empathy Archives - Dad of Divas

Building Unbreakable Bonds: Chris Singleton on Fatherhood and Love

July 20, 2026 by dadofdivas

In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes an extraordinary guest: former professional athlete, best-selling author, and inspirational speaker Chris Singleton. This heartfelt conversation dives deep into fatherhood, resilience, and the profound ways dads can nurture strong, confident daughters, even amidst life’s toughest challenges.

Chris Singleton opens up about the joy and responsibility of raising his young daughter, sharing intimate stories—like their first daddy-daughter dance—that remind us how essential it is to be present and cherish each moment. He emphasizes intentional fathering, recognizing that quality time matters more than quantity and that even simple routines, like reading together or affirming your child’s beauty, play a vital role in building self-esteem and resilience. As Chris Singleton says, “Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there… your presence, it matters” 28:18.

A powerful part of the conversation addresses difficult topics: teaching compassion, navigating conversations about differences, and helping children process a sometimes divided world. Inspired by his personal journey through tragedy and the loss of his mother, Chris Singleton shares how he uses children’s books and open dialogue to foster empathy and curiosity in his children. He encourages dads to model respect for all, even when encountering different beliefs or backgrounds, and to proactively address hard questions rather than shying away from them.

Other highlights include practical advice for approaching conversations about race, mistakes Chris Singleton made early in fatherhood, and strategies for raising compassionate, curious kids in the age of social media. Vulnerability plays a central role; letting children see emotion and grief, he explains, not only builds trust but also reassures them that it’s okay to feel and share openly.

Ultimately, the episode offers a hopeful message: embracing love, forgiveness, and open-mindedness at home can prepare the next generation to lead with unity and understanding.

To every dad looking to grow deeper connections with his daughter—and to anyone seeking inspiration in today’s world—this episode is a must-listen. Hear the full story and practical tools by tuning in to The Dad and Daughter Connection—it may just change the way you parent, and the way you see the world.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:53]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to talk together, to work together to help you to be able to make those meaningful connections with your daughters one step at a time. It’s not always going to be easy. It takes time, it takes effort, and you do have to work at it. But it is so important to put in that work and to know that putting in that work is you are going to be able to build those connections and build those true bonds with your daughters that you want to have every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are offering you an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow and to put some, I’m going to say, tools in your toolbox that you can take with you. And you may not take everything, but my hope is that you have an opportunity to be able to take something, whether it’s one thing, five things, 10 things that you’re like, ah, that’s something that I’m connecting to. And, and today we got another great guest. Chris Singleton is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
And Chris is a former professional athlete who played for the Chicago Cubs. And following the loss of his mother in a racially motivated mass shooting, Chris has now become a nationally renowned inspirational speaker and best selling author. And he travels all over the United States and beyond to be able to spread a message of love, of compassion, and of really helping others to be able to think, think differently about the world around us and how we talk to one another, work with one another. But even beyond that, he’s a father of three and he’s got one daughter. So we’re going to be talking about his own experience in being a father to a daughter. And we’ll also talk about some of the journey that he’s been on and some of the things that he has been doing with his own kids to be able to help them to live in the world that we’re in today. So I’m really excited to have him here. Chris Singh, thank you so much for being here today.

Chris SIngleton [00:02:53]:
Absolutely, man. I’m grateful to be on talking about my baby girl. Girl, love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:57]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to be here today and to talk to you. I know we just saw each other at a recent conference that you were speaking at, and this is a topic that you don’t always get to talk a lot about. You mentioned your daughter in your speech, but I love it when we get to delve into fatherhood. And I guess first and foremost, I wanted to ask you about that relationship with your daughter. And I know she’s still young, but in her life so far and in your life with her so far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Chris SIngleton [00:03:28]:
Yeah, I think one of the most meaningful moments thus far is the first daddy daughter dance we did. You know, she’s almost three. And so at two years old, that daddy daughter dance and she was actually dancing. I was like, oh, it’s just going to be just her standing around and no, she was getting after dancing and wiggling and we had a great time. And there was a point where, you know, one of the older girls at their school started dancing with her and I just saw her. I was getting like a little emotional. Like, man, this is what a blessing it is that I get to be her dad and not only protect and provide for, but just be her friend. As she grows older and I’m looking at her, I just started getting emotional.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:06]:
So that was probably a moment where I actually stopped and just felt the moment. Because so frequently you have these experiences with your kids and you’re just like, oh, it’s an experience. You don’t really stop and just take it all in. And that’s one that I know in 20 years I’m going to remember that first daddy daughter dance that we did and how I was getting emotional. Like, man, how cool is that? I get to be her dad. So that was one so far.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:27]:
And like you said, your daughter is still young, but I’m sure that there are some ways in which some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to strengthen your bond with your daughter. So talk to me about some of those things that you tried to do intentionally with your daughter to be able to build that Unique bond with her versus what you’re doing with your sons.

Chris SIngleton [00:04:46]:
Yeah. And I think it’s super important because my boys, I coach them in baseball, I coach them in sports. And so she sees me doing this. We know. Even when we do bedtime, sometimes we’ll take the boys to bed first, and they’ll be talking about me coaching them. They’ll be talking about something baseball. And then my dad said. Then my daughter says something about, hey, Daddy, what about me with ballerina? Or what about me with this? And I’m like, you know, daddy loves that too, sweetie.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:09]:
And, you know, I can’t wait for you to go to your ballerina class on Friday. And so we have those same moments where it’s like, yes, I have my time with my boys, and I kind of combine the time with the boys sometimes, but I need to do a little better about splitting them up. Hey, older son get some time. Younger son gets some time. And most of the time, it’s like, hey, Daddy, with the boys. And then it’s like, daddy with baby girl. And whether it’s just reading with her the other night, I noticed it because I didn’t notice this with my boys. How.

Chris SIngleton [00:05:33]:
And I don’t know if you know, the stereotype is girls learn so much quicker. They’re so much smarter than boys when they’re young. But my daughter was literally sitting down in her. In the rocking chair that we usually sit in before bedtime, and she was flipping through this book as if she knew exactly what she was doing at 2 years old, and she’s pretending like she’s reading, and I’m sitting there smiling at her, and it was a beautiful moment. I’ve got this nickname for my daughter, and of course, I told you guys at the conference that I call her Chocolate Chip. And so every time I’ll say, hey, who’s my Chocolate Chip? And she’s like, I am. And I said, do you love dad? She’s like, yes, I love Daddy. And so we have these little small moments.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:07]:
But I know one day when she’s a little older, I might be dropping her off at school. And I’m like, who’s Daddy Chocolate Chip? She’s like, dad, come on. So I got to cherish these moments right now. And I surely, and I truly am

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:17]:
now, no dad is infallible. We all make mistakes. We’re humans. And I guess even this could be with your sons, too. But with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made? And what did you learn about fostering positive connections? With your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:06:33]:
Yeah. I think the biggest mistake so far is just thinking when I’m spending time with all three of my kids, that I’m spending time with every single one of them. And I didn’t do that with my daughter. I’m picking my boys up from school, we’re taking them to the batting cage real quick, Then we’re going back to get baby girl. Or it’s like, hey, my middle child likes to play golf, and so I’ll go play golf with him. I’ll let the oldest stay at home. And I’m spending quality time one on one with my older boys. And I wasn’t doing that with my baby girl.

Chris SIngleton [00:06:57]:
And my excuse, because we have to give ourselves excuses. I used to say, man, she’s so young. Can I do with her? And I realized you can do literally everything with her, too. And so I started to try to be more intentional about saying, hey, maybe this Friday I’m picking baby girl up early, and I’m taking her with me. Whether I’m riding around to the bank or whatever it is, just having her with me, spending that quality time, not just all three kids, but just with her. And I think that was probably a mistake I made early, is just having the excuse. Well, she’s so young, I don’t know if I can do anything with her. And I realized once I started bringing her with me, it doesn’t matter.

Chris SIngleton [00:07:28]:
You can take her just about anywhere. Even if we’re on the golf course, she’d like to just sit in the golf cart drinking juice box by herself and watch Ms. Rachel. So, like, sometimes it’s just bringing her with me and not using the excuse, oh, well, she’s too young. I think that’s a mistake that I made early on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:43]:
Every one of us, as fathers of daughters, are doing what we can to be able to try to help our girls to feel both valued and heard. What have you done thus far to help your daughter feel that in your relationship to date?

Chris SIngleton [00:07:59]:
Yeah. I think every kid, but especially daughters, they find their confidence, they find their beauty, and they’ll ask daddy or mommy, hey, do I look beautiful? And my daughter is obsessed with those words. And so every morning when we get baby girl dressed and we’ll put clothes on her, she doesn’t like it, she’ll let us know immediately if she doesn’t like the clothes. So we already know at a young age she’s going to be some type of fashionista. And so she will put on her clothes. If it’s not a dress, she doesn’t want it. So we have to change her clothes and put on a dress and we finish and we do her hair, whatever it is, she’ll always give a little twirl and say, daddy, do I look beautiful? And I think she’s asking for that recognition. And I tell her every time I say, baby girl, you’re beautiful before, and yes, you’re beautiful right now.

Chris SIngleton [00:08:41]:
And so just hearing those words, I think is so important. Building that self esteem, knowing, hey, in my faith, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, like God made me the way that I am, and I’m beautiful on the inside and out. And just hearing that from dad, I think it hits deep. Because yes, she asked mom, but she always runs to me and asks me to, hey, daddy, do I look beautiful? And she does a little twirl and I say, baby girl, you look so beautiful. And you see that smile, you see that confidence. And I never want that confidence to waver. And so as kids grow, there’s middle school where kids use mean words for no reason, but it’s just part of the gig. And there will be a time where I’m sure somebody’s going to say something about my daughter that, you know, isn’t the nicest thing.

Chris SIngleton [00:09:19]:
And my hope is that she’s heard from her mom, from her dad, from her family, like, I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am smart, I am courageous, I am all these different things. And so if she hears otherwise, it should be in one ear and out the other, because she knows she is. And that’s what I’m trying to instill at this young age. And hopefully she gets older. I’m sure there’s going to be still be those parts of her where she’s, you know, crying because X, Y and Z happened. But I want her to know deep down inside, hey, I’ve always heard who I am as a person. And so if somebody has something else to say about me, that’s a problem with them and not with me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:52]:
I mentioned at the beginning that you speak all over the world. You have been bringing a message of love, your neighbor, to the world in many different ways. And your message of love, your neighbor really came out of an incredibly personal tragedy. How has becoming a father changed the way you think about that message today?

Chris SIngleton [00:10:14]:
Yeah, well, I think initially the only reason why I started writing children’s books is because I’m thinking, how do I even tell my own kids about my story? It’s very traumatic. It’s very glass half empty type of story. Not message but story, I mean, just losing my mom the way that I did and having to tell your kids that, you know, unfortunately there are some people that hate others because of the chemical in their skin that makes them the color that they are or telling your kids, hey, unfortunately, there’s people that judge others based on their first language and all these different things that they’re hard conversations to have with your kids, especially when there’s tragedy involved. And so writing children’s books is the way that I said I can talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And so yes, there’s going to be conflict in my children’s book, but it’s not conflict of losing a life. It’s a conflict of maybe a kid gets picked on because the clothes that they wear or maybe their hair is a little different or maybe they wear glasses or whatever it may be and so they feel a little different. But in the end of my stories, they’re always celebrated, no matter where they’re from, what they look like or what makes them different. And sharing this with my kids, sharing it with kids all across the country in the world, kids start to look at each other a little different, like, oh man, okay, so we all have something that makes us different.

Chris SIngleton [00:11:17]:
Maybe my grandma does raise me, that makes me a little different. I don’t have my mom and dad raising me. But you know what, that’s okay. This person’s a little different because maybe they’re on the spectrum or maybe they wear glasses or I’ve even had kids would say, hey, Chris, I’ve got six fingers and I thought I was the weirdest kid in the world until you showed that everybody has something that makes them different. Now, you know what? I’m not ashamed of my difference. It’s what makes me who I am. And so sharing this with my kids, sharing it in children’s books is the easiest way for me to talk about tough things in a non traumatic way. And it’s been a blessing to be able to do that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
As I thought about that, as parents, many of us want to raise our kids who are compassionate and empathetic, but we also know that the world can be divided. What would you say are some practical ways that dads can intentionally model love and respect at home?

Chris SIngleton [00:12:01]:
Yeah, I think first and foremost, I think there needs to be. You have to teach your kids there’s a certain level of respect we have for everyone. In doing so, you say, hey, this is maybe not the way that we do it in our family, but some families out there do it that Way. Now, you don’t compromise on the things that you believe in and things that you hold near and dear to your heart and your morals, but you acknowledge that, hey, to your daughter, like, hey, this is the way that some people do it. Now, we don’t think that way, we don’t believe that way, but we still going to respect them because that’s how they think, and that’s how they believe. I think having that conversation early on and letting them know you don’t have to compromise on who you are to just acknowledge that somebody else does something different is powerful. So doing that, I think it’s been really cool to see that in the progression. And then it also, when your kids ask you questions, you got to be able to answer them, because even at a young age, it’s like, hey, well, dad, what are they saying? It’s like, oh, well, that’s Mandarin, right? That’s not what we speak, but that’s a language out there.

Chris SIngleton [00:12:55]:
Or you see families that look totally different than yours. You’re like, well, dad, what is that? And you’re like, well, hey, that’s not the way that we do it, but that is out there. And so I just want to teach you and let you know that things may be different out there, and maybe that’s not what you believe or what I believe as a family, but that’s out there. And I think sharing that early on helps people, especially our daughters, understand. Okay, just because it’s different doesn’t mean we have to hate or doesn’t mean we have to do that, because that’s not what we do. But we can still acknowledge that that could save some kids and our daughters from. From learning things elsewhere and not talking to us about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:30]:
I mentioned that you speak to organizations and schools and other groups across the country about and connection. What conversations do you think that parents are avoiding right now that they actually need to be having with their kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:13:46]:
Yeah, just the one I just shared, right? Talking to kids about how some families may look different or how, like, I’ll give you a prime example. When my oldest was five years old, he went to school and he told me how one of the. One of his classmates had two moms, and he’s like, well, dad, you know, where’s. Where’s your dad? And I was like, hey, well, this is how they do things, their family, dad. It’s a little different than what mommy and daddy have, but that is out there. And so sometimes as parents, we’re like, man, I don’t want to talk about that, like, they’re shying away from it instead of leaning in and letting their child know, hey, this is out there. But that’s just not what we do in our family, in our household. And as awkward as it is, as nervous as it makes you to talk about certain things, believe it or not, the kids are seeing it, and they’re putting two and two together in their own minds.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:29]:
And so they need Daddy to be there. They need parents to be there to kind of navigate that for them so that they’re not questioning everything else. That’s what I’d say is important. And don’t shy away from it. You gotta lean into it. In one of my books, I say loving everybody, whether their skin is darker or lighter, whether their skin is looser or tighter, their hair is looser or tighter, whether their skin is wrinkled or rough. Why should it matter? Love is enough. And so we’re talking about different people and different things.

Chris SIngleton [00:14:54]:
You know, some people are on the back end of life, and we just share all these different intricacies about being a human being, and we’re talking with kids about that, and I think that’s beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:03]:
So the reality is that difficult events happen. Things do happen. People see it in the news, and some of these do involve race, hate, or violence. How do you think that fathers can approach those conversations with their kids in age appropriate but meaningful ways?

Chris SIngleton [00:15:18]:
I will say one mistake I made as a. As a dad is sometimes I talk to my oldest. Because, you know, you’re your first. Your oldest is like your guinea pig. You’re just. You’re doing everything you can trying to figure it out, right? And I wouldn’t let my son have Nerf guns. I wouldn’t let him play, like, shooting video games. And one day he finally like, why can’t we do this, dad? And I said, because, you know, Daddy lost his mom to a person with a gun, and it was a very hateful guy.

Chris SIngleton [00:15:41]:
And so then my son became very scared of just anything with guns. And I said, man, I probably told him that a little too young. And so what I should have probably said, going back is like, hey, we’re not gonna do that, because Daddy doesn’t like those. And when you get a little older, they’ll tell you why. And so when things happen in our world, maybe explain it in a way that, you know, maybe that’s not teaching love. Maybe that’s not loving people like we should and how Daddy’s gonna teach you. But that is out there, and that’s why I’m. It’s so important that I’m teaching you this because I never want you to feel that same way too.

Chris SIngleton [00:16:10]:
And so explaining it in that way early on is important. And then as kids get older, especially middle school, oh, my goodness. We think because middle school is the age where you want to shelter them, but life is being thrown at them because some kids are growing up a lot earlier than others and so they’re hearing stuff. And so we have to be proactive in saying, hey, this is what we think, this is what we believe. And yes, this is happening in the world and it’s terrible and you know, we hate to see it, but that’s why I’m teaching you the lessons that I’m teaching you, because I want you to know I want us to lead with unity and love the way that I think that we should.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:40]:
You know, your story is rooted so much in forgiveness. How do you teach either your kids or other kids the difference between forgiveness and ignoring wrongdoing?

Chris SIngleton [00:16:51]:
That’s beautiful. I think even when we give consequences to our own kids, it’s like, hey, I was in a small group with parents and one of our themes was I learned it from a dad who was phenomenal. So I use it all the time. And when we discipline our kids, we say, hey, I’m doing this to either keep you safe or make you better. Single time. I’m either doing this to keep you safe or make you better. Well, dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Because I want to keep you safe. Doing that is going to hurt you or hurt somebody else.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:17]:
But dad, why can’t I do X, Y and Z? Well, I want to make you better. You’re not getting better as a person by doing that. So that’s why we have this consequence, right? And so in every scenario, sharing that has been really neat. And so I use it for everything. I mean, literally everything. Daddy, why can’t I have, you know, candy right now? It’s 9:30. You know, eating candy right now. You know, you probably don’t want to brush your teeth like you’re supposed to.

Chris SIngleton [00:17:40]:
That’s not going to keep you safe, right? You’re going to have cavities. You’re going to do X, Y and Z. It’s been a huge tool for me even as my kids get older. Well, dad, why can’t you buy me the nicest car? Well, I don’t think that’s going to make you any better. You got to have some sweat equity in this deal. And so if I give you everything, I’M not making you better. And so I’m going to use that with everything. And I think that’s the tool that all dads should have when they.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:01]:
They had to discipline their kid or have to say no.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:04]:
You know, a lot of dads worry about saying the wrong thing when talking about race or bias with their kids. What kind of encouragement would you give to parents who want to start these conversations but are feeling uncomfortable?

Chris SIngleton [00:18:16]:
Yeah, well, we have to do the work on ourselves first and figure out, make sure we’re in a good space to teach. Because the worst thing you could be is a hypocrite and you’re telling your kid to do something and you’re doing the exact opposite. And so I think that’s the number one thing. You lead by example. I don’t want to touch back on the whole forgiveness piece just really quick, because I don’t want to rush past that. When I think about forgiveness, forgiving doesn’t mean that there’s no consequence. There’s no accountability. Right.

