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Jared Mees on Fatherhood, Vulnerability, and Connection

July 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad searching for practical wisdom and heartfelt inspiration on building stronger connections with your daughter, you won’t want to miss the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Jared Mees, father, creative, and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire, for a candid conversation about the joys, challenges, and real-life lessons of fatherhood.

This episode dives deep into what meaningful connection really looks like between dads and daughters. Jared Mees shares his biggest bonding moments, like the summer road trips he’s taken with his daughters since they were little—unstructured adventures that have become cherished family memories. Whether braving uncomfortable camping trips or hours on the road, these simple, unplugged experiences spark genuine connection, laughter, and character-building for all.

As daughters grow up, the balancing act for dads shifts. Jared Mees opens up about learning to give his daughters independence as they get older—recognizing when to lean in, when to back off, and how to be present even when they aren’t seeking attention. For his younger daughter, it’s about reading and drawing together. For his teen, it’s understanding late-night chats and respecting her space.

One of the most powerful parts of the episode centers on vulnerability. Jared Mees shares honestly about a mental health crisis he faced and how it affected his family. Learning to admit mistakes, say “Daddy was wrong,” and seek real support reshaped his relationship with his daughters. His openness models strength and resilience—and shows that kids benefit deeply from witnessing their parents’ growth and recovery.

Other themes include the importance of encouraging kids’ passions without taking over, calling out the specific things that make them unique, and navigating the emotional transitions as daughters become teens. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Jared Mees also discuss letting go of ego, embracing imperfection, and being consistent in small, everyday ways.

If you’re ready to hear authentic stories and actionable advice about being the dad your daughter needs—through life’s ups, downs, and transitions—be sure to tune in. Head to dadanddaughterconnection.com, catch the latest episode, and start building those lifelong bonds, one day at a time.

Don’t miss this uplifting and honest look at fatherhood—listen now!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together, to work on identifying ways in which we can build those relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. It is going to be a journey.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
Having those perfect relationships is going to come in ebbs and flows. It’s not always going to be easy, but there are things that you can do to make it a little bit better one day at a time. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, for you to be able to learn, to grow and to be able to be that dad that you want to be showing up for your daughter every day. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different dance with different experiences to help you to be able to see fatherhood in a little bit of a different way and to be able to see how they are fathering their own daughters, to be able to help you in your journey. Today we got another great guest. Jared Mees is with us today, and Jared is someone I’ve known for a number of years. Jared was on another podcast that I used to have called Dads with Daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
And at that time, it was about four years ago, we were chatting about some music that he was making with his daughters, and his daughters keep growing as they always do. So I’m excited to be able to have him back, to be able to talk about how things are going today and be able to check back in. Jared, thanks so much for being here today.

Jared Mees [00:02:20]:
Thanks so much, Chris. Appreciate it. Excited to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and I always loved starting the conversation because this show is all about connection and how you build those meaningful connections with your daughters. And I. I know you have two daughters yourself. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made it so special?

Jared Mees [00:02:41]:
Yeah, I have two lovely daughters. Piper is 8 and she’s almost 9. And July is 14 going on 24. So we’re. I’m super blessed to have them in my life. And I always thought I’d be a dad of a son or something before I had kids. But then, now that I have two daughters, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, they’re definitely lights of my life.

Jared Mees [00:03:03]:
They’re both totally individual, different human beings, and they both need completely different things. And I try to provide it every day, whether I feel like it or not. And, you know, some days I succeed better than others, as we all do. But I would say, to answer your question, the biggest things that we do together are these road trips that we take every summer. Ever since COVID when Piper was two or three, two and a half, and July was eight, we’ve taken summer road trips to my hometown in Colorado from Oregon, where I live. So just driving around with them and exploring, mostly the western United States and just seeing things, camping. A lot of the. The funnest times are just when there’s no real plan and we just get into something.

Jared Mees [00:03:53]:
We’re on the beach or we’re having a conversation around a fire, or just all the little things that happen along the way. But the road tr. Definitely, we’ve taken one every summer since 2020, and they’re definitely a way to connect. And when I look back, I’m like, those are precious times. And, you know, they can be challenging. And sometimes the challenges, when you’re away from your home and you’re uncomfortable, you know, camping, they think they don’t like camping, but every time we go camping, they have a great time. They can be, you know, character building. And so I remember those fondly.

Jared Mees [00:04:29]:
We’re going on one this summer. This summer is going to be easy going. We’re just going to go down the Oregon coast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:34]:
Those moments are so important, and they’re going to be things that your daughters are going to think back on, remember fondly as they get older. Whether it’s the. The fun times or the squabbles in the car, the moments where you pull off the road to be able to see something cool, you know, it’s going to be those memories that they’re going to relate to. So it’s. It’s so exciting to hear those things. Now, I know you said your daughters are getting older and, and as your daughters do get older, as all of us that have daughters get older, there is the struggle that we go through as dads, which is allowing for us to be able to help our daughters to find that balance, that balance in having independence while still being who they are. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Jared Mees [00:05:26]:
That’s a great question. And I don’t know that I really think about it as it’s happening, but there’s a lot of connection that I feel like I try to foster every day that just kind of lets them know that I’m there and that I’m around and present for them. I try to be there every day when they get home from school, there when they leave for school. And I think just the presence allows me to be just plugged into what they’re going through on a hour to hour, day to day, week to week basis that I don’t know, there’s. That ends up. It makes it where I don’t really get in their way so much. I would say we have a lot of things going on and so trying to just make space for the small things that they want to do. Like my 8 year old wants to play and you know, you don’t always want to play, but you get down on the floor with them for 20 minutes and it means the world to them.

Jared Mees [00:06:20]:
And then my 14 year old wants space. And so sometimes that’s just like coming in, saying hi and being like, I love you, what are you up to? And then if they don’t want to talk, then just letting them have that moment and then eventually they come around and they want to talk. I noticed that my 14 year old really gets talkative right before bed and right before she goes to sleep, which is kind of like the time you want them to be winding down. And so just being around for the moments that they want you and then being okay when they don’t want you. And I think that’s where I’m not like starved for attention myself. Keeping myself really trying to be my own best friend where I’m not like trying to just go get attention from them keeps me from like being too hovery. That makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:05]:
It does make sense. And I think each of us has to find that balance for ourselves and, and also allow for our kids to be able to have that space that they need to be able to be who they are. And that becomes hard as they are transitioning, especially transitioning from that phase where they Always want to be around you to that phase where they’re like, nope, I need my space, I need to be away and I close my door, whatever it may be. But yeah, I completely get it. And I remember times where I’ve gone through that myself. As you think about your daughters and what you’ve done to be able to really work on that bond with them, what are some intentional ways you think that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters even through challenging times?

Jared Mees [00:07:50]:
Well, I think that I have a. We’ve got things that we focus on together on a day to day basis. My 8 year old is learning to read and so reading with her every day, it’s very basic. But reading, drawing, making art, it’s just day to day easygoing stuff that doesn’t feel like, oh, I’m building a bond with my daughter. But over time it kind of builds this repetition of like, this is what we do together and kind of gives them confidence in that they can, they’re developing skills and you’re watching them develop skills and encouraging them to be better while like really noting the improvement that they’ve made or noting something specific. Even if you don’t, you know, have the time to like look at like something small that they’ve made that they’re excited about, you can like, I always have the time to just be like, oh, that’s cool. I like this thing. And I think that’s like, I like this specific drawing of this the way that you did the cat’s whiskers or something versus just like, oh, that’s nice honey.

Jared Mees [00:08:52]:
And so I’ve really tried to like, because I don’t have all the time to sit down and praise them for everything they do, but there is an element of just calling out specifics of something that they’ve done that makes them feel seen. And that’s specifically my 8 year old. But you know, with my 14 year old I do it as well. And so I think that builds like the bond of like, I’m seen, I’m, I’m noted, I’m known. Even if it’s not a big time investment, just like calling out specifics of something that they’re doing. So that’s just like a little thing I do. I think I learned that from a book too. That said, even if you don’t have time, just noting a specific will make the connection for the kid that you are listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:34]:
Let me dig a little bit more on that because you know, showing them that they’re seen is important and I think One of the other things that I’ve noticed is that it’s so important with daughters to be able to let them know that they are both valued and heard. How do you show your daughters that they’re valued and heard?

Jared Mees [00:09:52]:
Well, my daughters are pretty loud and gregarious and like, in your face. And so it’s like, they are definitely heard all the time. I think it comes down to, like, important moments where they’re trying to say. It’s really like during moments of friction. That is probably where it really becomes like, am I being heard or not? Because we listen to them all the time talk about whatever they’re talking about. But it’s like there’s the moments where they need something specific or like, I didn’t. I don’t think that you did this. That you vacuumed even though I asked you to vacuum is like, I did vacuum.

Jared Mees [00:10:29]:
Well, you need to vacuum better. Let me show you how to do it. It’s like, I already know how to do it. You already showed me. And it was like, well, then why didn’t you do it correctly? And like, there’s these moments of altercation that stepping back and not allowing the heat of the moment to get in the way of. Of what they’re trying to tell you. You know, even if they, you think, you know, they did a bad job vacuuming, hearing out that they think that they did a good job and that they’re, you know, they did try and like, acknowledging that while then continuing to offer the input of how to do it better, I think is. Those are like the difficult moments, I think is really where you have to focus on making sure that they’re heard while also not letting them off the hook.

Jared Mees [00:11:16]:
Because I think it’s important to instill that kids know quality is necessary for them to be like a fully fleshed human. They’re going to have to be able to do things in a quality manner. But I don’t know if that makes sense. But it’s ultimately during moments of altercation or friction, allowing some space for them to say what they need to say while also not backing down from the truth that you’re trying to get across. And that can be a fine line. That can be difficult. I think as a man, it’s easy to get angry in those moments. And so you really have to keep your eye on what you want to get accomplished in the conversation versus being right or not being talked to in a sass with sass or anything.

Jared Mees [00:11:58]:
It’s like allowing what they need to say to get said, but Then knowing that the end of it, it’s going to be a. There’s going to be the. Some sort of, like, lesson is going to get taught, and you’re going to feel okay about it. I feel like dads and feel like they need to be heard, too, you know, because I live in a family with three women, and so it’s easy to, like, just have it be a lot of alternating energies and a lot of talking about disparate subjects. And, you know, you can kind of get lost in that sometimes. So it’s important to feel like you’re heard as well, you know, in those

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]:
moments that are challenging. I know that there are times as fathers where we’re not going to make all the right choices. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. There’s going to be errors of judgment. What’s a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:12:51]:
Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever made a mistake. No, it’s. There’s mistakes, you know, get made all the time. And I think that the one thing that I’ve. I’ve learned to say is. And this, like, somehow fixes it all the time is just saying daddy was wrong and just saying it plainly and quickly. And it really does just, like, help the whole thing. And you have to swallow your pride a little bit to say it, but once it’s out of your mouth, everything is like, all the tension goes down.

Jared Mees [00:13:21]:
Once you’ve made a mistake, you say, daddy was wrong. And it’s generally the mistakes I make are in, like I said before, probably letting my anger or, like, my agitation get the better of me in a specific situation because I have a certain set of emotions going on that my kids are not privy to. And I decide to snap at one thing and say, oh, you didn’t do this or you didn’t do that. You didn’t do the thing I asked. And then they say, no, we did. And then I’ve just spent all this time yammering on and getting upset about something that I was just wrong about. And so those are the moments, like, think of growth for me really is like, just saying daddy was wrong. And I think it’s hard for men to admit they’re wrong, but it just feels good once you say it, because it just lets the pressure off.

Jared Mees [00:14:13]:
Like, we don’t always have to be right or get it right, but it feels good to kids to, like, understand that, you know, you’re a human who makes mistakes. And I think trying to hold up some sort of standard, gold standard where you never make mistakes or you’re never wrong or even the illusion of that is just too much pressure on a human. And so it’s kind of nice to, to be able to just admit that and admit it up front and quickly. And it just lets a lot of the air out of things. It’s like we think sometimes that if we say we’re wrong that like our life’s going to end or that we’re going to be less of a man or just there’s some worthiness factor that’s going to enter, but you know, that’s just a lie. And so just quickly copying to things that you’re wrong about is really helpful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:00]:
Definitely. And I know that there’s plenty of times where I think being vulnerable will definitely open things up and allow your daughters to be able to see not only you in a different way, but see relationships in a different way and allow for them to feel differently about the way in which they kind of maneuver through life. So I know that you’ve done a lot of really cool things with your, your daughters and pushing them and encouraging them. You have your own passions and dreams. You have a lot of things with music that going on. You’ve done music with your, with your daughters along the way. Talk to me what you have done over your daughter’s lifetimes to be able to support them in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Jared Mees [00:15:41]:
Yeah, I mean, both my kids dance. They’re really into dance and acting. So it’s, it’s a lot of just driving to and from you. Just the work a day, driving, being in the car, taking them to the thing they want to do. And it’s. You don’t always want to do it. But the barometer I use is like, they’re happier when I pick them up than when I drop them off. And that is worth doing it.

Jared Mees [00:16:03]:
And like, I say that to myself and I say it to other people like, oh man, it’s so much work doing this driving for dance. But it’s like the happiness that you see on their faces when you pick them up from the thing they got to do, that you got to provide the money and time and effort and the car and the gas, et cetera. It’s worth it when you see that they are happier and consistently happier and like, that’s what ultimately makes a happy life. And then also, I don’t know, my 8 year old’s working on a play. She really wants to write a play and so she can’t really type or know how to like format a script or anything, but she knows exactly what she wants the play to be about and she has all these big creative dreams. So like we recently got her play from like in her head to. On a first draft and then we went through it and made it better and better and my 14 year old got involved and so she’s gonna be. We got it all printed out recently and we have.

Jared Mees [00:17:02]:
She had, they had picked the kids, they want to be in the play. And so my 8 year old is going to be directing it and my 14 year old is producing it and we’re going to put it on at the warehouse that we have and just kind of staying out of it and letting them. My 14 year old has a phone now, so she’s texting all the parents to get all the kids to show up for the rehearsals and you know, they’re working on all the costumes and stuff. So just like helping out with stuff like that and being involved while also not like taking it on as like my own project and kind of like letting it be whatever quality it’s going to be, it’s been fun. It’s like in a lot of times I would have jumped in and like made it this super extra over the top thing, but then it kind of becomes my project. It’s nice to sit back and have it be completely theirs. But providing the tech expertise to get things printed and to like share numbers with peop, you know, kind of the executive producer role, I suppose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]:
You know, one of the things that I know that we talked about at the very beginning was that over the last couple of years you had a bit of a scare, you had a bit of a mental health issue that you were dealing with and you had to maneuver through that period, that period in your life with your kids. Can you talk to me about that? And some of the things that you had to do to be able to not only get yourself in a good place, but also to help your children to understand what was going on and help them to better maneuver through that time.

Jared Mees [00:18:35]:
Yeah, you know, I’m an open book about it, but I, I had a mental health issue basically. Like they used to call them nervous breakdowns, but it’s basically a mental health event where I was not really able to function in the capacity that I normally could function because my nervous system basically was shutting down. And so for about three months I was not really the person that, that I normally was. And while I was recovering and this was a Period of basically getting clean and getting sober. I wasn’t a huge alcoholic or anything, but I definitely, I smoked weed every day for 15 years just to deal with my anxiety issue. And so I, when I stopped doing that because I wanted to have a different modality for dealing with my anxiety, there was a transitional period basically brought on a long term anxiety attack slash nervous breakdown. So the transition to getting clean really was difficult. And you know, with my 14 year old I was able to discuss it a little bit because she knew that I smoked weed and we live in Oregon and it’s a very accepted thing but it was, you know, something I had to tell her.

Jared Mees [00:19:46]:
Like I’m doing this to get better, worse. But in the meantime it’s really difficult for me to just deal with things I normally deal with. Noise was a big problem, really difficult to deal with noise for like nine or 10 weeks. And so just being in a house in a normal volume house was really difficult. And so I was like, I had to just explain that I was going through a difficult time. And they’ve gone through difficult times. They go through difficult times every day, every week. And so they understand difficult times but they didn’t understand, I think that I had to go through a difficult time and they didn’t understand why it was taking so long.

Jared Mees [00:20:24]:
And so I was just having, just having to explain the nature of what I was going through in a way, way that they could understand. It was difficult. It wasn’t easy to. Because you can’t really get too clinical and detailed because they kind of tune out. So it was really just about like I just need things to be simple and you know, I’m getting sick in my brain a little bit but my brain’s gonna get better. That’s kind of what we had to tell our 8 year old. And then my 14 year old, I was a little more upfront with her about the, the way things were working in reality. But by and large they were the North Star in the end of it all.

Jared Mees [00:21:01]:
You know, I was doing this for them to be better, not worse. And I feel like I’m definitely a better dad today than I was. I wasn’t bad before, but it was like I’m a better, I’m more confident person and I like myself better. And I think that shines through to the way I parent now. So it’s been a positive thing for them overall. But the transitional period, it was sad. It was difficult for me to try to note. I couldn’t give them what I normally give them.

Jared Mees [00:21:30]:
And you Know, but knowing that it was the best I could do at that moment and allowing that to be okay, that was what I had to focus on, that this was okay and I wasn’t messing them up. And for them to see someone go through something hard and to be better, because they really noted, oh, you’re better. I just noticed we’re doing all sorts of loud stuff and you don’t have any problem with it. And, like, that was really awesome when that came around for them. And they just, like, noticed that I had gone through something at hard and how I dealt with it. And I don’t know, maybe they’ll remember it. They’ll probably remember it as they grow up, but I don’t think there was hardly any moments that were, like, traumatic. There was a few times where I yelled because I was just, like, overwhelmed by my own emotions and the noise.

Jared Mees [00:22:12]:
And like, those were the times that kind of, like, necessitated conversations afterwards. But I don’t think it was. They were pretty quick and dealt with. And I have a support. My wife was super supportive and my extended family was super supportive. My friends were super supportive. So it was. I was able to get away when I needed to get away and deal with my own stuff, away from the audience of my family when that.

Jared Mees [00:22:39]:
When that needed to happen. So I really am thankful to them for, you know, being the North Star and being the guiding light for, like, this is why I’m doing this and why I’m going through this difficult thing. It’s not just for me. It’s for me first and for them second. But definitely they were, like, a huge important thing for getting me through it. I don’t know. I could talk about this for, like, hours and have. Obviously.

Jared Mees [00:23:00]:
But that’s Cliff Notes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:01]:
And what would you say to other dads that may be struggling with their own mental health issues and maybe they’re not getting the support that they need at this point.

Jared Mees [00:23:10]:
Um, gosh, say like that. Really examining at the bottom of it, like, what you need and whether or not you’re getting what you need and. And knowing that every day doesn’t have to be so hard. You know, often when you’re dealing with a mental health issue, it’s because there’s something underneath it that is basically just not working. And then we string it together and jury rig our lives so that it will work, and it’s often with substances and that really just examining what is it that’s not working and taking, like, a moment and knowing that just like, admitting it doesn’t mean you have to fix it. But admitting it is definitely a first step, and then deciding what you can do to fix it incrementally, if possible. And if you can fix something incrementally with discipline and with small changes, that’s definitely, I think, a better way than trying to go cold turkey like I did, and then, like, having to fall off the rails. But, like, the body keeps the score.

Jared Mees [00:24:17]:
And eventually you will have to reckon with the thing that is not working in your life, whatever it is. And to reckon with it slowly and incrementally over time is much easier than just having it reckon with you one day and having to deal with it all at once, one day. So I would say it’s just being honest with yourself about what you need. And it really takes time. Taking time away from your family and taking time away from the stress of life and examining what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it and what is important to you and what you want to do better and what you think you’re doing great. And like, that’s probably through a journal or some sort of, like, cataloging of your life in an organized way can be really powerful. But we often don’t take time for ourselves. As fathers, we’re kind of the ox that has to just continually pull.

Jared Mees [00:25:15]:
And we think that to take time or to not to admit that we are not strong is a failure in and of itself. And I think it’s ultimately the opposite. To, like, take time and to admit that we need help, even if it’s just to ourselves, is super powerful and actually makes us twice as strong. And I think that there’s a current in, like, men’s health that is moving that direction, that examining your problems makes you stronger, not weaker. And I’m excited for that because I really think that a lot of men suffer needlessly just because they don’t think that. They think that if they admit they need help or that they aren’t as strong as they put on, that they are, that somehow that’s going to be the end of something. And really, it’s just the end of your ego. And your ego dying or being minimized is actually a really positive thing for your.

Jared Mees [00:26:14]:
For your life, for being a father, for being a provider, for being a man. It’s like, it’s super important that that happens. It feels like the opposite in the moment, but it’s really important that that happens at some point in your life. I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:28]:
No, I think that was great. And I guess one of the other things that I was Thinking about is you talked earlier about the fact that your daughter is now transitioned into middle school and she’s moved into this. You know, you were dealing with your own issues. She’s now going into middle school and there’s a lot of things that happen in middle school, a lot of changes that happen in the lives of our daughters. Talk to me about that transition for you and balancing supporting her going through this, but also dealing with the changes that come with that and maybe the interplay with the mental health challenges that you were going through.

Jared Mees [00:27:02]:
Yeah, you know, as my daughter turned 13, I was kind of going through the mental health transition and I just cried and cried like a baby for God, like an hour one night. And it was just like kind of mourning the transition that like my baby was gone, my little girl was gone, and not feeling like I knew the new person that they were. And it’s not so black and white like that, but it felt very black and white at that moment and that it was like a new person had been placed where the old and the old one had been taken away. And I think it was important to have that moment of like acknowledging the transition because I think often the transitions are kind of just glossed over as we go through life and that we don’t get the moments to really acknowledge internally what’s happening for ourselves. Like, of course we have birthday parties and quinceaneras and bat mitzvahs and whatnot. But there’s gotta be an internal reckoning with the transition that’s happening so that you can then treat them in the now and be like communicating with them in the now and not have this constant mourning or sadness that it’s time has passed me by and where did my little girl go? And I think there’s a element of letting that out and acknowledging it. And that’s what these coming of age parties are supposed to be about. But I think often fathers don’t really do the emotional work to truly transition for themselves and the way, and like the way they’re thinking of their daughters.

Jared Mees [00:28:42]:
And I think it’s healthy to have some sort of internal moment with a journal or with yourself, just to like acknowledge that you tried your best for them, you did your best for them when they were little, and now they’re. You’re going to do their best for them as they’re this age and every age after that, you know, and then it’s really. Nothing has changed in terms of your commitment to the person, but it’s like your commitment to them being this and not that I think is important to them, really living in the now, in the present. This can take some pressure off, at least for me. It’s like taking some pressure off just having some sort of like internal transition moment, like emotional acknowledgement, like a ritual or something that is yours, that is specific to you and feels right to you rather than this, you know, these big outward public displays. Those are great and those are gonna happen, but it’s like, did you really get what you needed out of that? Did you really acknowledge it internally to where you can now transition with her and not just continue to think you have a three year old when you have a 13 year old and be frustrated that you don’t and feel like the time where did all the time go and feel sad. There’s so many emotions that come up that we press down, you know, that are nostalgic memories and et cetera. And it’s like those need to be acknowledged.

Jared Mees [00:30:05]:
It’s important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call Our Dad Connection 6, which are six more questions that delve deeper into you, you as a dad. Are you ready?

Jared Mees [00:30:14]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:14]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:30:19]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Jared Mees [00:30:24]:
Take life one day at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Jared Mees [00:30:30]:
Let’s say drawing. We all like to draw together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Jared Mees [00:30:37]:
Let’s say to love yourself and love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Jared Mees [00:30:45]:
Life is long and there’s lots of transitions and to take time with each period because it will soon be gone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:54]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Jared Mees [00:31:02]:
I would say letting your own ego go and letting expectations you may have on yourself go and just being present with your kids as often as you can in small ways is important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:18]:
Well, Jared, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Jared Mees [00:31:24]:
They can visit tenderlovingempire.com that’s my business. I run with my wife that we sell the art of 500 different artists and we run a record label here in Portland, Oregon. And or my Instagram is just aradmeese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:38]:
Well, again, Jared, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for being so honest and open. About the the highs, the lows, and everything in between of fatherhood and your own journey and being a father. And I wish you all the best.

Jared Mees [00:31:54]:
Thanks so much, Chris. I appreciate you having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:56]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:27]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the want you now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: bonding activities, connection, dad podcast, dads and daughters, daughters, Dr. Christopher Lewis, emotional intelligence, family bonds, father-daughter relationship, fatherhood, Jared Mees, Mental health, Mindful Parenting, modern fatherhood, parenting, parenting advice, parenting tips, raising daughters, self-growth, vulnerability

Building Unbreakable Bonds: Chris Singleton on Fatherhood and Love

July 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/ChrisSingleton-FINAL.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes an extraordinary guest: former professional athlete, best-selling author, and inspirational speaker Chris Singleton. This heartfelt conversation dives deep into fatherhood, resilience, and the profound ways dads can nurture strong, confident daughters, even amidst life’s toughest challenges.

Chris Singleton opens up about the joy and responsibility of raising his young daughter, sharing intimate stories—like their first daddy-daughter dance—that remind us how essential it is to be present and cherish each moment. He emphasizes intentional fathering, recognizing that quality time matters more than quantity and that even simple routines, like reading together or affirming your child’s beauty, play a vital role in building self-esteem and resilience. As Chris Singleton says, “Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there… your presence, it matters” 28:18.

A powerful part of the conversation addresses difficult topics: teaching compassion, navigating conversations about differences, and helping children process a sometimes divided world. Inspired by his personal journey through tragedy and the loss of his mother, Chris Singleton shares how he uses children’s books and open dialogue to foster empathy and curiosity in his children. He encourages dads to model respect for all, even when encountering different beliefs or backgrounds, and to proactively address hard questions rather than shying away from them.

Other highlights include practical advice for approaching conversations about race, mistakes Chris Singleton made early in fatherhood, and strategies for raising compassionate, curious kids in the age of social media. Vulnerability plays a central role; letting children see emotion and grief, he explains, not only builds trust but also reassures them that it’s okay to feel and share openly.

Ultimately, the episode offers a hopeful message: embracing love, forgiveness, and open-mindedness at home can prepare the next generation to lead with unity and understanding.

To every dad looking to grow deeper connections with his daughter—and to anyone seeking inspiration in today’s world—this episode is a must-listen. Hear the full story and practical tools by tuning in to The Dad and Daughter Connection—it may just change the way you parent, and the way you see the world.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:53]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk together, to work together to help you to be able to make those meaningful connections with your daughters one step at a time. It’s not always going to be easy. It takes time, it takes effort, and you do have to work at it. But it is so important to put in that work and to know that putting in that work is you are going to be able to build those connections and build those true bonds with your daughters that you want to have every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are offering you an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow and to put some, I’m going to say, tools in your toolbox that you can take with you. And you may not take everything, but my hope is that you have an opportunity to be able to take something, whether it’s one thing, five things, 10 things that you’re like, ah, that’s something that I’m connecting to. And, and today we got another great guest. Chris Singleton is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
And Chris is a former professional athlete who played for the Chicago Cubs. And following the loss of his mother in a racially motivated mass shooting, Chris has now become a nationally renowned inspirational speaker and best selling author. And he travels all over the United States and beyond to be able to spread a message of love, of compassion, and of really helping others to be able to think, think differently about the world around us and how we talk to one another, work with one another. But even beyond that, he’s a father of three and he’s got one daughter. So we’re going to be talking about his own experience in being a father to a daughter. And we’ll also talk about some of the journey that he’s been on and some of the things that he has been doing with his own kids to be able to help them to live in the world that we’re in today. So I’m really excited to have him here. Chris Singh, thank you so much for being here today.

Chris SIngleton [00:02:53]:
Absolutely, man. I’m grateful to be on talking about my baby girl. Girl, love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:57]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to be here today and to talk to you. I know we just saw each other at a recent conference that you were speaking at, and this is a topic that you don’t always get to talk a lot about. You mentioned your daughter in your speech, but I love it when we get to delve into fatherhood. And I guess first and foremost, I wanted to ask you about that relationship with your daughter. And I know she’s still young, but in her life so far and in your life with her so far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Chris SIngleton [00:03:28]:
Yeah, I think one of the most meaningful moments thus far is the first daddy daughter dance we did. You know, she’s almost three. And so at two years old, that daddy daughter dance and she was actually dancing. I was like, oh, it’s just going to be just her standing around and no, she was getting after dancing and wiggling and we had a great time. And there was a point where, you know, one of the older girls at their school started dancing with her and I just saw her. I was getting like a little emotional. Like, man, this is what a blessing it is that I get to be her dad and not only protect and provide for, but just be her friend. As she grows older and I’m looking at her, I just started getting emotional.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:06]:
So that was probably a moment where I actually stopped and just felt the moment. Because so frequently you have these experiences with your kids and you’re just like, oh, it’s an experience. You don’t really stop and just take it all in. And that’s one that I know in 20 years I’m going to remember that first daddy daughter dance that we did and how I was getting emotional. Like, man, how cool is that? I get to be her dad. So that was one so far.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:27]:
And like you said, your daughter is still young, but I’m sure that there are some ways in which some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to strengthen your bond with your daughter. So talk to me about some of those things that you tried to do intentionally with your daughter to be able to build that Unique bond with her versus what you’re doing with your sons.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:46]:
Yeah. And I think it’s super important because my boys, I coach them in baseball, I coach them in sports. And so she sees me doing this. We know. Even when we do bedtime, sometimes we’ll take the boys to bed first, and they’ll be talking about me coaching them. They’ll be talking about something baseball. And then my dad said. Then my daughter says something about, hey, Daddy, what about me with ballerina? Or what about me with this? And I’m like, you know, daddy loves that too, sweetie.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:09]:
And, you know, I can’t wait for you to go to your ballerina class on Friday. And so we have those same moments where it’s like, yes, I have my time with my boys, and I kind of combine the time with the boys sometimes, but I need to do a little better about splitting them up. Hey, older son get some time. Younger son gets some time. And most of the time, it’s like, hey, Daddy, with the boys. And then it’s like, daddy with baby girl. And whether it’s just reading with her the other night, I noticed it because I didn’t notice this with my boys. How.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:33]:
And I don’t know if you know, the stereotype is girls learn so much quicker. They’re so much smarter than boys when they’re young. But my daughter was literally sitting down in her. In the rocking chair that we usually sit in before bedtime, and she was flipping through this book as if she knew exactly what she was doing at 2 years old, and she’s pretending like she’s reading, and I’m sitting there smiling at her, and it was a beautiful moment. I’ve got this nickname for my daughter, and of course, I told you guys at the conference that I call her Chocolate Chip. And so every time I’ll say, hey, who’s my Chocolate Chip? And she’s like, I am. And I said, do you love dad? She’s like, yes, I love Daddy. And so we have these little small moments.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:07]:
But I know one day when she’s a little older, I might be dropping her off at school. And I’m like, who’s Daddy Chocolate Chip? She’s like, dad, come on. So I got to cherish these moments right now. And I surely, and I truly am

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:17]:
now, no dad is infallible. We all make mistakes. We’re humans. And I guess even this could be with your sons, too. But with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made? And what did you learn about fostering positive connections? With your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:06:33]:
Yeah. I think the biggest mistake so far is just thinking when I’m spending time with all three of my kids, that I’m spending time with every single one of them. And I didn’t do that with my daughter. I’m picking my boys up from school, we’re taking them to the batting cage real quick, Then we’re going back to get baby girl. Or it’s like, hey, my middle child likes to play golf, and so I’ll go play golf with him. I’ll let the oldest stay at home. And I’m spending quality time one on one with my older boys. And I wasn’t doing that with my baby girl.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:57]:
And my excuse, because we have to give ourselves excuses. I used to say, man, she’s so young. Can I do with her? And I realized you can do literally everything with her, too. And so I started to try to be more intentional about saying, hey, maybe this Friday I’m picking baby girl up early, and I’m taking her with me. Whether I’m riding around to the bank or whatever it is, just having her with me, spending that quality time, not just all three kids, but just with her. And I think that was probably a mistake I made early, is just having the excuse. Well, she’s so young, I don’t know if I can do anything with her. And I realized once I started bringing her with me, it doesn’t matter.

