dads with daughters Archives

Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections

October 5, 2026 by dadofdivas

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter takes intention, patience, and a genuine commitment to growth—for both parent and child. That’s the heartbeat of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” a podcast devoted to helping dads nurture confidence and independence in their daughters. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with returning guest Arpan Shah to discuss what it really takes to create lasting, positive connections, even in challenging circumstances.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to Work together on these relationships that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

A Change In Our Format

August 17, 2026 by dadofdivas

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Hey everyone, I wanted to take a few minutes to share a little change that’s coming to The Dad & Daughter Connection.

For the past several years, I’ve been bringing you a new episode every single week, and I am incredibly grateful for everyone who listens, shares an episode, recommends the podcast to a friend, or simply takes the time to tune in. This podcast means a lot to me, and getting to have conversations with amazing dads, daughters, authors, experts, and people who have something meaningful to teach us about fatherhood has been an incredible journey.

But I’ve also been reminded of something that I talk about on this podcast all the time: being present matters.

As much as I love doing this podcast, I’m also a dad, a husband, and someone with a lot of other responsibilities and commitments. And I’ve realized that trying to maintain a weekly schedule can sometimes mean I’m stretching myself a little too thin.

So, beginning today, The Dad & Daughter Connection will be moving from a weekly podcast to an every-other-week schedule.

Now, I want to be very clear: this isn’t about slowing down or giving you less. In fact, it’s about making sure I can continue giving you the kind of conversations and content you’ve come to expect from this podcast.

I want to have the time to find great guests, ask thoughtful questions, have meaningful conversations, and produce episodes that are worth your time. And just as importantly, I want to make sure I’m protecting time for the people who matter most to me—my family.

Because if I’m going to spend my time talking about the importance of being present for our daughters, I need to make sure I’m practicing what I preach.

So, you’re still going to hear the stories, the conversations, the laughs, and hopefully a few things that make you think differently about being a dad and raising strong, confident, independent daughters. You’ll just hear them every other week instead of every week.

I hope you’ll stick with me for the journey. And if you’ve been listening all along, thank you. I truly appreciate you being part of The Dad & Daughter Connection community.

Until next time, keep connecting with your daughters, keep having those important conversations, and most importantly, keep showing up.

How to Show Respect and Kindness in Everyday Life

August 8, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, where we keep it real and practical—just a few minutes to help you build a deeper, stronger relationship with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today, we’re talking about something foundational but often overlooked—how to model respect and kindness in everyday life.

If you want your daughter to grow into a person who treats others well, stands up for herself, and expects to be treated with dignity—it starts with you.

So let’s get into it—why respect and kindness matter, and three simple ways to show them every day in ways your daughter will remember and repeat.

Why This Matters

Kids learn values by watching us live them. Your daughter will learn what it means to be kind not just from what you say, but from what you do. She’ll learn how to treat people—from family to strangers—by how you treat the people in your own life.

If she sees you hold the door for someone, she notices.
If you speak kindly when you’re frustrated, she sees the power of self-control.
If you show respect to your partner, your friends, your coworkers—you’re teaching her what healthy, respectful relationships look like.

So here are three ways you can show respect and kindness in ways that stick.

1. Speak to Her (and Others) with the Same Respect You Expect

Respect starts at home. That means talking to your daughter with the same tone and patience you’d expect from her.

Say please and thank you—even to your child.
Apologize when you’re wrong. (“I’m sorry I snapped earlier. That wasn’t fair to you.”)
Let her finish her thoughts before jumping in.

How you speak to her becomes her inner voice. Make sure it’s one that affirms her worth and encourages empathy.

And remember—she’s also watching how you treat the waitress, the cashier, the neighbor, and yes, even the slow driver in front of you.

2. Show Kindness Through Small Daily Actions

Kindness isn’t just grand gestures—it’s a daily habit. Show her that:

Kindness is leaving the last cookie for someone else.
Kindness is texting a friend to check in.
Kindness is smiling at a stranger or offering help without being asked.

Involve her in small acts of kindness:

Bring donuts to a neighbor.
Hold the door for someone together.
Write thank-you notes as a team.

When you make kindness visible, she learns that it’s not just something we talk about—it’s something we do.

3. Handle Conflict with Grace and Respect

Life is full of moments when frustration rises—bad drivers, rude emails, disagreements at home. These are the teachable moments.

Instead of losing your cool:

Take a breath.
Speak calmly.
Say, “Let’s figure this out together,” instead of, “Why can’t you ever get this right?”

Conflict doesn’t have to mean disrespect. In fact, how you handle tough moments teaches her more than how you act when things are easy.

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here’s your challenge:
Today, pick one simple act of kindness or respect—and do it where your daughter can see.

Say thank you.
Open a door.
Compliment someone.
Apologize when needed.

Then, when the moment’s right, talk to her about it. Help her connect the dots:

“I held the door because it’s important to show respect, even in small ways.”

These are the lessons that shape her into a kind, grounded, and respectful young woman.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode made you think about the power of your everyday actions, share it with another dad doing his best to lead with kindness. Until next time—keep showing up, keep modeling what matters, and keep raising daughters who lead with love and respect.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

How to Make Space for Honest Conversations Without Judgment

August 1, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your go-to spot for five-minute ideas that help you build trust, connection, and lasting memories with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about one of the most powerful tools you have in your parenting toolbox:

Creating space for honest conversations—without judgment.

Let’s face it—your daughter lives in a world full of pressure. She’s trying to figure out who she is, what she believes, and where she fits. And as her dad, one of the greatest gifts you can give her is a safe space to talk about anything—without fear of being shamed, scolded, or shut down.

Let’s walk through why this matters so much, and three practical ways you can create that kind of space—starting today.

Why It Matters

When your daughter believes she can tell you the truth—about her fears, her mistakes, her dreams, her questions—without being judged or dismissed, she gains:

A deep sense of security
The courage to be her authentic self
A trusted place to turn when life gets hard

And here’s the thing: If you don’t make that space, she’ll go find it somewhere else. From friends, from the internet, from people who may not have her best interests at heart.

