherapy. You know, half the time the therapist is not really saying anything. You’re just kind of there nodding, allowing the other individual to kind of work true in their own mind, in their own life. And surprisingly, that has just tremendous benefit. You just, you kind of need to be this sounding board that the individual can’t do it on their own. They need someone there that’s almost doing, you know, it’s doing very little than listening, but it’s tremendously beneficial. So the engineer in me says that makes no sense at all. But having just read about it again and again now, I realize as humans, you know, the human mind is not something that can be reverse engineered very well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
And speaking about your background in psychology and now trying to raise kids and raise daughters, talk to me about that. And the juxtaposition between having the understanding of how the mind works but also being able to be the father and being able to be there for your kids in different ways and not bringing too much psychology into it at the same time.

Alan Mallory [00:15:06]:
I went the psychological direction because I had my own mental health challenges in my younger years. I had quite a severe social phobia, an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. And so because I’m an engineer by trade, which is the polar opposite of psychology, but I started studying the human mind as I was trying to work through my own challenges. And I think what got me more and more interested in it is it started to work. I developed these different cognitive strategies that would allow me to quickly bring down elevated baseline stress levels, for example. And you know, I’d play a lot of these mental games that I would read about and, and kind of develop for my own purposes that would change my emotional responses in the here and now. And so now there’s a genetic element to the predisposition to these types of mental health challenges. And I kind of see some of them in my daughters, for example.

Alan Mallory [00:15:57]:
And so I do want to be proactive in providing them the tools that are needed. Now I’m careful to even say that, that there’s a genetic element because so many people just, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for them. You know, my father had this, my mot had this, my grandmother had this. I guess it’s inevitable. I will. And I was actually told that many, many times by the different medical professionals that I thought saw my younger years throughout that journey. Basically you have this chemical imbalance that’s leading to this. And almost all the time they just suggested medication.

Alan Mallory [00:16:28]:
And now I don’t want to be too negative on medication because it obviously has a place, you know, when people are really at low points, sometimes anything that will help is the way to go. But I saw it as something that would kind of hide my symptoms rather than get at the root causes. So I never went down the medical pat. I developed cognitive strategies that would work. And I’ve tried to kind of, you know, when I’ve seen my daughters having, you know, who knows if they’re. I think every kind of preteen has that type of thing. They have to develop their own strategies. So I.

Alan Mallory [00:16:59]:
I’m not saying necessarily are they going to be more predisposed than others to this type of thing, but I also just kind of notice when I was going through a mental health journey, you become hyper sensitized to, you know, noticing little twitches and things like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:14]:
Right.

Alan Mallory [00:17:15]:
Because I’m always so concerned about it in myself, or was at the time. So I’ve kind of tried to share those strategies that I’ve developed. Now. I wouldn’t say I’ve shared them very effectively, or at least they haven’t been adopted. And part of it is because I’m, I guess, the dad. You know, often they’re like, oh, dad, maybe that’ll work for you. But this is a different era and I can kind of relate to that because that’s exactly what I said to most people who tried to share strategies with me, including the different psychologists I saw. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, it’s easy for you to say that.

Alan Mallory [00:17:47]:
You’re not living through this. And so I would mostly brush off the different things they were trying to tell me. And there was always a bit of truth in each one of them. And I really listened. I didn’t really discover some of those, well, let’s call them things that really helped in my life until I kept reading from people that were going through the same challenges that I’d gone through. And. And we’re able to finally figure it out. And it was a combination of self education, learning how your mind works, but also kind of voluntary exposure therapy, and not getting out of your mind, stop fighting yourself, because it’s a response to those symptoms, really, and the way that leads to this rumination that holds us, that perpetuates the disorder.

Alan Mallory [00:18:31]:
So when I try to share those types of strategies, I have to be careful, mindful of how I do it. And if I’m really kind of rushed in my own work, it’s not effective. I think it’s going to be through many years of just kind of, you know, providing little tools here and there. And this is what you should try, maybe give this a try. It worked in my life. And so hopefully I’m able to, you know, just provide what they need and maybe they won’t. Sometimes this is just a natural stage of growing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]:
And speaking of the mental health issues that you were dealing with yourself, how do you talk to your own daughters about that experience in relation to building that connection with them?

Alan Mallory [00:19:11]:
Well, in many ways I haven’t in a lot of detail. I’ve tried to encourage my eldest daughter to read my second book because that’s what it’s all about. She finds it too boring because it’s kind of psychological pace and she’s into, you know, romance and adventure stories and that sort of thing. So I haven’t. Wouldn’t say I have been particularly effective in kind of sharing the whole journey and all the those strategies I’ve tried at times, but there hasn’t been a lot of interest in it. It’s kind of. So I don’t know, maybe they’re still a bit too young. Maybe they won’t need those types of strategies.

Alan Mallory [00:19:44]:
I can certainly relate to how I found it frustrating to try to play the right mental movies in my mind, for example. Your mind almost fights back against it. It says, no, that’s not what you need. I mean, this is futile. I mean, I should just analyze more. Well, the constant analysis of your own symptoms certainly just makes things worse and worse.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:04]:
Worse. You’ve had your own passions, your dreams, your things that you have tried to push yourself to do through your life, and the things that you continue to do. Talk to me about how you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Alan Mallory [00:20:17]:
Well, it’s certainly giving them the opportunity. I guess they are still kind of discovering what their passions and dreams are. And I’ve seen that with my eldest. I would say, if anything, my wife and I are just trying to allow her to try different things because she doesn’t seem to have. Have gravitated to particular sport or dream just yet. There certainly have been things that have captured her interest. We had her learning sign language for a while. Right.

Alan Mallory [00:20:44]:
But it let things wane and as they should. I mean, that’s the whole idea. You want to just try as many things as you can and when you’re young so you can kind of see what tends to excite you, I guess, and ideally align your vocation with. With whatever that is. So got them. I play the violin and so I’ve got them in both playing the violin. And that’s just wonderful to me. And that’s was a little frustrating to me in the early years because like I was when I was a kid, I just didn’t want to do it.

Alan Mallory [00:21:10]:
I didn’t want to practice it where you know, spending the time and energy and money in many cases to pursue that. And I had to keep reminding myself, well I gotta. This really isn’t for them. Even though I’d love to be able to play with violin with my daughters, maybe they’ll go a different direction now. In recent years they seem to have taken it a lot more seriously and I think it says they’ve gotten into the different festivals and started playing some fun songs that they recognize and enjoy and so hopefully that that passion will. Will continue to grow within them. But. And we’ve tried lots of different sports too.

Alan Mallory [00:21:46]:
My parents never got me involved in organized sports and we are trying that a little bit. Like my youngest is playing soccer for example and seems to really have taken to that. I guess the challenges with some of those organized sports is it consumes your life and for a lot of the adventures and travel and so on the that that certainly my wife and I like to do. It’s tough if you’re driving every weekend to different hockey tournaments and so on and so on. Maybe plots could argue. Well, maybe there is a bit of a selfish motivator there and I don’t want to be a non stop taxi driver, but I see how it worked with my dad and he got us into running and biking and things that, you know, they were more like they’re kind of individual sports versus large group sports like that and there’s benefits in both. But they didn’t consume our life. And that can be the challenge with.

Alan Mallory [00:22:32]:
And I don’t want to sound like I’m being negative about organized sports. There’s lots of benefits and you learn camaraderie and teamwork and all of that. But I look at some of my friends and they do nothing but drive around to different sports events.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready? Sure. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alan Mallory [00:22:58]:
Empowering.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:59]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alan Mallory [00:23:03]:
I don’t know if I’ve received very much dad advice, but probably if I had to just choose what I’ve discovered, it would be, you know, spend as much quality time with your daughters as you can before it’s too late, before they move on. Every, you know, every older father basically says the same thing. The time flew by.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:21]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughters love doing together.

Alan Mallory [00:23:25]:
I would say skiing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:26]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alan Mallory [00:23:31]:
Probably to align your vocation with something that really you’re passionate about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:37]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alan Mallory [00:23:41]:
Maybe I don’t have all the answers. I’ve still got a lot to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:23:51]:
That one’s easy. You’ve got to carve out the time. You’ve got to be doing adventures all the time. The father daughter relationships that fall apart. I think it’s dads that are just too busy with other things. And it’s a tough balance. I mean, you’ve got to also make a living, provide for your family in all of that. But you can’t go back.

Alan Mallory [00:24:10]:
Once the time is gone and you haven’t invested those important hours and days in the relationship. Then was it all worth it? I mean, there’s so many people that have regrets when they get older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:24]:
So now, Alan, I know you’ve got a lot of things going on. If people want to find out more about you and your books and everything else that you’re doing, where should they go?

Alan Mallory [00:24:34]:
Well, my website’s pretty comprehensive. It’s just Alan Mallory.com a L a N and have a YouTube channel. And I put various videos on there. My electric violin and my different adventures and so on. And yeah, those are probably the. The two places to start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:48]:
And I will tell you, check out his electric violin. He is an amazing electric violin player. And I was really impressed. I didn’t even know that he was playing at the event that I was playing. And then I looked up and I’m like, oh, this is Alan playing. And it was great. So I really encourage you to check out all of that. We’ll put some links in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
And Alan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing some of your journey today. I look forward to hearing more about the adventures not only that you have, but the adventures that you’re having with your kids and being able to live a little vicariously through what you’re doing. And I just want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Alan Mallory [00:25:25]:
My pleasure. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Alan Mallory [00:25:57]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can.

The Art of Fatherhood: Lessons in Letting Go and Growing Together

June 29, 2026 by dadofdivas

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How do you nurture independent, confident daughters while creating a deep, lasting relationship as a father? That’s the question at the heart of the Dad and Daughter Connection, hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis—and in a recent episode, guest Art Eddy, host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast, shares relatable, hard-earned wisdom every dad (and parent) can appreciate.

Cherishing the Small Moments

One central theme is the value of everyday experiences—the dinners, shared jokes, and simple activities that reveal how “the small things make the big impact” in your relationship. Art Eddy recounts favorite moments: attending chorus performances, bonding at Bruins games, and even just sharing movie nights or video games at home. These aren’t grand gestures, but they’re where connection is built.

Letting Go and Fostering Independence

A recurring challenge, as discussed by both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Art Eddy, is finding the right balance between protecting your kids and gradually letting go. With both dads preparing for daughters to leave for college, they reflect on that poignant “crossroads”—learning to trust the foundation you’ve laid, and accepting that your children need space to stretch, fail, and grow. Art Eddy shares a particularly touching story about watching his daughter walk a college campus by herself for the first time, a real-life metaphor for this parental transition.

The Power of Listening and Honest Conversation

Listening—truly hearing your daughter, not just advising her—is another core message. Art Eddy emphasizes “two ears, one mouth—listen more, talk less,” offering support when asked, and encouraging self-reflection instead of top-down instruction. This nurtures strong communication and respect, especially as children become teens and young adults.

Imperfectly Present

Both speakers candidly share their own mistakes, whether it’s not asking for help, occasional impatience, or the struggle of balancing technology and quality time. The takeaway? No one is perfect, and being present—putting the phone down, engaging authentically—is what matters most.

Fatherhood Is for Every Dad

Finally, Art Eddy speaks passionately about celebrating diverse stories, real fatherhood from all walks of life, and creating positive, supportive communities for dads.

If you’re a dad (or parent) looking for practical wisdom, honest conversation, and plenty of heart—and maybe a few laughs—the Dad and Daughter Connection is for you. Listen in, and start building those small moments that make the biggest difference.

TRANSCRIPT

Art Eddy [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you show up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:56]:
You’re showing up not only to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be, but you’re showing up for your daughters. Because every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn something new, to be able to meet new people, people that have gone through what you’re going through, people that have something that they can share with you to help you to be that dad that you want to be. That’s why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to be able to help you build those strong connections with your daughters who one day at a time. Because it’s not always going to be roses, it’s not always going to be easy, but showing up, being there, and being willing to put in the work, you’re going to have a ton of dividends in the end. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences, people that can give you some of their own experiences as being either dads, two daughters, or other people with resources that can help you to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest, Art. Eddie is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Art and I have known each other for a long time. He is a father of two daughters. He’s also the host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast. Great podcast. If you haven’t listened to it, definitely check it out and we’ll be talking about that. But as I said, he’s a father of two daughters. So we’re gonna learn a little bit more about his own parenting journey, and I’m really excited to have him here. Art, thanks so much for being here.

Art Eddy [00:02:17]:
Chris, appreciate being on the show. Love the work that you’re doing. It’s always good to catch up. Even before we started recording, we had like a 30 minute, like, awes podcast of just a reunion podcast. It was so good, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
It really was. And we didn’t record it. We probably shouldn’t have recorded it.

Art Eddy [00:02:33]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]:
But it was still fun.

Art Eddy [00:02:36]:
Yeah. No, it’s good, though, because, like, I miss these connections. I miss, like, you know, I mean, we were just talking about how fast time flies with our, you know, your daughter is in college. My daughter, my oldest. Your oldest is in college. My oldest is going to be going to college in the fall of this year. And it’s just like, where’d the time go, man?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Oh, the time just flies by. I mean, my youngest is going to college this fall, too, so our daughters are my youngest. Your oldest are both the same age, so we’ll be going through that together as well. And things change, I tell you. I. I’m. I’m a little nervous about the empty nesting type of thing going on to see kind of what that dynamic brings. It’s definitely going to be a lot quieter in the house, and I don’t really know what to expect yet.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]:
So it’s gonna be a different situation at home, you know, and your relationship with your significant other is gonna change in different ways because you don’t have the kids around to be a part. And the things that you focus your time in also change because for so many years, as you know, I mean, we put all this time and effort into raising our kids to being there for their activities and their. And the things that are important to them. And then as they go away, then we have to, we have to do other things. And, you know, we’re focusing back on each other and going back to the beginning and, and really. And it’s just different. So it’s going to be interesting.

Art Eddy [00:04:01]:
No, 100%. Like, things, like, all right, how do you do things? Like, my wife and I got a little taste of it a couple weekends ago. Like, my daughters were hanging out with, like, some of their friends together, and they had like a sleepover like a Friday night. And they had something all the way through, like, Saturday. And it was just like, like Saturday night. And my wife, like, this is what it’s going to be like, huh? We had, we went to go see a movie. We had like a nice breakfast together on Saturday morning. I was like, this is cool.

Art Eddy [00:04:27]:
But we also miss, like, it was funny. Like, one of the things, like, I love hanging out with my daughters, but, like, one of the college visits, they separated the, the parents and the kids. The kids were doing like these different, like, one on one interviews with some of the admins and we had the adults, like, getting in this one room to kind of talk and, like, this one, like, couple song. They’re like, I can’t wait. You know, this is my last kid. And then, like, I get to, like, take care of their room and change it into, like, their gym. We’re so excited. And it was like, yeah, I can’t wait.

Art Eddy [00:04:55]:
I’m like, what? I was like, oh, my gosh.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:00]:
I can’t say that I. I can’t wait. I mean, I. I am going to miss having them around.

Art Eddy [00:05:05]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:05]:
I mean, there are days. I think we both know that there are days.

Art Eddy [00:05:09]:
Yes. But I had one day yesterday, actually, where I had to go search everywhere for a broken. For a. To replace a broken dryer knob that was like, I didn’t want to, like, pay or, like, get some sketchy thing from, like, a secondary source. So like, I found here in, like, North Carolina, a place that, like, sold that stuff. But I had to, like, take time out of my day, then fix it. I was like, ah. I didn’t like this.

Art Eddy [00:05:33]:
My day just got totally upside down.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:36]:
I know that you’re really engaged with your daughters, and you have had some amazing moments with them throughout their lives. As you think about some of those moments and some of those moments that have been most meaningful for you, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you would say that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Art Eddy [00:05:54]:
Yeah, for me, I would probably say, you know, as a collective, when they both are in chorus. So when I see them perform and when my youngest was playing the saxophone, it was great to see that, just to see, like, their achievements and different things. When my oldest got accepted to the college she’s going to, which was great. The trials and tribulations, you know as well as I do of, like. Like, when we were going to college, totally different, but, like, the process is totally different, and I appreciate her journey into that. And then my youngest, she and I will go to Bruins games when they play here in North Carolina, and we have those moments where we joke around. And, like, she, like, my youngest and I kind of share the same type of humor. We have different senses of humor, but we share, like, if you have a Venn diagram, certain parts of our humor, like, coexist.

Art Eddy [00:06:40]:
And so, like, we’re at the dinner table, like, one of the things that we always strive to do most of the time, I’d say, like, out of the seven days of the week, probably four to five times we’re having dinner together. And we’re all talking about our days, and we’re just kind of like, learning, like, the ups and downs and stuff. But, like, I’ll say something, and my youngest will like, look at me. And we’ll just like, have this moment and everyone, like, the other two, like my wife and my oldest, like, what? What? And I’m like, don’t worry about it. So it’s just like, those are the moments that you cherish seeing my youngest right now, she went to regional for track for her high school, and she got her own personal record, which was awesome to see that. And then I think also too, like, when you hear a teacher or in. In for me, for my oldest, when she gets a compliment or she got, like, employee of the year for the ymca, I was like, that was impressive. Like, those are the things where I’m like, that’s awesome.

Art Eddy [00:07:31]:
And I. I say, like, I’m proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. And we just kind of talk about, like, how they got to that certain spot and stuff like that. So, yeah, there are certain times where you’re having to fix a broken dryer knob and you’re just frustrated and I don’t have any hair, so I can’t pull any hair out anymore. But then there’s the good. Totally outweighs, like, the. The frustrating parts of being a dad.

Art Eddy [00:07:52]:
So, like, it’s good, but it’s just like, just those moments where I can celebrate their wins together with them and share those jokes or share those laughs. Like, my youngest and I went to see Mortal Kombat 2 recently. We had fun, and she got the different jokes from, like, playing Mortal Kombat with me and stuff. So it was just like, it was cool. Like, those moments, the bonding and listen to them, you know, man, like, is. You’ve talked about this. I love when you have, like, on LinkedIn or different places where you have those, like, five minutes of, like, hey, this is how you can connect to your daughter. Right? Like, I appreciate those because I’m, like, nodding my head listening to you.

Art Eddy [00:08:24]:
I’m like, yep, I have experienced that too. So it’s the small things. And my kids have taught me it’s the small things that make the big

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:32]:
impact of those memories, really is the small things. And a number of the things that you talked about really make me think about. You’ve done a really good job of being able to help your daughters as they’ve been older to become more independent. And you, you’re doing a lot to be able to prepare them. You’ve got your oldest going off to college. And, you know, I’ve done the same in trying to help my daughters to be able to be those independent people. But that’s not always easy. It’s not always easy to find that balance between kind of guiding your daughter while also giving them independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:06]:
How did you do that in your own parenting journey with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:09:10]:
It’s tough, man, because I think you’ve heard this probably before on your podcast. We probably had this conversation before, years ago, or at the different conferences we might be at together. But, like, your job is to make sure that you are no longer relevant in their lives anymore in the sense of, like, them needing you. Like, they can, like you said, be independent. And that’s tough. But, like, there was one time earlier this year when a metaphor actually came into reality, because you’re at that crossroads of, like, letting your daughter or your child be more independent, and they’re going off to college and they’re going to be their own. I remember we were touring the. The campus of Clemson, and it was when spring break was happening, like, right.

Art Eddy [00:09:46]:
Right around, like, March Madness. So the campus was, like, empty, according to, like, the people we’ve talked to. And it was like alumni weekend. So the weekend was kind of, like, busy with, like, alumni and all that other stuff. But, like, there are no kids there. All the buildings, for the most part, are shut down. And we’re walking the campus, and my youngest and my wife are kind of, like, looking at this one, like, plaque or memorial. And I’m in the middle between, like, the distance of them and my oldest, who’s walking it by herself, and I’m just like, oh, should I run up to her, like, you know, catch up with her and see what she’s doing? And I’m like, no, this is something where, like, the metaphor actually is happening in real life, where I’m at a crossroads of, like, maybe it was a brick crossroads, but I’m like, I’m gonna stay here in the middle, wait for my youngest and my wife to catch up, let my daughter do her own thing, because that’s what she’s going to need to.

Art Eddy [00:10:32]:
And for me to physically feel that. I was just like, this is life, man. And I think the first time that my wife and I, Reese, like, in, like, I’d say a couple years ago, really got emotional is when our oldest. I’m in the process of teaching my youngest how to drive right now. She’s almost done with her hours and requirements. But when our daughter, our first one, went off, drove by herself. Like, it was emotional. This is growing up, but it’s also scary out there.

Art Eddy [00:10:57]:
So those are the things you, like, have to trust. You can’t be that helicopter parent you were when you were, like, when they first were learning how to walk. And you’re just near them and making. Making sure that they don’t, like, fall and hit their head or something like that. But now it’s totally different and you’re letting the reins go. You have let the reins go for a while now, but it’s just those are the moments where life gives you a little push. And it’s like you got to make sure that you did the best you could. And I bet you probably when your oldest was going off to college, you’re like, did I say everything I needed to say before she left? And it’s just, like, frustrating when things pop up and it’s like, I’ll talk to them later about it, but, like, are you going to find that time? So it is always that struggle of letting go, but also making sure you give them all of your, like, the wisdom you think that they’ll need in the future.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
And you’re never going to be able to unpack everything. You’re never going to be able to give them everything. The way I look at it is, is that what you at least can hope for is that you’ve given them enough and that you’ve given them the tools to one, figure out things for themselves, or two, give them the ability to be able to say, hey, I need to call dad. I need to ask and see what he has to say. And know that you’re always gonna be able to be there if she needs you. But that at the same time, you want her to fail, you want her to learn, and you want her to grow. Now, speaking of that, in regards to helping your daughters to be able to kind of learn, grow, and be kind of ready for the things that they want in their life. Every one of our daughters has passions, they have dreams, they have things that you talked about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:34]:
Music and track and things that in high school are important to them. But as they get older, they start to up ideas for who do they want to be, what do they want to do? And those become the passion and dreams that they’re aiming for. The light at the end of the tunnel, the goals that they’ve. They’ve set for themselves. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Art Eddy [00:12:55]:
Great question. Listening. I think the biggest thing is listening. And when they ask for advice, you can give it and say like, you know, I always preface saying, when I was around your age, things were a little bit different. But there are some similarities. Cliches happen, are there for a reason because they happen throughout eons and all that. I remember one of the podcasts I had, I was talking to a gentleman and he was saying the best advice he got from his father in law is like, things change. Technology changes.

