Dad of Divas

One Dad's Quest to Regain Control of his Kingdom

Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections

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Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter takes intention, patience, and a genuine commitment to growth—for both parent and child. That’s the heartbeat of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” a podcast devoted to helping dads nurture confidence and independence in their daughters. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with returning guest Arpan Shah to discuss what it really takes to create lasting, positive connections, even in challenging circumstances.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

  • Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
  • Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
  • Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
  • Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
  • Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to Work together on these relationships that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Laughter, Listening, and Lessons: Keys to Raising Confident Daughters

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If you’re a dad eager to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’ll want to tune into the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. This episode dives deep into real stories, practical advice, and genuine reflections on the journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode welcomes guest Daryle Brown, a retired director of Social Justice and IT at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and a father of two adult daughters. What emerges is a warm, honest conversation filled with the kind of wisdom every dad could benefit from.

Consistency and Open Communication:
Dr. Christopher Lewis and Daryle Brown emphasize the importance of being consistently present and level-headed in your daughter’s life (03:03), regardless of the circumstances. Daryle Brown shares how maintaining open channels of communication allowed his daughters to feel comfortable coming to him with anything, even the difficult topics.

Balancing Guidance with Independence:
A recurring theme is the challenge of balancing parental guidance with granting daughters the freedom to make their own choices (06:27). Daryle Brown explains how crucial it is to support, not control, and to accept their individualism—even when their paths or decisions differ from our expectations.

Intentional Engagement:
Being an involved dad is about more than just showing up; it’s about active participation (09:35). Whether attending soccer games or offering life advice, Daryle Brown highlights the impact of being genuinely engaged and available during both the ups and downs.

Listening and Patience:
Another heartfelt takeaway is the power of listening—really listening—before offering advice (15:16). Patience is key, both in conversations and in the natural progression of a child’s growth. Daryle Brown also credits humor and shared laughter as essential elements in building enduring connections.

Lasting Wisdom for Dads:
In his closing advice, Daryle Brown urges dads to be patient, listen deeply, and infuse their relationships with laughter. As he reminds us, “Humor is so critical… it just melts the challenges and the difficulties.”

This episode is packed with down-to-earth insights and encouragement. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and discover practical ways to show up as the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and keep building those strong, lasting bonds!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love having you come back to learn, to grow, to be able to find new ways to be able to build those strong relationships that you want to build with your daughters. And that’s why this show exists every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:
I love being able to have you here to gain some hints, some tips, some tricks, some things that you can use right away, to be able to demystify some things and to be able to figure out some ways in which you might be able to adjust what you’re doing, to be able to create those connections. And I do that every week by bringing you different people, people with different experiences that have done fatherhood in different ways. And I love being able to do that because I think all of us can learn even that no matter where we are in this journey of fatherhood. You know, I’ve got two daughters. I know you’ve got daughters, and that’s why this is important. I learned from our guests. I know you do, too. And today we’ve got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Darrell Brown is with us. And Darrel is someone I’ve known for a number of years. He actually was a guest of a past podcast that I did in the past, and I talked to him about fatherhood then, but we’re going to be talking it more. Darrell just retired as the director of Social justice and IT for Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and now is living on a farm. So a little bit different and different experiences, but I’m really excited to be able to talk to him, catch up and talk a little bit more about his own journey with his daughters. Darrell, thanks so much for being here today.

Daryle Brown [00:02:24]:
Thank you. It’s a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]:
Well, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today. And I guess I know you’ve got two daughters. They’re adults now and doing Their things. And I know that they’ve some really amazing things happening in their lives. I’d love to have you think back to your relationship with your daughters and what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special?

Daryle Brown [00:02:47]:
Well, I think that it’s hard to gauge a moment that was just life changing, so to speak. I think what’s been more important in the relationship I have with my daughters is consistency. Them understanding that they could pretty much talk to me about anything, being level headed. When you hear things that may not exactly be along the path that you may want them to go or have them thinking along the lines that you want them to be thinking and to be able to accept their individualism. I think that’s kind of the tone that I’ve taken with them over the years. And it’s worked to the extent that we still communicate very openly, very freely when alcohol or marijuana, those types of things. When my children decided to experiment, so to speak, it was not something that they did secretively. I took my girls out for their first drinks.

Daryle Brown [00:03:38]:
Well, not really, but it was supposed to be that way. I remember now this is my baby daughter, Kamara, my youngest daughter, so she’s 31 now, I think. And I remember her coming to town because she was in college, out of town, she came to town and I remember finding her id, her drinking eligible ID that wasn’t real and being just terribly concerned because what if you get caught with two driver’s licenses and you get pulled over? What kind of damage is that going to do to your whole life? And of course she minimizes, she was like, oh dad, you know, it’s no big deal, everybody does it, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But for me it was, it was very concerning. It was a prayer moment because I know how the system can react to these types of situations and you never know how deep that rabbit hole is going to run. So needless to say, she grew out of that. She’s always been brilliant and that has come to play through these later years. And I think I may have mentioned to you she just defended her dissertation at Harvard and we’ll be going to the graduation in a few weeks.

Daryle Brown [00:04:43]:
So she turned out all right, even though that was a pretty scary moment. But you have those occasions when they will surprise you and not necessarily understand all the ramifications of decisions that they’re making. So my older daughter’s actually been married. She was married for five years and she’s been probably divorced for five years now, maybe longer. We had a interesting. I wouldn’t call it traumatic situation. Again, these things affect me more than they affect them sometimes. So when she was going through her divorce, she didn’t tell anybody? Well, she didn’t tell me there were people that knew her sister, knew my wife’s best friend, Cynthia, knew she had support in that portion of her life, and it just wasn’t me.

Daryle Brown [00:05:29]:
And I don’t think my wife either. And when she finally told us the dirty deed was done, paperwork was signed, it was, like, over. And I think part of it was that she thought that we might try to talk her out of it. And again, that’s my trying to understand why she didn’t tell us about what she was going through at the time. But at any rate, you know, it happened. There were no children involved, so it was pretty much a clean split. I was pretty sad because I liked him, but of course I liked him based on the relationship that he and I had. I wouldn’t have liked him if I had known the relationship that he and my daughter were having.

Daryle Brown [00:06:03]:
So that was. I don’t know if these were monumental or as you had described it earlier. Hopefully they kind of fit in the.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:10]:
Sure. And one of the things that I know, I mean, is that you’ve been busy in your career, and you’ve had lots of different things that you’ve done in your career. You’ve been a busy person, and there’s been lots of things that you’ve balanced as a professional, as a, you know, personally, in your own life, et cetera, and as a father, you have to balance. So talk to me about balance. And how did you balance not only what you were doing, but really how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they became?

Daryle Brown [00:06:38]:
Well, Christopher, it starts with having a good partner. And even though my wife was a career person also, I think early in our marriage, she probably did a lot more with and for the kids than I did. I think I probably got better once we moved to Chicago. Part of the stress was a lot of travel. I did a lot of travel on my job, but we made it through. And I certainly tried to give my kids the attention that I could when we were together. When I was around, I may have been busy with work, but I wasn’t super busy with other stuff. So it was like, yeah, I was busy with work, but I was pretty family focused.

Daryle Brown [00:07:17]:
So, I mean, that helped, I think. I think church helped. The fact that we regularly attended church. As a family, our church happened to have a good child children’s church. So we had that going for us. It was a bit of a challenge moving to Chicago away from family, because, as I may have mentioned before, we moved to Chicago when my youngest daughter was like 2 and my older daughter was maybe 9. So that moving away from the whole support structure that we had in Detroit, lots of family, lots of friends, to a new city, that created a bit of stress, but it also, I think, created a bond. We were very, very lucky to have great neighbors, both on one side of us and behind us, with kids the same age as my younger daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:08:21]:
So that that helped very well. We discovered a wonderful Montessori school for my younger daughter that was a great contributor to kind of a steadiness in. In her life. So a lot of different pieces have to come together. And Christopher, I’ll tell you, the reality is we were very fortunate that we were financially pretty well off. Not rich, but, you know, pay a lot for the bricks in Oak park, so we could afford to live in Oak Park. They have very good schools there. They have an incredible.

Daryle Brown [00:08:56]:
I guess I’ll call it a recreation department for the township. We have two beautiful facilities with pools, and they’ve added things since. I’ve kind of aged out of that group. But, I mean, it was a great town to raise a family. So that’s another thing that went very well. Very fortunate. Between church and picking a good town to live in. Very fortunate.

Daryle Brown [00:09:14]:
I don’t take for granted the fact that we could afford to do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
Every father has to really think about the things that they’re doing to be able to build those bonds. And this show’s all about creating those strong bonds. What are some intentional ways that you worked, either in the past or even currently, to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Daryle Brown [00:09:35]:
First of all, you got to be participatory. If the girls play soccer, you got to go to soccer games, you got to be there. You got to be yelling on the sideline. And more importantly, don’t get me in trouble on this. You have to be able to give them that additional coaching that the coach may not give them. So there was this one team, and this is a soccer league. They were just incredible. They had great players at every position.

Daryle Brown [00:09:59]:
They had speed, they had attitude. And the attitude was the part where I had to coach my daughter. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of playing the dozens. Have you ever heard about playing the dozens? That’s kind of an African American community thing. And it’s when you talk about people’s parents. So my daughter was complaining about how these girls are always talking about us, but I can’t hardly get my head wrapped around it. And I said, next time she does that, you just look her in the eye and say, your mama, and keep it moving. So, you know, sometimes your teachings are a little unorthodox.

Daryle Brown [00:10:32]:
And mom was not happy. Mom was not happy about it. But the reality is, it’s something that me and. Me and Kamara still laugh about today because it worked. You know, it’s just kind of shocking. Just like, what did she just say? So, yeah, I taught my daughter how to play the dozens. I’m not proud, but it happened. So just to say, though, the point of it is, you got to be engaged to the point where, you know, they tell you what’s going on, they tell you their ups and their downs, and they seek your counsel.

Daryle Brown [00:11:01]:
And sometimes the coaches can get them through it, but sometimes the parents have to kind of boost them. Now, I. I will say one of my disappointments was when Kamara was about to move from green belt to brown belt in karate and instead said, dad, I’m done with karate. And that was it. She never went back to another class. And I. I had lots of conversation about it, and nope, didn’t work a comparable thing for my older daughter, Nia. So I don’t know if this is great communications, but when she was going to college, decisions.

Daryle Brown [00:11:37]:
So she had decided that she wanted to go to Boston College. And the reason why was that Boston College, as it had a great international relations program, and she was talking about international relations, they had lots of opportunities to travel abroad, and my wife and I relented, and it was outside of our range, but we said, okay, this is going to be great for you. This is what you want to do. And so she’s up there at orientation, and she’s calling home, just kind of check in, blah, blah, blah. And she says, oh, and I changed my major to psychology. And I’m like, psychology, psychology. Every school in the country has a psychology program. So she ended the conversation with, dad, you ruining my best day ever.

Daryle Brown [00:12:20]:
So I like to tell you I work my way out of that, but I didn’t. She was mad at me for some time, but. So all the communications we do are not necessarily going to bear fruit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:32]:
No, they’re not. They’re not. They’re definitely not all going to bear fruit, as you mentioned. And none of us are infallible. We are human. And we make mistakes. I guess, as you think about fatherhood for yourself and raising your daughters and even, or even today with adult daughters, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father? And what did you learn about it from. No.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
And what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:13:02]:
I don’t know if I list this as a mistake, but this past Christmas, we vacationed in Jamaica with my older daughter’s partner and his family, and things were going great. We had a great time. But the roads on this particular island were loaded with potholes. And so we’re driving. I don’t know, we may have been driving to the airport with the rental car, and my daughter was in the front seat, my Navigator, but she kept trying to tell me where to drive on the road. You’re too close to the center. You’re too close to the edge. You’re too close to this.

Daryle Brown [00:13:32]:
And we got into basically a screaming match to the point where when we finally got to the airport, I was like, just get out. And we ended up as. I don’t know what exactly went wrong, but we ended up missing our flight and having to reschedule. And as far as I was concerned, it was her fault. And I was like, don’t, don’t. I won’t talk to you. And I would say that the lesson learned is give it time. Because we were a heated argument, we’re fussing at each other.

Daryle Brown [00:13:59]:
We don’t want to speak to each other anymore, and we didn’t for, I don’t know, two, three weeks maybe. Eventually, we talked again. We didn’t go back into this conversation, however. We just picked it back up, you know, So I don’t know how great that advice is. It would just be, hey, sometimes you just got to let it go. There’s not going to be a person that’s right or a person that’s wrong, and you just have to, you know, just have to move on. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay not to define who was

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:24]:
right as you think about your daughters, too. Every one of us, as fathers, have to find ways to be able to show our daughters that they are valued and heard. What did you do intentionally to help your daughters to feel that they truly were valued and heard?

Daryle Brown [00:14:41]:
Well, I have a background in restorative justice practices, but that came later. I think I’ve just been fortunate to have been in situations and places where listening was important. In rj, certainly listening is important. My wife and I participated in a Program, I don’t know, 40 years ago, maybe 35 years ago, where we went into schools and we taught. I say taught, but it was kind of an enrichment type program in struggling schools. And as part of that, one of the important components was learning to listen and hearing people. And there are lots of other things to it, and a lot of those we implemented in how we raised our own children. But I think the important thing is being able to hear them out.

Daryle Brown [00:15:26]:
Before you offer up your life wisdom, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn. I think being available to listen. I think my daughters have always felt like they could talk to dad, that there was no subject that they couldn’t broach with me. I mean, I. I’ve been in lots of conversations about boyfriends. I certainly would tell them if a boyfriend rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, I let them have their own age appropriate experiences, I would say. And I think that’s worked pretty well. They’re going to make their mistakes with their relationships.

Daryle Brown [00:15:57]:
I made a few myself. So I think I lucked out and found a good gal. And we celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. So as she reminded me recently, when I came down here, before we were married, we came down to the farm, this is the farm that we’re living at now, to meet Uncle Fred and Ahmaud and help them celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. And my wife was like, this is how we do it in my family. So that’s been a mantra of ours that we’re shooting for 75 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]:
That would be an amazing milestone for you.

Daryle Brown [00:16:30]:
40 is good for me too. Now it’s a matter of living right, eating right. Let me tell you, this farm life, I’ve only been doing it for maybe four weeks, really being here all the time. And it’s a great exercise program.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:45]:
I can only imagine. Now, I know both of your daughters are very different people. They went off and are doing very unique things, different than each other, and had different dreams, passions. Talk to me about how you supported your daughters in pursuing those dreams and passions.

Daryle Brown [00:17:05]:
I think you just have to be there on the. During the down times, when things are going great for them, all you have to do is ride along. But when things aren’t going great, when they’re stressing out about tests or milestones and things that need to come up, being able to talk them back from the edge with confidence, understanding that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world. But at the end of the day, you got this. You’ve got a whole history of success behind you. There’s no reason in the world that you should be stressing yourself out about whatever comes next. I mean, it’s just another step. I’ve had those phone calls when they were both of them on their own paths where they were just not feeling it.

Daryle Brown [00:17:47]:
I think that Camara, when she was working her way through her PhD, she took a year off. And some of my friends that had been through programs like that said that sometimes that’s good. Of course, as a parent, your concern is that they’re never going back. This is the end of the road. Not the kind of stuff I would ever share with her. I may have negative thoughts creeping in my head, but I would not share that. My conversations with her were always supportive and uplifting. And you can do this and just stick to it, take some time off, get your head together and then get back to it and you’ll be fine.

Daryle Brown [00:18:18]:
Similarly, Nia had her struggles when she was in law school. Law school is a burden. And a lot of it they do on purpose. You know, it’s a weeding out process and we managed our way through it. But I think for us parents, we need to be able to bear some of that internally and not necessarily be in that same rhythm. When they’re down. We can’t be down with them. We have to be that positive, that positive notion that kind of brings them up a little.

Daryle Brown [00:18:45]:
You’re not going to necessarily bring them from a depression of getting a C minus on one of your law school papers. You’re not gonna bring them up immediately, but you need to stay positive. I think that’s the moral of the story. As parents, we need to stay positive. They don’t need the pressure of us leaning too hard on them. We need to be able to help them get back on an even keel and not be down there waddling in the mud with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:09]:
One of the other questions that I wanted to ask goes down to, and this could be from the past or currently, is what’s one way that you show your daughters that they can always count on you?

Daryle Brown [00:19:20]:
I think that unfort I’m not as good at this with my wife as I am with my daughters, is not overreacting, not getting out of phase, not getting angry, not showing anger, being able to maintain that equanimity. I think that’s important. They have to be able to know when they come to you with something that they know is going to piss you off, that you’re not going to go over the edge about it and that you’re going to be able to deal with them and deal with the conversation or whatever the struggle or helping them with a solution that you’re going to be able to do that without overreacting. I think that’s a very important thing and not easy, not easy to always master. And as I said, you know, it’s okay to walk away sometimes if you feel yourself going over the edge, because I don’t know how many chances a child gives you if you continually go over the edge, yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, whatever. I don’t know how many chances you get if that’s going to be your reaction, because pretty soon they’re going to seek other people to. To get that kind of counsel. So that would be a caution for parents, especially young parents.

Daryle Brown [00:20:23]:
You can’t be jumping edge every time they do something that makes you mad. They’re kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit further into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Daryle Brown [00:20:35]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:20:39]:
I’m struggling between warm and humorous.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:41]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Daryle Brown [00:20:46]:
You know, I think that for me, I grew up in a relatively complicated dad orientation. I had a genetic father, I had an adopted father, and then I had a stepfather. So I had three men that could be framed as dads. And I would say that the lessons, the lessons I learned from my stepfather and the kindness that he displayed to my mother and me, his own children, to some degree, that is a model that I’ve used. So I don’t know how that fits your question, but I have more of a model that guides me than anything else. Else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:23]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together? And it could be different for each daughter.

Daryle Brown [00:21:30]:
Cook.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Daryle Brown [00:21:35]:
Take time to have fun. And we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Daryle Brown [00:21:42]:
I think I’ve learned how to be patient. I’ve learned how things don’t happen right away. And by the way, daughters helped me learn that. Gardening helped me learn that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:51]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Daryle Brown [00:21:59]:
First of all, be patient with them. Listen, have fun. Laugh. Oh, my God. Laugh. That’s. That’s critical. My daughters and I, we laugh.