Chris SIngleton [00:18:41]:
So if I forgive my daughter for doing something, I’m still going to say, hey, you still got time out. I still love. You know, I love you, but you still have to sit in time out for a minute because that was not kind to do. That was not smart. You didn’t listen. So it doesn’t mean that I forgive and just pretend like it didn’t happen. No, you’ve got to learn from your mistakes. But I also say my faith, belief, forgiven.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:00]:
And we all are forgiven if we receive that. And so it’s a line where it’s like, hey, there’s accountability, but there’s also grace. And I think you got to have both. And so I want to just touch on that really quickly because I don’t want people to think that forgiveness is letting the person off the on the hook. No, there’s going to be consequences, But I forgive to move forward. And I think that’s big.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
Some of the things that you’re talking about really are. I’m hearing you, that you’re encouraging your kids to be curious. They really try to see the world in a broader view. What are some simple habits that, that dads can build into their lives that help their kids to grow up with a mindset of curiosity instead of fear toward others?

Chris SIngleton [00:19:38]:
I think a big one is watching sports. You know, I said, we’re gonna talk too much sports. But, you know, you got the World cup coming up. You had the Olympics. You know, when the Olympics are here, learning about different countries. Well, dad, what’s Botswana. I don’t know. Let’s look it up real quick.

Chris SIngleton [00:19:51]:
Let’s look up what they do in Botswana. Let’s look up their culture. So having these. These conversations is really cool. In our household, soccer is big because my wife is from Brazil. And so because my wife’s from Brazil, I’m sure my daughter’s gonna grow up playing soccer because mommy’s gonna want her to play soccer like my wife did. And so, you know, you’re gonna learn about different cultures. You know, the more that you play sports, and if you’re a dad that likes sports, you know this.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:13]:
The longer you play sports, the more that you’ll play with people that are from different places, different cultures, different whatever. And that’s a beautiful thing to teach your daughter. One of my friends, his daughter was actually really, really good in soccer. And then she started playing in college, and she started playing with girls from around the world, and she’s like, whoa, you know, there’s different levels to this. And you realize that once you start playing at a higher level. And so watching sports, learning about different countries, the World cup, the Olympics, and then you dive deep when you watch with your daughter, like, hey, let’s look up Morocco. I always love looking up language, food, and where it is on the map. And so those are three things I love looking up.

Chris SIngleton [00:20:49]:
And so if we’re watching France, because we think France is going to win the World cup, and we’re like, let’s look up France. Let’s see what they got going on over there. And having those conversations, it’s fun, and it’s in a proactive way. And then when something may happen in the world, you’re not, like, circling back, man. I don’t. You’ve never talked about this place before. It’s like, no, we want to be upfront about different places in the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
I’ll ask you one other question about sports, and that really comes down to the fact that I’m sure that there are things that have happened in your life through sports that have provided you some lessons and things that have helped you to be the father that you are. So what lessons from sports or teamwork have influenced the way in which you father your kids? Kids?

Chris SIngleton [00:21:27]:
Yeah. Well, I. I’ve read some statistic, and I’m going to butcher it, but I. I saw, like, most women in leadership played sports at a young age, and I don’t know what the percentage was, but it was a high percentage. A high, high percentage. And so, dad, you guys can look that. That percentage up So I think sports are good just to put your daughters in sports. I think it teaches accountability, it teaches leadership.

Chris SIngleton [00:21:46]:
It teaches leading by example, because your teammates won’t buy into anything you’re saying unless you’re doing it too, so you got to do that. It also teaches failure. Failure and realizing, hey, we’re not going to succeed in everything all the time. But how you respond to that failure is everything in life. And so if we turn the ball over in basketball, or we strike out with the bases loaded in softball, or if we miss a free throw when we really needed to in basketball, like, whatever it is, how we respond to that is how we will make up majority of our lives. So those are some things that sports has taught me as an athlete.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:16]:
You know, I think about the world today and how social media has really created a lot of division. How do we help kids hold on to hope and kindness when they’re constantly exposed to negativity online and in the media?

Chris SIngleton [00:22:31]:
Yeah, I actually did some work with our legislators about this because I saw that social media has just become so divisive. And I love the stories where it’s like the kid with a lemonade stand out at the first tee, raising money for his buddy in school that has cancer. I love those stories. We need more of those stories. But it seems like we get pushed and we get fed the beast of the algorithm is anything divisive just gets. Gets pushed to us even more. And so censoring or monitoring what our kids are watching are engaging in is important. And then making sure, because we have to make sure that our kids aren’t the ones that are bullying or on the other side of that.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:07]:
And we all think, especially our daughters, like, oh, our daughter is just. She’s so amazing. She’s the nicest person ever. She would never. Until we started reading some of the stuff that they’re posting, we’re like, hey, we might have to have some conversations. So being proactive and not being blind to that is important as well, because we never think it’d be our kid to be the bully until we find. Find out that it’s our kid that’s the bully. And so just monitoring what they’re watching, what they’re saying.

Chris SIngleton [00:23:28]:
And then I always say there is. It is a blessing and a compliment to have high expectations for your kids. And so with our daughters, I have high expectations that you won’t do this online, you won’t say this online, you won’t be that person online. And so if that’s my expectation for you, it May be high because I’m monitoring your stuff. I’m making sure you don’t say X, Y and Z. I’m doing that at a place of love because I have these expectations for you. You. And making sure that the algorithm that they have isn’t one that’s going to fuel hatred and division.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]:
You know, you’ve inspired a lot of audiences through vulnerability and honesty in what you share in front of the groups. How important is it for dads to let their kids see emotion, grief, and healing?

Chris SIngleton [00:24:11]:
Oh, my goodness. It’s so big. Because if our daughters, our kids especially, just grow up thinking that dad doesn’t show any emotion, sometimes they’re gonna think they shouldn’t show emotion or they’re not going to come to us because he won’t understand. Because I’ve never seen him get sad, right? So if they’re sad, you know, I probably can’t tell dad because he won’t understand. I’ve never seen dad sad before. Now, if we’re open and vulnerable, it’s like, you know, I can come to dad with anything because I’ve seen him have the same emotions that I felt and he’s going to feel with me when I share this with him. I think that’s big. And for so long as husbands and fathers, we think, man, we have to be that rock that nothing shakes us.

Chris SIngleton [00:24:46]:
Us, right? We’re the foundation of the family, and nothing should shake us or hurt us. But in doing so, sometimes things won’t get to us because, hey, he’s not going to understand. He won’t get it. Because I’ve never seen him say that he messed up, or I’ve never seen him say that he’s grieving right now. And so I think it’s so important that we’re open and honest with our feelings and our emotions. Even other day, I’m watching a video in the car, and I saw this video. It’s like this kid had his dad at one of his games, and before the game, he got his son a new baseball bat. He hit a home run for his dad on Father’s Day, the dad catches it outside of the fence, and he’s like, I got it.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:23]:
I got your home run ball. And you see the son kind of point to the dad, the outfield. And I’m crying real tears, man. And my daughter, my son, they’re like, dad, are you okay? I said, daddy’s fine. But this made me feel emotional because this is a beautiful moment. And so I have happy tears right now, guys. And so like having those conversations, them, they see that dad has feelings too. And yes, we’re strong, yes, we’re going to protect our baby girls, our daughters.

Chris SIngleton [00:25:48]:
But they need to know, hey, we have feelings too. So anything that they feel they can share with us as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]:
What legacy do you hope to leave not only through your speaking, but through your role as a father?

Chris SIngleton [00:25:58]:
Yeah, one non negotiable that I have as far as my legacy is. I don’t want my kids to ever think daddy made a huge impact on the world, but he didn’t make a huge impact on us. I think that’s a, a huge failure as a man that I could have is if I do that, I want them to say Daddy was an amaz person. Not only to people around the world, but to us. He was dead. He was at our daddy daughter dances, he was at our games where we had our first hit or our first home, whatever it may be, he was there. It’s just being active and knowing that they have somewhere to run to or to talk to is huge. And then all the life lessons that I share with them, you know, I just hope that they keep 10% of them.

Chris SIngleton [00:26:32]:
That’d be my legacy. Right. I’m sharing stuff all the time and make sure you’re saving. We’re gonna do a Roth IRA for you young so you can do X, Y and Z. All these things. I just hope that they remember something of this stuff that I’m instilling in them and in doing so, maybe they run into a problem when they get older and they’ll say, you know, my dad always told me, and then they’ll share something else and that’d be huge legacy for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:52]:
So if every family embraced the idea of loving their neighbor, how do you think the next generation would look different from the one we have today?

Chris SIngleton [00:27:00]:
Man, what a beautiful question. I think that kids will grow up knowing that there’s going to be differences in the world. There’s going to be different faiths, there’s going to be different languages, there’s going to be different. Different Everything doesn’t mean different means bad. My wife is from Brazil and in Brazil the culture is all family. You don’t really move away too much in their culture, right? You don’t go away for college. I know you’ve got daughters that are going to college and all this stuff and they’re kind of moving away. And that’s not really the culture in Brazil.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:26]:
It’s all about family and having dinner together on Sundays. And so sometimes we could say you know what? Maybe I want that culture for me, even though I’m American. When you learn about something different, when you learn that, you know, sometimes times in some cultures they don’t use technology, they just sit around the table and talk and have meals together on certain days. I like that. And so maybe we can put that into our family values as well. And that’s beauty. When you see that when kids growing up, that different doesn’t mean bad. Different just means different.

Chris SIngleton [00:27:54]:
I think our world would be a lot better place now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:56]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. You ready?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:03]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:08]:
I’d say right now it’s just very gentle. Right now, gentle is my word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:17]:
Your presence matters. Is the best advice I’ve received. Your presence, it matters. Even when you think they don’t see you there and you’re just there for six hours, or are they really going to care? They’re so young. Your presence, it matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:34]:
Right now I’d say he’s reading books together. She loves that. So reading is our activity right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:44]:
Hard work is important. Would probably be. My biggest thing is like, hey, working hard is important. In a world where AI makes stuff easy and there’s shortcuts to everything, hard work is still super important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:55]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Chris SIngleton [00:28:59]:
I’ve learned that sometimes I need to stop and take in the moment more because I’m young guy and I had to grow up really quick and so I’m always ripping and running and doing that, you know, all these different things. But sometimes stopping and just being present in the moment is the greatest blessing we could ever receive. And so that’s something I’ve learned about myself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:19]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:26]:
I’d say having high expectations for our baby girls is important. And never get so caught up in that you have to provide that you forget that being there matters just as much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
Now, if people want to find out more about you, what you’re doing, your books, etc, where should they go?

Chris SIngleton [00:29:43]:
My website’s chrissingleton.com and I got all the social medias. If you just search up C. Singleton underscore two or just search up Chris Singleton, you’ll see all my content and stuff there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:54]:
Well, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for not only sharing about your own journey as a father today, but sharing your message of love thy neighbor and help us think a little bit differently about the way in which we not only talk about this, but treat others. I truly appreciate the message. I truly appreciate the time and I wish you all the best.

Chris SIngleton [00:30:15]:
Thank you so much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:17]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being correct perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:47]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Building Stronger Bonds: Dads, Daughters, and Calming Teenage Anxiety

March 9, 2026 by dadofdivas

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Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with ups and downs, learning curves, and rewarding moments. On a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with teen mental health specialist and author Sophia Vale Galano to explore this crucial bond, especially during the challenging teenage years.

The episode kicks off with Dr. Christopher Lewis and Sophia Vale Galano reflecting on their own relationships with their fathers. Sophia shares how her dad’s ability to truly listen and validate her feelings stood out as a pivotal part of her upbringing. As she recalls, even during rough patches or adolescent turmoil, her dad’s nurturing, present, and non-judgmental approach cultivated a sense of safety and trust—a lesson that still shapes her adult life and the way she parents her own child.

A major theme explored is the importance of active listening over “fixing” when it comes to supporting anxious teens. Sophia pulls from her book Calming Teenage Anxiety and explains that while it’s natural for dads (and all parents) to want to solve problems, the real magic happens when parents simply listen. Reflecting on both her personal experience and her professional expertise, she emphasizes that daughters don’t always want solutions—they want support, validation, and someone in their corner.

Another core topic in the conversation is the challenge posed by today’s comparison culture and social media. Rather than restricting or policing teens, Sophia urges dads to engage in open conversations, seek to understand their daughter’s experience with digital platforms, and help them build healthy self-worth amidst outside influences.

The podcast also addresses the pressure teens feel to “succeed,” encouraging dads to balance ambition with empathy. It’s all about collaborating with teens, understanding their interests, and making sure encouragement doesn’t accidentally become overwhelming pressure.

The episode closes with practical advice: It’s never too late to repair and grow your relationship with your daughter. Vulnerability, communication, and a willingness to meet your teen where they are can make all the difference.

Whether you’re a seasoned dad or just starting the journey, this episode is filled with wisdom, warmth, and actionable strategies. Tune in for real stories and expert insights that will leave you feeling inspired and better equipped to connect with your daughter.

Listen now to the full episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and start building the relationship your daughter needs today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity, a great opportunity to be able to work on building those strong relationships with our own daughters. And I love that because every week I love being able to walk with you on this journey. I can’t say I am an expert.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I try my best. I have two daughters myself, as you know, but all of us can learn and all of us can be better fathers in the end. And that’s why every week I love coming back to be able to, to walk on this journey with you and to be able to have these conversations that we have every week. And that’s why I bring you different people with different experiences that can share those experiences with you to help you to to prepare you and to provide you with some tools for your own toolbox to help you be the dad that you want to be. This week, I am really excited to be able to have Sophia Vale Galano with us. And Sophia is a licensed clinical social worker and teen mental health specialist and the author of a book called Calming Teenage Anxiety. And for any of you that have teens, you know that anxiety comes with it. So it is important to know how to manage that, but also to kind of ride the wave as you’re going through those teenage years and to be able to support your daughters in many different ways, because Sophia’s work focuses on helping parents like you and I better understand what anxiety really looks like in today’s teenagers, and more importantly, how to show up in ways that truly help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
One of the things I really liked in reading through the book myself, I loved the fact that I saw a lot of real-life stories, practical tools, and powerful reflection exercises that you can go through to help you to be more attuned to what your kids are going through. Because Sophia is, is guiding you as the reader to build a calmer, more connected relationship with your teen, not by fixing them, but by walking alongside them with empathy, awareness, and confidence. Her message is one that for me, and I think from you too, you’re gonna find that it’s a message you need to hear. And it’s that your presence, your listening, and your emotional modeling matter more than you think. So I’m really excited to have Sophia here today to be able to talk to her and to have her as a guest on the show. Sophia, thanks so much for being here.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:03:07]:
Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here and I appreciate the lovely introduction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:12]:
I really appreciate you being here. And I always start these interviews with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your dad. So I guess to start off, tell me a little bit about your dad. And what’s one thing that your dad did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Endia Crabtree [00:03:30]:
I so appreciate that question. I’m really excited to chat about this because full transparency, I really do feel very fortunate because I’ve had a really positive relationship with my dad. Of course, there have been bumps. Nothing’s perfect, but overall my dad and I have always been very close. I grew up in a bit of an unconventional family structure where my mom went and worked in an office. She ran a major film company. She traveled a lot, and my dad was at home with me from ages 5 and up. So really, I feel fortunate in the sense that, you know, A, I got to spend a lot of time with my dad, which I feel that a lot of people don’t have.

Endia Crabtree [00:04:08]:
And also, I felt very heard and seen by my dad. I feel that my dad did an amazing job at really listening to me and validating me throughout the years. I have such distinct memories of being a teenager and coming back from high school, grabbing a snack, and, you know, going into the room and chatting with him about my day, talking to him about what happened with friend drama, boy drama, things that most people don’t speak with their dad about when they’re age 16, you know, particularly a, you know, 15, 16-year-old girl. And I feel my dad, I remember kind of around age 12 or so when I was in 7th grade. And, you know, my dad talks to me about this now, you know, since, you know, I’m an adult now, my dad’s an adult. And he always jokes that he had this kind of, you know, revelation when I was age 12 that, oh, my daughter, even though she’s 12, is starting to have more needs as an adult, as a, a woman versus a girl. She doesn’t want to be fixed. She doesn’t want to be told what to do.

Endia Crabtree [00:05:08]:
She wants to be listened to. She wants to be validated. And I think it’s really eye-opening for him because I was so young, but it really— he noticed a shift, and honestly, I noticed a shift. And that’s something that honestly still, still happens. I still call my dad when I’ve had a rough day, and I’m just like, ugh, I just need to vent, or I just, I just need to talk this out. And he’ll hear me out, you know, and he’ll listen to me, and then he will say, what can I do to support, or what can I do to help? He’ll ask me those questions. But my dad, again, I’m so fortunate because my dad really, really does a fantastic job of listening to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:43]:
So let’s delve a little bit into that because what do you think it was? And maybe you’ve had these conversations with your dad about this, but what allowed for your father to be able to— I’m going to say flip the script because a lot of times a lot of dads don’t have that innate ability to as you said, listen, to connect, and to be able to build those strong relationships. And it seems like your dad was able to do that from an— from early on. So what was it about your dad or what allowed for him to bring that to the relationship from early on?

Endia Crabtree [00:06:14]:
Yes. Well, I do think that my dad was very present with me. I mean, obviously, you know, when he was there with me, we were talking, of course, he’s present, engaged in the conversation. But, you know, I had so much interaction with my dad on the day-to-day. So I think that really helped because he really got a sense of, you know, how I operate. And he knew me really, really well. Um, but it really— we talk about this, my dad and I kind of laugh about it now— that when I was 12, I moved to America from England. I know it’s hard to believe with my accent, but I had a really tough time as a 12-year-old adjusting to, you know, life in Los Angeles in 7th grade.

Endia Crabtree [00:06:48]:
You know, it was really, really tough. And I remember being really unhappy, and I remember being kind of the first time where, when we first moved back, my dad and I were kind of butting heads a little bit. Nothing over the top, but I remember us just not seeing eye to eye. And I’m not sure, you know, kind of what led him to this realization, if there was some sort of moment where he did kind of meet me where I was at in terms of listening and validating me and hearing me, and then it was kind of a wake-up call for him to say, wait, this actually works more than kind of telling her what to do. But something clicked, and that’s what he always kind of jokes about, that he was like, I had this realization at 12 years old that I have to start treating you like a young woman. And not to stereotype, but most women like feeling validated and they like feeling heard and they like feeling listened to versus given these kind of solutions or kind of minimizing what they’re going through. Again, not to stereotype, this is a, a very broad overview, but I think it was a bit of a shift for him. And I work with parents all the time about learning to treat their teenagers a little bit more like a young adult versus a kid, you know, and it’s tough, that transition, I think, for my dad because I wasn’t even a teenager.

