fatherhood journey Archives

Building Lasting Bonds: Intentional Fatherhood with John Azoni

September 7, 2026 by dadofdivas

If you’re a dad on a mission to forge a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” should be your next podcast download. In a recent episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Azoni, a father of two daughters (ages 9 and 11), who opens up about the real joys and sometimes messy challenges of raising confident, independent girls.

Intentionality and Presence
From the very start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about achieving perfection, but about truly connecting and learning as you go. Each week, the podcast dives into stories and practical advice to help dads show up with intention. As John Azoni shares, “There’s no one right way to father our daughters,” but we can always add new tools to our toolbox by learning from each other.

Creating Meaningful Memories
A standout theme of this episode is making memories, both big and small. John Azoni recounts an unforgettable trip to Japan with his daughter for her 10th birthday—a tradition inspired by a parenting book. But the heart of the conversation reveals that it’s often the simplest moments, like cooking together or going for wonton soup every Thursday, that mean the most. One-on-one time, even a half hour at bedtime, can become the foundation for lifelong connections.

Honesty, Growth, and Mistakes
Both John Azoni and Dr. Christopher Lewis candidly discuss the challenges—especially during difficult times like COVID or navigating questions around faith. John Azoni is honest about making mistakes, from losing patience to not always having the answers. The key lesson? “I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that… I want my kids to grow up and know their dad was crazy about them.”

Encouragement to Other Dads
The episode wraps with powerful advice: Be intentional. Don’t let stress distract you from what really matters. As John Azoni puts it, “The grass is greener where you water it”—the relationships you invest in now will shape the future.

If you’re a dad, or know someone who is, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a heartfelt reminder that showing up, being present, and embracing imperfection are the real keys to building an unbreakable bond with your daughter.

Listen to the full episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection to get inspired and start your journey toward a stronger relationship today!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another and work on building those that we want with our daughters one day at a time. I love that you come back every week because all of us are on a journey. Whether you have toddlers, whether you have a baby at home, whether you have teenagers at home, whether you have adult kids, we all are on this continuum of being a father to a daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:19]:
And we can always learn more. We can always learn more to help us to be able to be better in the role that we have. We’re gonna stumble, we’re gonna fall, That’s okay. All of us do it. There’s no one right way to father our daughters. But what we can do is we can learn from other dads what’s working for them, what’s not working for them, and build some tools for our own toolbox, add some tools for our own toolbox, and be able to get just that much better every day because that’s what we need to be doing. to be able to be there for our daughters. That’s what we need to be doing to be able to be present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]:
And I am really excited to have another new guest this week. John Azoni is with us today, and John’s a father of 2 daughters who are 9 and 11. And we’re gonna be talking about the journey that he’s been on with his daughters. And I’m really excited to have him here today. John, thanks so much for being here.

John Azoni [00:02:15]:
Thanks for having me. It’s great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]:
You know, it’s really, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and to be able to talk to you about the journey that you have been on thus far with your daughters. And I guess one of the things that I always think about when it comes to raising our daughters is we’re always running after those moments. We want those moments with our kids. And as you think back to the years that you’ve had with your daughters thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with them and what made it so special? And one thing I’ll add is they could be separate moments as well.

John Azoni [00:02:49]:
So I read this book a number of years ago called Love Does. The author is Bob Goff and it’s a faith-based book. And in it, he talks a lot about parenting. parenting. And he told the story of taking his kids when they turned 10 on a trip anywhere in the world they want to go to, really leaning into what is it that they are becoming, what is it that they’re interested in, and, and where can we go in the world to kind of deepen that. And so I always thought that that was a cool idea. And my daughter, when she turned 10 last year, my daughter Ellie, in my mind I was kind of like maybe somewhere in the United States. I don’t remember explicitly saying anywhere in the world.

John Azoni [00:03:25]:
So when my daughter was like, I want to go to Japan, I was like, oh, okay. Well, so after a lot of hemming and hawing, I talked to my wife. She’s like, just do it. It’s like once in a lifetime. We’re like, all right, we’re going to Japan. So, so we went to Tokyo last May and it was so cool just to learn about another culture together, to really press into, you know, the stuff that she likes. She’s really into K-pop. It’s obviously not in Korea, but somewhere over there.

John Azoni [00:03:54]:
She’s into that kind of Asian culture and Hello Kitty. And they have the biggest Hello Kitty store in the world there, uh, video games and arcades where she can and do all the— she loves playing those claw games, which are really popular in Asian countries. So, so it was great. I mean, we just traveled around, we ate good food, we went to Paris Disney, um, and just spent a week together. That— and, and even just like, it was a pretty short trip, but— and people were like, well, you’re just going for like 5 days? Like, aren’t you gonna be— I mean, like, a big part of that is just traveling, you know? By the time you get there, I think we had 3 full days there. And I was just like, you know, it’s, it’s the adventure. It’s like traveling is, is part of it. We’re gonna learn how to do the airport together.

John Azoni [00:04:30]:
So on the way there, I kind of led the charge, but on the way back I was like, All right, where do you think we should turn to get to baggage claim or stuff like that? Or where do you think we should go to get our bags checked? So that was fun. And, you know, I’ve had other special experiences with my youngest daughter, Ryland. Currently though, we’re planning her trip. She wants to go to Paris. So we’re planning on going to Paris next year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:50]:
Those will be experiences that they will never forget. And definitely you don’t have to do these huge moments. They can be small moments as well. But I had an experience like that last year with my oldest who is in college, but she was out in Colorado and I picked her up from a camp she was working in and we spent a week going to all the national parks all around in that area. So we went to Zion and Bryce and Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest, all kinds of places. And we hiked and we just had an amazing experience. And I think when you have those opportunities, not only are they great opportunities to be able to have to build memories, but you have time one-on-one. And I think that’s even more important.

John Azoni [00:05:32]:
Yeah, one-on-one time is really special. So last weekend, my oldest daughter went to Florida with my wife because she does dance, and her dance group went to go perform at Disney in the parade. And so that was just a life dream of hers. And she got this one-on-one time with my wife. And previously, we were kind of like, all right, we’re Disney’d out. We’ve been to Disney World. We’ve been on a Disney cruise. I took Ellie to Disney in Tokyo.

John Azoni [00:05:58]:
And we’ve been to Disneyland when we went to California last year. And my wife was kind of like, all right, this is the last time I got to go to Disney. And then I get a text from her in the middle of it. She’s like, this is so great. It’s such a different experience being one-on-one with Ellie and we’re just having the best time. And at the same time, I’m home with Ryland and we had our own special weekend. We, you know, wrote on the whiteboard, here’s all the things we wanna do and we wanna schedule all these things out. Anytime you can write a list on a whiteboard for my youngest, she’s all about it.

John Azoni [00:06:27]:
She loves to just like have a checklist, have a plan. So one-on-one time is something completely different that you just cannot replace.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
Now you talked a little bit about on that trip to Tokyo, giving your daughter some independence to be able to make some decisions and things like that. And, and as our kids are getting older, we definitely have to do that. How are you finding that you’re balancing not only guiding your daughters, but also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they’re becoming?

John Azoni [00:06:52]:
Oh, that’s a tough question. I try to lean into who are they and what is, what is my role in this? Like one of the things that I learned about Ellie on that Japan trip is how scrappy she is. And it’s so different for me. Like she has no problem going up and asking a stranger where to get directions. Or one time we were on the bus going somewhere in Tokyo and some lady was lost. And for some reason my daughter stepped in and starts trying to tell her where to go as if she knows where to go. I’m like, Ellie, where do you think you’re sending her? She just wants to get in there. And I’m just very like, I don’t like to be embarrassed.

John Azoni [00:07:27]:
I don’t like to ask for help. I’m a lot more shy, but she kind of lifts me up in that way. I really try to get on that level with her and also just try to let her be who she is and go out into the world and just talk to new people like her mom does. But I think it’s always a challenge where to step in. I think the biggest area that we are struggling with that right now is, is in faith. And I don’t know if you’re a person of faith, but when I got married, my wife and I were both devout Christians. And over the last 5 years, I’ve kind of deconstructed and my faith has evolved in a way— I wouldn’t say I’m not a believer, but I would say like I just have so many questions that I’m allowing myself to ask. And I’m engaging in these conversations with what I grew up believing versus what can be verified and things like that.

John Azoni [00:08:13]:
So I’m kind of down this more scientific path. My wife isn’t. How do we let our kids discover things on their own? And what do we teach them about the world? That’s been really hard because when you’re defining your parenthood around an entire ideology, like a religion, and that’s the lens that you’re giving your kids, and that’s the lens you’re told to give your kids, you’re instructed to teach them in this way. Well, now when you throw questions into the mix, mom and dad have different answers for what do you do? So I think we’ve kind of landed on. We want our kids to think independently. And when one of my kids has a tough question, I’ll say, well, here’s what I think. Here’s what I’m not sure about. Like, here’s what I have questions about.

John Azoni [00:08:55]:
Here’s what your mom thinks. And you can kind of make up your own decision. And that was also never more true in, you know, this most recent election. You know, my oldest had a lot of questions about who was running for president, who was the good guy, and who was the bad guy. And it’s easy to want to pick a side and train your kid on that side. But we really tried to just step back and be like, well, Well, here’s what this side says. Here’s what that side says. What do you think? And so that’s kind of where we’ve landed, I think, giving them some scaffolding, but letting them kind of figure it out themselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:26]:
And as you’ve been starting to do that with your daughters, especially around this faith journey, what has their response been?

John Azoni [00:09:33]:
It’s tough because they knew me when we were all praying every night and putting them to bed and going to church all the time and, you know, all this stuff. And so they’ve seen me kind of drift and ask these questions that they look at me as I’m supposed to have the answers To these, you’re supposed to know if if Adam and Eve are real people or not. And so that’s been tough. You know, their response has been honestly one of confusion. I wish I had a glossy answer for you. It’s not gone great. It’s very tough to navigate. And like I said, you know, we just go back to like here’s what two different people can think, and we can hold two different things in tension.

John Azoni [00:10:11]:
And certainly the Bible, there are a lot of instances where the Bible is represented as God holding two. seemingly opposing things in tension together and somehow making it work. So we kind of go with that. But yeah, I wish I could tell you that it’s gone. It’s just been perfect. And they’re— they have all the answers that I don’t have. But anytime you’re trying to sort through something on your own and your kid’s looking to you for the answer, that’s just a tough position to be in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]:
It is a tough place to be because, I mean, you try to have that solid front on everything in parenting because when you don’t have the solid front, then things tend to go awry. So I think what you’re hearing here, though, is that John and his wife still have a solid front, but they’re attacking it in different ways. And they’re providing their kids the ability to be able to move in the direction that makes more sense for them. That doesn’t mean that they’re not in alignment on other things in their parenting journey, though.

John Azoni [00:11:07]:
Yeah, I would liken it to, like, giving them— I mentioned the term scaffolding, and I really like that term. And I would just say, So we’ve just really widened the scaffolding around faith to where we’re still in this box. But what that looks like on a day-to-day basis or on an individual beliefs basis can look different. And 2 people can arrive at different conclusions and still have the same heart.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:31]:
So as you think about your daughters and you think about what you’ve been doing with your daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during times that might be more challenging?

John Azoni [00:11:43]:
COVID was a time of obviously being sort of forced into this intentional time. And at first it was very stressful because at the time I had a salaried job and a certain amount of PTO days and I’m a rule follower. So if I say I’m working, but I’m off at the park with the kids, like I don’t, I don’t feel good about that. But like there was all this stuff that you had to do from out of necessity during that time. So it was a stressful time, but it also kind of caused me to be like, let’s really soak this up. And so we did a lot of stuff together as a family, but that actually led me to leave that job. and start my own company, my own video production company. And for a big reason was to be more flexible with them and to be able to be home with them and be there when they need me and not have to worry about PTO.

John Azoni [00:12:28]:
And so that’s opened the doors to a lot of great times where I might be right in the middle of a busy project and I would get a call from the school. And my oldest, Ellie, she was the one that would call home a lot. She would feel a stomachache or something and she’d feel like she needed to go home. And we would have to navigate like a lot of times, like, what is the line that Where Dad will pick you up and where you need to tough it out. But there’s a lot of times where I could have been really stressed about work, but I had to just really be like, you know what, I’m just— I’m gonna go pick her up. I’m gonna be happy about it. I’m gonna have a smile on my face. I’m gonna make her feel like Dad wants to be here.

John Azoni [00:13:01]:
Dad cares about me. He’s not annoyed with me. You know, I think just those small acts have been great. And I remember, you know, other times too, just a lot of our special times revolve around food.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:12]:
Yeah.

John Azoni [00:13:13]:
It seems like every Thursday, a number of years ago when Ellie was in preschool, she would have a half day. And so I’d pick her up and every Thursday we’d go get wonton soup on the way home at this Chinese restaurant. And we learned— Dad stepped out of his comfort zone and learned the owner of the restaurant’s name so that when we called, we can say, hey, Lynn, our usual. She wanted that. Like, that would just be so cool. And so eventually she started calling and being like, hi, Lynn, it’s Ellie, just our usual. And then we’d go pick it up. But we cook a lot together too.

John Azoni [00:13:42]:
My daughters each really enjoy cooking and no matter what we’re making, just spending time together. And that’s where I think one-on-one time is really important because trying to cook with both of them at the same time is just a constant referee of who got to chop what, who got to pour this, who cracked the last egg, you know. So I found just one at a time, we’ll have a great time together, but let’s just, you know. So yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of opportunities, but I think it’s a lot in those small moments where it’s like my natural reaction might be to be stressed or just to be worried about the day-to-day. stuff, but like my daughters are looking to me as like, am I liked? Like, am I loved in this moment? Am I safe in this moment? Does my dad want to be here? And I really try to, to just put on a smile and just be like, you know what, this— because one of the things I say, I started saying since I started my own business was my business is in service of my kids, not in spite of them. And that’s a tough thing to, to stick to because whether or not something gets done has a very real consequences about whether, whether income comes in the door. But, but the reason why I— half the reason I started my own company was to be there for my kids and to not miss this time with them. And so, so yeah, that’s kind of how I think about work and spending time with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:01]:
All of us as dads, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. And while we try our best to be the best we can, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re fallible. We’re humans. What’s a mistake that you made as a father? And what did What did it do, or what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication and connection with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:15:20]:
I think it’s a pattern of mistakes. And when I get overstimulated, when there’s too many people talking to me at once, I get immediate, like 0 to 100 stressed out. And that’s— I’m so likely to just lash out and like snap and say something, tell them to be quiet, but in a rude way that we’re not allowed to say. So that’s where it’s such a tension of like, because they’re both in the back talking like peak back-talking phase. And honestly, my youngest is the most cutting about it. I mean, she will just go right for the jugular. And they talk back usually as a reaction and not as a response, like not as an intentional response. So when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed and I lash out, I’m not doing any service to them.

John Azoni [00:16:06]:
It’s very hypocritical to tell them that’s not how we talk to people. And then just in a, in a different way or a different use of words, I do the same thing. So I think that’s— I think we’re all learning together. How to regulate ourselves. My wife is a therapist, and so we’ve learned a lot about the concept of regulation, and we’ve read a lot of parenting books about when your kids make you mad or something, or they say something completely disrespectful, they’re dysregulated. They’re not really choosing that response. And so your job as a parent is to be the one that regulates, not escalates. And so that’s— that is the toughest thing for me, like— I have to really think I’m feeling myself escalating this situation and I need to be the, I need to be the regulator.

John Azoni [00:16:50]:
So I don’t know if that answers your question, but that’s just a slurry of thoughts of, of communication between me and my kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:58]:
No, I appreciate you sharing that because I think it is important to understand that that happens. I mean, and we’re going to, things are going to adjust and, you know, and all of us get overwhelmed at times. And especially these days, there’s so many things being thrown at every one of us. And whether it’s technology, whether it’s, you know, whatever, there are so many things that are being thrown at each one of us, not only us, but our kids, etc. So it is important to know that. And then finding ways to be able to quiet the noise, not only for ourselves, but quiet the noise for our kids, I think is also important as we think about our— the way in which we’re fathering. Because if we know— if you know that you’re triggered when that happens, you have to figure out for yourself, and you’ve probably already done that, is What can you do to quiet the noise so that you can continue being present and continue, continue being who you want to be with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:17:51]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:52]:
So there’s been a lot of things that you’ve talked about where you’re showing that you’re doing some intentional things to really connect with your daughters. What do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued and heard?

John Azoni [00:18:04]:
I think it’s just trying to get on their level and care about the things that they care about. My youngest, it’s always was so funny, and we, my wife and I laugh about this. We would pick her up from daycare when she was younger, you know, 3, 4 years old. And that could be a very stressful moment because we’re also picking up my oldest from daycare and she’s wanting to do something. Can we go out for ice cream? Or when’s mom going to be home? Blah, blah, blah. And again, too many people talking to me at once. And my youngest, all she wants to do in that moment is show me the drawings that she made and show me the little worksheets that she did. And it’s so important to her.

John Azoni [00:18:38]:
And she feels, you can just see the receiving of love when you look at her and you care about what she wrote, that she wrote her name or that she did something, that she wrote, she counted to 10 or whatever it is. And so, I mean, we have stacks and stacks of paper because that behavior has never stopped. She’s almost 9 and she still to this day wants to show us everything. She went to this art camp a couple weeks ago, made all kinds of art. And the first thing she wants to do when we get in the car is like, Dad, let me show you what I made. And it’s so important that I give her my full attention. And I can get on board with that because I’m— my background’s in fine arts. I’m a painter.

John Azoni [00:19:14]:
So I went to art school and all that stuff. So that’s a perfect thing for me to like get on board with. I think just, yeah, finding in those moments, what are they really trying to say right now? What they’re really trying to say is, Dad, I want to connect with you. Not like, not necessarily about the papers or the drawings or whatever. And I find that with my oldest too. She’s starting to outgrow like bedtime, but she still wants me to put her to bed. And, you know, and I’m kind of just like clinging to that for as long as possible. And we just have the best talks.

John Azoni [00:19:43]:
Like, there’s just no greater conversation than when we’re just— I’m just laying in her bed with her next to her and we’re just, just talking about whatever, just laughing about things. I mean, so much laughter happens in those moments. And I listen when I’m putting my other daughter to bed, my wife’s putting Ellie to bed, I hear them cracking up too because they just get into the funniest, you know, they just become a new person. They feel so safe. And so I think just being intentional about those moments, because sometimes I’m like, I’m tired, it’s 9:30, I got to get up at 5 in the morning. I don’t want to spend a half an hour, you know, laying, laying with you and waiting for you to brush your teeth and waiting for you to put your pajamas on. And it’s getting towards 10 o’clock now. And so I try, but I try to really push that aside and say, hey, she’s, she’s not going to ask me to do this for much longer.

John Azoni [00:20:29]:
And in 5 years, I’m going to miss any, any attention she gave me, like her wanting to actually hang out with me, because it’s going to be the other way around. So, so I think it’s just, I think it’s just recognizing in those moments what’s really most important and then just leaning into that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:52]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:56]:
Humor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:57]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

John Azoni [00:21:02]:
It’s probably from when you’re walking around a grocery store and you get like a whole stream of like elderly men that will say, I remember when my daughter was that age and then she started driving the next day. Like, don’t miss it. I really actually took advice to heart, like what I just said. I’m like, there’s gonna be a time when they’re not gonna want to hang out with me, so don’t miss it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:20]:
What’s one activity you and your daughters love doing together?

John Azoni [00:21:24]:
Cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:25]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Azoni [00:21:30]:
I think just don’t change for other people. Don’t be the person that you’re with. I think like maybe girls especially start dating and things like that, they want to change to be liked and to impress and things like that. And so I think my advice would just be to just be yourself and be What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad? I have learned, I have learned that I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I just want my kids to grow up and know that their dad was crazy about them. And for all my flaws, I want them to— I watched this video one time. It was my boss’s. We did a story on my boss at the time at my old job, his family.

John Azoni [00:22:11]:
And we interviewed his wife and they were talking about her parents and they asked her, what’s your favorite thing about your dad? And she said, said how much he loves me. And she started crying. And I edited that video. So of course, I’m like, I’m like tearing up and like, you know, you got the music going and stuff like that in the edit, in the video edit. So, but I’ve always kept that with me as like, that’s like my mantra as a dad. Like, I’m gonna mess up, but like, I want my kids to, to really feel and be imprinted with how like crazy I am about them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Azoni [00:22:48]:
I think it’s just being really intentional with them. I think for me, I just think about, it’s like we have 18 years if we’re lucky, and I want to build as many memories with them as possible. And I don’t want to waste this being stressed about stuff that’s just not going to matter in 50 years. And so, and I think about it the same way of like marriage advice. People contrast the saying of the grass is greener on the other side. side with, with saying the grass is greener where you water it. And I like that about marriage. And that’s something that I keep in my mind.

John Azoni [00:23:20]:
But I also think that that applies to kids too. I mean, the type of relationship that you’re going to have with your kids now and when they’re older is determined by how intentional you are in these early years and just watering that grass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:34]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing what you shared with the journey that you’ve gone through. If people want to find out more about you, I know you got a podcast. Is there a place that people can go to find out more?

John Azoni [00:23:46]:
Yeah, I’m very active on LinkedIn. My name’s spelled J-O-H-N-A-Z-O-N-I if you’re searching for me. That’s probably where I hang out the most, on LinkedIn. I don’t post a whole lot of family stuff, but once in a while you might get some sort of business advice through the lens of being a dad to 2 girls.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Well, again, John, thank you so much for being here, and I wish you all the best.

John Azoni [00:24:03]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:03]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:34]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. So bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

A Change In Our Format

August 17, 2026 by dadofdivas

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Hey everyone, I wanted to take a few minutes to share a little change that’s coming to The Dad & Daughter Connection.

For the past several years, I’ve been bringing you a new episode every single week, and I am incredibly grateful for everyone who listens, shares an episode, recommends the podcast to a friend, or simply takes the time to tune in. This podcast means a lot to me, and getting to have conversations with amazing dads, daughters, authors, experts, and people who have something meaningful to teach us about fatherhood has been an incredible journey.

But I’ve also been reminded of something that I talk about on this podcast all the time: being present matters.

As much as I love doing this podcast, I’m also a dad, a husband, and someone with a lot of other responsibilities and commitments. And I’ve realized that trying to maintain a weekly schedule can sometimes mean I’m stretching myself a little too thin.

So, beginning today, The Dad & Daughter Connection will be moving from a weekly podcast to an every-other-week schedule.

Now, I want to be very clear: this isn’t about slowing down or giving you less. In fact, it’s about making sure I can continue giving you the kind of conversations and content you’ve come to expect from this podcast.

I want to have the time to find great guests, ask thoughtful questions, have meaningful conversations, and produce episodes that are worth your time. And just as importantly, I want to make sure I’m protecting time for the people who matter most to me—my family.

Because if I’m going to spend my time talking about the importance of being present for our daughters, I need to make sure I’m practicing what I preach.

So, you’re still going to hear the stories, the conversations, the laughs, and hopefully a few things that make you think differently about being a dad and raising strong, confident, independent daughters. You’ll just hear them every other week instead of every week.

I hope you’ll stick with me for the journey. And if you’ve been listening all along, thank you. I truly appreciate you being part of The Dad & Daughter Connection community.

Until next time, keep connecting with your daughters, keep having those important conversations, and most importantly, keep showing up.

Building Lasting Bonds: Practical Tips for Dads Raising Confident Daughters

May 4, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad seeking to build a deeper relationship with your daughter and empower her to grow into a confident, independent woman, the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is the resource you’ve been looking for. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Donovan, a devoted father of two, to explore the ups and downs of modern fatherhood, sharing both practical tips and heartfelt stories that will resonate with any parent.

From the start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. This central message weaves through the episode as Rob Donovan recounts his own parenting journey, including the surprises he encountered as his daughters’ personalities took shape. He shares how one daughter, contrary to his expectations, turned out to be more artistically inclined, while the other took after him in her love of sports. Rob Donovan emphasizes the significance of meeting each child where they are—celebrating their uniqueness and supporting their preferred interests, whether that means roller hockey in the driveway or karaoke in the living room.

A recurring theme in the conversation is the importance of letting children develop their independence, even as we instinctively want to protect them. Rob Donovan candidly discusses the balancing act of giving his daughters space to solve their own problems—from playground squabbles to learning how to handle disappointment and frustration—while always remaining a supportive presence in their lives.