Daryle Brown [00:22:08]:
We have fun together and we laugh a lot. Everybody can’t be a comedian and my wife will tell you that I crack myself up. But definitely humor is so critical in any relationship. It just melts the challenges and the difficulties and the differences. So have fun with each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:24]:
Well, Daryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing all that you have shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Daryle Brown [00:22:32]:
Oh boy. You know, I’m. I’m retired and I’m just kind of building my socials in a new direction. So I would say just send me an email for now. Darrell D A R Y L e q@gmail.com my link tree is justice work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. We’ll make sure to put links in the notes today. And as I mention mentioned, I really appreciate your time. I wish you the best in your farming journey and I look forward to hearing more about what this journey brings.

Daryle Brown [00:23:04]:
I’ll be tapping into you when I get some stuff going. I got a few things. I got eight trees planted. By the way, it’s a hell of a lot harder to plant a tree than you think. I got some big pots, I got some wildflowers, little things because I got whole fields I got to worry about. But we’ll get to that. Next Thursday we’re going to start the cultivating and the tilling and. And it’s a farmer’s life for me.

Daryle Brown [00:23:23]:
Oh, that’s a pirate’s life. Oh, I missed it. Wrong one. Christopher, wonderful. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being, being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:03]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world you down Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Lead with Love: How Dads Shape Strong, Compassionate Young Women

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If you’re a dad hoping to build a closer, more meaningful relationship with your daughter, you won’t want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis invites educator, coach, mentor, and author Chad Mitchell to share stories and insights from his life as a father of two daughters (and six children total), as well as lessons from his new book, “Change Your Game.”

The Power of the Everyday Moment

One of the central themes Chad Mitchell brings to the conversation is the importance of the “little things.” As a father and now a grandfather, he reflects that the most meaningful moments with his daughters weren’t grand gestures or planned events, but simple time spent together—talking, listening, and just being present. It’s a reminder for all dads: you don’t have to be perfect or extraordinary for your daughter. What matters most is showing up authentically, creating spaces for laughter, listening, and sharing life’s ups and downs.

Balancing Guidance and Independence

Chad Mitchell is candid about his own journey learning how to guide his daughters while also giving them the independence to grow. He admits he was stricter with his first daughter, loosening up with experience. His key realization? Letting your children choose their own paths—whether in sports, music, or academics—helps them build confidence and resilience. He encourages dads to support their daughters’ unique interests, learn from mistakes (their own and their kids’), and “choose your battles wisely.”

Raising Leaders, Not Just Followers

A recurring lesson from Chad’s book and the episode is that leadership isn’t defined by age, popularity, or formal titles but by influence, kindness, integrity, and everyday choices. Dads play a unique role in helping daughters see themselves as leaders—right now, not just in the future—by labeling them as such and recognizing the ways they impact those around them.

Connection Through Listening and Vulnerability

Perhaps most powerful is the call for empathetic listening. Chad Mitchell believes that being fully present—with eye contact, without distractions—opens the door to trust and deeper connection. Sharing your own struggles and vulnerabilities, as appropriate, helps daughters realize they’re not alone in facing life’s challenges.

If you want real stories, practical wisdom, and encouragement for your journey as a dad, listen to this episode. You’ll leave inspired to engage more deeply, support your daughter’s dreams, and grow together, one honest conversation at a time.

Tune in and discover how you can truly connect with your daughter today!

If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships, those connections that we have with our own daughters, working to help to make them be the strongest that we want them to be, the strongest that they can be. And we do that by learning, by growing, by continuing to look beyond ourselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And that’s why every week, I love being able to have you here and being on this journey with me. Today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we’re joined by someone who has dedicated his life to empowering young people to lead, to serve, and to believe that they matter. Chad Mitchell is a educator, a coach, an author, and mentor, and has a new book called Change youe Game. And it in this book, it really reminds us that leadership isn’t about age or status or titles. It’s about influence, kindness, integrity, and the everyday choices that we make. Chad has spent many years helping young people discover their voice and. And their courage. And today we’re going to talk to him about being a dad himself, a father of six, but we’re also going to talk to him about being a father of two daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
But we’re going to talk to him about this book, too, and gain a little bit more perspective about his own journey, but also some of the things that he’s learned along the way in working with youth in this way. So really excited to have him here. Chad, thanks so much for being here today.

Chad Mitchell [00:02:21]:
Chris, thanks for having me. I’m super excited. The intro just gives me goosebumps. I’m great. I love. I love this subject matter. I love my daughters. I love young women, and it’s going to be exciting time.

Chad Mitchell [00:02:32]:
Thanks for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here and to chat with you today and having two daughters, I know that your kids range in age from 17 to 35, so every child is a little bit different and your daughters came interspersed between the sons that you have as well. And I guess as you think about your two daughters, what are some of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made them so special?

Chad Mitchell [00:03:01]:
What are the most meaningful moments with my daughters? You know, it’s interesting that I would think they’re not if you. In the moment, they were just little things, Chris. They’re not. I mean, there’s probably a couple things like a daddy daughter dance that I would have taken my girls to when we lived in, in Chicago area, but I think a lot of them are just time together, listening, talking, smiling, and just doing really simple, seemingly mundane things. But as I get older and we have five grandchildren, all of them daughters, and I get to spend time with my daughters, being mothers now, it is the simple things. It’s holding a baby, it’s, you know, going to the store with them. It’s just really just that relationship. And there are so many little things that go into having a good relationship.

Chad Mitchell [00:03:51]:
And I would say just those moments of us together not doing anything fancy or crazy, but just enjoying each other and being each other’s company and sharing hard things, sharing sad things, sharing fun times and sharing silly dad jokes which they grown at still. But that’s all right. That comes with the territory.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:08]:
It does come with the territory. I’m not good at telling dad jokes. And when I say something that I probably didn’t mean to be a dad joke, I do get the groans too. So I completely understand that now. I know both of your daughters are grown and they’re adults, but as you think back to them growing up and you think back to the things that you did to help them become the women that they are today, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the women that they did become?

Chad Mitchell [00:04:39]:
So I think of Taylor Swift’s recent song Eldest Daughter, and I love the phrase that she talks about. Eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter. And so I will, I’ll be the first to say, Chris, I’m a much better dad today than I was when our first daughter was born. So I don’t know how good a job I did back then, you know, as a first time parent. And you know, you have two daughters and that first one you probably handle differently than you’re handling the second one. And I don’t mean that in a pejorative way, but you just learn a lot. And so I think I was much better with Chloe second daughter in terms of not trying to protect her from everything and trying to keep her from dealing with hard things. And so one great way to give them independence and let them create their own path is to try what they want to try.

Chad Mitchell [00:05:26]:
And whether that’s sports, whether that’s acting, whether that’s music, whether that’s cooking. I mean, giving your kids freedom to do and choose how they want to spend some of their time is a huge thing. And I’m a football guy, and so I wanted my kids to try football, except for my daughters. And that’s a whole nother story that Caitlin would love to tell you about how she was the one shot at letting having a football player, and I told her she couldn’t because she was a girl. Forgive me, Caitlin, but, you know, the kids didn’t gravitate to football, and so we needed to let them do lacrosse and let them do soccer and let them do music. And so I think just giving the kids the ability to choose their own way as early as we can in a safe way, is a huge part of helping them be independent and also learn from mistakes along the way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:13]:
Speaking about mistakes, all of us do make mistakes. We’re human. And as our children are born, there is no manual to tell us how to be a dad. And hopefully we’ve had some good role models along the way, but not every father does. So, as you think back to raising your daughters and having them be coming up through their ages into adulthood, what’s a mistake that you know that you did make as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering either a better positive connection or something else?

Chad Mitchell [00:06:45]:
So I will say that my dad was fairly strict. He was in the army as drill sergeant. And so you talk about role models and mentors, and we have those for good and ill. And my dad taught me a lot of great things. But like every parent, right, There are some things that I observed and saw that were not the best thing to do as a parent. And so I think being strict, as I already mentioned, with my eldest daughter and even with with Chloe, our fourth child, I wish I would not have been so strict. And it’s okay to be strict sometimes, but as my wife says, choose your battles wisely. Right? Is it really important to be strict about this thing that doesn’t matter at all? Because that was my experience growing up.

Chad Mitchell [00:07:29]:
Probably not. Do we need to be strict about, hey, you do your homework first, and then you go and play, and that’s the rule. And sure, there’s little exceptions because of unique circumstances, but, you know, the exceptions can’t swallow the rule. So I was too strict with my kids. I got better, and I’m even much better today, but it’s still a challenge, and I wish I wasn’t so strict. And so dad’s out there listening, you know, find those. Find those things that don’t matter as much and let things go. So we’re not constantly harping on or, you know, talking to our kids about little things as opposed to the things that matter most, which is them feeling loved by us and getting a lot of positive feedback from us, as opposed to, hey, did you do this? Why haven’t you done that? You missed this spot on the lawn.

Chad Mitchell [00:08:21]:
I mean, very practical things that some you follow up on, but a lot of them I’ve found out, they’re not important enough to degrade the relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:29]:
Every one of us as fathers have to balance that. Like you were talking about the support and the challenge as we are working with our daughters, thinking about how you supported your daughters, how did you support your daughters in pursuing their dreams and their passions that they had for themselves?

Chad Mitchell [00:08:50]:
I would show up. Sometimes it was just a supportive parent in the stands or in the audience. Sometimes it was stepping up to be the coach because they didn’t have a coach. Sometimes it was, you know, taking off work and going to see them do a presentation at school. I think showing up, Kris, is one of the most important things we can do and make sure you show up in the right role that you have. Because when I’m not a coach, I don’t need to show up for my kids at their soccer game and coach them. I’m there to cheer them on. I’m there to be supportive of them and their team.

Chad Mitchell [00:09:23]:
And they have a coach. Let that coach do their job. Chad’s not coaching. Chad doesn’t need to coach. My kid at soccer, I’m there to cheer and support. So I think showing up and showing up in a way that’s going to be supportive and listening and just enjoying the moment and enjoying whatever the result is. If it’s a loss, there’s an opportunity to learn something from that. Right? If it’s a game that doesn’t go well, there’s an opportunity to learn something from that.

Chad Mitchell [00:09:50]:
And if it’s an awesome game and your daughter hustles and maybe doesn’t score a basket but plays super hard, oh, that’s so much to celebrate, right? Just showing up and giving it great effort, man. There’s a lot of success in that little simple recipe right there. So reward that. Be excited about that when that happens, point that out in our daughter’s lives. When we see that that can change maybe a bad or a situation that they’re not excited about, to see the good in it and see the way that they put forth effort which we can all control and turn it into a positive. Everything can be a positive if we look at it from the right perspective.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:28]:
Now I mentioned that you have a new book called Change youe Game and it is a leadership book. It has has a lot of leadership principles within it, but it’s more than just that. It, as I looked through it and, and read through parts of it, it’s a, it’s a guide that really helps young people understand their value, their influence and the power that they have to change the world around them. I love the fact that you use stories and science and use some reflection prompts through with, along with real life examples. And you invited all of us as readers to see that leadership isn’t about age or popularity. It’s about, as I said at the beginning, integrity, kindness, courage, and the choices that we make every day. So as an author myself, I know how much time, passion, effort goes into putting something out into the world. So I guess before we dive too deep into some questions about the book itself, talk to me about the genesis story of why this book, why this topic, and why you wanted to put it out into the world.

Chad Mitchell [00:11:32]:
So why this book? So it was October 17, 2020 that I started writing this book. I went back once I got it published. It’s not available yet. It’ll be available in January. But I went back to say how long have I been working on this? When did I actually start? So I went back and looked at my files and it’s been five years and it was in Covid I was coaching, I coached spring lacrosse in Washington State, boys high school sport. And so that got cut off right before we had a game. I think the Thursday before we had a game on, on our first game of the season on everything got turned topsy turvy and we up here in Washington State, we did not have a season. So there’s a lot of extra time that I had on my hands and a lot of reflection, as I’m sure all of us did or most of us did during the unexpected Covid that shut down many parts of our lives about what matters, what’s important to me.

Chad Mitchell [00:12:24]:
And as I saw young people struggling with the reality of COVID and what it did to daily life. I was just trying to figure out a way that I could help beyond just the kids who I have influence over through church, through our neighborhood, through our community. And I felt like I should start writing this book. And so I started writing it, and it really. I don’t know that, Chris. I don’t know. That’s a book I could have written five years ago. As you said, I’ve been working with you since I was 18.

Chad Mitchell [00:12:53]:
The first time I coached youth sports was when I was still in high school. Someone asked me to help with a soccer team. So I have a lot of the experience, but I think the nuance and the perspective, you know, I’ve gone through some counseling, some therapy, and I just felt like I was finally at a point where I was comfortable enough with myself and really was trying to do it for the right reason, just to help youth and help us as adults figure out a way to tap the potential that our youth have, that the time was right. And so, yeah, a lot of time, a lot of energy. I asked myself, I’d be curious if you did this when you’ve written your books, Chris, is anyone going to read this? Is it going to make a difference? Am I wasting my time? Because so much time and a couple points along the way, I felt like this is worth doing. And lo and behold, here we are five years later, and it’s coming out into the world, which is super exciting. But I really would love to hear the answer to my question from you, Chris. Did you have imposter syndrome and doubts about whether this was the best use of your time as you slog through what a really hard thing to do in writing a book.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:55]:
Imposter syndrome is definitely real, and you will always feel that way. And you’ll have your people that you know will always say something nice. If your parents are still around, they’re going to say nice things. Your family’s going to say nice things. But it comes down to, okay, what are other people saying? People that you don’t know. And you have to always just kind of turn a blind eye to naysayers because you’re. There are always trolls out there, but there are people that will come out of the woodwork, and inevitably you’re going to find that people do really like it and that people will resonate with it. So keep moving forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:29]:
That’s all I can say at this point.

Chad Mitchell [00:14:30]:
Awesome. Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement, and it sounds like we had a very similar experience. But one more question. Doesn’t anyone go through Imposter syndrome before they make it. Because at some point, aren’t we all imposters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:43]:
Yes, we always are. You always fake it till you make it and you hear that mantra. But it’s very true. And I think a lot of our kids do feel that they have to be perfect, especially kids these days. And that’s a challenge right now. I think as parents, we have to work with our daughters to be able to help them to see that they just need to be who they are, they don’t have to be perfect and that nobody’s expecting them to be perfect in any way.

Chad Mitchell [00:15:10]:
Social media makes that so hard, makes it so hard for our young men and young women to not feel like they have to live up and measure up to the artificiality they see on a constant basis through their phones.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:22]:
Well, and so many filters. And seeing the non reality of what life really looks like when you look at people through the lens of an iPhone and through the filter filters that are provided there, it can make anybody look great and make the reality of a person’s life look very different than what the reality really is now. You know, your book mentions and emphasizes that young people are not too young to lead and that their influence on peers is far greater than adults often realize. How can dads empower their daughters to see themselves as leaders right now, not someday in the future?

Chad Mitchell [00:15:58]:
Yeah, great question. And so one of the things I talk about in the book is labeling a leader, and I’m not sure exactly why, but calling our daughters leaders as opposed to saying they’re leading or they have leadership. But using the noun calling them a leader actually is more effective than labeling it something else. And so one of the things I’ve done with my kids in my learning journey, Chris, is will tell me how you are a leader today at school. And he may, or Chloe or, you know, it doesn’t matter if you’re a son or a daughter. And they may say, you know, Chloe may say, well, I don’t know that I was dad. I said, well, did you have a discussion with any of your friends? Tell me about that. And you ask questions in the appropriate setting.

Chad Mitchell [00:16:44]:
Right. Depending on your age of your daughter, she may not be interested in having that discussion with you. My experience is daughters are more open to having these discussions than a certain age of boys are. But I think you can point out little things to them that they don’t think of as being a leader and label that a leader and talk to them about them being a leader and help them connect that, yes, this Little thing I do, saying hi to my friend in the hallway and asking them what they’re excited about and then actually listening to their answer and remembering their answer. That’s a great leader, right? That’s connection with their peer. That’s helping somebody else feel seen and cared about and respected. And it’s so our kids don’t think about it that way generally. And so our role as dads is point that out to our daughters and help them explore that and see that and how that can have such a positive impact on their peers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:40]:
One of the other things that I really liked in the book was throughout the book, you draw a line between integrity and inner peace. When, as you said, our shoes fit our feet, life feels right. How can dads help their daughters choose integrity, especially when fitting in or pleasing others, feels easier?

Chad Mitchell [00:18:00]:
I think the foundation that we need to try and give our daughters, Chris, is what I do in the book is explore principles. Right? If we have a foundation of principles that we try and use to guide our lives, then it’s going to be easier for our kids to understand why it’s important to be consistent with our principles. I mean, what principles are there? On just a random day on social media, there are no principles. Or if there are principles, the overarching principles are throw shade at other people. Look at me, I’m so cool. I have all these material things. And it’s so easy to get caught up in as we talk about in the book. But when we have principles that help govern our lives, such as I care about other people more than I care about material things, as a dad, I tell my daughters I love them and I love them more than anything else in the world.

Chad Mitchell [00:18:53]:
Right? And if they know that love is one of the principles that I care about and I show that to them, guess what they’re going to care about? They’re going to care about love. And that’s going to be an aspect of a principle, that they determine how it fits into their world. And so when we teach them principles about love, doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, being kind to others, being honest with others and yourself, it’s those principles rising to the surface in difficult situations. They’re going to help them make the right choice. And when they don’t make a right choice, we should have taught our daughters about making mistakes is part of the process, Right? Some of the greatest growth I’ve had is mistakes. Do my kids know that? Do my daughters know that? Absolutely. And I think that helps with. That’s got to Be one of the principles is mistakes are a part of life.

Chad Mitchell [00:19:42]:
We’re going to make them. The real question is, what do we do when we make them? It’s not are we going to make them? It’s how do we react when we make a mistake? And so that’s a great question, Kris. I don’t know that I did your question justice with my answer, but that’s what I got right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:55]:
A number of your stories that you share talk about those that are Natural Helpers and Hope Squad, and you talk about that in your book. And it also relates to moments where young people saved lives simply by being trusted peers. What do you believe that dads can do to help their daughters become this type of friend that others feel safe talking to?