So let’s make sure that Dad is the one she can come to first.

3 Ways to Make Space for Honest Conversations

1. Respond, Don’t React

Let’s say your daughter shares something that catches you off guard. Maybe she confesses a mistake, reveals something personal, or says something you strongly disagree with.

Your first reaction matters. A lot.

Instead of correcting, criticizing, or launching into a lecture, take a breath and respond with:

“Thank you for telling me.”
“That must have been hard to share.”
“I’m here to listen—no judgment.”

You’re showing her: “This is a safe space. You don’t have to be perfect here.”

That doesn’t mean there’s never discipline or boundaries—but it means connection comes first.

2. Normalize Talking About Tough Stuff

Don’t wait for big moments to start meaningful conversations. Build a rhythm where honesty is expected and welcomed.

Talk about your own struggles from when you were her age.
Admit when you don’t have all the answers.
Bring up real-life topics—friendship, stress, mistakes—casually, like during a drive or while making dinner.

The more you talk about real things consistently, the less intimidating it is when she needs to bring something hard to the table.

3. Be Curious, Not Controlling

If she says something surprising—don’t jump to conclusions. Ask open-ended questions that invite more, not less.

“What made you feel that way?”
“How long have you been thinking about this?”
“What do you need from me right now—support, advice, or just someone to listen?”

When you lead with curiosity, you send the message:
“I want to understand you, not change you.”

That’s what makes her feel truly heard—and that’s what keeps her coming back to you.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Create a moment today where you invite honesty without judgment.

Ask her: “What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately but haven’t said out loud?”
Or say: “Just so you know, you can talk to me about anything—even if it’s hard. I won’t get mad—I’ll listen first.”

Say it. Mean it. Then prove it with how you respond.

Because the way you react now is what teaches her how safe it is to be real with you later—when the stakes are higher and the conversations are even more important.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of the power of presence over perfection, pass it along to another dad working to build that kind of trust with his daughter. Until next time—keep listening, keep learning, and keep being the safe space she needs.

How to Make Chores a Fun and Collaborative Experience

July 25, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute boost of practical, meaningful advice to help you build a stronger connection with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re diving into a part of parenting that’s easy to overlook but full of opportunity:

Chores.

Yep—laundry, dishes, vacuuming. You might not think of them as bonding time, but trust me—when done right, chores can become a space for connection, collaboration, and even fun.

Let’s flip the script and turn the daily grind into something that brings you closer together.

Why Chores Matter for Connection

Chores aren’t just about cleaning up—they’re about:

Building life skills
Sharing responsibility
Creating moments for conversation and teamwork

And when you approach chores as something you do together—rather than something she has to do because you said so—you create space for growth, confidence, and connection.

3 Ways to Make Chores Collaborative and Fun

1. Turn Chores into a Team Challenge

Instead of saying, “Go clean your room,” try,

“Let’s see how fast we can both clean our spaces.”
“You take the kitchen, I’ll take the living room—let’s beat the clock!”

Set a timer. Add music. Cheer each other on. Make it a team effort instead of a solo punishment.

When she sees you jumping in alongside her, she feels respected—and that makes her more likely to participate willingly.

2. Turn on the Tunes and Turn Up the Fun

Music changes the whole vibe. Let her create a “cleaning playlist,” or take turns picking songs. Sing along. Dance while folding laundry. Be goofy.

It may sound silly—but those are the memories that stick. The joy in the ordinary.

And if she laughs at your dance moves? Even better. You’re showing her that work and play don’t have to live in separate worlds.

3. Use Chores as Conversation Starters

Washing dishes together? Folding laundry side by side? These are great moments to ask simple questions like:

“What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”
“What’s one thing that made you laugh today?”
“If we had a robot to do one chore forever, which one would it be?”

The chore gets done, and so does the connection. Win-win.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Pick one chore to do with your daughter this week—and make it a moment.

Set a fun timer and race the clock
Blast music and turn it into a dance party
Ask one silly or thoughtful question while you work

Whatever it is, show her that chores aren’t just work—they’re shared time. A space where you show up together, take care of your home, and maybe sneak in a few laughs along the way.

Because it’s not just about getting the job done—it’s about how you show up while doing it.

That’s it for this episode of Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you see dishes, dusting, or laundry in a new light, share it with another dad who’s ready to turn the daily routine into a relationship-building moment.

Until next time—keep working side by side, keep having fun, and keep turning the everyday into something extraordinary.

How to Keep Your Daughter Talking to You as She Grows

July 18, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—where in just five minutes, we give you real, practical ways to stay connected with your daughter, no matter her age. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about a question every dad eventually asks:
“How do I keep my daughter talking to me as she gets older?”

You know how it goes—when she’s little, she can’t stop talking. She wants to tell you about her day, her dreams, her favorite color five times in one hour. But then, things change. She gets older. More independent. And sometimes… quieter.

But here’s the good news: You can stay close. You can keep the conversations going. And today, I’ll show you how.

Why This Matters

Staying connected through conversation isn’t just about knowing the details of her day—it’s about:
? Keeping the door open for deeper topics
? Building trust so she turns to you when things get hard
? Letting her know: “Dad is always a safe place to land.”

The habits you build now shape whether she’ll come to you later—when it really counts.

3 Ways to Keep the Conversation Flowing (at Every Age)

1. Listen More Than You Talk

This sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When your daughter shares something—big or small—pause, stay present, and just listen.
Avoid jumping in with advice, correction, or distraction.

Say things like:

“That sounds frustrating. Tell me more.”
“What did you think when that happened?”
“I’m really glad you told me.”

When she sees that you won’t interrupt, judge, or fix, she learns that you’re someone she can come back to again and again.

2. Make Talking Feel Natural, Not a Big Event

If every conversation feels like an interrogation, she’ll shut down.
So, make talking part of your daily rhythm—not something formal.

