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Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Cort Ruddy ( @CortRuddy ) #dadchat

February 13, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Our 411th Dad in the Limelight is Cort Ruddy. I want to thank Cort for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge).

My name is Cort Ruddy. I’m a writer, a husband, a father and a Political/Public Relations consultant. I’ve been working from home for about three years, splitting time between client work and doing my part in raising our kids. I’ve written about our adventures for a little more than a year at RuddyBits.blogspot.com. I’m in the limelight when I share the funny stories and random bits of wisdom I learn from my kids.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife and I have four kids – three girls and a boy. The oldest is 10; the youngest is 3. My wife works from home, too. So our house is kind of a crazy place. It’s quite loud, when we’re all home. Luckily, our kids go to school most days, so we get some quiet time to work, relax a bit and think without children screaming and carrying on all around us. If we home-schooled, I think we’d both go crazy. So, we don’t do that.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The greatest challenge I’ve had has been finding a balance between work and family. Our oldest is ten, as I said earlier, and for the first 7 years of her life I was, by all accounts, a workaholic. I worked as a speechwriter for a U.S. senator and then for a state senator. In my free time I worked on political campaigns. I barely remember the first years of parenting. A few years ago I decided I had to be home more, and made decisions to allow that to happen. But, as they say, when you have money, you don’t have time, and when you have time, you don’t have money. We still haven’t found the perfect balance, but at least I’m a bigger part of my kids’ lives.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

First, be involved, and second, be patient. So much of life pushes us to work, work, and work some more. It’s easy to see working as a dad’s only role. It shouldn’t be. More and more Dads are choosing to be more involved, many at a sacrifice to their career. Hopefully, the working world will make room for dad’s to be more involved.

Of course, once we’re around more, we often learn that being home – while rewarding – is quite hard. Kids aren’t like co-workers, or employees. They take far more patience. Being more patient is the advice I give myself on a near-daily basis.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I don’t know that I’ve found the right balance. Yet my wife and I have made a few decisions that helped us find more balance than we had. Career decisions have allowed me to be more involved. Not all those decisions were the best for my career trajectory, though. We also decided a few years ago to move away from the hectic life we had in Washington, D.C., to be closer to my parents in Upstate New York. For us, life here is just more conducive to raising a family. Plus, having the kids’ grandparents around gives us a support system, allowing time for non-parenting stuff like going to dinner together on occasion.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve learned that many of us struggle with the same things – balancing work and family, dealing with crazy kids, and being better husbands — and that one of the best things we can do is talk, and joke, and laugh about it with other dads. The challenges we face at work, at home, in our relationships, and with our kids aren’t all that unique. And the challenges aren’t easy either. Beer and laughter help.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Cort Ruddy, Dads in the Limelight, #limelightdads, dad of divas, dadofdivas.com

It’s probably the most rewarding, as well as the hardest job we’ll ever have. And nobody knows everything about how to do it right. It’s a constant learning process. Since I’ve started blogging about being a dad, reading what others write and connecting with other dad bloggers, I’ve learned a ton. Mostly, I’ve learned there’s a lot more to learn.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Other than the actual birth of each child, it’s been the unique experiences that stand out: the sunrise walk on the beach on vacation, that hike through the woods near our home, the time we all went fishing on Father’s day, that snow fort we built after the blizzard. I’m a big believer in doing as much unique, cool stuff like that as often as possible. Those experiences tend to stand out more in our memory than the daily routine – where so much actual parenting occurs. I know the kids remember the special times more, too. We went ice skating once or twice last winter and, yet, all summer our five-year-old kept saying how she couldn’t wait to go ice skating again. I want to fill their heads with memories like that.

If you have any questions for Cort, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Christian Toto ( @daddylibrium ) #dadchat

February 9, 2014 by dadofdivas 2 Comments

Our 410th Dad in the Limelight is Christian Toto. I want to thank Christian for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I’m an entertainment journalist and film critic whose reviews can be heard on radio stations in Denver and D.C. as well as on the nationally syndicated “Dennis Miller Show.” I previously appeared on the TV program “Good Day Colorado” in Denver and starred in a TV commercial for Examiner.com. Read more about Christiam here – daddylibrium.com

2) Tell me about your family.