The episode also dives into how dads can intentionally foster strong bonds during challenging moments. Rob Donovan opens up about overcoming his own discomfort around childhood injuries, a legacy of his military experiences, and learning to comfort his daughters with patience and understanding. He shares the family routines that keep them connected, like special breakfast traditions and shared musical moments, underscoring that it’s often the simplest rituals that leave the deepest impact.

One of the most inspiring messages from the episode comes when Rob Donovan advises fellow dads to “just go for it” and always get involved—no matter how different your children’s passions may be from your own. As he says, “Dive right in… you never know, you might enjoy it with them.”

The “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast reminds us that fatherhood is a journey of growth—for both father and child. Each episode offers encouragement, wisdom, and a sense of camaraderie for dads everywhere. Listen in, get inspired, and start building the lasting connections that shape your daughter’s future—and your own.

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is a journey that you’re on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:05]:
Every one of us is on a different journey as we are working to be able to be the fathers that we want to be, but also to make those meaningful connections with our daughters as they are getting older. And that’s why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to have the opportunity to introduce you to new dads that you might. That you’ve never met before, that. That are going through this process themselves. Maybe they’re succeeding, maybe they’re failing. Maybe they’re somewhere in between. No matter where they are and where you are, you showing up gives you the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be able to continue to build those tools for your own toolbox that’ll help you to be the best dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
So today, I am really excited we have another great guest on the show. Rob Donovan is with us. And Rob’s a father of two daughters, and they are age 5 and 4. I remember those days. It was a while back, but I do remember those days, and it was a fun time. And I am really excited to have him here today and for him to tell some of his story with you. Rob, thanks so much for joining us today.

Rob Donovan [00:02:17]:
Great to be here, Dr. Lewis.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:18]:
Well, it’s my pleasure having you here today. And I guess, first and foremost, one of the things that I love being able to start with and talk about is each one of us are going through this journey as we’re working to be that dad that we want to be. And part of that is to create those meaningful moments, moments that each of us wants to have with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with each of your daughters and what made each of them so special.

Rob Donovan [00:02:44]:
I’m gonna have to say since they’re 5 and 4, their identities now are starting to come to fruition. I thought at first my firstborn daughter was gonna be all sports. She’s more arts, she’s more music and film. My second born is all sports. So it kind of flip flopped on that end. But what I love is that I can connect with them on two different levels. So obviously for my second born daughter, she loves to go outside. Roller hockey, soccer, anything outside, biking.

Rob Donovan [00:03:07]:
And then my firstborn, you know, we love to listen to music. Obviously the kids show hunt tricks is a big one for her. And then going to movies, she loves movies. So I believe we just saw the new Mario movie and we’re gonna go back again probably next week. So she just love recreate movie scenes and sometimes I’m the bad guy, sometimes I’m the animal. I don’t know. But it’s fun to create those moments with my daughters on a separate level. Sometimes they play with each other, but I can obviously tell now that they’re kind of going off in their own separate ways a little bit here.

Rob Donovan [00:03:34]:
And it’s fun to connect on each level of them on those.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:36]:
Now what the things I didn’t mention was that you also work with the hockey team at the University of Michigan Flint. And so sports is really important to you. So with your youngest having that connection and having that interest in sports, I’m sure that there’s sometimes an ability to be able to make that connection and be able to understand her a little bit more because of that. So talk to me about that connection to sports with your youngest daughter. What have you done to hone that and what have you done to work to hone your other abilities with your oldest daughter who has other interests than your own?

Rob Donovan [00:04:15]:
So I think for my youngest daughter starting out is that she became a lot like me. More than I could have ever imagined. It’s kind of like staring in the mirror. And now I know what my parents kind of saw when I was a kid. She’s very competitive. We bond over the fact that I obviously love Michigan, I love hockey, I love all sports. But I think whenever she sees the, the block em or anything, she yells go blue. She loves watching hockey, especially Michigan hockey.

Rob Donovan [00:04:34]:
And I think this year the football will be fun for her because I think she’s gonna understand that a little bit more. But she kind of laug on anything. I kind of do So I mean, if I’m out playing hockey by myself rollerblading, she wants to do that. I think at this point right now we’re just kind of working on it’s okay to have fun, it’s okay just to shoot. And if you miss the net or if you do something, it’s not the end of the world. She’s very competitive, so if she doesn’t hit the net on a soccer goal or hockey goal, she gets a little upset. So we’re kind of going through the motions of it’s okay just to play and have fun. For my firstborn daughter, she does like to jump in a few times with the athletics, but she goes off on her own quests after a while and that’s totally fine.

Rob Donovan [00:05:09]:
I kind of noticed that. And I’ll give Tilly. Tilly’s my second born and Tegan is my firstborn. And I will give Tegan, you know, the same amount of just kind of play time. So after I’m done playing hockey and kind of getting Tilly on a roll, I’ll go over to Teegan and we’ll kind of have our little side quests. Whether we’re playing Mario or some other make believe movie with sticks or going on an adventure with her outside is pretty much what she likes to do. So I just kind of got to switch switches there and kind of go from a coach to almost like a drama teacher in a way. So it’s kind of fun.

Rob Donovan [00:05:38]:
I never had that as a kid as being so playful. Like my firstborn, my parents were very athletic mindset and so it’s kind of fun going back and having that experience with my firstborn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:50]:
Now. Earlier you talked about the fact that your daughters are starting to show some of that independence and wanting that independence for themselves. And part of the role of a father is to find that balance. Some of that balance comes down to how we guide our daughters while still giving them the independence that they need to grow into their own person. Talk to me about, how are you doing that?

Rob Donovan [00:06:11]:
For me, it’s just going to be kind of just releasing the grip a bit, lessening, lessening the rope on them. I’m very protective as a father, so if we’re biking, I like to keep them close even though our neighborhood’s really safe. So I kind of now I’m kind of, you know, watching them from a distance and they know better with cars and such like that. Kind of letting them figure out when they have arguments instead of stepping in right away and like putting the kibosh on it. As soon as they start arguing now, I kind of let them try to figure it out a bit. Normally they do, but sometimes, you know, I still got to step in and referee a bit. But yeah, it’s just kind of stepping back a bit and kind of letting them learn how to live a bit. And it’s.

Rob Donovan [00:06:43]:
It’s definitely a little bit difficult for me just because I’m so protective of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:46]:
And, you know, it’s not always easy to be able to find ways to be able to work on those bonds, especially when times are challenging, because being a father is not always roses. There’s going to be challenging times, and you have to figure out where you stand as a parent, as a father in those times. What would you say are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Rob Donovan [00:07:12]:
For me, one of my biggest difficulties as a dad is going to have to be maybe injuries. And that just goes back to. For me, my, my girls, they play extremely hard, and so there’s going to be injuries. I mean, they’re filled with bruises and cuts and stuff like that. But, you know, big injuries. Such as, like, I know one time one of them went over the handlebars. Handlebars once scraped up her face, things like that. And kind of takes me back is I was in the military about eight years ago.

Rob Donovan [00:07:35]:
I came across during my time of service, some things with kids that made difficult. I always thought when having children, when they get to that age, around five to eight, I was going to have a little difficulties because I had past experiences with kids that are being injured. So for me, I know as they were growing up, whenever they got hurt or fell or anything like that, or started crying really hard, for me it was very difficult. It was very, I’d say in the new words, triggering, I guess, where I’d kind of a normal dad kneel down, you know, kiss the boo boo, and you know, stuff like that. For me, it was very difficult. It was almost like I had to step away. But now I’ve learned in the past few years, I’ve learned to slow things down and explain to them, okay, it’s just a little cut or just a little bruise. We can get up things like that.

Rob Donovan [00:08:10]:
And I think if I would have said that three years ago, for me, that would have been very difficult. So we’re both growing together, my daughters and I, so I know there’s more bumps and bruises to go on as they grow up, especially in sports. So I think for me, it’s just going to be something I’m going to continue to grow and continue to get better at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]:
And as you said, we’re not perfect individuals. There are mistakes that we make, flaws that we have. What would you say is a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering more positive communications with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:08:40]:
I think my biggest mistake is going to have to be I’m just a very competitive, aggressive kind of person. Just comes with. I played hockey my whole life. I did the military. I’m. I’m a deputy now, sheriff deputy. And so I kind of live a life where I’m very go getter is I’m very aggressive in life. And so when the girls play and stuff, I.

Rob Donovan [00:08:57]:
I kind of let it go like I said. But then on the flip side, I got to teach them, you know, to be kind, courteous, nice with strangers and other kids when they play. They can’t be as rough as they are with their sisters. So I think that’s just one thing I kind of needed to tone down start, which I didn’t do. And now I’m kind of backtracking a bit, trying to teach them, you know, how to play a little nicer and how to include everybody and not immediately when you get mad at someone, you’re not gonna, you know, just throw them down on the ground, something like that. So something I’m backtracking now on being a little nicer. I just being an older person, an adult, you’ve kind of already grown up not knowing that’s, you know, not, not the right thing to do. But when you’re a child, you can need your parents to kind of help you along those ropes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:33]:
And I can tell that you are in there, you’re engaged. And for all of us that are engaged dads, there are things that we have to do to be validate our kids. So I guess what do you do to intentionally allow for your daughters to feel both valued and heard?

Rob Donovan [00:09:51]:
For me, I just give them the time. I know I work overnight, so I work from 7pm to 7am so I could easily go to bed and wake up at 4 and go right to work, pretty much get have a meal and go to work. But I come home every day and I feed my dogs first of all because they’re the first ones up and whining. I have two little mini dachshunds, so little wiener dogs so they need to go out and get fed. But as soon as I do that, the girls come running downstairs because they Know that as soon as I get home, I make a gourmet kind of, you know, breakfast for them. They have eggs, Belgian waffles, sausage, orange juice right before school. So it’s kind of like a little system we have where almost now, if I don’t come home, if I get delayed by something that morning, I feel bad because I know that that’s something they look forward to, is me coming home and making them nice meals. And then on the flip side, I try to go to bed as soon as they go to school, I go to bed right away.

Rob Donovan [00:10:37]:
And then I get up around, you know, 1:32. So now I have the whole back end of the afternoon when they get back from school and they have lunch, Dad’s waking up and now they know dad’s going to come out and play with, be involved. And so I may be tired, I may be 3 day work week of 12 hour shifts or something like that. But I always try to make time for them and try to, you know, play with them and give them a good meal. And I think they really appreciate that. It’s kind of something they look forward to every week now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]:
And you talked about some of the interests that your daughters have, and I don’t know if you, if you have an answer for this or not, but as your daughters have been getting older and starting to show you more of their, their passions, their dreams, their things, the things that they are most interested in and most wanting to do. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Rob Donovan [00:11:23]:
I believe that when you’re young, you’re figuring out what you like. A lot of times that’s like, if you talk to people, you know, in their older years, they grow up, be like, oh, I used to love playing saxophone as a kid, or I used to, you know, I love singing as a child, but I kind of lost doing that because I had other things or other things are more important or, you know, I got older and I realized it was never going to happen, things like that. But like I said, my first daughter loves music. She loves singing, she loves anything to do with music, film, things like that. And so I encourage you. I got her a little, little microphone to sing into and a little karaoke set on. Play her favorite songs and just kind of encourage her. No matter, you know, no matter what she likes, sports, music, dance, anything.

Rob Donovan [00:12:00]:
I’m going to be there supporting her all the way because I know that’s going to be a passion of hers. I can just tell in their eyes that she loves it on the Flip side of my youngest daughter, I mean, she’s just like me and she looks just like me. So sports, she gravitated right towards sports. I mean, I have a little knee hockey set I’ve had since sixth grade or so like for 30 years. And I brought it out and she, she loved it immediately. She loves kicking the soccer ball. Any do with movement. And for her, I always told my wife I had a son it’d be a little more difficult because like I said before, I, I push really hard.

Rob Donovan [00:12:27]:
So having a daughter was kind of a godsend for me because it allows me to step back and kind of be a little softer as a parent, I believe. So with her being sports wise, I can work on, you know, being more passionate instead of, you know, let’s get out there and run drills. When they get it like 6 or when I get 8 years old to like 15, I’m gonna say, hey, let’s go play out in the field together. Instead of, let’s hit the, let’s hit the sprints and stuff like that. If I had a boy. So I think just being with both of them and being, and what they like to do and having as their dad and a friend enjoying what they do, instead of just saying, hey, go out and do this and I’m going to sit back and watch or I’m going to go inside and do my own thing. I’m going to actively, as I get older, I’m going to still be along as long as they let me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:06]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Rob Donovan [00:13:10]:
That’s going to be through honestly just being active in what they’re doing. So I said the music wise, you just got to be there for them. You got to be right next to them, you got to be engaged with them. And so if they have any questions or they want you to be along, sing along with them or show them the ropes. They’re not gonna be afraid to ask you because you’re always there helping out for their age. If they get frustrated, I know about a year ago, if I said this a year ago, they’d sit there and cry, maybe they’d get frustrated, they throw down their toy, they throw down whatever they’re doing and kind of run into the house. But now there’s like, dad, can you help me? Dad, can you come play with me? Dad this and dad that. And I love that.

Rob Donovan [00:13:43]:
I love being included with it. And now I feel like they trust me enough to, if they need help, they can just Ask instead of just running away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:49]:
It’s so important to be able to stay open, allowing for our daughters to really dictate where the conversation’s going. And that’s not always something that is at the forefront of our brain in the sense of what we would do right away. So I appreciate that you shared that. Now all of us have those routines, and you talked about the breakfast routine and traditions that are meaningful to our families. You mentioned the breakfast one, but I’m going to ask and see if there’s any other ones. What’s another tradition or routine that you’ve created together with your daughters that really strengthens your bonds?

Rob Donovan [00:14:24]:
I think one of them would be obviously the breakfast one. But for me, I love. For my second daughter and sometimes my first, I love watching anything Michigan so that they. Hockey, football, anything like that. As soon as I turn it on the past two years, they know. So they. They hear the fight song, Hail to the Victors and stuff, and they go. They come in, they yell, go blue.

Rob Donovan [00:14:41]:
And they sit down for a bit. At least my second daughter still sit for almost the whole game and watch and they cheer whenever anyone scores a touchdown. For my firstborn daughter, I used to play guitar. So when she gets feels a little artsy or she wants her favorite song, she’ll come up to me and she’ll ask me, can you play this or can you? I’ve done it a couple times with Moana and stuff like that, where I found out the chords and I’d play. But now it’s like whenever she finds a new song, she’s like, dad, can you play this? Can you figure out how to play this? So it’s kind of a tradition with her now is now that whenever she finds a new song or something, we go try to play it. And we have a drum set too, so she loves playing that. It’s like one of those electric ones. So we’ll put a return on her favorite song and she’ll so drum to it, in a way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:15]:
Is your backup singer. She can become your backup singer and backup drummer.

Rob Donovan [00:15:19]:
Exactly. Like I said, I go from coach to music teacher each day. Flip flop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:23]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Rob Donovan [00:15:30]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:30]:
Go for it. What’s one word that describes the relationship that you have with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:15:37]:
I’d say devoted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Rob Donovan [00:15:43]:
Be goofy. As much for my dad, always make your kids laugh. You have to be tough with them. But at the same time, you know, they’re. They’re looking for. They’re looking for a laugh, they’re looking for a good time. They’re. Kids can’t always just be so strict.

Rob Donovan [00:15:52]:
Even though you want them to listen to you got to spend the time to make them laugh. So got to be goofy. But you gotta teach them to laugh at yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:59]:
Now, you’ve already answered this question in a few different ways, but if there’s a different one, you can, you can answer this. What’s one activity that you and. And each of your daughters love doing together?

Rob Donovan [00:16:10]:
My second daughter loves to eat. So I cook a ton of things. I like to cook and she eats anything. And it’s amazing. Like, I would never have eaten that as a kid. And she just, she just pounds it down like it just extravagant food. So she has, she’s not picky. And so whenever I’m cooking food or whatever, she always wants to try a bite.

Rob Donovan [00:16:27]:
So that’s awesome. With her firstborn daughter, yes, I’ve already tapped on the artsy part and stuff like that, but trying to think of one other thing that she. The music, art, stuff like that. Drawing. I’d say she loves to draw, so I’ll join her in drawing. And I’m not the greatest artist, so she laughs at if I draw. Tell them to draw the dogs or something. She wants me to draw the dog as well.

Rob Donovan [00:16:47]:
Or chalk outside and I’ll make a picture and she’ll be laughing. That’s not a dog or something like that. So I think that’s two things that we’d like to do together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:54]:
If you can give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Donovan [00:16:59]:
For me, I would say just go for it. Honestly, just that. Just go for it. Just because you never know. You never know what’s going to happen. If you have a passion and you truly believe it, just go for it. For me, I’ve done a lot in my life, a million different careers, and so I think I set a good example for my daughters, especially when they get older and they ask, well, what have you done in your life? I can say, you know, I just went for it. And I hope you do too, because there’s so many experiences you can go on with your life.

Rob Donovan [00:17:23]:
After high school, I played junior hockey, pro hockey in Canada for a while. I played college hockey and then took a break from hockey. Actually, where I got music from is my wife now was my girlfriend in College, and we went to Nashville and we did music for two years out there. And once I was done with that, and I was good with that, I went to the military. Once I was on the military, I did police work. And now I’m on to hockey again. I’m onto my passion again. So just a million different avenues.

Rob Donovan [00:17:46]:
And I hope they find excitement in life like I did and they don’t get stuck on one thing and have to feel like they only have one thing in life that they could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Donovan [00:17:59]:
For me, especially with two girls, I’ve learned a lot. Like I said before, I was really nervous being a dad just because I felt like. Like if I had boys or I didn’t even know if I had girls, if I had girls, I’d be expecting too much. You always come into being a dad, think, or at least for me, I can’t wait to see what they’re gonna do. I can’t wait to see what their passions are. And, you know, I’m gonna push them to be good at something. You kind of want to, like, not live your life through them, but at least try to give them as much passion, as much as much direction as you possibly can. But I’ve learned now that you just kind of gotta let them go and have fun for right now, and all the chips will fall where they may.

Rob Donovan [00:18:33]:
This is time where you just enjoy your life, enjoy the times that you have with your daughters and your. And things will fall where they are. They always do. Just be there to support them and be a good, devoted father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:43]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:18:50]:
I would say no matter what their passion is to try to get involved, you don’t have to extremely love what they’re doing. Just get involved. And you never know, you might enjoy it as well. They’re looking for someone to enjoy their passion with. And being a dad and being there with them, being supportive. That’s all my girls ever ask for, is just me being around and being present. So I think just dive right in. No matter what it is, you never know, you might enjoy it with them.

Rob Donovan [00:19:14]:
Might be a lasting hobby for you guys. So to try it out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:17]:
Great advice, and I really appreciate you sharing that and sharing the journey that you’ve been on with your own daughters. And it’s still a journey. You’re going to continue to go through many of the different phases of life. As they continue to get older. But I want to say thank you. Thank you for your time, and I truly wish you all the best.

Rob Donovan [00:19:34]:
Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:35]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:20:06]:
We’re all in the same boat

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
and

Musical Performer [00:20:13]:
it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Small Moments, Big Impact: Strengthening Your Bond With Your Daughter

April 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In a world where the father-daughter relationship is often celebrated but not always explored in depth, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast stands out as a guiding light for dads eager to nurture lifelong bonds with their daughters. In the latest heartwarming episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Bernard Drew, a proud father, to discuss the unique joys and evolving challenges of raising independent, confident young women.

Celebrating Small Moments That Matter

One of the central themes of this episode is the importance of everyday intentionality. Bernard Drew recalls a cherished memory—taking his young daughter to a midnight premiere of her favorite movie, Hannah Montana. It wasn’t a grand gesture but a simple act of presence and togetherness that, years later, still stands out for both father and daughter. Through stories like this, Bernard Drew emphasizes how small, thoughtful rituals, like watching movies or sharing inside jokes, lay the foundation for meaningful connections.

Balancing Guidance with Independence

A challenge many fathers face is balancing the instinct to protect with the need to allow daughters the freedom to grow. Bernard Drew shares openly about this ongoing journey. From having those tough conversations (“the sex talks, the hard things with society”) to trusting the “seeds previously planted,” he reflects on moments when he had to learn to step back and let his daughter own her choices. This powerful message reminds dads everywhere that guidance is important, but space and trust are essential for daughters to flourish as independent thinkers.

The Value of Authenticity and Listening

Another profound takeaway is the transformation that comes when fathers truly listen. Bernard Drew candidly admits that, growing up, he’d been raised in a “kids are seen and not heard” environment, but realized the importance of letting his daughter have a voice—especially through teenage transitions and life changes. Authentic, open dialogue not only makes daughters feel valued but also strengthens their self-worth.

Encouragement for Dads Everywhere

Throughout their conversation, both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Bernard Drew stress that being present, engaged, and authentic is more valuable than striving for perfection as a parent. The episode encourages listeners to invest in quality time, foster open communication, and continually learn—not just about their daughters, but about themselves as fathers.

Whether you’re seeking practical advice or inspiration, this episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it means to be “the dad she needs.” Tune in to strengthen your own connection and join a community devoted to raising confident, empowered daughters.

Ready to dive in? Listen to the full conversation and start making your moments count!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week, you. You and I have an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
You know, I’ve got two daughters, and every week, I love being able to have you here with me as we’re talking about these relationships and we’re talking about what we can do to be able to build those stronger relationships, because each of us have a responsibility to be able to be there for our kids, not just our daughters, but our kids. But the relationship that you have with your daughter is a truly unique one and a very special one, and one that you do have to invest in and you have to work on. And that’s why this podcast exists. It exists so that every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, and to try to work on something. Might be small, it might be large that you can do to be able to either work on, repair, or continue to build that relationship with your daughter. That’s why every week, I love bringing you different guests with different experiences that can help you do just that. And today, we’ve got another great guest, Bernard Drew is with us, and Bernard is a father of two, but today we’re going to be talking about his relationship and his experiences with his own daughter. So I’m really excited to have him here.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
Bernard, thanks so much for being here today.

Bernard Drew [00:02:08]:
Dr. Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here, and as you know, I’ve been so enamored. You do so many things from an extraordinary perspective academically, but I am most intrigued that you have this great passion, this relentless desire to support dads and their journeys with daughters. So it’s actually an honor to be here and part of this community that you’ve been able to nurture.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
I appreciate you saying that, because it is a passion. It’s been something that I’ve been working on for many, many years. And I love being able to talk to dads like you that have been right in it. And even today, I know today is your daughter’s birthday, so happy birthday to your daughter. And while this will come out after your daughter’s birthday, you we were just talking about the fact that before you came to be on the show today that you were over giving her a birthday present and dropping that off before we were talking. And it’s those special moments, those little moments that so much. And I know your daughter is an adult now, and I. And I guess first and foremost, as we talk about that relationship with your daughter, talk to me about for you what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter and what made it so special as

Bernard Drew [00:03:16]:
it’s her birthday today. And I’ll be grateful. We have a lot of great memories, one that always stands out. I think she had to been maybe 6 years old. And we’re going back. She turned 24 today. So we’re talking about, wow, that’s crazy. Almost 18 years ago, maybe she was 6 or 7.

Bernard Drew [00:03:32]:
She had maybe about 7. And she was just absolutely enamored with Hannah Montana on the television on Disney Channel. And man, that was her show. And I would sit and spend time and just watch it with her and just hanging out. And long story short, they ended up having a movie came out and I ended up buying tickets so that she could go at midnight when it first opened that night to go see it. And we have a picture. And to this day, that is one of the most precious memories for her. Like my dad took me to see Hannah Montana at midnight.

Bernard Drew [00:04:04]:
To her, the thought of going to a movie at midnight was absur. Who does that? But then to be able to take her little Hannah Montana guitar and sit in the show and it’s just a lot of those little moments compound them over time. And I’m so grateful. Almost regardless of any other accomplishments or accolades in life, man, I have enjoyed my journey with my daughter.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:23]:
All of us, as we go through this journey with our daughters and with our kids, we have to balance the expectations that we have. We have to balance the drive that we have to be able to guide them, to help them. Men in general, 10 to be helpers. They tend to be solvers. And sometimes that can be to the detriment of being a father to a daughter. So I guess the question that I have is either now that your daughter is an adult, or as she’s grown up into the adult that she is today. How did you balance or how do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to be the person that she was becoming as she was getting older or that she continues to become as she gets older?

