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Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

How to Let Go and Let Grow: Encouraging Independence in Daughters

August 24, 2026 by dadofdivas

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Are you a dad searching for practical ways to foster a stronger bond and raise your daughter to be capable, resilient, and self-assured? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection is a must-listen. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Lenore Skenazy, journalist, author, and founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, for a timely, inspiring discussion on balancing love, trust, and independence in parenting.

Challenging the Culture of Fear

One of the episode’s powerful themes is how today’s parents are conditioned to overprotect. Lenore Skenazy recounts the story that ignited her movement: letting her nine-year-old son navigate the New York City subway alone, only to face national backlash and probing “what ifs” from the media. As Lenore Skenazy explains at 10:01, our culture fixates on the rarest tragedies—like stranger abductions—despite statistical evidence showing how unlikely they are. This fear loop not only restricts children’s experiences but also saps much of the joy and pride of seeing them grow.

The Power of Trust and Letting Go

Dr. Christopher Lewis and Lenore Skenazy discuss the essential “trust loop,” where letting children try things on their own—whether it’s walking to the store or making pancakes—builds both competence and confidence. As Lenore Skenazy beautifully puts it at 30:28, “When adults step back, kids step up.” True confidence, she explains, grows from real experiences and problem-solving, not empty reassurance.

Practical Steps for Parents

The episode offers actionable advice for dads: let your kids help (even messily) when they’re small, encourage them to do things by themselves, and support their social independence with unstructured play. Check out the suggestions at 27:18—like organizing Free Play Fridays or starting your own “let grow” experiences. Not only will your children blossom, but you’ll also rediscover the pride that comes from witnessing their real-world triumphs.

Join the Movement

This episode isn’t just for dads. Anyone who wants to see children thrive in today’s anxious, scheduled world should tune in. Lenore Skenazy shares hope, humor, and evidence-based insights that will inspire you to let go—and let grow.

Ready to break the cycle and raise the confident daughter you know she can be? Listen to the full conversation now at dadanddaughterconnection.com and join a community of dads committed to showing up, connecting, and empowering the next generation.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with not only one another, but But to be able to work and grow, to be able to become those dads that we wanna become and to be able to build the relationships and the connections that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:11]:
I love it that you come back every week because every week there is something new that you can learn, some new tools you can add into your toolbox and things that you can do to be able to move yourself just maybe a little bit, maybe a lot, to be able to help you to be that dad that you want to be To your daughters. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week I bring you different people. We have different conversations, all in alignment to help you to be able to move forward one step at a time. It’s not always gonna be easy. Being a father is not always gonna be easy, and that’s okay. That’s why I love being able to walk with you on this journey. You know, I’m a father of 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:52]:
There are times that I stumble and fall and make mistakes just like you, but we all can learn. One step at a time. And today we’ve got another great guest. Lenore Skenazy is with us today, and I’m really excited to be able to have Lenore on because if you’ve ever wondered whether kids are being overprotected or whether parents are under more pressure than ever, then you’re going to enjoy today’s conversation because Lenore Skenazy, who is a journalist, she’s an author, she’s founder of the Free-Range Kids Movement, is with us today. Now, she’s often called America’s worst mom after allowing her 9-year-old son to ride the subway alone, Lenore turned that experience into a national conversation about raising capable, confident children. Today, through the nonprofit Let Grow, she continues to help families and schools foster independence, resilience, and real-world confidence in kids. Lenore, thanks so much for being here today.

Lenore Skenazy [00:02:49]:
Well, thank you. Thanks for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:51]:
I’m really excited to have you here today. And I always start these conversations with just an opportunity to be able to get to know you and get to know your relationship with your own father, because all of us have fathers, that have helped us to become the people that we’ve become. And I guess as you think back to your dad, and I know as we, we talked at the very beginning, your dad’s been gone for a number of years, but as you think back to the relationship that you had with your father, what’s one of the things that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Lenore Skenazy [00:03:21]:
Well, I’ll tell you one of the things he didn’t do, and I think that was the most significant, which is that he didn’t expect me or my sister— my dad had 2 daughters just like you— to be anything in particular. We didn’t have to be doctors, lawyers. We almost didn’t have to be successful. We just had to be ourselves. And ironically, he was so into sports. He was so into sports that he started a tennis club. That was his job for the last 30 years of his life. He built one of the first indoor tennis clubs in the suburbs of Chicago where we grew up.

Lenore Skenazy [00:03:51]:
Beautiful place. He was the president of it until the day he died. Ran tennis clinics and tennis parties and tennis tournaments. And my sister and I never had to play tennis. And I thought, that is pretty amazing. You know, it’s not like my kid has to be a mini-me. We didn’t have to be mini-anythings. And I was really grateful for that because I was never interested in any sport.

Lenore Skenazy [00:04:14]:
And that didn’t bother him as much as he loved sports.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:17]:
As you think back on your dad, how did he encourage you to be confident and independent in the things that you were doing and to support you in the passion and the dreams that you had?

Lenore Skenazy [00:04:29]:
Well, here’s the deal. He always believed in me and my sister that anything we were ready to do, that was fine. And as he got older, the thing that, that we would have the most fun with is he would call up and, and he ended up in a wheelchair for like the last 12 years. So he’s looking for fun. And it was always, Laura, tell me a joke, because we just love jokes. It was the era when people did tell whole long jokes. You know, a guy walks into a bar, a man’s, uh, you know, guys on a golf course, whatever it was. And I don’t say that he turned me into a public speaker, but he certainly realized the value of good timing and trying to get that, nail that punchline.

Lenore Skenazy [00:05:09]:
And knowing that part of, I just read the book A Gentleman in Moscow by, I guess, Amor Towles. And one sentence he said in there struck me as so profound. It’s the novel of a guy confined to a luxury hotel since the beginning of the Russian Revolution until he’s very aged. And he adapts to the fact that he’ll never be able to leave this hotel. And at first, he’s just a rich guy, and then he ends up getting a job there. And he’s— everything he does, he does with incredible aplomb and tact and kindness. And towards the end, he said, a cheerful demeanor, which is the hallmark of an intelligent person, blah, blah, blah. And I thought, being cheerful is— it’s an obligation, right? And you can rise to it.

Lenore Skenazy [00:05:52]:
And it is the mark of somebody smart, not somebody silly and goofy, because it means that you’re putting somebody else’s emotions sometimes ahead of your own.

Speaker D [00:06:01]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:06:01]:
And also recognizing that the sort of the more cheerful you are, certainly the more you try to put yourself out there, it pays you back. And so everybody, it’s the rising tide for all the boats, all those glum boats out there. And my dad was always trying to do that. You know, he would ask the waitress, honey, what’s your name? Oh, okay, Samantha. I would love a cup of coffee. And he had a way of trying to bring things up. And he expected that of me. And I am grateful for that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:32]:
Now, I know you said your dad’s been gone for a number of years. If you could spend an entire day with your dad today doing anything, what would it look like?

Lenore Skenazy [00:06:41]:
Oh, I could tell you that. We would immediately go to a movie theater that has an all-day roster of really old black-and-white movies, most of them starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, but some of them a little bit deeper than that, and even some silent movies. My dad was really old when he had me, and I’m pretty old myself. And he loved— he had a book when I was growing up of the silent movie stars of the teens and ’20s. And oh my God, how I loved that book. And we really shared this fascination with how great the movies were back in the day. And he was a great dancer, and so he loved Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, and we loved musicals. And so— I would just sit there and we’d get a big tub of popcorn, which then would be stuck in his teeth for the rest of the day.

Lenore Skenazy [00:07:30]:
And God knows how many toothpicks he’d go through and sucking sounds like, like that, which is happening to us all at a certain age. But we would really have a great time with an all-day extravaganza at the movies.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:42]:
Now, I mentioned at the very beginning that you have been working on a free-range kids movement throughout, I’m going to say the world, because you’ve been really talking about this beyond just the US. You know, your message has gone beyond that. Let’s go back in time. I want to go back to that origin story because not everybody has heard about this. Tell me about what made you decide that it was so important not only to tell your own story, but to work with parents to be able to start this broader movement.

Lenore Skenazy [00:08:12]:
Sure. So what happened was when our younger son was 9, older son was 11 at that point, Izzy started asking me and my husband if we would take him someplace he’d never been before. in New York City where we live and let him find his own way home by subway. That was the dream, by subway, because we’re always on the subways. We don’t have a car and he’s a boy, right? Boys like transportation. Oh my God. From the backhoes to the Cadillacs to the subway. And so one sunny Sunday, I took him to Bloomingdale’s fancy department store where we don’t shop.

Lenore Skenazy [00:08:45]:
So he’d never been there before. And it’s built on top of a subway station. And I left him there. I said, okay, have at it. Today’s the day. And he had to take a subway several stops down to 34th Street, which everybody knows, miracle. And then he had to take a bus across town. And when he finally got home, which took about an hour, he was just levitating with the excitement of like, he did it, it happened.

Lenore Skenazy [00:09:08]:
He’d finally been let loose and he’d proven himself and he was really happy. And so I wrote a newspaper column about it like months later, ’cause it didn’t strike me as a big deal at the time. But when I needed a column to write, oh my God, what am I gonna write? I’ll write about this subway ride from a couple months ago. So I wrote Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone, and 2 days later, I was on the Today Show, MSNBC, Fox News, and NPR. And what I heard in all these interviews, and what disturbs me to this day, is that there was no joy, right? It was like, okay, so he did that. That’s wonderful. You seem happy. He seems fine.

Lenore Skenazy [00:09:44]:
But what if he wasn’t? What if he’d been thrown on the tracks? What if he’d been raped and thrown on the tracks? What if he’d been raped and decapitated and thrown on the tracks? And the disturbing thing about that is not all the pictures you get in your head of, you know, that, but the fact that, that the news media was allowed to go to the what-ifs, the very worst what-ifs. And this was treated as a legitimate yin to the yang. He came home fine, he was happy, but what if instead he never came home? And I started recognizing that that’s what our culture does. It fantasizes for some reason about the very worst-case scenarios. And if you’re not doing that too, if you’re not saying, well, I’d like her to walk 2 blocks to the bus stop, but what if in, you know, in those 2 blocks in the quiet suburb, my, you know, 13-year-old who’s, you know, 5’6 tall, is kidnapped by a guy in a white van and I never see her again, so no, I’m not going to let her walk. And that’s a very strange culture that almost relishes thinking of catastrophes that are, thank God, extraordinarily rare. And I— my God, I’ve been writing about this so long, I know what the odds are. If you wanted your kid to be kidnapped by a stranger— do you know this already— how long you’d have to keep them outside for it to be statistically likely that they would be kidnapped by a stranger? Take a guess.

Lenore Skenazy [00:10:57]:
How long would you have to keep your kid outside for them to be kidnapped?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]:
Days.

Lenore Skenazy [00:11:01]:
Think higher.

Speaker D [00:11:02]:
Months?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:03]:
Higher. Years?

Lenore Skenazy [00:11:04]:
Higher.

Speaker D [00:11:05]:
Wow.

Lenore Skenazy [00:11:05]:
Yeah, the answer is 750,000 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:09]:
Wow.

Lenore Skenazy [00:11:09]:
Yeah, because it’s an extraordinarily rare crime. It’s not extraordinarily rare on TV. It’s pretty darn common on Law Order, you know? But in real life, thank God, it just doesn’t happen. I mean, you know, there are kids who are taken. It’s generally by parents in a custodial dispute, divorced parents. And there are kids who run away. But kids taken by a stranger is one of the rarest of crimes, thank God. And if you’re gonna go and think about the rarest of crimes, or the rarest of tragedies in almost any situation, you, you know, you wouldn’t let your kid get in the car.

Lenore Skenazy [00:11:39]:
You know, there’s drunk drivers out there, there’s bad drivers out there, there’s elderly drivers out there. And you certainly, you wouldn’t let them live in a house with stairs or there’s a bathtub because, you know, once in a while kids fall downstairs or they drown in bathtubs. But the only one we really perseverate on Is the idea of, you know, you turned your head and while you turned your head, your kid was taken from you and you’ll never see him again. And that’s, that’s as weird as if we had a culture that believed that there were giant spiders out there. You know, it’s like, I can’t let my kid out. What about the giant spiders? It’s like, I’m really not too worried about the giant spiders. And it’s like, well, you should be. It’s like, but I’m not.

Lenore Skenazy [00:12:16]:
Well, what if you came— what if you let him ride the subway and he got eaten by a giant spider? I’m like, I’m just not worried. Well, Lenore, I guess you don’t care.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]:
You know, from everything I’ve seen, your videos and things like that, it seems like a lot of people often think that free-range kids is about giving kids more freedom.

Lenore Skenazy [00:12:34]:
But it—

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:35]:
from everything I’ve read, it seems like it’s actually more about giving parents permission to trust their children. Tell me more about that.

Lenore Skenazy [00:12:42]:
Well, I think you’ve nailed it. The way I’ve started describing it is that what I was just talking about is what I call the fear loop, which is You know, I’d love to, like I said, you know, let him walk to school. But what if something terrible happened? What if a car jumped up the curb? You know, what if a, you know, man comes along in a van and that would all be my fault and now I’d never see him again and I would— couldn’t live with myself and it would be the end of my marriage. And, you know, I, you know, I’d be at the funeral. And, and you go through this loop, which, as I said, the media has actively cultivated. And the fear loop means that you never get out of it because what if something bad happens? I could never forgive myself, so I won’t let anything happen. The end.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:17]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:13:17]:
It’s sort of the Finding Nemo loop. But there is an alternate loop, which is the trust loop. And the only way you get to the trust loop is through action. And the action is literally letting your kid do something without you. It sounds radical. It’s not radical. Throughout all of human history, this is how children were raised until the advent of tracking and constant supervision. But if you can let your kid walk to the bus stop, go to a friend’s house, play at the park for an hour, run an errand, even if you’re sitting there biting your nails the whole time, even if there’s horrible scenarios running through your brain.

Lenore Skenazy [00:13:51]:
First of all, you’re a parent, you’re going to have horrible scenarios running through your brain because you’re— you, you’ve given birth to a child and now you’re going to worry about them. There’s no such thing as a completely anxiety-free parenting venture. So give that up, live with the anxiety for a little bit. And when the kid comes home and they’re thrilled because they got the ice cream or they met a squirrel or they climbed a tree, or they’re a little shaken because they thought they took a left and then they found themselves on another block and they couldn’t remember where they were and they had to talk to somebody, but now Either way, you’re so proud, right? You’re so proud that, look at, they had a great time, or look at, they problem solved. Parents, I mean, you’re a parent. I’ll ask you, tell me about a time that you can remember when you were most proud of one of your daughters. Like, like, ah, you just love remembering that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:40]:
You know, I think my oldest went away to college about 12 hours away from home. And because she went that far away, she really had to figure things out for herself. And being able to see her be more confident in her abilities, and, and even as a part of that, she, you know, she took a term and she went to Scotland and had to, you know, had to adult. And also as a part of that, she, she went and she backpacked around Europe for 3 weeks by herself. And it was scary at times to be able to think, okay, she’s out in the middle of you know where, and not exactly knowing is she safe or not until she lets us know. But I also was really proud of her for being able to do that.

Lenore Skenazy [00:15:30]:
Yeah, it’s not a but. Let me just pause here. You know, I was scared but also proud. No, those go together, right? I wasn’t there. She had to do something on her own. Look at who I’ve raised, right? This is the joy of parenting that our culture keeps sucking out. Because we’re there at every practice, we drive them to every activity, we’re there helping with the homework. And really, the joy of a child is saying, I did it myself, right? Look at, look at, I did it myself.

Lenore Skenazy [00:15:59]:
And the joy of a parent is they did it themselves. And instead, we’re always there helping and intervening and suggesting and, you know, just hovering. And that’s because our culture has told us as it was telling me, you know, how dare you let your kid do something? What if something terrible happens? We’ve really catastrophized everyday life to the point where kids need us to do anything we think safely or successfully on their own. But when the truth comes in, the truth breaks that fear cycle with this trust cycle of like, I let her go, look what she did. Oh my God, she did get on the wrong train in Edinburgh, or she did, you know, she tried the oysters and then she was sick for 3 days.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:43]:
Okay.

Lenore Skenazy [00:16:44]:
But look, that’s part of life. And look at them blossoming. We don’t get that. It’s, it’s the fun of— well, it’s the fun of seeing your kid after you haven’t seen them for a while. You go like, oh my God, you’re so much taller and you’ve filled out and now you eat broccoli. I mean, all those things are thrilling to a parent. And that’s why when you get down to it, what let grow is about is first of all, letting grow. You let go and then you let grow.

Lenore Skenazy [00:17:09]:
But it’s also about Stepping back, because it’s true of me too, and my kids are in their 20s. When you’re with your kids, you see what they’re doing wrong. Oh, that’s sloppy. That’s a little risky. Oh, use your indoor voice. You know, I wouldn’t do it that way. Here, let me help. It’s just inevitable.

Lenore Skenazy [00:17:26]:
It’s not because you’re a bad parent or a harpy or a helicopter parent. It’s because when you’re with a younger kid and you see them struggling, you, you don’t want to see that. So the only solution is to not see it by not being there. And so Let Grow is dedicated to making it easy for you to not be there for some of your kids’ adventures. And the way we do it is with a program for schools that’s free, free, free, free, um, that’s called the Let Grow Experience, where once a month the kids get a homework assignment that simply says, go home and do something new on your own with your parents’ permission. But without your parents. And then each month there’s a different theme, like do something for your family, do something in the community, do something with a friend. And there’s a list of ideas.

Lenore Skenazy [00:18:14]:
You can climb a tree, you can go to the store, you can bake dinner, you can babysit, walk the dog, whatever it is. Depends on your kid, their age, their interests, the neighborhood. But it’s really just to create that action that I’m talking about, ’cause action breaks the cycle. You’re afraid this’ll be terrible. If you’re really afraid, have 2 kids go out together. Have you and, you know, your friend’s kid go out together. They don’t have to be exactly the same age.

Speaker D [00:18:35]:
Right.

Lenore Skenazy [00:18:36]:
and they can go to the store or they can go get ice cream or, you know, they can have the lemonade stand down the block at the corner where you can’t see them. Our culture has made it just like parents and children are fused at this point. And throughout human history, that, that hasn’t been the case. It’s been a group of mixed-age kids trying to make something happen while the parents are busy basically having more kids or gleaning the oats, right? And instead, we’re there all the time and we separate kids by age and only the 7-year-olds are playing with the and it’s so unnatural. And we wonder, gee, they seem to be a little droopy. They seem to be a little depressed and anxious. It’s like, yeah, because they haven’t eaten. They haven’t eaten this normal life of this rich, this rich banquet of different ages and arguments and exhilaration and exploration.

Lenore Skenazy [00:19:25]:
And we’ve taken that out and we’ve given them travel soccer and they look a little sad. We gotta give it back. Let Grow gives it back in, I’d say, the easiest possible way as a homework assignment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:35]:
So talk to me a little bit about, for, you do that for schools. Can individual parents also apply access those same resources?

Lenore Skenazy [00:19:42]:
Yeah. So we have the Let Grow Experience is the school version, pre. And then there’s, I think we call it the Let Grow Experience that’s also just for home use, quote unquote. It’s like a game. It’s like a home version of Jeopardy. But the fact of the matter is, you know, one of my Let Grow co-founders, there’s 4 of us, is Jonathan Haidt, who people know because he wrote The Anxious Generation. And he always says, and I think he’s right, that a collective problem needs a collective solution, which is that nobody knows when they can let their kids go out anymore. There was just an Institute for Family Studies survey of 25,000 parents that asked, you probably know this one, right? What age their parents are letting their kids do things in the neighborhood.

Lenore Skenazy [00:20:21]:
And even the parents of 14-year-olds, the majority of them will not let their child, child, 14-year-old, leave the block. Okay? That’s a very constricted childhood and that’s a very constricted adulthood, I would say. So if that’s the going norm, Then if you do a program through the schools and everybody has to send their kid to do something, you know, it could be in the house too if it’s, you know, if everything is very scary outside. But, you know, they could be making pancakes or they could be learning how to clean or something like that or something fun, make cookies and take them out of the oven with using a mitt without mom. But a collective action is easier because everybody’s doing it. You don’t feel weird, you don’t feel crazy. Nonetheless, if your school doesn’t do the Let Grow, experience. First of all, shame on them.

Lenore Skenazy [00:21:08]:
But secondly, you can do it with a friend. You know, you and get— you get another friend and you send your— you’re drinking your Starbucks and you send your kids to the other end of the strip mall to go to the dollar store or go down there and get the bread for dinner from Kroger’s and bring it back. So almost any activity breaks the cycle. And I used to be kind of bummed that sometimes kids let grow experiences, whether it was for school or just, you know, for home, were minor league. You know, I did the dishes. Okay, that’s nice. Or the laundry. That’s good.

Lenore Skenazy [00:21:41]:
You know, it doesn’t take a whole lot to learn how to do the laundry. But what I’ve seen is that it’s just this loosening. It’s just a little loosening. There’s a little bit of pride. There’s a little bit of movement. And then it’s like, Mom, can I please go to the, you know, to the post office 2 blocks away? What’s a post office, Mom? I’ll go there. Right? What are those things? Letters. But But it builds on itself.

Lenore Skenazy [00:22:05]:
So I’d say any movement is better than no movement, and it’s often easier with a friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:10]:
What’s some of your favorite stories of, we’ll say, success stories from the movement thus far?

Lenore Skenazy [00:22:16]:
This is the one that I’ve heard this year that I liked the most, which was a mom in Connecticut, mother of a 10-year-old boy, ADHD for what it’s worth. She was so nervous that— this is why I like the story, ’cause it’s almost unbelievable how nervous she was. She’s sort of the apotheosis of what’s happening in the culture in that she said when somebody rang the doorbell, she would tell her, her young son who’s 10 and her older son who was 16, on the ground, get on the ground. It’s, it’s like, because someone’s going to be shooting through the door? And do they not shoot towards the ground? I don’t know. To me, it struck me as just odd, let’s put it that way, or excessive, right? I won’t say crazy, I’ll just say excessive. But she was excessively anxious, and she said she worried about everything. And, and I can understand that. I actually am a worrier, just not about strangers.

Lenore Skenazy [00:23:00]:
But anyways, he comes home, he’s got the Let Grow experience, He’s a 10-year-old. Mom, can I please ride my bike? Okay, yes, you can ride it up and down the block. He’s in Connecticut. Finally, he says, Mom, can’t I please go around the corner? You know, my buddy is around the corner. And she’s like, okay, because she’s been— she’s getting used to it. It’s, you know, there’s, there’s a word in psychology, I think it’s accommodating or whatever it is. She’s getting used to it. So he goes around the corner, gets a friend, and the 2 of them start riding together.

Lenore Skenazy [00:23:25]:
And then number 3 and number 4 and number 5. And by the time the summer rolls around, there’s 10 of them and they call themselves a biker gang.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:32]:
Wow.

Lenore Skenazy [00:23:33]:
And then they’re all over the neighborhood and they’re zooming around. And she said, and when they come to her house, it’s like locusts. They’ll eat, you know, every Pop-Tart and sandwich in the house. But she’s now keeping the door open because the kids could be coming by. And my favorite thing that she did this past winter is she sent me a picture of them when it was freezing temperatures. You know, it was below 32. And there they are, 6 of them, not 10, but 6 of them on their bikes. Because now they have a reason to live.

Lenore Skenazy [00:24:02]:
live. Now he comes home and he throws his backpack on the ground and he eats his lunch or his snack and out he goes with his buddies. And then she wrote a thing in— she’s also an assistant principal— she wrote a little note in the, the school note, you know, whatever it is, the school email about a bullying incident. And I know that parents are very worried about bullying, so let me tell you what happened in this thing, which is that her son finally confessed to that he was being bullied on the bus ride home. And she was like, I can’t believe it. I’m gonna call the school. You know, I’m gonna get out there. That’s so terrible.

Lenore Skenazy [00:24:38]:
Don’t worry, honey. And he says, wait, Mom, no, Mom, Mom, we’re handling it. And by we, he meant his bike buddies. And so what they did is on the bus ride home the next day, 2 of his bike buddies told the bully, you can’t keep being mean to whatever this kid is. Let’s call him Steve. You can’t keep being mean to Steve. You know, that’s just not fair, or, you know, we won’t ever sit with you, or something like that. And the mom wrote in the newsletter, so I gotta believe it’s true, that after that, Steve came to her door, apologized, and asked could he be part of the bike gang.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:11]:
I guess as I think about what you’re saying, it really makes me think back to my own childhood because I think that a lot of people my age, we grew up, we left the house at a certain time after— whether it was after school, parents said be home by, you know, Whatever time. And it seems like at some point, you know, things kept getting closing down as we got into being parents ourselves. Things just got narrower and narrower instead of keeping open, like you’re saying. So you talk about what you’re doing and trying to open that back up. What would you say are some things that parents can do from day one, from early on?

Lenore Skenazy [00:25:59]:
A couple of things. Like when kids are really young, and I got this from Eat— what is it? Not Eat, Pray, Love— Hunt, Gather Parent. Let them help. They’re not good helpers. They’re terrible. Things spill more than they get unspilled, right, and cleaned up. But kids are desperate to be part of something, and that something is the family unit, the first community they’re part of. And so don’t thwart that.