Use car rides, bedtime, walks, or dinner as natural check-in moments.
Keep your tone relaxed, your questions open, and your attention full.
Don’t force it—sometimes the best conversations happen when you’re doing something else together (like cooking, shooting hoops, or running errands).

She’s more likely to open up when it doesn’t feel like a spotlight is on her.

3. Stay Curious About Her World

As she grows, her interests will change. Music, shows, social media, hobbies—you might not always understand them.
But if you dismiss them, you might also miss your chance to connect.

Ask her what she’s into
Watch a show she likes and talk about it
Ask for her playlist recommendations
Be genuinely curious, even if it’s not your thing

When you stay interested in her world, she’s more likely to invite you in.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Today, ask one open-ended question—and just listen.
No judgment. No fixing. No distractions.

Try something like:

“What was the funniest thing that happened today?”
“If you could plan our weekend, what would we do?”
“What’s something you wish adults understood better?”

Then—just be present. Be quiet. Let her talk. And show her with your silence that her voice matters.

Because keeping your daughter talking to you as she grows isn’t about saying the perfect thing—it’s about being consistently safe, curious, and available. And when she knows she can talk to you about the small stuff, she’ll trust you with the big stuff too.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of how powerful your presence can be, share it with another dad who’s working to stay close as his daughter grows up. Until next time—keep listening, keep showing up, and keep letting her know that Dad is always ready to talk.

Exploring New Hobbies and Interests Together

July 11, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the podcast that gives you quick, meaningful ways to strengthen your relationship with your daughter—five intentional minutes at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something fun, energizing, and powerful for connection: exploring new hobbies and interests together.

You don’t need a perfect plan, expensive equipment, or shared expertise. You just need curiosity, a little time, and a willingness to try something new—with her.

So let’s talk about why exploring hobbies together matters, how to get started, and a few creative, low-pressure ideas that can bring you closer today.

Why This Matters

Shared experiences build strong relationships. And when you try something new with your daughter, you’re not just filling time—you’re saying:

“I want to know what you enjoy.”
“I’m interested in learning with you.”
“It’s okay to be beginners together.”

These moments create laughter, conversation, teamwork—and long-lasting memories. Plus, you’re modeling a growth mindset: that it’s always okay to try something new, even if you’re not good at it right away.

3 Practical Ways to Explore New Interests Together

1. Let Her Lead the Way

Ask your daughter: “Is there anything you’ve always wanted to try?”

It might be something unexpected:

Painting or digital art
Martial arts
Photography
Gaming
Baking a new recipe
Gardening
Creative writing or poetry

If she’s passionate about something—even if it’s not your thing—lean in. Trying it together shows her that her interests matter to you, and it gives her the chance to take the lead for once.

2. Try Something Neither of You Has Done Before

Pick something totally new to both of you. That way, you’re both starting from scratch and learning together.

Take a beginner class online (like drawing, coding, or sign language)
Build something—a birdhouse, a puzzle, a LEGO masterpiece
Learn a few chords on the guitar
Explore nature—go geocaching, hiking, or try birdwatching

This levels the playing field. You’ll laugh together, mess up together, and figure things out as a team. That’s where connection grows.

3. Make It a Monthly “New Thing Day”

Pick one day a month to try something totally different together. It could be 30 minutes or a whole afternoon. Rotate who picks the activity.

Make it a tradition:
- “New Thing Saturdays”
- “Try-It Tuesdays”
- “Adventure Afternoons”

Snap a picture, keep a small journal, or just reflect together after: “What did you like? Would we do it again?”

You’re not just adding fun to your routine—you’re building shared memories that stick.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Ask your daughter one simple question—“What’s something new we could try together this week?”

Let her brainstorm
Offer a few ideas if she’s unsure
Pick something low-pressure and do it—just for the fun of it

And remember—it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be together.

Because in the end, trying something new with your daughter isn’t really about the activity itself—it’s about the space you’re creating to grow, laugh, and connect.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode sparked an idea, send it to a fellow dad who’s ready to explore new adventures with his daughter. Until next time—keep showing up, keep trying new things, and keep building that lifelong connection.

Encouraging Curiosity: Answering the “Why” Questions with Enthusiasm

July 4, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, and welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the place where five minutes of real talk helps you build a deeper bond with your daughter—one small moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re tackling something every dad hears a hundred times a day:

“Why?”

Why is the sky blue?
Why do I have to eat vegetables?
Why do people lie?

Those questions may come at you fast—and at the most inconvenient times—but today we’re talking about why your daughter’s “why” questions are one of the best opportunities to connect, inspire, and grow her confidence.

Let’s dig into the power of curiosity and how you, Dad, can fan the flame with just a little enthusiasm and intention.

Why Her Questions Matter

Curiosity is how kids learn about the world—and about themselves. Every “why” question is a window into how your daughter thinks, what she wonders about, and what she values.

When you answer with interest, you show her that her thoughts matter.
When you stay patient, you build her confidence to keep exploring.
And when you say “I don’t know—but let’s find out,” you teach her that learning never stops.

The way you respond helps shape whether she keeps asking—or starts holding back.

3 Ways to Encourage Curiosity (Without Getting Exhausted)

1. Say “That’s a Great Question!” First

Even if you don’t know the answer—or you’re tired or distracted—start with validation.

“Wow, that’s a smart question.”
“I’ve wondered that too!”
“I love that you’re thinking about this.”

That response tells her: “Dad cares about what I think. It’s safe to wonder out loud.”

2. Make It a Mini Adventure Together

You don’t have to be a walking encyclopedia. When you don’t know something, say:

“Let’s look it up together.”
“Let’s do a little experiment.”
“Let’s ask someone who might know.”

Whether it’s googling a fact, reading a book, or asking a grandparent—you’re showing her that curiosity leads to action.

This builds her confidence to keep asking and seeking.

3. Ask Questions Back

Sometimes, the best way to keep curiosity alive is to turn the question around.

