fatherhood advice Archives

Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey

September 21, 2026 by dadofdivas

At the heart of The Dad and Daughter Connection, featured in this week’s episode, is the steadfast belief that the strongest father-daughter relationships are built one intentional moment at a time. In a conversation brimming with honesty and warmth, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Haviland and his 20-year-old daughter, Olivia Haviland, to explore what it truly means to connect, support, and empower our daughters to become confident, independent women.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Stronger Father-Daughter Bonds: Insights from John Francis

May 11, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Francis, founder of Fathers Eve and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you’re a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen.

One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it’s okay to be real and open as men.

The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the “helicopter” parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he’s witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for.

Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He’s candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment.

Finally, don’t miss the inspiring story behind Fathers Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father’s Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved (“It’s fun, it’s free, it’s everywhere!”) and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow.

If you’re looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection”—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that’s why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father’s Eve, or we’re going to be talking about Father’s Eve, because Father’s Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we’re going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he’s done with Father’s Eve, and I’m really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]:
Thanks so much for being here, John.

John Francis [00:02:06]:
Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I’m glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I’ve had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we’re going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you’ve had with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special?

John Francis [00:02:47]:
Wow, that’s a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I’ll think about something. I guess what’s coming to my mind is they’ve seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don’t know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad’s birthday or a holiday or something.

John Francis [00:03:19]:
And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn’t stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine.

John Francis [00:03:35]:
It was natural and appropriate. And I think I’ve learned how to. That’s living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren’t little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn’t do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it’s okay, look, here’s our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here.

John Francis [00:04:00]:
But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it’s not always just, rah, rah, let’s go crazy. Was here’s dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I’m gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I didn’t stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we’re going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn’t hold it.

John Francis [00:04:35]:
But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it’s okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you’re together with your family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]:
It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don’t always share things. And I’ve said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you’re going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end.

John Francis [00:05:20]:
Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we’ve had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I’m a lucky guy that I’ve been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that’s just normal. Doesn’t everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that’s not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I’ll call it. So it was intentional for me and I’m just so grateful because we’ve got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us.

John Francis [00:06:09]:
And I’m just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren’t, aren’t, aren’t thinking about it that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]:
You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they’re becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming?

John Francis [00:06:43]:
Well, that’s another great question. I don’t know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what’s coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn’t just solve the problem or I didn’t make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I’ll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They’ve got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they’re not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life.

John Francis [00:07:26]:
I mean, not that I wasn’t. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they’re very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they’re siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they’re both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it’s like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here’s what I saw.

John Francis [00:07:57]:
And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We’re all learning, and I’m still learning, that’s for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That’s something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I’m like, oh, man, you’re right.

John Francis [00:08:20]:
I didn’t see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn’t want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That’s not who I am.

John Francis [00:08:42]:
It’s not who I want to be. And that’s not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you’re dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I’m capable of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]:
I think that what you’re saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we’re working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it’s conscious and some of it’s intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you’ve done, what are some intentional ways you’ve worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it’s not always easy.

John Francis [00:09:26]:
No, nothing’s easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you’re together in the car. We didn’t go anywhere.

John Francis [00:10:03]:
I mean it wasn’t like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I’ve seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that’s kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren’t like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I’m home, that’s where I’m going to be. That’s one thing.

John Francis [00:10:35]:
The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it’s not a novel, it’s a few pages, but I’ve written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that’s clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you’re graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it’s not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it’s more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there’s something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you’re long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives.

John Francis [00:11:46]:
So I’ve done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I’m one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she’s like, what are you writing? And he says, I’m writing letters.

John Francis [00:12:14]:
You’ll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that’s quite a gift, so I’m grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she’s only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she’s got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that’s something I’ve learned and I’ve tried to do, and it’s certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that’s probably the hardest part, but it’s so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they’ve got it. And so I feel like that’s.

John Francis [00:12:53]:
I can’t give them everything, but I can give them that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]:
Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We’re fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you’re thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what’s a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

John Francis [00:13:16]:
Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that’s maybe relevant. I’m thinking about each girl. They’re so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn’t see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I’m going to defend my wife first. So that’s what I thought was the right thing to do.

John Francis [00:13:47]:
And so that’s what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you’re siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that’s the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we’re happy, we’re not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy.

John Francis [00:14:15]:
One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn’t maybe the best option all the time.

John Francis [00:14:46]:
And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it’s like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you’ve learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We’re all in this room together, and so it’s fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that’s where a good therapist is really valuable.

John Francis [00:15:21]:
And I’m glad we did that. And I expect we’ll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn’t you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that’s one thing I learned. I’m thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn’t useful, wasn’t healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that’s not smart.

John Francis [00:16:03]:
That’s not what I was trying to do, and that’s not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it’s not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it’s not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I’ve learned that. Again, my girls, they’re not. Well, they’re both adults, so they’re not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I.

John Francis [00:16:31]:
I’m sure we’ll have more lessons along the way is what I’m trying to say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]:
It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We’re going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father’s Eve, and Father’s Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don’t you tell me a little bit about Father’s Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father’s Day.

John Francis [00:16:57]:
Well, thank you. Father’s Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father’s Day, we’ve got Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. And so I invented Father’s Eve Eve because I love Father’s Day. I love being a dad. It’s the most important thing I’ll ever do is raise some children. And so Father’s Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father’s Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad’s Night Out. And this year it’ll be June 20, 2026.

John Francis [00:17:25]:
Of course, it’s Saturday because Father’s Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday.

John Francis [00:17:56]:
And I didn’t have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we’ll just have a little get together in the garage and I’m going to call it Father’s Eve. Because that’s just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage.

John Francis [00:18:24]:
And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father’s Eve now. We said, well, that’s. This worked out great, so let’s do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized.

John Francis [00:18:46]:
Well, the third year we did Father’s Eve, there were guys coming that I didn’t know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they’re having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let’s get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father’s Eve? Why don’t you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some.

John Francis [00:19:26]:
Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it.

John Francis [00:19:49]:
The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad’s group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I’m like, where have you guys been my whole life I’ve been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there’s groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there.

John Francis [00:20:26]:
We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father’s Eve is fun, it’s free and it’s, we say it’s everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father’s Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We’ve done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities.

John Francis [00:20:57]:
We’re not a charity, so we don’t want the money. We want. If you’re going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let’s help dads be better dads. I mean that’s really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out.

John Francis [00:21:20]:
So Father’s Eve now, this year we’ll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father’s Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o’ clock. So people know on New Year’s Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father’s Eve, we back that up to 8 o’.

John Francis [00:21:49]:
Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don’t want to see midnight. It’s Father’s Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o’ clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It’s really kind of fun.

John Francis [00:22:12]:
And they, they click, they connect. So it’s like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we’re Central time. So we’ll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there’s no fee, there’s no credit card number, there’s nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something.

John Francis [00:22:42]:
If you don’t, you don’t. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It’s. It’s just show up and maybe you’ll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it’s loosely organized. I’ll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there’s not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect.

John Francis [00:23:01]:
And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I’ve learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We’re very inclusive and there’s really no agenda. We’re not selling anything, we’re not promoting anything. We’re not saving anyone.

John Francis [00:23:36]:
We’re not solving any problems. We’re just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I’m learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don’t get out in circulation. I’m a lucky guy. I’ve got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don’t.

John Francis [00:24:01]:
And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father’s Eve. Whether it’s in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn’t know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there’s always something new and interesting. And so it’s just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I’m trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father’s Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up.

John Francis [00:24:36]:
Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we’re glad to do it and it’s been a lot of fun and we’re still learning, we’re still growing, but it is, it’s been meaningful and I think it’s a lot more room to improve always.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]:
Now, if people are interested, they’re hearing this, they’re saying to themselves, hey, I’d like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this.

John Francis [00:24:56]:
This.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]:
Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun.

John Francis [00:25:02]:
Well, Father’s Eve is the website. There’s no apostrophe, right? Because it’s not possessive, it’s. It’s plural, right? It’s for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where’s the apostrophe? I’m like, well, I didn’t trademark it with an apostrophe. So it’s Father’s Eve.com and we’re on all the whatever socials. I don’t know how to do tick tock, so I don’t think we’re there. But anyway, not hard to find.

John Francis [00:25:24]:
And there’s five rules for Father’s Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let’s go crazy, right? It’s have a good time. I would say it’s PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That’s rule number one.

John Francis [00:25:39]:
Number two, it’s for the dads, and that means all the dad. It’s not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We’re not rigid, really, but it’s inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We’ll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement.

John Francis [00:26:06]:
A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That’s fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that’s pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That’s number three. Number four is work together.

John Francis [00:26:25]:
We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I’ve learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you’re doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don’t screw it up. Don’t be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us.

John Francis [00:26:50]:
So none of this involves any. Any fee. It’s really all just common sense. And we’re trying to build a movement, we’re trying to build a group. We’ve got social media, we’ve got an email, we send a newsletter. It’s not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we’ll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father’s Eve.

John Francis [00:27:11]:
I could think of a lot of things. I’d like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it’s attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there’s some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there’s new dads, there’s old dads, there’s about to be dads, There’s. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that’s really the goal.

John Francis [00:27:43]:
So Father’s Eve is fun. It’s free. It’s everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There’s an agreement there. There’s a trademark, a license agreement, but it’s free. There’s no fees, no nothing there.

John Francis [00:27:54]:
We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we’re not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn’t you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it’s pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you’re up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I’ve made some great guys that are doing Father’s Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year.

John Francis [00:28:22]:
I think Chicago, I think they’re on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they’ve been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it’s same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It’s fascinating to see what they’re doing. And that’s really what it’s all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]:
Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

John Francis [00:28:47]:
I’ll try. I’ll do my best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

John Francis [00:28:53]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

John Francis [00:28:57]:
Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]:
What’s one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together?

John Francis [00:29:06]:
We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Francis [00:29:15]:
Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it’s 80% of your happiness or misery in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

John Francis [00:29:28]:
Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It’s a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can’t imagine not being a dad. Dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Francis [00:29:48]:
Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they’re really hard to do consistently. But I’ve tried and I’ve gotten better, and there’s always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There’s no other way. I think that’s the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you’re doing with Father’s Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father’s Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you’ve shared today. I wish you the best.

John Francis [00:30:30]:
Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Small Moments, Big Impact: Strengthening Your Bond With Your Daughter

April 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In a world where the father-daughter relationship is often celebrated but not always explored in depth, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast stands out as a guiding light for dads eager to nurture lifelong bonds with their daughters. In the latest heartwarming episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Bernard Drew, a proud father, to discuss the unique joys and evolving challenges of raising independent, confident young women.

Celebrating Small Moments That Matter

One of the central themes of this episode is the importance of everyday intentionality. Bernard Drew recalls a cherished memory—taking his young daughter to a midnight premiere of her favorite movie, Hannah Montana. It wasn’t a grand gesture but a simple act of presence and togetherness that, years later, still stands out for both father and daughter. Through stories like this, Bernard Drew emphasizes how small, thoughtful rituals, like watching movies or sharing inside jokes, lay the foundation for meaningful connections.

Balancing Guidance with Independence

A challenge many fathers face is balancing the instinct to protect with the need to allow daughters the freedom to grow. Bernard Drew shares openly about this ongoing journey. From having those tough conversations (“the sex talks, the hard things with society”) to trusting the “seeds previously planted,” he reflects on moments when he had to learn to step back and let his daughter own her choices. This powerful message reminds dads everywhere that guidance is important, but space and trust are essential for daughters to flourish as independent thinkers.

The Value of Authenticity and Listening

Another profound takeaway is the transformation that comes when fathers truly listen. Bernard Drew candidly admits that, growing up, he’d been raised in a “kids are seen and not heard” environment, but realized the importance of letting his daughter have a voice—especially through teenage transitions and life changes. Authentic, open dialogue not only makes daughters feel valued but also strengthens their self-worth.

Encouragement for Dads Everywhere

Throughout their conversation, both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Bernard Drew stress that being present, engaged, and authentic is more valuable than striving for perfection as a parent. The episode encourages listeners to invest in quality time, foster open communication, and continually learn—not just about their daughters, but about themselves as fathers.

Whether you’re seeking practical advice or inspiration, this episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it means to be “the dad she needs.” Tune in to strengthen your own connection and join a community devoted to raising confident, empowered daughters.

Ready to dive in? Listen to the full conversation and start making your moments count!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week, you. You and I have an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
You know, I’ve got two daughters, and every week, I love being able to have you here with me as we’re talking about these relationships and we’re talking about what we can do to be able to build those stronger relationships, because each of us have a responsibility to be able to be there for our kids, not just our daughters, but our kids. But the relationship that you have with your daughter is a truly unique one and a very special one, and one that you do have to invest in and you have to work on. And that’s why this podcast exists. It exists so that every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, and to try to work on something. Might be small, it might be large that you can do to be able to either work on, repair, or continue to build that relationship with your daughter. That’s why every week, I love bringing you different guests with different experiences that can help you do just that. And today, we’ve got another great guest, Bernard Drew is with us, and Bernard is a father of two, but today we’re going to be talking about his relationship and his experiences with his own daughter. So I’m really excited to have him here.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
Bernard, thanks so much for being here today.

Bernard Drew [00:02:08]:
Dr. Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here, and as you know, I’ve been so enamored. You do so many things from an extraordinary perspective academically, but I am most intrigued that you have this great passion, this relentless desire to support dads and their journeys with daughters. So it’s actually an honor to be here and part of this community that you’ve been able to nurture.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
I appreciate you saying that, because it is a passion. It’s been something that I’ve been working on for many, many years. And I love being able to talk to dads like you that have been right in it. And even today, I know today is your daughter’s birthday, so happy birthday to your daughter. And while this will come out after your daughter’s birthday, you we were just talking about the fact that before you came to be on the show today that you were over giving her a birthday present and dropping that off before we were talking. And it’s those special moments, those little moments that so much. And I know your daughter is an adult now, and I. And I guess first and foremost, as we talk about that relationship with your daughter, talk to me about for you what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter and what made it so special as

Bernard Drew [00:03:16]:
it’s her birthday today. And I’ll be grateful. We have a lot of great memories, one that always stands out. I think she had to been maybe 6 years old. And we’re going back. She turned 24 today. So we’re talking about, wow, that’s crazy. Almost 18 years ago, maybe she was 6 or 7.

Bernard Drew [00:03:32]:
She had maybe about 7. And she was just absolutely enamored with Hannah Montana on the television on Disney Channel. And man, that was her show. And I would sit and spend time and just watch it with her and just hanging out. And long story short, they ended up having a movie came out and I ended up buying tickets so that she could go at midnight when it first opened that night to go see it. And we have a picture. And to this day, that is one of the most precious memories for her. Like my dad took me to see Hannah Montana at midnight.