Art Eddy [00:13:22]:
Everything here and there is like the one thing that’s constant is people having babies. In parenthood there hasn’t been like this huge advancement in the sense of like yes, certain things through a medical system and all this other stuff. Yes. But it’s like for the most part nothing has really changed. So it’s like people have been doing it, people have been making mistakes, but the generations are still living on and I think just making sure that you’re listening into seeing what they want at that time. There are certain things that I’ve watched from the quote unquote sidelines being like, that’s what they want to do. But I don’t see them like having any drive or what I would have done. Like, it’s hard to separate what, how I would approach it versus how they would approach it.

Art Eddy [00:13:58]:
And there’s certain times where they’ve experienced, whether it’s through school, I mean they get good grades, great grades, they do really, really well with friends and some other things. But whether it’s like managing a budget or sometimes not studying as much, I said, hey, you know, mom and I were saying you should have kind of done this. But like, what did you think? What did you feel? Did you feel like you were online with your friends more than you should have, like playing Roblox or something? Like that’s like the whole rage where like after dinner and they get all their work done, they’ll stay up for a while and playing out. I’m like, you guys go with everything. Like, yeah. And then there’s certain times where like she had to make my youngest or my oldest had to like prepare their lunch for the next day because like I’ll get them the ingredients from like you have to, to make it, this is your lunch. If they’re running late or something, or not feeling good, sure I’ll make them breakfast and all that other stuff. But for the most part you want them to be self sufficient.

Art Eddy [00:14:44]:
But there are certain times where like you just kind of like smile and wave. And then there’s other times you’re like, how’d that turn out? And then you don’t be like mean or something. But you’re like, seriously, like, how did you feel like that worked out? And did you think you could have probably done better? And you just want to give them those learning moments while it’s in the moment. If they don’t listen to you, that’s fine. But then if they succeed doing it their own way, perfect. But if there’s other things, like, hey, I might have probably let down, like, I probably would have played less Roblox, my friends online and studied for us a little bit more. But again, like, they get great. They get great grades, but I think sometimes they get ticked off if they get a B or something.

Art Eddy [00:15:19]:
And it’s like, well, like, if you wanted the better results, you needed to put more work in. And they’re like, I know that, but we’ve all had that. This is an adult. There’s certain things I kind of need to do X, Y and Z around the house. But there’s a new Star wars animated series that just dropped two episodes. I. I’m going to watch that right now. And then my day gets a little pushed on the next day, a little bit more busy just because I kind of should have done stuff on, like, Monday.

Art Eddy [00:15:40]:
Now it’s left for Tuesday, if that makes sense. And so there are certain times where my kids call me out and I’ll be like, yeah, you’re right. I should practice what I preach. And this time I didn’t. So thanks for calling me out. And you want to make sure that you, like, I think nowadays as you see this as well, like, there are so many, whether it’s online or in conversations where if someone knows that they’re wrong, but they’re still, like, trying to prove that they’re right. It’s like, it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong and move on, say you’re sorry, or like, hey, I should have known a little bit more information before I jumped into that conversation. So those are the things that, like, we have these conversations where, yes, I’m still the parent, they’re still the kid, but we.

Art Eddy [00:16:13]:
As they get older, you’re gonna. There’s that gap where it’s shortening and letting them be more vocal instead of just telling them, like, no, it’s bedtime, like when they’re a toddler. So those are the things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:24]:
One of the things that that says to me is that none of us are perfect. Right? I mean, our daughters aren’t perfect. We’re not perfect. We’re humans. We might make mistakes, and they may make mistakes. It’s about how do you talk about it, how do you communicate, how do you work through it in the end? You know, speaking of mistakes, I know that as fathers, we always make mistakes and we don’t always show it, but we do make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a. As a dad, and what did you learn from it about fostering, I guess, more positive communication with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:16:56]:
I would say. And I think this maybe is a stereotype or something that dads kind of go through. There’s different levels of suffering and silence, but, like, it’s like, on a smaller scale where it’s most of the time and just with our schedules and stuff like that, even, you know, teaching a class at UNC or, you know, running the Art of Fatherhood, I’m the one that mostly picks up my youngest teaches, like, you know, gets a drive time hours and makes the meals, does the cleaning, does the cooking and all that stuff, because I’m very robotic and I’m very strategic in my weekly. I know Tuesday is going to be cleaning day, and all of a sudden, like, my laundry pattern is down to, like, a science, right? Sometimes I’m going to need help, and sometimes, whether things get, you know, more things get piled on my plate, I don’t ask for help. And there are some times where I get frustrated. If someone didn’t pick up the thing, I asked them, like, three times in a row, and then like, the fourth time I’m like, fine, I’ll just do it myself. And I. And they’re like, well, why are you upset? I’m like, because I’m doing everything.

Art Eddy [00:17:46]:
Like, well, tell us. You need help, right? So, like, I think sometimes asking for help and what stinks is you think, like, we can put all the burden on ourselves. It’s not a great model to teach our kids. So that’s the thing where it’s like, I’ve messed up a couple times. And that’s the thing where maybe in the beginning, as when I became a dad, like, learning how to be patient. Now it’s like, I need to, like, ask for help. And that is really hard for me to do because I don’t want to burden anybody with stuff I need to do, if that makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:13]:
It does make sense. And you’ve talked about your podcast a few times, and I want to talk a little bit about that because you’ve been doing Art of Fatherhood for many years now and probably of fatherhood podcasts that I know of. I think yours is probably one of the longest standing That I know that is still running today, but not everyone has listened to it. And I guess I want to go back in time a little bit first and talk to me a little bit about why art of fatherhood. Why did you decide that you wanted to do this? I know that your background is in radio and in media, and you worked in that for many years, but when you pivoted and you went to create the art of fatherhood, you didn’t have to do that. You could have kept doing the radio thing. You could have done something else, but you went all in. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:56]:
Why did you decide to do that? And why have you kept doing it for this many years?

Art Eddy [00:19:00]:
Yeah, thank you for asking. I appreciate it. I was working in radio. We had our second child, and my wife and I were like, all right, let’s. We don’t want to go to the daycare route. And again, like, for anybody doing daycare, I’m not. I always feel like I have to say, like, I’m not judging. Like, it was just something like, every family pieces of advice for new dads, if they’re listening to this.

Art Eddy [00:19:17]:
It’s like, your family does not have to keep up the Joneses or that Instagram family that looks like everything is glamorous on every photo. But my wife and I were like, yeah, one of us. You need to stay home. And radio wasn’t the most secure landscapes in career field. So I was like, all right, I’ll be the home dad. And I started writing for, like, maybe Yahoo, Bleacher Report and some other things. Once I started getting my own pattern down of being the stay at home dad and then the different groups, like, you know, meeting you, the dad 2.0 conference. I started working for a fatherhood site, doing a lot of creative and writing stuff, and then started doing the podcast.

Art Eddy [00:19:49]:
And then that kind of disbanded years ago. And so I’m like, I still want to do this because I have a passion for talking about it. I feel like not only do I love talking about father, but I feel like it makes me a better father because I’m in forest and like, I understand, like, all the different conversations and all the. The conversations that I have and me reflecting on fatherhood as through my writing, I’m like, it makes me better. And I feel like there’s a space that you and I are doing this because not just to hear ourselves talk, but we have a passion for making sure that we’re not only being good dads ourselves, but highlighting other good dads. And you Want to break those stereotypes here and there of what dads look like. And we’re not. We’re not looking to create these awesome Instagram accounts.

Art Eddy [00:20:29]:
And, like, these are the words of wisdom. It’s real life fatherhood. And so that’s my passion. So I went out on my own, obviously, have a little dad joke in there, the art of fatherhood. And sometimes, you know, people will be like. When emails are like, hey, what’s up, Eddie? I’m like, actually, my first name’s Art. And they’re like, oh, I get it now. It’s like, yeah, it’s like, so I just love it.

Art Eddy [00:20:52]:
But it’s really, for me, just seeing the different viewpoints of fatherhood. I was just. Last night, I was with. I run at our church, like a men’s ministry group, me and a couple other guys. And we try and like, throughout the year, we have, you know, some service events where we’ll clean up the church or we’ll clean up other. Do other things around community service, but then we’ll have fun events. This one was a fun event where we had some pizza. It was just a bunch of guys playing can jam and, you know, talking to just having fun, like pizza, soda, seltzer, all that good stuff, and just hang out at a park.

Art Eddy [00:21:22]:
And we were just talking about, like, how people pretty much are more connected than they see than they seem on the media, where there’s such this great divide, right? And I think for you and I, we’re trying to have positive examples of father, but also too, like, we’re seeing the connections that we’re more similar than we are different, and we’re not as divisive as different news organizations want to pin us to be. So my passion is to, like, have a great conversation on fatherhood, positive examples of fatherhood, and a community of dads are looking to do things. Like, I even feel bad we’re white guys, right? But, like, you see black dads or other minority dads, maybe in this country or worldwide, have a bad reputation and have, like, go on these stereotypes. I love bringing all guys from different walks of life, whether they’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, whatever the case may be talking about fatherhood in a positive way, seeing that you might look different, but you actually have the same goal of raising great people in this world. We need more of that instead of just looking for clickbait, like. Like, I have seen even parenting sites, and you’ve probably seen this too, where they create this controversial question just so where they can, like, create more clicks or Whatever. Like, I’m not about that. I’m just.

Art Eddy [00:22:34]:
You and I are both about positive things. Like, especially people listening to your podcast, you want dads to connect with their daughters in a healthy and positive way. So, like, you and I are on the same page with that. So that’s where, like, the art of fatherhood and, like, that’s like, what fuels my passion all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
And I know you’ve had a couple of different podcasts, and in the past, when you were affiliated with the Life of Dad podcast, you had a book with John Finkel called Life of Reflections on Fatherhood from Today’s Leaders, Icons, and Legendary Dads. But since then, like you said, going off on your own and having art of fatherhood, you’ve continued to have those conversations, and I guess you’ve had many of them. And I’m sure that in those conversations, some trends have popped up, some things have come out where you like. Either one, yep, it reinforces the idea. Or two, you know, I never thought of it that way, and I think all dads need to be thinking about some things in this way. So what are some of those trends? So what are some of those things that you found in all of these conversations that you’ve been able to have?

Art Eddy [00:23:40]:
Yeah, great question. Some of the trends are. I mentioned it before when I was, you know, when my kids were younger, like, having patience. I think when I ask, you know, like, a piece of advice for, you know, new dads that I’m asking my guests so that they can offer to them that are listening, it’s like, no, it’s like, you need to have patience. Everyone’s going to work on that. And another thing, too is like, people, like, especially nowadays listening to this finances, right? Like, people think, like, kids are expensive. Yes, kids are super expensive. I think if you have kids in high school and they’re kind of on the border of going to college and all this other stuff, like, like, I felt like this was the most expensive year of school and, like, getting ready for college for me and my wife, like, just, just in general of, like, all these different trips, all these different new.

Art Eddy [00:24:24]:
Like, one of my daughters went to, like, a brand new school and they have the only two classes, sophomore and freshman, and she’s a sophomore. So it’s just like all the different expenses with this and that, and it’s like, like finances. Like, there’s always going to be finances, but you find a way. And then two is just the idea of putting the phone down. Like, you hear people say, I need to Put the phone down. I need to put the phone down. And the more and more I hear about that, like, I remember my mom worked in the medical field, like, working for, like, you know, working in, like, in the office space, like, helping out with the doctors and all that other stuff when I was in, like, elementary and middle school and high school. And then my dad worked in the medical device field.

Art Eddy [00:25:03]:
So, like, he was, like, busy with certain things, but when they got home, they were home.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
Home.

Art Eddy [00:25:08]:
Chris, I’m. I’m guessing there are certain times for work or for your podcast, there’s just other things, like the phone bings and it’s like a notification. Even you have no notifications off. You might still like, did I get that email that I was waiting for, for the end of the day? And then you miss that opportunity to talk with your kids. So putting your phone down. Putting your phone down. And that’s why we love having, you know, dinner. There’s no devices at the table.

Art Eddy [00:25:29]:
And then there’s certain times we’ll be watching a show together, or my wife and the girls will go to the gym together. Whatever, whatever. I work out at home. I used to work out at the gym with them, too. But, like, when the pandemic came, I got all the stuff. I’m like, well, I’m just working out here. So, like, that’s. That’s the, like, I guess the downside, but, like, when I go to the gym as a guest pass, like, they love having you here.

Art Eddy [00:25:47]:
I’m like, yeah, just whatever. It’s just my routine. But I would say those are the trends of, like, putting the phone down. Finances. There’s always going to be tough battles that you’re going to have, like, make sure you’re communicating with your spouse about that and the patient. So those are, like, the trends I see. And then the things that I’ve learned, like, you’re asking me, I’d say, say in terms of finances, I’ve had guys who are in the financial area and just like, in the industry and. And work and different things.

Art Eddy [00:26:11]:
And it’s just the idea of, like, teaching your kids about money at an early age, I thought was like, man, I wish I kind of did that. I wish I had this conversation when my kids were, you know, 10 and 8 or something like that. Like, they have an allowance. They. We told them how to budget certain things here and there. But there’s more certain things. I was like, that would have been better if I told him that. So what about, like, managing finances and having those being, you know, financially responsible.

Art Eddy [00:26:36]:
And we’ve been having more and more conversations with that, especially with our oldest as she gets into getting to go to college and all that. I was gonna say getting into the real world, I hate that. I feel like we’re always in the real world, but like, it almost like dumbs down our kids experiences because they are in the real world. Going to school, having a part time job, all these other things. So that’s why I kind of paused for that. It’s like everyone’s like, why, why? What was going on there? So I just almost had to catch myself. But I wanted to explain it. But like just the idea of learning the finances, but then also too embracing technology is something that I’ve kind of had to learn because we always like, I think when you and I were in our heyday, when, you know, I’d say around like 2015, 2016, like dads were having a moment and I remember you and I were kind of doing campaigns on like screen time and digital age and all these other things.

Art Eddy [00:27:22]:
But if you, you negate your kids learning the technology that’s happening around them, but you want to do in a healthy way and there’s different ways you can do that, different companies and different apps and all that other stuff. But like if you tell them like, oh, they’re not having any screen time, okay, that’s fine. Like maybe they’re not watching shows. If you teach them about technology, whether it’s a smartphone or whether it’s an app or something, like developing code or whatever, that’s a thing where you got to kind of embrace that. And that was the thing where I was just like, like, oh, screen time. Okay, yes, but how do you manage that? And how do you teach the kids about the future? Because like our, like our parents growing up, their rate of technology change was a lot slower than ours. And the, the rate of technology change for our kids is super fast compared to when we were growing up. You picked up a phone, a landline, and we were online doing like a report on Abraham Lincoln for high school.

Art Eddy [00:28:15]:
The Internet just got disconnected because someone picked up and had to make a phone call. So I’m just saying like technology and learning how to embrace it and the health, but also talk about the negative sides as well, I think are certain things. And then also too, you see, I don’t know if you’ve read this as well, but a lot of kids are underage, drinking is going down, but now that weed and some other things are available, like that’s popping up like Gummies and other stuff. Like, so that’s the thing where it’s like, how do you. You gotta also be, like, talking about certain things where. When we used to say, like, oh, yeah, you know, weed, that’s illegal now. It’s legal in certain things in a certain age. Like, how do you teach your kids about that, too? And navigating that space.

Art Eddy [00:28:50]:
So that’s another thing that I’ve learned talking to some other, you know, dads and moms along the journey, too. If you shy them from everything, then as soon as they get out and expose, they’re like, what’s this? What’s this? It’s like, you should have those conversations before things get. When they’re out of your home. And like, they’re like, I wish dad and mom talked to me more about this. You know?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:07]:
Completely understand that. Now. As you think about the future of the art of fatherhood, I ask two questions. One, what’s in store if you can unveil and lift the curtain a little bit? But two, who’s that elusive guest? Who’s the one that you’ve been. Because you’ve had a lot of celebrities, you’ve had sports people, you’ve had. I mean, you’ve had a lot of people and had a lot of opportunity to have a lot of people. But who’s the unicorn? Who’s the one that you’ve really wanted to have that you’ve not been able to capture yet?

Art Eddy [00:29:37]:
Nothing to, like, unveil or nothing, like, behind the curtain, so to speak, for the art of father. I just, again, like, just kind of like you. Like, I see the work that you put in week in and week out in. It’s. I wouldn’t say slow and steady. It’s steady because I don’t think the work that you and I do are slow at all. It’s just the. The pace that we need to.

Art Eddy [00:29:54]:
It’s steady in terms of this and in the content that people expect from you and I. So, like, that’s the thing where I’m like, okay, keep it going. There are some other things I’m trying to maybe work out. Maybe some new columns, some new ideas in terms of maybe the certain questions I ask or whatever. But for the most part, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I appreciate the feedback I get from people and the reviews and the subscriptions, all that good stuff. People, when I talk to them about sponsorships, like, I really love what you’re doing. Like, all right, cool.

Art Eddy [00:30:19]:
The elusive guest, I would say, like, and and it’s funny. It’s more of, like, being a Jordan fan. My friends are like, when are you gonna get Jordan? Because I’ve had, like, Mark Ham. I’ve had. I’ve interviewed Bo Jackson, Dave Robinson, like, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, like, my sports idols. Like, people I appreciated as a kid growing up. Like, when you get in Michael Jordan, I’m like, do you know how hard it is for people in the sports landscape to talk about, like, to get an interview? I said, like, if it happens, that’d be great. But, like, right now, he’s doing this nascar.

Art Eddy [00:30:44]:
Like, I think most of my friends, especially my friends from high school, being like, oh, I see you interviewed so and so when you get in Jordan, I’m like, thanks, man. Let me celebrate this win first, and I’ll try to see if I can get Jordan. So I think that’s, like, that was the thing. And teaching at unc, everyone’s like, you’re gonna get Belichick. And I’m like, unc’s huge, man. Like, I. I don’t know, like, the. The intricacies of, like, trying to get everybody.

Art Eddy [00:31:06]:
And I don’t want to, like, put that card out there and be like, hey, like, I’m not going to be that guy, right? So it’s just the idea of, like, for me, it’s Jordan. And like I said, it’s mostly my friends being like, cool. You got this person. That’s awesome. When’s Jordan? I’m like, all right, thanks. So I’d say Jordan, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
For me, I have always wanted to have Dax Shepard on, and I’ve tried numerous times. Never been able to get him on. But I love the. How engaged he is as a father of daughters and how protective he is, too. But also, I think he has a lot that he could share beyond what he already shares on his own podcast. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen, but being someone. He’s also from Michigan, so love to have another Michigander and also a good dad on the show.

Art Eddy [00:31:49]:
But yeah, man, like, I keep again, like, it’s always, you gotta keep. And that’s another thing you can teach your kids, right? Whether they. They listen to this episode, but they’ll see the work that you’re putting in and what you want to do, right? And if you get him, then it’s like, they will see that win, and it’s just like, you might get 75 no’s. Sorry, he can’t do it. He’s busy. Nope, can’t do it. But then that’s 70 time. He’s like, how’s next week sound? Is there a good day? And you’re like, I’ll make it.

Art Eddy [00:32:14]:
Like, I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure this works. So, yeah, I hope you get a man. I really hope you get them. And again, it’s just, I think all the things that we try and do, not just in this fatherhood space, but we should share our victories with our kids just so that they know, okay, it is going to take work, I think, especially nowadays with the. I’m talking on both sides of my mouth about social media and technology. But, like, social media, like fomo, exists now because people are seeing other things. I think when we were kids, FOMO promo was like, you. You’re riding your bike and you see all your friends at one house with other bikes just standing in the lawn and be like, why don’t I get called? Or, why didn’t someone get me? Right? Like, now everybody has it right in their face if they, you know, are on social media and stuff like that.

Art Eddy [00:32:50]:
So, like, there is that grind that a lot of people sometimes don’t see that you’re putting in. So hopefully you get them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:56]:
Man, I appreciate it. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. You ready? Yep. What’s one word, word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:08]:
Communicative.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:08]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Art Eddy [00:33:12]:
Yeah, two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more, talk less.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:16]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Art Eddy [00:33:19]:
I would say any type of, like, video games, whether it’s NHL or whether it’s Mario Kart or something on the Nintendo Switch. A certain plane like that. Or go and see movies we love, like checking out movies.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:29]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Art Eddy [00:33:34]:
You’re enough.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:35]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Art Eddy [00:33:38]:
How much love you can have for another person.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:48]:
Talk to your kids on their level. Never say, like, oh, don’t worry about this. It’ll pass. Understand where they’re at, meet them where they are, then they’re going to meet you where you are, and you’ll have a great relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:59]:
Well, Art, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today for being a part of the show, for the work that you’re doing. If people want to find out more about you and the art of fatherhood, where should they go?

Art Eddy [00:34:09]:
Artofatherhood.net podcast comes out every Monday. Different articles throughout the week. But again, I really appreciate the time. I love the work that you’re doing. Again, like, our friendship is great and over the years we’ve like, you know, we can just like text each other or just send, you know, DMs or something like that to make us chuckle. But again, it’s really cool to see not just your wins, but also your family’s wins, too, and different things that we see out like that you post on social media. But yeah, it’s always been a blast and I always appreciate taking time to chat with you, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:35]:
Same here. And I wish you the best as you get your daughter ready for college and as you transition into being a dad with one daughter in the household. It does change things and it, and it definitely takes a little bit of time and patience, but you’ll get there. And as always, thanks again for all that you do.

Art Eddy [00:34:54]:
Appreciate you, man. Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:58]:
Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Art Eddy [00:35:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:11]:
to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad.

Art Eddy [00:35:14]:
And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make some meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Lasting Bonds: Practical Tips for Dads Raising Confident Daughters

May 4, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad seeking to build a deeper relationship with your daughter and empower her to grow into a confident, independent woman, the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is the resource you’ve been looking for. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Donovan, a devoted father of two, to explore the ups and downs of modern fatherhood, sharing both practical tips and heartfelt stories that will resonate with any parent.

From the start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. This central message weaves through the episode as Rob Donovan recounts his own parenting journey, including the surprises he encountered as his daughters’ personalities took shape. He shares how one daughter, contrary to his expectations, turned out to be more artistically inclined, while the other took after him in her love of sports. Rob Donovan emphasizes the significance of meeting each child where they are—celebrating their uniqueness and supporting their preferred interests, whether that means roller hockey in the driveway or karaoke in the living room.

A recurring theme in the conversation is the importance of letting children develop their independence, even as we instinctively want to protect them. Rob Donovan candidly discusses the balancing act of giving his daughters space to solve their own problems—from playground squabbles to learning how to handle disappointment and frustration—while always remaining a supportive presence in their lives.