Chad Mitchell [00:20:16]:
The most important thing that a dad may be able to instill in his daughter’s, his daughter or daughters, I think is empathetic listening. And I talk about that in the book, Chris. And what I mean by that is whole self listening. You know, if someone is sharing with me a problem, so think about this as having a discussion with your daughter or she trying to have a discussion with you. The, the optimal way to do that is to put your phone away, is to sit and look at the person. It’s to not be distracted by other things. It’s actually not to think about what am I going to say in response to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me. It’s I need to listen to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me.

Chad Mitchell [00:20:56]:
I need to give them eye contact. I need to give them positive feedback that yes, I hear you. Keep going, keep telling me more. And it’s through that listening that we’re actually going to figure out things that we won’t know unless we can have that empathetic listening and the discipline to be in the moment, to care more about what that person is saying than what we feel or what we want to do. And that is life changing. And you’re right, Chris, in the story we talk about, you know, Hope Squad, they have had great success in reducing the number of suicides in the schools that they’re at by helping our young people understand how important it is for these trusted peers to listen to their peers and then to be trained so that if someone is showing suicide ideation, they know what to do. And so I think listening and being in the moment and mirroring and practicing that with our daughters. And I don’t mean practicing it in a way that is artificial, but I mean, dads step up, figure out how to do this because Anyone can do it.

Chad Mitchell [00:22:02]:
Step up how to listen effectively to our daughters. And, you know, if you’re doing it already, great, fabulous. If you’re not, watch that relationship improve immensely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:11]:
You have a lot of examples in the book also, such as Malala, Martin Luther King Jr. Huck Finn, people that were struggling or wrestling with courage, convictions, and choosing purpose over fear. How can dads invite their daughters into conversations about purpose, values, and doing the right thing, even when it might be hard?

Chad Mitchell [00:22:35]:
Being a dad is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And so we signed up for hard things when we decided to be a dad. Right, Chris? I think being appropriately vulnerable with our daughters is a good thing. When we struggle with things, I think it’s appropriate and good to share that with our daughters so that they understand that dad is just not this guy who bites down on his mouthpiece, grits his teeth and does things that are hard without feeling that they’re hard. You know, he’s just built that way. No, our daughters need to understand we struggle with those things. And sometimes we make mistakes, and sometimes we’re scared, and sometimes we don’t know what to do because guess what? They’re having all those same experiences.

Chad Mitchell [00:23:17]:
But so often kids look at adults and they don’t understand the struggles that adults are going through. And so I think as dads, really connecting our appropriate experience that are hard for us, that are challenging for us, where we make mistakes that are appropriate to share with our daughters based on their age, based on their circumstances, based on what we’re going through, I think that’s a great way for our kids to see the reality of what it means to live a life. It’s hard. There’ll be challenges, we’ll make mistakes, but hey, dad can do it. He’s not as funny as he thinks he is, and he can do it. I can do it, too. And I’m going to take confidence and examples from my dad, both his positive things and his negative things and the times he screwed up and use those to get through life when I do those same things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Now, Chad, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions, they delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? You bet.

Chad Mitchell [00:24:09]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:14]:
Love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:14]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:18]:
I don’t know who to attribute this to, but it’s dads Love your mother. Let your daughter see how you love their mother. Because we want our girls to choose that type of relationship for their spouses. And I know some of our listeners probably divorced. I haven’t had that experience. I’m. I’m sensitive to it. And I would say, again, not having had that experience, if you can still love your wife at some level, your ex wife, I mean, that’s going to help everyone in that relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Chad Mitchell [00:24:50]:
Going for walks, especially walks on the. On the Oregon coast. One of my favorite things. I love it. Hikes. Well, I love going hiking with the girls. I’m not sure they always like to go on the hikes, but we always had a good time, the way I remember it, at least.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:02]:
Chris, if you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:08]:
Follow Jesus Christ.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:09]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:14]:
I got a lot to work on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:22]:
Be authentic. Don’t hide the hard parts of life from your daughters. You know, as appropriate, invite them into that. Let them see that there are things that you’re great at, but there are also things that you struggle with, things that you’re unsure about, because they’re going to have all those experiences. And I think you equip them better to deal with them if you can have those discussions about your experiences when you’re a father and their experiences as they go through teenagehood, which we know is a huge challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:50]:
Well, Chad, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today and for sharing everything that you’ve shared. If people want to find out more about you or the book, where should they go?

Chad Mitchell [00:25:57]:
Well, I appreciate you having me on, Chris. This has been really fun. You ask really good questions. So hopefully these help the dads. If you want to find more out about me or my book, you can go to my website, jchadmitchell.com and the book will be available in January. And it’s change your game. Empowering young leaders to ditch doubt, find their voice, and impact the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:21]:
Well, that wraps up today’s conversation with Chad Mitchell and what a powerful reminder it was that our daughters matter. Their voices matter, their choices matter, and their leadership matters. As dads, we have the privilege of walking alongside them as they discover who they are and the impact they can have. Thank you for being a part of this community of fathers committed to raising strong, confident, compassionate young women. And if this episode encouraged you in any way, share it with another dad. We’ll see you next week on the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:57]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Teaching Life Skills in a Fun and Engaging Way

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We want our daughters to grow into confident, capable, and independent young women—and that starts with giving them the tools to thrive in everyday life.

But teaching life skills doesn’t have to feel like a chore, for you or for her. It can be:

  • A bonding activity
  • A confidence builder
  • A memory maker

And when it’s fun, she’ll want to keep learning more.

3 Ways to Make Life Skills Fun and Engaging

1. Turn It Into a Mini-Challenge

Take something simple—like cooking dinner, pumping gas, or sorting laundry—and turn it into a challenge.

  • “Let’s see who can fold the most shirts in two minutes.”
  • “You’re in charge of dinner tonight—but I’ll be your assistant chef!”
  • “Let’s create a $20 grocery list together and see what healthy meals we can make.”

This makes her feel empowered. She’s not just helping—she’s leading. And when you bring some friendly competition or creativity, she’ll lean in instead of zoning out.

2. Use Real Life as a Classroom

Life skills don’t have to be “taught” in a sit-down lesson—they’re everywhere.

  • Grocery store trip? Talk about comparing prices, reading labels, or budgeting.
  • Car ride? Teach her how to check the oil or change a tire.
  • Paying bills? Explain how to track expenses or save up for something important.

The key is to involve her—not just tell her. Ask questions. Invite her to try. Let her mess up and learn from it. That’s real growth.

3. Make It a Shared Project

Want to teach organization, planning, or teamwork? Start a project together.

  • Build a birdhouse
  • Plan a weekend getaway
  • Start a garden
  • Set a savings goal for something fun

Projects are a great way to sneak in multiple life skills while building something meaningful side-by-side. It becomes less about the lesson and more about the journey you take together.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Pick one life skill your daughter hasn’t mastered yet—and teach it in a way that’s fun.

Maybe it’s:

  • Cooking a meal while listening to her favorite playlist
  • Creating a savings goal for something she wants
  • Turning laundry into a timed “level-up” game
  • Make it memorable. Make it fun. And make sure she knows:
    “I’m not just teaching you this because you need to know it. I’m teaching you because I believe in you.”

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Building Brotherhood: How WeBus Connects Dads for Support and Growth

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Fatherhood doesn’t come with a manual—but the journey is deeply rewarding, especially when you’re intentional about connecting with your daughters. In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Wes Piatt and Chris Roness—two dedicated dads and founders of WeBus International—to dig deep into the realities, challenges, and incredible rewards of raising daughters.

One of the main themes woven throughout this heartfelt episode is intentional presence. Both Wes and Chris reflect on their own meaningful moments with their daughters, highlighting how vital it is to be truly present. As Chris shares, “It’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer… it’s all about being present with my kids.” Wes echoes this commitment by intentionally setting aside daily time to let his daughters choose activities, stressing that, “Whatever they want to do, I’m going to be a part of it.”

The episode doesn’t shy away from the hard parts either. Both guests open up about mistakes and moments of failure, offering reassurance that vulnerability and honest communication are essential. Chris tells a story about miscommunicating with his daughter about their schedule and how owning the mistake, genuinely apologizing, and learning from it turned it into a powerful teaching moment. Wes reinforces that failure is not only inevitable but also an opportunity for growth, both as a father and for teaching his daughters resilience.

Another profound theme is connection among fathers. Wes shares his personal struggles during a challenging time and how reaching out to other dads led to the creation of WeBus—a supportive community where men can share experiences (not unsolicited advice) and lift each other up. Through this network, fathers form bonds, share practical solutions, and most importantly, realize they’re not alone on this path.

The episode wraps up with actionable wisdom: be present, cherish powerful moments, communicate openly, and seek connection—both with your children and other dads. As Wes and Chris emphasize, it’s about being the man and the example you want your daughters to look up to.

Whether you’re looking for inspiration, a reminder that imperfection is part of the journey, or simply some practical dad-to-dad guidance, this episode is packed with genuine stories and strategies. Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for insights that will help you become the dad your daughter needs—and maybe find a brotherhood along the way.

Ready to listen? Find the episode at dadanddaughterconnection.com and take the next step on your fatherhood journey.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week. I love being able to reconnect with you, to talk with you, to be on this journey that we’re both on together in raising our daughters and building those strong connections that we want to have with our daughters. One step at a time. Because none of us are thrown into fatherhood with that manual, per se. We have to learn it along the way. And it is so important to have strong connections with our daughters, and especially our daughters, because of that bond that happens between a father and a daughter and all of the research that shows the power of the relationship between the father and the daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:36]:
So every week, I love being able to talk with you, to walk with you on this path that you’re on, but also introduce you to other dads that are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. And we got two great guests today. We’ve got Wes Pyatta and Chris Ronas are here. And we’re gonna be talking to them not only about being fathers of daughters. Cause Wes has two daughters himself and Chris has three daughters. And we’re also, though, going to talk about their new venture, their new business that they’ve been working on for a bit now that is called Webus International. And we’re gonna be talking about that as well. So we’ll learn a little bit more about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]:
So, Wes, Chris, thanks so much for joining us today.

Wes Piatt [00:02:23]:
Heck, yeah. Thanks for having us on.

Chris Roness [00:02:25]:
Yeah, man, thanks for having us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
This is the dad and Daughter Connection. And I think one of the things that I’d love to ask you first is as you think about the relationships with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Wes Piatt [00:02:39]:
Man, I had some pretty amazing moments with both of My daughters, they were born early and both in the NICU for a few months. And I remember there was specifically one moment with my daughter Joey where we had a rough time in the parking lot right before we went in and just kind of soaking in the extreme nature of everything we were dealing with and our first child and all this stuff. And I’ve got my hands in the little incubator and I’m trying to change her diaper on this little tiny, tiny human. I mean, she was the size of my hand. And the nurse walks over and goes, oh, let me show you how to do that with one hand. In that moment, I was so grateful for all the time that we had in the nicu, all the time that we were going to get in the nicu, because I felt like I got like a. You said we don’t have a manual for being a. I felt like they gave me a manual on so many things.

Wes Piatt [00:03:26]:
I was in the NICU both with Joey and with June because June was also born early. And having that time going into the nicu, June and being actually excited about it, knowing she was going to be fine, and then knowing I was going to learn even more from these amazing nurses that were there for 20, 30, 40 years teaching me how to do all these little things that most dads don’t get. It was an amazing, not necessarily like moment in time, but I guess like per se, but, but amazing time within their lives where I learned like, man, bad things can really lead to some pretty awesome stuff.

Chris Roness [00:03:58]:
Wow, dude, that’s powerful, man. Dude, Chris, that’s hard. You want me to just pick one? I’ve been blessed to have millions of them. And I think if there’s a theme about any one of them, it started just like Wes was talking about. From the day they were born until even today, Even with my 12 year old who’s doing the pre teen thing, it’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer, you know, they’re coming to me as a sign of strength and all the things and. And to me it’s feedback. To me, the second that I got my first daughter, the doctor handed her to me. He goes, $150 a month.

Chris Roness [00:04:30]:
And I was like, what is this? My bill? Like, what are you talking about? He goes, $150 a month. That’s how much you need to put in the bank every month for this child. So that someday down the road, whether it’s education or a wedding or something meaningful to them, you’ve got that Money set aside to give them a good quality life. But it was the awe of having this kid in my hand and still realizing it’s so much more than that. It’s so much more than that. And, and for the kids, like this 12 year old now who doesn’t even know that I’ve been putting $150 a month towards her. You know what I mean? Like, it’s not about some sort of material thing. It’s those moments where, like we talked about that bond that we’ve had through all those little moments where they’ve come to dad because Dad’s the answer.

Chris Roness [00:05:12]:
Even at 12, it’s not exactly the same conversation. It’s not a hug, it’s not. Whatever. She loves Benson Boone now, man. Like, she just loves this dude. She loves to sing. She loves to sing his songs. And so at nighttime we connect around his videos.

Chris Roness [00:05:27]:
And that’s my moment to just give her space so that she can say whatever she wants to say. And every single time that I provide that opportunity, she capitalizes on it and she’ll say, hey, Dada, let’s talk about this or let’s talk about that. And she’ll just start going and it’s awesome. So to me, it’s those special moments where they just, they need me. And for me, that same moment was recognizing that I had to be the best human, best man I could be because I’ve got three daughters and at the time, no sons, and now I have a son. But regardless, my thought was I need to be the best example of a man I can be for them so that someday they’ll bring me home three awesome sons.

Wes Piatt [00:06:01]:
Word. That’s it right there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]:
So what I’m hearing both of you say, I mean outside of those first moments, is being intentional being intentional with your time, being intentional with the moments that you do have with your daughters. So talk to me about what are some intentional ways that now you’ve worked to or you’re working on strengthening that bond with your daughters. Even during challenging times, man, I make.

Wes Piatt [00:06:27]:
Sure that every day we do something intentional together. I literally just posted this on my Instagram this morning about how I make sure every single day my phone is away and we’re doing something that they want to do. What do you guys want to do? And Dad’s coming along for the ride. Let’s go do it. And it’s not something I had pre planned or something I want to do or are going to lead to even a goal at the end of it. It’s just Whatever they want to do, and I’m going to be a part of it.

Chris Roness [00:06:51]:
Yeah, that’s good, Chris. One thing I didn’t disclose that I should have is we actually had four daughters, but one of them, at 37 weeks, didn’t make it. And that was a really hard time as a parent and as a husband. But also, at the time, I was a senior leader in the Air Force running a unit, and I had a lot going on. But what that child taught me in that moment was the power of a moment. And I realized I was constantly like, in a minute, kid, I got to finish this thing first, or I got to finish that thing, or, I’ll be right there. Just give me one second. I got to finish up this thing.

Chris Roness [00:07:22]:
And it was always a thing that I always had to finish up because I was doing important work, right. As a dad, not realizing that the important work was right in front of me. And so now, as a result of that powerful lesson that I got from my daughter, Ava, was her name is. Her name was the power of a moment. So now, to me, being intentional is remembering that once this moment’s gone, it’s fleeting. Like I’m never going to get it back. So when my child comes to me with a picture that they’ve drawn, and I’m in the middle of 500 things that I feel are super important that have got to be done right now, I can catch myself and go, this is what’s important. Show me this picture.

Chris Roness [00:07:58]:
Let’s be intentional about this moment. Because once the moment’s gone, you can’t get it back. And I’ve been able to do that with everything. It totally has changed my perspective on everything, and I feel has made me a much better father because I’m much more present with my kids, with everything. I mean, now I’m involved in everything they do, and I don’t want to miss moment for that only reason. And life has actually been so much better and more forward. And guess what? All those things that I thought were important, they weren’t, and they still got done.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:20]:
They definitely do get done. Even though at times in our minds we’re like, oh, oh, no. You know, we gotta get it done. But I. I completely hear you there. And there’s been many moments in my own life that that’s definitely happened, and moments where, as you kind of said, you make the wrong decision and you look back later and you’re like, ah, dang. You know, I shouldn’t have done that. So I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]:
I guess one question that I would have is none always right. And then we’re always going to make mistakes. We’re not infallible. So what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communications with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:08:59]:
That’s good. I got one just yesterday, a simple one. But we have a very busy schedule with all the kids activities. They’re all, of course, doing something different. And I communicated to one of my daughters that today was going to be a day that she was going to ride the bus to go home with her brother while I took another kid to an appointment. And yesterday she thought was the day, not today. And so as I was picking them all up yesterday, she went and got on the bus instead of getting in the vehicle. And I had to send one of her sisters to get her.

Chris Roness [00:09:31]:
And her sister was a little fiery.

Wes Piatt [00:09:32]:
She’s like, come on, you gotta go.

Chris Roness [00:09:33]:
Get off the bus. And she was. She’s a very. She has a very big heart and wears her heart on her sleeve. And she just got to the vehicle just completely upset. Dad, you told me today was the day I had the option to go home. And on that I was like, okay, guess what? I confused you. I miscommunicated.

Chris Roness [00:09:50]:
And I just took the time to explain to her how I made the mistake and that I was going to own it and that we were going to move forward though, you know, hey, so this is on me. I told you about something, but the something that I told you about doesn’t actually happen until tomorrow. And I wasn’t strong enough in my communication about what we were doing today. And so I gave her genuine apology by saying the three things that go into a genuine apology. Hey, what I did wrong, right? That I’m genuinely sorry about it, and what I’m going to do about it in the future to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Hey, I’m going to communicate better about what we’re doing today. Then I’ll go into what we’re doing tomorrow, but I’ll follow it back up with what we’re doing today just so we don’t make this mistake again. And the power of that conversation was she went from completely upset and hurt and emotionally distraught to just, okay, I’m good.

Wes Piatt [00:10:35]:
I can’t come up with a single one. But I think for me, the biggest takeaway is what I do after I mess up. It’s that I go back and I tell them I’m sorry. I explain what I did. I go through exactly what switch has talked About Chris just talked about that. It’s. I’m not perfect and it’s okay not to be perfect as long as you do these few things after you’re not perfect and you learn from it and you get better from it and you move on from it and we grow from it. It’s like, I want them when you talk about failure, they’re super into gymnastics.

Wes Piatt [00:11:07]:
That’s like their sport now. And. And we talk about failure constantly, how much we look forward to it and we can’t wait for it. And when it does, it’s opportunity to get better. And it’s like there is no such thing as bad failure. And even when dad messes up, like, look, I’ve been around this earth for almost 40 years now, like, I’m still screwing up the most basic things and that’s going to happen forever. And that’s totally okay. I think that that’s the most important thing.

