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One Dad's Quest to Regain Control of his Kingdom

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6 Lessons to Teach Your Daughter Before She Leaves for College

January 10, 2018 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

6 Lessons to Teach Your Daughter Before She Leaves for College

College is both an exciting and frightening stage for both parents and children. The best thing we can do as a parent during this time is offer our knowledge and insight on how to take on these exciting years to contribute to the already good head on our children’s shoulders.

 

These are six lessons to teach your daughter before she leaves for college:

 

  1. Never allow anyone into your life that fails to meet your standards

 

Develop relationships with people who not only have your best interest in mind but theirs as well. Your social circle should be comprised of individuals that positively influence one another, share your values, and will always be friends you can rely on until the end of time. Don’t waste your time on people who are shallow, unmotivated, and unsure of themselves; their energy and attitudes will only bring you down with them.

 

  1. Invest time into maintaining your emotional and physical well-being

 

The most important relationship in this world is the one you have with yourself. Putting time into your emotional and physical well-being is necessary since doing so keeps you grounded and clearheaded, decompresses stress and anxiety levels, and enables you to come back to center with yourself. With that said – love yourself, take more time to be in solitude, and explore all the classes and hobbies that interest you!

 

  1. Put in the hard work, effort, and sacrifice into the goals you wish to accomplish

 

You will never get things done unless you take action. In the words of Manoj Arora, “You will either find a way, or an excuse.” Don’t expect to suddenly wake up one day and have everything fall into place. That attitude breeds a sense of entitlement towards success which prevents you from being motivated to take steps forward or accomplish goals wholeheartedly.

 

  1. Trial and error is important, and should not be feared or resisted

 

No one is perfect, and trying to meet a standard that doesn’t exist is only a waste of time and energy. Embrace the fact that you will make mistakes, fail, and be disappointed – you’re human. What matters at the end of the day is that you get up back up again instead of criticizing yourself for things that already happened or cannot change. See your mistakes as learning experiences instead of setbacks.

 

  1. Say “no” to the things that make you uncomfortable

 

College will open your doors up to new experiences – especially parties, concerts and music festivals. Since attending these events may interest you, please be safe! Say no to drugs such as ecstasy or LSD. They completely warp your sense of reality, thus leaving you in a vulnerable state where you might unintentionally injure yourself or be taken advantage of by another person.

 

  1. Plan for the future

 

When you’re young, you feel like you have all the time in the world. However, while you may feel that way – it is imperative for you to be diligent about mapping out a game plan for your future, save money, and have a general idea of where you want to go with your career. You don’t need to have your entire life figured out by any means because no one can predict all that! Instead, focus on what matters most in adulthood: financial and professional security. These things determine the quality of your life for the next few years.

 

Because college is an incredible time of independence and exploration of one’s interests and abilities, preparing our daughters to take it on is the best gift we could give them. When your little girl finally leaves for college, you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that she has the six lessons mentioned above to rely on.

Filed Under: dads with daughters, fatherhood Tagged With: college, college planning, College Preparation, dad, dads, dads with daughters, daughter, father, fatherhood, guest post, lessons, teach, teaching

Great Ideas to Bond with Your Daughter This Year

January 4, 2018 by dadofdivas 2 Comments

Great Ideas to Bond with Your Daughter This Year

It seems that moms just know what to do. They are the ones that not only typically nail the motherhood role but who are also the ones that children bond with more. You shouldn’t worry though – moms have had an extra nine months of bonding with your daughter than you have. Instead, you need to find better and more meaningful ways to bond with your daughter, on a one-on-one basis. Family time is great, but if you want an independent relationship with your daughter, you need to bond with her and her alone. If you have more than one child, this simply means divvying your time up for certain activities or sharing the experience. If you are at a loss as to what kind of activity you can bond over, check out these ten great ideas:

#SummerReading

  1. Read Together

Reading together is something you can do from the moment they are born. Of course, the reading together part won’t come till later, but simply reading to your daughter is a great way to spend time with her. Once she’s grown up and can read on her own, take turns. Not only is this a great way to spend quality time together, but it’s also how you can read more, nurture a love of reading in her, and a great way to keep talking throughout the week. Reading together is a great option whether you are away at work often or are consistently at home.