Bernard Drew [00:05:08]:
Well, you went straight to one of the most profound, reflective questions we could go into here. And I’ll say it’s definitely an evolving spectrum, even today, and how to be the dad that she needs for this stage and season in life, and even how my role has evolved in years past. And sometimes I got it great. Sometimes it was like, oh, I missed the exit ramp when I was supposed to be a little less overbearing and give her a little more room to explore and discover. But I think it’s somewhere in between that line of being a dad who wants to protect and prevent harm as well as the dad who wants to, hey, I need you to be prepared for this. So in our household, I was the one to have the hard conversations. I had the sex talks. I had the conversations about hard things with society and everything else.

Bernard Drew [00:05:53]:
That was a dad daughter thing. My wife was like, I’m so glad you’re handling that. And I was glad to. I want my daughter to be prepared. But I think it was her sophomore year in high school, and she was volunteering, I do believe, to support the National Honor Society induction. And it dawned on me that she’s going to be participating in this next year, two years from now. It finally hit me in the late spring of her sophomore year. I’ve got two more years with her, and she could be gone forever when she graduates high school.

Bernard Drew [00:06:19]:
I have no more, for lack of better words, control where she goes to college. I want her to have a confident choice where she goes. She could go to the other side of the country, and she could then plant roots somewhere else, and this might be it. And I started being almost, not quite overwhelmed, but my mind being inundated with, oh, my God, I got two years to prepare her for what life has in store. Store. And I started to come up with this master list of things that I’m like, oh, she’s got to know this and do that, do this and do that, and I got to prepare for this. And I’ll just say, I think I was being prayerful and just in conversation with God. The Holy Spirit was like, whoa, son, slow down.

Bernard Drew [00:06:53]:
You’re doing too much. Do you trust the seeds that have already been planted? Do you trust the demonstrated leadership, love, kindness, and principles you’ve already expressed to her? If you trust that the seeds that were planted were helpful, they were healthy, they were appropriate, they were going in the right direction, then now is not the time to get hasty and start stirring, covering things up unjustly. Trust the seeds that have been planted. And at this stage, you have to make sure you’re trusting me to be inside of her, to give her the guidance, the insight, the resilience she’s going to need. And if nothing else, who is the village that’s around her that you can be intentional to cultivate and nurture that at a stage where it’s probably easy for her to be like, oh, there’s my dad talking again. There’s my dad with another lecture. Who are the other people that are in our social circles that she can be entrusted to spend time with? And they may also sprinkle some principles in her life to water the seeds that have already been planted. And I’ll say that was one of the single greatest pivots and perspectives that ever happened, because then she was able to begin discovering the principles that were inside of her, that she owned and she believed for herself, because she chose to.

Bernard Drew [00:08:00]:
As opposed to feeling like, oh, there’s my dad telling me what to do again, she was able list a little bit more, able to determine like, no, this is who I am, because I chose to decide that this is who I am. And I would say that’s a perpetual journey I’m still on of keeping an eye on where that balance is.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
It’s never easy, and it’s definitely something you have to work on because inevitably we step over the line and then they smack us and they say, you’ve stepped over the line. And they tell us that especially as they get older. And they will definitely do that. I’ve had that happen to me numerous times now. It sounds from everything that you’re saying that you have done some very intentional things to be able to build the relationship that you have with your daughter. Talk to me about what some of those intentional ways were that you did to work to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially, let’s say, during challenging times.

Bernard Drew [00:08:55]:
I would like to think that I have a ironclad answer, but I just have to speak towards. It’s a journey. We’re all always evolving and all always learning. I do believe early on, and I’ll just be candid, I think one of the strongest things that she saw was that her dad loved her and loves her mom, and that regardless of what, there’s no other priority that goes above them next to God. And so I think for her to see that and know that over the years. And does that mean perfection? No. But I think there’s an unequivocal understanding that dad prioritizes you. You matter.

Bernard Drew [00:09:28]:
You are important. It is a joy to spend time with you, and time with you is valuable to me. And I think that that has paid major, major dividends because it’s not a foreign thought. So whether things are going exceptionally well in her life and dad is hanging out with her, that’s a normal thing. Or if things are really tough and unclear and some strain, she knows dad is there. And so I think a lot of that stemmed from just the early years of her knowing, hey, my dad loves spending time with me, and this is important to him. And I think that has paid incredible dividends over the years.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:03]:
So none of us are infallible. None of us. All of us as fathers, have made mistakes along the way. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication or other things in relation to yourself as a father?

Bernard Drew [00:10:22]:
Great question. I can think of a number of areas, if it comes down to it. Whereup, Mr. Mark there. Mr. Mark there. I think one that stands out the most to me, kind of that same vein of that earlier revelation about, hey, stop doing too much, give her space to flourish with what’s already been planted. I would say in a similar capacity, I had the hard conversations with her all the time, and included in that with boys.

Bernard Drew [00:10:44]:
And so I don’t have excessive regret here, but enough to be like, oh, yeah, I was probably over the top. I kind of had a zero tolerance policy. I don’t want to hear a boy calling you. I don’t want to have any boys showing up at the house. I just, whatever, just stay focused on your studies, and I don’t want to hear anything about it. And as much as that was well intended and I think it’s done as well and she’s still doing well today, in hindsight, I’m like, you know what, Bernard? Your parents were fairly rigid, but they weren’t that rigid. And there’s some virtue to allowing kids while they’re under my roof. If I’d have done it all over again, I probably would have created a safer space for her to explore and navigate relationships while under our roof.

Bernard Drew [00:11:27]:
In a space where if and when, because we all make goofy decisions as we’re navigating relationships, I probably would have been in a better position to kind of observe from a closer distance. And coach and help course correct and then give insight because we’re sitting here, right here, observing it. And I’m grateful that she didn’t go off the deep end or anything too extreme, at least that I know of. But it’s something that I wish I could have coached her on that a little bit more while she was close to home. I think our. I don’t know if I’ll call it Saving grace was in her case. She left for school, had one year of undergrad, and then Covid hit and she came back home again for a year and a half. And so I kind of got a second chance in that space.

Bernard Drew [00:12:07]:
But if I were to have given myself some different advice, it would have been to give her more opportunity to make a few mistakes and learn from them while she was in the house and nurtured more of that coaching dad dynamic with her earlier versus later. Yet I’m grateful that it has worked out well.

Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
So today, or as she was growing up, what did or do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Bernard Drew [00:12:34]:
It’s a journey and a spectrum. I think the valued piece I enjoy spending time with her. The things that she enjoyed, I learned to enjoy. Some of her favorite shows became some of my favorite shows. The volume of inside jokes she and I have today as a result of all of those shared experiences between you and I. And I guess whoever sees this, my wife, I think, is almost jealous sometimes because we have just a volume of things that we delved into that she knows she was valued. And I spent that time with her in terms of her voice. You know, it’s interesting.

Bernard Drew [00:13:02]:
I think I kind of grew up in an era that it was like, hey, I hate to say it, kids are seen and not heard. I think I had a certain dynamic of that through much of her elementary years, middle school years, like, hey, just do what we told you to do, and that’s it. And I think as high school evolved, she had a tough pivot transitioning into her high school. And I think that was the time frame where she and I began discovering that I needed to leave more room for her voice because this is her school experience. And though we kind of made the decision where she would go, she needed to take ownership and find joy in it. And so I think that was the season where we sit at the kitchen table and we’d have long conversations and I would listen to her talk to me about the challenges she was having at the school and how she was navigating certain challenges and allowing her voice to actually be heard and not just quiet it, because I’m dad and your daughter. And I think that was a turning point for us that allowed her voice to be valued as much as I thought that I valued her.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:02]:
And how do you support your daughter now, or as she was growing up, getting into college, et cetera, in pursuing the dreams and the passions that she has?

Bernard Drew [00:14:13]:
Man, I’ll definitely say this. I think that is one of the greatest roles as a father, is affirming for her that she has value. I mean, candidly, the card I gave her today, it had two words in there, power and purpose. She knows I’m the corny dad. And yep, I will have a lecture ready any given minute and it’s going to be corny and it’s that and the other. But it is what it is. And so even today, the card I gave her for her birthday talked about purpose and power and affirming for her that inside of her you have power. There is a limitless power inside of you to be able to curate the life that you desire.

Bernard Drew [00:14:44]:
And while doing that, to make the impact that you’ve been called to do, you have purpose. And so that has been a heavy dynamic. When she was approaching her 13 birthday, I was kind of inspired. I grew up in a community that had a strong Jewish population. And so I had a lot of friends that were in Hebrew school. And by the time they got to 13, having their bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs and being able to demonstrate a level of maturity and adulthood and command of their faith. Her 13th birthday, we kept it fun and light. That’s the joy my wife brings to the table.

Bernard Drew [00:15:14]:
She keeps things real light and fun most of the time. But I did have my daughter actually read several books, books and write me reports on purpose leading up to her 13th birthday. And I had her assemble those thoughts in her own phrasing, her own lens of life at 12 going on 13 on what purpose means and how important is purpose in your life and how do you express purpose and why is purpose important to other people around you? And so she put together a, I don’t know how long it was, maybe a five to seven minute talk presentation at her 13th birthday party with family, friends and folks assembled. And as much as he have fun cake and did all kind of fun stuff and games with her friends, there was a segment where she got to express this understanding of purpose and what it means to her. And I think those are the kind of things that in their totality, that is one of the Things I think helped continue to affirm for her. I see purpose inside of you and you as you discover for yourself, a confidence in who you are. There’s no limit to what you can do in your life. And so if I fast forward, I’m inspired that she harnessed that and I think, think that type of journey she’s had is what fuels her.

Bernard Drew [00:16:23]:
Having pursued an undergraduate degree in elementary education, she wants to impact the lives of kids and she’s doing that even now.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]:
What’s a tradition or a routine that you and your daughter have created together that strengthen your bond?

Bernard Drew [00:16:36]:
Again, it evolves over time, but most of it, can I tell you, it involves quality time. And I don’t know if I’ve done a deep analysis of the five love languages in her life. Maybe I should. But I’ll say this, this, that quality time with her, whether it was the watching the Disney shows with her when she was at her youngest, I will say I think she had been in the first grade and we had a routine every morning and we did this for several years that before going to school she would come into my office and we would read together. I was introducing her to the Bible and so she was spending some time just getting familiar and telling me her thoughts about what she had read. And it gave us opportunity just to connect. And we did that for several years. That was first thing in the morning before going to school.

Bernard Drew [00:17:17]:
And so I think those kind of moments, moments definitely over time set the tone that hey, dad wants to spend time with me. And so in terms of routine, those were routine at that time. But as she’s grown older, I’ll just say the engagement isn’t nearly as routine. But I think the routine early on set the tone that man, I value that quality time with you and you can communicate your genuine authentic thoughts. And it’s evolved into the kind of relationship where my wife is definitely one who goes to bed early because she wakes up extra early. My daughter and I tend to be more night owl and it’s not uncommon whether it was in high school while she was navigating undergrad and was living with us. It’s not uncommon for us to cross paths in the kitchen at 8:30 at night and just sit at the kitchen table and talk for two, three, four hours and just talk. And that I believe is one of the greatest gifts in life, that she enjoys hanging out with her dad.

Bernard Drew [00:18:11]:
So I’m thankful. Quality time.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection six, which are six questions that are gonna delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Bernard Drew [00:18:21]:
I don’t think I have another choice. Go for.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Bernard Drew [00:18:26]:
I would say fun.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:27]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Bernard Drew [00:18:32]:
Again, I have to go with just train them up in the direction they’re supposed to go in. Just train them early. They have their own path to take. Train them early, and then you have confidence that they’ll flourish in the assignment and into the character that they’re supposed to walk in.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:45]:
You already talked about this a little bit, but what’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together today?

Bernard Drew [00:18:51]:
Watching movies. So now that she’s got her own home, it’s kind of fun that it’s not uncommon. I’ll go over to her house, and we’ll sit up and watch a movie or two and just hang out and talk and so movies. I think we’ve done three Broadway shows together now. Also, my wife’s not the greatest fan of theater, but my daughter and I will go, and those are some of the greatest things that we enjoy doing.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Bernard Drew [00:19:16]:
Your life is always resilient. With the love of God. You can always bounce back from anything. Just keep your trust in him.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
And what’s one one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Bernard Drew [00:19:27]:
I would say there’s probably been no sacrifice that’s been made for the wellness of my kids. It wasn’t worth it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Bernard Drew [00:19:40]:
I think authenticity, the level of authenticity that loves and meets them where they are and loves them, nurtures and encourages them from where they are. The other side of that coin is the level of authenticity to learn to love and forgive yourself. I think sometimes as men and as dads, I’m not gonna overgeneralize here, but sometimes we can be bound to the ignorance we may have had in the past and think that that has to dictate whatever pathways to the future. And the reality is, just like, there’s an endless opportunity for our kids to evolve. There’s an endless opportunity for us to evolve. And so I would extend to dads, you’re worth the time to reinvest in you. If it’s reading certain books, if it is is therapy, if it’s counseling, if it is just finding a safe space and environment where you can talk freely and get certain things off your chest. And maybe here’s some other perspectives.

Bernard Drew [00:20:30]:
You’re worth that opportunity, too. And as much as you may fight so hard to to create safe spaces for other people, give yourself the same grace to find some space for you to evolve into the best version of yourself, too.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]:
Well, Bernard, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing the unique journey of you and your daughter. As you said, it’s always evolving. It’s changing, but it is so exciting to hear about the strong bond that you and your daughter have. And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and I wish you the best.

Bernard Drew [00:21:01]:
Thank you very much. And again, I just appreciate you doing this. I think one of the greatest relationships on the planet is the relationship with a dad and his daughter. And for dads to be encouraged and coached and inspired. Probably one of the single greatest investments that can be made in anybody’s lifetime. So thank you for making this commitment. Greatly appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Speaker D [00:21:49]:
We’re all in the same boat

Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]:
is

Speaker D [00:21:56]:
full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenter and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can

Bernard Drew [00:22:39]:
be

Speaker D [00:22:42]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Harmony at Home: Dustin Lolli on Fatherhood, Faith, and Family

July 7, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

On the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dustin Lolli, lead singer of the band Sanctus Real, for a candid conversation about what it really means to be a present, engaged dad—especially to daughters at two very different life stages. Throughout the episode, listeners are treated to heartfelt stories, honest admissions of “mistakes,” and practical wisdom on raising confident, independent daughters.

Fatherhood Across Generations

Dustin shares the unique experience of being a father to both a 21-year-old and a 5-year-old daughter. He reflects on the surprises and joys of meeting each child exactly where they are—from encouraging an early love of art and animals in his oldest, to discovering what makes his youngest “tick.” The message is clear: there’s no manual, and every child truly is unique. What matters most is the willingness to stay curious, adaptable, and humble.

Fostering Independence & Stability

One powerful theme is the delicate balance between guidance and independence. As Dustin describes, the journey is a “push and pull”—supporting his daughters as they take chances, make mistakes, and hone their passions, while also providing a secure foundation they can always come home to. He espouses the importance of loving consistency over quick fixes, and of letting kids know that stability and support are always present, even as they navigate their own paths.

Music, Family, and Finding Passion

Music runs deep in the Lolli family, but Dustin is quick to note that he and his wife encourage their children to find their own unique passions, not simply follow in their footsteps. An especially touching moment is Dustin’s retelling of recording “Confidence” as a duet with his daughter Arden—not because she wanted the spotlight, but because it was a special moment to connect and create together.

Faith, Hope, and Real-World Parenting

With faith at the center of his message, Dustin brings a sense of hopefulness to the challenges of raising kids today, especially when it comes to social media and comparison culture. He emphasizes leading with love, authenticity, and an understanding that parenting is about the child’s needs, not the parent’s expectations.

Why You Should Listen

This episode isn’t just for dads; it’s for anyone who values deep family connections, honest conversations, and real-life stories about learning, loving, and growing together. Tune in to hear Dustin’s thoughtful insights and be inspired to show up as the parent your children need—flaws, questions, and all.

Ready to be inspired? Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection—you’ll come away with wisdom to last a lifetime.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:54]:
I am so excited that you’re back with us again this week. As always, every week, I love being on this journey with you and I call it a journey because the connections that we want to build with our daughters happen daily. But we have to do what we can to learn, to grow, to build stronger connections. And it’s not always going to be easy. There’s going to be some bumps in the road. You got to be willing to go for the long run, go in for the long haul and make sure that you know that you can ask for help, you can learn from others, and that’s what this podcast is all about. Every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering in different ways, are building those connections in different ways, but they are learning along with their daughters as well, and that is so important. This week we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:50]:
Dustin Lally is with us and Dustin is the lead singer of Sanctus Real, a band. If you’ve never heard of it, I’m going to say Google it, but I’ll have a link in the notes today. But definitely it is a band that’s been around for over 30 years. Amazing music. We’re going to talk a little bit about his music as well, but he’s a father of four and he’s got two daughters. He’s got a 21 year old daughter and a five year old daughter. So we got both ends of the spectrum and we’re going to talk about that journey that he’s been on to be able to build those strong connections with his own daughter. And I’m really excited to have him here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
Dustin, thanks so much for being here.

Dustin Lolli [00:02:24]:
Well, thanks for having me. This is great.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:27]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here. And as I said, building those relationships takes time. It takes effort. And you know, I think as you think about both your daughters and as I said, they’re at two ends of the spectrum in regards to where they are in life. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Dustin Lolli [00:02:51]:
I think I’ve always had, you know, our oldest daughter is a firstborn. So the first four years she was just with us. And so there’s, there was a lot of connecting time there, right? Like, and I was young, I mean, I was 21 when we got married. My wife got pregnant three months after we got married. So her birthday is two days from our first year anniversary. So I was a kid, right? Like having a child and not only having a child, having a girl child for a 21 year old boy, you know that you have these, these moments and I, I just, I just fell in love immediately. But you have so much, Obviously when you’re 21, you really have so much to learn. And I think what I noticed first off, like one of the first meaningful moments where I was like, okay, this is a unique child, like a unique person, right? This isn’t, I don’t know what it is.

Dustin Lolli [00:03:40]:
When you’re young, you’re like, everything is going to fit into almost like a movie. You’re right, like you, you’re making the steps of your life and then the first plot twist happens and it’s like, oh, I gotta deal with this. But my daughter, from an early age, she loved to go out and draw. And it was like amazing at an early age. And she had a great vocabulary. She’d be talking early and one day she’s drawing and she drew a shark and a seal and the shark was eating the seal and she drew blood everywhere. This is a girl, a little baby girl. She’s like 4 years old and I’m 5 years old maybe and, and I’m like, what is that? And she said she was watching the Discovery Channel and saw Shark Week, right? I remember this feeling of like, this is a sweet baby girl, but she also loves, loves this other nature and animals and art.

Dustin Lolli [00:04:31]:
And it was, I know it doesn’t sound like much, but for me I was sitting there going, I’ve got a lot to learn about this and helping her see these things. And I loved it. But you’re looking at it from a perspective of, I thought it was going to be this sweet, dainty little thing. And here she’s drawing blood coming out of a seal, right? Like, oh. And she still Works with animals, right? This is. She’s had this love for animals, and she was like, just real little, and she. Now she works with dogs, and she works and she draws, and it’s amazing. So that little moment with just me and we’re looking at this thing, I was like, okay, this.

Dustin Lolli [00:05:04]:
I got a lot to learn about my own daughter. And so we started doing things more with animals. And, like, she started learning about animals, and we took her to. She has a really great picture where they had a live wolf. She got to take pictures, like, actual pictures with the wolf. And so just those moments to start with her were just. I found her loves, right? Her interests and her mom. We just found what she loved, and we really are.

Dustin Lolli [00:05:29]:
What we really wanted to do from the beginning was. Was encourage her to do the things that she loved. And part of our. Even our schooling that we gave her was art, and we wanted her to learn with passion. That moment, though, stands out because it was like a turning point for me, right? Like, I was like, okay, I gotta change my thinking to, this is a real human being. This isn’t. This isn’t just out of a movie. This is a girl who’ to develop and develop her own passions and develop her own things.

Dustin Lolli [00:05:55]:
And I’m a guy, and I have no idea what any of that looks like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:58]:
So now you also have a daughter that’s five and two other kids along with your other daughter. So I guess now with having a daughter at the other end of the spectrum, and you have an adult daughter now, how are you taking what you learned from your firstborn in building that relationship with your youngest as well?

Dustin Lolli [00:06:23]:
It’s funny because I think it’s two things psychologically. It’s not just, hey, I get to learn from her. It’s that I’m older anyway. Like, I see the world differently. There’s a lot of experience with having four, and they’re all very distinct personalities and different people. And so I think for me, it’s. It’s not just, hey, thinking back to how my oldest name is Arden. It’s not just thinking back to that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:45]:
It’s.

Dustin Lolli [00:06:45]:
It’s kind of taking the sum of all of this experience and going, what this girl? And of course, she’s in a different place again because my youngest, her next closest sibling, is 14, so she’s kind of an only child at this age, too. So we’re looking at it from a perspective again of we want her to be healthy emotionally, we want her to be healthy mentally. And there are so many things now in Life that will from screens and to all of this stuff that are going to try to take some of that away from her that we’re learning and we’re doing our best to have a balanced, balanced life. And we learned that with Arden. The problem with Arden was, you know, you have these kids who are easy. And I thought I was a great parent with her because she was intelligent early on, she was emotionally very chill. And of course there was always something she wasn’t perfect. But I always thought, man, I must be a good parent.

Dustin Lolli [00:07:39]:
And then the next ones come along and it’s, you know, they’re boys, so they’re different. But even so, you’re like, okay, maybe every kid is unique and different. And I think that kind of experience or now it’s like we’re looking at our, our youngest and she is full of life, the baby to a T. She is loud and fun and dramatic and all of these things. And I think for us, in a lot of ways it’s like every child of ours has been different and unique and our job is to love them the best way that we know how. And we’ve learned that with our other kids. There’s no formula to it. There’s no point A to point B.

Dustin Lolli [00:08:14]:
If you do this, this, this and this, it’s going to be perfect. Because all our kids have different genetic makeup. And I don’t mean like mother, dad, I just mean like they were born different, they think differently, they feel differently. And so as a parent, especially with this one, we’re just trying to find, okay, what makes her tick and what makes her thrive. And she is the most fun little five year old you’ll ever come across. It’s incredible.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:37]:
You mentioned the fact that some of the things that you did with Arden to help her to real of the passions that she had. And I guess as you think about in raising her to where she is today, how did you balance guiding her while also giving her the independence to becoming her own person?

Dustin Lolli [00:08:58]:
I think probably a lot of mistakes, you know. No, it’s a great question. I think it’s still a question that’s in process for us. I mean, she’s 21. Even now you’re like, you still want to protect, but then you also know you can’t, you have to let go in a lot of ways. She just came to us and she wants to go to Ireland with a group and she’d have to fly by herself. And the dad and me is like, oh, I don’t know. And then you go, but she’s 21, and we’ve never really tried to keep her from anything.

Dustin Lolli [00:09:27]:
But as a dad, there’s this safety thing, which there’s all of these things that you’re like, I’m supposed to protect her. I’m supposed to do all this. So as they get older, that with a girl is so much harder to let go of. Like my boys, I’m like, whatever, just go, man up, do the thing. Which good or not, it’s just a natural process. I don’t even think of it other than it’s a natural thing. I would have wanted my dad to do that when I was 18, like, go mess up a few times. But the girl, that’s hard because however, genetically we’re inclined to be this way.

Dustin Lolli [00:09:56]:
So my wife helps a lot with that. You know, we have a very balanced relationship. She is a girl, and I know this is dad. Daughter is hard because you don’t understand, like, what they feel, what she’s going through. And so I rely on her a lot for a lot of the emotional things. And I hope we’ve always tried to make a good team with it, but I think you have to over. Over the. From the time she’s been 16 and on, it has been a tug of war and a push and pull of Arden, you have to prepare for the future.

Dustin Lolli [00:10:25]:
You have to do the things it takes to be a successful person without mom and dad, while at the same time saying, arden, we are your safety net right now. You can make mistakes. You have a stable home, you have a stable place. And if you go out there and fail, even now, we tell her this all the time. This is your time to take chances. This is your time to go seek out this art, go do this thing and build your future. But just know that if it doesn’t work out, you have a stable landing ground right now. And so it is.