Wes Piatt [00:11:29]:
And they know that failure is good and failure is okay as long as we learn from it and do it. What Chris was talking about in recovery, I guess you could say from the failure or whatever you want to call.

Chris Roness [00:11:37]:
It, we call it debrief in our family. Debrief what we learned.

Wes Piatt [00:11:41]:
Let’s go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
I mentioned that the two of you a organization called webus International. So talk to me about webus. What is it? And talk to me about those origin stories. What inspired you to start the organization and how did your role as dads influence the vision?

Wes Piatt [00:12:00]:
I’ve told this story now probably a dozen times and I’ve cried every single time. I’m going to do my best to hold it together because it is we bus is what has kept me alive. And there was a moment. I own a CrossFit gym, small business owner, my wife as a teacher and for context, I used to be a firefighter. So I was a full time firefighter before I opened up the CrossFit gym. And I was doing both for a little bit where I was traveling down, doing my shifts, coming back up, coaching all the classes, traveling down and doing the thing. And I had a call, I went on that made me decide like, oh, I’m actually going to follow this path instead of this one. And I really regretted that during COVID because my business was getting shut down, all my members were leaving and everything seemed like it was like, man, I just made so many bad choices up to this point.

Wes Piatt [00:12:49]:
Like, why? Also for context, me and my sister grew up with just a mom and she happened just so happened to be bipolar and have schizophrenic episodes. So we had quite the upbringing. And during COVID I was having a really hard time controlling my reactions, controlling just the simplest things would set me off. And I. And I was just so upset with all the choices I had made and where I put my family, kind of, in a sense. And I started to get nervous. And maybe, actually this was a bipolar beginning to show itself in me. And maybe I had what my mom had.

Wes Piatt [00:13:24]:
And at the time, we just had. We had one child, and we were about to have our other one. And I was thinking to myself, you know, if you off yourself, these kids won’t remember you, and your wife can remarry. Find somebody who’s not in the financial situation you’re in. Find somebody who doesn’t have these triggers that you do and doesn’t have all of this background. And you can actually, actually, really, maybe your job was really just to bring these kids here and to peace out. And I was really considering it. And I was considering it so much so that I actually created a list of things that I had to do before I did the thing, because me and Switch were in the military.

Wes Piatt [00:14:01]:
I was in the Air Force as well for four years. And I was along with Switch, but I had quite a few friends who had committed suicide after getting out of the military. And that’s what Switch does, is his other. This is where I usually start to get choked up a little bit with his other company that he has called. You Matter, and you Matter focuses on ending veteran suicide, which is obviously an epidemic that’s happening around the world, and something that we need to work on and we are working on. But I digress. I was mad at every single one of them that did that because they didn’t call me first and they didn’t just go, hey, I’m struggling. I just wanted to let you know maybe you could help.

Wes Piatt [00:14:36]:
And so one of the things on my list that I had to do is I had to reach out to people and let them know I’m not doing good. This is where I’m at, just letting you know. And I was too nervous to do that with the people that were closest to me because I didn’t want my life to feel different. I wanted to be able to go to my family and my staff and everybody else and for things to be like, hey, we’re doing our best. Like, keep it going. You know, like, we rock and roll. And not for them to be like, oh, poor you, and how can I help you? And all that. I didn’t want that.

Wes Piatt [00:15:03]:
So I reached out to a bunch of strangers on Instagram, a bunch of people that I kind of know, but don’t really know in the CrossFit space, and just told them, like, hey, I’m struggling. I don’t know if you’re feeling the same, too, owning a CrossFit gym or being a CrossFit coach or any of that kind of stuff. And I just got back nothing. But, yes, I am struggling. This is tough. I’ve actually thought about doing that as well. And, like, I’m, like, I had multiple people go, thank you for reaching out to me, because I’m actually thinking about doing that. And this is just serendipitous.

Wes Piatt [00:15:30]:
This is amazing. This is happening. And we just started meeting on this app called Marco Polo that my wife was using, actually, with her college roommate friends to stay in touch. And it’s a really cool app that you can send a FaceTime video to any, anybody, and they can respond with another FaceTime video whenever they have time. And there’s a bunch of other cool stuff you can do with it. But I was like, hey, would you guys want a battle buddy check? Let’s just check in on each other, like, once a week and just keep the momentum going. And that slowly turned into over a hundred dudes around the world that call themselves We Bus Dudes and talk vulnerably on this app called Marco Polo about their struggles. And.

Wes Piatt [00:16:05]:
And it’s become an amazing thing, because right when we started it, we had one rule, and that rule was that you could not give advice. And when we say advice, objectively, what we mean that is something that you actually haven’t experienced or been through yourself, but you feel you could maybe help somebody else out with. And this is what we call the bro advice. You call your buddy up. You’re struggling with this thing. They’ve never been through it. They have no idea what you’re going through, but they’re like, oh, bro, here’s what you’re going to do. My cousin went through this thing, and here’s the best way to fix it, and blah, blah, blah.

Wes Piatt [00:16:32]:
And you’re just like, that’s not what I want from you right now. What I want from you is just to listen and to hear me and to sympathize and empathize with me, and that’s all I really need. And so we made one rule. We said you can only share experiences. So you, come on, share your experience you’re going through. For example, I’m going nuts. I can’t get my Girls to get dressed and eat breakfast and out of the house in time and to school in time without it being just an absolute nightmare. Anybody else experiencing this as well, and you’ll have like 50 dudes that will come on there, all varying ages, all kids of all ages, all been through the gamut and all coming with experiences of how they solved it in completely different ways.

Wes Piatt [00:17:12]:
Ways. So now you have this experience where these people are getting to go, hey, yeah, here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. And then this guy just gets to go like, oh, maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use none of it. Maybe I’ll use some of it.

Wes Piatt [00:17:24]:
And the idea is that they’re going, checking in to see, like, hey, I remember going through that. Where are you at now? Because I remember where I was at. And they check in. And so we both started in my garage on the floor, literally thinking about killing myself to where it’s at now where I. We just did our last we bus camp in South Dakota and just looking around at all the guys there and all the things we were doing to Mount Rushmore, it was just. How do you go from being at that point to being at that point and within a relatively short amount of time? And the answer to that is with the brotherhood. We bus is just straight dudes that want to be better humans to make this world a better place. And the only way that they’re doing that is by just sharing their traumas and their experiences with each other and being vulnerable and being open.

Wes Piatt [00:18:10]:
And I’m very proud of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Can definitely tell, I guess in thinking about that and thinking about what you went from, from where you were to where you are today, and you think about the business that you’ve created. I know that webus emphasizes collaboration, connection. And I guess as you think about that and what you’re learning from other dads in relation to your own fatherhood journey itself, how does that collaboration and connection that you’re do, that you’re building in the organization, align with the way that you’re either raising your daughters to interact with you or interact with others.

Wes Piatt [00:18:45]:
It goes back to what Chris said earlier. We’re trying to get dads to be the people they want their girls to marry.

Chris Roness [00:18:51]:
Yeah. We have a kind of a little mantra on the webus. We. We tell folks, get off the struggle bus and get on the we bus because we’re helping the world be a better place. One dad at A time and the power of the shared experience concept organically. Like, it’s not like we designed it to do what it’s doing beyond that, but the secondary and tertiary effects of what’s happened is you don’t see any really heavy discuss about beliefs regarding faith or politics or anything like that. But that’s not to say that those things don’t come up. They come up through a shared experience.

Chris Roness [00:19:22]:
Hey, I’m going through something. I’m struggling with this thing I just saw, or I’m struggling with this direction I want to go with my faith. Does anybody have an experience with this? And then those folks will either break off and have a separate conversation on what we call a solo polo, or we even have topic rooms now, where, for example, we’ve got one called the workshop. And in the workshop, this is where dads have unique skills of handyman skills, whatever those might be. You can go in and go, hey, guys, I’m working on this today. Let me show you how I’m doing it in case you ever come across this, and vice versa. Maybe somebody is a dad now that didn’t have a dad to show them how to fix a flat tire on a bicycle. Well, you could go to YouTube and look up that stuff.

Chris Roness [00:20:00]:
But the difference is on webus, you go to the workshop, you can go, hey, guys, I’m gonna fix this flat tire. And you’ve already got a group of guys that you’re connected to that will not only walk you through that, but they’ll walk you through how that connects to a life experience or a connection that you can have with your child by maybe walking your child through how you’re doing that at the exact same time, things like that. And it’s just really powerful because the other organic thing that we’ve discovered with this is that men are coming out of the woodwork to join us on we bus because of this shared experience. And one of the interesting things that happens right off the bat is a new dad. Well, he’s just going through it and he’ll listen to what the other dads are saying for a while first before he even says anything. And then that dude will come on and just let it all out. And you can watch them. You can watch them just as they’re letting it out.

Chris Roness [00:20:44]:
And that becomes the beginning of the first step to how they’re going to be a better dad. Because now they’re open to gathering all this shared experience from everybody else and learning in a whole nuanced way that is not deliberate. It’s not constructed, it’s not academic. It is just life as it’s happening in everybody’s lives as we learn from each other. It’s powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
You know, in thinking about those experiences where you’ve seen dads unburden themselves and be able to share the things that they’re going through, can you share a moment for each of you where your connection with another dad through webus had an impact on your own fatherhood journey?

Wes Piatt [00:21:23]:
Oh, my gosh, dude. So many. Every day there’s something in there that we connect with with somebody. Like just the other day, I was connecting with Nick on CrossFit stuff and he tried his first CrossFit class and he was so nervous, and I was giving him all the ins and outs on how to do it and where to go and who to talk to and where not to stand and where to stand. And it’s like a little like, insiders, insider. And that’s what, you know, Chris was talking about with the. These groups that we have in these, like, breakout rooms. So you have like the main we bus and then all these breakout rooms that people can find their little niche in.

Wes Piatt [00:21:53]:
And when they get in that niche, they really get to work through whatever that little thing is that they’re struggling with, with people that are more connected to that little thing too. Nick was really struggling just with wanting to improve his fitness a little bit more. And he just like, you know, I’m stuck at a wall. I don’t know where to go from here. And there’s like five dudes that came rushing in with, like, experience up the wazoo to be like, like, well, here’s like 15 different things that you can do and choose what you want. We’re here to support whatever way you need. That’s rock and roll.

Chris Roness [00:22:20]:
Yeah. I’m telling you, there’s like this deeper level. I can’t point to one exactly, like, one particular thing because there’s so many things that I’ve learned from all these guys across the gamut. I mean, when I started on Webus, I wasn’t doing CrossFit, although I was familiar with the sport because we would do it when I was deployed in the military and I just retired from the military, had landed myself in a small town and was trying to find, like, we got spoiled in the military. Here’s the gym, here’s the everything you need right there on the base. And now I’m in this small town trying to find those same resources, and I couldn’t find them anywhere. And I was able to go on here and talk to these guys that did CrossFit and go, hey, tell me some more. Now, I do it regularly, and I’ve learned that for me, that particular sport isn’t something I do for the fitness.

Chris Roness [00:22:59]:
To me, fitness is the byproduct. I go to the gym for the community. But in that vein, like, one of the things that happens through these dialogues, as you start to learn more about these guys at a deeper level. And so Wes, we’ve known each other what, three years maybe?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:12]:
Yeah, right.

Chris Roness [00:23:13]:
Well, check this out. I just learned. I was yesterday years old when I learned that Wes plays the drum. And it’s all because we started a recent topic group called the Bandwagon, where guys that play musical instruments or just want to talk about the songs that they enjoy can get in that chat room and play music together or talk about music or whatever. And Wes is like, yeah, here’s my trap set. I’m like, what, dude? You play the drums?

Wes Piatt [00:23:33]:
Like.

Chris Roness [00:23:33]:
Like, we’ve been very close. We’ve had very deep conversations, and I never knew this. Here’s another example. One of the guys on weboss is a good friend of mine that I went through basic training with over 20, like almost 30 years ago. And me and this guy have talked regularly for 30 years. And it was not until he joined Webus that I learned he was a Batman fanatic. Had no idea. 30 years I knew the guy, had no idea.

Chris Roness [00:23:55]:
He loved Batman. And that’s kind of what happens. You get into this level of understanding somebody just through shared experience on a different perspective or scale. And there’s all these resources right there for you. If you just. One of the things we do is what we call rfi. Request for information. Hey, guys, I’m getting ready to make a decision.

Chris Roness [00:24:11]:
Has anybody dealt with this? And it’s powerful.

Wes Piatt [00:24:13]:
Yeah, that’s how I got my financial planner, actually.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:15]:
As interacting with dads in this way and as you’re listening and you’re taking in all that they’re experiencing, I know that you’ve got dads and non dads that are in the community that. But in talking with the dads, what are some of the challenges, the unique challenges that you’re seeing that these dads are collectively having? And how is your organization working to either connect those dads together or help them to be able to work through those in different ways? What have you learned through this venture that you’ve been on?

Chris Roness [00:24:49]:
And I’ll offer one right now. The number one thing that we see consistent is that dads feel like, they’re doing it alone. They feel like they’re in it alone, that they’ve got to be the strong horse for the family. They’ve got to push through. They’ve got to do all the things, and they can’t just. Like what Wes was saying, like, they can’t let those people know that they’re going through a moment, or at least they think that, because they have to be the strong horse. And. And when they come into the we bus, we see that every single time.

Chris Roness [00:25:17]:
And I would offer that there’s a byproduct of using the app that we use with Marco Polo that everybody has benefited from because they mention it. And that is, as dads, we want to be problem solvers right off the bat. That’s our job. Hey, you got a problem? I heard my wife talk about this. I’m gonna go fix this. I heard my kid talk about this thing. I’m gonna go fix this thing. But especially as dads of daughters, you leave the video.

Chris Roness [00:25:38]:
Guess what? In order to listen to that video, you’ve got to literally sit there and watch it and listen. And the byproduct is we’ve all become much better listeners, and we’re all present as a result of that. And I think that’s one of the things that we all struggle with as dads is how not to just be problem solvers, but to be present and listening and to realize that we’re not in it alone, that there are other dads going through it too.

Wes Piatt [00:25:59]:
Do.

Chris Roness [00:25:59]:
And. And we can all connect around nothing but just that singular thing of fatherhood. And it’s just amazing.

Wes Piatt [00:26:05]:
Yeah. I mean, there’s so many things. And I think this is why we created. We call them dojos, and they’re these little breakout groups that we have. And we have dads that are going through divorces. We have dads that are thinking about getting a divorce and trying not to. We’ve got dads that are losing their job and trying to find a new job. We’ve got dads that are trying to get in shape.

Wes Piatt [00:26:23]:
We’ve got dads that have. Were in shape and now are trying to get back in shape. We’ve got dads that are trying to do everything. And so by creating these smaller group, one of the things that Chris really hammered on was Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the amount of people you can actually have in your life and actually communicate well with and make sure you’re creating actual deep connections with. It’s got to be small. So we Keep those groups relatively small, eight to 10 people max. And we keep the people that are in there experts. Like, we gotta have somebody in that group that’s an expert in this thing in some way and can give you sound advice and help you out with where you really need it the most.

Chris Roness [00:26:56]:
And to piggyback on that a little bit, it’s not just about the dad that’s struggling. It’s about the dad that’s achieving high goals like Wes talked about. I mean, one of our dads started out as an alcoholic three years ago and weighed, like, almost 300 pounds. The dude has lost, like, 150 pounds, and now he’s an Ironman athlete.

Wes Piatt [00:27:11]:
We call him 75 heart because he’s gone through that so many times, and he’s become such a different human being. It’s insane. It’s literally. It’s like biggest loser transformation, but, like, in a healthy way now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:25]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I give you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as dads. You ready?

Wes Piatt [00:27:33]:
Yeah. Good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:27:39]:
Love.

Wes Piatt [00:27:39]:
I was going to ask if I could use loving kindness as one word, but yes, love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Wes Piatt [00:27:48]:
That it goes really fast and so be present. That’s the only thing I found universally true.

Chris Roness [00:27:53]:
Yeah. It’s the same as, hey, 18 years. Goes really quick. Capitalize on the moment. The power of that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together?

Wes Piatt [00:28:05]:
Oh, my gosh. Going to the beach or going skateboarding. Anything that has to do with activity, like just being. We got a big trampoline out back. It’s like 10 times a day. Can we go jump on the trampoline? You know, like, yeah, let’s go. But anything physical activity wise, they just want to go do it.

Chris Roness [00:28:18]:
Yeah, it’s the same with my daughters. They. They are all very active and. And very musically talented. One of the things that we all do together is we. We sing and play music together on our church youth group, and it’s a blast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:29]:
If you could give your daughters one lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Wes Piatt [00:28:34]:
You’re not perfect. Life’s not perfect, and that’s okay.

Chris Roness [00:28:37]:
I would say choose the person that you want to be with and the life you want to have very carefully. Those will be the two most important choices you ever make in your life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:46]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad.

Wes Piatt [00:28:51]:
Oh, man. I would say that failure is okay. I’ve learned honestly that because, like, I’ve said that my whole life. Yeah, failure is great. You learn from it. You grew from it. Let’s go. Hoorah.

Wes Piatt [00:29:00]:
You know, and then. But when you fail, you’re really upset about it. You don’t really learn from it. You don’t really take it. But I’ve really learned that. No, guess what, bro? You’re gonna fail hard no matter how much you prepare. And that’s good as long as, like what we talked about before, you come back and repair it and do what you need to do.

Chris Roness [00:29:16]:
The greatest growth and connection happens when you step out of your comfort zone. Man, changing diapers, the way I grew up was a mom’s job, but I got all into that. And the same thing with braiding hair and all the things is that big tough guy stuff. No, but man, the magic that happens with that. And that’s where the connections are at and that’s where the growth occurred.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Wes Piatt [00:29:46]:
I wouldn’t. I would just share experiences.

Chris Roness [00:29:48]:
The advice I’m going to give comes from a good friend of mine, Lindsay Ko, who lost his daughter to suicide. And I asked him what would he have done differently and he said, I would have been present more often. I would have just been present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:00]:
Well, Wes, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing what you are doing with your own daughters, but also what you’re doing with Webus. And if people want to find out more about Webus, where should they go?

Wes Piatt [00:30:11]:
Www.webusint.com and fill out the interest interest form. You’ll see it on the menu bar up top. And then our buddy Jeremy or Alan will reach out to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:23]:
Well, again, I just want to say thank you. Thank you both for all that you’re doing to be able to connect dads with other dads, men with other men. It’s so important. It’s so important for men to have those connections in their life. And I really appreciate all the work that you’re doing with that and thank you for sharing your own journeys with your daughters. And I wish you all the best.