“What do you think?”
“Why do you think that happens?”
“What would you do if you were in charge?”

Now, she’s not just receiving information—she’s thinking critically. You’re helping her build her own ideas, and that’s the real magic.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter asks a “why” question, don’t brush it off.

Start with enthusiasm—“Great question!”
Be curious together—“Let’s find out.”
Ask her opinion—“What do you think?”

Even if it’s a small moment, it makes a big impact. Every curious question she asks—and every thoughtful answer you offer—is one more brick in the foundation of her confidence, her creativity, and your connection.

Because when you fuel her curiosity, you’re not just answering a question—you’re building a lifelong love of learning and showing her that Dad is her biggest cheerleader.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you how powerful your voice can be in shaping your daughter’s growth, send it to another dad who’s in the thick of the “why” phase. Until next time—keep showing up, keep wondering with her, and keep encouraging her to stay curious.

Celebrating Small Wins: Why the Little Things Matter

June 27, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Hey dads, welcome to Dad Connections in 5—your quick stop for five-minute insights to help you connect with your daughter in real, lasting ways. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something that can easily be missed in the hustle of daily life:

Celebrating small wins.

Not the straight A report cards or the championship games—though those matter too—but the little victories: finishing a tough homework assignment, making a new friend, getting through a hard day with courage.

Why do the little things matter so much? Because when we celebrate those, we’re telling our daughters:

“I see you.”
“You’re growing.”
“Your effort matters, not just your outcome.”

Let’s unpack how noticing and celebrating the small stuff builds confidence, connection, and resilience.

Why Small Wins Matter

Think about this: If your daughter only gets praise for “big things,” what message might she take in?
That she has to perform or achieve something grand to earn your attention.

But when you highlight small efforts and daily courage, you’re reinforcing:

Her value isn’t based on results
Progress matters more than perfection
You’re with her in the everyday, not just on the mountaintop

That kind of support builds a solid foundation—the kind she can stand on when life gets hard.

3 Practical Ways to Celebrate Small Wins

1. Call It Out in the Moment

Notice when she makes a good choice, shows effort, or keeps trying—even if it didn’t go perfectly.

Say things like:

“I saw how you stuck with that even though it was tough—that’s awesome.”
“You were nervous about that presentation, but you did it anyway. I’m proud of your courage.”
“You handled that with kindness. That matters.”

You’re not waiting for perfect. You’re praising the process—and that builds confidence.

2. Create a “Win Wall” or “Victory Jar”

Turn small celebrations into a visible ritual.

Write down little wins on sticky notes and post them on a wall
Drop them into a jar and read a few at the end of each week
Let her decorate it with her own flair

This teaches her to track her own growth, not just rely on outside praise. And it’s a fun, visual way to reflect on how far she’s come.

3. Celebrate with Connection, Not Just Rewards

You don’t need to buy anything or throw a party. Sometimes, the best reward is your time and presence.

“Let’s grab ice cream and talk about how you crushed that quiz.”
“Want to go on a walk and celebrate how brave you were today?”

These moments say: “I noticed. I care. Let’s share this joy together.”
That’s how trust grows—and how relationships deepen.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Catch your daughter doing something small—but good. And celebrate it.

Did she help without being asked?
Finish a book she’s been reading?
Manage her frustration better than last week?

Whatever it is, name it. Praise it. Celebrate it.

Because every small win you see and speak into life becomes part of her inner voice—the one that says:

“I can do this.”
“My effort matters.”
“Dad believes in me.”

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of the power of paying attention to the small stuff, share it with another dad who’s walking this journey too.

Until next time—keep encouraging, keep noticing, and keep celebrating the small wins that are shaping the big story.

From Gaming CTO to Dad: John Styes Shares Fatherhood Challenges and Triumphs

March 31, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Embracing Fatherhood: A Journey Without a Playbook
Fatherhood often starts unexpectedly, and as John Styes, CTO of Fateless Games, shared on the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, the experience can utterly reshape one’s life. For John, his journey with fatherhood began during his college years, a time when he was unprepared for the complexity of raising a child. However, that unplanned start became the foundation on which he built a life rich in lessons and unforgettable moments. From his first experience as a young dad to raising daughters across different ages and stages, John’s story is a testament to perseverance and unyielding love.

Overcoming Initial Fears and Finding Balance
Fatherhood, especially when raising daughters, can come with a unique set of fears. John reflected on moments of uncertainty, particularly during the teenage years when daughters become guarded and pull away. He shared his challenges with balancing affection while respecting their boundaries, only to witness them return as loving, independent adults. These experiences taught John the importance of patience, understanding, and waiting out the phases of adolescence. It’s in these moments of uncertainty that he demonstrated resilience—being present, offering love, and never giving up on the bond that anchored the father-daughter relationship.

Still, balance wasn’t always easy. As a CTO of gaming company Faithless Games and a divorced father juggling co-parenting responsibilities, John had little spare time. Yet, his unwavering priority was always clear—his children. Whether it meant bringing them to work, balancing projects with family time, or dedicating weekends as “dad time,” John found creative ways to ensure his involvement. His advice for other dads? Even when the path gets rocky, focus on being there consistently. Every moment, no matter how small it seems, counts.

Creating Memories That Last a Lifetime
Looking back, John fondly remembered making precious memories with his kids, whether it was road trips, bonding over gaming, or seasonal traditions. Sometimes, these moments didn’t seem to matter in the moment—like a family trip to the Grand Canyon filled with complaints—only to later become the memories his children cherish the most. The lesson here is to keep trying as a dad, even when it feels like your efforts aren’t resonating. Over time, it’s these experiences that leave lasting impressions.

The Rewards of Fatherhood Through All Stages of Life
John’s journey as a father culminated in having another daughter later in life with his second wife, offering a fresh and fulfilling perspective on parenting. From helping his new wife navigate first-time motherhood to re-experiencing the joys and challenges of raising a young child, this phase emphasized dedication and intentionality. Together, they embraced consistent involvement—from band trips to shared hobbies—strengthening not only their bond with their daughter but also their relationship as a couple.