Dustin Lolli [00:10:56]:
It’s a push and pull of like, we’re here, stability’s here. But because you have a foundation, you can go take risks, you can go do those things, and we’re all for it, and we’ll support you in anything. Obviously, I’m in music. My daughter has a great voice. She’s beautiful voice, but she doesn’t want to sing. And so it’s like those balancing moments where you’re like, I can offer you these opportunities because of what I do. And she’s saying, but that’s not my heart. Those are the things we work through, and those are the things, okay, so what is your passion? What do you want to do.

Dustin Lolli [00:11:24]:
And it’s a tug of war always inside of me now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:26]:
You talked about, and you kind of joked about it, that you probably made some mistakes. And all of us make mistakes. I mean, we are not perfect. There’s no manual to how you raise a kid. And I guess as you think about those mistakes, what’s a mistake that you made as a father and what did it. What did you learn from it about fostering positive communication?

Dustin Lolli [00:11:49]:
I use the word mistake. I kind of did say it as a joke. I think sometimes I look at people and say, you only know when you made a mistake because we know what the right thing was. And so it’s our weight, it’s our judge. So the truth is, I don’t know how many mistakes I’ve made because I don’t know always what the right thing was. So you’re just doing your best. And so you look back and go, maybe if I had done it this way, it would have gone better. But hindsight’s 20 20.

Dustin Lolli [00:12:13]:
It’s hard to deal with that. You just learn to grow from it. With my daughter, you think of girls and you think of emotions. You think of it. My daughter is a very stable, quiet, emotional person. She feels things strongly, but she doesn’t always show them. And as a guy, you have these stereotypical wrong things. This is part of.

Dustin Lolli [00:12:31]:
As a young man, you have a daughter and you realize, okay, she’s not a stereotype. She’s a person. And she has her feelings, but she also has strong here. And I think without taking the time and having the humility to learn what it is that makes her tick, you can just jump the gun on stuff, and you can just plow right into things and go, oh, well, honey, let me tell you how to do this. And I think there were a lot of times where I thought I knew what was right for her, and I thought I knew if I gave her this advice and she did it, but. But after the fact, I go, if she were me, that might have worked, but she’s not me. And so in a lot of ways, parenting to me is. There’s a checklist for parenting, and I think it’s good, but for me, it doesn’t work.

Dustin Lolli [00:13:11]:
Parenting to me is loving your kids the best way possible. And that might be being tough on one at some point and being less tough on another at some point, but it’s knowing them, and if you know them well enough, you know how to love them well. And I think the biggest mistakes that I made, I think, were a lot of Times where I was more interested in giving them advice based on my opinion than based on where they were or what her needs were in the time I, like, wanted to be right rather than I wanted to help her. And so I don’t think my motive early on as a dad, sometimes I was just doing the best I could. If I had a chance to talk to me, then I would say, you’re doing the best you can, but you’re doing the best you can for yourself instead of the best you can for your family or for your daughter. There’s a lot in there. I could nuance that all day long. I could unpack that all day long.

Dustin Lolli [00:13:56]:
But I don’t always love the word mistakes because I think we create the baseline to judge on now, obviously, for breaking the law or something, but we’re creating this baseline of like, well, this is the right thing and if we didn’t do it, then you’re a failure or it’s a mistake. And parenting, I mean, everything might be a mistake because you could probably do everything better at some point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:14]:
You hit the nail on the head there. I think that everybody will second guess, and we are innately programmed to second guess and say, have I done that right? And as men, I’ve talked about this before, so many men are programmed to be fixers. We walk into a situation, we don’t always listen, we don’t always hear what our daughters are telling us, but we come in and think, oh, I can fix this. And that’s not always what they need. And so one of the best things that someone ever told me, and it was kind of too late for me at the time, but was when you go into a conversation with your daughters, you should let them have the ability to say whether the conversation is a listening or a fixing conversation. Because if it is a listening conversation, you need to turn that part of your brain off that says, I’m trying to fix this for you, and you need to let them struggle with it and just talk through it. But if they say, no, this is a fixing conversation, then you can turn that right back on and truly give them the advice that you’re prone to give for your daughters. What’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Dustin Lolli [00:15:21]:
I think that’s an earned thing over time. I don’t know if there’s one action. I think being there over the years, you know, I would say my 21 year old, it’s just consistency. I think there’s no one action when she’s been through hard times, you just, you’re there. When she’s having her great times, you’re there. I love to be able to just tell people, hey, if you do this, it’s going to be great. The thing is, your listeners don’t even know my family life. I could be the worst dad in the world, pretending here.

Dustin Lolli [00:15:48]:
And that’s okay. To me, life in and of itself is this flow thing where a lot of people love to have step by step things. And I think trust is earned over time, even with your kids. I think love is a daily thing where you’re choosing somebody above yourself, especially your kids. And I think you can’t be a good parent unless you go into parenting thinking, I’m going to give something up for my children. And I’ve learned that over the years. And I think I do have a wonderful family life and I do have great kids and. But I think they would even tell you that there’s never been a moment.

Dustin Lolli [00:16:21]:
It’s just, it’s earned. Over the years, from when she was little, she learned that mom and dad were going to be there and they were going to be our priority. Now, I will say this. One of our early things we decided as a couple was we weren’t going to change our lives for our kids. We were going to include our kids in our lives. And so our kids have always had a semblance of this is what mom and dad do and we’re a part of it. I’ve seen a lot of families, they have a child and suddenly their entire life changes. They don’t see friends anym, they don’t go out anymore.

Dustin Lolli [00:16:52]:
The kids on a 7pm bedtime. And that can’t be deviated from. We didn’t do any of that. Now whether that’s psychologically right or wrong, we didn’t do any of that. We said, okay, we’re going to include our baby girl in everything that we do. And so she would come out to eat with us and we were involved in a lot of ministry stuff. So she would go to all of this stuff and sometimes she’d stay up late. And so.

Dustin Lolli [00:17:14]:
And the reason why I say that is because in a lot of ways our kids, instead of just being the center of attention, they were a part of a family. Arden wasn’t a only child. And when she thought, oh, I get everything, she knew she was going to go with mom and dad to everything. She was a part of it. And that was a healthy thing. So answering your question, I think the lifestyle choices and the day to Day. Consistency, love, consistency is what really for, I think, developed our relationship. So it kept it strong when she went to teenage years.

Dustin Lolli [00:17:46]:
And here’s the other thing. My daughter was such a good child. I would have these people say to me all the time, I mean, this became a just wait till she’s a teenage. You think you got it good now, but just wait till she’s a teenager. They all fall off the road. She’s a girl. And you know what? I. My wife and I used to look at each other and be like, that doesn’t mean that’s going to happen to Arda.

Dustin Lolli [00:18:05]:
And you know what? It never did. She’s always been a consistent. I mean, it’s been amazing. She’s been the easiest child and, you know, a lot of that’s her own thing. But I like to think some of that’s just the stability and the fact that she’s gone every day knowing how loved she really is. So one moment I couldn’t tell you. I think it’s a collection and an earning of trust over the years and just the stability and a consistency that it takes unselfish love to get there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:32]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you are the lead singer with Sanctus Real. And one of the questions that I had for you because I know that a little while back you. There is a song called Confidence, and it’s a powerful song that definitely resonated with many of your fans. More recently, you released an acoustic version of it with your daughter Arden. And what inspired you to create that rendition? And how did involving Arden deepen your connection to the song and the message?

Dustin Lolli [00:19:03]:
Well, it’s crazy because my daughter was 14 years old when we first had her sing on it. And it went something like this. We were doing a radio event and we were making a video and we wanted kids to sing originally instead of me on this video that we were making for this radio event. And the only kid in the room was arden. She was 14. We said, hey, Arden, can you come sing? I had never heard her sing for real. She did not sing out loud. I didn’t know if she could sing.

Dustin Lolli [00:19:29]:
It’s kind of crazy. My wife will tell you, like, she just would shy away from singing. But my baby boy, Ian, who was little at the time, he would have been. He would have been like five, would tell us that he wanted Arden to sing him to sleep at night because she had a voice like an angel, which we never heard. So I said, arden, can you sing this? She so didn’t want to sing it. We have this video of her singing it. She’s got a hoodie on and her, she’s like slouched over, over. But when she’s saying this sound came out.

Dustin Lolli [00:19:58]:
And I remember our guitar player Chris looking at me like, whoa, what is happening? So instead of having kids, we just had her voice on it. 14 year old Arden, and we play this radio event, and there’s 70 of the biggest radio stations in the country for Christian music in this room. And this video comes on, right? And this voice. And after it was over, I get people coming to us asking who the girl was that sang our song. And they’re handing me business cards. And she got record offers at 14, like, hey, when she’s ready, let me know. And I’m like, she doesn’t even sing. Like, she’s never sang in front of people or anything.

Dustin Lolli [00:20:36]:
And so that’s where it started at this thing. That’s not what you heard. That was like the first time she’s saying this in front of people. But she doesn’t love the stage. She doesn’t love what she sees as. I don’t think that’s what I want to do. But there was always this connection to this song through that. And then when we were deciding to do this acoustic version and I was like, baby girl, people love that.

Dustin Lolli [00:20:57]:
And I would love to do a duet. Like, so could this just be the one time you do it right? And she agreed to it and we did a video of it and it, you know, it’s funny because we put that out and we still get people in comments who are like, who’s this Arden artist? Where do I find her music? How do I listen to her? I’m like, that’s it? That’s all you got? But I love, you know, she still sings around the. I mean, her voice is special. And this is one of those things as a dad where you’re like, I’m hoping that at some point she goes, I love to sing. I want to do this. And then I could bring her into so much more. But until then, I just got this one special moment with her, and it is special. And I, you know, again, I’m always like, your first time singing on video and you might have a half a million views, it’s your only video you’ve ever done, you’re pretty successful, you should probably do it again.

Dustin Lolli [00:21:48]:
So we’re still working on it. I’m gonna get her back on there. My other daughter, by the way, you won’t have a problem. She’ll probably want to sing on. So she’s five and she has no fear and no, she wants the stage. So that should be fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:00]:
I know that you as being the lead singer of this band, your band is definitely touring. You’re spending a lot of time on the road. How do you navigate the balance between touring with Sanctus Real and being present in your children’s daily lives?

Dustin Lolli [00:22:17]:
I have four our guitar players for there’s three of us that, that are the band and we have 11 kids between us and we’ve all been married a good amount of time. Healthy, healthy marriages, healthy relationships. You don’t do this, you don’t do what we do in a healthy way unless your family are your partners in it. And one of the things about being around for as long as we are, we can control our touring. And so there are seasons where we’re gone quite a bit. But I always tell people this, I always say we’re actually home more than most people. Most people have have nine to five jobs, they’re gone or more. They’re gone eight, 10 hours a day and then they come home and they’re tired and they’re worn out and you know, it’s hard.

Dustin Lolli [00:22:57]:
That’s hard. And I don’t ever want anyone ever. People ask us how we do it and I’m always like, I watch my dad get up at 4 in the morning for 30 years and work and be exhausted. I have a great life and a great job. And yes, it’s, it’s challenging sometimes it is, but every job is. So when I come home, here’s why I say that is when we’re home or home, I write songs for people. So I might go for a couple hours a day here and there. But when I come home, unlike most jobs, I’m home.

Dustin Lolli [00:23:23]:
I don’t have anything else to do, I’m home. And what we normally try to do is play three days a week and be home for. And some seasons we’ll have a bigger tour and we’ll be gone more but then we have a lot of time off so I might be home for a month straight. So it’s really just navigating these seasons and, and my wife gets used to it, she has a rhythm. When I’m gone, my older kids, it’s normal life. But dad’s here all the time. Time dad’s home, it gets to do stuff like I’ve helped coach my kids baseball team. It’s a little harder on the five year old and sometimes being home a lot is even harder for her because I’ll be home for a month and then I’m gone for two weeks.

Dustin Lolli [00:24:00]:
And she doesn’t know what to do with that because she got into a routine. But we work through all of that and she’s, you know, she’s actually been on the road now that we’re older too. My wife will come on the road sometimes and take her with like she’s been on the road with us a few times. So we try to include. We’re such a family based band now, now that our goal is to include our family. My son works for us, our drummer son works for us. So we do our best and our families are partners in what we do. They get it.

Dustin Lolli [00:24:27]:
It’s our jobs too. So dad has to have a job and we just try to include him as much as we can, like we did with Arden in that video. I mean, that’s part of that. We’re going to include our families. I think one of the coolest parts about what I do for a living is not just what I do, but talking about this thing is it’s actually had open doors for my kids in the future too. Like my one son plays guitar, loves it. I get to offer my kids something that I never had. And that’s an avenue in music if they want to.

Dustin Lolli [00:24:54]:
It’s connections in music if they want to. And so far they, they have, they want to jump in and so it’s great. So it works well for us because we’re very, very aware of it. Like our families are our number one priorities and we all know that. And so if you know that, then you’re going to build your tour around it, you’re going to build your career around it. And so we maintain that balance. We work really hard to keep that balance.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:17]:
You know, I know that a lot of your music touches on themes of faith and perseverance. How do you incorporate those themes into your parenting? And do your kids influence the messages you choose to convey through your songs?

Dustin Lolli [00:25:32]:
I think so. I think I am a big believer in hope. We are a Christian band in the sense of like, that’s our message of hope. And I look at the world today and just see a lot of people lacking, honestly, just hope. Regardless of what the situations, regardless of all the other stuff. It’s just we travel and we talk to people and you’re talking about our songs. And we hear so many stories about how our songs impact people because we try to put these messages of hope into them. But we also hear over and over again just the hopelessness that People deal with on a day to day basis.

Dustin Lolli [00:26:04]:
And that’s the world that we’re raising our kids in. Social media, this is comparison. And it’s all of these things that your kids are dealing with that I never had. This generation is dealing with things that even I never had to deal with, which is really, it’s like the first time that we are going to have to study something that’s never really been done, like kids and their screens and their social media. The influence of all of this information coming at us all the time. I tell my kids all the time, just turn your screens off for a week and you won’t even know what’s happening. And your world is so good and it feels so bad because you are being inundated with information constantly. And we need to know what’s going on out there.

Dustin Lolli [00:26:43]:
Again, this, this balance, but it does, it impacts a lot of what I write about, a lot of what I’m passionate about. I believe in doing the right thing in every situation as best as we can. I believe in love. I believe that, you know, I don’t think anybody’s a robot. And so therefore we come into situations with people and we prescribe methods of healing, but we’re also different. And so for me, even with my kids, it’s. I don’t ever want to get into the know it all way of saying, hey, this is how you fix it. Right? I think we’re all created differently.

Dustin Lolli [00:27:20]:
Different likes, different tastes, different intelligences, different things. And until we know what those things look like, it’s hard to even give advice to people to say, hey, do this thing. Because that advice could be dangerous for somebody who doesn’t think or feel the same way that you do. And so I take all that into account, you know, with my kids. And then even with our message, like how do we give a message to people that is, is hopeful and a blessing rather than painful and a curse, basically, right? And I think it’s my worldview. Like my worldview doesn’t change whether it’s looking at my kids or whether it’s looking at my career or whether it’s looking at our music, right? It’s, it’s my worldview. And for me, I’m a Christian, so my worldview comes from that. So it impacts every part of what I do and what I think.

Dustin Lolli [00:28:05]:
And if it didn’t, then I, it’d be hard to say this is who I am or this is what I believe. So I don’t separate those things. I don’t separate family from music or music from career. All of those things are made up from the worldview of that I believe love and loving people. Well, and you win. I think I’m a good dad, not because I know what I’m doing, but because I love my kids enough to try to steer them to what is healthy and whole and balanced and find that. And I think that that’s always worked for me through my whole life. I’ve always felt like the best things that have ever happened in my life are because I chose to do the right thing in the hardest moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:40]:
Now, I know you just mentioned a few minutes ago that your BO are interested in the music industry and they’ve shown interest in music and kind of the business side and playing as well. Sometimes, you know, with artists and families, sometimes people would say, stay away from it. I’ve dealt with this. I’ve been this don’t do what I’ve done. You kind of said, you know, I’m going to help them. I’m going to do what I can to be able to do that. So how do you nurture their creativity while guiding them through the challenges that you’ve had in your own life in the industry?

Dustin Lolli [00:29:10]:
Industry awareness. I always say there’s two types of people in the music business. There’s the artist and there’s the people who make money from the artist. And you have to understand that. And I’m not even saying that’s necessarily a bad thing, that’s why it’s a music business. But when you are healthy and aware that this is what’s happening around you, you can create and do things and love what you do. But you also aren’t going to get heartbroken because somebody betrayed you. Even though what they really did was they chased the money.

Dustin Lolli [00:29:37]:
Money. Artists are just creative and ethereal and raw that we tend to take everything. Now, I’m not really that way, as you probably tell, but they tend to take everything personally or it just is a blow to their self esteem. But the reality is they’re not turning their back on you. They’re turning their face toward money. That’s usually what it is. If you can’t make them money, they’re going to go somewhere that can because that’s the business. Which is funny because I say that it sounds so bad, but I actually don’t think it’s that bad.

Dustin Lolli [00:30:04]:
I just think it’s the reality that we have to to deal with. And most people aren’t aware enough of it to do it in a healthy way. But my kids, that’s one of the beauties is that they’ve got somebody who’s going before them that can help them see and walk through that, because it is about staying in a healthy place. All we do is put sounds in the air and hope people like them. There’s nothing too artsy fartsy about me, and you probably never had anybody say that on your podcast, but to me, it’s like, this is what I do. This is what I’ve been blessed with, the gift to do, to be able to sing. And I try to instill that with my kids. Don’t get too, too arrogant about anything.

Dustin Lolli [00:30:35]:
This just happens to be the thing that you’re good at. And if you’re good enough at it, people will pay you to do it. And if you’re good enough to have people pay you to do it, then you’re good enough to have people try to take money from you to do it. And so you have to understand the way the world works around you and be healthy and whole. And just knowing that I’m there to help guide them through that is why I’m like, hey, if you love music and you want to do this for a living, it’s a great job. You just have to be aware of the pitfalls, that’s all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]:
Now, I know that, that you and your wife Sarah perform together as a folk duo as well, and the group name is this Way Home. How has collaborating musically with Sarah impacted your family dynamics and your approach to parenting?

Dustin Lolli [00:31:12]:
It’s the best. It’s awesome. If you listen to those songs, those songs probably reflect our family life. These songs, let’s Get Old Together, they’re cute. Not trying to be cheesy, they’re just cute. These are how we treat each other and how we love each other and all that kind of stuff. And our kids have seen that, and they know our family life. And my daughter says, I love it because it’s real, it’s you, and it’s our way of kind of expressing.

Dustin Lolli [00:31:33]:
And Sarah’s great singer. We did it before the band, and we’re just now starting it back up again. And our kids love it because I think they see mom and dad at their most happy. But it is us. It’s how we are at home, our banter. And I think in a lot of ways, when people see that, they get an actual view of how we are at home, which everyone wonders. How people are at home. Well, that’s kind of how we are at home.

Dustin Lolli [00:31:55]:
I mean, our kids are. And, you know, our son played with us the last time we went out. So it’s again, more family based thing. So it’s my favorite thing. It’s folk music, it’s easy to write. It’s my side project that’s just my release. And it reflects, I mean, you hear the songs, it reflects our worldview, it reflects kind of our family and what our core is. So yeah, go check that out.

Dustin Lolli [00:32:16]:
I’d actually love when people check that out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:18]:
We’ll definitely put a link over to it. And reflecting on your journey, what lessons from your own upbringing did you. You strive to pass on to your kids, both in life and through your music?

Dustin Lolli [00:32:31]:
A lot. My parents divorced when I was 3. My mom remarried, so I’ve had a stepdad and then my dad remarried. So my family is very scattered. It was hard, but it was probably the most healthy thing it could be in an unhealthy situation. But there was a lot of other things, so it wasn’t optimal. And I think part of that for me has always been I would never want my kids to go through that. So I wanted to break those chains of consistent.

Dustin Lolli [00:32:52]:
And so my kids, kids see even now in talking to me, they see, wow, Dad’s life was a lot different. They talked to me about my family life growing up. I love it. I have so many good memories, but it was very different. There was a lot of times where I’d be waiting, hoping my dad showed up to pick me up and whether or he just couldn’t do it. And I still remember the sadness. I had stepbrothers who went through a lot of hard stuff. And I watched it all and.

Dustin Lolli [00:33:16]:
And I think for me it was like. More than anything else in my life, I want to know that I gave my kids a chance, a stable chance. I want them to know that they can try to do crazy things. If they want to be musicians or they want to be artists, they can do it because they know that there’s a baseline of foundation that they can fall back into, take risks, do crazy things. That’s okay because you have a mom and dad who care enough and we’re there to support you through it all. And they’ve been healthy. I mean, it’s been good. But I think more than anything for me, I wanted my kids to have a stability that I never really had, that I never felt a dad, honestly.

Dustin Lolli [00:33:50]:
And I have a great dad. If he hears this, he’s great dad. But it’s different, right? It’s different. I didn’t ever want my kids to go through that kind of separation and that kind of fear that we went through when we were little. And even now, like I said, they see the difference. They see the dynamics. They see stories that I tell. And they’re old enough now to understand that it’s meaningful to have a mom and dad who have stayed together for 22 years and who show that they love each other every day.

Dustin Lolli [00:34:14]:
I mean, that’s meaningful. That’s something that is driven with my family life a lot. I just want my kids to see stability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:20]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connect section. 6. So six more questions that delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dustin Lolli [00:34:28]:
Okay. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:29]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Dustin Lolli [00:34:34]:
Eclectic. I wanted to say something easy, like healthy or stable, but I think my daughters love that we do creative things a lot and our conversations are eclectic on purpose and just. I think my oldest daughter would love that. I think she’d love that I just said the word eclectic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:49]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Dustin Lolli [00:34:54]:
Love your wife. Well, you’ll be a good dad if you love your wife. I think that was something that you don’t correlate when you’re young and getting, you know, you’re about to enter dadhood. But the stronger your relationship with your wife is, the stronger your relationship with your daughters is. That’s what I feel like. And I love that advice. And that may not work for everybody. You might have hard hardships, but that was for me.

Dustin Lolli [00:35:15]:
That was a big thing for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:16]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters like doing together?

Dustin Lolli [00:35:20]:
My oldest one’s watching movies. Movies. We both love kung fu and we love just action movies, which is interesting. Again, she’s great, and so that’s something she always wants. If there’s a new martial arts movie out, she’ll just be like, dad, we got a new one. And we’ll sit down and watch and make jokes about it the whole movie. We talk all the time about various things. She loves video, and so she’s always.

Dustin Lolli [00:35:42]:
She wants to be a voice actor, which is great. She’s a cool voice. And so she’s always talking about arts. And since I’m in music, you know, I have some unique perspectives on what she loves the little one right now. I get to be the male doll in whatever game she’s formulating. Come, dad, let’s play. Here. I’ve got a boy doll here.

Dustin Lolli [00:35:59]:
It’s yours. Okay, thanks, baby. Then I just Watch her play. Basically, it’s great.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:03]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dustin Lolli [00:36:08]:
Oh, man. I would say take chances. Not security chances. As a dad, like, I don’t, but don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid to fail. And don’t. That’s always been the one thing I’ve said to my oldest daughter. A lot is just, just life is meant to be lived.

Dustin Lolli [00:36:22]:
So if you, the more balanced you are, the less fearful you are of taking a chance. So do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:27]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Dustin Lolli [00:36:31]:
That I don’t know anything. And if I did, it’s not for the right reasons. And I think just as I’m getting older, motivation’s everything. Our motives and what, why we do what we do is more important than what we do in the first place. And I think early on it was like everything was I was doing was trying to prove that I was a good dad instead of actually trying to be a good dad dad. And so I, I think for that it’s just open. Have an open mind with your kids. They’re all different and they all respond differently.

Dustin Lolli [00:36:59]:
And as I’ve gotten older, I just realized the less I know, sometimes the better off I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:03]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build the lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dustin Lolli [00:37:10]:
Love them. Well, I could come up with something like, real deep and be like, hey, do this checklist. But I just don’t think that works. Your daughters are your daughters and they are their own own unique people and personalities. And you have to know what makes. You have to know that. You have to get to know them well enough to know how to love them well. There has to be a connecting point on a human level.

Dustin Lolli [00:37:30]:
And it’s not just a dad daughter relationship. It’s you showing that you’re going to be there forever regardless. And that’s earned again, I think that’s earned over the course of years where you love them well, you treat them well, you support them well, you learn about them, you show interest in their interest, interests, and ultimately you just be the stable force that they need. And because ultimately it’s not about us. It’s not about us dads. I think the healthiest thing we can think about is it’s not about us in the relationship. It’s they’re the child. It’s about us supporting them.