Bernard Drew [00:04:04]:
To her, the thought of going to a movie at midnight was absur. Who does that? But then to be able to take her little Hannah Montana guitar and sit in the show and it’s just a lot of those little moments compound them over time. And I’m so grateful. Almost regardless of any other accomplishments or accolades in life, man, I have enjoyed my journey with my daughter.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:23]:
All of us, as we go through this journey with our daughters and with our kids, we have to balance the expectations that we have. We have to balance the drive that we have to be able to guide them, to help them. Men in general, 10 to be helpers. They tend to be solvers. And sometimes that can be to the detriment of being a father to a daughter. So I guess the question that I have is either now that your daughter is an adult, or as she’s grown up into the adult that she is today. How did you balance or how do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to be the person that she was becoming as she was getting older or that she continues to become as she gets older?

Bernard Drew [00:05:08]:
Well, you went straight to one of the most profound, reflective questions we could go into here. And I’ll say it’s definitely an evolving spectrum, even today, and how to be the dad that she needs for this stage and season in life, and even how my role has evolved in years past. And sometimes I got it great. Sometimes it was like, oh, I missed the exit ramp when I was supposed to be a little less overbearing and give her a little more room to explore and discover. But I think it’s somewhere in between that line of being a dad who wants to protect and prevent harm as well as the dad who wants to, hey, I need you to be prepared for this. So in our household, I was the one to have the hard conversations. I had the sex talks. I had the conversations about hard things with society and everything else.

Bernard Drew [00:05:53]:
That was a dad daughter thing. My wife was like, I’m so glad you’re handling that. And I was glad to. I want my daughter to be prepared. But I think it was her sophomore year in high school, and she was volunteering, I do believe, to support the National Honor Society induction. And it dawned on me that she’s going to be participating in this next year, two years from now. It finally hit me in the late spring of her sophomore year. I’ve got two more years with her, and she could be gone forever when she graduates high school.

Bernard Drew [00:06:19]:
I have no more, for lack of better words, control where she goes to college. I want her to have a confident choice where she goes. She could go to the other side of the country, and she could then plant roots somewhere else, and this might be it. And I started being almost, not quite overwhelmed, but my mind being inundated with, oh, my God, I got two years to prepare her for what life has in store. Store. And I started to come up with this master list of things that I’m like, oh, she’s got to know this and do that, do this and do that, and I got to prepare for this. And I’ll just say, I think I was being prayerful and just in conversation with God. The Holy Spirit was like, whoa, son, slow down.

Bernard Drew [00:06:53]:
You’re doing too much. Do you trust the seeds that have already been planted? Do you trust the demonstrated leadership, love, kindness, and principles you’ve already expressed to her? If you trust that the seeds that were planted were helpful, they were healthy, they were appropriate, they were going in the right direction, then now is not the time to get hasty and start stirring, covering things up unjustly. Trust the seeds that have been planted. And at this stage, you have to make sure you’re trusting me to be inside of her, to give her the guidance, the insight, the resilience she’s going to need. And if nothing else, who is the village that’s around her that you can be intentional to cultivate and nurture that at a stage where it’s probably easy for her to be like, oh, there’s my dad talking again. There’s my dad with another lecture. Who are the other people that are in our social circles that she can be entrusted to spend time with? And they may also sprinkle some principles in her life to water the seeds that have already been planted. And I’ll say that was one of the single greatest pivots and perspectives that ever happened, because then she was able to begin discovering the principles that were inside of her, that she owned and she believed for herself, because she chose to.

Bernard Drew [00:08:00]:
As opposed to feeling like, oh, there’s my dad telling me what to do again, she was able list a little bit more, able to determine like, no, this is who I am, because I chose to decide that this is who I am. And I would say that’s a perpetual journey I’m still on of keeping an eye on where that balance is.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
It’s never easy, and it’s definitely something you have to work on because inevitably we step over the line and then they smack us and they say, you’ve stepped over the line. And they tell us that especially as they get older. And they will definitely do that. I’ve had that happen to me numerous times now. It sounds from everything that you’re saying that you have done some very intentional things to be able to build the relationship that you have with your daughter. Talk to me about what some of those intentional ways were that you did to work to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially, let’s say, during challenging times.

Bernard Drew [00:08:55]:
I would like to think that I have a ironclad answer, but I just have to speak towards. It’s a journey. We’re all always evolving and all always learning. I do believe early on, and I’ll just be candid, I think one of the strongest things that she saw was that her dad loved her and loves her mom, and that regardless of what, there’s no other priority that goes above them next to God. And so I think for her to see that and know that over the years. And does that mean perfection? No. But I think there’s an unequivocal understanding that dad prioritizes you. You matter.

Bernard Drew [00:09:28]:
You are important. It is a joy to spend time with you, and time with you is valuable to me. And I think that that has paid major, major dividends because it’s not a foreign thought. So whether things are going exceptionally well in her life and dad is hanging out with her, that’s a normal thing. Or if things are really tough and unclear and some strain, she knows dad is there. And so I think a lot of that stemmed from just the early years of her knowing, hey, my dad loves spending time with me, and this is important to him. And I think that has paid incredible dividends over the years.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:03]:
So none of us are infallible. None of us. All of us as fathers, have made mistakes along the way. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication or other things in relation to yourself as a father?

Bernard Drew [00:10:22]:
Great question. I can think of a number of areas, if it comes down to it. Whereup, Mr. Mark there. Mr. Mark there. I think one that stands out the most to me, kind of that same vein of that earlier revelation about, hey, stop doing too much, give her space to flourish with what’s already been planted. I would say in a similar capacity, I had the hard conversations with her all the time, and included in that with boys.

Bernard Drew [00:10:44]:
And so I don’t have excessive regret here, but enough to be like, oh, yeah, I was probably over the top. I kind of had a zero tolerance policy. I don’t want to hear a boy calling you. I don’t want to have any boys showing up at the house. I just, whatever, just stay focused on your studies, and I don’t want to hear anything about it. And as much as that was well intended and I think it’s done as well and she’s still doing well today, in hindsight, I’m like, you know what, Bernard? Your parents were fairly rigid, but they weren’t that rigid. And there’s some virtue to allowing kids while they’re under my roof. If I’d have done it all over again, I probably would have created a safer space for her to explore and navigate relationships while under our roof.

Bernard Drew [00:11:27]:
In a space where if and when, because we all make goofy decisions as we’re navigating relationships, I probably would have been in a better position to kind of observe from a closer distance. And coach and help course correct and then give insight because we’re sitting here, right here, observing it. And I’m grateful that she didn’t go off the deep end or anything too extreme, at least that I know of. But it’s something that I wish I could have coached her on that a little bit more while she was close to home. I think our. I don’t know if I’ll call it Saving grace was in her case. She left for school, had one year of undergrad, and then Covid hit and she came back home again for a year and a half. And so I kind of got a second chance in that space.

Bernard Drew [00:12:07]:
But if I were to have given myself some different advice, it would have been to give her more opportunity to make a few mistakes and learn from them while she was in the house and nurtured more of that coaching dad dynamic with her earlier versus later. Yet I’m grateful that it has worked out well.

Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
So today, or as she was growing up, what did or do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Bernard Drew [00:12:34]:
It’s a journey and a spectrum. I think the valued piece I enjoy spending time with her. The things that she enjoyed, I learned to enjoy. Some of her favorite shows became some of my favorite shows. The volume of inside jokes she and I have today as a result of all of those shared experiences between you and I. And I guess whoever sees this, my wife, I think, is almost jealous sometimes because we have just a volume of things that we delved into that she knows she was valued. And I spent that time with her in terms of her voice. You know, it’s interesting.

Bernard Drew [00:13:02]:
I think I kind of grew up in an era that it was like, hey, I hate to say it, kids are seen and not heard. I think I had a certain dynamic of that through much of her elementary years, middle school years, like, hey, just do what we told you to do, and that’s it. And I think as high school evolved, she had a tough pivot transitioning into her high school. And I think that was the time frame where she and I began discovering that I needed to leave more room for her voice because this is her school experience. And though we kind of made the decision where she would go, she needed to take ownership and find joy in it. And so I think that was the season where we sit at the kitchen table and we’d have long conversations and I would listen to her talk to me about the challenges she was having at the school and how she was navigating certain challenges and allowing her voice to actually be heard and not just quiet it, because I’m dad and your daughter. And I think that was a turning point for us that allowed her voice to be valued as much as I thought that I valued her.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:02]:
And how do you support your daughter now, or as she was growing up, getting into college, et cetera, in pursuing the dreams and the passions that she has?

Bernard Drew [00:14:13]:
Man, I’ll definitely say this. I think that is one of the greatest roles as a father, is affirming for her that she has value. I mean, candidly, the card I gave her today, it had two words in there, power and purpose. She knows I’m the corny dad. And yep, I will have a lecture ready any given minute and it’s going to be corny and it’s that and the other. But it is what it is. And so even today, the card I gave her for her birthday talked about purpose and power and affirming for her that inside of her you have power. There is a limitless power inside of you to be able to curate the life that you desire.

Bernard Drew [00:14:44]:
And while doing that, to make the impact that you’ve been called to do, you have purpose. And so that has been a heavy dynamic. When she was approaching her 13 birthday, I was kind of inspired. I grew up in a community that had a strong Jewish population. And so I had a lot of friends that were in Hebrew school. And by the time they got to 13, having their bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs and being able to demonstrate a level of maturity and adulthood and command of their faith. Her 13th birthday, we kept it fun and light. That’s the joy my wife brings to the table.

Bernard Drew [00:15:14]:
She keeps things real light and fun most of the time. But I did have my daughter actually read several books, books and write me reports on purpose leading up to her 13th birthday. And I had her assemble those thoughts in her own phrasing, her own lens of life at 12 going on 13 on what purpose means and how important is purpose in your life and how do you express purpose and why is purpose important to other people around you? And so she put together a, I don’t know how long it was, maybe a five to seven minute talk presentation at her 13th birthday party with family, friends and folks assembled. And as much as he have fun cake and did all kind of fun stuff and games with her friends, there was a segment where she got to express this understanding of purpose and what it means to her. And I think those are the kind of things that in their totality, that is one of the Things I think helped continue to affirm for her. I see purpose inside of you and you as you discover for yourself, a confidence in who you are. There’s no limit to what you can do in your life. And so if I fast forward, I’m inspired that she harnessed that and I think, think that type of journey she’s had is what fuels her.

Bernard Drew [00:16:23]:
Having pursued an undergraduate degree in elementary education, she wants to impact the lives of kids and she’s doing that even now.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]:
What’s a tradition or a routine that you and your daughter have created together that strengthen your bond?

Bernard Drew [00:16:36]:
Again, it evolves over time, but most of it, can I tell you, it involves quality time. And I don’t know if I’ve done a deep analysis of the five love languages in her life. Maybe I should. But I’ll say this, this, that quality time with her, whether it was the watching the Disney shows with her when she was at her youngest, I will say I think she had been in the first grade and we had a routine every morning and we did this for several years that before going to school she would come into my office and we would read together. I was introducing her to the Bible and so she was spending some time just getting familiar and telling me her thoughts about what she had read. And it gave us opportunity just to connect. And we did that for several years. That was first thing in the morning before going to school.

Bernard Drew [00:17:17]:
And so I think those kind of moments, moments definitely over time set the tone that hey, dad wants to spend time with me. And so in terms of routine, those were routine at that time. But as she’s grown older, I’ll just say the engagement isn’t nearly as routine. But I think the routine early on set the tone that man, I value that quality time with you and you can communicate your genuine authentic thoughts. And it’s evolved into the kind of relationship where my wife is definitely one who goes to bed early because she wakes up extra early. My daughter and I tend to be more night owl and it’s not uncommon whether it was in high school while she was navigating undergrad and was living with us. It’s not uncommon for us to cross paths in the kitchen at 8:30 at night and just sit at the kitchen table and talk for two, three, four hours and just talk. And that I believe is one of the greatest gifts in life, that she enjoys hanging out with her dad.

Bernard Drew [00:18:11]:
So I’m thankful. Quality time.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection six, which are six questions that are gonna delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Bernard Drew [00:18:21]:
I don’t think I have another choice. Go for.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Bernard Drew [00:18:26]:
I would say fun.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:27]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Bernard Drew [00:18:32]:
Again, I have to go with just train them up in the direction they’re supposed to go in. Just train them early. They have their own path to take. Train them early, and then you have confidence that they’ll flourish in the assignment and into the character that they’re supposed to walk in.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:45]:
You already talked about this a little bit, but what’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together today?

Bernard Drew [00:18:51]:
Watching movies. So now that she’s got her own home, it’s kind of fun that it’s not uncommon. I’ll go over to her house, and we’ll sit up and watch a movie or two and just hang out and talk and so movies. I think we’ve done three Broadway shows together now. Also, my wife’s not the greatest fan of theater, but my daughter and I will go, and those are some of the greatest things that we enjoy doing.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Bernard Drew [00:19:16]:
Your life is always resilient. With the love of God. You can always bounce back from anything. Just keep your trust in him.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
And what’s one one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Bernard Drew [00:19:27]:
I would say there’s probably been no sacrifice that’s been made for the wellness of my kids. It wasn’t worth it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Bernard Drew [00:19:40]:
I think authenticity, the level of authenticity that loves and meets them where they are and loves them, nurtures and encourages them from where they are. The other side of that coin is the level of authenticity to learn to love and forgive yourself. I think sometimes as men and as dads, I’m not gonna overgeneralize here, but sometimes we can be bound to the ignorance we may have had in the past and think that that has to dictate whatever pathways to the future. And the reality is, just like, there’s an endless opportunity for our kids to evolve. There’s an endless opportunity for us to evolve. And so I would extend to dads, you’re worth the time to reinvest in you. If it’s reading certain books, if it is is therapy, if it’s counseling, if it is just finding a safe space and environment where you can talk freely and get certain things off your chest. And maybe here’s some other perspectives.

Bernard Drew [00:20:30]:
You’re worth that opportunity, too. And as much as you may fight so hard to to create safe spaces for other people, give yourself the same grace to find some space for you to evolve into the best version of yourself, too.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]:
Well, Bernard, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing the unique journey of you and your daughter. As you said, it’s always evolving. It’s changing, but it is so exciting to hear about the strong bond that you and your daughter have. And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and I wish you the best.

Bernard Drew [00:21:01]:
Thank you very much. And again, I just appreciate you doing this. I think one of the greatest relationships on the planet is the relationship with a dad and his daughter. And for dads to be encouraged and coached and inspired. Probably one of the single greatest investments that can be made in anybody’s lifetime. So thank you for making this commitment. Greatly appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Speaker D [00:21:49]:
We’re all in the same boat

Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]:
is

Speaker D [00:21:56]:
full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenter and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can

Bernard Drew [00:22:39]:
be

Speaker D [00:22:42]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Dropping Anger, Building Bonds: Tools for Healthy Father-Daughter Relationships

June 23, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

When it comes to the unique and deeply important relationship between fathers and daughters, few conversations are as honest, insightful, and practical as the recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast featuring Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield. Whether you’re a father looking for inspiration, practical tips, or simply reassurance that you’re not alone on your parenting journey, this episode stands out as a must-listen.