Endia Crabtree [00:07:58]:
Yeah, I was 12. But the thing that’s really cool about my dad, and I really appreciate this, is my dad, I know, always wants to improve, and he wants to grow, and he wants to evolve, you know, as a person and also with his parenting. And that’s why I’m so grateful for your show and for your listeners. I appreciate the dads out there that are really trying to improve the relationship with their children, particularly their daughters, and I see that too now as an adult, how much my dad was really trying to do that. And it doesn’t go unrecognized, you know, maybe as a 12-year-old, I wasn’t sitting down and saying, “Dad, I’m so appreciative of your emotional development and willingness to meet me where I’m at.” I see it now as a 36-year-old, but I have a lot of credit for my dad. And I really do think that helped me see him as a very safe person that I could go to in high school. And my dad also wasn’t judgy as well. I think a lot of dads, a lot of parents are very protective over their children.

Endia Crabtree [00:08:56]:
And that can come across as sometimes too teenager, a bit of judgment, or, you know, they’re trying to control me. Whereas my dad was very much, you know, inquisitive and curious of— I want to hear more, tell me about that, you know, let’s talk about it— versus, well, just don’t hang out with that person, or that person’s bad news, forget it. It was more, tell me about it, what did that feel like?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:18]:
How would you say that your relationship with your your dad influences the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Endia Crabtree [00:09:28]:
So much, and in a positive sense. I mean, I think there’s a variety of different factors here. I mean, first of all, seeing that my dad isn’t perfect, neither am I, and that we still love and care about each other and we can navigate that when there is turmoil or conflict, which is destined to happen with anyone, you know. And also again, just seeing that, eh, as a daughter that I can have really positive relationships with men, you know, I, I think that’s something that I have felt for most of my life, which I think also is quite unique as a female, is feeling very comfortable with men. Even when I was younger, you know, when I was doing therapy, I didn’t have an issue seeing male therapists. So I feel— I have a lot of male friends, I have a really great relationship with my husband. I feel that there’s safety and comfort with men, and I do think that my dad laid the foundation for that. And my dad has a very nurturing energy to him.

Endia Crabtree [00:10:21]:
My dad is a strong man. He’s strong, but he’s nurturing too. And I can feel that as well. I have a daughter and my hope is that my daughter will have a similar relationship with her dad too. I feel again, very fortunate with that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:37]:
Now, I guess one thing that I think about— you, you’ve mentioned a lot of really positive things that have happened throughout your life that your dad has really helped you to maneuver through and to be able to become who you are today. And you said, Nobody’s perfect. Your dad’s not perfect. You’re not perfect. None of us are. What are— what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Endia Crabtree [00:10:58]:
I feel— and this is where it’s tricky, you know, and I talk a lot about this in my book, which is kind of finding this balance of relating while still adhering to boundaries— is, I guess, understanding that my dad is still a human being. When I think when I was younger too, my parents got divorced when I was, um, 19. So, you know, I still kind of the later later end of being a teenager. And that was quite a challenging time for my relationship with my dad because there was this major shift in our family structure. And I think at that time, what I feel would have been helpful for me, you know, and I’ve shared this with my dad, but, you know, is really understanding. And maybe it would help to have him have verbalized this. We’ve talked about it, of, you know, seeing him as a human being who’s still working on himself and maybe being more vulnerable with me. Maybe that’s what it is, is allowing himself to be vulnerable.

Endia Crabtree [00:11:53]:
While still, again, of course, having boundaries. And again, I think it’s tricky here because we want to be mindful of, you know, parental roles. We don’t want it to shift that, you know, the teenager, you know, even an older teenager, the 19-year-old who’s technically an adult but still a teenager, becomes the parent, but starting to see the parent as a human being who’s still going through their own journey and their own process. And I think that was very jarring for me as a 19-year-old, a bit of a wake-up call for me to see, oh wait, my parents are not not slap this label, you know, it’s an extreme label, but like still quote unquote flawed in many ways, aren’t we all? And I think, you know, having conversations with my dad about his challenges and having more vulnerability there, I think would have been helpful in a nurturing and compassionate manner. But again, it’s, it’s not, you know, easy. And I credit so many parents for tackling these issues because it’s not black and white. It’s tricky. And I think just, again, I give everyone so much, so much credit for wanting to try.

Endia Crabtree [00:12:55]:
And I think that’s all that Matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]:
Now, I— you mentioned your book and you are the author of Calming Teenage Anxiety. And as an author myself, I know that there’s a lot of time, passion, blood, sweat, and tears that go into being able to put something out into the world. So tell me that origin story of the book and what made you decide that you wanted to put all of that time, blood, sweat, and tears into putting this out into the world?

Endia Crabtree [00:13:19]:
Yes. Well, first of all, well said, that is incredibly accurate. The blood, sweat, and tears, you know, blessing the curse in many ways. But there were a variety of different factors, you know, that kind of went behind the motivation of writing this book. So the first was, A, feeling very inspired. There was such a need for guidance in this area. So, you know, I talk about this in the introduction of my book is, you know, when I was kind of early on in my career, what I would do is I would go and provide educational talks at different schools or lectures, and I would pick a different topic kind of depending on the needs of the school and the students. So I remember doing one on teen substance use, on vaping, on depression, you know, a variety of different topics, but I really remember giving a talk on teen anxiety and just being so blown away by the amount of guidance that was wanted.

Endia Crabtree [00:14:07]:
And this— I remember the room just being completely packed. I remember parents standing alongside the walls because all the chairs were filled and really wanting very concrete tools. So I think there’s a lot of conversations out there right now of, okay, teen anxiety is on the rise. It’s a problem, but what do we do with that? So really, I left that talk and I said, okay, what if there was a book that doesn’t just talk about the problem, but actually talks about what to say and what not to say and what questions to ask and what questions not to ask and how to prevent restriction while still adhering to boundaries or what communication tools are success or what are some kind of typical scenarios. You might see, how do you differentiate between what’s normal versus concerning? So kind of should provide a general sort of overview or blueprint here, which kind of leads to the next factor that kind of led me to writing the book is I said to myself, let’s see what comes out. Let’s like give it a go, let’s start writing. And I know it might sound a bit cheesy, but it kind of just poured out very naturally. And I really felt like there was such a need.

Endia Crabtree [00:15:11]:
And my hope was that even if this helps one person, it’s successful. When not everyone has the resources the time to go to therapy or study this for years and years, or, you know, become a psychologist themselves. My hope was for any adult to pick this up, whether they dropped out of high school, whether they have a PhD, and they can start using it immediately. So to be very accessible and very approachable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]:
You know, a lot of dads see anxiety in their daughters but aren’t sure what they’re looking at. From your experience, how does teen anxiety often show up differently than parents expect?

Endia Crabtree [00:15:49]:
So first of all, I always like to remind adults, and it might sound like a bit of a no-brainer but important to remember, that teenagers are not expert communicators, first of all. So they’re going to communicate in a way that’s very, very different than adults might communicate. So, you know, we kind of joke about this, and I was kind of joking before, that a teen is not going to sit down with their parent and say, Mom, Dad, I’m really struggling emotionally. I’d benefit from some coping skills and emotional regulation technique. Let’s come up with some solutions together to support my mental health. Probably not. I haven’t met a teen that does that. Maybe they’re out there.

Endia Crabtree [00:16:20]:
What it’s gonna look like instead is, say, a teen isolating, a teen being avoidant, a teen maybe even seeming irritable, hostile, even at times combative. It might not seem how anxiety would look for an adult. So it’s important to remember that. And I remind parents too that it’s important to assess how often a teen is struggling, and to what extent. So I give this example where let’s say a teenager is nervous before a math test. So let’s say they’re kind of spiraling, they’re feeling really panicky about the test, they don’t want to go to school, they’re feeling really kind of moody about it, but they manage to go to school, they take the test, they go on with their day, they attend their extracurriculars, they complete their assignments. Okay, we’re not gonna overlook that, but we’re gonna take a different approach than the teenager that refuses to go to school. The teenager that is so preoccupied with the anxiety for this test that they can’t complete their other assignments, that they need to drop out of their extracurricular activities, that they’re becoming avoidant socially.

Endia Crabtree [00:17:26]:
We’re going to take a very different approach, you know. Or what if the teenager has a panic attack before the exam or throws up before the exam? That’s an indicator that this is more severe than sort of your standard teenage behavior. And with this said, we want to assess how often this is happening. So let’s say that a teenager has that kind of quote-unquote extreme response and it happens once a year, are we gonna overlook it? Absolutely not. But again, we’re gonna take a different approach if this happens once a week, multiple times a month, multiple times a week. Very, very different stance here, but it does require very mindful observation of the teen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]:
You know, one of the things that you talked about earlier about your own father was he was a good active listener, and in your book you talk about the importance of active listening as well. The challenge, of course, is that a lot of Dads feel like they are natural fixers. So for dads who are those natural fixers, what does listening to an anxious daughter look like in real life and what should they avoid doing?

Endia Crabtree [00:18:27]:
So I also want to preface that it so goes against our instincts as parents to not fix. You know, we see our child suffering and we want to alleviate the problem. We don’t want to just sit there and wait for the slow, gradual change. So that is really understandable for the parents listening. If they’re thinking to themselves, shoot, I do that all the time. If I completely messed up, No, you know, and a lot of my work with the teens is also helping the teen understand that the parent is coming from a good place and to have some empathy for the parent as well. What I will encourage the dads listening who are, are very prone to fixing is to actually remind themselves that active listening, validating, seeking to learn, understand, employ this kind of curious mindset is actually fixing in the long run. It’s just a more subtle way of doing it.

Endia Crabtree [00:19:17]:
It. So what I would recommend avoiding— and I will say there are of course going to be emergency exceptions to this, this is a general overview— if a teen is suicidal, there’s severe self-harm, substance use, we’re going to take a different approach. We’re going to intervene, we’re going to fix. If a teen expresses that they’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, or the dad is noticing this behavior, instead of saying, well, why don’t you go meditate, or have you gone take— go, go for a walk outside, While those are great solutions that do work, the teen feels not heard. And often what happens is the teen says, “Oh, you don’t understand me, you don’t get it.” And the dad or even the mom too, you know, it’s like, well, what just happened? Now my teen’s even, you know, kind of farther away and I actually was coming from a really positive place. Instead, what the parent can say is, “I would love to hear a little bit more about that. What is that like for you? How do you feel about sharing about this?” So really leaning on these open-ended questions, avoiding, first of all, closed kind of yes or no question, of course, unless an emergency, and really seeking to learn more, speaking with the teen versus just providing some type of solution for the teen. And, and with that being said, you know, and obviously this is quite complex, I go into significant detail about this in the book, but it can be helpful to, to have these conversations in a setting that might feel different for an adult.

Endia Crabtree [00:20:40]:
It might feel maybe a little informal, a little too casual, but it’s really important for the teen to feel that this is coming up organically. So when you’re driving, in the car, walking the dog together— oftentimes the teen is very closed off when the parent is sitting across from the table at the dining room table saying, okay, let’s talk about your anxiety. They’re going to feel very put on the spot and very caught off guard. So it’s about kind of modifying how we have the conversations, where we have the conversation, and remembering that actually active listening validating, learning more is ultimately fixing and helping.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:16]:
You know, one of the other things that you talk about in the book is you describe how today’s teens are growing up in a comparison culture shaped by social media. Any of us that have kids that are above the age of 10 know the power of social media and know how much it can impact our kids as well. How can dads help their daughters build self-worth when the world keeps telling them

Endia Crabtree [00:21:39]:
that they’re not These are such amazing questions, and I’m so grateful that you’re asking me this, because oftentimes what happens is people instead take kind of a more restrictive approach of like, okay, you know, I’m protective over my child, I’m not going to let them use social media, and it kind of backfires again, unless an emergency. So instead, it’s actually about having these conversations with the teen of seeking to understand what they feel like when they use social media, what comes up for them when they look at certain pages, you know, have they noticed any kind of parallels emotionally, do they feel more anxious when they’re on social media, A lot of teens, you know, and, and it’s a bit of a controversial take, you know, and I’m not advocating for social media, but some teens will say, you know, actually it’s really helpful for me to follow these certain pages that actually support mental health or support my hobbies, or it’s helpful for me to go on here. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but it’s important to talk with the teen about their feelings with social media. And of course, you know, we wanna set boundaries with social media. You know, again, go into detail about what that can look like, whether it’s, you know, unfollowing certain pages, muting certain people, integrating more positive pages into a teen’s social media presence. But it’s really about talking with the teen here, seeking to learn. And oftentimes parents even coming from this stance of, I didn’t grow up in this world. What is it like for you? You know, I’d love to learn more.

Endia Crabtree [00:23:04]:
I’d love to hear your thoughts about it. And this goes back to the, again, unless an emergency, as challenging it is not to to restrict or prohibit a teen’s access to social media because that really does not help build self-esteem. If anything, that’s teaching the teen that you don’t trust them to use social media in a good way or that you can trust your teen to kind of learn from their mistakes, uh, foster resilience. Instead, it’s actually teaching the teen that they’re still like a kid and, you know, they need kind of policing or monitoring here. So it’s a bit of, again, relearning in terms of parenting a teenager, you know, that, okay, I wanna give them the skills so that they feel comfortable using this as they emerge into adulthood, that when they turn 18, they’re out of the house, they’re in the workforce, they’re at school, at college, that they are equipped to deal with the pressures of social media and they’re not completely caught off guard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Many fathers push their daughters to succeed because they want opportunities for them, but you warn in your book that that can overload and increase anxiety. So how can dads How do you help dads tell the difference between healthy encouragement and harmful pressure?

Endia Crabtree [00:24:17]:
And again, it’s not black and white. So it’s also okay if, you know, let’s say parents listening again are saying to themselves, oh no, maybe I pushed too hard. Is that a lost cause? No, not at all. This is where it goes back to that collaborating and communicating with the team and finding that balance. You know, I think you hit the nail on the head too, is oftentimes, you know, parents really believe that they’re equipping their teen for success. And also, you know, a lot of times parents will— and again, it comes from a really good place— is they say, let me get my teen involved in X, Y, and Z because that’s going to help them, you know, not be stuck on their phone and isolate in their room, and that’s kind of the key to help them not be anxious when in reality it overwhelms them or overloads them. So we want to find the balance. We want to make sure they have their leisure time, their time to relax, their time to unwind, while also doing things that, you know, they enjoy as well.

Endia Crabtree [00:25:09]:
And talk with your teen A, how they feel about these activities, and also if it’s something that they want to do. Are they interested? Are they passionate about it? I mean, most teens are going to feel more excited about hanging out with their friends, you know, versus, you know, getting an internship somewhere. But it’s still important to make sure it’s something that they want to do. It’s not something that they feel completely forced into or that they’re going to be— I don’t even wanna say punished, but more— but judged or disappoint their parents if they don’t do it. Again, it’s collaborating with the teen, it’s communicating communicating with the teen. Those, those words are going to come up again and again because they could be applied to all areas here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]:
One final thing that I want to ask you about the book is if a dad is listening today and he feels like he’s already missed signs of anxiety, what would you want him to know about repairing connection and becoming a safe person now?

Endia Crabtree [00:26:03]:
First of all, it’s not too late. I do want to say that, that it’s never ever a lost cause and it’s never too late. So even if dad, let’s say, says, I have done absolutely everything wrong. I haven’t listened. I haven’t asked the open-ended questions. I fix it all. It’s okay. And this actually kind of circles back to your earlier question about my dad, which is, A, it’s okay to share with your teen that you’re a human being and you’re still learning, that, hey, I recognize maybe some of my own limitations here and I want to better help you.

Endia Crabtree [00:26:34]:
How can I be there for you? How can I support you? Again, we want to adhere to appropriate boundaries. You know, I wouldn’t suggest going to the teenager and sobbing and screaming that you’ve done anything wrong and have the team parent or comfort you, but more being vulnerable that I have— I acknowledge that maybe I haven’t got this the most effective way, and I want to make a change here. And what would feel best for you? How can we work together? I want you to know that I’m here for you. I love you. I support you. And if you feel that you want me to listen more, if you want me to support you in that way, I’m here for you. If you want me to provide solutions, I’ve got you. It’s really meeting the team where they’re at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
So we always finish our interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection Six. And these are six more questions that I usually ask dads, but I’ve got you here. So I’m gonna ask you a little bit of a tweak.

Endia Crabtree [00:27:26]:
That’s cool. Mix it up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]:
So what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:33]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:33]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:37]:
I guess I would say— and I’m not quoting this directly, but my dad has always encouraged me to try new things. And know that it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. That my dad is very much, “Go for it. Try it out. Like, why not?” So I think that has been really helpful in terms of kind of fostering my independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:58]:
What’s one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:01]:
Well, so that’s changed over the years for sure. I mean, now we love gardening together. It’s funny, I feel when I was younger as a teenager, we would talk a lot about music and bands together, so we would do that. I mean, I’m giving a lot of different activities. Let’s say stick to adulthood. We like to garden and we like to hike. So spend time in nature and talk about art and music.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:23]:
Now, you— as a mother yourself and as a mother to a daughter, if you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:29]:
I would say that it’s okay to make mistake.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:32]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a mother?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:37]:
You cannot control what goes on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Endia Crabtree [00:28:47]:
Even if your daughter doesn’t express it, your daughter is going to appreciate the role that you play in their life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:52]:
Well, Sophia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here. If people want to find out more about you and the book, where should they go?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:58]:
Yes, thank you so much for having me. So you can visit my website, www.sophiagallano.com. Um, you can follow me on Instagram, Sophia Vale underscore Gallano. My book is available Penguin Random House, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, independent bookstores. You can also reach out to me directly if, you know, you’re having a hard time finding it or you want a signed copy. I can do that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:20]:
Well, again, Sophia, thank you so much, not only for being here today, for sharing your own story with your own father, but also for putting this book out into the world. It is a challenging time at this point for our kids as they maneuver through those teenage years. And for all of us as parents, we always are going to have that anxiety that’ll rear its head within our kids, and we have to know ways to be able to do that, and this book does just that. So I truly appreciate you sharing not only thoughts for us to consider today, but also for putting this book out into the world as a tool, as a resource for us to be able to be those parents that we want to become.

Endia Crabtree [00:29:55]:
Thank you so much for having me, and thank you for everyone listening. I appreciate the dads out there that are seeking to become even better parents and support their teens. So thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:05]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:30:36]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

How Dads Can Be a Calming Presence for Their Daughters in a Stressful World

December 29, 2025 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a father seeking practical wisdom to nurture your connection with your daughter, this week’s episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection is exactly what you need. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes psychologist and author Dr. Kathy Wu to dive deep into what it really means to support your daughter through today’s unique pressures and challenges.

The conversation kicks off with stories from Dr. Wu’s own girlhood—memories not marked by grand gestures, but by the steadfast presence of her dad. As Dr. Wu puts it, feeling seen and valued came from her father’s “indelible capacity to just always be present.” This consistent support gave her the freedom to explore life, make mistakes, and develop the confidence to always figure things out.

But presence is only one part of the equation. As today’s teens grow up surrounded by social media pressures, perfectionism, and chronic stress, Dr. Wu’s new book, The Self Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults, provides evidence-based tools for building emotional resilience. The episode highlights that kids don’t learn self-regulation or coping from lectures—they learn it from relationship. Regular, everyday moments—sharing a meal, taking a walk, or simply listening—are where trust is built and emotional intelligence flourishes.