Wes Piatt [00:30:42]:
Same to you, Chris. Thanks for doing what you do in this space and keeping it going for so long. I really appreciate it.

Chris Roness [00:30:48]:
Absolutely, dude. Keep staying awesome. Chris, we really appreciate this, man. And we look forward to seeing all the other videos that are coming after this one and the ones before for sure. That’s a wrap for this episode of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]:
The dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:31:28]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents Bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes.

Musical Performer [00:31:58]:
By just like a dynamite blast Calling.

Musical Performer [00:32:03]:
Astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to.

Musical Performer [00:32:11]:
Them.

Musical Performer [00:32:15]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Performer [00:32:20]:
Be the best that you can be.

Lessons on Love, Connection, and Family from a Dad of Three Daughters

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Raising confident, independent daughters in today’s world is no small task. On the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rick Guymon—a father of six (including three daughters)—to explore the joys and challenges of fatherhood and what it really means to connect with your kids.

From the outset, Rick’s story is both moving and inspiring. He shares deeply personal moments, like his daughter’s journey with leukemia and the isolation of the pandemic, that highlight how life can bring families together in unexpected ways. What stands out most in this conversation is Rick’s commitment to being intentional as a dad. Whether it’s through weekly one-on-one “interviews” with his children or setting aside family time each Monday night, Rick and his wife model the idea that strong relationships are built with time, attention, and care.

One meaningful theme from this episode is the idea of balancing guidance and independence. Rick believes in fostering agency in his daughters, allowing them to make their own decisions but grounding them with parental wisdom and support. He discusses how their family motto—“almost nothing matters, but God’s children do”—guides their daily lives, reminding them to focus on what’s truly important: each other and serving others.

Rick also opens up about mistakes he’s made around perfectionism and the pressure to always get parenting right. He emphasizes the power of vulnerability—recognizing that nobody is perfect, and what matters most is loving your kids unconditionally. For Rick, it’s been essential to let go of unrealistic expectations and simply be present, reassuring his daughters that there’s nothing they could do to lose his or their heavenly parent’s love.

Beyond the serious topics, the episode is filled with practical insights—like the benefits of spending time in nature as a family, creating traditions, and encouraging individual interests (from singing to salsa-tasting).

If you’re a dad looking to build a meaningful connection with your daughter—or any parent hoping for fresh perspective—you won’t want to miss this episode. Rick’s wisdom and authenticity will encourage you to clear space in your life for what matters most: being present and intentional as you walk the journey of parenthood.

Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for more real stories and actionable advice, and get inspired to be the dad your daughter needs.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity. We have a great opportunity to connect together, to be a able to work together, to be able to go on this path together, because the journey that we are on is different.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
Every one of us is going to have a little bit different journey as it comes to raising our daughters. But building those strong connections is so critical in being able to help our daughters to be the best people that we want them to be. And that’s why this podcast exists. It exists to allow for you to learn, to grow, to be able to hear some different perspectives as well as be able to consider different ways of fathering, because there’s no one right way to father your kids, and there’s no manual that we’ve been given as our kids are born. So every week, I love being able to bring you someone new, someone different, that is parenting in a little bit different way that can give you some perspective, some different perspective on what fatherhood means and how they father their daughters to be able to build those strong connections. Today we got another great guest. Rick Gaiman is with us today. And Rick is a father of six, and he has three daughters and three sons.

Rick Guymon [00:02:10]:
We’ll focus a little more on those.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]:
Daughters because of the show, but I am really excited to be able to talk with him today and to be able to allow for you to get to know him and to gain some perspective on some of the things that he’s learned along the way. Rick, thanks so much for being here today.

Rick Guymon [00:02:28]:
Oh, thanks so much for having me. It’s great to be here. I love the opportunity to talk about being a dad. It’s the best part of my life. So happy to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]:
Well, I’m really excited that you’re here as well. And as I said, you’ve got three daughters, and with three daughters, you definitely have had some amazing moments, some moments that you’ve shared together. And I know you and I have talked about some of those. But as you think back and you think to those meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that comes to.

Rick Guymon [00:02:57]:
Mind and what made it so special as a family? We spend a lot of time together. So my third daughter, she’s my fourth child in 2018, was diagnosed with leukemia, and she is all fine now and just hit her five years cancer free a couple of months ago. So we’re super happy about that. But in 2018 was when she was diagnosed, and right at the end of her treatment was when Covid began. And so they were a little bit isolated prior to Covid. So when Covid came, we were good at this whole isolation thing. I had been working from home. We had all of these stipulations.

Rick Guymon [00:03:30]:
We wore masks. And as a matter of fact, we went on a Make A Wish trip with our family. Make a Wish foundation sent us on a trip and they sent us out to Florida, and we were the last one before COVID began. So this is the beginning of March of 2020. And while we were on the airplane, I teased my wife a little bit while we were on the airplane. We were the ones wearing masks. She said, I wish wearing a mask was more normal on the way back from that tr. Wearing a mask was mandatory just two days later after that.

Rick Guymon [00:03:57]:
So I teased her that, hey, you. You got what you wanted. But on that trip and all through the pandemic, we spent a lot of time as a family. I would say one of the most memorable moments for me was when my oldest daughter, who was eight years old at the time in 2018 when Tessa was diagnosed, so my oldest daughter Gracie, said, why can’t it be me instead of her? Because Tessa also has down syndrome. So it was one of those situations where I saw my daughter be completely selfless in that mom. And I think what I realized is that, yes, my daughters are half me and half Mindy when you speak genetically. But I say they have just enough of me to keep them humble. And everything good they have is.

Rick Guymon [00:04:36]:
Is from Mindy. And to watch. To watch my daughters become like their mother was one of the best things that I’ve ever seen. And so every moment where that happens to me, it’s just gold as a dad. And it was one of those moments where when she said that, I thought she understands what life is about thanks to her mom.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:53]:
Now I know that as A father of a daughter, there’s this balancing g that you play in regards to working to help guide them, to help them to become who they are. But there’s also that fine balance. So how do you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person?

Rick Guymon [00:05:15]:
Yeah, that’s. That’s a really great question. I actually think it’s a balance between agency and then a relationship. So we are firm believers that agency is the most important thing that we have, like being able to make our own choices and own those choices and. And go where we want to go. But then I also am a believer that our children want parents, not a set of older friends. They don’t want someone to just validate all of their decisions, although they may say that what they really want, someone that says want is someone who says, hey, I love you no matter what. Let me tell you what experience has taught me.

Rick Guymon [00:05:48]:
And so we spend every. Every Sunday, we actually have what we call interviews, where my wife and I sit on the bed in the master bedroom. And one child at a time, the other ones are just playing. Well, one of the kid at a time comes in and they get one on, I guess one on, two on one time, right? Where they can just talk to us. And we let them tell us their fears. We also go through their schedule and we give them a treat like it’s a part of what we do. But then we say, hey, what’s. What’s on your mind? What questions do you have? We also spend about an hour every Monday night all together as a family.

Rick Guymon [00:06:17]:
And that’s scheduled, set apart time where we discuss religion or we have an activity and. Or usually both. Or we’ll go for a bike ride and get ice cream. And so we try to show in our. In how we’re filling up our time, how important they are to us. And I think the relationship. Relationships are built outside of the duty part of parenting. So.

Rick Guymon [00:06:36]:
And that’s why those moments are the ones that are so important to us where we just get to talk with them and let them just talk at us and really cherish those moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:45]:
You just talked about some things that you’re doing that seem very intentional that you and your wife do to be able to build those connections. So talk to me about intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during challenging times.

Rick Guymon [00:07:01]:
One of the things that. That we believe is that there’s no kind of hobby or talent that needs to be kept from them if it’s a good thing Right. If it’s good for them. So, for example, I love to woodwork, and I’m always working on some big project in our house. And right now, I’ve recently ripped down the fireplace on a whim, and it’s now missing. And so now my wife looked at it and said, okay, we can have a new fireplace and move it from the corner to the center of the room, or. And this was her great idea, we can push the wall out. And now dining room.

Rick Guymon [00:07:32]:
And so, of course, we’re taking the much bigger project. And so what I do is intentionally we involve the kids. We recognize that our job isn’t to make sure that they’re having fun all the time. Our job is to create happy, contributing members of society that want. That learn to have fun, kind of regardless of the circumstances. Recognizing, you know, like Viktor Frankl talks about, that their attitude and their ability to adjust their attitude to the situation is the greatest piece of agency that they have. And so we are intentional about. They participate in yard work.

Rick Guymon [00:08:04]:
They participate in weeding in the gardens and the flower beds and planting the gardens and mowing the lawn and doing these house projects with us. We feel. And they find, although they fight us in the beginning, when they do something difficult and do something worthwhile and valuable, that’s when they find the greatest joy. So we’re very intentional about how we spend time. One example is all growing up. I can’t count the number of books probably that I’ve read to them as they go to bed. So I’ll put them. Put them to bed.

Rick Guymon [00:08:32]:
And we’ve read through them whole Harry Potter series and the Fable Haven, you know, depending on what their age was, and the full C.S. lewis Chronicles of Narnia, and just kind of all of these great. And then when they can read a chapter book, I buy them a regular Kindle, not the kind where you have different apps, but a reading Kindle because they wanted to share a room. And so I buy them a Kindle. I stock it with a bunch of books that I know that are quality and that teach good morals and good principles. And then I give them a Kindle to. As they go to bed at night, they continue to read. And so we.

Rick Guymon [00:09:02]:
We. We find. We sit around the piano and we sing. We just. I know I’ve mentioned this to you, but our family motto is almost nothing matters but God’s children do. And I think as a dad, that motto starts with my own family here. And then it expands to these people around me, and that gets bigger and bigger and Being intentional at every level of that, I guess stewardship, I think, is really critical.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]:
And I’m going to come back to that motto, because I want to talk to you a little bit more about that motto in just a little bit too. Every one of us is not fallible. We make mistakes as dads, and we learn from those mistakes. So what’s a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive connections with your daughters?

Rick Guymon [00:09:46]:
Oh, good question. There are so many mistakes I’ve made. I would say one of them is a little bit built into my personality. For a long time, I think I struggled with scrupulosity. And for those that aren’t familiar with that, it’s just this. It’s a perfectionism in how you’re living, you know, what you feel is the gospel of Jesus Christ, right? So it’s this moment where you say, I’m so focused on. On trying to be perfect. That.

Rick Guymon [00:10:11]:
And then trying to juxtapose that with the fact that we’re all fallible. And so I’m never going to be perfect. And that can just crush you. And it just becomes this crushing weight. And so I think for a long time I was sitting in a pocket of that. And so I think the thing that changed it for me was recognizing that because I’m fallible, there is no way for me, through my efforts to earn my way into heaven, I’ll never deserve heaven. I’ll never deserve all of the blessings that I have. I don’t deserve my children.

Rick Guymon [00:10:39]:
I don’t deserve any of this. Life is unfair and almost always in my benefit. And so I need it to be unfair, or if it were fair, I would have a much worse life than I do. What that allowed me to do is have that same conversation. I think women and young women in the media and in everywhere are pressured so much to be perfect, to look perfect, to do, to have all of the talents and to. It’s just such a huge pressure on them that when I recognize for myself that I could release that a little bit now, I could speak from experience to my daughters and say, hey, guess what? In the scheme of things, this doesn’t matter. What matters is how you’re treating other people. When my daughters go, you know, as they got, My oldest is 15 now, and then I have one that’s 13 and one that’s nine.

Rick Guymon [00:11:23]:
And as they’ve gone into junior high and high school, talking to them about the idea that you don’t have to dress like everybody else, to try to fit in. You don’t like you’re valuable as you are. It was amazing for me to realize and help them realize that it’s not in the moments when I’m acting perfect or even doing really well that I recognize my value to God. It’s in the moments when I make mistakes and when I recognize that I’m imperfect, that he was still willing to pay the price for me. And so that was the thing that was so cool for me was it’s like, oh, it’s in my weakness where I see how. Where I can recognize how valuable I am. And so being able to say to them, you’re valuable no matter what, has been a really important thing, both for me personally and, I think for them as well. Watching them be able to just settle into who they are and recognize that they’re enough as they are.

Rick Guymon [00:12:12]:
And that my wife was a national champion ballet and jazz dancer. Really, really talented. And we don’t put our kids in very much extracurriculars. We want them to live as kids first. They’ll have plenty of time. And life isn’t about becoming the best in the world at all of the things we do. And so just releasing some of that perfectionism that they were getting from me, that they were getting from the world, that they were getting from kind of all sides, I think was. Was one of those kind of critical mistakes that I was making.

Rick Guymon [00:12:41]:
But as we’ve kind of overcome, that has made a huge difference in the relationship that I have with them. I expect them to try their hardest. I do not to be the best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:49]:
Now, I mentioned that I would come back, and I want to come back to the motto that you talked about. And I guess talk to me a little bit about how you developed that motto as parents to guide your family. And how do you find that that motto helps your whole family to come together as a whole, to move forward as a family?

Rick Guymon [00:13:12]:
I would say that motto morphed over time. When they were really young kids, we encouraged them asking questions like why? Both about rules and also about our religion. And so we feel strongly that everybody at some point should be able to stand on their own in their beliefs, because you’re going to be asked questions when I’m not there to give you an answer or. And I want them to think for themselves and follow what they feel is true and what they believe. So our original motto was obey first, ask questions later, so that we could tell them, hey, get out of the road. And then they knew. The motto was first, get out of the road, you can ask why, but when you see the car coming by now you’ll understand why. And so we kind of got into this.

Rick Guymon [00:13:53]:
I was just kind of, as I was mentioning where we noticed that there was after cancer and Covid and they were starting to go back to school. It was. There was just this heaviness in how do you keep up with all of these things in the world that are going on? And we actually homeschooled them for one extra year after Covid, so they didn’t go back. So she left in Covid, our oldest daughter, in four, halfway through fourth grade and then didn’t go back until seventh grade. And here that’s when you start junior high in a new school. And so she went from innocent elementary to the three worst possible years, I think in most human beings lives of junior high and middle school, right, where there’s just so much unknown. And she spent that first year eating lunch by herself. And it broke my heart, broke my wife’s heart.

Rick Guymon [00:14:36]:
And, And. And she is. She’s. Gracie is just an amazing. An amazing human being. And so when it. Starting in eighth grade, we started to help her realize that if you’re lonely, that usually is a symbol or sad that you need to reach out to somebody else. We found that when we were in our darkest moments of in the throes of cancer or Covid, it was then when we served somebody else that kind of let.

Rick Guymon [00:15:01]:
Lifted us out of that. And so. So we. And that whole. You combine that piece with the whole kind of perfectionism that was happening. And we wanted them to realize that they did not need to be perfect. And that how you find joy is so much more about the focus where you’re focusing, not about what’s going on. And so there’s a quote from one of our church leaders that happiness is much more about the focus of your lives than it is about the circumst of your lives.

Rick Guymon [00:15:25]:
And so we wanted to combine those two things. And at first we were going to say something to the effect of only focus on what matters. But I thought that’s. As Mindy and I talked and we were sitting around the table as a family coming up with this motto. And as we kind of discussed it, we said we actually want them to realize that there are a lot of good things that will bring that you can focus on. If you’re looking at kind of a gradient of good or better or best, the options that you have, there’s a gradient. And what we wanted to say is erase all of the the fluff and recognize that almost nothing matters, but the thing that does and the thing that will make you happy is serving God’s children. So that’s how it came up with almost nothing matters, but God’s children do.

Rick Guymon [00:16:06]:
And it focuses everything we do. The question is, okay, we’re feeling a little down. Who can we serve? Or we’re. I’m feeling lonely. Who can I reach out to? Where it kind of puts the onus on you to recognize that you get to pick the attitude to the circumstance. It’s very similar to kind of the Mel Robbins book, which is let them. And I know that’s a big kind of popular discussion point right now, which is, hey, everyone else has their agency, but you have yours. And you can choose to be happy, and you can choose to bring good and light into the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:32]:
Now, I know that your family spends a lot of time outdoors, and being outdoors, being in nature, is something that helps to ground you and your family in many different ways. Talk to me a little bit about that. And why has nature been such a large part of the work that you’re doing as a father?

Rick Guymon [00:16:52]:
Father, yeah. You know, when you first get married and you both come from different families and you would spend finances differently, and that’s kind of a big part of the discussion oftentimes. Right. Is in the. In the beginning of marriage. And that was definitely the case for Mindy and I. I’m the fifth of 11 children. She’s the fourth of five, and I spent money on bicycles.

Rick Guymon [00:17:11]:
I loved mountain biking. It was where, growing up for me, we lived really close to the mountains here in Utah, and I would hop on my bike at my house, and I could be in the mountains in about 15 minutes, and I’d mountain bike everywhere. And then I’ come back. And this is from probably 1996 is when I kind of started mountain biking. So when we got married, I would always try to convince Mindy to come mountain biking with me. Now, she spent every afternoon in dance. That’s what she did when she got home from school to when she basically went to bed. She’d come home, do a little bit of homework, and then go to bed.

Rick Guymon [00:17:42]:
And so it took a little bit of convincing. We both, growing up, had spent some time in a place in southern Utah and northern Arizona called Lake Powell. You and I have talked about Lake Powell a little bit, but I always said that I feel like in Lake Powell, I can see God’s imagination. And so I just feel more connected to God when I’m in nature. And There are myriad studies that talk about the benefits of brain chemistry and all of these other things when you’re out in nature. And so when we first got married, and we’d been married probably, I don’t know, 4ish years, I started spending money on some bikes. And this is a true story. We were on a.

Rick Guymon [00:18:16]:
One of the things Mindy and I have done is we go on a date every week. So we still are courting each other and it’s usually Fridays, so we put it in our budget, have a babysitter go on a date. On a date. And we were in this town and across the street from the diner we were eating at was a boutique that she really wanted to go to. Well, next door was my favorite bike shop. So we’re on this date and I ran in and I knew the manager well. And every mountain bike ride or every bike ride we’d been on up to that point, Mindy hated it. She would be think of the wicked witch of the West.