I’m a happily married (right, honey?) father of two boys – Eli (4) and Ben (2). My wife and I met in D.C. but moved to Denver seven-plus years ago. We couldn’t be happier with our choice of city although I’ll always miss the East Coast and our skin is perpetually dry.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Time, of course, or the lack thereof. Trying to squeeze in a smattering of personal time in any given day can be brutal since caring for my sons always comes first. Managing meltdowns is a very close second. Oh, and keeping the house clean is a constant battle.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Don’t neglect your marriage. If your relationship sours every other aspect of your life, from parenting to personal time, will go south, too. Make sure to let off steam when necessary, set up date nights on a regular basis and learn from your wife’s parenting skills.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

It’s a work in progress. I make sure to take the boys for adventures (the park, supermarket shopping, dinner) to give my wife time by herself. She routinely does the same for me. We also encourage each other to go out with the guys/gals at least once a week to let us bond with friends and keep those ties strong.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’m always amazed at how creative and passionate my fellow fathers can be. I attended the annual Stay at Home Dads’ convention a few weeks ago and marveled at how clever dads can be when it comes to nurturing and disciplining their kids. The old saw that dads fumble and bumble while taking care of their children is sheer nonsense.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

It’s more challenging than anyone will tell you. The baby years are hard. Toddler time is worse. It’s a constant challenge. When you stumble upon a solid parenting strategy your children will change overnight and you’ll need a new plan. Give yourself a break from time to time when you have a parental fail. It happens, but you shouldn’t come down too hard on yourself.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Watching our boys grow confident in their language skills … watching my wife give birth (the first time was more amazing because it was all new to me) … any time my boys ride my shoulders at the ball park … watching my tough as nails younger son finally go to sleep after a day of toddler mania … making my sons laugh (without resorting to poop jokes) … watching my older son make friends in an instant with fellow kids at the playground or mall … just too many to list, really.

If you have any questions for Christian, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Matt Hurst ( @matthurst16 ) #dadchat

February 6, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Our 409th Dad in the Limelight is Matt Hurst. I want to thank Matt for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I used to be a sports writer and ultimately covered the Los Angeles Angels for four seasons for the Riverside Press-Enterprise, a once 200,000 circulation paper. At the time it was my dream job – covering a Major League Baseball team for a large paper. I got to see parts of the country I never imagined I would or I would want to (I’m looking at you, Baltimore). But after awhile, the grind of 162 games (I would cover about 140 per season), the travel, the six weeks of spring training, the Winter Meetings, etc. and I knew I needed a life change, especially if I was going to have a family. One year I got a hotel statement saying I had spent 185 nights on the road – that’s more than half the year! I saw too many beat writers who were divorced or who didn’t have time for their kids and I didn’t want to be one of those guys even though I didn’t have kids yet and had just gotten married. So I moved into the world of communications/marketing/public relations and it’s a lot better work-life balance, plus it’s given me greater opportunities for career advancement. I don’t regret it for one instant, although I still have the writer bug in me … thus my blog: sothisisfatherhood.com

2) Tell me about your family

My wife, Suzanne, and I have been married over six years and we have a 10-month old, Ella.

Matt Hurst, Dads in the Limelight, #limelightdads, Dad of Divas, dadofdivas.com

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Being patient. I am not patient by nature and every day I have to take a deep breath and understand that this little munchkin relies on me for everything in her life – and she will for a long time. So when she’s easily distracted when

I’m feeding her and she ends up getting peas smeared all over her face, I can’t get angry at her. Same thing goes for a middle of the night diaper change. It took me a bit, but I finally realized that if I peed myself I would cry in the middle of the night too and I would need a change.

As my daughter grows older, I realize that as someone who played sports through college and then worked in them into my 30s, I wonder how much sports might affect her. Will she be interested in them? Will she want to play them? That’s why I started a series of podcasts interviewing women in sports, who either work in them or who played them at a D-1 level or above. It’s helped shed some light on their experiences growing up and how it shaped them.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Be patient. Enjoy it, because it’s all awesome – even the crappy parts (pun intended) are awesome. It’s funny, we’re finally getting around to watching Breaking Bad and they just had their daughter and even though it’s only been 10 months for my wife and me, we both kind of said “Remember when Ella was that little?” because it’s crazy how big they get and how quickly it happens. Just be sure to take a lot of pictures, smile a lot, and think that everything your kid does is brand new to them, so as they soak it up, you should too.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

It helps to be middle class because we’re not tempted to do a bunch of crazy things and spend money doing them! Haha. Seriously, though, I was an open book about receiving advice when my wife was pregnant, several people said “Just take your kid with you.” And they’re right. The more you acclimate your child to the outside world, I think it’s better for them. Plus, it’s better for you to not be anchored to your house or your kid. If you want to go out and eat someplace, just do it.

