fears Archives - Dad of Divas

As father’s day approaches, I have to reflect for me on what it means for me to be a Dad. As I mentioned in my first Manly Monday post, my father has made a huge influence on me….especially as I have gotten older. I find myself becoming more and more like him as the days go on. This is not always a bad thing, but there are some traits that can be troublesome at times.

When J-Mom and I got married, I think I always knew I wanted to be a father, but she and I decided to wait for a while before having Diva-J (6 years to be exact). When we did finally decide to try and get pregnant, it took longer than we had first expected, but happened none-the-less.

Diva’J’s birth was a bit of a drawn out drama, with after about 17 hours of labor, we ended up having to have an emergency C-Section. Everyone came out of it ok, just very tired. Well…needless to say when I had to dress in my scrubs and go into the room where the C-Section would occur and I saw J-Mom there, I was just filled with so many emotions…fear, anticipation, excitement, etc. etc. etc.

Now an emergency C-section does not take that long, especially after 17 hours of labor, so I did my duty and comforted J-Mom as best I could and waited to be able to meet our baby (as we did not know the sex until Diva-J was born). When finally Diva-J made her appearance, the doctor said to me ” what do you think we have here?” Well to be honest I had to take a second to look, as a newborn is a bit wrinkled up and finally she said “it’s a girl”, making sure I noticed the right anatomy parts (Which I did)..and there she was, and our life changed in a new and wondrous way.

I look at my life now and realize that there is now never a day when I don’t think about how my actions will impact not only my wife, but now my girls as well. I think about how I want things to be (which is not always possible – at least not now), and what I might be able to do to be able to accomplish these goals. I definitely have fears and issues in being a father, but what father doesn’t.

Just the other day I talked to a friend who learned recently that he was going o be a father in December. I asked him how he was feeling about this, was he excited or scared? Now, his reaction I think would be the reaction of man out there, he stated he was scared. I think it is a scary thought to consider the magnitude of being a father and how important fathers are to the upbringing of their child/children. I did my best to comfort and support my friend, but know that he will have to do whatever he has to do overall to be able to be the best father he can be.

There are many fathers out there who cannot say that there fathers were role models to emulate. I can honestly say that my father is one I would choose to emulate in many ways. I also have a father-in-law who shows me now how important fathers can be, so I am truly a lucky Dad.

So what about all of you Dads out there? What does it mean to be a Dad? Also, if you are really ambitious, go over to Discovering Dad to see his recent post and contest he is running, or even over to Joeprah for some fun and possible contest winnings as well!

If this is your first time here, welcome to my Maniverse! If you are returning, thanks!

My thoughts on this day….

Have you ever really thought about what you are afraid of in being a father, or what issues really trouble you in fatherhood? For me, when thinking trying to think of eight main fears/issues that are difficult for me to cope with, I came up with the following:

1) Bringing home the bacon – I am the sole income maker for my family. What would happen if for some reason I would lose my job, or become unable to work for some reason. I know that J-Mom could go back to work, but still it is something that weighs on my mind.

2) The safety and security of my family – I am constantly trying to think of the safety of my girls (including J-Mom). I know that I cannot always keep them safe from harm and cannot shelter my girls from the world, but there definitely are times when it seems like it would be so much easier to shelter them.

3) Being a good parent – I don’t think anyone is completely ready to be a parent until they become one, and then when they become one they constantly question whether what they are doing is right for the situation and for their children.

4) Caring for / Losing Other Loved Ones – This week one of our neighbors passed away and he was only 57 years old. This really brought home to me the fragility of life and how close to death we all are. I am not trying to be morbid, far from it, but this situation really made me think about the fact that I am an only child and that there will be a time in the future when I will have to deal with this myself in a much more personal way than I have had to in the past. I have been lucky to not have been touched by death too much in my life, at least not yet, and I hope to be strong enough when I do have to deal with this in the future.

5) Being able to learn and do Manly Tasks – As I referred to in my first Manly Monday post I am not the most handy person. When I think of being a Dad and father and a man I guess to me it sometimes comes withthe package deal that one should be able to do some of these things. This is not to say that I can’t do these things, they just are more difficult for me than for some others. Come back though for my next Many Monday and you will see a project that my father-in-law and I made (well…a lot of it was him – but I did help!).

6) Maintaining friendships/hobbies etc. – I don’t know if this is unique to being a Dad, but I find it increasingly difficult to have times with friends or time to spend on hobbies or other fun activities. Much of this is due to work and then being Dad when I get home and then simply being tierd beyond belief from the combination of lack of sleep, work and play. But I wonder whether other Dads are dealing with this and if so how they are balancing this.

7) Balancing the many roles which is fatherhood – Speaking of balance, I find as a father, balance goes out the window. There are so many days when I say, I should work out, or do this, or that, but then life intervenes. I go to work and try to get all that I need to get done completed, and leave work the same day finding that I still need to complete many of the things that I hoped to complete the next day. Needless to say Balance is a hard thing to come by. Have any of you come up with some surefire ways to balance life/work and other such things?

8) The future for my daughters – The world right now seems to be crazy, the price of everything is going up, there are many issues that prevail on the world scene that are sure to eventually effect the US. I am constantly thinking of the future of my daughters and what it will be like for them. What will they be, will they be successful, what must I do to help them with this? Lots of questions, but the answers are still many years off.

These are my top 8 (at least what I could think of on a Saturday morning). What are your top fears/issues? And yes, Moms you can chime in as well!

Pre-Father’s Day Thoughts

Maniverse #4 – Fears/Issues of Fatherhood