Rick Guymon [00:18:42]:
You know, we’re going down this trail, her feet are off the pedals and they’re out sideways and she’s going off the path and just screaming. She hates it. So part of the reason was she had this really terrible bike. And I had been begging her. I’m like, the bike makes all the difference after about five or six times. And bless her heart for doing this with me many times where we’d start that way, she’d end up on my nice bike. I’d end up on this little piece of garbage. And she had a great time all of a sudden.

Rick Guymon [00:19:08]:
And I’m like, okay, I’m noticing the correlation here, right? So she goes into the boutique. I said, oh, I’m just going to run next door to the bike shop and say hi to the manager who’s a friend of mine. So I ran in there and I said, hey, I need this bike in this size and I need to buy it right now. Because I. So I bought a bike and I walked it to her and handed it to her inside the Boot Boutique in front of all the other ladies and said, hey, I just bought this for you. Because I knew she wouldn’t get mad at me in that moment. And it worked. I mean, it was the perfect thing.

Rick Guymon [00:19:34]:
And now Mindy and I spend. We’ll do 37 mile bike rides together. And all through cancer, Biking was her therapy. She would go out, we have a trail through our neighborhood that goes for miles and miles. We’ll do basically as far as you want to go. She would Just go on that trail and cry. And then she would come back and she’d be good for the day. And she would do that pretty much every single day.

Rick Guymon [00:19:55]:
And so now as a family, sometimes we still do it. It often multiple times a week. Everyone has a bike. And not just a bike. We’ve spent money on these bikes. They’re good bikes so that they can enjoy it and they’re comfortable and we can go have these activities. She has a trailer on the back of hers for our youngest. And then I have one that has two seats that they can both kind of sit recumbently.

Rick Guymon [00:20:13]:
I don’t know if that’s an adverb, but sit that way and kind of ride. And we typically for them have to say, hey, there’s ice cream on the other side of this trail. And so that’s how we kind of get them going. But we spend time time hiking and camping. And that’s where we actually have spent kind of our disposable income when we do have it is on being outside together. And that’s just become. We feel closer to each other and closer to God because of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]:
It definitely can be really re energizing and can get your mind in a different space when you’re out in nature and you’re able to have those unique conversations with your kids because, you know, you turn off the technology and just be.

Rick Guymon [00:20:52]:
We love to go where there’s no reception. Those are our favorite places. And then we’re working even as adults to be on our phones and on screens less often. We just find greater joy without them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:02]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Rick Guymon [00:21:12]:
I’m ready. Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:13]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Rick Guymon [00:21:17]:
Awe. I stand in awe of who they are. Yeah, they’re just incredible.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:21]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Rick Guymon [00:21:25]:
It was probably from my dad, who is the father of six daughters. And I remember one time I had a sister just two years older than me, and we were really close, but I was probably the first child that had a little bit of attitude as a teenager. You know what I mean? Some of that teenage angst, the 16 years old and I’m mad at the world syndrome, I like to call it. And my dad just said to me, you know, there’s one time I when where I probably didn’t say something Super. I never yelled at my mom or called her names or any of those kinds of things, but I was clear about my disdain for the things she was asking me to do. And so the worst punishment you could get was she’d get say, okay, go tell your dad how you treated me. No, no, no. I’m so sorry.

Rick Guymon [00:22:03]:
I’m so sorry. He never beat us or anything. He was always very loving, very wonderful. But he said, someday you will understand once you get married and have daughters of your own how important respecting women is. Your job is to protect them, not because they couldn’t, but because you don. You don’t ever want them to be exposed to all of the things in the world that are going to be thrown at them. Let them pursue their own path, but do what you can to support them. And so once I got married, I realized that my job was to lift them up, not the other way around.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:35]:
Now, I know you have three daughters, and the answer might be different for each of your daughters. What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Rick Guymon [00:22:43]:
Okay. Yeah, this is different because they are so different. Gracie, who’s our oldest, Gracie, loves to sing, and she has an incredible. An incredible voice. So I love to play the piano. So we will sit at the piano and I’ll play music, and she will just sing. And so we spend a lot of time together at the piano singing and playing. And now we’re at the point where I’ve got my wife who sings and my oldest two who sing and my oldest two daughters, and we’ll write.

Rick Guymon [00:23:10]:
I get to write four part or three part harmonies and music for them. And so we spend a lot of time doing that for my second daughter, Andalyn, and she is. You haven’t heard much about her. She’s 13. She is the one that will do any adventure with me. She’ll try the salsas. She’ll try, you know, the outdoor activities. She’ll do all of those things.

Rick Guymon [00:23:28]:
So she and I love to just go do things. Her talent is. She sees a need and she just goes and takes care of it. She’s just got this amazing, amazing heart and sense of humor. So with Andalyn to almost perform, like comedic shows, and Mindy and I just sit and watch and laugh and giggle at that. So together we love to try salsas. So when we go, like to a farmer’s market or whatever, we’ll buy a whole bunch of salsa and then we’ll come home and we’ll grab a bag of chips and she and I Will eat chips and salsa together and. And talk there.

Rick Guymon [00:23:56]:
And then my third daughter, Tessa, who’s nine, she’s the one that has down syndrome. Ugly dance parties, turn on any music, and right now she’s obsessed with. She always has certain songs that just the beat or something gets to her and she’ll just go to town. So right now we’re just dancing like crazy. And then I love to get to put her to bed at night when read them a story or, you know, whatever that might look like now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:17]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rick Guymon [00:24:22]:
I would want them to know that there’s nothing they can do to escape their parents love or their heavenly parents love. Like, you can never go too far to not be able to come back. And I think that’s important for them and important for me as a dad to recognize just who they really are, what they really are here to become, and what their potential is after this. So just knowing that there’s no end to their potential and there’s no end to what we would do for them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:49]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rick Guymon [00:24:53]:
I used to think that my dad was impatient with 11 kids. I realized he’s a saint. I think the thing that I realized is a huge part of parenting is me, for lack of a better term, taking a chill pill and just letting, you know, not expecting that perfection, not expecting really much of anything, letting life happen and recognizing that almost nothing matters and that my job is just to love them. I feel this strongly that it’s not my job to. To kind of eternally chastise them. It’s not my job to try to convert them. It’s not even my job to. And it’s definitely not my job to save them.

Rick Guymon [00:25:26]:
And anytime that I’m trying to do those things or catch myself doing those things, I’m actually putting myself in place of someone who will do that much better with much greater love and. And with a broader view of eternity. My job is to love them. And sometimes that requires, you know, correction and things like that. But most of the time, it’s just to let them know that they’re loved by me, loved by God. And I think that relationship. If they have a great relationship with their earthly parents and a great relationship with their heavenly parents, then I think I’ve done a really good job as a dad and they will know much more than I do in very short order.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:03]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Rick Guymon [00:26:11]:
Yeah. I would say take the time to do it. If you can clear off your plate with all of those things that don’t matter, then all of a sudden you have made time with them. And I. You’re a really great example of this. Right. We’ve talked about how you just got back from a really wonderful trip with your oldest daughter, and I think just making the time for them. I think all relationships are made by spending time with them.

Rick Guymon [00:26:33]:
And that was what my parents did really well. And what I’m hopefully doing with my own children is spending time with them so that they know that they matter to me, that they really matter to me. And that’s one of the songs that Gracie and I sing together is from the musical the Waitress. And it’s you matter to me. And she’ll sing, you know, we’ll sing that as a duet together. And just a beautiful, beautiful opportunity, I think, for us. Just recognize that everything can wait. This can’t.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:58]:
Well, Rick, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us today. And I know it’s an ongoing journey. It’s not something that is done. It will never be done. But I appreciate you sharing that, giving your thoughts, your perspectives, and what you’ve learned thus far. And I wish you all the best.

Rick Guymon [00:27:16]:
Thank you so much. It was great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:27:48]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny, screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them present and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best that you can be.

Humor, Heart & Hard Truths: Dads Guiding Daughters Toward Adulthood

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If you’re a dad who wants to create a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, you won’t want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Finlay—bestselling author, accomplished entrepreneur, and dad of four (including three daughters)—for an honest, heartwarming discussion about the joys and challenges of fatherhood.

From the start, Dr. Lewis emphasizes that being a great dad is less about perfection and more about presence and intentional connection. There’s no universal playbook for fatherhood, especially when it comes to raising girls who are confident and independent. That’s why he brings in guests like Rob, who candidly shares both his successes and the lessons learned through mistakes.

One standout theme is the importance of vulnerability and authenticity. Rob talks about never hiding his emotions from his daughters, showing them by example that strength and sensitivity aren’t mutually exclusive. He wanted his girls to see a father who could be both a gentleman and deeply caring—teaching by doing rather than merely telling.

Throughout the conversation, both Dr. Lewis and Rob stress the value of teaching resilience and self-reliance. Rob encouraged his daughters to try new things, pushed them to stick with commitments, and allowed them to experience failure—knowing these moments are key to personal growth. He highlights the importance of letting daughters step into adulthood on their terms, supporting them with guidance rather than control.

Another powerful insight is Rob’s approach to life skills. Prompted by a late-night call from his daughter (“Can I put the green gas in my Jeep?”), Rob realized the value of giving kids the foundational tools they need to navigate adulthood—from financial conversations to problem-solving. His new book, Hey Dad, Everything You Should Have Learned About Life But Didn’t, is packed with practical, real-world advice and a healthy dose of humor to make learning approachable.

Fatherhood isn’t static, and the parent-child relationship evolves—what matters is open, honest communication and the willingness to keep learning together. Whether you’re helping your daughter make big life decisions or just sharing a favorite meal, every interaction counts.

Ready to be inspired? Listen to this heartfelt episode and take away actionable tips to deepen your connection with your daughter. Tune in at Dad and Daughter Connection—and start building those strong, confident relationships, one day at a time.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on this journey that we’re on. Learning more, doing more, and trying to be the dads that we want to be, to be able to build those connections that we want with our daughters one day at a time. And I first and foremost want to say thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:13]:
Thank you for always coming back every week and putting yourself out there to learn more. Because all of us are a work in progress and to be honest, none of us know everything that we need to know to be able to be the dads that we want to be. Becoming a dad does not have a playbook. It does. There’s no right way to father. But there’s a lot of things that you can learn along the way to help you to be that engaged, more present dad that you want to become. And especially in raising daughters, there are so many things that we can do to be able to build those positive relationships through positive communication. And that’s why every week I love being able to bring you different people, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to add some tools to your own toolbox that you can then take into the day to day experiences that you’re having with your daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:06]:
Today we got another great guest. Rob Findlay is with us today. And Rob’s not only a best selling author and accomplished entrepreneur, but also a dad of four. And as a part of those four, he has three daughters. His personal stories of late night calls for help paired with his professional expertise make him unique, uniquely qualified to speak to parents about raising capable, confident young adults. Plus, his engaging, no nonsense delivery resonates with anyone who ever who has ever googled how to reset a circuit breaker at 2:00am I love that. And we’re going to be talking about a brand new book that he has called hey, dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn’t. And it is definitely a humorous and practical guide to the real world lessons that every young adult needs to know, but that are not always taught.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:56]:
So we’re going to be talking about his book as well as, first and foremost, learning more about him as a dad. But, Rob, thank you so much for being here today.

Rob Finlay [00:03:04]:
Oh, thank you so much for having me on the show. I’ll tell you, I Wish you existed 20 plus years ago when I had daughters, because I’ll tell you, I grew up in a family with a brother, dad and mom, but. But maybe a little bit more traditional where it was very much a man’s household. And in fact, I go so far as my mom wouldn’t even put pantyhose that she would buy from the grocery store in the same bag. My brother and I could see it. So I grew up without any real understanding of what it was like to have a sister or anything until Lord blessed me one day with three beautiful daughters and I had no idea what I was doing. So I wish you were there years ago for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:45]:
Well, you can still learn and you never stop being a father to a daughter. So there’s always going to be more things to learn along the way. So that being said, I want to learn a little bit more about you as a dad, seeing that you come from that background. I guess as you think back to your daughters and raising your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Rob Finlay [00:04:07]:
I think one of the things is I was never afraid to show emotions in front of my daughters. I think that was a very different departure from maybe where I was, but they would know. And now it’s almost the joke of they see a movie with a dog dying or something sad in the movie that dad will cry. And I think it was important for them to see that emotion. At the same point, I also wanted them to see what I wanted to portray as a male to them, which is I’m polite, I’m respectful, I have manners, I have etiquette. Right? These are the things that were important. So I wanted to be a gentleman and maybe a little bit on the macho side, but also showing that I had enough sensitivity and tenderness that I could support them at either direction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:49]:
As you just said that. I mean, you said you weren’t afraid to show that vulnerability, but at the same time, you also had that macho side as well. And so there’s A balance between both sides of that personality. And as you’re raising daughters, you’re trying to balance, also guiding them to give them the independence to grow into their own person. And so how did you do that?

Rob Finlay [00:05:15]:
I think it was about pushing them. I actually believe that I wanted to see them fail. I wanted to see. And I know that’s very hard. I mean, parents can’t. And probably back at the time, I probably didn’t. But in hindsight, I was much more open to them exploring their own paths and pushing them, but not being overbearing. I wanted them to have interest and do things on their own, keep them focused.

Rob Finlay [00:05:37]:
If they made a commitment to do cello, well, you’re going to take Chiello. You’re not going to try it for two days and then quit. You’re going to do it and you’re going to try it. But if you don’t like it after that, or if you. If you’re really horrible at it, doesn’t really matter, but at least you’ve tried it. And so those were some of the things that I did. One of the important things that I feel that for young adults and for young kids is to have a broader experience with other adults and other people outside their friend groups. And this was critical for me, that I wanted to make sure that my girls and my son, too, were comfortable networking, having adult conversations, and being exposed to things other than just mom and dad in their friend group.

Rob Finlay [00:06:19]:
And so since they were young, you had them in farming groups. I would have them come to business meals with me just so they could see what it was like to be exposed to something other than just the sort of the family unit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
As I said at the very beginning, going through this process of raising daughters is a learning process for all of us as fathers. And there are specific things that we all can do to be able to strengthen that bond with our daughters. For you, with three daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have done, have worked in the past or are currently working to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, and especially during challenging times?

Rob Finlay [00:07:00]:
I think, first of all, the young women that I see today, the young women that are my. My daughters, those are my daughters, we said, like, when they’re in their 20s, are very different than the young women that I knew 25 years ago when I was a young man. And the young ladies today that I’ve created and I’ve seen are much more independent. And therefore, the needs that they have tend to be more of financial understanding and business understanding and things like that. And my Daughters typically will come to me with questions that are much more about their financial independence than it is about navigating their own personal life or personal relationships. There I think there was a stage not, you know, all fathers, I think, go through this where your daughter is the apple in your eye and she’s there and she’s with you all the time and she’ll tell you everything. Then she goes to this different stage where maybe she’s not as comfortable talking to you about boyfriends and things that they’re doing. But then it comes back around where now these boyfriends are becoming, okay, this is not just a boyfriend, this is actually a serious relationship and we want to move in together.

Rob Finlay [00:08:06]:
So we start having those dialogues of that where it’s a very different situation. It’s not dad being emotional saying, okay, I’m bringing a boy to the house for the first time, it’s dad, this could be my life partner for life. And what are the things that I have to think about from a practical or even a, I don’t want to say business, but a financial standpoint. And that’s where these conversations have started. And these are very difficult conversations because at 20 some odd years old, these are adult conversations. When you’re talking about, one of my daughters has a very good job, her boyfriend does not, they’re sharing expenses, they’re living together. So now it becomes a different thing of, okay, well how do you protect these things that are yours and yet still have these relationships? And it’s almost equivalent to what a prenup agreement is to an adult. You’re now having these conversations with people who are in their early stage of adulting, just launching.

Rob Finlay [00:08:56]:
And they have so much to do anyways with just launching. They’re on this what I call magic carpet ride of life where from the day they’re born, basically until they have this big life moment which is graduation, and get thrown into the real world, everything is coming at them all at once. And now you have to compound it with some pretty difficult grown up conversations.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:16]:
So talk to me about that because you are having those conversations. And as I’m listening to that, I know I have a daughter in college right now, she’s not at that point yet. How do you approach that without stepping over the line and stepping into a lane that, that they don’t want you in? In that regard, I think at this.

Rob Finlay [00:09:36]:
Point is this is where you let your child fail to a level where it’s acceptable. But there are times where father knows best, even though they don’t like it and sometimes. But I’ve been around the block. I’ve experienced this myself. And so coming to them with this conversation, I think it’s more of the approach where I want them to come to their own conclusions, but the questions that I lead will prompt them. It’s not that I’m trying to show influence over my daughter, but rather use my influence to let them come and make the right decisions themselves. And they are hard. The first move in boyfriend is.

Rob Finlay [00:10:12]:
Is the big one, and we live together, and it’s gonna be wonderful. Oh, okay. But let me ask you, what would happen if, first things first, you get a pet together? Who gets the pet if something happens? Just think about. You make your own decisions. I think I’m very quick to do that with my girls. I want them to make the decisions, but let them know the consequences, the things that they don’t think about. Because you’re like, you’re at a. At an all you can eat buffet.

Rob Finlay [00:10:35]:
You want to eat as much as you possib you can without the consequences of, oh, geez, I just ate way too much later that night. And so it is about having the mind. And I think the important part of all of this is the demeanor that I have to provide to my daughters is one of very calm. And my wife is usually very good to maybe give me a little pinch. Right. If we’re on the call and I might get a little excited, they can hear it in my voice. I have to detune it a little bit because I think. And at least with my own experience, and it’s also a little skewed for me, because my day job is my business, just like yours.

Rob Finlay [00:11:08]:
You’re at the university. My day job is at a business, and I hire a lot of young analysts right out of college. And predominantly, they are young men. And so my management style with them is different. And just like with my son, my conversation, my tone with my son is very different. With my daughters, including each individual daughter, there’s a different approach to talk to each one. And so it just comes back to the demeanor has to be set, and the conversation, the tone has to be set commensurate with the child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:38]:
You know, I know that there have been plenty of times that I’ve made mistakes, and none of us are infallible. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it in regards to fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:11:50]:
Well, I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of things. I mean, the whole Purpose of the book that I wrote was because of a late night phone call just on a certain instance. And I realized, have I taught my kids everything that they should know to go be an adult? And not that you have to know everything because you learn as an adult, you learn every day. But, but have I given them the foundation? Go out, get out on their own, get a job, get an apartment, make friends, become a good healthy adult. All of these things have I built them the foundation? And then it starts to do the. Where it spirals as a father, like, well, geez, you know what? I spent all my younger years when they were around trying to build a business thinking that it was important for me to provide for them. And maybe the providing that I should have given was maybe more emotional and less financial. So it starts to come around as what did I do wrong as a father? Now, fortunately I have a good relationship with all of my kids and but this book has really sort of opened up my eyes where I look back at all these things that I don’t know that I taught them.