Honest Conversations About Fatherhood

Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield, a renowned expert on father-daughter dynamics, back for a candid and heartfelt conversation. She shares her personal story—growing up as one of four daughters with a father from a tough South Chicago background, and navigating a complex but loving relationship marked by resilience and honest effort. Dr. Canfield’s openness about family wounds, generational patterns, anger, and the need for introspection brings a refreshing vulnerability to the dialogue. Her reminder is clear: you don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be present, willing to learn, and capable of examining your own story.

Practical Strategies Every Dad Should Know

One of the episode’s biggest strengths is its wealth of actionable advice. Dr. Canfield emphasizes the power of curiosity, vulnerability, and humility in connecting with daughters. She advocates for practical steps like

Starting meaningful conversations—even if it means getting creative or asking your daughter to teach you something new,
Making amends and taking responsibility when you’ve made mistakes,
And, perhaps most importantly, “dropping your anger”—a theme that resonated deeply with listeners and quickly went viral on social media.

Dr. Canfield also explores how fathers can help daughters build resilience and self-confidence in the digital age. She encourages dads to lean in with curiosity when confronting social media challenges, ask thoughtful questions, and co-create boundaries around technology use.

Why You Should Tune In

This episode is not just for dads who feel like they have it all figured out—it’s for every father, at every stage, who wants to do right by his daughter. The conversation is compassionate, empowering, and full of wisdom you can put into practice today.