Speaker D [00:26:20]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:26:20]:
And then when they’re older, Let them do things for you. This is not advice I had when I was a mom of little kids, and I think it’s really good advice. It’ll take longer, but in the end, you’ll have more helpful kids who sort of look around and think, what should I be doing? How can I be helping? As they get older, anything that they can do for themselves that you’re doing for them, try to let them do them for themselves. There was a great study from Yale where— this came out like 2 years ago— where they took parents who were coming into families that were coming into a A museum in Philadelphia, a children’s museum in Philadelphia. And they assigned them, you know, every other A, B, A, B, A, B. And they told both groups of parents, listen, your kids have to wear a little hockey uniform. These kids were 5. And they told Group A, it’s because they’ll get so into the hockey exhibit.

Lenore Skenazy [00:27:07]:
And they told Group B, they’ll get so into the hockey exhibit. And did you know that every time that they’re struggling with a button or a toggle, that’s actually learning? They’re learning every time they try to do something, even if they’re not doing it well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:27:18]:
And then the experimenters clicked how many times they saw the parents intervening to help. And the ones who knew that, who had been told that actually the struggle is the learning, intervened half as much. And that’s just something that I think can help us all if we recognize that trying to do something on their own is actually not just, you know, a stupid waste of time, right? It is their education in the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:27:44]:
that’s very helpful. And then as they get older, just encourage them to do things in the real world, especially if you want them to be off phones some of the time. You have to give them the other world, which is the real world, is at least as interesting as the virtual world. There are places to explore, there are people to meet, there are conquests to be made. And I can’t show you this because this is audio, but when last summer we did a Harris poll asking kids, how do you most want to spend time with your friends? How would you like to spend time with your friends? old school like you were just talking about, 1980s, ’90s style, just hanging out with your friends, no grown-ups, no schedule, or in an organized activity like soccer, ballet, chess, or online. And that could be video games or social media. And the kids said the number one choice was just hanging out, and number 2 was organized activity, and 20 points below hanging out was online. And so we keep thinking Kids are addicted to their phones.

Lenore Skenazy [00:28:43]:
That’s all they care about. No, kids are addicted to each other, right? They want to have fun. They want to flirt. They want to joke. They want to play. And if the only place they can do that is online because we keep not even letting the 14-year-olds go around the corner, well, of course they’re going to be online. I would be too. It’s the only escape route.

Lenore Skenazy [00:29:01]:
So if you can get some of the other parents in your neighborhood to agree, we’re going to send our kids out. And you could start out by saying— we call it Free Play Friday.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:08]:
Okay.

Lenore Skenazy [00:29:09]:
Friday afternoons, I’m gonna be sending my kids to the park. You can too. You know, I’m not gonna be watching them, but there’ll be hula hoops and balls and, you know, they’ll be there from 4 to 6. Do that. And I, I just got a, a wonderful email this week from a mom who was doing that. And there’s, you know, 15 kids showed up. So why not do this? Your life becomes better and so does theirs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:30]:
Now, you said in one of your videos, I heard you say this and I, I wanted you to unpack it a little bit. You said that competence builds confidence. Can you explain that idea?

Lenore Skenazy [00:29:42]:
Not only can I explain that idea, I feel like I should give credit where credit is due. I’ve been talking about the same thing for all these years, and then I was talking to a pastor’s wife from Dallas, and she said, when you try something, when you’re trying something in the real world, at first you’re not good at it, whether it’s making the pancakes or building a birdhouse or anything. But as you do it, you become competent. And it is the competence that builds confidence. We all want these confident kids. Confidence doesn’t fall from the sky like mana, right? Confidence comes from like, oh, I can handle that, or, oh, I’ve done something like that before, or, I’ve never tried this, but I did make blah, blah, blah, so let me try this instead. And we think that we can get from no confidence to confidence by saying, you’re wonderful. But kids know, what am I wonderful at? I haven’t done anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:27]:
Right.

Lenore Skenazy [00:30:28]:
So we just have to step back and let them do things. You know, the Let Grow slogan is, when adults step back, kids step up. And that’s all I’m saying. It’s just a wonderful opportunity for you to see how much they can do and for them to grow in confidence, self-esteem, eagerness, agency, readiness for the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:46]:
Now, if people want to find out more about Let Grow, where should they go?

Lenore Skenazy [00:30:50]:
First of all, bless them. Secondly, they should come to, guess what? Let Grow. And you know what? Nobody gets the name right, so I’m just going to spell it. it because everyone thinks it’s let’s go or let it grow or let’s get growing, whatever it is, they get it wrong. It is let grow, L-E-T, new word, grow, G-R-O-W. So it’s letgrow.org. And if you want a vaguely easy way to remember it, maybe it’s actually quite hard, I don’t know. It’s let go and let grow was originally our title.

Lenore Skenazy [00:31:19]:
So just let grow is when you— I just heard another story from another mom this week. about a kid who had to get an EEG, which I guess is like an EKG, whatever it was. They’re gonna be like little electrodes stuck all over her. And she was like 10 or 11 years old. And she’d been doing Let Grow through her school, you know, once a month had to do something new. And her mom said, okay, honey, do you want me to come in the room with you? And she said, no, mom, Let Grow. So I thought, yes, right? That’s a score one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:48]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I call our Dad Connection 6. I usually ask the dads these questions. I’m gonna ask you some questions too. and see, see what you have to say. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Lenore Skenazy [00:32:04]:
Warmth.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:05]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Lenore Skenazy [00:32:08]:
Oh, advice from my dad and from my mom. They always said, march to your own drummer.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:12]:
As you think about parents, and especially fathers of daughters, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Lenore Skenazy [00:32:24]:
I guess this is going to sound counterintuitive or whatever, but there’s a giant book by a woman named Judith Harris called The Nurture Assumption, which maybe you’ve heard of. And it talks about we can give our kids a lot of love, but we can’t make them into something. We can’t make a physicist. We can’t make a sports lover, as we found out from my own dad. You can’t make a genius. You can’t make a jerk. There’s a lot that’s innate in a kid.

Speaker D [00:32:51]:
Yeah.

Lenore Skenazy [00:32:52]:
And I think that relieves some of the burden on a parent because you can’t make an Einstein and you can’t really screw it up either. And that allows you to just watch the kid unfold.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:03]:
Well, Lenore, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for all that you’re doing to help our kids to let grow and allowing parents to let go and allow for our kids to grow in their own ways. I wish I had had this when my kids were really young. Because I think it would have pushed me in different directions. Because I know that I’ve fallen into some of the pitfalls that other parents fall into when it comes into this. But I think that we’ve done some good things too. But we’ve also made mistakes along the way.

Lenore Skenazy [00:33:34]:
You know what? You are not supposed to be perfect either. If you were perfect, I think a kid would probably turn out horrible if they had perfect parents. Because that’s just like only being given yogurt smoothies for your whole life. It’s like, that’s not right. You have to learn how to chew.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:48]:
Definitely the case. None of us are flawless. We’re all humans and we’re going to make mistakes. And I think that what you’re doing is amazing and definitely is going to help our next generation of parents be able to raise kids that are confident in their abilities. So thank you. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate your time and I wish you all the best.

Lenore Skenazy [00:34:09]:
Thank you so much, Christopher.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:10]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:34:41]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Empowering Daughters: Alan Mallory on Guiding with Adventure and Trust

August 3, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week on The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed adventurer and performance coach Alan Mallory for an inspiring conversation on what it means to truly connect with your daughters. If you’re a dad seeking real-world advice, heartfelt stories, and strategies to build stronger family ties, this episode is a must-listen.

One of the most impactful themes that emerged is the importance of quality time and shared adventures. Alan Mallory talked passionately about how he’s embraced experiences with his two daughters, from spontaneous ski trips to months traveling across the country in a fifth wheel trailer. These journeys provided special opportunities, not just for fun, but for deep conversations and growth. “When it’s just the two of us, you can connect on a deeper level,” he shared, highlighting the magic of one-on-one time.

But beyond the adventures, Alan Mallory emphasized the vital balance between guidance and independence. He champions a parenting style rooted in mentorship rather than control: “You can’t dictate the direction… you have to give them that latitude”. This philosophy was shaped by his own experiences, like summiting Mount Everest alongside his family—and by seeing how trust and empowerment forge the strongest bonds.

Another powerful thread: fostering communication and emotional growth. Mallory admitted to struggling at times, especially when it comes to connecting on the emotional level, teaching us all that vulnerability makes for better dads: “I could probably think of a few times where I should have been more empathetic… and just listened”. It’s a message that resonates—sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is our presence and our ears.

For dads supporting daughters’ passions or mental health journeys, this episode is rich with wisdom: encourage experimentation, be the gentle guide, and above all, show up—time is fleeting, and investing those hours pays lifelong dividends.

The Dad and Daughter Connection is a source of community and inspiration for fathers everywhere. Whether you’re seeking reassurance or a nudge to start a new adventure, tune in—this conversation with Alan Mallory will remind you that being a great dad is about being present, facing the adventures together, and empowering your daughter to blaze her own trail.

Ready to strengthen your bond? Listen to the episode now and start building those lasting connections!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk about, but also work on those relationships that we want to build with our own daughters one step at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:04]:
And I’m so excited that you come back every week because we’re all on a journey. We’re all on a journey of trying to be the best dads that we want to be and the best dads that we can be. But to get there, we’ve got to put in the time. We got to put in the effort. We got to learn from other dads around us and see what they’re doing, see what makes sense and what works for them. But maybe, maybe that will work for you as well, and that’s why this podcast exists. This podcast exists to help you to be able to connect with other dads, but also to learn from some other dads that have different experiences. And I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences every week that can do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:
Today we got another great guest. Alan Mallory is with us. And Alan is a dynamic speaker. He’s an author, he is a performance coach. But I saw him at a recent conference, and he was really talking about some of the things that he’s done in his life to push himself beyond who he thought he was and who he thought he could be. He. In his presentations, he gives kind of a unique blend of psychology, engineering, project management, and some artistic flair to be able to make the presentations really a dynamic one. And in the conversation that he gave to the Rotary group that I was with, I loved the message that he gave because he really rooted his messages in his experiences, both as an adventurer, a mountaineer, but really talking about the things that he’s done with his family, to be able to keep them, to bring them together and seeing that he is a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Of two daughters. I wanted to bring him on to talk a little bit about his own experience in being a father to daughters. So, Alan, thanks so much for being here today.

Alan Mallory [00:02:41]:
My pleasure. Looking forward to it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]:
Well, I’m really looking forward to talking to you today. And as I said, even before we started, I said this is kind of a topic that’s a little bit different than ones that probably you talk about all the time. And I always start the interviews with an opportunity because I know that you have two daughters yourself, 12 and 8. And all of us as fathers want to create those moments, those meaningful moments, those things that we can share with our daughters that they’ll remember but also will remember and that bring us closer together. What’s one’s, what’s, what is the most meaningful moment that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Alan Mallory [00:03:15]:
I don’t know if I could boil it down to one meaningful moment, but I mean, I’ve kind of emulated what my father did with me and my siblings and that spend a lot of quality time, especially out doing adventures with. With my kids. And so in many ways, I’m kind of blessed in the vocation I’ve chosen. I because I’m traveling all over the place, often I’ bring one of my kids along and both my daughters always spent some amazing quality time. Even this past winter, different ski trips, for example, where it’s just kind of a dad daughter ski trip, or when I have events in Hawaii or in kind of tropical locations, often they put their heads up to come along with those. And I found those particularly special when it’s just the two of us and you can kind of connect on a deeper level and just have fun as well. It’s not a chore if you’re doing things that you would normally like to do anyway and that they’ll like to do. And so we go kayaking or stand up paddleboarding or do some sort of adventure.

Alan Mallory [00:04:11]:
And I found those are the most special moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]:
Now your daughters are getting older and you’ve got that daughter that’s a pre tween now and another daughter following not too far behind. And as they get older, they definitely push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them that independence that they need to be able to grow into the people that they’re bec.

Alan Mallory [00:04:34]:
Yeah, I mean, that’s the balance that’s hard to strike. And we, all of us, that are parents really go through that. One of my programs I share kind of A curve between. It’s a parabolic relationship in that you have a mentor role that you want to kind of nudge your daughters in the right direction or what you believe is the right direction, but you can’t dictate that direction. And that’s what’s almost makes the parenting journey such a roller coaster. They’re their own people and sometimes they make. They need to learn through decisions that are made. And, you know, that’s how we learn.

Alan Mallory [00:05:03]:
If we kind of prevent them from discovering and innovating and all of that, then they just end up with bigger problems down the road. And so it’s through small. Allowing them the independence to make small mistakes in many ways, while providing that father mentor role that I think allows them to develop healthily. And it’s a difficult balance to get. And I would say in many ways it’s a balance that our society has really gone one way on. And that’s this kind of, you know, over controlling, bubble wrapping our children rather than allowing them to make mistakes in life, for example. But if you want them to be strong, independent people, you have to give them that latitude. I’d say that’s another thing that I learned from my father, for good or bad.

Alan Mallory [00:05:46]:
You know, he was always a very empowering person. We climbed Mount Everest in 2008, and this was with my father, brother, sister and I. And so also I was kind of learning from how he treated all of us, especially my sister in this case. There was one instance where basically we were in the death zone above 26,000ft. And he empowered her to kind of make her own decision, whether she wanted to continue on or not. And she was all by herself at that point because she had the altitude weakens your immune system. And so she had these awful sicknesses and she had actually internal bleeding, it was so bad. And.

Alan Mallory [00:06:18]:
But that was, you know, a difficult decision to make because obviously in a scenario like that, mistakes can be fatal, and often they are. But I think he’s always kind of had that mentality and I’ve tried to do that as well. You know, you start small so that when they’re young, allow them to make their own mistakes. You know, don’t always be there to provide. Well, I mean, you’re providing the safety rope kind of from a distance. I would say you don’t want them to get badly hurt or die, but that’s how they’re going to learn. You learn through adversity. And when we take that adversity away, which we do out of kindness in many ways, Certainly in the Western society, we’ve lived pretty, what I say, good lives.

Alan Mallory [00:06:57]:
We don’t have the same types of challenges that let’s say our ancestors had. So we try to make life more comfortable for our kids. Well, that can be detrimental because they just don’t learn. You learn through the adversity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:11]:
Well, I’d be remiss to not push a little bit on the trip that you had on Everest. And, and I guess I’m not going to ask you to retell that story because you have some books that are specifically about that. But one of the things that I guess that I am interested in is having you talk a little bit about what you learned from that trip with your siblings and your f and how that experience has either helped you in being the father that you’re becoming or has made you make some pivots in how you’re fathering your kids in different ways.

Alan Mallory [00:07:45]:
Well, that was the ultimate family adventure, you might say. I mean, the stakes are very high. The need for healthy relationships is extreme because otherwise, 70 plus percent of the teens while we were there, they tore themselves apart from the inside out. And at that point it’s everyone on their own and they have to just pack up and head home. And so being able to resolve conflicts effectively and quickly and say what needs to be said, even though it might inevitably result in a conflict, I think that’s a big problem in a lot of families and father daughter relationships that in order to maintain the harmony in the here and now, you just don’t say what needs to be said. It might cause someone to get upset. Well, the problem is these issues, they bottle up within people over time. And so every one of those said, what would you call them, items in order to preserve the relationship in the here and now, it just compounds and eventually it explodes.

Alan Mallory [00:08:44]:
And that’s what tears apart family familial relationships. Now that’s obviously true in spousal relationships. We see that all the time. But there’s plenty of daughters that don’t hardly talk to their fathers when they get married and they move off. And I see that all the time. And I want to, you know, I don’t want that to be reality in my life. No, there’s lots of, of factors you can’t control. But again, I would say maybe I’m giving my dad too many kudos.

Alan Mallory [00:09:08]:
But when I look at his friend groups and so on and there’s just lots of broken family relationships and he doesn’t sugarcoat things, but more than anything, he just makes sure he creates time for doing things with his siblings. He still does. I mean, he’s in his 70s now and I can kind of see in his eyes how much he really appreciates that, that his kids, they keep coming back. I mean, they kind of want to spend time with him and my mother as well. So I would love to able to create the same type of environment where your kids really want to still enjoy spending time with you. And part of the secret to that is get them involved young in things that you also are going to be interested in doing throughout your life now. So it’s kind of a privilege. We all enjoy swimming and biking and mountain biking and kayaking and things like that.

Alan Mallory [00:09:56]:
And so it’s not so much of chore when we’re trying to get together. And I think if I can preserve that, if you aren’t taking an active role when they’re young, and I know some of our family friends, that this is exactly what happened. I mean, the kids kind of go a different direction. The parents are into hiking, the kids are into skateboarding, something like that. Now it’s really tough. And I see in those family relationships how they can hardly get together for Christmas dinner. There’s just no shared interests anymore. And certainly that tears the family apart, but certainly makes it a suboptimal situation to be in as you age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:29]:
So how are you incorporating that mentality, that mantra into what you’re doing with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:10:36]:
If I’ve maybe taken it to the extreme, you might say in terms of the different adventures, but again, it’s kind of a. It dovetails well into the, the work I’m already doing because I’m traveling around. But we lived, for example, for a year on a fifth wheel trailer traveling around the. The southern United States. And every two days or so we were in some new amazing national park, state park. It was during COVID and so the kids were already doing online school. And so in the morning we would do schooling and then in the afternoon we’d be out biking and hiking and swimming and depending where we were. That was just an incredible trip.

Alan Mallory [00:11:15]:
I almost wanted to just stay on the rig and do a whole nother loop. It was so amazing. But those types of things, I mean, whether you like it or not, you’re in close proximity in those in a fifth wheel trailer, for example. So yeah. And then whenever I can, especially the skiing, they’ve really taken to skiing. Both my daughters are just amazing, amazing skiers. And, and it happened quickly too. My eldest, I take her to Whistler and she goes Right down the double black diamonds through the trees and you know, my heart’s skipping a few beats, but again, I tried it.

Alan Mallory [00:11:46]:
Well, she’s got to learn her own limits here. I don’t want her flying off a cliff and perishing. So I’ll kind of be in watching things, but let her own. Make her own decisions. And I remember when we were there, thinking, it was only a couple years ago when I was taking her down the bunny hill at our local ski resort, going behind her to make sure she didn’t kind of get out of control. But I think, did I teach them skiing? I mean, kind of the basics. But more than anything, I just gave them the latitude and the opportunity to figure out where their limits were and develop the skills themselves with a little bit of guidance here and then there when they wanted it. And so that’s just wonderful going on those ski trips now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:29]:
None of us are infallible. We’re humans. We make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:12:41]:
What is a mistake? Well, I’m probably always making mistakes of some sort. I probably don’t connect well on the emotional side as well as I should. I’m still a guy. I don’t necessarily understand kind of the emotions and things, especially at that. The age when they’re kind of going through puberty and so on. And so probably I could be better at just listening at times. I’m an engineer as well, and so I kind of like, like engineering our way out of these problems. But when there’s, you know, those emotional challenges that we all go through.

Alan Mallory [00:13:14]:
Yeah, I could probably think of a few times where I thought, well, maybe I should have been a little more empathetic to that and just listened and really tried to see things from. From their perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:24]:
That’s definitely something that you have to do. I’ve heard that numerous times from numerous fathers and others about doing more listening than talking at times and. And being able to not come in trying to answer the question or to solve a problem, but let your daughter do what she can to be able to guide, whether it is either a solving conversation or a listening conversation. And that’s something that I wish that I had learned earlier than not.

Alan Mallory [00:13:52]:
Yeah, no, it’s interesting in some of my psychological background, you know, I remember reading this same type of thing over and over again when it comes to psychotherapy. You know, half the time the therapist is not really saying anything. You’re just kind of there nodding, allowing the other individual to kind of work true in their own mind, in their own life. And surprisingly, that has just tremendous benefit. You just, you kind of need to be this sounding board that the individual can’t do it on their own. They need someone there that’s almost doing, you know, it’s doing very little than listening, but it’s tremendously beneficial. So the engineer in me says that makes no sense at all. But having just read about it again and again now, I realize as humans, you know, the human mind is not something that can be reverse engineered very well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
And speaking about your background in psychology and now trying to raise kids and raise daughters, talk to me about that. And the juxtaposition between having the understanding of how the mind works but also being able to be the father and being able to be there for your kids in different ways and not bringing too much psychology into it at the same time.

Alan Mallory [00:15:06]:
I went the psychological direction because I had my own mental health challenges in my younger years. I had quite a severe social phobia, an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. And so because I’m an engineer by trade, which is the polar opposite of psychology, but I started studying the human mind as I was trying to work through my own challenges. And I think what got me more and more interested in it is it started to work. I developed these different cognitive strategies that would allow me to quickly bring down elevated baseline stress levels, for example. And you know, I’d play a lot of these mental games that I would read about and, and kind of develop for my own purposes that would change my emotional responses in the here and now. And so now there’s a genetic element to the predisposition to these types of mental health challenges. And I kind of see some of them in my daughters, for example.

Alan Mallory [00:15:57]:
And so I do want to be proactive in providing them the tools that are needed. Now I’m careful to even say that, that there’s a genetic element because so many people just, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for them. You know, my father had this, my mot had this, my grandmother had this. I guess it’s inevitable. I will. And I was actually told that many, many times by the different medical professionals that I thought saw my younger years throughout that journey. Basically you have this chemical imbalance that’s leading to this. And almost all the time they just suggested medication.

Alan Mallory [00:16:28]:
And now I don’t want to be too negative on medication because it obviously has a place, you know, when people are really at low points, sometimes anything that will help is the way to go. But I saw it as something that would kind of hide my symptoms rather than get at the root causes. So I never went down the medical pat. I developed cognitive strategies that would work. And I’ve tried to kind of, you know, when I’ve seen my daughters having, you know, who knows if they’re. I think every kind of preteen has that type of thing. They have to develop their own strategies. So I.

Alan Mallory [00:16:59]:
I’m not saying necessarily are they going to be more predisposed than others to this type of thing, but I also just kind of notice when I was going through a mental health journey, you become hyper sensitized to, you know, noticing little twitches and things like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:14]:
Right.

Alan Mallory [00:17:15]:
Because I’m always so concerned about it in myself, or was at the time. So I’ve kind of tried to share those strategies that I’ve developed. Now. I wouldn’t say I’ve shared them very effectively, or at least they haven’t been adopted. And part of it is because I’m, I guess, the dad. You know, often they’re like, oh, dad, maybe that’ll work for you. But this is a different era and I can kind of relate to that because that’s exactly what I said to most people who tried to share strategies with me, including the different psychologists I saw. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, it’s easy for you to say that.

Alan Mallory [00:17:47]:
You’re not living through this. And so I would mostly brush off the different things they were trying to tell me. And there was always a bit of truth in each one of them. And I really listened. I didn’t really discover some of those, well, let’s call them things that really helped in my life until I kept reading from people that were going through the same challenges that I’d gone through. And. And we’re able to finally figure it out. And it was a combination of self education, learning how your mind works, but also kind of voluntary exposure therapy, and not getting out of your mind, stop fighting yourself, because it’s a response to those symptoms, really, and the way that leads to this rumination that holds us, that perpetuates the disorder.

Alan Mallory [00:18:31]:
So when I try to share those types of strategies, I have to be careful, mindful of how I do it. And if I’m really kind of rushed in my own work, it’s not effective. I think it’s going to be through many years of just kind of, you know, providing little tools here and there. And this is what you should try, maybe give this a try. It worked in my life. And so hopefully I’m able to, you know, just provide what they need and maybe they won’t. Sometimes this is just a natural stage of growing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]:
And speaking of the mental health issues that you were dealing with yourself, how do you talk to your own daughters about that experience in relation to building that connection with them?

Alan Mallory [00:19:11]:
Well, in many ways I haven’t in a lot of detail. I’ve tried to encourage my eldest daughter to read my second book because that’s what it’s all about. She finds it too boring because it’s kind of psychological pace and she’s into, you know, romance and adventure stories and that sort of thing. So I haven’t. Wouldn’t say I have been particularly effective in kind of sharing the whole journey and all the those strategies I’ve tried at times, but there hasn’t been a lot of interest in it. It’s kind of. So I don’t know, maybe they’re still a bit too young. Maybe they won’t need those types of strategies.

Alan Mallory [00:19:44]:
I can certainly relate to how I found it frustrating to try to play the right mental movies in my mind, for example. Your mind almost fights back against it. It says, no, that’s not what you need. I mean, this is futile. I mean, I should just analyze more. Well, the constant analysis of your own symptoms certainly just makes things worse and worse.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:04]:
Worse. You’ve had your own passions, your dreams, your things that you have tried to push yourself to do through your life, and the things that you continue to do. Talk to me about how you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Alan Mallory [00:20:17]:
Well, it’s certainly giving them the opportunity. I guess they are still kind of discovering what their passions and dreams are. And I’ve seen that with my eldest. I would say, if anything, my wife and I are just trying to allow her to try different things because she doesn’t seem to have. Have gravitated to particular sport or dream just yet. There certainly have been things that have captured her interest. We had her learning sign language for a while. Right.

Alan Mallory [00:20:44]:
But it let things wane and as they should. I mean, that’s the whole idea. You want to just try as many things as you can and when you’re young so you can kind of see what tends to excite you, I guess, and ideally align your vocation with. With whatever that is. So got them. I play the violin and so I’ve got them in both playing the violin. And that’s just wonderful to me. And that’s was a little frustrating to me in the early years because like I was when I was a kid, I just didn’t want to do it.