Dustin Lolli [00:38:04]:
And so I think there has to be an unselfishness to it that A lot of us don’t want to give up. We don’t want to give up us. And you don’t have to give up all of you. But trust me when I say day, you’ll be happier when you start making it about your kid rather than about you. And you’ll find freedom in that. And so I would say to them, if you find yourself doing it because you want something, you need to change that. That’s. That’s where it needs a change.

Dustin Lolli [00:38:27]:
It can’t be about you. It has to be about her and has to be about her future and her relationship and her stability. And I promise you, when you do that, you’ll be rewarded as well. Like, not all sacrifice, you’ll be rewarded as well. Well, it’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:42]:
Well, Dustin, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for your time today, for sharing your own journey. If people want to find out more about you, about the band, where should they go?

Dustin Lolli [00:38:51]:
They can go to sanctusreal.com any of the social media things. We’re kind of everywhere. If you Google it, you’ll see all the links. Music’s on YouTube. It’s kind of everywhere. All you gotta do is look it up. This way home. Same thing.

Dustin Lolli [00:39:02]:
I mean, we’re on Spotify primarily. We don’t treat that as like this big thing that we’re promoting and all that kind of stuff. That’s kind of our own little thing. Thing. So, yeah, I just google it this way home and sanct this real well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:14]:
Dustin, I truly appreciate your time today. Thank you for sharing everything that you’ve shared and I wish you all the best.

Dustin Lolli [00:39:20]:
I thank you. Appreciate it. You guys are great.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:22]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:39:53]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny, screaming past messengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Teaching Resilience Helping Her Bounce Back from Setbacks

May 23, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one intentional moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today, we’re talking about resilience—helping your daughter bounce back when things don’t go her way.

Let’s face it—life is full of setbacks. She’s going to face disappointments, failures, and challenges, and as her dad, you have a huge opportunity to teach her how to handle them with confidence.

So today, I’ll share why resilience matters, what NOT to say when she’s struggling, and three powerful ways to help her develop a bounce-back mindset.

Why Teaching Resilience is So Important

Resilience isn’t about avoiding failure—it’s about learning to rise after a setback. When your daughter develops resilience, she’ll:

?? Take risks and try new things without fear of failure.
?? Handle criticism and setbacks with confidence.
?? Learn from mistakes instead of letting them define her.

And most importantly, she’ll know she has the strength to handle whatever life throws her way.

What NOT to Say When She’s Struggling

When your daughter is upset about losing a game, failing a test, or being left out, your instinct might be to fix it or say things like:

? “It’s not a big deal.” (To her, it is.)
? “You’ll do better next time.” (She might need space before hearing this.)
? “Don’t be sad.” (All feelings are valid—even the tough ones.)

Instead, try these three simple strategies to help her develop true resilience.

3 Ways to Help Your Daughter Build Resilience

Acknowledge Her Feelings Without Trying to Fix Them

Before giving advice, make sure she knows it’s okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, or sad.

? “I can see you’re really upset about this. That’s okay.”
? “I get why you’re frustrated—you worked really hard.”

By validating her feelings first, you create a safe space for her to process emotions before jumping to problem-solving.

Help Her Reframe the Setback as a Learning Moment

Once she’s ready, help her shift her mindset by asking:

? “What’s one thing you learned from this?”
? “What would you do differently next time?”
? “What’s something you did well, even if the outcome wasn’t what you wanted?”

This teaches her that setbacks aren’t failures—they’re stepping stones to growth.

Model Resilience in Your Own Life

Your daughter learns from watching you. If she sees you handling stress, failure, and setbacks with a positive attitude, she’ll do the same.

Talk about a time you struggled and how you overcame it.
Admit mistakes and show how you learn from them.
Use setbacks as opportunities to demonstrate problem-solving.

For example, if you burn dinner, instead of getting frustrated, say:
?? “Well, that didn’t go as planned! Let’s figure out a way to fix it.”

This shows her that mistakes are part of life—and they don’t define us.

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter faces a setback, practice these three steps.

? Acknowledge her feelings instead of dismissing them.
? Help her see the lesson in the challenge.
? Model resilience by showing how YOU handle setbacks.

By doing this, you’re not just helping her through one tough moment—you’re giving her tools she’ll use for a lifetime.

[Closing Music]

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5! If this was helpful, share it with another dad who wants to raise a strong, resilient daughter. Until next time—keep encouraging, keep supporting, and keep helping her rise after every fall.

Building Confidence and Connection: Lori Sugarman Li’s Journey of Family, Fair Play, and Fatherhood

May 19, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Building Stronger Bonds: Insights from Lori Sugarman Li on The Dad & Daughter Connection Podcast

If you’re a dad striving to nurture a lasting, meaningful relationship with your daughter—or any parent eager to foster confidence and independence in your kids—this week’s episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection is a must-listen. Dr. Christopher Lewis is joined by Lori Sugarman Li, author of Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family as well as a community activist, author, coach, and mom, whose work centers on the power and value of care within families. Through her personal stories and professional insights, Lori Sugarman Li offers a fresh, empowering perspective for families looking to grow closer and thrive together.

The Legacy of Everyday Care

Lori’s reflections on her relationship with her own father are both touching and instructive. She describes her dad as an active, hands-on parent who chose to include her in all sorts of household maintenance tasks—traditionally seen as “dad things”—from working with tools to maintaining the car. What made these moments powerful were not the chores themselves, but the partnership and trust her father demonstrated by teaching her, empowering her, and viewing her as an equal. Lori’s story challenges fathers to break away from gendered expectations and instead welcome their daughters into all aspects of family life, helping girls see themselves as competent, valued, and independent.

Rethinking Roles and Responsibilities

A major theme Lori champions—both in her book Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family and this conversation—is reframing household responsibilities as acts of love, not burdens or obligations. By inviting daughters (and sons!) to participate in shared tasks and explaining the “why” behind them, chores become chances for learning, teamwork, and connection. For dads, it’s an opportunity to show up not just as helpers, but as owners of the emotional, physical, and mental labor that keeps a family thriving.

Modeling Healthy Partnership and Vulnerability

Lori makes a strong case for vulnerability: dads who embrace imperfection, share their struggles, and show genuine care set the stage for deeper connection. By actively engaging in the less visible aspects of home life, from scheduling appointments to planning family routines, fathers can teach daughters the true meaning of partnership, self-worth, and emotional presence.

Listen In and Level Up Your Connection

This episode is packed with actionable insights and heartfelt advice—perfect inspiration for any parent hoping to spark richer conversations, instill independence, and create joyful shared traditions at home. Ready to take that next step in your parenting journey? Listen to the episode and discover how simple, everyday moments can become the foundation for confidence, resilience, and lifelong connection.

Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for more inspiring stories and expert advice to help you be the best parent you can be!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity. You and I have an opportunity to be able to work with one another, to walk with one another as we work to build these strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. And every day that is something that we have to challenge ourself on because we have to continue to engage, to build, and to work, to create that relationship that we want to have with our daughters. That’s why this podcast exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:24]:
I love being able to be on this journey with you because it is a journey. Every day is gonna look a little bit different and we have to work to be able to engage with our daughters and do those things to be able to create the pathways for them to be able to be the strong independent women that we hope that they will become as they do grow into adulthood. That’s why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences. I bring on dads, I bring on moms, I bring on individuals with other resources that will help you to be able to do just that. There’s no one right way to father. There’s no one right way to build these connections. But there are things that we can do every day to do things just a little bit better, to be able to help ourselves to be able to create even stronger bonds. This week, we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]:
Lori Sugarman Li is with us today. And Lori is a mom, a coach, an author, a marketing strategist, a community activist, and a mother of two. And we’re gonna be talking to her about her own journey as a daughter, but also we’re going to talk about her brand new book called Our Home, The Love, Work, and Heart of Family. This is a lovely book and a book that definitely has some strong messages in it. And it really allows for you as a father, as a parent, to look at how you’re engaging with your kids in everyday tasks that foster connection, responsibility, and joy. So, I’m really excited to have Laurie here today to talk about her own journey with her dad and about the book and to introduce her to you. Laurie, thanks so much for being here today.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:07]:
I am so thrilled to be welcomed by you. Thank you, Doctor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:10]:
Lewis. It is my pleasure having you here today. And as I said, one of the things that I love doing is first talking about the relationship that you have with your father. And I guess first and foremost, why don’t you tell me more about your dad? Dad?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:23]:
Oh, I’d love to. His name was Norm. Sadly, he’s been gone for over a decade now. And when I think about my relationship with my dad, which, of course, I do often, but especially through the context of the work that I’m doing now, which is really around the wellness of families and the power of care, I recognize that the majority of what I remember about my dad is obviously his contributions and and how he flowed through our home and my partnership with him in that. And he took this role really seriously and, you know, not to age myself, but this was in the eighties. And I have so many really sharp and vivid memories of him with his Black and Decker tools and, you know, running the air filters through the dishwasher and caring for the yard and looking after cars, and doing errands. And and I was always his partner in that, I think because a few reasons. He trusted me and wanted to empower me with the skills and the capabilities of of all of these tasks.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:34]:
But also something I came to realize a little bit later was that I think my dad really benefited from having me as a bit of a sort of a shadow or, like, someone to keep him on track. I think he probably had some sort of beautiful

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]:
neurodivergence that maybe kept him from staying sometimes focused on completion

Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:58]:
of a task, and that was a skill of mine in which he recognized. And so he brought me in as a partner, and we spent so much time together in the home, in the community. He was very involved in charitable organizations and, you know, men’s groups and whatnot, similar to a lot of your listeners. And I learned a tremendous amount from him. And it really has informed the work that I’m doing now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]:
And talking about what he did for you, what’s one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:05:31]:
Well, something really interesting about my dad, he was the dad of two girls, two daughters, and he really never gendered our upbringing. He took me to hockey games. He bought me my first toolbox and taught me how to use all the tools. I mean, aside from one really beautiful thing that he did that brings me to tears, which is whenever my sister and I had the opportunity to get dressed up for anything, he used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and sort of, like, whistle as we walked down in our fancy outfits. Other than that, he really raised us as as people, as humans. And there wasn’t anything that he did as a man or a dad that we weren’t welcomed into, to learn from, to participate in, and that was incredibly meaningful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:19]:
Now as you look back, you talk about the moment of dressing up and you walking down the stairs. But was there a moment where your dad’s support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth or confidence? Doctor.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:06:32]:
It’s interesting. Of course, I’m sure there were many, but there was a period in my life where my dad was inextricably linked to my success, which was actually the launching of my career. My dad had an MBA and worked in business his whole life. And I think for a while, I thought I was going to be a doctor. I thought I was going to be a lawyer. But then when I decided to pursue an MBA and I ended up working in consumer packaged goods marketing as a marketing strategist, He was so excited by this, and wanted to know everything about it, and was super involved in my, you know, preparing me for my interview process, and supporting me throughout my business education. And we were It’s interesting, you know, I was in my early twenties, late teens, early twenties when that education was taking place. But our communication and his impact on my daily life, I think, was probably more than ever.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:27]:
Again, I’m sure there was so much when I was little, but in terms of a direct impact to my life then and now, it had to be that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
Is there anything that, as you look back on your relationship with your father, that you wish he had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:43]:
So you had me at the first part of that question. I knew exactly what I was gonna say, and then so I’ll say it anyhow, and then maybe I’ll connect it to our relationship. The one thing that I so wish my dad had prioritized was his health and wellness. And the way that that did impact our relationship is that he did not live as long of a life as maybe he could have, as healthy of a life as maybe he could have. I desperately wish he had gotten to know my Oh, I’m going to get emotional. My two sons. I mean, he would have been crazy about them, but I think I don’t know if it was the generation, if it was the decade. He just didn’t he worked so many hours, and his performance at work was such a focus for him that he didn’t have anything left in the tank after his contributions to the family to really look after himself in a meaningful way.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:08:38]:
And in the work that I do in support of families now in the, in this sort of pathway toward gender equity and domestic labor of the home and the wellness of the family, I actually encourage families to start at a point of, do we have equal rest? Do we have equal joy? Do we have equal time for creative and wellness pursuits? And what is the division of labor that falls from there? And it’s just not a perspective that my parents were fortunate enough to have at the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]:
Now I know you said your father has been gone now for about ten years. And if you had the opportunity and you could go back in time or have the opportunity to spend an entire day still with your dad doing anything? What would it look like?

Musical Outro Performer [00:09:24]:
Oh.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:09:27]:
I think, first of all, I was tough on my dad because I so wanted him to thrive. I spoke a lot to him about things he could do better, healthier foods he could eat, more movement, medications, whatever. I wouldn’t do any of that on this day. I’d do anything other than just connect. I would probably have him come and watch my kids play soccer. I would have him teach me to grill, which is the one thing I wasn’t able He was a magical barbecue. That was his jam. And I loved to watch him, but I never fully grasped the skill set.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:11]:
And I think I would really tell him all about the work that I’m doing now and how it was inspired by him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:16]:
Now, as you think about your dad and how he helped you to become who you are today, How did he encourage you to be confident and independent in your life?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:26]:
That’s a beautiful question. It’s so funny. I never really felt otherwise. I think he was a really empowering person. He always instilled in me that I could do and and be anything, for sure. The one thing that I recognized about that time in life is that that is when society in general, and certainly parents, were starting to tell girls that they could be anything. You could do anything, you could be anything. President, in my case, prime minister growing up in Canada, you know, fly to the moon, whatever.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:11:01]:
But what wasn’t being done in society at that point was anything to reduce the expectations on girls that they would grow into in the work of home and care. And so we know that women carry still 75% of the bulk of the tasks of home and care, and that’s only the work that we see. It doesn’t include the mental and the emotional load. And, also, women have five fewer hours of leisure time per week. And I say women, but we see this trending in girls as young as eight. And what I would love to tell the dads in your community is it’s not enough to tell your daughter that she can be anything. We have to give her space for that by removing some of the expectations that she inevitably will grow into that say that she has to show up for her family as a labor of love from dawn till dusk. And so the more that dads can be involved in demonstrating that men are also powerful and meaningful and impactful in the work of care, this is what gives girls the confidence to know they can do anything.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:15]:
There’s research to show it actually that when fathers are more involved in the work of care, daughters are more ambitious to seek work outside the home. I’m sure you’ve heard that stat before.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
I have. And it is such an important thing. And that’s really one of the founding blocks of this podcast is the fact that we need to be more engaged, we need to be more present. And because the research does show that. Now I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Our Home, The Love, Work and Heart of Family.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:42]:
I do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]:
And I guess first and foremost, I want you to tell me the origin story because I love doing that when I have authors on, because being an author myself, I know the amount of blood, sweat, tears, and more that go into trying to put something out into the world and letting it fly. So give me the origin story and why this was such an important story for you to share with the world.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:04]:
So it’s all thanks to a disability insurance salesman who told me I had no value. At the time, I was a stay at home mom, quote unquote, which is a title that is really ready for some rebranding. But because the thousands of hours of community work and care work in my household that I devoted in this task were unpaid. When we moved to The US, my husband said to me, Look, we’re living in Chicago now. We have no family here. We have no safety net. Let’s get you disability insurance. Because if God forbid something happens to you, he said, I will take a leave and, and head up the family and care for the kids.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:39]:
We don’t have any other option. However, this disability insurance salesman didn’t see value in this work that I was doing because it was unpaid. And he rejected me telling me that they don’t value housewives that much, and that I didn’t fall on his algorithm. And I had Doctor. Lewis one of those moments, those cartoon moments when the smoke comes out of your nose and the flames come out of your ears. And I recognized that beyond this bubble that I’d been living in, that the work of care is broadly not valued. It’s not counted in the economic indicators of our society, like a GDP. And it certainly wasn’t, going to get me the disability insurance that I needed.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:14:18]:
And so I started to read and write and study about this really endemic issue. And the first thing that I did as someone who wasn’t, quote, unquote, working, was to create myself a LinkedIn profile in an environment that really was all about work. And I started posting articles on LinkedIn talking about the value of unpaid labor. And I sort of, I got things rolling in a really meaningful way and people were feeding back to me, yes, we want to hear more about this. We want to talk more about this. And I ended up, taking a course at Stanford called Motherhood and Work and finding Eve Rodsky, who’s the author of a book called Fair Play, which is all about the gender division of labor and the impact of family wellness. And I ended up studying with Eve to become a family coach trained in the systems of fair play. And I really so badly wanted to have a greater impact in the societal conversation of these definitions of gender around care and the unpaid work of home.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:15:20]:
But I didn’t have a platform at that time to lobby government or lobby c suites at a corporate level. And I thought, what can I do? And at the time, I had two young children. I was very involved in their schools and children’s charities. And I thought to myself, I can speak to children. And I was sort of fleshing this out, and I came upon this quote that said, if we seek to change adult behavior, let us show our children a better way. And I knew that my opportunity when so many people were trying to speak to grownups about the need for societal change, that if I could just break the cycle by talking to young children about how care is beautiful and valuable and founded in gratitude and not work for women and girls, but work for all of us and how powerful and beautiful it is to care for our family and the space that we share. I was really hopeful that I could have that impact, and so Our Home is that book.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:21]:
Your book beautifully highlights how caring for a home is an act of love. What are some ways fathers can actively participate in creating that warm, supportive environment that strengthens their connection with their daughters?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:16:35]:
Yeah. So the participation of dads in the physical work is so important, but also the ownership by men of the mental and the emotional labor that goes into caring for one another and the space that we share is really the stuff that is gonna change the game for all of us. Men are beautiful caregivers. You know, society tells us, especially when when babies come into the picture, that mothers have an instinct that men don’t have. Mothers have capabilities that men don’t have to provide care. Women are wired differently. Women are better multitaskers. There’s no scientific foundation in any of that.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:17:20]:
It’s a bit of a scam to keep women in this place of serving their families sort of for free. But not only that, these definitions and these things that we believe are alienating to men. None of them are true. Men are extraordinarily beautiful care providers. And in order to have wellness in a family, they are needed and wanted and have to know that they belong in in every stage of this work. And it’s okay to not to not do it perfectly. It’s it’s not about showing up like that. It’s about noticing things and caring about things and finding a place for yourself, you know, no matter what’s going on, especially with daughters.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:04]:
It goes beyond taking your daughter’s arm for the father daughter dance. You have to plan the dance. You have to join the PTA. Do the behind the scenes stuff that is really gonna show your daughter that she’s not alone in the work of care.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:21]:
Now your book also reframes chores as acts of love rather than obligations.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:28]:
Yes. And gratitude.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:29]:
And how can fathers encourage their daughters to take ownership of household responsibilities in a way that fosters independence and confidence rather than feeling like a burden?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:40]:
Yeah. I love that question. What I encourage families to do together is really get centered in their values. And this is such an important conversation. And believe it or not, even the littlest of children can participate, you know, if the language is right. Just an understanding as a family, like, what’s important to us as a whole? When and how do we thrive, either as a team or in tandem, kind of going through every day? And letting the standards that you all set for how your family tackles the tasks of home and care, those all flowing from these values. Casting aside the expectations that society lays out, casting aside potential judgment from others who may be doing it differently. But dad’s really taking a role in the conversation of, like, we maybe never talked about this before, but, guys, what’s important to us? And by the way, what are we doing that actually isn’t? And then also taking the opportunity to share vulnerably and candidly how we might be wired differently even in our little unit.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:19:52]:
We thrive differently as the example that I gave of my dad. Like, I I it would have been so powerful to have had him articulate to me. I just want you to know, Laurie, I kind of struggle with x y z, and having you with me when I’m running around town doing errands or whatever is so helpful because I really can count on you for ABC or whatever it is. And having these vulnerable conversations about how we want to thrive together, what we struggle with, and how we can set standards for our own family that will lead to that. The work of home and care actually taking less of our time because we’re all in it together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Now you mentioned simple activities, and I loved this, of making pancakes together or searching for cloud shapes in your book. What are some small but impactful traditions or habits that dads can adapt to deepen their relationships with their daughters?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:20:50]:
So one thing that is really, really powerful is not just creating a list of chores or a to do, but helping your kids, and certainly your daughters, if I’m talking about the work that my dad used to do, like on his car or on the radiator or whatever it was, but really bringing them into the why of this work. Everything that we do around the house has purpose and meaning. We don’t just create these lists out of nowhere. It goes into protecting our investments, like our home and our car, and adhering to community and municipal standards. And I think the more that my dad explained to me about why we have to do all of these things, and by the way that there was a benefit that came back directly to me and to our family, the more that I wanted to be a part of it, the more I understood, oh, I have a stake in this. So it’s not just, like, the work that we have to do, the dreaded work that we have to do to get to the stuff that we want to do, but this becomes part of what we want. And also because we get to do it together. It becomes time for bonding.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:21:59]:
It becomes time for learning, and I feel trusted and I feel empowered. So the more we know about the purpose and the why behind all of this work that we may do to support one another and care for our space is really important. I mean, my dad taught me about the value of cars, and the difference between leasing and owning, and resale value, and how to maintain a car such that it does have optimal resale value. And just knowing that made me understand, oh, yeah, we have to keep our car clean. I’m not going to leave my granola bar wrapper on the floor. I’m not going to leave this banana peel wrapper. So it’s really just about having these conversations, sharing knowledge, and what that does is it sort of adds that patina of value onto the work that makes it so much meaningful for us to be a part of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Now your book also emphasizes that a home is maintained through teamwork. How can fathers model healthy partnerships at home, whether with their spouse, as a co parent, or with their children, to help their daughters understand the value of collaboration and relationships?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:23:06]:
What a fabulous question. The Fair Play method that I use a lot in my teaching is really founded in that it’s about men showing up not as helpers who help women in their work of care, but as owners knowing that they themselves are beautiful and important providers of this care. There’s a lot of language that we have the opportunity to shift along with the definitions of of gender roles and whatnot. But I think, really, again, men showing up in the noticing and the remembering, There are a lot of sort of memes and jokes and and comedians now doing bits about how maybe you’ve seen the one like, how would I know what kid my bus is on? I’m the dad. And sort of moving away from that, like, weaponized incompetence towards the opposite of that, which is really like biting into the details. Right? Like, I wanna know your teacher’s name. I wanna know the doctor’s name. I wanna take you to your doctor’s appointments.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:11]:
I’m gonna buy you tampons. Like, whatever the things are that a dad can demonstrate. Like, no. I’m in this. I know what you’re going through. I know when you have your test. Let me help you study. Show me your dance routine.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:26]:
I’ll hold up the 10 when you do it so beautifully. And so it’s really that deeper level of involvement beyond, yeah, of course I’ll help. Like, give me the list. I’ll get the groceries. You know, tell me what time the the lesson is. I’ll I’ll drop them off. And really towards, like, an ownership and a leadership in that work of care.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:46]:
Household tasks often present an opportunity for conversation and connection. How can dads use everyday moments like cooking dinner or doing chores together as opportunities to have meaningful talks with their daughters about life values and dreams?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:02]:
I mean, you just said it. You just said it perfectly. That’s when the the beautiful conversations happen. When the dad is doing the carpool, when dad’s doing the dishes and daughter is drying, or when, you know, they’re chopping vegetables together, or even grocery shopping together, just that creating that space is such an opportunity for connection, and it doesn’t always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. It doesn’t always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. You can talk about the weather, the sports scores, how was your day? The connection is inherently valuable. I remember my dad took me. We drove to Florida.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:41]:
That was a heck of a drive. And there were times when we didn’t say a word, and I just felt so special the whole time just to be with him, just to know that he was carving out this time for an experience just for the two of us. And, again, not a word was said. We of course, we did have some great chats as well, but it was just listening to his music and him telling me about his music that he grew up on. I mean, there’s endless possibilities for connection in these moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:10]:
Well, Laurie, I wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And if people wanna find out more about you or about the book, where should they go?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:19]:
So my website is ourhomeourpride.com. My Instagram, where I’m quite active, is at ourhomeourpride. And my book is available anywhere that books are sold. And actually, it would be a fabulous contribution for dads to take the opportunity to order this book and bring it home and say, hey. I thought this might spark a really meaningful conversation for us. What do you think?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:45]:
Very good point. Now I always finish our interviews with our dad connection six, and usually I ask the dads this, but I’m gonna ask you some questions and get some perspectives from you.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:55]:
Okay. Super.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:55]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:59]:
Devoted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:00]:
What’s the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:04]:
Just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]:
What’s one activity that you and your dad loved to do together?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:12]:
My dad was from Montreal, and he was a real staunch supporter of the Montreal Canadians. And he used to pick me up from school. We had a old car that barely made it to Montreal and back. And, he would often get tickets through work, and he would pick me up from school. And don’t do this today, but I used to take a nap along the back seat of the car. We would drive three hours from my hometown to Montreal. We would go to the game, and then we would go get smoked meat Montreal smoked meat sandwiches, eat them in the car on the way home, and then I would fall asleep in the back seat. We did that about probably 20 times in my childhood.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]:
Now if you could give a daughter a life lesson that you wish your dad had given you, what would that life lesson be in a single sentence?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:55]:
So I think my dad did give me this lesson. Know your worth and guard your value.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]:
Now you are a parent yourself?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:02]:
I am. I have two boys.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]:
And being a parent and reflecting back on your own experience as a mother, what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a mom?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:14]:
It really has been the greatest honor of my life to getting emotional again. To raise these two boys, and I’m doing it in such a way, I hope, through my work, but just through our own little family unit, that will raise two amazing men who see themselves as valuable contributors in this beautiful work of care that it’s not going anywhere. You know, this, this work is how we thrive as families and how we are a part of our community. And for them to see the value in their role and also all that it gives back to them has been something that I’m very proud of and grateful for the opportunity for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:00]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:07]:
I think there is so much magic in vulnerability. And I know that society has not traditionally given men a lot of space and permission to be vulnerable. But inch a little closer to it, dip your toe in it, see how it feels, that is where so many bonds are formed. Fatherhood is a relationship. Caregiving is a role. They are really two different things. You are a perfect father from the start because you love your daughter and because you are committed to your daughter. That’s where vulnerability really comes in.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:49]:
I know it can be a little bit scary, but it will be so impactful to her future, how she may choose a future partner and how she looks at her future career, how she deals with male managers potentially, or even male direct reports, and the way that she is able to forge relationships with them as well. So I think that can be really powerful. I give you permission to be vulnerable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:13]:
Well, Laurie, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you not only for writing this book and putting this out into the world because the lessons inside are definitely ones that can help fathers to be able to build that strong connection, not only with their children, but with their significant others as well. And you’re allowing for young children to be able to better understand this concept from a much earlier age, which is wonderful. I I just wanna say thank you for being here, for sharing this, for sharing your journey with your own father, and I wish you all the best.