Rob Finlay [00:12:49]:
Was it because I wasn’t there? Was I an absent father? Or was it maybe in many cases I told them and they didn’t listen, or was it because I wanted to take care of them? And I’m very guilty of that with my girls. My girls, if they know if there was a light that went on in their car, all they had to do is go up and say, hey dad, Daddy, there’s a light on in my car. And I would go run fix it it, I wouldn’t make them do it. Now in hindsight would have been better for me to push them back to solve their own problems.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:17]:
So let’s talk about your book. And as I mentioned, you do have this brand new book called hey dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn’t. And one of the things that I noticed when looking at the book, you talk about that green handle moment in your book and it’s a powerful moment. So it was that call that you got. And so tell me more about that call. But what did that call from your daughter teach you about the importance of dad and daughter communications in the transition to adulthood?

Rob Finlay [00:13:46]:
So the call to put give your listeners sort of the perspective, it’s the middle of the night, probably one or two o’clock in the morning, which for me that’s, that’s bedtime. I’m already asleep for hours here. And every parent fears this call in the middle of the night. And I got it and I look over and it’s one of my daughters calling. And I knew she was on a road trip. She was traveling from Wisconsin to go down to Austin, Texas. They were looking for a job. She was a college senior at the time.

Rob Finlay [00:14:12]:
And I’m panicked because my kids know that a call this late doesn’t. That has to be an emergency. She picked up, and I was like, what’s wrong? Because that’s my first instinct. What is wrong? Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? Nope. Hey, dad. Sorry to bother you. No, nothing. It’s just a very quick.

Rob Finlay [00:14:27]:
Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? And my heart rate has to come down, comes down. I’m starting to pain. I’m like, starting to think, okay, I’m woken up. Like, I finally realized, are you talking about diesel? Are you thinking about putting diesel in your Jeep? And she was almost hostile with me. Like, how dare I even. Yes, can I do it? Like, she was frustrated with me asking questions. And at that point I realized, like, you know, obviously, maybe I didn’t teach her this. This is shame on me.

Rob Finlay [00:14:52]:
But also at the same point, I felt like, was it because it was easier to call me than to go and look at it on her own? Right. Could she have done research? Could she have gone on Google? Right. I mean, we’re in the Internet society. There’s. There’s ways to get answers. And so I think it was more about that she wanted to reach out to me, to look for advice, to maybe in a reassuring moment, because there were some factors there that were going on, such as there was not to spoil this section of the book. It was. We had a fuel crisis on the east coast at that time, and none of the gas stations had gas.

Rob Finlay [00:15:25]:
And, you know, even while dad said, it’s probably not a great time to do a trip, how can I stop her from going? But it was more of like, is she just trying to get some reassurance? And I think that comes down to one of the things that I feel, and this is that moment, is I think my kids and my girls in particular know what to do. But sometimes it’s nice to have a little bit of reassurance. It’s reassurance from dad that, yeah, I am doing the right thing. Yes, I’m going to be okay, or maybe I’m not doing the right thing and maybe I should do this or think differently about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:54]:
So that kind of leads into another part in your book where you talk about letting your kids call you or as a father, into the playing field. Only when they’re ready. So how has that approach shaped your relationship with your daughters over time?

Rob Finlay [00:16:10]:
Look, I’m a businessman. I have no medical credentials, no nothing. It’s me as a dad trying to do the best I can. I think I probably pushed my kids out into situations probably faster than I should have. Now, it’s also siblings, right? So, I mean, the easiest way to go get a sibling to swim is to watch their other siblings swim. Of course, they want to do that naturally. And so while it’s probably more sheltering and sheltered with my son and then my next daughter, and then by the time the fourth one comes around, you’re a little bit more like, go ahead, go do these things. Go take responsibilities, having jobs, having chores, the girls grew up on a farm, about opening up and seeing things that are really, you’re not going to see on TV and you’re not going to see on social media.

Rob Finlay [00:16:54]:
And I think that was a big thing. And I think when I was writing this book, one of the things that I really wanted to do was go out and seek experts in the field of everything from finding an apartment to maintaining a car to what to do in emergencies, banking, insurance, taxes, all the things that I think are of core foundational purpose for young adults to become adults. And I think what I really did with this was I tried to mirror it, it to what my girls were learning and what I want them to learn going forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:26]:
Is there a story that you can share where that strategy for you either built more trust or even backfired?

Rob Finlay [00:17:33]:
The first thing I’ve learned, and I’m sure a lot of fathers know this, especially if their daughters are in. In dating age, if you say you don’t like the boy, he’s staying. I’ve learned very quickly that there are things that I do now that have backfired. When I try to say, you know what? A young man who’s coming to date, you should have a firm handshake. He should look at me in the eye. He should be polite. He should be polite to you. He should give attention to you, right? He should.

Rob Finlay [00:17:55]:
And when I realized that there’s a different way, once again, it comes back to the conversation. Letting them know, if I don’t like this guy, he doesn’t shake my hand, right? All that’s going to do is say, oh, that’s going to be my new boyfriend. But if I talk about how I’ve noticed these young men at my office, how great they are by being polite, or how important it is, and even this comes down to how I am as a father in particular. This is just a purely on relationship side, but my wife requires us to do once a week, date night, to spend time together. Not on our phone, not with everything. And I think the kids and, and my girls see that. It’s like it’s important that somebody give you attention, focus on you and make you feel special, because that is what you are to me. But dad’s blue in the face until I tell you how special you are.

Rob Finlay [00:18:41]:
I hear you, dad. I hear you. I hear you. But somebody else has to do that. And making them expect that is part of that learning of being an adult is getting the respect of yourself first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:52]:
A lot of times in my experience as a father, I have noticed that a lot of the life lessons that you see out in memes, in writing, a lot of that is focused on sons. Especially when you look at things like self reliance or money management or dealing with failure, There’s a lot of that out in the world. How did writing this book change or reinforce the kind of life lessons you think daughters specifically need from their dads today?

Rob Finlay [00:19:22]:
Personally, I don’t differentiate the two. I think there’s a couple things. One is I think the skills that I’m trying to talk about, the foundational skills that I talk about in my book are truly just what every adult. It doesn’t matter what you are, every adult needs to know how to do these basic things. This isn’t like one plus one. This is actually just more foundational. Right? It’s not about. About how to tie a tie, but rather when you should wear a tie or obviously daughter something different.

Rob Finlay [00:19:47]:
But to me, when I wrote the book, I wanted everybody to have these foundations because I think no matter what it is, if even it’s about life, it’s all the same. I can tell you though, what I have learned in all of this is that doing the research and talking to other parents, and talking to other parents in particular, it seems like the young ladies are actually more confident and are doing better and are at a very, very different path than young men. And I know that it’s not as popular of a conversation because I personally think everybody should be lifted. You should never have one group of people below the other. Everybody should be lifted. Everybody should. Being successful and having a good life. So after I wrote this book and talked to my girls and my son about it, it really became more of I think I’ve done okay, but not by me.

Rob Finlay [00:20:31]:
It’s probably because they’re smart, they’re independent, and they Take it upon themselves. And yes, they’ll ask crazy questions, questions, but it’s also a matter of time. Young adults today have not just their parents talking to them or their relationship with their dad, but they also have their relationship with social media. And so the influence that social media has, especially on some of these life lessons, is huge. A lot bigger than when I was growing up. As what mom and dad said, that was pretty much it. And yeah, my buddies, they’d be influences, but I don’t have a screen showing me what I should be making for a job. I don’t have a screen showing me how, at any moment, being compared to something.

Rob Finlay [00:21:05]:
And so I really do believe that it comes down to as parents. And the best thing that we can do with our sons and daughters is to encourage them to have confidence in themselves, give them the tools to be confident adults, because it comes quick and it comes pretty fast. And I know our first instinct is to protect them from it and keep them all. Let them save more money, let them stay at home, let them stay under the nest. I don’t know if that’s necessarily the best thing for young adults to get out into this world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]:
Your book has a lot of humor in it. And what role do you think humor plays in building deeper connections between fathers and daughters, especially when navigating those adulting fails?

Rob Finlay [00:21:43]:
Look, life is too stressful as it is. We have to, at some point, lighten up and make sure that we focus on what is really important. I look back in the fall we have when. When college acceptance come around, and the stress of these young adults and their parents is criminal. It’s absolutely criminal. The pressure that we put on for something. And this goes back to when I noticed the same thing. My first chapter on the book is probably one of the most profound and probably one of the hardest ones for me to.

Rob Finlay [00:22:10]:
To write because it was about emotion. It was like all of a sudden you’re on this, what I call that magic carpet ride, and it stops. And you as a young adult, are now faced with where to live, what to do for a job, all these other factors, and it might be too much for you, and it becomes overwhelming. And one of my daughters just recently went through this where she didn’t know where she was going to live. She didn’t know what she was going to do for a job. Her career path through college had changed because the market had changed. And this poor thing, the stress consumed her. And at some point I just had to laugh and just say, listen, this just life, it’s Important, but relax.

Rob Finlay [00:22:44]:
And so one of the first things I do when I talk to young adults, just take a deep breath. The decision you make today on your first job or where you’re going to live is not going to be your last decision. You are going to make these decisions. So having humor and putting that in sort of lightens the load a little bit. It’s also sort of my style, too. I don’t want to stress them out even more. Oh, my gosh, yes, you need to have the right job. Because if you don’t have the right job first, well, you’ll never get your second job.

Rob Finlay [00:23:08]:
The second job won’t be great. I don’t think that is beneficial. Letting him relax, going into a situation. It was actually probably the Navy SEAL who I interviewed in the book was probably on emergencies, probably tied it all back to me, which was he’s like, look, when people get anxious, they make mistakes. And so relax. Understand the situation. If you can relax, then you can find your way out of it. So in that same tune.

Rob Finlay [00:23:31]:
So it’s sort of fitting that that last part of the book is what to do in Emergencies, written by a Navy SEAL and an emergency parameter medic. What ties back into the first part, which is my people that I interviewed were clinical psychologists and psychiatrists and how to tie it back, which is just relax. You can make good decisions if you relax and think clearly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]:
Now, your book also emphasizes getting a plan and visualizing a life. How can dads help daughters develop a life direction without overwhelming them with their own expectations?

Rob Finlay [00:24:02]:
For me, one of the stories I put in there is actually one of my daughters loves hiking. Hiking loves being in the outdoors. And we sort of talk about that hiking path, right? And so I asked her, I’m like, well, what do you like in hiking? Like, how do you pick what you want to go? And she would say, well, if I want to hike on the beach, I go pick a hike towards the beach. If I want to hike in the mountains, I want to go pick a hike in the mountains. And we use that as an analogy to sort of talk about life. Well, where do you want to go? Do you want to be in science or what? So trying to take their interests and tie it back into a story, more of a narrative, into helping them. Them pick what they want. And if you can equate it back to things that are simple like a hike, she’s like, oh, wait, hike.

Rob Finlay [00:24:43]:
Yeah, I really like science. And you know what the best part about a hike is? If you don’t like it, you can turn left, right, or go back. You can do different things. And so using those kind of stories and those kind of tools will help them write the narrative of their own. I also believe in a lot in visualization. Describe to me. I love movies, I love television shows. And so I’m always like, let’s create a scene for me.

Rob Finlay [00:25:06]:
Where do you work? Give me a picture of that. Talk to me. Are you driving into the office or are you walking knowing would you live in a city or would you be in the suburbs? And letting them build their own story in their brain. And that helps them get the sort of the, the, the destination and the direction started. It’s not going to be everything, but it’s going to give them the start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]:
Now, if people want to find out more about the book, about you, where should they go?

Rob Finlay [00:25:30]:
So they can go to heydadbook.com which is all about the book. If they want to learn more about me and the, the other stuff I’ve done, they can go to rob finlay.com that’s f I n l a y.com also on all the social media stuff. So I try to show things from work, things from the book, things from the farm, try to make it as interesting as I can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]:
Now I always finish our interviews with what I call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you and your relationship with your daughters. Are you ready?

Rob Finlay [00:26:04]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:05]:
What’s one word that describes your relationships with your daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:26:08]:
Strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:09]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Rob Finlay [00:26:13]:
Don’t give up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:14]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Rob Finlay [00:26:18]:
Eating. They’re going to hate me, by the way, when they get this. They’re going to, they’re going to like, follow me. I’m going to hear all about this.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:23]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Finlay [00:26:28]:
Be happy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
What’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Finlay [00:26:34]:
That I actually have it in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:36]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Finlay [00:26:43]:
Be open and honest and communicate well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:46]:
Rob, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for your willingness to share your own journey with your daughters. Thank you for putting this book out into the world. I’ll definitely put links in the notes today for everyone to be able to find you and find the book. But I truly appreciate all that you’re doing to be able to help fathers to connect with their kids in different ways, help young adults to make that transition into adulthood and more. And I wish you all the best.

Rob Finlay [00:27:15]:
Thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:27:48]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Connection Before Correction: Building Strong Parent-Child Bonds with Eran Magen

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Parenting is a continual journey, one that evolves as our children grow and as we, too, learn new ways to connect with them. This week on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dr. Eran Magen—father, relationship expert, and creator of the Parenting for Humans and Divorcing Dads resources—for a heartfelt and refreshingly honest conversation about fatherhood, connection, and resilience.

Presence Over Perfection

One of the central themes of the episode is the power of presence. Eran shares that being fully present—and putting away distractions, especially digital ones—lays the groundwork for genuine connection. Whether through playful activities like acro yoga or watching a favorite show together, the focus isn’t on orchestrating perfect moments, but on truly showing up for our kids, time and time again.

Respect and Emotional Safety

Eran emphasizes treating children with deep respect, validating their feelings, and giving them true space to express themselves. Instead of rushing to fix problems or dismissing their emotions, he advocates for really listening—even paraphrasing back what they’ve shared—to make sure they feel heard and understood. This builds not only trust but helps children develop a positive, self-compassionate inner voice that stays with them for life.

Connection Before Correction

Drawing from his work at ParentingForHumans.com, Eran introduces the concept of prioritizing connection over correction. When the bond between parent and child is strong, discipline becomes less about control and more about collaboration. It’s about building relational habits—like kindness, presence, and respect—into everyday life, so that challenges are easier to navigate when they arise.

Navigating Divorce and Co-Parenting

For fathers navigating separation or divorce, Eran offers wisdom and hope. He urges dads not to let shame or fear of disconnection hold them back from seeking support, or from fighting for meaningful time with their children. Even in limited circumstances, quality of presence trumps quantity—being truly engaged makes all the difference.

If you’re finding yourself in this position, then don’t agree to any schedule immediately. Instead, go to a divorce lawyer to learn more about what’s reasonable in your specific situation. In many cases, they’ll be able to provide in-depth guidance and even negotiate with other parties on your behalf. Understanding where you stand early on and your co-parenting situation keeps the focus where you want it: on spending time with your kids instead of arguing with your ex.

Whether you’re a dad seeking fresh ideas, a parent amid big transitions, or simply someone passionate about fostering strong family relationships, this episode is an inspiring listen. Tune in for practical tips, honest stories, and compassionate advice that will help you nurture lasting bonds—one present moment at a time.

Ready to be inspired? Listen now to the full conversation on the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love being able to talk to you about this connection that you want to build with your daughters. And we do that every week because it is a process. This journey that you’re on is going to be one where you’re going to have to learn, you’re going to have to grow, you’re going to have to be willing to be open to finding new ways to build that relationship day by day. Because as your daughter grows, you can’t just think that one way of doing things is going to happen and stay the same. You got to keep adjusting and being there, being engaged and helping your daughter one step at a time and being engaged and connected to your daughter in so many ways throughout their life. That being said, that’s why every week I bring you different guests, different people with different experiences to help you along this journey, to give you some tools for your toolbox and to allow for you the opportunity to learn and grow, to be able to find new ways to build those stronger connections and to leave every episode with an opportunity to be able to start something new from the end of that episode on. This week we got another great guest. Dr.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:28]:
Aran McGinn is with us today. And Aron is someone that, as he says, he believes in relationships, believes in people and helps people to have better relationships. Perfect fit for you as a dad with a daughter. He’s also a father of a son, so we’re going to be talking about his own journey being a father. He’s been working with individuals for quite a few years and most recently he’s been created two new resources that are definitely going to help you as a dad. He has a site by the name of Parenting for Humans as well as divorcingdads.org we’re going to talk about both of these resources and some things that may help you along the way, depending on your own situation and where you’re at. And I’m really excited to have him here today. Aron, thanks so much for being here.

Eran Magen [00:02:18]:
My great pleasure. Thank you for inviting me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:21]:
Well, it is my pleasure having you here. And as I said, you are a father of a son and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit into you as a dad to get to know you and your own journey. I guess as you think back to the time that you’ve had with your son thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with him and what made it so special?

Eran Magen [00:02:41]:
I’m glad you want to talk about my son, because it’s my favorite topic. And, you know, if we don’t watch ourselves, we’re going to have the podcast equivalent of me showing you every photo of my son except an audio version that I have. I’m. I’m one of those people. There are a lot of good moments. The most recent, I’ll go with the most recent that, like, stood out to me, which was really fun. And then I’m happy to scan backwards, if you want, and come up with even better ones. I do a thing called acro yoga, and Acroyoga has very little to do with yoga and more to do.

Eran Magen [00:03:04]:
Like, sometimes people call it partner acrobatics. It’s when. When people balance on each other. And a lot of parents do this with their kids, right? The parent lies down on his or her back, and the kid is on the parent’s feet, sort of belly down, arms forward, Superman, right? Like, we. We all do this with our kids, but it gets much more sophisticated, and you can do many more interesting things. People can sit on other people or stand on other people or flip around on other people and so on. And you can do it with grownups, and you can do it with kids, obviously. And it’s easier with kids because they’re little, alert.