As far as having “me time” my wife and I have done a good job of having those 3-hour breaks or so where I can go and get a beer with a buddy or something just to be able to stretch your legs a little, so to speak. It’s healthy for everyone to do it. And you know what? When you’re out, you truly can’t wait to get home.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Through an online Facebook community, I’ve learned that everyone is as sarcastic as I am, which is nice, because you know that others are going through the same thing as you, but in different episodes of life, and having a sense of humor about it brings some levity to the situations. But, we can all be sensitive when necessary. From my friends who are already fathers, I’ve learned to just be sure to enjoy as many moments as you can. Right now my kid is upset because she’s in her chair rather than sticking items from around our house into her mouth and I have to pause to distract her by clapping and she smiles. It’s those little moments that you have to take mental snapshots.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

I had a realization at one point that this little human is 100% relying on me not to kill her. And I mean that from aspects of: feeding her, bathing her, driving safer, keeping her away from electrical outlets or long pieces of rope she can tie around her neck. I’m serious – half my life is playing defense right now. But knowing that, it gives you a deeper appreciation for parenting because if you screw up and your kid pays for your misstep, then how could you live with yourself?

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Other than the not-so-original answer of when I first held her, one of the best memories I’ve had was when Ella first responded to me saying her name. She was about five months and I said her name and she made an effort to look at me. That was powerful. I really like the quiet moments right before I put her to bed – feeding her a bottle and sitting in her room, rocking her and singing her Motown songs. I don’t know why I always choose Motown, but I guess it’s better than Rage Against the Machine. The first time I went shopping for her was fun and completely awkward because the things I liked were things that a baby girl should not be wearing. And, watching her learn new things every day. Whether it’s pushing a toy, or cruising around the furniture as she tries to stand on her own, or recognizing that our dogs like her and will lick her head when she crawls, just knowing that she learns something new every day and her little brain is spinning so fast to figure it all out

If you have any questions for Matt, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Dan MacDonald ( @thedaddept ) #dadchat

February 2, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Our 408th Dad in the Limelight is Dan MacDonald. I want to thank Dan for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

Dan MacDonald is my name. I’m on a trial-and-error quest to determine what, if anything, defines me. I’m a dreamer professionally; an aspirant waiting for the perfect cause, but always fearful of the nightmare around the corner. I’m an at-home philosopher, who gets carried away with the political argument.

For the past six months, I’ve taken on a fresh purpose in life – being a new parent. It’s one I find pleasantly all-consuming, so much so, that I write a blog on being a dad (http://thedaddepartment.blogspot.com.au/) , have resigned from my job to be a full-time, stay-at-home papa and am actively convincing my loving wife to take on a second child (it’s taking much convincing).

2) Tell me about your family

I’m looking at my wife and son playing on the carpet at home as I write this; they’re completely absorbed in learning about one another. It’s beautiful; I’m a proud man.

My wife is an extrovert and I am an introvert, yet we boast the classic hallmarks of bumbling, indecisive new parents. Much of our recent conversations have been focused on how best to raise our boy … with the dialogue always recycling to how our old lifestyle can be maintained in this “new world”. We have kept up our love for travel, having just taken our baby to Malaysia and Thailand, and are intent on dining out as often as possible.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

After only six months I don’t feel overly qualified to answer this, except to say that I was absolutely in the dark in the first two weeks of parenthood. No matter how much I seemed to read, or how detailed our birth-plan was, nothing could have prepared me for what followed on from labour.

Watching my wife have challenges breastfeeding, and not being able to do much about it except for offering moral support, was probably the largest challenge I’ve had to face, merely because we assumed it would be a straightforward and natural process.

Dan MacDonald, Dads in the Limelight, #limelightdads, dadofdovas.com, dad of divas

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

To new fathers, my advice would be to get involved in as many aspects of the parenting process as biologically possible, make mistakes and learn from them.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This question makes me laugh as it took me some time to accept that my lifestyle had become very different. An interesting fact: I haven’t had a late-night kebab since becoming a father.