Lori Sugarman Li [00:30:41]:
Thank you. It’s been absolutely wonderful to chat with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughter And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:31:15]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast.

Musical Outro Performer [00:31:49]:
Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and muscle men. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Fostering Resilience and Confidence in Our Daughters with Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin

April 28, 2025 by dadofdivas

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In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis dives deep into the art of building meaningful relationships with daughters alongside his esteemed guest, Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin. As fathers, navigating the journey of parenting daughters presents unique challenges and opportunities, and this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for dads who are committed to fostering strong, independent young women.

Dr. Orbé-Austin, a renowned psychologist and author, brings invaluable insights from his latest book, “Your Child’s Greatness: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Children Without Imposter Syndrome.” He shares his personal experiences as a father to two daughters, enlightening listeners on how to cultivate an environment where daughters can thrive without succumbing to imposter syndrome—a pervasive issue that affects many youths today.

One of the central themes of this episode is the power of intentionality in parenting. Dr. Orbé-Austin emphasizes the significance of recognizing each child as a unique individual, with distinct needs and aspirations. By acknowledging their individuality, fathers can offer tailored support that encourages their daughters to pursue their passions and dreams.

The episode also explores how fathers can strike a balance between guiding their children and allowing them the independence to explore their own paths. Dr. Orbé-Austin advocates for the concept of “lighthouse parenting”—being a steady guide rather than hovering too closely, thus empowering daughters to develop confidence in their decision-making.

Listeners will find actionable advice on how to strengthen bonds during challenging times. Dr. Orbé-Austin offers practical examples, like the importance of giving emotional space and the value of learning from mistakes through a growth mindset. These insights help dads understand how to support their daughters in building resilience and coping skills that will serve them throughout their lives.

Furthermore, the episode touches on creating traditions that reinforce family connections. Dr. Orbé-Austin shares his family’s cherished “Friday night dinners,” a routine that encourages open communication and strengthens familial ties.

For fathers who want to be more than just present figures in their daughters’ lives, this episode is a must-listen. It challenges conventional parenting scripts and inspires dads to engage thoughtfully and authentically with their daughters, paving the way for them to become self-assured, thriving individuals.

Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection for a thought-provoking discussion that will equip you with the tools and insights to enrich your relationship with your daughter. Whether you’re a new dad or a seasoned one, this episode will leave you feeling inspired and ready to nurture deeper, more meaningful connections.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to build stronger connections with our daughters. And, you know, that is so important. As a father of two daughters myself, you know, there have been many times over the years where I have wished that I could have done something a little bit differently, where I wished that I knew some things ahead of time, where I may have stepped in something that I shouldn’t have stepped in and made that misstep.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:22]:
And that’s why this podcast is here because I want to be able to walk with you on this journey that you’re in to help you to be able to build those strong connections with your daughters, but also to help you to give you some some tips, some tools for your toolbox to help you raise those strong independent women that you want to raise in the future. And that’s why every week we bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can share their own experiences, not only as fathers, but also as individuals that have gone through those experiences that can share with you some things that you can build upon own fatherhood journey. Today, we got another great guest. Doctor. Richard Orbe Austin is with us. And Richard is a licensed psychologist and executive coach, a consultant. He’s the founding director of NYU’s graduate student career development center. And he leads a team responsible for managing the career needs of over 14,000 masters and doctoral students in over a hundred different discipline.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:24]:
You can tell he’s a busy guy. Now prior to his tenure at NYU, Doctor. Orbe Austin served in a variety of different leadership roles, including a chief diversity officer at Baruch College, City University of New York, and as president of the New York Association of Black Psychologists. Just recently, he and his wife just wrote a book called Your Parent’s Guide to Raising Children Without Imposter Syndrome. And I can tell you, in working with young adults today, people that are getting into education into their careers, imposter syndrome is definitely there and something that all of our kids are going to run into at some point in their life. So today we’re gonna be talking to Richard about his own journey, being a father of two daughters himself, but also about this book. And I’m really excited to have him here. Doctor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:18]:
Orbea Austin, thank you for being here today.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:03:20]:
It is so much my pleasure, Christopher, to be here with you today. I’m so excited to chat with you about this topic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:27]:
You know, I’m excited to have you here. And I love starting these interviews to be able to delve a little bit deeper into relationship that you’ve been able to build, the connections that you’ve been able to build with your daughters. And I guess first and foremost, I’d love to be able to have you kind of reflect and think about the fifteen years that your daughter, your oldest daughter has been in your life, the thirteen years that your youngest daughter has been in your life. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters made them so special?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:03:58]:
Sure. So I think that’s just such a powerful question. And one of the things that I think about, I’ve had the good fortune to homeschool both my daughters along with my wife, and both of them are also competitive fencers. And so we are on the road a great deal of the time. And quite frankly, it’s been a joy to be able to be so present in their lives in the ways that I have been. And I think one of the most powerful things just recently that I think about, and I’ll take each one separately, For the 15 year old, she’s the one who first started fencing. And when she started fencing, she faced a lot of adversity. It was really a challenge for her.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:04:35]:
She did not do as well as we might have hoped or she may have hoped, kept losing bouts and losing bouts and losing bouts. And she never gave up. She loved the sport so much, it wasn’t even about the winning. Like, I, as a parent, felt pain that time and again, she kept losing. But I never forget that first doubt. It was as if she won the Olympic gold medal, and how much I was able to see the joy in her face. And she jumped in my arms and everyone celebrated. And that was one of the most beautiful and powerful things in recent times that I’ve been able to share with my oldest.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:05:11]:
With my youngest, who’s a lot more quiet, who’s kind of a little bit more focused in her own head, I think one of the most powerful moments is just really being able to I remember going on a walk with her and and really asking her, you know, what’s on your mind? What’s going on? And he was able to talk to me in a most the the different way that I ever imagined a 13 year old, or at that time, actually, it was an 11 year old, was just talking about the world and asking me such, you know, compelling questions and, and really feeling like this was a special moment because of the fact that typically when I go out with her, it would be with her older sister or we go out as a family. And I just remember it just so happened with Von Gorbachev, for some reason, I decided to take her along with me. And we had such a wonderful conversation, and it felt like I got to know her in such a different way. And as the youngest, sometimes she’s in the shadow of her older sister, and you you well know that. But I was able to see her as her own distinct individual with her own thoughts and her own feelings and her own opinions. And so I I really valued that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:19]:
With two daughters, I guess, how do you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:06:30]:
One of the things that I oftentimes think about is, one, because they are both girls, it’s easy to try to compare the two of them. And so we’re, we’re very intentional, my wife and I, to to make sure that we take them as our own unique, distinct individuals and then give them the room to take risks, make decisions in low stakes environments, but really helping them to know and understand that, yes, we have a particular path we may want them to go down, but also being able to let them do some of the things they need to do to really develop their sense of self, to develop their sense of efficacy in the world around them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:09]:
Now not all times are positive. There’s always challenging times as well. What would you say are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:07:23]:
It’s being able to understand what they need at a particular time when they are facing a particular challenge. And so if they, for instance, have a difficult time, I’ll use fencing again as an example, they don’t do as well. Rather than trying to interrogate them or ask them what went wrong or what they could do differently, giving them the space that they need to process and then revisiting it at a particular point. That it’s really about understanding one might need to actually have that conversation right away, and the other may need more time to process before she’s ready to have those types of conversations. So giving them that emotional space, if you will, even if I, as as the parent, really want to be able to process it in the moment feeling like it might be useful, being able to recognize that their need, not my need first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:12]:
I’ve definitely been there before, and I have two daughters that are very different, like your daughters are as well. And I definitely have made mistakes along the way. And you have to learn from those. And so speaking of mistakes, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? What did you learn from it about fostering positive things with your daughters?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:08:34]:
I think the mistake that I made was exactly what I talked about prior, which is feeling like I want to process something with them when they’re having a difficult time. And and rather than giving them the room to say, alright, they need to process it on their own, rather than doing that, I kind of forged ahead and said, no, let’s talk about it now. And I learned that that was more my issue than their issue, and I needed to actually meet them where they were rather than where I wanted them to be. And it wasn’t a right or wrong in terms of them being at a place that was wrong and I was at the place that I was right. It was more about respecting what they needed in that moment rather than what I needed. And it is very difficult, particularly in the heat of a of a competitive environment where, you know, you see your child not doing as well as you may have wanted them to do, and you see that they’re upset. And so you want to be able to problem solve and think about what can be done differently. And that’s not what they need in that moment.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:09:34]:
They need to be able to have some connection, a hug, and then may just need to take a walk.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:41]:
You know, I’ve said this over and over again, and I learned this from someone, a past podcast guest from another podcast that works with fathers in many different ways. And she said to me at one point, and I wish I had known this early on when my kids were very young, which was for working with your kids, you should, especially when you have daughters, should always ask them walking in and you’re trying to talk with them, they wanna talk with you, a listening conversation, solving conversation. And it was never something that I ever thought of. And so many of us as men externally need to process and we need to fix things. And women are not always that way. So that was a big moment over the last probably five to seven years when I first learned about that. And I said, I wish I would have known that way earlier because that would have made a huge difference. Now when now what do you do to intentionally what do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued, heard?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:10:47]:
One of the things that you that I think about is this notion of just being with them rather than doing something. Or as you said, we as men are are socialized to solve. And so for a long time, I felt like, okay, well, what is my role in the family as as, you know, I’ve got two girls, I’ve got my wife, and and what is my role? Is it to nurture? Is it to solve problems? And sometimes, it’s just about being with them and letting them open up the space and do what it is that they wanna do. Ask me questions, send me, like, silly memes, being able to, you know, talk about fencing. So I’ve developed a lot more patience around that, not feeling like I had to do things when I was with them. It was really just about being with them and seeing where things go and letting them lead. And sometimes, you know, as I said with my youngest one, she is a lot more quiet than my oldest. And sometimes we will walk, and we won’t even say anything.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:11:48]:
She will not, you know, necessarily feel like she needs to have a conversation. And at first, I thought, okay, well, let me, start a conversation, and it was like, no. My oldest, soon as we go anywhere, she’s like chatting up a storm. We’re kind of like, you know, when I was younger, when she was younger, rather, I’d always talk about, let’s play the quiet game for a little bit because she would love to talk and that’s who she is, right? And I had to, with my youngest, recognize that no, she doesn’t need to have our time be spent filling the air with words. She may just value us being together and taking a walk in silence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
Now you’ve talked about the fact that your daughters are competitive fencers, that you do a lot of traveling, that you’re supporting them in those ways. And as they’ve gotten older, I’m sure that they start to have other dreams and visions for the future. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:12:45]:
Some of it is simply about exposure. If they say I’m interested in x, then it’s saying, well, let’s talk to someone who’s doing that. Let’s talk to someone who’s had that experience to sit down with them and really understand what it is that makes you interested in it and what it really will look like in practical terms. And then helping them to feel like it’s all right to explore. So I oftentimes talk about people being in moratorium where they’re exploring, they’re not necessarily making a decision. And ultimately, that is all right. And, letting them recognize that they can have a variety of options and also being able to be clear as to how to be supportive in helping them come to a resolution about a particular option or not. Sometimes they just wanna explore.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:13:30]:
Sometimes they wanna come to a particular resolution, and really understanding the difference.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:35]:
I can tell that from what you’re saying, your daughters probably feel that you are there for them, that they know that they can turn to you, and you’re engaged and active. What’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:13:52]:
It’s being able to talk to them about whatever they wanna talk to, talk about. So when I pick them up from fencing or I take them to fencing, it it’s having conversations and and helping them to see that I am open to any difficult conversations, fun conversations, silly conversations, and just opening up the space in that way, not feeling like, again, I have to be in charge of how we engage with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:18]:
And what’s one tradition or routine you’ve did together that has strengthened your bonds?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:14:24]:
One of the things that they always look forward to that that I talk about is what we call Friday night dinners, even though we do it typically at lunchtime now. But it was a tradition my wife and I started even before we had kids that as we had a very difficult, you know, week for work or or, you know, at the time we met when we were in graduate school, being able to know that Friday night was a time that we would all come together, connect, engage, and really have that space to process whatever we wanted to process. And so when we had our girls, we really wanted to then introduce them and integrate it into their lives because their lives now are really intense and on the run, so we don’t always have as much time to sit down as a family for dinner every night, but we want to make sure that on Fridays, even if we’re traveling, we will have that time to do our Friday night dinners, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or actually dinner. And they look forward to it. Because sometimes we will not necessarily plan something. They’re saying, well, what’s happening to Friday night dinners? And we’re like, okay. We’ll we’ll make sure to incorporate it when we’re on the road as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:33]:
Now I mentioned the fact that you and your wife have a new book that is out entitled Your Child’s Greatness, A Parent’s Guide to Raising Children Without Imposter Syndrome. And as mentioned, I’ve seen imposter syndrome rear its head in many different ways, whether it be with young children, but also adults and young adults. And I loved this book because of the fact that you really are working to help parents to guide kids in a new way, to be able to see their self worth without really falling into that self doubt and security that can easily kind of dipped into their minds. And I guess first and foremost, as I always love being able to get the origin story here because I know you have a couple of books out and and you’ve done writing in the past. But tell me that origin story and why this book so important for you to put out into the world.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:16:33]:
I appreciate the opportunity to tell the origin story because we don’t always have that opportunity. So it really started from our first book, which was published in 2020, called Own Your Greatness. And and that book really served as a workbook to help people through a step by step model overcome imposter syndrome. And then during the time that we promoted the book, we talked about the book, what kept coming up for us is people asking, well, how about children? How can I support my child in being able to make sure they don’t even develop imposter syndrome so that we don’t even need to talk about them overcoming it because they’ve never even developed it? And to us, at that point, we knew that at some point, we were going to have to write that book because it seemed to be so much in demand. So we had the opportunity after our second book, which is called Your Unstoppable Greatness, which really focused on imposter syndrome and how it’s triggered in the workplace, to really come back to our publisher and say, I think it’s time now for us to write this book. This is a book that we’ve been wanting to write for the last three or some odd years, and it’s the perfect opportunity to help parents, caregivers, anyone who works with children, young adults, adolescents to feel like they have a go to resource to support them in preventing impasse syndrome from developing and or if it has already developed, how to actually help them to overcome it. And so we are very excited to be able to have it out in the world, and we’re very thrilled to see how people respond to it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
You mentioned this, but your book really focuses on helping children to develop strong internal sense validation. What are some key ways that you believe that fathers can specifically help their daughters avoid imposter syndrome and build confidence in who they are?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:18:30]:
So when we’ve talked about some of the ways that imposter syndrome has developed, one of the ways that we oftentimes talk about are are through their the origins typically come from early childhood experiences and and specifically the roles that people take up when they are younger. So there are three specific roles that we talk about. The first one is the smart one. So you are identified in your family very early on as the one who is naturally gifted and intelligent, Even though your grades may be just, you know, similar to someone else in the family, you’ve been deemed to be the smart one. And when you hit some level of adversity and don’t do as well as you may have typically imagined, you start to feel like, well, actually, am I the smart one? Maybe I’m a fraud. Maybe that wasn’t true the whole way. That’s one role. The second role is the hardworking one.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:19:23]:
So you were given the role of someone who’s more socially adept, someone who is very hardworking, may not be as smart as the one who’s been deemed as smart one. Even though, again, your grades, your academic achievements have been very much similar, you were then stuck in that particular role as the hardworking one. So the message sent to you is you will only be successful if you work or tend to overwork because you’re just not as smart as many other people. And then the last role we talk about is the role of the survivor and someone who may have been raised in an environment of neglect, so they never even got any feedback about their abilities or their achievements. They’re just looking to survive. And so when we think about how dads can support daughters, it’s making sure that they are are not stuck in one rigid role, that the smart one can be the hardworking one as well and vice versa, that it’s being able to help them to know and understand that they have unique strengths, they have unique abilities. So when we talk about making sure to not compare them to you have two or more children, them being able to make sure that you’re not always comparing one to another in that way and helping them to know that they can take on a variety of roles, that they can fully appreciate their unique skills and strength.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:42]:
Now your book also makes an important distinction between internal and external validation. What can fathers do to ensure that their daughters valued who they are rather than for the achievements or how others perceive them?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:20:57]:
When we talk about this notion of of how people begin to get to a point of internal validation, it does actually start with some level of feedback that they receive generally from their families of origin, as to who they are. What is the narrative they develop about themselves? And so as a father to daughters, helping them to develop an accurate, thick narrative as to who they actually are. And what I mean by that is typically people with impasse syndrome have a very thin narrative of of who they are. They say, well, the only reason I was successful is because I was lucky, or the only reason I was successful is because someone liked me and they pushed me along. When you develop a thick narrative, you actually incorporate the fact that, Well, wait a minute. I actually have these unique skills. I have great communication skills. I have great leadership skills.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:21:47]:
I tend to get along very well with others and really being able to help them appreciate their specific narrative, and they don’t necessarily dismiss their achievements in that particular way. So one of the things we oftentimes talk about is, yes, you will praise them when they do well in a particular academic achievement or extracurricular, but helping them to know and understand that you appreciate them no matter what that particular outcome is. That they got a hundred or a 95, your love will still be there. They win that bout, they don’t win that bout, the love will still be there. You will talk about the fact that you will give them that appreciation and praise and look to them to understand how they were successful in that particular moment, even if the outcome wasn’t exactly what they wanted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
Now talking about that outcome not always being what you wanted, one of the other themes in the book was really talking about resilience, coping skills. How do you believe that fathers can play a unique role in teaching their daughters to navigate setbacks, failures, and doubt possibly in a healthy way?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:23:00]:
Sure. So I oftentimes talk about this notion of adopting a growth mindset. So growth mindset was a particular phenomenon talked about by doctor Harold Dweck that really appreciated the fact that we all will make mistakes in life. No one is perfect. But what are you learning through those mistakes? And it it’s not bad to make a mistake. A fixed mindset says, you make a mistake, you’re not perfect, there’s something wrong, that everyone just has a limited potential to grow. And if they can’t reach that, then then that’s that for them. A growth mindset says, there’s always a potential to further learn, to grow, to achieve.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:23:38]:
Making a mistake is not the end of the world. It’s learning from the mistake. And so really engaging with your daughter as a dad to help them adopt that growth mindset. That when something goes wrong, it’s not about, Oh, I failed. It’s about, Well, what might you look at in terms of what you did well, first and foremost, and then what might you do differently rather than feeling like the the message is, I failed. I didn’t get what I wanted. And that’s that. It’s being able, again, when they are emotionally ready to process it in such a way to help them understand, should they be in that situation again, how might they approach it different?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:18]:
Now, fathers also serve as some of the earliest role models for their daughters in terms of relationships and self? What are some critical ways dads can model healthy relationships, strong boundaries to help their daughters develop positive self esteem? Well, I think one of the

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:24:33]:
things that I oftentimes talk about are that your children are always listening. Your children are always observing. So how you engage with those around you as well, your your partner matters. Right? And so I’m very much intentional. I remember when they were younger, and and I thought, okay. Well, I never want them to see my wife and I fight or argue. And then I thought to myself, well, then that’s not actually helpful because it’s a facade. It’s it’s helping them to believe that the perfect couple never argues.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:25:03]:
So what I then realized, my wife and I, is that it’s alright for them to understand that, yes, sometimes we may have disagreements, but how do we handle those disagreements? How do we engage with one another during those disagreements so that they understand what healthy conflict is versus unhealthy conflict? That you will always have conflict, and conflict does not always have to be bad, but it is something that you want to ensure they understand how to engage in it in a healthy manner, to understand what a healthy relationship is, and modeling that for them and talking to them about it and being intentional when, you know, something happens and we do have a disagreement and we resolve it and they understand how we came to that resolution, and we apologize and go through that whole process as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:50]:
Appreciate you sharing that. Now, one of the other things that I was thinking about as I was going through the book and looking at how we can help our daughters to be able to find their own path is that many fathers want to support their daughters, but sometimes they struggle with concept of being able to let go, they grow more independent. I think you and I both have probably experienced that in our lives as our kids have gotten older. What advice would you give to dads on how to balance guiding our daughters well as allowing our daughters to explore and define success on their own terms?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:26:24]:
So recently, I’ve heard of this term and I’ve never heard of it before, this notion of lighthouse parenting, where apparently you are rather than a helicopter parent where one is always hovering, the lighthouse parent is one who serves as a guide to their child, but doesn’t necessarily constantly hover. So they give them the opportunity to make decisions on their own and process those decisions. They give them some level of independence. And so I really appreciated that concept, and I thought about the fact that without naming it, that is the way that we try to raise our girls and that we want to make sure that they build a sense of confidence in the way they make decisions, in their judgment. And so we talk about it when they have these opportunities to do so, whether it’s with their academics, whether it’s with their extracurriculars, really being able to think about the opportunities that may come up for them to make decisions that are in some ways lower stakes and then gradually building it up to higher stakes. But being able to recognize that, yes, as they grow older, they will have greater ability to make decisions. Some of those decisions you may not always agree with, but at what point do you enable them to make the decision, see what happens, and then talk about the outcome and the process of it, which is something that is very helpful in helping them to self efficacy in how they navigate the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:53]:
Definitely a process of learning, not only for us, but for them, and we definitely have to be willing to learn with them to be able to help them to grow into the people that they’re becoming. So we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection six and they’re really an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:28:11]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:
What’s one word scribes your relationship? Daughters.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:28:15]:
Fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:16]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice ever received?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:28:19]:
It’s really allowing yourself to let go and not always be in control when you’re engaging with your daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:28:31]:
It used to be actually when I when they were younger. I’m I’m a runner, so I’d like to run with them. And so especially my youngest, we’d run all over New York City. Now it’s become being able to watch all their silly memes that they send me, via text and being able to process, some of the crazy things that they’re sending me on a day to day basis.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]:
Now if you could give your daughter’s one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:28:58]:
Appreciate and enjoy every day that you have, and and you will hit setbacks. You will meet adversity, but really true truly try to extract some joy every moment and every day that you have.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:11]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself becoming a dad?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:29:14]:
That I’m a lot more controlling a person than I thought I was, and that I needed to let go a lot more than I appreciated. So that, I think, was a very powerful life lesson for me to, take away from my time with my girls.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:31]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:29:38]:
I would say to to have patience with yourself and have patience with your daughters that, as you talked about, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to do things that might feel clumsy and awkward, but don’t necessarily let that deter you from continuing to engage with your daughters. They want you to be in their lives. They want you to connect with them. It’s just being able to learn how. And so taking the time to do so, and again, having patience with that process, I think, will really bear some wonderful fruits for your labor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:15]:
Now, Richard, if people wanna find out more about you, about the book, where should they go?