The episode also dives into how dads can intentionally foster strong bonds during challenging moments. Rob Donovan opens up about overcoming his own discomfort around childhood injuries, a legacy of his military experiences, and learning to comfort his daughters with patience and understanding. He shares the family routines that keep them connected, like special breakfast traditions and shared musical moments, underscoring that it’s often the simplest rituals that leave the deepest impact.

One of the most inspiring messages from the episode comes when Rob Donovan advises fellow dads to “just go for it” and always get involved—no matter how different your children’s passions may be from your own. As he says, “Dive right in… you never know, you might enjoy it with them.”

The “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast reminds us that fatherhood is a journey of growth—for both father and child. Each episode offers encouragement, wisdom, and a sense of camaraderie for dads everywhere. Listen in, get inspired, and start building the lasting connections that shape your daughter’s future—and your own.

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is a journey that you’re on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:05]:
Every one of us is on a different journey as we are working to be able to be the fathers that we want to be, but also to make those meaningful connections with our daughters as they are getting older. And that’s why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to have the opportunity to introduce you to new dads that you might. That you’ve never met before, that. That are going through this process themselves. Maybe they’re succeeding, maybe they’re failing. Maybe they’re somewhere in between. No matter where they are and where you are, you showing up gives you the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be able to continue to build those tools for your own toolbox that’ll help you to be the best dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
So today, I am really excited we have another great guest on the show. Rob Donovan is with us. And Rob’s a father of two daughters, and they are age 5 and 4. I remember those days. It was a while back, but I do remember those days, and it was a fun time. And I am really excited to have him here today and for him to tell some of his story with you. Rob, thanks so much for joining us today.

Rob Donovan [00:02:17]:
Great to be here, Dr. Lewis.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:18]:
Well, it’s my pleasure having you here today. And I guess, first and foremost, one of the things that I love being able to start with and talk about is each one of us are going through this journey as we’re working to be that dad that we want to be. And part of that is to create those meaningful moments, moments that each of us wants to have with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with each of your daughters and what made each of them so special.

Rob Donovan [00:02:44]:
I’m gonna have to say since they’re 5 and 4, their identities now are starting to come to fruition. I thought at first my firstborn daughter was gonna be all sports. She’s more arts, she’s more music and film. My second born is all sports. So it kind of flip flopped on that end. But what I love is that I can connect with them on two different levels. So obviously for my second born daughter, she loves to go outside. Roller hockey, soccer, anything outside, biking.

Rob Donovan [00:03:07]:
And then my firstborn, you know, we love to listen to music. Obviously the kids show hunt tricks is a big one for her. And then going to movies, she loves movies. So I believe we just saw the new Mario movie and we’re gonna go back again probably next week. So she just love recreate movie scenes and sometimes I’m the bad guy, sometimes I’m the animal. I don’t know. But it’s fun to create those moments with my daughters on a separate level. Sometimes they play with each other, but I can obviously tell now that they’re kind of going off in their own separate ways a little bit here.

Rob Donovan [00:03:34]:
And it’s fun to connect on each level of them on those.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:36]:
Now what the things I didn’t mention was that you also work with the hockey team at the University of Michigan Flint. And so sports is really important to you. So with your youngest having that connection and having that interest in sports, I’m sure that there’s sometimes an ability to be able to make that connection and be able to understand her a little bit more because of that. So talk to me about that connection to sports with your youngest daughter. What have you done to hone that and what have you done to work to hone your other abilities with your oldest daughter who has other interests than your own?

Rob Donovan [00:04:15]:
So I think for my youngest daughter starting out is that she became a lot like me. More than I could have ever imagined. It’s kind of like staring in the mirror. And now I know what my parents kind of saw when I was a kid. She’s very competitive. We bond over the fact that I obviously love Michigan, I love hockey, I love all sports. But I think whenever she sees the, the block em or anything, she yells go blue. She loves watching hockey, especially Michigan hockey.

Rob Donovan [00:04:34]:
And I think this year the football will be fun for her because I think she’s gonna understand that a little bit more. But she kind of laug on anything. I kind of do So I mean, if I’m out playing hockey by myself rollerblading, she wants to do that. I think at this point right now we’re just kind of working on it’s okay to have fun, it’s okay just to shoot. And if you miss the net or if you do something, it’s not the end of the world. She’s very competitive, so if she doesn’t hit the net on a soccer goal or hockey goal, she gets a little upset. So we’re kind of going through the motions of it’s okay just to play and have fun. For my firstborn daughter, she does like to jump in a few times with the athletics, but she goes off on her own quests after a while and that’s totally fine.

Rob Donovan [00:05:09]:
I kind of noticed that. And I’ll give Tilly. Tilly’s my second born and Tegan is my firstborn. And I will give Tegan, you know, the same amount of just kind of play time. So after I’m done playing hockey and kind of getting Tilly on a roll, I’ll go over to Teegan and we’ll kind of have our little side quests. Whether we’re playing Mario or some other make believe movie with sticks or going on an adventure with her outside is pretty much what she likes to do. So I just kind of got to switch switches there and kind of go from a coach to almost like a drama teacher in a way. So it’s kind of fun.

Rob Donovan [00:05:38]:
I never had that as a kid as being so playful. Like my firstborn, my parents were very athletic mindset and so it’s kind of fun going back and having that experience with my firstborn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:50]:
Now. Earlier you talked about the fact that your daughters are starting to show some of that independence and wanting that independence for themselves. And part of the role of a father is to find that balance. Some of that balance comes down to how we guide our daughters while still giving them the independence that they need to grow into their own person. Talk to me about, how are you doing that?

Rob Donovan [00:06:11]:
For me, it’s just going to be kind of just releasing the grip a bit, lessening, lessening the rope on them. I’m very protective as a father, so if we’re biking, I like to keep them close even though our neighborhood’s really safe. So I kind of now I’m kind of, you know, watching them from a distance and they know better with cars and such like that. Kind of letting them figure out when they have arguments instead of stepping in right away and like putting the kibosh on it. As soon as they start arguing now, I kind of let them try to figure it out a bit. Normally they do, but sometimes, you know, I still got to step in and referee a bit. But yeah, it’s just kind of stepping back a bit and kind of letting them learn how to live a bit. And it’s.

Rob Donovan [00:06:43]:
It’s definitely a little bit difficult for me just because I’m so protective of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:46]:
And, you know, it’s not always easy to be able to find ways to be able to work on those bonds, especially when times are challenging, because being a father is not always roses. There’s going to be challenging times, and you have to figure out where you stand as a parent, as a father in those times. What would you say are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Rob Donovan [00:07:12]:
For me, one of my biggest difficulties as a dad is going to have to be maybe injuries. And that just goes back to. For me, my, my girls, they play extremely hard, and so there’s going to be injuries. I mean, they’re filled with bruises and cuts and stuff like that. But, you know, big injuries. Such as, like, I know one time one of them went over the handlebars. Handlebars once scraped up her face, things like that. And kind of takes me back is I was in the military about eight years ago.

Rob Donovan [00:07:35]:
I came across during my time of service, some things with kids that made difficult. I always thought when having children, when they get to that age, around five to eight, I was going to have a little difficulties because I had past experiences with kids that are being injured. So for me, I know as they were growing up, whenever they got hurt or fell or anything like that, or started crying really hard, for me it was very difficult. It was very, I’d say in the new words, triggering, I guess, where I’d kind of a normal dad kneel down, you know, kiss the boo boo, and you know, stuff like that. For me, it was very difficult. It was almost like I had to step away. But now I’ve learned in the past few years, I’ve learned to slow things down and explain to them, okay, it’s just a little cut or just a little bruise. We can get up things like that.

Rob Donovan [00:08:10]:
And I think if I would have said that three years ago, for me, that would have been very difficult. So we’re both growing together, my daughters and I, so I know there’s more bumps and bruises to go on as they grow up, especially in sports. So I think for me, it’s just going to be something I’m going to continue to grow and continue to get better at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]:
And as you said, we’re not perfect individuals. There are mistakes that we make, flaws that we have. What would you say is a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering more positive communications with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:08:40]:
I think my biggest mistake is going to have to be I’m just a very competitive, aggressive kind of person. Just comes with. I played hockey my whole life. I did the military. I’m. I’m a deputy now, sheriff deputy. And so I kind of live a life where I’m very go getter is I’m very aggressive in life. And so when the girls play and stuff, I.

Rob Donovan [00:08:57]:
I kind of let it go like I said. But then on the flip side, I got to teach them, you know, to be kind, courteous, nice with strangers and other kids when they play. They can’t be as rough as they are with their sisters. So I think that’s just one thing I kind of needed to tone down start, which I didn’t do. And now I’m kind of backtracking a bit, trying to teach them, you know, how to play a little nicer and how to include everybody and not immediately when you get mad at someone, you’re not gonna, you know, just throw them down on the ground, something like that. So something I’m backtracking now on being a little nicer. I just being an older person, an adult, you’ve kind of already grown up not knowing that’s, you know, not, not the right thing to do. But when you’re a child, you can need your parents to kind of help you along those ropes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:33]:
And I can tell that you are in there, you’re engaged. And for all of us that are engaged dads, there are things that we have to do to be validate our kids. So I guess what do you do to intentionally allow for your daughters to feel both valued and heard?

Rob Donovan [00:09:51]:
For me, I just give them the time. I know I work overnight, so I work from 7pm to 7am so I could easily go to bed and wake up at 4 and go right to work, pretty much get have a meal and go to work. But I come home every day and I feed my dogs first of all because they’re the first ones up and whining. I have two little mini dachshunds, so little wiener dogs so they need to go out and get fed. But as soon as I do that, the girls come running downstairs because they Know that as soon as I get home, I make a gourmet kind of, you know, breakfast for them. They have eggs, Belgian waffles, sausage, orange juice right before school. So it’s kind of like a little system we have where almost now, if I don’t come home, if I get delayed by something that morning, I feel bad because I know that that’s something they look forward to, is me coming home and making them nice meals. And then on the flip side, I try to go to bed as soon as they go to school, I go to bed right away.

Rob Donovan [00:10:37]:
And then I get up around, you know, 1:32. So now I have the whole back end of the afternoon when they get back from school and they have lunch, Dad’s waking up and now they know dad’s going to come out and play with, be involved. And so I may be tired, I may be 3 day work week of 12 hour shifts or something like that. But I always try to make time for them and try to, you know, play with them and give them a good meal. And I think they really appreciate that. It’s kind of something they look forward to every week now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]:
And you talked about some of the interests that your daughters have, and I don’t know if you, if you have an answer for this or not, but as your daughters have been getting older and starting to show you more of their, their passions, their dreams, their things, the things that they are most interested in and most wanting to do. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Rob Donovan [00:11:23]:
I believe that when you’re young, you’re figuring out what you like. A lot of times that’s like, if you talk to people, you know, in their older years, they grow up, be like, oh, I used to love playing saxophone as a kid, or I used to, you know, I love singing as a child, but I kind of lost doing that because I had other things or other things are more important or, you know, I got older and I realized it was never going to happen, things like that. But like I said, my first daughter loves music. She loves singing, she loves anything to do with music, film, things like that. And so I encourage you. I got her a little, little microphone to sing into and a little karaoke set on. Play her favorite songs and just kind of encourage her. No matter, you know, no matter what she likes, sports, music, dance, anything.

Rob Donovan [00:12:00]:
I’m going to be there supporting her all the way because I know that’s going to be a passion of hers. I can just tell in their eyes that she loves it on the Flip side of my youngest daughter, I mean, she’s just like me and she looks just like me. So sports, she gravitated right towards sports. I mean, I have a little knee hockey set I’ve had since sixth grade or so like for 30 years. And I brought it out and she, she loved it immediately. She loves kicking the soccer ball. Any do with movement. And for her, I always told my wife I had a son it’d be a little more difficult because like I said before, I, I push really hard.

Rob Donovan [00:12:27]:
So having a daughter was kind of a godsend for me because it allows me to step back and kind of be a little softer as a parent, I believe. So with her being sports wise, I can work on, you know, being more passionate instead of, you know, let’s get out there and run drills. When they get it like 6 or when I get 8 years old to like 15, I’m gonna say, hey, let’s go play out in the field together. Instead of, let’s hit the, let’s hit the sprints and stuff like that. If I had a boy. So I think just being with both of them and being, and what they like to do and having as their dad and a friend enjoying what they do, instead of just saying, hey, go out and do this and I’m going to sit back and watch or I’m going to go inside and do my own thing. I’m going to actively, as I get older, I’m going to still be along as long as they let me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:06]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Rob Donovan [00:13:10]:
That’s going to be through honestly just being active in what they’re doing. So I said the music wise, you just got to be there for them. You got to be right next to them, you got to be engaged with them. And so if they have any questions or they want you to be along, sing along with them or show them the ropes. They’re not gonna be afraid to ask you because you’re always there helping out for their age. If they get frustrated, I know about a year ago, if I said this a year ago, they’d sit there and cry, maybe they’d get frustrated, they throw down their toy, they throw down whatever they’re doing and kind of run into the house. But now there’s like, dad, can you help me? Dad, can you come play with me? Dad this and dad that. And I love that.

Rob Donovan [00:13:43]:
I love being included with it. And now I feel like they trust me enough to, if they need help, they can just Ask instead of just running away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:49]:
It’s so important to be able to stay open, allowing for our daughters to really dictate where the conversation’s going. And that’s not always something that is at the forefront of our brain in the sense of what we would do right away. So I appreciate that you shared that. Now all of us have those routines, and you talked about the breakfast routine and traditions that are meaningful to our families. You mentioned the breakfast one, but I’m going to ask and see if there’s any other ones. What’s another tradition or routine that you’ve created together with your daughters that really strengthens your bonds?

Rob Donovan [00:14:24]:
I think one of them would be obviously the breakfast one. But for me, I love. For my second daughter and sometimes my first, I love watching anything Michigan so that they. Hockey, football, anything like that. As soon as I turn it on the past two years, they know. So they. They hear the fight song, Hail to the Victors and stuff, and they go. They come in, they yell, go blue.

Rob Donovan [00:14:41]:
And they sit down for a bit. At least my second daughter still sit for almost the whole game and watch and they cheer whenever anyone scores a touchdown. For my firstborn daughter, I used to play guitar. So when she gets feels a little artsy or she wants her favorite song, she’ll come up to me and she’ll ask me, can you play this or can you? I’ve done it a couple times with Moana and stuff like that, where I found out the chords and I’d play. But now it’s like whenever she finds a new song, she’s like, dad, can you play this? Can you figure out how to play this? So it’s kind of a tradition with her now is now that whenever she finds a new song or something, we go try to play it. And we have a drum set too, so she loves playing that. It’s like one of those electric ones. So we’ll put a return on her favorite song and she’ll so drum to it, in a way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:15]:
Is your backup singer. She can become your backup singer and backup drummer.

Rob Donovan [00:15:19]:
Exactly. Like I said, I go from coach to music teacher each day. Flip flop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:23]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Rob Donovan [00:15:30]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:30]:
Go for it. What’s one word that describes the relationship that you have with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:15:37]:
I’d say devoted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Rob Donovan [00:15:43]:
Be goofy. As much for my dad, always make your kids laugh. You have to be tough with them. But at the same time, you know, they’re. They’re looking for. They’re looking for a laugh, they’re looking for a good time. They’re. Kids can’t always just be so strict.

Rob Donovan [00:15:52]:
Even though you want them to listen to you got to spend the time to make them laugh. So got to be goofy. But you gotta teach them to laugh at yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:59]:
Now, you’ve already answered this question in a few different ways, but if there’s a different one, you can, you can answer this. What’s one activity that you and. And each of your daughters love doing together?

Rob Donovan [00:16:10]:
My second daughter loves to eat. So I cook a ton of things. I like to cook and she eats anything. And it’s amazing. Like, I would never have eaten that as a kid. And she just, she just pounds it down like it just extravagant food. So she has, she’s not picky. And so whenever I’m cooking food or whatever, she always wants to try a bite.

Rob Donovan [00:16:27]:
So that’s awesome. With her firstborn daughter, yes, I’ve already tapped on the artsy part and stuff like that, but trying to think of one other thing that she. The music, art, stuff like that. Drawing. I’d say she loves to draw, so I’ll join her in drawing. And I’m not the greatest artist, so she laughs at if I draw. Tell them to draw the dogs or something. She wants me to draw the dog as well.

Rob Donovan [00:16:47]:
Or chalk outside and I’ll make a picture and she’ll be laughing. That’s not a dog or something like that. So I think that’s two things that we’d like to do together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:54]:
If you can give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Donovan [00:16:59]:
For me, I would say just go for it. Honestly, just that. Just go for it. Just because you never know. You never know what’s going to happen. If you have a passion and you truly believe it, just go for it. For me, I’ve done a lot in my life, a million different careers, and so I think I set a good example for my daughters, especially when they get older and they ask, well, what have you done in your life? I can say, you know, I just went for it. And I hope you do too, because there’s so many experiences you can go on with your life.

Rob Donovan [00:17:23]:
After high school, I played junior hockey, pro hockey in Canada for a while. I played college hockey and then took a break from hockey. Actually, where I got music from is my wife now was my girlfriend in College, and we went to Nashville and we did music for two years out there. And once I was done with that, and I was good with that, I went to the military. Once I was on the military, I did police work. And now I’m on to hockey again. I’m onto my passion again. So just a million different avenues.

Rob Donovan [00:17:46]:
And I hope they find excitement in life like I did and they don’t get stuck on one thing and have to feel like they only have one thing in life that they could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Donovan [00:17:59]:
For me, especially with two girls, I’ve learned a lot. Like I said before, I was really nervous being a dad just because I felt like. Like if I had boys or I didn’t even know if I had girls, if I had girls, I’d be expecting too much. You always come into being a dad, think, or at least for me, I can’t wait to see what they’re gonna do. I can’t wait to see what their passions are. And, you know, I’m gonna push them to be good at something. You kind of want to, like, not live your life through them, but at least try to give them as much passion, as much as much direction as you possibly can. But I’ve learned now that you just kind of gotta let them go and have fun for right now, and all the chips will fall where they may.

Rob Donovan [00:18:33]:
This is time where you just enjoy your life, enjoy the times that you have with your daughters and your. And things will fall where they are. They always do. Just be there to support them and be a good, devoted father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:43]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:18:50]:
I would say no matter what their passion is to try to get involved, you don’t have to extremely love what they’re doing. Just get involved. And you never know, you might enjoy it as well. They’re looking for someone to enjoy their passion with. And being a dad and being there with them, being supportive. That’s all my girls ever ask for, is just me being around and being present. So I think just dive right in. No matter what it is, you never know, you might enjoy it with them.

Rob Donovan [00:19:14]:
Might be a lasting hobby for you guys. So to try it out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:17]:
Great advice, and I really appreciate you sharing that and sharing the journey that you’ve been on with your own daughters. And it’s still a journey. You’re going to continue to go through many of the different phases of life. As they continue to get older. But I want to say thank you. Thank you for your time, and I truly wish you all the best.

Rob Donovan [00:19:34]:
Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:35]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:20:06]:
We’re all in the same boat

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
and

Musical Performer [00:20:13]:
it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Small Moments, Big Impact: Strengthening Your Bond With Your Daughter

April 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In a world where the father-daughter relationship is often celebrated but not always explored in depth, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast stands out as a guiding light for dads eager to nurture lifelong bonds with their daughters. In the latest heartwarming episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Bernard Drew, a proud father, to discuss the unique joys and evolving challenges of raising independent, confident young women.

Celebrating Small Moments That Matter

One of the central themes of this episode is the importance of everyday intentionality. Bernard Drew recalls a cherished memory—taking his young daughter to a midnight premiere of her favorite movie, Hannah Montana. It wasn’t a grand gesture but a simple act of presence and togetherness that, years later, still stands out for both father and daughter. Through stories like this, Bernard Drew emphasizes how small, thoughtful rituals, like watching movies or sharing inside jokes, lay the foundation for meaningful connections.

Balancing Guidance with Independence

A challenge many fathers face is balancing the instinct to protect with the need to allow daughters the freedom to grow. Bernard Drew shares openly about this ongoing journey. From having those tough conversations (“the sex talks, the hard things with society”) to trusting the “seeds previously planted,” he reflects on moments when he had to learn to step back and let his daughter own her choices. This powerful message reminds dads everywhere that guidance is important, but space and trust are essential for daughters to flourish as independent thinkers.

The Value of Authenticity and Listening

Another profound takeaway is the transformation that comes when fathers truly listen. Bernard Drew candidly admits that, growing up, he’d been raised in a “kids are seen and not heard” environment, but realized the importance of letting his daughter have a voice—especially through teenage transitions and life changes. Authentic, open dialogue not only makes daughters feel valued but also strengthens their self-worth.

Encouragement for Dads Everywhere

Throughout their conversation, both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Bernard Drew stress that being present, engaged, and authentic is more valuable than striving for perfection as a parent. The episode encourages listeners to invest in quality time, foster open communication, and continually learn—not just about their daughters, but about themselves as fathers.

Whether you’re seeking practical advice or inspiration, this episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it means to be “the dad she needs.” Tune in to strengthen your own connection and join a community devoted to raising confident, empowered daughters.

Ready to dive in? Listen to the full conversation and start making your moments count!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week, you. You and I have an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
You know, I’ve got two daughters, and every week, I love being able to have you here with me as we’re talking about these relationships and we’re talking about what we can do to be able to build those stronger relationships, because each of us have a responsibility to be able to be there for our kids, not just our daughters, but our kids. But the relationship that you have with your daughter is a truly unique one and a very special one, and one that you do have to invest in and you have to work on. And that’s why this podcast exists. It exists so that every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, and to try to work on something. Might be small, it might be large that you can do to be able to either work on, repair, or continue to build that relationship with your daughter. That’s why every week, I love bringing you different guests with different experiences that can help you do just that. And today, we’ve got another great guest, Bernard Drew is with us, and Bernard is a father of two, but today we’re going to be talking about his relationship and his experiences with his own daughter. So I’m really excited to have him here.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
Bernard, thanks so much for being here today.