A recurring theme is patience. Dr. Wu emphasizes that supporting your daughter isn’t about fixing her problems or making her perfect. Instead, model emotional honesty, validate her experiences, and collaborate. Whether it’s managing big emotions or navigating anxiety, being physically and emotionally present is more valuable than having the right answers.

Self-compassion also takes center stage. Dr. Kathy Wu reminds dads that there’s no formula for “doing it right.” Each father-daughter relationship is unique. It’s about understanding, consistency, and unconditional regard—being a grounding presence in your daughter’s life.

Perhaps the most powerful takeaway? “Your daughter doesn’t need your perfection—she needs your presence.” This episode is packed with heartfelt stories, expert advice, and concrete strategies that every dad can use right away. If you care about raising confident, independent daughters, don’t miss it.

Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and start building that lifelong bond today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:00]:
We’re on a journey as we are working together to be able to find the best way to be able to build those strong relationships, those strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. And today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we’re diving into a topic that every dad needs in his toolkit. How to support daughters growing up in a world full of pressure, stress, and constant change. Today Our guest is Dr. Cathy Wu. She’s a licensed psychologist, a former professor, and the author of a new book called the Self Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults. Her work is trauma informed, practical and compassion based, giving you real tools to help help your kids navigate anxiety, emotional disconnection, perfectionism, social pressure, and all of that turbulence that ends up happening during those years that they’re growing up. I, I really love the fact, as I was reading it myself, that this book is really grounded in evidence based approaches and is written in a way that you can understand, but actually your teens can actually understand.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:08]:
And it’s written in a way that your teens would actually read. So for me, that’s a positive because you never know what they’re going to read. But the book itself has a ton of real life scenarios on topics that kids are dealing with. Things like calming skills and strategies to help young people build resilience, confidence and emotional self regulation. So I’m really excited to have Kathy here today for her to be able to share with you not only some of her own experience in being a daughter, but also some of the experiences from being a, from being a psychologist and from what she put out into the world through this new book. Dr. Wu, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Kathy Wu [00:02:48]:
Thank you so much. That was such a lovely Introduction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:51]:
I really appreciate you being here. As I mentioned, you are a daughter, and I love being able to kind of delve a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your father because that can help to better understand who you are today. So I guess one thing that I’d love to ask you about is what’s one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Grant Voisinet [00:03:15]:
I can’t say that there was one thing, but I think through the combination of his capacity to be very practical as a dad of not just one daughter, but three daughters and a son, he was someone who we didn’t necessarily run to when we had distress, but we always knew he was going to be there in the sense that he was very predictable, very consistent and persistent with his presence. He didn’t always have the best things to say or the most profound things to say, but he very much was always a present figure. It did help that we had a family business and we all sort of worked together as well. But I think for my sense of feeling seen, it was just his indelible capacity to just always be present and. And I think that really gave me the sense that I was going to be okay if there was anything that I needed to feel his support around.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]:
Thinking back, was there a moment where your dad’s support or guidance truly had a significant impact on your own growth or confidence?

Grant Voisinet [00:04:18]:
Yeah, again, multitudes. I think there’s been a lot of moments where I’ve gone to him and wondered, what am I going to with my life? How can I sort of navigate through some of the challenges? And he always said something that resonated and I believed, and that was, I trust you to figure it out. And that sort of capacity to trust me and his moment of going, well, Kathy, I’ve never had to worry about you. I’ve never had to stay up late at night wondering what you’ll end up doing or how you’ll navigate your choices in life. I just. You’re not someone I necessarily worry about. And that gave me so much of a sense of freedom to be able to explore. Yes, I’ve had quite a few different sort of stops and starts with regards to career paths and such, but he always knew that.

Grant Voisinet [00:05:07]:
I think, and I truly do sort of credit him to this, is that I will figure it out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:12]:
How has your relationship with your father influenced the way that now you feel like you navigate life, relationships or challenges?

Grant Voisinet [00:05:21]:
He never really had big emotions anytime when I was seeing him with his. His own challenges, either through his relationship with my mom, who’s a lot more vocal and emotionally expressive. He always just seemed so even keeled. And I think that really did sort of set the stage and model for me that my first response shouldn’t be through just shouting or yelling or throwing things or blaming or. Or not taking full stock of what’s happening. So he was very well measured. I don’t know where he got it from, but he had the capacity and he has. He still does have the capacity, sort of sit in that space.

Grant Voisinet [00:05:58]:
He’s not a man of many words, truly. You can sit in the car with him for miles and miles and he’ll say really very little. But when the time came for him to respond, it’s sort of. He had the capacity to just sort of be very wise with his sort of conceptions of what the issue might be, but never ever said things like, I think you should do this. He’ll sometimes say, ask your mom what she thinks. But really, it was just. Just lots of reassurance that things will be okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]:
Is there anything that you wish that your father had done differently when it came to building your relationship as a homeowner?

Grant Voisinet [00:06:33]:
Now I have a lot of sort of little projects that I have to do around the house, and it’s something that I felt like I was able to kind of see him experiment with and he was able to just fix things and be a handyman. And as a result, I’ve gained some bit of a confidence and be able to try things myself. But one example comes to mind, and that was during my postdoctoral training. I was on the way to this day treatment program where I was working, and I got a flat on my car and I didn’t know what to do because I never learned to switch my tires out. But I was able to call on to two of my colleagues, co interns, and they rolled their sleeves up and they were able to go in and switch out the nuts and the bolts and get it all done. And in that moment, while I was so grateful for their help, I was going, well, how come dad never asked, never taught me this? So he didn’t really intentionally seek out to teach me any skills. It was all sort of through osmosis or through observations. And I do wish that at times that he had looked to, hey, what are Kathy’s capabilities? And to be able to do a little more guiding and showing as opposed to me just sort of learning through observation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:47]:
If you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Grant Voisinet [00:07:52]:
I think it would just be taking a walk, having a good meal, perhaps doing something a little bit more passive. Because I don’t necessarily look to him to sort of have these moments where he is wanting to teach a lesson or talk about himself actually. So so much of it is just very quiet with him and just his presence is enough for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:13]:
Now I mentioned you’ve got a new book, the Self Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults. And I guess first and foremost, before I get into the meat of the book and some of the things that I noticed as a author myself, I know the amount of time, effort, passion you have to have to get to the finish and getting this out into the world. So talk to me about what led you to decide to take that jump, to jump in and to put in that time, effort and passion into creating this and putting it out into the world.

Grant Voisinet [00:08:42]:
I think I did it out of practicality, to be honest, Chris, and that is I found that I have compiled all of this knowledge and all of these tools, but really didn’t have like a centralized place to direct some of my clients to or to be able to even organize my own thoughts. Sometimes as we sort of pick up new skill sets and knowledge, they come in a more or less a haphazardous way, right? Yes, we do sort of intentionally seek out knowledge, but sometimes they’re very much just sort of shoved into different file cabinets in our brains. And so this was an opportunity, I thought, for me to organize everything around a central theme, but to also be able to tell a client, hey, this thing we just talked about in session today, I really like for you to learn a little bit more about it or if you’re curious about other things related, here is this toolkit and it’s packed chock full of really practical skills, as you have mentioned before. And I think they’re good to have as just a reference on a coffee table, for instance, so that you really begin to activate and use and repeat. So that becomes secondary skills for a person. And so yeah, I was born out of necessity and practicality, really. And it’s also nice to be able to get back to sort of the academic brain, which I left a couple of years ago in pursuit of more robust clinical practice.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:01]:
In your book you talk about teens growing up in a world of chronic trauma. Everything from political upheaval to social media pressures, I guess, for dads listening who want to be a calming presence instead of another source of overwhelm. What does showing up as a trauma informed parent actually look like in everyday moments?

Grant Voisinet [00:10:23]:
I think when showing up for a child, it’s less about big moments, it’s more about everyday consistency. So I really think that being able to respond to the small stuff. The Gottman Institute, who talks about relationships and intimacy building, right. That the. But in sort of a context of family or a romantic partnership, really draws on this idea of emotional connection and bids that I think is applicable for adult parents and children. So when your daughter tells you maybe a random story from her day, treat it like a window into her world. And those moments really count and allow for the development of trust and allowing for the daughter to be able to talk about bigger things with you when those moments come. I think doing things together certainly is really helpful.

Grant Voisinet [00:11:08]:
So share activities, cooking, hiking, walking, fixing things, as I mentioned, really create a natural space for conversation and connection. And what we know is that studies have shown that shared experiences are one of the strongest predictors of closeness. And then finally, if I had to just say one more thing, and it is really model emotional regulation and emotional honesty. And when dads show that they are okay with expressing sort of feelings of frustration, nervousness, pride, daughters, they learn how to emotionally identify as well as be able to regulate from that. So you’re really teaching her how to handle life just by being real and being honest and being responsive and sort of holistic in how it is that they’re navigating the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:55]:
Another powerful idea from the book is that self regulation is like a superhero skill. What are some ways fathers can help their daughters build that skill? Especially if they struggle with big emotions, anxiety, or shutting down?

Grant Voisinet [00:12:11]:
I think this is something that perhaps as I’m thinking more about my own relationship with my father is just the patience. I think that the patience that he was able to show, and I think that more fathers can show, can really allow for a daughter or child to not feel judged based on whatever experiences that they’re having or having challenges with. So in order for them to have the capacity to problem solve, right. It’s that space gives them enough time to be able to conjure up their own inner strength, to be able to work through some of the challenges. So it’s not about helping them resolve a problem, it’s about guiding them along the way and again, reinforcing this idea of autonomous decision making and problem solving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
You know, a lot of dads say that they want their daughter to talk to them, but that she just won’t open up. Based on your work with emotional disconnections, what advice would you give the dads trying to help their daughters feel seen, safe and Understood without pushing too hard.

Grant Voisinet [00:13:12]:
I think that when it comes to feeling seen, it’s ultimately helping a daughter feel that their capacity to sort of taking the world is one that is valid and that is under development and really being able to see that they’ll need to get be perfect at resolving any conflicts or issues and they don’t have to have the perfect words to describe what is going on makes a huge difference. And so what we really want to help dads understand about their daughters is that they’re looking for you to be there to sort of have this sense of grounding, that no matter what happens when they are out in the world, the dad or the parental figure will still have this unconditional regard for them. So it’s not about just pushing for them to talk because they do need space, especially during the adolescent years, to sort of experiment and seek out new novelty and experiences, but really to feel that when they come home to you, come home, that you’ll always be consistent.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:17]:
I love that The. I love the fact that your book blends both humor, compassion, and psychology in a way that I could relate to, but also I could tell that that teens could relate to. How can dads use the same approach with practical skills, you know, not lecturing or passing on judgment to help their daughters navigate through emotions like perfectionism or burnout or comparison.

Grant Voisinet [00:14:42]:
I think that the reason why perhaps my book feels effective as well as the ways I navigate my client relationships feel really effective, is that I show up as myself. I’m not coming in with any sort of pretenses. I’m not using necessarily jargon because I think they think I will be cool. I think I show up and really I affirm their effort. I affirm their character. I don’t look at just their sort of grade or what have you, right? So I really sort of value and respect and honor their presence. And I think fathers can definitely do the same with their daughter. That, with that said, you know, don’t necessarily leave out the.

Grant Voisinet [00:15:20]:
The dad jokes and, and all of that. Be yourself. And if you’re going to be a little goofy or unsure, it’s okay. I mean, your daughter might sort of roll their eyes and not again, but deep down they understand that you’re trying.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:33]:
Another thing that you talk about in the book is the importance of self compassion. Many dads struggle with wanting their daughters to be strong while not being overwhelmed. How can fathers model self compassion in a way their daughters will actually learn from?

Grant Voisinet [00:15:50]:
One thing that I want to remind the parents of daughters that I’m working with are teen daughters in particular is this is all new. It’s new for you, it’s new for them. And there’s no right or wrong way to go about it. It’s what’s right for you and your child. And I think sometimes parents have a sense that they are doing it wrong, but the person to really judge that is your daughter and yourself in a way that doesn’t necessarily factor in societal expectations as heavily. So I think it’s really important for parents to see that there’s not sort of a one side size fits all approach. It’s really about what works for you and your family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]:
You talk about grounding mindfulness and coping routines that teens can use when emotions get intense. Because let’s be honest, they can get intense. If a dad noticed his daughter is anxious or spiraling or overstimulated, what’s a supportive response or even a simple script that he could use in that moment?

Grant Voisinet [00:16:53]:
There are fortunately really well meaning words that sometimes can stifle conversation or ways in which a daughter might feel that she is able to be fully expressive of her emotions in that moment. And I think that sort of leads back to why I think my relationship with Bai dad was so effective. And that is he wasn’t very quick to tell me anything. Sometimes just being able to leave that space open was good. And there was a lot of reflecting back. Oh, you feel angry, oh you feel misunderstood. Oh you feel unseen. And that really sort of was all I needed.

Grant Voisinet [00:17:30]:
I didn’t need anything else from those interactions. And sometimes I think there were moments in which for me, I wanted my dad to self disclose a little bit more. Hey, when I was your age, I experienced this. He didn’t do as much of that. But I think that the sense of relatability is what a lot of teen daughters want from their parents as well. From my experience with clients, they just feel like their parents didn’t exist before they became their parents. And I think having insight into their background and their upbringing and their development is also really important to continue to build that intimacy and that relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:03]:
The final thing that I thought about as I was looking at this book and reading through it is that a lot of dads want to be fixers. They want to fix things fast. But your book emphasizes letting teens have the autonomy and the choice. How can fathers balance offering help with giving daughters independence so that support doesn’t feel like pressure?

Grant Voisinet [00:18:26]:
I think collaboration is really key, especially during this phase of life. It’s being able to say, hey, let’s problem Solve together. Let’s come to some sort of consensus as to what would be helpful and providing maybe menu items like if I were in this predicament or this situation, if I were feeling this way, I would do X, Y and Z. Is there one that you might be interested in from this, this list that I just provided. But really being able to say, you know what, I’m going to leave it to you to ultimately decide what you’re going to act on because you’re going to actually deal with the consequences of those behaviors. And so being able to say I’m here with you, I’m here, I’m going to though not be providing you all the answers. I will provide guidance if you ask me is really important during this phase of development. So in other words, be physically present.

Grant Voisinet [00:19:18]:
Offer not just kind of this open ended help, but rather like hey, if there are some practical things I can help you with at this point, here’s what I can do and you have to tell me how this fits into your scheme of what, what the situation is and what you you believe the resolution could be. So collaboration.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:36]:
Now, we always finish up our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection 6. Now, I usually have these questions for dads and I’m going to ask you four of the six because most of them are geared toward dads, but there’s four of them that I want to get your perspective on. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Grant Voisinet [00:19:54]:
Peaceful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:55]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Grant Voisinet [00:19:58]:
You’ll be fine.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:59]:
What’s one activity that you and your dad love doing together? Eating any type of food, Anything. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Grant Voisinet [00:20:12]:
Be emotionally present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]:
Well, Dr. Wu, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. If people want to find out more about you and about the book, where’s the best place for them to go?

Grant Voisinet [00:20:22]:
The best place to go for the book is at any bookstore or online retail. And my website is woopsychology.com I don’t have any social media, unfortunately, but that’s it. And you can find more information out through Ulysses Press, which is the publisher for the book as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:40]:
Okay, dads. So this episode has been a powerful reminder that our daughters don’t need us to be perfect dancers. They just need us to create safety. So I really appreciate that Dr. Wu was able to show us that self regulation isn’t just a coping skill. It’s a lifelong superpower and that all dads can help build it every day through empathy, patience and presence. So I highly encourage you to pick up the book and I’ll put a link in the notes today because it truly does give you a lot of these tools. A lot of the things that Dr.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]:
Wu is talking about, it’s all there in print. It’s things that you can share with your own daughter for her to read. And I guess if you remember one thing from today’s episode, I would say this Kids don’t learn emotional self regulation from lectures. They learn it from relationship. So when your daughter’s overwhelmed, she’s scared, she’s angry, or maybe she’s silent. She needs your presence, not your perfection. So, Dr. Wu, I just want to say thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:40]:
Thank you so much for being here today, for everything that you shared today, and I truly wish you all the best.

Grant Voisinet [00:21:45]:
Thank you so much. This was a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:47]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share this video it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:18]:
We’re all in the same boat.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:24]:
And.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:24]:
It’S full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:32]:
We give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game.

Musical Outro Performer [00:22:45]:
Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and must some men get out and be the world to them.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:05]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:11]:
Be the best dad you can be.

When to Give Advice and When to Just Listen

December 1, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome back to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute stop for meaningful, real-world tips to help you build a lasting bond with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re unpacking a topic that every dad wrestles with at some point:

“When should I give advice, and when should I just listen?”

We’ve all been there—your daughter comes to you upset, confused, or venting, and your immediate instinct is to jump in and fix it. That’s what we do, right? We want to protect. We want to help.

But here’s the truth: Sometimes she doesn’t need you to fix anything. She just needs to know you’re listening.

Let’s talk about how to tell the difference, why it matters, and how you can respond in ways that keep her talking—and trusting you—over time.

Why This Matters

Giving advice too quickly can shut her down.
Just listening—without judgment—can open her up.

When you respond the right way at the right moment, you’re telling her:

“Your feelings are valid.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I believe in your ability to figure things out.”

And that’s where real connection lives.

3 Ways to Know When to Listen vs. When to Advise

1. Ask Before You Answer

This is the golden rule: before you offer advice, ask this simple question:

“Do you want me to just listen, or would it help to hear what I think?”

You’ll be surprised how often she’ll say, “I just need to vent.”
And when she says that? Honor it. Stay in listener mode. Nod. Reflect. Let her speak without interruption.

Giving her that choice builds trust and autonomy—and she’ll be more likely to come to you again next time.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Solve

When she’s talking, don’t plan your response while she’s still mid-sentence.
Don’t jump to “Here’s what you should do…”

Instead, use these kinds of responses:

“That sounds really hard.”“How
did that make you feel?”
“What are you thinking about doing?”

Your calm, grounded presence teaches her that it’s okay to sit with tough emotions—and that she doesn’t have to rush to fix everything.

3. When You Do Give Advice—Make It Collaborative

There will be moments when your wisdom is needed. But make it a conversation, not a lecture.

Try something like:

“Would it be okay if I shared something that helped me in a similar situation?”
“Can I offer a different perspective?”
“What do you think about this idea?”

When you invite her in—rather than directing her—you’re treating her with respect. That’s the kind of guidance she’ll actually remember.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem, pause before responding.

Ask, “Do you want me to listen, or would it help if I offered some advice?”
Then follow her lead—really.
Let her talk without solving unless she invites you to.

Because sometimes the best thing you can say is simply:

“That sounds tough. I’m really glad you told me.”

In that moment, she’s not looking for a fix—she’s looking for you.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you rethink how you respond to your daughter’s challenges, pass it on to another dad who wants to build that same kind of trust.

Until next time—keep listening well, offering advice gently, and showing up with the kind of love that puts connection before correction.