Chris SIngleton [00:07:28]:
You can take her just about anywhere. Even if we’re on the golf course, she’d like to just sit in the golf cart drinking juice box by herself and watch Ms. Rachel. So, like, sometimes it’s just bringing her with me and not using the excuse, oh, well, she’s too young. I think that’s a mistake that I made early on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:43]:
Every one of us, as fathers of daughters, are doing what we can to be able to try to help our girls to feel both valued and heard. What have you done thus far to help your daughter feel that in your relationship to date?

Chris SIngleton [00:07:59]:
Yeah. I think every kid, but especially daughters, they find their confidence, they find their beauty, and they’ll ask daddy or mommy, hey, do I look beautiful? And my daughter is obsessed with those words. And so every morning when we get baby girl dressed and we’ll put clothes on her, she doesn’t like it, she’ll let us know immediately if she doesn’t like the clothes. So we already know at a young age she’s going to be some type of fashionista. And so she will put on her clothes. If it’s not a dress, she doesn’t want it. So we have to change her clothes and put on a dress and we finish and we do her hair, whatever it is, she’ll always give a little twirl and say, daddy, do I look beautiful? And I think she’s asking for that recognition. And I tell her every time I say, baby girl, you’re beautiful before, and yes, you’re beautiful right now.

Chris SIngleton [00:08:41]:
And so just hearing those words, I think is so important. Building that self esteem, knowing, hey, in my faith, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, like God made me the way that I am, and I’m beautiful on the inside and out. And just hearing that from dad, I think it hits deep. Because yes, she asked mom, but she always runs to me and asks me to, hey, daddy, do I look beautiful? And she does a little twirl and I say, baby girl, you look so beautiful. And you see that smile, you see that confidence. And I never want that confidence to waver. And so as kids grow, there’s middle school where kids use mean words for no reason, but it’s just part of the gig. And there will be a time where I’m sure somebody’s going to say something about my daughter that, you know, isn’t the nicest thing.

Chris SIngleton [00:09:19]:
And my hope is that she’s heard from her mom, from her dad, from her family, like, I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am smart, I am courageous, I am all these different things. And so if she hears otherwise, it should be in one ear and out the other, because she knows she is. And that’s what I’m trying to instill at this young age. And hopefully she gets older. I’m sure there’s going to be still be those parts of her where she’s, you know, crying because X, Y and Z happened. But I want her to know deep down inside, hey, I’ve always heard who I am as a person. And so if somebody has something else to say about me, that’s a problem with them and not with me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:52]:
I mentioned at the beginning that you speak all over the world. You have been bringing a message of love, your neighbor, to the world in many different ways. And your message of love, your neighbor really came out of an incredibly personal tragedy. How has becoming a father changed the way you think about that message today?

Chris SIngleton [00:10:14]:
Yeah, well, I think initially the only reason why I started writing children’s books is because I’m thinking, how do I even tell my own kids about my story? It’s very traumatic. It’s very glass half empty type of story. Not message but story, I mean, just losing my mom the way that I did and having to tell your kids that, you know, unfortunately there are some people that hate others because of the chemical in their skin that makes them the color that they are or telling your kids, hey, unfortunately, there’s people that judge others based on their first language and all these different things that they’re hard conversations to have with your kids, especially when there’s tragedy involved. And so writing children’s books is the way that I said I can talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And so yes, there’s going to be conflict in my children’s book, but it’s not conflict of losing a life. It’s a conflict of maybe a kid gets picked on because the clothes that they wear or maybe their hair is a little different or maybe they wear glasses or whatever it may be and so they feel a little different. But in the end of my stories, they’re always celebrated, no matter where they’re from, what they look like or what makes them different. And sharing this with my kids, sharing it with kids all across the country in the world, kids start to look at each other a little different, like, oh man, okay, so we all have something that makes us different.

Chris SIngleton [00:11:17]:
Maybe my grandma does raise me, that makes me a little different. I don’t have my mom and dad raising me. But you know what, that’s okay. This person’s a little different because maybe they’re on the spectrum or maybe they wear glasses or I’ve even had kids would say, hey, Chris, I’ve got six fingers and I thought I was the weirdest kid in the world until you showed that everybody has something that makes them different. Now, you know what? I’m not ashamed of my difference. It’s what makes me who I am. And so sharing this with my kids, sharing it in children’s books is the easiest way for me to talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And it’s been a blessing to be able to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
As I thought about that, as parents, many of us want to raise our kids who are compassionate and empathetic, but we also know that the world can be divided. What would you say are some practical ways that dads can intentionally model love and respect at home?

Chris SIngleton [00:12:01]:
Yeah, I think first and foremost, I think there needs to be. You have to teach your kids there’s a certain level of respect we have for everyone. In doing so, you say, hey, this is maybe not the way that we do it in our family, but some families out there do it that Way. Now, you don’t compromise on the things that you believe in and things that you hold near and dear to your heart and your morals, but you acknowledge that, hey, to your daughter, like, hey, this is the way that some people do it. Now, we don’t think that way, we don’t believe that way, but we still going to respect them because that’s how they think, and that’s how they believe. I think having that conversation early on and letting them know you don’t have to compromise on who you are to just acknowledge that somebody else does something different is powerful. So doing that, I think it’s been really cool to see that in the progression. And then it also, when your kids ask you questions, you got to be able to answer them, because even at a young age, it’s like, hey, well, dad, what are they saying? It’s like, oh, well, that’s Mandarin, right? That’s not what we speak, but that’s a language out there.

Chris SIngleton [00:12:55]:
Or you see families that look totally different than yours. You’re like, well, dad, what is that? And you’re like, well, hey, that’s not the way that we do it, but that is out there. And so I just want to teach you and let you know that things may be different out there, and maybe that’s not what you believe or what I believe as a family, but that’s out there. And I think sharing that early on helps people, especially our daughters, understand. Okay, just because it’s different doesn’t mean we have to hate or doesn’t mean we have to do that, because that’s not what we do. But we can still acknowledge that that could save some kids and our daughters from. From learning things elsewhere and not talking to us about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:30]:
I mentioned that you speak to organizations and schools and other groups across the country about and connection. What conversations do you think that parents are avoiding right now that they actually need to be having with their kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:13:46]:
Yeah, just the one I just shared, right? Talking to kids about how some families may look different or how, like, I’ll give you a prime example. When my oldest was five years old, he went to school and he told me how one of the. One of his classmates had two moms, and he’s like, well, dad, you know, where’s. Where’s your dad? And I was like, hey, well, this is how they do things, their family, dad. It’s a little different than what mommy and daddy have, but that is out there. And so sometimes as parents, we’re like, man, I don’t want to talk about that, like, they’re shying away from it instead of leaning in and letting their child know, hey, this is out there. But that’s just not what we do in our family, in our household. And as awkward as it is, as nervous as it makes you to talk about certain things, believe it or not, the kids are seeing it, and they’re putting two and two together in their own minds.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:29]:
And so they need Daddy to be there. They need parents to be there to kind of navigate that for them so that they’re not questioning everything else. That’s what I’d say is important. And don’t shy away from it. You gotta lean into it. In one of my books, I say loving everybody, whether their skin is darker or lighter, whether their skin is looser or tighter, their hair is looser or tighter, whether their skin is wrinkled or rough. Why should it matter? Love is enough. And so we’re talking about different people and different things.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:54]:
You know, some people are on the back end of life, and we just share all these different intricacies about being a human being, and we’re talking with kids about that, and I think that’s beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:03]:
So the reality is that difficult events happen. Things do happen. People see it in the news, and some of these do involve race, hate, or violence. How do you think that fathers can approach those conversations with their kids in age appropriate but meaningful ways?

Chris SIngleton [00:15:18]:
I will say one mistake I made as a. As a dad is sometimes I talk to my oldest. Because, you know, you’re your first. Your oldest is like your guinea pig. You’re just. You’re doing everything you can trying to figure it out, right? And I wouldn’t let my son have Nerf guns. I wouldn’t let him play, like, shooting video games. And one day he finally like, why can’t we do this, dad? And I said, because, you know, Daddy lost his mom to a person with a gun, and it was a very hateful guy.

Chris SIngleton [00:15:41]:
And so then my son became very scared of just anything with guns. And I said, man, I probably told him that a little too young. And so what I should have probably said, going back is like, hey, we’re not gonna do that, because Daddy doesn’t like those. And when you get a little older, they’ll tell you why. And so when things happen in our world, maybe explain it in a way that, you know, maybe that’s not teaching love. Maybe that’s not loving people like we should and how Daddy’s gonna teach you. But that is out there, and that’s why I’m. It’s so important that I’m teaching you this because I never want you to feel that same way too.

Chris SIngleton [00:16:10]:
And so explaining it in that way early on is important. And then as kids get older, especially middle school, oh, my goodness. We think because middle school is the age where you want to shelter them, but life is being thrown at them because some kids are growing up a lot earlier than others and so they’re hearing stuff. And so we have to be proactive in saying, hey, this is what we think, this is what we believe. And yes, this is happening in the world and it’s terrible and you know, we hate to see it, but that’s why I’m teaching you the lessons that I’m teaching you, because I want you to know I want us to lead with unity and love the way that I think that we should.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:40]:
You know, your story is rooted so much in forgiveness. How do you teach either your kids or other kids the difference between forgiveness and ignoring wrongdoing?

Chris SIngleton [00:16:51]:
That’s beautiful. I think even when we give consequences to our own kids, it’s like, hey, I was in a small group with parents and one of our themes was I learned it from a dad who was phenomenal. So I use it all the time. And when we discipline our kids, we say, hey, I’m doing this to either keep you safe or make you better. Single time. I’m either doing this to keep you safe or make you better. Well, dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Because I want to keep you safe. Doing that is going to hurt you or hurt somebody else.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:17]:
But dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Well, I want to make you better. You’re not getting better as a person by doing that. So that’s why we have this consequence, right? And so in every scenario, sharing that has been really neat. And so I use it for everything. I mean, literally everything. Daddy, why can’t I have, you know, candy right now? It’s 9:30. You know, eating candy right now. You know, you probably don’t want to brush your teeth like you’re supposed to.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:40]:
That’s not going to keep you safe, right? You’re going to have cavities. You’re going to do X, Y and Z. It’s been a huge tool for me even as my kids get older. Well, dad, why can’t you buy me the nicest car? Well, I don’t think that’s going to make you any better. You got to have some sweat equity in this deal. And so if I give you everything, I’M not making you better. And so I’m going to use that with everything. And I think that’s the tool that all dads should have when they.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:01]:
They had to discipline their kid or have to say no.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:04]:
You know, a lot of dads worry about saying the wrong thing when talking about race or bias with their kids. What kind of encouragement would you give to parents who want to start these conversations but are feeling uncomfortable?

Chris SIngleton [00:18:16]:
Yeah, well, we have to do the work on ourselves first and figure out, make sure we’re in a good space to teach. Because the worst thing you could be is a hypocrite and you’re telling your kid to do something and you’re doing the exact opposite. And so I think that’s the number one thing. You lead by example. I don’t want to touch back on the whole forgiveness piece just really quick, because I don’t want to rush past that. When I think about forgiveness, forgiving doesn’t mean that there’s no consequence. There’s no accountability. Right.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:41]:
So if I forgive my daughter for doing something, I’m still going to say, hey, you still got time out. I still love. You know, I love you, but you still have to sit in time out for a minute because that was not kind to do. That was not smart. You didn’t listen. So it doesn’t mean that I forgive and just pretend like it didn’t happen. No, you’ve got to learn from your mistakes. But I also say my faith, belief, forgiven.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:00]:
And we all are forgiven if we receive that. And so it’s a line where it’s like, hey, there’s accountability, but there’s also grace. And I think you got to have both. And so I want to just touch on that really quickly because I don’t want people to think that forgiveness is letting the person off the on the hook. No, there’s going to be consequences, But I forgive to move forward. And I think that’s big.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
Some of the things that you’re talking about really are. I’m hearing you, that you’re encouraging your kids to be curious. They really try to see the world in a broader view. What are some simple habits that, that dads can build into their lives that help their kids to grow up with a mindset of curiosity instead of fear toward others?

Chris SIngleton [00:19:38]:
I think a big one is watching sports. You know, I said, we’re gonna talk too much sports. But, you know, you got the World cup coming up. You had the Olympics. You know, when the Olympics are here, learning about different countries. Well, dad, what’s Botswana. I don’t know. Let’s look it up real quick.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:51]:
Let’s look up what they do in Botswana. Let’s look up their culture. So having these. These conversations is really cool. In our household, soccer is big because my wife is from Brazil. And so because my wife’s from Brazil, I’m sure my daughter’s gonna grow up playing soccer because mommy’s gonna want her to play soccer like my wife did. And so, you know, you’re gonna learn about different cultures. You know, the more that you play sports, and if you’re a dad that likes sports, you know this.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:13]:
The longer you play sports, the more that you’ll play with people that are from different places, different cultures, different whatever. And that’s a beautiful thing to teach your daughter. One of my friends, his daughter was actually really, really good in soccer. And then she started playing in college, and she started playing with girls from around the world, and she’s like, whoa, you know, there’s different levels to this. And you realize that once you start playing at a higher level. And so watching sports, learning about different countries, the World cup, the Olympics, and then you dive deep when you watch with your daughter, like, hey, let’s look up Morocco. I always love looking up language, food, and where it is on the map. And so those are three things I love looking up.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:49]:
And so if we’re watching France, because we think France is going to win the World cup, and we’re like, let’s look up France. Let’s see what they got going on over there. And having those conversations, it’s fun, and it’s in a proactive way. And then when something may happen in the world, you’re not, like, circling back, man. I don’t. You’ve never talked about this place before. It’s like, no, we want to be upfront about different places in the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
I’ll ask you one other question about sports, and that really comes down to the fact that I’m sure that there are things that have happened in your life through sports that have provided you some lessons and things that have helped you to be the father that you are. So what lessons from sports or teamwork have influenced the way in which you father your kids? Kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:21:27]:
Yeah. Well, I. I’ve read some statistic, and I’m going to butcher it, but I. I saw, like, most women in leadership played sports at a young age, and I don’t know what the percentage was, but it was a high percentage. A high, high percentage. And so, dad, you guys can look that. That percentage up So I think sports are good just to put your daughters in sports. I think it teaches accountability, it teaches leadership.

Chris SIngleton [00:21:46]:
It teaches leading by example, because your teammates won’t buy into anything you’re saying unless you’re doing it too, so you got to do that. It also teaches failure. Failure and realizing, hey, we’re not going to succeed in everything all the time. But how you respond to that failure is everything in life. And so if we turn the ball over in basketball, or we strike out with the bases loaded in softball, or if we miss a free throw when we really needed to in basketball, like, whatever it is, how we respond to that is how we will make up majority of our lives. So those are some things that sports has taught me as an athlete.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:16]:
You know, I think about the world today and how social media has really created a lot of division. How do we help kids hold on to hope and kindness when they’re constantly exposed to negativity online and in the media?

Chris SIngleton [00:22:31]:
Yeah, I actually did some work with our legislators about this because I saw that social media has just become so divisive. And I love the stories where it’s like the kid with a lemonade stand out at the first tee, raising money for his buddy in school that has cancer. I love those stories. We need more of those stories. But it seems like we get pushed and we get fed the beast of the algorithm is anything divisive just gets. Gets pushed to us even more. And so censoring or monitoring what our kids are watching are engaging in is important. And then making sure, because we have to make sure that our kids aren’t the ones that are bullying or on the other side of that.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:07]:
And we all think, especially our daughters, like, oh, our daughter is just. She’s so amazing. She’s the nicest person ever. She would never. Until we started reading some of the stuff that they’re posting, we’re like, hey, we might have to have some conversations. So being proactive and not being blind to that is important as well, because we never think it’d be our kid to be the bully until we find. Find out that it’s our kid that’s the bully. And so just monitoring what they’re watching, what they’re saying.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:28]:
And then I always say there is. It is a blessing and a compliment to have high expectations for your kids. And so with our daughters, I have high expectations that you won’t do this online, you won’t say this online, you won’t be that person online. And so if that’s my expectation for you, it May be high because I’m monitoring your stuff. I’m making sure you don’t say X, Y and Z. I’m doing that at a place of love because I have these expectations for you. You. And making sure that the algorithm that they have isn’t one that’s going to fuel hatred and division.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]:
You know, you’ve inspired a lot of audiences through vulnerability and honesty in what you share in front of the groups. How important is it for dads to let their kids see emotion, grief, and healing?

Chris SIngleton [00:24:11]:
Oh, my goodness. It’s so big. Because if our daughters, our kids especially, just grow up thinking that dad doesn’t show any emotion, sometimes they’re gonna think they shouldn’t show emotion or they’re not going to come to us because he won’t understand. Because I’ve never seen him get sad, right? So if they’re sad, you know, I probably can’t tell dad because he won’t understand. I’ve never seen dad sad before. Now, if we’re open and vulnerable, it’s like, you know, I can come to dad with anything because I’ve seen him have the same emotions that I felt and he’s going to feel with me when I share this with him. I think that’s big. And for so long as husbands and fathers, we think, man, we have to be that rock that nothing shakes us.

Chris SIngleton [00:24:46]:
Us, right? We’re the foundation of the family, and nothing should shake us or hurt us. But in doing so, sometimes things won’t get to us because, hey, he’s not going to understand. He won’t get it. Because I’ve never seen him say that he messed up, or I’ve never seen him say that he’s grieving right now. And so I think it’s so important that we’re open and honest with our feelings and our emotions. Even other day, I’m watching a video in the car, and I saw this video. It’s like this kid had his dad at one of his games, and before the game, he got his son a new baseball bat. He hit a home run for his dad on Father’s Day, the dad catches it outside of the fence, and he’s like, I got it.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:23]:
I got your home run ball. And you see the son kind of point to the dad, the outfield. And I’m crying real tears, man. And my daughter, my son, they’re like, dad, are you okay? I said, daddy’s fine. But this made me feel emotional because this is a beautiful moment. And so I have happy tears right now, guys. And so like having those conversations, them, they see that dad has feelings too. And yes, we’re strong, yes, we’re going to protect our baby girls, our daughters.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:48]:
But they need to know, hey, we have feelings too. So anything that they feel they can share with us as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]:
What legacy do you hope to leave not only through your speaking, but through your role as a father?

Chris SIngleton [00:25:58]:
Yeah, one non negotiable that I have as far as my legacy is. I don’t want my kids to ever think daddy made a huge impact on the world, but he didn’t make a huge impact on us. I think that’s a, a huge failure as a man that I could have is if I do that, I want them to say Daddy was an amaz person. Not only to people around the world, but to us. He was dead. He was at our daddy daughter dances, he was at our games where we had our first hit or our first home, whatever it may be, he was there. It’s just being active and knowing that they have somewhere to run to or to talk to is huge. And then all the life lessons that I share with them, you know, I just hope that they keep 10% of them.

Chris SIngleton [00:26:32]:
That’d be my legacy. Right. I’m sharing stuff all the time and make sure you’re saving. We’re gonna do a Roth IRA for you young so you can do X, Y and Z. All these things. I just hope that they remember something of this stuff that I’m instilling in them and in doing so, maybe they run into a problem when they get older and they’ll say, you know, my dad always told me, and then they’ll share something else and that’d be huge legacy for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:52]:
So if every family embraced the idea of loving their neighbor, how do you think the next generation would look different from the one we have today?

Chris SIngleton [00:27:00]:
Man, what a beautiful question. I think that kids will grow up knowing that there’s going to be differences in the world. There’s going to be different faiths, there’s going to be different languages, there’s going to be different. Different Everything doesn’t mean different means bad. My wife is from Brazil and in Brazil the culture is all family. You don’t really move away too much in their culture, right? You don’t go away for college. I know you’ve got daughters that are going to college and all this stuff and they’re kind of moving away. And that’s not really the culture in Brazil.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:26]:
It’s all about family and having dinner together on Sundays. And so sometimes we could say you know what? Maybe I want that culture for me, even though I’m American. When you learn about something different, when you learn that, you know, sometimes times in some cultures they don’t use technology, they just sit around the table and talk and have meals together on certain days. I like that. And so maybe we can put that into our family values as well. And that’s beauty. When you see that when kids growing up, that different doesn’t mean bad. Different just means different.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:54]:
I think our world would be a lot better place now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:56]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. You ready?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:03]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:08]:
I’d say right now it’s just very gentle. Right now, gentle is my word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:17]:
Your presence matters. Is the best advice I’ve received. Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there and you’re just there for six hours, or are they really going to care? They’re so young. Your presence, it matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:34]:
Right now I’d say he’s reading books together. She loves that. So reading is our activity right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:44]:
Hard work is important. Would probably be. My biggest thing is like, hey, working hard is important. In a world where AI makes stuff easy and there’s shortcuts to everything, hard work is still super important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:55]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:59]:
I’ve learned that sometimes I need to stop and take in the moment more because I’m young guy and I had to grow up really quick and so I’m always ripping and running and doing that, you know, all these different things. But sometimes stopping and just being present in the moment is the greatest blessing we could ever receive. And so that’s something I’ve learned about myself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:19]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:26]:
I’d say having high expectations for our baby girls is important. And never get so caught up in that you have to provide that you forget that being there matters just as much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, what you’re doing, your books, etc, where should they go?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:43]:
My website’s chrissingleton.com and I got all the social medias. If you just search up C. Singleton underscore two or just search up Chris Singleton, you’ll see all my content and stuff there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:54]:
Well, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for not only sharing about your own journey as a father today, but sharing your message of love thy neighbor and help us think a little bit differently about the way in which we not only talk about this, but treat others. I truly appreciate the message. I truly appreciate the time and I wish you all the best.

Chris SIngleton [00:30:15]:
Thank you so much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:17]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being correct perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:47]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: Chris Singleton, compassion, daughters, Dr. Christopher Lewis, empathy, family bonds, father-daughter relationship, fatherhood, forgiveness, Intentional Parenting, parenting, parenting advice, parenting tips, personal growth, podcast, presence, race conversations, raising strong girls, resilience, vulnerability

Embracing Change: Strengthening the Father-Daughter Bond as She Grows

July 13, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/ColinGray-FINAL.mp3

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In the most recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes special guest Colin Gray—podcaster, international speaker, founder of The Podcast Host, and a proud father—to discuss the evolving journey of fatherhood and the unique relationship fathers share with their daughters.

This insightful conversation revolves around the central theme of connection: what it truly means to connect with your daughter as she grows, how that connection changes, and the intentional steps dads can take to foster it. Colin Gray reflects on his experience raising his now eleven-year-old daughter, candidly sharing that as children mature, simple activities like park visits or ice cream trips no longer hold the same power to bond as they once did. Instead, it’s the “little weird normal moments”—joining in on a silly dance or matching her energy in the kitchen—that create genuine connections. He urges dads to let go of preconceived expectations and instead meet their daughters where they are, embracing who they’re becoming.

Another major theme is the balance between guiding and granting independence. Colin Gray shares that encouraging his children to try things for themselves, even if it means letting them fail, has been key to building their confidence and autonomy. It’s about being there with support and constructive feedback, but resisting the urge to always be in control or solve every problem.

Intentionality shines through as a guiding principle: intentionally seeking out your daughter’s interests—even if they’re outside your comfort zone—fosters meaningful conversations and establishes trust. Whether it’s learning about makeup and hair to connect with his daughter, or simply being curious about her favorite YouTube trends, Colin Gray models engagement and the willingness to step into her world.

The conversation is honest about parental imperfection—both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Colin Gray admit to making mistakes, but emphasize the importance of being open to feedback from their kids and growing together. They highlight the value of mutual respect, adaptability, and leading by example.

This episode serves as a warm reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent presence, adaptability, and listening. If you’re a dad looking for real advice, encouragement, and stories from the trenches of parenthood, don’t miss this episode. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and keep building the bond your daughter needs—one moment at a time.

Listen now and join the journey!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to reach, work together on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters. And I say that it’s learning and growing because every day we have to learn and grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
We have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to set aside things that we think we know and go with the flow a lot of times with our daughters. And it’s important to be able to talk to other fathers, learn from other fathers, hear what they’re doing, and to gain some perspective, because we don’t have all the answers. Let’s be honest. None of us are infallible. There’s going to be times where we make mistakes, and many of us may not have a lot of examples of what fatherhood is before we become fathers. So that’s why every week, I love being able to have different people with different experiences that can offer you some different perspectives to help you in your own fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Colin Gray is with us, and Colin is known as the podcast host. Colin and I have known each other for a while, and I’ve loved listening to him and what he’s been doing, but he’s a podcaster, he’s an international speaker, a he’s founder of the podcast host and Alitu the podcast maker. But he started out in astrophysics before realizing how much math you had to do. So that being said, he turned to podcasting, and he has made a amazing, amazing life for himself and his family. And we’ll talk a little bit about the journey that he’s gone on, but also we’re going to be talking about his own journey in his journey as a father to two kids and especially his oldest, his daughter. And I’m really excited to have him Here. Colin, thanks so much for being here today.

Colin Gray [00:02:43]:
No worries. Thanks for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:45]:
It is my pleasure. I really appreciate you joining me. I know it’s the evening for you, the morning for me, and but I appreciate you taking some time to chat about this relationship with your daughter. And I love being able to start by really thinking about this journey that you’ve been on because every one of us as fathers wants to have those moments, those moments that we connect and we work hard to try to create those moments with our daughters. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Colin Gray [00:03:16]:
I’ll maybe avoid the question slightly, but give you a different type of answer perhaps in that. One of the things that I’ve found or I’ve learned, I suppose, over the last five years as my daughter’s become much more grown up. She’s 11 now and it used to be quite easy to make a connection with her when she was like three, four or five. You just go and you do kind of anything and they just become absorbed in what you want to do with them and just love spending the time with you and you know, they’ll often just do whatever you kind of lead them into playing, you know, a game or Lego or go outdoors to the park, whatever that might be. As my daughter’s got older, I found those things harder because obviously she has much more of her own mind, her own preferences, her own things, things that she wants to do. And I found myself even a couple of years ago when she wasn’t getting into 9 or 10, as she was getting much more of those preferences, I would choose to say, let’s go for a wee walk into town, we’ll go and have a wee walk around, we’ll grab like a nice cake or something in the shop and then we’ll walk home again. And because she’s much more her set, her own person now, she’d have preferences and maybe be a bit grumpy or, you know, it wouldn’t be perfect and I would end up getting grumpy because it wasn’t as perfect as I, you know, wanted this kind of connection to be. And I would kind of sabotage it for myself.

Colin Gray [00:04:30]:
These days I’m much more accepting of the fact that actually those connections just come in those little weird normal moments actually and it’s less about planning, like to go in for a three hour walk with her into town and a cake or an ice cream or whatever and it’s more just Actually, I walk into the kitchen and she’s sitting there, whether it’s reading a book or doing a dance or whatever it is she’s doing. And I’ll just walk up behind her and do the same thing. It’s like something about matching her energy much more. And because she’s kind of just learning who she is, I guess as a developing human, I find that’s what actually creates the connection these days. It’s actually just those little silly, messing around things where she’s doing a dance and I just walk in and join in in a super stupid, silly way, and that’s it. And it’s those little bits and it just takes like 30 seconds. But actually, those are the times when we just laugh and smile at each other much more. And there’s much less chance that the kind of budding teenager in her creates some kind of friction that ends up with both of us being angry at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:31]:
One of the things that I guess that I would ask in response to that is you said that there was a little bit of a journey for yourself in the sense of, you know, getting from where you were to where you are today. What were some intentional steps that you had to take to be able to, I guess, in some sense, let go and just be present and be a part of the energy that she’s giving versus having those. Those, I’m going to say, preconceived feelings of what you wanted to happen and then being let down because you have to be able to grow from where that was to where you are today.

Colin Gray [00:06:04]:
I mean, you know what it’s like when they’re small. You are like the definitive boss, aren’t you? Because they’re liable to do something that could hurt themselves. Or you need to teach them how to be humans, you know, how to be. How to be decent and nice and kind and share and all that kind of stuff. But there’s a point they get where they’re. Suddenly they know those things. If you’ve done your job well enough, then they mostly know those things. And you can kind of let go of that a little bit.

Colin Gray [00:06:29]:
And then actually it comes to the point where you’re trying to do nice things with them and make those connections that you’re talking about. But you can’t be the definitive boss in those. You can’t decide what their fun is. You can’t decide what their preferences are. You can’t say, oh, well, I like, I used to love going for an ice cream with you, and you used to love it as well. So now, because you say you don’t want to do that anymore, I’m going to get annoyed and grumpy. And I went through a point of that. So, yeah, you said the words there, letting go.

Colin Gray [00:06:55]:
And it was definitely a letting go of that. Partly you’re the one that’s always in charge and making the decisions, and there’s still a bit of that, you know, as a parent, no matter what age they are, of course. But you have to let go of a lot of that, I think. And let go as well of the fact that you feel like you know what they enjoy. Because I don’t know what they enjoy these days. Like, both of my kids, especially my daughter, she’ll teach her mind every other week, and that’s fine. She’s just figuring stuff out. But I can be surprised one day when I go and ask her to do something and she’s like, no, don’t like that anymore.

Colin Gray [00:07:27]:
And she doesn’t say it like that, of course, but something’s changed. So there’s something around letting go of predictability as well and kind of thinking that, you know, what will make that connection or please her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
A lot of the things that you’re talking about really talks to the fact that our kids, as they’re getting into the age that your daughter’s in, is really pushing and stretching that rubber band of independence. We’ll say they want more independence than they’ve had in the past. How, as a father, have you been able to balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needs to be able to become the person that she’s becoming?

Colin Gray [00:08:06]:
I think if there’s many things I’ve got wrong as a dad over the years, one of the things I think I have done reasonably well is the independence side of things. And I think I was. Myself and my brother were really independent kids when we were younger. My mom and dad worked. Both of them, they had to work. And also they were just quite independent themselves. They were both like farm kids, so they grew up on farms, and therefore they were given a lot of responsibility when they were kids as well. And that passed on to us.

Colin Gray [00:08:31]:
And so I come from a family that is kind of from that point of view, from an early age, you get on and you just kind of look after yourself. And I’ve always encouraged my kids reasonably gently, but sometimes forcefully, to do things for themselves. You know, they ask for little simple things done for them, and I’m like, no, you know how to do that. I’ll show you how. I’ll help you do it, but you’ll do it. And so I’ve often done that all the way through. And it’s one of the things where my wife and I differ a fair bit. But she enjoys doing things.

Colin Gray [00:09:00]:
Like she really enjoys looking after the kids and like making sandwiches for them and stuff like that. But then when she’s away for the week, the kids make their own sandwiches for their lunch. And I don’t think it’s. It’s not only because I’m lazy, it’s partly because I want them to know how to do that as well. So I’ve definitely encouraged that from the very start. Like they need to know how to do things and I’ll leave them to do those things and fail at them as well. My daughter was cleaning the car the other day and she volunteered to do the inside and I offered to pay her a bit more for the inside. And I was like, I could go out and I showed her a few things, but I just left her to it for a few hours and she came back and I went back and I told her, oh, no, that’s not right, that’s not right.

Colin Gray [00:09:37]:
And it was just. I think it’s that kind of constructive feedback is something that I do. I tend to treat them a lot more like grownups right from the start and. But then, yeah, alongside that, just play silly games as well. So there’s a bit of a balance there, isn’t there?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
There definitely is a balance there. And it sounds like there’s some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to build that bond, those connections that we have with our daughters, you talked about when she was younger and the things that you like to do and some of the things that you’re doing now, as you think about intention in intentional ways in which you’re trying to build that bond, what are some of the things that you’re doing today that you try to be intentional about as you’re building relationship and building that bond?

Colin Gray [00:10:18]:
I’m constantly trying to find the things that she likes that I can talk to her about. There’s a period she’s going through right now where she’s definitely connecting a lot with her mum because she’s getting into quite girly things like makeup and hair and things like that. And that’s cool, that’s wonderful to see them doing that. And they kind of. They go for little shopping trips in and buy like a little, you know, two pound lip balm that she gets really excited about and all these kind of things and it’s, it’s lovely to see. I can try. I can kind of like learn a bit, a bit about these things, but I’m just like, I’m a guy with no hair, so I can’t get into the hair stuff. I’m a 40 year old man, so I can’t quite get into the makeup stuff.