Final Thought: Love, Patience, and Presence
John Styes’ journey reminds all fathers that no matter how life unfolds, every effort counts in the eyes of your children. Whether grappling with the unexpected, balancing life’s pressures, or creating those cherished memories, it’s the love, patience, and presence that shines through. Fatherhood is, indeed, an ever-evolving process, and as John highlighted, it’s through continual effort that fathers leave an indelible mark on their daughters’ lives. Stay patient, be involved, and remember—the journey is worth every moment.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to Dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter’s lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always every week, I love being able to sit down, talk to you, work with you as you’re going through this journey of fatherhood and looking to find ways to be that dad that you want to be to your daughters. And that’s what this show is all about. This show was created for you as a way to be able to not only connect you with other dads and other people that have resources or have other experiences, but as a way to be able to lift that burden in some aspect because none of us step into fatherhood with a playbook. There is no one right way to father. We can learn from so many others that have gone through this journey, and that’s why this show exists. Every week I love being able to bring you different dads, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to share some of their own experiences, what they learned, what worked, what didn’t work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]:
And we definitely, every week, learn something a little bit new. And I my hope for you is that you will as well. Today we’ve got another great guest with us today. John Stice is with us today and John is the CTO of Faithless Games. And John and I have known each other since we were both very young and we were reminiscing a little bit in our time playing Atari and original Nintendo and being able to grow up over the years. But we both have daughters And I reached out, asked him to join us, and I’m really excited that he said yes. John, thanks so much for being here today.

John Styes [00:02:00]:
Thanks. Thanks for having me. It’s good to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
Well, I love having you here. And the first thing that I always love to ask is a way for me to turn the clock back in time. So I’m gonna go all the way back. And I know you’ve got 4 kids, 3 daughters, and you had one child back in college and then you had your others along the way, But I wanna go all the way back to that first moment when you found out that you’re going to be a dad to a daughter. What was going through your head?

John Styes [00:02:28]:
Well, it was not a traditional way of finding out, I would suppose. I was a junior in college. I had met a girl at a frat party, and I invited her to a frat dance and things happened. And a month later, she gave me a call and said, hey. Just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant, and I’m gonna keep it. And so I don’t know what you wanna do, but I’m just letting you know. And that was the start of the conversation. So it wasn’t that I never saw her again.

John Styes [00:02:57]:
We were still kinda talking and stuff. But she lived in Grand Haven, Michigan, I think. And I was in, Mount Pleasant at the time at Central Michigan. And, yeah, it was quite a shocker. So when you find out, a lot of things flash through your mind, and it was quite an experience. So, yeah, I mean, it instantly changes your perspective, and it was quite a moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:20]:
Now, I I mentioned the fact that you’ve got 3 daughters, and they’re spaced out in years. Talk to me about those other moments and how that may have differed from that first moment.

John Styes [00:03:32]:
Well, so I had a son next. We graduated. There’s a whole story that we could go into about my the the efforts that were required to be a dad for the first one. But for the second daughter, it was a little bit more, you know, we were married and I wouldn’t say it was planned, but it was just like she she just said, hey. I know we just had Parker, but by the way, I’m pregnant again. And I was opening up a gate to the apartment complex I was at, and I was just like, okay. Like, you know, like, it was just a it would and she she loved to spring them on me, my ex wife, with it was just always these weird she not, like, didn’t sit down and, like, there’s, like, a dinner and, like, we’re talking and, like, hey. I gotta tell you something.

John Styes [00:04:12]:
She was just always just so nonchalant about it. She’s just like, hey, by the way. And so that one was that one. And so by the third one, it’s kinda old hat, and your ears, like, okay. Yeah. Okay. Not expected, but, you know, you do what you gotta do. And then I, ended up getting remarried again, and that one was spaced out quite a bit and from the others.

John Styes [00:04:33]:
And it was just basically, like, my wife, she’s like, look, I wanna have a kid, and we’re gonna have a kid. And I was just like, okay. A month later, she told me, you know, hey, I’m pregnant. And I was like, okay. Great. You know? So that’s what she wanted. And I was secretly hoping that it was gonna be a girl for her because she’s kind of like a very girly girl, and she wants to do, like, the dresses and the high heels and the makeup and all that stuff. And whether that goes as planned when they get older, you never know.

John Styes [00:05:00]:
But, you know, that was her aspirations. And she’s like, I at least want 1 kid. And so with that in mind, I was like, man, I hope it’s a girl because then that kind of like checks all the boxes for her to kinda like get what she wanted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:12]:
Now I talked to a lot of dads over the years in this podcast and a lot of fathers talk about fear when it comes to raising daughters. And now you’ve had daughters and sons, so you’ve seen both and experienced both. As you think back on your experience in being a father to a daughter, what would you say has been your biggest fears in raising your daughters?

John Styes [00:05:38]:
There’s a segment that they hit somewhere around, I wanna say like 13 years old, where they’re starting to go through puberty, their body’s changing, all that stuff. And as a dad, with all of my daughters, especially my first one, like I was very my ex, she was working a lot. I was like studying and bouncing around my knee, trying to do my, you know, all my work to get done for to get through school. So, like, we bonded really close during that time. And she would sleep in our beds probably longer than she should have and all kinds of stuff. But there got to a point where she just didn’t want you to touch her anymore, and she didn’t want you to hug her. And you weren’t cool anymore. Your jokes weren’t funny.

John Styes [00:06:17]:
There was just a lot of things. And it was it it like as a dad, you’re you’re like when the first time it happens, you’re like, oh, man. Like, you’re just hoping that they get back to where you’ve got that little girl again that you can hold and hug and give little smooches to and stuff. And they eventually like get out of that phase, like somewhere around 17, 18, 19 years old. And then they then they love you again. So I don’t know, like I don’t know if every dad gets that experience, but like, with all 3 of mine, like, my one of my my daughter now, she’s 15, gonna be 16, and she’s in that phase right now. And I kinda know it still kinda, like, hurts you because you’re just like, oh, man. Like, no.