 

Recommended: One-on-One

 

  1. Watch Shows (But not Binging them)

Netflix and other streaming services have made it possible to binge watch television shows in one sitting, but if you want to better bond with your daughter, you won’t binge it with her. Have a show that you two love to watch and spread it out. This could be one episode a day, an episode a week, or so on. That way you can enjoy the episode and talk about it and discuss it at length afterwards.

 

Recommended: One-on-One or Family

We had a family movie night celebrating the release of The Peanuts Movie!

  1. Have Movie Nights

This might seem like a similar point to the previous one, but what makes movie nights different is the effort you put in. Popcorn, thick blankets, and a great movie that you’ve grown up loving are a great way to share an experience with your daughter. You could even make it tradition to have a pizza for dinner. The best part is that since you have seen these movies before you can talk together while you are watching it, and discuss it afterwards over food.

 

Recommended: Family

Dad Cookoff, RSEDadCookorr, Ready Set Eat, Conagra Foods, #dad2summit, dad of divas

  1. Cook Together

Everyone should know how to cook (including you), and cooking together is a great way to bond. That’s why you should start cooking with your whole family. Try out different recipes, put an emphasis on healthy eating, and so on. The healthier your meals, the better your children will able to take care of themselves as they get older.

 

Recommended: Family

 

  1. Build Something Together

From furniture to a science or craft project, building something together is a great way to bond. That’s because it challenges the mind and the body, and as soon as you challenge yourself in this way you share a special experience with the person that you are doing it with. It’s a great way to teach your daughter, spend time with her, and to create something that you can reminisce on for years to come.

 

Recommended: One-on-One

  1. Go on Hikes

Chances are, there are great hiking opportunities near you. This could be through a local, state, or national park. Hiking is a great physical activity that encourages you to talk to each other, rather than spend time on gadgets. It is also how you can enjoy the sights of nature. Whether you are going one-on-one, or with the whole family, remember to bring lots of water, some snacks, and perhaps a camera.

 

Recommended: One-on-One or Family

 

  1. Camping

Whether you go to a campsite or camp along a trail, the time spent in close quarters is time to bond. The further away you are from civilization, the less likely you’ll be within cell signal. You can download movies to a tablet, or go old-school and bring a deck of cards and a few books. The only thing you need to remember is that not everyone enjoys camping, and if they do there is a difference between camping out at a designated campsite and being alone in the woods. Work your way up and bring those who enjoy the experience.

 

Recommended: One-on-One or Family

 Diva J, soccer, sports

  1. Play a Sport Together

Being active is important, though sports aren’t for everyone. If your daughter is interested in sport, practice and play with her. It’s a great way to stay fit and bond.

 

Recommended: One-on-One

  1. Interactive Games

There are so many possibilities today. You can do things you’d never expect. One of the most fun examples is a Mystery Murder Subscription. It’s the best parts of reading and an activity combined, where you and your daughter can work to solve a mystery together.

 

Recommended: One-on-One

Traveling with kids

  1. Travel

Travel is the combination of many fun bonding activities and being in a new place. While younger families should aim to travel together, as your children become adults you can find it incredibly rewarding to go on one-on-one trips. That way you can learn who your daughter is as an adult, what she likes, what’s happening in her life, and more. This is particularly important if you don’t stay in touch as often as you’d like.

 

Recommended: One-on-One or Family

 

Once you’ve tried out these ideas narrow these activities down to the few that you and your daughter really enjoy doing. That way you can spend quality time together doing what you both love, instead of doing what only one of you loves to do. If you have more than one child who loves doing an activity, bring them together. The only thing that you need to consider is ensuring that each child feels like they have a strong relationship with you on their own terms. Do this consistently, and you’ll build an unbreakable bond that will carry on throughout your lives.