Bernard Drew [00:02:08]:
Dr. Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here, and as you know, I’ve been so enamored. You do so many things from an extraordinary perspective academically, but I am most intrigued that you have this great passion, this relentless desire to support dads and their journeys with daughters. So it’s actually an honor to be here and part of this community that you’ve been able to nurture.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
I appreciate you saying that, because it is a passion. It’s been something that I’ve been working on for many, many years. And I love being able to talk to dads like you that have been right in it. And even today, I know today is your daughter’s birthday, so happy birthday to your daughter. And while this will come out after your daughter’s birthday, you we were just talking about the fact that before you came to be on the show today that you were over giving her a birthday present and dropping that off before we were talking. And it’s those special moments, those little moments that so much. And I know your daughter is an adult now, and I. And I guess first and foremost, as we talk about that relationship with your daughter, talk to me about for you what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter and what made it so special as

Bernard Drew [00:03:16]:
it’s her birthday today. And I’ll be grateful. We have a lot of great memories, one that always stands out. I think she had to been maybe 6 years old. And we’re going back. She turned 24 today. So we’re talking about, wow, that’s crazy. Almost 18 years ago, maybe she was 6 or 7.

Bernard Drew [00:03:32]:
She had maybe about 7. And she was just absolutely enamored with Hannah Montana on the television on Disney Channel. And man, that was her show. And I would sit and spend time and just watch it with her and just hanging out. And long story short, they ended up having a movie came out and I ended up buying tickets so that she could go at midnight when it first opened that night to go see it. And we have a picture. And to this day, that is one of the most precious memories for her. Like my dad took me to see Hannah Montana at midnight.

Bernard Drew [00:04:04]:
To her, the thought of going to a movie at midnight was absur. Who does that? But then to be able to take her little Hannah Montana guitar and sit in the show and it’s just a lot of those little moments compound them over time. And I’m so grateful. Almost regardless of any other accomplishments or accolades in life, man, I have enjoyed my journey with my daughter.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:23]:
All of us, as we go through this journey with our daughters and with our kids, we have to balance the expectations that we have. We have to balance the drive that we have to be able to guide them, to help them. Men in general, 10 to be helpers. They tend to be solvers. And sometimes that can be to the detriment of being a father to a daughter. So I guess the question that I have is either now that your daughter is an adult, or as she’s grown up into the adult that she is today. How did you balance or how do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to be the person that she was becoming as she was getting older or that she continues to become as she gets older?

Bernard Drew [00:05:08]:
Well, you went straight to one of the most profound, reflective questions we could go into here. And I’ll say it’s definitely an evolving spectrum, even today, and how to be the dad that she needs for this stage and season in life, and even how my role has evolved in years past. And sometimes I got it great. Sometimes it was like, oh, I missed the exit ramp when I was supposed to be a little less overbearing and give her a little more room to explore and discover. But I think it’s somewhere in between that line of being a dad who wants to protect and prevent harm as well as the dad who wants to, hey, I need you to be prepared for this. So in our household, I was the one to have the hard conversations. I had the sex talks. I had the conversations about hard things with society and everything else.

Bernard Drew [00:05:53]:
That was a dad daughter thing. My wife was like, I’m so glad you’re handling that. And I was glad to. I want my daughter to be prepared. But I think it was her sophomore year in high school, and she was volunteering, I do believe, to support the National Honor Society induction. And it dawned on me that she’s going to be participating in this next year, two years from now. It finally hit me in the late spring of her sophomore year. I’ve got two more years with her, and she could be gone forever when she graduates high school.

Bernard Drew [00:06:19]:
I have no more, for lack of better words, control where she goes to college. I want her to have a confident choice where she goes. She could go to the other side of the country, and she could then plant roots somewhere else, and this might be it. And I started being almost, not quite overwhelmed, but my mind being inundated with, oh, my God, I got two years to prepare her for what life has in store. Store. And I started to come up with this master list of things that I’m like, oh, she’s got to know this and do that, do this and do that, and I got to prepare for this. And I’ll just say, I think I was being prayerful and just in conversation with God. The Holy Spirit was like, whoa, son, slow down.

Bernard Drew [00:06:53]:
You’re doing too much. Do you trust the seeds that have already been planted? Do you trust the demonstrated leadership, love, kindness, and principles you’ve already expressed to her? If you trust that the seeds that were planted were helpful, they were healthy, they were appropriate, they were going in the right direction, then now is not the time to get hasty and start stirring, covering things up unjustly. Trust the seeds that have been planted. And at this stage, you have to make sure you’re trusting me to be inside of her, to give her the guidance, the insight, the resilience she’s going to need. And if nothing else, who is the village that’s around her that you can be intentional to cultivate and nurture that at a stage where it’s probably easy for her to be like, oh, there’s my dad talking again. There’s my dad with another lecture. Who are the other people that are in our social circles that she can be entrusted to spend time with? And they may also sprinkle some principles in her life to water the seeds that have already been planted. And I’ll say that was one of the single greatest pivots and perspectives that ever happened, because then she was able to begin discovering the principles that were inside of her, that she owned and she believed for herself, because she chose to.

Bernard Drew [00:08:00]:
As opposed to feeling like, oh, there’s my dad telling me what to do again, she was able list a little bit more, able to determine like, no, this is who I am, because I chose to decide that this is who I am. And I would say that’s a perpetual journey I’m still on of keeping an eye on where that balance is.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
It’s never easy, and it’s definitely something you have to work on because inevitably we step over the line and then they smack us and they say, you’ve stepped over the line. And they tell us that especially as they get older. And they will definitely do that. I’ve had that happen to me numerous times now. It sounds from everything that you’re saying that you have done some very intentional things to be able to build the relationship that you have with your daughter. Talk to me about what some of those intentional ways were that you did to work to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially, let’s say, during challenging times.

Bernard Drew [00:08:55]:
I would like to think that I have a ironclad answer, but I just have to speak towards. It’s a journey. We’re all always evolving and all always learning. I do believe early on, and I’ll just be candid, I think one of the strongest things that she saw was that her dad loved her and loves her mom, and that regardless of what, there’s no other priority that goes above them next to God. And so I think for her to see that and know that over the years. And does that mean perfection? No. But I think there’s an unequivocal understanding that dad prioritizes you. You matter.

Bernard Drew [00:09:28]:
You are important. It is a joy to spend time with you, and time with you is valuable to me. And I think that that has paid major, major dividends because it’s not a foreign thought. So whether things are going exceptionally well in her life and dad is hanging out with her, that’s a normal thing. Or if things are really tough and unclear and some strain, she knows dad is there. And so I think a lot of that stemmed from just the early years of her knowing, hey, my dad loves spending time with me, and this is important to him. And I think that has paid incredible dividends over the years.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:03]:
So none of us are infallible. None of us. All of us as fathers, have made mistakes along the way. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication or other things in relation to yourself as a father?

Bernard Drew [00:10:22]:
Great question. I can think of a number of areas, if it comes down to it. Whereup, Mr. Mark there. Mr. Mark there. I think one that stands out the most to me, kind of that same vein of that earlier revelation about, hey, stop doing too much, give her space to flourish with what’s already been planted. I would say in a similar capacity, I had the hard conversations with her all the time, and included in that with boys.

Bernard Drew [00:10:44]:
And so I don’t have excessive regret here, but enough to be like, oh, yeah, I was probably over the top. I kind of had a zero tolerance policy. I don’t want to hear a boy calling you. I don’t want to have any boys showing up at the house. I just, whatever, just stay focused on your studies, and I don’t want to hear anything about it. And as much as that was well intended and I think it’s done as well and she’s still doing well today, in hindsight, I’m like, you know what, Bernard? Your parents were fairly rigid, but they weren’t that rigid. And there’s some virtue to allowing kids while they’re under my roof. If I’d have done it all over again, I probably would have created a safer space for her to explore and navigate relationships while under our roof.

Bernard Drew [00:11:27]:
In a space where if and when, because we all make goofy decisions as we’re navigating relationships, I probably would have been in a better position to kind of observe from a closer distance. And coach and help course correct and then give insight because we’re sitting here, right here, observing it. And I’m grateful that she didn’t go off the deep end or anything too extreme, at least that I know of. But it’s something that I wish I could have coached her on that a little bit more while she was close to home. I think our. I don’t know if I’ll call it Saving grace was in her case. She left for school, had one year of undergrad, and then Covid hit and she came back home again for a year and a half. And so I kind of got a second chance in that space.

Bernard Drew [00:12:07]:
But if I were to have given myself some different advice, it would have been to give her more opportunity to make a few mistakes and learn from them while she was in the house and nurtured more of that coaching dad dynamic with her earlier versus later. Yet I’m grateful that it has worked out well.

Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
So today, or as she was growing up, what did or do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Bernard Drew [00:12:34]:
It’s a journey and a spectrum. I think the valued piece I enjoy spending time with her. The things that she enjoyed, I learned to enjoy. Some of her favorite shows became some of my favorite shows. The volume of inside jokes she and I have today as a result of all of those shared experiences between you and I. And I guess whoever sees this, my wife, I think, is almost jealous sometimes because we have just a volume of things that we delved into that she knows she was valued. And I spent that time with her in terms of her voice. You know, it’s interesting.

Bernard Drew [00:13:02]:
I think I kind of grew up in an era that it was like, hey, I hate to say it, kids are seen and not heard. I think I had a certain dynamic of that through much of her elementary years, middle school years, like, hey, just do what we told you to do, and that’s it. And I think as high school evolved, she had a tough pivot transitioning into her high school. And I think that was the time frame where she and I began discovering that I needed to leave more room for her voice because this is her school experience. And though we kind of made the decision where she would go, she needed to take ownership and find joy in it. And so I think that was the season where we sit at the kitchen table and we’d have long conversations and I would listen to her talk to me about the challenges she was having at the school and how she was navigating certain challenges and allowing her voice to actually be heard and not just quiet it, because I’m dad and your daughter. And I think that was a turning point for us that allowed her voice to be valued as much as I thought that I valued her.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:02]:
And how do you support your daughter now, or as she was growing up, getting into college, et cetera, in pursuing the dreams and the passions that she has?

Bernard Drew [00:14:13]:
Man, I’ll definitely say this. I think that is one of the greatest roles as a father, is affirming for her that she has value. I mean, candidly, the card I gave her today, it had two words in there, power and purpose. She knows I’m the corny dad. And yep, I will have a lecture ready any given minute and it’s going to be corny and it’s that and the other. But it is what it is. And so even today, the card I gave her for her birthday talked about purpose and power and affirming for her that inside of her you have power. There is a limitless power inside of you to be able to curate the life that you desire.

Bernard Drew [00:14:44]:
And while doing that, to make the impact that you’ve been called to do, you have purpose. And so that has been a heavy dynamic. When she was approaching her 13 birthday, I was kind of inspired. I grew up in a community that had a strong Jewish population. And so I had a lot of friends that were in Hebrew school. And by the time they got to 13, having their bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs and being able to demonstrate a level of maturity and adulthood and command of their faith. Her 13th birthday, we kept it fun and light. That’s the joy my wife brings to the table.

Bernard Drew [00:15:14]:
She keeps things real light and fun most of the time. But I did have my daughter actually read several books, books and write me reports on purpose leading up to her 13th birthday. And I had her assemble those thoughts in her own phrasing, her own lens of life at 12 going on 13 on what purpose means and how important is purpose in your life and how do you express purpose and why is purpose important to other people around you? And so she put together a, I don’t know how long it was, maybe a five to seven minute talk presentation at her 13th birthday party with family, friends and folks assembled. And as much as he have fun cake and did all kind of fun stuff and games with her friends, there was a segment where she got to express this understanding of purpose and what it means to her. And I think those are the kind of things that in their totality, that is one of the Things I think helped continue to affirm for her. I see purpose inside of you and you as you discover for yourself, a confidence in who you are. There’s no limit to what you can do in your life. And so if I fast forward, I’m inspired that she harnessed that and I think, think that type of journey she’s had is what fuels her.

Bernard Drew [00:16:23]:
Having pursued an undergraduate degree in elementary education, she wants to impact the lives of kids and she’s doing that even now.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]:
What’s a tradition or a routine that you and your daughter have created together that strengthen your bond?

Bernard Drew [00:16:36]:
Again, it evolves over time, but most of it, can I tell you, it involves quality time. And I don’t know if I’ve done a deep analysis of the five love languages in her life. Maybe I should. But I’ll say this, this, that quality time with her, whether it was the watching the Disney shows with her when she was at her youngest, I will say I think she had been in the first grade and we had a routine every morning and we did this for several years that before going to school she would come into my office and we would read together. I was introducing her to the Bible and so she was spending some time just getting familiar and telling me her thoughts about what she had read. And it gave us opportunity just to connect. And we did that for several years. That was first thing in the morning before going to school.

Bernard Drew [00:17:17]:
And so I think those kind of moments, moments definitely over time set the tone that hey, dad wants to spend time with me. And so in terms of routine, those were routine at that time. But as she’s grown older, I’ll just say the engagement isn’t nearly as routine. But I think the routine early on set the tone that man, I value that quality time with you and you can communicate your genuine authentic thoughts. And it’s evolved into the kind of relationship where my wife is definitely one who goes to bed early because she wakes up extra early. My daughter and I tend to be more night owl and it’s not uncommon whether it was in high school while she was navigating undergrad and was living with us. It’s not uncommon for us to cross paths in the kitchen at 8:30 at night and just sit at the kitchen table and talk for two, three, four hours and just talk. And that I believe is one of the greatest gifts in life, that she enjoys hanging out with her dad.

Bernard Drew [00:18:11]:
So I’m thankful. Quality time.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection six, which are six questions that are gonna delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Bernard Drew [00:18:21]:
I don’t think I have another choice. Go for.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Bernard Drew [00:18:26]:
I would say fun.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:27]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Bernard Drew [00:18:32]:
Again, I have to go with just train them up in the direction they’re supposed to go in. Just train them early. They have their own path to take. Train them early, and then you have confidence that they’ll flourish in the assignment and into the character that they’re supposed to walk in.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:45]:
You already talked about this a little bit, but what’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together today?

Bernard Drew [00:18:51]:
Watching movies. So now that she’s got her own home, it’s kind of fun that it’s not uncommon. I’ll go over to her house, and we’ll sit up and watch a movie or two and just hang out and talk and so movies. I think we’ve done three Broadway shows together now. Also, my wife’s not the greatest fan of theater, but my daughter and I will go, and those are some of the greatest things that we enjoy doing.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Bernard Drew [00:19:16]:
Your life is always resilient. With the love of God. You can always bounce back from anything. Just keep your trust in him.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
And what’s one one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Bernard Drew [00:19:27]:
I would say there’s probably been no sacrifice that’s been made for the wellness of my kids. It wasn’t worth it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Bernard Drew [00:19:40]:
I think authenticity, the level of authenticity that loves and meets them where they are and loves them, nurtures and encourages them from where they are. The other side of that coin is the level of authenticity to learn to love and forgive yourself. I think sometimes as men and as dads, I’m not gonna overgeneralize here, but sometimes we can be bound to the ignorance we may have had in the past and think that that has to dictate whatever pathways to the future. And the reality is, just like, there’s an endless opportunity for our kids to evolve. There’s an endless opportunity for us to evolve. And so I would extend to dads, you’re worth the time to reinvest in you. If it’s reading certain books, if it is is therapy, if it’s counseling, if it is just finding a safe space and environment where you can talk freely and get certain things off your chest. And maybe here’s some other perspectives.

Bernard Drew [00:20:30]:
You’re worth that opportunity, too. And as much as you may fight so hard to to create safe spaces for other people, give yourself the same grace to find some space for you to evolve into the best version of yourself, too.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]:
Well, Bernard, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing the unique journey of you and your daughter. As you said, it’s always evolving. It’s changing, but it is so exciting to hear about the strong bond that you and your daughter have. And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and I wish you the best.

Bernard Drew [00:21:01]:
Thank you very much. And again, I just appreciate you doing this. I think one of the greatest relationships on the planet is the relationship with a dad and his daughter. And for dads to be encouraged and coached and inspired. Probably one of the single greatest investments that can be made in anybody’s lifetime. So thank you for making this commitment. Greatly appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Speaker D [00:21:49]:
We’re all in the same boat

Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]:
is

Speaker D [00:21:56]:
full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenter and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can

Bernard Drew [00:22:39]:
be

Speaker D [00:22:42]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Lead with Love: How Dads Shape Strong, Compassionate Young Women

February 2, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad hoping to build a closer, more meaningful relationship with your daughter, you won’t want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis invites educator, coach, mentor, and author Chad Mitchell to share stories and insights from his life as a father of two daughters (and six children total), as well as lessons from his new book, “Change Your Game.”

The Power of the Everyday Moment

One of the central themes Chad Mitchell brings to the conversation is the importance of the “little things.” As a father and now a grandfather, he reflects that the most meaningful moments with his daughters weren’t grand gestures or planned events, but simple time spent together—talking, listening, and just being present. It’s a reminder for all dads: you don’t have to be perfect or extraordinary for your daughter. What matters most is showing up authentically, creating spaces for laughter, listening, and sharing life’s ups and downs.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Chad Mitchell is candid about his own journey learning how to guide his daughters while also giving them the independence to grow. He admits he was stricter with his first daughter, loosening up with experience. His key realization? Letting your children choose their own paths—whether in sports, music, or academics—helps them build confidence and resilience. He encourages dads to support their daughters’ unique interests, learn from mistakes (their own and their kids’), and “choose your battles wisely.”

Raising Leaders, Not Just Followers

A recurring lesson from Chad’s book and the episode is that leadership isn’t defined by age, popularity, or formal titles but by influence, kindness, integrity, and everyday choices. Dads play a unique role in helping daughters see themselves as leaders—right now, not just in the future—by labeling them as such and recognizing the ways they impact those around them.

Connection Through Listening and Vulnerability

Perhaps most powerful is the call for empathetic listening. Chad Mitchell believes that being fully present—with eye contact, without distractions—opens the door to trust and deeper connection. Sharing your own struggles and vulnerabilities, as appropriate, helps daughters realize they’re not alone in facing life’s challenges.

If you want real stories, practical wisdom, and encouragement for your journey as a dad, listen to this episode. You’ll leave inspired to engage more deeply, support your daughter’s dreams, and grow together, one honest conversation at a time.

Tune in and discover how you can truly connect with your daughter today!

If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships, those connections that we have with our own daughters, working to help to make them be the strongest that we want them to be, the strongest that they can be. And we do that by learning, by growing, by continuing to look beyond ourselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And that’s why every week, I love being able to have you here and being on this journey with me. Today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we’re joined by someone who has dedicated his life to empowering young people to lead, to serve, and to believe that they matter. Chad Mitchell is a educator, a coach, an author, and mentor, and has a new book called Change youe Game. And it in this book, it really reminds us that leadership isn’t about age or status or titles. It’s about influence, kindness, integrity, and the everyday choices that we make. Chad has spent many years helping young people discover their voice and. And their courage. And today we’re going to talk to him about being a dad himself, a father of six, but we’re also going to talk to him about being a father of two daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
But we’re going to talk to him about this book, too, and gain a little bit more perspective about his own journey, but also some of the things that he’s learned along the way in working with youth in this way. So really excited to have him here. Chad, thanks so much for being here today.

Chad Mitchell [00:02:21]:
Chris, thanks for having me. I’m super excited. The intro just gives me goosebumps. I’m great. I love. I love this subject matter. I love my daughters. I love young women, and it’s going to be exciting time.

Chad Mitchell [00:02:32]:
Thanks for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here and to chat with you today and having two daughters, I know that your kids range in age from 17 to 35, so every child is a little bit different and your daughters came interspersed between the sons that you have as well. And I guess as you think about your two daughters, what are some of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made them so special?

Chad Mitchell [00:03:01]:
What are the most meaningful moments with my daughters? You know, it’s interesting that I would think they’re not if you. In the moment, they were just little things, Chris. They’re not. I mean, there’s probably a couple things like a daddy daughter dance that I would have taken my girls to when we lived in, in Chicago area, but I think a lot of them are just time together, listening, talking, smiling, and just doing really simple, seemingly mundane things. But as I get older and we have five grandchildren, all of them daughters, and I get to spend time with my daughters, being mothers now, it is the simple things. It’s holding a baby, it’s, you know, going to the store with them. It’s just really just that relationship. And there are so many little things that go into having a good relationship.

Chad Mitchell [00:03:51]:
And I would say just those moments of us together not doing anything fancy or crazy, but just enjoying each other and being each other’s company and sharing hard things, sharing sad things, sharing fun times and sharing silly dad jokes which they grown at still. But that’s all right. That comes with the territory.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:08]:
It does come with the territory. I’m not good at telling dad jokes. And when I say something that I probably didn’t mean to be a dad joke, I do get the groans too. So I completely understand that now. I know both of your daughters are grown and they’re adults, but as you think back to them growing up and you think back to the things that you did to help them become the women that they are today, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the women that they did become?

Chad Mitchell [00:04:39]:
So I think of Taylor Swift’s recent song Eldest Daughter, and I love the phrase that she talks about. Eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter. And so I will, I’ll be the first to say, Chris, I’m a much better dad today than I was when our first daughter was born. So I don’t know how good a job I did back then, you know, as a first time parent. And you know, you have two daughters and that first one you probably handle differently than you’re handling the second one. And I don’t mean that in a pejorative way, but you just learn a lot. And so I think I was much better with Chloe second daughter in terms of not trying to protect her from everything and trying to keep her from dealing with hard things. And so one great way to give them independence and let them create their own path is to try what they want to try.

Chad Mitchell [00:05:26]:
And whether that’s sports, whether that’s acting, whether that’s music, whether that’s cooking. I mean, giving your kids freedom to do and choose how they want to spend some of their time is a huge thing. And I’m a football guy, and so I wanted my kids to try football, except for my daughters. And that’s a whole nother story that Caitlin would love to tell you about how she was the one shot at letting having a football player, and I told her she couldn’t because she was a girl. Forgive me, Caitlin, but, you know, the kids didn’t gravitate to football, and so we needed to let them do lacrosse and let them do soccer and let them do music. And so I think just giving the kids the ability to choose their own way as early as we can in a safe way, is a huge part of helping them be independent and also learn from mistakes along the way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:13]:
Speaking about mistakes, all of us do make mistakes. We’re human. And as our children are born, there is no manual to tell us how to be a dad. And hopefully we’ve had some good role models along the way, but not every father does. So, as you think back to raising your daughters and having them be coming up through their ages into adulthood, what’s a mistake that you know that you did make as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering either a better positive connection or something else?

Chad Mitchell [00:06:45]:
So I will say that my dad was fairly strict. He was in the army as drill sergeant. And so you talk about role models and mentors, and we have those for good and ill. And my dad taught me a lot of great things. But like every parent, right, There are some things that I observed and saw that were not the best thing to do as a parent. And so I think being strict, as I already mentioned, with my eldest daughter and even with with Chloe, our fourth child, I wish I would not have been so strict. And it’s okay to be strict sometimes, but as my wife says, choose your battles wisely. Right? Is it really important to be strict about this thing that doesn’t matter at all? Because that was my experience growing up.