Colin Gray [00:10:52]:
I’ll try on the lip balm for sure, but can’t get too excited about an extra good lip balm. So I think I’m just constantly trying to ask her things like what she’s into. I think, you know, it might be the same with yourself, Chris, like around the kind of being in this world of podcasting and media and YouTube and all that kind of stuff. That’s one thing that I do find I can connect with her quite well with actually, because I’m really interested in like, you know, trends on YouTube trends and podcasting, trends in media in general. So talking to them about who they’re following and who they like and who they’re becoming fans of and even in music as well, but more so the visual media side of things, I find that a really good conversation. That’s something that I bring up often, actually, because I find that that’s a good way to connect because I probably know more about that stuff than your average mid-40s dad, just through the jobs that we do. So that’s one thing that I do a lot is try and have those conversations. So, yeah, I don’t know.

Colin Gray [00:11:40]:
Do you find that with your set, with your own daughters, you know, a little bit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:43]:
I find I still don’t completely understand TikTok. I still don’t understand it, but. But my youngest loves showing me tiktoks. And I’ll watch them and I’ll be in my mind saying, I don’t get this, but I’ll be here and I’ll be present and I try to figure out what the intrigue is. So. And I think that as podcasters and someone. For me, it’s all about storytelling, right? And it’s about how do we tell these stories or allow other people to tell their stories. And I think you do that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:18]:
And I’ve tried to impart that on my own daughters to try to explain to them the power of story and the power of allowing them to not only tell their story, but allowing for others to tell their story. And I’ve tried to show them that as well. And I’m sure you have too, right?

Colin Gray [00:12:35]:
Yeah, definitely. And you know, it’s interesting, you bring that up because it’s not something that I’d put a label on before, but something that my daughter and I particularly connect around a lot is stories around characters in our house. So something we’ve always played around with, even when she was really small. But it’s grown into. I kind of thought this would fall away, but it hasn’t. Is around, like, soft toys and dolls and that kind of stuff. And she’s not into playing with, you know, dolls and teddies and stuff like that anymore. But we have these stories around them that ends up the two of us play around with them together.

Colin Gray [00:13:07]:
So when I go in to say night to my daughter at night, she’s got a few different soft toys lying around in her bed. And they all have their names, but they also. Big backstories that we’ve made over the last, like, five years. There’s a great one, this big, massive yellow teddy that we have, which we acquired in Japan, actually, when we’re on a holiday there. And there’s a whole backstory around how we acquired it, but equally, it went for the trip around with us, and me and her were just sitting around, like, making this teddy do things all the way around this trip. And ever since then, as well, it’s had that story where it’s from Japan, and it’s. We do things around the house, and it’s got a personality. And I think.

Colin Gray [00:13:40]:
I’m not sure maybe everyone does this, to be fair, but I feel like we go a little overboard in giving all these toys personalities and backstory and making them do things over the years. And that’s definitely something that we connect around a lot. But you’re right, it’s. As you said there. It’s the story. It’s all around the backstory. It’s all around the plot, what their likes and their dislikes are and all those things. Is that kind of like.

Colin Gray [00:14:02]:
Does that make sense?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:03]:
It does. My daughters are at an age that we don’t really have those kind of stories anymore, but I do try to get them involved in what I’m doing. They’re not always interested in it, but I try to show them, explain them. I actually. I just was talking to my oldest the other day about. I said. I said, you’re a storyteller. You like to talk to people you like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]:
I said, you should have a podcast. And she’s, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, dad. And. But you never know. I mean, they watch, they. They learn, and you never know, they might decide to pick something up along the way.

Colin Gray [00:14:36]:
That’s it isn’t it. It’s all example. I think there’s so much. I fall into this trap as much as anyone. But it’s so much so easy to find yourself telling them something while doing another thing, isn’t it? Whereas if you just do the thing, you don’t need to tell them anymore because they just see that as normal. So yeah, exercise is one of those. Daphne’s a dancer so she does a fair bit of dancing and different formats and stuff. So she does a fair bit of exercise.

Colin Gray [00:15:02]:
But I think some of that has come from the fact that she sees me and my wife like we, we make a big point of, you know, working out four times a week and doing a fair bit of exercise and being active and getting out in the hills and all that kind of stuff. So I think example is so powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:16]:
It definitely is. Now every one of us as fathers want our daughters to feel valued, heard and to know that we are there for them. What do you intentionally do to help your daughter to feel valued and heard?

Colin Gray [00:15:31]:
I think the main thing I try and do, rightly or wrongly, is I’ve always tried to be as honest and constructive as possible. And I think I’ve certainly. My wife thinks I go too far with this sometimes to actually criticize a painting. They’ve done a painting or made something and you’re like, don’t criticize that. That’s not the right word. But critical feedback. Oh. So good effort on doing this.

Colin Gray [00:15:57]:
I wonder what do you like about it? Do you like this part and this part? I love this part about it. I wonder that year is not quite right. I wonder if we draw that dog. How would you normally draw a dog ear? So it looks a bit more accurate and I certainly think you don’t. This is probably something that many people would disagree on, but I’ve always done that ever since they were quite small. So I think that has built more trust over the years. So that when I do give my daughter a compliment or I tell her she’s done well at something, I think she trusts it rather than, you know, as a kid you always appreciate the praise from your parents but. But you begin to realize that your mom’s going to tell you you’re great at whatever you do, no matter how good you are at it.

Colin Gray [00:16:35]:
So I think that’s what I’ve always tried to do is to be quite honest and be a little bit critical friend when I can so that trust builds. So is that something to do yourself? Do you find that with more grown up daughters have you had any feedback on that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:52]:
I do. I try and sometimes I fail. And I think that they’re much more willing to tell me when I’m failing. And I think that that’s okay. I think that all of us, as I said before, none of us are infallible. We all make mistakes. And I think that we have to be willing to learn and grow and not be so set in our ways that we’re not willing to take that feedback ourselves. I try to give feedback to my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:22]:
But you also come to learn when you can push, when you can pull, and when you just need to be still.

Colin Gray [00:17:28]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:29]:
And I think as they get older, that’s definitely something. You have to learn that along the way.

Colin Gray [00:17:33]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you’re absolutely right there around making it mutual. It doesn’t work unless it’s mutual. And we do that quite a lot, actually, me and my wife. We say, like I often say to both of our kids, listen, I know I’m getting you in trouble for something here. I know I’m giving you, like, telling you what to do and all that kind of stuff, but if there’s ever any. I’m always willing to take feedback. If there’s anything you think I’m wrong about, I will always listen to you.

Colin Gray [00:17:56]:
If you say it to me in a reasonable, fair manner, if we can talk in normal tone of voice, and we’re not going to shout at each other. If you ever give me feedback, if you ever want to tell me something if you think I’m wrong, please just tell me and I’ll always listen to you. I might disagree, but I’ll always listen as long as we can talk about it in a civil manner. And I think that’s often built a decent bit of trust as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:
And I think a lot of fathers and parents in general get in trouble when they don’t approach parenting in that way. Because I think when you get into arguments and you’re butting heads, especially during the teenage years, because that tends to happen, that’s when things go sideways. And that’s when you say things you regret in the end or you injure or hurt the relationship in a way that becomes harder to come back from. And I like the word that you said when you said you come at this with a mutual, you know, and it’s. I think there’s a mutual respect. Right. You need to be able to provide respect for your child. You want them to have respect for you, too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
But ultimately, as they get older, you need to show that mutual respect for the decisions that they’re making as they become adults, while at the same time knowing that you may not be agreeing with the decisions that they’re making.

Colin Gray [00:19:09]:
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Because I’ve had that happen.

Colin Gray [00:19:12]:
Yeah. I’m sure that’s one of the areas where I have a big weakness. Like my. Probably my biggest weakness as a parent is I can end up stuck on a road. Stubbornly. My wife will back this up. That I have a stubborn streak whereby if I have started down some kind of path, I say it relates to what we were talking about earlier. Like I’ve decided we’re going to have a good day by walking into town and having an ice cream and then we’re going to have a nice chat and then we’re going to come home.

Colin Gray [00:19:37]:
And that’s in my head. And stubbornly I’ll stick to that. Even though I realize my daughter’s not really into this anymore or she’s actually just had a bit of a bad day because her and her friend just had a little fight or something has happened which means that we should be changing plans. And it’s kind of ironic because I think run my own business. I do a bunch of other stuff that means I need to be flexible. I need to be flexible and adapt to plans. But with my children, sometimes I’m very bad at that. I’m not good at adapting.

Colin Gray [00:20:02]:
So when something starts and I end up on a track and I stubbornly stick to it, that’s when I end up seeing things I’ll regret all the time because I’ll somehow just refuse to be able to change my mind or to be able to go back on something. Even though I realize that I’ve ended up. It’s at least half my fault, if not more, that we’re now shouting at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I think that showing them that adaptability is important because so often in life we have to be resilient and you have to bounce back. I just had an example of that with my oldest daughter up till Monday of this week. She was supposed to be flying out yesterday to go on a month long mission trip to Kenya. It got canceled Monday afternoon.

Colin Gray [00:20:45]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Because of the diseases that were happening in and around Kenya.

Colin Gray [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:51]:
And of course she’s devastated and you have to understand and you have to try to help her to be resilient. But there’s also that understanding of where your daughter is at the time to be able to be in the mindset of hearing that message while knowing that she may not be able to take that message in at the Right.

Colin Gray [00:21:13]:
Time. Yeah, yeah, totally. That’s a pretty general human thing, isn’t it? There’s certain times when we’ve had bad news or we’re in a bad mood, the last thing you want to hear is, oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. Like, I don’t get. It’s not going to be okay. Yeah, it’s hard to find that empathy, though. That’s. Yeah, it’s difficult, especially with a teenager, I think it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]:
So, you know, I think, though, that showing them that adaptability, though, leads them to be resilient and to be able to see that it’s okay to change plans and it’s okay to move in a different direction. Now, I will say that if you have neurodivergent children, changing plans and being adaptable may be harder. And I’m just going to recognize that because I know that that can be more of an issue. I don’t want to say that all kids are going to be the same in doing that, but I think that it is still important to help them to be able to understand how can we be adaptable based on the life of what’s happening in our life, what’s happening today, what’s happening tomorrow and beyond.

Colin Gray [00:22:14]:
Yeah, definitely. I think. I don’t know. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this as well, Chris. But like, when we were in Japan last year, I found that a really interesting trip in the. We planned a lot less than we usually would. So we were there for a few weeks and there were so many little problems came up on that trip. Like something went wrong, something didn’t turn up on time, and it was all because we didn’t actually plan it that well ahead because we wanted to be quite flexible.

Colin Gray [00:22:37]:
But there was so many, like, great experience moments in there, around that hopefully the kids again, from example, isn’t it like seeing my wife and I say, all right, okay, so we can’t get that train after all. So can’t get to our hotel tonight. Which means pretty unfortunate, but we’ll find something else. So we just start looking for other things and kind of about. And talking to folk. And I think that’s sometimes actually a great way or I found a great way to show them that and to teach them that is actually to take a chance on something that’s a bit less. A bit more unpredictable. Maybe plan a bit less than you would normally or try a type of trip that you wouldn’t normally take or things like that.

Colin Gray [00:23:13]:
And then obviously attempt not to entirely Panic when it goes, goes wrong yourself, which is not always the easiest thing, but give it a go at least. Have you ever tried something like that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
I have. You know, and I think I find that I tend to like to be busy when I’m on vacation, like you’re saying. And I tend to like to know what’s around and, and I try to plan things but sometimes the, the best trips that we’ve been on have been ones where we have a general sense of what we’re going to do but then we leave it open to a bit more chance of okay as we’re driving around. You know, it’s not that we have to be there right at 10 o’, clock, but hey, that sign says something’.

Colin Gray [00:23:55]:
Here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:55]:
Maybe we, let’s, let’s take that little side trip and we don’t have to be there right at 10. We could be there at 10:30. Let’s go check that out. Or you know, you’re, you’re walking and you’re headed toward a direction but then you see a, a side shop that looks really interesting. Is it going to matter that you’re 10 minutes late? Maybe it will. And if that’s the case, then you can come back. But if there, if you don’t have the specific things that you have to do at the right time, at the right, you know, in the right order, sometimes it’s fun and it makes it even more memorable.

Colin Gray [00:24:27]:
Yeah, definitely more memorable. I mean some of the most memorable things we’ve done all together as a family were completely unplanned, completely unpredictable or even it’s just a complete mess ups. Like when the car breaks down and you have to walk a mile to the garage and you get stuck somewhere in a bog because you try to take a shortcut. You know, silly things like that, that’s the stories that stick around. It’s never the ones that you, you plan for like the beautifully crafted Christmas dinner or the, or the, you know, the trip that was planned within an inch of its life that was meant to be most memorable. It’ll be, it’ll be the silly, the silly one thing that went wrong on those things every single time that comes up, isn’t it? It’s always the family stories.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Colin Gray [00:25:10]:
Go for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Colin Gray [00:25:14]:
Feisty.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received I that it’s

Colin Gray [00:25:20]:
always just a phase. So if it’s something good that’s happening right now, if they’re in a great mood, if they’re all like, if the relationship’s going well, then appreciate it, because it will probably change. But if it’s all going terribly, if they’re behaving terribly, if there’s something bad happening, you can’t get them toilet trained, whatever it might be, it’s just a phase. It’ll pass. So either way, if it’s good, appreciate it. If it’s bad, it’ll pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:42]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Colin Gray [00:25:45]:
Piggybacks still. Even though she’s getting way too heavy and it keeps me strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Colin Gray [00:25:55]:
I think it is something around what we were talking about there, around resilience and change. It’s like things will change, but you have the strength and the intelligence and the resilience to adapt it. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll figure out a way that our family is a family of problem solvers. That’s what we all do. So we love to solve problems. So just see it all as an interesting challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:17]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Colin Gray [00:26:20]:
That I am a much better person to be around when I can abandon my preconceived expectations and actually just go with the flow more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Colin Gray [00:26:36]:
There’s something around probably the hardest thing which is holding them more loosely than you feel like you should, whether that’s how much you need to protect them, whether it’s how much you need to guide them or whether it’s how much you need to tell them the way to do things. We should probably. I certainly I should. I have learned certainly to do that more loosely than I naturally would otherwise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Well, Colin, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing with podcast host or anything else that you’re doing right now. Where should they go?

Colin Gray [00:27:08]:
Yeah, probably the best place actually is just go over to Colin Gray. So my name, Colin Gray link. That’s kind of links to all the stuff I’m doing. So yeah, just Colin Gray link.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
And I’ll put a link in the notes today to for you to be able to connect with Colin. Colin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate the time today. Appreciate you sharing your story. I know it’s continuously evolving and it will continue to evolve as your daughter gets older, but I really appreciate your time today and for you sharing with us and I wish you all the best.

Colin Gray [00:27:39]:
No, thank you very much for having me on. It’s always a pleasure to chat. It was good to catch up. So, yeah, cheers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:28:14]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: advice for dads, Building Trust, childhood development, Colin Gray, connection, dad and daughter, daughters, Dr. Christopher Lewis, family bonds, family stories, father-daughter relationship, fatherhood, independence, Intentional Parenting, parent-child communication, parental advice, parenting, podcasting, raising daughters, resilience

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

July 6, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/DaryleBrown-FINAL.mp3

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If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters, Building connections, communication, confidence, dad advice, daughters, family bonds, father-daughter relationship, fatherhood, fatherhood stories, humor in parenting, independence, Intentional Parenting, Laughter, Listening, Listening skills, parental guidance, parenting, parenting advice, parenting tips, raising daughters, relationships, supporting children

Building Father-Daughter Connections Through Presence and Support

June 1, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/CraigParks-FINAL.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Are you a dad striving to forge a deeper, lasting relationship with your daughter? The latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is a must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this heartfelt conversation with guest Craig Parks spills over with practical wisdom, real-life stories, and a focus on the small moments that truly matter in father-daughter relationships.

A central theme in this episode is the extraordinary power of being present. Craig Parks reflects on the transition from seeking only “big moments” to cherishing the everyday interactions—whether it’s sharing a chat during the drive to school, game nights, or the simple rituals at bedtime. These small but consistent acts of presence, he argues, lay the foundation for trust and connection that daughters carry into adulthood.

As the episode unfolds, the conversation shifts to the challenges and joys of raising daughters through their tween years. Craig Parks emphasizes the importance of balancing guidance with allowing independence. He shares, with refreshing honesty, the natural struggles of parenting—highlighting the need for self-reflection, giving space for children to assert themselves, and not taking it personally when daughters begin to assert their own identities.

Another powerful takeaway is the value of supporting your child’s passions and dreams. Craig Parks’s support for his daughter’s love of music and theater—showing up for rehearsals, being her biggest cheerleader, and even creating a “Daddy Daughter Duo”—serves as a model for embracing who your child truly is, not who you expect them to be.

The podcast doesn’t shy away from the tough stuff either. Craig Parks candidly shares a parenting mistake, underlining the importance of apologizing and repairing relationships. This humility and willingness to grow set the tone for authentic connection.

Rounding out the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis and Craig Parks discuss actionable tips, from fostering safe communication to managing your own well-being as a dad.

Ready for more heartfelt advice and stories that inspire? Tune in to this episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection.” You’ll come away equipped and encouraged, with fresh ideas to nurture the most important relationship in your—and your daughter’s—life.

Listen now and start building those everyday moments that last a lifetime!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, working toward building those strong relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is so important that you show up, because every day that you show up shows your daughters that you care, shows your daughters that you’re in it to be able to be the dad that they want and that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:18]:
And that’s why this podcast is here. It is here to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, to provide you some perspective and allow for you to learn from some other people that have gone through different experiences that can give you some different perspective that can help you to be the dad that you want to be. Today, we’ve got a great guest. Craig Parks is with us. And Craig is someone I’ve known for a few years. He’s a past guest on my other podcast, Dads With Daughters, that I did for many years. And I asked him to come back to talk about where we are today, because the last time we chatted was about. About five years ago, I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:56]:
And things are definitely different. Kids are older, and life is different in many different ways. So I’m excited to be able to talk to him, especially about his relationship with his daughter, and to be able to share him with you. Craig, thanks so much for being here today.

Craig Parks [00:02:09]:
It’s an honor. Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]:
Well, I really appreciate you being here today and for sharing this journey that you’ve been on with your daughter. And I know she’s in those tween years, so we’ll be. We’ll. We’ll talk a little bit about that, too. But one of the things that I love talking about first is that each of us as a dad, really want to create those moments, those moments that Our kids will remember. And I guess for you, as you think about your relationship with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Craig Parks [00:02:39]:
For me, we often will think about kind of the really big moments, and certainly those are going to happen. But to be honest with you, my focus is less on the big moments and understanding that most of parenthood is actually made up of the everyday small moments and really trying to be present for those. Right. Whether it’s like when I’m driving her to school every day, am I present, am I with her, are we sharing something in the evening when we’re hanging out, am I on my phone, or am I like, really with her? You know, are we playing games, are we talking, are we. And if she’s going through any kind of struggle, like at bedtime, when she opens up a little bit more, am I listening in a way that will make her want to continue to. To open up and see me as a trusted source of support? So there’s some just amazing moments of watching her on stage, she’s in musical theater, or just playing Rummy Cube with her often, or she’s also a musician. And so for me, like, what’s really special is when she sits down at the piano and we’re starting to put together a little thing called the Daddy Daughter Duo. And our dream is to go out and gig together.

Craig Parks [00:03:40]:
So anytime we play any music and harmonize together, those moments are so incredible. But I don’t look towards, like, the big moments I want to soak in because I just know how fast it goes. I know that in a matter of six years can be out of the house. And it’s like I just want to make the most of the tiny moments each bedtime that she still wants me there every time she gives me a hug and wants to hug me. And as you mentioned, she’s in her tween years now, so I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all roses either, because she is in her individuation process, which is a natural process. Right. So there are some really hard moments to too, where she’s very defiant and she’s bumping up against those boundaries and that’s her job as well. So that’s really kind of what’s in my heart around that.

Craig Parks [00:04:22]:
I mean, it’s a good question. And I know that we will look back and I, you know, when I look back on her 11 years already, I mean, the pandemic was actually a really huge one, honestly. And that’s where we created part two, Party Central. We did a weekly interactive show together to kind of get us through the pandemic and help others get through the pandemic. And we created this amazing interactive family variety show for people. So that’s a memory that’s like, wow, that’s really huge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:46]:
Now, with your daughter getting into those tween years, there is a point in time where your daughter goes from the daughter that is still holding your hand and wants you there and has those stars in their eyes as they’re looking at you and being its dad. Now, they still say it’s dad, but they’re looking at that independence, and they want that independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Craig Parks [00:05:11]:
Such a great, great question. And, you know, I think when we listen to podcasts or it’s easy to think of, like, oh, there’s an expert on. And they have it all together. And, you know, and I just want to be really honest. I think that, first of all, it is a great question. It’s an important question. And I think it’s important for us parents to remember that. That we’re never going to be perfect.

Craig Parks [00:05:31]:
And so that balance between fostering her independence and when she was like, oh, I want my daddy, but there’s that part of her that’s like, you are embarrassing me. You are gross, and get away from me. For me, I just do my best to, one, not take it personally when things get really, really hard. And two, to actually understand development, I think, is really important for us dads as well to know what is actually natural. Like, for them to start breaking away is actually natural. And if we’re hoping that they’re going to be continue to look at us like, oh, Daddy, you want to hold our hands when they’re 15 and 16 and 17, that’s actually not inv their best interests. I’ll share this with you. I was nervous, and I think when we spoke many years ago on the podcast, I shared this, too.

Craig Parks [00:06:12]:
I was actually quite scared to have a daughter. As somebody who’s worked with children of all ages for over three decades, and it wasn’t because I was afraid I was going to love my daughter. It was because I think my knowledge of what. What girls and women go through, it’s like, wow, that’s tough. And. And so when I found out I was having a daughter, it’s like, okay, I want to do everything I can to help my daughter own every bit of her power. And. And so I created a mantra for her even when she was in utero.

Craig Parks [00:06:39]:
And her mantra is, I am powerful and creative. And it is something I just. She is. I just shared with her almost every single day of her life. And what’s great is she’s actually really internalized it. And yet the irony is that when she owns that power and that creativity and uses it, quote, unquote, against me, I have to take a step back, not take it personally, and realize, okay, she actually is asserting her independence. And. And I want her to be.

Craig Parks [00:07:03]:
I want her to be strong, and I don’t want her to just follow the crowd. I don’t want her if even in her dating life, if she’s feeling a little bit weird internally, I want her to trust her intuition. I want her to trust and feel confident. Say, this doesn’t feel right. So I’m not looking for a daughter who’s just going to obey me and be completely obedient. No, I want. I want a daughter who’s going to be able to question me when she feels like something is not fair or just or right. I want to foster that in her so that I know that when she’s out in the world, she has the confidence to do that and know that that’s.

Craig Parks [00:07:35]:
That’s actually a good thing, that that’s a really wonderful thing to do. So there’s tension in that. Right? Because of course, who doesn’t want the sweet, loving daughter, right, that’s just going to want to hug us all the time. But I think it’s important to know that that’s actually not in their best interest, that it’s. That they do need to break away. They need to actually go up against the boundaries. And it’s our job as parents to one continually question, are these boundaries still developmentally appropriate and are they fair? And if they are, it’s our job to, even against their resistance, to hold firm and be okay with them hating us in that moment because they’re going to say some things that if we could take personally, but I think our job is to not take personally and stay calm, as calm as we can, and loving and. And have some grace for ourselves as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:19]:
You know, a little bit earlier you talked about that your daughter’s into musical theater, that you can tell that she has some true pass, that you’re wanting to do some gigs with her and to try to get out into the world to showcase what you both have together. And those go into the passions and the dreams that our kids have. And as fathers, we do whatever we can to be able to support those. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams?

Craig Parks [00:08:44]:
Well, I think a lot of it is just like taking her to all the rehearsals, picking her up, and also being there, just being present. My dad was such a hard working dad, just trying to support the family. He missed a lot of my childhood. I think a lot of what I do and what I chose to do as a profession, working with kids, and certainly as a dad, I think was largely driven by a lot of that pain of like wishing that my dad had been kind of more present. I understand. I mean, he, it wasn’t for a bad reason. He was working his tail off trying to support the family. Right.

Craig Parks [00:09:14]:
But I knew I wanted to design a different kind of life for myself as a dad. And so I think the way we support our kids and our daughters is by understanding who they are. So like, my daughter is really into music and musical theater and she never got that into sports and that’s fine. So it’s like trying to understand, like, what are their true gifts, what are their true passions and trying to let them become who they actually are rather than mold them into who we want to be. I mean, look, I wish I was out gigging last year with her already because she could do that. But I also don’t want to be the, the parents, be like, no, we’re going to practice this way and have it be some. I want it to be joyful and connecting. So for me it’s just being present.

Craig Parks [00:09:50]:
When she has rehearsals, I work it out with, with my wife so that who’s going to drive her, who’s going to pick her up? And she sees that dad is often the one doing those things. Every performance I’m there. On the very rare occasions where I can’t make something, I see she’s bummed about it. And for me as a kid, it was just the norm. So the fact that I know my kid is disappointed and can show that to me is actually another beautiful thing that reflects the, the connection that we have, that she can actually express her sadness and disappointment and I can too. But just being there, being present, seeing what they’re into, seeing what they’re passionate about and supporting it, I think is one of the best ways that we can really support our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:26]:
The other thing that I think a lot of us as dads want to do is be able to show our kids that we believe in them, that we value them. And I guess for you as a dad, what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel both valued and heard?

Craig Parks [00:10:42]:
We talked about kind of the small moments of each day. I think it happens in the tiniest of moments. Each. Each moment when she’s speaking, don’t be looking at your phone. And I’m guilty of that. And so. But in terms of my intention, that’s what I want to make sure is when she’s speaking, presence, am I present? Am I actually hearing and understanding what she is saying, and am I asking questions that she could tell I’m really thinking about what she’s saying and can I do it without judgment? And that’s tricky for us parents, too, because of course, we’re going to have our judgments about things. But.

Craig Parks [00:11:11]:
And then the other thing is. And this could be hard for us parents, too, is letting them fail, letting them make mistakes, let them learn from those mistakes, giving them space to be able to fail, to not rescue them and. But let them know, like, we’re here, we see you, and we believe in you. This is something I was actually conscious of from really day one, especially with a daughter. I did not want a daughter to learn that she was just helpless. I wanted her to know I believed in her. So I guess a little kid, you know, she. She’d fall off the play equipment or she.

Craig Parks [00:11:40]:
She’d scrape her knee or whatever. And. And I wasn’t just, like, running to her like, are you okay? You know, I was like, get on up. You got this. You know, just letting her know, like, I’m here. I see you. I believe in you. You can get up.

Craig Parks [00:11:50]:
You got it. And obviously, if she was really, really her, I. Obviously, I’d be nurturing and take care of her, but, you know, just let her know, like, whatever it is, like, we can learn from them and we can grow. And so to not get upset if they fail, if they, you know, they don’t do something, they don’t do a chore, it’s like, okay, well, you’re not going to get this until it’s done. But with no anger in the voice of, like, cool. This is the way it is. I think the more us parents can understand our boundaries and understand how to set up kind of natural consequences, it’s easier for us to not lose our cool. And especially as dads, it could be really scary for kids when us dads can lose our cool and lose our temper.

Craig Parks [00:12:25]:
Our. I think our biggest job is really to just work on our own presence and our own being so that our kids just feel safe. Around us to be whatever they need to be. And I know that’s a high bar, but for me, that’s what I’m really

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:37]:
conscious of as a dad now. None of us as dads are perfect. We all make mistakes, and we have to live with those mistakes and learn from those mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it regarding fostering a positive communication with your daughter?

Craig Parks [00:12:55]:
So there’s one memory that. And this happened a lot of years ago. You know, I don’t know how old she was. It was. She was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and it was, like, three days in a row. She kept spilling water in the backseat of the car. And there was one day where, really I lost it. And I grabbed whatever I could.

Craig Parks [00:13:14]:
It turned out to be her artwork. And I used it to, like, dry up the back seat. And Christopher. I felt like such garbage. I felt so bad. Like, I took her creation, I took her art, and in anger, right up the seat, and she was crying. She was really upset. And later that night, you know, when I got calm at bedtime, I really debriefed the whole thing and took full responsibility.

Craig Parks [00:13:37]:
And I apologized. And I think it’s important for our kids to hear us apologize when we make mistakes, if we want them to be able to do that, too, make repairs. And I asked her, too. I told her. I was like, there was no part of that that was right for me to do, and that I felt terrible. And I apologize. And I. And I asked her, I’m like, and I really hope that you’ll forgive me.

Craig Parks [00:13:55]:
And, you know, and she said that she did. And the reason I bring this up is because she still, to this day, will bring that up to give me a hard time. She’s like, dad, you took my art. And, you know, and the fact that, like, that that’s the one that she goes to after all these years, that she doesn’t have, like, 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 of those terrible memories to go to, to me, is, like, a really beautiful thing. It shows that I’ve done a pretty good job of staying pretty calm and peaceful and connected and loving. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t had moments where I haven’t had to apologize to her in all these years. I don’t. I don’t want to set that up.

Craig Parks [00:14:30]:
But what that showed me is that one certainly repairing, repairing, repairing when there is a disconnect, when we have not been our best, repairing that moment revisiting that moment, letting them know that we’ve thought about it and that we were not proud of our moments when we’re. When we’re not at our best and to let them see a vulnerable side of us, that we’re actually thoughtful, we’re reflective, that we care about the relationship. That, I think is one of the biggest, biggest lessons that no matter what goes down, because we will never be perfect, we shouldn’t be perfect. We’ll never, you know, and so when we have those moments, repair, repair, repair. And if we could do that, we keep our relationship strong and we keep that trust. When they see that we’ve reflected and we’ve owned where we have not been our best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:17]:
Now, one of the things that I know that you’ve done in the past and that you’re working on right now is you started a site called parentingharmony.com and I guess I want to go back to the beginning of this and bring me back to the inception of the idea. And what made you decide that you wanted to venture into this space and start this journey? And what needs were you trying to fill?

Craig Parks [00:15:44]:
So I’m in San Diego, California, and I’ve started two summer camps, and I ran summer camps for about 30 years, and I’ve worked with kids of all ages. And I’m also a professional musician. So I’ve done music with a lot of children, done parents, and taught classes, and there’s a lot of things I’ve done with kids and then having my own. I ended up writing a lot of music, and I wrote a lot of music just in the natural flow of being with my kids. Kids. And I ended up recording an album of music that I wrote with my kids that ended up. And. And when I first released, I thought, oh, I kind of want to be the next Raffy, you know, and, like, just be out there doing this kids album.

Craig Parks [00:16:19]:
But the more I thought about it, and as I was trying to get it out there, I realized, wait a minute. These songs are not just kid songs. These are actually parenting moments. So it was songs like Dancing on Daddy’s Shoulders, where I would actually have my daughter up on my shoulders, and we would sing this song and dance together every day. When she was young, during bath time, I wrote a song for bath time. I wrote a lullaby for my son. I have all these songs that were parenting experiences. And then I thought, wait a minute.

Craig Parks [00:16:45]:
Okay. I have these songs that turn everyday moments into actually positive, beautiful memories. And I’ve also taught so many people how to work with kids. And I actually want to share all of this wisdom so that parents one can be present one they’re not going to look back at their child childhood in regret. Like, oh my God, I missed it in the blink of an eye because I didn’t make the most out of bedtime. The things that happen every day, that’s most of parenting. Because Christopher, you asked about the big moments, right? And we can take our kids to Disneyland and that will be a memorable moment. But most of parenting isn’t that.

Craig Parks [00:17:19]:
Most of parenting is the wake them up, make sure they’re fed, make sure that they’re bathed, make sure that they go to bed at a reasonable hour. All these things that we have to do every day. And so what for me it was like, oh, I feel like I’ve kind of really have something to show parents of how to make the most of the mundane and make up connecting fun. So I created the parenting A to E philosophy. And A stands for our affect, right? I’ve talked about presence, I talked about being common and our affect in our body and in our voice will create the E the effectiveness of the kind of relationship we want. And so, and this is what I taught all the people I trained to work with kids is how do we use our body and how do we use our voice to create connection in a way that’s memorable. And so my parenting aide course teaches parents how to use their body, their voice. It has the 14 songs for that and then there’s 10 games as well that they can do to use the affect that are just really fun, really connecting, that are screen free.