Alan Mallory [00:21:10]:
I didn’t want to practice it where you know, spending the time and energy and money in many cases to pursue that. And I had to keep reminding myself, well I gotta. This really isn’t for them. Even though I’d love to be able to play with violin with my daughters, maybe they’ll go a different direction now. In recent years they seem to have taken it a lot more seriously and I think it says they’ve gotten into the different festivals and started playing some fun songs that they recognize and enjoy and so hopefully that that passion will. Will continue to grow within them. But. And we’ve tried lots of different sports too.

Alan Mallory [00:21:46]:
My parents never got me involved in organized sports and we are trying that a little bit. Like my youngest is playing soccer for example and seems to really have taken to that. I guess the challenges with some of those organized sports is it consumes your life and for a lot of the adventures and travel and so on the that that certainly my wife and I like to do. It’s tough if you’re driving every weekend to different hockey tournaments and so on and so on. Maybe plots could argue. Well, maybe there is a bit of a selfish motivator there and I don’t want to be a non stop taxi driver, but I see how it worked with my dad and he got us into running and biking and things that, you know, they were more like they’re kind of individual sports versus large group sports like that and there’s benefits in both. But they didn’t consume our life. And that can be the challenge with.

Alan Mallory [00:22:32]:
And I don’t want to sound like I’m being negative about organized sports. There’s lots of benefits and you learn camaraderie and teamwork and all of that. But I look at some of my friends and they do nothing but drive around to different sports events.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready? Sure. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alan Mallory [00:22:58]:
Empowering.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:59]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alan Mallory [00:23:03]:
I don’t know if I’ve received very much dad advice, but probably if I had to just choose what I’ve discovered, it would be, you know, spend as much quality time with your daughters as you can before it’s too late, before they move on. Every, you know, every older father basically says the same thing. The time flew by.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:21]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughters love doing together.

Alan Mallory [00:23:25]:
I would say skiing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:26]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alan Mallory [00:23:31]:
Probably to align your vocation with something that really you’re passionate about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:37]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alan Mallory [00:23:41]:
Maybe I don’t have all the answers. I’ve still got a lot to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alan Mallory [00:23:51]:
That one’s easy. You’ve got to carve out the time. You’ve got to be doing adventures all the time. The father daughter relationships that fall apart. I think it’s dads that are just too busy with other things. And it’s a tough balance. I mean, you’ve got to also make a living, provide for your family in all of that. But you can’t go back.

Alan Mallory [00:24:10]:
Once the time is gone and you haven’t invested those important hours and days in the relationship. Then was it all worth it? I mean, there’s so many people that have regrets when they get older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:24]:
So now, Alan, I know you’ve got a lot of things going on. If people want to find out more about you and your books and everything else that you’re doing, where should they go?

Alan Mallory [00:24:34]:
Well, my website’s pretty comprehensive. It’s just Alan Mallory.com a L a N and have a YouTube channel. And I put various videos on there. My electric violin and my different adventures and so on. And yeah, those are probably the. The two places to start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:48]:
And I will tell you, check out his electric violin. He is an amazing electric violin player. And I was really impressed. I didn’t even know that he was playing at the event that I was playing. And then I looked up and I’m like, oh, this is Alan playing. And it was great. So I really encourage you to check out all of that. We’ll put some links in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
And Alan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing some of your journey today. I look forward to hearing more about the adventures not only that you have, but the adventures that you’re having with your kids and being able to live a little vicariously through what you’re doing. And I just want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Alan Mallory [00:25:25]:
My pleasure. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Alan Mallory [00:25:57]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can.

Embracing Change: Strengthening the Father-Daughter Bond as She Grows

July 13, 2026 by dadofdivas

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In the most recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes special guest Colin Gray—podcaster, international speaker, founder of The Podcast Host, and a proud father—to discuss the evolving journey of fatherhood and the unique relationship fathers share with their daughters.

This insightful conversation revolves around the central theme of connection: what it truly means to connect with your daughter as she grows, how that connection changes, and the intentional steps dads can take to foster it. Colin Gray reflects on his experience raising his now eleven-year-old daughter, candidly sharing that as children mature, simple activities like park visits or ice cream trips no longer hold the same power to bond as they once did. Instead, it’s the “little weird normal moments”—joining in on a silly dance or matching her energy in the kitchen—that create genuine connections. He urges dads to let go of preconceived expectations and instead meet their daughters where they are, embracing who they’re becoming.

Another major theme is the balance between guiding and granting independence. Colin Gray shares that encouraging his children to try things for themselves, even if it means letting them fail, has been key to building their confidence and autonomy. It’s about being there with support and constructive feedback, but resisting the urge to always be in control or solve every problem.

Intentionality shines through as a guiding principle: intentionally seeking out your daughter’s interests—even if they’re outside your comfort zone—fosters meaningful conversations and establishes trust. Whether it’s learning about makeup and hair to connect with his daughter, or simply being curious about her favorite YouTube trends, Colin Gray models engagement and the willingness to step into her world.

The conversation is honest about parental imperfection—both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Colin Gray admit to making mistakes, but emphasize the importance of being open to feedback from their kids and growing together. They highlight the value of mutual respect, adaptability, and leading by example.

This episode serves as a warm reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent presence, adaptability, and listening. If you’re a dad looking for real advice, encouragement, and stories from the trenches of parenthood, don’t miss this episode. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and keep building the bond your daughter needs—one moment at a time.

Listen now and join the journey!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to reach, work together on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters. And I say that it’s learning and growing because every day we have to learn and grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
We have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to set aside things that we think we know and go with the flow a lot of times with our daughters. And it’s important to be able to talk to other fathers, learn from other fathers, hear what they’re doing, and to gain some perspective, because we don’t have all the answers. Let’s be honest. None of us are infallible. There’s going to be times where we make mistakes, and many of us may not have a lot of examples of what fatherhood is before we become fathers. So that’s why every week, I love being able to have different people with different experiences that can offer you some different perspectives to help you in your own fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Colin Gray is with us, and Colin is known as the podcast host. Colin and I have known each other for a while, and I’ve loved listening to him and what he’s been doing, but he’s a podcaster, he’s an international speaker, a he’s founder of the podcast host and Alitu the podcast maker. But he started out in astrophysics before realizing how much math you had to do. So that being said, he turned to podcasting, and he has made a amazing, amazing life for himself and his family. And we’ll talk a little bit about the journey that he’s gone on, but also we’re going to be talking about his own journey in his journey as a father to two kids and especially his oldest, his daughter. And I’m really excited to have him Here. Colin, thanks so much for being here today.

Colin Gray [00:02:43]:
No worries. Thanks for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:45]:
It is my pleasure. I really appreciate you joining me. I know it’s the evening for you, the morning for me, and but I appreciate you taking some time to chat about this relationship with your daughter. And I love being able to start by really thinking about this journey that you’ve been on because every one of us as fathers wants to have those moments, those moments that we connect and we work hard to try to create those moments with our daughters. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Colin Gray [00:03:16]:
I’ll maybe avoid the question slightly, but give you a different type of answer perhaps in that. One of the things that I’ve found or I’ve learned, I suppose, over the last five years as my daughter’s become much more grown up. She’s 11 now and it used to be quite easy to make a connection with her when she was like three, four or five. You just go and you do kind of anything and they just become absorbed in what you want to do with them and just love spending the time with you and you know, they’ll often just do whatever you kind of lead them into playing, you know, a game or Lego or go outdoors to the park, whatever that might be. As my daughter’s got older, I found those things harder because obviously she has much more of her own mind, her own preferences, her own things, things that she wants to do. And I found myself even a couple of years ago when she wasn’t getting into 9 or 10, as she was getting much more of those preferences, I would choose to say, let’s go for a wee walk into town, we’ll go and have a wee walk around, we’ll grab like a nice cake or something in the shop and then we’ll walk home again. And because she’s much more her set, her own person now, she’d have preferences and maybe be a bit grumpy or, you know, it wouldn’t be perfect and I would end up getting grumpy because it wasn’t as perfect as I, you know, wanted this kind of connection to be. And I would kind of sabotage it for myself.

Colin Gray [00:04:30]:
These days I’m much more accepting of the fact that actually those connections just come in those little weird normal moments actually and it’s less about planning, like to go in for a three hour walk with her into town and a cake or an ice cream or whatever and it’s more just Actually, I walk into the kitchen and she’s sitting there, whether it’s reading a book or doing a dance or whatever it is she’s doing. And I’ll just walk up behind her and do the same thing. It’s like something about matching her energy much more. And because she’s kind of just learning who she is, I guess as a developing human, I find that’s what actually creates the connection these days. It’s actually just those little silly, messing around things where she’s doing a dance and I just walk in and join in in a super stupid, silly way, and that’s it. And it’s those little bits and it just takes like 30 seconds. But actually, those are the times when we just laugh and smile at each other much more. And there’s much less chance that the kind of budding teenager in her creates some kind of friction that ends up with both of us being angry at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:31]:
One of the things that I guess that I would ask in response to that is you said that there was a little bit of a journey for yourself in the sense of, you know, getting from where you were to where you are today. What were some intentional steps that you had to take to be able to, I guess, in some sense, let go and just be present and be a part of the energy that she’s giving versus having those. Those, I’m going to say, preconceived feelings of what you wanted to happen and then being let down because you have to be able to grow from where that was to where you are today.

Colin Gray [00:06:04]:
I mean, you know what it’s like when they’re small. You are like the definitive boss, aren’t you? Because they’re liable to do something that could hurt themselves. Or you need to teach them how to be humans, you know, how to be. How to be decent and nice and kind and share and all that kind of stuff. But there’s a point they get where they’re. Suddenly they know those things. If you’ve done your job well enough, then they mostly know those things. And you can kind of let go of that a little bit.

Colin Gray [00:06:29]:
And then actually it comes to the point where you’re trying to do nice things with them and make those connections that you’re talking about. But you can’t be the definitive boss in those. You can’t decide what their fun is. You can’t decide what their preferences are. You can’t say, oh, well, I like, I used to love going for an ice cream with you, and you used to love it as well. So now, because you say you don’t want to do that anymore, I’m going to get annoyed and grumpy. And I went through a point of that. So, yeah, you said the words there, letting go.

Colin Gray [00:06:55]:
And it was definitely a letting go of that. Partly you’re the one that’s always in charge and making the decisions, and there’s still a bit of that, you know, as a parent, no matter what age they are, of course. But you have to let go of a lot of that, I think. And let go as well of the fact that you feel like you know what they enjoy. Because I don’t know what they enjoy these days. Like, both of my kids, especially my daughter, she’ll teach her mind every other week, and that’s fine. She’s just figuring stuff out. But I can be surprised one day when I go and ask her to do something and she’s like, no, don’t like that anymore.

Colin Gray [00:07:27]:
And she doesn’t say it like that, of course, but something’s changed. So there’s something around letting go of predictability as well and kind of thinking that, you know, what will make that connection or please her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
A lot of the things that you’re talking about really talks to the fact that our kids, as they’re getting into the age that your daughter’s in, is really pushing and stretching that rubber band of independence. We’ll say they want more independence than they’ve had in the past. How, as a father, have you been able to balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needs to be able to become the person that she’s becoming?

Colin Gray [00:08:06]:
I think if there’s many things I’ve got wrong as a dad over the years, one of the things I think I have done reasonably well is the independence side of things. And I think I was. Myself and my brother were really independent kids when we were younger. My mom and dad worked. Both of them, they had to work. And also they were just quite independent themselves. They were both like farm kids, so they grew up on farms, and therefore they were given a lot of responsibility when they were kids as well. And that passed on to us.

Colin Gray [00:08:31]:
And so I come from a family that is kind of from that point of view, from an early age, you get on and you just kind of look after yourself. And I’ve always encouraged my kids reasonably gently, but sometimes forcefully, to do things for themselves. You know, they ask for little simple things done for them, and I’m like, no, you know how to do that. I’ll show you how. I’ll help you do it, but you’ll do it. And so I’ve often done that all the way through. And it’s one of the things where my wife and I differ a fair bit. But she enjoys doing things.

Colin Gray [00:09:00]:
Like she really enjoys looking after the kids and like making sandwiches for them and stuff like that. But then when she’s away for the week, the kids make their own sandwiches for their lunch. And I don’t think it’s. It’s not only because I’m lazy, it’s partly because I want them to know how to do that as well. So I’ve definitely encouraged that from the very start. Like they need to know how to do things and I’ll leave them to do those things and fail at them as well. My daughter was cleaning the car the other day and she volunteered to do the inside and I offered to pay her a bit more for the inside. And I was like, I could go out and I showed her a few things, but I just left her to it for a few hours and she came back and I went back and I told her, oh, no, that’s not right, that’s not right.

Colin Gray [00:09:37]:
And it was just. I think it’s that kind of constructive feedback is something that I do. I tend to treat them a lot more like grownups right from the start and. But then, yeah, alongside that, just play silly games as well. So there’s a bit of a balance there, isn’t there?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
There definitely is a balance there. And it sounds like there’s some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to build that bond, those connections that we have with our daughters, you talked about when she was younger and the things that you like to do and some of the things that you’re doing now, as you think about intention in intentional ways in which you’re trying to build that bond, what are some of the things that you’re doing today that you try to be intentional about as you’re building relationship and building that bond?

Colin Gray [00:10:18]:
I’m constantly trying to find the things that she likes that I can talk to her about. There’s a period she’s going through right now where she’s definitely connecting a lot with her mum because she’s getting into quite girly things like makeup and hair and things like that. And that’s cool, that’s wonderful to see them doing that. And they kind of. They go for little shopping trips in and buy like a little, you know, two pound lip balm that she gets really excited about and all these kind of things and it’s, it’s lovely to see. I can try. I can kind of like learn a bit, a bit about these things, but I’m just like, I’m a guy with no hair, so I can’t get into the hair stuff. I’m a 40 year old man, so I can’t quite get into the makeup stuff.

Colin Gray [00:10:52]:
I’ll try on the lip balm for sure, but can’t get too excited about an extra good lip balm. So I think I’m just constantly trying to ask her things like what she’s into. I think, you know, it might be the same with yourself, Chris, like around the kind of being in this world of podcasting and media and YouTube and all that kind of stuff. That’s one thing that I do find I can connect with her quite well with actually, because I’m really interested in like, you know, trends on YouTube trends and podcasting, trends in media in general. So talking to them about who they’re following and who they like and who they’re becoming fans of and even in music as well, but more so the visual media side of things, I find that a really good conversation. That’s something that I bring up often, actually, because I find that that’s a good way to connect because I probably know more about that stuff than your average mid-40s dad, just through the jobs that we do. So that’s one thing that I do a lot is try and have those conversations. So, yeah, I don’t know.

Colin Gray [00:11:40]:
Do you find that with your set, with your own daughters, you know, a little bit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:43]:
I find I still don’t completely understand TikTok. I still don’t understand it, but. But my youngest loves showing me tiktoks. And I’ll watch them and I’ll be in my mind saying, I don’t get this, but I’ll be here and I’ll be present and I try to figure out what the intrigue is. So. And I think that as podcasters and someone. For me, it’s all about storytelling, right? And it’s about how do we tell these stories or allow other people to tell their stories. And I think you do that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:18]:
And I’ve tried to impart that on my own daughters to try to explain to them the power of story and the power of allowing them to not only tell their story, but allowing for others to tell their story. And I’ve tried to show them that as well. And I’m sure you have too, right?

Colin Gray [00:12:35]:
Yeah, definitely. And you know, it’s interesting, you bring that up because it’s not something that I’d put a label on before, but something that my daughter and I particularly connect around a lot is stories around characters in our house. So something we’ve always played around with, even when she was really small. But it’s grown into. I kind of thought this would fall away, but it hasn’t. Is around, like, soft toys and dolls and that kind of stuff. And she’s not into playing with, you know, dolls and teddies and stuff like that anymore. But we have these stories around them that ends up the two of us play around with them together.

Colin Gray [00:13:07]:
So when I go in to say night to my daughter at night, she’s got a few different soft toys lying around in her bed. And they all have their names, but they also. Big backstories that we’ve made over the last, like, five years. There’s a great one, this big, massive yellow teddy that we have, which we acquired in Japan, actually, when we’re on a holiday there. And there’s a whole backstory around how we acquired it, but equally, it went for the trip around with us, and me and her were just sitting around, like, making this teddy do things all the way around this trip. And ever since then, as well, it’s had that story where it’s from Japan, and it’s. We do things around the house, and it’s got a personality. And I think.

Colin Gray [00:13:40]:
I’m not sure maybe everyone does this, to be fair, but I feel like we go a little overboard in giving all these toys personalities and backstory and making them do things over the years. And that’s definitely something that we connect around a lot. But you’re right, it’s. As you said there. It’s the story. It’s all around the backstory. It’s all around the plot, what their likes and their dislikes are and all those things. Is that kind of like.

Colin Gray [00:14:02]:
Does that make sense?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:03]:
It does. My daughters are at an age that we don’t really have those kind of stories anymore, but I do try to get them involved in what I’m doing. They’re not always interested in it, but I try to show them, explain them. I actually. I just was talking to my oldest the other day about. I said. I said, you’re a storyteller. You like to talk to people you like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]:
I said, you should have a podcast. And she’s, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, dad. And. But you never know. I mean, they watch, they. They learn, and you never know, they might decide to pick something up along the way.

Colin Gray [00:14:36]:
That’s it isn’t it. It’s all example. I think there’s so much. I fall into this trap as much as anyone. But it’s so much so easy to find yourself telling them something while doing another thing, isn’t it? Whereas if you just do the thing, you don’t need to tell them anymore because they just see that as normal. So yeah, exercise is one of those. Daphne’s a dancer so she does a fair bit of dancing and different formats and stuff. So she does a fair bit of exercise.

Colin Gray [00:15:02]:
But I think some of that has come from the fact that she sees me and my wife like we, we make a big point of, you know, working out four times a week and doing a fair bit of exercise and being active and getting out in the hills and all that kind of stuff. So I think example is so powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:16]:
It definitely is. Now every one of us as fathers want our daughters to feel valued, heard and to know that we are there for them. What do you intentionally do to help your daughter to feel valued and heard?

Colin Gray [00:15:31]:
I think the main thing I try and do, rightly or wrongly, is I’ve always tried to be as honest and constructive as possible. And I think I’ve certainly. My wife thinks I go too far with this sometimes to actually criticize a painting. They’ve done a painting or made something and you’re like, don’t criticize that. That’s not the right word. But critical feedback. Oh. So good effort on doing this.

Colin Gray [00:15:57]:
I wonder what do you like about it? Do you like this part and this part? I love this part about it. I wonder that year is not quite right. I wonder if we draw that dog. How would you normally draw a dog ear? So it looks a bit more accurate and I certainly think you don’t. This is probably something that many people would disagree on, but I’ve always done that ever since they were quite small. So I think that has built more trust over the years. So that when I do give my daughter a compliment or I tell her she’s done well at something, I think she trusts it rather than, you know, as a kid you always appreciate the praise from your parents but. But you begin to realize that your mom’s going to tell you you’re great at whatever you do, no matter how good you are at it.

Colin Gray [00:16:35]:
So I think that’s what I’ve always tried to do is to be quite honest and be a little bit critical friend when I can so that trust builds. So is that something to do yourself? Do you find that with more grown up daughters have you had any feedback on that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:52]:
I do. I try and sometimes I fail. And I think that they’re much more willing to tell me when I’m failing. And I think that that’s okay. I think that all of us, as I said before, none of us are infallible. We all make mistakes. And I think that we have to be willing to learn and grow and not be so set in our ways that we’re not willing to take that feedback ourselves. I try to give feedback to my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:22]:
But you also come to learn when you can push, when you can pull, and when you just need to be still.

Colin Gray [00:17:28]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:29]:
And I think as they get older, that’s definitely something. You have to learn that along the way.

Colin Gray [00:17:33]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you’re absolutely right there around making it mutual. It doesn’t work unless it’s mutual. And we do that quite a lot, actually, me and my wife. We say, like I often say to both of our kids, listen, I know I’m getting you in trouble for something here. I know I’m giving you, like, telling you what to do and all that kind of stuff, but if there’s ever any. I’m always willing to take feedback. If there’s anything you think I’m wrong about, I will always listen to you.

Colin Gray [00:17:56]:
If you say it to me in a reasonable, fair manner, if we can talk in normal tone of voice, and we’re not going to shout at each other. If you ever give me feedback, if you ever want to tell me something if you think I’m wrong, please just tell me and I’ll always listen to you. I might disagree, but I’ll always listen as long as we can talk about it in a civil manner. And I think that’s often built a decent bit of trust as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:
And I think a lot of fathers and parents in general get in trouble when they don’t approach parenting in that way. Because I think when you get into arguments and you’re butting heads, especially during the teenage years, because that tends to happen, that’s when things go sideways. And that’s when you say things you regret in the end or you injure or hurt the relationship in a way that becomes harder to come back from. And I like the word that you said when you said you come at this with a mutual, you know, and it’s. I think there’s a mutual respect. Right. You need to be able to provide respect for your child. You want them to have respect for you, too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
But ultimately, as they get older, you need to show that mutual respect for the decisions that they’re making as they become adults, while at the same time knowing that you may not be agreeing with the decisions that they’re making.

Colin Gray [00:19:09]:
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Because I’ve had that happen.

Colin Gray [00:19:12]:
Yeah. I’m sure that’s one of the areas where I have a big weakness. Like my. Probably my biggest weakness as a parent is I can end up stuck on a road. Stubbornly. My wife will back this up. That I have a stubborn streak whereby if I have started down some kind of path, I say it relates to what we were talking about earlier. Like I’ve decided we’re going to have a good day by walking into town and having an ice cream and then we’re going to have a nice chat and then we’re going to come home.

Colin Gray [00:19:37]:
And that’s in my head. And stubbornly I’ll stick to that. Even though I realize my daughter’s not really into this anymore or she’s actually just had a bit of a bad day because her and her friend just had a little fight or something has happened which means that we should be changing plans. And it’s kind of ironic because I think run my own business. I do a bunch of other stuff that means I need to be flexible. I need to be flexible and adapt to plans. But with my children, sometimes I’m very bad at that. I’m not good at adapting.

Colin Gray [00:20:02]:
So when something starts and I end up on a track and I stubbornly stick to it, that’s when I end up seeing things I’ll regret all the time because I’ll somehow just refuse to be able to change my mind or to be able to go back on something. Even though I realize that I’ve ended up. It’s at least half my fault, if not more, that we’re now shouting at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I think that showing them that adaptability is important because so often in life we have to be resilient and you have to bounce back. I just had an example of that with my oldest daughter up till Monday of this week. She was supposed to be flying out yesterday to go on a month long mission trip to Kenya. It got canceled Monday afternoon.

Colin Gray [00:20:45]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Because of the diseases that were happening in and around Kenya.

Colin Gray [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:51]:
And of course she’s devastated and you have to understand and you have to try to help her to be resilient. But there’s also that understanding of where your daughter is at the time to be able to be in the mindset of hearing that message while knowing that she may not be able to take that message in at the Right.

Colin Gray [00:21:13]:
Time. Yeah, yeah, totally. That’s a pretty general human thing, isn’t it? There’s certain times when we’ve had bad news or we’re in a bad mood, the last thing you want to hear is, oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. Like, I don’t get. It’s not going to be okay. Yeah, it’s hard to find that empathy, though. That’s. Yeah, it’s difficult, especially with a teenager, I think it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]:
So, you know, I think, though, that showing them that adaptability, though, leads them to be resilient and to be able to see that it’s okay to change plans and it’s okay to move in a different direction. Now, I will say that if you have neurodivergent children, changing plans and being adaptable may be harder. And I’m just going to recognize that because I know that that can be more of an issue. I don’t want to say that all kids are going to be the same in doing that, but I think that it is still important to help them to be able to understand how can we be adaptable based on the life of what’s happening in our life, what’s happening today, what’s happening tomorrow and beyond.

Colin Gray [00:22:14]:
Yeah, definitely. I think. I don’t know. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this as well, Chris. But like, when we were in Japan last year, I found that a really interesting trip in the. We planned a lot less than we usually would. So we were there for a few weeks and there were so many little problems came up on that trip. Like something went wrong, something didn’t turn up on time, and it was all because we didn’t actually plan it that well ahead because we wanted to be quite flexible.

Colin Gray [00:22:37]:
But there was so many, like, great experience moments in there, around that hopefully the kids again, from example, isn’t it like seeing my wife and I say, all right, okay, so we can’t get that train after all. So can’t get to our hotel tonight. Which means pretty unfortunate, but we’ll find something else. So we just start looking for other things and kind of about. And talking to folk. And I think that’s sometimes actually a great way or I found a great way to show them that and to teach them that is actually to take a chance on something that’s a bit less. A bit more unpredictable. Maybe plan a bit less than you would normally or try a type of trip that you wouldn’t normally take or things like that.

Colin Gray [00:23:13]:
And then obviously attempt not to entirely Panic when it goes, goes wrong yourself, which is not always the easiest thing, but give it a go at least. Have you ever tried something like that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
I have. You know, and I think I find that I tend to like to be busy when I’m on vacation, like you’re saying. And I tend to like to know what’s around and, and I try to plan things but sometimes the, the best trips that we’ve been on have been ones where we have a general sense of what we’re going to do but then we leave it open to a bit more chance of okay as we’re driving around. You know, it’s not that we have to be there right at 10 o’, clock, but hey, that sign says something’.