Chad Mitchell [00:07:29]:
Probably not. Do we need to be strict about, hey, you do your homework first, and then you go and play, and that’s the rule. And sure, there’s little exceptions because of unique circumstances, but, you know, the exceptions can’t swallow the rule. So I was too strict with my kids. I got better, and I’m even much better today, but it’s still a challenge, and I wish I wasn’t so strict. And so dad’s out there listening, you know, find those. Find those things that don’t matter as much and let things go. So we’re not constantly harping on or, you know, talking to our kids about little things as opposed to the things that matter most, which is them feeling loved by us and getting a lot of positive feedback from us, as opposed to, hey, did you do this? Why haven’t you done that? You missed this spot on the lawn.

Chad Mitchell [00:08:21]:
I mean, very practical things that some you follow up on, but a lot of them I’ve found out, they’re not important enough to degrade the relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:29]:
Every one of us as fathers have to balance that. Like you were talking about the support and the challenge as we are working with our daughters, thinking about how you supported your daughters, how did you support your daughters in pursuing their dreams and their passions that they had for themselves?

Chad Mitchell [00:08:50]:
I would show up. Sometimes it was just a supportive parent in the stands or in the audience. Sometimes it was stepping up to be the coach because they didn’t have a coach. Sometimes it was, you know, taking off work and going to see them do a presentation at school. I think showing up, Kris, is one of the most important things we can do and make sure you show up in the right role that you have. Because when I’m not a coach, I don’t need to show up for my kids at their soccer game and coach them. I’m there to cheer them on. I’m there to be supportive of them and their team.

Chad Mitchell [00:09:23]:
And they have a coach. Let that coach do their job. Chad’s not coaching. Chad doesn’t need to coach. My kid at soccer, I’m there to cheer and support. So I think showing up and showing up in a way that’s going to be supportive and listening and just enjoying the moment and enjoying whatever the result is. If it’s a loss, there’s an opportunity to learn something from that. Right? If it’s a game that doesn’t go well, there’s an opportunity to learn something from that.

Chad Mitchell [00:09:50]:
And if it’s an awesome game and your daughter hustles and maybe doesn’t score a basket but plays super hard, oh, that’s so much to celebrate, right? Just showing up and giving it great effort, man. There’s a lot of success in that little simple recipe right there. So reward that. Be excited about that when that happens, point that out in our daughter’s lives. When we see that that can change maybe a bad or a situation that they’re not excited about, to see the good in it and see the way that they put forth effort which we can all control and turn it into a positive. Everything can be a positive if we look at it from the right perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:28]:
Now I mentioned that you have a new book called Change youe Game and it is a leadership book. It has has a lot of leadership principles within it, but it’s more than just that. It, as I looked through it and, and read through parts of it, it’s a, it’s a guide that really helps young people understand their value, their influence and the power that they have to change the world around them. I love the fact that you use stories and science and use some reflection prompts through with, along with real life examples. And you invited all of us as readers to see that leadership isn’t about age or popularity. It’s about, as I said at the beginning, integrity, kindness, courage, and the choices that we make every day. So as an author myself, I know how much time, passion, effort goes into putting something out into the world. So I guess before we dive too deep into some questions about the book itself, talk to me about the genesis story of why this book, why this topic, and why you wanted to put it out into the world.

Chad Mitchell [00:11:32]:
So why this book? So it was October 17, 2020 that I started writing this book. I went back once I got it published. It’s not available yet. It’ll be available in January. But I went back to say how long have I been working on this? When did I actually start? So I went back and looked at my files and it’s been five years and it was in Covid I was coaching, I coached spring lacrosse in Washington State, boys high school sport. And so that got cut off right before we had a game. I think the Thursday before we had a game on, on our first game of the season on everything got turned topsy turvy and we up here in Washington State, we did not have a season. So there’s a lot of extra time that I had on my hands and a lot of reflection, as I’m sure all of us did or most of us did during the unexpected Covid that shut down many parts of our lives about what matters, what’s important to me.

Chad Mitchell [00:12:24]:
And as I saw young people struggling with the reality of COVID and what it did to daily life. I was just trying to figure out a way that I could help beyond just the kids who I have influence over through church, through our neighborhood, through our community. And I felt like I should start writing this book. And so I started writing it, and it really. I don’t know that, Chris. I don’t know. That’s a book I could have written five years ago. As you said, I’ve been working with you since I was 18.

Chad Mitchell [00:12:53]:
The first time I coached youth sports was when I was still in high school. Someone asked me to help with a soccer team. So I have a lot of the experience, but I think the nuance and the perspective, you know, I’ve gone through some counseling, some therapy, and I just felt like I was finally at a point where I was comfortable enough with myself and really was trying to do it for the right reason, just to help youth and help us as adults figure out a way to tap the potential that our youth have, that the time was right. And so, yeah, a lot of time, a lot of energy. I asked myself, I’d be curious if you did this when you’ve written your books, Chris, is anyone going to read this? Is it going to make a difference? Am I wasting my time? Because so much time and a couple points along the way, I felt like this is worth doing. And lo and behold, here we are five years later, and it’s coming out into the world, which is super exciting. But I really would love to hear the answer to my question from you, Chris. Did you have imposter syndrome and doubts about whether this was the best use of your time as you slog through what a really hard thing to do in writing a book.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:55]:
Imposter syndrome is definitely real, and you will always feel that way. And you’ll have your people that you know will always say something nice. If your parents are still around, they’re going to say nice things. Your family’s going to say nice things. But it comes down to, okay, what are other people saying? People that you don’t know. And you have to always just kind of turn a blind eye to naysayers because you’re. There are always trolls out there, but there are people that will come out of the woodwork, and inevitably you’re going to find that people do really like it and that people will resonate with it. So keep moving forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:29]:
That’s all I can say at this point.

Chad Mitchell [00:14:30]:
Awesome. Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement, and it sounds like we had a very similar experience. But one more question. Doesn’t anyone go through Imposter syndrome before they make it. Because at some point, aren’t we all imposters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:43]:
Yes, we always are. You always fake it till you make it and you hear that mantra. But it’s very true. And I think a lot of our kids do feel that they have to be perfect, especially kids these days. And that’s a challenge right now. I think as parents, we have to work with our daughters to be able to help them to see that they just need to be who they are, they don’t have to be perfect and that nobody’s expecting them to be perfect in any way.

Chad Mitchell [00:15:10]:
Social media makes that so hard, makes it so hard for our young men and young women to not feel like they have to live up and measure up to the artificiality they see on a constant basis through their phones.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:22]:
Well, and so many filters. And seeing the non reality of what life really looks like when you look at people through the lens of an iPhone and through the filter filters that are provided there, it can make anybody look great and make the reality of a person’s life look very different than what the reality really is now. You know, your book mentions and emphasizes that young people are not too young to lead and that their influence on peers is far greater than adults often realize. How can dads empower their daughters to see themselves as leaders right now, not someday in the future?

Chad Mitchell [00:15:58]:
Yeah, great question. And so one of the things I talk about in the book is labeling a leader, and I’m not sure exactly why, but calling our daughters leaders as opposed to saying they’re leading or they have leadership. But using the noun calling them a leader actually is more effective than labeling it something else. And so one of the things I’ve done with my kids in my learning journey, Chris, is will tell me how you are a leader today at school. And he may, or Chloe or, you know, it doesn’t matter if you’re a son or a daughter. And they may say, you know, Chloe may say, well, I don’t know that I was dad. I said, well, did you have a discussion with any of your friends? Tell me about that. And you ask questions in the appropriate setting.

Chad Mitchell [00:16:44]:
Right. Depending on your age of your daughter, she may not be interested in having that discussion with you. My experience is daughters are more open to having these discussions than a certain age of boys are. But I think you can point out little things to them that they don’t think of as being a leader and label that a leader and talk to them about them being a leader and help them connect that, yes, this Little thing I do, saying hi to my friend in the hallway and asking them what they’re excited about and then actually listening to their answer and remembering their answer. That’s a great leader, right? That’s connection with their peer. That’s helping somebody else feel seen and cared about and respected. And it’s so our kids don’t think about it that way generally. And so our role as dads is point that out to our daughters and help them explore that and see that and how that can have such a positive impact on their peers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:40]:
One of the other things that I really liked in the book was throughout the book, you draw a line between integrity and inner peace. When, as you said, our shoes fit our feet, life feels right. How can dads help their daughters choose integrity, especially when fitting in or pleasing others, feels easier?

Chad Mitchell [00:18:00]:
I think the foundation that we need to try and give our daughters, Chris, is what I do in the book is explore principles. Right? If we have a foundation of principles that we try and use to guide our lives, then it’s going to be easier for our kids to understand why it’s important to be consistent with our principles. I mean, what principles are there? On just a random day on social media, there are no principles. Or if there are principles, the overarching principles are throw shade at other people. Look at me, I’m so cool. I have all these material things. And it’s so easy to get caught up in as we talk about in the book. But when we have principles that help govern our lives, such as I care about other people more than I care about material things, as a dad, I tell my daughters I love them and I love them more than anything else in the world.

Chad Mitchell [00:18:53]:
Right? And if they know that love is one of the principles that I care about and I show that to them, guess what they’re going to care about? They’re going to care about love. And that’s going to be an aspect of a principle, that they determine how it fits into their world. And so when we teach them principles about love, doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, being kind to others, being honest with others and yourself, it’s those principles rising to the surface in difficult situations. They’re going to help them make the right choice. And when they don’t make a right choice, we should have taught our daughters about making mistakes is part of the process, Right? Some of the greatest growth I’ve had is mistakes. Do my kids know that? Do my daughters know that? Absolutely. And I think that helps with. That’s got to Be one of the principles is mistakes are a part of life.

Chad Mitchell [00:19:42]:
We’re going to make them. The real question is, what do we do when we make them? It’s not are we going to make them? It’s how do we react when we make a mistake? And so that’s a great question, Kris. I don’t know that I did your question justice with my answer, but that’s what I got right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:55]:
A number of your stories that you share talk about those that are Natural Helpers and Hope Squad, and you talk about that in your book. And it also relates to moments where young people saved lives simply by being trusted peers. What do you believe that dads can do to help their daughters become this type of friend that others feel safe talking to?

Chad Mitchell [00:20:16]:
The most important thing that a dad may be able to instill in his daughter’s, his daughter or daughters, I think is empathetic listening. And I talk about that in the book, Chris. And what I mean by that is whole self listening. You know, if someone is sharing with me a problem, so think about this as having a discussion with your daughter or she trying to have a discussion with you. The, the optimal way to do that is to put your phone away, is to sit and look at the person. It’s to not be distracted by other things. It’s actually not to think about what am I going to say in response to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me. It’s I need to listen to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me.

Chad Mitchell [00:20:56]:
I need to give them eye contact. I need to give them positive feedback that yes, I hear you. Keep going, keep telling me more. And it’s through that listening that we’re actually going to figure out things that we won’t know unless we can have that empathetic listening and the discipline to be in the moment, to care more about what that person is saying than what we feel or what we want to do. And that is life changing. And you’re right, Chris, in the story we talk about, you know, Hope Squad, they have had great success in reducing the number of suicides in the schools that they’re at by helping our young people understand how important it is for these trusted peers to listen to their peers and then to be trained so that if someone is showing suicide ideation, they know what to do. And so I think listening and being in the moment and mirroring and practicing that with our daughters. And I don’t mean practicing it in a way that is artificial, but I mean, dads step up, figure out how to do this because Anyone can do it.

Chad Mitchell [00:22:02]:
Step up how to listen effectively to our daughters. And, you know, if you’re doing it already, great, fabulous. If you’re not, watch that relationship improve immensely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:11]:
You have a lot of examples in the book also, such as Malala, Martin Luther King Jr. Huck Finn, people that were struggling or wrestling with courage, convictions, and choosing purpose over fear. How can dads invite their daughters into conversations about purpose, values, and doing the right thing, even when it might be hard?

Chad Mitchell [00:22:35]:
Being a dad is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And so we signed up for hard things when we decided to be a dad. Right, Chris? I think being appropriately vulnerable with our daughters is a good thing. When we struggle with things, I think it’s appropriate and good to share that with our daughters so that they understand that dad is just not this guy who bites down on his mouthpiece, grits his teeth and does things that are hard without feeling that they’re hard. You know, he’s just built that way. No, our daughters need to understand we struggle with those things. And sometimes we make mistakes, and sometimes we’re scared, and sometimes we don’t know what to do because guess what? They’re having all those same experiences.

Chad Mitchell [00:23:17]:
But so often kids look at adults and they don’t understand the struggles that adults are going through. And so I think as dads, really connecting our appropriate experience that are hard for us, that are challenging for us, where we make mistakes that are appropriate to share with our daughters based on their age, based on their circumstances, based on what we’re going through, I think that’s a great way for our kids to see the reality of what it means to live a life. It’s hard. There’ll be challenges, we’ll make mistakes, but hey, dad can do it. He’s not as funny as he thinks he is, and he can do it. I can do it, too. And I’m going to take confidence and examples from my dad, both his positive things and his negative things and the times he screwed up and use those to get through life when I do those same things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Now, Chad, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions, they delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? You bet.

Chad Mitchell [00:24:09]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:14]:
Love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:14]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:18]:
I don’t know who to attribute this to, but it’s dads Love your mother. Let your daughter see how you love their mother. Because we want our girls to choose that type of relationship for their spouses. And I know some of our listeners probably divorced. I haven’t had that experience. I’m. I’m sensitive to it. And I would say, again, not having had that experience, if you can still love your wife at some level, your ex wife, I mean, that’s going to help everyone in that relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:50]:
Going for walks, especially walks on the. On the Oregon coast. One of my favorite things. I love it. Hikes. Well, I love going hiking with the girls. I’m not sure they always like to go on the hikes, but we always had a good time, the way I remember it, at least.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:02]:
Chris, if you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:08]:
Follow Jesus Christ.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:09]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:14]:
I got a lot to work on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:22]:
Be authentic. Don’t hide the hard parts of life from your daughters. You know, as appropriate, invite them into that. Let them see that there are things that you’re great at, but there are also things that you struggle with, things that you’re unsure about, because they’re going to have all those experiences. And I think you equip them better to deal with them if you can have those discussions about your experiences when you’re a father and their experiences as they go through teenagehood, which we know is a huge challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:50]:
Well, Chad, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today and for sharing everything that you’ve shared. If people want to find out more about you or the book, where should they go?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:57]:
Well, I appreciate you having me on, Chris. This has been really fun. You ask really good questions. So hopefully these help the dads. If you want to find more out about me or my book, you can go to my website, jchadmitchell.com and the book will be available in January. And it’s change your game. Empowering young leaders to ditch doubt, find their voice, and impact the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:21]:
Well, that wraps up today’s conversation with Chad Mitchell and what a powerful reminder it was that our daughters matter. Their voices matter, their choices matter, and their leadership matters. As dads, we have the privilege of walking alongside them as they discover who they are and the impact they can have. Thank you for being a part of this community of fathers committed to raising strong, confident, compassionate young women. And if this episode encouraged you in any way, share it with another dad. We’ll see you next week on the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:57]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters

October 13, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a can’t-miss listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features a heartfelt conversation with Alex Greenwood, father of an almost 17-year-old daughter, who opens up about the everyday realities, challenges, and rewards of being a present and engaged dad.

The Power of “Hey, Dad” Moments

One of the episode’s core themes is the importance of creating and treasuring meaningful moments—sometimes in the simplest ways. Alex shares about his “hey dad” moments, where his daughter pops downstairs to sit and talk, checking in on him and sharing her world. These moments, whether brief or lasting for hours, have become the heartbeat of their connection. As Alex says, “these conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours… and we talk about everything.” These authentic check-ins remind us that genuine connection isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s nurtured in consistency and willingness to simply be available.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Another central theme is the delicate balance between guiding and giving independence. Alex describes the challenge of working demanding hours, yet prioritizing availability for his daughter, whether it’s teaching her to change windshield wiper fluid or sending a supportive text on a long workday. He emphasizes that, especially with teens, “availability” is key—not forcing connection, but being there when she seeks it.

Intentional Parenting: Preparing for Life’s Realities

Alex and his wife have been intentional about preparing their daughter not for control, but for independence. They’ve communicated their evolving roles—from “bosses” when she was young, to “supervisors” during college, and eventually “consultants” and “friends.” Through practical life lessons—whether teaching financial literacy through a make-your-own business project or discussing the realities of loss—they empower her with resilience, critical thinking, and empathy.

Conversations that Matter

The episode doesn’t shy away from tough topics: discussing impermanence and loss, embracing vulnerability, and fostering trust through honest communication. Alex reminds fellow dads to “give yourself permission to be human” and always talk to your kids with respect.

Listen to Grow as a Dad

If you’re seeking real-life stories, practical tips, and inspiration for meaningful father-daughter connections, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Be reminded that being the dad your daughter needs is about showing up, growing together, and cherishing the journey—bumps, laughs, and all.

Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and start building those memorable moments today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:56]:
As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We are working our tail off trying to build these amazing relationships that we want to have with our daughters one step at a time. And I’ll tell you, it’s not always going to be easy. There’s going to be bumps in the roads and you have to be able to sometimes be humble and know if you make mistakes, you’re going to pick yourself back up and keep going. And it’s so important that not only that you know that, but it’s so important that you’re willing to learn, to grow and to listen, because there are so many individuals around us that are fathering in different ways, and there is no one right way to father. That’s why this podcast exists, because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering their children in different ways and they can bring some perspective for you to consider for yourself. Doesn’t mean you’re going to take everything that you’re going to hear on every episode and turn it into something that you’re going to use today. But it provides you with some tools for your toolbox to allow for you to be able to consider different things and maybe make some adjustments along the way that’ll help you to be the dad that you want to be.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:12]:
This week we got another great guest. Alex Greenwood is with us, and Alex is the father of an almost 17 year old. He’s. And I’m really excited to be able to have him here for him to share some of his own experiences as a father. Alex, thanks so much for being here today.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:26]:
Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here. Thank you.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:28]:
It is my pleasure. Really excited to be able to talk with you today and to. And to Delve a little bit deeper into your relationship with your daughter. And this podcast is all about connection. So I guess first and foremost, one of the things that I’d love to ask you is all of us are on are in a journey of trying to do what we can to be able to build meaningful moments. Meaningful moments that you and I can create with our, with our kids, that they can take with them. Think back to one of those meaningful moments. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Alex Greenwood [00:03:04]:
I am always just surprised is the wrong word. Amaze is too strong a word. But I’m always so energized by and I feel so wonderful. And it’s a very simple thing, Chris. It’s not some life changing, earth shattering thing, but I have a little. It’s not really a man cave. It’s just a place where I go, it’s downstairs and I got a TV and I got a place to read and that kind of thing. And I go down there just because I have a job.

Alex Greenwood [00:03:28]:
I work in communications at a university. I have 12 hour days, I talk to people all day and I have a long commute. So I get to a point where when I finally get home, sometimes I just want to go down there and just recharge a little on my own. I’m one of those ambiverts. I mean, I’m not an introvert by any means, but I do have to charge the batteries a little bit. And sometimes I, I just go down and contemplate and all that. And my daughter, who, her name’s Caroline and she’s going to be 17 next year, but she’s done this thing for a long time. And you know teenagers, I know you have kids that are a little older than that and you know how it is with them, especially in the teenage years, they just get to a point where it’s not that they don’t love you anymore or don’t want to be around you, but they’re doing what they’re supposed to do.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:05]:
They’re starting to kind of break away and become more independent. So sometimes I find myself missing her quite a bit, but I don’t burden her with that. Right? I don’t do, do that. That’s not fair to her. Don’t make her feel guilty for doing what she’s supposed to do. So it’s just interesting. She has this wonderful habit of every now and then popping downstairs, sitting in a chair across from me and saying, hey, dad. And I’m like, well, hey, kid, what’s up? I call her kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:29]:
I’ve always called her kid. She’s my only child. And she just asks me about how I’m doing. She’s like, I just want to check in with you. How you doing? And what I realized, and I call these hey dads now, by the way, but I realize the hey dads are not really just her wanting to hear how I’m doing and. But it’s also her way of saying a couple of things. One, I miss you, dad. And two, I want to tell you what’s going on in my life.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:53]:
And that’s what we do. These conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. And we talk about everything. And I mean everything. Books she’s reading, the TV shows she likes music she loves. Taylor Swift, of course, The Mighty Chiefs, our football team here. You know, speaking of Taylor Swift, we’ll talk about relationship. We’ll talk about her grandparents.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:14]:
Chris it’s how I feel like I might have actually been doing a pretty decent job as a dad, is that she enjoys speaking with me. And I’m not saying she happens. It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens more than enough for me to feel very blessed. And I don’t know if that sounds like anything all that interesting to folks, but for me, it’s just about everything.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:32]:
No, it’s so important, especially as they get older and if they’re still checking in with you, still willing to talk to you, and especially as they get into those upper teen years. I’m not saying that to scare people, because it’s not the same with every kid. And with some kids, teenage years can be easygoing, and then other kids could be harder. But if you have put the time and effort in. In raising your child through the years and built that solid relationship with them along the way, them coming back to you and being willing to continue talking to you, being willing, engage with you, and keeping you as a part of their world is so important. Now, you talked about the fact that you work a ways away from home, so you’re balancing a lot. You’re balancing going to work and coming home and trying to still maintain that connection with her and keeping that balance. So talk to me about balance.

Alex Greenwood [00:06:30]:
And how do you balance not only all of the things that you’re trying to do, but how do you also balance guiding your daughter while also giving her that independence that you want her to have to be able to grow into the person that she’s become becoming?