What I have realised in the very short time I’ve been “in the game” is the importance of nurturing the relationship with your partner and family. At our wedding, my mother-in-law drew on her wisdom to say: “invest in one another, and your family will reap the benefits”. As a couple, it seemed obvious and easy. With another person to share in the affection, the time and the love I can give, it is easy to forgo this sort of advice. So, to balance the parenthood/outside life equation, we actively try to set aside time for ourselves (as a couple and individually). So far, so good.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

None of my questions about being a father or worries about parenting are original, and that is comforting. So I’ve learnt that I am not alone, and that there are myriad solutions to any and all of my issues. I am as daunted as I am excited about 2014 being my year of the Stay-At-Home dad, so much so that I am joining my wife’s mother’s group to learn more about this parenting caper. There will be other dads joining, so I’ll be sure we’ll be trouble-shooting together.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Always wash your hands after changing your baby’s nappy in south-east Asia. I’ve just contracted meningitis and the doctor’s think I may have got it from the little bloke, who may have got it from eating his feet, which could have been anywhere.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Travelling through Asia, with a teething, rolling and generally uncomfortable infant. “They” told me it would be easy, and that babies were so transportable. Ha.

If you have any questions for Dan, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Jonathan Liu #dadchat

January 30, 2014 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 407th Dad in the Limelight is Jonathan Liu. I want to thank Jonathan for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

Sorry it’s taken me a while! This time of year we’re always swamped. 🙂

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

Most of the time if people have heard of me it’s because I write for GeekDad.com, where I write about board games, books, apps, and being a stay-at-home dad. But once upon a time I was known (around Portland, anyway) as an Etch-a-Sketch artist.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife is a family doctor, and we’ve got three daughters: 10, 7, and almost 8 months. I’ve been staying at home with them for a decade now, and it looks like I’ll be doing this for at least another 18 years.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I think the hardest part has been finding other dads to hang out with in person—I tend to be more of a homebody, which is great for being the at-home parent but not so great for socializing. I know there are great dad groups out there, but keeping my family on schedule means that I don’t always have time for myself. My “me time” usually takes place after everyone else is in bed.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Sometimes my parenting mantra is “It’s not that hard.” Say it to your kids, say it to yourself. But maybe don’t say it to your spouse.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

I’m still working on that. My blogging is something I do from home, so it’s easy to find some time throughout the day and after my kids are in bed to write. I do cover some events from time to time, but most of what I write about is stuff I’m doing at home anyway: playing board games, reading books. Since the older kids are in school, I try to do things like grocery shopping, laundry, and writing when they’re out, so I can be available for homework and things when they get home.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That I’m probably too strict with my kids. I’m no tiger mom, but I don’t give my kids a lot of screen time and they have a pretty early bedtime compared to some of their friends. I’m trying to be more laid back with my kids.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Before my first daughter I’d never changed a diaper before. I didn’t really know what I was doing, and I worried that I might go crazy being a full-time dad, even though it was by choice. But things fell into place, and now I can’t imaginenot staying home with them.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I love when my kids surprise me with things they can do. My oldest daughter beat me at Dominion the first time we played. She has also taken up roller derby this year and it’s been a lot of fun to watch her skating skills improve. For the longest time my second daughter wasn’t interested in reading—she just wanted somebody to read to her—but then I’d catch her sitting quietly by herself poring over books. And when she started writing, she decided it would be really fun to leave notes for everyone. I have one she put in a little handmade envelope that just says “Hmmph.” The third one is still tiny, so her skill set is kind of limited, but I was delighted when she started playing peekaboo herself. Mostly, though, I don’t think of the specific moments as much: I look back on the last ten years as one big rolled-up experience. It’s not all perfect, but on the whole it’s been wonderful.

If you have any questions for Jonathan, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Miki Dedijer #dadchat

January 26, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Our 406th Dad in the Limelight is Miki Dedijer. I want to thank Miki for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge) My family and I live on a farm on the west coast of Sweden. We moved here from the capital of Stockholm in 2005. I left a thriving freelance business as documentary filmmaker to learn to live off the land and create community. It’s been a steep learning curve with loads great lessons. We’ve held a lot of community gatherings on our farm, and offered workshops in nature awareness, permaculture, community-building and other ways to create healthy relationships with our surroundings. As a life coach for dads, I now support nature-loving, culturally creative dads through NaturalDads.com, helping fathers be engaged, available and present with their children.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife and I have two boys aged 4 and 6. They go to a local Waldorf kindergarden (Steiner) which they share with a few other children, sheep, ducks, chickens and a patch of land where they can learn about growing food. At home we share our everyday with a horse, several cats, ducks and chickens. We also have a little puppy Maui, who is a Norsk Lundehund, an amazing breed that used to hang with the Vikings.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I’d say it’s knowing how to center myself whenever I’m triggered by one of my boys. A lot of fathers I know feel the same. We variously know it as our ability to be patient, present or available at all times. It’s a key aspect of being a father, practicing our ability to be vulnerable, loving, compassionate while also setting healthy boundaries for our children.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