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters

October 13, 2025 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a can’t-miss listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features a heartfelt conversation with Alex Greenwood, father of an almost 17-year-old daughter, who opens up about the everyday realities, challenges, and rewards of being a present and engaged dad.

The Power of “Hey, Dad” Moments

One of the episode’s core themes is the importance of creating and treasuring meaningful moments—sometimes in the simplest ways. Alex shares about his “hey dad” moments, where his daughter pops downstairs to sit and talk, checking in on him and sharing her world. These moments, whether brief or lasting for hours, have become the heartbeat of their connection. As Alex says, “these conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours… and we talk about everything.” These authentic check-ins remind us that genuine connection isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s nurtured in consistency and willingness to simply be available.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Another central theme is the delicate balance between guiding and giving independence. Alex describes the challenge of working demanding hours, yet prioritizing availability for his daughter, whether it’s teaching her to change windshield wiper fluid or sending a supportive text on a long workday. He emphasizes that, especially with teens, “availability” is key—not forcing connection, but being there when she seeks it.

Intentional Parenting: Preparing for Life’s Realities

Alex and his wife have been intentional about preparing their daughter not for control, but for independence. They’ve communicated their evolving roles—from “bosses” when she was young, to “supervisors” during college, and eventually “consultants” and “friends.” Through practical life lessons—whether teaching financial literacy through a make-your-own business project or discussing the realities of loss—they empower her with resilience, critical thinking, and empathy.

Conversations that Matter

The episode doesn’t shy away from tough topics: discussing impermanence and loss, embracing vulnerability, and fostering trust through honest communication. Alex reminds fellow dads to “give yourself permission to be human” and always talk to your kids with respect.

Listen to Grow as a Dad

If you’re seeking real-life stories, practical tips, and inspiration for meaningful father-daughter connections, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Be reminded that being the dad your daughter needs is about showing up, growing together, and cherishing the journey—bumps, laughs, and all.

Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and start building those memorable moments today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week.

Alex Greenwood [00:00:56]:
As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We are working our tail off trying to build these amazing relationships that we want to have with our daughters one step at a time. And I’ll tell you, it’s not always going to be easy. There’s going to be bumps in the roads and you have to be able to sometimes be humble and know if you make mistakes, you’re going to pick yourself back up and keep going. And it’s so important that not only that you know that, but it’s so important that you’re willing to learn, to grow and to listen, because there are so many individuals around us that are fathering in different ways, and there is no one right way to father. That’s why this podcast exists, because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering their children in different ways and they can bring some perspective for you to consider for yourself. Doesn’t mean you’re going to take everything that you’re going to hear on every episode and turn it into something that you’re going to use today. But it provides you with some tools for your toolbox to allow for you to be able to consider different things and maybe make some adjustments along the way that’ll help you to be the dad that you want to be.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:12]:
This week we got another great guest. Alex Greenwood is with us, and Alex is the father of an almost 17 year old. He’s. And I’m really excited to be able to have him here for him to share some of his own experiences as a father. Alex, thanks so much for being here today.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:26]:
Chris, it’s a pleasure to be here. Thank you.

Alex Greenwood [00:02:28]:
It is my pleasure. Really excited to be able to talk with you today and to. And to Delve a little bit deeper into your relationship with your daughter. And this podcast is all about connection. So I guess first and foremost, one of the things that I’d love to ask you is all of us are on are in a journey of trying to do what we can to be able to build meaningful moments. Meaningful moments that you and I can create with our, with our kids, that they can take with them. Think back to one of those meaningful moments. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Alex Greenwood [00:03:04]:
I am always just surprised is the wrong word. Amaze is too strong a word. But I’m always so energized by and I feel so wonderful. And it’s a very simple thing, Chris. It’s not some life changing, earth shattering thing, but I have a little. It’s not really a man cave. It’s just a place where I go, it’s downstairs and I got a TV and I got a place to read and that kind of thing. And I go down there just because I have a job.

Alex Greenwood [00:03:28]:
I work in communications at a university. I have 12 hour days, I talk to people all day and I have a long commute. So I get to a point where when I finally get home, sometimes I just want to go down there and just recharge a little on my own. I’m one of those ambiverts. I mean, I’m not an introvert by any means, but I do have to charge the batteries a little bit. And sometimes I, I just go down and contemplate and all that. And my daughter, who, her name’s Caroline and she’s going to be 17 next year, but she’s done this thing for a long time. And you know teenagers, I know you have kids that are a little older than that and you know how it is with them, especially in the teenage years, they just get to a point where it’s not that they don’t love you anymore or don’t want to be around you, but they’re doing what they’re supposed to do.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:05]:
They’re starting to kind of break away and become more independent. So sometimes I find myself missing her quite a bit, but I don’t burden her with that. Right? I don’t do, do that. That’s not fair to her. Don’t make her feel guilty for doing what she’s supposed to do. So it’s just interesting. She has this wonderful habit of every now and then popping downstairs, sitting in a chair across from me and saying, hey, dad. And I’m like, well, hey, kid, what’s up? I call her kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:29]:
I’ve always called her kid. She’s my only child. And she just asks me about how I’m doing. She’s like, I just want to check in with you. How you doing? And what I realized, and I call these hey dads now, by the way, but I realize the hey dads are not really just her wanting to hear how I’m doing and. But it’s also her way of saying a couple of things. One, I miss you, dad. And two, I want to tell you what’s going on in my life.

Alex Greenwood [00:04:53]:
And that’s what we do. These conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. And we talk about everything. And I mean everything. Books she’s reading, the TV shows she likes music she loves. Taylor Swift, of course, The Mighty Chiefs, our football team here. You know, speaking of Taylor Swift, we’ll talk about relationship. We’ll talk about her grandparents.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:14]:
Chris it’s how I feel like I might have actually been doing a pretty decent job as a dad, is that she enjoys speaking with me. And I’m not saying she happens. It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens more than enough for me to feel very blessed. And I don’t know if that sounds like anything all that interesting to folks, but for me, it’s just about everything.

Alex Greenwood [00:05:32]:
No, it’s so important, especially as they get older and if they’re still checking in with you, still willing to talk to you, and especially as they get into those upper teen years. I’m not saying that to scare people, because it’s not the same with every kid. And with some kids, teenage years can be easygoing, and then other kids could be harder. But if you have put the time and effort in. In raising your child through the years and built that solid relationship with them along the way, them coming back to you and being willing to continue talking to you, being willing, engage with you, and keeping you as a part of their world is so important. Now, you talked about the fact that you work a ways away from home, so you’re balancing a lot. You’re balancing going to work and coming home and trying to still maintain that connection with her and keeping that balance. So talk to me about balance.

Alex Greenwood [00:06:30]:
And how do you balance not only all of the things that you’re trying to do, but how do you also balance guiding your daughter while also giving her that independence that you want her to have to be able to grow into the person that she’s become becoming?

Alex Greenwood [00:06:42]:
It’s a Real balancing act. And first of all, I’m an older Dad. I was 40 when she was born and so I’m not as spry as I used to. I take care of myself. I work out. My days are averaging 12 hours because I drive about 82 miles each way four days a week to work. I get one work from home day which I can usually take if you put in a 10 hour workday, that’s about a 12, 12 and a half hour workday. And when I, by the time I get home I’m pretty tired.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:06]:
Yet I still manage to. I run a couple of my own podcasts, I write a substack column, I’m working on another book. I find time to do a lot of stuff. But the main thing is though is to develop that availability to my daughter when she, so that she can come talk to me anytime or she can text me or sometimes just, just a connection on texting. She started her first job this summer and she’s, she’s just loving it. She’s loving to be able to raise her own money and buy the things she wants to buy and, and I’ve been so proud of her about that. And what’s interesting is like yesterday, you know, today’s as we record this Chris, today’s their first day of school for junior year in high school and she’s got a hand me down car I gave her. It’s 11 year old car and she loves it and she takes care of it.

Alex Greenwood [00:07:50]:
And I showed her how to. Yesterday I showed her how to change the wall, the windshield wiper fluid. It’s finding moments like that where it may not be all day, it may just be touches like that. A good text and I’ll text her. I’m not gonna lie. I text her sometimes and I just say, hey kid, I love you. I hope you hope you’re having a great day. Or if I have to work, particularly Thursday, it’s going to be about a 15, 16 hour day.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:11]:
I am not going to see her Thursday night. I will text her at some point, maybe a goofy picture of me at work and just say thinking about you. Hope everything’s going great. So for me it’s about being available and understanding that particularly at this age where my kid is at least I have to be available to her when she feels that need to connect with me. And that’s okay. That really is okay. Because when you think back to when your kids were so little, I still remember my kid coming up to me and saying she’s four, will you play with me. And I was running my own business back then.

Alex Greenwood [00:08:43]:
I was working a lot of hours then too. But I did have the wherewithal to know because I had a. My dad didn’t necessarily play with us all that much. But I realized this is important to this kid. She doesn’t have any siblings. I’m here. Let’s do that. So that’s how it evolves, I think for me, I don’t know if I answered your question very effectively, but it’s availability.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:01]:
It’s those touches. No matter how busy you get, remember the one reason you are working so hard is to provide for her. And that’s what I’m doing. And she plans on attending the university where I work. And she’s going to get a nice break on her tuition. So it’s worth it for me when I’m driving all that way. And I miss her a little bit more than I’d like to, knowing that one, I’ll see her a lot more when she comes to university here. I’ll go to lunch with her at least once a week.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:25]:
I told her that. And two, it’ll save her the burden of worrying about student loans too much.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:30]:
You’re lucky because I work in higher ed as well and neither of my daughters want to come to the university where I go to where I work. So. So they’re not getting the tuition benefit that your daughter’s getting. So I say that in jest, but it’s great to be able to have her be. To take that advantage of that. Not only for her, but really for you too, because it again, allows for you to keep that connection.

Alex Greenwood [00:09:51]:
I know she’s an extraordinarily pragmatic person and she’s so different from her mother and I, which is. I’m so glad she’s a jock. She’s a talented athlete. She’s also makes like a 3.8 on average. She’s been accepted into an accelerated medical professionals program. She wants to be a nurse. She knows who she is and she’s a kind person and pragmatic and also understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. She’s an only child being raised by her mother, who’s an only child.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:17]:
I was one of four, but I was kind of the middle. And I think that one reason our daughter’s like that is she was raised by two adults and we never talked baby talk to her. We never talked down to her. We talked to her like a little human. We didn’t talk to her like an adult, but we talked to her like a little human, you know what I mean? And she’s always been extraordinarily verbal and had good verbal skills, which has impressed people. And I think another thing she learned, too, her old man was an old politician. So I taught her, like when she was about 8, how to shake hands with people. And I said, you extend your hand, you look them in the eye, and you use their name and you say, chris, it is lovely to meet you.

Alex Greenwood [00:10:51]:
I’m Caroline, and I’ve seen her do this. Speaking of my dad, we lost my dad in January and we had to go to Oklahoma for the funeral. And she met all these extended family she didn’t really know. Second cousins, third cousins, uncles, aunts, great aunts, you know, all those folks that. You know what I mean? You’re a kid, you have no idea who they are. And she did that without fail. And I can’t tell you how many of my cousins came up and said, good Lord, that young lady, she just walks right up and shakes your hand, looks you in the eye. And I’m so proud of something like that, that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:20]:
Because that’s a skill she can use. When I say it’s a skill, it’s a skill, though, that is indicative of somebody who is a young person who is confident and wants to engage. And I just couldn’t be happier with that.

Alex Greenwood [00:11:32]:
It’s such a great skill to be able to have, especially going into a helping profession where you’re going to be having to interact with so many different people. And it’s definitely a skill that all of us should work to help our kids to be able to is making those connections with others and building those intentional connections with others. Speaking of intentionality, talk to me about what you do to intentionally let your daughter know that she is being valued and heard.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:01]:
Well, if I could, I’ll take a step back and tell you a little bit about how my wife and I have been parenting Caroline. And one of the things my wife, Stephanie and I decided early on was that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about preparing your child to stand on her own. And again, I’m an older parent. I am not going to be around, likely for 60 more years, for sure. 50, doubt it. 40, maybe. But the point being, a lot of folks whose parents are younger, they’re going to have more time with, God willing.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:27]:
So I decided early on we decided that parenting isn’t about control. It’s about repairing your child to stand on her own. And so we told Caroline from the time she was very little that for the first part of her life. Your mom and I are your boss now. When you get a little older and you get into college, we’re not necessarily your boss. We’re more like your supervisor. We’re here if you need us, but we still control the purse strings. You know, we have your paycheck, so to speak, and all that, and we expect you to do certain things, but we’re not watching you every minute of the day, telling you what you can, can’t do, what to eat and all that kind of thing like you do with a baby or a little, little kid.

Alex Greenwood [00:12:57]:
So college, we hope to be like her supervisors, still keeping an eye on her, but letting her take the lead. So then when she graduates and gets a job, we want to become her consultants. And hopefully, as life goes on, we’ll be blessed to be her friends from that point. So along that way, we’ve tried to her with some core values. Respect for herself and others. Curiosity and critical thinking are huge with us. Kindness and resilience. She’s a very talented, very strong athlete.

Alex Greenwood [00:13:24]:
But she’s also realizing as she gets older, she probably isn’t going to walk onto the university volleyball team. She’s good, but she’s probably not going to do that. And she’s fine with it. She knows how the world works in that regard, and she doesn’t take it too hard. And it seems to be working so far, pretty well, this way of raising her and watching her grow into what I believe is a thoughtful, capable young adult who lives those values in her own way. And that’s just been one of the greatest privileges of my life, is to realize that. So that’s some of the things we’ve done to get her ready for life and for her to understand what we expect of her. I’ll just tell you one more little quick anecdote that makes me very proud of her.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:02]:
She’d be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her and telling everybody this stuff, but I’m proud of her. And she had a friend in elementary school, a little boy, and he had an arm that didn’t quite work right, and he was a little awkward. And she would tell us about him and how he. Nobody would sit with him at lunch, so she would sit with him at lunch, and then some other kids started pushing him around, tried to beat him up, and she just jumped right in the middle of it all and said, back off, you’re not doing this. And I’m just. That, that right there, that kind of empathy and that kind of kindness look at the world we live in. I mean, we need people like that. We need generations of people who will step up and say, that’s not right.

Alex Greenwood [00:14:37]:
And so that’s, that’s the instruction we’ve given. Because again, I hark back to this. Again, I don’t like to sound morbid, like I’m going to die tomorrow, God forbid, but I’m not going to be there to protect her forever. And so I like the idea that she’s confident and hopefully she’ll find a mate who will be supportive of her and accent that and accentuate that and have family of her own where she can pass those values on. That’s the most important thing to me.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:03]:
All of us have to have those type of conversations, whether your child’s an only child or they have siblings that are going to be there, because you never know. You never know what will happen. And you need to have those kind of meaningful conversations. So talk to me about how you and your wife have been preparing her. And if a father is hearing this and says, you know, we haven’t had any of these conversations, but I feel like we should start some of these conversations and start preparing our own child for that. Where should someone start?

Alex Greenwood [00:15:32]:
Well, I could give you a practical thing. Would that work for you? One thing during the pandemic. So that would have put her. What was that about three or four years ago, she wanted to start her own mail order era earring business. She was going to make her own earrings and sell them. And long story short, we thought, this is a teachable moment here. Let’s teach her about how commerce works, about how that is. And she’s like, mom, Dad, I know how to make these.

Alex Greenwood [00:15:54]:
And she’s made some stuff. They’re kind of nice earrings. And we said, look, you need capital, though, to, to buy more stuff, to make more earrings and to market these earrings on your website and all that. She goes, yeah. And she said, well, you give me the money. I said, well, no, I won’t give you the money, but your mother and I will invest in you. So we set this whole thing up and we, we even had her draw up a stock certificate for us that we had stock in her company. Forgive me, I forget the name of the company, but, and get this, she got really excited.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:21]:
We taught her what that meant, what investing meant. And then when the pandemic started to let up, there’s a local farmer’s market and we, we applied to get her a booth at the local farm. So every Saturday, she’d go down there and sell these things. And she would pay us back out of what she earned for the materials she bought. Of course, we put that money in her college fund, but she doesn’t know that. Don’t tell her. But anyway, we taught her how to do that. And so that was a lesson we taught her.

Alex Greenwood [00:16:45]:
So now she has a kind of understanding how investing works and how. Kind of an understanding how stocks and bonds kind of work. We try to explain that to her, but also what we’re teaching her are other financial lessons. Okay, I need her to understand how money works. And having a job, by the way, has been very instructive of that. She’s had her first job and she gets it. And she understands taxes and the anguish of taxes. But I try to explain to her that taxes are kind of the price you pay to live in a civilized country.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:10]:
You’re not going to always want to pay them. You’re not going to love them. Sometimes they’re going to be too high, sometimes they’re going to be whatever. But they’re important part of making the country what it is. And so she understands that. So we try to teach her about that and let her understand a credit card, what those are and how dangerous and treacherous those can be. We try to let her know, too, that just, you know, she. You know the old joke about, you know, you hear this all the time, oh, well, I must have more money.

Alex Greenwood [00:17:32]:
I still have checks, but they don’t even use checks anymore, so that’s not even useful. But we teach her those kinds of practices, practical lessons, how to change a tire, what to do if you feel like if you’re out in the car and you feel threatened by somebody, use your phone, find the nearest police station or the nearest public place. Just little things like that. But before anybody thinks I’m some kind of weirdo who just constantly tells her everything’s awful in the world, I don’t. But I want to prepare her for the fact that not everybody is always going to have your best interests at heart, that you got to pay attention, keep, as I’ve said to her many times, keep your head on a swivel, pay attention to your surroundings. Those kind of little lessons, I think, have helped to make her as confident as she is and is helping to make her resilient and confident. And I think she doesn’t fear the world. I think she’s excited to get out there and see the world.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:18]:
And I think a lot of that is that we didn’t baby her. She understood that she had to work to move forward in the world. And that doesn’t mean we don’t spoil her a little bit. Of course we do. We adore her. She’s our child. But we try to make sure she understands those basic things. It’s really not some kind of magic formula.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:32]:
It’s just something that seems to be working for us to do these kinds of practical.

Alex Greenwood [00:18:37]:
I love that because I think, you know, those practical things and getting her to be able to understand it in that way is something that she’s going to always remember and it’s something that she will take with her no matter where she goes. So it is definitely something that I think others can also put into action and try for themselves. Now, you talked about not being morose, and you talked about the fact that you may be here for 30, 40 more years, but then at some point you are going to pass on. And that’s not always an easy conversation to have with a child is to talk about the fact that all of us are mortal. We’re not all going to be here forever. And there’s always that first time where they impact death for the first time. So talk to me about beyond the practical nature of preparing her to stand on her own, having those conversations that are hard. And give me some examples of how you’ve had those type of conversations with your daughter and how you started those and how you continue those.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:34]:
Well, as I mentioned, I lost my dad unexpectedly. He was a distracted driver of injuries from that event eventually killed him. And so we knew he wasn’t doing great for a few weeks. And my daughter and her mother, I couldn’t get away from work. I’d seen him on my own, but they went down to Oklahoma to see him. And he was alert and talking to her and. And she came back and I. She was quiet about it.