Filed Under: dads with daughters, fatherhood Tagged With: bonding, dads with daughters, daughter, daughters, father, fatherhood

The Cost of Raising Girls

January 20, 2017 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

The Cost of Raising Girls

Most of us assume that raising children, whether they’re boys or girls, should cost around the same. Of course, the cost for parents depends on many things, including extracurricular activities, whether they go to university or not, and many other aspects of the money invested in raising a child. However, it seems there’s more to it. In fact, recent studies have revealed how it is in fact more expensive to raise girls, than raise boys.

Raising Daughters
“girl” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Mariela De Marchi Moyano

Money saving website Couponbox conducted a survey to research the difference in cost for men and women (and boys and girls), finding out the variance of what we’ve come to know as the “pink tax” and the “blue tax”. They discovered that although men may pay more for certain products or services than women, women on the whole pay more.

 

What Is the Pink Tax and the Blue Tax?

The pink tax is a premium which sees women pay more for a product that is labelled or marketed especially for women. It may be that the exact same product is aimed at men, with only a change in color or packaging (women’s products are often pink). However, although these two are identical apart from color or packaging, men’s products are cheaper than the women’s. The blue tax is a premium where men pay more for a product that is similarly targeted at men, yet the same product will be cheaper for women.

Raising Daughters
“Daddy’s Girl” (CC BY 2.0) by MZPlus

What Do Girls Pay More For?

A simple example of the pink tax vs. the blue tax is the disposable razor. Men have a large range of disposable razors available on the market, usually set at a competitively standard price. Women have a smaller range of products available, colored pink and labelled “for women” – at a costlier price and the only difference is the color. Waxing kits for women are 47% more pricey than for men and girls’ underwear is on average 42% more expensive than boys underwear. However, men also pay more for a variety of products such as hair regrowth treatment, deodorant, certain items of clothing and a sizable 197% more for manicure kits.

Raising Daughters
“Girls” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Ian Norman (Lonely Speck)

Girls to Teens

When girls are pre-adolescent they are not using so many products, so the costs really start to increase when they become teenagers. With the essentials of deodorant, moisturizers, hair removers and other necessary items, we also have the added cost of make-up, hair accessories and other beauty products. In fact, even puberty costs with the need for sanitary items and underwear. The pink tax comes into full expenditure as our girls evolve into young women.

 

The Cost of Raising Children

The cost of raising a child in the USA was estimated at $245,000 in 2014 by the US Department of Agriculture, and this amount excludes paying for university or college. The expense seems to be steadily increasing by 2% each year and includes food, housing, clothing, transport, health care, child care, education and additional everyday costs like essentials, haircuts and cell phones. While reports show that it costs the same to feed boys and girls, it appears that parents spend more on girls for school supplies, clothing and products.

Filed Under: dads with daughters, fatherhood Tagged With: dads, dads with daughters, daughters, father, fathers, girls

Do you have a daughter? Share your fatherhood journey!

February 23, 2016 by dadofdivas 5 Comments

Dads With Daughters: We all are on a road of discovery

 

 

 

As dads with daughters we all are going on a journey of discovery. I am asking you to provide a little information about yourself so I can reach out to you about a new series I am considering starting about the relationships we have with our daughters. I hope that you will share with me so we all can become better fathers to the beautiful daughters that we all have!

 

If you are a dad or know a dad of a daughter, please have them fill out the following form by clicking on this link!

 

 

Filed Under: dads with daughters Tagged With: dads with daughters

Tuesday Talking – Daddy, Do I look pretty?

April 21, 2015 by dadofdivas 25 Comments

Daddy, do I look pretty? I mean what else can you say to this question, but yes! I think the first time any father gets this type of question they are probably as shocked as I was, as any parent thinks that their children are the most beautiful thing they have ever seen, right? If a father does not believe this then they need to truly think to consider for themselves what kind of father they are or that they want to be.