My suggestion would be to extend the family so that we as dads have a large circle of support. I don’t believe we can father on our own. My belief is that we need each other to raise our children. Healthy, strong relationships with other adults creates a more diverse social ecosystem where our children can thrive. That includes a healthy relationship to nature. We’re all biologically wired for connection, but for children to make the connections they need good guides and mentors.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

My wife and I are continuously looking to weave the two together.How can we create as much continuity in our lives and our family values? That’s a question that guides us as a couple, and helps us discover and create new pathways to a daily life as parents pursuing their respective gifts.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That I want to spend a lot of time with other fathers together with my children. As a man and a father, I’m limited in my gifts, abilities, beliefs and perceptions. When my boys interact with other fathers, they see how I’m complemented by other men. I’m very experienced in nature, having trained as an ecologist, been a journalist focused on our relationship to the environment, worked as a nature mentor and running our farm. But I’m not very good at constructing or working with tools, playing sports or music. The boys can spend time with other fathers and see that everyone has different gifts. that helps kids accept and even celebrate their differences.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent? The most memorable experience was this summer when our boys experimented with the outdoor toilet in our barn which dates back to 1929. I’ll spare you the details.

Find out more about Mike on his Facebook Page – https://www.facebook.com/CoachMikiDedijer

Also, you can get a free copy of his ebook here – http://naturaldads.com/12-2/three-practices-more-present-dad/

If you have any questions for Miki, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Eric Novak ( @Enviro_Dad ) #dadchat

January 23, 2014 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 405th Dad in the Limelight is Eric Novak. I want to thank Eric for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I’m a 44 year old married, father of four, living in Ajax, Ontario (Suburb of Toronto). I own a media consulting/production company called Modern Media Perspectives and am Editor in Chief of environmental website envirodad.com. I’m an automotive reviewer/journalist and one of only a few that specializes in eco-friendly and family-friendly vehicles. I’m also a keynote speaker on the environment and climate change. I’ve given a TEDx talk and have spoken to more than 25,000 Canadians, including close to 20,000 students about the reality of climate change, sustainability and the media’s role in the debate over climate change.

2) Tell me about your family

I have four children. My eldest son is 11, I have twin sons who are 9 and I have a daughter who is 4. One of my twins has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome while my other two sons have been diagnosed with ADHD.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The biggest challenge has been trying to balance all the demands that come from being self-employed as well as the father of a large family. You could almost say that having your own business is like having another child since it takes so much of your time. Keeping a home office helps, as it allows me the flexibility to be able to help my wife get them to school in the morning and to be home when they get back.

Fatherhood is also a constant learning experience, and I often joke how my eldest son is my “Beta” child since every new stage of his life is a new stage of parenting for me and I am trying to figure out how to parent in this new stage of growing up.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I have always believed in being an activist father and someone who is just as involved in the day to day parenting as is his spouse. Each time my wife was pregnant I tried to attend as many Dr’s appointments with her as I could. Parenting is and should always be a shared responsibility and I encourage father’s to be just as involved with all aspects of parenting as is the mother.

As an environmentalist I also encourage fathers to not view eco-friendly living as ‘alternative’ but rather as mainstream. I’m a pragmatic environmentalist and don’t expect us all to wear Birkenstocks (I don’t own a pair) or hug trees…but rather to understand, incorporate and to teach our children that respecting our environment is an investment in our child’s future – just like saving for their education. As the famous proverb goes “We have not inherited this planet from our ancestors, rather we are only borrowing it from our children.”