Craig Parks [00:18:15]:
And then there’s bonus material like bedtime rituals and bathtime rituals. So this is to help parents and amazing like and they’ve told me like it has made such a difference and things that they just don’t think about because maybe they’ve never worked with kids, right? Something as simple as lower your body and get down on their eye level. Can you imagine being, you know, if everybody in your world was 10 foot 6 inches and you walked out the door and Everybody was like 2ft taller than you, like how intimidating that world would be. And we forget that that’s the world that our little children are in every day of their lives. And so the simple act of lowering our our bodies and getting eye level creates trust safety. So those are the powerful kind of techniques that I teach in my parenting A to E course. And then the songs are easy, they’re for non musicians that are very, very simple melodies but are super fun and connecting and when you do these as a ritual every day for bedtime, the lullaby or washing hands or bath time or whatever it is, our children will look back on their childhood and they’ll remember, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah.

Craig Parks [00:19:13]:
I remember we used to sing this song when dad would wake me up. It was the wake up song. So there’s all these different things, and music is one of the most powerful ways to create memories. So I just wanted to share all these things that I had learned and done and created so that there’s more love, more joy and connection that parents have access to. And that for the parents who’ve used this course, that’s what they’ve done. And then I also created out of the Parks Party Central show, every episode had activities that parents could do with their kids. And so I look back on our episodes and I created the Parks Party Central parent child activity book. And it’s 25 screen free activities that parents can do with their kids that are silly.

Craig Parks [00:19:48]:
They’re really fun. And so I have different ways and offerings that parents can take advantage of if they really want to have more fun, more connection, and more joy. That’s what parenting harmony is all about. And you can find these@parentingharmony.com now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:00]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Craig Parks [00:20:07]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Craig Parks [00:20:12]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Craig Parks [00:20:17]:
Take care of your own well, being first so that you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
It’s the old adage of the airlines and putting your mask on before you help your child.

Craig Parks [00:20:27]:
We’re stressed and we’re hungry and we’re just a ball of nerves all the time. Like, we just. We can’t be our best. So I meditate every single day.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Craig Parks [00:20:38]:
Playing music. Oh, and I’m going to throw in a bonus one. We are really into Rummy Cube right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]:
It’s a fun game.

Craig Parks [00:20:44]:
Yeah, it’s great.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Craig Parks [00:20:49]:
Take on the mindset of owning your power to create no matter the circumstances.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:55]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Craig Parks [00:20:58]:
My heart and capacity to love is much bigger than I even realized.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Craig Parks [00:21:11]:
The most important thing, I think, is being there, is being present as much as possible. And I know that we have to work right and we have to do different things, but as much as possible, when we are able to be there, be there with an open mind, an open heart, and with curiosity and with love being the foundation of it all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:30]:
Well, Craig, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate you being back and sharing your journey with your daughter. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Craig Parks [00:21:39]:
They can go to parentingharmony.com and they can write to me at Craig Parks parentingharmony.com and I also want to. If anybody’s made it this far and they’re actually interested, I want to offer this to your listeners. If you write to me and you want the parenting Harmony, the parenting ate digital course, I will take $200 off the course. That’s way more than 50%. So just write to me and say that you heard me on this podcast and I will get you. I’ll get you that discount. Because if that’s something you want, I also guarantee that if you do this course, you will have more laughter, you will have more joy, and you will have more confidence in your parenting. And.

Craig Parks [00:22:15]:
And ultimately what I want is that for you, more love, more joy, more connection, because that is what will ripple out into a more peaceful world for all of our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:23]:
Well, Craig, thank you. Thank you not only for that wonderful gift for us, but also for sharing your story today. And I truly wish you all the best.

Craig Parks [00:22:32]:
Thank you, Chris, for always a pleasure to be with you.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:35]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:05]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: Being present, Building Trust, children’s development, communicating with kids, dads, daughters, family bonds, father-daughter connection, fatherhood, independent daughters, parent child relationships, parenting, parenting advice, parenting mistakes, parenting stories, parenting tips, positive parenting, raising daughters, supporting children’s passions, tween parenting

Supporting Passions: A Father-Daughter Story of Trust, Creativity, and Growth

May 18, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/DrewEva-FINAL1.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

On the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis brings listeners an inspiring and heartfelt conversation with Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. This episode dives deep into the journey of father-daughter relationships, the importance of celebrating individuality, and how simple acts of connection can shape a daughter’s confidence and independence.

One of the standout themes is the power of acceptance and encouragement. From a young age, Eva shares how Drew Bennett always made her feel seen, heard, and valued – whether through supporting her interests in comics and pop culture, or giving her the freedom to express herself creatively. Eva Bennett highlights moments where her dad invested wholeheartedly in her passions, from discussing favorite characters to spending weekends at comic conventions. These shared experiences became more than hobbies; they were opportunities to bond, laugh, and build trust.

Cosplay, in particular, played a unique role in strengthening their connection. Eva Bennett describes their adventures crafting costumes for conventions, often designing duo costumes (like Lord of the Rings’ Eowyn and Theoden or Spider-Verse’s Peter B. and Mayday Parker). Drew Bennett shows up not just as her dad, but as a supportive partner in creativity – accompanying her to events, holding props, and celebrating her success.

But this episode isn’t just about shared interests – it’s also about giving children the independence to grow. Drew Bennett reflects on the balance of guidance and freedom, stressing the value of supporting his daughter’s choices and letting her explore her own path. Eva Bennett expresses gratitude for this sense of trust, which helped her feel safe sharing challenges and seeking advice.

As Eva prepares to leave for college, both reflect on how their relationship will evolve. They promise to keep in touch through quick texts, TikToks, and special traditions like convention weekends, showing that even as life changes, strong roots make lasting bonds.

In their closing advice, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Drew Bennett, and Eva Bennett urge other parents to “meet your kids where they’re at.” Even if you don’t fully understand their passions, dive in, listen, and show that you care.

If you’re a dad (or a parent) hoping to nurture a close, meaningful relationship with your daughter (or child), this episode is packed with authentic stories, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that showing up – whatever form it takes – truly matters.

Listen to this powerful episode of “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover how small moments can forge lifelong connections. Subscribe today and join the journey toward building stronger family bonds!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect and work with each other, to be able to work, go on a journey together. Because all of us as fathers are on a journey as we’re trying to build that relationship with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And that’s why this show exists every week. I love being able to have you here to listen, to, learn, to be able to show up. Because by showing up, not only are you doing this for yourself, but you’re doing it for the relationship between you and your daughter. And that’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences, and I always love it when I have the opportunity to be able to have a father and a daughter on the show, because I know it. It doesn’t always happen, but today I do. And today I’m introducing to you Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. And I’ve known Eva since she was very young, virtually. I’ve known Drew for many years as well, and Drew’s been a guest on other podcasts that I’ve had, but we’ve never had Drew and Eva on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]:
And I’m really excited to be able to have them both on to talk about the journey that they’ve been on, and I’m looking forward to introducing them to you. Drew, Eva, thanks so much for being here today.

Drew Bennett [00:01:58]:
Oh, thanks for having us.

Eva Bennett [00:01:59]:
Thank you for having me.

Drew Bennett [00:02:00]:
It’s my pleasure. I love being able to have dads and daughters on, and I guess I’m going to be asking both of you some questions because I want to get a better sense of your relationship. And I’m going to start with you, Eva. What’s one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Eva Bennett [00:02:20]:
I think that’s something that, honestly, my dad has always been really, really good at is, like, making sure that I feel seen and heard, and especially in terms of, like, what I’m interested in at the time, because I definitely got a nerdy streak from my dad. So when I was growing up, he had all of these things like Transformers and Marvel and stuff that he was really into, and he would share with me on, like, a child appropriate level. And then when I got older and started to have my own interests and stuff, he was always really good about making sure that I had space to talk about that and to talk about what I care about and feel like I was able to share that stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]:
I guess I want to flip that a little bit, because, you know, you just heard Eva talk about that you supported her passion in the things that were most important to her. How did you support Eva in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Drew Bennett [00:03:12]:
Well, like, Eva was talking about some of the shows and things that she likes, and really, it was just like, giving her the space to explore certain things that, you know, I did certainly try to influence some of the loves of different nerdy genres, specifically Transformers. I am a huge fan of that and have a huge collection. You know, one of the things, it’s like, I really want to share my collection of toys with the kids and. And they really didn’t care too much about the toys. But early on, we watched some of the shows together, and Eva found characters that spoke to her, and we would talk about the characters and what those characters like, and any chance I got to expose Eva to different characters that would. Would speak that I thought would speak to her, I would. So I found Avatar the Last Airbender. And I was like, all right, with both kids, we’re gonna.

Drew Bennett [00:04:08]:
We’re gonna sit down and watch this, because this is a fantastic show. And we watched one episode, and they’re like, eh, it was good. And then I don’t know when it was, like, months later, Eva finds it on Netflix and watches all the seasons. I was like, what? I like, there was things like, I want to spend this time. I want to have these things that we can talk about. So there are a lot of different. I think a lot of it started with pop culture stuff that we could connect with. And so every year, I would bring Eva to Free Comic Book Day, which I collect comics.

Drew Bennett [00:04:39]:
We love comics. And when Eva was real little, I’d be at Free Comic Book Day with a little Power Ranger Princess with me. And then Eve would start to find her own way of expressing in costumes, which is something that has grown into something that’s even more of a passion for Eva is. Is costuming, which I’m sure we’ll talk about later, especially with college and stuff. But those things kind of came about from the influences of different genres of entertainment that we connected with together. I always wanted to, like, when a new show would come out. Way back when, when I was doing stuff with. With Netflix, they had shows like she Ra Came out and Kipo and Voltron.

Drew Bennett [00:05:27]:
And so we would watch these things together, and there would always be different characters that we could discuss a connection with that, you know, maybe Eva had a connection to a specific character, and I had different connections to different characters, but we could always find those sort of things to talk about together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:45]:
Now, speaking of costuming, I know that one of the things that you’ve bonded on over the years is cosplay, and some of that came down to the costumes that Eva, that you created and that you got your dad involved with as well. Why don’t you both talk a little bit about that and those connections that you built through that?

Eva Bennett [00:06:03]:
Yeah, so I’ve always kind of been interested in dressing up as a kid. I remember we used to have. This was like a knight’s cape, so the back had fabric that looked like chainmail, and it was all silver at the top. And there’s a photo of me when I was little in, like, a purple T shirt and leggings and that cape and, like, Thor’s helmet with my foam sword that I had as a kid, and I still have it. So I’ve always been interested in dressing up and mashing together whatever pieces I could find in the costume bin with kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten into some sewing and a lot of fiber arts and a good way for me to put that to use and kind of have, like, a clear goal in mind when I make stuff is to make costumes. So I’ve gone into making a lot of costumes, and dad took us to a convention, I think, in, like, 2019. And I wasn’t sewing at the time, but I put together costumes for all of the days that we were there.

Eva Bennett [00:07:03]:
And then Covid happened. And then a couple years after, I think in maybe 2022, we ended up going back to that same convention. And by then, I had picked up with making and putting together costumes again. And then I think two years ago now, I talked dad into doing a, like, a duo costume with me. And it was a father daughter costume, actually. He went as Peter B. Parker from the Spider Verse movies and I did like a teenage Mayday design. So we did that together and that was really fun.

Eva Bennett [00:07:36]:
And I’m still in the planning phase of this right now, but I’m working on another father daughter costume for us right now, which is Eowyn and King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings. So not exactly father daughter, but close enough. And my dad was awesome enough to let me do that, and he’s going to let me put him in a big crazy costume that I make.

Drew Bennett [00:07:56]:
It’s funny because, like, the costumes that I’ve had, I go as Bobby Singer from Supernatural, which all I have to do is slap a hat on my head and I’ve got the grumpy old man look and the beard and I’ve got this, you know, dirty ball cap that I can be Bobby Singer. And I’ve done that the past two years with Comic Con. We go to it’s Granite State Comic Con in New Hampshire. And that’s become the thing that Eva and I do together. We went as a whole family. I think it was 2018, where the kids kind of participated in the kids costuming side. And then Eva and I went a few times where Eva was in costume and I was the support system of holding all her stuff.

Eva Bennett [00:08:39]:
And you’re really the best for doing that.

Drew Bennett [00:08:42]:
So I do that. But then, oh, you know what? I could do this character. And that was kind of been a bit of a hit because people love Supernatural and I do look like Bobby Singer when I put the costume on. But when we went as Peter B. Parker and Mayday Parker, that was a lot of fun because again, you know, all I had to do is put on schlubby clothes. I did a mixture of the two movies into and across the spider verse. And so where the first one he had the sweatpants and the two different shoes, and then the next one he had the pink robe. So I kind of mixed those two together walking around as Peter B.

Drew Bennett [00:09:18]:
Park with like a. With a Spider man shirt. Eva had a really cool costume that went along with it. And so, yeah, so when Eva’s done working on these ones from Lord of the Rings, which is another genre that when Eva gets into something, she gets fully into it. How many times you’ve watched the special editions of Lord of the Rings? More than I have ever had. Three times at this point.

Eva Bennett [00:09:41]:
And the Hobbit since the beginning of the year, which is when I watched it for the first time. The beginning of the year, we’re only on round two.

Drew Bennett[00:09:48]:
We’re in April, like, I’ve had these movies. I’ve been waiting to watch them on a big screen, and then we got the big screen, and I never watched them, and then I’m like, oh, wait for the kids to watch them. Then I was at Eva’s suggestion to watch Lord of the Rings, so we watched Lord of the Rings and since has watched Lord of the Rings and then gotten so far into it, so. And it’s awesome to watch the progress that Eva’s made, not only within cosplay community and in conventions, but then she’s also turned that love of costuming into a position at school. So been the costume lead for the school’s theater program for the past two years, and. And that’s going to be a focus towards college. So it’s really interesting how the progress has been made. And I am always just in awe that Eva will come downstairs and say, hey, mom, can I borrow crochet needle? And, like, two hours later, she’ll come down with, like, this whole thing that you made, like, oh, yeah, I taught myself on YouTube, and, like, now I can crochet.

Drew Bennett [00:10:50]:
And. And then not just. Just get into it more and more and more to perfect those skills. There’s so many, like, skills that Eva has just developed on her own that it’s just, like, fascinating to me how. How amazing she can do them. I’m like, I. I can’t do any

Eva Bennett [00:11:08]:
of that at all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]:
So. You know, Drew, one of the things that I’m hearing from you is, I mean, you really have tried to guide Eva over her lifetime in many different ways. She may have taken your advice and may not have. We know that as fathers. But I. One of the things that comes to mind that I wanted to ask you was, as Eva has grown up, how did you balance guiding Eva while also giving her the ability and the independence to become the person that she is becoming?

Drew Bennett [00:11:41]:
I think never really had to say, you have to do things this way, or, like, it’s always just been the freedom to explore what Eve’s wanted to do. I feel that we kind of give the leeway of just like, hey, you want to try this? Try this. You want. The only times I’ve ever, ever pushed on anything was, you got to watch this. Check this out. But I know that if you push Eva, she digs in her heels and, like, no, not going to do it. But then occasionally she’ll go find something like that on her own, and it’s like, oh, I discovered that I’ve been trying to get you to show, like, Like, I’ve been wanting to watch this or do this. Okay.

Drew Bennett [00:12:17]:
I know it’s like, it’s going to be in her own time, and if it’s something that speaks to her, it’s going to be full in 100%. So it’s really just been discovering what those things are. And then I always try to. If there’s something that Eve is into, I’d like to, like, read it or watch it. Some things. There are some things that I just. I never really got into that didn’t speak to me, but it spoke to you. And I understand how that was, how much you enjoyed that.

Drew Bennett [00:12:43]:
There was a lot of, like, Minecraft smp.

Eva Bennett [00:12:46]:
Yes. All the Minecraft stuff that I’ve enjoyed.

Drew Bennett [00:12:49]:
Yeah. So, like, what. These kind of came about during the pandemic where people made these videos. It was just something that Eva liked, and it kind of influenced the different cosplays that she created early on. And Eva would try to explain the storylines and, like, oh, that’s. That’s really, really, really cool. It’s not something that I would be into, but I can appreciate it. And I would try to say, oh, check out this.

Drew Bennett [00:13:17]:
Or it would always just kind of give her the freedom to just explore certain things that were of interest and then try to find what was mutually of of interest to the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]:
And, Eva, how has the relationship with your dad influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Eva Bennett [00:13:39]:
I think dad has talked about giving me a lot of freedom to explore what I’m interested in, look at what I’m interested in, and I think that’s been really important in how in my life, like, I’ve never felt like I was gonna get laughed at, or I never thought that my parents were gonna think it was weird that I was into this thing or, like, so having that kind of relationship definitely made it easier for when I was having a problem or if I wasn’t happy about something, I felt like I could go talk to my parents. Like, I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything, really, because they’ve always given me the space to do what I want to do and have the mutual understanding of, we are giving you this freedom because we trust you, and that’s helped build trust in return.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:21]:
It definitely makes sense. And, Drew, what’s one way that you consistently are showing Eva that she can always count on you?

Drew Bennett [00:14:30]:
I try to be at anything that I can be to support. So if there are shows, if there’s something I know Eva likes, try to get tickets to it or go to different things, but just, I mean, I’m always around. One of the things is I have a weird work schedule. So I think after the first. First year that Eva was born, I was still traveling and I hated it because I never was around. So I switched my whole way of working to work overnights on weekends so that I would be home all week. So we don’t do a lot of weekend stuff, but during the week, I’m always there. We try to have, you know, as a whole family, we try to sit down and have dinner every night, and we all talk about, you know, what went on during the day.

Drew Bennett [00:15:14]:
Might be the same repetitive questions, but we do, you know, get into talking and we know what. What everyone’s into and what they’re doing and how the school days went. And I always found that that was important to be there and home in that way for those meals and, yeah, I think just being around, I guess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]:
Eva, can you share a favorite memory with me that you and your dad shared that made you feel really connected with him?

Eva Bennett [00:15:40]:
I mean, going back to what we’ve been talking about before, but, like, the conventions that we do, it’s like a two hour drive to get there. So I. We get up early, and I’m up at 8 already getting bags packed, getting hair done, makeup done. I’m doing all this stuff. And then we get in the car and I’m like, so hyped up. And then we’re in the car for two hours. And you would think that it would get awkward, but it’s really nice because then dad and I get to chat and he gets to tell me about the book series that he was reading. What was the.

Drew Bennett [00:16:09]:
Yeah, it was a Silvers. Yeah. Book series by a guy named Shane Silvers who wrote about this character named Nate Temple. And it was. This whole guy wrote like 34 books starting in like 2015 or something like that.

Eva Bennett [00:16:22]:
So it’s like a crazy expansive universe. There’s a ton of books, and you’ve read them in like, every order that you can because there’s like multiple series and they overlap in different places. And I’ve tried so hard to follow them. I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I don’t know what happened in that book series. There was so much happening.

Drew Bennett [00:16:40]:
Well, it’s funny because it’s the same thing when you try to tell me about the SMPs, and I’m like, okay, so this one is this, and there’s that, and, oh, okay. But I can recognize Eva’s passion for and love for this thing, whereas she can recognize it in me for what I love and why I love it, but is not gonna remember all the details about it and that I don’t think it really matters what the details of those are. It’s how she feels, talking about it and how it makes her feel and how it’s influenced the friendship she’s made. And we go to a convention, and she is cosplaying this character, Technoblade. The first time we went to the convention, first time we did it was not at Granite State. It was at WickedCon. But we’re walking around and there’s these people. They’re like, hey, Technoblade and Eva less lit up.

Drew Bennett [00:17:29]:
And I still didn’t quite understand the whole Technoblade thing and how important it was, but I know how it made Eva feel, and I saw how it made Eva feel, and that was what was the most important.

Eva Bennett [00:17:40]:
But I really love our drives to conventions because they’re two hours, so we both get a lot of time to talk, and we also get a lot of time to, like, just sit in the quiet if we want to, especially on the way home. We kind of. By the end of the weekend, we’re kind of done. We don’t really want to be around people anymore, so we, you know, sit and we don’t talk to each other for two hours. And that’s great that we’re able to do that and not, like, feel awkward. And we’re not, like, you know, fighting by the end of the weekend. Because as much fun as conventions are, they can also be really stressful because you’re in a place with a lot of people and you’re dressed up and you’re probably not super comfortable in what you’re wearing, but you’re wearing it because you love it. And.

Eva Bennett [00:18:16]:
And, like, you’re hot and gross, and there’s people everywhere, and you’re kind of done. But, like, we have such a good relationship that we can get to the end of those two days and be on the drive home. And the drive home feels like this massive, huge, like, endeavor. And we’re sitting in the car and we’re together, and we’re not talking to each other, but we’re sitting there and we’re. It’s. It’s nice to be able to sit in the quiet with somebody and not feel like you have to fill the space. Like, you can if you want to, but you don’t have to, and that’s going to be okay, too. So all of that to say, I think one of my favorite memories is just doing that convention with you, like, drive up, drive back included.

Eva Bennett [00:18:56]:
Even if the drive back doesn’t seem as fun in the moment.

Drew Bennett [00:19:00]:
Well, it’s funny. I’ve noticed that at the end of a school day, if you had a particularly tough school day, I pick Eva up from school most of the time that I might ask a question or two at the beginning of the drive, but then the rest of it is in quiet because I know you need time to just process the day and relax without so many questions. And I’m very much the same way. It’s like I’m home by myself all day, and then I don’t hear a lot of things. I don’t talk a lot throughout the day. And sometimes I do want to talk a little bit, but sometimes I’m just like, all right, there’s too much activity coming at me. And I know that you kind of do the same thing or feel the same way sometimes with that. And I try to be like, okay, we could just be comfortable in the quiet.

Drew Bennett [00:19:44]:
And we know it’s not that anybody’s feeling any feelings of, like, resentment or anything. It’s just that we know we need some quiet time. That’s all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]:
You know, I can tell this bond that you have is a very strong one. We touched on it just a second ago. But, Eva, you’ve got some big changes coming, right? You’re heading to college, going to be taking that passion for costuming on to your dream school. And I guess I want to talk about that a little bit, because your relationship’s going to change a bit, and you’re not going to have that person to talk to all the time. Right? Neither of you will. So talk to me about either the conversations you’ve already had or how that makes you feel in regards to this change that’s coming.

Eva Bennett [00:20:25]:
I mean, it’s definitely going to be a big change, but I’m not going to be too far from home. So I can. If I’m really missing being at home and missing being near mom and dad, I can come home. I’m not allowed home within the first two months, but according to Mom.

Drew Bennett [00:20:40]:
Okay, I was going to say I didn’t. I didn’t say that.

Eva Bennett [00:20:42]:
According to Mom, I’m not allowed back in the first few months, but after that, if I. If I feel like I need to come home and I need to be with you guys, I can do that, and that’s okay. And I am also. I know that if I need you guys When I’m not able to be back home, I can call you guys for whatever, and I might need a little bit of a push reminder to give you guys updates on what I’m doing. And that’s just because I really am terrible at talking to other people and keeping them updated on stuff. So that might be a little bit of a struggle. Just because I have a bad memory when it comes to, like, you know, sharing my projects and giving update pictures. Because I just go and I do stuff and I don’t.

Eva Bennett [00:21:22]:
I’m normally not sharing it with anybody, so I kind of. I forget that there are other people who, like, want to see that. So I think that’s going to be a little bit difficult. But I know that, like, if I need something or if I just want to talk to you guys, I can call, I can text. I think it’ll be fine. I will miss you guys, though. I’ll miss being, like, in the same house.

Drew Bennett [00:21:40]:
Yeah, it’s definitely something that is not going to hit me until it hits me and thinking about it. We’ve already made our plans for September to go to the convention again, so we have that to look forward to. I’ll come up to school, pick Eva up for the weekend, and we’ll go to the. To the convention. We’ve got that. But, like, other ways, too, that we kind of communicate in our own little ways is that we’ll, like, send each other different tiktoks of things that we love. So, like, there’s a guy who does, like, what is it, the mandolin or the liar who will takes, like, 80s songs or other songs and does, like, medieval covers. Yeah, medieval covers of, like, 80s hair bands and stuff like that.

Drew Bennett [00:22:22]:
Because since you drive to school with me, you’re going to get the 80s hair band playlist and also metal and stuff like that. It was just funny because when Eva and I were in Krav Maga, when we were taking that, our sensei would always play these different songs that are always on our playlist. He’d quiz the teens and be like, who. Who sings this? So. And Eva would always know it because it was in the car, because this is the stuff that I listened to, which is fun. But then we find something like that we know that particularly speaks to our interests. We’ll send a quick little TikTok that we might have found back and forth and that, you know, to me it’s just another way of saying, like, I see you and I see what you love. And this made me think of you.

Drew Bennett [00:23:03]:
That’s How I send those things along in, you know, just like, another way. So if we don’t talk all the time, okay. I want to see everything that’s going on. But I know Evie’s got to have this room to grow and make these new connections and these new friendships. But I know that there’s always, like, space for her mom and dad. But we’re not going to be overbearing in that way. We’re going to miss her, certainly. But to wanting to be at every point of thing, we want to be there for the big stuff, and I mean, also for the little stuff, to be supportive, but we don’t have to be there every minute holding hands kind of thing.

Drew Bennett [00:23:38]:
So I think what I’ve seen Eva in the past few years, specifically growing up and becoming more independent with stuff, has been amazing. So Eva started her first job last year where she does a teaching assistant for a summer science school. And seeing Eva meet a whole group of kids that became great friends, I was like, I’m not worried about Eva making friends in college because I think no matter where Eva goes, gonna find her people. And I think that’s great. It’s very. They find deep friendships, so that’s a good thing I see happening. And so, yes, I’m going to miss Eva big time, and I don’t want to know what’s going on. And I think on our end, we have to maybe prompt.

Drew Bennett [00:24:23]:
Hey, what are you working on this week? Or, you know, things like that, but not too much, you know, I mean, I don’t want to be like, constantly, hey, give me an update, give me an update. But once in a while, what’s going on? Or once in a while, I was thinking of this. Are you into this? Have you heard about this? That sort of thing. Just finding the ways that we could continue to connect across being away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:43]:
Now, I always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 6 and usually it’s just a dad on. But now that I have both of you, I’m going to ask you both the questions. So, Eva, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Eva Bennett [00:24:55]:
Like, the first word that came to mind was silly. Because I feel like we like. Of course we’re able to have really important talks and we’re able to talk about stuff like that, but we’re also able to be silly and talk about stuff that doesn’t feel as important but kind of it still is. That was the first word that came to mind.

Drew Bennett [00:25:14]:
I can see that too, because I know that, like, when you were little, we’d play certain music, and I do silly dances, and you’re only the person who sees the silly dances. And I can be silly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:27]:
And what word would you say, Drew?

Drew Bennett [00:25:30]:
I would say independent. That Eve has always been independent, fights for what she believes in, and is just very, very strong in that. In the. In the independence. So what. You asked what it describes our relationship, didn’t you?

Eva Bennett [00:25:47]:
Yep.

Drew Bennett [00:25:47]:
Not what describes Eva. Is that a question for later? I’m sorry, Did I just totally mess that up? That is how I think of Eva. But, like, our relationship, I want to say, like, the word is fandom, that we appreciate the fandoms that we enjoy, and we can appreciate each other’s. So I think that’s helped us bond is the different things that we love together and separately and how we can talk about them together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]:
And, Eva, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Eva Bennett [00:26:17]:
I feel like just the message of be yourself and you’ll find your people, because that’s something I’ve always been very worried about, and that’s something that you seem to have no worries about for me on my behalf. So I think that’s. That’s a big piece of advice that I have gotten a lot, if not. If I haven’t internalized it entirely yet. But it’s something that I have gotten and has always been a very important message to me from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:40]:
What about for you, Drew? What’s the best piece of dad advice you ever received?

Drew Bennett [00:26:44]:
I think from my dad, I used to work with him cleaning up, and he was a contractor, and on the job sites, I would do a lot of the cleaning. And that has helped me in different jobs over the years. It’s like, if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean. I know that’s mostly in the restaurant business, which I kind of picked up a second job to do that. And that has always just been my. There’s always something that you can do to help, to be. To be useful, and that’s always something that he may have. Might never have said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean.

Drew Bennett [00:27:13]:
But that’s like how I’ve internalized that, is that if you’re there, you’re there to help, to work, and to do what you can. And that’s what I’ve taken with anything that I’ve ever done is like, you know, you’re there. You do what you can while you’re there sort of thing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:27]:
Now, this is a question that we’ve been talking a lot about. And it may be the same answer, but you can have a different answer. So I’m just going to say that. So, Eva, what’s one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Eva Bennett [00:27:38]:
I mean, saying going to a convention feels like cheating, because that’s what we’ve talked about this whole time. But that’s definitely my favorite thing. That’s our thing that we do, just the two of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]:
Drew, do you want to give a different answer?

Drew Bennett [00:27:49]:
I mean, that is definitely something that I love doing, but I also just like nerding out over something that we both enjoy. So talking about it in such depth, because one of the things Eva will do is that after reading something, like a lot of books. So we both really loved the Percy Jackson series. And it was funny because that was the series that I was like, you gotta read this. I know you’re gonna love it. And he’s like, nah, now I like this other thing. No, no, no, no. And then Eva’s cousins was reading it, and they decided to swap and say, okay, you read this, I’ll read this.

Drew Bennett [00:28:24]:
And then Percy Jackson became the more interesting thing than the other. Oh, no. Oh, okay.

Eva Bennett [00:28:30]:
Sorry. I’m gonna cut in for a second. When we swapped, I still didn’t like it until you got tickets to see the musical.

Drew Bennett [00:28:35]:
That’s right.

Eva Bennett [00:28:36]:
You made me come and see the musical, and that’s when I started to love it, and I loved it so much that I got a T shirt when I was there, and that’s still in my closet somewhere.

Drew Bennett [00:28:44]:
Yeah.

Eva Bennett [00:28:44]:
So sorry. I just had to get the timeline right. Right.

Drew Bennett [00:28:46]:
And then there. So. And then there. There’s. And we can always find something to talk about there in that. So with the different characters and stuff like that. So bonding over, like, our love of reading. Both big readers.

Drew Bennett [00:28:58]:
Right now, I’m more audio because I just don’t have the time, and I love audiobooks so much. I may also. I will read a book, but I just love so many of the different ways that people do the narration of audiobooks. It’s amazing. So I love that. But it’s also absorbing what’s going on in the books and being able to talk about the books. And we have this really beautiful bookstore in our area called Unlikely Story that’s actually owned by the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jeff Kinney. You haven’t run into him? No, he’s there all the time.

Drew Bennett [00:29:27]:
But I’ve never met him and never run into him.

Drew Bennett [00:29:29]:
But he has such a wonderful bookstore, and that we love going there for books and just bonding over books, I think is something that. And if Eva’s reading something that just really, really into, it might not be the genre that I’m into, but I’ll give it a try. And one of the books she really loves, I read it, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So discovering new things together is fairly important too.

Eva Bennett [00:29:52]:
My answer kind of felt like I was cheating. The father daughter dance for school. We’ve always done that together. That’s something that we really enjoy doing together, and that kind of feels like a cliche. Cause, like, every. Pretty much every dad and daughter does that, because that’s, like, the thing specifically for them.

Drew Bennett [00:30:08]:
But, yeah, I mean, not every school has it, but it has been something that has been important part of our lives, because we even have our little things that we do at the father daughter dance. Like, we take the selfie with the dessert, or we’ll dress alike with. To match.

Drew Bennett [00:30:24]:
Done that the past, you know, years. And that’s something that I really, really love. Yeah.

Drew Bennett [00:30:28]:
And every time we go to get the picture, people are like, wow, how you guys? Because it’s just, like, I want to support in one way that shows that we’re there together and having a good time. And it’s not just, all right, all the girls go off and dance together, and all the dads sit at the table. There’s some of that. I don’t dance so much, but I’ll dance enough. But. But we do. That has been a good one. And this.

Drew Bennett [00:30:49]:
This was our last one this year, so that was kind of tough.

Eva Bennett [00:30:52]:
It was a good one.

Drew Bennett [00:30:53]:
It was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:56]:
Now, Drew, the next two questions are for you.