Colin Gray [00:23:55]:
Here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:55]:
Maybe we, let’s, let’s take that little side trip and we don’t have to be there right at 10. We could be there at 10:30. Let’s go check that out. Or you know, you’re, you’re walking and you’re headed toward a direction but then you see a, a side shop that looks really interesting. Is it going to matter that you’re 10 minutes late? Maybe it will. And if that’s the case, then you can come back. But if there, if you don’t have the specific things that you have to do at the right time, at the right, you know, in the right order, sometimes it’s fun and it makes it even more memorable.

Colin Gray [00:24:27]:
Yeah, definitely more memorable. I mean some of the most memorable things we’ve done all together as a family were completely unplanned, completely unpredictable or even it’s just a complete mess ups. Like when the car breaks down and you have to walk a mile to the garage and you get stuck somewhere in a bog because you try to take a shortcut. You know, silly things like that, that’s the stories that stick around. It’s never the ones that you, you plan for like the beautifully crafted Christmas dinner or the, or the, you know, the trip that was planned within an inch of its life that was meant to be most memorable. It’ll be, it’ll be the silly, the silly one thing that went wrong on those things every single time that comes up, isn’t it? It’s always the family stories.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Colin Gray [00:25:10]:
Go for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Colin Gray [00:25:14]:
Feisty.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received I that it’s

Colin Gray [00:25:20]:
always just a phase. So if it’s something good that’s happening right now, if they’re in a great mood, if they’re all like, if the relationship’s going well, then appreciate it, because it will probably change. But if it’s all going terribly, if they’re behaving terribly, if there’s something bad happening, you can’t get them toilet trained, whatever it might be, it’s just a phase. It’ll pass. So either way, if it’s good, appreciate it. If it’s bad, it’ll pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:42]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Colin Gray [00:25:45]:
Piggybacks still. Even though she’s getting way too heavy and it keeps me strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Colin Gray [00:25:55]:
I think it is something around what we were talking about there, around resilience and change. It’s like things will change, but you have the strength and the intelligence and the resilience to adapt it. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll figure out a way that our family is a family of problem solvers. That’s what we all do. So we love to solve problems. So just see it all as an interesting challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:17]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Colin Gray [00:26:20]:
That I am a much better person to be around when I can abandon my preconceived expectations and actually just go with the flow more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Colin Gray [00:26:36]:
There’s something around probably the hardest thing which is holding them more loosely than you feel like you should, whether that’s how much you need to protect them, whether it’s how much you need to guide them or whether it’s how much you need to tell them the way to do things. We should probably. I certainly I should. I have learned certainly to do that more loosely than I naturally would otherwise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Well, Colin, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing with podcast host or anything else that you’re doing right now. Where should they go?

Colin Gray [00:27:08]:
Yeah, probably the best place actually is just go over to Colin Gray. So my name, Colin Gray link. That’s kind of links to all the stuff I’m doing. So yeah, just Colin Gray link.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
And I’ll put a link in the notes today to for you to be able to connect with Colin. Colin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate the time today. Appreciate you sharing your story. I know it’s continuously evolving and it will continue to evolve as your daughter gets older, but I really appreciate your time today and for you sharing with us and I wish you all the best.

Colin Gray [00:27:39]:
No, thank you very much for having me on. It’s always a pleasure to chat. It was good to catch up. So, yeah, cheers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:28:14]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

July 6, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Art of Fatherhood: Lessons in Letting Go and Growing Together

June 29, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

How do you nurture independent, confident daughters while creating a deep, lasting relationship as a father? That’s the question at the heart of the Dad and Daughter Connection, hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis—and in a recent episode, guest Art Eddy, host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast, shares relatable, hard-earned wisdom every dad (and parent) can appreciate.

Cherishing the Small Moments

One central theme is the value of everyday experiences—the dinners, shared jokes, and simple activities that reveal how “the small things make the big impact” in your relationship. Art Eddy recounts favorite moments: attending chorus performances, bonding at Bruins games, and even just sharing movie nights or video games at home. These aren’t grand gestures, but they’re where connection is built.

Letting Go and Fostering Independence

A recurring challenge, as discussed by both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Art Eddy, is finding the right balance between protecting your kids and gradually letting go. With both dads preparing for daughters to leave for college, they reflect on that poignant “crossroads”—learning to trust the foundation you’ve laid, and accepting that your children need space to stretch, fail, and grow. Art Eddy shares a particularly touching story about watching his daughter walk a college campus by herself for the first time, a real-life metaphor for this parental transition.

The Power of Listening and Honest Conversation

Listening—truly hearing your daughter, not just advising her—is another core message. Art Eddy emphasizes “two ears, one mouth—listen more, talk less,” offering support when asked, and encouraging self-reflection instead of top-down instruction. This nurtures strong communication and respect, especially as children become teens and young adults.

Imperfectly Present

Both speakers candidly share their own mistakes, whether it’s not asking for help, occasional impatience, or the struggle of balancing technology and quality time. The takeaway? No one is perfect, and being present—putting the phone down, engaging authentically—is what matters most.

Fatherhood Is for Every Dad

Finally, Art Eddy speaks passionately about celebrating diverse stories, real fatherhood from all walks of life, and creating positive, supportive communities for dads.

If you’re a dad (or parent) looking for practical wisdom, honest conversation, and plenty of heart—and maybe a few laughs—the Dad and Daughter Connection is for you. Listen in, and start building those small moments that make the biggest difference.

TRANSCRIPT

Art Eddy [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you show up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:56]:
You’re showing up not only to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be, but you’re showing up for your daughters. Because every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn something new, to be able to meet new people, people that have gone through what you’re going through, people that have something that they can share with you to help you to be that dad that you want to be. That’s why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to be able to help you build those strong connections with your daughters who one day at a time. Because it’s not always going to be roses, it’s not always going to be easy, but showing up, being there, and being willing to put in the work, you’re going to have a ton of dividends in the end. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences, people that can give you some of their own experiences as being either dads, two daughters, or other people with resources that can help you to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest, Art. Eddie is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Art and I have known each other for a long time. He is a father of two daughters. He’s also the host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast. Great podcast. If you haven’t listened to it, definitely check it out and we’ll be talking about that. But as I said, he’s a father of two daughters. So we’re gonna learn a little bit more about his own parenting journey, and I’m really excited to have him here. Art, thanks so much for being here.

Art Eddy [00:02:17]:
Chris, appreciate being on the show. Love the work that you’re doing. It’s always good to catch up. Even before we started recording, we had like a 30 minute, like, awes podcast of just a reunion podcast. It was so good, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
It really was. And we didn’t record it. We probably shouldn’t have recorded it.

Art Eddy [00:02:33]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]:
But it was still fun.

Art Eddy [00:02:36]:
Yeah. No, it’s good, though, because, like, I miss these connections. I miss, like, you know, I mean, we were just talking about how fast time flies with our, you know, your daughter is in college. My daughter, my oldest. Your oldest is in college. My oldest is going to be going to college in the fall of this year. And it’s just like, where’d the time go, man?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Oh, the time just flies by. I mean, my youngest is going to college this fall, too, so our daughters are my youngest. Your oldest are both the same age, so we’ll be going through that together as well. And things change, I tell you. I. I’m. I’m a little nervous about the empty nesting type of thing going on to see kind of what that dynamic brings. It’s definitely going to be a lot quieter in the house, and I don’t really know what to expect yet.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]:
So it’s gonna be a different situation at home, you know, and your relationship with your significant other is gonna change in different ways because you don’t have the kids around to be a part. And the things that you focus your time in also change because for so many years, as you know, I mean, we put all this time and effort into raising our kids to being there for their activities and their. And the things that are important to them. And then as they go away, then we have to, we have to do other things. And, you know, we’re focusing back on each other and going back to the beginning and, and really. And it’s just different. So it’s going to be interesting.

Art Eddy [00:04:01]:
No, 100%. Like, things, like, all right, how do you do things? Like, my wife and I got a little taste of it a couple weekends ago. Like, my daughters were hanging out with, like, some of their friends together, and they had like a sleepover like a Friday night. And they had something all the way through, like, Saturday. And it was just like, like Saturday night. And my wife, like, this is what it’s going to be like, huh? We had, we went to go see a movie. We had like a nice breakfast together on Saturday morning. I was like, this is cool.

Art Eddy [00:04:27]:
But we also miss, like, it was funny. Like, one of the things, like, I love hanging out with my daughters, but, like, one of the college visits, they separated the, the parents and the kids. The kids were doing like these different, like, one on one interviews with some of the admins and we had the adults, like, getting in this one room to kind of talk and, like, this one, like, couple song. They’re like, I can’t wait. You know, this is my last kid. And then, like, I get to, like, take care of their room and change it into, like, their gym. We’re so excited. And it was like, yeah, I can’t wait.

Art Eddy [00:04:55]:
I’m like, what? I was like, oh, my gosh.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:00]:
I can’t say that I. I can’t wait. I mean, I. I am going to miss having them around.

Art Eddy [00:05:05]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:05]:
I mean, there are days. I think we both know that there are days.

Art Eddy [00:05:09]:
Yes. But I had one day yesterday, actually, where I had to go search everywhere for a broken. For a. To replace a broken dryer knob that was like, I didn’t want to, like, pay or, like, get some sketchy thing from, like, a secondary source. So like, I found here in, like, North Carolina, a place that, like, sold that stuff. But I had to, like, take time out of my day, then fix it. I was like, ah. I didn’t like this.

Art Eddy [00:05:33]:
My day just got totally upside down.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:36]:
I know that you’re really engaged with your daughters, and you have had some amazing moments with them throughout their lives. As you think about some of those moments and some of those moments that have been most meaningful for you, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you would say that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Art Eddy [00:05:54]:
Yeah, for me, I would probably say, you know, as a collective, when they both are in chorus. So when I see them perform and when my youngest was playing the saxophone, it was great to see that, just to see, like, their achievements and different things. When my oldest got accepted to the college she’s going to, which was great. The trials and tribulations, you know as well as I do of, like. Like, when we were going to college, totally different, but, like, the process is totally different, and I appreciate her journey into that. And then my youngest, she and I will go to Bruins games when they play here in North Carolina, and we have those moments where we joke around. And, like, she, like, my youngest and I kind of share the same type of humor. We have different senses of humor, but we share, like, if you have a Venn diagram, certain parts of our humor, like, coexist.

Art Eddy [00:06:40]:
And so, like, we’re at the dinner table, like, one of the things that we always strive to do most of the time, I’d say, like, out of the seven days of the week, probably four to five times we’re having dinner together. And we’re all talking about our days, and we’re just kind of like, learning, like, the ups and downs and stuff. But, like, I’ll say something, and my youngest will like, look at me. And we’ll just like, have this moment and everyone, like, the other two, like my wife and my oldest, like, what? What? And I’m like, don’t worry about it. So it’s just like, those are the moments that you cherish seeing my youngest right now, she went to regional for track for her high school, and she got her own personal record, which was awesome to see that. And then I think also too, like, when you hear a teacher or in. In for me, for my oldest, when she gets a compliment or she got, like, employee of the year for the ymca, I was like, that was impressive. Like, those are the things where I’m like, that’s awesome.

Art Eddy [00:07:31]:
And I. I say, like, I’m proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. And we just kind of talk about, like, how they got to that certain spot and stuff like that. So, yeah, there are certain times where you’re having to fix a broken dryer knob and you’re just frustrated and I don’t have any hair, so I can’t pull any hair out anymore. But then there’s the good. Totally outweighs, like, the. The frustrating parts of being a dad.

Art Eddy [00:07:52]:
So, like, it’s good, but it’s just like, just those moments where I can celebrate their wins together with them and share those jokes or share those laughs. Like, my youngest and I went to see Mortal Kombat 2 recently. We had fun, and she got the different jokes from, like, playing Mortal Kombat with me and stuff. So it was just like, it was cool. Like, those moments, the bonding and listen to them, you know, man, like, is. You’ve talked about this. I love when you have, like, on LinkedIn or different places where you have those, like, five minutes of, like, hey, this is how you can connect to your daughter. Right? Like, I appreciate those because I’m, like, nodding my head listening to you.

Art Eddy [00:08:24]:
I’m like, yep, I have experienced that too. So it’s the small things. And my kids have taught me it’s the small things that make the big

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:32]:
impact of those memories, really is the small things. And a number of the things that you talked about really make me think about. You’ve done a really good job of being able to help your daughters as they’ve been older to become more independent. And you, you’re doing a lot to be able to prepare them. You’ve got your oldest going off to college. And, you know, I’ve done the same in trying to help my daughters to be able to be those independent people. But that’s not always easy. It’s not always easy to find that balance between kind of guiding your daughter while also giving them independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:06]:
How did you do that in your own parenting journey with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:09:10]:
It’s tough, man, because I think you’ve heard this probably before on your podcast. We probably had this conversation before, years ago, or at the different conferences we might be at together. But, like, your job is to make sure that you are no longer relevant in their lives anymore in the sense of, like, them needing you. Like, they can, like you said, be independent. And that’s tough. But, like, there was one time earlier this year when a metaphor actually came into reality, because you’re at that crossroads of, like, letting your daughter or your child be more independent, and they’re going off to college and they’re going to be their own. I remember we were touring the. The campus of Clemson, and it was when spring break was happening, like, right.

Art Eddy [00:09:46]:
Right around, like, March Madness. So the campus was, like, empty, according to, like, the people we’ve talked to. And it was like alumni weekend. So the weekend was kind of, like, busy with, like, alumni and all that other stuff. But, like, there are no kids there. All the buildings, for the most part, are shut down. And we’re walking the campus, and my youngest and my wife are kind of, like, looking at this one, like, plaque or memorial. And I’m in the middle between, like, the distance of them and my oldest, who’s walking it by herself, and I’m just like, oh, should I run up to her, like, you know, catch up with her and see what she’s doing? And I’m like, no, this is something where, like, the metaphor actually is happening in real life, where I’m at a crossroads of, like, maybe it was a brick crossroads, but I’m like, I’m gonna stay here in the middle, wait for my youngest and my wife to catch up, let my daughter do her own thing, because that’s what she’s going to need to.

Art Eddy [00:10:32]:
And for me to physically feel that. I was just like, this is life, man. And I think the first time that my wife and I, Reese, like, in, like, I’d say a couple years ago, really got emotional is when our oldest. I’m in the process of teaching my youngest how to drive right now. She’s almost done with her hours and requirements. But when our daughter, our first one, went off, drove by herself. Like, it was emotional. This is growing up, but it’s also scary out there.

Art Eddy [00:10:57]:
So those are the things you, like, have to trust. You can’t be that helicopter parent you were when you were, like, when they first were learning how to walk. And you’re just near them and making. Making sure that they don’t, like, fall and hit their head or something like that. But now it’s totally different and you’re letting the reins go. You have let the reins go for a while now, but it’s just those are the moments where life gives you a little push. And it’s like you got to make sure that you did the best you could. And I bet you probably when your oldest was going off to college, you’re like, did I say everything I needed to say before she left? And it’s just, like, frustrating when things pop up and it’s like, I’ll talk to them later about it, but, like, are you going to find that time? So it is always that struggle of letting go, but also making sure you give them all of your, like, the wisdom you think that they’ll need in the future.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
And you’re never going to be able to unpack everything. You’re never going to be able to give them everything. The way I look at it is, is that what you at least can hope for is that you’ve given them enough and that you’ve given them the tools to one, figure out things for themselves, or two, give them the ability to be able to say, hey, I need to call dad. I need to ask and see what he has to say. And know that you’re always gonna be able to be there if she needs you. But that at the same time, you want her to fail, you want her to learn, and you want her to grow. Now, speaking of that, in regards to helping your daughters to be able to kind of learn, grow, and be kind of ready for the things that they want in their life. Every one of our daughters has passions, they have dreams, they have things that you talked about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:34]:
Music and track and things that in high school are important to them. But as they get older, they start to up ideas for who do they want to be, what do they want to do? And those become the passion and dreams that they’re aiming for. The light at the end of the tunnel, the goals that they’ve. They’ve set for themselves. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Art Eddy [00:12:55]:
Great question. Listening. I think the biggest thing is listening. And when they ask for advice, you can give it and say like, you know, I always preface saying, when I was around your age, things were a little bit different. But there are some similarities. Cliches happen, are there for a reason because they happen throughout eons and all that. I remember one of the podcasts I had, I was talking to a gentleman and he was saying the best advice he got from his father in law is like, things change. Technology changes.

Art Eddy [00:13:22]:
Everything here and there is like the one thing that’s constant is people having babies. In parenthood there hasn’t been like this huge advancement in the sense of like yes, certain things through a medical system and all this other stuff. Yes. But it’s like for the most part nothing has really changed. So it’s like people have been doing it, people have been making mistakes, but the generations are still living on and I think just making sure that you’re listening into seeing what they want at that time. There are certain things that I’ve watched from the quote unquote sidelines being like, that’s what they want to do. But I don’t see them like having any drive or what I would have done. Like, it’s hard to separate what, how I would approach it versus how they would approach it.

Art Eddy [00:13:58]:
And there’s certain times where they’ve experienced, whether it’s through school, I mean they get good grades, great grades, they do really, really well with friends and some other things. But whether it’s like managing a budget or sometimes not studying as much, I said, hey, you know, mom and I were saying you should have kind of done this. But like, what did you think? What did you feel? Did you feel like you were online with your friends more than you should have, like playing Roblox or something? Like that’s like the whole rage where like after dinner and they get all their work done, they’ll stay up for a while and playing out. I’m like, you guys go with everything. Like, yeah. And then there’s certain times where like she had to make my youngest or my oldest had to like prepare their lunch for the next day because like I’ll get them the ingredients from like you have to, to make it, this is your lunch. If they’re running late or something, or not feeling good, sure I’ll make them breakfast and all that other stuff. But for the most part you want them to be self sufficient.

Art Eddy [00:14:44]:
But there are certain times where like you just kind of like smile and wave. And then there’s other times you’re like, how’d that turn out? And then you don’t be like mean or something. But you’re like, seriously, like, how did you feel like that worked out? And did you think you could have probably done better? And you just want to give them those learning moments while it’s in the moment. If they don’t listen to you, that’s fine. But then if they succeed doing it their own way, perfect. But if there’s other things, like, hey, I might have probably let down, like, I probably would have played less Roblox, my friends online and studied for us a little bit more. But again, like, they get great. They get great grades, but I think sometimes they get ticked off if they get a B or something.

Art Eddy [00:15:19]:
And it’s like, well, like, if you wanted the better results, you needed to put more work in. And they’re like, I know that, but we’ve all had that. This is an adult. There’s certain things I kind of need to do X, Y and Z around the house. But there’s a new Star wars animated series that just dropped two episodes. I. I’m going to watch that right now. And then my day gets a little pushed on the next day, a little bit more busy just because I kind of should have done stuff on, like, Monday.

Art Eddy [00:15:40]:
Now it’s left for Tuesday, if that makes sense. And so there are certain times where my kids call me out and I’ll be like, yeah, you’re right. I should practice what I preach. And this time I didn’t. So thanks for calling me out. And you want to make sure that you, like, I think nowadays as you see this as well, like, there are so many, whether it’s online or in conversations where if someone knows that they’re wrong, but they’re still, like, trying to prove that they’re right. It’s like, it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong and move on, say you’re sorry, or like, hey, I should have known a little bit more information before I jumped into that conversation. So those are the things that, like, we have these conversations where, yes, I’m still the parent, they’re still the kid, but we.

Art Eddy [00:16:13]:
As they get older, you’re gonna. There’s that gap where it’s shortening and letting them be more vocal instead of just telling them, like, no, it’s bedtime, like when they’re a toddler. So those are the things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:24]:
One of the things that that says to me is that none of us are perfect. Right? I mean, our daughters aren’t perfect. We’re not perfect. We’re humans. We might make mistakes, and they may make mistakes. It’s about how do you talk about it, how do you communicate, how do you work through it in the end? You know, speaking of mistakes, I know that as fathers, we always make mistakes and we don’t always show it, but we do make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a. As a dad, and what did you learn from it about fostering, I guess, more positive communication with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:16:56]:
I would say. And I think this maybe is a stereotype or something that dads kind of go through. There’s different levels of suffering and silence, but, like, it’s like, on a smaller scale where it’s most of the time and just with our schedules and stuff like that, even, you know, teaching a class at UNC or, you know, running the Art of Fatherhood, I’m the one that mostly picks up my youngest teaches, like, you know, gets a drive time hours and makes the meals, does the cleaning, does the cooking and all that stuff, because I’m very robotic and I’m very strategic in my weekly. I know Tuesday is going to be cleaning day, and all of a sudden, like, my laundry pattern is down to, like, a science, right? Sometimes I’m going to need help, and sometimes, whether things get, you know, more things get piled on my plate, I don’t ask for help. And there are some times where I get frustrated. If someone didn’t pick up the thing, I asked them, like, three times in a row, and then like, the fourth time I’m like, fine, I’ll just do it myself. And I. And they’re like, well, why are you upset? I’m like, because I’m doing everything.

Art Eddy [00:17:46]:
Like, well, tell us. You need help, right? So, like, I think sometimes asking for help and what stinks is you think, like, we can put all the burden on ourselves. It’s not a great model to teach our kids. So that’s the thing where it’s like, I’ve messed up a couple times. And that’s the thing where maybe in the beginning, as when I became a dad, like, learning how to be patient. Now it’s like, I need to, like, ask for help. And that is really hard for me to do because I don’t want to burden anybody with stuff I need to do, if that makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:13]:
It does make sense. And you’ve talked about your podcast a few times, and I want to talk a little bit about that because you’ve been doing Art of Fatherhood for many years now and probably of fatherhood podcasts that I know of. I think yours is probably one of the longest standing That I know that is still running today, but not everyone has listened to it. And I guess I want to go back in time a little bit first and talk to me a little bit about why art of fatherhood. Why did you decide that you wanted to do this? I know that your background is in radio and in media, and you worked in that for many years, but when you pivoted and you went to create the art of fatherhood, you didn’t have to do that. You could have kept doing the radio thing. You could have done something else, but you went all in. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:56]:
Why did you decide to do that? And why have you kept doing it for this many years?

Art Eddy [00:19:00]:
Yeah, thank you for asking. I appreciate it. I was working in radio. We had our second child, and my wife and I were like, all right, let’s. We don’t want to go to the daycare route. And again, like, for anybody doing daycare, I’m not. I always feel like I have to say, like, I’m not judging. Like, it was just something like, every family pieces of advice for new dads, if they’re listening to this.

Art Eddy [00:19:17]:
It’s like, your family does not have to keep up the Joneses or that Instagram family that looks like everything is glamorous on every photo. But my wife and I were like, yeah, one of us. You need to stay home. And radio wasn’t the most secure landscapes in career field. So I was like, all right, I’ll be the home dad. And I started writing for, like, maybe Yahoo, Bleacher Report and some other things. Once I started getting my own pattern down of being the stay at home dad and then the different groups, like, you know, meeting you, the dad 2.0 conference. I started working for a fatherhood site, doing a lot of creative and writing stuff, and then started doing the podcast.

Art Eddy [00:19:49]:
And then that kind of disbanded years ago. And so I’m like, I still want to do this because I have a passion for talking about it. I feel like not only do I love talking about father, but I feel like it makes me a better father because I’m in forest and like, I understand, like, all the different conversations and all the. The conversations that I have and me reflecting on fatherhood as through my writing, I’m like, it makes me better. And I feel like there’s a space that you and I are doing this because not just to hear ourselves talk, but we have a passion for making sure that we’re not only being good dads ourselves, but highlighting other good dads. And you Want to break those stereotypes here and there of what dads look like. And we’re not. We’re not looking to create these awesome Instagram accounts.

Art Eddy [00:20:29]:
And, like, these are the words of wisdom. It’s real life fatherhood. And so that’s my passion. So I went out on my own, obviously, have a little dad joke in there, the art of fatherhood. And sometimes, you know, people will be like. When emails are like, hey, what’s up, Eddie? I’m like, actually, my first name’s Art. And they’re like, oh, I get it now. It’s like, yeah, it’s like, so I just love it.

Art Eddy [00:20:52]:
But it’s really, for me, just seeing the different viewpoints of fatherhood. I was just. Last night, I was with. I run at our church, like a men’s ministry group, me and a couple other guys. And we try and like, throughout the year, we have, you know, some service events where we’ll clean up the church or we’ll clean up other. Do other things around community service, but then we’ll have fun events. This one was a fun event where we had some pizza. It was just a bunch of guys playing can jam and, you know, talking to just having fun, like pizza, soda, seltzer, all that good stuff, and just hang out at a park.

Art Eddy [00:21:22]:
And we were just talking about, like, how people pretty much are more connected than they see than they seem on the media, where there’s such this great divide, right? And I think for you and I, we’re trying to have positive examples of father, but also too, like, we’re seeing the connections that we’re more similar than we are different, and we’re not as divisive as different news organizations want to pin us to be. So my passion is to, like, have a great conversation on fatherhood, positive examples of fatherhood, and a community of dads are looking to do things. Like, I even feel bad we’re white guys, right? But, like, you see black dads or other minority dads, maybe in this country or worldwide, have a bad reputation and have, like, go on these stereotypes. I love bringing all guys from different walks of life, whether they’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, whatever the case may be talking about fatherhood in a positive way, seeing that you might look different, but you actually have the same goal of raising great people in this world. We need more of that instead of just looking for clickbait, like. Like, I have seen even parenting sites, and you’ve probably seen this too, where they create this controversial question just so where they can, like, create more clicks or Whatever. Like, I’m not about that. I’m just.