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:30:20]:
So they should go to, first and foremost, my website. It’s dynamictransitionsllp.com. So dynamictransitionsllp,asinPaul,.com. Then you can find me on Instagram. We’re very active there. So we have an actual handle dedicated to the book. It’s called At Smart Parenting Strategies. So look for that where we share resources, tips about engaging more children and and parenting advice of all types.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:51]:
Richard, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for your time and for sharing your own journey with your own daughters and for putting this book out into the world. It’s such an important topic and one that if we start utilizing these strategies early in our children’s lives, it will make huge, huge and allow for our kids to be able to live those lives that we want them to live without the imposter syndrome sneaking in. Well, it may still sneak in, but but maybe less imposter syndrome sneaking in. So, Richard, thank you. Thank you so much for being here, and I wish you all the best.

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin [00:31:27]:
It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:30]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:00]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast, the time blows by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them.

Encouragement Over Praise: A Guide to Boosting Your Daughter’s Self-Esteem

April 21, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of a strong bond between fathers and daughters cannot be overstated. As highlighted in the recent episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection podcast featuring Martha Burich, nurturing these relationships is essential not only for personal development but also for fostering a sense of security and confidence in young women. Martha Burich, speaks about her book “Yes, You Can Raise Happy, Responsible Children” and shares some of the things that she has learned and shared through her writing to help all parents.

Dr. Christopher Lewis and Martha Burich delve into the complexities of father-daughter dynamics, emphasizing that fathers play a pivotal role in shaping their daughters’ perspectives on life and relationships. While mothers naturally receive recognition for their nurturing roles, Burich points out that fathers often don’t get the accolades they deserve, despite being fundamental to their daughters’ emotional and psychological development.

Martha shares her personal story, detailing the challenges and triumphs within her own father-daughter relationship. Her father, affected by his experiences as a prisoner of war, faced demons that impacted their family life. Despite these challenges, Martha highlights moments of learning and tenderness, illustrating that love and kindness can coexist with imperfections.

A significant theme of the podcast is the idea that fathers must actively engage with their daughters to help them grow into resilient and independent women. This engagement includes encouraging daughters to fail and learn, breaking the cycle of needing perfection for validation. The podcast underscores the difference between praise and encouragement – with the latter focusing on effort and growth rather than outcome, fostering a mindset of persistence.

Discipline, another critical component of parenting discussed, is portrayed not as a harsh reality but as a foundation for building respect and boundaries. Children, Martha explains, need to learn the value of ‘no’ for long-term personal and societal benefits. Fathers, therefore, should strive to create environments where discipline is balanced with love, ensuring their daughters understand and respect boundaries while feeling supported.

Moreover, the power of everyday interactions is highlighted as being instrumental in shaping a child’s emotional well-being. Fathers are encouraged to engage in meaningful dialogue with their daughters, asking about their daily highs and lows to foster deeper connections. Listening, rather than always providing solutions, is presented as a tool for building trust and understanding.

Ultimately, the podcast serves as a reminder that being a present and engaged father isn’t about perfection—it’s about authentic connection and consistent involvement. By focusing on these themes, fathers can better support their daughters in becoming confident, independent individuals prepared to face the world’s challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you are here this week. And as always, every week, I love being able to sit down, talk to you, work with you as you are working to create that strong connection with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
No matter where you are right now, there are always things that you can do to be able to build a stronger relationship, but also a stronger connection in general with your daughter. And that’s what this show is all about. Every week, I wanna be able to offer you opportunities to be able to learn, to grow, to be able to identify new ways that you can create those strong bonds that are going to help you and your the relationship with your daughter as you continue on together. That’s why every week I bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can give you some perspective on this. And hopefully, at the end of every episode, you’re gonna be having some some notes that you’ve taken, some things that you’ve thought about, some maybe brain explosions that allow for you to be able to say, hey, I haven’t thought about it that way, but maybe I can think about things a little bit differently. Maybe I can do some things a little bit differently. This week, we’ve got another great guest with us. Martha Birch is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
And Martha is an author, a speaker. She’s a behavioral change consultant. And she has a new book that is out called Yes, You Can Raise Happy Responsible Children. Now don’t all of us want to raise happy, responsible children? I know that I definitely want my kids to be happy and responsible and would have loved to have had this when they were very young as well. So we’re gonna be talking to her about not only her own experience as a daughter herself, but also talk about this new book with the resources that are in it that could help you with your relationship with your daughters. Martha, thanks so much for being here today.

Martha Burich [00:02:45]:
Chris, I’m absolutely thrilled to be here. Your dads are so important. And, you know, it seems to be in our society today that dads don’t get the accolades and they don’t get their due because father daughter relationships are pivotal for positive adult male female relationships.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:03]:
Definitely agree with you there. It is so important. I mean, there’s so much research that’s out there that shows that, and it is still important. I’m not negating the importance of the bond between the mother and the daughter, because that is crucial as well. But every study that I have seen out there, every study that I’ve read shows that daughters without a father that is actively engaged in their lives, it severely impacts their ability to be strong, independent individuals in society and definitely makes a difference. So, so I would love to start with delving a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your own father. And I know at the beginning we talked about the fact that your relationship was, I said, was it positive? Was it negative? Was it somewhere in between? And you said it was somewhere in between. So talk to me a little bit about that relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:50]:
And you said it was in between. Talk to me about that. What made it in between for you?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:55]:
And and

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:55]:
then we’ll we’ll go from there.

Martha Burich [00:03:56]:
Well, my father was a prisoner of war of the Germans in World War two before I was born for two years, and that definitely skewed him. You know, he was a very, very nice man, a kind man. He he never yelled, but he was affected and it affected him. He became a very heavy drinker, but you could never tell. He he was never drunk. I guess maybe he was always drunk. I don’t know. You can never tell.

Martha Burich [00:04:20]:
But he he pretty much gambled and drank all the money away. And, on the one hand, you can’t blame him because who when people go through experiences, we have no idea what he went through. But then on the other, you know, my mother would tell me stories of when I was very, very young and there was no food. We had no food because my dad drank and gambled at all. So he could be the kindest man in the world, but he was irresponsible in that way. So, yes, we had a bit of a rocky relationship. I I don’t know. There was never any outright animosity or anything, but, you know, my parents divorced when I was about five.

Martha Burich [00:04:51]:
So I didn’t see my dad a lot, but I did see him about once a year. And I want to tell you a story. When I was about seven, my stepmother was a very heavy drinker. She was an alcoholic and a mean drunk. And I think I was seven or eight and she got mad at me for something. I I don’t know what I did. So I went to bed and pretended to be sleeping. And my dad came home, and she just Martha this and Martha that and blah blah.

Martha Burich [00:05:13]:
Just I guess I could do no right. And my dad looked at her and he said, Kathleen, she’s eight years old. What could she possibly have done that that’s bad? But, you know, that kinda tells who my dad was. He he really was a kind human being. And I remember another time we had a dog. Oh, this really touches me. He had a dog. We didn’t have a dog at my mother’s house, but dad had a dog.

Martha Burich [00:05:36]:
And the dog threw up in the car one time, and dad was cleaning it. And I was very young, and I said, how can you do that? And he goes, when you love something, you take care of it. That just touches my heart because my dad really was a caring and loving man, but he had these demons I think that ran him a little bit and made him not as positive an influence as he could have been.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:56]:
Now, you talked about those demons and some men have those, some fathers have those in their lives and they have to deal with those or if they don’t, it’s going to impact the relationships around them. As you and your father grew in your relationship as you got older and and he got older as well, talk to me about those demons and how or if you ever had an opportunity to talk through that with your father. And if not, what do you wish you would have talked to him about?

Martha Burich [00:06:28]:
Yeah. No. We we never we never discussed it. I don’t think he ever discussed it with anyone. I think that was something that he probably took to his grave. And, you know, my brother and I were were both talking about, you know, was our dad an alcoholic? Because he would drink a fifth a day, but he would be the same person all day long. A lot of people drink and they become mean or just unpleasant and silly. But my dad was the same person all day long, so we really don’t know.

Martha Burich [00:06:53]:
We think maybe he was just a heavy drinker, but that’s a pretty heavy drinker. Let’s talk about the importance of dads. And and, you know, for for my dad or for dads, if you have a drinking problem, it’s time to get it get it solved because you’re not helping your family or your children or society in general. So it really is time to take a look at yourself. I go to the jail every Monday and the treatment center every Wednesday, and I talk to the women, addicts and alcoholics. And, you know, a lot of them have mixed relationships with their parents, with their dad, with the men in their lives. They expect I think we become confused about relationships. What’s the point of a relationship? To build a future together.

Martha Burich [00:07:29]:
Not to constantly make one another feel good, but to build a future together. Where are we going with this? How do we want our children to behave? What do we wanna have in ten years, in twenty years? How are we gonna build that? But if we’re constantly men do this and women do that, then we’re wasting our time, really, basically. You know, that’s another thing too. We’re constantly looking for highs and pleasure, immediate pleasure. Well, then we’re we’re ruining our lives that way because if people who can’t say no to themselves become people who are addicts, alcoholics, very unpleasant to be around. So we have to learn how to say no to ourselves and to our children. And I think that’s part of what’s happening in society today is children aren’t hearing no the way they need to, and then they don’t say no to themselves, and then everybody’s miserable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:13]:
Now with that mixed relationship that you had with your dad, with the highs, the lows, and probably the in betweens as well, are there things that you wish that your dad had done differently when it came to building the relationship that you had?

Martha Burich [00:08:27]:
Yes. You know, my dad was was a hunter, and he shot deer, you know, being here in Michigan. I wish he would have taken me hunting or things that he did with my brother that he he never did with me. You know, there’s a picture of my brother when he was two standing on the bumper of a car while my dad’s fixing it. My brother’s got a little tool in his hand that he’s gonna hand to my dad. Well, I didn’t get to do that. I have a friend whose dad, she has four boys, but her dad taught her everything. She can tear down a car.

Martha Burich [00:08:55]:
She can take the engine out of it and put it back together because her dad taught her how to finish furniture, how to do all that cool stuff, the kind of stuff that makes you feel competent and and useful. So that, I wish that he would have showed me how to do a lot more things than he did. I have another story. Let me tell you a story, Chris. I have a friend. He’s got grandchildren, and this is about his grandson. Anyway, the grandson was about four, and he had one of those little, gas powered motorcycles. This is a real one.

Martha Burich [00:09:22]:
And the kid’s four, and I think it it went fast. Anyway, so he’s toodling around, and dad and and, grandpa are watching the child out in the field with his little motorcycle. And he comes around, and he comes up to grandpa. And grandpa goes, you know, I don’t think you’re going fast enough. Would you like to go fast enough? Said no mother ever said no. And, you know, that’s another reason why dads are so important because dads take you fishing. You see grandpa and the daughter with the you’re fishing. Dads do all that kind of cool stuff, teach you how to fix things and do things.

Martha Burich [00:09:52]:
And, you know, so it’s really, really an important relationship. And another thing that, I wanted to you probably already know this. College, when parents take their children to colleges to look at them, it’s usually dads and daughters, moms and sons. I heard this from a person who worked at a college who did the college days.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:10]:
I have seen that, and that is an interesting dynamic that you don’t always think about, but it is true. So, as you think back to the relationship that you had with your father throughout your life, how has that relationship that you had with your father influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Martha Burich [00:10:30]:
Well, that’s such an interesting question. My husband was a very nice man. He died in 02/2008, and, we were married twenty five years, and he was a gentle soul like my dad. I remember one time, his name was Tony. Tony and I were looking at our son, Anthony, when he was a baby. We used to have date night, I think, on Friday or Saturday night. We came home, and then we would watch look at Anthony in his room, in his little crib sleeping. And I remember one time, my husband looked at me and he said, I don’t know what I would ever do if anything happened to this baby.

Martha Burich [00:10:57]:
You know? And I just I just remember thinking what a tender heart he has.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:01]:
Now if I know your your father has passed, and I guess if you look back now or if you could spend one more day with your dad and do anything, what would it look like?

Martha Burich [00:11:12]:
That’s really interesting. What would it look like? I guess I would just sit with him, ask him about his life. My brother and I are both confused because we believe our dad was adopted. There’s there are no records, and I was looking back through genealogy. And we think he was adopted by his stepdad. But, see, we just had no relationship with his side of the family at all. So there are so many questions when it comes to our dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:37]:
Now I mentioned at the beginning that you had, that you’ve put out a new book called Yes, You Can Raise Happy, Responsible Children. As an author myself, I know how much time and effort goes into the, and some blood, sweat, and tears go into the writing of these books to get great content out in front of the world. But, I guess, talk to me about the impetus and what made you decide that this book needed to be written and that you wanted to put it out into the world.

Martha Burich [00:12:09]:
Well, that’s a really great question. You know, my son’s grown now, and he’s successful. He has his own business. When he was four, he was just spoiled rotten. His dad and I, we thought the way that you raise a happy child is you always say yes. No. That didn’t work too well. And I remember one day carrying him outside of a store because I finally learned to say no, and I meant it.

Martha Burich [00:12:28]:
This time, I really meant it. And he was in shock. He was in shock. I had to carry him out of the store screaming and kicking and everything else because I had finally learned to say no and put my foot down and then took parenting classes. And in six weeks, we turned him around from being so spoiled that we really didn’t like him very much. He was very unpleasant to a very cooperative, pleasant young man. As I said, he’s he’s successful now and he’s grown. And everything that I learned there, I put in the book because and it’s also the information that I used.

Martha Burich [00:12:57]:
I was ten years as a child psychology professor and sixteen years as a high school special education teacher. And all the information that I put in the book are the same things that I used to communicate with my parents, with my students, and also with the ladies and the the people at the jail and the treatment centers. So, yes, it’s only 60 pages and pretty much just tells you, here’s what you do at the grocery store if the child won’t behave. Here’s what you do if they won’t put their seat belt on. It’s just boom, boom, boom. A quick read to help here’s what you do to improve their, self esteem, to help to get you to the place where your children are cooperative and you’re working together. Because so often as parents, our children don’t realize that we’re a unit. We’re a family unit.

Martha Burich [00:13:36]:
Family is the basis of society, and a happy family helps create a happy society. So our families, just like our partnerships, need to be what’s our goal? Our goal is to build our family to be happy and healthy and to work together to help each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:51]:
And I love books that are practical and be able and allow you to be able to take something right out of it and put it into into action right away. Now I know that in reading through your book, your book really emphasizes the importance of building self esteem in children. How can fathers specifically help their daughters develop confidence and resilience, especially in a world that often challenges their sense of worth?

Martha Burich [00:14:17]:
Let them fail. Just you’ve got to encourage them to try everything and fail. Go after if you wanna if the daughter comes on here let me tell you this story. This is a typical one too. The child come home from school and go, they’re having a play at school. They’re having a play at school. I’m so excited. I’m gonna try out for the lead.

Martha Burich [00:14:34]:
Oh, honey. Oh, I’m so glad they’re having a play, but the lead, you might not get it. Why don’t you try to be one of the frogs? You’ll get that part. I bet you’ll get that part. Already, we’re teaching our children to not go after what they really want, to go after what they think they can get. This is how you get adults who go, you know, I I I probably won’t get that job. I won’t even try for it. I probably won’t be able to, you know, that person would never date me.

Martha Burich [00:14:58]:
I’m not even gonna try. So we have to teach our children to accept to, one, accept no for an answer, but also to realize that no is not the end. It’s the beginning. So teach your children to never give up and to keep failing because the only way to win is to keep going up the steps along the way. But failure and hearing no, you know, if you got to if you have to practice it, no, no, no, no, no. Learn to take no and go next, next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:25]:
Now you also distinguish between praise and encouragement in your book. Can you share why this distinction matters and how fathers can use encouragement to build stronger, more authentic relationships with their daughters?

Martha Burich [00:15:40]:
That’s a really good question, Chris. Praise is, oh, you’re the best, honey. Oh, yeah. You do that. You you do that really well. You’re the best at that. Praise makes people feel superior, and there are places for it. But encouragement is, oh, you know, I like the way you did that.

Martha Burich [00:15:57]:
You took your time. I see you really pay attention to detail. Encouragement is giving the specifics and saying, don’t quit. Keep going. You know, oh my goodness. You’re almost there at tying your shoes. You can almost do it. Wow.

Martha Burich [00:16:10]:
You keep going. You don’t give up. So encouragement is encouraging, keeping them moving. But pray praise. Wow. You’re the greatest ball player. You’re oh my goodness. You always hit them out of the park.

Martha Burich [00:16:20]:
That makes people feel like the only way that they can get attention or love is if they’re perfect or if they do something really well. Praise is like, oh my goodness, you got a hundred on that test or oh, then the child thinks that, well, I a hundred is what I have to get. So it’s a fine distinction, but you have to be careful, especially and you don’t wanna tell you’re the best at this. You’re the best. Out of 8,000,000,000 people in the world, who can be the best? You know what I mean? The best you’re very good at this. You’re one of the best, but the absolute best is a whole another story.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:51]:
Now discipline is also often misunderstood. And in your book, you highlight some firm yet loving approaches. What advice do you have for fathers who want to set boundaries while still nurturing a deep trusting connection with their daughters?

Martha Burich [00:17:08]:
You have to. You have to. You will get no respect. Your children will walk all over you if you don’t when you say no, mean it. So think long and hard. When you say no, don’t say no and change it to yes because that’s what got me and and my husband in trouble. And that’s what gets a lot of people in trouble with their children and with their families. They say no, but then they change it to yes when people push back.

Martha Burich [00:17:30]:
So you have to really think, alright. When when a child asks you for something, you have to think, well, am I do I wanna say yes or no? And if I’m going to say no, am I gonna back it up? Because otherwise, you’re gonna be a pushover and everybody will be miserable. Everybody will be miserable. Children who don’t accept no become unpleasant humans at school. They cause problems at school and they keep others from learning. So we have to learn to accept no. So definitely and you know what? Don’t just yell across the room. If the child’s doing something, Get up.

Martha Burich [00:18:03]:
Get up. Go up to the child. Look them in the eye, and don’t rather than saying stop running, say walk. I had one person tell me she told a a friend of hers who’s a kindergarten teacher. The teacher said, oh my goodness. My classroom is these children are so poorly behaved. And she said, well, why don’t you try this? Why don’t you tell them what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do? She said in a week, the teacher came back to her and said, just that one tip has changed my classroom. Now children, here we’re going to start this activity.

Martha Burich [00:18:29]:
Here’s what I need you to do. We’re gonna have our paper and our pencil out, and we only draw on the paper. What did what did I just tell you? Where do we draw? We only draw on the paper. Tell children what you do want, not what you don’t want. We’re gonna go to the grocery store. I need you to walk right next to me. If you can’t see me and I can’t see you, there’s a problem. So what do I need you to do? I’m gonna walk right next to you, mom, dad.

Martha Burich [00:18:50]:
That’s right. Exactly. And if I can’t see you, guess what? You’re gonna sit in the cart. And then when they run off and they will, the grocery store is a fun place. I love it. And, you know, everything’s right at their eye level. They get excited. They’re gonna run off.

Martha Burich [00:19:03]:
Okay. So you just took go to the chat and go, I see you decided to sit in the cart. Where are the bananas? I need help. Look. Look for this. Look for that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now you also talk about the power of small everyday interactions in shaping a child’s emotional well-being. What are some simple but powerful ways fathers can intentionally connect with their daughters on a daily basis?

Martha Burich [00:19:25]:
You can’t just say how was school. I used to ask Anthony, what was the best thing that happened to you today and what was the worst thing that happened? And we would have a discussion. He would tell me his. I would tell him mine. I knew more about what was going on at school than the teacher a lot of times. I knew who misbehaved. I know what they did. You know, he would tell me everything.

Martha Burich [00:19:43]:
One time he came home and he told me this absolutely fabulous story, It Could Always Be Worse. I called a cut winner, and he described this book to me. In fact, I bought a copy of that book. I loved it so much. But, you know, that’s how we would share. He would tell me the stories he learned, and he would tell me the stories. And he would tell me about what happened. And it wasn’t what happened at school today, but what’s the best thing that happened? What’s the worst thing? What do you think about this? What do you think about that? What’s your opinion on this? Why do you think she said that? Why do you think he did that? Because those are real connections.

Martha Burich [00:20:12]:
And what happens is when we don’t really listen to our children and and I’ll I’ll tell you another story. One time, Anthony was about 10, and he had gone with a friend and the friend’s father, and they had gone shopping. Well, the friend’s father had bought his son a toy, but he didn’t buy Anthony anything. So when Anthony came home, oh, he was mad. He goes, I can’t believe it. He bought him a toy. He didn’t buy me anything. And I said, well, what do you expect? You’re not his son.

Martha Burich [00:20:35]:
And Anthony looked at me and he goes, I’m never talking to you again. You don’t understand. And I realized what I had done. I had gone mother on him, correcting him. And I said, oh, I I apologize. Please tell me again. He told me the whole story again, how angry he was and, you know, and it’s just not fair. Blah blah blah.

Martha Burich [00:20:52]:
And I said, boy, it sounds like you were really hurt and you’re mad. And he said, yes, I am. And then he went off and played. He just wanted to be heard. Sometimes your kid you know, your your kids, your spouse, your friends, they just need, need you to listen. They don’t want advice. They don’t want help. Or you could say, I I have some advice.

Martha Burich [00:21:09]:
Would you like to hear it? But otherwise, they’ll just listen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]:
Now, many fathers may have been raised with different parenting styles than what your book suggests. What strategies do you recommend for dads who want to break cycles of criticism, tough love, or emotional distance, and replace them with healthier patterns?

Martha Burich [00:21:28]:
You know what, Chris? Here we go. Shut up your mouth. That’s what my grandmother used to say to me. She came from Italy. Shut up your mouth. Just because you think it doesn’t mean it comes out of your mouth. Sarcasm and insulting, those don’t foster positive relationships. You really need to think, is this going to improve our relationship or not? If it’s not going to improve the relationship, be quiet.

Martha Burich [00:21:55]:
Be quiet. Your child doesn’t need constant advice and to be told what they’re doing wrong and how they can do it better. What they need is a good listening ear and someone that they know that if they have a problem, they can go to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:07]:
Well, Martha, I really appreciate you sharing all of this, and I’ve really enjoyed reading through the book. As Martha said, it is a short book. It’s it doesn’t take a lot of time to go through, but it’s got practical, great advice that can help you in your daily interactions with your own kids. Now, Martha, if people wanna find out more about the book about you, where should they go?

Martha Burich [00:22:28]:
Well, the book is up at Amazon, but also I have a Facebook group called Mastering Child Behavior. Join the Facebook group, and in there, there’s a free quiz. Your your parenting style tells you your parenting style and how it affects the behavior of your children. So, yes, join my Facebook group, Mastering Child Behavior, and I’m on Facebook and LinkedIn and all the places, and I do have a website, marthaburridge.com.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:50]:
And we will put links in our notes today to make sure that you have all of those. But, Martha, thank you so much for being here today, and I truly wish you all the best.

Martha Burich [00:22:59]:
Thank you, Christy. You really touched my heart today. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, Get out and be the world to them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]:
Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

From Gaming CTO to Dad: John Styes Shares Fatherhood Challenges and Triumphs

March 31, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Embracing Fatherhood: A Journey Without a Playbook
Fatherhood often starts unexpectedly, and as John Styes, CTO of Fateless Games, shared on the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, the experience can utterly reshape one’s life. For John, his journey with fatherhood began during his college years, a time when he was unprepared for the complexity of raising a child. However, that unplanned start became the foundation on which he built a life rich in lessons and unforgettable moments. From his first experience as a young dad to raising daughters across different ages and stages, John’s story is a testament to perseverance and unyielding love.

Overcoming Initial Fears and Finding Balance
Fatherhood, especially when raising daughters, can come with a unique set of fears. John reflected on moments of uncertainty, particularly during the teenage years when daughters become guarded and pull away. He shared his challenges with balancing affection while respecting their boundaries, only to witness them return as loving, independent adults. These experiences taught John the importance of patience, understanding, and waiting out the phases of adolescence. It’s in these moments of uncertainty that he demonstrated resilience—being present, offering love, and never giving up on the bond that anchored the father-daughter relationship.