Drew Bennett [00:30:58]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:59]:
If you could give Eva one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Drew Bennett [00:31:03]:
Pursue happiness. What it is that makes you happy. It might be hard, but that is going to be the thing that’s going to be the most important as you go through life. So do that thing that makes you happy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:14]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Drew Bennett [00:31:18]:
I know early on, I did not have very much patience, especially with more Eva’s brother. But I’ve developed much more of that in a way that, like, there’s so much that doesn’t matter as far as, like, the things that I got stressed out about that just didn’t matter. But the things that do matter are the things that stick. So I try to give the kids Just the freedom to do that which they want to do, because I know that they’re smart kids. They’re. They’re good and kind kids. That is probably one of the most important things, is that they’re good and kind. They think about other people and just not a lot of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:54]:
So, Eva, in closing today, and Drew, you’ll have a chance at this, too. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Eva Bennett [00:32:04]:
Try to connect with them about things that they love, like meet them where they’re at. And I know dad has talked about that a lot, but I think that that’s a really important part of why we have such good relationship, because he’s talked about trying and reading books and stuff that I love, because there was a book that I like four times last that I loved so much, and you read it. You borrowed my copy, and you read it, and you didn’t love it. It wasn’t really your thing. You didn’t entirely get it, but you knew that I loved it, so you still gave it that try. And I think it’s things like that that are why we are able to have such a good relationship. Try and meet your kids where they’re at. Even if you don’t totally get it, give it a shot, because it might give you an opportunity or, like, a window into understanding them better.

Drew Bennett [00:32:45]:
You definitely meet them where they are and you find something that the two of you can enj. It might be something that you didn’t know or you were adverse to doing. Like, maybe your daughter loves cooking, so you experiment with cooking together. Or they love photography or they love I’m not a sports guy. Maybe they love sports, but, like, wherever they’re into, be into it enough that you can talk about it and show that you’re making an effort into what they like. That’s a good way to just start the ball rolling is be there where your child is at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:25]:
Well, Drew, Eva, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And, Eva, I wish you the best as you go forward into the next step of your journey into college and beyond. And, Drew, thank you for sharing this special bond that you have together, and I wish you both the best.

Eva & Drew Bennett [00:33:44]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:44]:
Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad, dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming, passing? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world you now Be the best dad you can

Musical Performer [00:35:47]:
be

Musical Performer [00:35:50]:
Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: Building confidence, comic books, communication, conventions, cosplay, creativity, dad and daughter, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Eva Bennett, family bonds, fatherhood, independence, parent-child connection, parental advice, parenting, parenting podcast, raising daughters, supporting passions, teenage daughters, trust

Soccer, Support, and the Father-Daughter Journey with David and Scout Murray

January 5, 2026 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/ScoutDavid-FINAL.mp3

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This week’s episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” offers a heartfelt and inspiring look at the evolving relationship between a father and daughter as they navigate the world of competitive youth sports, college, and life beyond the field. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features David Murray, an acclaimed journalist and author of the new book Soccer Dad (available for pre-order), and his daughter, Scout Murray, who has just wrapped up a successful soccer career at Ohio University.

Unconditional Support & Independence

One of the episode’s primary themes is the balance between support and independence in parenting. Scout Murray recalls how her dad never pressured her to follow a specific path and always backed whatever passion she pursued. As she puts it, “[My dad] always just made sure I knew that whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it.” This foundation of acceptance empowered her to chase ambitious goals in soccer—her journey marked by her own drive rather than parental expectations.

David Murray admits his lack of soccer expertise helped him stay out of “coach mode” and instead be a true fan and ally, which fostered a safe space for Scout Murray to grow.

Perseverance Through Challenges

The episode delves deeply into the resilience required to pursue high-level sports, particularly when the journey gets tough. Scout Murray shares powerful stories of long car rides to soccer tryouts, difficult transitions to elite teams, and the emotional strain of not always being a starter. The message? True growth happens when you face setbacks head-on, and finding the strength to persevere means knowing you have supportive people behind you.

Honest Communication & Emotional Openness

A standout part of David Murray and Scout Murray’s story is their commitment to honesty and vulnerability. They discuss the importance of admitting mistakes, owning up to less-than-perfect parenting moments, and, above all, keeping communication open—even (or especially) in challenging times. As Scout Murray notes, being able to “share everything that was going on” helped keep their relationship strong through ups and downs.

Lasting Takeaways

Whether you’re a dad, a daughter, or simply someone looking for insights into meaningful relationships, this episode offers encouragement to value presence over perfection and emphasizes that taking your child’s challenges seriously is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

Want more of these hard-won life lessons and candid, touching stories? Give this episode a listen—you’ll walk away inspired to build stronger connections with the ones you love. Catch it now on the “Dad and Daughter Connection.”

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you’re back with us again this week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]:
As always, every week, I love being on this journey with you. As you know, I’m a father of two daughters and this whole podcast was developed for you as someone that is also raising daughters today. And one of the things I love is that every week we can be on this journey together and you can gain something every week to help you to build those stronger connections that you want to have with your daughters. And we do that every week by having opportunities to talk to different people with different experiences that are able to bring those connections to the forefront, whether they’re dads, moms, or other individuals that can help you to be that dad that you want to be. And today I’m really excited to be able to have two guests. David Murray and his daughter Scout are here and we’re going to be talking about a brand new book that David has out called Soccer Dad. But we’re also going to talk about the relationship that the two of them have together. And David is an author of a number of books including Soccer Dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]:
So he has a number of books that are out there, but he’s also an award winning journalist who’s writing on sports and other subjects, has appeared in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, the Atlantic and other publication. And Scout is on her way to graduating from Ohio University after a successful career in soccer at Ohio University. So we’re going to be talking about that as well. So I’m really excited to have them both here. David, Scout, thanks so much for being here.

Scout Murray [00:02:24]:
Thank you.

David Murray [00:02:25]:
Great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today and I always start with these conversations with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into the connections that the two of you have. And I know we’re going to dig into that a little bit more in the book, but I guess on the top end, first and foremost, Scout, I’m going to ask a question to you. As you think about the relationship that you’ve built with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that made you truly feel seen, heard and valued as a daughter?

Scout Murray [00:02:54]:
I would say he, since I was little, has always made it very clear that there was no pressure from him to do a specific thing. There was nothing that I felt like I had to do to make, like to impress him, I guess I would say. And he always just made sure I knew that whatever I. Whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it. So I think when it came to soccer, he never told me what I should do, told me how I should go about things. He kind of just like followed my lead, I guess I would say. And I think that always made me feel super comfortable talking to him about anything, really.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:35]:
And speaking of that, David, I think every dad tries to help to guide their daughters. And how did you balance guiding Scout while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s become today?

David Murray [00:03:50]:
Well, I think one of my qualifications for being a good soccer dad was that I don’t know a damn thing about soccer and I never did. So it wasn’t like we were in the car and I was giving her all this advice about how she should have played a certain way or certain shot. So I always kind of approached this as kind of a fan. To some extent, I was grateful that she did not play baseball or football or a sport that I even think I understand. So that was, I think, kind of my main qualification as a soccer parent and scout.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:22]:
I guess looking back at the relationship you’ve built thus far as well, was there a moment where your dad’s support or guidance really had a significant impact on your growth or your confidence?

Scout Murray [00:04:34]:
There was one summer that I think stands out to me when we spent the entire summer going on visits. College visits, college soccer visits. Yeah. We would drive somewhere, oftentimes for seven hours. I would sleep the entire time. He would drive me. And I feel like, I mean, I didn’t realize it at the time because I think I was extremely self centered. But looking back on that summer, I think that I look back on it a lot and I think it made me realize, like, how much he’s willing to put in to show me how supportive he is of my passions and what I want to do.

Scout Murray [00:05:10]:
So I think that moment is when I was like, okay, if I have this support system behind me, and I really want to do it. I should really just go for it. So I think that’s when I really.

David Murray [00:05:21]:
Realized that that was a hard summer for a number of reasons. And one of the reasons was it is horrible to travel with teenagers. They’re either sleep or they’re awake, and they’re looking at Instagram and dying of fomo. Even though their friends are just kind of hanging out somewhere in Chicago, they’re never there with you. And the second they are there with you, they’re trying to get you to listen to their music, and you’re trying to listen to it and care about it, but you can’t quite do it well enough. And it was, like, the longest summer. We were hoping it would be fun. It was not really fun, but it was productive.

Scout Murray [00:05:59]:
And it’s good to look back on.

David Murray [00:06:01]:
It is fun to look back on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]:
Yeah. So some of the things you’re just talking about, there are finding intentional ways to build those bonds, and you sometimes are forced into those ways, but you also make those as well. So I guess, David, what are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with Scout, even when times might have not been the easiest? Or maybe it was challenging, like a trip where you’re not talking a lot, but you’re going places. But there’s other times, especially in those teenage years. So what are some intentions, Ways that you’ve done that?

David Murray [00:06:34]:
I mean, a lot of humor. I think she and I tease each other a lot and always have, and that has kind of never gone away, even in hard times. Just staying engaged, like, talking about everything, asking her about what’s going on in her life, being up for hearing most of it. There’s stuff, as a dad you don’t want to hear a lot of. Like, during high school, there’s a lot of social stuff that’s uncomfortable to hear about. There was a show that Scout wanted me to watch that was. That was trying to portray. It was a show.

David Murray [00:07:04]:
What was that show? It was about a high school in New York.

Scout Murray [00:07:07]:
Oh, yeah. Grand army or something.

David Murray [00:07:09]:
Grand army or. It was a show like that. And it was about this high school in New York where all these terrible things were happening. It was just high school society. And she said, you got to watch this, dad. You got to watch this to understand what this is like. And I was like, I hate this show. I.

David Murray [00:07:23]:
And I watched four episodes and that as far as I could go. But I did watch the four. It was like shaving my head with a cheese Grater. Because it’s just really hard. And I think about my parents. They were great parents, but they weren’t getting down in there and engaging in ways like that. I had no company like that.

Scout Murray [00:07:39]:
I do think we, even during hard times, are, like, very honest. And I think part of that is just, I’m an open book. I don’t keep things in well. So I think instead of just acting out, I would act out and then be like, this is why I acted out. And we talk about it the next day. There was never a fight that wasn’t talked about. I feel like if something happened, it was, well, this clearly needs to be talked about. So I think just, like, honesty and trying to just, like, share everything that was going on.

David Murray [00:08:09]:
So you’re taking credit for our wonderful.

Scout Murray [00:08:10]:
I am. My openness.

David Murray [00:08:12]:
I actually think that’s true. I think there have been times where I’ve wished she would gild the lily a little bit and not tell me everything that’s going on, but not so much. I mean, in the book. And the college experience was really interesting to me when I went off to college. And you might relate to this, too. I don’t think I talked to my parents until Thanksgiving, and then I don’t think I talked to them again until spring break. I mean, you’d had to go down the hall and call on the payphone and call. I mean, Scout would facetime me after practice on the way to class, and it was just no big deal.

David Murray [00:08:42]:
It wasn’t a show she was putting on. She was like, I had a bad practice, or I had a great practice, or, we were up way too late last night. And so. And we were always talking about this. In the book, I talk about, you know. You know, where my dad was during this time in his life. He was marching to Berlin in World War II. And I said, like, I wonder what his parents would have done if they’d had the same communications.

David Murray [00:09:04]:
And they probably would have been sending him nice text messages about his march, wishing him well on his march to Berlin. It’s a different time, but it’s the technology, which we complain about a lot, which has ruined a lot of things, has made this kind of communication a lot more natural and easy. When we talk to our parents once every couple months, even if it’s once a week, you were kind of putting on a show for him. You were telling him everything was all right. You were telling them you were getting good grades. And when it’s. When it’s daily like that, you can kind of maintain a More human, easygoing relationship, Definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:35]:
Now, Scout, one of the things, I guess, that I’m interested in is the relationship with your dad. And how does that relationship influence the way that you navigate life, relationships, or challenges that you deal with?

Scout Murray [00:09:47]:
Yeah, I think I’ve actually talked about this with my friends because I think a big thing in this. I see it a lot on social media is, like, if a woman has had a bad relationship with their father, they have a really hard time navigating relationships, especially, like, romantic relationships. And I think. I mean, he is just, like, set the expectation of, like, how a man should treat anyone, like, let alone women. And I think I’ve, like, taken that very seriously. And he always jokes about he’s not the kind of dad that is, like, super mean and scary to any boyfriend I bring home, which I think is a good thing. But, yeah, just like, you don’t need to be. I don’t think.

Scout Murray [00:10:33]:
I think I view men differently because of him. You don’t need to be this extremely strong, masculine, crazy man. Like, you can just be a normal human being and emotional and kind.

David Murray [00:10:47]:
And so I think I’m a big crybaby.

Scout Murray [00:10:49]:
Yeah, he’s a crybaby. So I think it’s okay for men to.

David Murray [00:10:53]:
I loved your episode not long ago that it’s okay for dads to make mistakes and admit it, that one Scout does not need to listen to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]:
She.

David Murray [00:11:01]:
I know that we get that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:03]:
Speaking of mistakes there, David, I guess as you think about your relationship and how you’ve built that, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it or learn from it about fostering better communication with Scout?

David Murray [00:11:17]:
Well, I talk a lot in the book about that as a soccer parent, but I think this is completely universally true. I think the fundamental problem of being a parent is you have two instincts, two things you need to do. You need to keep this kid alive. And in that way, you need to protect them and guide them and make sure they go in the right direction. But you also need to show this kid how to live, which means you let him do stuff. They do stuff. They make mistakes, they screw up. And in, you know, in soccer, that means, you know, not telling them.

David Murray [00:11:46]:
You got to play on this team. You got to do this. You got to apply to this school. This is your life. Like, a lot of parents get really prescriptive, and they start pushing their kids in directions and to the point where the kid must start wondering, am I doing this for them or for me? I made Mistakes on the other side, at least in soccer, I don’t know about it. In life, I let it all play out. I figured if she was talented enough and wanted it enough, it would happen for her. That turned out to be basically incorrect.

David Murray [00:12:16]:
And we. And there were. There was a moment where she had to go up to a higher league. And that might have happened a year before had I been a little bit more on the ball. And I basically feel like I was lazy about that. But you make mistakes on each side of that equation. I think a lot. And I think the parents who in general figure out how much freedom to give and how much guidance to give, I think.

David Murray [00:12:38]:
And I think that’s a daily agonizing problem for every parent all the time. And I think I’ve done a decent job at that most of the time. But when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes by being lazy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:48]:
I think let’s move over to the book too, because you started talking about that. And one of the things that I noticed early on in the book was that you describe the soccer journey as starting innocently enough and something and then slowly becoming something far more consuming. So I guess looking back together now for both of you, when do each of you think the dream subtly shifted into something heavier? And did you realize it at the same moment or at different times?

Scout Murray [00:13:15]:
It’s kind of a confusing story because I think if you asked me when I was seven what I wanted to do, I would say be a professional soccer player. I was very committed from an early. I mean, he still says I never, ever would have missed a soccer practice, ever. And it wasn’t because I felt guilty. It was just because I genuinely loved soccer more than anything. And the soccer setting in Chicago is very interesting because it’s not super, super high level inside the city. So I think I just was like, if I’m playing on a decent team and I’m the best player and I love all my teammates, I’m gonna play at a super high level. Like, I had never been told otherwise.

Scout Murray [00:14:00]:
That’s just kind of what everyone. I was known as the SOCCE player. I made varsity as a freshman at my high school. Everything was going. Seemed to be like, going great. And then right about when Covid hit, I started training with a new trainer. And he basically was like, if you don’t get better, you’re not going to play D1 soccer. Like, let alone the top schools, you’re not going to play D1 soccer.

Scout Murray [00:14:23]:
And that was a wake up call for sure. And I just Decided. I remember, like, I think I just one day was like, I need to change clubs. And I just decided, like, I need to step it up. Like, I just know I do. So we tried out for the best team in the state. And that was a terrible wake up call. I mean, so many tears.

Scout Murray [00:14:42]:
Yeah, it was a terrible. So I think in that moment was when we both were like, oh, yeah.

David Murray [00:14:49]:
There’S a scene in the book where she shows up at this tryout, and it is the best team in the state and maybe in the nation at that time. And so I was there with her. What we both saw, we were unprepared for it. And there was crying all the way home by her and silenced by me because I had nothing to say at that point. She had to switch clubs, and she had just gotten her driver’s license. And now she’s driving herself to an hour north of town for this soccer, for this torturous, incredibly hard, not very nice people around this team soccer. And she cried all the way up half the time, and she cried all the way back half the time, but she did it.

Scout Murray [00:15:27]:
But that. I think that is when, like, we both realized. It wasn’t even a question whether I was gonna do it either. I had a tissue box in the passenger seat and would, like, seriously cry because I dreaded it so much. And the fact that, like, it was just. I. I have, like, many notes that I wrote of me saying, this is all for a reason. Like, this is all for college.

Scout Murray [00:15:53]:
So I think that’s when I realized. Actually, I don’t even think I realized it in the moment. I was just like, this is what I have to do. But I think looking back, that is, like, very telling of how much I really did want it and how much work I was willing to put in.

David Murray [00:16:07]:
And nobody was telling her she had to do that. She decided to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:11]:
What you just said there, not every person would be willing to keep going. And that says something to push through the pain of the hard times and come out at the. The other side of being able to play D1 soccer, even though you did have to go through some hard times to get there.

David Murray [00:16:28]:
I mean, it’s amazing. All parents look back. You see your kid as this little baby who basically couldn’t feed herself. And you kind of. At some levels, at some level, you see them as that always. And then you look back and, like, I look back at what she went through with during COVID Cold calling these schools. Every. All these guys went through Covid.

David Murray [00:16:48]:
Then all this torture of Driving to this. These horrible practices. Then there was tort that. That there was nothing guaranteed. Then it was more torture to get into colleges. And you just look back and go, this kid was just doing all that and just showing so much character. And you just kind of. I’m amazed.

David Murray [00:17:04]:
Looking back at it, it looks more amazing. Going back at the time, I was not, like, cheering from the sidelines all the time. I was telling her, did you call? Did you email that? Those guys? But looking back, she did almost all that by herself, and it was amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:17]:
You know, I think back in looking at the book scout, your dad wrote honestly about moments when his emotions or reactions didn’t align with what you needed as a player or even as a daughter. So I guess as you think about that from your perspective, what do you most wish that parents understood about what kids actually feel during and after games?

Scout Murray [00:17:40]:
I honestly think that’s not an easy question to answer because I don’t think there’s anything that can be said. Like, unfortunately, I think. I mean, from my experience, I was, like, asking for something to be said, but whatever was said wasn’t gonna work. And I knew that. But I think I would text him, how did you think I played? And I would never text him that if I played well. Like, ever, ever would I text him that if I played well? Because it’s like, I. Well, I played great. Like, you saw it and I felt it.

Scout Murray [00:18:16]:
But if I’m asking, what is he gonna say? Like, he’s never gonna be like, you played bad. So I think it’s just listening and just hearing, just letting any rant that needs to happen. And I honestly think the only thing you can do is say something positive that happened during the game. I think you did it as. As good of a job as that as you. Like, you worked as hard as you possibly could. He would always say that. And that’s true.

Scout Murray [00:18:40]:
That’s something I can take away from that. Okay, I. I gave it everything I had. So I think just trying to find something positive to say, but other than that, just. I would say I would avoid any criticism in that moment. Any criticism, because maybe the next day or if they ask or something, but even if they ask right after the game, I would avoid any criticism, because I guarantee you there’s already enough criticism inside our heads.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
You know, David, also in the book, there’s a number of moments where you name and own some moments when you became the kind of sports parent that you never wanted to be. How did you learn to recognize those moments in real time? And what helped you repair trust afterward with Scout?

David Murray [00:19:23]:
Yeah, I don’t think I needed to repair trust with Scout because I don’t think Scout was the victim of those things. I don’t think. But I remember in the book I talk about a moment when they were like 8 years old and this goalie let a ball through her legs and she was not a good goalie and suddenly was enraged at her and her parents for putting her out there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:44]:
And.

David Murray [00:19:44]:
And I just. You must dissociate from it. I mean, what I really learned was don’t sit with the other parents. The parents have this weird culture where they start to make comments and it starts to build on itself and they start complaining about the players and the refs and the coaches and it’s like its own virus. So I took the lead of one of our parents who would just stand way down at the very end of the field by himself. If you do that, you’re not going to be shouting crazy things at the players. You’re down there by yourself. You’re more likely to shout crazy things at the players when you’re among the other parents and letting yourself get into arguments.

David Murray [00:20:19]:
I would get into arguments with my wife because she had a different way of looking at the game. And I just started just getting away and being by myself. And the other thing that I learned, this was an accident, but I started doing, filming a lot of the games and taking pictures. And that was such a good instinct because it got me in the right frame of mind. It got me in the frame of mind as I’m trying to capture the beauty of this. Who cares if it’s a 2 to 1 game in Schaumburg, Illinois, and they’re 9 years old? Nobody’s going to remember any of the scores. But if I take a wonderful picture of her coming down the sideline or of one of her teammates, then I’ve got that forever. And it doesn’t matter what the score of the game was.

David Murray [00:20:55]:
And doing that put me in the right spirit and got me out of the. The headspace of giving a crap who wins a game among 8 year olds.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:03]:
I can definitely remember those type of games and I can definitely relate to what you’re saying with how parents fed off of one another and how that built. So I appreciate you sharing that.

David Murray [00:21:14]:
There was one time in the car on the way home where it was one of those games and the parents were all mad about how the team had played. And we’re driving home in the car and Scout’s mom and I Are, like, all quiet in the front seat. And I think she’s still in our bed. Car seat in the backseat. She was that young. And I remember her going, wait, are you guys mad? She’s incredulous. And we were kind of, like, sheepish, like, oh, I guess we are mad for some reason. Get over it now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:39]:
Scott, one of the book’s powerful moments or themes that I noticed was that how much you valued team connection and belonging, not just performance. So for you, when competition got intense, what helped you stay grounded in the joy and the relationships rather than the pressure?

Scout Murray [00:21:59]:
I think that was something that, in college was really hard, and I would say a lot because of my parents, but I think all growing up, it was like finding the joy in the game and finding the joy in having these teammates. And we’d always watch this movie, Dare to Dream, which was. What was it?

David Murray [00:22:19]:
The 199099 Women’s World Cup.

Scout Murray [00:22:21]:
Women’s World cup team that was just so close and so had so much fun together. And so I think I really wanted to play D1 soccer because I love the game, but also because I know I’ve seen it, how close these teams get. And so I think that’s what I wanted my whole life. And finally getting there, I did get all of that. I got my best friends, my future bridesmaids, hands down, the best friends I’ve ever had. But I think because it is such a competitive level, it was really hard for me to remember that at times. And I think it’s hard to not become selfish, honestly, because at the end of the day, you never want to be the person that’s not playing. There were times when I.

Scout Murray [00:23:09]:
Every single one of my best friends were in the starting lineup, and I’m the only one that’s not. And that was, like, really hard to deal with. Like, okay, I absolutely love these people, and I do anything for them. But I also hate you right now. I really do. Like, and it was really hard to, like, figure that out. And I think looking back, there were so many moments that I would hate them. At practice, we’d get in a fight.

Scout Murray [00:23:37]:
I mean, this was, like, intense. Every single practice was, like, this intense. And then after, who would I be crying with about it? All of them. So it was just looking back, I’m like, I really was grounded the whole time. I knew these are my people. I think in the moment, though, it was hard to recognize that. But I think looking back, they were the reason why I was doing it. And if I didn’t have them, I couldn’t have done four years of such intense competition.

David Murray [00:24:06]:
And I think Scout going in, valuing that made her very much of a social leader on the team. She wasn’t the team captain, but in a lot of ways, I think if you ask these folks, she’d say she was a big important part of the bonding and culture of the team because she sort of knew going in that that was part of her mission. Maybe a little bit more than some of the other players knew going in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:27]:
Now, I know you both talked about the journey to the D1 and being able to get to that point in the scene in the book surrounding the Division 1 scholarship offer. It really was filled with, I could tell, relief, tension, second guessing, some silence. If you could revisit that car ride now, what would you say to your younger selves and what would you say to other families facing that exact moment?

David Murray [00:24:55]:
I think that’s partly just natural to feel that way. I would prepare people. It doesn’t matter. If you want to be a physicist and you get into Harvard and you’re going to be the great physicist, you go from the world being your oyster to a very specific thing that’s now happening to you. College seems to close up the possibilities. And so even, yes, we’d gotten her scholarship dream. She was going to get a scholarship. She was going to play Division 1.

David Murray [00:25:22]:
But, well, it’s at this school, it’s in Ohio. At that time, it was only a 1/3 scholarship offer. Did we do the right thing here? You feel like your aperture just gets narrowed and you go, this is my life now. I think I would advise people just to be prepared for that feeling. Honestly, I think it’s kind of natural.

Scout Murray [00:25:39]:
And I remember being very happy and just excited in the car while we.

David Murray [00:25:43]:
Were yelling at each other.

Scout Murray [00:25:44]:
Yeah, I was fine. I don’t know about you, but I think it was also just a lot of fear. Like, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know anyone from Ohio. Every single person was from Ohio except for me. I had never heard of the school. I didn’t know if I was good enough to play D1. There were so many things that I think it was just like a lot of fear.

Scout Murray [00:26:06]:
And I would say the same for you. We had just had no idea what we had just signed up for and we were just going with it.

David Murray [00:26:13]:
I don’t think I’d tell anybody how not to feel that way. That’s how you feel when you take a big risk.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:18]:
So, Scout, your dad said at the beginning you played Your last soccer game for ou. Now that you’re on the other side of the journey, what did soccer give you that still shapes who you are today? And what, if anything, did it take that surprised you?

Scout Murray [00:26:32]:
I think I now know how much strength I have and how much I really can do if I really want something. And I would say all the little things that I did, one moment in particular is in the middle of my junior year season. I had just come back from an injury. I was no longer playing much. I had gone from starting to playing 20 minutes a game. And I was so deeply wounded. I genuinely felt like I was heartbroken. And I still got up every morning at 6am in the cold, dark weather and practice extra for an hour before practices.

Scout Murray [00:27:12]:
And I think knowing that even when I’m in that deeply sad state, I can still do really hard things, I think I can take for the rest of my life, even when things aren’t going well or I had no idea if going extra was going to make me play. There was no promises. So I think I can take that into my job, my relationships, into a lot of areas in my life. Something that it took from me, I actually don’t know.

David Murray [00:27:39]:
I talk in the book about the opportunity cost of all this. When your kid’s little, you want them to see all of life. You want them to see every aspect. You want to introduce them to art and music and books and culture and places and Paris and Istanbul. And I’m a journalist and so I. I saw a lot in life and I wanted her to see everything. And I will say that if you get your kid involved in youth sports, that eliminates some of those things. We did a lot.

David Murray [00:28:09]:
Scout went to China on an exchange program. We went to Thailand. We did a lot of stuff as a family, and she did a lot of stuff herself. Soccer wasn’t her whole life, but even so, you spend a lot of time at Hampton Inns, you spend a lot of time on the road to soccer tournaments, and you spend a lot of the time think and talking about soccer. And so I don’t know if Scout feels that cost or something, but when I imagine all the possible things Scout could have experienced in her first 21 years, I think soccer sort of eliminated some of those things. And I think that’s a fact of life. With as intense as modern youth sports.

Scout Murray [00:28:44]:
Are right now, I don’t even think I would say I missed a ton in my youth because of soccer. Maybe I did, but I would say mostly like college, if you decide to play college sports you have to accept that you’re going to miss. I mean, I don’t have many friends outside of my team is one thing, and that sucks. I mean, they’re my best friends, but we’re all pretty similar in a lot of ways. We have a lot of the same interests and goals. So I think that is something I missed out on. Meeting a lot of different, interesting people and not being able to travel abroad. I think there was a lot of stuff that I definitely.

Scout Murray [00:29:22]:
College sports are. It’s a job. It is truly a job, and you need to be prepared for that, because I don’t think we knew exactly how much. I mean, I don’t regret it at all.

David Murray [00:29:33]:
But I mean, I remember asking the coach, and I didn’t want her to join a sorority, but I said, could she join a sorority, for instance? And he’s like, no. No one’s ever done that. She’s in her sorority. It’s called the soccer team.

Scout Murray [00:29:45]:
And I think it’s year round, too, which I think D3 is much less year round. And I think people often say, like, well, you’re out of season now. It’s like, no, it’s still practice every single day. And. And. And someone asked me today actually, how are you feeling about soccer ending? And I’m like, you know, I’m really sad, and I think the sadness will hit me later on more. But I am also enjoying being a regular person right now and thinking about my career. I’ve truly never really had to think about my career until now.

Scout Murray [00:30:18]:
So I think I’m really excited for grad school because that’s kind of my time to just be a normal person and dive into my passion in psychology.

David Murray [00:30:27]:
So, yeah, there was a moment when Scott was thinking about trying to go pro and play in Europe, and she said, you know what? How about not? How about let’s figure out what else I’m good at? Which I thought was a good spirit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:37]:
You know, I guess the one last thing that I think of when I think of the book is if you are talking to a dad, a dad’s listening right now that has a young daughter just starting in her sports journey, whether it’s soccer or some other sports. What’s one piece of advice that you’d give him so he stays connected to his daughter, not just her performance.

David Murray [00:30:57]:
I think it’s the same advice that my dad gave me. It was his philosophy of raising kids. I think it’s so easy as a parent to see that what kids are dealing with, whether it’s soccer stuff or whether it’s friend stuff that it’s kid stuff that small problems, you have a mortgage to pay. This kid only has some little dispute with her third grade buddy. To the extent that you can take their problems as seriously as your problem because they’re actually much more serious because they’re dealing with that for the first time. I’ve paid my mortgage a thousand times, but they’re dealing with that for the first time. And there were times when I didn’t do that as a dad. Scub’s probably thinking of it right now.

David Murray [00:31:37]:
One time I got so flustered at the amount of sturm undrang about her seventh or eighth grade friends, I yelled, these aren’t your friends. These are practice people. Incorrect thing to say. But you feel that way as a parent a lot. I think to the extent that you can take your kids problems as seriously as you take your own because they are serious, you do a pretty good job of parenting if you do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:01]:
Well, we always finish our interviews of what I like to call the dad connection six and a lot of times it’s just a dad on the call. So I love it when we have a dad and a daughter on because I’ll ask you both some questions here. First and foremost, scout. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

David Murray [00:32:17]:
Easy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:18]:
And how about you, David?

David Murray [00:32:19]:
I would say close.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:21]:
Scout. What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Scout Murray [00:32:25]:
I actually told him this yesterday when I was younger. He said I was complaining about having to do something I didn’t want to do, soccer homework or something. And he said what’s a professional? And I said what? And he said someone that does something even when they don’t want to do it. And I’ve definitely taken that I told him yesterday much. I don’t think he realizes every morning that I had to go early to soccer practice and didn’t want to. I would think about that. So that’s definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:55]:
Yeah, good job. And David, I’m gonna flip it back on you. What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

David Murray [00:33:03]:
The best piece of advice I got was from a paramedic pal in Chicago who about a week before my daughter was about to be born, he saw that I was, I don’t know, I was acting nervous or something. He said, what’s the matter? I said, I’m nervous. He said, why? I said, well, well, parenting. He said, what do you think that is? Parenting? Do you think that’s like some set of tricks that you’re gonna put out there and say all the right things at the right times. He said, no. Ultimately, your kids get you and your wife for 18 years, and you can try to be as good as you can, and you can try to use as many techniques as you want, but basically, if you’re good, that’s good, and if you’re bad, that’s bad. And that gave me a sense of comfort. Like, I knew that basically I’m good, basically my wife is good, and that we could only screw this up so much at that point.

David Murray [00:33:49]:
And I think that gives you a little bit of confidence, I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:52]:
Scout, what’s one activity that you and your dad love doing together?

Scout Murray [00:33:56]:
Playing tennis.

David Murray [00:33:57]:
And lately, billiards.

Scout Murray [00:33:58]:
Yeah. Playing pool is our new obsession.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:01]:
And, David, do you echo that, or is there something else that you would add to that?

David Murray [00:34:05]:
Well, I like running half marathons with her, but she hasn’t done it since she was 11, so I guess that’s out. I love playing sports with her when she was little. I say in the book, a lot of parents are living vicariously through their kids. That’s why they. They had kids in sports. I just wanted a playmate. I wanted somebody to play with, and she was always great. From, like, 2 or 3 years old, she would be in pretty competitive sports with me.