Art Eddy [00:22:34]:
You and I are both about positive things. Like, especially people listening to your podcast, you want dads to connect with their daughters in a healthy and positive way. So, like, you and I are on the same page with that. So that’s where, like, the art of fatherhood and, like, that’s like, what fuels my passion all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
And I know you’ve had a couple of different podcasts, and in the past, when you were affiliated with the Life of Dad podcast, you had a book with John Finkel called Life of Reflections on Fatherhood from Today’s Leaders, Icons, and Legendary Dads. But since then, like you said, going off on your own and having art of fatherhood, you’ve continued to have those conversations, and I guess you’ve had many of them. And I’m sure that in those conversations, some trends have popped up, some things have come out where you like. Either one, yep, it reinforces the idea. Or two, you know, I never thought of it that way, and I think all dads need to be thinking about some things in this way. So what are some of those trends? So what are some of those things that you found in all of these conversations that you’ve been able to have?

Art Eddy [00:23:40]:
Yeah, great question. Some of the trends are. I mentioned it before when I was, you know, when my kids were younger, like, having patience. I think when I ask, you know, like, a piece of advice for, you know, new dads that I’m asking my guests so that they can offer to them that are listening, it’s like, no, it’s like, you need to have patience. Everyone’s going to work on that. And another thing, too is like, people, like, especially nowadays listening to this finances, right? Like, people think, like, kids are expensive. Yes, kids are super expensive. I think if you have kids in high school and they’re kind of on the border of going to college and all this other stuff, like, like, I felt like this was the most expensive year of school and, like, getting ready for college for me and my wife, like, just, just in general of, like, all these different trips, all these different new.

Art Eddy [00:24:24]:
Like, one of my daughters went to, like, a brand new school and they have the only two classes, sophomore and freshman, and she’s a sophomore. So it’s just like all the different expenses with this and that, and it’s like, like finances. Like, there’s always going to be finances, but you find a way. And then two is just the idea of putting the phone down. Like, you hear people say, I need to Put the phone down. I need to put the phone down. And the more and more I hear about that, like, I remember my mom worked in the medical field, like, working for, like, you know, working in, like, in the office space, like, helping out with the doctors and all that other stuff when I was in, like, elementary and middle school and high school. And then my dad worked in the medical device field.

Art Eddy [00:25:03]:
So, like, he was, like, busy with certain things, but when they got home, they were home.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
Home.

Art Eddy [00:25:08]:
Chris, I’m. I’m guessing there are certain times for work or for your podcast, there’s just other things, like the phone bings and it’s like a notification. Even you have no notifications off. You might still like, did I get that email that I was waiting for, for the end of the day? And then you miss that opportunity to talk with your kids. So putting your phone down. Putting your phone down. And that’s why we love having, you know, dinner. There’s no devices at the table.

Art Eddy [00:25:29]:
And then there’s certain times we’ll be watching a show together, or my wife and the girls will go to the gym together. Whatever, whatever. I work out at home. I used to work out at the gym with them, too. But, like, when the pandemic came, I got all the stuff. I’m like, well, I’m just working out here. So, like, that’s. That’s the, like, I guess the downside, but, like, when I go to the gym as a guest pass, like, they love having you here.

Art Eddy [00:25:47]:
I’m like, yeah, just whatever. It’s just my routine. But I would say those are the trends of, like, putting the phone down. Finances. There’s always going to be tough battles that you’re going to have, like, make sure you’re communicating with your spouse about that and the patient. So those are, like, the trends I see. And then the things that I’ve learned, like, you’re asking me, I’d say, say in terms of finances, I’ve had guys who are in the financial area and just like, in the industry and. And work and different things.

Art Eddy [00:26:11]:
And it’s just the idea of, like, teaching your kids about money at an early age, I thought was like, man, I wish I kind of did that. I wish I had this conversation when my kids were, you know, 10 and 8 or something like that. Like, they have an allowance. They. We told them how to budget certain things here and there. But there’s more certain things. I was like, that would have been better if I told him that. So what about, like, managing finances and having those being, you know, financially responsible.

Art Eddy [00:26:36]:
And we’ve been having more and more conversations with that, especially with our oldest as she gets into getting to go to college and all that. I was gonna say getting into the real world, I hate that. I feel like we’re always in the real world, but like, it almost like dumbs down our kids experiences because they are in the real world. Going to school, having a part time job, all these other things. So that’s why I kind of paused for that. It’s like everyone’s like, why, why? What was going on there? So I just almost had to catch myself. But I wanted to explain it. But like just the idea of learning the finances, but then also too embracing technology is something that I’ve kind of had to learn because we always like, I think when you and I were in our heyday, when, you know, I’d say around like 2015, 2016, like dads were having a moment and I remember you and I were kind of doing campaigns on like screen time and digital age and all these other things.

Art Eddy [00:27:22]:
But if you, you negate your kids learning the technology that’s happening around them, but you want to do in a healthy way and there’s different ways you can do that, different companies and different apps and all that other stuff. But like if you tell them like, oh, they’re not having any screen time, okay, that’s fine. Like maybe they’re not watching shows. If you teach them about technology, whether it’s a smartphone or whether it’s an app or something, like developing code or whatever, that’s a thing where you got to kind of embrace that. And that was the thing where I was just like, like, oh, screen time. Okay, yes, but how do you manage that? And how do you teach the kids about the future? Because like our, like our parents growing up, their rate of technology change was a lot slower than ours. And the, the rate of technology change for our kids is super fast compared to when we were growing up. You picked up a phone, a landline, and we were online doing like a report on Abraham Lincoln for high school.

Art Eddy [00:28:15]:
The Internet just got disconnected because someone picked up and had to make a phone call. So I’m just saying like technology and learning how to embrace it and the health, but also talk about the negative sides as well, I think are certain things. And then also too, you see, I don’t know if you’ve read this as well, but a lot of kids are underage, drinking is going down, but now that weed and some other things are available, like that’s popping up like Gummies and other stuff. Like, so that’s the thing where it’s like, how do you. You gotta also be, like, talking about certain things where. When we used to say, like, oh, yeah, you know, weed, that’s illegal now. It’s legal in certain things in a certain age. Like, how do you teach your kids about that, too? And navigating that space.

Art Eddy [00:28:50]:
So that’s another thing that I’ve learned talking to some other, you know, dads and moms along the journey, too. If you shy them from everything, then as soon as they get out and expose, they’re like, what’s this? What’s this? It’s like, you should have those conversations before things get. When they’re out of your home. And like, they’re like, I wish dad and mom talked to me more about this. You know?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:07]:
Completely understand that. Now. As you think about the future of the art of fatherhood, I ask two questions. One, what’s in store if you can unveil and lift the curtain a little bit? But two, who’s that elusive guest? Who’s the one that you’ve been. Because you’ve had a lot of celebrities, you’ve had sports people, you’ve had. I mean, you’ve had a lot of people and had a lot of opportunity to have a lot of people. But who’s the unicorn? Who’s the one that you’ve really wanted to have that you’ve not been able to capture yet?

Art Eddy [00:29:37]:
Nothing to, like, unveil or nothing, like, behind the curtain, so to speak, for the art of father. I just, again, like, just kind of like you. Like, I see the work that you put in week in and week out in. It’s. I wouldn’t say slow and steady. It’s steady because I don’t think the work that you and I do are slow at all. It’s just the. The pace that we need to.

Art Eddy [00:29:54]:
It’s steady in terms of this and in the content that people expect from you and I. So, like, that’s the thing where I’m like, okay, keep it going. There are some other things I’m trying to maybe work out. Maybe some new columns, some new ideas in terms of maybe the certain questions I ask or whatever. But for the most part, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I appreciate the feedback I get from people and the reviews and the subscriptions, all that good stuff. People, when I talk to them about sponsorships, like, I really love what you’re doing. Like, all right, cool.

Art Eddy [00:30:19]:
The elusive guest, I would say, like, and and it’s funny. It’s more of, like, being a Jordan fan. My friends are like, when are you gonna get Jordan? Because I’ve had, like, Mark Ham. I’ve had. I’ve interviewed Bo Jackson, Dave Robinson, like, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, like, my sports idols. Like, people I appreciated as a kid growing up. Like, when you get in Michael Jordan, I’m like, do you know how hard it is for people in the sports landscape to talk about, like, to get an interview? I said, like, if it happens, that’d be great. But, like, right now, he’s doing this nascar.

Art Eddy [00:30:44]:
Like, I think most of my friends, especially my friends from high school, being like, oh, I see you interviewed so and so when you get in Jordan, I’m like, thanks, man. Let me celebrate this win first, and I’ll try to see if I can get Jordan. So I think that’s, like, that was the thing. And teaching at unc, everyone’s like, you’re gonna get Belichick. And I’m like, unc’s huge, man. Like, I. I don’t know, like, the. The intricacies of, like, trying to get everybody.

Art Eddy [00:31:06]:
And I don’t want to, like, put that card out there and be like, hey, like, I’m not going to be that guy, right? So it’s just the idea of, like, for me, it’s Jordan. And like I said, it’s mostly my friends being like, cool. You got this person. That’s awesome. When’s Jordan? I’m like, all right, thanks. So I’d say Jordan, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
For me, I have always wanted to have Dax Shepard on, and I’ve tried numerous times. Never been able to get him on. But I love the. How engaged he is as a father of daughters and how protective he is, too. But also, I think he has a lot that he could share beyond what he already shares on his own podcast. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen, but being someone. He’s also from Michigan, so love to have another Michigander and also a good dad on the show.

Art Eddy [00:31:49]:
But yeah, man, like, I keep again, like, it’s always, you gotta keep. And that’s another thing you can teach your kids, right? Whether they. They listen to this episode, but they’ll see the work that you’re putting in and what you want to do, right? And if you get him, then it’s like, they will see that win, and it’s just like, you might get 75 no’s. Sorry, he can’t do it. He’s busy. Nope, can’t do it. But then that’s 70 time. He’s like, how’s next week sound? Is there a good day? And you’re like, I’ll make it.

Art Eddy [00:32:14]:
Like, I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure this works. So, yeah, I hope you get a man. I really hope you get them. And again, it’s just, I think all the things that we try and do, not just in this fatherhood space, but we should share our victories with our kids just so that they know, okay, it is going to take work, I think, especially nowadays with the. I’m talking on both sides of my mouth about social media and technology. But, like, social media, like fomo, exists now because people are seeing other things. I think when we were kids, FOMO promo was like, you. You’re riding your bike and you see all your friends at one house with other bikes just standing in the lawn and be like, why don’t I get called? Or, why didn’t someone get me? Right? Like, now everybody has it right in their face if they, you know, are on social media and stuff like that.

Art Eddy [00:32:50]:
So, like, there is that grind that a lot of people sometimes don’t see that you’re putting in. So hopefully you get them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:56]:
Man, I appreciate it. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. You ready? Yep. What’s one word, word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:08]:
Communicative.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:08]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Art Eddy [00:33:12]:
Yeah, two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more, talk less.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:16]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Art Eddy [00:33:19]:
I would say any type of, like, video games, whether it’s NHL or whether it’s Mario Kart or something on the Nintendo Switch. A certain plane like that. Or go and see movies we love, like checking out movies.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:29]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Art Eddy [00:33:34]:
You’re enough.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:35]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Art Eddy [00:33:38]:
How much love you can have for another person.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:48]:
Talk to your kids on their level. Never say, like, oh, don’t worry about this. It’ll pass. Understand where they’re at, meet them where they are, then they’re going to meet you where you are, and you’ll have a great relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:59]:
Well, Art, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today for being a part of the show, for the work that you’re doing. If people want to find out more about you and the art of fatherhood, where should they go?

Art Eddy [00:34:09]:
Artofatherhood.net podcast comes out every Monday. Different articles throughout the week. But again, I really appreciate the time. I love the work that you’re doing. Again, like, our friendship is great and over the years we’ve like, you know, we can just like text each other or just send, you know, DMs or something like that to make us chuckle. But again, it’s really cool to see not just your wins, but also your family’s wins, too, and different things that we see out like that you post on social media. But yeah, it’s always been a blast and I always appreciate taking time to chat with you, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:35]:
Same here. And I wish you the best as you get your daughter ready for college and as you transition into being a dad with one daughter in the household. It does change things and it, and it definitely takes a little bit of time and patience, but you’ll get there. And as always, thanks again for all that you do.

Art Eddy [00:34:54]:
Appreciate you, man. Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:58]:
Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Art Eddy [00:35:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:11]:
to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad.

Art Eddy [00:35:14]:
And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make some meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Listening, Laughing, Loving: How to Be the Dad She Really Needs

May 25, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Building a strong, lasting relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with challenges, humor, and countless meaningful moments. In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with dedicated father Charlie Davis and his tween daughter, Harper, to explore what it really takes to foster connection, confidence, and independence in young women.

This week Charlie Davis shares how creating traditions—like their annual “Daddy Daughter Dance” outings—has become a cornerstone in their relationship. These shared rituals become “core memories,” strengthening their bond year after year.

Navigating the tween years brings new challenges. Charlie Davis talks openly about balancing guidance with granting independence, highlighting the importance of giving daughters space to make decisions and learn from them. He reflects on the need for gentle communication, admitting that a softer approach encourages frank discussions and helps avoid misunderstandings.

Supporting individual passions emerged as another vital theme. For Harper, a love of animals is front and center, and her parents actively support her interests—arranging shadow days at the local veterinary clinic and fostering her involvement in horseback riding. This affirmation and encouragement empower her to pursue her dreams.

What truly shines in this episode is the warmth and humor that permeates Charlie Davis and Harper’s relationship. Whether it’s inside jokes (“be careful!” before bed), binge-watching favorite shows, or simply running errands together, these small moments add up to a profound sense of closeness and trust.

The advice offered is relatable and actionable for dads everywhere: Be present, listen actively, don’t take yourself too seriously, and never underestimate the power of laughter. Most of all, remember that daughters are always listening, so choose your words and actions with care.

If you’re a dad looking for inspiration to deepen your connection with your daughter, tune in to this heartfelt episode. Full of personal stories and practical gems, it’s a must-listen for anyone striving to “be the dad she needs.” Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com and keep building those lifelong bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, to work with one another and, and for you to be able to take something tangible, something tangible out of every episode so that you have an opportunity to be able to build some tools for your toolbox. Learning from others and finding some things that might allow you to build that type of relationship that you want to have with your daughter. That’s why I love that you’re here every week, because every week you are showing up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:21]:
You’re showing up to be able to learn, to grow and you are doing what you have to do to be able to build on those relationships. We don’t always do it right. There’s going to be times when we trip. That’s okay. What’s important is that you do keep showing up and that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be able to do just that. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that will provide you with some of their own experiences, some that might work for you and some might not. But it’s good to be able to hear and experience and learn from other people in that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Today we got another great guest. Charlie Davis is with us today. Charlie is a father of a daughter. He has almost 12 year old daughter and we’re going to be. And she may pop her head in, in just a little bit and, and talk to us a little bit as well. But I’m really excited to be able to have Charlie on today and to introduce him to you. Charlie, thanks so much for being here today.

Charlie Davis [00:02:13]:
Absolutely. Glad to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:14]:
You know, first and foremost, Charlie, I guess one of the questions that I want to be able to start with is that every one of us as fathers love to be able to create those moments, those meaningful moments that are Ones that our daughters remember and allow for us to build those bonds. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Charlie Davis [00:02:36]:
I’d say it’s kind of a repeat moment, but we try to do it annually. We try to take. We try to take the time to make sure that, you know, we spend some individual time together. But she had, you know, with her older brother and their mom and everything. But every year, there’s a particular moment where we try to attend the annual Daddy Daughter Dance. And that is something that we have kind of made a tradition. She hasn’t grown out of it yet. She actually still enjoys going with me.

Charlie Davis [00:03:01]:
So that part’s great. It’s an evening that we can just take to ourselves and just her and myself and we’ll go out to dinner. Usually it’s the same place. We have a particular restaurant we like to go to. It’s an Italian place, particularly for the overly large piece of chocolate cake that we have every time that we go each year. And it’s just a memory, kind of a core memory that sticks, that, you know, she brings up from occasion and even reminds me to make sure that I look to see when the next dance is coming up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:26]:
It’s always important when you have those type of moments. I remember going to the dances with my own daughters, and it was always so fun to be able to share those times and to have those special moments in that regard. And your daughter is now getting into those tween years, and there is going to be that inevitable push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Charlie Davis [00:03:51]:
Well, to tell you the truth, with her in particular, it’s been a little easier than I expected. I don’t expect it to always be that way. But she’s had a sense of independence for a while anyway. She’s not one that runs around in large crowds, you know, all the time, wants to be away from the house a lot. She’s very much into reading. She actually prefers to do that with her free time most of the time. But the biggest balance is me being able to take a step back and let her live basically like you. Let her make some choices on her own, you know, within reason, and just kind of see how she does with those choices now to kind of evaluate how she may approach certain larger decisions later in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:30]:
None of us as dads are perfect. We are fallible. We’re humans. We make Mistakes. What’s a mistake you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive communication with your daughter?

Charlie Davis [00:04:41]:
Well, I learned very quickly that I have to speak and approach her very differently than her older brother. I could be a little more firm with him than I can with her. I can still be firm to a degree with her when need be, but for the most part with her it is. I’ve learned that I need to approach it with a gentler tone a lot of the times, just to kind of step back, kind of lower the tone basically and approach her in a more conversational manner so that she can actually be calm in her response back to me. And we can actually foster communication that way as opposed to it just being an argument or one sided. And we actually accomplish a lot more that way than we do by just a one sided, angry parent coming at you, telling you what to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:22]:
And what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Charlie Davis [00:05:29]:
Well, we definitely have had to try to work. I know our whole family is guilty of this on occasion, but especially whenever they have something, you know, we’re having a group conversation as a family and they start to speak and you make sure you don’t speak over them. You don’t interrupt and cut it off because you know you’ve got a particular point that you’re trying to make. You just make sure that they’re literally heard in, in those moments. Let them finish their thoughts and then actively engage in whatever comment that they made, you know, whatever your feedback may be to that to let them know that you’re engaged in the conversation and that they are heard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:00]:
And I know we talked beforehand about some of the things that she really likes when we were chatting about you coming on the show. And all of our daughters have their own passions, their own dreams, the things that light them up. You talked about her reading. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Charlie Davis [00:06:17]:
Well, actually for the most part right now. Besides, I mean, reading is definitely one of her favorite hobbies. But as far as a passion, she is all about animals, all things animals. She has a love for every animal that exists. And there’s a shadow day coming up for, you know, particular careers and things like that. And we have a good relationship with our veterinarian and she’s probably going to end up going shadowing there and working with the animals for the day. We have been out to the, the animal shelter several times for a particular dog that we saved a couple years ago to go visit and she’s also involved in horseback riding, which, you know, another completely different animal. Literally.

Charlie Davis [00:06:56]:
But anything that involves animals that she can actually do something positive with or make an impact, we make sure to get her there, let her know about those upcoming events so she can participate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]:
Hello. Well, Harper, thanks so much for being on the show. I really appreciate you sharing your voice. Can you share a favorite memory with your dad that’s really made you feel close to him?

Speaker D [00:07:17]:
I played basketball with him this weekend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
It sounds like fun. Sounds like a lot of fun. I heard you love reading books. And has your dad done anything to be able to help you, kind of to foster that reading in you over the years?

Speaker D [00:07:30]:
Well, he buys.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]:
I love it. What’s one thing that your dad does that helps you to feel that you can be confident in who you are and who you want to be?

Speaker D [00:07:42]:
Maybe, like, whenever he tells me, like, stuff before, like a quiz or something, like, I had a math EOG today.

Charlie Davis [00:07:48]:
They may not know what EOGs are. That’s end of grade testing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:51]:
Okay.

Charlie Davis [00:07:51]:
But usually before any tests or anything like that, she does go over a lot of stuff with her mom as well, to review things and then kind of follows up with me on subjects that I’m particularly proficient in just to make sure she’s on the right track. And I let her know that she is. And if she’s not, then we make sure that she is before the test actually starts.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:07]:
Harper, is there anything that your dad does that really shows you that you can always count on him?

Speaker D [00:08:12]:
You always get very protective when I talk about boys. I mean, I bet you I could call you and you’d be like, oh, yeah, I’m going to pick you up. Sure, yeah, yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:08:20]:
If you called me from anywhere, I would come pick you up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:22]:
Let’s flip that around to you there, Charlie. What’s one way that you think that you try to show Harper that she can always count on you?

Charlie Davis [00:08:29]:
Well, I mean, I’m not exactly one of the dads that tries to avoid too many conversations when the girls are speaking. I like to let her know that if she does want to talk to me about something, whether it is a boy or not, that if she has something she wants to know or something she’s trying to figure out, I’m still going to help answer. I mean, at least to the best of my ability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:48]:
And what’s a tradition or a routine that both of you have created together that really allows for you to be able to create that strong bond together, something that you share?

Charlie Davis [00:08:58]:
I’d say A lot of times, because, you know, with traveling, with work every now and then, and her mom does as well. And especially whenever a mom is out of town and, you know, just dad in charge, we tend to stay up a little later than we should. We have a couple of shows every now and then that, you know, we will binge watch together and just kind of stay up and talk in between each episode. And it’s just something that we typically always do anytime that the free time is allowed. It’s just something that we always kind of look forward to whenever we have the opportunity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]:
Anything else you want to share, Harper?

Speaker D [00:09:27]:
Well, like, whenever he says good night

Charlie Davis [00:09:29]:
to me, it’s like saying good night to you.

Speaker D [00:09:31]:
Yeah.

Charlie Davis [00:09:31]:
Every night. Yeah. No. Okay. Yeah. We’re just making sure that I do have the. The good night and I love you. Every single night before she goes to bed and not skipping that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:40]:
That’s always important.

Speaker D [00:09:41]:
And for some reason you say, be careful. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, hit my head on the bed?

Charlie Davis [00:09:45]:
Yes. We do have a saying that’s been around since she was very, very little. You know, every time we leave the house, we always tell each other, hey, you know, be careful. Just kind of a thing, you know, besides, I love you too. And she did not know that that was mainly for leaving the house when she was younger. And she repeated that back to me one night before she was going to bed and said, be careful. So it was a laugh. We laughed about it.

Charlie Davis [00:10:06]:
And I want to say she was not much more than two, maybe three, and kind of an ongoing inside joke that every night it’s be careful. Love you, night, night, get some sleep. And so the be careful makes no sense to anyone else but us, but it’s just an inside joke that we’ve had before she goes to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:24]:
It’s always important to have those inside jokes, something that the two of you that are special for the two of you, something that’s meaningful, that definitely creates those bonds and allows you to be able to strengthen them and be able to always have something that’s just your own. I love it. Now, I always finish our interviews, what I like to call our dad connection. 6. And usually I ask the dads, only the dads, these questions. But, Harper, I’m going to ask you too. So you have to do your best and see what you can answer. Harper, I’ll start with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:48]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Speaker D [00:10:52]:
Humorous.

Charlie Davis [00:10:53]:
And, Charlie, I was actually going to go along the same lines as funny. Humorous. There are always Jokes. He did.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:59]:
Harper, what’s the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?

Speaker D [00:11:02]:
Well, there’s a few, but I can’t say them.

Charlie Davis [00:11:04]:
Okay, well, I know. Do as I say, not as I do. Oh, okay.

Speaker D [00:11:08]:
Don’t do what your brother does.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
And, Charlie, what’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Charlie Davis [00:11:15]:
Do not get too complacent. There’s always someone out there working just as hard, if not harder than you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:21]:
And, Harper, what’s one activity that you and your dad love doing together?

Speaker D [00:11:26]:
I mean, sometimes we just, like, drive places. Like, I go with them to go places and stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]:
And, Charlie, what would you say to that?

Charlie Davis [00:11:32]:
Typically, if I have to make a trip to the grocery store or run an errand to do anything, I just ask if she wants to go with me, just because that’s. That’s a lot of the times whenever we will actually be in the car together, just us. And if we’re not singing some goofy song together or making up our own words of that song, then that’s a lot of times when our conversations are actually sparked because there. There’s no outside interference. It’s just her and I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:53]:
Okay, next two questions are just for you, Charlie. If you could give Harper one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Charlie Davis [00:12:01]:
Never doubt yourself and that your support system is always here for you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:06]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Charlie Davis [00:12:10]:
Always doubt yourself before you approach a situation. When it comes to having a daughter, reevaluate the way that you’re going to approach it first, especially if you’ve learned through having a son first and then completely recalculate everything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]:
And, Harper, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Speaker D [00:12:32]:
Well, you kind of got to be careful with what you say because, well, the daughters always eavesdrop. So you got to be like, you got to think it over all the time.

Charlie Davis [00:12:40]:
They’re always listening, always listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]:
What about you, Charlie?

Charlie Davis [00:12:44]:
Don’t be so serious all the time. Make sure that you know, that you’re approachable, that, you know, smile. I mean, laugh with your daughter. Make jokes about things. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t have a conversation, that you can’t enjoy each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]:
Well, Charlie Harper, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your story. And I know it’s not over. There’s definitely going to be more things coming as life goes on. But I really appreciate you taking some time today to share your relationship with us and for taking some time to be able to reflect back and to help other dads. And I wish you both the best.