Alex Greenwood [00:19:57]:
And she said, dad, I. I don’t know how pop’s doing. I said, he’s not doing great, kid, but it’s important to him that you came down there to see him. And I didn’t broach. I didn’t have to. I think she intuited that he was not doing so great. And then he got Covid. That was the end.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:12]:
He couldn’t fight Covid after that. The point being, when we lost him, I found out I was at work and I had to drive 85 miles before I could get home and tell her. And I came home and tell her and she just. She fell apart. But it was not the first death she had experienced. One of her best friends was killed in A car wreck when she was about 8 years old, 9 years old. So she understands the impermanence of life. She understood it unfortunately, pretty early, but.

Alex Greenwood [00:20:34]:
And she cared about her friend, don’t get me wrong, but to lose your papa, your grandfather. I think that I could see a change in her. And I hope this doesn’t sound strange, Chris, but, you know, I mentioned going to the funeral and being very mature, and I was. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t. I was a wreck. And I’ve been the eulogist at several family things, as you could probably tell. I don’t have a problem talking, but I couldn’t do it with my dad. And I wrote up a little essay and I asked her, would it be okay if you read it? And I said, you can feel free to say no, it’s a lot of pressure to put on you, but if you could get up in front of everybody and read it.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:06]:
She didn’t blink. She says, I’ll do it, dad. And she got it and read it and she did a beautiful job. She held it together. And when she was walking to sit down, some weird was like. It was like at a concert, somebody said something like, bravo, young lady, or really well done or something, you know, just called that out to her. And I realized that she really had. In just those few short weeks since he was injured, I saw her grow up a little bit and realized the.

Alex Greenwood [00:21:30]:
About that impermanence. And so we’ve had regular discussions about when her mother and I are gone. She asked me the other day, she said, dad, it’s occurred to me that, you know, I’m getting ready to go to college in a couple of years. And I know it’s not my business to know all about the family finances at this point, but how are we going to pay for that? I know that I’ll get your tuition break and all that, but what about extras? Will we be able to afford for me to have a dorm room? And, you know, she’s starting to ask these questions and she doesn’t ask them out of any kind of other thing than she’s starting to realize I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to be making a transition into a different part of my life soonish. And I think the fact that we’ve never sugarcoated stuff because she’d asked me when she was a kid, what happens when we die. I said, I don’t know, I don’t know. She says, what about religion? I said, if religion helps you, absolutely.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:17]:
I went through a phase where the family. We went to church and I was an elder in my church. I don’t go anymore. It’s not something I’m all that interested in anymore. But I told her, go anytime or I’ll take you. And she would go with her friends. I don’t know if it made much of an impression on her either. And I could hear religious people out there groaning.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:32]:
But it’s like, you know, I can’t force her. When I was a kid, I was kind of forced to go to church and I hated it. And I just told her, I’m not going to force you to do that, but I’m going to definitely expose you to it. I want you to see it, I want you to feel it. So I guess what I’m trying to say here, Chris, and again, pardon me for just going on, but is just that we tried to offer her the opportunity to experience things. We rarely say no to something unless it could be dangerous. We let her meet people, we let her go do things. We try to answer her questions.

Alex Greenwood [00:22:59]:
But you remember what I said earlier, We’ve always just kind of talked to her a lot, like a little person. Well, we just feel like we’re paying her the compliment of her intellect and her personhood to just tell it straight the way we know it. I don’t get, you know, brusque about it or anything like that. And I, I don’t get all worked up about it. And it seems to work for us. It’s just, it’s just honesty and being candid. If I were to grow up again, I would appreciate straight talk to my folks.

Alex Greenwood [00:23:20]:
And so many of our folks didn’t have those type of conversations with us. So I think our generation are definitely doing a lot better than our own parents did or their parents did before them. And that’s a broad generalization because some of our parents did a great job and continue to do a great job if they’re still in our lives, in preparing for the inevitability of life and. But what I’m hearing you say, Alex, is we can do even better. And that the more that we can prepare our kids in a non morose way, the better they’re going to be able to prepare for it themselves and stand alone or stand together in that time. That is challenging.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:02]:
Chris, I really do believe that this has also made her appreciate the moments that she has with her mother and I and her grandparents, her living grandparents. She has said to me that all the time we’ve done certain things, gone on trips or some Things have happened. And she said, I’m going to. Basically said, I’m going to try to hold on to this. I want to remember this. So I think we’ve managed accidentally through all of this to set a stage for her to say, this is your journey on this earth, we’re here to help, or your consultants, et cetera. We’re going to be here for a while and then it’s on you to do this. But I appreciate that she has picked up on the fact that the impermanence is a factor.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:35]:
And I’ve always told her I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life. Her mother’s very successful in what she’s done. I failed more than I succeeded. I have. I could bore you with all these things I’ve tried in my life that I completely failed at. But she knows about most of it and she’s told me before. She says, I just love dad. That you tried, that you’re out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:24:51]:
I said, I was never picked for the ball team. If I got to play, I was on the C team. I was the Bad News Bears team and I wasn’t even any good. But the point was I tried. Did you play T ball and Little League at all? I always got money. Ghost spirited player at the end of every season, which is not mvp, folks. And I told her, you gotta try, kid. I always tell her that you gotta get out there.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:11]:
And throughout her life I’ve just said, what’s it gonna hurt you to try?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:15]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:23]:
Sure.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:24]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:28]:
Trust.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:29]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Alex Greenwood [00:25:33]:
Oh, wow, that’s a tough one, Chris. I think the best dad advice I ever got was with my uncle. And he just, he was like a kindly favorite uncle type. He was just like. He basically said, don’t talk down to your kid. Basically because he was my, one of my uncles who I adored and, and he, he never talked down to me. And I always remembered when Uncle Robert talked to me, I always felt special. And I was one of 22 grandchildren.

Alex Greenwood [00:25:55]:
But I always felt like Uncle Robert thought I was the only person in the room when he talked to me. So that’s the best advice was don’t talk down to your kid. Make them feel good. Look them in the eye, talk to them.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:03]:
What’s one Activity that you and your daughter love doing together.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:06]:
We used to love, when she was little, we’d go to, like, Starbucks. I’d get her a chocolate milk and a cake pop. And now that’s moved up to, like, going to get a cheeseburger. I love just going to lunch with her, just she and I, and just doing more of that. Hey, dad, more of that talking. I just love doing that with her. Just, just love it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:21]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:26]:
In the great casino of life, don’t put all your chips in the center of the table and go all in in your twenties, you’ll regret it.

Alex Greenwood [00:26:32]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Alex Greenwood [00:26:36]:
You know that movie Jack Nicholson did years ago, and there’s that great line, and he says, you make me want to be a better man. Something like that. Before I met her mother. Her mother and I’ve been together, all told, about 20 years. And I had a lot of, of relationships that didn’t work real well. Not until then, anyway. The point being, I don’t think I knew how to be. Don’t get me wrong, I was a good person, but I don’t think I met my capacity or my potential for kindness.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:04]:
I think I got into a bit where I felt like every time I was kind to somebody that took advantage of me. So I kind of decided, well, maybe that’s not what to do. And my wife was the first person to kind of start to peel away that veneer. And then, man, the moment I’m standing behind my wife while they did the C section, I lifted my baby out of there. It all. I changed. I know that’s so cliche. Everybody says that, but I, Chris, I did.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:25]:
I changed so, so much when I was the first one to hold her. And she has made me a better man. Caroline, my daughter has. She has absolutely done that. I don’t want to do anything that she would be disappointed in me in.

Alex Greenwood [00:27:38]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Alex Greenwood [00:27:46]:
Guys, don’t be too hard on yourself. Chris said this early on, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to say dumb things. We’re going to be tired and cranky. But here’s the thing. You’re not going to believe this, but I, I, well, I don’t believe in corporal punishment first, but that’s, that’s not a big deal these days. I hope I’ve Never really even raised my voice at my daughter. I don’t yell at her when I’m disappointed in her, I tell her.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:05]:
But there’s been moments when I’ve been sharp with her here and there. So few moments, by the way, that I still remember each one of them, like, just a handful. And I think you’ve got to give yourself permission to be human to your daughter and to your kid to apologize when you’re sharp with them and say, hey, I just had a bad day. I was tired. I. And without fail, every time I’ve done that, those few times in my life where I’ve been cross with her or sharp with her, she’s like, dad, it’s all right, man. You were having a bad day. It’s okay.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:30]:
By the way, if you want, I could tell you my kid can annoy me just like yours can. I mean, just so you know, she’s not perfect, but she spends too much money on clothes. But I don’t care that much about that. But I just. So I. I feel, like, bad. Like I’m just sitting here telling you every positive, wonderful thing, you know, it’s. Trust me.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:48]:
She also really needs to clean her room. She just. She needs to.

Alex Greenwood [00:28:52]:
I think all of us have those little things that get under our nerve, but in the end, we love them for who they are, even though they can irk us along the way.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:02]:
Definitely, sir. Definitely.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:05]:
Now, Alex, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your own journey today. And it is not over. It is just beginning and will continue into the future because being a dad never ends. And I just want to say thank you for your time today, for sharing your own journey, and I wish you all the best.

Alex Greenwood [00:29:21]:
Chris, it’s been my privilege to be here. And thank you to listeners for letting me go on and on about my daughter. Just. I hope everybody can find that wonderfulness in their own kid and just hopefully eventually go from being their boss to being their friend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence. Independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:05]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Toddler Wisdom: Parenting Lessons from Dr. Hasan Merali

August 4, 2025 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a father looking to deepen your relationship with your daughter and embrace all the wonder (and chaos) of parenthood, the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” is a must-listen. This week, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dr. Hasan Merali, a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, researcher, and author, for an insightful conversation that flips the script on how we view toddlers—and offers practical ways dads can cultivate meaningful bonds with their daughters.

Beneath the Tantrums: What Toddlers Can Teach Us

Toddlerhood is too often painted as a stormy sea of tantrums and “why” questions, but Dr. Merali’s experience—as both a physician and a dad—reveals something different: young children are bursting with curiosity, resilience, empathy, and joy. Drawing from his new book, Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life, Dr. Merali explores how toddlers’ natural enthusiasm and openness hold powerful lessons for adults.

He urges parents to recognize that tantrums are fleeting (just a few minutes a day!)—what really fills children’s time is laughing, learning, loving, and connecting. By tuning into these moments, dads can nurture strong, joyful relationships with their daughters.

Building Bonds Through Presence and Play

One standout theme from the episode is the value of intentional time together. Dr. Merali shares how his paternity leave—six months spent at home during the pandemic—allowed him and his daughter to connect without distractions. He also discusses family traditions, like a soothing bedtime routine and regular father-daughter hikes, that help anchor their relationship even during life’s busy or challenging seasons.

Crucially, Dr. Merali encourages dads to embrace play—rediscover what you loved as a child and share that joy with your daughter, whether it’s music, sports, or just being silly together. Kids thrive off connection and fun, and those experiences build trust that lasts.

Raising Confident, Curious Daughters

The conversation delves into giving children space to struggle, fail, and try again—because confidence is built through doing, not just succeeding. Dr. Merali reminds dads to maintain a sense of curiosity, to model positive self-talk, and to let their daughters take (safe) risks, developing independence one small step at a time.

If you want both encouragement and actionable strategies for being the dad your daughter needs, tune into this episode. It’s a heartfelt reminder that the best parenting wisdom might come from the littlest voices in our lives.