Alex Greenwood [00:06:42]:
It’s a Real balancing act. And first of all, I’m an older Dad. I was 40 when she was born and so I’m not as spry as I used to. I take care of myself. I work out. My days are averaging 12 hours because I drive about 82 miles each way four days a week to work. I get one work from home day which I can usually take if you put in a 10 hour workday, that’s about a 12, 12 and a half hour workday. And when I, by the time I get home I’m pretty tired.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:06]:
Yet I still manage to. I run a couple of my own podcasts, I write a substack column, I’m working on another book. I find time to do a lot of stuff. But the main thing is though is to develop that availability to my daughter when she, so that she can come talk to me anytime or she can text me or sometimes just, just a connection on texting. She started her first job this summer and she’s, she’s just loving it. She’s loving to be able to raise her own money and buy the things she wants to buy and, and I’ve been so proud of her about that. And what’s interesting is like yesterday, you know, today’s as we record this Chris, today’s their first day of school for junior year in high school and she’s got a hand me down car I gave her. It’s 11 year old car and she loves it and she takes care of it.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:50]:
And I showed her how to. Yesterday I showed her how to change the wall, the windshield wiper fluid. It’s finding moments like that where it may not be all day, it may just be touches like that. A good text and I’ll text her. I’m not gonna lie. I text her sometimes and I just say, hey kid, I love you. I hope you hope you’re having a great day. Or if I have to work, particularly Thursday, it’s going to be about a 15, 16 hour day.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:11]:
I am not going to see her Thursday night. I will text her at some point, maybe a goofy picture of me at work and just say thinking about you. Hope everything’s going great. So for me it’s about being available and understanding that particularly at this age where my kid is at least I have to be available to her when she feels that need to connect with me. And that’s okay. That really is okay. Because when you think back to when your kids were so little, I still remember my kid coming up to me and saying she’s four, will you play with me. And I was running my own business back then.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:43]:
I was working a lot of hours then too. But I did have the wherewithal to know because I had a. My dad didn’t necessarily play with us all that much. But I realized this is important to this kid. She doesn’t have any siblings. I’m here. Let’s do that. So that’s how it evolves, I think for me, I don’t know if I answered your question very effectively, but it’s availability.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:01]:
It’s those touches. No matter how busy you get, remember the one reason you are working so hard is to provide for her. And that’s what I’m doing. And she plans on attending the university where I work. And she’s going to get a nice break on her tuition. So it’s worth it for me when I’m driving all that way. And I miss her a little bit more than I’d like to, knowing that one, I’ll see her a lot more when she comes to university here. I’ll go to lunch with her at least once a week.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:25]:
I told her that. And two, it’ll save her the burden of worrying about student loans too much.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:30]:
You’re lucky because I work in higher ed as well and neither of my daughters want to come to the university where I go to where I work. So. So they’re not getting the tuition benefit that your daughter’s getting. So I say that in jest, but it’s great to be able to have her be. To take that advantage of that. Not only for her, but really for you too, because it again, allows for you to keep that connection.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:51]:
I know she’s an extraordinarily pragmatic person and she’s so different from her mother and I, which is. I’m so glad she’s a jock. She’s a talented athlete. She’s also makes like a 3.8 on average. She’s been accepted into an accelerated medical professionals program. She wants to be a nurse. She knows who she is and she’s a kind person and pragmatic and also understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. She’s an only child being raised by her mother, who’s an only child.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:17]:
I was one of four, but I was kind of the middle. And I think that one reason our daughter’s like that is she was raised by two adults and we never talked baby talk to her. We never talked down to her. We talked to her like a little human. We didn’t talk to her like an adult, but we talked to her like a little human, you know what I mean? And she’s always been extraordinarily verbal and had good verbal skills, which has impressed people. And I think another thing she learned, too, her old man was an old politician. So I taught her, like when she was about 8, how to shake hands with people. And I said, you extend your hand, you look them in the eye, and you use their name and you say, chris, it is lovely to meet you.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:51]:
I’m Caroline, and I’ve seen her do this. Speaking of my dad, we lost my dad in January and we had to go to Oklahoma for the funeral. And she met all these extended family she didn’t really know. Second cousins, third cousins, uncles, aunts, great aunts, you know, all those folks that. You know what I mean? You’re a kid, you have no idea who they are. And she did that without fail. And I can’t tell you how many of my cousins came up and said, good Lord, that young lady, she just walks right up and shakes your hand, looks you in the eye. And I’m so proud of something like that, that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:20]:
Because that’s a skill she can use. When I say it’s a skill, it’s a skill, though, that is indicative of somebody who is a young person who is confident and wants to engage. And I just couldn’t be happier with that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:32]:
It’s such a great skill to be able to have, especially going into a helping profession where you’re going to be having to interact with so many different people. And it’s definitely a skill that all of us should work to help our kids to be able to is making those connections with others and building those intentional connections with others. Speaking of intentionality, talk to me about what you do to intentionally let your daughter know that she is being valued and heard.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:01]:
Well, if I could, I’ll take a step back and tell you a little bit about how my wife and I have been parenting Caroline. And one of the things my wife, Stephanie and I decided early on was that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about preparing your child to stand on her own. And again, I’m an older parent. I am not going to be around, likely for 60 more years, for sure. 50, doubt it. 40, maybe. But the point being, a lot of folks whose parents are younger, they’re going to have more time with, God willing.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:27]:
So I decided early on we decided that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about repairing your child to stand on her own. And so we told Caroline from the time she was very little that for the first part of her life. Your mom and I are your boss now. When you get a little older and you get into college, we’re not necessarily your boss. We’re more like your supervisor. We’re here if you need us, but we still control the purse strings. You know, we have your paycheck, so to speak, and all that, and we expect you to do certain things, but we’re not watching you every minute of the day, telling you what you can, can’t do, what to eat and all that kind of thing like you do with a baby or a little, little kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:57]:
So college, we hope to be like her supervisors, still keeping an eye on her, but letting her take the lead. So then when she graduates and gets a job, we want to become her consultants. And hopefully, as life goes on, we’ll be blessed to be her friends from that point. So along that way, we’ve tried to her with some core values. Respect for herself and others. Curiosity and critical thinking are huge with us. Kindness and resilience. She’s a very talented, very strong athlete.

Alex Greenwood [00:13:24]:
But she’s also realizing as she gets older, she probably isn’t going to walk onto the university volleyball team. She’s good, but she’s probably not going to do that. And she’s fine with it. She knows how the world works in that regard, and she doesn’t take it too hard. And it seems to be working so far, pretty well, this way of raising her and watching her grow into what I believe is a thoughtful, capable young adult who lives those values in her own way. And that’s just been one of the greatest privileges of my life, is to realize that. So that’s some of the things we’ve done to get her ready for life and for her to understand what we expect of her. I’ll just tell you one more little quick anecdote that makes me very proud of her.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:02]:
She’d be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her and telling everybody this stuff, but I’m proud of her. And she had a friend in elementary school, a little boy, and he had an arm that didn’t quite work right, and he was a little awkward. And she would tell us about him and how he. Nobody would sit with him at lunch, so she would sit with him at lunch, and then some other kids started pushing him around, tried to beat him up, and she just jumped right in the middle of it all and said, back off, you’re not doing this. And I’m just. That, that right there, that kind of empathy and that kind of kindness look at the world we live in. I mean, we need people like that. We need generations of people who will step up and say, that’s not right.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:37]:
And so that’s, that’s the instruction we’ve given. Because again, I hark back to this. Again, I don’t like to sound morbid, like I’m going to die tomorrow, God forbid, but I’m not going to be there to protect her forever. And so I like the idea that she’s confident and hopefully she’ll find a mate who will be supportive of her and accent that and accentuate that and have family of her own where she can pass those values on. That’s the most important thing to me.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:03]:
All of us have to have those type of conversations, whether your child’s an only child or they have siblings that are going to be there, because you never know. You never know what will happen. And you need to have those kind of meaningful conversations. So talk to me about how you and your wife have been preparing her. And if a father is hearing this and says, you know, we haven’t had any of these conversations, but I feel like we should start some of these conversations and start preparing our own child for that. Where should someone start?

Alex Greenwood [00:15:32]:
Well, I could give you a practical thing. Would that work for you? One thing during the pandemic. So that would have put her. What was that about three or four years ago, she wanted to start her own mail order era earring business. She was going to make her own earrings and sell them. And long story short, we thought, this is a teachable moment here. Let’s teach her about how commerce works, about how that is. And she’s like, mom, Dad, I know how to make these.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:54]:
And she’s made some stuff. They’re kind of nice earrings. And we said, look, you need capital, though, to, to buy more stuff, to make more earrings and to market these earrings on your website and all that. She goes, yeah. And she said, well, you give me the money. I said, well, no, I won’t give you the money, but your mother and I will invest in you. So we set this whole thing up and we, we even had her draw up a stock certificate for us that we had stock in her company. Forgive me, I forget the name of the company, but, and get this, she got really excited.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:21]:
We taught her what that meant, what investing meant. And then when the pandemic started to let up, there’s a local farmer’s market and we, we applied to get her a booth at the local farm. So every Saturday, she’d go down there and sell these things. And she would pay us back out of what she earned for the materials she bought. Of course, we put that money in her college fund, but she doesn’t know that. Don’t tell her. But anyway, we taught her how to do that. And so that was a lesson we taught her.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:45]:
So now she has a kind of understanding how investing works and how. Kind of an understanding how stocks and bonds kind of work. We try to explain that to her, but also what we’re teaching her are other financial lessons. Okay, I need her to understand how money works. And having a job, by the way, has been very instructive of that. She’s had her first job and she gets it. And she understands taxes and the anguish of taxes. But I try to explain to her that taxes are kind of the price you pay to live in a civilized country.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:10]:
You’re not going to always want to pay them. You’re not going to love them. Sometimes they’re going to be too high, sometimes they’re going to be whatever. But they’re important part of making the country what it is. And so she understands that. So we try to teach her about that and let her understand a credit card, what those are and how dangerous and treacherous those can be. We try to let her know, too, that just, you know, she. You know the old joke about, you know, you hear this all the time, oh, well, I must have more money.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:32]:
I still have checks, but they don’t even use checks anymore, so that’s not even useful. But we teach her those kinds of practices, practical lessons, how to change a tire, what to do if you feel like if you’re out in the car and you feel threatened by somebody, use your phone, find the nearest police station or the nearest public place. Just little things like that. But before anybody thinks I’m some kind of weirdo who just constantly tells her everything’s awful in the world, I don’t. But I want to prepare her for the fact that not everybody is always going to have your best interests at heart, that you got to pay attention, keep, as I’ve said to her many times, keep your head on a swivel, pay attention to your surroundings. Those kind of little lessons, I think, have helped to make her as confident as she is and is helping to make her resilient and confident. And I think she doesn’t fear the world. I think she’s excited to get out there and see the world.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:18]:
And I think a lot of that is that we didn’t baby her. She understood that she had to work to move forward in the world. And that doesn’t mean we don’t spoil her a little bit. Of course we do. We adore her. She’s our child. But we try to make sure she understands those basic things. It’s really not some kind of magic formula.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:32]:
It’s just something that seems to be working for us to do these kinds of practical.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:37]:
I love that because I think, you know, those practical things and getting her to be able to understand it in that way is something that she’s going to always remember and it’s something that she will take with her no matter where she goes. So it is definitely something that I think others can also put into action and try for themselves. Now, you talked about not being morose, and you talked about the fact that you may be here for 30, 40 more years, but then at some point you are going to pass on. And that’s not always an easy conversation to have with a child is to talk about the fact that all of us are mortal. We’re not all going to be here forever. And there’s always that first time where they impact death for the first time. So talk to me about beyond the practical nature of preparing her to stand on her own, having those conversations that are hard. And give me some examples of how you’ve had those type of conversations with your daughter and how you started those and how you continue those.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:34]:
Well, as I mentioned, I lost my dad unexpectedly. He was a distracted driver of injuries from that event eventually killed him. And so we knew he wasn’t doing great for a few weeks. And my daughter and her mother, I couldn’t get away from work. I’d seen him on my own, but they went down to Oklahoma to see him. And he was alert and talking to her and. And she came back and I. She was quiet about it.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:57]:
And she said, dad, I. I don’t know how pop’s doing. I said, he’s not doing great, kid, but it’s important to him that you came down there to see him. And I didn’t broach. I didn’t have to. I think she intuited that he was not doing so great. And then he got Covid. That was the end.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:12]:
He couldn’t fight Covid after that. The point being, when we lost him, I found out I was at work and I had to drive 85 miles before I could get home and tell her. And I came home and tell her and she just. She fell apart. But it was not the first death she had experienced. One of her best friends was killed in A car wreck when she was about 8 years old, 9 years old. So she understands the impermanence of life. She understood it unfortunately, pretty early, but.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:34]:
And she cared about her friend, don’t get me wrong, but to lose your papa, your grandfather. I think that I could see a change in her. And I hope this doesn’t sound strange, Chris, but, you know, I mentioned going to the funeral and being very mature, and I was. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t. I was a wreck. And I’ve been the eulogist at several family things, as you could probably tell. I don’t have a problem talking, but I couldn’t do it with my dad. And I wrote up a little essay and I asked her, would it be okay if you read it? And I said, you can feel free to say no, it’s a lot of pressure to put on you, but if you could get up in front of everybody and read it.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:06]:
She didn’t blink. She says, I’ll do it, dad. And she got it and read it and she did a beautiful job. She held it together. And when she was walking to sit down, some weird was like. It was like at a concert, somebody said something like, bravo, young lady, or really well done or something, you know, just called that out to her. And I realized that she really had. In just those few short weeks since he was injured, I saw her grow up a little bit and realized the.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:30]:
About that impermanence. And so we’ve had regular discussions about when her mother and I are gone. She asked me the other day, she said, dad, it’s occurred to me that, you know, I’m getting ready to go to college in a couple of years. And I know it’s not my business to know all about the family finances at this point, but how are we going to pay for that? I know that I’ll get your tuition break and all that, but what about extras? Will we be able to afford for me to have a dorm room? And, you know, she’s starting to ask these questions and she doesn’t ask them out of any kind of other thing than she’s starting to realize I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to be making a transition into a different part of my life soonish. And I think the fact that we’ve never sugarcoated stuff because she’d asked me when she was a kid, what happens when we die. I said, I don’t know, I don’t know. She says, what about religion? I said, if religion helps you, absolutely.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:17]:
I went through a phase where the family. We went to church and I was an elder in my church. I don’t go anymore. It’s not something I’m all that interested in anymore. But I told her, go anytime or I’ll take you. And she would go with her friends. I don’t know if it made much of an impression on her either. And I could hear religious people out there groaning.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:32]:
But it’s like, you know, I can’t force her. When I was a kid, I was kind of forced to go to church and I hated it. And I just told her, I’m not going to force you to do that, but I’m going to definitely expose you to it. I want you to see it, I want you to feel it. So I guess what I’m trying to say here, Chris, and again, pardon me for just going on, but is just that we tried to offer her the opportunity to experience things. We rarely say no to something unless it could be dangerous. We let her meet people, we let her go do things. We try to answer her questions.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:59]:
But you remember what I said earlier, We’ve always just kind of talked to her a lot, like a little person. Well, we just feel like we’re paying her the compliment of her intellect and her personhood to just tell it straight the way we know it. I don’t get, you know, brusque about it or anything like that. And I, I don’t get all worked up about it. And it seems to work for us. It’s just, it’s just honesty and being candid. If I were to grow up again, I would appreciate straight talk to my folks.

Alex Greenwood [00:23:20]:
And so many of our folks didn’t have those type of conversations with us. So I think our generation are definitely doing a lot better than our own parents did or their parents did before them. And that’s a broad generalization because some of our parents did a great job and continue to do a great job if they’re still in our lives, in preparing for the inevitability of life and. But what I’m hearing you say, Alex, is we can do even better. And that the more that we can prepare our kids in a non morose way, the better they’re going to be able to prepare for it themselves and stand alone or stand together in that time. That is challenging.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:02]:
Chris, I really do believe that this has also made her appreciate the moments that she has with her mother and I and her grandparents, her living grandparents. She has said to me that all the time we’ve done certain things, gone on trips or some Things have happened. And she said, I’m going to. Basically said, I’m going to try to hold on to this. I want to remember this. So I think we’ve managed accidentally through all of this to set a stage for her to say, this is your journey on this earth, we’re here to help, or your consultants, et cetera. We’re going to be here for a while and then it’s on you to do this. But I appreciate that she has picked up on the fact that the impermanence is a factor.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:35]:
And I’ve always told her I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life. Her mother’s very successful in what she’s done. I failed more than I succeeded. I have. I could bore you with all these things I’ve tried in my life that I completely failed at. But she knows about most of it and she’s told me before. She says, I just love dad. That you tried, that you’re out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:51]:
I said, I was never picked for the ball team. If I got to play, I was on the C team. I was the Bad News Bears team and I wasn’t even any good. But the point was I tried. Did you play T ball and Little League at all? I always got money. Ghost spirited player at the end of every season, which is not mvp, folks. And I told her, you gotta try, kid. I always tell her that you gotta get out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:11]:
And throughout her life I’ve just said, what’s it gonna hurt you to try?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:15]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:23]:
Sure.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:24]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:28]:
Trust.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:29]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:33]:
Oh, wow, that’s a tough one, Chris. I think the best dad advice I ever got was with my uncle. And he just, he was like a kindly favorite uncle type. He was just like. He basically said, don’t talk down to your kid. Basically because he was my, one of my uncles who I adored and, and he, he never talked down to me. And I always remembered when Uncle Robert talked to me, I always felt special. And I was one of 22 grandchildren.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:55]:
But I always felt like Uncle Robert thought I was the only person in the room when he talked to me. So that’s the best advice was don’t talk down to your kid. Make them feel good. Look them in the eye, talk to them.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:03]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughter love doing together.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:06]:
We used to love, when she was little, we’d go to, like, Starbucks. I’d get her a chocolate milk and a cake pop. And now that’s moved up to, like, going to get a cheeseburger. I love just going to lunch with her, just she and I, and just doing more of that. Hey, dad, more of that talking. I just love doing that with her. Just, just love it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:21]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:26]:
In the great casino of life, don’t put all your chips in the center of the table and go all in in your twenties, you’ll regret it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:32]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:36]:
You know that movie Jack Nicholson did years ago, and there’s that great line, and he says, you make me want to be a better man. Something like that. Before I met her mother. Her mother and I’ve been together, all told, about 20 years. And I had a lot of, of relationships that didn’t work real well. Not until then, anyway. The point being, I don’t think I knew how to be. Don’t get me wrong, I was a good person, but I don’t think I met my capacity or my potential for kindness.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:04]:
I think I got into a bit where I felt like every time I was kind to somebody that took advantage of me. So I kind of decided, well, maybe that’s not what to do. And my wife was the first person to kind of start to peel away that veneer. And then, man, the moment I’m standing behind my wife while they did the C section, I lifted my baby out of there. It all. I changed. I know that’s so cliche. Everybody says that, but I, Chris, I did.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:25]:
I changed so, so much when I was the first one to hold her. And she has made me a better man. Caroline, my daughter has. She has absolutely done that. I don’t want to do anything that she would be disappointed in me in.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:38]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alex Greenwood [00:27:46]:
Guys, don’t be too hard on yourself. Chris said this early on, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to say dumb things. We’re going to be tired and cranky. But here’s the thing. You’re not going to believe this, but I, I, well, I don’t believe in corporal punishment first, but that’s, that’s not a big deal these days. I hope I’ve Never really even raised my voice at my daughter. I don’t yell at her when I’m disappointed in her, I tell her.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:05]:
But there’s been moments when I’ve been sharp with her here and there. So few moments, by the way, that I still remember each one of them, like, just a handful. And I think you’ve got to give yourself permission to be human to your daughter and to your kid to apologize when you’re sharp with them and say, hey, I just had a bad day. I was tired. I. And without fail, every time I’ve done that, those few times in my life where I’ve been cross with her or sharp with her, she’s like, dad, it’s all right, man. You were having a bad day. It’s okay.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:30]:
By the way, if you want, I could tell you my kid can annoy me just like yours can. I mean, just so you know, she’s not perfect, but she spends too much money on clothes. But I don’t care that much about that. But I just. So I. I feel, like, bad. Like I’m just sitting here telling you every positive, wonderful thing, you know, it’s. Trust me.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:48]:
She also really needs to clean her room. She just. She needs to.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:52]:
I think all of us have those little things that get under our nerve, but in the end, we love them for who they are, even though they can irk us along the way.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:02]:
Definitely, sir. Definitely.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:05]:
Now, Alex, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your own journey today. And it is not over. It is just beginning and will continue into the future because being a dad never ends. And I just want to say thank you for your time today, for sharing your own journey, and I wish you all the best.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:21]:
Chris, it’s been my privilege to be here. And thank you to listeners for letting me go on and on about my daughter. Just. I hope everybody can find that wonderfulness in their own kid and just hopefully eventually go from being their boss to being their friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence. Independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:05]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Growing Together: Consistency, Challenges, and Connection with Daryl Potter

September 29, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Navigating the journey of fatherhood comes with unique joys and profound challenges, especially when it comes to building lasting, meaningful relationships with our daughters. In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Daryl Potter—a seasoned banker, published author, and devoted father—for an inspiring conversation about the realities and rewards of raising both neurodivergent and neurotypical children.

Right from the start, this episode sets a heartfelt tone about the power of presence, vulnerability, and intentional connection. Dr. Lewis reminds us that fatherhood isn’t a quest for perfection, but a continual commitment to showing up, listening, and learning alongside our children. Daryl echoes this philosophy, sharing deeply personal stories from his nearly 30 years of parenting—a journey shaped by both typical milestones and unexpected challenges. His openness about raising a daughter with a degenerative, nonverbal condition is both moving and eye-opening, reminding listeners that every child’s journey (and every dad’s, too) comes with its own unexpected plot twists.

A central theme of the discussion is the idea that parenting is storytelling—not just the stories we tell our kids, but the stories we live alongside them. Daryl explains how he intentionally crafts and shares stories about his own mistakes, growth, and childhood, giving his children not only a sense of family identity, but also permission to be imperfect, learn, and evolve. Just as importantly, he emphasizes the impact of the “stories” parents tell through their actions: how we handle spilled milk, failed attempts, or tough seasons. Our reactions can either instill shame or build resilience and belonging.

The episode is packed with practical wisdom: the importance of consistency, the transformative power of focused listening, and the annual necessity of “rewriting” our own parenting narrative as our children grow. Daryl shares beautiful examples—like letting his daughter choose her own socks, even when communication is limited—that illustrate how honoring a child’s agency and individuality nurtures their confidence and sense of self.

For dads seeking actionable inspiration and heartfelt encouragement, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a testament to the fact that connection isn’t about being the perfect father—it’s about showing up, embracing the journey, and learning to see the world through your daughter’s eyes.