Charlie Davis [00:13:18]:
Well, it was an honor being on here. I really appreciate you having us and I hope you have a great one and hope that we can speak again soon.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:25]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence, confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:13:56]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling Astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen and get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Supporting Passions: A Father-Daughter Story of Trust, Creativity, and Growth

May 18, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

On the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis brings listeners an inspiring and heartfelt conversation with Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. This episode dives deep into the journey of father-daughter relationships, the importance of celebrating individuality, and how simple acts of connection can shape a daughter’s confidence and independence.

One of the standout themes is the power of acceptance and encouragement. From a young age, Eva shares how Drew Bennett always made her feel seen, heard, and valued – whether through supporting her interests in comics and pop culture, or giving her the freedom to express herself creatively. Eva Bennett highlights moments where her dad invested wholeheartedly in her passions, from discussing favorite characters to spending weekends at comic conventions. These shared experiences became more than hobbies; they were opportunities to bond, laugh, and build trust.

Cosplay, in particular, played a unique role in strengthening their connection. Eva Bennett describes their adventures crafting costumes for conventions, often designing duo costumes (like Lord of the Rings’ Eowyn and Theoden or Spider-Verse’s Peter B. and Mayday Parker). Drew Bennett shows up not just as her dad, but as a supportive partner in creativity – accompanying her to events, holding props, and celebrating her success.

But this episode isn’t just about shared interests – it’s also about giving children the independence to grow. Drew Bennett reflects on the balance of guidance and freedom, stressing the value of supporting his daughter’s choices and letting her explore her own path. Eva Bennett expresses gratitude for this sense of trust, which helped her feel safe sharing challenges and seeking advice.

As Eva prepares to leave for college, both reflect on how their relationship will evolve. They promise to keep in touch through quick texts, TikToks, and special traditions like convention weekends, showing that even as life changes, strong roots make lasting bonds.

In their closing advice, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Drew Bennett, and Eva Bennett urge other parents to “meet your kids where they’re at.” Even if you don’t fully understand their passions, dive in, listen, and show that you care.

If you’re a dad (or a parent) hoping to nurture a close, meaningful relationship with your daughter (or child), this episode is packed with authentic stories, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that showing up – whatever form it takes – truly matters.

Listen to this powerful episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover how small moments can forge lifelong connections. Subscribe today and join the journey toward building stronger family bonds!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect and work with each other, to be able to work, go on a journey together. Because all of us as fathers are on a journey as we’re trying to build that relationship with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And that’s why this show exists every week. I love being able to have you here to listen, to, learn, to be able to show up. Because by showing up, not only are you doing this for yourself, but you’re doing it for the relationship between you and your daughter. And that’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences, and I always love it when I have the opportunity to be able to have a father and a daughter on the show, because I know it. It doesn’t always happen, but today I do. And today I’m introducing to you Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. And I’ve known Eva since she was very young, virtually. I’ve known Drew for many years as well, and Drew’s been a guest on other podcasts that I’ve had, but we’ve never had Drew and Eva on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]:
And I’m really excited to be able to have them both on to talk about the journey that they’ve been on, and I’m looking forward to introducing them to you. Drew, Eva, thanks so much for being here today.

Drew Bennett [00:01:58]:
Oh, thanks for having us.

Eva Bennett [00:01:59]:
Thank you for having me.

Drew Bennett [00:02:00]:
It’s my pleasure. I love being able to have dads and daughters on, and I guess I’m going to be asking both of you some questions because I want to get a better sense of your relationship. And I’m going to start with you, Eva. What’s one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Eva Bennett [00:02:20]:
I think that’s something that, honestly, my dad has always been really, really good at is, like, making sure that I feel seen and heard, and especially in terms of, like, what I’m interested in at the time, because I definitely got a nerdy streak from my dad. So when I was growing up, he had all of these things like Transformers and Marvel and stuff that he was really into, and he would share with me on, like, a child appropriate level. And then when I got older and started to have my own interests and stuff, he was always really good about making sure that I had space to talk about that and to talk about what I care about and feel like I was able to share that stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]:
I guess I want to flip that a little bit, because, you know, you just heard Eva talk about that you supported her passion in the things that were most important to her. How did you support Eva in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Drew Bennett [00:03:12]:
Well, like, Eva was talking about some of the shows and things that she likes, and really, it was just like, giving her the space to explore certain things that, you know, I did certainly try to influence some of the loves of different nerdy genres, specifically Transformers. I am a huge fan of that and have a huge collection. You know, one of the things, it’s like, I really want to share my collection of toys with the kids and. And they really didn’t care too much about the toys. But early on, we watched some of the shows together, and Eva found characters that spoke to her, and we would talk about the characters and what those characters like, and any chance I got to expose Eva to different characters that would. Would speak that I thought would speak to her, I would. So I found Avatar the Last Airbender. And I was like, all right, with both kids, we’re gonna.

Drew Bennett [00:04:08]:
We’re gonna sit down and watch this, because this is a fantastic show. And we watched one episode, and they’re like, eh, it was good. And then I don’t know when it was, like, months later, Eva finds it on Netflix and watches all the seasons. I was like, what? I like, there was things like, I want to spend this time. I want to have these things that we can talk about. So there are a lot of different. I think a lot of it started with pop culture stuff that we could connect with. And so every year, I would bring Eva to Free Comic Book Day, which I collect comics.

Drew Bennett [00:04:39]:
We love comics. And when Eva was real little, I’d be at Free Comic Book Day with a little Power Ranger Princess with me. And then Eve would start to find her own way of expressing in costumes, which is something that has grown into something that’s even more of a passion for Eva is. Is costuming, which I’m sure we’ll talk about later, especially with college and stuff. But those things kind of came about from the influences of different genres of entertainment that we connected with together. I always wanted to, like, when a new show would come out. Way back when, when I was doing stuff with. With Netflix, they had shows like she Ra Came out and Kipo and Voltron.

Drew Bennett [00:05:27]:
And so we would watch these things together, and there would always be different characters that we could discuss a connection with that, you know, maybe Eva had a connection to a specific character, and I had different connections to different characters, but we could always find those sort of things to talk about together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:45]:
Now, speaking of costuming, I know that one of the things that you’ve bonded on over the years is cosplay, and some of that came down to the costumes that Eva, that you created and that you got your dad involved with as well. Why don’t you both talk a little bit about that and those connections that you built through that?

Eva Bennett [00:06:03]:
Yeah, so I’ve always kind of been interested in dressing up as a kid. I remember we used to have. This was like a knight’s cape, so the back had fabric that looked like chainmail, and it was all silver at the top. And there’s a photo of me when I was little in, like, a purple T shirt and leggings and that cape and, like, Thor’s helmet with my foam sword that I had as a kid, and I still have it. So I’ve always been interested in dressing up and mashing together whatever pieces I could find in the costume bin with kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten into some sewing and a lot of fiber arts and a good way for me to put that to use and kind of have, like, a clear goal in mind when I make stuff is to make costumes. So I’ve gone into making a lot of costumes, and dad took us to a convention, I think, in, like, 2019. And I wasn’t sewing at the time, but I put together costumes for all of the days that we were there.

Eva Bennett [00:07:03]:
And then Covid happened. And then a couple years after, I think in maybe 2022, we ended up going back to that same convention. And by then, I had picked up with making and putting together costumes again. And then I think two years ago now, I talked dad into doing a, like, a duo costume with me. And it was a father daughter costume, actually. He went as Peter B. Parker from the Spider Verse movies and I did like a teenage Mayday design. So we did that together and that was really fun.

Eva Bennett [00:07:36]:
And I’m still in the planning phase of this right now, but I’m working on another father daughter costume for us right now, which is Eowyn and King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings. So not exactly father daughter, but close enough. And my dad was awesome enough to let me do that, and he’s going to let me put him in a big crazy costume that I make.

Drew Bennett [00:07:56]:
It’s funny because, like, the costumes that I’ve had, I go as Bobby Singer from Supernatural, which all I have to do is slap a hat on my head and I’ve got the grumpy old man look and the beard and I’ve got this, you know, dirty ball cap that I can be Bobby Singer. And I’ve done that the past two years with Comic Con. We go to it’s Granite State Comic Con in New Hampshire. And that’s become the thing that Eva and I do together. We went as a whole family. I think it was 2018, where the kids kind of participated in the kids costuming side. And then Eva and I went a few times where Eva was in costume and I was the support system of holding all her stuff.

Eva Bennett [00:08:39]:
And you’re really the best for doing that.

Drew Bennett [00:08:42]:
So I do that. But then, oh, you know what? I could do this character. And that was kind of been a bit of a hit because people love Supernatural and I do look like Bobby Singer when I put the costume on. But when we went as Peter B. Parker and Mayday Parker, that was a lot of fun because again, you know, all I had to do is put on schlubby clothes. I did a mixture of the two movies into and across the spider verse. And so where the first one he had the sweatpants and the two different shoes, and then the next one he had the pink robe. So I kind of mixed those two together walking around as Peter B.

Drew Bennett [00:09:18]:
Park with like a. With a Spider man shirt. Eva had a really cool costume that went along with it. And so, yeah, so when Eva’s done working on these ones from Lord of the Rings, which is another genre that when Eva gets into something, she gets fully into it. How many times you’ve watched the special editions of Lord of the Rings? More than I have ever had. Three times at this point.

Eva Bennett [00:09:41]:
And the Hobbit since the beginning of the year, which is when I watched it for the first time. The beginning of the year, we’re only on round two.

Drew Bennett[00:09:48]:
We’re in April, like, I’ve had these movies. I’ve been waiting to watch them on a big screen, and then we got the big screen, and I never watched them, and then I’m like, oh, wait for the kids to watch them. Then I was at Eva’s suggestion to watch Lord of the Rings, so we watched Lord of the Rings and since has watched Lord of the Rings and then gotten so far into it, so. And it’s awesome to watch the progress that Eva’s made, not only within cosplay community and in conventions, but then she’s also turned that love of costuming into a position at school. So been the costume lead for the school’s theater program for the past two years, and. And that’s going to be a focus towards college. So it’s really interesting how the progress has been made. And I am always just in awe that Eva will come downstairs and say, hey, mom, can I borrow crochet needle? And, like, two hours later, she’ll come down with, like, this whole thing that you made, like, oh, yeah, I taught myself on YouTube, and, like, now I can crochet.

Drew Bennett [00:10:50]:
And. And then not just. Just get into it more and more and more to perfect those skills. There’s so many, like, skills that Eva has just developed on her own that it’s just, like, fascinating to me how. How amazing she can do them. I’m like, I. I can’t do any

Eva Bennett [00:11:08]:
of that at all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
So. You know, Drew, one of the things that I’m hearing from you is, I mean, you really have tried to guide Eva over her lifetime in many different ways. She may have taken your advice and may not have. We know that as fathers. But I. One of the things that comes to mind that I wanted to ask you was, as Eva has grown up, how did you balance guiding Eva while also giving her the ability and the independence to become the person that she is becoming?

Drew Bennett [00:11:41]:
I think never really had to say, you have to do things this way, or, like, it’s always just been the freedom to explore what Eve’s wanted to do. I feel that we kind of give the leeway of just like, hey, you want to try this? Try this. You want. The only times I’ve ever, ever pushed on anything was, you got to watch this. Check this out. But I know that if you push Eva, she digs in her heels and, like, no, not going to do it. But then occasionally she’ll go find something like that on her own, and it’s like, oh, I discovered that I’ve been trying to get you to show, like, Like, I’ve been wanting to watch this or do this. Okay.

Drew Bennett [00:12:17]:
I know it’s like, it’s going to be in her own time, and if it’s something that speaks to her, it’s going to be full in 100%. So it’s really just been discovering what those things are. And then I always try to. If there’s something that Eve is into, I’d like to, like, read it or watch it. Some things. There are some things that I just. I never really got into that didn’t speak to me, but it spoke to you. And I understand how that was, how much you enjoyed that.

Drew Bennett [00:12:43]:
There was a lot of, like, Minecraft smp.

Eva Bennett [00:12:46]:
Yes. All the Minecraft stuff that I’ve enjoyed.

Drew Bennett [00:12:49]:
Yeah. So, like, what. These kind of came about during the pandemic where people made these videos. It was just something that Eva liked, and it kind of influenced the different cosplays that she created early on. And Eva would try to explain the storylines and, like, oh, that’s. That’s really, really, really cool. It’s not something that I would be into, but I can appreciate it. And I would try to say, oh, check out this.

Drew Bennett [00:13:17]:
Or it would always just kind of give her the freedom to just explore certain things that were of interest and then try to find what was mutually of of interest to the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]:
And, Eva, how has the relationship with your dad influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Eva Bennett [00:13:39]:
I think dad has talked about giving me a lot of freedom to explore what I’m interested in, look at what I’m interested in, and I think that’s been really important in how in my life, like, I’ve never felt like I was gonna get laughed at, or I never thought that my parents were gonna think it was weird that I was into this thing or, like, so having that kind of relationship definitely made it easier for when I was having a problem or if I wasn’t happy about something, I felt like I could go talk to my parents. Like, I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything, really, because they’ve always given me the space to do what I want to do and have the mutual understanding of, we are giving you this freedom because we trust you, and that’s helped build trust in return.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:21]:
It definitely makes sense. And, Drew, what’s one way that you consistently are showing Eva that she can always count on you?

Drew Bennett [00:14:30]:
I try to be at anything that I can be to support. So if there are shows, if there’s something I know Eva likes, try to get tickets to it or go to different things, but just, I mean, I’m always around. One of the things is I have a weird work schedule. So I think after the first. First year that Eva was born, I was still traveling and I hated it because I never was around. So I switched my whole way of working to work overnights on weekends so that I would be home all week. So we don’t do a lot of weekend stuff, but during the week, I’m always there. We try to have, you know, as a whole family, we try to sit down and have dinner every night, and we all talk about, you know, what went on during the day.

Drew Bennett [00:15:14]:
Might be the same repetitive questions, but we do, you know, get into talking and we know what. What everyone’s into and what they’re doing and how the school days went. And I always found that that was important to be there and home in that way for those meals and, yeah, I think just being around, I guess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]:
Eva, can you share a favorite memory with me that you and your dad shared that made you feel really connected with him?

Eva Bennett [00:15:40]:
I mean, going back to what we’ve been talking about before, but, like, the conventions that we do, it’s like a two hour drive to get there. So I. We get up early, and I’m up at 8 already getting bags packed, getting hair done, makeup done. I’m doing all this stuff. And then we get in the car and I’m like, so hyped up. And then we’re in the car for two hours. And you would think that it would get awkward, but it’s really nice because then dad and I get to chat and he gets to tell me about the book series that he was reading. What was the.

Drew Bennett [00:16:09]:
Yeah, it was a Silvers. Yeah. Book series by a guy named Shane Silvers who wrote about this character named Nate Temple. And it was. This whole guy wrote like 34 books starting in like 2015 or something like that.

Eva Bennett [00:16:22]:
So it’s like a crazy expansive universe. There’s a ton of books, and you’ve read them in like, every order that you can because there’s like multiple series and they overlap in different places. And I’ve tried so hard to follow them. I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I don’t know what happened in that book series. There was so much happening.

Drew Bennett [00:16:40]:
Well, it’s funny because it’s the same thing when you try to tell me about the SMPs, and I’m like, okay, so this one is this, and there’s that, and, oh, okay. But I can recognize Eva’s passion for and love for this thing, whereas she can recognize it in me for what I love and why I love it, but is not gonna remember all the details about it and that I don’t think it really matters what the details of those are. It’s how she feels, talking about it and how it makes her feel and how it’s influenced the friendship she’s made. And we go to a convention, and she is cosplaying this character, Technoblade. The first time we went to the convention, first time we did it was not at Granite State. It was at WickedCon. But we’re walking around and there’s these people. They’re like, hey, Technoblade and Eva less lit up.

Drew Bennett [00:17:29]:
And I still didn’t quite understand the whole Technoblade thing and how important it was, but I know how it made Eva feel, and I saw how it made Eva feel, and that was what was the most important.

Eva Bennett [00:17:40]:
But I really love our drives to conventions because they’re two hours, so we both get a lot of time to talk, and we also get a lot of time to, like, just sit in the quiet if we want to, especially on the way home. We kind of. By the end of the weekend, we’re kind of done. We don’t really want to be around people anymore, so we, you know, sit and we don’t talk to each other for two hours. And that’s great that we’re able to do that and not, like, feel awkward. And we’re not, like, you know, fighting by the end of the weekend. Because as much fun as conventions are, they can also be really stressful because you’re in a place with a lot of people and you’re dressed up and you’re probably not super comfortable in what you’re wearing, but you’re wearing it because you love it. And.

Eva Bennett [00:18:16]:
And, like, you’re hot and gross, and there’s people everywhere, and you’re kind of done. But, like, we have such a good relationship that we can get to the end of those two days and be on the drive home. And the drive home feels like this massive, huge, like, endeavor. And we’re sitting in the car and we’re together, and we’re not talking to each other, but we’re sitting there and we’re. It’s. It’s nice to be able to sit in the quiet with somebody and not feel like you have to fill the space. Like, you can if you want to, but you don’t have to, and that’s going to be okay, too. So all of that to say, I think one of my favorite memories is just doing that convention with you, like, drive up, drive back included.

Eva Bennett [00:18:56]:
Even if the drive back doesn’t seem as fun in the moment.

Drew Bennett [00:19:00]:
Well, it’s funny. I’ve noticed that at the end of a school day, if you had a particularly tough school day, I pick Eva up from school most of the time that I might ask a question or two at the beginning of the drive, but then the rest of it is in quiet because I know you need time to just process the day and relax without so many questions. And I’m very much the same way. It’s like I’m home by myself all day, and then I don’t hear a lot of things. I don’t talk a lot throughout the day. And sometimes I do want to talk a little bit, but sometimes I’m just like, all right, there’s too much activity coming at me. And I know that you kind of do the same thing or feel the same way sometimes with that. And I try to be like, okay, we could just be comfortable in the quiet.

Drew Bennett [00:19:44]:
And we know it’s not that anybody’s feeling any feelings of, like, resentment or anything. It’s just that we know we need some quiet time. That’s all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]:
You know, I can tell this bond that you have is a very strong one. We touched on it just a second ago. But, Eva, you’ve got some big changes coming, right? You’re heading to college, going to be taking that passion for costuming on to your dream school. And I guess I want to talk about that a little bit, because your relationship’s going to change a bit, and you’re not going to have that person to talk to all the time. Right? Neither of you will. So talk to me about either the conversations you’ve already had or how that makes you feel in regards to this change that’s coming.

Eva Bennett [00:20:25]:
I mean, it’s definitely going to be a big change, but I’m not going to be too far from home. So I can. If I’m really missing being at home and missing being near mom and dad, I can come home. I’m not allowed home within the first two months, but according to Mom.

Drew Bennett [00:20:40]:
Okay, I was going to say I didn’t. I didn’t say that.

Eva Bennett [00:20:42]:
According to Mom, I’m not allowed back in the first few months, but after that, if I. If I feel like I need to come home and I need to be with you guys, I can do that, and that’s okay. And I am also. I know that if I need you guys When I’m not able to be back home, I can call you guys for whatever, and I might need a little bit of a push reminder to give you guys updates on what I’m doing. And that’s just because I really am terrible at talking to other people and keeping them updated on stuff. So that might be a little bit of a struggle. Just because I have a bad memory when it comes to, like, you know, sharing my projects and giving update pictures. Because I just go and I do stuff and I don’t.

Eva Bennett [00:21:22]:
I’m normally not sharing it with anybody, so I kind of. I forget that there are other people who, like, want to see that. So I think that’s going to be a little bit difficult. But I know that, like, if I need something or if I just want to talk to you guys, I can call, I can text. I think it’ll be fine. I will miss you guys, though. I’ll miss being, like, in the same house.

Drew Bennett [00:21:40]:
Yeah, it’s definitely something that is not going to hit me until it hits me and thinking about it. We’ve already made our plans for September to go to the convention again, so we have that to look forward to. I’ll come up to school, pick Eva up for the weekend, and we’ll go to the. To the convention. We’ve got that. But, like, other ways, too, that we kind of communicate in our own little ways is that we’ll, like, send each other different tiktoks of things that we love. So, like, there’s a guy who does, like, what is it, the mandolin or the liar who will takes, like, 80s songs or other songs and does, like, medieval covers. Yeah, medieval covers of, like, 80s hair bands and stuff like that.

Drew Bennett [00:22:22]:
Because since you drive to school with me, you’re going to get the 80s hair band playlist and also metal and stuff like that. It was just funny because when Eva and I were in Krav Maga, when we were taking that, our sensei would always play these different songs that are always on our playlist. He’d quiz the teens and be like, who. Who sings this? So. And Eva would always know it because it was in the car, because this is the stuff that I listened to, which is fun. But then we find something like that we know that particularly speaks to our interests. We’ll send a quick little TikTok that we might have found back and forth and that, you know, to me it’s just another way of saying, like, I see you and I see what you love. And this made me think of you.

Drew Bennett [00:23:03]:
That’s How I send those things along in, you know, just like, another way. So if we don’t talk all the time, okay. I want to see everything that’s going on. But I know Evie’s got to have this room to grow and make these new connections and these new friendships. But I know that there’s always, like, space for her mom and dad. But we’re not going to be overbearing in that way. We’re going to miss her, certainly. But to wanting to be at every point of thing, we want to be there for the big stuff, and I mean, also for the little stuff, to be supportive, but we don’t have to be there every minute holding hands kind of thing.

Drew Bennett [00:23:38]:
So I think what I’ve seen Eva in the past few years, specifically growing up and becoming more independent with stuff, has been amazing. So Eva started her first job last year where she does a teaching assistant for a summer science school. And seeing Eva meet a whole group of kids that became great friends, I was like, I’m not worried about Eva making friends in college because I think no matter where Eva goes, gonna find her people. And I think that’s great. It’s very. They find deep friendships, so that’s a good thing I see happening. And so, yes, I’m going to miss Eva big time, and I don’t want to know what’s going on. And I think on our end, we have to maybe prompt.

Drew Bennett [00:24:23]:
Hey, what are you working on this week? Or, you know, things like that, but not too much, you know, I mean, I don’t want to be like, constantly, hey, give me an update, give me an update. But once in a while, what’s going on? Or once in a while, I was thinking of this. Are you into this? Have you heard about this? That sort of thing. Just finding the ways that we could continue to connect across being away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:43]:
Now, I always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 6 and usually it’s just a dad on. But now that I have both of you, I’m going to ask you both the questions. So, Eva, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Eva Bennett [00:24:55]:
Like, the first word that came to mind was silly. Because I feel like we like. Of course we’re able to have really important talks and we’re able to talk about stuff like that, but we’re also able to be silly and talk about stuff that doesn’t feel as important but kind of it still is. That was the first word that came to mind.

Drew Bennett [00:25:14]:
I can see that too, because I know that, like, when you were little, we’d play certain music, and I do silly dances, and you’re only the person who sees the silly dances. And I can be silly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:27]:
And what word would you say, Drew?

Drew Bennett [00:25:30]:
I would say independent. That Eve has always been independent, fights for what she believes in, and is just very, very strong in that. In the. In the independence. So what. You asked what it describes our relationship, didn’t you?

Eva Bennett [00:25:47]:
Yep.

Drew Bennett [00:25:47]:
Not what describes Eva. Is that a question for later? I’m sorry, Did I just totally mess that up? That is how I think of Eva. But, like, our relationship, I want to say, like, the word is fandom, that we appreciate the fandoms that we enjoy, and we can appreciate each other’s. So I think that’s helped us bond is the different things that we love together and separately and how we can talk about them together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]:
And, Eva, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Eva Bennett [00:26:17]:
I feel like just the message of be yourself and you’ll find your people, because that’s something I’ve always been very worried about, and that’s something that you seem to have no worries about for me on my behalf. So I think that’s. That’s a big piece of advice that I have gotten a lot, if not. If I haven’t internalized it entirely yet. But it’s something that I have gotten and has always been a very important message to me from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:40]:
What about for you, Drew? What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Drew Bennett [00:26:44]:
I think from my dad, I used to work with him cleaning up, and he was a contractor, and on the job sites, I would do a lot of the cleaning. And that has helped me in different jobs over the years. It’s like, if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean. I know that’s mostly in the restaurant business, which I kind of picked up a second job to do that. And that has always just been my. There’s always something that you can do to help, to be. To be useful, and that’s always something that he may have. Might never have said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean.

Drew Bennett [00:27:13]:
But that’s like how I’ve internalized that, is that if you’re there, you’re there to help, to work, and to do what you can. And that’s what I’ve taken with anything that I’ve ever done is like, you know, you’re there. You do what you can while you’re there sort of thing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:27]:
Now, this is a question that we’ve been talking a lot about. And it may be the same answer, but you can have a different answer. So I’m just going to say that. So, Eva, what’s one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Eva Bennett [00:27:38]:
I mean, saying going to a convention feels like cheating, because that’s what we’ve talked about this whole time. But that’s definitely my favorite thing. That’s our thing that we do, just the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]:
Drew, do you want to give a different answer?