I believe that all fathers should be their daughters’ most staunch advocate. It is not for a father to criticize or demean a child in any way. In fact in my opinion, fathers who do this are not being fathers at all, they are instead being bullies which should not be father material!

do-i-look-pretty

A daughters’ self-esteem is so much intertwined with their relationship with their fathers, for better or worse. A daughter looks at their father for him to be the man that they want to support, uphold and encourage them from early age on. A father also sets the standard for relationships that they have in the future, and how the father treats them as well as how they treat their wife will make a HUGE impact on their emotional well-being that will stay with them for years to come.

do-i-look-pretty

Too often today our society shares such mixed messages with our daughters in regards to beauty. When they watch television (even from a young age) they are seeing main characters that look and act a certain way. This unconsciously teaches our daughters so much about how they should act, dress and treat others. The hard thing is that so much of what they are learning is not what parents want them to learn. I know that for me, as a father, I want my daughters to feel confident about themselves no matter how they look. Whether they look like what they see on television is inconsequential to me. What is more important is that they have the ability to be strong in their convictions and know that they are confident and comfortable with the person that they are and that no one else can ever change that.

This is not an easy task, but if you are a father of girls, I challenge you to set the example that you need to set and let your daughters know how pretty / beautiful they truly are both internally and externally as this is SO important to them in the long run!

Filed Under: fatherhood Tagged With: dads, dads with daughters, daughters, father, girls, self esteem, self image, tips for dads, tips for fathers, tuesday talking

Tuesday Talking – I Want Them To Remember Their Great Grandmother

April 7, 2015 by dadofdivas 3 Comments

Talking-Tuesday

I Want Them To Remember Their Great Grandmother

Josephine-VentoI remember growing up that I had very few great-grandparents. Thinking back on this now, I had three that were living at least until I was about eight years old. As I get older, I can reflect on these times and still have memories of these individuals and faint recollections of who they were, what they liked, and how they treated me.

Josephine-Vento

My daughters only had one great grandmother, as all of their other great grandparents had passed on before they were born. Luckily, their great-grandmother was someone that they were able to speak with frequently and see at least once or twice a year. She lived until she was 90, and passed on December 18, 2014.

Josephine-Vento

Since her passing, we have been planning a memorial service that will occur on April 12, 2015 in the town that she grew up in, Silver Creek, New York. My kids have never been to Silver Creek but their great-grandmother’s sister still lives in the home that she grew up in and I hope that we can have some time to be able to show my girls this house and let them hear from their great aunt some of the stories that she can still share.

Josephine-Vento

I want my daughters to remember their great-grandmother. I want to share her story is that I have with them, and I want them to remember her for the time that they had, but also the life that she lived. I know that my oldest will remember her great-grandmother as she had more time with her. I do worry at times that my youngest, who is only seven, will start to have less memory of her as she gets older.

Josephine-Vento

As a photographer I am happy that I took many pictures of my girls with their great-grandmother, as I do not have many pictures of myself with my own great-grandparents. Looking back on this now, I think this is a gift that all parents can and should share with their kids if they can.

Josephine-Vento

As my kids get older I hope to be able to share with them the research that their mother and I have done on our own family histories. J-Mom and I have spent a lot of time over the years using online search engines as well as genealogical libraries and more to gain better insight seemed to where we came from and the stories of the families that came before us. We have a lot more research to do, but history is important and we want to share this with our own kids.

Josephine-Vento

As I get ready to say goodbye to my Grandmother, I had been asked to write a Eulogy that I will give at her memorial. Below is what I wrote. I hope that this will let you get to know her a bit more and that her memory will live on forever in the minds of all of you, her friends and her family.

Josephine-Vento

Pep, Jo, Josephine or how my wife, I, and my daughters knew her, Nana. My grandmother was a woman of faith, love and strong convictions, and one of the strongest women I knew. She was passionate about her family and anyone that ever went into her home would see her pictures that adorned her refrigerator, her walls or other places throughout her home. It always brightened her day and put a smile on her face to stay connected with all of you. After her passing, we found this book (Hold up the book) that was her daily prayer book. Inside the book we found not only pages and pages of prayers and devotions that were important to her, but also, we found notations on every day of family birthdays, deaths and so much more. Whether you all knew it or not, she was always praying and hoping for the best for all of her friends and family.