John Styes [00:06:54]:
I wanna give her a hug, and she’s like, she doesn’t wanna give you that close hug and everything. And then she’s coming around. But, like, all of my daughters went through that where they went through a phase of you’re not cool. Don’t bother me. And now they’re back the oldest 2 are back to that calling dad. How you doing? Love you, dad. And want the hugs and all that stuff. So, you know, it gets good again.

John Styes [00:07:12]:
But, yeah, the first time around, it was quite fearful. Did you do something wrong? Do you try to force him to hug you? Do you just give him space? You don’t really know what to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
Now I know that you have 4 kids, so the experiences that you’ve had with your different children, your daughters are going to be vastly different from one another. What would you say has been the most memorable experience that you’ve had thus far as a father

John Styes [00:07:35]:
to a daughter? There’s a bunch of stuff, but I have, you know, recorded some crazy videos of my kids doing doing just really funny things. And, like, sometimes girls are, like, just really, really funny, these little characters. And they’re so sophisticated at a young age, and and they’ll just say the wildest stuff. And so, like, I have tons of recordings of that. But there’s one that’s kind of funny. It’s it’s maybe not funny to my ex my ex girlfriend after I started dating again after I my divorce. But my oldest daughter, she was extremely jealous and possessive of me. She was and so I started dating again, and it was my ex girlfriend, she didn’t like at all.

John Styes [00:08:11]:
And so she would terrorize her, do things, but it was actually with the rally of this this story. Sorry. So I started you know, I was with the rally and we just got married and stuff. And and Keegan, like, took some some photo that I had in, like, a photo album. It was just, like, her, myself, and my ex girlfriend. And she left it on the bed. She put it on the bed to, like, sabotage the you know, even though we’re already married, it was like so my wife, Riley, she was just like, just, you know, they went at it, like, so much, like, at the very beginning, but now they’re they’re best buddies. But she was extremely possessive and jealous, and she didn’t like my ex.

John Styes [00:08:44]:
So why she put the picture of the ex on the bed is if she was, like, romanticizing the ex or whatever of, like, how good it used to be here. I think she was just trying to sabotage it. She was just being, like, a a jealous girl, but it was funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:56]:
And when you have multiple kids and your situation was even different because you had kids that were with you sometimes, but not all the time. And then and then you had another child that was living in the house. What would you say is the favorite things that you did or do and share with each of your daughters?

John Styes [00:09:17]:
Keegan, my oldest, we have just, like, a really special bond because she was my my first. And so there was a lot of, like, first things with being a dad and stuff like that. So, you know, like, her and I will talk on the phone a little bit more than the others and stuff like that. But her and I, like, we played Dominion, the game, together. She got really into board games, and she credits that to me forcing them to go and do that stuff. So anytime she comes over and visits, she wants to play Dominion or some other board game. And now she’s got her fiance playing some games, and she has a little group of friends that at her college, university, she has that plays together. And then my youngest daughter, the first set, Brooklyn, her and I, I think she’s like a gamer, but she just kinda recently discovered that she’s a gamer.

John Styes [00:10:00]:
So she was never really super interested in that at first, but now she’s really into it. So now she, you know, she always is asking me questions about gaming rigs and computer hardware and stuff like that. So, you know, that that’s her thing now. And then my youngest daughter, Aria, we’re still kind of fostering what her adult likes are gonna be. She’s still kind of in the kid likes, but her and I will go and she loves to go finding, like, LPS’s, the littlest pet shop characters. And so she collects those. And so, like, her and I, like, you know, I help her collect those things. And so we we do that quite often.

John Styes [00:10:33]:
She also loves to go to me with, like, in half poke bowl, which is like a sushi with or it’s like Chipotle but with sushi. So her and I do that every once in a while. So we enjoy that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:43]:
That. Now I know you’re busy. As I said, you’re a CTO of a gaming company called Faithless Games, and you’ve been in working with other companies as being as you have been a father with gaming being of a large part of your life in developing games and working with companies in that regard. So I know earlier you talked about your your ex being very busy, but I know that you are very busy as well. So talk to me about balance because every father has to figure out that balance between work and raising your kids. So how did you best balance work as well as raising your daughters?

John Styes [00:11:20]:
I don’t know if I balanced it well, but I did my best. And especially when I was early in my career, I was working on sports games, and they were extremely demanding. So you would have, like, a 2 month window of you at you could your 2, 3 month window of your working normal hours, and then it goes to crunch until I was on a football game. So we would go all the way up to about the summer before football season started, and we were crunching through the entirety of the summer, maybe even a little bitter into early spring. Then they would give us a month off, and then it was the 3 months where it was normal. Then it was back to crunch again. So during those crunch moments, you know, we were both working parents even before we split, and my buddies would laugh at me that I worked with. I would have a double stroller, at the time and bring Keegan along.

John Styes [00:12:07]:
She could walk and and have the 2 little kids in the double stroller, her tagging along behind me, a playpen stuffed underneath the double stroller, roll it into an office, close the door, throw on some Disney show, put them in a playpen, try to do as much work as I could, and manage between like, I got really good at bouncing a baby and typing. So it was tough. I’m not gonna lie. It was it was pretty tough. Like, that was a very demanding job. And the other thing too, like, with, once we split up, I took them every weekend. And when I was dating, it was always a friction point with any person I was dating. Whereas, like, every weekend, I was like, look, I have the kids.

John Styes [00:12:48]:
We didn’t do, like, the split week thing because she ended up moving kind of far south from me. So it wasn’t manageable of me trying to go there and, like, drop them off at school or something. There was just no way. So I just I just ended up taking them every weekend. So I would get them Friday right after they got out of school, and I had them through the entire weekend. And I didn’t really know how much that I mean, it that kind of stuff affects kids, like, them feeling like they don’t really have a home. You know, they’re they’re moving around a lot. I feel bad about that.