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This has always been a big challenge for me. My line of work doesn’t come with 9 to 5 or even Mon to Fri schedules, so the big challenge is always blocking off time where work and outside life don’t mix. I do my very best to keep

weekends as family time and only make rare exceptions to the rule. Admittedly the one area that has sacrificed is with personal time as I almost never find time to do some of the things I love like golfing in warm weather and skiing in the winter. In time I hope to learn how to strike a better balance between business, family and personal time again.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve learned that fatherhood has changed dramatically in the past generation or two. I’ve learned from other Dad’s where I’ve been doing it right and where I need to improve. I’ve learned from other Dad’s that they are struggling with the same issues that I have, but I have also seen how Dad’s prefer to be far more involved in parenting than they used to be.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Fatherhood has been both the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It will challenge you in ways you never could have expected but it will fulfill you in ways you likely never thought were possible.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Being at the birth of all 4 of my children. Seeing my first child being born was likely the most powerful emotional moment I had ever felt. I’ll always remember how awesome it felt when each child was an infant and they fell asleep in my arms. I never forget when I taught my son’s how to ride a bike (still working on my daughter). I’ll also never forget the first time I was invited to speak at the school my children attended and how excited my kids were in the crowd when they saw me. I could list so many more memorable experiences, but for now I’ll just keep them locked up inside.

If you have any questions for Eric, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Scotty Schrier ( @DiaperDads ) #dadchat

January 19, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Our 404th Dad in the Limelight is Scotty Schrier. I want to thank Scotty for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Scotty Schrier. I am a stay/work at home dad. I am an author and I also run the site www.DadsWhoChangeDiapers.com where I list changing stations that are dad-accessible. I also blog periodically about my family and being a dad, as well as toy reviews and the like.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife and I met in highschool. We were actually in a play together. We started dating shortly after graduation and 20 years later, we’ve got two young boys, 4 and 2. We both work from home, so we’re all together as a family unit, almost 24 hours a day.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

It’s a lot of the same challenges most dads have. Balance. I know a lot of dads who have told me they’d love to work from home so they can spend more time with their kids. Which is great. But, working from home, I still have to make sure I unplug and actually interact with my family on a personal and intimate level.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Someone once told me to approach my family with a towel draped over my arm. You know, like the waiters in really snazzy restaurants do. Metaphorically speaking, it allows me to serve my family and keep that in the forefront of my thoughts. It keeps me grounded and keeps me from focusing to much on me. Now, that having been said, I also get ‘me time’ and I make sure my wife has some ‘me time’ when she can unplug and get away from the kids for awhile.

Being home with the kids non-stop, makes it hard to have an outside life. And for a couple of years, I didn’t have any friends outside of my house. It was fine at first, but soon became maddening. So, I reached out to several groups on facebook and the like and that was fine, but I soon realized I needed to get away and connect with other people. So, I started volunteering at our church more, and now, I am the co-host of our weekly “Family Experience” service where I get to interact with the children and their parents every week. This has led to several very meaningful friendships that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Again, it’s all about balance. And it’s work…
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

The more I’ve met the more I realize the ‘bumbling dad’ trope is outdated, outmoded and just plain wrong. Seeing so many different personalities and parenting styles has taught me to step back and evaluate my parenting on a regular basis. While I don’t question my motives in my parenting, because I believe all good parenting is rooted in love. BUT I do question my methods. I’ve learned so many little tricks that help me navigate areas and realize that while some things I did with my first son worked, those same things don’t work at all on my second. Instead of just forging ahead and causing frustration and woe…I step back, take a breath and try a new tact. Or, I go to my dad groups online and ask, “Anyone have a kid that’s done this before? And how did you handle it?”

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far? What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

The most memorable things have been seeing my sons navigate the world. The heartbreak when my oldest fell and needed stitches or when he made a friend at the playground then cried when the boy had to leave. Hearing my youngest son call me “Geggy” because he has trouble with his D’s. The shear and utter joy they get from looking at Christmas lights each year. And that warm feeling you get as a dad when they get scared and need you to protect them. But mostly, it’s those unprompted random times when they just say “Daddy, I love you.” that make every trial and tribulation worth it. Four little words can still rock my world.

If you have any questions for Scotty, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Jack Schaberg ( @Jayschay ) #dadchat

January 16, 2014 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 403rd Dad in the Limelight is Jack Schaberg. I want to thank Jack for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I’m a husband and father of five amazing children, three of whom are out of college and on their own. Our two youngest are juniors at Williamston High School. I work at a media production company and Okemos and have produced a number of films and videos outside of work. I’ve also written several “spec” screenplays in hopes of getting Hollywood’s attention, but no success to date. While I enjoy most sports, I don’t participate in many these days, unless you consider raking leaves or riding a bike around the neighborhood sport. My wife and I enjoy going to the movies when schedules permit, which isn’t nearly as often as the good old days.