She was a devout Catholic and this spirituality filled her entire life. She knew that her God was with her and that Angels were all around us. She drew on this faith throughout her life to get her through both good and challenging situations. She prayed diligently for family and friends. She had both small and large devotionals that were dog-eared and we know how well-used the many rosaries were that she had throughout her home, and you could always depend that she would have at least one with her whether she was sitting in her apartment or walking through her neighborhood.

While my grandmother did not have an easy life, she never complained. I can honestly say that I never heard her say a mean word and though I know that there were probably those who could have used a tongue lashing from her, it never came (unless it came through prayer).

She was the mother to two amazing ladies, my mother Rosemary and my Aunt, Cathy. She was my grandmother and the great-grandmother to Juliana and Paige. She loved to tell us and others how proud she was of our accomplishments and how much she loved us. A great example of this was in her most recent trip to visit us in Michigan, she cherished the time she had with her great-granddaughters, and whether she was coloring, walking hand-in-hand with them or talking, the end of the visit would always conclude with an “I Love You.” Outside of immediate family, she was always thinking of all of you, her extended family and friends. I know so many of you have favorite Aunt Pep stories, and though we do not have time during the service now, I hope that during the luncheon this afternoon that all of you will share these with all of us.

My grandmother lived very frugally. She washed plastic bags, straightened aluminum foil, re-constituted leftovers, visited resale shops among other things. I was always in awe at how she lived on her meager social security allowance. However, even though this was the case, she was SO generous with her gifts, whether she baked her delicious breads or carrot cake (my personal favorite) or purchased something for that special family or friend.

She had a funny way of rolling her eyes, pursing her lips and shaking her head if she didn’t like what you said. She wouldn’t say a word, but you knew she was disappointed.

My grandmother was a hard worker all of her life. She prayed hard, she loved with all her heart, soul, body and mind and I am sure that all of you were recipients of this throughout your life whether you knew it or not.

We all are saddened by the loss of this wonderful woman, but in our hearts we know that she has gone home to her God and is now with all of the friends, family and other loved ones that went before her, and we know that we will see her again. I’m sure that God is celebrating her return to his loving arms. I’m sure that she is making things ready for all who come in the future.

She will definitely have the carrot cake ready, the sauce simmering and coffee ready (with hazelnut flavoring of course).

I want to close today with a prayer that was prayed at All Saints Day: “They will hunger no more, and thirst no more; the sun will not strike them, nor any scathing heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Josephine-Vento

Also, for any of you that love Carrot Cake, I will share with you my Grandmothers’ Amazing Carrot Cake Recipe!

NANA’S CARROT CAKE RECIPE

  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 tsp. bakng powder
  • 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 2 tsp. cinnamon

 

Put the above ingredients in a bowl and use a whisk to stir ingredients together.

  • 2 c. sugar  ( Nana wrote she used 1 3/4 cups of sugar)
  • 1 1/2 cups salad oil
  • 4 eggs beaten

 

Mix in a bowl and ADD:

  • 2 cups finely grated raw carrots
  • 1 – 8 1/2 oz. can crushed pineapple, drained
  • 1/2 cup chopped nuts

 

 

Add flour mixture to sugar mixture in small amounts and mix thoroughly together.

 

Pour into 3, 9 inch round layer cake pans that have been sprayed and floured lightly.

 

Bake 350 degrees, 35 – 40 minutes (check to make sure the center is cooked)

Remove from oven, cool

Frost with cream cheese frosting

 

 

 

NANA’S CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

  • 1/2  cup of butter
  • 1- 8 oz, cream cheese
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

 

Mix these ingredients well, then add:

 

1 lb. confectionery sugar, beat well . If too thick add a little milk

 Josephine-Vento

How have you as parents helped your own kids remember loved ones that have passed?

Filed Under: fatherhood Tagged With: Carrot cake, dads with daughters, death, genealogy, grandmother, grandparents, great-grandmother, history, memorial, memories

Maniverse #4 – Fears/Issues of Fatherhood

June 7, 2008 by dadofdivas 7 Comments

If this is your first time here, welcome to my Maniverse! If you are returning, thanks!

My thoughts on this day….