John Styes [00:13:18]:
But they also do have some, like, really good memories of, oh, dad, you, like, had us every weekend, and we would look forward to the weekends. And it was really nice to kinda hear that stuff come from them later on because we were literally trying to do our best, between the 2 of us to make it make it work. And I think that’s, like, the important takeaway is, like, even when you don’t think it matters to them and it doesn’t seem like it registers, it does. Every little thing registers. And that’s, like, even, like, vacations and stuff. Like, I for my 40th birthday, we we took a car trip to the Grand Canyon and then stopped in in Hollywood. We stayed at a bed and breakfast there for a couple days, and then we were going all over. We went to Disney World, you know.

John Styes [00:14:00]:
And we stopped at the Grand Canyon, and the whole time they were, like, complaining. And I was like, oh my gosh. These kids are like, oh, we wanna go. It’s boring here and all this stuff. And now it’s all they talk about. It’s like, you remember the time dad took us to the Grand Canyon? I was, like, all I remember is that you guys did not have a good time, and you guys were just giving me the business about everything. And so somehow, like, it turns into, like, a positive memory. So I think that’s one thing for fathers to think about is, like, even when at the time, it doesn’t seem like it’s really important to them, it really does become something important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:30]:
Yeah. You never know what specifically is gonna stick with your kids or the memories that will be poignant ones to them until later on when they reflect back. And like you said, sometimes it’s like, really? That’s the memory that you remember where in your head, you have a completely different recollection of it, but the way that they’ve filtered it is such that it was poignant to them and meant a lot to them, even though it may not have seemed like it did at the time. So appreciate you sharing that. That’s a fun memory in that regard. Now I mentioned the fact that you have 4 kids and you’ve had a number of different experiences from being a young dad in college, working to be that engaged dad while working on your degree to then having other kids while you were young in your career, and then now having another child when you were a little bit older and raising her along the way as well. So I guess one of the things in that period of time, you’ve had to be a co parent, a parent, and more. So I guess let’s go back a little bit in to being a co parent because I know that a lot of dads sometimes struggle with that in figuring out what is their how do they create that best balance there to be able to create a a good relationship with your act, but then as well keeping up that positive relationship with their children as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:50]:
So talk to me about what you had to do, whether it was early on after the divorce into being that early co parent to as they got older and kind of the way in which the relationships changed over times and how you were engaged in different ways as they got older as well?

John Styes [00:16:06]:
Yeah. I guess, like, at the very beginning, obviously, it was it was not the best of situations. And I would I would say to, like, any person out there that experiences something kind of, like, raw, that you just gotta have to kind of keep a mindset of, like, look, it’s gonna get better. Like, I think that’s, like, just just the message to the person out there. I’ve had a friend recently call me and share a similar story. And I’m like, look, dude. Like, it’s gonna get better. Like, I I’ve been through it.

John Styes [00:16:32]:
I know it’s tough, but it’ll get better. And I think one of the things that I tried to do was always be available even when, like, I wanted to do something on a weekend or whatever. Like, I took the kids as much as I could, and I never brought any of that drama to them. They were always insulated from it. The most you can the best thing you can do is insulate them from that. And even if you feel like the other person’s the bad guy, it’s just good to just kinda stay positive on that. Because the kids, they’ll sort of recognize that stuff as they start to get older. I know with my youngest, she, for the longest time, thought that I just up and left, and that was the reason why we got the divorce.

John Styes [00:17:12]:
And so she had a little bit of anger inside way deep down that she always just felt. And it wasn’t until she got older, and she she kind of understand understood the circumstances. And then she’s just like, okay. You don’t wanna, like, feed into that. You just wanna just, again, just be positive. Be the person that’s always there. Always make sure that they feel like they have a place in your house. That was the other thing.

John Styes [00:17:35]:
Like, it was a great advice my mom gave. It’s just, you gotta have a room. Give them a room. Make sure they have their stuff, a room. So they feel like that there’s they’re not just vagabonds, like, visiting your house. So that was some great advice. I I always thought that that really helped with them. And I think the other thing was she started having children with another person.

John Styes [00:17:55]:
And then there started to be, oh, I wanted to hang out with Emilio, but I gotta go to dad’s house. Well, bring Emilio too. And so, like, we ended up, like, we’re all good now. So but we’re all this big, weird family now, where everyone, Emilio or Olivia, here are 2 others. They can come over. It’s not a big deal. So it’s not easy to navigate that, but I think it it is the best thing that you can do for all of them. And, yeah, you gotta kinda swallow a little bit of that pride sometime to just say, but you just gotta do it.

John Styes [00:18:32]:
And you’ll definitely reap the rewards of that positivity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:35]:
And talk to me about the fact that you had another child later on when you were a little bit older. And there’s a couple questions here that I have in my head, but about what it was like for you being a little bit older father, then having a young child again. But second is being able to introduce your new child then to your other children and allowing them to create a bond together, similar to what they’ve they’re creating with their other siblings now with their mother, and what you had to do to be able to create that as well.

John Styes [00:19:09]:
Yeah. So I think, like, when when the new mother comes into the picture and she has her kid with you, the question may come up of, like, do you like my kid as much as you like your other kids? And I think that you have to navigate that question and give her a lot of reinforcement that, yes, they’re all my children. I I love them all equally, and there’s no favorites or I don’t it it it gets it gets hard to navigate that sometimes because I think the new mother comes in and she just feels like, oh, you’ve already done this before. And so you’re just gonna be, like, not really engaged, and you might not go to a doctor’s visit. And you should’ve went to the doctor’s visit because if it was your first kid, you would’ve went to the doctor’s visit. So there’s things like that. I think you just have to kind of, like, tread carefully. And, again, just a lot of affirmation to the new mother, to your new new wife or whatever that, yes, you’re gonna be there.