Listen to the full episode at Dad and Daughter Connection and start building an even stronger bond today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those connections that we want to have with our daughters. I love being able to talk to you every week and coming back every week to talk about this important relationship that we have with our daughters and the important journey that we all have to be on to be able to build an even stronger relationship, building stronger connections with our daughters. That’s why every week I try to bring you different people, people with different experiences, different journeys that can talk to you about their own journey, but also some tools for your own toolbox and help you along the path.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:35]:
This week we got another great guest. Dr. Hasan Merali is with us and Dr. Merali is an Associate professor in the Department of pediatric at McMaster University and a pediatric emergency medicine physician at McMaster Children’s Hospital in Hamilton, Ontario. He received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School and a Master of Public Health degree from Johns Hopkins. And his research from focuses on child injury prevention in low and middle income countries. He’s published more than 25 peer reviewed journal articles. He has a brand new book that we’re going to be also talking about today called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a happier, more successful way of life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
I’m really excited to have him here and to welcome him to the show. Hasan, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:29]:
Yeah, thanks for having me. Great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:31]:
It is my pleasure. Love having you here. And first and foremost, I want to talk to you a little bit about your own journey as a dad and especially a dad to a daughter. And I guess as you think about the time that you’ve been able to spend with your daughter thus far, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Your daughter thus Far.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:49]:
You know, there are so many that come to mind. We had a very special bonding experience. Kind of unique. Number one, because I live in Canada and I’m very fortunate, I was able to take a paternity leave and I took six months off with her. So I was off when she was six months to one year. And that was also the first year of the pandemic. And so everything was pretty much shut down. My wife and I are both essential workers.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:03:10]:
So she was back at work, and Aria and I just had that time alone for six months and we didn’t have anywhere to go. And it was just the two of us @ home. So we had a very, very special bonding experience. And I think what really came out of that is the fun that we can have day to day. And one of the things I talk about and write about is how much young children love to laugh. And I think that’s just this special moment in time that we had those six months kind of continue daily where she is making me laugh every day. And I’m trying to make her laugh just as much, but she certainly is a funnier person. And I think that’s the special moment that continues on each day for us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:46]:
Now, I know your daughter’s still young and she’s still becoming her own person, but as she’s getting older, she’s probably asking more questions, starting to get into that why phase of things. How do you balance the idea that you want to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:05]:
I really encourage that why question. And it’s just an important part of early childhood development and how little kids can learn at actually a much faster rate than most of us. And so. And I often don’t know the answer, and that’s okay. And I want her to teach her that. It’s an important question to ask, but it’s also okay if we don’t know the answer. And my job, I think, as a dad, is to instill that in her and maintain that curiosity, but also give her the tools of how we’re going to look things up. And so, you know, for example, one of the ways, a really great way is the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:37]:
And so we try to make it every week, but I’ll say every two weeks for sure, to the library, where we’re getting books on topics that she’s interested in or that she just becomes interested as she’s walking around and go through that. And so I really want to instill that curiosity, learning how do we get the answer Reading as part of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]:
You talked about the fact that you got to spend that quality time with your daughter at an early age during COVID And I guess as you think about either those times or where you are today, what are some intentional ways you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during times that might not be the easiest, maybe those challenging times?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:14]:
Yeah, I think one of the ways that I’ve done that, you know, I live in a larger city. There’s just a large mass of people who live between Toronto and Hamilton, and I’m a part of that. But I didn’t grow up in. In a large city. I grew up in a very small town, a lot of wilderness in Northern Ontario. So one of the things that I tried to do more with her is take her out into nature. And we know all the health benefits for young kids as they’re developing, but also for adults as well. And so we try to go on hikes, which we can get to about 30 minutes away.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:42]:
And then at least two, three times a year, just her and I, without mom will go away out into cabins without electricity or running water, and we go canoeing and do a little bit of fishing. We use propane stoves. And that’s really nice because there’s no technology either. And I think that’s, yeah, for me, the best times of the year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]:
Now, every one of us has to learn along the way. We’re not always going to be perfect. There’s going to be mistakes. There’s going to be things that we do that we look back on and say, why did I do that? What’s a mistake you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:06:20]:
I think one of the biggest mistakes certainly that I’ve made and I. And I see this in a lot of parents now that I’ve gone through the data, is jumping in when they’re struggling with something. I mean, there are certain things that she’s for right now, so she’s just not going to be able to do, and that’s fine. But there are a lot of other things where she needs to have that struggle and get to a point where she wants to ask for help or try to learn and figure out new ways to do things. And that point of where you jump in is sometimes far too early as a parent, when you’re trying to help them along, when you see them struggling or trying to work something out. And so that is something that I’ve really had to just watch and Observe her. She knows that I’m there. She knows that I’m there to support her.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:04]:
But I’m not actually going to do the thing for her until she’s given that a good shot or asked specifically for help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:10]:
Now, you just mentioned the fact that you show her that you are there. What’s one way that you tangibly show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:20]:
Yeah. So one of the things, and she’s very. She asks about this is about schedule. And so, you know, she’s at the age where schedules become very important to her. And she has a little calendar. And so we can map out not too far in the future, but maybe a week or so. And so I am going to show her for that week and for that day of when we’re going to be together. And so she kind of has her school routine.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:43]:
You know, I work in the er, so I’m not always there in the evenings. Like this evening, I won’t be there. So I just make it very clear to her that, you know, today I won’t be there. It’ll be mom, but then tomorrow I will be picking you up. And we will do X, Y, Z. We have her in a few activities and that we’re going to do those things together. And I think that schedule and understanding on what day, at least today and tomorrow, what’s happening, where I’m going to be and where I’m going to be for her is important. And that really works well for her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:10]:
Talking about schedule, that leads to really traditions. Right. And routines, as you said, beyond what you just said in regard to that daily schedule, what’s a tradition that you’ve created thus far that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:27]:
Yeah, I think the most important one. And I actually wrote an article about this now. I’ll put it in the. In the show notes. I’ll send it to you because I think it’s really important and adaptable for adults, too. And that’s the sleep routine. It’s this toddler preschooler sleep routine that we do together every night. Takes about 45 minutes, an hour total.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:46]:
But it really helps us down and connect together at the end of each night that I’m there. And so what that means is about an hour before bedtime, we take a bath. After the bath time, we do some type of hygiene activity. Usually for her, it’s flossing and brushing. And then always before bed, we go through a book. And it doesn’t have to be any particular book. It can be one of her favorites. It can be one of the new ones that we’ve got from the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:11]:
But that time spent reading and that daily tradition of this is the bedtime routine before and mom is involved as well, I think really helps us bond and helps her get to sleep better and helps me get to sleep better because I do something similar a few hours later when I go to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:28]:
Now, I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life. And I also, in your bio, I talk about all the different hats. You’re wearing many hats as a pediatric ER doctor, a researcher, and now an author, as well as a dad, husband, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So talk to me about the journey and what inspired you to write this book.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:58]:
Yeah, so I’m very fortunate that I day to day get to work with children. And I’ve been in pediatrics for about 15 years. And these young children in particular, and I focus on this magical age between 1 and 5 toddlers and preschoolers, they just think in such a different way and they do things so differently. And I’ve had such so many positive experiences with them. And then I look at kind of the media and what’s portrayed about toddlers, and I just see Tantrum, tantrum, Tantrum, and then something else, and then Tantrum. And that just doesn’t do them justice, and it’s just not who they are. And so this book really came out of what do I want to show the world about who these people really are? You know, tantrums last. We know this from the data, and if we look at the data, a median time of one to three minutes.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:10:43]:
So that means, you know, half of them are less than that time, half of them are more. It’d be very rare to get to 10 minutes and very rare to get to 15. But let’s say that’s true. 15 minutes. They’re awake for 12 to 13 hours a day. So what are they doing all of the other times? You know, they’re making connections, they’re learning, they’re laughing, they’re doing all these wonderful things. And when I dove deeper into the data on this, the way they live their lives actually maps perfectly well onto a lot of the adult wellness literature. And people just focus on toddler tantrums and what we need to do for them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:14]:
I wanted to flip the script completely. And so my book doesn’t have anything to do with parenting. It is Wonderful for parents because they’ll get it, I think. But it is all the lessons that young children can teach us. And I really wanted to make sure that people know that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:29]:
We’ve already talked about the fact that your daughter Aria is between 4 and 5 right now. And so she’s right in the middle of the toddler and preschool years and getting toward the school years. So talk to me about that interplay of being a dad and how that. And also a doctor, and working with all these other kids in your professional practice, and how that influenced your research and writing.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:57]:
So she actually pops up quite a bit in the book because I started this book during the pandemic as well. The book proposal and my actual writing was between when she was between one and two, two and a half. So it actually occurred when she was at that age. And so I was able to pull in a lot of stories from her at that time, as well as a lot of my experience working with children in the ER as well. You know, one of my favorite stories and I and I write about this is the number of times I’ve been with young children who have had to fast because of me. I’ve told them to because they have belly pain and we have to do blood work, ultrasound, all of these things to them. And it’s been several hours that they haven’t eaten. And most of the time, good, they’re okay, they can eat.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:12:39]:
I tell the parents that the parents are ready with their favorite snack. It’s always some type of cracker, usually goldfish, something else. And they give this child these crackers. And they look at me, they’re able to tell just by my face somehow that I haven’t eaten. Also in six or seven hours. And, you know, multiple times it’s happened where they’ll just give me a cracker. I don’t even have to ask for it. Or they’ll take a couple and then offer it to me, or they’ll lick one and give it to me.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:02]:
And they’re just so kind and generous that these types of interactions really, really helped me put this all together. And I’ll say, just on kindness, hands down with the 20 years, I’d say of research I kind of dug through to write this. I don’t think there’s anyone kinder than young children.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:18]:
Let’s go a little bit deeper on that, because you do talk in the book about the fact that toddlers do show that pure empathy and kindness toward others. How can parents nurture and maintain those qualities as their kids grow older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:34]:
Yeah. So I think one of the main ways, because kids naturally have this, as I mentioned, finding ways to give back or to helping them maintain that. So I think the easiest in some ways, but hard because it requires time, is some type of volunteer work. You know, every one of us and every little child has some cause that is very meaningful to them, whether that’s taking care of pets, whether that’s taking care of elderly people, something. So I think if that can be made into a family activity where there is some type of volunteer work and maybe it can be a structured thing where you’re going every week and that’s amazing, or maybe it can just be an informal thing where that’s happening once a month when you’re able to, is I think one of the ways that we can maintain their need and want to always be kind to others and make themselves feel happy from doing those activities.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:26]:
You know, earlier you talked about the importance of connection for toddlers and building those deep connections with others around them, whether it be parents or other kids or things like that. What do you think that fathers can learn from their about strengthening the father daughter bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:46]:
I think one of the ways that we can do that, and my daughter reminds me about how I can do this all the time, is with play. And you know, it requires no data to know that kids love to play more than adults do. And it’s something they inject into their lives all the time. And the older, the older we get, it kind of drops away. But there’s a lot of good research with adults that it actually helps us feel more relaxed, it makes us more fun to be around and more fun for the other person and all these wonderful benefits. So I would just encourage people to have that play in their lives. And one of the things I found that has helped me is to think about what are the things that I used to like to do when I was younger and kind of bring that to my daughter. So when I was really thinking back, one of the things I did when I was maybe in elementary school was play drums.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:15:38]:
And that was something a lot of fun for me. And so modified that and found a hand drumming class recently and started learning how to do play hand drums. And I’m fortunate that my parents are from East Africa and they have a large collection of hand drums that they don’t use, they’re just on display. But we picked these up, I gave one to my daughter and after I’ve learned a few beats, I’ve come home and kind of showed her a little bit. And this is one way where something fun for me that was meaningful for me as a childhood I can bring to my daughter. And I think that would be a great way for dads to introduce something new, but also to remember what it was like to be a child as well yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:12]:
I love that. And I know earlier I talked about that your daughter was at that age where I’m sure you’re getting a lot of the why, why, why. And they ask ton. Toddlers ask hundreds of questions a day. But the interesting piece is as you look at kids as they grow older, as you look at adults, so many adults hesitate to even ask one question in a meeting. So how do you feel that dads can encourage their kids to keep that natural curiosity alive as they get older and as they grow?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:16:43]:
Yeah, it’s such an important question and I’m glad you asked it. I have a whole chapter in my book dedicated to this about asking because it’s such an incredible thing that they’re able to do. And as you said, over time we just go over this like XY graph cliff of how many questions we ask. You know, if toddlers are left to themselves and they’re recorded, this is in studies, they can ask 107 per hour. It’s really incredible how many questions they’re just able to ask. And interestingly that they’re getting to the answer faster what they need to know. And that’s something important for us. But the other reason that they ask questions and that we should be asking questions, especially follow up questions, is that it is an incredible relationship building tool and that’s really born out in the data with adults as well.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:17:28]:
And so I think both ways, like encouraging your child to keep asking those questions and just doing everything you can to not get annoyed with those and realizing that they are doing it for a couple of different reasons. And then you yourself being inspired by them, because I think they’re inspiring people to ask more questions of not just them, but other people around you, especially at work or in other types of two adult relationships. Because that’s what actually has shown to make us more likable as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:55]:
I know that in the book you also highlight the way toddlers take risks without overthinking it. How can parents balance risk taking while still ensuring safety?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:18:08]:
Yeah, it’s a tough one and it’s a really, really good question because as a pediatric ER doctor, I see both ends of the spectrum. I see the absolute worst of it and I see all the minor injuries. And so most importantly, we have to make sure car Safety and pool safety and safety around ingestions, pills is there people they have to be in the correct car seat, there have to be four walls around pools and medications have to be locked up. But you know, most injuries around kids happen on the playground because they’re just out there, they’re enjoying themselves, they’re trying to do new things, they’re developing gross motor skills and they’re going to have falls and they have falls and they have cuts. And a lot of what I do with young children is fixing fractures and fixing cuts that they have and suturing them up. And I think it’s really, really important that we let kids on the playground scenario really just play and we don’t have to hover around them. We know from years and years of data that the vast majority of injuries that kids get in the playground setting are minor injuries. And we can fix almost all of them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:19:10]:
And then we’ve gotten to the point where we’re just hovering over them and making sure that nothing else happens to them and it’s too much for them. They need that space, they need the room to grow. And I realizing this more and more that we’ve gone a little bit too extreme with the safety and we need to pull back. And it’s not like this in other countries. A lot of European countries will let their kindergarten grade one, grade two Asia just go into the forest and they’re watching them, but they’re not hovering over them. And they’re learning to discover those new natural obstacles that they need to engage with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
Now some of what you just talked about really talks about resiliency in kids and the fact that children are resilient when they break a limb or they fall. And I guess as you have seen that and observed that in kids, not only what have you observed from children’s resiliency, but what from that resiliency can parents learn from?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:02]:
It’s a difficult issue. So many things come to mind and so many difficult diagnoses I’ve had to give over the years and more recently too. And it’s incredible the resilience of kids that I’ve seen who have to come to the hospital for so many different appointments with long term illnesses like cancer. I think one of the things we can learn from children is just that they’re able to maintain a positive attitude. They don’t get down on life as quickly and they don’t get down on themselves. And one of the things that they’re able to do much better than adults too is actually self talk and a Lot of their self talk, and it’s funny because they talk to themselves out loud. It’s so cute. Is very positive and it’s very encouraging.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:40]:
And a lot of our self talk that happens in our minds is very negative and we get down on ourselves a lot. And so to be able to learn from them and flip that script and get our minds in a more positive space, the way we talk to ourselves, I think is a. An easy but incredibly powerful strategy. One of the things just to give your listeners a practical takeaway is when you’re in that negative talk cycle, think of yourself talking to a close friend instead of yourself actually. And you’ll just notice the language completely changes of how you’re talking. And that can be one way to get out of that, that cycle.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]:
Following up on that self talk. I know that as you talk about that, it is a powerful tool for success with your kids and especially raising daughters. That self talk is really important because they will hear things outside of themselves. They will see things and hear things, and society will add things into the mix. So how do you believe that fathers can teach their kids to develop positive inner dialogue from that early age that continues as they get older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:21:46]:
One of the ways, and multiple studies have shown this with older kids and adults and we can start to teach them this. And I think something that adults need to learn is substituting I for second and third person. So when we’re thinking about how we’re feeling, we have to use you and we have to use our third person name. So for example, when we’re in a very stressful situation and they put people in FMRI machines where they can measure the brain waves and they give them very aversive images and they say, what am I feeling? And then they measure the brainwaves and then the person again just says their name. So what is Hasan feeling? And when they do that, that the emotional reactivity centers in our brain are far tuned down. And so as kids get older, not at the age my daughter is at, but at maybe the age that your daughters are at, start to teach them the strategy of talking to themselves in second and third person. And it’s a very hard thing to get your head around. But once you start to do that, it starts to make a difference.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:22:38]:
And I think that’s one of the longer term things that we can definitely leave for our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:42]:
One question that comes to mind after what you talked about in regards to resiliency in the way that kids process things is that, you know, I’ve seen so many Toddlers that just live in the moment and they embrace joy. How do you believe that parents can live more of that toddler mindset and add that into their daily lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:03]:
Yeah, I’m so glad you brought that up because, you know, we talk about living in the moment as an adult wellness thing, and there’s no one that actually is able to do that as good as toddlers are. And we can’t exactly get there because their brains are completely structurally different and they don’t have a developed prefrontal cortex. And so they’re not thinking about the future and, you know, what’s going to happen in next week or maybe even in a few days. And so they’re, they’re naturally in tune to that, and you can see that all the time because they’re looking at different objects and they’re noticing things that we would never notice. So it is an incredible skill. I wish we were able to do that more. One of the ways, and this I know has probably been repeated to your listeners so many times, is getting rid of that phone. And when I come home, I’m not perfect and I mess up a lot, but I try when I come home to put it in my nightstand drawer on airplane brain mode.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:50]:
And it’s there until my daughter goes to bed. And so that’s between 4 and 7:30pm at least those three, four hours when I’m with her. Not having the phone is, I think, the single best thing we can do to be more present with our kids. And I wish I was better about it. And I’m still working on it. And it’s a really good strategy to help this because they’re not interested in that as much and they just want to engage with you. And so if you’re with them and nobody has their screens, then I think that’s a wonderful way to be more in the moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]:
And I know you also talk in the book about how adults need to be more toddler. Can you share any specific examples that you might be able to offer where adults like us can be more toddler in our own lives and that may have shown positive results or that could show positive results in our lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:24:42]:
Yeah. And this is an incredible toddler superpower that is very obvious. And it’s their ability to say no. There is nothing more powerful than a toddler. No. When they say no, they really, really mean it. And it’s, it’s, it’s amazing. And I don’t mean to be too simplistic or that we should be rude about it, but it’s actually incredibly useful if we’re able to say no like they are, or as many times as they are.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:25:06]:
You know, we want to default to yes and we want to make sure that we don’t make the other person feel bad if we’re saying no when all these requests are coming towards us. But what that does over time, if we keep saying yes, it leads to overwhelm and an over scheduled calendar. And that’s not good for us either, especially when we have children and we need to be around them. And so I want to empower dads and I’ve had to learn to do this too because I just don’t have as much time anymore because I have a daughter is that I need to be better at saying no. And she’s taught me that really well. And so really evaluating the requests that are coming and one good strategy that can sometimes be helpful if it’s a bigger ask, is actually mapping that out on a calendar about the parts of the ask. If you have some type of report, for example, then you could break the report down into different subcategories and then actually getting a better estimate of the time before you say yes. Because we’re notoriously terrible at estimating also the time something will take.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:01]:
But the toddler no is something we should all be using more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:04]:
Now, you’ve given a lot of pieces of advice today. If there was one other key lesson that you’d want every person to take out of the book, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:12]:
I think the other part is the toddler level of confidence is also incredible. They just think they’re able to do anything, including flying and things they’re not clearly able to do. And you know, we don’t have to be that extreme, but we also get to the other extreme where we don’t have the confidence to try these new things. And that’s really what helps us grow the fastest, is is trying these new things and having the confidence to do that. So I really admire them for that and I hope that everyone can see them for what they’re able to do with confidence to bring a little bit of more of that into our own lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:46]:
Now, if people want to find the book or follow your work, where should they go?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:26:50]:
So the easiest place is my website because it has everything in one place. Hasan Meraliy.com and that will have links to the book. And I’m very active mostly on LinkedIn as well as X. And you can find me there. I’m happy to connect and I post lessons we can learn from children multiple times per week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:05]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our. Our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:13]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:13]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:17]:
Fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:22]:
I think it’s to go back to living in the moment and dropping the cell phone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]:
What’s one activity you and your daughter love doing together?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:31]:
Canoeing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:37]:
It’s to keep up her curiosity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:27:44]:
That I absolutely love being a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:55]:
Find the activities that you really love to do and bring those to your daughter. We talked about my example of the hand drumming, but there are things, and this is what kids need, is new experiences. And so there’s. There’s things that from your childhood that you can bring to your daughter and that will be incredibly meaningful for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:14]:
Well, Hasan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for writing this book to encourage all of us to be more childlike, to be more like a toddler, and to start thinking about things differently and acting differently, but also being able to keep young no matter what age we are. And I truly wish you all the best.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:28:36]:
Thank you very much. It was nice to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis

That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection@gmail.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:29:08]:
We’re all in the same boat is full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Social Media and Fatherhood: Dr. Stuart Ablon’s Approach to Successful Parenting

February 10, 2025 by dadofdivas

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In the latest episode of the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast, we talk with Dr. Stuart Ablon, a psychologist and director at Think Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital. This episode is packed with vital insights on effective communication, the challenges of social media, and the importance of empathy in parenting. In this blog post, we delve into some of the key topics covered in their discussion and explore how fathers can better connect with their daughters through listening and understanding.

The Power of Listening

Dr. Ablon emphasizes a listening approach that includes asking questions, making educated guesses, reflecting back, and providing reassurance. Listening is a fundamental tool that fosters empathy and understanding. Rather than focusing on trying to motivate children to behave in specific ways, Ablon suggests that listening and collaborating on solutions can lead to more meaningful and lasting outcomes.

Balancing Work and Family Life

One of the challenges highlighted by Dr. Ablon is maintaining a balance between work and family life. In today’s fast-paced world, the boundaries between work and home are increasingly blurred. Ablon advocates for the importance of being organized and efficient to preserve family time. This balance is crucial in ensuring fathers can be present and engaged in their daughters’ lives.

Navigating Social Media

Social media’s impact on children’s brain development and mental health is a significant concern for today’s parents. Dr. Ablon explains that while social media apps are designed to be addictive, leading to mental health risks, the introduction of social media should be based on individual child’s skills, such as impulse control, rather than a specific age. He advises parents to start conversations about social media early, focusing on listening rather than immediately solving problems. Resources like “YourBrainOnSocialMedia.org” and the Shaw Family Foundation provide valuable guidance for parents.

Empathy as an Essential Skill

Ablon’s philosophy, “kids do well if they can,” underscores the idea that individuals, including dads, perform to the best of their current abilities. Building empathy involves understanding another person’s experiences and perspectives without necessarily having personal experience or agreement. This understanding is crucial in shaping healthy relationships and solving behavioral issues collaboratively with children.

Consistency and Role Modeling

Dr. Ablon emphasizes the importance of consistency and modeling the behavior parents wish to see in their children. Children are quick to detect hypocrisy, making it essential for parents to recognize and own their mistakes honestly. He suggests that dads unsure of how to start conversations about challenging topics like social media should focus on easier aspects and choose optimal settings for discussions.

This episode offers indispensable advice for fathers aiming to build strong connections with their daughters. By prioritizing listening, balancing work and family, navigating the complexities of social media thoughtfully, and fostering empathy, dads can create an environment where their daughters feel understood and supported. Want to be a part of our new community? Fill out this short survey to tell us more!

Remember, effective communication and empathy are cornerstones of successful parenting. As Dr. Ablon reminds us, listening is not just hearing words but truly understanding the feelings and perspectives behind them.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you know, we have a conversation together to be able to help you walk on this path that you’re walking on, to help your daughters to become those strong, independent women that you want them to become. None of us walk into fatherhood knowing exactly what we’re doing. There is no one right way to be a father. There’s no one right manual. So it is so important for us to be able to be on this journey together, to be open to listening, to learning, and to hearing what others have to say, and to be able to find things that we can take and put into action with our own kids. That’s what this podcast is all about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: Every week, I love being able to be on this journey with you, but also to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that are bothering in their own way, but also that have resources that you can draw from to help you on this journey that you’re on. Today, we got another great guest with us today. Dr. Stuart Ablon is with us today, and Stuart is the founder and director of Think Kids in Think Kids in the department of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. He’s an award winning psychologist. He is the Thomas Stenberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School, the author of 3 books, changeable, handpicked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach. I’m really excited to have him on today. We’re gonna be having a conversation about him as a father himself, but also we’re gonna be talking about social media and the impact of social media on our kids and some of the things that he’s been delving a little bit deeper in, into looking at this, into identifying ways in which we might be able to work with our own kids on this as they’re getting older and starting to utilize social media for themselves. So that being said, I am so excited to have Stuart here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]: Stuart, thanks so much for being here today.

Stuart Ablon [00:02:44]: My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me, Chris. It’s, an honor to be here. I’m looking forward to the discussion.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:49]: Well, it’s my pleasure having you here today. And the first and foremost thing that I love doing is getting to know you more as a father. So I wanna turn the clock back in time. I know you you have 3 kids, and I’m gonna focus on your daughter. I mean, that this is the the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast. And I know you’ve got an 18 year old daughter that’s about to be grown and flown and out of the house and head into college, but I wanna go all the way back, all the way back to that first moment that you found out that you’re gonna be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head?