David Murray [00:34:26]:
And she was my sports buddy growing up. So we still are.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:29]:
And, David, a couple of questions for you. If you could give Scout one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

David Murray [00:34:35]:
It would be my dad’s lesson to me, which was, this was in. In the old timey, sexist way. But he would say, every once in a while, a fellow ought to do something he’s a little afraid of. And there have been times in life when I was on the edge of doing something and thought, should I do this? This is scary. And I did that thing, and I think it’s always been good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:56]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

David Murray [00:35:00]:
Oh, that I’m an emotional disaster. I like, I don’t know how this is with you, but I think about in my 20s, I think I cried maybe once a year. In my early 30s, before I had Scout, maybe I found some reason to cry once a month because I’m movie or something. As soon as she was born, I cry at card tricks and supermarket openings every day. I cry just about every day. I just finished reading the audible version of this book. Yesterday was my last studio session. There’s some emotional spots at the end.

David Murray [00:35:32]:
It was so embarrassing. I Just could not get through it. And it is totally obnoxious if you’re listening to an audiobook and the author starts crying. So I simply wasn’t going to put up with that. But I had to do like, like five takes. So I think I’ve learned that about myself. I’m emotional and I like that. That’s.

David Murray [00:35:47]:
I’m much more emotionally open than my father was. And I feel good about that, actually.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:52]:
And finally, for both of you, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Scout Murray [00:36:00]:
I would say from an early age, try to be as open and honest as you can, because I think kids pick up on that. That and from an early age it was very clear that there was never lying, there was never secrets. And I think that like really stuck with me. And I was raised with the impression that it was always okay to be honest about how you’re feeling and not build up resentment. So I think, and I think sometimes that’s hard. I have friends that aren’t close with their dads and I think it’s because neither of them are honest and neither of them share when they’re upset with each other. And I think doing that will create a good atmosphere.

David Murray [00:36:41]:
I think I learned while being honest with her when she would ask me difficult questions when she was young, questions I wasn’t sure I should answer. I think I also learned that kids, when they ask you a question, they will let you answer and they’ll stop asking questions when they don’t want any more information. I can’t think of an example right now, but there were times where she would ask me a question, maybe about how babies are born or where all this stuff, and you would answer to a point and then the kid would stop asking and then two years later they’d start asking again. And so I felt that you deciding what kids should and shouldn’t hear or can and can’t handle, they kind of actually decide it for themselves and they take care of their own business in that way. And you should err on the side of telling more, I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:23]:
Well, Scout David, I really want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today. David, if people want to find out more about you and the book, where should they go?

David Murray [00:37:30]:
They should go to a website called soccer dad story.com you can prerequisite ordered the book. The book is out April 14, but it’s available for pre order now wherever books are sold. And it’s available in the audible version, which as I said I just finished and I think it’s a fun listen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:46]:
Well, again, thank you both so much for your time today and for sharing your story. And scout, I wish you the best as you move into the next phase of your existence post soccer. Now you can sit and watch soccer and enjoy that instead of being on the field specifically, or at least having the pressure of being on a D1 team.

Scout Murray [00:38:07]:
Exactly. Exactly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:09]:
Well, I wish you both the best.

Scout Murray [00:38:10]:
Thank you so much.

David Murray [00:38:11]:
Thanks so much for having us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:13]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:38:43]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers Messengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world too now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: Building confidence, college athletics, communication, dads and daughters, emotional intelligence, family bonds, fatherhood, parent advice, parent child relationships, parenting, parenting mistakes, personal growth, practical tips, raising daughters, real stories, soccer, sports parenting, supportive parenting, teamwork, youth sports

Breaking Parenting Cycles: Building Lasting Dad-Daughter Connections

October 20, 2025 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/TiaSlightham-FINAL.mp3

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Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone on the journey. In the recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Tia Slightham, creator of the Parenting With Purpose method and a coach to high-achieving parents. This insightful conversation dives deep into the challenges, growth, and opportunities both dads (and all parents) face when raising confident, emotionally secure daughters.

One of the standout themes from the episode is the importance of breaking cycles—especially those rooted in our own upbringing. Tia shares how her father broke the cycles of abuse and alcoholism from his own childhood, emphasizing that while he didn’t always have the resources or know-how, his willingness to try made a lasting impact. She encourages listeners that “breaking cycles is something I think we all have the power to do,” reminding us that parenting is ultimately a learned skill.

Tia explores different parenting styles—what she calls the “overpowering tiger,” the “wet doormat,” and her preferred “positive discipline parent.” She describes how her own parents modeled these behaviors, and how she’s forged a new path centered on connection, mutual respect, and discipline without punishment. For dads looking to build stronger relationships with their daughters, she recommends focusing less on forcing behaviors and more on connecting through empathy, listening, and presence.

A practical tool Tia shares is “Golden Time”—spending 10 focused, device-free minutes a day doing an activity your child chooses. It’s a simple but powerful strategy that helps rebuild connection, whether you’re dealing with young children or teenagers.

The episode also covers the struggles parents face with emotional connection and communication. Tia urges dads not to shy away from sharing their own experiences and emotions, showing that vulnerability can build empathy and trust. She advises parents to shift their language, replacing “if” statements with “when,” to reduce power struggles and foster more respectful interactions.

Ultimately, this podcast offers hope and actionable advice for any parent feeling overwhelmed, stuck in chaos, or disconnected from their kids. Tia’s core message is clear: change starts with us—and it’s never too late to build the relationship you want with your daughter.

Ready for more stories, expert advice, and practical tips? Listen to the full episode to start building stronger bonds and raising confident, independent daughters!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity. We have an opportunity to be able to up our game, to be able to help ourselves, to be those dads that we want to be and to be able to build those strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. That, and I say that we have an opportunity, because we do. Because when you go into fatherhood, there is no set pathway. There’s no manual, there’s no set thing that you have to do to be the best dad you can ever be. But there are things that you can do to be successful and to be able to build solid relationships with your children to help them along the way. Those tools for your toolbox, per se, that you can have and take with you. And a lot of times you can learn from others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:
You can learn from others, whether it’s your neighbor, whether it’s a friend, whether it’s someone you don’t even know. They can help you along the way by giving you some of the tidbits, some of the things that they’ve learned along the way to help you to become stronger as well. That’s why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to help you, to give you some of those tools for your toolbox, to help you to be able to be the dad that you want to be. And that’s why every week I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that can provide you with some perspective and challenge you in some different ways, to be able to help you think about fatherhood in different ways as well. So you’re going to meet fathers, mothers, and others that are here to be able to give you some resources. And today we got another great guest. Tia Slytum is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
And Tia is a creator of the Parenting With Purpose method and a coach of high achieving parents, and she works with parents to be able to help them to get through some of the challenging points, but also work in many different ways to be able to become those strong parents that you want to become. We’re going to learn about the parenting with purpose method today, but we’re also going to learn a little bit more about Tia and. And her own experience with her own father and some of the things that she’s learned along the way. So I’m really excited to have her here. Tia, thanks so much for being here today.

Tia Slightham [00:03:00]:
Thanks so much for having me. I’m excited to chat with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:02]:
You know, I’m really excited to have you here today. And as I said, I love being able to start these conversations first, focusing on your own relationship with your father. And every relationship is unique. Every relationship is different. Some are positive, some are negative, Some are somewhere in between. I guess one of the questions that I’d love to start with is, as a daughter, what’s one thing that your father did to help you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Tia Slightham [00:03:29]:
Yeah, it’s a really good question. I think when I look back at my childhood and then where I am today in the work I do in the line of, you know, my focus with parents and parenting and raising kids, a lot of what I learned from my parents, whether that be some positive, some negative, really shifted my mindset in the kind of parent I wanted to be and the kind of parent I wanted to help others be if they had the similar values and goals. And my. My dad had not a great upbringing, and I. One of the things I’m so passionate about is breaking cycles. And breaking cycles is something I think we all have the power to do. When you have that toolbox like you talked about in the beginning, and. And you have that skill set, because parenting is not intuitive.

Tia Slightham [00:04:14]:
It’s a learned skill. Whether you are a dad, whether you have little kids, big kids, it’s all a skill set, and everybody’s capable of learning it, but you have to be taught that. And so when I think about my dad, unfortunately, and sadly for him, he was not taught that he didn’t have role models that he needed to have. You know, he had abusive parents and alcoholic parents, and he never had that chance to be seen, heard, and understood. And what I love most about my dad is, although I still shifted much of my parenting to not mimic his parenting, he really broke the cycle of abuse. He broke the cycle of alcoholism. He broke a lot of cycles. And so when I think about how my dad helped me be seen, heard and really understood in the early years.

Tia Slightham [00:05:03]:
He wasn’t great at that. He didn’t know exactly how to do that. But as an overarching father, 100%, I’m very. And as an adult, our relationship is so close because he was able to have the strength to break the cycles in whatever way he could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]:
Now there’s other dads that are out there that may be in those vicious cycles that, you know, they grew up in, and they’re trying to break them themselves. Talk to me a little bit about what you saw your dad doing to break those cycles, or you’re. What you’re seeing other parents doing to try to break the cycles. And what are some suggestions or things that you might put out there for other fathers that might help them to do the same?

Tia Slightham [00:05:45]:
Yeah. So one of the things I think it’s really important to look at first is what exactly is our parenting style? Like, what is our style of parenting? And really, there are, like, three core parenting styles. I like to use my. My own terminology to help it stick into our brains, because I forgot what I had for lunch yesterday, and we all forget things. So let’s try and remember these things. And so one of the parenting styles is what I refer to as the overpowering tiger. This is that authoritarian style. Whereas a parent, your kids need to listen to you because you said so.

Tia Slightham [00:06:17]:
You’re the adult, you’re the boss. They need to respect you no matter what. And they should just do it because. And unfortunately, that’s the style of parent my dad was. My dad was that overpowering tiger, where we are listening because we don’t want to know what happens if we don’t listen. And so we listen out of fear. We listen out from control, which is what I didn’t want to do as a parent. My mom would make up for my dad’s parenting style of overpowering tiger by being what I refer to as the wet doormat.

Tia Slightham [00:06:46]:
This is that permissive parent who wants to set boundaries. And you want to show your kids how to be respectful and listen and cooperate, but you don’t know how to hold and maintain what I call three Cs. Boundaries being super concrete, clear and consistent, and really learning to follow through with discipline and not punishment. And so I have these two different. This teeter tottering of parenting where we’ve got the overpowering tiger on one side and then the wet doormat trying to make up for the fact that the tiger is so overpowering. And both of those parenting styles are very confusing for kids. It doesn’t show, you know, kids are born with two jobs. One is to please you, and one is to push boundaries until boundaries are found.

Tia Slightham [00:07:27]:
And unfortunately, if you’re the overpowering tiger, your kids are only listening when you are overpowering them, because that’s the boundary they’ve learned. Whereas if you’re the wet doormat, they’re not listening. They’re pushing. They’re pushing. They’re pushing until you hit your breaking point and either give in, give them extra chances, or you then turn into that overpowering tiger. So either way, that’s creating the cycles that parents most often want to break. And so the goal is really to become, you know, in my opinion, in my practice, that number three parenting style, which I recall to as the positive discipline parent. So you’re really that mutual respect parent where our kids listen and they show us respect because we listen and we show them respect.

Tia Slightham [00:08:12]:
And that’s really, really how you build a strong connection and bond so your kids can learn life’s hard lessons, but in a way where they don’t feel overpowered, they don’t feel fearful, and they don’t feel like they can walk all over you, because kids really do need a guide, a teacher, and a leader. And that’s where we really want to work to kind of find that balance.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:31]:
Talk to me about that a little bit further. Go a little bit deeper in regards to your own experience with that and what made you kind of develop that framework for. For others. What was it in your own childhood that made you decide that as you were developing this framework that you needed to develop or unpack that for yourself?

Tia Slightham [00:08:52]:
Yeah, I mean, I think about some kind of, you know, we create these core memories in our childhood. And I always say to parents, our actions and our words, what we role model today, they live with our kids forever. Like, we have such a huge impact on our kids. And it can either be positive or it can be negative. And I think about some of those core memories as a child, and yet I still have positive ones of both my parents, but the ones that really stick with you are those not so positive ones. And I can remember being really little and wetting the bed and really feeling so sad and so shameful and so afraid to have to, like, tiptoe downstairs in my nightie, sopping wet to try and get to my mom’s side of the bed so that my dad wouldn’t harp at me and make me feel terrible for wetting the bed. And no, no child needs to feel like that. No human needs to feel like that.

Tia Slightham [00:09:47]:
Because kids don’t. You know, Jane Nelson of the founder of positive discipline, you know, always says this amazing quote, and it’s kids do better when they feel better. So where do we get this crazy idea that we’re going to make somebody feel worse to get them to do better? And if you think about it, like, when have we ever had a boss who just yells at you and screams at you and tells you how stupid you are and how dumb you are and how awful you’ve done? And then we say to ourselves, yeah, I’m going to work harder next time. I’m going to just show up. No, we, we feel squished under a rock. We feel it’s debilitating. We don’t build the confidence and skills to do better. And so as a parent, I knew I didn’t want my kids to ever be afraid to come to me with anything.

Tia Slightham [00:10:32]:
I never wanted them to feel scared. I never wanted to them feel like I was making them feel stupid or shameful. And I wanted them to know that I’m always in their corner. And I think as a child, I never really knew that my dad was in my corner, even though I knew he loved me because of his parenting style. And that’s not what he wanted to portray. It’s just that’s all he knew.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:56]:
As you look at your father now, or have. I should have asked before. Your father is still alive. Okay. As you talk to your father now and he can see what you’re doing with other parents, talk to me about conversations that you’ve had as you become an adult. In looking back at what he did as a father and what you’re doing now and how those either connect or disconnect.

Tia Slightham [00:11:22]:
Yeah. So together, him and I haven’t discussed a lot about my childhood. We’ve sort of just moved through as adults and built an amazing relationship. I’m gonna fly home and see him next week and play a couple rounds of golf with him and have lunch, which I’m really looking forward to. But what I noticed from my dad is he pays attention to what I’m doing. And when I see him with my boys, his grandsons, I can tell he knows where he, he wished he made changes and where he wished he had the support to make changes. Which is why I love what you’re doing for dads out there. And I’ve left a five star review, so everybody else should go and do that as well.

Tia Slightham [00:12:04]:
Who’s listening? Because dads and parents of all parents need support. And I think what’s most Important when my dad sees the line of work I’m in and the success of the business I’ve buil is the sadness I think he has that he didn’t have that support and he didn’t have somebody show him what to do or how to be better. And I think he’s worked hard to be better as a dad of adults and as a grandfather.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:28]:
I appreciate you sharing that. Now, I mentioned that you have this method, and we’ve kind of been talking a little bit about it already as I looked at it and I kind of explored it myself. I know that you’ve guided a lot of different families. I think your website said over 5000 families through your parenting with purpose framework. Talk to me a little bit about the core principles beyond what we’ve already been talking about. And why do you think that they resonate so strongly with parents who feel struck, feel stuck in chaos?

Tia Slightham [00:12:57]:
Yeah, most parents, and this is what makes us so different and so successful in what we do, is most parents are looking for quick tips and tricks. They’re scouring the Internet. They’re googling, they’re reading books. They’re just. They’re. They’re doing small mini courses. They’re just trying desperately to fix the problem and get their kids to listen, get them to cooperate, get them to be respectful. The challenge is it’s not about getting our kids to do, it’s about getting ourselves to do.

Tia Slightham [00:13:25]:
And really, the key is shifting what you’re doing as a parent to then shift your child’s behavior. So most of us live in this core struggle of forcing our kids, forcing our kids to listen, forcing them to cooperate, forcing them to do their homework, forcing them to get off their device, forcing them. And it’s just this constant negative battle because we’re basically telling our kids, you’re the problem, you need to be fixed, and you’re the reason I’m so upset. So an ability to connect with your kids in that moment is almost impossible because they are feeling the weight of this being all their issue. So we’re not building confidence. We’re not building security. We’re not building trust. But what we do inside our program is we say, hey, you know what, kids? This isn’t your problem.

Tia Slightham [00:14:08]:
This is our issue. I’m the adult. I need to learn how to do better. I need to learn how to use effective language. I need to learn how to discipline without punishment. So no more yelling, reminders, empty threats, taking things away, bribery, rewards. I need to learn how to. To solve my challenges in my parenting so that I can help you be the best you can be.

Tia Slightham [00:14:31]:
And I think when we’re searching for quick tips and. And tips, we’re still focusing on the child. And so it might work today, but it doesn’t work tomorrow, or it might work with one child, it doesn’t work with the other, and nothing’s giving you lasting results. Because the root of the issue isn’t your child’s behavior. The root of your issue is your parenting, your current parenting st and what needs to be shifted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:51]:
You know, one of the things that I’ve learned in talking to a lot of dads is dads want to support their kids, but sometimes struggle to connect emotionally. And I think we talked a little bit about some of your own experience with that, with your own father. What lessons from your method and working with parents can dads use to adapt to strengthen their own parenting approach?

Tia Slightham [00:15:13]:
Yeah, connection, I think, is like the biggest issue for parents and kids, whether it’s sons, daughters, moms, dads. If we don’t have a strong connection, we’re really lost, and our kids are lost, and we’re lost. And one of the tools that we use in our program, which I coined Golden Time, my son, when he was 4, actually named it Golden Time, and it’s stuck since then. And you can call it whatever you want. And I’m going to actually give all your listeners a free copy to download and implement this, because sometimes we don’t know where to start, especially when we’re stuck in these really deep cycles. And it just feels like your kids are saying, I hate you. I don’t want to be around you. You’re the worst dad ever.

Tia Slightham [00:15:50]:
Like, you don’t know. You don’t get me. You don’t understand. How would you know? And we feel almost trapped, like we’re stuck in quicksand, and we don’t know where to begin. And I want parents to know that you can begin with just 10 minutes a day. Like, 10 minutes a day can have a really big impact. Even five minutes a day can have a really big impact. And so I want parents to download this at the end of the episode and really start implementing.

Tia Slightham [00:16:14]:
It’s a chance for you to connect with your kids without your devices. Yes, I know that feels tricky for all of us. But without your devices, really allowing your kids, whether you have young kids, young daughters to choose a fun activity, if they like to bake or they like to play dolls, or they like to color or do trucks or whatever it is they like to do, or for older kids, you know, being a mom of a teen to just sit and chat or to go for a walk or to do a TikTok dance with them, or to go get an ice cream cone. There are things you can do that are low pressure that will allow you to spend 5, 10, 15 minutes not talking about homework, not talking about the things they’re not doing, not talking about the fact they didn’t make their bed and do their chores. Because we need to get to a place where we can build a connection so you then can get them to do those other things. But if you don’t start with a connection, it’s a really big uphill battle.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:05]:
It definitely can be an uphill battle. Now, you emphasize raising confidence, emotionally secure kids. What does that look like in practice, especially for our daughters who are growing up into young women with their own voices?

Tia Slightham [00:17:21]:
I think that what you just said right there is the most important piece. They need to have their own voice. And if we are, if our parenting style is stuck in that permissive parenting or that authoritarian parenting and we’re that tiger in that doormat, we’re not allowing our kids to really have a voice. We’re not creating a mutual respect environment. We’re really creating, creating, you know, that hierarchy environment where we’re kind of overpowering our kids and we want to, like I said, still be the guide, the teacher and the leader. But what’s so important is, I think about it with my own two boys, you know, who are 14 and 16, both almost six feet tall. I’m only five, three, so they could really force me to do things physically, and I can’t force them to do things. And we have to get to a place where our kids want to do the right thing and they feel good about doing the right thing.

Tia Slightham [00:18:08]:
And that intrinsic drive and motivation is what motivates, moves them to make great choices and be responsible and be independent and thrive. The challenge is, is if we are stuck yelling and reminding and power struggling. And if you don’t do that, you’re not going to have your phone and I’m going to take this away from you. They’re never going to have a voice. And so I really encourage parents to remember that less is more. And a lot of times we start harping and nagging and harping and nagging, and I can tell you, your kids aren’t listening to it. They have learned to tune you out and they’re not listening. So I want you to really challenge yourself and ask yourself, am I actually listening to my kids or am I Trying to win an argument and nobody is winning.

Tia Slightham [00:18:52]:
In a power struggle, you think about it like a game of tug of war, you might win because you finally give in. I mean, you might win because you finally yell and get so loud that they say, okay, fine, I guess I better do this. Or they win because you get so exhausted that you give. In both those scenarios, nobody won. So if you are in power struggles with your kids, nobody’s winning. So I challenge you to put your end of the rope down and to say this isn’t about winning, less is more. And am I really listening to what my child needs here? It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have a voice and an opinion, but we do need to listen. And one of the things I can ask, you know, all of your listeners to kind of do a litmus check on is how often you use that most detrimental two letter word.

Tia Slightham [00:19:32]:
And no, it’s not the word. No, it’s actually the word. If we use the word if all day long. If you don’t do this, this, if you don’t knock that off, if you do that one more time, if you’re not ready by this time, if you, you know I’m going to leave you. If you’re not ready, I’ going to pay your cell phone bill if you don’t do this. We’re just constantly on our kids with these ifs. If is the number one power struggle word. And as soon as you say the word, if your kids are saying they want to challenge me, sure, I’ll come up against them, no problem.

Tia Slightham [00:20:00]:
So what we want to do is swap out the word if and simply use the word when. So instead of if you don’t do your homework, no phone. When your homework is done, then you may use your phone. Instead of if your shoes aren’t on, I’m leaving you. I know you’re not leaving your child. So let’s not use empty threats that aren’t true. When your shoes are on, then we can go. So what we’re doing is we’re empowering, we’re giving choice, we’re letting them know that they, they have some control in this situation.

Tia Slightham [00:20:24]:
But we’re not creating power struggles. We’re actually creating mutual respect. So thinking about your language, less is more. Let’s swap out if and use when for some simple things. You can start, you know, right away today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
I love that. And it is a, I’m going to say an easy switch, but it might not be easy because it’s like any change in your Routine. You get into those routines and. And it’s going to be not always easy to change those routines, but you can slowly make those adjustments to be able to move in the right direction.

Tia Slightham [00:20:55]:
Yep. And just by listening to this, parents are going to all of a sudden catch themselves saying, oh, I just said if again, shoot. I just said if again, shoot. That’s great. Because that awareness, we call those awareness flags. You can’t make changes if you don’t know where you are. And so the awareness is actually a huge step forward because you didn’t have that before. And the more you keep catching yourself, the better you’re gonna get at it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:17]:
Now, I know even in my own experience in raising daughters and working with my spouse, there are definite challenges that mothers and daughters have. And I know you work with a lot of moms who, as your website says, are tired of guilt, yelling, and power struggles. What can dads do or what can dads learn from the struggles that moms are facing? And how can they step in as true partners?

Tia Slightham [00:21:45]:
I think a lot of times parents feel like if they’re not completely aligned, they can’t get the results they’re looking for. Like, if my, for example, my husband wants to keep yelling and I don’t, then I have to just keep on this path because they don’t want to make changes. And our kids will never change if we both don’t change. What I want you to really think about is that, that zero parents making change, zero results happen. One parent makes a change, and you see a change, you have results. And I always say, we’re not going to force our kids and we’re not going to force our partner. We have to role model it. So if you are struggling, I always say, ask for help.

Tia Slightham [00:22:25]:
Ask for help, whether that’s from your partner, if your partner’s able to help you, or an outside source and you do what you need to do. I see often there’s the good cop, bad cop one, parents saying no to everything, and then the kids go to the other parent because the other parent is going to give in. And so it’s just constant confusion for kids. And so I think as a partnership, it’s important to see what are the dynamics in each of those relationships. Do we need outside help to help in this situation, or is this something we. We have the skill set to resolve? And one of the things I say to parents with that less is more kind of common theme is saying nothing is better than saying something. So if your partner is getting really heated, have a tag out System where she’s like, I’m tagging out because less is more and I don’t want to say something I regret. So I’m going to walk away and you can step in.

Tia Slightham [00:23:14]:
And I know it’s really helpful if two parents are supporting one another to have a tagout system, because you don’t have to solve each problem in that moment. You can step away, you can think about it, you can calm your nervous system, you can take deep breaths, and you can really think about how you want to respond to that situation versus staying in it. Heightening, on fire, sweating and reacting, because then we’re gonna say something and do something we regret.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:41]:
You know, sometimes dads worry about overstepping when their daughter’s going through emotional challenges, either themselves or with their mom. How can a dad be present without overshadowing the experience that the daughter is in or overshadowing that mother daughter bond?

Tia Slightham [00:24:00]:
I think it’s so important. I, I know there’s sort of the stereotype that dads don’t share their emotions as much. And I’m, I’m not put everybody in a shoebox by any means, but I think there’s nothing better than a dad who’s willing to just share a bit about their experience. What was it like when they grew up? What, what, when did they feel that same way that their child might be feeling in that moment? Maybe what lesson did they learn later in life? Because a lot of times it does happen to be the moms who are maybe dealing with some of the more emotional things, and it’s not always the case, but I think there’s no greater impact than having a male role model and a father figure be able to show emotion, have emotion, and let their kids know that emotions are okay from anybody. And I think that’s something. When I was growing up and going back to my dad, never really had connected with me about emotions or never really connected with me about sadness or feelings. And I know he was very sad. I mean, any child who was raised that way is very sad.

Tia Slightham [00:25:05]:
And I think being open and honest to the best of our ability because it’s not always easy to do in situations where our kids are feeling really upset helps them feel less alone versus us telling them how they should feel, because that often undermines their emotions versus us sharing our experience and our emotions to help build that connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
You know, as I think about what you’ve been saying, a lot of times there are, as you said, the parents that are looking for the quick wins, they’re looking for the Advice, they’re looking for something that they can do right away. And parenting advice can. Overwhelming at times. If you could give dads just one or two practical, try this today, strategies from your framework, what would they be?

Tia Slightham [00:25:46]:
I think we’ve given a few of them today, for sure, that I want you to keep on that checklist for sure. Really thinking about your language, thinking about your parenting style and where you need to make some shift shifts, and really, for sure working on doing golden time with your kids. But I think when we look at kind of a framework and a method, it’s a giant puzzle, and it’s all the pieces of the puzzle that we really need to think about. And so, so often when parents say, my kids don’t listen to me, to their homework after school, let’s say, and it’s a big battle and it takes me three hours, it’s not the homework that’s the issue. It’s the things that came before the homework that were the issue. It was the way we were setting things up or not setting things up. And so my point in that is, is that we need to be as proactive as we possibly can as parents. And that means setting the stage for success and not reacting in the moment.

Tia Slightham [00:26:38]:
So if you’re listening and you feel like you have bedtime challenges or listening challenges around doing homework or turning your device off or whatever the challenge area is, I want you to ask yourself, do I have a complete system and boundary in place, or am I just telling my kids what to do? So what we do typically is we say our boundaries, and we don’t set our boundaries. So you say to your kids, you need to get ready. Then you, you know, you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do this. And you think they speak English, they speak your language. Of course they understand. Why aren’t they doing it? They’re doing it on purpose. They’re doing it to be. They’re going into revenge mode.

Tia Slightham [00:27:16]:
They’re purposely trying to make me angry. No, no, no. Every behavior has a deep rooted purpose. And it’s never just to make you angry. It’s our kids. Kids lashing out to try and get some of their needs met. Okay. Which is what one of the things we help parents do in our program with our behavior needs roadmap tool to get all those needs met.

Tia Slightham [00:27:35]:
But what I want you to think about in this moment for what you do know is if I’m telling my kids what to do all the time, I’m saying boundaries, and I’m not setting boundaries. And in order to set a boundary, you’ve got to follow three steps. The first step is you need to identify what your expectations are from start to finish. What exactly needs to happen, what’s the time frame, what needs to be completed first, what’s the order? Go through it in detail. Step two, you need to do what we call ttp, Teach, train and practice. So we’re not just telling our kids, we’re making checklists, we’re using visual charts with younger kids with pictures and words, we’re using timers, we’re ensuring they know the plan and we practice it. We have them write the list with us, we go through it, we discuss it, we maybe role model it for younger kids to show them what might be correct or not correct so they can correct you and you can learn that they know what to do. And then the third step is your follow through always needs to be set up in advance to avoid it becoming punishment.

Tia Slightham [00:28:34]:
So what I mean is, if you tell your kids that they need to get ready in the morning before they use their phone and all of a sudden they’re using their phone and you come downstairs and you say, that’s it, no phone, you’re done. You punish them because you got to overpower them and you got to decide what happened because you weren’t happy happy with what they were doing. But on the flip side, if you have your expectations, you teach, train and practice and you set your follow through of when you choose to use your phone before your morning routine is completed. Then you’re telling me you would like to break from your phone for the entire day and we’ll try again tomorrow. Now, when they’re on their phone before their morning routine is done, you don’t need to be angry. You don’t need to be mad. I’m really sorry you made that choice. It looks like you’re taking a break from your phone and we’ll try again tomorrow.

Tia Slightham [00:29:21]:
So the difference is your kids learn to make choices that work for them or don’t work for them, instead of you making all of their problems your.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:30]:
Problems as we finish up today. You’ve built a seven figure coaching brand around this work which shows the need is real and widespread. What motivates you the most in helping parents and what gives you hope for the next generation of daughters growing up today.

Tia Slightham [00:29:48]:
So my work is a true passion and I built the business just out of my love, really, that started with kids. I’ve always loved kids. I wanted to babysit from the time I was tiny I wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world. It is the best gift beyond. But my passion really comes from the fact that parenting can actually be really easy and it can be so enjoyable and it can be the best moments of your life and we can create the best moments for our kids lives. And we’ve worked with thousands of parents from around the world from various countries and they all come with common themes. They’re crying, they’re stressed, they’re overwhelmed, they yell, they hate themselves for yelling, their kids don’t listen, they wish they could build this connection and they don’t know how. And where I feel most proud about the work we do is anybody who is committed to doing the work and allowing us to guide them.

Tia Slightham [00:30:39]:
We have a hundred percent success rate. So there isn’t a way to quote unquote fail in parenting when you have the right steps, the right accountability and the right guidance. So for any parent who truly wants to master parenting so that you can resolve your own relationship challenges but also role model to your kids how to one day parent their own kids, if they choose to have kids, then there’s. There’s no downside in learning how to do these things and it works every single time. So hence our success in our company is if parents weren’t successful they would let us know. And luckily everybody who joins and does the work leaves totally 180. They’re happy. They can’t believe it.

Tia Slightham [00:31:20]:
They thought nothing was going to work. The light switch has been flipped and their kids are going to bed early and they’re staying in their beds and they’re doing their homework and things they never thought possible. But it was because they were forcing their kids to try and make those changes. And of course our kids don’t know how. We have to teach them and we have to show them the skills to do that. In joining our program we get to teach you exactly how to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:40]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection 6. I usually ask these to dads, but when I have moms on or other parents on, I always ask them questions and I’m going to ask them in a little bit different way because some are a little more dad centric. So I’m going to ask you as a mother as well and as a resource to dads, as you think about your own experience in being a parent, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your sons?

Tia Slightham [00:32:09]:
I would say warmth. I think have two. It makes me teary eyed whenever I talk about Them two, like I said, six feet, massive men who hug me goodbye every day, tell me they love me, still want to snuggle, still want to share things with me. They’re very independent. They do their own thing. They’ve got their friends, they’re. They’re not with me all the time, but when we’re together, everything is very warm. And I want them to know that emotions and warmth are great, whether you’re a male or a female.

Tia Slightham [00:32:37]:
And I think it’s really important to try and build that warmth in young men as they grow up and also in young women.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:43]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received from my dad?

Tia Slightham [00:32:49]:
What I would say is the best advice is to never give up so you can accomplish, just like my dad did, by breaking the cycles. You can accomplish, you can create what you want to create, but you can’t give up. And it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be perfect. It doesn’t mean we’re not going to have moments where we feel like we’re failing. But by not giving up, it’s the only way to see really what’s possible. And my dad has definitely shown me that through his own life and his own accomplishments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:19]:
What’s one activity that you and your sons love doing together?

Tia Slightham [00:33:23]:
Oh, we love to golf together. I picked up golf a few years ago just mainly because I have two boys and they were loving it. And I thought, where could I spend some serious time with my boys? And we all know if, you know, golfers, golf takes up a lot of time. Time. And we’ll go out and we’ll talk and we’ll spend the afternoon together. We listen to music in the golf cart. If we’re driving or we’re walking, you end with a great meal. And the amount of connecting and conversation and openness that happens when you’re out on the golf course is something I really cherish.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:55]:
If you could give your son’s one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Tia Slightham [00:33:59]:
To do your best and not care what anybody else thinks. Thanks. Because your best is always enough. And your best is never to be looked down upon, even if you don’t feel like you succeeded how you wanted to. But your best is all that anybody can ask for. But most importantly, it’s all that you should ask for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a mom?