Ready to build a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your daughter? Listen to the full episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and take your first step towards being the dad she needs—present, engaged, and always willing to grow.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I am so glad that you are back with us again this week. As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together as we are working to build those strong relationships with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And it takes time. It takes effort. It takes a willingness to jump all in because every day is gonna be different, and some days are gonna be better than others. And you have to be willing to learn. You have to be willing to take that jump and know that you’re not always gonna have all the answers. And that’s why every week this podcast is here to give you some some help, some hints, some tips to be able to add to your own toolbox so that you can be that dad that you wanna be, so that you can keep showing up with your daughter and building that strong relationship that you want. And that’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that can help you to do just that. And this week, I am really excited because I’m bringing a guest that I’ve interviewed on a previous podcast back, and I am so excited to introduce her to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:00]:
Doctor Michelle Watson Canfield is with us today, And Doctor. Canfield and I go back. The last time that we talked, I think was in 2020, and we were talking about her newer book at that point called Let’s Talk. And at that time, that was a new book for her that she was just bringing out and was conversation starters for dads and daughters. But she has been talking to dads, working with dads for many years in helping them to build great relationships with their daughters. She’s had a radio show. She has a podcast now. She has a number of books that are out there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]:
She speaks. She does a little bit of everything, and I am really excited to introduce her to you and to have her here today. Michelle, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:02:47]:
Oh my goodness, Christopher. It’s great to be back, and glad we can kinda, in a way, pick up where we left off.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:52]:
Definitely. You know, it it it’s been a few years, but I think we both been rowing in the same direction. And I love the fact of the work that you’re doing and helping dads. And, you know, I think that the work that you’re doing and that that I’m trying to do here just work so well in tandem.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:03:09]:
Exactly. We line up our vision and our passion lines up where we care. We care about our country being healthier from the ground up. And you and I, you’re, you know, a girl dad. I’m one of four daughters. We both come at this from different vantage points, but we totally believe, right, that our country will be healthier from the ground up with healthier women. And so often when we see unhealthy women, it’s a dad void or a dad wound that leads them to massage that wound or fill the void in unhealthy ways oftentimes, not always. And if dads can dial in with more intention and consistency to their daughters’ hearts, literally, that will change our country, make it better, make it stronger.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:52]:
You know, one of the things that I love doing, and I would love to to have a conversation with you first on is I wanna talk about your dad. Because as you said, you’re one of four daughters. And so your dad had his hands full in in helping you to become the person that you are today. I guess first and foremost, tell me about your dad.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:04:11]:
So my dad grew up on the South Side Of Chicago, and he was one of seven kids, six boys, one girl, three different last names among those kids, grew up in with really abject poverty being his standard. He was always really industrious and creative in finding ways to make money. So even as a kid, he would say, if I buy this amount of fireworks and go around the neighborhood and sell them, you know, I can do 10 times the money I put out, I can get back in. Like, very creative and industrious, which then led him years later after he was even like he rode. He get bucked off bulls and and stuff, and he would break his leg, but anything to make money. He had to pay his own way because his dad was an alcoholic, died of gangrene in a boxcar, worked for the railroad. They were divorced at that point, his parents. And so he really had to always make his own way.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:11]:
Again, South Side Of Chicago, even then, really one of the most gang ridden crime dominant places. Like, my dad was in gangs from the time he was 12. So you kinda look at this fact that my dad had no template for how to be a dad. None. And so as he got older, you know, he marries my mom. They were in the military together. My mom was my dad’s boss. They were stationed in the army in San Francisco.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:38]:
And about six years in, my parents decided that they were gonna get their life kind of under new leadership, new management, and they started a faith journey together as Jesus followers. They’re doing this thing together, trying to grow because my mom then on her side came from an abusive father who was a farmer in Minnesota who was sexually molesting his children. And to be candid here right at the front, I’m one of the fallouts even of that grandfather’s abuse. So my parents find each other with a lot of brokenness, a lot of unmet needs, a lot of lack of fathering that was positive. So my dad finally, we moved from California to Oregon, so my dad could, of all things, goes to seminary. He’s gonna become a pastor, which what was funny is he was raised Catholic. And my grandma, again, my Chicago grandma would say, well, I’m getting in the front door to heaven. You’re gonna get in the back door as a a Baptist.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:06:33]:
You know? And it was kind of this funny, banter between them. And so I’m just telling you that that foundation of my dad’s life, which shows that he’s an overcomer dad. He’s a resilient dad, a man in many ways. He’s a hardworking man. But you want to know the downside of what he was raised with is he didn’t learn how to always, what I would call, lift up the hood of his car when he saw the red light, and I’m using that obviously as a metaphor of his own stuff, and how to look at when a red light comes on the car and we look at that, you can either ignore it. You can get a hammer out and pull the lid of the car up, the hood of the car, and just bang out the wires you don’t wanna look at so that the light goes out. But at the end of the day, if you ignore the light, you’re gonna have a problem. And so I really believe that some of my passion for fathers is to help equip dads to have a skill set that I often wish my dad would have.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:07:39]:
My dad’s in his late eighties now, where my dad would say to me, like you know, this is maybe a decade ago where I’m saying, dad, do you think we’re all that close? And he goes, not as close as you’d like us to be. And I said, yep. Yep. Pretty much. Because I wanna have deeper conversations. I want my dad to delve into my heart space and mine the depths of what’s there by asking better questions. And so a lot of the ten years in Portland where I’m doing this group for dads of daughters who were daughters in their teens or twenties, and even since then where I speak at conferences or write books or do my dad whisperer podcast, is I wanna equip dads to set the bar higher in what they require of themselves in growing in their skill set as a man without just saying, yeah. I’m not so good at communicating, or, yeah, I’m not so good at emotions, or, yeah, that’s kinda we’re different, or I don’t like her reaction, so I just back off.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:08:37]:
I’m like, dad, no. I wanna equip you to lead your daughter and lead yourself to a deeper relationship. So in many ways, I don’t wanna give a false narrative here or presentation, if you will, of my story of going. My dad and I are really in a great place. Because to be honest with you, Chris, my dad and I are really tough place right now because my dad isn’t willing to look at his stuff. And it has created some real big challenges within the last year. My dad’s words to me as we sat together at lunch, Portland, Oregon, he said, I think we’re at an impasse. And I said, yeah, I think we are.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:09:18]:
And that breaks my heart because I am all about advocating for father daughter health. And yet I’m saying to dads out there that are gonna places that are really hard with their daughters, you gotta do your own work. You gotta lift that hood of your car and say, where is the wiring faulty? Where things aren’t firing like they need to and like they were created to, which is going to involve humility. It’s going to involve self introspection. It’s going to involve honesty, making amends, taking responsibility, asking forgiveness, and going deeper in your relationship with your daughter. So I love my dad. But to be honest with you, it’s really interesting that you started by asking that question about his story because I wanna be honest in what I’m sharing with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:06]:
Well, I appreciate you sharing that. I guess, in you talking about that, is there something you wish your dad understood about you that would bring you closer together?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:10:16]:
You know, in some ways, I really think he does understand me. He knows I’m a fireball. He knows I’ve got a lot of intensity and passion. And sometimes, he’s like, calm down, Michelle, you know, or bring it down a few notches. And I say, dad, I’m just trying to have an honest conversation. But, you know, one of the things I’ve learned in my profession, almost thirty years now in mental health, you know, in the trenches with men and women, a lot of daughters, a lot of dads. In fact, now I’m coaching more with dads around the country now that I’ve moved from Portland to Arkansas, right, where dads are reaching out. And I love being in the trenches with dads and daughters or just the dad saying, I don’t even know where to go in my own story.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:01]:
I don’t even know what that looks like. My dad didn’t model that, or I didn’t grow up in a family where mental health was all that valued. And so, really, as I come at this theme of how do we become healthier people so that our relationships are healthier, what I I know is my dad knows I’m intense. I’m a communicator for a living. I wanna go deep is what I think in some ways, it’s it’s not as much that my dad doesn’t know things about me. It’s that I haven’t always known things about him. And we even started I’ll call it a game where for a number of years I may have even shared this back in twenties that with you that my dad and I, for a number of years, would shop on Monday nights and get our groceries. You know? So here I’m a single adult because I’ve only been married now for not even five years.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:48]:
You know? Got married at the age of 60 for the first time. That came up in our last conversation, you know, back in ’20. But so here I am, you know, especially through my fifties where my dad and I wanting to forge a stronger, healthier bond with my dad because this is my passion, my mission, my calling. And so I said, dad, what if we went and got groceries on Monday nights? It was my idea. So we go to Costco for dinner. Yeah. I’m a cheap date. Right? He’d buy dinner.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:15]:
A lot of times I would, you know, pizza, salad. I know. So not healthy, but it’s so good. And we would have conversations there at the picnic tables at Costco, and then we go across the street to this other store and buy groceries. And so on the way home, Chris, I started this thing where I said, dad, we’ve only got ten minutes. What if you told me one story from your childhood, from your life? And he go, okay. So I found that that was a way that my dad could handle a short story. And I remember he got to the point at one point where he said, I think I’ve told you all my stories.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:49]:
And I said, I wanna hear him again. And new details would emerge. And it helped me understand my dad better. And I truly do understand that he didn’t really get all that much fathering or all that much parenting input or all that much relational, I would say, foundation laid in his own life, and that has left him at a deficit. And he’s overcome so much. I’m so grateful for that. And yet I just say to dads, don’t ever stop doing your own work. Do your own work to face your own deficits, your own wounds.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:13:23]:
Because if you don’t, your daughter may outgrow you in her skill set, and the distance between you at a heart level or relational level will get wider. And one of the things I was gonna say probably five minutes ago that comes back to my mind now is that because I sought out a profession. Right? I’m a licensed professional counselor with a master’s in counseling psychology, a PhD in health psychology, where I understand the importance of relational health, is that I would say we all have a window of tolerance. We can only handle so much, but the beauty is we can expand how much we can tolerate. Our capacity for emotional, I would say, communication, our emotional depth, our vulnerability, our honesty, how that impacts resilience can grow. So, dad, if you’re at a place where you’re like, yeah, I just didn’t get dealt a great hand from my family of origin, I wanna say you can grow. Reach out to me. I’ll do work with you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:14:24]:
I’ll help you face some of your own stuff. Because the more you face those things in yourself, the healthier bond and relationship you will have with your daughter. No doubt.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:36]:
Now I know you mentioned the fact that dads need to be able to unpack things for themselves. And as you look back at the years that you’ve had with your dad, and I know it’s been quite a few, but as you have had those years with your dad, are there things that you wish that your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship? So if you think all the way even all the way back to when you were young, to where you are today, are there things that you wish that he did differently?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:05]:
You know, I think I’m gonna start by answering what he did well and what he did what I would say even right, even though that’s a relative term, a subjective term. But my dad, because of the lack of fathering role model, he would ask other men, what should I do? So back when I was, you know, I would say in my early teens, you know, middle school, he came to me, and I have a sister two years younger, and he said, we’re gonna start something called a life notebook because some other dad said to him, this would be good to have meetings with your daughters, with your kids. So with him, it was daughters. So he got me a notebook, and I’m like, okay. This is really awkward. I’m sitting with my dad down in his office, you know, and we’re having this meeting. And he would start by saying, Michelle, I know you struggle with fear. Let’s talk about that.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:55]:
And, hey, that was wouldn’t you say, Chris, that was huge steps forward for my dad to say. I didn’t even know what to talk about or what to do. He would say, let’s talk about your name and what it means. So we go to the website, look up well, there wasn’t much web then. Somehow he accessed the meaning of my name, and he would write it out for me. So I begin to have pages in this life notebook. And because my dad at the time was going to school to become a pastor, he would use the Bible as a template. What does the Bible say about your name? What does the Bible say about fear? Now some people listening might go, oh, that’s really super weird.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:16:33]:
I’m not trying to shove anything down anyone’s throat. I’m just telling you my story. And so my dad did things like, okay, we’re gonna do something he called perfume day because he went to a men’s retreat where they said, what are your kids like? Do that more with them. So my dad came home and said, okay. It was Christmas time. We’re gonna start a tradition, which we did for probably twenty five years. Once I got married, he said, you’re you’re on your own. Husbands get to carry that mantle now or that torch.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:01]:
So he would take me out to Nordstrom or it was Meyer and Frank and Macy’s back in the day, and he would sit in the perfume section at Christmas time. And I would try all the smells, like you gotta put perfume on your body. They smell different, right, on every woman. And then he would buy me whatever perfume I wanted. So look at my dad’s, and I’m gonna try to create rhythms and traditions that begin to set a foundation of letting you know that I care about you. So I wanna give my dad big props for that. But now to your question of what do you wish your dad would have done different? One of them is I wish my dad would have had a lot less anger. And that is something that across the board in my now fifteen years, if you can believe that, of walking alongside dads, coaching dads of daughters.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:54]:
That’s come out as a huge theme. And I’ve been coaching or mentoring or counseling women since I was 19, and I’m almost 65. So this is forty five years. I’ve been close to women’s stories on my own where they say, my dad’s anger is done more to destroy stuff inside me than anything else. And even though daughters hate when their dads are disappointed, I would say the anger thing is a big, big, big deal. In fact, even since you and I talked a couple of years ago, not even two years ago, a friend interviewed me for his podcast, put a 47 clip, you know, out onto social media. I’ve never had anything go viral. This one, three point four million views.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:18:39]:
And all I said in this interview was, dad, I got a three word phrase for you that you’ve got to keep in mind to become a better dad to your daughter. Three words, drop your anger. And what I said in that forty seven second clip, Chris, is your anger will do more to destroy the core of who your daughter is. Hurt her spirit, make her give up and stop trying, and she will internalize your view of her into the core of who she is, and it will shut her down and make her stop trying. Your anger will do more to destroy her than anything else. So I said, dad, make a commitment today to make a vow with your mouth that you are not going to respond in anger? And I know that seems like a big ask, but every dad I know loves his daughter and wants to be a better dad to her. I’m like, dad, that one thing will be a game changer is if you can tell you start to respond in anger and the numbers zero to 10 are climbing inside of you, you gotta give yourself a time out. Get away.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:19:43]:
You’ll never regret coming back and responding or disciplining or correcting your daughter if you do it after you’ve calmed your own brain down. When our mid brains are on fire, we flood our prefrontal cortex, that front part of our brain, and we go offline. You may not even remember some of what you said, but your daughter will carry it for years. So, dad, one thing, I wish my dad would have been better at he he didn’t blow up a lot, but I could feel it, and I avoided wanting to step on those landmines. So that’s one thing. I think another thing is I wish that my dad would have come and made amends more when he did maybe respond in anger or overreact on his own. I think that would have been a huge game changer from another one would be for my dad to take responsibility for things that really were his fault or his part. And often I, I would say I was left to believe it was me who was bad or me who overreacted or it was my fault.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:20:48]:
And so those are some things that I wish my dad would have done different that I wanna say out front here and very clearly because I know there’s dads listening that say, I love my daughter. I wish we were closer. I’ve talked before about a bombed out bridge between a dad and a daughter, between your heart and her heart, and ways that you can repair the bridge, rebuild the bridge is, dad, you gotta start by taking responsibility for your part, even if it’s deficits, rather than making excuses and make amends and come with humility. And I I think a game changing question a dad can ask his daughter is tell me how I hurt you when. It may be, tell me how I hurt you when I responded that way. Tell me how I hurt you when your mom and I divorced. Tell me how I hurt you when I had that affair. Tell me how I hurt you when I was so busy with work.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:21:42]:
I didn’t have much time for you in those years. And when you come with humility and say, I wanna listen more than I talk. Got two ears, one mouth. Dad, watch what happens in your relationship. I promise you, it will be a game changer for her to know that you want to hear how you’ve impacted her, and then you listen without defensiveness. Watch what happens. It will be life changing for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:08]:
Now I know that you’ve had a lot of experiences over the years in working with dads. And in your experience, what would you say are some unconventional ways fathers can initiate deeper conversations with their daughters, especially during the teenage years?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:24]:
Unconventional. Oh, you’re catching me by surprise. I’m intrigued by that. You’re making me think. Right? You’re making me on the fly go deeper. So I love that, which by the way, you ask great questions. So that’s really when you said conversations is why that second book. Because as the dads I was leading in the Abba project, I said, you know, Abba means daddy in Aramaic and men love a project.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:46]:
And I said, do you guys want more practical action steps, right, to reach your daughter’s heart? So it has 60 themes in that book. Dad leader to laugh, leader to love, leader to listen. And I even have leader to lament in there because if there’s been wounds there and then the listen one is how your daughter can ask you questions about your life. So in some ways, that might be an unconventional different step a dad could take is to get my book, hand his daughter the book because the end is where she can ask you questions about your life. And so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. But, dad, your daughter wants to know what obstacles you’ve overcome. She wants to know how you learn things the hard way. So what some questions in there where she can ask you, dad, tell me what you wish you wouldn’t have done.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:23:36]:
Tell me about the stupid decisions you’ve made, but that you’ve learned the hard way. I mean, I always think why are these, I would say, stupid shows on television such a hit about quote, unquote reality TV? I think it’s because we wanna see a trademark worse than our own, but there’s no redemptive side of it. There’s no learning the right way or the hard way. Dad, let her know the stories of your life. Because I’ve had some dads say, oh, I don’t want her to know that. But as your daughter heads into her teen years, her brain is developing this midsection. The corpus callosum is is where you go from right brain to left brain is growing and developing, and your daughter’s is really interested in the gray areas more, not the black and white things. The less concrete she wants to know the messy stories with what you learned the hard way because she’s then internalizing resilience to go, you know, whatever your last name is, like Lewis.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:24:30]:
That’s what Lewis’ do. They don’t give up when it’s hard. They don’t shut down just because they’ve had obstacles. So you’re that might be an unconventional new tool for your toolbox, dad, is okay. I’m gonna start opening up more about some of my messy story with the part of the story of what I learned and how I course corrected on the other side. Maybe another unconventional way is that you let your daughter see your emotion that’s softer. That’s the cool thing is testosterone grows and like, as dads grow, testosterone decreases. It tends to increase for women, and that helps men become softer, more tenderhearted.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:09]:
Let your daughter see your tears. Let her see what breaks your heart, not just the strength, right, of how hard you work or how hard you overcome. That might be unconventional. I think another thing might might be, let your daughter teach you something she’s good at that you’re not good at. It may be spending time in the kitchen because she loves cooking and you’re, you know, you’re all thumbs and you drop things. Let her be better at you in some areas. Teach you what she knows where you’re not in the lead. Ask her what are 10 outrageous things you wanna do in your life.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:45]:
10. Give me 10. I mean, one of mine back in the day was I wanna write a book. I never thought I could write a book. I still in some ways go, I’m not an author. Well, apparently, I am. You know? But I think the more you as a dad are humble, soft, tenderhearted, and you join your daughter in what she’s good at, you may say, I am very uncomfortable with this. I am very awkward because we’re gonna go to a paint paint by number night where you’re guided to do a a painting.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:15]:
I am so not right brain gifted. I don’t know how to paint. But if that’s what she loves, go do it with her. She loves books, and you’re not so much of a reader. Take her to a bookstore. Let her pick out a couple books, and you walk through the aisles with her. The more you can join her in what she loves, she will bond with you in ways like never before.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:35]:
Now social media can be definitely something that is challenging for parents, for fathers. How can fathers effectively support their daughters in developing resilience and self confidence in today’s social media driven culture?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:51]:
Well, we all know it isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I recently did a couple podcasts. I do a dad daughter Friday blog, which I’ve done now for eleven years, where I’m wanting to give dads bite sized practical wisdom, which I know you’ve been very passionate about that as well. Having having dads who may not wanna read a whole book or listen to the audio, but get can get short snippets. But recently, I focused on doctor Jonathan Haight who wrote the anxious generation about how social media is really destroying our our kids. Right? Delay as long as you can, giving them a phone that has access, right, to the world beyond their walls. But at the same time, we all know it isn’t going anywhere. So I would say, dad, limit the amount of time your kids are on there.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:27:34]:
Let her push back. Let her react. Let her have a fit. Let her get angry because her brain is so impacted, right, by the amount of time and exposure to what’s on social media. But I say, dad, know what she’s looking at, limit her screen time, have her plug in her phone every night. Everybody’s phone goes to a dock, so she doesn’t have access because, honestly, Chris, I have counseling clients in their teens that never turn off their phone. And they’ll say, yeah. I got a text at 2AM.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:04]:
And I’m like, what are you doing with your phone on? But I can’t go against a family norm just because I’m a therapist and inform them. Right? It’s not my call. But I would say, absolutely. Have your kids shut off their phone at night. Absolutely. They need more deep sleep, REM sleep for their own health, wellness, and development. But, dad, join your daughter. Go sit with her and say, show me what you’re looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:28]:
I wanna see the sites you’re accessing. Put safeguards. Right? There’s a lot of them out there. There’s even you know, I just interviewed a guy on Gloo AI, g l o o a I, where they’re putting safeguards, right, on phones, on social media so that there can be more safety around what your kids are watching. And we know with AI, you know, kids believe what they hear. They believe it as solid concrete facts. Anything they hear on social media. And I know that may be an overreach, but would you agree with me? They tend to believe if the Internet says it, it must be true.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:04]:
Well, what’s happened with AI is they’re developing relationships. So he sits with his daughter, this Glue AI guy, and says, hey, AI. Tell me a story to my daughter, Paige. And the thing will talk to your daughter as if she’s a real person and say, I love you, Paige. I love you too. So these, you know, artificial intelligence realities for kids are stepping in and kind of creating pseudo relationships. So, dad, be aware of what your daughter’s listening to, how she’s using AI, and come with curiosity. If she feels your judgment, she’s gonna hide more from you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:38]:
But if you come curious, tell me what you’re hearing. And the better questions you ask, the closer you’ll be, which I remember when I went to counseling school, I was getting my master’s. My very first counseling class was doctor Joan McElroy. She said, you will be a better counselor if you learn to ask better questions. And I would say, dad, you will be a better dad, a girl dad, if you learn to ask better questions of your daughter. So rather than coming going, what are you listening to with that tone? Right? What are you looking at? She’s gonna shut down and go, I ain’t showing my dad that. But if you come and ask questions with a tone of voice that’s curious, she’ll hear it more as you wanna know about her world rather than you’re interrogating her. What are you looking at versus tell me what you’re looking at? Show me what you’re looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:30:23]:
I’m interested. Let’s learn together. You can ask her, did you hear anything maybe off base with what they just said? Could we look together on the Internet and explore what we just heard said as concrete fact? And you teach your daughter that how to think, not just what to think by doing that with her because you may go, that was not even true. And she just swallowed it. Remember her brain doesn’t fully develop till 25 that prefrontal cortex to make good decisions and have judgment and reasoning. So there’s not something wrong with her at 15 that she swallowed that, that someone told her that’s her brain isn’t fully developed. And that’s why she needs you to help find ways to explore it, ask questions. And you let her find it out and go, oh my goodness.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:08]:
I didn’t even know that wasn’t true. And you’re sitting right there with her, bonding the whole time and teaching your daughter how to ask better questions of herself and what she hears out on social media.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
Now reflecting on your extensive counseling experience, what are some common misconceptions that fathers have about their daughter’s needs or perspectives, and how can they best overcome them?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:32]:
Well, I think sometimes a misconception is that dads will tell their daughters, don’t make a big deal out of everything, or don’t care about what that girl says or that guy tends to be girls, to be honest with you. That’s why we have a movie called Mean Girls, not Mean Guys. But you cannot tell your daughter not to care about what other girls think. Just don’t let it bother you. Just don’t listen to the mean girls. It absolutely is impossible for us as women. It’s our core wiring as girls to be relationally driven. And so to tell her you’re overreactive, don’t let those bullies or those mean girls bother you, or don’t let what everybody else says is popular.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:32:12]:
Or even to tell your daughter, don’t care about what the style is. Some girls care a lot about how their outfit looks. And And so I would even say to dads, a misconception is that your daughter, even on the way out the door with an outfit that you think no daughter of mine is gonna go out looking like that, that’s not the time to course correct. She’s planned that outfit or her hairstyle. In fact, I would say a really proactive dad tip is I call it dadvice, is what about saying, that dress is really short and that is showing a lot of skin or she’s gonna draw all the wrong kind of guys if if she’s wearing that. Use that as a teachable moment, dad, to say, oh, okay. I wanna say right now, go change. But I would also ask who will did mom know about that outfit? That’s between you and your and, you know, her mom, whether you’re married or not, have that conversation adult to adult.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:07]:
But you’re saying, hey. What if we set up an experiment today? What if you noticed? Do you get more guy attention in that outfit? Do you get less? What kind of guys are drawn to you in that really short skirt? Like, use those teachable moments to help your daughter learn how to interact with the world around her, and you get to speak into her life saying, if I was a teenage guy, it would be really hard to look at your eyes and see your intelligence with that much skin. But I know. I’m old fashioned. I know I’m old. Hey. Maybe we could learn together. I wanna hear some things.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:42]:
So let’s meet up after school, take her to somewhere fun that she loves to eat, and have conversations with her to teach her how to think, not just what to think. Like I keep saying, you are in her life for a purpose as a dad to help steer, and you may need to pull the dad card. You know what, hon? I know you love that, but I really I can’t support that one. But if every time you’re blocking her way from being expressive with her style or her personality, she will find a way to hide it from you and still pull that off. So the more she can be honest with you and open with you and you’re coming together, some of the times that unconventional might be, you know, that you asked even earlier, what’s an unconventional dad tip? It may be compromising and coming together saying, I’m really uncomfortable with this. Ask mom, what do you think? Ask other other women in your life. It might be a sister or a coworker or your mom. You’re growing and being okay with things that might be a little uncomfortable for you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:34:42]:
But for the sake of the relationship, you’re finding a middle ground.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:46]:
Now as you look ahead to the work that you are doing to the work that you’re doing with dads, what emerging challenges do you foresee in the father daughter relationships, and how can fathers proactively address them to maintain strong connections?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:35:00]:
You know, I think the clear one we’ve talked about is social media and the impact and the amount of input girls are getting from especially their peers about what is acceptable to believe. You know, we have a lot going on with gender confusion. I think on this side of the pandemic a little bit, it’s less of a hot button issue, but it still is there. Is gender confusion, gender identity, right, and who you are. And, you know, the more your daughter can even have a faith foundation, then when you’re not there as her earthly father, can she connect with God perhaps as a heavenly father? I think that’s really a confusing time in our culture where there’s so many spiritual leaders falling and failing that sometimes your daughter may wanna throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don’t wanna touch faith with a 10 foot pole and maybe you as a dad say, I’m so lost. And then the whole family kinda throws faith by the wayside. I would say, dad, why not enter into that arena with her and say, let’s read something together that we both find interesting about faith or about your identity as a woman.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:36:15]:
Right? That’s getting really hit hard in our culture where it’s almost scary for a girl to hold strong to an identity as a female, even as a a bold, resilient, strong woman with a voice who has I I always think voice and choice are what get hard with us as women. You don’t wanna be too loud. You don’t wanna be too soft or too quiet. Dad, champion your daughter’s voice and her choice. What does she care about? What is she passionate about? And regardless of what’s happening in the culture, if you and your home can support your daughter’s gifts and passions, it will outrank, and that will stand. I I really believe this, and I’ve seen it over three decades, is your view of her will really take hold stronger than what the voice of the culture and the narrative that she’s hearing about what matters. What happens between you and her will really outrank, outlive, outlast the other voices. And the research confirms that that every area of your daughter’s life will be better and stronger with a stronger bond to you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:37:27]:
Better grades in school, more likely to finish high school and attend college, greater self esteem, greater academic performance. She will be more likely to find steady employment, healthier weight, less body dissatisfaction. She’ll delay her sexual debut. She will have more resilience. I mean, on and on. Every area of her life will thrive by a connection to you. So I would say, dad, don’t get sidetracked with being afraid of every other voice or the narrative or the cultural climate because your bond with her is more important than all of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:03]:
Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. And we always finish our interviews with what I typically call our dad connection six, and I still call it the dad connection six. But usually, it’s just for the dads. But I’m gonna ask you a couple questions. I wanna see what your answers are as well.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:19]:
I love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:20]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:25]:
Complicated.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:26]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received or heard?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:31]:
Probably where a dad told me that he had a three word phrase that was a game changer for him with his daughter, which is tell me more. Is that a daughter looks at a dad’s face, and when she sees deers deer in the headlights kind of eyes that are trailing off or he’s disinterested, that goes into make her think she’s uninteresting and unworthy of being listened to. My friend, Mike Betts said that is he learned, he’s a business coach for companies. And he said, I say to them all the time, tell me more. And I helped that company figure out their vision, their their strategies. And he said, when I brought that to my daughter, it was a game changer because I learned to listen longer to her rather than, okay, that’s a lot of words or that was a lot of listening, but just tell me more. She began to open up more. So I would say that stands out really at the top of one of the best things I’ve heard a dad say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:27]:
If your dad could give you one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:32]:
My dad has given me a life lesson, which is never give up. My dad, he’s been beat down, and he hasn’t stopped. He’s continued to get up again with resilience. So I’d say never give up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:44]:
And the final question, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:51]:
I’ve got two three word sentences, which you can tell a lot of these are three words. But one is drop your anger. That’s the one I’ve told you before. Drop your anger. And the second one, so that’s more what not to do. This one is what to do. Pursue her heart. We as women, we thrive, we blossom, we grow.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:12]:
We’re successful when our heart is engaged. But hearts for women shut down, and we put the wall up when we don’t feel safe or we feel threatened. And so the more you pursue her heart and wanna connect, there’s your word of your podcast, connect with her heart. She will open up to you. She’ll open up to the world. She will be more of her authentic self and who she truly is, the more she’s hard engaged. So if you as a dad pursue her heart, even more than her head, both matter, but pursue her heart, I would say you’re gonna see not only your relationship thrive, but you will see your daughter thrive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:40:48]:
Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for your passion, and for your work, and helping dads to be better dads. And if people wanna find out more about you, where should they go?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:58]:
Mhmm. You can go to doctormichellewatson.com. M I c h e l l e Watson Com. You can find links to my two books, and one of them is in Spanish. So even if that there, that’s on Amazon. Let’s talk conversation starters for dads and daughters. First one, dad, here’s what I really need from you, A guide for connecting with your daughter’s heart, and then I’ve got my dad daughter blogs that you can also subscribe. They’re all free.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:22]:
I’ve got lots of free resources there. And then links to the dad whisperer podcast, which is on all platforms as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:29]:
Well, we will put links in the notes today. Michelle, thank you for being here today, and I wish you all the best.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:34]:
Oh, always a joy to connect with you, Chris. Thanks so much for having me back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:37]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:08]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen get out and beat the world to them.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:55]:
Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Granddad Sings: Edwin Rayner on Music, Family, and Bonding Across Generations