Stuart Ablon [00:03:15]: Oh, gosh. Wow. You’re taking me by surprise here, and I have to say just your question alone gives me goosebumps because I I do remember sitting there and watching the ultrasound and we actually had 2 older sons. And with our 3rd child, we decided that preparation trumped surprise. And so no longer were we gonna be surprised by boy or girl. Preparation with the 3rd was a good idea. So and when they said you’re having a baby girl, I remember just being sort of overcome, frankly, with emotion and so excited. Daunting a little bit because I felt like I got this boy thing down a little bit and it’s a experience near, but but so excited to have a girl join our family as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:03:52]: And I have to say it’s a little tough imagining and extending her off to college and that chapter of my life being done. But, yeah, it’s been my greatest pleasure in my life really is raising these children and having a daughter as the baby, the last one, incredibly special, and she’s a special kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]: Well, one chapter closes, but another chapter opens. So you’re definitely never done being a father. And fatherhood is not always an easy thing. There’s gonna be ups. There’s gonna be downs. And I talk to a lot of dads about being a father to a daughter, and many of the dads say that they walk into fatherhood being a little fearful. But especially when they have a daughter, there’s some fear that goes into that. What would you what would you say was your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:04:38]: Well, and honestly, I I have to say, I did feel fear, but I also felt, like, equal measure, just excitement and just being thrilled for the experience of having a daughter. And, you know, I I don’t wanna try to call it fear, but I felt maybe you could call it pressure, a little bit of anxiety to really be the kind of role model for her that would set the stage for, honestly, the kind of relationship she would wanna have in her life and potentially with men and partners in her life in the future as well, depending on how, you know, everything panned out for her. So I felt some some, you know, I think, inherent pressure, in that regard. And just to protect her and take care of her because the world can be a scary complicated place, period, and particularly for young girls and women. And so there was that feeling as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:27]: So you talk about fear. And as you go through you talked about phases of fatherhood, and you go through a number of phases of fatherhood as your children are getting older. As you think back to those different phases with your own daughter, what was the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:05:44]: When I think about all the sort of joys of fatherhood when it comes to a daughter, I think the hardest part for me is trying to find a way to be close to her and involved with her in areas that typically fall into the this is mom’s territory. And, you know, I’m the kind of parent who I wanna be involved in everything. And the boys, there were no limitations. And then along comes some issues especially around puberty and beyond that it’s like, oh, that’s not typically something that dad’s involved in. And wanting to normalize that actually dads can be involved in those things as well. And and, you know, so but how to walk that line respectfully, carefully, and be able to be a part of things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:28]: I think that’s so important, and so many dads with daughters have to walk that road and figure out how they can be a part of it, be there for their child even though and empathize with their child and try to understand what they’re going through even though they’re never gonna truly understand.

Stuart Ablon [00:06:44]: Well, and this is where, you know, I think sometimes people misunderstand. They think empathy means you have to have walked in somebody’s shoes when actually the the word empathy, it really means to understand, and you can work really hard to try to understand somebody else’s experience, perspective, concerns, etcetera, even if you don’t share them. And in my work, I’m always reminding people empathy also doesn’t mean agreeing or disagreeing. It just means trying to understand, which is something that I try to work really hard to do as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:12]: Now you’ve been busy. I talked about all the different accolades, all the things that you’re doing, working at Mass General, working at Harvard, being an author, doing a lot of different things. And as you were doing all of those different things, you’re also balancing and trying to find that balance between profession and home life and whatever hats you’re wearing. Talk to me about balance and what you had to do to be able to balance work and raising your kids.

Stuart Ablon [00:07:42]: Yeah. I mean, I think it’s the it’s one of the biggest challenge for working parents. And, you know, for me, I I have to say, I I really have felt strongly all along that I wasn’t gonna be somebody who was working all the time on the weekends and in evenings and things like that. And I really wanted to preserve a lot of family time and be present for my kids and show up at all their games and all their events and recitals and everything. And to me, that meant really having to be super efficient, to be honest, and make sure that I was, like, highly organized and efficient and effective. And I have traveled a lot for my work. So when I have to travel, making the absolute most of those times, so that when I know I come back, I’m ready to be there with the kids, which is why, you know, historically, you wouldn’t see me watching many movies on an airplane. You’d see me cranking away, getting my work done so that I could arrive back and be present.

Stuart Ablon [00:08:34]: But it’s really hard, especially in this new reality where the sort of boundary between work and home life is eroded. You have to be really diligent about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]: Now I mentioned at the beginning of this that you have been working very closely, with Mass General, but also with some of the work that you’re doing with some other nonprofit organizations on looking at social media and understanding the impact of social media and on kids today. I would love to delve a little bit deeper on some of the work that you’re doing. If you can give my give me a little bit more context and what you’re learning in regards to how social media and electronics use in general is impacting maybe the brain development of our kids, but also the interactions, the relationship building, the social skills, etcetera, that kids are trying to maneuver through in this time and age.

Stuart Ablon [00:09:32]: Sure. I’d be happy to. You know, I think this is, in my mind, the biggest parenting challenge of our generation as parents, because there’s been, frankly, a massive social experiment that’s been going on with our children’s brains and mental health as they’ve been exposed to social media and have smartphones in their hands and at their side at every moment. And I’ve seen this in my eldest is 25. My My youngest that we were talking about is 18. Just in those 7 years, remarkable differences in sort of the influence and the impact of smartphones and and social media in particular on our kids. And there’s no doubt there’s an incredibly strong correlation between the amount of, for instance, social media use and risk for mental health issues. And we don’t have the kind of research that can tell whether this is correlational, whether it’s the more time you spend on them, the the worse your mental health is, or could go in the opposite direction.

Stuart Ablon [00:10:24]: But we do know that these apps that kids are spending most of their time on are sort of built algorithmically to addict. They are built to just have the kids want more and more and more and more and attach themselves to them. And there are a number of consequences to that and not particularly healthy for when we look at how human brains develop in the best of cases, sort of healthy human neurotypical brain development. Those are not the ideal circumstances for our brains to develop in this social world that we live in. There’s a ton of reasons to be really worried about the impact of social media on our kids’ mental health. Not to say that it’s all evil and terrible because particularly for some kids from historically, marginalized communities, those kids can find incredible connection on social media and belonging, but it’s complicated for them as well. And for most kids, it’s a big risk. Now the work that I’ve historically done over the last few decades, I’ve specialized in helping parents and other adults work together collaboratively with kids to try to solve really tough problems that are involved in very concerning behavior.

Stuart Ablon [00:11:29]: And I’ve done work in homes, schools, treatment centers, hospitals, prisons, all kinds of places over the years. And we’ve developed an approach that’s been shown to help adults problem solve together with kids, decrease concerning behaviors, solve problems, help build or restore our relationships with kids and help kids build the skills they need to handle things more independently in the future. So why do I say that? Well, because a partner, the Shaw family foundation here in Boston approached us because they’ve been doing a lot of work on the impact of social media on our kids and their mental health. And one of the things that kept coming up all the time from parents is parents were saying, okay. It’s great to hear about all these parental controls that we may be able to use. It’s great to hear that legislation is coming down, you know, down the pike soon to try to protect our kids. But what do we do in the meantime? And what most parents, most of us are told is you need to be talking to your kids about social media. So for me, as a dad, I need to talk to my daughter about social media.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:26]: Well, Chris, I don’t know if you’ve had these conversations, but in my experience, I’m working with tons of parents. Most parents try to have these conversations, and the experience is easier said than done. And it either, like, goes nowhere or gets, like, conflictual. And either case, it ends up with us dads being, like, okay. I’m out. Forget it. Like, I don’t you know, this is that’s it. I tried.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:49]: As opposed to an ongoing conversation, which is really what we need to be having with our kids. So that’s the work we’ve been doing is trying to equip parents with the skills to have these conversations with our kid, and we have sort of a pretty clear formula for how to do that, honestly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:05]: So talk to me about that strategy. And as you said, it’s not a one time conversation that you have to have. But I guess a lot of times, parents are getting mixed information when they look online or they talk to others about when did you introduce your kids to social media? And maybe that’s not the right question to ask is when, but maybe it’s what skills your kids really need to have to be able to manage the responsibility of being on social media. So I guess in you hearing both of those pieces, is there a right age? Or are there specific skills that we need to be teaching our kids first to allow for them to be prepared enough to manage the responsibility of being on social media in general.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:00]: Yes. To manage the responsibility and to protect and safeguard themselves, their their mental health, etcetera. So the answer to your question, you know, is there a right age or is it about the sort of skills that a kid has? The answer is yes. It it you know, it’s both. The reality is the longer you can hold out, the better. There’s a lot of good research that shows if you can hold out till somewhere at least in the 10 to 13 range, it’s gonna be a lot better for a kid’s mental health. 15 might be ideal, but that’s hard to do these days with everybody else on social media. So the longer you can in that window, the better.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:34]: But it depends. It really depends on your kid’s skills. How socially skilled are they? How much impulse control do they have? These things vary. Not all 10 year olds have the same level of impulse control. Some 13 year olds have 10 year old level of impulse control, for instance. So, you know, that really has to be taken into account. But, you know, we have a lot of resources. The website that, we created together, the Shaw Family Foundation, sponsored all this work and has organized this all.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:59]: The website is called your brain on social media. Your brain on social media dot org. Ton of resources that can guide parents in making these kinds of decisions. You know, regardless of whether your kid’s on social media now, we’re thinking about it, what age, etcetera, ton of resources there. And one of the big resources you’ll see is the part that I’ve been heavily involved in, which is how how to talk to your kids about social media. Although I was joking the other day, I think it’s a little bit of a misleading title because what we really ought to call it is how to listen to your kids when it comes to social media. Because the most effective collaborations with our children, the sort of foundation of them is listening to our kids first and foremost.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:40]: And sometimes dads are not always the best at listening. So we have to keep that in mind is that sometimes we try to fix way more than we try to hear what’s being told to us, especially from our daughters. And I think that it’s so important, like you said, that we do have to be able to listen and and really hear what they’re saying. And you have to start early to be able to set that relationship up.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:05]: Absolutely. We have a bit of a philosophy that guides our work when it’s applied to kids. It it sounds like this. It it goes, kids do well if they can. Not kids do well if they want to. And if they’re not doing well, we just gotta make them want to. But kids do well if they can. We we think that all kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have to handle what the world’s thrown at them, but we apply this to adults as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:24]: And we should most certainly apply it to dads, which is to say dads do well if they can. So we dads may not always be great at listening, but we’re doing the best we can with the skills we have. And here’s the good thing, we can build those skills. And to your point, Chris, the earlier we build them, the better for us getting better at it and for building a relationship with our daughters that really emphasizes listening, understanding and collaborating. And it’s one of the things I spend a lot of time doing is actually teaching people how to listen because we tend to jump to solutions very quickly. And, you know, I think if we’re really being honest with ourselves, when we’re talking to somebody, somebody’s saying something to us, we tend to spend more time thinking about how am I going to respond to what I’m hearing than let me make sure I really understand what I’m hearing. But that can be taught. You can learn how to do that.

Stuart Ablon [00:17:14]: It’s one of the things that we we show when it comes to these conversations around social media is there are some very clear guideposts you can follow to make sure you’re really focusing on listening. It’s

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:23]: so important to do, and it’s not always the easiest thing, and you’re gonna have you’re probably gonna stumble more times than not, and you’re gonna have to pick yourself up and just try again. And the nice thing is is that your kids will your kids tend to forgive you a lot more than others will, and they will give you a lot more grace in regards to the amount of times they’ll forgive you. So especially when they’re young. So keep that in mind. As you’re trying to have these conversations, don’t be afraid of them. Jump in. Talk about the things that you’ve had problems with and that you’ve been kind of drawn into yourself because even adults can be drawn in to the addictiveness of social media. And if we can get drawn in, that means our kids are gonna be drawn in even quicker.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:07]: Absolutely. The thing is that listening is so hard, frankly. I often recommend to parents when they’re approaching trying to do some problem solving around social media to not even try to problem solve in the first conversation. To have your first conversation simply be listening. The process of empathizing, gathering information from your child, trying to understand their perspective, their point of view, asking a lot of questions, taking guesses if you need. Anytime you hear something from your child, reflecting back to them what you’ve heard to make sure you’ve got it correctly. Those kinds of things to really understand whatever aspect of social media you’re trying to talk about. And, you know, that’s one thing, Chris, we haven’t really covered, but I think another mistake that we dads and parents in general tend to make is trying to have a conversation about social media at large.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:52]: Way too big. I always tell people bite off some piece that you can chew, whether that’s like use of social media after school that’s getting in the way of homework time or it’s keeping kids up at night or you’re worried about a particular aspect of social media, like being stuck on tracking where your friends are at all times that makes you feel like you’re left out of different things to being on in the, on social media or your phone in the car when you ordinarily could be connecting with other people or, your phone finding its way to the dinner table or things like pick a thing to start and ideally low hanging fruit. That’s something you can get some traction on, pick an aspect, one piece first and start there and start with the listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]: Now one of the other questions that I guess that I ask is about consistency. And what comes to mind is, as I was talking about your kids giving you grace, I think they also are very much watching you. And how do you talk to parents about dealing with inconsistency when it comes to what you may be doing versus what you’re telling them that they should be doing and how you have some parity there?

Stuart Ablon [00:20:01]: We just hosted an event focused on this topic, and we were joking that one of my fellow panelists was saying that kids are like heat seeking missiles, I think she said, for, hypocrisy, and this is a great example of that. Like, if you try to set some boundaries, some expectations, rules around social media use, and then you violate them yourselves, Oh, look out. You are going to be called out. But honestly, rightfully so in most cases. I mean, it’s like any other behavior that we’re concerned about with our kids. We have to model as parents the way we want them to go about this. And as you said earlier, Chris, that’s hard. It is really easy for us to get caught up in the addictive algorithms of things we’re scrolling on and 20 minutes later feel like I just wasted 20 minutes of my life when I could have been connecting with my daughter being out doing something active, like all kinds of things.

Stuart Ablon [00:20:47]: So it’s okay to mess up. We’re not gonna be perfect models all the time, but what’s important is to own it when you mess up. And to be able to recognize and point out to your daughter that, you know, you struggle with this as well. And I’ve actually had instances where my daughter who’s holding me accountable to the things that I’ve suggested we ought to be practicing as a family. Now having said that, it is also okay for us parents to have different set of expectations for, for instance, social media use than kids because our brains are much more fully developed, and we hopefully have more impulse control and perspective taking skills and things like that so that we can navigate this world a bit more successfully. So it’s okay. Just like it’s okay in a family to have different expectations for different kids because they’re at different developmental levels. That’s okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:41]: So for the Dad that’s listening right now that is at his wit’s end, he doesn’t know how to start this conversation or really broach the topic to get things moving. Where would you have him start?

Stuart Ablon [00:21:53]: Well, first thing I would say to him is, like I said a few moments ago, pick an aspect of this conversation you wanna focus on. And what are the easier ones than one of the harder ones? So pick any aspect of it. If it’s, like I said, that your your daughter wants to be on her phone when she’s going to bed and you’re worried that, you know, it’s keeping her up way too late and making her tired the next morning, etcetera, etcetera. Make that the focus. Just that piece. And then I would say to him, give some thought to when and where and while doing what it’s gonna be best to have this conversation. Because oftentimes, the worst thing we can do, Chris, is, like, call the family meeting and sit down looking at each other, and it’s, like, very disregulating for kids. So pick a time when you know your daughter is more accessible.

Stuart Ablon [00:22:36]: Like, when my daughter was younger, she loved to go out in the street in front of our house and have me throw a football back and forth with her. It’s this sort of patterned, repetitive, rhythmic, regulating experience, and we can have great conversations. Other times, it’s when we’re in the car and she’s captive and we don’t have to look at each other or, you know, it it just pick your spots, I think is the first thing to say. But then I would say to him, kick it off with a neutral observation. Say something that about the problem that that doesn’t put your daughter on the defensive immediately. Say something like, hey, I’ve noticed that, or it looks like, or it seems as if, and fill in the blank with the situation. Hey. It seems as if you’ve been on your phone a bunch or you’ve wanted to be on your phone a bunch right before you go to bed and I’m just sort of curious about that.

Stuart Ablon [00:23:21]: Fill me in. What what’s up with that? So you’re just trying to launch a conversation with as neutral an observation as possible and just ask for information and then you hop right into listening mode. And I tell people I I’ve studied this. I studied this for about 5 years and I found when we are listening to our kids we should be doing 4 things and 4 things only. Asking questions, taking educated guesses if need be because they’re having a hard time filling us in, reflecting back to them in our own words, anything we’re hearing from them to make sure we’re getting it correctly. And the 4th thing is if they start to get upset or shut down or anything, reassure them that this is not about you imposing your will upon them, that you’re really wanting to understand their experience, their concerns, their perspective. So for me, that looks like saying things like, hey, you’re not in trouble, Or I’m not saying you can’t. I just wanna understand what’s going on here.

Stuart Ablon [00:24:09]: I know there must be an important reason that, for example, you’re on your phone a lot before bed, and I just wanna understand that. So help phone me in. Questions, guesses, reflect anything you heard, provide reassurance, and just do that. That would be my guidance to this hypothetical dad we’re talking about is just do that piece first. Don’t worry about your concerns, your perspective, your point of view, your proposed solutions. Hold on to those. We’ll get to those later. Listen first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:33]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:40]: I think so. I hope so.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:42]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:43]: Joy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:44]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:48]: Watching my daughter interact with adults at school and getting a chance to sort of see her in action in her school felt like I’ve done my job here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:00]: If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:04]: Probably silly, not taking myself too seriously. But since we’re coming off of a bladed Father’s Day with my daughter and she wrote me the sweetest of cards, she also described me as interested and always interested in what she’s up to and supportive. And so even just getting I get choked up just thinking about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:22]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:25]: I mean, that’s an easy one. You know, my dad, same thing. You know, my dad is the ultimate support. You know, he’s like in your corner at all times. And the other thing about my dad is my dad, if you ask my dad to do anything, anything, his answer is, yep. Let’s go do it. Always up for everything. So tremendous role model and mentor as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]: Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice. You’ve shared your own journey and definitely given a lot of advice as it comes to social media. But in thinking about all dads out there, what’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:01]: A piece of advice I would give to every dad is resist the temptation to think that our role as dads is to motivate our children to behave in the ways that we want them to behave and sort of incentivize them. And instead, embrace that notion that I said before, which is kids do well if they can, but all our kids are trying to do the best they can. It’s it’s infrequently a lack of motivation that’s getting in any kid’s way. Listen hard, empathize, try and understand where they’re coming from, and then collaborate and invite our kids to be co authors of solutions because it’s not only great practice for our kids, but my goodness, the kids come up with some great ideas too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]: They sure do. Now I know that you mentioned the foundation that you’re working with, but if people wanna find out more about you, the work that you’re doing, where should they go?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:48]: Thanks. Sure. So the program that that I have the pleasure of directing at at Mass General Hospital is called Think Kids. And if people go to think kids, the word think and the word kids put together dot org, they’ll find all about the resources we offer there. People can find me, personally at, stewartablon.com. That’s stewartab l0n.com. And the partnership with the Shaw Family Foundation, that’s spelled shah, Family Foundation, around social media. A tremendous resource is your brain on social media.org.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:24]: I really encourage people to check it out. There’s so much rich information there and really easy resource guides to walk us parents, us dads through how to have these collaborative conversations. Really helpful. So I encourage people to use those resources.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:39]: Well, Stuart, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Thank you for being here and the work that you’re doing to help parents to maneuver through this challenging time that we’re in, and I truly wish you all the best.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:52]: Well, it was great to meet you. Thank you for your work supporting dads on this difficult but incredibly fulfilling journey. I mean, that’s right. That’s fatherhood is is the most fulfilling and the most challenging thing, you know, you’ll do. So So thank you for supporting people. Thank you for having me on. I hope it’s helpful for people. And remember, dads do well if they can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: We’re all in the same boat And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]: Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.