Tia Slightham [00:34:21]:
Since becoming a mom, I guess what I’ve realized most is we can do anything and everything. I mean, we are amazing creatures as humans. It is fascinating to create kids. Kids, raise kids. See this fact, the fact that we create little human beings. And I think I’m pretty proud of the relationship I have with my boys. Although not perfect, nobody’s perfect. And I don’t want anybody to think that just because I’m a parenting coach and my boys are in my amazing doesn’t mean that we don’t have mistakes and that we’re not perfect.

Tia Slightham [00:34:52]:
And so one thing I’ve learned is that we can really accomplish anything we want to accomplish. We can do a hell of a lot of amazing things, and it doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:01]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Tia Slightham [00:35:08]:
I think the advice is to know that you’re not going to create that with little random bits and pieces and to find somebody that can help you really break those cycles and shift that dynamic. If you’re in a rut that you’ve been in for years. Most parents have been stuck in these challenges and these cycles for years. And to ask for help. Because when you ask for help, not only do things get better for you and your relationship with your own daughter, but you also role model to your kids that asking for help is a strength and that we are not perfect, that we also need to learn and we also need to grow. And I think there’s no better way to empower your kids than to say, hey, I need some help with this and I’m going to get some help. Because this is something I don’t have. All figures figured, completely figured out.

Tia Slightham [00:35:56]:
Because sometimes I think our kids think they’re just the ones that don’t have things figured out. And we have it all figured out. And I think you really build a bond and connection with your kids when you’re willing to own up to your faults, ask for help and really empower by showcasing that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:08]:
Now, if people want to find out more about your method or get more information about you, where should they go?

Tia Slightham [00:36:14]:
Yeah, I think the easiest way is to head over to Instagram. My Instagram handle is TIA Parenting Coach. So TIA Parenting Coach. And if you head over there, not only will you find tons of videos and tips and strategies and information, but most importantly, I’ve put together a really special battle free parenting bundle for all of your listeners. These are things that my highest paying clients get inside our program, but I want to give it to your listeners because Like I said, this is a passion project for me and I want to help as many parents as I can. So if they, if you head on over to Tia, parenting coach and DM us the word dads, we are going to give you access to two amazing tools and resources. So if you’re a parent who’s yelling power, struggling, not feeling connected to your daughter, you’re feeling like you’re losing that connection, time is running out. You need to figure this out.

Tia Slightham [00:37:05]:
Then you’re going to want to head over there and DMS dads and you’re going to have access to our Golden Time 5 ingredient 10 minutes a day tool that’s going to turn things around so quickly as well as an opportunity to join my team or myself on a breakthrough call where we are going to connect with you personally on zoom, talk about your challenges, talk about where you’re stuck, see what your goals are, what you want to do achieve, and really help set up a 90 day plan for you so you can start working towards that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:32]:
Well, Tia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for everything that you’re doing to be able to support parents in so many different ways, for sharing your own experience with your own father, but also the experiences that you’ve had with other parents. Because the things that you’ve shared today are definitely things that all of us can do to be able to start that process of building stronger connections with our kids. And I just want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Tia Slightham [00:37:59]:
Thank you so much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:00]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can. You can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Tia Slightham [00:38:31]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we get the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Filed Under: fatherhood, podcast Tagged With: Breaking cycles, Building connections, communication, confident kids, dad and daughter, emotional intelligence, empowerment, family bonds, fatherhood, mutual respect, parent coaching, parent tips, parenting, parenting advice, Parenting styles, podcast episode, positive discipline, raising daughters, relationship building, Tia Slightham

Slices of Connection: How a Pizza Business Built an Unbreakable Father-Daughter Bond

June 30, 2025 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/Joe__Valentina-FINAL.mp3

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What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? In this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Joe Carlucci and his daughter, Valentina, to explore the depth of father-daughter relationships, the power of perseverance, and the joys (and trials) of building a business—and a life—side by side.

The Carlucci story is more than just a tale of pizza and world records; it’s a masterclass in showing up, learning together, and making family the center of everything you do. Joe, the owner of Valentina’s Pizzeria in Huntsville, Alabama, shares how having his daughter involved in the restaurant has changed everything about how he leads, listens, and loves.

“I want her to have a life, to experience everything,” Joe shares, emphasizing that legacy isn’t about business success but about the kind of father he is. Valentina, already a Guinness World Record holder for pizza tossing at just 12, brings her own flair and opinions to the family business, reminding listeners that kids don’t just follow in parents’ footsteps—they blaze their own trails.

Parenting, of course, isn’t without challenges. Joe’s candid stories of failure, resilience, and growth highlight the value of letting your kids see you struggle and rise again. The episode dives deep into co-parenting, stepfamily dynamics, and the importance of putting pride aside so kids can feel fully supported, no matter what.

What makes this episode truly special is the genuine banter and obvious affection between Joe and Valentina. Their shared laughter, friendly teasing, and mutual admiration are a testament to what’s possible when dads choose presence over perfection.

If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger relationship with your daughter—or anyone inspired by stories of resilience, family, and food—this episode is an absolute must-listen. You’ll walk away with practical advice, heartfelt wisdom (“If you fall down ten times, get up eleven”), and maybe even a craving for a slice of the world’s best pizza.

Ready to be inspired? Tune in to this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how showing up, listening deeply, and making your child your priority can change everything—for both of you. Find all episodes and more at dadanddaughterconnection.com.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to meet and work together, to be able to build those bonds that we want to have with our daughters, one day at a time. And I love that you come back every week to be able for us to be able to work together and to be able to find new ways to be able to engage with our daughters and find ways to be able to build those stronger bonds. So I thank you for coming back every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]:
That’s why this podcast exists. It exists to help you and to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox that you can walk away from every episode with some different things to think about in regards to the relationship that you have with your daughter and that relationship that you want to have with your daughter. Every week, I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that are having these great relationships together, but also that you can grow from the relationships that you are hearing from them. Sometimes we have dads on, sometimes we have daughters on, Sometimes we have dads and daughters on. And today, we have just that. I’m really excited to be able to have Joe, Carlucci and his daughter, Valentina, on. And we’re gonna be talking to them about the journey that they’ve been on in regards to some food, some world records, and a little bit more to be able to talk about the bond that they have in correlation to all of this. And I am really just really excited to have them here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]:
Joe, Valentina, thanks so much for being here today.

Valentina Carlucci [00:02:21]:
Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:22]:
Thank you very much. It’s an honor. We appreciate the opportunity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I am really excited to be able to have you here. We’ve been trying to make this work for a while, so I’m I’m really excited that we were able to find a time to be able to do this. I guess first and foremost, what I would love to do is talk to me about your relationship and what makes your bond so special.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:42]:
Because she’s my air, my breath, my world. Like, she’s my everything. She’s a smart ass, but she’s amazing and, she’s my heartbeat. She’s the reason, I get up to be a better person, father, boss, son, and friend every day, every week, every month, every minute, every second of my life.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:58]:
And, Valentina, what’s the best part? I know that you work alongside your dad at the restaurant. And I guess as you think about that and the and the opportunity that you have to work with your dad, what’s the best part about working alongside your dad in the pizza business?

Valentina Carlucci [00:03:13]:
Getting to correct Tim because he makes a lot of mistakes, and I have to end up being the boss and taking care of everyone because he doesn’t always know what to do when he’s working. He can be a little. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:27]:
So for you that are listening, Valentina just kind of twirled her finger around her around her ear saying that he’s a little crazy. So I don’t know, Joe. I mean, you said she’s opinionated, but she definitely has her opinions here. And where does she get that from? Definitely not you. Right?

Joe Carlucci [00:03:45]:
No. I’m not very opinionated. I keep my comments to myself. I’m very low key. I’m low spoken. I don’t ever put gas on the fire. I usually put water. She likes to, which is okay sometimes, make make dinner for the staff, make desserts, give everybody a break, give them raises.

Joe Carlucci [00:04:01]:
She’s, all for the inmates and and not for the 40 sometimes. But when she has to throw the hammer down, she’ll throw it down to anybody. So I give her that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:11]:
I guess, Joe, seeing it, like you said, that, you know, Valentina is your heir. You said that, you know, she is following in your footsteps here. When did you first notice that Valentina shared your passion for pizza?

Joe Carlucci [00:04:22]:
Man, she’s been every step of the way at every restaurant I’ve had, food truck. I mean, since she was in diapers and strollers, she’s always been inside the pizzeria restaurant business. When she got old enough to stand up, to wash dishes, to wipe tables down and sweep, like, I never thought anything of it. And when I launched Valentina’s four and a half years ago, I had called her mother and said, hey. I’m gonna open a pizzeria again, and, I wanna name it after Valentina. She’s like, let me ask her because, you know, she’s kind of quiet sometimes. And I’m like, yeah. I don’t know how she feel.

Joe Carlucci [00:04:51]:
And she asked her, and she was like, absolutely. One thing only is no pineapple on pizza. And we end up having And we end up putting pineapple on pizza. And then when she came to work a lot more with me, she asked me about my records and did she get one? And I just thought it was a kid wanting to do what her dad does or not every day. And then as she got older, I mean, she’s 12. She’s got a long way to go, and then she it’s in her blood, and she loves it. And I told her it’s not the easiest, but today’s age, we have changed the way we do things in the industry. You know, we’re only open twenty seven hours. I like to say we like the Chick fil A pizza. We’re closed Sunday and Mondays.

Joe Carlucci [00:05:26]:
We don’t open for lunch. We only open for dinner. It is where the area we are, but, I want her to have a life too, and I don’t want the the life to be inside this restaurant. I don’t she gotta put the time in, but at the same time, I want her to experience other things as well. And she’s right now adamant about taking it over.

Joe Carlucci [00:05:42]:
So I guess for those that are listening that don’t know you, Joe, and don’t know your your your background and don’t know the restaurant, give me a little bit of the history which led you to some world records so that someone that doesn’t know you gets a better feel for not only what led you to starting Valentina’s, but what led you to moving from New York to Alabama?

Joe Carlucci [00:06:05]:
Sure. I’m a consultant. I used to be a consultant. Excuse me. And I came down to Alabama fifteen years to go to open a pizzeria, and I just fell in love with Huntsville, Alabama, where we are now at Valentina’s. And I decided to come down and help the gentleman and move the consultant down here. The consulting thing was kinda hard in the South, and I ended up working for him. Along the way, I’ve had a couple restaurants and I failed at them, and they she was my passion to keep driving.

Joe Carlucci [00:06:29]:
And when you get knocked down, you gotta get up 10 times harder and faster, and no one’s gonna worry about you or cry about you, and you have to take care of yourself. And I taught her that. Like, one thing I could teach is you never give up. I did not, by the wildest dreams, think this restaurant, Valentina’s Pizzeria, would ever blow up to what it is. We went from having 10 employees to having 47 employees. We have a full time life coach, a GM that, has a law background that runs the whole entire restaurant. She loves her. I have a manager that’s, been with me ten years, and we’re growing every day.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:01]:
We just bought a food truck again to go do double dip, and I love the area of Huntsville, Alabama. I mean, people think Alabama. I think my cousin Vinny, and I probably look like my cousin Vinny. But it’s just been a great experience. We went from a 1,500 square foot to buying our own land and having a 5,000 square foot with 190 seats. I was actually kidding around with her the other day and I said, you know, someone offered me millions of dollars to sell. She’s like, you can’t sell. To my restaurant.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:25]:
I said, what about 10,000,000? I said, no. 20. She said, no. We’re not selling. I said, what do you mean we can’t sell? She goes, the restaurant’s for me. I said, yeah. But that’s a lot of money. We can go to Disney.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:35]:
We can have some I’m a system. The reason why we have this restaurant and all this money is because of me, because we wouldn’t have this amazing place without me. So you have to put that factor into. You can go on that.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:50]:
So I need them. I said, well, I was just kidding, but she goes, good. You can get all you want, but it’s mine. So it is everything that we’re doing is for her to build the brand, and she’s gonna have to, put the hair back, put the apron on, and firstly in those pizzas.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:03]:
Now, Joe, you mentioned that you strive to be a strong role model for Valentina. What are the most important qualities that you try to demonstrate for her?

Joe Carlucci [00:08:11]:
Have a backbone, have a voice, have empathy for people, care, but believe in yourself and love yourself more than anybody loves you. And don’t listen to the critics or the keyboard warriors or the haters. Like you can do anything you put your mind to. Listen. I’m probably the dumbest guy you ever speak to on your podcast. I can’t screw a light bulb in. Okay? And I put my head down and described. Hard work beats talent every day and twice on Sundays.

Joe Carlucci [00:08:35]:
And you can outwork anybody any day, any week, any month. And that’s the hardest lesson to teach her because sometimes she can be a little lazy, but I still love her. Yeah. You know? But it’s the youth, but we’re getting we’re getting it out of you. We’re we’re kicking it out of you. But I would, like, teach her that. Never give up on yourself and believe in others. Don’t give up on others either.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:52]:
Now, Valentina, based on what your dad just said and what he’s taught you, what have you learned from your dad about hard work and dedication?

Valentina Carlucci [00:09:00]:
Well, so for one, if you do a job, do it correctly and try to do it good. It’s okay to make a mistake, but don’t make the same mistake a million times. And then, of course, like, if you fall down 10 times, get up 11 times. So, like, overall, like, never give up and always try your hardest no matter what the job is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]:
I love that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]:
Now, Joe, parenting comes with challenges. It’s not always easy. And I know that in the past you’ve spoken about letting your kids see you fail and grow. And you just mentioned that you have failed and you’ve had to pull yourself up and keep going. Can you share a moment where you learned an important lesson in front of Valentina that she had that you wanted her to learn even though it may have been hard for you?

Valentina Carlucci [00:09:46]:
At one time, the quarantine family.

Joe Carlucci [00:09:50]:
Chris, when we had the food truck during COVID, we’d go out in the beginning because it was a lockdown and sell, like, 200 pizzas. And as time got on and they lifted the the lockdown, she’d come out with me in a 20 degree weather. She’d be sweating on the food truck. She was, like, 78 years old. We sell four pizzas, literally. I had to throw all the dough away, all the ingredients. It was, like, week after week until I finally decided that the money I’d save from COVID during with the food truck is to make the transition to a brick and mortar again. But got life lesson just, why are we doing this? Can we go home? Like, no.

Joe Carlucci [00:10:23]:
We’re gonna stick it out, and we’d sell pizzas in five hours. It was just teaching her how to not give up. I did this political box over the course of last four months with the president on there, and we got a lot of backlash from it. And I’m not very political. I’m just controversial. I don’t know a lot of it. I’m saying it’s not controversial in my mouth. You can ask anybody my rep, but I’ve never brought up politics once before this election.

Joe Carlucci [00:10:45]:
Never. Oh, never. I don’t talk about it, but college football, as you know, where you are too is king, and I just had to think of a marketing scheme. Well, long story short, it has developed into an animal of its own. And it took on a whole new world here for the last two months. It’s been insane. And we had a customer or a stalker not even a stalker, keyboard warrior come in on last Saturday who was already trashing us. And it was a little incident, and I had to be a little bit more professional around her and just put the water on the fire that time with her and her younger sister, who’s always over at my house, her stepsister.

Joe Carlucci [00:11:21]:
Didn’t teach her, like, sometimes you have to control yourself because I had my staff. I had people there, and I had my daughter there. And I don’t wanna, like, do what my what I really wanna do, but, you know, it’s not professional and it’s not teaching her anything. So I had to handle that situation a little different. Not saying I wouldn’t if she wasn’t there, but it would’ve been a lot easier to not handle the right way. But when my dog when you turn around and your daughter’s looking at you, it’s the older man that you don’t wanna be fighting or screaming at people. So sometimes, like I told her, dads are not perfect. I never had a 12 year old.

Joe Carlucci [00:11:50]:
I’ve never had a 13 year old. So guess what? I’m gonna mess up because I’ve never had a kid before. So I’m learning as she’s learning. So I just let her know that I’m not perfect in any way, shape, or form and that no matter what, I’m always gonna love her even if she’s burns pizza sometime.

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:05]:
So I correct you when you burn pizzas, but I don’t burn pizzas, and that’s why my pizzas are better.

Joe Carlucci [00:12:11]:
Well, maybe we’ll ship them one if you tell us.

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:13]:
Yeah. Well, no. It’ll be bad. So we we freeze it. We can? Yeah. Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:19]:
That would be great. So, Valentina, you just heard your dad talk about some challenges that he’s had and some struggles that he’s gone through. And I guess as you think about that and you’ve seen your dad struggle with different things, how did that affect you and affect the way that you think about making mistakes?

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:39]:
It made me wanna try harder. It made me wanna do the business more. It made me wanna make my dad proud. And it also, like, taught me some lessons on, like, whenever anyone comes into your electronic complaining, he didn’t escalate it at all. But whatever you do, do not escalate it and make it worse because that’s the one bad thing you could do. And then you could be in the wrong if, like, you do anything to them because the customer is always right.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:10]:
And Valentina did put up her quotes because, you know

Joe Carlucci [00:13:13]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:14]:
I get it. Now, Joe, I know that you mentioned the fact that Valentina’s got step siblings, and you’ve talked in the past, I know about co parenting and co parenting can bring its own challenges. So you’ve talked about that in the past with step kids and half siblings. What has helped you to maintain a strong unified family dynamic?

Joe Carlucci [00:13:35]:
Well, my pride, it’s hard enough to be a kid in 02/2025. Her mother and I didn’t have the best, and we didn’t have the worst relationship. We didn’t do anything to hurt each other. We just weren’t the right fit. So why make your kids suffer for twenty, thirty years because you made a decision in thirty seconds when you went to bed. Right? So it wasn’t always like this. I I had a a lot of, looking in the mirror like, who’s the problem? Is the world the problem, or is Joe the problem? And I decided that I was the problem. And her stepdad is she’s so lucky to have a dad like that.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:08]:
I mean, I think he’s one of the most amazing people. She has one of the best mothers that god has ever created in a very weird, people say, relationship. Her past sister is over my house. It’s always my always my my Christmas. My my girlfriend gets her gifts, sends the gifts. She’s over my house three weeks, four weeks out of summer. She sleeps over during the week. I mean, she’s like my second kid, and we we’re actually all a family, and it and it works.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:31]:
I think it’s sometimes under those situations, not every situation is like mine. You have to look in the mirror. And I just made a pact that I know it’s gonna be a tough life for any kid growing up, and I’m not gonna make my daughter’s life harder. And we’re we’re all friends. Like, her stepdad does pest control. He does my house. He does my restaurant. I have a problem.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:48]:
He comes here. Her mom and I co parent very, very well together, respect each other. My girlfriend knows my situation, and she’s open to it. And she loves Cadence just like she loves Valentina. So it worked. Everybody at the restaurant, my GM, my managers, like, they take Valentina. They sleep over her house. She sleeps over there.

Joe Carlucci [00:15:08]:
I mean, it’s a big family. It’s one big family, and it all starts with knowing what to do, when to do it. And it’s not always about me. Like, if it’s better than my daughter’s life to co parent and put our differences aside from fifteen years ago, then let’s do it. I mean, if you saw her step sister here, do you think she’s my daughter? She just bring drags her stuff in. We had a pizza named after her on the menu. So it works. You just had to do a lot of soul searching.

Joe Carlucci [00:15:33]:
I think that’s the hardest thing for people today is, like, look in the mirror. I’m not talking about situations where someone’s died or cheated. My situation was nothing like that. We were just oil and water. She’s an engineer. I’m a pizza guy with ADHD, but we’re better off we are now because I told her she’s got two dads instead of one. Right? So it worked on both hands.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:50]:
And, Valentina, what’s one thing your dad does that makes your whole family feel connected and supported?

Valentina Carlucci [00:15:55]:
Well, he’s always open for Cadence to come over here. He treats her like how he treats me. He’s, like, best friends with my stepdad and my mom. He always invites him over to the restaurant. Whenever my mom drops Cadence off sometimes at the house, she’ll even stay for a little longer and just talk to my dad. So it’s not like how it would be for normal parents that are not together anymore. They’re fine in a room together. They could talk normally like friends.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
Joe, with the situation and the kind of the family dynamic that you have right now, what advice do you have for dads that are navigating co parenting challenges while keeping their child’s best interests at heart?

Joe Carlucci [00:16:37]:
Put your pride aside. Look through the lens as your child would. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Even if you can’t get along, don’t you know what I’m saying? If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything. Not every situation is gonna be like mine. So the less said is the better. So it no matter what, that’s gonna be your mother and that’s you’re gonna be the father for the rest of her life. So you have to figure out some way to at least respect each other as a parent, everything else, you know, under your situations, but say less.

Joe Carlucci [00:17:02]:
I know because kids today don’t wanna go back and forth and hear about the kids fighting or the parents saying this. This parent said death and step you know what I mean? It it’s just hard enough for these kids. It’s hard enough. So if if you can’t get along, which is understandable in certain situations, don’t say anything. Just don’t comment on it, and then they don’t have to feel that they have to stick up for that, parent. They don’t have to defend that parent. It also makes you look worse, I think, as a parent because kids are not stupid. They’re smart.

Joe Carlucci [00:17:27]:
The older they get, they’ll see. They’ll feel it out, Whether their dad’s absent, their mom’s absent, or just whatever the situation is, they they’ll they’ll figure it out. You don’t have to lead them to order. They’re they’re smarter than us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:38]:
Now I know, Joe, you’ve had a number of businesses that you’ve started that may have been successful, may have failed. What’s the biggest lesson though that you’ve learned in business that has also helped you as a father?

Joe Carlucci [00:17:49]:
Open minded. Take advice from people that have been there. Maybe people that are in their seventies. You know, as a father that had multiple kids or been in my situation and in the industry, I have, been blessed and lucky and honored to be, taught under Tony Geminiani. He has over 200 locations in the number of pizza in The US, and he’s been, like, a mentor to me in every way. And looking up to other people that have kids or in my situation and that are good role models for their kids that I could take advice from moving forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:20]:
And Valentina, I know you help your dad at the restaurant and you work hard. What’s your ultimate dream in the pizza industry? I know you said you already cook and you’re you’re better than your dad. So how do you want to follow in your dad’s footsteps or go beyond your dad in this industry?

Valentina Carlucci [00:18:35]:
Well, I wanna be exactly like him or maybe even better when I grow up. I wanna have over a thousand stores.

Joe Carlucci [00:18:43]:
Okay.

Valentina Carlucci [00:18:43]:
No. I’m being for real. Like, I do wanna have over a thousand stores, and I want my pizza place to be number one in the whole world to where all these influencers are trying to come here saying how good our pizza is. And so, like, one day when my dad dies, I can just look up, no, I made him proud.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]:
Joe, talk to me about what is having Valentina involved in the restaurant done or changed in the way that you run your business?

Joe Carlucci [00:19:10]:
Oh, everything. Since she was born. My whole way I look at people and I treat people and I act when she’s not here because I I always think, like, it’s great you you do it when she’s not when when she’s here, but in anything you do when she’s not here. It’s just changed the way my perspective on life is on people and having empathy for my staff and caring for them and just I used to be a Gordon Ramsay of pizza that’s yelling, screaming, throwing things in. They say you get more flies with honey. So I’m still working on that, but, you know, I hired a full time life coach to help navigate where I wanna go and help people understand my vision. My standard is extremely high the way I carry the restaurant, and I expect everybody to meet that standard, always there, but I wanna be better than yesterday. I don’t care about today.

Joe Carlucci [00:19:56]:
I don’t care about tomorrow. So she has a big influence in that because if I could build the standard for Valentina’s and the standard I wanna be as a man, then she’ll know what kind of man she needs. And I don’t care if she she’ll always be open to telling me, hopefully, that she has a boyfriend because, like, since she was, like, six, I would open the door for her and tell her, if they don’t open the door, they don’t open the door, don’t get in. So now when we go home tonight or we go to Korean barbecue or for pizza, I’m I’m in the car, and she’s sitting outside standing outside. I’m like, what are you doing? She’s like, I’m not getting until you open this door. And I’m like, oh my god. This is a little too much. And I said, what are you gonna do if you’re on a date? She said, I’m gonna Uber.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:35]:
I’m gonna call you. I said, okay. Good. I’ve been, I’m literally at six in the morning. I’m gonna take her to the school. She’ll just stand outside. It’d be 30 degrees. She’s like, I’m not getting in.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:43]:
I’d get out of the car. I gotta go around. I gotta open the door. So she knows what she’s doing on that end.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:49]:
Now earlier, Valentina, I talked about the Guinness world record for pizza tossing. Congratulations.

Valentina Carlucci [00:20:55]:
Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:56]:
What was that experience like, and what did your dad teach you to help you get there?

Valentina Carlucci [00:21:01]:
Well, so how my dad taught me was when I was at his house, at the time, I was only there Sunday, Monday, and then I left Tuesday morning. So both days, we practiced for, like, four hours. And then he gave me, like, this rubber dough, and I bring it to my mom’s house with me and I practice every day. And so before I tried to get the, record, I, like, practiced a lot. And there was some tears because I, like, really wanted to win, and I did. But the process of it was really fun. My mom got to come, and we had this whole, like, little celebration.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
And, Joe, seeing Valentina break a world record at such a young age must have been an incredible moment. How did that feel as a father?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:45]:
It was one of the greatest moments of my life to see her do it. And, actually, she was the one with the idea. It wasn’t me throwing this on her. Like, I never want her to get in this industry. It’s a tough industry, but, like, she keeps pushing that idea away. So when she wanted to do this, she was eight or nine.

Valentina Carlucci [00:22:00]:
Four. No. You want four? When I wanna do

Joe Carlucci [00:22:03]:
No. When you did the Guinness record.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:05]:
Oh. She was eight or nine. She can’t count. She’s really bad at math.

Valentina Carlucci [00:22:07]:
No. I’m good at math.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:08]:
But just having her want to do it and then her actually accomplishing it, it was a goosebump feeling, kind of like one of those moments that were surreal.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:16]:
Now, Joe, earlier in the conversation, you talked about that you invested in a life coach to help you grow as both a father and a business owner. What’s been the biggest shift for you and your mindset since starting that journey?

Joe Carlucci [00:22:29]:
The biggest shift has to be my attitude because as hard as it is and it’s many layers I have on my back, whether it’s the loans, the mortgage, like, everything starts and ends with me. And even the box, I put a bull’s eye on my staff. Like, I knew that politics and religion, you don’t bring into the restaurant, and I did both. And I did both. And learning how to understand and deal with that, but also 47 people do not work for me. I work for 47 people. I work for my staff. They don’t work for me.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:57]:
And he has taught me that and helped me with that. And understanding what that means is hearing people, letting them have a voice, understanding them, understanding, like, no one’s perfect. No one has perfect life inside and outside of here. And it’s just shifted my attitude of the perspective I I have on people.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:16]:
And, Valentina, have you noticed any changes in your dad since he started working with a coach?

Valentina Carlucci [00:23:20]:
Yes. So I will say before, he wasn’t the best when with when people would start crying. Of course, he would, like, try to hug them and ask them what’s wrong, but he wasn’t the best with it. And now if you notice because we have a ton of girls that work for us, and girls can be emotional. And he’s just gotten a lot better with it, like, with emotions, understanding, and dealing with them. And I think the life coach really helped with that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:46]:
Joe, I guess as we finish up, what legacy do you hope to leave for Valentina both as a father and as a businessman?

Joe Carlucci [00:23:53]:
Well, it’s just one. I don’t care about the business. That was the best that I could make to her. That’s my legacy. Like, I love pizza, some of my blood, but my legacy is is as a father. There’s nothing second or close to it. I I can care less if she did this. Whatever she wants to do in life, she’s gonna be super successful.

Joe Carlucci [00:24:10]:
But my legacy is as a father, not as anything to do in this industry at all. There are so many more talented people in this industry than me. I’ve just been blessed to be around some great mentors like Tony. And at moments, I’ve captured those winning championships at that minute, that second, that hour, but nothing comes close to being a dad. That legacy is number one and the most important to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:36]:
And, Valentina, if you had to give your dad a best dad award, what would it be for?

Valentina Carlucci [00:24:40]:
Being the best dad, everything he does is amazing. Of course, he’ll make mistakes on the way of being the best dad, but to me, he’s the best dad that there can ever be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:49]:
And we always finish our interviews with what I call the dad connection six. And a lot of times I have these just for dads, but with both of you here, I’m gonna ask both of you these questions and see see what you have to say. So, Valentina, I’m gonna start with you. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:06]:
Amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:07]:
And let’s flip it. Joe, what’s one word that describes your relationship with Valentina?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:11]:
Princess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:12]:
Valentina, what’s the best piece of advice your dad’s ever given you?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:15]:
If it’s all Valentine times, get up eleven.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:18]:
And, Joe, what’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:22]:
Listen to them, don’t hear them. Or hear them, don’t listen. You know when they say you you you’re listening, but you’re not hearing me? Hear them. A lot of parents don’t hear their kids. They listen to their kids, but they don’t hear what they’re saying. It’s a big difference. My employees do the same thing sometimes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:34]:
Valentina, what’s one activity that you and your dad love to do together?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:38]:
Anything that includes having fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]:
And Joe?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:41]:
Cooking. She we’ve been going out for Korean barbecue on Sundays and, Italian on Mondays. And she said to me about six months ago, like, these meatballs are horrible. Just and she knows how to make our meatballs in the sauce. She’s like, can you just can we just cook at home? Can you just teach me? I was like, yeah. So we stopped going out to eat. Then we started doing the Korean cooking at home and the Italian the next day. And that’s probably the best way to describe the connection was cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:06]:
Now, Joe, I’m gonna follow-up with that. And if you could give Valentina one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Joe Carlucci [00:26:12]:
It’s not how hard you hit. It’s how hard you hit back. Kinda like getting knocked down, get up, but, like, every life’s gonna throw you a lot of curve balls. You gotta be able to swing them all over.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:20]:
Valentina, what’s one thing that your dad has taught you that you’ll never forget?

Valentina Carlucci [00:26:25]:
I’ll say if you try anything, always try your best at it. Or again, like, no matter what you go through, no matter what happens, never have an excuse for it. Always do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]:
And Joe, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Joe Carlucci [00:26:43]:
That I can’t do this because I didn’t think I could. Scary. As long as I’m on this earth, I have to lead by example and I didn’t think I could do it. It’s not an easy job for any of us. And just trust me, dealing with this one. I have Corrine in there. Let me tell you, you know where Draly is to all the girls. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:00]:
Valentina, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Valentina Carlucci [00:27:08]:
Don’t always nag your kids around. Meaning, like, say if you correct them once, that’s okay, or a couple of times. But if all you do when you’re with them is, oh, why does your hair look so bad? Or your room’s a mess, or you’ve been a slob lately. And if you just keep on correcting them, they’ll never come out of their room and they won’t wanna talk to you because every time they talk to you, it’s just them insulting you instead of saying, hey. Would you like some help or would you like want me to clean your room if you are do a deep clean or something? There’s always a necessary way to say something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]:
And Joe, what would you say?

Joe Carlucci [00:27:44]:
But you sell second time. You can’t make up time in life, so make them your world because you don’t have them for a long time. The older they get, the less they are. So make them your priority. Don’t make other things your priority. My priorities are if I’m not working, I’m with her. If I’m not and if sometimes she’s working with me and I’m with her outside of the year. But make them your priority.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:06]:
Not a priority where it’s it’s a business and, you know, in the sense of, like, oh, I gotta take them to sports. I gotta spend quality time with them, whether it’s with homework, watching a movie, listening to them, hearing them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:17]:
Well, Joe, Valentina, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for your time tonight and for sharing this journey that you’re on. It’s not over. It’s definitely just the starting point and we’ll continue throughout your lives together. And I know that I have loved to being able to see this dynamic play out in front of me, but I know that others will learn from this as well. And I truly wish you both the best.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:42]:
Thank you.

Valentina Carlucci [00:28:43]:
Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:44]:
It was an honor to have a be with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:45]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:29:16]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men.

Musical Performer [00:29:56]:
Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Filed Under: podcast Tagged With: business and family, co-parenting, dad and daughter, family bonds, family legacy, father-daughter connection, fatherhood, inspirational families, life lessons, mentorship, parenting, parenting advice, parenting stories, pizza business, raising daughters, resilience, small business, stepfamily, strong dads, Work–life balance

Dropping Anger, Building Bonds: Tools for Healthy Father-Daughter Relationships

June 23, 2025 by dadofdivas

https://pdcn.co/e/traffic.libsyn.com/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/Michelle_Canfield_Watson-FINAL.mp3

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When it comes to the unique and deeply important relationship between fathers and daughters, few conversations are as honest, insightful, and practical as the recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast featuring Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield. Whether you’re a father looking for inspiration, practical tips, or simply reassurance that you’re not alone on your parenting journey, this episode stands out as a must-listen.