As far as being in the limelight, I don’t know that I feel that I am, except on the a few occasions over the past several years, and that would be when one of the films that I made is shown in an actual movie theater. Of course, I had to rent the theater, but that’s a small price to pay! It’s incredibly gratifying to see one’s work on the silver screen, and fun to see all the people who come out to support me and enjoy the movie. As far as being in the limelight, thought, that’s about it.

2) Tell me about your family

Whoops, I already did, mostly. But to amplify a bit, our oldest son is married and living in the Pasadena area. He works at a private school; his wife is a swimwear designer. They love going to Disneyland and are enjoying the “no kids yet” life quite a bit. He and I have written a couple of scripts together that we’re trying to promote.

Our second son is living near Arlington, VA. He’s a graphic designer, artist, illustrator and author of an amazing book called ALPHAMALs. Google it and you’ll be impressed. He’s working for a company that helps Chinese factories improve their energy efficiency. Our daughter is a manager for Target Corporation and lives in Fort Wayne. We’re very proud to say that she got a job right out of college. Way to go! Our twin sons love acting, singing, performing of all kinds. We’ve made a number of YouTube videos; check out the SchayBros. Channel for details. My wife is the Lancome counter manager at Macys in the Meridian Mall.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

That’s an excellent question. I would say keeping the balance of work and being a father always tilted toward the father duties. I’ve always tried to not only “be there” for our kids, but participate in their activities while at the same time letting them do what they

enjoy and not trying too hard to push or steer them in any certain direction, whether it be school, sports, or careers. Growing up, I always dreaded “lecture-time” from my dad and determined somewhere early on in fatherhood not to be a lecturing father. I don’t know that that was a good decision or bad, but thus far, it seems to be working out pretty well. I value the time spent with my wife and kids, and have probably have not pressed as hard to be financially successful as I otherwise might of. While I sometimes second guess myself, it’s hard to when I think about the memories of spending time with my family.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

See answer to #3! :>)

But seriously, I would say decide early on where your priorities lies – because you can’t have it all. Something’s going to suffer to some extent: either your career or your relationship with your kids. Accept it and deal with it. There’s no right or wrong answer, but know that you don’t get any do-overs. I believe that the investment you make in your kids will pay dividends that will never show up in your bank account, but certainly will inside.

So again, I don’t consider myself in the limelight, at least not very often. I guess I have done a bit of standup comedy, and that’s a trip. But day-to-day, I don’t have much of a challenge striking the balance, because there’s plenty of people (myself included) that keep me in line. I really don’t have a good answer for this.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is what I touched on early, that being the idea that you can’t have it all. I’ve seen fathers who shower their children with material goods but spend very little time with them. I’ve seen fathers with nothing to give their kids but their time spent the time very wisely and have seen their kids’ expressions of joy during and after the experience. That’s the kind of thing that sticks with me.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

The cliché about “enjoy your kids while they’re young because they grow up fast” comes to mind. There are plenty of times when you feel overwhelmed or can’t wait until your kids are oldest enough to fill-in-the-blank, but you need to check yourself and realize that this is it. You get once chance so why not jump into parenthood with both feet? I could go on and on, but I won’t.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Way too many things to list, but witnessing their births (four out of five) is something that’s beyond description. And there have been many, many proud moments along the way. Hearing people you don’t know compliment your children, or you on raising good kids, makes it all worthwhile.

If you have any questions for Jack, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Richard Beaty ( @TEAMDAD1 ) #dadchat

January 12, 2014 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 402nd Dad in the Limelight is Richard Beaty. I want to thank Richard for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

Richard Beaty, Dads in the Limelight, #limelightdads, dadofdivas, dadofdivas.com

Back row Richard, Trey & Susan, Front Row Mary Clare, Grace

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am the director of TEAM DAD a federally-funded Responsible Fatherhood program of Douglas-Cherokee Economic Authority, Inc., a community action agency in Morristown, TN. I am blessed to work along seven great people all dedicated to helping guys become better dads. Our program helps guys find jobs, teaches fathering classes and helps link men to community resources. I have a varied background: television news, education, non-profit management, but consider what I do now my giggle job (a giggle job is one you love so much that you giggle on the way to work because you can’t believe someone actually pays you to do what you would do for free).