Still, balance wasn’t always easy. As a CTO of gaming company Faithless Games and a divorced father juggling co-parenting responsibilities, John had little spare time. Yet, his unwavering priority was always clear—his children. Whether it meant bringing them to work, balancing projects with family time, or dedicating weekends as “dad time,” John found creative ways to ensure his involvement. His advice for other dads? Even when the path gets rocky, focus on being there consistently. Every moment, no matter how small it seems, counts.

Creating Memories That Last a Lifetime
Looking back, John fondly remembered making precious memories with his kids, whether it was road trips, bonding over gaming, or seasonal traditions. Sometimes, these moments didn’t seem to matter in the moment—like a family trip to the Grand Canyon filled with complaints—only to later become the memories his children cherish the most. The lesson here is to keep trying as a dad, even when it feels like your efforts aren’t resonating. Over time, it’s these experiences that leave lasting impressions.

The Rewards of Fatherhood Through All Stages of Life
John’s journey as a father culminated in having another daughter later in life with his second wife, offering a fresh and fulfilling perspective on parenting. From helping his new wife navigate first-time motherhood to re-experiencing the joys and challenges of raising a young child, this phase emphasized dedication and intentionality. Together, they embraced consistent involvement—from band trips to shared hobbies—strengthening not only their bond with their daughter but also their relationship as a couple.

Final Thought: Love, Patience, and Presence
John Styes’ journey reminds all fathers that no matter how life unfolds, every effort counts in the eyes of your children. Whether grappling with the unexpected, balancing life’s pressures, or creating those cherished memories, it’s the love, patience, and presence that shines through. Fatherhood is, indeed, an ever-evolving process, and as John highlighted, it’s through continual effort that fathers leave an indelible mark on their daughters’ lives. Stay patient, be involved, and remember—the journey is worth every moment.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to Dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter’s lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always every week, I love being able to sit down, talk to you, work with you as you’re going through this journey of fatherhood and looking to find ways to be that dad that you want to be to your daughters. And that’s what this show is all about. This show was created for you as a way to be able to not only connect you with other dads and other people that have resources or have other experiences, but as a way to be able to lift that burden in some aspect because none of us step into fatherhood with a playbook. There is no one right way to father. We can learn from so many others that have gone through this journey, and that’s why this show exists. Every week I love being able to bring you different dads, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to share some of their own experiences, what they learned, what worked, what didn’t work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]:
And we definitely, every week, learn something a little bit new. And I my hope for you is that you will as well. Today we’ve got another great guest with us today. John Stice is with us today and John is the CTO of Faithless Games. And John and I have known each other since we were both very young and we were reminiscing a little bit in our time playing Atari and original Nintendo and being able to grow up over the years. But we both have daughters And I reached out, asked him to join us, and I’m really excited that he said yes. John, thanks so much for being here today.

John Styes [00:02:00]:
Thanks. Thanks for having me. It’s good to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
Well, I love having you here. And the first thing that I always love to ask is a way for me to turn the clock back in time. So I’m gonna go all the way back. And I know you’ve got 4 kids, 3 daughters, and you had one child back in college and then you had your others along the way, But I wanna go all the way back to that first moment when you found out that you’re going to be a dad to a daughter. What was going through your head?

John Styes [00:02:28]:
Well, it was not a traditional way of finding out, I would suppose. I was a junior in college. I had met a girl at a frat party, and I invited her to a frat dance and things happened. And a month later, she gave me a call and said, hey. Just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant, and I’m gonna keep it. And so I don’t know what you wanna do, but I’m just letting you know. And that was the start of the conversation. So it wasn’t that I never saw her again.

John Styes [00:02:57]:
We were still kinda talking and stuff. But she lived in Grand Haven, Michigan, I think. And I was in, Mount Pleasant at the time at Central Michigan. And, yeah, it was quite a shocker. So when you find out, a lot of things flash through your mind, and it was quite an experience. So, yeah, I mean, it instantly changes your perspective, and it was quite a moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:20]:
Now, I I mentioned the fact that you’ve got 3 daughters, and they’re spaced out in years. Talk to me about those other moments and how that may have differed from that first moment.

John Styes [00:03:32]:
Well, so I had a son next. We graduated. There’s a whole story that we could go into about my the the efforts that were required to be a dad for the first one. But for the second daughter, it was a little bit more, you know, we were married and I wouldn’t say it was planned, but it was just like she she just said, hey. I know we just had Parker, but by the way, I’m pregnant again. And I was opening up a gate to the apartment complex I was at, and I was just like, okay. Like, you know, like, it was just a it would and she she loved to spring them on me, my ex wife, with it was just always these weird she not, like, didn’t sit down and, like, there’s, like, a dinner and, like, we’re talking and, like, hey. I gotta tell you something.

John Styes [00:04:12]:
She was just always just so nonchalant about it. She’s just like, hey, by the way. And so that one was that one. And so by the third one, it’s kinda old hat, and your ears, like, okay. Yeah. Okay. Not expected, but, you know, you do what you gotta do. And then I, ended up getting remarried again, and that one was spaced out quite a bit and from the others.

John Styes [00:04:33]:
And it was just basically, like, my wife, she’s like, look, I wanna have a kid, and we’re gonna have a kid. And I was just like, okay. A month later, she told me, you know, hey, I’m pregnant. And I was like, okay. Great. You know? So that’s what she wanted. And I was secretly hoping that it was gonna be a girl for her because she’s kind of like a very girly girl, and she wants to do, like, the dresses and the high heels and the makeup and all that stuff. And whether that goes as planned when they get older, you never know.

John Styes [00:05:00]:
But, you know, that was her aspirations. And she’s like, I at least want 1 kid. And so with that in mind, I was like, man, I hope it’s a girl because then that kind of like checks all the boxes for her to kinda like get what she wanted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:12]:
Now I talked to a lot of dads over the years in this podcast and a lot of fathers talk about fear when it comes to raising daughters. And now you’ve had daughters and sons, so you’ve seen both and experienced both. As you think back on your experience in being a father to a daughter, what would you say has been your biggest fears in raising your daughters?

John Styes [00:05:38]:
There’s a segment that they hit somewhere around, I wanna say like 13 years old, where they’re starting to go through puberty, their body’s changing, all that stuff. And as a dad, with all of my daughters, especially my first one, like I was very my ex, she was working a lot. I was like studying and bouncing around my knee, trying to do my, you know, all my work to get done for to get through school. So, like, we bonded really close during that time. And she would sleep in our beds probably longer than she should have and all kinds of stuff. But there got to a point where she just didn’t want you to touch her anymore, and she didn’t want you to hug her. And you weren’t cool anymore. Your jokes weren’t funny.

John Styes [00:06:17]:
There was just a lot of things. And it was it it like as a dad, you’re you’re like when the first time it happens, you’re like, oh, man. Like, you’re just hoping that they get back to where you’ve got that little girl again that you can hold and hug and give little smooches to and stuff. And they eventually like get out of that phase, like somewhere around 17, 18, 19 years old. And then they then they love you again. So I don’t know, like I don’t know if every dad gets that experience, but like, with all 3 of mine, like, my one of my my daughter now, she’s 15, gonna be 16, and she’s in that phase right now. And I kinda know it still kinda, like, hurts you because you’re just like, oh, man. Like, no.

John Styes [00:06:54]:
I wanna give her a hug, and she’s like, she doesn’t wanna give you that close hug and everything. And then she’s coming around. But, like, all of my daughters went through that where they went through a phase of you’re not cool. Don’t bother me. And now they’re back the oldest 2 are back to that calling dad. How you doing? Love you, dad. And want the hugs and all that stuff. So, you know, it gets good again.

John Styes [00:07:12]:
But, yeah, the first time around, it was quite fearful. Did you do something wrong? Do you try to force him to hug you? Do you just give him space? You don’t really know what to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
Now I know that you have 4 kids, so the experiences that you’ve had with your different children, your daughters are going to be vastly different from one another. What would you say has been the most memorable experience that you’ve had thus far as a father

John Styes [00:07:35]:
to a daughter? There’s a bunch of stuff, but I have, you know, recorded some crazy videos of my kids doing doing just really funny things. And, like, sometimes girls are, like, just really, really funny, these little characters. And they’re so sophisticated at a young age, and and they’ll just say the wildest stuff. And so, like, I have tons of recordings of that. But there’s one that’s kind of funny. It’s it’s maybe not funny to my ex my ex girlfriend after I started dating again after I my divorce. But my oldest daughter, she was extremely jealous and possessive of me. She was and so I started dating again, and it was my ex girlfriend, she didn’t like at all.

John Styes [00:08:11]:
And so she would terrorize her, do things, but it was actually with the rally of this this story. Sorry. So I started you know, I was with the rally and we just got married and stuff. And and Keegan, like, took some some photo that I had in, like, a photo album. It was just, like, her, myself, and my ex girlfriend. And she left it on the bed. She put it on the bed to, like, sabotage the you know, even though we’re already married, it was like so my wife, Riley, she was just like, just, you know, they went at it, like, so much, like, at the very beginning, but now they’re they’re best buddies. But she was extremely possessive and jealous, and she didn’t like my ex.

John Styes [00:08:44]:
So why she put the picture of the ex on the bed is if she was, like, romanticizing the ex or whatever of, like, how good it used to be here. I think she was just trying to sabotage it. She was just being, like, a a jealous girl, but it was funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:56]:
And when you have multiple kids and your situation was even different because you had kids that were with you sometimes, but not all the time. And then and then you had another child that was living in the house. What would you say is the favorite things that you did or do and share with each of your daughters?

John Styes [00:09:17]:
Keegan, my oldest, we have just, like, a really special bond because she was my my first. And so there was a lot of, like, first things with being a dad and stuff like that. So, you know, like, her and I will talk on the phone a little bit more than the others and stuff like that. But her and I, like, we played Dominion, the game, together. She got really into board games, and she credits that to me forcing them to go and do that stuff. So anytime she comes over and visits, she wants to play Dominion or some other board game. And now she’s got her fiance playing some games, and she has a little group of friends that at her college, university, she has that plays together. And then my youngest daughter, the first set, Brooklyn, her and I, I think she’s like a gamer, but she just kinda recently discovered that she’s a gamer.

John Styes [00:10:00]:
So she was never really super interested in that at first, but now she’s really into it. So now she, you know, she always is asking me questions about gaming rigs and computer hardware and stuff like that. So, you know, that that’s her thing now. And then my youngest daughter, Aria, we’re still kind of fostering what her adult likes are gonna be. She’s still kind of in the kid likes, but her and I will go and she loves to go finding, like, LPS’s, the littlest pet shop characters. And so she collects those. And so, like, her and I, like, you know, I help her collect those things. And so we we do that quite often.

John Styes [00:10:33]:
She also loves to go to me with, like, in half poke bowl, which is like a sushi with or it’s like Chipotle but with sushi. So her and I do that every once in a while. So we enjoy that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:43]:
That. Now I know you’re busy. As I said, you’re a CTO of a gaming company called Faithless Games, and you’ve been in working with other companies as being as you have been a father with gaming being of a large part of your life in developing games and working with companies in that regard. So I know earlier you talked about your your ex being very busy, but I know that you are very busy as well. So talk to me about balance because every father has to figure out that balance between work and raising your kids. So how did you best balance work as well as raising your daughters?

John Styes [00:11:20]:
I don’t know if I balanced it well, but I did my best. And especially when I was early in my career, I was working on sports games, and they were extremely demanding. So you would have, like, a 2 month window of you at you could your 2, 3 month window of your working normal hours, and then it goes to crunch until I was on a football game. So we would go all the way up to about the summer before football season started, and we were crunching through the entirety of the summer, maybe even a little bitter into early spring. Then they would give us a month off, and then it was the 3 months where it was normal. Then it was back to crunch again. So during those crunch moments, you know, we were both working parents even before we split, and my buddies would laugh at me that I worked with. I would have a double stroller, at the time and bring Keegan along.

John Styes [00:12:07]:
She could walk and and have the 2 little kids in the double stroller, her tagging along behind me, a playpen stuffed underneath the double stroller, roll it into an office, close the door, throw on some Disney show, put them in a playpen, try to do as much work as I could, and manage between like, I got really good at bouncing a baby and typing. So it was tough. I’m not gonna lie. It was it was pretty tough. Like, that was a very demanding job. And the other thing too, like, with, once we split up, I took them every weekend. And when I was dating, it was always a friction point with any person I was dating. Whereas, like, every weekend, I was like, look, I have the kids.

John Styes [00:12:48]:
We didn’t do, like, the split week thing because she ended up moving kind of far south from me. So it wasn’t manageable of me trying to go there and, like, drop them off at school or something. There was just no way. So I just I just ended up taking them every weekend. So I would get them Friday right after they got out of school, and I had them through the entire weekend. And I didn’t really know how much that I mean, it that kind of stuff affects kids, like, them feeling like they don’t really have a home. You know, they’re they’re moving around a lot. I feel bad about that.

John Styes [00:13:18]:
But they also do have some, like, really good memories of, oh, dad, you, like, had us every weekend, and we would look forward to the weekends. And it was really nice to kinda hear that stuff come from them later on because we were literally trying to do our best, between the 2 of us to make it make it work. And I think that’s, like, the important takeaway is, like, even when you don’t think it matters to them and it doesn’t seem like it registers, it does. Every little thing registers. And that’s, like, even, like, vacations and stuff. Like, I for my 40th birthday, we we took a car trip to the Grand Canyon and then stopped in in Hollywood. We stayed at a bed and breakfast there for a couple days, and then we were going all over. We went to Disney World, you know.

John Styes [00:14:00]:
And we stopped at the Grand Canyon, and the whole time they were, like, complaining. And I was like, oh my gosh. These kids are like, oh, we wanna go. It’s boring here and all this stuff. And now it’s all they talk about. It’s like, you remember the time dad took us to the Grand Canyon? I was, like, all I remember is that you guys did not have a good time, and you guys were just giving me the business about everything. And so somehow, like, it turns into, like, a positive memory. So I think that’s one thing for fathers to think about is, like, even when at the time, it doesn’t seem like it’s really important to them, it really does become something important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:30]:
Yeah. You never know what specifically is gonna stick with your kids or the memories that will be poignant ones to them until later on when they reflect back. And like you said, sometimes it’s like, really? That’s the memory that you remember where in your head, you have a completely different recollection of it, but the way that they’ve filtered it is such that it was poignant to them and meant a lot to them, even though it may not have seemed like it did at the time. So appreciate you sharing that. That’s a fun memory in that regard. Now I mentioned the fact that you have 4 kids and you’ve had a number of different experiences from being a young dad in college, working to be that engaged dad while working on your degree to then having other kids while you were young in your career, and then now having another child when you were a little bit older and raising her along the way as well. So I guess one of the things in that period of time, you’ve had to be a co parent, a parent, and more. So I guess let’s go back a little bit in to being a co parent because I know that a lot of dads sometimes struggle with that in figuring out what is their how do they create that best balance there to be able to create a a good relationship with your act, but then as well keeping up that positive relationship with their children as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:50]:
So talk to me about what you had to do, whether it was early on after the divorce into being that early co parent to as they got older and kind of the way in which the relationships changed over times and how you were engaged in different ways as they got older as well?

John Styes [00:16:06]:
Yeah. I guess, like, at the very beginning, obviously, it was it was not the best of situations. And I would I would say to, like, any person out there that experiences something kind of, like, raw, that you just gotta have to kind of keep a mindset of, like, look, it’s gonna get better. Like, I think that’s, like, just just the message to the person out there. I’ve had a friend recently call me and share a similar story. And I’m like, look, dude. Like, it’s gonna get better. Like, I I’ve been through it.

John Styes [00:16:32]:
I know it’s tough, but it’ll get better. And I think one of the things that I tried to do was always be available even when, like, I wanted to do something on a weekend or whatever. Like, I took the kids as much as I could, and I never brought any of that drama to them. They were always insulated from it. The most you can the best thing you can do is insulate them from that. And even if you feel like the other person’s the bad guy, it’s just good to just kinda stay positive on that. Because the kids, they’ll sort of recognize that stuff as they start to get older. I know with my youngest, she, for the longest time, thought that I just up and left, and that was the reason why we got the divorce.

John Styes [00:17:12]:
And so she had a little bit of anger inside way deep down that she always just felt. And it wasn’t until she got older, and she she kind of understand understood the circumstances. And then she’s just like, okay. You don’t wanna, like, feed into that. You just wanna just, again, just be positive. Be the person that’s always there. Always make sure that they feel like they have a place in your house. That was the other thing.

John Styes [00:17:35]:
Like, it was a great advice my mom gave. It’s just, you gotta have a room. Give them a room. Make sure they have their stuff, a room. So they feel like that there’s they’re not just vagabonds, like, visiting your house. So that was some great advice. I I always thought that that really helped with them. And I think the other thing was she started having children with another person.

John Styes [00:17:55]:
And then there started to be, oh, I wanted to hang out with Emilio, but I gotta go to dad’s house. Well, bring Emilio too. And so, like, we ended up, like, we’re all good now. So but we’re all this big, weird family now, where everyone, Emilio or Olivia, here are 2 others. They can come over. It’s not a big deal. So it’s not easy to navigate that, but I think it it is the best thing that you can do for all of them. And, yeah, you gotta kinda swallow a little bit of that pride sometime to just say, but you just gotta do it.

John Styes [00:18:32]:
And you’ll definitely reap the rewards of that positivity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:35]:
And talk to me about the fact that you had another child later on when you were a little bit older. And there’s a couple questions here that I have in my head, but about what it was like for you being a little bit older father, then having a young child again. But second is being able to introduce your new child then to your other children and allowing them to create a bond together, similar to what they’ve they’re creating with their other siblings now with their mother, and what you had to do to be able to create that as well.

John Styes [00:19:09]:
Yeah. So I think, like, when when the new mother comes into the picture and she has her kid with you, the question may come up of, like, do you like my kid as much as you like your other kids? And I think that you have to navigate that question and give her a lot of reinforcement that, yes, they’re all my children. I I love them all equally, and there’s no favorites or I don’t it it it gets it gets hard to navigate that sometimes because I think the new mother comes in and she just feels like, oh, you’ve already done this before. And so you’re just gonna be, like, not really engaged, and you might not go to a doctor’s visit. And you should’ve went to the doctor’s visit because if it was your first kid, you would’ve went to the doctor’s visit. So there’s things like that. I think you just have to kind of, like, tread carefully. And, again, just a lot of affirmation to the new mother, to your new new wife or whatever that, yes, you’re gonna be there.

John Styes [00:20:00]:
Yes. You love it equally. And then with the kids, nothing really stands out to me as, like, a formal like, it was just like, oh, we’re having a kid. And they most of them were older, so they were just like, okay. You know, whatever. The youngest the the youngest daughter, Brooklyn and Aria, did have some, like they were just kind of, like, sisters, like, back and forth kind of thing, you know, fighting with each other and teasing each other and that kind of stuff. Don’t touch me. Was a little bit of that, but it it it really kinda fizzled out pretty quickly.

John Styes [00:20:30]:
So Brooklyn was getting older too. So it wasn’t too bad, but they were already kinda used to their mom had already had new kids. And so this just wasn’t like it wasn’t really a huge event for them. It was just like, oh, great. You know, I got another brother or sister coming. You know, it really didn’t really didn’t phase them too much. So but, yeah, I think I think the the more of the lesson to be learned was, again, with with the with the new mother.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
And talk to me a little bit about being an older dad and being able to keep up with that young kid running around the house. And I know that now she’s in her teenage years and almost 16. So

John Styes [00:21:05]:
talk

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
to me about what that’s like for you now that you like you said, there was some time between Brooklyn and your youngest, and then having to get back into dad mode.

John Styes [00:21:15]:
The biggest thing on my mind was, okay, these other times, I don’t know if it’s the right word, but see it through, like, I wasn’t there the entirety of from born to 18. You know? I was I was a part time dad through most of that, and so there was a lot of things that were missed, and you weren’t there at every moment. And and so, like, doing it again, sometimes there’s, like, new things that that crop up that you never seen before or didn’t experience, so that that was cool. But then also, you you in the back of your mind, you’re like, okay. Like, I wanna do this right. You know, I wanna make sure everything’s perfect this time around. And so that was on my mind a lot, I guess. Just trying to make sure I was as good as I could be.

John Styes [00:21:53]:
And as far as keeping up with them, I’m pretty surprised still, so I don’t know.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]:
Always a kid at heart.

John Styes [00:21:57]:
Always a kid at heart. Keep at the gym, and then you can keep up. But, yeah, just to continue on that, my wife and I, we travel around with her. She’s in the band, my daughter. And so we go to all over Texas, like, you know, whatever game she’s playing at. She’s a bit spoiled. Her mom spoils the crap out of her, but we go all over the place and we we follow her around. And so, you know, get to do all that stuff.

John Styes [00:22:18]:
And, you know, it’s it’s it also is like a good mother, father building moments. You know, it keeps our relationship, I think, strong too. Like, having a lot of those experiences. Like, okay. We’re traveling to Giddings, Texas, you know. So that’s, like, an hour in a car where we’re just talking to each other. And so it’s good. I I like it a lot.

John Styes [00:22:35]:
There’s a lot of, like, really good memories Brian and I have just, like, going to see ARIA Place.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
I definitely have those memories as well with my own daughter when she was in high school doing band and traveling a bit for that and being able to have those conversations. We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

John Styes [00:22:57]:
I’ll do my best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:58]:
In one word, what is fatherhood?

John Styes [00:23:00]:
I think it’s time. Making time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
When was a time that you felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

John Styes [00:23:06]:
I think when I see them graduate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:08]:
Now if I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

John Styes [00:23:12]:
He thinks he’s funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:13]:
He thinks he’s funny?

John Styes [00:23:14]:
He thinks he’s funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:15]:
Does that mean that you’re not funny?

John Styes [00:23:16]:
I think I’m funny, but they don’t think I’m funny. I do play a lot of jokes on my kids, and they don’t like it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:22]:
Now who inspires you to be a better dad? My dad,

John Styes [00:23:24]:
for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]:
Now you’ve talked about your own experiences, but as you think about other dads, what’s one piece of advice you’d like to give to every father?

John Styes [00:23:33]:
I think, again, it just rolls back to the just wait it out. Just keep plugging away at, you know, loving them and giving time to them and just always being there and making memories. And again, if even if it doesn’t pay off, all those conversations, all those arguments that you may have, you know, disagreements, advice that you give that they seem to ignore, they actually listen and they sometimes it doesn’t change their mind. Sometimes, it does a year later, and you just never know. So it’s just keep trying. Keep trying to be a good dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:04]:
It’s always a struggle sometimes to be able to do it, but you have to just keep pulling yourself up. And there’s gonna be good times, there’s gonna be challenging times, but in the end, it is worth it, just like John said. John, I just wanna say thank you. If people wanna find out more about you, about what you’re doing with faithless games, where should they go? Fateless.gg. And I know you’ve got a new game that you’re being you know, you’re you’re putting out into the world pretty soon. Tell me more about that.

John Styes [00:24:30]:
Yeah. So it’s called God Forge, and it’s a, mobile game. It’s like Raid Shadow Legend. You get yourself, gods from all kinds of different backgrounds, whether it’s Egyptian or Asgardian or Babylonian, Aztec. And so you you collect it’s it’s a hero collector, so you collect the gods and then you battle them against other gods and and you upgrade them and

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:52]:
Is that available now or when will that be available?

John Styes [00:24:55]:
That’s gonna be in beta, I believe, in the fall if everything goes well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:59]:
K. So everyone, watch out for that game and check out fateless games, and you’ll be able to learn more about what John is doing. John, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story, for being here today, and for all that you’re doing to be the best dad that you can be, and I wish you the best.

John Styes [00:25:14]:
Yeah. Thank you, Chris. It’s so great to run into you again and talk to you some. And I mean, it’s been a long time. One of my oldest friends, like I said, that I’ve known since 2nd or 3rd grade, and it’s great to reconnect with you. It’s great to see that you’re doing so well, and you’ve got a great podcast. I I always keep an eye on you and see what you’re up to. So I wasn’t completely surprised when, you know, you’re you you told me you got this podcast.

John Styes [00:25:36]:
I already knew about it because I’ve been following you. Big fan of your work. So keep it up, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:41]:
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together dot org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and beat the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.