Drew Bennett [00:27:49]:
I mean, that is definitely something that I love doing, but I also just like nerding out over something that we both enjoy. So talking about it in such depth, because one of the things Eva will do is that after reading something, like a lot of books. So we both really loved the Percy Jackson series. And it was funny because that was the series that I was like, you gotta read this. I know you’re gonna love it. And he’s like, nah, now I like this other thing. No, no, no, no. And then Eva’s cousins was reading it, and they decided to swap and say, okay, you read this, I’ll read this.

Drew Bennett [00:28:24]:
And then Percy Jackson became the more interesting thing than the other. Oh, no. Oh, okay.

Eva Bennett [00:28:30]:
Sorry. I’m gonna cut in for a second. When we swapped, I still didn’t like it until you got tickets to see the musical.

Drew Bennett [00:28:35]:
That’s right.

Eva Bennett [00:28:36]:
You made me come and see the musical, and that’s when I started to love it, and I loved it so much that I got a T shirt when I was there, and that’s still in my closet somewhere.

Drew Bennett [00:28:44]:
Yeah.

Eva Bennett [00:28:44]:
So sorry. I just had to get the timeline right. Right.

Drew Bennett [00:28:46]:
And then there. So. And then there. There’s. And we can always find something to talk about there in that. So with the different characters and stuff like that. So bonding over, like, our love of reading. Both big readers.

Drew Bennett [00:28:58]:
Right now, I’m more audio because I just don’t have the time, and I love audiobooks so much. I may also. I will read a book, but I just love so many of the different ways that people do the narration of audiobooks. It’s amazing. So I love that. But it’s also absorbing what’s going on in the books and being able to talk about the books. And we have this really beautiful bookstore in our area called Unlikely Story that’s actually owned by the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jeff Kinney. You haven’t run into him? No, he’s there all the time.

Drew Bennett [00:29:27]:
But I’ve never met him and never run into him.

Drew Bennett [00:29:29]:
But he has such a wonderful bookstore, and that we love going there for books and just bonding over books, I think is something that. And if Eva’s reading something that just really, really into, it might not be the genre that I’m into, but I’ll give it a try. And one of the books she really loves, I read it, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So discovering new things together is fairly important too.

Eva Bennett [00:29:52]:
My answer kind of felt like I was cheating. The father daughter dance for school. We’ve always done that together. That’s something that we really enjoy doing together, and that kind of feels like a cliche. Cause, like, every. Pretty much every dad and daughter does that, because that’s, like, the thing specifically for them.

Drew Bennett [00:30:08]:
But, yeah, I mean, not every school has it, but it has been something that has been important part of our lives, because we even have our little things that we do at the father daughter dance. Like, we take the selfie with the dessert, or we’ll dress alike with. To match.

Drew Bennett [00:30:24]:
Done that the past, you know, years. And that’s something that I really, really love. Yeah.

Drew Bennett [00:30:28]:
And every time we go to get the picture, people are like, wow, how you guys? Because it’s just, like, I want to support in one way that shows that we’re there together and having a good time. And it’s not just, all right, all the girls go off and dance together, and all the dads sit at the table. There’s some of that. I don’t dance so much, but I’ll dance enough. But. But we do. That has been a good one. And this.

Drew Bennett [00:30:49]:
This was our last one this year, so that was kind of tough.

Eva Bennett [00:30:52]:
It was a good one.

Drew Bennett [00:30:53]:
It was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:56]:
Now, Drew, the next two questions are for you.

Drew Bennett [00:30:58]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:59]:
If you could give Eva one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Drew Bennett [00:31:03]:
Pursue happiness. What it is that makes you happy. It might be hard, but that is going to be the thing that’s going to be the most important as you go through life. So do that thing that makes you happy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:14]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Drew Bennett [00:31:18]:
I know early on, I did not have very much patience, especially with more Eva’s brother. But I’ve developed much more of that in a way that, like, there’s so much that doesn’t matter as far as, like, the things that I got stressed out about that just didn’t matter. But the things that do matter are the things that stick. So I try to give the kids Just the freedom to do that which they want to do, because I know that they’re smart kids. They’re. They’re good and kind kids. That is probably one of the most important things, is that they’re good and kind. They think about other people and just not a lot of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:54]:
So, Eva, in closing today, and Drew, you’ll have a chance at this, too. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Eva Bennett [00:32:04]:
Try to connect with them about things that they love, like meet them where they’re at. And I know dad has talked about that a lot, but I think that that’s a really important part of why we have such good relationship, because he’s talked about trying and reading books and stuff that I love, because there was a book that I like four times last that I loved so much, and you read it. You borrowed my copy, and you read it, and you didn’t love it. It wasn’t really your thing. You didn’t entirely get it, but you knew that I loved it, so you still gave it that try. And I think it’s things like that that are why we are able to have such a good relationship. Try and meet your kids where they’re at. Even if you don’t totally get it, give it a shot, because it might give you an opportunity or, like, a window into understanding them better.

Drew Bennett [00:32:45]:
You definitely meet them where they are and you find something that the two of you can enj. It might be something that you didn’t know or you were adverse to doing. Like, maybe your daughter loves cooking, so you experiment with cooking together. Or they love photography or they love I’m not a sports guy. Maybe they love sports, but, like, wherever they’re into, be into it enough that you can talk about it and show that you’re making an effort into what they like. That’s a good way to just start the ball rolling is be there where your child is at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:25]:
Well, Drew, Eva, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And, Eva, I wish you the best as you go forward into the next step of your journey into college and beyond. And, Drew, thank you for sharing this special bond that you have together, and I wish you both the best.

Eva & Drew Bennett [00:33:44]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:44]:
Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad, dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming, passing? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world you now Be the best dad you can

Musical Performer [00:35:47]:
be

Musical Performer [00:35:50]:
Be the best dad you can.

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters

October 13, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a can’t-miss listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features a heartfelt conversation with Alex Greenwood, father of an almost 17-year-old daughter, who opens up about the everyday realities, challenges, and rewards of being a present and engaged dad.

The Power of “Hey, Dad” Moments

One of the episode’s core themes is the importance of creating and treasuring meaningful moments—sometimes in the simplest ways. Alex shares about his “hey dad” moments, where his daughter pops downstairs to sit and talk, checking in on him and sharing her world. These moments, whether brief or lasting for hours, have become the heartbeat of their connection. As Alex says, “these conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours… and we talk about everything.” These authentic check-ins remind us that genuine connection isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s nurtured in consistency and willingness to simply be available.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Another central theme is the delicate balance between guiding and giving independence. Alex describes the challenge of working demanding hours, yet prioritizing availability for his daughter, whether it’s teaching her to change windshield wiper fluid or sending a supportive text on a long workday. He emphasizes that, especially with teens, “availability” is key—not forcing connection, but being there when she seeks it.

Intentional Parenting: Preparing for Life’s Realities

Alex and his wife have been intentional about preparing their daughter not for control, but for independence. They’ve communicated their evolving roles—from “bosses” when she was young, to “supervisors” during college, and eventually “consultants” and “friends.” Through practical life lessons—whether teaching financial literacy through a make-your-own business project or discussing the realities of loss—they empower her with resilience, critical thinking, and empathy.

Conversations that Matter

The episode doesn’t shy away from tough topics: discussing impermanence and loss, embracing vulnerability, and fostering trust through honest communication. Alex reminds fellow dads to “give yourself permission to be human” and always talk to your kids with respect.

Listen to Grow as a Dad

If you’re seeking real-life stories, practical tips, and inspiration for meaningful father-daughter connections, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Be reminded that being the dad your daughter needs is about showing up, growing together, and cherishing the journey—bumps, laughs, and all.

Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and start building those memorable moments today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:56]:
As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We are working our tail off trying to build these amazing relationships that we want to have with our daughters one step at a time. And I’ll tell you, it’s not always going to be easy. There’s going to be bumps in the roads and you have to be able to sometimes be humble and know if you make mistakes, you’re going to pick yourself back up and keep going. And it’s so important that not only that you know that, but it’s so important that you’re willing to learn, to grow and to listen, because there are so many individuals around us that are fathering in different ways, and there is no one right way to father. That’s why this podcast exists, because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering their children in different ways and they can bring some perspective for you to consider for yourself. Doesn’t mean you’re going to take everything that you’re going to hear on every episode and turn it into something that you’re going to use today. But it provides you with some tools for your toolbox to allow for you to be able to consider different things and maybe make some adjustments along the way that’ll help you to be the dad that you want to be.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:12]:
This week we got another great guest. Alex Greenwood is with us, and Alex is the father of an almost 17 year old. He’s. And I’m really excited to be able to have him here for him to share some of his own experiences as a father. Alex, thanks so much for being here today.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:26]:
Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here. Thank you.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:28]:
It is my pleasure. Really excited to be able to talk with you today and to. And to Delve a little bit deeper into your relationship with your daughter. And this podcast is all about connection. So I guess first and foremost, one of the things that I’d love to ask you is all of us are on are in a journey of trying to do what we can to be able to build meaningful moments. Meaningful moments that you and I can create with our, with our kids, that they can take with them. Think back to one of those meaningful moments. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Alex Greenwood [00:03:04]:
I am always just surprised is the wrong word. Amaze is too strong a word. But I’m always so energized by and I feel so wonderful. And it’s a very simple thing, Chris. It’s not some life changing, earth shattering thing, but I have a little. It’s not really a man cave. It’s just a place where I go, it’s downstairs and I got a TV and I got a place to read and that kind of thing. And I go down there just because I have a job.

Alex Greenwood [00:03:28]:
I work in communications at a university. I have 12 hour days, I talk to people all day and I have a long commute. So I get to a point where when I finally get home, sometimes I just want to go down there and just recharge a little on my own. I’m one of those ambiverts. I mean, I’m not an introvert by any means, but I do have to charge the batteries a little bit. And sometimes I, I just go down and contemplate and all that. And my daughter, who, her name’s Caroline and she’s going to be 17 next year, but she’s done this thing for a long time. And you know teenagers, I know you have kids that are a little older than that and you know how it is with them, especially in the teenage years, they just get to a point where it’s not that they don’t love you anymore or don’t want to be around you, but they’re doing what they’re supposed to do.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:05]:
They’re starting to kind of break away and become more independent. So sometimes I find myself missing her quite a bit, but I don’t burden her with that. Right? I don’t do, do that. That’s not fair to her. Don’t make her feel guilty for doing what she’s supposed to do. So it’s just interesting. She has this wonderful habit of every now and then popping downstairs, sitting in a chair across from me and saying, hey, dad. And I’m like, well, hey, kid, what’s up? I call her kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:29]:
I’ve always called her kid. She’s my only child. And she just asks me about how I’m doing. She’s like, I just want to check in with you. How you doing? And what I realized, and I call these hey dads now, by the way, but I realize the hey dads are not really just her wanting to hear how I’m doing and. But it’s also her way of saying a couple of things. One, I miss you, dad. And two, I want to tell you what’s going on in my life.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:53]:
And that’s what we do. These conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. And we talk about everything. And I mean everything. Books she’s reading, the TV shows she likes music she loves. Taylor Swift, of course, The Mighty Chiefs, our football team here. You know, speaking of Taylor Swift, we’ll talk about relationship. We’ll talk about her grandparents.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:14]:
Chris it’s how I feel like I might have actually been doing a pretty decent job as a dad, is that she enjoys speaking with me. And I’m not saying she happens. It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens more than enough for me to feel very blessed. And I don’t know if that sounds like anything all that interesting to folks, but for me, it’s just about everything.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:32]:
No, it’s so important, especially as they get older and if they’re still checking in with you, still willing to talk to you, and especially as they get into those upper teen years. I’m not saying that to scare people, because it’s not the same with every kid. And with some kids, teenage years can be easygoing, and then other kids could be harder. But if you have put the time and effort in. In raising your child through the years and built that solid relationship with them along the way, them coming back to you and being willing to continue talking to you, being willing, engage with you, and keeping you as a part of their world is so important. Now, you talked about the fact that you work a ways away from home, so you’re balancing a lot. You’re balancing going to work and coming home and trying to still maintain that connection with her and keeping that balance. So talk to me about balance.

Alex Greenwood [00:06:30]:
And how do you balance not only all of the things that you’re trying to do, but how do you also balance guiding your daughter while also giving her that independence that you want her to have to be able to grow into the person that she’s become becoming?

Alex Greenwood [00:06:42]:
It’s a Real balancing act. And first of all, I’m an older Dad. I was 40 when she was born and so I’m not as spry as I used to. I take care of myself. I work out. My days are averaging 12 hours because I drive about 82 miles each way four days a week to work. I get one work from home day which I can usually take if you put in a 10 hour workday, that’s about a 12, 12 and a half hour workday. And when I, by the time I get home I’m pretty tired.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:06]:
Yet I still manage to. I run a couple of my own podcasts, I write a substack column, I’m working on another book. I find time to do a lot of stuff. But the main thing is though is to develop that availability to my daughter when she, so that she can come talk to me anytime or she can text me or sometimes just, just a connection on texting. She started her first job this summer and she’s, she’s just loving it. She’s loving to be able to raise her own money and buy the things she wants to buy and, and I’ve been so proud of her about that. And what’s interesting is like yesterday, you know, today’s as we record this Chris, today’s their first day of school for junior year in high school and she’s got a hand me down car I gave her. It’s 11 year old car and she loves it and she takes care of it.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:50]:
And I showed her how to. Yesterday I showed her how to change the wall, the windshield wiper fluid. It’s finding moments like that where it may not be all day, it may just be touches like that. A good text and I’ll text her. I’m not gonna lie. I text her sometimes and I just say, hey kid, I love you. I hope you hope you’re having a great day. Or if I have to work, particularly Thursday, it’s going to be about a 15, 16 hour day.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:11]:
I am not going to see her Thursday night. I will text her at some point, maybe a goofy picture of me at work and just say thinking about you. Hope everything’s going great. So for me it’s about being available and understanding that particularly at this age where my kid is at least I have to be available to her when she feels that need to connect with me. And that’s okay. That really is okay. Because when you think back to when your kids were so little, I still remember my kid coming up to me and saying she’s four, will you play with me. And I was running my own business back then.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:43]:
I was working a lot of hours then too. But I did have the wherewithal to know because I had a. My dad didn’t necessarily play with us all that much. But I realized this is important to this kid. She doesn’t have any siblings. I’m here. Let’s do that. So that’s how it evolves, I think for me, I don’t know if I answered your question very effectively, but it’s availability.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:01]:
It’s those touches. No matter how busy you get, remember the one reason you are working so hard is to provide for her. And that’s what I’m doing. And she plans on attending the university where I work. And she’s going to get a nice break on her tuition. So it’s worth it for me when I’m driving all that way. And I miss her a little bit more than I’d like to, knowing that one, I’ll see her a lot more when she comes to university here. I’ll go to lunch with her at least once a week.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:25]:
I told her that. And two, it’ll save her the burden of worrying about student loans too much.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:30]:
You’re lucky because I work in higher ed as well and neither of my daughters want to come to the university where I go to where I work. So. So they’re not getting the tuition benefit that your daughter’s getting. So I say that in jest, but it’s great to be able to have her be. To take that advantage of that. Not only for her, but really for you too, because it again, allows for you to keep that connection.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:51]:
I know she’s an extraordinarily pragmatic person and she’s so different from her mother and I, which is. I’m so glad she’s a jock. She’s a talented athlete. She’s also makes like a 3.8 on average. She’s been accepted into an accelerated medical professionals program. She wants to be a nurse. She knows who she is and she’s a kind person and pragmatic and also understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. She’s an only child being raised by her mother, who’s an only child.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:17]:
I was one of four, but I was kind of the middle. And I think that one reason our daughter’s like that is she was raised by two adults and we never talked baby talk to her. We never talked down to her. We talked to her like a little human. We didn’t talk to her like an adult, but we talked to her like a little human, you know what I mean? And she’s always been extraordinarily verbal and had good verbal skills, which has impressed people. And I think another thing she learned, too, her old man was an old politician. So I taught her, like when she was about 8, how to shake hands with people. And I said, you extend your hand, you look them in the eye, and you use their name and you say, chris, it is lovely to meet you.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:51]:
I’m Caroline, and I’ve seen her do this. Speaking of my dad, we lost my dad in January and we had to go to Oklahoma for the funeral. And she met all these extended family she didn’t really know. Second cousins, third cousins, uncles, aunts, great aunts, you know, all those folks that. You know what I mean? You’re a kid, you have no idea who they are. And she did that without fail. And I can’t tell you how many of my cousins came up and said, good Lord, that young lady, she just walks right up and shakes your hand, looks you in the eye. And I’m so proud of something like that, that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:20]:
Because that’s a skill she can use. When I say it’s a skill, it’s a skill, though, that is indicative of somebody who is a young person who is confident and wants to engage. And I just couldn’t be happier with that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:32]:
It’s such a great skill to be able to have, especially going into a helping profession where you’re going to be having to interact with so many different people. And it’s definitely a skill that all of us should work to help our kids to be able to is making those connections with others and building those intentional connections with others. Speaking of intentionality, talk to me about what you do to intentionally let your daughter know that she is being valued and heard.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:01]:
Well, if I could, I’ll take a step back and tell you a little bit about how my wife and I have been parenting Caroline. And one of the things my wife, Stephanie and I decided early on was that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about preparing your child to stand on her own. And again, I’m an older parent. I am not going to be around, likely for 60 more years, for sure. 50, doubt it. 40, maybe. But the point being, a lot of folks whose parents are younger, they’re going to have more time with, God willing.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:27]:
So I decided early on we decided that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about repairing your child to stand on her own. And so we told Caroline from the time she was very little that for the first part of her life. Your mom and I are your boss now. When you get a little older and you get into college, we’re not necessarily your boss. We’re more like your supervisor. We’re here if you need us, but we still control the purse strings. You know, we have your paycheck, so to speak, and all that, and we expect you to do certain things, but we’re not watching you every minute of the day, telling you what you can, can’t do, what to eat and all that kind of thing like you do with a baby or a little, little kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:57]:
So college, we hope to be like her supervisors, still keeping an eye on her, but letting her take the lead. So then when she graduates and gets a job, we want to become her consultants. And hopefully, as life goes on, we’ll be blessed to be her friends from that point. So along that way, we’ve tried to her with some core values. Respect for herself and others. Curiosity and critical thinking are huge with us. Kindness and resilience. She’s a very talented, very strong athlete.

Alex Greenwood [00:13:24]:
But she’s also realizing as she gets older, she probably isn’t going to walk onto the university volleyball team. She’s good, but she’s probably not going to do that. And she’s fine with it. She knows how the world works in that regard, and she doesn’t take it too hard. And it seems to be working so far, pretty well, this way of raising her and watching her grow into what I believe is a thoughtful, capable young adult who lives those values in her own way. And that’s just been one of the greatest privileges of my life, is to realize that. So that’s some of the things we’ve done to get her ready for life and for her to understand what we expect of her. I’ll just tell you one more little quick anecdote that makes me very proud of her.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:02]:
She’d be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her and telling everybody this stuff, but I’m proud of her. And she had a friend in elementary school, a little boy, and he had an arm that didn’t quite work right, and he was a little awkward. And she would tell us about him and how he. Nobody would sit with him at lunch, so she would sit with him at lunch, and then some other kids started pushing him around, tried to beat him up, and she just jumped right in the middle of it all and said, back off, you’re not doing this. And I’m just. That, that right there, that kind of empathy and that kind of kindness look at the world we live in. I mean, we need people like that. We need generations of people who will step up and say, that’s not right.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:37]:
And so that’s, that’s the instruction we’ve given. Because again, I hark back to this. Again, I don’t like to sound morbid, like I’m going to die tomorrow, God forbid, but I’m not going to be there to protect her forever. And so I like the idea that she’s confident and hopefully she’ll find a mate who will be supportive of her and accent that and accentuate that and have family of her own where she can pass those values on. That’s the most important thing to me.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:03]:
All of us have to have those type of conversations, whether your child’s an only child or they have siblings that are going to be there, because you never know. You never know what will happen. And you need to have those kind of meaningful conversations. So talk to me about how you and your wife have been preparing her. And if a father is hearing this and says, you know, we haven’t had any of these conversations, but I feel like we should start some of these conversations and start preparing our own child for that. Where should someone start?

Alex Greenwood [00:15:32]:
Well, I could give you a practical thing. Would that work for you? One thing during the pandemic. So that would have put her. What was that about three or four years ago, she wanted to start her own mail order era earring business. She was going to make her own earrings and sell them. And long story short, we thought, this is a teachable moment here. Let’s teach her about how commerce works, about how that is. And she’s like, mom, Dad, I know how to make these.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:54]:
And she’s made some stuff. They’re kind of nice earrings. And we said, look, you need capital, though, to, to buy more stuff, to make more earrings and to market these earrings on your website and all that. She goes, yeah. And she said, well, you give me the money. I said, well, no, I won’t give you the money, but your mother and I will invest in you. So we set this whole thing up and we, we even had her draw up a stock certificate for us that we had stock in her company. Forgive me, I forget the name of the company, but, and get this, she got really excited.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:21]:
We taught her what that meant, what investing meant. And then when the pandemic started to let up, there’s a local farmer’s market and we, we applied to get her a booth at the local farm. So every Saturday, she’d go down there and sell these things. And she would pay us back out of what she earned for the materials she bought. Of course, we put that money in her college fund, but she doesn’t know that. Don’t tell her. But anyway, we taught her how to do that. And so that was a lesson we taught her.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:45]:
So now she has a kind of understanding how investing works and how. Kind of an understanding how stocks and bonds kind of work. We try to explain that to her, but also what we’re teaching her are other financial lessons. Okay, I need her to understand how money works. And having a job, by the way, has been very instructive of that. She’s had her first job and she gets it. And she understands taxes and the anguish of taxes. But I try to explain to her that taxes are kind of the price you pay to live in a civilized country.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:10]:
You’re not going to always want to pay them. You’re not going to love them. Sometimes they’re going to be too high, sometimes they’re going to be whatever. But they’re important part of making the country what it is. And so she understands that. So we try to teach her about that and let her understand a credit card, what those are and how dangerous and treacherous those can be. We try to let her know, too, that just, you know, she. You know the old joke about, you know, you hear this all the time, oh, well, I must have more money.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:32]:
I still have checks, but they don’t even use checks anymore, so that’s not even useful. But we teach her those kinds of practices, practical lessons, how to change a tire, what to do if you feel like if you’re out in the car and you feel threatened by somebody, use your phone, find the nearest police station or the nearest public place. Just little things like that. But before anybody thinks I’m some kind of weirdo who just constantly tells her everything’s awful in the world, I don’t. But I want to prepare her for the fact that not everybody is always going to have your best interests at heart, that you got to pay attention, keep, as I’ve said to her many times, keep your head on a swivel, pay attention to your surroundings. Those kind of little lessons, I think, have helped to make her as confident as she is and is helping to make her resilient and confident. And I think she doesn’t fear the world. I think she’s excited to get out there and see the world.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:18]:
And I think a lot of that is that we didn’t baby her. She understood that she had to work to move forward in the world. And that doesn’t mean we don’t spoil her a little bit. Of course we do. We adore her. She’s our child. But we try to make sure she understands those basic things. It’s really not some kind of magic formula.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:32]:
It’s just something that seems to be working for us to do these kinds of practical.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:37]:
I love that because I think, you know, those practical things and getting her to be able to understand it in that way is something that she’s going to always remember and it’s something that she will take with her no matter where she goes. So it is definitely something that I think others can also put into action and try for themselves. Now, you talked about not being morose, and you talked about the fact that you may be here for 30, 40 more years, but then at some point you are going to pass on. And that’s not always an easy conversation to have with a child is to talk about the fact that all of us are mortal. We’re not all going to be here forever. And there’s always that first time where they impact death for the first time. So talk to me about beyond the practical nature of preparing her to stand on her own, having those conversations that are hard. And give me some examples of how you’ve had those type of conversations with your daughter and how you started those and how you continue those.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:34]:
Well, as I mentioned, I lost my dad unexpectedly. He was a distracted driver of injuries from that event eventually killed him. And so we knew he wasn’t doing great for a few weeks. And my daughter and her mother, I couldn’t get away from work. I’d seen him on my own, but they went down to Oklahoma to see him. And he was alert and talking to her and. And she came back and I. She was quiet about it.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:57]:
And she said, dad, I. I don’t know how pop’s doing. I said, he’s not doing great, kid, but it’s important to him that you came down there to see him. And I didn’t broach. I didn’t have to. I think she intuited that he was not doing so great. And then he got Covid. That was the end.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:12]:
He couldn’t fight Covid after that. The point being, when we lost him, I found out I was at work and I had to drive 85 miles before I could get home and tell her. And I came home and tell her and she just. She fell apart. But it was not the first death she had experienced. One of her best friends was killed in A car wreck when she was about 8 years old, 9 years old. So she understands the impermanence of life. She understood it unfortunately, pretty early, but.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:34]:
And she cared about her friend, don’t get me wrong, but to lose your papa, your grandfather. I think that I could see a change in her. And I hope this doesn’t sound strange, Chris, but, you know, I mentioned going to the funeral and being very mature, and I was. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t. I was a wreck. And I’ve been the eulogist at several family things, as you could probably tell. I don’t have a problem talking, but I couldn’t do it with my dad. And I wrote up a little essay and I asked her, would it be okay if you read it? And I said, you can feel free to say no, it’s a lot of pressure to put on you, but if you could get up in front of everybody and read it.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:06]:
She didn’t blink. She says, I’ll do it, dad. And she got it and read it and she did a beautiful job. She held it together. And when she was walking to sit down, some weird was like. It was like at a concert, somebody said something like, bravo, young lady, or really well done or something, you know, just called that out to her. And I realized that she really had. In just those few short weeks since he was injured, I saw her grow up a little bit and realized the.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:30]:
About that impermanence. And so we’ve had regular discussions about when her mother and I are gone. She asked me the other day, she said, dad, it’s occurred to me that, you know, I’m getting ready to go to college in a couple of years. And I know it’s not my business to know all about the family finances at this point, but how are we going to pay for that? I know that I’ll get your tuition break and all that, but what about extras? Will we be able to afford for me to have a dorm room? And, you know, she’s starting to ask these questions and she doesn’t ask them out of any kind of other thing than she’s starting to realize I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to be making a transition into a different part of my life soonish. And I think the fact that we’ve never sugarcoated stuff because she’d asked me when she was a kid, what happens when we die. I said, I don’t know, I don’t know. She says, what about religion? I said, if religion helps you, absolutely.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:17]:
I went through a phase where the family. We went to church and I was an elder in my church. I don’t go anymore. It’s not something I’m all that interested in anymore. But I told her, go anytime or I’ll take you. And she would go with her friends. I don’t know if it made much of an impression on her either. And I could hear religious people out there groaning.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:32]:
But it’s like, you know, I can’t force her. When I was a kid, I was kind of forced to go to church and I hated it. And I just told her, I’m not going to force you to do that, but I’m going to definitely expose you to it. I want you to see it, I want you to feel it. So I guess what I’m trying to say here, Chris, and again, pardon me for just going on, but is just that we tried to offer her the opportunity to experience things. We rarely say no to something unless it could be dangerous. We let her meet people, we let her go do things. We try to answer her questions.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:59]:
But you remember what I said earlier, We’ve always just kind of talked to her a lot, like a little person. Well, we just feel like we’re paying her the compliment of her intellect and her personhood to just tell it straight the way we know it. I don’t get, you know, brusque about it or anything like that. And I, I don’t get all worked up about it. And it seems to work for us. It’s just, it’s just honesty and being candid. If I were to grow up again, I would appreciate straight talk to my folks.