June 2, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Few things bring generations together like music can, and in a recent heartfelt episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with the incredible Edwin Rayner—better known as “Granddad Sings”—to explore the timeless bonds between fathers, daughters, and granddaughters. This inspiring conversation is more than just a story of viral fame; it’s a touching lesson in love, support, resilience, and the ways we nurture one another through life’s changing seasons.

The Heart of Fatherhood

Right from the start, Dr. Lewis sets the tone: being a great dad is about true connection. Edwin Rayner, at 92 years young and an internet sensation thanks to the encouragement of his granddaughters, shares moving stories of fatherhood, like welcoming his daughters into the world and then watching them grow, stumble, and flourish through life’s ups and downs. His approach to parenting resonates: be present, offer gentle guidance, and let your children make their own way with your unwavering support behind them.

Music as Family Glue

Another beautiful theme in this episode is how music, both old and new, has woven throughout the Rayner family’s life. From singing while doing chores to making Christmas memories with Andy Williams’ carols, Edwin reminisces on how music naturally brought his family closer—creating traditions, sparking laughter, and even helping process loss. The revival of his singing career on TikTok, pushed by his granddaughters, not only sparked global joy but also deepened their family bonds. Their teamwork—picking songs together, going to the studio, encouraging Edwin to try new genres—shows how shared passions can bridge generational divides.

Encouragement, Acceptance, and Growth

Throughout their conversation, Edwin and Dr. Lewis emphasize the importance of encouragement, understanding, and letting our children and grandchildren find their unique voices. Even when they choose different paths (“I wish they were singers,” Edwin chuckles about his daughters), support and unconditional love shine through. Edwin’s advice to dads, granddads, and parents: be there, give encouragement, work together as a team, and celebrate each person’s journey.

Tune In and Be Inspired

Whether you’re a dad, a daughter, or simply someone who values meaningful connections, this episode is full of heartening wisdom and relatable moments. Listen to hear stories that will make you smile, reflect, and perhaps even sing along. Dive in at Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how music and love can help us all be the best family we can be.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to build those strong relationships, those strong connections that we want with our daughters. And I love being on this journey with you because it’s an opportunity for us to be able to work together, to learn and grow together. You know, I’ve got two daughters, and as a father of a daughter, every day we need to be able to do something a little bit different.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:17]:
To be able to connect with our daughters and to be able to be the dads that they need to support them in their journey. Every week I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences, people that have gone through being a dad themselves, but also are going through it right now. And I I love that because every week you’re going to learn something new and gain some new insight into things that you might be able to do to be able to build those strong relationships that you want. This week we got another great guest. Edwin Rayner is with us, and he is affectionately known as Granddad Sings. And he is 92 years old young and an Internet sensation who has captured the hearts of many with his song covers that he sings on TikTok and other platforms. And his journey into the spotlight began with the encouragement of his granddaughters, Laura and Liv, who introduced him to TikTok. And his rendition of Lana Del Rey’s video games garnered 16,800,000 views, which is amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
I was introduced to him from some other people, and they said, you gotta reach out to Edwin. You gotta see if Edwin would talk to you. And I was so excited when Edwin said that he would. So today we’ve got Edwin Rayner with us. Edwin, thanks so much for being here today.

Edwin Rayner [00:02:38]:
It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
Well, first and foremost, I would love to delve into you being a dad and a granddad. And I know that you are a father, you’re a grandfather. And so as you think about the relationship with your daughters that you’ve built over the years, your granddaughters now as well, What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters or granddaughters, and what made it so special?

Edwin Rayner [00:03:06]:
What was the moment? Well, I think the when I saw my little teeny weeny weeny babies with their mommy, there they were. What have we got? And we got a little girl. Thank the Lord for that. You know? And then the the second one came along and the same situation. You weren’t born at home, Susan. You were born in, I can’t remember the name of nursing home now. Anyway, there was a little girl, and, and there she is. And it’s seeing your baby.

Edwin Rayner [00:03:36]:
You know this is your baby. It’s absolutely amazing. And then three years and a half later, it all happened again. But this time, it was Susan, and, this time, she was born at home. And, I was there to hold Margaret’s hand with the birth, and that sort of thing is so precious. If you haven’t experienced it, you don’t know. But there’s your baby. That’s your baby.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:04]:
And there you are, and they grow up and they keep growing, and then they begin to talk. First of all, they begin to crawl. They begin to walk. They begin to talk. I remember when my two little girls I used to bath them in the sink. It was a big sink in the kitchen, and, they’d sit on the draining board, and I’d I’d bathed them in the kitchen. I don’t know if that’s important or not, but sort of thing we did. And, and then they watched them grow up, and they they grew into two beautiful, loving daughters.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:36]:
And we, Margaret, and I I lost Margaret ten years ago. We were so lucky, and they’re brilliant now. I mean, they do everything for me. I’ve gone through the period of doing everything for them, and now they’re doing everything for me. So there you go. I still do my own housework, though, saying, Diane. Don’t know. Again, their names ring stuck.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:55]:
You see? So Trey, I call one Diane, and that’s Susan. I call that Susan. That’s Diane. That happens all the time. Anyway, so there you go. My precious moment was seeing my little babies. They’ve all been precious moments. I got married and all the sorts of things that go on.

Edwin Rayner [00:05:11]:
You know, being a father is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And then you’ve got two wonderful daughters. You’re very, very, very lucky.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:17]:
So over the years, as your daughters grew, and now you have granddaughters as well, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person?

Edwin Rayner [00:05:31]:
I tried to guide them, lead them along the pathway that I wanted them to go, and sometimes that’s not easy because they don’t quite wanna go that way. But you’ve gotta be a father. You’ve gotta be I think it was the same. You’ve gotta be a father to a girl, And you’ve got to let them do what they want to do, within reason, of course. You’ve got to let them do what they want to do. There’s a story that comes to my mind. Smacking your children is not done. You it doesn’t happen.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:00]:
It did happen once with my two girls. We were, having a wonderful day, and it was a lovely summer day. Do you remember, Diane? I don’t remember. And we were no. She wouldn’t remember. She was about three years old. And we were playing in the garden, and we got the bath you know, ball out there, and we were playing in the pool. And then we came in to get something from the kitchen.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:22]:
And she was standing at the sink on a on a box or not on a box, on a chair or something, and she was screaming. She’s going, no. No. No. So I said, dine. Don’t do that. That’s just not nice. And then when she didn’t take any notice, she did it again.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:36]:
I said, Diane, if you do that again, I’ll just have to smack you. And she’s, because she’d never been smacked before in her life. So I tapped her on the leg, and she started crying, you see. And it’s the worst thing that ever happened to me as a as a father. You know? I made her cry, and she deserved it. But I’ll tell you, you remember, you you know, things like that. And Susan, well, I’ve never needed to smack Susan. You don’t smack your kids.

Edwin Rayner [00:07:04]:
You talk to them. You love them. And, anyway, there you go. As a father of girls, you’ve got to let the girls not exactly do what exactly they want to do, but when they’re doing something that isn’t quite right or you didn’t think it’s quite right, you can try and gently guide them and say, well, I don’t think Diane or Susan, you should go down that pathway. And if they do go down that pathway and it doesn’t turn out right, like, you just accept that it’s gone wrong and you you knew in your heart that it wasn’t quite right, but you don’t tell your daughter, look, I told you that you should have done that and so it’s your fault. No. You love them. You cuddle them and you say, well, you come back.

Edwin Rayner [00:07:41]:
You you know, we look after you. So there you go. You gotta be a father to a girl. There’s a song. You’ve gotta be a father to a girl. I just think I’ll have to try that one time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:50]:
Were there intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Edwin Rayner [00:07:59]:
Yes. You’re always there to help. You’re always you’ve got to be there, and you’re always you hope you’re able to help them. Now I don’t know what to say, really. You’ve gotta be there. You’ve gotta advise. You’ve gotta hope they take your advice. But if they don’t take your advice, you’ve gotta accept the fact that they’re young adults, and they’ve got a mind of their own, and they wanna do things their way.

Edwin Rayner [00:08:25]:
I suppose as a kid, I wanted to do things my way. So you girls do things their way. You don’t always approve of what they’re doing. I think I said this, but I think that’s the best I can do to answer that question.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:38]:
I know you mentioned that at times, there may be points where your daughters may make decisions that you wouldn’t have made yourself, but that you have to be there to support them, to be there to hold them if they need that, to pick them up and support them in any way possible. How did you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams?

Edwin Rayner [00:09:00]:
Well, when they wanted to do something, enthusiasm, you’ve you’ve got to show that you’re you’re with them, you’re behind them, that what they wanna do is wonderful. So enthusiastically help them, put them on put them on the right path. This is what you wanna do, sweet you know? Diane, Susan. Yeah. Okay. Do do your best. You can only do your best, and we can only do our best for you. But it’s so important that we do love each other, and we do support each other.

Edwin Rayner [00:09:28]:
And, of course, we had a wonderful mom who was unbelievable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]:
So I mentioned at the beginning that you’re now known as Granddad Sings online, and people have gotten to know you in that way. And I know that for a number of years, you stepped away from singing after singing for many years and enjoying singing after your wife passed. And I guess many people have heard that story. I would love to hear what was going through your head when your granddaughters came to you with this idea and especially going above and beyond into music that you’ve never touched before into a platform that you probably didn’t know a lot about. And talk to me about that and what was going through your head at that point.

Edwin Rayner [00:10:12]:
Well, you’re right. The fact that I gave up singing, I just thought I couldn’t go on the way I was without Margaret. And so that was it. Given up. Coming on. And one day, grandchildren, Liv and Laura, said to me, granddad, we’re gonna put you on TikTok. I think I’ve said this before. We’re gonna put you on TikTok.

Edwin Rayner [00:10:28]:
And my immediate reaction was, what’s TikTok? Never heard of TikTok before anyway. They said, you’ve seen a song, and we record the song, and we put it on TikTok, and all the people like it or don’t like it. And so I thought, okay then. So I I sang the song, and we put it on TikTok. I think it was something from The Wizard of Oz, which I played I was the line in The Wizard of Oz years ago. And we put it, like, for you on TikTok, and it did remarkably well. Not as well as my latest songs are doing, but it got about six to 8,000 like, which was a lot. And then from there, I got a bit big edit, I suppose.

Edwin Rayner [00:11:02]:
I thought this song went well. We’ll do some more. So, I picked a couple of the songs that I knew because I signed them. And then Leland always said to me, well, granddad, you gotta sing something more modern. I thought, have I? So these modern artists, their songs, and I never heard them before. And then I thought, well, I’m never going to learn this. Anyway, so what we did, I downloaded the song with the artist singing the song, and I signed to the song with the artist singing it. It was so difficult, believe me.

Edwin Rayner [00:11:33]:
And I kept singing, singing, singing about that maybe a hundred times, maybe more. And then when I felt that I’d got the song, I then downloaded a backing track for the song, and then I began to sing to the backing track. Now that ain’t easy because backing tracks today don’t follow the melody in the song in the past, you know, by way and all the songs like that, which I love to sing. It gives you the melody, and you can cope with it. But these songs don’t give you the melody. They give you something which is way out. And learning that is not at all easy, but I do it. And this last one that we put on about a fortnight ago, the Pink and Pony Club, I’m on TikTok and Instagram.

Edwin Rayner [00:12:09]:
And over the two things, it’s had two or 3,000,000 likes. And more than that, I can’t remember how many likes, but it’s been a fantastic hit. But so have the others. I mean, others have got two and three million likes, the these old songs, and it’s it’s unbelievable, really. Here I am at my age singing these songs and getting such response and getting wonderful comments from thousands of people is totally unbelievable. And I just can’t believe it’s happening, but it is happening. Every time I look at my phone, I’ve picked up another twenty, thirty, 50, a hundred followers. And my following now is nearly 13,000,000, I think, isn’t it? 30 I can’t remember, but it’s absolutely unbelievable.