John Styes [00:20:00]:
Yes. You love it equally. And then with the kids, nothing really stands out to me as, like, a formal like, it was just like, oh, we’re having a kid. And they most of them were older, so they were just like, okay. You know, whatever. The youngest the the youngest daughter, Brooklyn and Aria, did have some, like they were just kind of, like, sisters, like, back and forth kind of thing, you know, fighting with each other and teasing each other and that kind of stuff. Don’t touch me. Was a little bit of that, but it it it really kinda fizzled out pretty quickly.

John Styes [00:20:30]:
So Brooklyn was getting older too. So it wasn’t too bad, but they were already kinda used to their mom had already had new kids. And so this just wasn’t like it wasn’t really a huge event for them. It was just like, oh, great. You know, I got another brother or sister coming. You know, it really didn’t really didn’t phase them too much. So but, yeah, I think I think the the more of the lesson to be learned was, again, with with the with the new mother.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
And talk to me a little bit about being an older dad and being able to keep up with that young kid running around the house. And I know that now she’s in her teenage years and almost 16. So

John Styes [00:21:05]:
talk

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
to me about what that’s like for you now that you like you said, there was some time between Brooklyn and your youngest, and then having to get back into dad mode.

John Styes [00:21:15]:
The biggest thing on my mind was, okay, these other times, I don’t know if it’s the right word, but see it through, like, I wasn’t there the entirety of from born to 18. You know? I was I was a part time dad through most of that, and so there was a lot of things that were missed, and you weren’t there at every moment. And and so, like, doing it again, sometimes there’s, like, new things that that crop up that you never seen before or didn’t experience, so that that was cool. But then also, you you in the back of your mind, you’re like, okay. Like, I wanna do this right. You know, I wanna make sure everything’s perfect this time around. And so that was on my mind a lot, I guess. Just trying to make sure I was as good as I could be.

John Styes [00:21:53]:
And as far as keeping up with them, I’m pretty surprised still, so I don’t know.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]:
Always a kid at heart.

John Styes [00:21:57]:
Always a kid at heart. Keep at the gym, and then you can keep up. But, yeah, just to continue on that, my wife and I, we travel around with her. She’s in the band, my daughter. And so we go to all over Texas, like, you know, whatever game she’s playing at. She’s a bit spoiled. Her mom spoils the crap out of her, but we go all over the place and we we follow her around. And so, you know, get to do all that stuff.

John Styes [00:22:18]:
And, you know, it’s it’s it also is like a good mother, father building moments. You know, it keeps our relationship, I think, strong too. Like, having a lot of those experiences. Like, okay. We’re traveling to Giddings, Texas, you know. So that’s, like, an hour in a car where we’re just talking to each other. And so it’s good. I I like it a lot.

John Styes [00:22:35]:
There’s a lot of, like, really good memories Brian and I have just, like, going to see ARIA Place.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
I definitely have those memories as well with my own daughter when she was in high school doing band and traveling a bit for that and being able to have those conversations. We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

John Styes [00:22:57]:
I’ll do my best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:58]:
In one word, what is fatherhood?

John Styes [00:23:00]:
I think it’s time. Making time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
When was a time that you felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

John Styes [00:23:06]:
I think when I see them graduate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:08]:
Now if I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

John Styes [00:23:12]:
He thinks he’s funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:13]:
He thinks he’s funny?

John Styes [00:23:14]:
He thinks he’s funny.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:15]:
Does that mean that you’re not funny?

John Styes [00:23:16]:
I think I’m funny, but they don’t think I’m funny. I do play a lot of jokes on my kids, and they don’t like it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:22]:
Now who inspires you to be a better dad? My dad,

John Styes [00:23:24]:
for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]:
Now you’ve talked about your own experiences, but as you think about other dads, what’s one piece of advice you’d like to give to every father?

John Styes [00:23:33]:
I think, again, it just rolls back to the just wait it out. Just keep plugging away at, you know, loving them and giving time to them and just always being there and making memories. And again, if even if it doesn’t pay off, all those conversations, all those arguments that you may have, you know, disagreements, advice that you give that they seem to ignore, they actually listen and they sometimes it doesn’t change their mind. Sometimes, it does a year later, and you just never know. So it’s just keep trying. Keep trying to be a good dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:04]:
It’s always a struggle sometimes to be able to do it, but you have to just keep pulling yourself up. And there’s gonna be good times, there’s gonna be challenging times, but in the end, it is worth it, just like John said. John, I just wanna say thank you. If people wanna find out more about you, about what you’re doing with faithless games, where should they go? Fateless.gg. And I know you’ve got a new game that you’re being you know, you’re you’re putting out into the world pretty soon. Tell me more about that.

John Styes [00:24:30]:
Yeah. So it’s called God Forge, and it’s a, mobile game. It’s like Raid Shadow Legend. You get yourself, gods from all kinds of different backgrounds, whether it’s Egyptian or Asgardian or Babylonian, Aztec. And so you you collect it’s it’s a hero collector, so you collect the gods and then you battle them against other gods and and you upgrade them and

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:52]:
Is that available now or when will that be available?

John Styes [00:24:55]:
That’s gonna be in beta, I believe, in the fall if everything goes well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:59]:
K. So everyone, watch out for that game and check out fateless games, and you’ll be able to learn more about what John is doing. John, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story, for being here today, and for all that you’re doing to be the best dad that you can be, and I wish you the best.

John Styes [00:25:14]:
Yeah. Thank you, Chris. It’s so great to run into you again and talk to you some. And I mean, it’s been a long time. One of my oldest friends, like I said, that I’ve known since 2nd or 3rd grade, and it’s great to reconnect with you. It’s great to see that you’re doing so well, and you’ve got a great podcast. I I always keep an eye on you and see what you’re up to. So I wasn’t completely surprised when, you know, you’re you you told me you got this podcast.

John Styes [00:25:36]:
I already knew about it because I’ve been following you. Big fan of your work. So keep it up, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:41]:
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together dot org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and beat the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.