Honest Conversations About Fatherhood

Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield, a renowned expert on father-daughter dynamics, back for a candid and heartfelt conversation. She shares her personal story—growing up as one of four daughters with a father from a tough South Chicago background, and navigating a complex but loving relationship marked by resilience and honest effort. Dr. Canfield’s openness about family wounds, generational patterns, anger, and the need for introspection brings a refreshing vulnerability to the dialogue. Her reminder is clear: you don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be present, willing to learn, and capable of examining your own story.

Practical Strategies Every Dad Should Know

One of the episode’s biggest strengths is its wealth of actionable advice. Dr. Canfield emphasizes the power of curiosity, vulnerability, and humility in connecting with daughters. She advocates for practical steps like

  • Starting meaningful conversations—even if it means getting creative or asking your daughter to teach you something new,
  • Making amends and taking responsibility when you’ve made mistakes,
  • And, perhaps most importantly, “dropping your anger”—a theme that resonated deeply with listeners and quickly went viral on social media.

Dr. Canfield also explores how fathers can help daughters build resilience and self-confidence in the digital age. She encourages dads to lean in with curiosity when confronting social media challenges, ask thoughtful questions, and co-create boundaries around technology use.

Why You Should Tune In

This episode is not just for dads who feel like they have it all figured out—it’s for every father, at every stage, who wants to do right by his daughter. The conversation is compassionate, empowering, and full of wisdom you can put into practice today.

Ready to build a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your daughter? Listen to the full episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and take your first step towards being the dad she needs—present, engaged, and always willing to grow.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I am so glad that you are back with us again this week. As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together as we are working to build those strong relationships with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
And it takes time. It takes effort. It takes a willingness to jump all in because every day is gonna be different, and some days are gonna be better than others. And you have to be willing to learn. You have to be willing to take that jump and know that you’re not always gonna have all the answers. And that’s why every week this podcast is here to give you some some help, some hints, some tips to be able to add to your own toolbox so that you can be that dad that you wanna be, so that you can keep showing up with your daughter and building that strong relationship that you want. And that’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that can help you to do just that. And this week, I am really excited because I’m bringing a guest that I’ve interviewed on a previous podcast back, and I am so excited to introduce her to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:00]:
Doctor Michelle Watson Canfield is with us today, And Doctor. Canfield and I go back. The last time that we talked, I think was in 2020, and we were talking about her newer book at that point called Let’s Talk. And at that time, that was a new book for her that she was just bringing out and was conversation starters for dads and daughters. But she has been talking to dads, working with dads for many years in helping them to build great relationships with their daughters. She’s had a radio show. She has a podcast now. She has a number of books that are out there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]:
She speaks. She does a little bit of everything, and I am really excited to introduce her to you and to have her here today. Michelle, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:02:47]:
Oh my goodness, Christopher. It’s great to be back, and glad we can kinda, in a way, pick up where we left off.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:52]:
Definitely. You know, it it it’s been a few years, but I think we both been rowing in the same direction. And I love the fact of the work that you’re doing and helping dads. And, you know, I think that the work that you’re doing and that that I’m trying to do here just work so well in tandem.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:03:09]:
Exactly. We line up our vision and our passion lines up where we care. We care about our country being healthier from the ground up. And you and I, you’re, you know, a girl dad. I’m one of four daughters. We both come at this from different vantage points, but we totally believe, right, that our country will be healthier from the ground up with healthier women. And so often when we see unhealthy women, it’s a dad void or a dad wound that leads them to massage that wound or fill the void in unhealthy ways oftentimes, not always. And if dads can dial in with more intention and consistency to their daughters’ hearts, literally, that will change our country, make it better, make it stronger.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:52]:
You know, one of the things that I love doing, and I would love to to have a conversation with you first on is I wanna talk about your dad. Because as you said, you’re one of four daughters. And so your dad had his hands full in in helping you to become the person that you are today. I guess first and foremost, tell me about your dad.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:04:11]:
So my dad grew up on the South Side Of Chicago, and he was one of seven kids, six boys, one girl, three different last names among those kids, grew up in with really abject poverty being his standard. He was always really industrious and creative in finding ways to make money. So even as a kid, he would say, if I buy this amount of fireworks and go around the neighborhood and sell them, you know, I can do 10 times the money I put out, I can get back in. Like, very creative and industrious, which then led him years later after he was even like he rode. He get bucked off bulls and and stuff, and he would break his leg, but anything to make money. He had to pay his own way because his dad was an alcoholic, died of gangrene in a boxcar, worked for the railroad. They were divorced at that point, his parents. And so he really had to always make his own way.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:11]:
Again, South Side Of Chicago, even then, really one of the most gang ridden crime dominant places. Like, my dad was in gangs from the time he was 12. So you kinda look at this fact that my dad had no template for how to be a dad. None. And so as he got older, you know, he marries my mom. They were in the military together. My mom was my dad’s boss. They were stationed in the army in San Francisco.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:38]:
And about six years in, my parents decided that they were gonna get their life kind of under new leadership, new management, and they started a faith journey together as Jesus followers. They’re doing this thing together, trying to grow because my mom then on her side came from an abusive father who was a farmer in Minnesota who was sexually molesting his children. And to be candid here right at the front, I’m one of the fallouts even of that grandfather’s abuse. So my parents find each other with a lot of brokenness, a lot of unmet needs, a lot of lack of fathering that was positive. So my dad finally, we moved from California to Oregon, so my dad could, of all things, goes to seminary. He’s gonna become a pastor, which what was funny is he was raised Catholic. And my grandma, again, my Chicago grandma would say, well, I’m getting in the front door to heaven. You’re gonna get in the back door as a a Baptist.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:06:33]:
You know? And it was kind of this funny, banter between them. And so I’m just telling you that that foundation of my dad’s life, which shows that he’s an overcomer dad. He’s a resilient dad, a man in many ways. He’s a hardworking man. But you want to know the downside of what he was raised with is he didn’t learn how to always, what I would call, lift up the hood of his car when he saw the red light, and I’m using that obviously as a metaphor of his own stuff, and how to look at when a red light comes on the car and we look at that, you can either ignore it. You can get a hammer out and pull the lid of the car up, the hood of the car, and just bang out the wires you don’t wanna look at so that the light goes out. But at the end of the day, if you ignore the light, you’re gonna have a problem. And so I really believe that some of my passion for fathers is to help equip dads to have a skill set that I often wish my dad would have.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:07:39]:
My dad’s in his late eighties now, where my dad would say to me, like you know, this is maybe a decade ago where I’m saying, dad, do you think we’re all that close? And he goes, not as close as you’d like us to be. And I said, yep. Yep. Pretty much. Because I wanna have deeper conversations. I want my dad to delve into my heart space and mine the depths of what’s there by asking better questions. And so a lot of the ten years in Portland where I’m doing this group for dads of daughters who were daughters in their teens or twenties, and even since then where I speak at conferences or write books or do my dad whisperer podcast, is I wanna equip dads to set the bar higher in what they require of themselves in growing in their skill set as a man without just saying, yeah. I’m not so good at communicating, or, yeah, I’m not so good at emotions, or, yeah, that’s kinda we’re different, or I don’t like her reaction, so I just back off.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:08:37]:
I’m like, dad, no. I wanna equip you to lead your daughter and lead yourself to a deeper relationship. So in many ways, I don’t wanna give a false narrative here or presentation, if you will, of my story of going. My dad and I are really in a great place. Because to be honest with you, Chris, my dad and I are really tough place right now because my dad isn’t willing to look at his stuff. And it has created some real big challenges within the last year. My dad’s words to me as we sat together at lunch, Portland, Oregon, he said, I think we’re at an impasse. And I said, yeah, I think we are.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:09:18]:
And that breaks my heart because I am all about advocating for father daughter health. And yet I’m saying to dads out there that are gonna places that are really hard with their daughters, you gotta do your own work. You gotta lift that hood of your car and say, where is the wiring faulty? Where things aren’t firing like they need to and like they were created to, which is going to involve humility. It’s going to involve self introspection. It’s going to involve honesty, making amends, taking responsibility, asking forgiveness, and going deeper in your relationship with your daughter. So I love my dad. But to be honest with you, it’s really interesting that you started by asking that question about his story because I wanna be honest in what I’m sharing with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:06]:
Well, I appreciate you sharing that. I guess, in you talking about that, is there something you wish your dad understood about you that would bring you closer together?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:10:16]:
You know, in some ways, I really think he does understand me. He knows I’m a fireball. He knows I’ve got a lot of intensity and passion. And sometimes, he’s like, calm down, Michelle, you know, or bring it down a few notches. And I say, dad, I’m just trying to have an honest conversation. But, you know, one of the things I’ve learned in my profession, almost thirty years now in mental health, you know, in the trenches with men and women, a lot of daughters, a lot of dads. In fact, now I’m coaching more with dads around the country now that I’ve moved from Portland to Arkansas, right, where dads are reaching out. And I love being in the trenches with dads and daughters or just the dad saying, I don’t even know where to go in my own story.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:01]:
I don’t even know what that looks like. My dad didn’t model that, or I didn’t grow up in a family where mental health was all that valued. And so, really, as I come at this theme of how do we become healthier people so that our relationships are healthier, what I I know is my dad knows I’m intense. I’m a communicator for a living. I wanna go deep is what I think in some ways, it’s it’s not as much that my dad doesn’t know things about me. It’s that I haven’t always known things about him. And we even started I’ll call it a game where for a number of years I may have even shared this back in twenties that with you that my dad and I, for a number of years, would shop on Monday nights and get our groceries. You know? So here I’m a single adult because I’ve only been married now for not even five years.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:48]:
You know? Got married at the age of 60 for the first time. That came up in our last conversation, you know, back in ’20. But so here I am, you know, especially through my fifties where my dad and I wanting to forge a stronger, healthier bond with my dad because this is my passion, my mission, my calling. And so I said, dad, what if we went and got groceries on Monday nights? It was my idea. So we go to Costco for dinner. Yeah. I’m a cheap date. Right? He’d buy dinner.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:15]:
A lot of times I would, you know, pizza, salad. I know. So not healthy, but it’s so good. And we would have conversations there at the picnic tables at Costco, and then we go across the street to this other store and buy groceries. And so on the way home, Chris, I started this thing where I said, dad, we’ve only got ten minutes. What if you told me one story from your childhood, from your life? And he go, okay. So I found that that was a way that my dad could handle a short story. And I remember he got to the point at one point where he said, I think I’ve told you all my stories.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:49]:
And I said, I wanna hear him again. And new details would emerge. And it helped me understand my dad better. And I truly do understand that he didn’t really get all that much fathering or all that much parenting input or all that much relational, I would say, foundation laid in his own life, and that has left him at a deficit. And he’s overcome so much. I’m so grateful for that. And yet I just say to dads, don’t ever stop doing your own work. Do your own work to face your own deficits, your own wounds.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:13:23]:
Because if you don’t, your daughter may outgrow you in her skill set, and the distance between you at a heart level or relational level will get wider. And one of the things I was gonna say probably five minutes ago that comes back to my mind now is that because I sought out a profession. Right? I’m a licensed professional counselor with a master’s in counseling psychology, a PhD in health psychology, where I understand the importance of relational health, is that I would say we all have a window of tolerance. We can only handle so much, but the beauty is we can expand how much we can tolerate. Our capacity for emotional, I would say, communication, our emotional depth, our vulnerability, our honesty, how that impacts resilience can grow. So, dad, if you’re at a place where you’re like, yeah, I just didn’t get dealt a great hand from my family of origin, I wanna say you can grow. Reach out to me. I’ll do work with you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:14:24]:
I’ll help you face some of your own stuff. Because the more you face those things in yourself, the healthier bond and relationship you will have with your daughter. No doubt.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:36]:
Now I know you mentioned the fact that dads need to be able to unpack things for themselves. And as you look back at the years that you’ve had with your dad, and I know it’s been quite a few, but as you have had those years with your dad, are there things that you wish that your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship? So if you think all the way even all the way back to when you were young, to where you are today, are there things that you wish that he did differently?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:05]:
You know, I think I’m gonna start by answering what he did well and what he did what I would say even right, even though that’s a relative term, a subjective term. But my dad, because of the lack of fathering role model, he would ask other men, what should I do? So back when I was, you know, I would say in my early teens, you know, middle school, he came to me, and I have a sister two years younger, and he said, we’re gonna start something called a life notebook because some other dad said to him, this would be good to have meetings with your daughters, with your kids. So with him, it was daughters. So he got me a notebook, and I’m like, okay. This is really awkward. I’m sitting with my dad down in his office, you know, and we’re having this meeting. And he would start by saying, Michelle, I know you struggle with fear. Let’s talk about that.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:55]:
And, hey, that was wouldn’t you say, Chris, that was huge steps forward for my dad to say. I didn’t even know what to talk about or what to do. He would say, let’s talk about your name and what it means. So we go to the website, look up well, there wasn’t much web then. Somehow he accessed the meaning of my name, and he would write it out for me. So I begin to have pages in this life notebook. And because my dad at the time was going to school to become a pastor, he would use the Bible as a template. What does the Bible say about your name? What does the Bible say about fear? Now some people listening might go, oh, that’s really super weird.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:16:33]:
I’m not trying to shove anything down anyone’s throat. I’m just telling you my story. And so my dad did things like, okay, we’re gonna do something he called perfume day because he went to a men’s retreat where they said, what are your kids like? Do that more with them. So my dad came home and said, okay. It was Christmas time. We’re gonna start a tradition, which we did for probably twenty five years. Once I got married, he said, you’re you’re on your own. Husbands get to carry that mantle now or that torch.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:01]:
So he would take me out to Nordstrom or it was Meyer and Frank and Macy’s back in the day, and he would sit in the perfume section at Christmas time. And I would try all the smells, like you gotta put perfume on your body. They smell different, right, on every woman. And then he would buy me whatever perfume I wanted. So look at my dad’s, and I’m gonna try to create rhythms and traditions that begin to set a foundation of letting you know that I care about you. So I wanna give my dad big props for that. But now to your question of what do you wish your dad would have done different? One of them is I wish my dad would have had a lot less anger. And that is something that across the board in my now fifteen years, if you can believe that, of walking alongside dads, coaching dads of daughters.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:54]:
That’s come out as a huge theme. And I’ve been coaching or mentoring or counseling women since I was 19, and I’m almost 65. So this is forty five years. I’ve been close to women’s stories on my own where they say, my dad’s anger is done more to destroy stuff inside me than anything else. And even though daughters hate when their dads are disappointed, I would say the anger thing is a big, big, big deal. In fact, even since you and I talked a couple of years ago, not even two years ago, a friend interviewed me for his podcast, put a 47 clip, you know, out onto social media. I’ve never had anything go viral. This one, three point four million views.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:18:39]:
And all I said in this interview was, dad, I got a three word phrase for you that you’ve got to keep in mind to become a better dad to your daughter. Three words, drop your anger. And what I said in that forty seven second clip, Chris, is your anger will do more to destroy the core of who your daughter is. Hurt her spirit, make her give up and stop trying, and she will internalize your view of her into the core of who she is, and it will shut her down and make her stop trying. Your anger will do more to destroy her than anything else. So I said, dad, make a commitment today to make a vow with your mouth that you are not going to respond in anger? And I know that seems like a big ask, but every dad I know loves his daughter and wants to be a better dad to her. I’m like, dad, that one thing will be a game changer is if you can tell you start to respond in anger and the numbers zero to 10 are climbing inside of you, you gotta give yourself a time out. Get away.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:19:43]:
You’ll never regret coming back and responding or disciplining or correcting your daughter if you do it after you’ve calmed your own brain down. When our mid brains are on fire, we flood our prefrontal cortex, that front part of our brain, and we go offline. You may not even remember some of what you said, but your daughter will carry it for years. So, dad, one thing, I wish my dad would have been better at he he didn’t blow up a lot, but I could feel it, and I avoided wanting to step on those landmines. So that’s one thing. I think another thing is I wish that my dad would have come and made amends more when he did maybe respond in anger or overreact on his own. I think that would have been a huge game changer from another one would be for my dad to take responsibility for things that really were his fault or his part. And often I, I would say I was left to believe it was me who was bad or me who overreacted or it was my fault.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:20:48]:
And so those are some things that I wish my dad would have done different that I wanna say out front here and very clearly because I know there’s dads listening that say, I love my daughter. I wish we were closer. I’ve talked before about a bombed out bridge between a dad and a daughter, between your heart and her heart, and ways that you can repair the bridge, rebuild the bridge is, dad, you gotta start by taking responsibility for your part, even if it’s deficits, rather than making excuses and make amends and come with humility. And I I think a game changing question a dad can ask his daughter is tell me how I hurt you when. It may be, tell me how I hurt you when I responded that way. Tell me how I hurt you when your mom and I divorced. Tell me how I hurt you when I had that affair. Tell me how I hurt you when I was so busy with work.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:21:42]:
I didn’t have much time for you in those years. And when you come with humility and say, I wanna listen more than I talk. Got two ears, one mouth. Dad, watch what happens in your relationship. I promise you, it will be a game changer for her to know that you want to hear how you’ve impacted her, and then you listen without defensiveness. Watch what happens. It will be life changing for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:08]:
Now I know that you’ve had a lot of experiences over the years in working with dads. And in your experience, what would you say are some unconventional ways fathers can initiate deeper conversations with their daughters, especially during the teenage years?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:24]:
Unconventional. Oh, you’re catching me by surprise. I’m intrigued by that. You’re making me think. Right? You’re making me on the fly go deeper. So I love that, which by the way, you ask great questions. So that’s really when you said conversations is why that second book. Because as the dads I was leading in the Abba project, I said, you know, Abba means daddy in Aramaic and men love a project.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:46]:
And I said, do you guys want more practical action steps, right, to reach your daughter’s heart? So it has 60 themes in that book. Dad leader to laugh, leader to love, leader to listen. And I even have leader to lament in there because if there’s been wounds there and then the listen one is how your daughter can ask you questions about your life. So in some ways, that might be an unconventional different step a dad could take is to get my book, hand his daughter the book because the end is where she can ask you questions about your life. And so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. But, dad, your daughter wants to know what obstacles you’ve overcome. She wants to know how you learn things the hard way. So what some questions in there where she can ask you, dad, tell me what you wish you wouldn’t have done.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:23:36]:
Tell me about the stupid decisions you’ve made, but that you’ve learned the hard way. I mean, I always think why are these, I would say, stupid shows on television such a hit about quote, unquote reality TV? I think it’s because we wanna see a trademark worse than our own, but there’s no redemptive side of it. There’s no learning the right way or the hard way. Dad, let her know the stories of your life. Because I’ve had some dads say, oh, I don’t want her to know that. But as your daughter heads into her teen years, her brain is developing this midsection. The corpus callosum is is where you go from right brain to left brain is growing and developing, and your daughter’s is really interested in the gray areas more, not the black and white things. The less concrete she wants to know the messy stories with what you learned the hard way because she’s then internalizing resilience to go, you know, whatever your last name is, like Lewis.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:24:30]:
That’s what Lewis’ do. They don’t give up when it’s hard. They don’t shut down just because they’ve had obstacles. So you’re that might be an unconventional new tool for your toolbox, dad, is okay. I’m gonna start opening up more about some of my messy story with the part of the story of what I learned and how I course corrected on the other side. Maybe another unconventional way is that you let your daughter see your emotion that’s softer. That’s the cool thing is testosterone grows and like, as dads grow, testosterone decreases. It tends to increase for women, and that helps men become softer, more tenderhearted.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:09]:
Let your daughter see your tears. Let her see what breaks your heart, not just the strength, right, of how hard you work or how hard you overcome. That might be unconventional. I think another thing might might be, let your daughter teach you something she’s good at that you’re not good at. It may be spending time in the kitchen because she loves cooking and you’re, you know, you’re all thumbs and you drop things. Let her be better at you in some areas. Teach you what she knows where you’re not in the lead. Ask her what are 10 outrageous things you wanna do in your life.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:45]:
10. Give me 10. I mean, one of mine back in the day was I wanna write a book. I never thought I could write a book. I still in some ways go, I’m not an author. Well, apparently, I am. You know? But I think the more you as a dad are humble, soft, tenderhearted, and you join your daughter in what she’s good at, you may say, I am very uncomfortable with this. I am very awkward because we’re gonna go to a paint paint by number night where you’re guided to do a a painting.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:15]:
I am so not right brain gifted. I don’t know how to paint. But if that’s what she loves, go do it with her. She loves books, and you’re not so much of a reader. Take her to a bookstore. Let her pick out a couple books, and you walk through the aisles with her. The more you can join her in what she loves, she will bond with you in ways like never before.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:35]:
Now social media can be definitely something that is challenging for parents, for fathers. How can fathers effectively support their daughters in developing resilience and self confidence in today’s social media driven culture?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:51]:
Well, we all know it isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I recently did a couple podcasts. I do a dad daughter Friday blog, which I’ve done now for eleven years, where I’m wanting to give dads bite sized practical wisdom, which I know you’ve been very passionate about that as well. Having having dads who may not wanna read a whole book or listen to the audio, but get can get short snippets. But recently, I focused on doctor Jonathan Haight who wrote the anxious generation about how social media is really destroying our our kids. Right? Delay as long as you can, giving them a phone that has access, right, to the world beyond their walls. But at the same time, we all know it isn’t going anywhere. So I would say, dad, limit the amount of time your kids are on there.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:27:34]:
Let her push back. Let her react. Let her have a fit. Let her get angry because her brain is so impacted, right, by the amount of time and exposure to what’s on social media. But I say, dad, know what she’s looking at, limit her screen time, have her plug in her phone every night. Everybody’s phone goes to a dock, so she doesn’t have access because, honestly, Chris, I have counseling clients in their teens that never turn off their phone. And they’ll say, yeah. I got a text at 2AM.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:04]:
And I’m like, what are you doing with your phone on? But I can’t go against a family norm just because I’m a therapist and inform them. Right? It’s not my call. But I would say, absolutely. Have your kids shut off their phone at night. Absolutely. They need more deep sleep, REM sleep for their own health, wellness, and development. But, dad, join your daughter. Go sit with her and say, show me what you’re looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:28]:
I wanna see the sites you’re accessing. Put safeguards. Right? There’s a lot of them out there. There’s even you know, I just interviewed a guy on Gloo AI, g l o o a I, where they’re putting safeguards, right, on phones, on social media so that there can be more safety around what your kids are watching. And we know with AI, you know, kids believe what they hear. They believe it as solid concrete facts. Anything they hear on social media. And I know that may be an overreach, but would you agree with me? They tend to believe if the Internet says it, it must be true.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:04]:
Well, what’s happened with AI is they’re developing relationships. So he sits with his daughter, this Glue AI guy, and says, hey, AI. Tell me a story to my daughter, Paige. And the thing will talk to your daughter as if she’s a real person and say, I love you, Paige. I love you too. So these, you know, artificial intelligence realities for kids are stepping in and kind of creating pseudo relationships. So, dad, be aware of what your daughter’s listening to, how she’s using AI, and come with curiosity. If she feels your judgment, she’s gonna hide more from you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:38]:
But if you come curious, tell me what you’re hearing. And the better questions you ask, the closer you’ll be, which I remember when I went to counseling school, I was getting my master’s. My very first counseling class was doctor Joan McElroy. She said, you will be a better counselor if you learn to ask better questions. And I would say, dad, you will be a better dad, a girl dad, if you learn to ask better questions of your daughter. So rather than coming going, what are you listening to with that tone? Right? What are you looking at? She’s gonna shut down and go, I ain’t showing my dad that. But if you come and ask questions with a tone of voice that’s curious, she’ll hear it more as you wanna know about her world rather than you’re interrogating her. What are you looking at versus tell me what you’re looking at? Show me what you’re looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:30:23]:
I’m interested. Let’s learn together. You can ask her, did you hear anything maybe off base with what they just said? Could we look together on the Internet and explore what we just heard said as concrete fact? And you teach your daughter that how to think, not just what to think by doing that with her because you may go, that was not even true. And she just swallowed it. Remember her brain doesn’t fully develop till 25 that prefrontal cortex to make good decisions and have judgment and reasoning. So there’s not something wrong with her at 15 that she swallowed that, that someone told her that’s her brain isn’t fully developed. And that’s why she needs you to help find ways to explore it, ask questions. And you let her find it out and go, oh my goodness.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:08]:
I didn’t even know that wasn’t true. And you’re sitting right there with her, bonding the whole time and teaching your daughter how to ask better questions of herself and what she hears out on social media.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
Now reflecting on your extensive counseling experience, what are some common misconceptions that fathers have about their daughter’s needs or perspectives, and how can they best overcome them?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:32]:
Well, I think sometimes a misconception is that dads will tell their daughters, don’t make a big deal out of everything, or don’t care about what that girl says or that guy tends to be girls, to be honest with you. That’s why we have a movie called Mean Girls, not Mean Guys. But you cannot tell your daughter not to care about what other girls think. Just don’t let it bother you. Just don’t listen to the mean girls. It absolutely is impossible for us as women. It’s our core wiring as girls to be relationally driven. And so to tell her you’re overreactive, don’t let those bullies or those mean girls bother you, or don’t let what everybody else says is popular.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:32:12]:
Or even to tell your daughter, don’t care about what the style is. Some girls care a lot about how their outfit looks. And And so I would even say to dads, a misconception is that your daughter, even on the way out the door with an outfit that you think no daughter of mine is gonna go out looking like that, that’s not the time to course correct. She’s planned that outfit or her hairstyle. In fact, I would say a really proactive dad tip is I call it dadvice, is what about saying, that dress is really short and that is showing a lot of skin or she’s gonna draw all the wrong kind of guys if if she’s wearing that. Use that as a teachable moment, dad, to say, oh, okay. I wanna say right now, go change. But I would also ask who will did mom know about that outfit? That’s between you and your and, you know, her mom, whether you’re married or not, have that conversation adult to adult.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:07]:
But you’re saying, hey. What if we set up an experiment today? What if you noticed? Do you get more guy attention in that outfit? Do you get less? What kind of guys are drawn to you in that really short skirt? Like, use those teachable moments to help your daughter learn how to interact with the world around her, and you get to speak into her life saying, if I was a teenage guy, it would be really hard to look at your eyes and see your intelligence with that much skin. But I know. I’m old fashioned. I know I’m old. Hey. Maybe we could learn together. I wanna hear some things.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:42]:
So let’s meet up after school, take her to somewhere fun that she loves to eat, and have conversations with her to teach her how to think, not just what to think. Like I keep saying, you are in her life for a purpose as a dad to help steer, and you may need to pull the dad card. You know what, hon? I know you love that, but I really I can’t support that one. But if every time you’re blocking her way from being expressive with her style or her personality, she will find a way to hide it from you and still pull that off. So the more she can be honest with you and open with you and you’re coming together, some of the times that unconventional might be, you know, that you asked even earlier, what’s an unconventional dad tip? It may be compromising and coming together saying, I’m really uncomfortable with this. Ask mom, what do you think? Ask other other women in your life. It might be a sister or a coworker or your mom. You’re growing and being okay with things that might be a little uncomfortable for you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:34:42]:
But for the sake of the relationship, you’re finding a middle ground.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:46]:
Now as you look ahead to the work that you are doing to the work that you’re doing with dads, what emerging challenges do you foresee in the father daughter relationships, and how can fathers proactively address them to maintain strong connections?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:35:00]:
You know, I think the clear one we’ve talked about is social media and the impact and the amount of input girls are getting from especially their peers about what is acceptable to believe. You know, we have a lot going on with gender confusion. I think on this side of the pandemic a little bit, it’s less of a hot button issue, but it still is there. Is gender confusion, gender identity, right, and who you are. And, you know, the more your daughter can even have a faith foundation, then when you’re not there as her earthly father, can she connect with God perhaps as a heavenly father? I think that’s really a confusing time in our culture where there’s so many spiritual leaders falling and failing that sometimes your daughter may wanna throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don’t wanna touch faith with a 10 foot pole and maybe you as a dad say, I’m so lost. And then the whole family kinda throws faith by the wayside. I would say, dad, why not enter into that arena with her and say, let’s read something together that we both find interesting about faith or about your identity as a woman.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:36:15]:
Right? That’s getting really hit hard in our culture where it’s almost scary for a girl to hold strong to an identity as a female, even as a a bold, resilient, strong woman with a voice who has I I always think voice and choice are what get hard with us as women. You don’t wanna be too loud. You don’t wanna be too soft or too quiet. Dad, champion your daughter’s voice and her choice. What does she care about? What is she passionate about? And regardless of what’s happening in the culture, if you and your home can support your daughter’s gifts and passions, it will outrank, and that will stand. I I really believe this, and I’ve seen it over three decades, is your view of her will really take hold stronger than what the voice of the culture and the narrative that she’s hearing about what matters. What happens between you and her will really outrank, outlive, outlast the other voices. And the research confirms that that every area of your daughter’s life will be better and stronger with a stronger bond to you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:37:27]:
Better grades in school, more likely to finish high school and attend college, greater self esteem, greater academic performance. She will be more likely to find steady employment, healthier weight, less body dissatisfaction. She’ll delay her sexual debut. She will have more resilience. I mean, on and on. Every area of her life will thrive by a connection to you. So I would say, dad, don’t get sidetracked with being afraid of every other voice or the narrative or the cultural climate because your bond with her is more important than all of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:03]:
Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. And we always finish our interviews with what I typically call our dad connection six, and I still call it the dad connection six. But usually, it’s just for the dads. But I’m gonna ask you a couple questions. I wanna see what your answers are as well.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:19]:
I love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:20]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:25]:
Complicated.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:26]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received or heard?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:31]:
Probably where a dad told me that he had a three word phrase that was a game changer for him with his daughter, which is tell me more. Is that a daughter looks at a dad’s face, and when she sees deers deer in the headlights kind of eyes that are trailing off or he’s disinterested, that goes into make her think she’s uninteresting and unworthy of being listened to. My friend, Mike Betts said that is he learned, he’s a business coach for companies. And he said, I say to them all the time, tell me more. And I helped that company figure out their vision, their their strategies. And he said, when I brought that to my daughter, it was a game changer because I learned to listen longer to her rather than, okay, that’s a lot of words or that was a lot of listening, but just tell me more. She began to open up more. So I would say that stands out really at the top of one of the best things I’ve heard a dad say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:27]:
If your dad could give you one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:32]:
My dad has given me a life lesson, which is never give up. My dad, he’s been beat down, and he hasn’t stopped. He’s continued to get up again with resilience. So I’d say never give up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:44]:
And the final question, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:51]:
I’ve got two three word sentences, which you can tell a lot of these are three words. But one is drop your anger. That’s the one I’ve told you before. Drop your anger. And the second one, so that’s more what not to do. This one is what to do. Pursue her heart. We as women, we thrive, we blossom, we grow.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:12]:
We’re successful when our heart is engaged. But hearts for women shut down, and we put the wall up when we don’t feel safe or we feel threatened. And so the more you pursue her heart and wanna connect, there’s your word of your podcast, connect with her heart. She will open up to you. She’ll open up to the world. She will be more of her authentic self and who she truly is, the more she’s hard engaged. So if you as a dad pursue her heart, even more than her head, both matter, but pursue her heart, I would say you’re gonna see not only your relationship thrive, but you will see your daughter thrive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:40:48]:
Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for your passion, and for your work, and helping dads to be better dads. And if people wanna find out more about you, where should they go?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:58]:
Mhmm. You can go to doctormichellewatson.com. M I c h e l l e Watson Com. You can find links to my two books, and one of them is in Spanish. So even if that there, that’s on Amazon. Let’s talk conversation starters for dads and daughters. First one, dad, here’s what I really need from you, A guide for connecting with your daughter’s heart, and then I’ve got my dad daughter blogs that you can also subscribe. They’re all free.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:22]:
I’ve got lots of free resources there. And then links to the dad whisperer podcast, which is on all platforms as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:29]:
Well, we will put links in the notes today. Michelle, thank you for being here today, and I wish you all the best.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:34]:
Oh, always a joy to connect with you, Chris. Thanks so much for having me back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:37]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:08]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen get out and beat the world to them.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:55]:
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