Edwin Rayner [00:12:54]:
I’m gobsmacked, to be honest with you. And the comments are really, really lovely. And some of the comments are people who have been in despair and have been so sad and things have gone all wrong. And sometimes my songs have brought them back and helped them so much. And they’re it’s very gratifying to get people saying things like they do. It’s absolutely amazing, and I can’t believe it. I’m so lucky. I get tremendous support from Diane and Susan.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:22]:
You know? They’re absolutely fabulous. And, of course, I get tremendous support from Liv and Laura, who are my managers or whatever you call them. I’ve got an agent. I told them to believe. Do anything professionally. And Liv and Laura picked the songs, and then they said to me, granddad, try this one. I’d play it. I asked my Alexa, say, play it so and so.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:39]:
Will it? They play it. I thought, oh, the devil. I was I was talking back to me. How the devil? I’ve gotta learn this one. I don’t know. But I persevere. I work hard on it. Sitting in front of that computer, sing, sing, sing.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:52]:
But sometimes, I think, blow this, I’m gonna sing some of the songs. I wanna sing, and I’ve got them all on the computer till I start singing singing those, the songs of my lifetime. You know, I’ve been Crosby. Not so much been Crosby. Frank Sinatra, Matt Monroe. All those people are the songs I used to sing. I used to do an awful lot of religious singing as well. I would sing with choirs.

Edwin Rayner [00:14:15]:
I would sing as a ton of soloist with the choirs, and that’s where it all began. I would, at this time of year coming up for Easter, of course, we will be doing the crucifixion, stainless crucifixion, which is a wonderful work. And I will be tenor soloing with different choirs, but, of course, I haven’t got that voice anymore. But I’ve just found another one, which I didn’t know I had. And people love it. I can’t imagine why. Sometimes when I’m on this TV program, they play something that I did just recently say. And I think to myself, that’s awful, but big fast.

Edwin Rayner [00:14:48]:
Anyway, there you go. That’s the situation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:50]:
I can only guess that over the years with your family that music must have played a role in your family life. How did you incorporate music into your relationship with your children and especially your daughters as they were growing up?

Edwin Rayner [00:15:05]:
I don’t really know. It just became so natural. Whatever I was doing, I would be singing like I’m putting up the Christmas decorations. I’d be singing. We all sang. We would be singing something, and we’d all sing it. It was just what we did. It wasn’t something special.

Edwin Rayner [00:15:20]:
Andy Williams is a big favorite of us all, a big favorite. We had lots of Andy Williams stuff, and we used to sing these Andy Williams songs. And so it’s was was part of our life. We sung rather than talked, I suppose. I don’t know. But, yeah, that was it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:36]:
Now I know that you you’ve mentioned your granddaughters and that they are acting as your, your, your managers per se, and helping you to pick music and things like that. And with this pivotal role that they played in bringing you onto these different social media platforms, how has this relationship expanded? How has this experience strengthened your bond with them?

Edwin Rayner [00:16:04]:
Yeah. We we we it has strengthened the bond because we’re all the three of us, when we’re doing when we’re sorting out songs and singing songs and putting on them on Spotify, I’ve got quite a few on Spotify now. We sit together and we where where we didn’t before, and we’re we’ll say, well, what what do you think we should do? And we talk these things over. And so not only are they my granddaughters, they’re my partners. Do you know what I mean? They’re all part of the show, and without them, the show wouldn’t go on with you know? So it’s I suppose that’s all I can say about that, but we do it has made us closer. They will come up to me and say, granddad, what do you think of this song? And I’ll look at it, and I’ll play it, and I’ll think, I don’t like it. I can’t do it because anyway, they proved it right, but I still like the old songs. I still sing the old songs.

Edwin Rayner [00:16:55]:
They’re my favorites, to be honest with you. But you see, you put an old song on, put my way on TikTok. I did it. I put my way on. I think it’ll about 5,000 likes. Well, big difference between millions and few thousand on there. But the kids today, I suppose, I’d mind you, I get a lot of older people now on this or I think on Instagram, quite a lot of the older citizens, but I think on the, TikTok are the youngsters really. But I think people are getting into it now because I made quite a few CDs, and I used to give them away.

Edwin Rayner [00:17:25]:
I couldn’t sell them because of copyright. And I gave them away, but nobody’s got any CD players anymore because it’s all this bloody Spotify thing in there. And people have gotta download it. Mind you, you get paid for it. Not a lot, but I’ve got, you know, a dozen songs on Spotify. I’m gonna put this one that’s just gone potty and the pink pony club. I haven’t even recorded three quarters of it. Put it on TikTok, but now I’m unless I’m going to the studio this week, and I’m gonna complete the song, and then we will put it on Spotify.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:53]:
You mentioned that you have your old standards that you love to sing or that you love to sing in the past and things that you grew up with. You have this new music that your grandchildren and children are introducing to you and encouraging you to try. I guess as you look at the things that you are singing now, do you have some favorite artists that you have sang that you would love to sing more of or things where you say, nope. Not gonna go there. Not gonna go down that pathway.

Edwin Rayner [00:18:21]:
Well, I do say that quite a lot. But some of the songs I like Luis Capaldi, frankly, I think some of the songs he sings, he’s a very genuine guy. I I like Luis Capaldi. And Christina Perri, another lovely singer, lovely girl. And both of those wrote very nice comments about my singing, singing their songs, and that was and the other grandi who was really, really big, she commented on the song. I was singing one of her songs, and she commented which was, you don’t get much bigger stars than than her these days, do you? And she commented. But lots of the stars have commented when I’ve sung their songs. I begin to like these songs that I didn’t like.

Edwin Rayner [00:18:59]:
I begin to, oh, that’s got a nice bit. It’s got a nice melody. And and you begin to like singing them, which you didn’t when you started. And so they’re growing on me. And these artists who I’d never heard of before, they’re growing on me. And when I hear their singing and their songs, I think, yeah, you are talented. And in the past, I was a bloody rao, you know, right? So it goes on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
So what values or life lessons have you aimed to impart to your daughters and granddaughters through your love of music?

Edwin Rayner [00:19:30]:
I wish they were singers. I’ve tried to impart a bit of that idea into their heads, but neither you don’t sing Diane, do you?

Diane [00:19:39]:
I I do in Bath.

Edwin Rayner [00:19:40]:
Oh, she sings in the Bath, but they don’t sing. They don’t follow me in my singing career, either of them. But that’s fine. That’s not disappointing. I get all the support in the world from her. So I don’t know how to answer that one. I don’t think it’s upset me. I just think that we’re a family, and we do the things that we wanna do, and we support each other.

Edwin Rayner [00:20:02]:
And so there you go. What they wanna do, they do. The fact they don’t wanna sing the songs I mind you, they prefer the songs I’m singing today, I think, to the ones I’ve sung in the past. I’m not sure about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]:
You’ve mentioned a couple of memories and things that you’ve shared with your family in the past. Can you recount a cherished memory where music really brought your family closer together?

Diane [00:20:24]:
The only thing that springs fun, and you’ve touched on it before, was that Andy Williams, Christmas to our family, or to me, you, Susan, and and mum was, in my mind, was was Andy Williams. You’ve got an album on it, Andy Williams, and I still do it today. It’s it’s Christmas time. I’ll play Andy Williams’ Christmas album because to me, that is Christmas, and that invokes all the memories of my childhood and how lovely Christmas was. But, yeah, the music thing for me is Christmas, and it’s and it’s a time now that we have because of the music you’re doing now. It’s a time I come to the studio with you every week. It’s the studio time is something between you and me, and I laugh. We have a good time.

Diane [00:21:08]:
And, obviously, music has brought you and living abroad together. Yeah. And as a whole, the whole family, because the whole family follows you on TikTok, Instagram, whatever. And even people that Steph said, someone shared, one of her friends in America, shared something to her, you know, and it was your Tik Tok, and she said, oh, that’s my granddad. And the bloke said, absolutely not. I don’t believe in you. That’s my granddad. So she had to send a picture of her with huge proving that that is my granddad.

Edwin Rayner [00:21:38]:
Andy Williams. Yeah. It it was one great favorite. And I used to sing quite a lot of Andy Williams songs, and I think there’s quite a few on TikTok or whatever of Andy Williams. Andy Williams was Christmas, wasn’t it, really? Yeah. It was we all had all these Christmas albums, and we’d play these. So, yeah, music has brought us together, and it’s difficult to think of specific times, but certainly at Christmas time. And now at the studio, Diane comes with me every week to the studio.

Edwin Rayner [00:22:08]:
We record the songs, and we have a good laugh. And Diane would tell me I was flat there and no this was not right. And we and, and we we put it right again, and we have a great laugh with Arthur at the studio. Sizzle Studios in Bournemouth, Fantastic musician. You give him a plug. He really, really is the talented musician. He really is. Because on Spotify, you can’t use the backing track that the artists used.

Edwin Rayner [00:22:35]:
You have to make your own backing track. And Arthur is brilliant at making the backing tracks, so it’s unbelievable the the support he we get from him and the way his his ability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]:
How do you hope your musical journey will inspire others into the future?

Edwin Rayner [00:22:52]:
I hope it does. I mean, I get lots of comments from youngsters and people and from older people too saying they wish they could sing, they wish they could do what I’m doing. And I always go back to them with encouragement and say, well, you can do. If I can do it, you can do it. You haven’t got to be a brilliant singer. You haven’t got to be something special, but you will be something special. I tell them to some people, if you start if you wanna do it, do it. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

Edwin Rayner [00:23:21]:
Age doesn’t come into it. And if you’re young and you want to sing, well sing. If you don’t start, you won’t get there. And that’s the advice I give. Start singing. If you want to be on TikTok, you want to be on the stage, start singing, and if you can afford it, get some singing lessons too because you’d be surprised what voice you’ve got you didn’t know you had, and the senior teacher will find it for you, and you will be able to sing. I went for years to miss Violet Russell, who was l a r m, big board outside the house. And for for several years, I went to miss Violet Russell to learn how to sing, and we would sing the scales, and she was lovely.

Edwin Rayner [00:24:03]:
It was was Violet, miss Violet Russell, my singing teacher. I should never forget her. She told me I could sing, but I didn’t believe her anyway. Well, I’m trying to prove it. Well, I think I’m a bit late left left a bit late in life, am I?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:19]:
I was just gonna say, you’re proving her right that that you do have that voice.

Edwin Rayner [00:24:23]:
Well, the voice she taught me was the one to sing the crucifixion and Messiah and and those songs, how to use your breath and how not to that’s the sort of thing she she taught. Well, professional teacher, and she knew what she was doing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:36]:
What advice would you give to fathers and grandfathers who wish to share musical experiences with their kids and grandkids?

Edwin Rayner [00:24:43]:
My advice would be, do it. Share it. Let them know that you support them. Let them know that you’re with them. Give them something to sing if you like, but they’re part of the team that you’ve you’ve you’ve gotta even if you can possibly be, be a team. Be together. Work out what you’re gonna do, what you’re gonna sing. Give advice.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:01]:
No. That’s not the song for you. Yes. That is a song for you. You know? Be frank and tell them and, work together. I think it’s very important that everything you do, you do for each other. And, yeah, give them advice. Stir them on because that does help so much when people say, that was lovely.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:20]:
That’s nice. It gives you encouragement. And to to kiddies to today and even to older people, if you tell them they’re doing well, encouragement, that’s so important, encouragement. And it makes a big difference. It really does. It makes me think I’d never wanna back up singing because I’m getting so much encouragement. I should be I’m 92. I won’t tell you when I’ll be 93, but it’s someday this month.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:43]:
And encourage. Be with them. Support. Tell them they’re good because they are good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection six. It’s six more questions about you as a dad. Are you ready? Yeah. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Edwin Rayner [00:26:01]:
Wonderful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:01]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together now or even in the past?

Edwin Rayner [00:26:10]:
Well, in the past, we had a caravan, and we used to go to a takeout caravan, tow the caravan to different caravan sites. And what we did, we we we it was so lovely there with the two girls. Not that we ever used them, but we bought some do you remember? Oh, no. No. We bought little knives, and we put little belts around the waist. And I had a little knife, and we used to go walking over the fields together, just the three of us. It brings back so many happy memories. We go into a field where there are cows, and we would all be a little bit wondering if everything was right.

Edwin Rayner [00:26:43]:
But we walk together, and then we we come back. We we were team, weren’t we? We were we were going out with our knives. And I think you said, why we had knives, I don’t know. Only because I had this this knife. Never used a knife in my life. And they wanted one, so we bought two little ones, and they had them on their belts. And that brings back so many happy memories, things thing we did together. I think the first thing like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]:
If you could give, let’s say, your granddaughters one life lesson, what would it be?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:12]:
It’s important to help each other, to love each other, and to support each other in everything you do. So support is wonderful thing. Just be supportive of each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:25]:
As you think back to your fatherhood and being a father yourself, what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:32]:
I think it’s to learn to be patient, to be understanding, to accept that your opinion is not always the right opinion. So that’s it. Be there. Be supportive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:45]:
And you’ve given a lot of piece of advice today, and you’ve shared some of your own experiences. But what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:57]:
Be there when you’re needed. Be there and understand that they need help. They need guiding. So just be there. Be there by their side all the time. Never let them go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:10]:
Edwin, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today. If people wanna find out more about you and what you’re doing, watching your videos or TikTok, where’s the best place for them to go?

Edwin Rayner [00:28:22]:
I suppose TikTok and Instagram, and then I’m Spotify. I’m putting now going putting lots of songs. Well, began to put songs on Spotify. Spotify, frankly, is taking the place of the CDs, like I said, whereas our new CDs, but now it’s Spotify. People can can log in to Spotify, and they can hear download the songs that they wanna hear. So that’s about it. TikTok, Instagram, Spotify. Oh, yeah.

Edwin Rayner [00:28:49]:
YouTube. Quite a few forty, fifty. No. 80 songs, I think, on YouTube, so go to YouTube as well. But Spotify is getting the ones the the popular ones of today. But I’m gonna put a few not so popular ones on, and I’m gonna just say, no. I’m gonna put this one on and that one on. Some of the songs that I used to love to sing and still do, and some of the songs that are so important to me were so important to Margaret as well.

Edwin Rayner [00:29:15]:
I miss her terribly. Without her, we wouldn’t have been a family like we are because of the wonderful, wonderful support that she gave us all. She was there all the time. So it’s was wonderful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:27]:
Well, Edwin, I again, thank you so much for your time today. Thank you for all that you’re doing to put your music back into the world, but also showing the importance of sharing your gifts and encouraging others to do the same because it’s so important for all of us to know and to internalize for ourselves. And I love what you’re doing, and I wish you the best as you continue this musical journey.