Ready to go deeper? Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection and discover more stories, challenges, and wins from fathers on the same path. Your journey to a deeper connection starts here.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper into the relationships that we want to build with our daughters. And every day we’re going to be pushing ourselves to challenge ourselves to be that much better.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
And we have to be willing and open to learn and to grow and to be able to know that we don’t know everything. We’re flawed. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. And that’s why this show exists, that’s why this podcast is here, and that’s why I love every week being able to talk with you, to be able to walk with you on this journey. You know, I’ve got two daughters, many of my guests have daughters. And in this journey that you’re on, be open, be open to listening and hearing what people are saying. Doesn’t mean that you’re going to take something out of every episode. I hope you do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:40]:
But you’re going to hear things. You’re going to be able to learn things from every person that’s on. That’s why every week I bring different people on, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to learn, to grow, to learn something a little bit new that you can put into that toolbox of your own. Now, today’s guest is Daryl Potter, a seasoned banker, published author, devoted father who spent nearly 30 years balancing demands of a high level career and the joys of challenging. The joys and challenges of raising both a neurodivergent child and a neurotypical one with grown children and a strong, enduring marriage. Darrell brings a unique blend of wisdom, humility, and heart to this parenting conversation. I’m really excited to be able to have him here, to be able to talk not only about his own experience in raising a daughter, but he also talks about the fact that he believes that parenting is storytelling both the stories we tell our kids and the ones we live ourselves. So today we’re going to be talking about that and delving a little bit deeper into the stories that we are sharing, but maybe the ones that we want to share as well and how we can better create stories to make us better parents in the end.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Darrell, thanks so much for being here today. I’m really excited.

Daryl Potter [00:02:59]:
Pleasure to meet you, Chris, and to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]:
We start our episodes with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. I said you have a daughter. And I guess one of the things that I want to know first is every father has a unique relationship with their kids. You have a unique relationship with your daughter. What is one of the most meaningful moments you’ve shared with your daughter and what made it so special?

Daryl Potter [00:03:24]:
I got 24 years of experiences to try to filter in a hurry. To be honest, the probably the best experience is really one of the first because it was formative for setting me up for the following almost quarter century. And that is I can remember we described when she first came home as it being like a baby honeymoon. And when you think about when you have a newborn daughter, she offers you nothing except noise when she’s hungry and smelly bits at certain times. And I can just remember those first few days of we’d take naps, my wife and I, in the afternoon and we’d settle her in beside us and I’m a little larger than my wife and and so she’d roll towards me and she’d wind up with her head pressed into my ribs, just quietly breathing to the rhythm a little quicker, but to the rhythm of my ribs. And I, I couldn’t fall asleep. I’d afraid of rolling over on her. And so we would just lay there.

Daryl Potter [00:04:15]:
She’d sleep and I would just feel her against me. And I think that’s been the I’d never had an experience like that in my life before, and it shaped the following 24 years because I recognized that I have to come to where you are right now. And at three days old, what she needed was a warm body to press against while she slept.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:36]:
Now, with our daughters, there’s always a balance. There’s a balance in being able to guide our daughters while also giving them independence and allowing them to grow into the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about what you did to balance that for yourself.

Daryl Potter [00:04:54]:
So it’s interesting. I want to answer that question two ways because as you mentioned, I have A neurodivergent and a typical child. My son is the one who’s typical. So I’m a big believer that, you know, my wife and I have talked about we’re raising adults, not hobbies or reflections of ourselves or what have you. And so early on we had that really as a mindset to be thinking about the future as we transition through toddler to school to, you know, on and on. With our daughter, it’s quite different because she out intellectually, physically at about eight years old, her condition kicked in and more strongly and it’s a degenerative condition. So by age 12, she stopped talking. By age 14, she stopped walking, even with a walker and, and so on.

Daryl Potter [00:05:40]:
So the, a lot of, so it requires in, in her case, so much more deliberateness. But it’s the same philosophy as with our son. So as we, you know, for example, getting her dressed in the morning, it’s so important to let her choose her own socks. She can’t talk anymore, she can’t get around by herself. But we can bring to her a, a options and she can still pick. I want the pink ones today. You know, obviously with our, with our son it’s a, it’s a totally different, you know, game and, and I would love to have had the opportunity to do the same thing with a daughter because I think it’s so. It’s so needed in today’s society for females to be raised, for girls to be raised to be not adjuncts to the men in their lives, but to be their own person.

Daryl Potter [00:06:42]:
And as much as we can, we try to do that for our daughter. It’s just very difficult when she can’t even dress herself anymore. So it’s a different scenario.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:50]:
Definitely challenging. And I can only imagine, you know, trying to understand her needs and being able to truly be able to still build that bond while interpreting what is needed. So I guess in thinking about that, when as you said, she’s, she’s non verbal and she can’t do many of the things that like you said, your son can do. What are some intentional ways that you had to work and maybe you still are working today to continue to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially during these challenges, the challenging times that you have.

Daryl Potter [00:07:36]:
Yeah, I think one of the challenges that certainly I was, I would have had going into fatherhood and I think I’ve observed around me in society, friends, what have you, is that I do think men, particularly when they start having children or at a life stage, career wise, marriage wise, personal maturity wise, very goal Oriented, very driven, whether it’s by, you know, family of origin issues or ambition issues or what have you. And there can be a really dangerous trap of missing moments, maybe even missing seasons. Our daughter was 10 days old when she we discovered that we had problems and we, we were event took a while to get a diagnosis. She essentially wasn’t supposed to live past age 3. Definitely wouldn’t make it into the teen years. The fact that she’s 24 makes her a bit miraculous. But what that did for me early on is I had those as I described moments few days old of like bliss and imagining the future. And you know, all I have to do is just lay here quietly and she’ll sleep to like literally a week later discovering she’s going to be gone before long, like weeks or months.

Daryl Potter [00:08:57]:
And it had, I think it could have many impacts denial or what have you. The effect it had on me was like reaching into my chest and just grabbing my heart and squeezing and I was like, I have to know you, I have to connect with you, I have to. You might not even live to language so I have to eye contact, physical touch. You must know that I love you and I must be able to read you before you’re gone. Now the little turkey wound up going on for almost 25 years now. And you know, so that was, that’s been false alarms every few days for 24 years, which is its own version of trauma. But it taught me how to be a better dad to my son as well, that need to learn focus. And I had a friend remind me of it actually quite explicitly maybe half a decade later in a situation where he reminded me, you know, they’re not going to be five forever.

Daryl Potter [00:10:00]:
A year from now you won’t have a five year old anymore. So if, if you want to get to know your five year old, one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:05]:
Of the questions that I guess that comes to mind is as you’re continuing to support and to help your daughter now into adulthood and doing what you can to be able to probably still push her, challenge her and help her in many different ways to be able to live the best life that she can, what’s one way that you consistently are showing your daughter that she can always count on you?

Daryl Potter [00:10:31]:
You know, you used the key word there is consistency. For her to be able to count on us and it applies to neurotypical children just as equally if not more for her to know that she can count on us, we have to be consist whether it’s sleep deprivation or moodiness or what have you an Inconsistent parent is an inconsistent reality when a child is very young. And that can lead to a very unstable understanding of how to trust, how to relate, how to read, how to enjoy. It can have really long reaching implications. And a child at 10 may start to become cynical if the parent is too unpredictable. On the other hand, a child at 10 can just become hopelessly enmeshed in trying to adapt in well meaning but ultimately unhealthy ways that have to be undone later in adulthood if they’re going to have healthy relationships. So I think that consistency is absolutely essential, obviously positive consistency, but being reliable in your engagement that even I think sometimes. For example, I got a buddy of mine who I did a lot of camping with, family camping, and he was great because he had two rules, no falling in the fire or drowning in the lake.

Daryl Potter [00:11:43]:
Like those were his two rules when he was camping. And you know, I think sometimes we make too many rules and then don’t enforce them. And so that’s a kind of inconsistency that can feel well meaning. But maybe we need to think, you know, maybe there’s more rules than just not falling in the fire or drowning in the lake. But you know, that’s not a bad target to, you know, especially when they’re really young to help them understand and then be consistent. Like seriously, thou shalt not fall in the fire. But maybe let tripping over the 10 peg go is not exactly a crime.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:27]:
Now, you know, I, one of the things that also comes to mind is as your kids get older, you, you mentioned earlier, you’re not trying to create a replica of yourself, but you inevitably, as your kids are growing, you have dreams for, you have ideas for them, you have a picture in your mind’s eye of where you think they may be and then the reality sits in of where they end up. It may be very different as, as we, we’ve heard in the story of your daughter as well. So in talk and thinking about who your daughter is now, who she was as she’s grown up, how do you, I’m going to use that word, consistency. How do you consistently support your daughter and helping her to pursue her passions and dreams even when she can’t speak or do some things that you know, she wants to do.

Daryl Potter [00:13:16]:
If you think about it, verbal or nonverbal, we learn a lot about what our children want by watching them. How old is a child before they start really talking in a way that really makes sense? We might say two, but is it, isn’t it closer to four before it’s like okay, now I’m really fully getting cognitive communication here. But we don’t wait till 2 or 4 to understand what they want. And I think a parent who’s paying very close attention is not just listening, they’re watching. They’re being sensitive to the non verbal cues that their child is giving. As a matter of fact, your child is more likely to tell you the truth and the most intimate parts of what they want to express non verbally when they tell you yes, but their body says no. Once they’re past age 4 or whatever the age is, you can start pulling on that thread a little bit and teaching them how to communicate, teaching them that it’s okay to express, you know, a negative emotion or what have you. So in terms of how to help them onwards towards their dreams, sometimes that’s just helping them understand it’s okay to verbalize those dreams.

Daryl Potter [00:14:27]:
So do you want to go with your friends to do such? No, no, no, I don’t want to do that. But why that tone? Why that body language? Why that? And maybe it’s not, we have to learn some parenting skills. Maybe it’s not a frontal assault to challenge what doesn’t sound like a totally forthcoming answer, you know, and then to discover there’s a rupture in the friendship, or there’s been a hesitation as to whether they feel like they have what it takes or maybe like you don’t want them to do such and such and to be able to draw that out in dialogue because, you know, we’ve had these sort of conversations with my son and engaging with my daughter where they want to do things that they’re not going to be allowed to do. But by teaching them that it’s okay to have the conversation and not be in trouble for wanting what they’re not allowed. And we can talk through it and there may be alternatives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:09]:
Now, I talked about the fact that you describe parenting as storytelling. What does that mean to you? And how has that idea shaped the way that you’ve raised your kids, especially your daughter?

Daryl Potter [00:15:20]:
One of the strongest ways, I think we first connected over a book that I’ve written, something more, Living well in a Broken World, that was published last year. Kind of a deep dive on the whole topic of storytelling as a process of unpacking. Call it the meaning of life, living well in a broken world. How to navigate the hungers and dissatisfactions and complexities of being an adult on a planet that doesn’t always do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And so for the storytelling Aspect both in the book and in life. We’re storytelling creatures. We remember stories. I could give you a whole list of facts, but if I gave you a brief story, you know, a week from now, you might.

Daryl Potter [00:15:59]:
You’ll remember none of my facts, but you’ll remember the story. And the book starts with one of my kids asking me a question that leads to a story which led to the writing of the book. I see it working in a couple different ways. One is for myself. What story do I tell myself about my stage of fatherhood, about where my kids are at, about my role in my kid’s life? How can I take the present moment and tell a story to myself about the future and where. If this was a. I’m a novelist on the side as well, so. So the, you know, how would this plot play out if my actions with my child today were the opening of chapter one? Where is this relationship going? Based on how Saturday afternoon’s conversation went, it’s also incredibly powerful as a parenting tool by telling stories about ourselves to our kids.

Daryl Potter [00:16:49]:
Our kids are fascinated by the fact that their adult parents used to not know how the world worked. Surprise. Kind of still don’t. But we used to not know at the level of a 7 year old or a 10 year old. And the mistakes we made, what we learned from them. They learn so much from that. They learn our biographies. They learn a little bit of their own identity because if they’re not adopted, they probably share some genetic traits that are similar.

Daryl Potter [00:17:14]:
They learn also humility by accident because they hear you tell how you tripped and fell and how you overcame a particular situation or how a bad choice led to some extra work. So the process of telling stories about ourselves is deeply interesting to children and deeply memorable. I can remember stories my parents have told that tell many, but I think I remember every one of them from their childhoods.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:38]:
So as you think about stories, what kind of stories did you find yourself telling intentionally or unintentionally as your kids grew up? How did those stories impact their sense of identity and belonging?

Daryl Potter [00:17:52]:
The stories that were told about self for the benefit of their growth. So that was quite explicit. One of the biggest stories we tell is the ones that are also non verbal. So for example, child messes something up at the table, knocks the glass of milk over and breaks the glass and kind of screws up dinner a little bit. You tell a remarkably impacting, potentially decades long impacting story by how you respond. Are they a stupid person for knocking the milk over? Are they lectured for I told you not to put the milk at the edge of the table that how many times have we had this conversation? Or are they oh, did any of that glass get on you? Don’t move. Let me make sure we get pick up the glass first. Just make them feel protected.

Daryl Potter [00:18:37]:
Or is it funny? Holy cow, you hit the dog. Like what story do you tell by your natural reactions? Now the challenge with those kind of stories is they’re often immediate and not thought out. And therefore my advice to dads is you gotta a therapy term would be to do your work. You’ve got to really kind of unpack a little bit of maybe self. If your immediate reactions to unpleasant events tell the story you’d actually don’t like that plot on There may be a little bit of work unrelated to even being a dad needing to be done before but even those situations can be fantastic self storytelling opportunities to realize ah, I don’t like that the milk got spilled and I made it about something negative. It’s just milk. If the kid’s done it five times this week, maybe it’s time to get them a plastic tumbler A little too quick out of the sippy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:26]:
Because I mentioned earlier and we’ve talked about this, that you’ve raised both a neurodivergent and a neurotypical child and that brings unique challenges. How did the story that you told yourself as a parent help you stay grounded and connected through those differences?

Daryl Potter [00:19:43]:
I’m going to slightly change your question or my answer, but I will touch on what you’re talking about because what I found was I had competing stories, particularly with my daughter, because I think society tells us stories. Some of them can be just quite negative and sexist in terms of she needs to be look a certain way, she needs to have a certain type of interaction model. A tomboy girl’s not acceptable, you know, what have you. But step beyond that. For a parent with a special needs child, there can be a story that some part of your psyche might tell yourself that you did this somehow or this somehow reflects on you like your child is your resume. And I was somehow didn’t produce a good one in terms of the society’s expectations of being tall and beautiful and smart and volleyball team and whatever is going on in your particular culture and neighborhood. So there’s a lot of competing stories that we have and then we have our family of origin stories in terms of what’s expected with the style of respect to grandparents or the type of clothes they wear or all sorts of things. There could be such a loud chorus of conflicting stories for us to filter through that.

Daryl Potter [00:20:54]:
Some of the most important story work I felt that occurred was the turning off everything and just learning what story matters to me and then learning to rewrite that story. So in my daughter’s case, when it became apparent that she wasn’t going to join the Olympics or the debate team, I needed to make sure that my story didn’t have Olympic athlete or verbal jiu jitsu star anywhere in my internal makeup. The end goal to the story of my daughter, this is her life, her health, her biology, and in the case of, of my typical child, I think more in terms of also their dreams and their specific intellectual gifts and so on. And I need to help them achieve their story, not play out one of the many, including some that might be just my own personal stories that I want them to wish fulfill.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:45]:
And thinking about that, I think sometimes we think of storytelling as something that we do for our kids. But how can dads listen for the stories that their daughters are trying to tell about themselves and the world around them?

Daryl Potter [00:22:04]:
I love that you asked that question because I really believe that sometimes and this doesn’t just apply to parenting, this applies to marriage and being a manager at work and whatever else. Honestly, in so many situations, loving comes down to listening. The time given to letting another human being know that you have my full attention. And this was true when my kids were young, before smartphones were a thing. I think it’s just heightened now in an era of smartphones to really know that I put that thing down and we have eye contact. In the case of my daughter, it also helps with physical contact. She responds very well when I’m with her. Sit cross legged in front of her and hold her hands.

Daryl Potter [00:22:43]:
She’ll let me know if she’s not in the mood for that today. But that bonding is so important to the sense of connection. Humans need to be listened to and children all the more. Prior to being your child, they didn’t exist. You are shaping their understanding of how reality, reality works and whether or not they matter in that reality. And that bank is being filled up one coin at a time with every second you give them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:08]:
Now, looking back, were there moments where you had to rewrite your parenting story? Maybe a time when you realized that the narrative you were living no longer served your daughter or your family 100%?

Daryl Potter [00:23:22]:
I would say there is at least an annual exercise like that, because my wife and I have described the whole process of parenting as being one long process of letting go. When a child is born, you decide everything they can cry if they want, but you’re still the one deciding if the bum gets changed or the tummy gets fed. The micromanaging control that a parent has at birth is just kind of bizarre. But by the time they’re 20, they should be adults. They should be able to, if they’re not in school, pay the rent if they are in school, show up to classes on their own and have a plan for the future. And not mom and dad’s plan. They should be having their own plans and putting those plans place. But the bridge from infancy to 20 can’t start at 18 or 12.

Daryl Potter [00:24:09]:
Our son got his first chores when he was 4 and a half or 5. So that every single year we have had to have a process of telling ourselves a new story of what parenting now means for this age group. And gradually, the way we phrased it is, is we would extend both privileges and responsibilities was how we packaged it. We would extend additional privileges, meaning like staying up later or food choices or whatever when they’re young. And responsibilities could be something essential, simple as taking the recycling to the garage or whatever, but pairing privileges and responsibilities together as the children advance through the years. So it’s not just a case of hey, I’m your chauffeur from 8 to 16 and then you’re on your own. But there’s a real intimate connection between their expanding maturity and their expanding responsibility. And that starts with parents telling themselves the story of they turned seven, I don’t have a six year old anymore.

Daryl Potter [00:25:03]:
What does talking to a seven year old sound like? Because if it sounds a lot like six not growing as a parent or helping them grow, and if I’m only responding to them, I’m probably going to eventually frustrate them and we’re going to get into some negative pushback come teen years if I’m always the one lagging as they grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:20]:
Very true. So we already mentioned your daughter’s 24, your son’s 21. Now that your children are grown, how do you see the stories that you told and lived echoed in the people that they’ve become? And what legacy do you hope that those stories leave behind?

Daryl Potter [00:25:36]:
Wonderful question. They are easier when we talk about my son because he’s neurotypical. But I think that it’s true for my daughter as well. They are more confident in themselves, in their place in the world, in their ability to navigate within the limitations of their life situations. My daughter being the one more limited. Of course, my son’s limits tend to be more economic because he’s in third year university. But as a result of that they always have known they are loved. They always have heard stories to learn from our mistakes so that they could avoid them.

Daryl Potter [00:26:11]:
We have worked very hard to not let that spilled milk be be an opportunity for verbal abuse or just using that as an illustrative example and letting them advance from age 6 to 7 and then making sure 8 looks different. The result is neither one of them are socially desperate. Neither one of them in the way that I would describe myself at that age or, or I think I can speak for my wife in terms of her background. Neither one of them are socially insecure. Neither one of them are I’ll speak more for my son now socially inept. My daughter’s. Well, she has seizures and stuff so that kind of screws up social interaction when you you throw that in with non verbal but the point is even with my daughter at times I look at her and I think you are more secure with us than I can ever remember being growing up and I know my wife could ever remember being growing up and she hasn’t been able to say a word to us for over a decade and I don’t know how much of what we say to her she fully understands anymore because there’s a cognitive decline there. Although she’s cheeky by nature.

Daryl Potter [00:27:13]:
So I think sometimes she pretends she doesn’t understand just she’s still got a personality. So I think that that process on the other side. First of all, parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Tied maybe for doing a decent job of marriage, fantastic. But requires a level of engagement that didn’t exist when I was a bachelor, it’s very satisfying to come out the other side and to see a lot of hard work pay off. Now when you’re dealing with a special needs child, payoff looks differently than it does on our son who’s going to head off to fourth year before long. But nevertheless payoff in emotional rewards and practical rewards as we see them develop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:49]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Daryl Potter [00:28:01]:
Close.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:02]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Daryl Potter [00:28:05]:
When my son was in his Pokemon phase and one of my camping buddies took me aside and said you better learn to love Pokeman now or he will talk about it with his friends instead. And by the time he gets to 10 you will have trained him not to talk to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:20]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Daryl Potter [00:28:23]:
Going for walks in the woods. Ever since she was a baby she’s loved trees and I’m a bonsai guy. So between the two of us, she might get that from me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:29]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryl Potter [00:28:33]:
Your mom and dad love you unconditionally and adore you. You don’t measure up to the mentioned the Olympics and the debate team. It doesn’t change our love for you for a second.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:45]:
What’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryl Potter [00:28:50]:
But love isn’t about what you get, it’s what you give. Infants teach you that, but so do 10 year olds when they’re a little self and you start to realize I love you anyways.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:01]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryl Potter [00:29:09]:
Get down on their level, like literally sitting on the floor if they’re really young. Get that eye contact and learn to understand the human behind those eyes as opposed to society or our wishes or whatever else might impose between as a filter. Strip away the filters and learn the human. There’s so much to be discovered and behind a daughter’s eyes. And they will learn not to tell you who they really are. If you teach them that you only want to see the screen between but focus on who they really are. That’s magic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:45]:
Well, Darrell, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your own ongoing journey that you’re if people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryl Potter [00:29:53]:
They can find me on my website, darrelpotter.com that’s a D A1R Y L.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:59]:
Potterlikeharry.com Again Daryl, thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you all the best.

Daryl Potter [00:30:06]:
Thank you Christopher. It’s been fantastic to talk to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:39]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny, screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Humor, Heart & Hard Truths: Dads Guiding Daughters Toward Adulthood

September 1, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad who wants to create a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, you won’t want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Finlay—bestselling author, accomplished entrepreneur, and dad of four (including three daughters)—for an honest, heartwarming discussion about the joys and challenges of fatherhood.

From the start, Dr. Lewis emphasizes that being a great dad is less about perfection and more about presence and intentional connection. There’s no universal playbook for fatherhood, especially when it comes to raising girls who are confident and independent. That’s why he brings in guests like Rob, who candidly shares both his successes and the lessons learned through mistakes.

One standout theme is the importance of vulnerability and authenticity. Rob talks about never hiding his emotions from his daughters, showing them by example that strength and sensitivity aren’t mutually exclusive. He wanted his girls to see a father who could be both a gentleman and deeply caring—teaching by doing rather than merely telling.

Throughout the conversation, both Dr. Lewis and Rob stress the value of teaching resilience and self-reliance. Rob encouraged his daughters to try new things, pushed them to stick with commitments, and allowed them to experience failure—knowing these moments are key to personal growth. He highlights the importance of letting daughters step into adulthood on their terms, supporting them with guidance rather than control.