Have you ever really thought about what you are afraid of in being a father, or what issues really trouble you in fatherhood? For me, when thinking trying to think of eight main fears/issues that are difficult for me to cope with, I came up with the following:

1) Bringing home the bacon – I am the sole income maker for my family. What would happen if for some reason I would lose my job, or become unable to work for some reason. I know that J-Mom could go back to work, but still it is something that weighs on my mind.

2) The safety and security of my family – I am constantly trying to think of the safety of my girls (including J-Mom). I know that I cannot always keep them safe from harm and cannot shelter my girls from the world, but there definitely are times when it seems like it would be so much easier to shelter them.

3) Being a good parent – I don’t think anyone is completely ready to be a parent until they become one, and then when they become one they constantly question whether what they are doing is right for the situation and for their children.

4) Caring for / Losing Other Loved Ones – This week one of our neighbors passed away and he was only 57 years old. This really brought home to me the fragility of life and how close to death we all are. I am not trying to be morbid, far from it, but this situation really made me think about the fact that I am an only child and that there will be a time in the future when I will have to deal with this myself in a much more personal way than I have had to in the past. I have been lucky to not have been touched by death too much in my life, at least not yet, and I hope to be strong enough when I do have to deal with this in the future.

5) Being able to learn and do Manly Tasks – As I referred to in my first Manly Monday post I am not the most handy person. When I think of being a Dad and father and a man I guess to me it sometimes comes withthe package deal that one should be able to do some of these things. This is not to say that I can’t do these things, they just are more difficult for me than for some others. Come back though for my next Many Monday and you will see a project that my father-in-law and I made (well…a lot of it was him – but I did help!).

6) Maintaining friendships/hobbies etc. – I don’t know if this is unique to being a Dad, but I find it increasingly difficult to have times with friends or time to spend on hobbies or other fun activities. Much of this is due to work and then being Dad when I get home and then simply being tierd beyond belief from the combination of lack of sleep, work and play. But I wonder whether other Dads are dealing with this and if so how they are balancing this.

7) Balancing the many roles which is fatherhood – Speaking of balance, I find as a father, balance goes out the window. There are so many days when I say, I should work out, or do this, or that, but then life intervenes. I go to work and try to get all that I need to get done completed, and leave work the same day finding that I still need to complete many of the things that I hoped to complete the next day. Needless to say Balance is a hard thing to come by. Have any of you come up with some surefire ways to balance life/work and other such things?

8) The future for my daughters – The world right now seems to be crazy, the price of everything is going up, there are many issues that prevail on the world scene that are sure to eventually effect the US. I am constantly thinking of the future of my daughters and what it will be like for them. What will they be, will they be successful, what must I do to help them with this? Lots of questions, but the answers are still many years off.

These are my top 8 (at least what I could think of on a Saturday morning). What are your top fears/issues? And yes, Moms you can chime in as well!

Filed Under: fatherhood Tagged With: dads, dads with daughters, father, fears, friends, issues, J-Mom, maniverse

Manly Monday #2 – The Importance of Fathers

June 2, 2008 by dadofdivas 5 Comments

I have been continually amazed at the important role that fathers play in the upbringing of both daughters (in my case) and sons.

I decided to Google this topic to see what I could find… the results were interesting and gave quite a bit of information.

  • FatherMag
  • The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children
  • Parent Kids Right
  • The Vanier Institute
  • And Just In Case
  • In thinking about the above articles and my own experience as a father, I see my daughter (especially my eldest) looking to me to be so many things, from a father figure, to a coach and advocate, to a cheerleader. I also see that she wants me to be her friend. As all of us know, this is not really something that we can do completely while being a parent…but I still try my best.

    As I have been blogging, I continually read the challenges that Dads have (at times) in stepping aside from being a friend to their child and instead putting on the disciplinarian hat to maintain order and structure in what can be a pretty harried existence.

    So question one for today is how do all of you maintain this balance?