Edwin Rayner [00:29:54]:
Thank you very much. God bless.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget,

Edwin Rayner [00:30:16]:
you can find all

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:17]:
our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:26]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Exploring the Potential Risks of Formula Feeding for Infants

April 2, 2025 by dadofdivas

For generations, mothers have nurtured their newborns with breast milk, a source of essential nutrients and immunological benefits. However, modern times have introduced formula as a viable alternative, providing a safe and convenient method of feeding for infants.

While formula plays a crucial role in situations where breastfeeding isn’t possible, recent research suggests there might be potential downsides to consider.

In this article, we explore the health risks of formula feeding, including infections, allergies, and long-term consequences.

Nutritional Differences

One of the primary concerns with formula feeding is the significant nutritional differences compared to breast milk. Breast milk provides infants with a balanced mix of proteins, fats, carbs, vitamins, and minerals tailored to their needs. It also includes bioactive components such as antibodies, enzymes, and hormones crucial for developing the infant’s immune system.

In contrast, infant formula, while designed to mimic the nutritional profile of breast milk, often falls short in several areas. Formula lacks breast milk’s immunological components, potentially heightening infants’ susceptibility to infections and illnesses.

A study by MDPI emphasized the significant role of feeding methods in gut microbiota composition in infancy. Breastfeeding fosters Bifidobacteria growth, promoting infant health. Conversely, formula-fed infants often have a more diverse yet less stable microbiome, with increased levels of Clostridiales and Proteobacteria.

This discrepancy can lead to increased risks of gastrointestinal issues and other health complications in formula-fed infants.

Health Risks and Concerns

While formula provides essential nutrients, it cannot fully replicate the complexity of breast milk. Breast milk is a vital source of antibodies and immune-boosting factors. This difference can lead to several potential health concerns for formula-fed infants.

Breast milk’s antibodies protect infants from infections like ear infections, respiratory illnesses, and diarrhea. Conversely, cow’s milk-based formulas can trigger allergic reactions such as eczema, rashes, or digestive issues. Also, formula feeding is linked to long-term health concerns, including a higher risk of obesity. However, more research is needed to confirm these connections.

According to the World Health Organization, exclusive breastfeeding for six months offers significant benefits, including protection against gastrointestinal infections. Early breastfeeding initiation within 1 hour of birth reduces infection risk and newborn mortality. In contrast, formula-fed infants may miss these benefits. Studies show breastfed children and adolescents are less likely to be overweight or obese.

Digestive Issues

The immature digestive system of a newborn is perfectly adapted to handle breast milk. Breast milk is easier to digest because it contains enzymes like lipase for fat breakdown and lactase for lactose absorption. Formula, while containing these enzymes, may not be as efficient, potentially leading to digestive issues in some formula-fed babies.

The protein profile of cow’s milk-based formula can be harder for some infants to digest than breast milk. It often leads to constipation and causes discomfort and fussiness. Also, lactose intolerance, though rare in young infants, can occur in formula-fed babies, resulting in insufficient lactase production. This condition leads to gas, bloating, and increased fussiness.

Cow’s Milk-Based Formulas and NEC

A specific concern with cow’s milk-based formulas is the potential link to a serious intestinal condition called necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). NEC primarily affects premature infants and can be life-threatening. It occurs when inflamed tissue in the baby’s intestines dies. While the exact cause of NEC is unknown, research suggests cow’s milk protein may contribute to NEC in vulnerable premature infants.

This potential link has sparked ongoing legal discussions. Parents of some babies diagnosed with NEC after being fed cow’s milk-based formula have filed lawsuits against formula manufacturers. These lawsuits allege that formula companies failed to adequately warn about the potential risks of NEC, particularly in premature infants. The NEC baby formula lawsuit seeks to hold manufacturers accountable and obtain compensation for the impacts on affected families.

TorHoerman Law reports that 496 NEC baby formula lawsuits are currently pending in the MDL, according to recent filings. In April alone, 43 new cases were added to the MDL. It shows the growing legal response to the issue.

Environmental and Practical Considerations

Formula feeding also presents environmental and practical concerns. The production of infant formula involves significant use of resources, including water and energy, and generates considerable waste through packaging and transportation. This contributes to a larger carbon footprint compared to breastfeeding, which is a more sustainable option.

Practically, formula feeding requires meticulous preparation and sterilization to ensure the infant’s safety, which can be time-consuming and challenging, particularly for new parents.

Also, formula feeding incurs ongoing financial costs for purchasing formula, bottles, and sterilizing equipment, which can be a burden for some families. These environmental and practical considerations are essential factors to weigh when choosing between breastfeeding and formula feeding.

Socioeconomic Factors

Socioeconomic factors play a significant role in the decision and ability to breastfeed versus formula feed. Families with lower income levels may face barriers to breastfeeding, like lack of access to lactation support, inflexible work schedules, and limited parental leave. These challenges can make formula feeding a more practical, albeit costly, option.

Econofact revealed that higher poverty levels correlate with lower rates of breastfeeding. Approximately 40% of mothers below the poverty line breastfeed at 6 months. Conversely, around 70% of mothers with incomes exceeding six times the poverty level breastfeed to some extent at 6 months. This underscores the socioeconomic disparities in breastfeeding rates.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the risks associated with formula feeding compared to breastfeeding?

Formula feeding carries risks like increased susceptibility to infections, allergic reactions, and potential long-term health consequences when compared to breastfeeding. Breast milk provides essential antibodies and immune-boosting factors, offering greater protection against illnesses and promoting overall infant health.

Can formula feeding lead to digestive issues?

Yes, formula feeding can sometimes lead to digestive issues in infants. The protein profile of cow’s milk-based formulas can be harder to digest, potentially causing constipation, gas, and fussiness compared to breast milk.

Are there safer alternatives to cow’s milk-based formulas for NEC risk?

Human milk-based fortifiers or donor breast milk are safer alternatives to cow’s milk-based formulas for infants at risk of NEC. They offer similar nutritional benefits to breast milk and help decrease the risk of NEC. These alternatives offer additional protective factors and may be preferable for vulnerable infants.

Navigating Infant Nutrition

The choice between breastfeeding and formula feeding holds significant implications for infant health and well-being in the nutrition landscape. While formula feeding offers convenience and accessibility, it also poses potential risks that must be carefully considered by parents and caregivers.

Understanding these risks and overcoming barriers to breastfeeding is crucial for ensuring all infants have an optimal start in life. To promote infant health comprehensively, we must consider not just nutritional requirements but also socioeconomic, environmental, and practical factors. This holistic approach is essential for fostering the well-being of infants.

Creating Community: Patrick Rowe’s Guide for Dads

February 10, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Fatherhood is a journey, and like any adventure, it comes with its own set of challenges and joys. This week on the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast we talk with father of two Patrick Rowe to explore the nuances of raising daughters, overcoming fears, and the importance of building a supportive community. Here are some key takeaways from their insightful conversation.

Embracing the Journey

Patrick Rowe and his wife were overjoyed but also slightly apprehensive when they learned they were expecting daughters. Like many dads, Patrick initially felt more equipped to raise a son simply because he could relate more to the experience of being a boy. However, he quickly shifted his perspective, realizing that the essence of fatherhood lies in being present, adaptable, and committed.

Patrick shared, “Being a father is not always easy. It takes time, effort, and patience. My biggest fear was how strong the foundation I’ve created with them is. I want them to always know my love is unconditional.”

Overcoming Challenges

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and one of Patrick’s biggest challenges has been setting expectations for experiences he has never gone through himself. He emphasized the importance of patience and self-awareness, understanding that repetition and calm reasoning are essential when dealing with young children.

Patrick revealed that he’s learned to slow down and ask himself critical questions about his actions and reactions. For instance, why get upset about having to ask multiple times for his daughters to put on their shoes? This shift in mindset has helped him foster a more loving rather than demanding approach.

Building Unique Relationships

Each child is unique, and understanding their individual needs is crucial for building a strong bond. Patrick explained how his daughters have different temperaments, with his eldest being a people-pleaser and his youngest a more emotionally intelligent, independent spirit.

“With my eldest, we have this special thing where we say, ‘You fill my bucket,’ meaning she brings me joy. This small phrase has built an incredible connection between us. With my youngest, it’s about being present while she does her activities. We connect quietly, often while she’s drawing or reading,” Patrick shared.

The Importance of Community

One of the standout points of the discussion was the value of building a community of other fathers. Patrick emphasized, “Community is probably the most impactful resource I have on being a father.” He detailed traditions like “pancake Saturday” and “daturday,” where dads meet with their kids to bond and share experiences.

These gatherings go beyond superficial interactions, offering a space for vulnerability and real support. Patrick highlighted the need to show our kids that dads can also be engaged, supportive friends for each other. This not only enriches the fathers’ lives but also instills in the children the value of a supportive community.

Taking the First Step

For dads looking to build their own communities, Patrick recommends starting small and being open. “Invite people over with no expectations other than spending time together. Ask the deeper questions. It might feel awkward at first, but the benefits of having such a network are invaluable,” he advised.

In summary, fatherhood is a continuous journey of learning, adapting, and loving. Patrick Rowe’s experiences highlight the importance of being present, building unique relationships with each child, and fostering a supportive community of fellow fathers. Through these efforts, dads can navigate the challenges and joys of raising daughters, guiding them to become strong, empowered women.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk with you about this journey that you’re on in being a father to a daughter. It’s an important journey that all of us are on, and it is a journey because you’re going to be having to be flexible. You’re gonna have to be you’re gonna have to adjust along the way. There’s gonna be so many things you’re gonna learn along the way that are going to help you to be not only a better father, but also a better man. And along the way, you’re gonna stumble, you might fall, you might make some big mistakes, and you’re gonna have some fun as well. And what’s important though is that you’re willing to go on the journey and you’re willing to learn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]: And that’s why this podcast is here because every week, I want to be able to help you in some way to be able to learn, to grow, and help you to be able to see that you’re not alone. That’s why every week I bring different guests to the show to allow for you to learn from other fathers, from other people that have different resources and have different experiences from your from yourself to help you along this journey. This week, we got another great guest with us today. Patrick Rowe is with us today, and Patrick is a father of 2. He’s got a 4 and a 6 year old, and we are gonna be talking about his own journey in being a father. And I’m really excited to be able to have him share that with us. Patrick, thanks so much for being here today.

Patrick Rowe [00:02:00]: Thanks, Chris. Really looking forward to this. I think what you all are doing is super important in this time, and I love an opportunity to share what I’ve seen from my perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:08]: I love that. And as I said, fatherhood is definitely a journey. And one of the things that I love doing and starting our conversations is really to turn the clock back in time. I said that you have a 4 and a 6 year old daughter. Let’s go back. Maybe it’s 7 years, 6 and a half years. Back to that first moment that you found out that you were gonna be a father to a daughter, what was going through your head?

Patrick Rowe [00:02:28]: Yeah. Well, my wife and I were really blessed with this opportunity to have some things fall in place in terms of our home and and resources that we had. And we knew that having a family was something you were really excited about and ultimately you know there isn’t that much of a window of time between the time that you find out you’re going to be a father and then the time you have an opportunity to find out what the the gender of your child is going to be and I remember that moment very clearly. There was no part of me that wanted to have a son or a daughter. It was very truthfully an open excitement and joy. And that moment that I heard that it was a girl was equal excitement and concern. And the only reason I felt concern really was for some reason I had in my head that if it were a boy at least I would understand it a little bit better. I felt slightly more equipped as a boy dad.

Patrick Rowe [00:03:17]: Maybe 51 to 49% more equipped. But in that moment, I was so excited and so elated. And to be able to share that kind of special surprise moment with my wife was really great. And we just floated our way out of the hospital after that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:33]:

Now I hear from a lot of dads that I’ve talked to over the years that in raising a daughter, there’s some fear that goes along with that. What would you say was your biggest fear in raising daughters?

Patrick Rowe [00:03:43]: My biggest fear in raising daughters, and this could likely be the same if if I had sons, but it’s, of course, all those things I can’t control. And so I guess my biggest fear is how strong is that foundation that I’ve created with them? Recognizing that I will go through challenges and they will go through challenges and together we will too. What tools am I giving them to help them know what my relationship with them is like and what their relationship with me is like to give them that clarity of my role, my position as their dad, a listener, consultant, someone who loves him unconditionally. And so I just try to think about the aspects of that that I can control and really that’s how I show up for them in every moment, Whether that’s in the morning when they’re groggy or at night when they’re scared or sometime in the middle when they’re excited about something. Just being overly present with them, right? And making sure that those distractions are taken away so that they recognize that they are just wonderful and so special in my eyes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:41]: And being a father is not always easy. It takes time. It takes effort, and there’s definitely challenges along the way. What’s been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Patrick Rowe [00:04:51]: The hardest part has been, you know, just how do you set expectations for things that you’ve never done before? How do you set an expectation for what school experience you’re going to have together? What’s that support going to look like from that perspective? How do you set expectations on how they should care and respect each other? And so it’s challenging for me. I’d like to have a rule book in front of me or or some kind of structure in front of me that says if you say these things and you support these things and you encourage these things, then this would be the result. And not being able to have that rubric is challenging and that that’s really difficult. It’s required more patience. I always thought I was a very patient individual. I have learned that I’m not necessarily as patient as I imagined I was. And so just recognizing that and one of the biggest ways that I’ve been able to recognize this is honestly just by slowing down, asking myself questions internally. Like, why am I asking my kids to put their shoes on? Why am I getting so upset if I have to ask them 3 or 4 times? Well, you know, what’s the point? Are we going to be late to the pool? Why is there a reason to get upset? Yes.

Patrick Rowe [00:05:56]: It is frustrating repeating oneself over and over again, but ultimately, they will learn it and they will get there. And just knowing that that’s the end goal, that’s the end result, and being able to present myself in a loving way rather than a demanding way is not always easy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:12]: And you have 2 daughters. And anyone that knows that when you have more than one child, there’s a whole new dynamic. And with that, many times, your children’s personalities tend to be not completely alike. They tend to be very different from one another and what they need, and you have to build those unique relationships with each child to be able to connect. So talk to me about that connection and not only what that you love to do with each of your daughters to keep that connection, but what have you had to do to be able to develop those unique relationships with each of your daughters?

Patrick Rowe [00:06:46]: Yeah. That is so true. Our oldest is very much like me and she is a people pleaser. And so there’s a lot of fun and excitement that comes in that. Right? She’s always so enthusiastic to share what she’s learning and doing. And she always wants to know what I’m interested in or what my wife is interested in so that she can continue to do those. That’s fun and that’s really exciting and we get to share a lot of similar interests and opportunities whether it’s playing games or kind of the stories we’re talking about or the subjects that we focus our time on or things like that. But it’s also really challenging as well.