Alex Greenwood [00:23:20]:
And so many of our folks didn’t have those type of conversations with us. So I think our generation are definitely doing a lot better than our own parents did or their parents did before them. And that’s a broad generalization because some of our parents did a great job and continue to do a great job if they’re still in our lives, in preparing for the inevitability of life and. But what I’m hearing you say, Alex, is we can do even better. And that the more that we can prepare our kids in a non morose way, the better they’re going to be able to prepare for it themselves and stand alone or stand together in that time. That is challenging.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:02]:
Chris, I really do believe that this has also made her appreciate the moments that she has with her mother and I and her grandparents, her living grandparents. She has said to me that all the time we’ve done certain things, gone on trips or some Things have happened. And she said, I’m going to. Basically said, I’m going to try to hold on to this. I want to remember this. So I think we’ve managed accidentally through all of this to set a stage for her to say, this is your journey on this earth, we’re here to help, or your consultants, et cetera. We’re going to be here for a while and then it’s on you to do this. But I appreciate that she has picked up on the fact that the impermanence is a factor.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:35]:
And I’ve always told her I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life. Her mother’s very successful in what she’s done. I failed more than I succeeded. I have. I could bore you with all these things I’ve tried in my life that I completely failed at. But she knows about most of it and she’s told me before. She says, I just love dad. That you tried, that you’re out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:51]:
I said, I was never picked for the ball team. If I got to play, I was on the C team. I was the Bad News Bears team and I wasn’t even any good. But the point was I tried. Did you play T ball and Little League at all? I always got money. Ghost spirited player at the end of every season, which is not mvp, folks. And I told her, you gotta try, kid. I always tell her that you gotta get out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:11]:
And throughout her life I’ve just said, what’s it gonna hurt you to try?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:15]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:23]:
Sure.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:24]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:28]:
Trust.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:29]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:33]:
Oh, wow, that’s a tough one, Chris. I think the best dad advice I ever got was with my uncle. And he just, he was like a kindly favorite uncle type. He was just like. He basically said, don’t talk down to your kid. Basically because he was my, one of my uncles who I adored and, and he, he never talked down to me. And I always remembered when Uncle Robert talked to me, I always felt special. And I was one of 22 grandchildren.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:55]:
But I always felt like Uncle Robert thought I was the only person in the room when he talked to me. So that’s the best advice was don’t talk down to your kid. Make them feel good. Look them in the eye, talk to them.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:03]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughter love doing together.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:06]:
We used to love, when she was little, we’d go to, like, Starbucks. I’d get her a chocolate milk and a cake pop. And now that’s moved up to, like, going to get a cheeseburger. I love just going to lunch with her, just she and I, and just doing more of that. Hey, dad, more of that talking. I just love doing that with her. Just, just love it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:21]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:26]:
In the great casino of life, don’t put all your chips in the center of the table and go all in in your twenties, you’ll regret it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:32]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:36]:
You know that movie Jack Nicholson did years ago, and there’s that great line, and he says, you make me want to be a better man. Something like that. Before I met her mother. Her mother and I’ve been together, all told, about 20 years. And I had a lot of, of relationships that didn’t work real well. Not until then, anyway. The point being, I don’t think I knew how to be. Don’t get me wrong, I was a good person, but I don’t think I met my capacity or my potential for kindness.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:04]:
I think I got into a bit where I felt like every time I was kind to somebody that took advantage of me. So I kind of decided, well, maybe that’s not what to do. And my wife was the first person to kind of start to peel away that veneer. And then, man, the moment I’m standing behind my wife while they did the C section, I lifted my baby out of there. It all. I changed. I know that’s so cliche. Everybody says that, but I, Chris, I did.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:25]:
I changed so, so much when I was the first one to hold her. And she has made me a better man. Caroline, my daughter has. She has absolutely done that. I don’t want to do anything that she would be disappointed in me in.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:38]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alex Greenwood [00:27:46]:
Guys, don’t be too hard on yourself. Chris said this early on, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to say dumb things. We’re going to be tired and cranky. But here’s the thing. You’re not going to believe this, but I, I, well, I don’t believe in corporal punishment first, but that’s, that’s not a big deal these days. I hope I’ve Never really even raised my voice at my daughter. I don’t yell at her when I’m disappointed in her, I tell her.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:05]:
But there’s been moments when I’ve been sharp with her here and there. So few moments, by the way, that I still remember each one of them, like, just a handful. And I think you’ve got to give yourself permission to be human to your daughter and to your kid to apologize when you’re sharp with them and say, hey, I just had a bad day. I was tired. I. And without fail, every time I’ve done that, those few times in my life where I’ve been cross with her or sharp with her, she’s like, dad, it’s all right, man. You were having a bad day. It’s okay.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:30]:
By the way, if you want, I could tell you my kid can annoy me just like yours can. I mean, just so you know, she’s not perfect, but she spends too much money on clothes. But I don’t care that much about that. But I just. So I. I feel, like, bad. Like I’m just sitting here telling you every positive, wonderful thing, you know, it’s. Trust me.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:48]:
She also really needs to clean her room. She just. She needs to.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:52]:
I think all of us have those little things that get under our nerve, but in the end, we love them for who they are, even though they can irk us along the way.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:02]:
Definitely, sir. Definitely.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:05]:
Now, Alex, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your own journey today. And it is not over. It is just beginning and will continue into the future because being a dad never ends. And I just want to say thank you for your time today, for sharing your own journey, and I wish you all the best.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:21]:
Chris, it’s been my privilege to be here. And thank you to listeners for letting me go on and on about my daughter. Just. I hope everybody can find that wonderfulness in their own kid and just hopefully eventually go from being their boss to being their friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence. Independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:05]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Fostering Creativity and Wonder: Gianna Davy’s Guide for Dads and Daughters

May 5, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” Dr. Christopher Lewis invites Gianna Davy to share her insights on nurturing curiosity in children and the profound impact it can have on the father-daughter bond. Gianna, a lifelong artist, educator, and author, delves into her own experiences growing up and how her father’s support shaped her journey.

The episode kicks off with Dr. Lewis reminding listeners of the podcast’s mission: to help fathers build stronger relationships with their daughters. Every week, he brings on guests who share real stories and practical advice to inspire dads on their journey of fatherhood.

This week, Gianna Davy steps into the spotlight to talk about her new children’s book, “How Do I Wonder?” and the role of curiosity in a child’s development. Gianna reflects on her relationship with her dad, who was instrumental in fostering her inquisitive nature. He nurtured her artistic side by teaching her to see the world through an artist’s lens, turning everyday experiences into moments of wonder.

Gianna emphasizes the importance of authenticity in the parent-child relationship. She shares how her father’s playful spirit and transparency allowed her to see him as a real person, not just a parent. This authenticity, she argues, is key to building lasting and meaningful bonds.

The conversation also touches on the challenges today’s parents face in a fast-paced, technology-driven world. Gianna encourages fathers to embrace moments of wonder and not shy away from admitting when they don’t have all the answers. By modeling curiosity and open-mindedness, dads can encourage their daughters to explore the world with an inquisitive spirit.

Listeners will find inspiration in Gianna’s stories and advice, particularly on how simple, everyday activities can cultivate creativity and connection. From going on nature hikes to engaging in thoughtful discussions sparked by her book, fathers can find numerous ways to engage with their daughters meaningfully.

“How Do I Wonder?” is not just a book; it’s a tool for transformation. It invites readers to ponder the unanswerable and explore the boundless potential of their imaginations. Gianna hopes her book will inspire parents and children to forge stronger emotional connections through shared curiosity.

Tune into the full episode to explore these themes and more, and discover how to be the dad your daughter truly needs. Whether you’re seeking practical tips or a fresh perspective on parenting, this episode offers invaluable insights that every father can learn from. Be sure to listen and join the community of dads committed to raising confident, independent individuals.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to connect together, to work together, to be able to build those strong relationships, those connections that you want to have with your own daughter. And I love being able to come back every week and have these conversations with you, to walk alongside you. As a father of two myself, there have definitely been times where you’d want those stronger connections and you want those stronger relationships.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:19]:
And sometimes you make mistakes, but you grow, you build from those opportunities, those experiences that you’ve had. And that’s why every week I love being able to bring you different people, different guests with different experiences that can share some of the experiences that they’ve had in their life or resources that they have that can help you to build that stronger connection with your own daughter. Today we’ve got another great guest. Gianna Davey is joining us. And Gianna is a lifelong dancer, artist, and educator whose career spans performance, teaching, and creative pursuits, lives out in California, and has a brand new book that is called How Do I Wonder? And I’ll tell you, I had an opportunity to read the book and it’s a wonderful book that really delves into allowing your kids to see the world from a very unique perspective and embrace curiosity, which is so important in working with our young kids, but also encouraging our older kids to keep being curious about the world around us. So we’re gonna talk about her own experience as a daughter herself, but we’re also going to talk about her new book. And I’m really excited to have her here. Gianna, thanks so much for being here today.

Gianna Davy [00:02:32]:
Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:34]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today and to be able to delve a little bit deeper into you as an author, but also you talk about your own relationship with your own father. And I guess as we think about your relationship with your own father, tell me what’s one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Gianna Davy [00:02:58]:
Oh, interesting question. I mean, there’s so many things, I think, that he did. But a little background on my dad first because I think that’s helpful to understand him as a person a little. He is an artist himself, kind of in the truest sense of the word. And in that he I mean, he did go to art school for college, but that’s really how he sees the world and experiences the world very much. And as an artist myself, I think there was a natural connection there. And so one way that he made me feel seen, I think, is just acknowledging that as a kid, as I was growing up and never pushing it, never forcing me into anything, but just seeing what I enjoyed to do. And then I think he actually really enjoyed meeting me on that wavelength.

Gianna Davy [00:03:48]:
And

Musical Outro Performer [00:03:49]:
he’s

Gianna Davy [00:03:49]:
a very playful person and still continues to play, honestly. And so I think meeting me on that wavelength and teaching me what he knows from there. Like, I mean, my dad taught me how to draw as a kid. I think he saw that I liked to draw. And, I mean, he he has so many amazing paintings that he’s made over the years. So he really and it’s a beautiful lesson, I think, when you mirror learning to draw specifically, but also with learning to see the world around you. Because when you are taught how to draw something very clearly, and he was very specific about it, but he’s really teaching me how to see everything in a different way. And I couldn’t help but apply that.

Gianna Davy [00:04:28]:
I mean, I still think about that forever and ever. When he first was teaching me how to draw a face and some hands and he was saying, you know, they’re the hardest things to draw because they’re the things that people see the most of. And they’re very unique and they’re very personal. And so and, like, from then on, it’s like you can’t look at a face or hands without, like, noticing, like, the shadows here and there. And it just it’s this art of noticing out in the world and seeing everything around you in through the lens of a photographer or a painter or whatever that I think I value so much. And I really just appreciate that he saw that in me as a kid and just sort of allowed me to play around with it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:05]:
Now in what you just said, it seems like there was a number of moments that really helped you to not only become the artist that you are today, that your father helped to shepherd you in that direction. But as you think back to the experiences that you’ve had with your dad, was there any other specific moments where your dad’s support or guidance really had a significant impact on your growth or confidence?

Gianna Davy [00:05:29]:
Well, a specific moment. I mean, it’s almost like there’s so many. I feel very grateful. I’m such a lucky human to not even be able to think of one moment at this time. I’m an only child also. I feel like I should mention. So I have a super it’s like a heightened relationship with your parents in that respect. And so in terms of one, I mean, they really have supported everything that I have done wholeheartedly and not in a pushy way in any way.

Gianna Davy [00:05:57]:
They see who I am and are like, how can I help?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:01]:
Are there any things that you wish that your dad would have done differently when it came to building the relationship that you have together?

Gianna Davy [00:06:10]:
Yeah. Okay. So, and I’m a parent myself too, so it’s always interesting to think about these things, like, when you’re in the middle of the stage. So I’m gonna get to my point, but I’m gonna tell a story first. So I don’t know if you have ever heard of the festival Burning Man. So I’ve gone many times. It’s a really incredible place to be with art and whatnot, and the engineering and whatnot in all of the sculptures that are there, incredible. And I went, and I came back, and I was like, dad, you have got to go to this place.

Gianna Davy [00:06:40]:
You will be your mind will be blown with the incredible art that’s there. So he came with me the second year, which was a huge bonding experience for us because it’s it was just the two of us, and it was like a nine hour drive there and an entire week there with my best childhood friend and who brought her mom too. So, anyway, the whole week and then the whole drive back, and I feel like I was probably 23 or 24 or something. The drive there was one experience. The drive back was another because we had spent this entire week together in an environment we had never been. All this to say is that in the drive back, he started telling me all of these stories about him when he was around my age at that time that were stories I had never heard before. And it was the most wonderful thing to get this insight into who he actually is and was in the world as a real human, because I think that it’s so often parents are almost like protecting everything that you’re supposed to do all the time. But the reality is we are all perfectly imperfect humans, and I think it was a huge moment for me to just hear all of this background about him when he was a teenager and a young person.

Gianna Davy [00:07:59]:
And it made me see him, and it made us bond so much more than we had. So if there’s one thing that I kind of wish that I could change, I wouldn’t even change it, but it’s just that we had more of that earlier on and continue more of it even now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:17]:
Now this strong relationship that you have with your own father, how has it influenced the way that you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Gianna Davy [00:08:26]:
Like I mentioned earlier, he is an incredibly playful person still to at this point, and I am eternally grateful for how he plays with my own kids. And so I think that alone is and I think my cousin said it really well when we were kids once. He said, you know, your dad is, like, one of the cousins. Like, he would just be the one that was playing with all of us in the pool when we were having family gatherings. So I think my takeaway from him and how it’s influenced me is never stop that young at heart feeling and interaction with the world because your relationships can really fizzle if you kind of stop being alive to everything around you. And and he really models that for me. So I’m very grateful for that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:09]:
What’s something that your dad has taught you that’s made a big impact on your life?

Gianna Davy [00:09:16]:
That anything is musical instrument. No. I mean, that’s my silly answer, but that’s a huge question. Well, circling back to I think I kind of already touched upon this in the first question you answered, but he really has taught me how to see the world differently. Like I said, he went to art school. His career and profession, he was a videographer and a photographer, but he had paintings in a museum, and he pretty much can play any instrument that you can imagine. But every movie we’ve ever watched, for example, he would always be sitting there and going, now do you see that camera angle, or do you notice that this shot hasn’t completely like, has been one shot and never cut? Like, he just is always seeing things differently than I would have thought to see. And that inevitably, like and like I said, it applies to, like, the everything’s a musical instrument.

Gianna Davy [00:10:05]:
He can interact with the world differently than anybody I’ve ever noticed. And so I think that’s what he’s really taught me, that there’s not really any one way that things are supposed to be. And I think there’s so much intelligence captured in creativity, and it’s often not valued as much as I think it should be. And I think that we need to have all the different perspectives, and having somebody that’s always accidentally showing you a different way of seeing things is incredibly valuable. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:38]:
Now if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Gianna Davy [00:10:42]:
Gosh. It’s been so long since I get so caught up in life. Holy moly. I think we would probably go on a hike together. As a kid, I we pretty much everything we did as a family was camping. That was that was it. So, I mean, I just have so many good memories out in nature, which is another just wonderful way to cultivate, like, super healthy relationships in my opinion, because nature is just it’s the it’s the ultimate sort of end zone and home base for everyone, whether we have a chance to really connect with it or not all the time. So I think I’d wanna just go on a really super long hike and maybe just take a bunch of pictures, bring our cameras and just take pictures of things, of beautiful things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:24]:
What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Gianna Davy [00:11:31]:
My advice is don’t be afraid to let your daughters know who you really are as a real person. I think authenticity is extremely valuable when it comes to cultivating a real relationship. You can’t be best friends with somebody if you’re not willing to let them really know who you are or to present an authentic version of yourself. You know, you think about who you’re absolutely best friends with. They know all the parts of you, the good parts, the bad parts, everything. So I think it’s a very difficult thing to do, but that has to carry through with parent child, father daughter, etcetera, relationships as well. You can’t have a true relationship with somebody while also being a little bit fake or presenting a version of yourself that isn’t truly authentic. And so I think don’t be afraid to be real with your kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]:
Now I mentioned that you’ve got a new book that’s out. How do I wonder? And I would love to hear your origin story. I’d love for you to share the inspiration behind the book and why you feel that curiosity is such an important theme for you to explore.

Gianna Davy [00:12:49]:
Yeah. Well, I wanna be clear. It’s a children’s book also just so that everybody can envision it a little bit more in their head. So the inspiration was 100% my own kids. I have two boys, so I have a mother son relationship, which is different. So as they were growing up, they’re nine and 12 now. So when they were little, little, you know, as they just started waking up to the world and speaking, they would ask me just the most incredible questions and, like, mind blowing questions that I was like, how have I never even thought of this? Like, year three. And I just would write them down and write them down because they were so amazing.

Gianna Davy [00:13:25]:
And so there was this sort of, for years, like, brewing this book that I didn’t even know what it was gonna be. But really when it came down to it and I started writing it, it’s one of those things that it writes itself in the end. And really it’s about 100% about just exploring the world around you, the power and magic behind creativity. And I think creativity, like I said earlier, is really, like, the base for all intellectual pursuits as well. I think the most intelligent and incredible genius people are the people that are willing to think outside the box. And and I’m trying to create a book that doesn’t just tell kids go outside and think thoughts or whatever, but actually makes them think thoughts in the process. And the questions that are in this book, it’s sort of a book of questions. It’s got a bit of a story, a little bit of an adventure line.

Gianna Davy [00:14:17]:
But all of the questions that are in the book, I was very careful to make them sort of unanswerable per se in the sense that there’s not really one right or wrong answer. They’re all just meant to be sort of pondered and thought about. Like, one of them was one that my son had sent, and it was, did dinosaurs know how to smile? He just turned to me and was like, did dinosaurs know how to smile? And I was like, I guess we don’t know. We never really will. So something to think about. So, anyway, that’s the gist of the book is really just trying to cultivate and inspire kids to really think about things in a different way and interact with their world in a different way and just value who they are and the power of their own beautiful minds and how you really don’t even need any toys or anything. You can just go outside and interact with nature and the world and just build up your brain in the most incredible way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:08]:
In building up your brain in in really the in the book itself, I guess as I read the book, I kind of had a question of when I think about fathers and the role that they play, what role do you feel that fathers can play in encouraging curiosity and wonder in their own kids, especially with their daughters?

Gianna Davy [00:15:27]:
I think modeling it. I think you have to not be afraid to be a curious person yourself and continue to question things around you. It’s okay to not know the answer to something also. It’s okay to look at something and be like, gee, I wonder why it’s like that or just seeing something and noticing something and drawing attention to your kiddo. Yeah. But I think it’s really, you know, it’s not about always knowing the answer. It’s sometimes just about exploring the possibilities.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:57]:
I love that. Now, in the book itself, you are encouraging kids to ask those open ended questions. What advice would you give to dads who want to nurture their daughter’s natural curiosity?

Gianna Davy [00:16:10]:
Go outside and interact with the outside world as much as possible. But, you know, I realize it’s not always possible to just be on some grand adventure out in the woods or nature or anything. But any place whose purpose is to sort of play and be creative, but I don’t necessarily wanna say go and, you know, there’s, like, arcades and things like that where you can go and and play. But that’s not really that’s that’s a very defined kind of play that has one purpose and one end zone. So open ended experiences is where there’s no one version of what you’re supposed to be doing. That’s what I recommend, especially for younger kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:56]:
Now, as you said, your book has a number of prompts or open ended things for people to think about. How do you think that fathers can use this book as a tool to spark meaningful conversations with their kids?

Gianna Davy [00:17:10]:
Well, I hope that the whole book, the whole time people are reading it, meaningful conversations are being sparked automatically. I think don’t rush through the book. As you’re reading it, as there’s a question, ask your child, ask your daughter, what do you think the answer to that question is? And then say, like, what your answer is and ask someone else and compare and be in awe of how many different versions there even could possibly be. It’s a total conversation starter. Read the book once and then just go through again and just think about the questions, you know? Yeah. That’s my recommendation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:43]:
As your kids get older, they see the world in different ways. It is a fast paced world, and with technology being what it is, there’s answers that are only a click away. How can dads teach their daughters to embrace the joy of wondering instead of always seeking immediate answers?

Gianna Davy [00:18:06]:
Oh, gosh. Yeah. That’s such a tough one because I think we are all so guilty of the, oh, let’s just Google it. It is part of the culture of today, 100%. And it’s a really hard ask for parents these days who are so typically overwhelmed and overworked to not just revert to the technology all the time for everybody’s sort of quick fix, save the moment situation. But one thing I will say is that if and or you know, as much as you possibly can, try to not fall back on the quick fix answer technology, iPad, cell phone, whatever, etcetera, etcetera, it really pays off in the long run. And so it’s like one of those things where you just put a little bit more effort in the beginning for greater gain at the end is if it’s at all possible. But I’m saying this with huge empathy of everyone’s state as a parent in the world and how difficult that can be.

Gianna Davy [00:19:08]:
But I’ll just say with my kids, like we really tried to hold off on that constant, yeah, just relying on the Internet and whatnot. And they’re still very curious, I will say. I’m very happy about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
Now as you said, this book is geared toward young readers. What impact do you hope that this book has on the next generation next generation of young readers?

Gianna Davy [00:19:32]:
Well, I just hope it gives them something to think about and sparks all those little neurons in their brain to, like, find new pathways. I think, you know, you have to be able to envision something that isn’t even right in front of you to really be a creator or an innovator or an inventor or anything in this world. You can’t only just stick with the things that are right in front of you. So I’m really hoping that just it only takes just a couple of inspirational moments. I mean, I think we’ve all had those moments in life when you just something clicks and you just see something a little different differently than you than you had. And it just shows you, oh, there’s all these different layers to life and to the world. It’s not only this one layer, this one texture, this one color. So I think if I could just give just that little bit of inspiration to somebody where they just are sort of pushed ahead into a new realm of thinking, that would be the ultimate joy for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
Now we’re definitely encouraging all of you to go out, grab this book because of all of the prompts that are in there. Now, Gianna, are there specific activities or follow-up discussions that you recommend for fathers and daughters after reading the book together?

Gianna Davy [00:20:44]:
Like I said, I really I’m just hoping that that it’s not just a read it through and end there kind of situation. I really hope that it becomes an open book on the coffee table and and a discussion that continues at the dinner table, comparing ideas, and it just can’t end with the last page.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]:
Now if people are interested in learning more about the book and how they can connect with you more on insights into fostering curiosity in kids, where’s the best place for them to go?

Gianna Davy [00:21:14]:
Well, they can go to my website, which is giannadavey.com, or I have an Instagram page as well that’s named after my first book, actually, which was called No One Owns the Colors. So which is yeah. It’s another book that I wrote. But you can find the easiest would probably be jiannadavey.com because you could just Google my name, and then it has the information about both of the books that I’ve written and other sort of creative adventures I’m on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:40]:
And we’ll put links in the notes today. Gianna, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story with the masses, with all of us today, sharing your story with your own father and what he did to be able to inspire that curiosity in yourself, and I truly wish you all the best.

Gianna Davy [00:21:56]:
Thank you so much for having me. This This was absolutely lovely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:59]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

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We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast.

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