Another powerful insight is Rob’s approach to life skills. Prompted by a late-night call from his daughter (“Can I put the green gas in my Jeep?”), Rob realized the value of giving kids the foundational tools they need to navigate adulthood—from financial conversations to problem-solving. His new book, Hey Dad, Everything You Should Have Learned About Life But Didn’t, is packed with practical, real-world advice and a healthy dose of humor to make learning approachable.

Fatherhood isn’t static, and the parent-child relationship evolves—what matters is open, honest communication and the willingness to keep learning together. Whether you’re helping your daughter make big life decisions or just sharing a favorite meal, every interaction counts.

Ready to be inspired? Listen to this heartfelt episode and take away actionable tips to deepen your connection with your daughter. Tune in at Dad and Daughter Connection—and start building those strong, confident relationships, one day at a time.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on this journey that we’re on. Learning more, doing more, and trying to be the dads that we want to be, to be able to build those connections that we want with our daughters one day at a time. And I first and foremost want to say thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:13]:
Thank you for always coming back every week and putting yourself out there to learn more. Because all of us are a work in progress and to be honest, none of us know everything that we need to know to be able to be the dads that we want to be. Becoming a dad does not have a playbook. It does. There’s no right way to father. But there’s a lot of things that you can learn along the way to help you to be that engaged, more present dad that you want to become. And especially in raising daughters, there are so many things that we can do to be able to build those positive relationships through positive communication. And that’s why every week I love being able to bring you different people, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to add some tools to your own toolbox that you can then take into the day to day experiences that you’re having with your daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:06]:
Today we got another great guest. Rob Findlay is with us today. And Rob’s not only a best selling author and accomplished entrepreneur, but also a dad of four. And as a part of those four, he has three daughters. His personal stories of late night calls for help paired with his professional expertise make him unique, uniquely qualified to speak to parents about raising capable, confident young adults. Plus, his engaging, no nonsense delivery resonates with anyone who ever who has ever googled how to reset a circuit breaker at 2:00am I love that. And we’re going to be talking about a brand new book that he has called hey, dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn’t. And it is definitely a humorous and practical guide to the real world lessons that every young adult needs to know, but that are not always taught.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:56]:
So we’re going to be talking about his book as well as, first and foremost, learning more about him as a dad. But, Rob, thank you so much for being here today.

Rob Finlay [00:03:04]:
Oh, thank you so much for having me on the show. I’ll tell you, I Wish you existed 20 plus years ago when I had daughters, because I’ll tell you, I grew up in a family with a brother, dad and mom, but. But maybe a little bit more traditional where it was very much a man’s household. And in fact, I go so far as my mom wouldn’t even put pantyhose that she would buy from the grocery store in the same bag. My brother and I could see it. So I grew up without any real understanding of what it was like to have a sister or anything until Lord blessed me one day with three beautiful daughters and I had no idea what I was doing. So I wish you were there years ago for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:45]:
Well, you can still learn and you never stop being a father to a daughter. So there’s always going to be more things to learn along the way. So that being said, I want to learn a little bit more about you as a dad, seeing that you come from that background. I guess as you think back to your daughters and raising your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Rob Finlay [00:04:07]:
I think one of the things is I was never afraid to show emotions in front of my daughters. I think that was a very different departure from maybe where I was, but they would know. And now it’s almost the joke of they see a movie with a dog dying or something sad in the movie that dad will cry. And I think it was important for them to see that emotion. At the same point, I also wanted them to see what I wanted to portray as a male to them, which is I’m polite, I’m respectful, I have manners, I have etiquette. Right? These are the things that were important. So I wanted to be a gentleman and maybe a little bit on the macho side, but also showing that I had enough sensitivity and tenderness that I could support them at either direction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:49]:
As you just said that. I mean, you said you weren’t afraid to show that vulnerability, but at the same time, you also had that macho side as well. And so there’s A balance between both sides of that personality. And as you’re raising daughters, you’re trying to balance, also guiding them to give them the independence to grow into their own person. And so how did you do that?

Rob Finlay [00:05:15]:
I think it was about pushing them. I actually believe that I wanted to see them fail. I wanted to see. And I know that’s very hard. I mean, parents can’t. And probably back at the time, I probably didn’t. But in hindsight, I was much more open to them exploring their own paths and pushing them, but not being overbearing. I wanted them to have interest and do things on their own, keep them focused.

Rob Finlay [00:05:37]:
If they made a commitment to do cello, well, you’re going to take Chiello. You’re not going to try it for two days and then quit. You’re going to do it and you’re going to try it. But if you don’t like it after that, or if you. If you’re really horrible at it, doesn’t really matter, but at least you’ve tried it. And so those were some of the things that I did. One of the important things that I feel that for young adults and for young kids is to have a broader experience with other adults and other people outside their friend groups. And this was critical for me, that I wanted to make sure that my girls and my son, too, were comfortable networking, having adult conversations, and being exposed to things other than just mom and dad in their friend group.

Rob Finlay [00:06:19]:
And so since they were young, you had them in farming groups. I would have them come to business meals with me just so they could see what it was like to be exposed to something other than just the sort of the family unit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
As I said at the very beginning, going through this process of raising daughters is a learning process for all of us as fathers. And there are specific things that we all can do to be able to strengthen that bond with our daughters. For you, with three daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have done, have worked in the past or are currently working to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, and especially during challenging times?

Rob Finlay [00:07:00]:
I think, first of all, the young women that I see today, the young women that are my. My daughters, those are my daughters, we said, like, when they’re in their 20s, are very different than the young women that I knew 25 years ago when I was a young man. And the young ladies today that I’ve created and I’ve seen are much more independent. And therefore, the needs that they have tend to be more of financial understanding and business understanding and things like that. And my Daughters typically will come to me with questions that are much more about their financial independence than it is about navigating their own personal life or personal relationships. There I think there was a stage not, you know, all fathers, I think, go through this where your daughter is the apple in your eye and she’s there and she’s with you all the time and she’ll tell you everything. Then she goes to this different stage where maybe she’s not as comfortable talking to you about boyfriends and things that they’re doing. But then it comes back around where now these boyfriends are becoming, okay, this is not just a boyfriend, this is actually a serious relationship and we want to move in together.

Rob Finlay [00:08:06]:
So we start having those dialogues of that where it’s a very different situation. It’s not dad being emotional saying, okay, I’m bringing a boy to the house for the first time, it’s dad, this could be my life partner for life. And what are the things that I have to think about from a practical or even a, I don’t want to say business, but a financial standpoint. And that’s where these conversations have started. And these are very difficult conversations because at 20 some odd years old, these are adult conversations. When you’re talking about, one of my daughters has a very good job, her boyfriend does not, they’re sharing expenses, they’re living together. So now it becomes a different thing of, okay, well how do you protect these things that are yours and yet still have these relationships? And it’s almost equivalent to what a prenup agreement is to an adult. You’re now having these conversations with people who are in their early stage of adulting, just launching.

Rob Finlay [00:08:56]:
And they have so much to do anyways with just launching. They’re on this what I call magic carpet ride of life where from the day they’re born, basically until they have this big life moment which is graduation, and get thrown into the real world, everything is coming at them all at once. And now you have to compound it with some pretty difficult grown up conversations.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:16]:
So talk to me about that because you are having those conversations. And as I’m listening to that, I know I have a daughter in college right now, she’s not at that point yet. How do you approach that without stepping over the line and stepping into a lane that, that they don’t want you in? In that regard, I think at this.

Rob Finlay [00:09:36]:
Point is this is where you let your child fail to a level where it’s acceptable. But there are times where father knows best, even though they don’t like it and sometimes. But I’ve been around the block. I’ve experienced this myself. And so coming to them with this conversation, I think it’s more of the approach where I want them to come to their own conclusions, but the questions that I lead will prompt them. It’s not that I’m trying to show influence over my daughter, but rather use my influence to let them come and make the right decisions themselves. And they are hard. The first move in boyfriend is.

Rob Finlay [00:10:12]:
Is the big one, and we live together, and it’s gonna be wonderful. Oh, okay. But let me ask you, what would happen if, first things first, you get a pet together? Who gets the pet if something happens? Just think about. You make your own decisions. I think I’m very quick to do that with my girls. I want them to make the decisions, but let them know the consequences, the things that they don’t think about. Because you’re like, you’re at a. At an all you can eat buffet.

Rob Finlay [00:10:35]:
You want to eat as much as you possib you can without the consequences of, oh, geez, I just ate way too much later that night. And so it is about having the mind. And I think the important part of all of this is the demeanor that I have to provide to my daughters is one of very calm. And my wife is usually very good to maybe give me a little pinch. Right. If we’re on the call and I might get a little excited, they can hear it in my voice. I have to detune it a little bit because I think. And at least with my own experience, and it’s also a little skewed for me, because my day job is my business, just like yours.

Rob Finlay [00:11:08]:
You’re at the university. My day job is at a business, and I hire a lot of young analysts right out of college. And predominantly, they are young men. And so my management style with them is different. And just like with my son, my conversation, my tone with my son is very different. With my daughters, including each individual daughter, there’s a different approach to talk to each one. And so it just comes back to the demeanor has to be set, and the conversation, the tone has to be set commensurate with the child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:38]:
You know, I know that there have been plenty of times that I’ve made mistakes, and none of us are infallible. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it in regards to fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:11:50]:
Well, I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of things. I mean, the whole Purpose of the book that I wrote was because of a late night phone call just on a certain instance. And I realized, have I taught my kids everything that they should know to go be an adult? And not that you have to know everything because you learn as an adult, you learn every day. But, but have I given them the foundation? Go out, get out on their own, get a job, get an apartment, make friends, become a good healthy adult. All of these things have I built them the foundation? And then it starts to do the. Where it spirals as a father, like, well, geez, you know what? I spent all my younger years when they were around trying to build a business thinking that it was important for me to provide for them. And maybe the providing that I should have given was maybe more emotional and less financial. So it starts to come around as what did I do wrong as a father? Now, fortunately I have a good relationship with all of my kids and but this book has really sort of opened up my eyes where I look back at all these things that I don’t know that I taught them.

Rob Finlay [00:12:49]:
Was it because I wasn’t there? Was I an absent father? Or was it maybe in many cases I told them and they didn’t listen, or was it because I wanted to take care of them? And I’m very guilty of that with my girls. My girls, if they know if there was a light that went on in their car, all they had to do is go up and say, hey dad, Daddy, there’s a light on in my car. And I would go run fix it it, I wouldn’t make them do it. Now in hindsight would have been better for me to push them back to solve their own problems.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:17]:
So let’s talk about your book. And as I mentioned, you do have this brand new book called hey dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn’t. And one of the things that I noticed when looking at the book, you talk about that green handle moment in your book and it’s a powerful moment. So it was that call that you got. And so tell me more about that call. But what did that call from your daughter teach you about the importance of dad and daughter communications in the transition to adulthood?

Rob Finlay [00:13:46]:
So the call to put give your listeners sort of the perspective, it’s the middle of the night, probably one or two o’clock in the morning, which for me that’s, that’s bedtime. I’m already asleep for hours here. And every parent fears this call in the middle of the night. And I got it and I look over and it’s one of my daughters calling. And I knew she was on a road trip. She was traveling from Wisconsin to go down to Austin, Texas. They were looking for a job. She was a college senior at the time.

Rob Finlay [00:14:12]:
And I’m panicked because my kids know that a call this late doesn’t. That has to be an emergency. She picked up, and I was like, what’s wrong? Because that’s my first instinct. What is wrong? Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? Nope. Hey, dad. Sorry to bother you. No, nothing. It’s just a very quick.

Rob Finlay [00:14:27]:
Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? And my heart rate has to come down, comes down. I’m starting to pain. I’m like, starting to think, okay, I’m woken up. Like, I finally realized, are you talking about diesel? Are you thinking about putting diesel in your Jeep? And she was almost hostile with me. Like, how dare I even. Yes, can I do it? Like, she was frustrated with me asking questions. And at that point I realized, like, you know, obviously, maybe I didn’t teach her this. This is shame on me.

Rob Finlay [00:14:52]:
But also at the same point, I felt like, was it because it was easier to call me than to go and look at it on her own? Right. Could she have done research? Could she have gone on Google? Right. I mean, we’re in the Internet society. There’s. There’s ways to get answers. And so I think it was more about that she wanted to reach out to me, to look for advice, to maybe in a reassuring moment, because there were some factors there that were going on, such as there was not to spoil this section of the book. It was. We had a fuel crisis on the east coast at that time, and none of the gas stations had gas.

Rob Finlay [00:15:25]:
And, you know, even while dad said, it’s probably not a great time to do a trip, how can I stop her from going? But it was more of like, is she just trying to get some reassurance? And I think that comes down to one of the things that I feel, and this is that moment, is I think my kids and my girls in particular know what to do. But sometimes it’s nice to have a little bit of reassurance. It’s reassurance from dad that, yeah, I am doing the right thing. Yes, I’m going to be okay, or maybe I’m not doing the right thing and maybe I should do this or think differently about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:54]:
So that kind of leads into another part in your book where you talk about letting your kids call you or as a father, into the playing field. Only when they’re ready. So how has that approach shaped your relationship with your daughters over time?

Rob Finlay [00:16:10]:
Look, I’m a businessman. I have no medical credentials, no nothing. It’s me as a dad trying to do the best I can. I think I probably pushed my kids out into situations probably faster than I should have. Now, it’s also siblings, right? So, I mean, the easiest way to go get a sibling to swim is to watch their other siblings swim. Of course, they want to do that naturally. And so while it’s probably more sheltering and sheltered with my son and then my next daughter, and then by the time the fourth one comes around, you’re a little bit more like, go ahead, go do these things. Go take responsibilities, having jobs, having chores, the girls grew up on a farm, about opening up and seeing things that are really, you’re not going to see on TV and you’re not going to see on social media.

Rob Finlay [00:16:54]:
And I think that was a big thing. And I think when I was writing this book, one of the things that I really wanted to do was go out and seek experts in the field of everything from finding an apartment to maintaining a car to what to do in emergencies, banking, insurance, taxes, all the things that I think are of core foundational purpose for young adults to become adults. And I think what I really did with this was I tried to mirror it, it to what my girls were learning and what I want them to learn going forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:26]:
Is there a story that you can share where that strategy for you either built more trust or even backfired?

Rob Finlay [00:17:33]:
The first thing I’ve learned, and I’m sure a lot of fathers know this, especially if their daughters are in. In dating age, if you say you don’t like the boy, he’s staying. I’ve learned very quickly that there are things that I do now that have backfired. When I try to say, you know what? A young man who’s coming to date, you should have a firm handshake. He should look at me in the eye. He should be polite. He should be polite to you. He should give attention to you, right? He should.

Rob Finlay [00:17:55]:
And when I realized that there’s a different way, once again, it comes back to the conversation. Letting them know, if I don’t like this guy, he doesn’t shake my hand, right? All that’s going to do is say, oh, that’s going to be my new boyfriend. But if I talk about how I’ve noticed these young men at my office, how great they are by being polite, or how important it is, and even this comes down to how I am as a father in particular. This is just a purely on relationship side, but my wife requires us to do once a week, date night, to spend time together. Not on our phone, not with everything. And I think the kids and, and my girls see that. It’s like it’s important that somebody give you attention, focus on you and make you feel special, because that is what you are to me. But dad’s blue in the face until I tell you how special you are.

Rob Finlay [00:18:41]:
I hear you, dad. I hear you. I hear you. But somebody else has to do that. And making them expect that is part of that learning of being an adult is getting the respect of yourself first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:52]:
A lot of times in my experience as a father, I have noticed that a lot of the life lessons that you see out in memes, in writing, a lot of that is focused on sons. Especially when you look at things like self reliance or money management or dealing with failure, There’s a lot of that out in the world. How did writing this book change or reinforce the kind of life lessons you think daughters specifically need from their dads today?

Rob Finlay [00:19:22]:
Personally, I don’t differentiate the two. I think there’s a couple things. One is I think the skills that I’m trying to talk about, the foundational skills that I talk about in my book are truly just what every adult. It doesn’t matter what you are, every adult needs to know how to do these basic things. This isn’t like one plus one. This is actually just more foundational. Right? It’s not about. About how to tie a tie, but rather when you should wear a tie or obviously daughter something different.

Rob Finlay [00:19:47]:
But to me, when I wrote the book, I wanted everybody to have these foundations because I think no matter what it is, if even it’s about life, it’s all the same. I can tell you though, what I have learned in all of this is that doing the research and talking to other parents, and talking to other parents in particular, it seems like the young ladies are actually more confident and are doing better and are at a very, very different path than young men. And I know that it’s not as popular of a conversation because I personally think everybody should be lifted. You should never have one group of people below the other. Everybody should be lifted. Everybody should. Being successful and having a good life. So after I wrote this book and talked to my girls and my son about it, it really became more of I think I’ve done okay, but not by me.

Rob Finlay [00:20:31]:
It’s probably because they’re smart, they’re independent, and they Take it upon themselves. And yes, they’ll ask crazy questions, questions, but it’s also a matter of time. Young adults today have not just their parents talking to them or their relationship with their dad, but they also have their relationship with social media. And so the influence that social media has, especially on some of these life lessons, is huge. A lot bigger than when I was growing up. As what mom and dad said, that was pretty much it. And yeah, my buddies, they’d be influences, but I don’t have a screen showing me what I should be making for a job. I don’t have a screen showing me how, at any moment, being compared to something.

Rob Finlay [00:21:05]:
And so I really do believe that it comes down to as parents. And the best thing that we can do with our sons and daughters is to encourage them to have confidence in themselves, give them the tools to be confident adults, because it comes quick and it comes pretty fast. And I know our first instinct is to protect them from it and keep them all. Let them save more money, let them stay at home, let them stay under the nest. I don’t know if that’s necessarily the best thing for young adults to get out into this world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
Your book has a lot of humor in it. And what role do you think humor plays in building deeper connections between fathers and daughters, especially when navigating those adulting fails?

Rob Finlay [00:21:43]:
Look, life is too stressful as it is. We have to, at some point, lighten up and make sure that we focus on what is really important. I look back in the fall we have when. When college acceptance come around, and the stress of these young adults and their parents is criminal. It’s absolutely criminal. The pressure that we put on for something. And this goes back to when I noticed the same thing. My first chapter on the book is probably one of the most profound and probably one of the hardest ones for me to.

Rob Finlay [00:22:10]:
To write because it was about emotion. It was like all of a sudden you’re on this, what I call that magic carpet ride, and it stops. And you as a young adult, are now faced with where to live, what to do for a job, all these other factors, and it might be too much for you, and it becomes overwhelming. And one of my daughters just recently went through this where she didn’t know where she was going to live. She didn’t know what she was going to do for a job. Her career path through college had changed because the market had changed. And this poor thing, the stress consumed her. And at some point I just had to laugh and just say, listen, this just life, it’s Important, but relax.

Rob Finlay [00:22:44]:
And so one of the first things I do when I talk to young adults, just take a deep breath. The decision you make today on your first job or where you’re going to live is not going to be your last decision. You are going to make these decisions. So having humor and putting that in sort of lightens the load a little bit. It’s also sort of my style, too. I don’t want to stress them out even more. Oh, my gosh, yes, you need to have the right job. Because if you don’t have the right job first, well, you’ll never get your second job.

Rob Finlay [00:23:08]:
The second job won’t be great. I don’t think that is beneficial. Letting him relax, going into a situation. It was actually probably the Navy SEAL who I interviewed in the book was probably on emergencies, probably tied it all back to me, which was he’s like, look, when people get anxious, they make mistakes. And so relax. Understand the situation. If you can relax, then you can find your way out of it. So in that same tune.

Rob Finlay [00:23:31]:
So it’s sort of fitting that that last part of the book is what to do in Emergencies, written by a Navy SEAL and an emergency parameter medic. What ties back into the first part, which is my people that I interviewed were clinical psychologists and psychiatrists and how to tie it back, which is just relax. You can make good decisions if you relax and think clearly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]:
Now, your book also emphasizes getting a plan and visualizing a life. How can dads help daughters develop a life direction without overwhelming them with their own expectations?

Rob Finlay [00:24:02]:
For me, one of the stories I put in there is actually one of my daughters loves hiking. Hiking loves being in the outdoors. And we sort of talk about that hiking path, right? And so I asked her, I’m like, well, what do you like in hiking? Like, how do you pick what you want to go? And she would say, well, if I want to hike on the beach, I go pick a hike towards the beach. If I want to hike in the mountains, I want to go pick a hike in the mountains. And we use that as an analogy to sort of talk about life. Well, where do you want to go? Do you want to be in science or what? So trying to take their interests and tie it back into a story, more of a narrative, into helping them. Them pick what they want. And if you can equate it back to things that are simple like a hike, she’s like, oh, wait, hike.

Rob Finlay [00:24:43]:
Yeah, I really like science. And you know what the best part about a hike is? If you don’t like it, you can turn left, right, or go back. You can do different things. And so using those kind of stories and those kind of tools will help them write the narrative of their own. I also believe in a lot in visualization. Describe to me. I love movies, I love television shows. And so I’m always like, let’s create a scene for me.

Rob Finlay [00:25:06]:
Where do you work? Give me a picture of that. Talk to me. Are you driving into the office or are you walking knowing would you live in a city or would you be in the suburbs? And letting them build their own story in their brain. And that helps them get the sort of the, the, the destination and the direction started. It’s not going to be everything, but it’s going to give them the start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
Now, if people want to find out more about the book, about you, where should they go?

Rob Finlay [00:25:30]:
So they can go to heydadbook.com which is all about the book. If they want to learn more about me and the, the other stuff I’ve done, they can go to rob finlay.com that’s f I n l a y.com also on all the social media stuff. So I try to show things from work, things from the book, things from the farm, try to make it as interesting as I can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]:
Now I always finish our interviews with what I call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you and your relationship with your daughters. Are you ready?

Rob Finlay [00:26:04]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:05]:
What’s one word that describes your relationships with your daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:26:08]:
Strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:09]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Rob Finlay [00:26:13]:
Don’t give up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:14]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Rob Finlay [00:26:18]:
Eating. They’re going to hate me, by the way, when they get this. They’re going to, they’re going to like, follow me. I’m going to hear all about this.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:23]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Finlay [00:26:28]:
Be happy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
What’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Finlay [00:26:34]:
That I actually have it in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:36]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:26:43]:
Be open and honest and communicate well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:46]:
Rob, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for your willingness to share your own journey with your daughters. Thank you for putting this book out into the world. I’ll definitely put links in the notes today for everyone to be able to find you and find the book. But I truly appreciate all that you’re doing to be able to help fathers to connect with their kids in different ways, help young adults to make that transition into adulthood and more. And I wish you all the best.

Rob Finlay [00:27:15]:
Thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:27:48]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.