    As I read the above articles preparing for this post I was amazed at the statistics showing a marked increase in single fathers raising their children with mothers not in the picture. One Fifth of all single parents out there are single dads equaling about 2 Million. I feel for these Dads, as I don’t know what I would do if J-Mom was no in my life. Not to say that I wouldn’t do my darnedest, but I know my life would be turned upside down and it would be a HUGE transition for us all.

    Most of the articles talked about a few specific things that were important for fathers being within families including:

  • The bread winning instinct of fathers kept families out of poverty and families with fathers continued to see increases in family income
  • Fathers brought order and structure into the family (I would have to say J-Mom does a good job at this in our household!)
  • Fathers involved in the education of their children yielded more students receiving A’s
  • Kids with engaged father showed a greater ability to take initiative and evidence self-control
  • Engaged fathers of boys provide an emulation effect for their sons allowing them to have a higher rate of them becoming engaged fathers themselves
  • There were many other interesting studies in the above links that referred to the importance of fathers interacting with their children from an early age both emotionally and physically.

    So the 2nd question for the day – How do you engage with your children?

    The final piece that I thought was interesting was the idea that good fathering begets good fathering especially in boys. While this may seem common sense, the more I think about it, it does seem to make sense. As I mentioned last week about my own father – I learned many positive things and still have to watch some things that I tend to do (that he did also) so that I am engaged and not hooked to my work.

    Conversely, I have talked to some Dads tat did not have the best experience of a father role model and when they found out that they were going to be a Dad they were somewhat frightened by the prospect. This is not to say that these Dads turned out to be bad fathers, but it would come to reason that they may have to overcome some issues in regards to self confidence as well as skill base to be able to overcome their past.

    So the final question of the day – What did you learn from your father that you still try and remember/utilize today (this could be either positive or negative)

    Thanks for reading and have a great Manly Monday!

    Filed Under: fatherhood, parenting Tagged With: dads, dads with daughters, father, manival, Manly Monday, parenthood

    Maniverse #3 – Tokens of my Daughters’ Affection

    May 31, 2008 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

    I can sometimes gauge Diva-J’s affections based on the stickers I am given. Yes, I did say stickers. Diva-J loves stickers and now that many people have come to know this, she tends to be sent stickers (mostly from family). Well…these stickers are very BIG deals and she holds them close to herself.

    At times though she will part with them and give her prized possessions to J-Mom and I and sometimes Diva-PJ as gifts.

    Now, I am not saying that I have to receive these gifts to be happy or to see myself as being successful as a Dad. Yet, I find it interesting to see what type of sticker I am given. Is it small or large? Is it a Disney sticker or some no-name generic one. I have come to find there seems to be a pecking order to the stickers that she keeps and the ones she gives.

    Thinking back to when I was a kid I used to collect stickers (I know-crazy…but it was the 80’s and a lot of things were crazy… especially the googly eye stickers). I would put them in photo albums and you always tried to get different ones than you had in the past. Now this collection was on top of the baseball cards and comics (which I still have to this day, not the stickers), so my collections were not all off the wall. Anyway Diva-J, instead of keeping them nice and neat, she sticks them everywhere and on everyone, to the extent that we have to really watch the clothes we wash as washed stickers on clothes do not always disintegrate, sometimes instead, they make a big mess! Even when she was younger, even when the sticker had lost its stick, we were forced to keep these “treasures” in a Ziploc and Diva-J would proceed to play with them – dumping them out, and sometimes picking them up without complaint.

    I am hoping that Diva-J is learning about the value of giving through her actions. She does get praised for being thoughtful of others and being willing to share with others. This is not always easy for a 3.5 year old to grasp, but it is something that I continue to try and impart and stress to her.

    I have to say that though I enjoy receiving stickers (I have a Mickey one on my shirt right now!), I would trade them all in for hugs, kisses or a simple “I love you Dad.” I know that these have to be earned, not expected, so when they are given and received, they are definitely appreciated and welcome.

    So my question for all of you… What types of tokens of affection do you find your children giving you (whether tangible or not)?

    Filed Under: parenting Tagged With: dads, dads with daughters, Diva-J, Diva-PJ, J-Mom, manival, maniverse, parenthood, tokens of affection

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