2) Tell me about your family

My wife Susan and I will soon celebrate 20 years together. We have three great kids: Trey turns 18 this month and is a high school senior. He is an honor student who plays French horn. Grace is 12 and in middle school. She is left-handed and plays the piano. Mary Clare is 10 and in elementary school. She has red-hair and plays my heart strings. Three kids at three different schools right now makes for fun but frantic mornings in the Beaty household. Both Susan and I grew up in very loving families with great sets of parents.

Richard & Mary Clare

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I remember being in the delivery room as our son was born. I had a little welcome speech ready. I was going to say “Welcome to the world, William Richard Beaty the Third.” It would be the first words he would ever hear. I had practiced for weeks. In my head I sounded a little like Lawrence Olivia when I delivered that line. Right before the nurse handed my newborn son over to me she said, “welcome to the world, little one.” I had nothing. I mean what are the odds? And from that moment on I realized that fatherhood is full of surprises and unexpected challenges. It has been not what I expected. It has been better.

The challenges have changed over time. Maybe the biggest one for me right now is the realization that you have to let your kids make a mistake every now and then. My inclination is to want to fix everything and keep any possibility of bad things happening away from them. But we all have to experience some adversity in order to grow. So I am learning to let them make more of their own choices and live with the consequences.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

It’s about time.

My youngest daughter taught me this valuable lesson. Back before the girls were old enough, I would drop my son at school each morning on the way to work. One morning Mary Clare rose early, dressed and asked if she could go with us. That particular day, I could be a few minutes late to work, so I agreed. After we dropped off her brother, we decided to explore a little and drove down a road we had not been on before in search of the lake. We found it and spent just a few minutes lakeside taking in the view.

Richard & Grace

From that day on, she would often remind me of the instant memory by asking, “do you remember that time you took me to the water?” The girls are just 18 months apart in age and are together almost all the time. They share a room and almost everything else. The lake trip made me realize I need to spend time with each alone from time to time.

So my advice for other dads is to remember that time is so important. Not just time with your kids. But as much as possible, time with each child. Those memories of just the two of you will last two lifetimes.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

It is sort of strange directing a fatherhood program all day and then going home and just being dad and husband. With former jobs, I always thought it was important to have a clear separation and tried to not let my day job infringe on home time. But when you are a dad for a living, so to speak, there is a definite blending of both worlds. I do get a daily opportunity to learn something at work that I can immediately apply at home. I also see many discouraged fathers and broken families. Working with dads who sometimes don’t get to see their kids helps me appreciate how blessed I am to have my whole family together. It’s still a challenge. It’s ironic that sometimes I will need to spend time away from my family on nights or weekends in order to do something to promote “responsible fatherhood”. But whenever possible, I include my family in events. They all take a certain pride in what I do.

Trey & Richard

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Both my wife and I had great fathers in our lives. My dad is a man of integrity who lived out his values in front of me. He showed me the importance of hard work and providing for your family. My father-in-law is also a man who did everything in his power to help his kids succeed. He is still a great encourager of his children, even though they are all adults. There are others who have been important role models for me, but those two have had the biggest impact.

Working with fathers through TEAM DAD, I have learned that that no matter your circumstances, the most important thing you can do is love your kids. And the way you show love is to do what is best for them – to put their needs ahead of your own. I see men every day who, despite their situations or challenges, make their children a priority. Each unheralded father’s example inspires me to be a better dad.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

One thing I am proud of is as our son approached middle school, I made a conscious effort to let him know that he didn’t have to pull away from us as he became a teenager. He didn’t have to consider us out-of-touch or the enemy. Most teens feel their parents just can’t understand what they are going through. I had been the same way. I wanted him to know that he could be completely open with me and I would do my best to help him with peer pressure, choice of friends or

Richard and Susan

whatever adolescent landmine that might come along. I also promised to be honest in discussing my own choices and mistakes. He knows he can talk to me about anything. And for the most part he has. As my girls get older, I am trying to make sure to establish the same openness with them.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Some of the best are those simple one-on-one times: the first time my son beat me in a game of basketball, listening to Grace describe the plot of a book she is reading, tying the bow on Mary Clare’s dress before Church. And some are great family memories: picnics at the lake or last summer’s family trip to Washington D.C. or a family game of Monopoly. I love making memories with my family.

If you have any questions for Richard, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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