Patrick Rowe [00:07:20]: Right? I wanna make sure that she understands where my love is coming from and that it’s not coming from a place of expectation. It is coming from a place of true love from the absolute from an absolute source. And so we have little ways that I remind her of that often. We have this little phrase that we came up with called you fill my bucket, and you fill my bucket just means what you are. You are bringing me joy, and you are filling my bucket for me. And so there will be times when she’s doing something and I can say to her, I just want you to know that you fill my bucket. And there are times when she’ll come up to me and say something similar and I have a little hand motion that we do now so that I can share that experience with her. We can connect even if we’re not allowed, able to talk to each other.

Patrick Rowe [00:08:00]: So if we’re across a room or if she’s on a stage or something, we have that chance. My youngest daughter is an absolute firecracker and she is by far the most emotionally intelligent member of our family. She is the sweetest and the kindest, and I also have no idea what she wants or needs most of the time. And so with her, it’s a whole different experience. What I’ve learned is that just sitting with her is the way to connect with her. We don’t need to be playing a game. We don’t need to be watching something. Oftentimes, when I get the most out of the time with her, it’s because we are quietly looking at a book or she has a stack of crayons in her hand, in a piece of paper, and I’m not doing anything.

Patrick Rowe [00:08:43]: I’m just there. And while she is doing that activity, she’s usually talking to me about something that she needs, right? A fear or a pain or a joy from her day. So making sure we create that opportunity for time with her too has been really great. And then with the 2 of them, I love doing events with both of them at the same time, but also I’m very conscious of pulling one individual away for, you know, a special trip to run an errand and then also maybe we get some ice cream or, you know, it’s I think it’s fairly common these days for dads to take their daughters on, like, a date night thing. And and I try to do that at least once a year, usually twice a year where it’s just me and one of them and we go to the restaurant of their choice. It’s It’s the beginning of the school year. I like to talk about all the wonderful things we did during the summer together and and ask them questions. What are your expectations for this coming school year? What are some ways that you want to improve or learn? And then at the end of the school year, we do the same thing and we retrace our steps.

Patrick Rowe [00:09:38]: Hey, last year, you said this is a thing that you wanted to do. And guess what? You did that. And how does that make you feel? And just being really inquisitive with both of them has been really eye opening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:47]: Now I know in conversations that you and I have had community for you and building a community for yourself of other fathers has really allowed for you to be a better dad. Talk to me about the importance of community and how that has made you a better father.

Patrick Rowe [00:10:07]: Yeah. You’re right. Community, I think, is probably the most impactful resource I have on being a father. And don’t get me wrong. My father was wonderful and and still is. And he’s been a great resource as well, but I’ve found that sharing my life with other guys who are in the same season while we are in that season together is just such an enriching resource. I’m learning about how they’re showing up as fathers, how they’re showing up as husbands, how they’re showing up as employees, as siblings, as sons, all of these different perspectives. And we are honing each other into being better dads.

Patrick Rowe [00:10:42]: And sometimes that’s because it’s just the dads getting together and we’re talking, Hey, what are the things that you’re doing with your kids right now? How are you keeping them engaged in the summertime? What does it look like for you in this season of your life to balance work and time with your individual child or time with your children or time with your family? How are you doing that right now? Or honestly, a lot of times it’s just a group that I can be vulnerable with and show up and say, I’m struggling in this part. Can you give me some advice or can you help support me or encourage me or point me in a different direction for that? And it manifests in a few ways, right? So it can be as simple as meeting up, every couple weeks around somebody’s backyard fire pit. We have a pretty standard regular tradition that we call daturday, which is usually sometime around Saturday morning at 9 or 10 o’clock. A group text goes out with some plans for what we’re doing that day. And it started as an opportunity to give our wives a little bit of a break, but what we quickly found out was this was a special time for us and our kids. And I think it’s really important not only for men to make time with their kids, but also to show your kids what it looks like to have dads who are engaged beyond just their own dad, to know what it looks like or a community of dads to be great dads together. And sometimes that also looks like us failing together. Daturday isn’t always pretty.

Patrick Rowe [00:12:08]: It’s not always let’s go to this donut shop and then end up at the park and everyone’s happy and smiling, especially when they’re younger or for any various reason. That trip to the park becomes a total failure. It’s an emotional scream fest. It’s some kind of injury. It’s, oh, I think she’s going through something at this point. And just having guys there who can help and encourage you in that, but also just knowing that other people are going through it too. And just to be able to be together in those situations and share that excitement, but also commiserate and support has been invaluable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:39]: So talk to me about how you built that community for yourself because men are not always the best at building a community once we’re an adult. And I think when we’re growing up, you have your friends and you are able to build those friendships. You go into college maybe or you’re young and you meet other people and you make friendships there. But then from what I have seen, a lot of fathers hyper focus on their family and you have these casual relationships where you’re kind of like, hey, what’s up? Oh, good. Yeah. Things are good. But going deeper than that is not always something that a lot of dads want to do or that they’re innately pushed to do. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]: How did you develop that group for yourself? And how would you recommend for other dads to be able to start that process?

Patrick Rowe [00:13:35]: Yeah. You’re spot on. It is one of the major challenges, I think, socially in our country right now is that men have a hard time making friends, which sounds a little weird to say out loud, but it’s absolutely the case. I’ll wind it back a little bit and give you what I think the reason was. I came from a family of people who really valued hospitality. So our home was always open, and my parents were feeding people all the time. And so when my wife and I got married, one of the first things that we were discussing was how do we be a hospitable couple as a family? How are we welcoming people into our lives? And along the same time, I’m big on traditions by the way, and I think traditions can be huge. They can be, flagship Christmas time things or family, whatever it might be, but most of the traditions that I keep are much smaller.

Patrick Rowe [00:14:25]: And one of the ones that we did early on was pancake Saturday. And on Saturday morning, actually, we call it Paul Simon’s pancake Saturday because every Saturday morning, I put on Paul Simon albums, and I make pancakes. And I’ve been doing this since my wife and I got married. So when we had our kids, we started doing the same thing. And we were in the season, right, of being I was in the season of being a new dad and we had friends and acquaintances who were also starting the same season almost right around the same time. And this community of dads started with pancakes. It started very casually as, hey, our house is crazy on a Saturday morning because we’ve got this baby and like her sleep times are weird and I’m gonna be making pancakes. If you guys happen to be up, just swing on by.

Patrick Rowe [00:15:09]: And that’s how it started. And one couple came with their baby and we just got an opportunity to share more and become closer and closer. So to answer your question, how do you facilitate this? You have to be open or you have to create on your own opportunities just to spend time with other guys. It’s not any more than that, but you also have to go into it with no expectation. If you go into, oh, I’m gonna start inviting these neighborhood dads over to my fire pit every Wednesday night for a beer and just chatting because I wanna make more friends, you’re gonna run into some roadblocks there. But I think if you say, for the sake of opening up my home, I’m gonna invite people over. And being open and willing to whatever comes out of that, you will find that 1 or 2 or in my case blessed with many guys where we were all in that same space of being willing to get to a point where you can share that one little thing. Usually it’s one opportunity where you think I’m comfortable enough now where I’m going to say this one thing.

Patrick Rowe [00:16:05]: And if the other person with you picks up on that, then there’s an opportunity to run with it. So I guess my recommendation would be be proactive in creating opportunity. Don’t be afraid when the feeling comes to share maybe one little thing. But then also, when you’re in that opportunity, don’t be afraid to respond when someone else, another dad, shares that thing just to be be a willing and open ear.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]: I love the concept because I think that, like I said, so many dads are not able to do that. You might have a father right next to you in the house living next door, and you talk to them, you know, when they’re outside or you might break bread or have a beer or something every once in a while. But a lot of times, it’s very surface level. So talk to me about your community and that you’ve been able to develop. And how do you get below the surface into the issues that you’re dealing with as a dad and not just stay on the surface?

Patrick Rowe [00:16:57]: I think we all have those topics that we are maybe a little bit nervous to talk about and find yourself an opportunity or one other dad that you can talk with where you are not afraid to ask a question from one of those topics. So maybe saying to a friend, my daughter is struggling with x serious issue or whatever that serious issue might be. Have you all seen that? Have you experienced this? Or saying, my child is falling behind in school, and we have a counselor for them for that situation. Or my wife and I are having a hard time together understanding what we can do for our daughter in this space. And then asking for advice. So think about what those they’re not really taboo topics, but those topics where we’re all living in them. It’s being willing to open up about them. But I would challenge, instead of saying, okay, I’m open for someone to ask me a question about it, I would challenge a dad who’s looking for that to ask that question of someone else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:51]: Now you said that this started with finding other fathers that were going through similar experiences to what you were going through at a similar point in time. As your kids are getting older, how are you welcoming other dads into that community versus staying with that core group and not allowing others to experience what you’ve been able to experience thus far?

b You know, I think those opportunities exist a lot more often if you’re willing to recognize that it’s an opportunity. So my oldest daughter started kindergarten this past year and that meant a new school with new friends and each one of those friends has a dad and we are engaged as a family, right? So we are members of our PTA and our school is in our neighborhood and so we are there often. We walk to and from school, and I get introduced to somebody’s dad 2 times a day during the school year. Right? Maybe on average throughout the season. And those could be a surface level if I wanted them to be. It’s like, oh, hey. Hi. I’m Patrick.

Patrick Rowe [00:18:51]: Yeah. Oh, cool. You’re so and so’s dad. That’s nice. Great. Have an awesome weekend. Or you could spend a moment with that person. And oftentimes, if you ask a couple of questions, again, maybe even opening yourself up to be a little bit more vulnerable, when you’re with a person directly, one to 1, they value that time differently than if you were just in passing.

Patrick Rowe [00:19:09]: And I think what you’ll find, especially with a lot of dads, is if you go into it with this idea that my interaction with you doesn’t have to be a surface level, you might even see it lift off of them in that moment too, right? Because we’ve we’ve had so many of those where somebody’s somebody’s kid’s dad comes up to us and says hey I’m so and so and you’re like great, that’s fine. I’m busy. I’m going to go on and do my own thing. But going back to what I was saying a little bit earlier, pausing, slowing down. Why am I trying to rush away from this opportunity to be introduced to someone else? So being engaged in the events that our kids are are doing, right? We’re getting involved in a girls and dads group this coming fall that I’m really excited about of the group. I think there are 5 or 6 girls. One of those dads is involved in kind of my current community, but the others are not. And my daughter is thrilled to be a part of this group.

Patrick Rowe [00:20:00]: I am probably equally thrilled to add in an opportunity to add these men into my kind of brain trust. And we will have a lot of opportunities to share beyond that surface level if we’re willing to. And I think that kinda goes back to that key point too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:09]: You know, as you think about the future and the experiences that your kids are having in growing up and growing up around these other families, what do you hope that your kids will take out of this experience? And what do you hope that it will do for them as they get older?

Patrick Rowe [00:20:26]: Yeah. Well, I told you we listened to a lot of Paul Simon, so I’m gonna quote Simon and Garfunkel. I want them to understand that they are not Iraq. They are not an island. And that it is okay and very natural to rely on other people. So if there is one thing that my daughters take away from what they may be seeing in the emphasis that I put on community, it’s that they have more than just their mom and dad as an outlet to go to. I read something years ago about why children need to have what I think they called 3 families. 1 was your immediate family.

Patrick Rowe [00:20:57]: So that was your parental units. Your second family, which was usually members of extended family or maybe that like really, really, really close friend of a parent who you could go to with very serious questions and conversations that you didn’t, for whatever reason, feel comfortable sharing directly with your parents. And then the 3rd family is coaches and teachers and and those individuals that you respect and that you care for in a different way, but you might not be at a point where you’re taking those like personal experiences too. So in this opportunity, I’m hoping that my girls see that they have a broad community of that kind of second family level, individuals that they can go to if they’re if I’m not available or for whatever reason, it makes more sense for them to to share, talk with someone else. Well,

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:43]: I truly appreciate you sharing all of this, and we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Patrick Rowe [00:21:53]: I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:53]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Patrick Rowe [00:21:55]: Giving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Patrick Rowe [00:22:00]: One time, my daughter asked me what respect meant and she was young and I didn’t have an answer in front of me at the moment. And so I came up with something off the cuff and I said, respect is how we care for other people with our thoughts, words, and actions. And more recently this was years ago. And more recently, I was in one room, and I heard my oldest daughter tell my youngest daughter, respect is how we care for people with our thoughts, words, and actions.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:26]: They do listen.

Patrick Rowe [00:22:27]: It was wild.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:27]: Many times you think they’re not, but it comes back and you hear it from others in your community, and then you’re like, oh, that actually did sit. Well, okay. Good. Now if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? They’re

Patrick Rowe [00:22:43]: very young still, so you’re probably going to get some funny things. He is silly. My youngest will absolutely say that I’m stinky. I have no doubt about that. I think if you got them to pause for a moment, they would tell you, hopefully, that I’m caring and that I like to present myself as whatever the representation of love can be. And that shows up in different ways. And so you might get some different words from them in that, but hopefully all pointing towards that direction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:07]: And let’s go 10 to 15 years down the road. What do you want them to say then?

Patrick Rowe [00:23:11]: He was there. I want my kids to see me as reliable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:15]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Patrick Rowe [00:23:17]: Oh, of course, that community. But I come from a pretty large family. And so I have an opportunity to see fatherhood from the perspective of a son. I have an opportunity to see fatherhood from the perspective of a nephew and a grandson up until just recently. And so those men all had a or have a strong emphasis on family and what it means to be a network of people who love each other. And when I think about what makes great dads, I think about I think about those men who were and still do love each other, but but but also come together really well and show up often for their immediate kids and also for kind of their extended family kids too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:58]: Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice today, a lot of things that you are doing yourself that are helping you to be a dad, and they and I really appreciate all the things that you shared. As you think about all dads that are out there, what’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad?

Patrick Rowe [00:24:14]: Slow down and take a different perspective. Right? So, again, in the moments, we’re always in the moment. And I think it is incredibly, incredibly important to be present with your children as much as you can and to make significant strides and, you know, significant changes to focus that you will never, ever wish that you had spent less time with them. And so, so that’s key. But in addition to those things, it’s pausing to ask yourself why. Creating that time is important. Putting your phone down to be with them while they’re playing is important. All those things are great.

Patrick Rowe [00:24:50]: But why? Ask yourself why and ask yourself the, you know, that kind of perspective question. What is it that I’m what is it that’s so important about me being with them? And if you can take yourself out of that equation, right, the, well, this is what I want out of it, I think you’re gonna get much more out of it, and and obviously the the

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:07]: girls will as well. Well, Patrick, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today and your community with us, and I truly wish you all the best. Thank you, Chris.

Patrick Rowe [00:25:17]: This was really wonderful. I appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:18]: We’re all in the same boat, And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. The best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.