Eran Magen [00:03:31]:
And so this is something that I’ve been doing with my son since he was little, and we do it a little bit. I kind of wish he was super into it and he’s kind of into it, but he’s the most into it when he can show off to other people, when it’s just the two of us. He’s like, I don’t know if I need to do it right now. But we were playing soccer in his school after I picked him up, and we’re playing with another kid that often plays with us there. And then my son went off and did something else. And in the meantime, I was doing some acro yoga with this other kid, introducing him to it, and his mom, who was there and consented to the whole thing. And my son ran back and really wanted to do some acro to show the other kid that he knows more. That was very motivating for him.

Eran Magen [00:04:06]:
And then we did, and it was fun. But then the next day we came out, and it was sort of the first day of spring here in Connecticut, and we. We just stepped out to the yard, and out of nowhere, my son says, dad, do you want to do some acro yoga? Do you want to practice? And my heart just Expanded. It was just so nice because he, he, you know, I didn’t suggest it, I never mentioned it, but it was sort of back on his mind. And it’s just so nice to feel like our kids are into things that we’re into and they want to spend time together doing those things. That was a really fun moment, but they’re just thousands of these stories. This is the most recent. I keep a spreadsheet that I made when he was born.

Eran Magen [00:04:36]:
When he was born, I did two things. I created an email inbox for him, which I occasionally write to things that I can’t say now that he wouldn’t understand. So I write stuff that I want to tell him, letters for later, and I’ll give him the login credentials when he’s. Or 18 or something. And the other thing I did is start this spreadsheet called Milestones and Memories and First Times. And I just sit down and write stuff that happened every once in a while. So I have like this long list that I can go through and see the things that were exciting for me. When he was 2, when he was 4, when he was 6.

Eran Magen [00:05:04]:
It’s really fun. And this is one of those moments.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:06]:
As your son is getting older and you are trying to guide him and work to be able to mold and meld him into the adult that he is becoming, how do you balance guiding your son while also giving him the independence to grow into his own person?

Eran Magen [00:05:23]:
I think my job is mostly to provide kind of safety and nourishment and let him grow where he grows. I’m not trying too hard to move him one way or another. I’m vegan, for example. I don’t insist on him being vegan. Not my job, not his problem. I keep my home vegan because it’s more comfortable for me. But if he really wants to bring something into that, we’re in the supermarket and we’ll buy stuff and he really wants to get something that isn’t, that’s fine. Then we will.

Eran Magen [00:05:47]:
Certainly, if we’re out in the world and he wants to get something or word a party and he wants to eat a thing, everybody eating totally fine. And so I’m not trying exactly to mold him into anything. I’m trying to provide good supports for him as he grows into things. There’s a little bit of a gray line, right? Because if I see him kind of starting to spin out about something, be really anxious about something in a way that I think is not necessary, I’ll try to help him figure out ways to not be upset about it. And so is that molding? I sometimes ask myself. Yeah, but it feels very kind of benevolent and not coercive. You know, this. This feels more like me removing roadblocks than forcing him to go down a specific path.

Eran Magen [00:06:24]:
And so I really think there are many ways to describe the job of parent, and many people have lots of ideas about what those jobs are. I think they’re probably all true. I think one of the most important parts of being a parent, one of the most important jobs, is creating the voice that kids have inside their head, how they talk to themselves, because that voice will stay on for many, many years. And changing that voice requires a huge amount of therapy. And so that, to me, is a very, very important part of what I think about as a parent. How I hear him talking to himself and helping him adjust that voice. I’m not trying to tell that voice what to tell him to do. Right.

Eran Magen [00:06:56]:
It’s more how he relates to himself. So in a real sense, one of my primary jobs is making sure he has a good relationship with himself. What he grows up to be is up to him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:04]:
What are some intentional ways you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your son, especially during challenging times?

Eran Magen [00:07:11]:
I would divide the ways into two big categories. I think one is just helpful habits, and the other is maybe specific events or specific things in time. The most important habit by far is bringing my full presence. Right. My phone is away. My phone is often on do not disturb. It’s 100% focus on him when I’m with him. And I think that makes an enormous difference.

Eran Magen [00:07:31]:
He’s not orbiting. We do stuff together. And when we’re not doing stuff together, then we’re not. Then we’re doing stuff separately. But if we are connecting, I’m fully there. I’m not splitting my attention. And I think that’s enormously important. The other thing that I do, I don’t want to make it sound like I am the first person to do this or the first to have thought about it, but I just think it’s so important, is I communicate with him with great respect.

Eran Magen [00:07:55]:
I treat him as a person, not as a soldier or a servant or an ignorant person or any of those things. If he has a question or if he has a thought, we really discuss it for as long as he wants to, basically. And when I see that he’s starting to look in different directions and is getting antsy, then we’ll go do something else. Like, we don’t have to belabor the point, but really taking Very seriously. His thoughts, his questions, his ideas, his opinions, they really count. So these are all things that I would put in the relational habits bucket in terms of the, like, more specific things that I do to strengthen the bond. We really do a lot of this stuff together. So for example, videos, YouTube, you know, or shows on Netflix or whatever, we watch those things together and we’ll talk about them.

Eran Magen [00:08:37]:
It’s a big part of what we talk about later. And I think it’s helpful to help him process and understand what he saw and what his opinion is and whatever. But I don’t just like send him off to watch a thing and then we do our next thing. A lot of this kind of activity is something that, that we’ll do together and it creates a huge amount of shared language and shared jokes and shared things. We also do just a lot of activities together. I’m into a lot of stuff and I’ll offer these things to him and if it’s of interest to him, then we’ll do it and we’ll go, you know, ice skating or practice proto jiu jitsu on the carpet or cook together or whatever, whatever it is. But a lot of time and a lot of shared activities. So I think this combination of doing lots of stuff that we both enjoy together and being very respectful of his preferences and opinions and thoughts and questions and ideas, and interacting him as though he’s an actual person and not less of a person than I am.

Eran Magen [00:09:26]:
These are probably the main columns supporting the relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:29]:
What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Eran Magen [00:09:37]:
There are a couple of things. I remember where I noticed my son having difficulties with some things. And I thought, ah, the world will correct this. I don’t need to step in. And that’s sort of a, I don’t know, call it like a general tendency that I have. I guess in some contexts it’s good, in some contexts it’s bad but. Or helpful and unhelpful rather. I guess.

Eran Magen [00:09:53]:
But I tend to wait until stepping in and intervening with something and often that’s a good thing. Like, you know, a lot of parents are really worried about their kids still using a pacifier when they’re X months old or. And I’ve never seen a kid in college with a pacifier in his mouth. You know, like these things tend to work themselves out, but people can get super worried. And so I’m usually of the opinion that like the world will fix this. We just give it time and this will work out. But there are some things where he really had difficulty, and I waited too long to step in and do what I would consider a more significant intervention. Right.

Eran Magen [00:10:27]:
Like some kinds of. I want to be mindful of my son’s privacy as well, because in 60 years, when he chooses to do something, or in 40 years or 20 years, you know, somebody digs up, the podcast says, oh, you used to do this thing. So I’m actually. I’m very mindful of the privacy of kids in sessions that I do, including, I guess, when I’m interviewed. This is the first time that I’m talking about this. But he had some social challenges that he was going through and were noticeable to me. And I thought, oh, the world will polish this off. This will be okay.

Eran Magen [00:10:53]:
And I think it was like, it. It required some sort of a more thoughtful, intentional intervention that eventually the school recommended, and then we did. And I think it’s been very helpful and not. Not too hard. We didn’t catch it super late. Like, no crisis resulted, but I could have done it earlier. I felt sad for not doing it, because it just would have made, I think, life a little easier for him during those, I don’t know, two, three years. And now there’s something that there’s a pathway that got laid down that was not the most helpful.

Eran Magen [00:11:20]:
And changing something and undoing something is always harder than it is just correcting course earlier on. So I don’t know if this is exactly answering your question in terms of, like, a relational mistake, but this is a parenting mistake that I feel that I made and learned from.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:33]:
No, it definitely does. And I think that, I mean, learning that is definitely something that all of us have to do along the way as well. Is there anything that you intentionally do to make your son feel valued and heard?

Eran Magen [00:11:45]:
There are a few things that I do. And really, a lot of how I relate to my son is in service of making him feel valued and heard. And so I’m trying to pick out the more specific things that I do because a lot of this is on my mind, kind of ongoing. How do I make sure that he feels like he has a voice? And so a few things that I can say when he’s upset about something. I remember this when he was two, and I remember this two weeks ago when he was seven and a half. I don’t shut down the upset. I spend some time, a good deal of time, letting him express the upset, and I’m still comforting him during the process. But I don’t say it’s not a problem.

Eran Magen [00:12:19]:
I don’t say, you know, stop crying. I don’t say, you know, I ask him to explain what happened and what was so upsetting. And I’ll kind of sit in it with him and I’ll paraphrase and say it back and so on. But I’m not trying to shut it down or fix it too quickly. And I think that’s really important because I’ve seen him develop this habit of as a result, I believe, of when something upsetting or surprising or scary happens, he’ll have the reaction, but then he’ll narrate the process back to me and sort of calm himself down as he more or less immediately gains an understanding of this story and what made him upset. I think that’s been really useful. But I think just in general, it’s a nice thing for people to do with one another, right? Not shut down the upset, but rather sit with it for a little bit and sit in it together. His opinions really matter.

Eran Magen [00:12:57]:
If he suggests things that didn’t occur to me, I’ll consider them really seriously. He’s at this point, he’s suggested some ideas for not just ways to spend a day, but like a vacation destination or a totally new activity that we’ve never done that he just heard about from a friend, and that becomes a real thing. We’ll research it together a little bit, and if it seems appealing, we’ll go and give it a try. So he really gets to to lead when he wants to, or at least suggest directions, and then I’ll operationalize it. But he has a real voice and a real say in how we spend time individually and as a family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:30]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a few different resources that are available. You have your parentingforhumans.com website as well as divorcingdads.org and both of those were created not only to help others like yourself that were going through similar things, but also in your work and your engagement with people and seeing the need. You expanded that. And there are a couple of questions that came up when I looked at both of these sites. And I think first and foremost, when I was looking@parentingforhumans.com, your site emphasizes connection before correction. Can you explain what that means and why it’s so crucial for parents, especially fathers?

Eran Magen [00:14:12]:
It’s my strong belief and also my consistent observation that when the relationship between a parent and a child is good, everything is easy. There’s just not the constant conflict. There’s not the badgering. Do this now, like I told you a thousand times, things are just easy and smooth. And when people have a stronger relationship, then there’s more trust and there’s more willingness to be vulnerable and honest on both sides. And there’s more forgiveness and there’s more cooperation. And so spending time just laying the foundations and having a good relationship just preempts and prevents all these negative things that then need to get corrected. It’s sort of like living a life and eating well and doing a reasonable amount of exercise and sleeping enough, socializing and having enough fun, and then you just have to deal with a lot less, fixing medical problems.

Eran Magen [00:14:57]:
Right. They just tend to happen. And I think it’s very much like that in relationships too. Just spending time building a strong relationship rather than relying on occasional forceful corrections which leave everybody, I think, unhappy, basically. And for a lot of people growing up, the role of the dad is often as the disciplinarian. At least that’s the caricature. I’m not totally sure that that’s always true or even true the majority of the time. I know a lot of soft dads, and I know a lot of harsh moms, and I know a lot of harsh dads and a lot of soft moms.

Eran Magen [00:15:26]:
But I do think that a lot of men, certainly from the past three generations, grew up not being taught how to show affection in a soft way and how to connect in a way that feels warm and comfortable and consistent, as opposed to occasionally dropping in and doing some big gesture, but in the meantime being sort of cold or reserved or stoic. And when you don’t have a strong relationship, inevitably things start, start sliding and then you need big corrections to happen, which I think damage the relationship further. So I’m a big, big believer of creating that foundation of just a strong relationship through good daily, call it relational hygiene, just developing good relational habits. Things that we do without thinking over the course of the day as, as a habit that we, we adopt. And through that, strengthening the relationship constantly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:13]:
Now, many parents want to be more supportive, but fall into that problem solving mode. How can dads become better listeners and emotionally attuned to their kids?

Eran Magen [00:16:23]:
There’s one technique that I think is magic and keeps us safe. It keeps us from making these kinds of relational mistakes. And the technique is not only magic, but also super simple, which is what’s so nice about it, which is paraphrasing. Learn to say back what the other person said to you. And the, the thought behind it is the thought we want to have behind it when we’re paraphrasing. Is, am I understanding your experience correctly? Just that, right? So our kids come in, our kid comes in and looking, you know, unhappy. And we say, what’s going on? And kid is in a sharing mood that day. And she says, oh, my friend Jessica is being a pain at school.

Eran Magen [00:16:59]:
And so to be able to say in our heads, huh, let’s see if I understand correctly my kid’s experience and saying, so Jessica is being mean to you because that’s what we understood. And then our kid might say, no, no, she’s not being mean to me. She’s being super nice to me. But I know that behind my back she, blah, blah, whether we get it right or we get it wrong, it doesn’t matter. Just putting herself in a position and in kind of a mental stance of trying to understand our child, child. And all we need to do is say back what we heard. We don’t need to interrogate, we certainly don’t need to diagnose, definitely not give advice. Just getting in the habit of when our kid looks upset to just once, just for one turn, try to paraphrase, try to say back what we understood.

Eran Magen [00:17:40]:
And seeing what happens. And very often they will share more and more. And it’s kind of amazing because parents often feel like their kids, once they hit a certain age, will not share with them anymore. But if we’re not trying to shape their experience, they want to be heard, right? And as we build trust with them, they share more and more. So if I could suggest one single thing, which I think is what you, you were asking me to do, I would say try paraphrasing once as the first thing you do in a conversation and see what happens. And then if you can, keep on paraphrasing as they continue talking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:07]:
Now, you also talk about emotional safety and parent child relationships. What are some simple everyday ways fathers can do that?

Eran Magen [00:18:15]:
So I’ll continue a little bit from my previous answer and then I’ll give a couple of other things. The huge power of paraphrasing comes not just from having the child correct you yes or no, but we’re showing so much when we’re trying to check if we understand the child’s experience right. We’re showing that we want to know. We’re showing that we’re not judging and we’re not taking charge of the conversation. We’re letting the child lead. We’re showing that we’re curious about the child’s experience and validated. There’s just so much power there. And we do all this pretty Implicitly, through the process of paraphrasing.

Eran Magen [00:18:44]:
I think also doing it explicitly is very, very important. So a lot of us grew up not seeing examples of. Well, some of us just grew up without having people around us saying, I love you or I care about you or any of those things. And then we feel awkward saying them ourselves to other people. And likewise, maybe we never saw examples of people saying something like, your happiness is the most important thing for me, or I really care about how you feel, and I want to know what. What could make things better for you, in your opinion or any. Any of those things. And I think that the assumption of telepathy, or the hope of telepathy, silent relationship killer, including between parents and kids.

Eran Magen [00:19:22]:
Right? Because we know parents occasionally will say in anger, everything I do, I do for you. How could you possibly think that I don’t care? And usually when it’s done in anger, it happens because it’s. It’s too late into the process. And the kid really didn’t understand. The kid really didn’t see it. And being able to verbalize it earlier is so important. So I think getting into the habit of telling our kids, not in anger, but in great warmth and happiness to say, I’m so happy to see you happy. Let’s say something good happened.

Eran Magen [00:19:48]:
Our kid, you know, did something that our kid feels good about. And to say, this is awesome. I’m so glad to see you so happy. You know, I love seeing you happy like this. Like, just remembering to say these things rather than just say, good job, you know, punch in the shoulder, move on with our day. It’s so important to verbalize it. And when our kid is upset to say, I can see you’re upset, you know, and I really want to help you solve it. Or if our kid says, I really want to get into band at school.

Eran Magen [00:20:11]:
And then two days later, we realized that it would be a good idea for a kid to spend more time practicing the oboe or. Or whatever it is using to get into band. And to say, not just, I think you should be practicing your oboe. Like, if you want to get into band, I think you should just. But to lead with. I remember a couple days ago, we were talking about how much you want to get into band. And their kid goes, yeah. And we say, you know, I.

Eran Magen [00:20:31]:
I want to see you achieving your goals, right? I want to see you happy and doing things you want to do. And it looks like band is one of those things. And. And I was thinking about ways, you know, things you could do or we could do to help you get into band. Do you want to talk about this? Do you want to hear what I’m thinking? Right. But just being explicit about our goodwill toward our child, ridiculous as it sounds to many parents, is so important because the kids don’t know. How would they know this is their first time around. Right.

Eran Magen [00:20:54]:
We’re just. We’re expl. Expecting them to know all these things that they. They might not. And so being explicit about our goodwill toward our kids is enormously important. So that’s one thing. And the second thing I’ll say much more briefly is remembering to be present is number one, to be nice is number two, and to be respectful is number three. So being present, I talked about this already.

Eran Magen [00:21:13]:
Just actually having times when are dedicated to our kids and everything else on the side. Being nice. By being nice, I mean remembering to actually say thank you, remembering to praise, remembering to tell them how good we feel when we’re around them or we see that they did certain things. These are all so important and don’t happen often. And then number three, in terms of being respectful, I touched on this before. Treating them like we would treat people who are farther from us, like we would treat colleagues in terms of the level of respect. So not just kind of waving your hand at them when it’s time for them to leave or do a thing, but actually turning our body and looking at them and saying, why don’t you? Blah, blah, blah, or would you please? Or things like that, instead of shouting instructions from a distance, coming over and speaking with them and saying about the things that we want them to do. So being present, being kind, being respectful goes an extremely long way in just developing habits around that into our daily behavioral, relational repertoire.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:05]:
Now, I mentioned that you have another resource called divorcing dads.org and I know that you created that not only for yourself, but for others that are going, that went through or are going through divorce and what they can do to be able to not only stay connected to their child, but be advocates for their child, etcetera, etcetera. And I know that divorce can bring a sense of failure or shame. When I’ve talked to dads that have gone through this in the past, that’s definitely the case. What’s the first mindset shift that you encourage fathers to make when they go through a separation?

Eran Magen [00:22:39]:
I think the very first act to do when going through a separation is to connect with support. Like you said, a lot of people are blocked because they feel ashamed of what’s happening, whether or not they Feel it’s their fault. They feel like this is a shameful thing and not to discuss or they don’t want to talk about it with other people. It’s very common. I agree. But to connect with support is step one. Step one is not to eliminate the shame or remove the shame. That can take a long time.

Eran Magen [00:23:01]:
Connect with support anyway, right? Just going to deal with the shame. You don’t have to change it right away. We do want to change it later on. But step one, by far the most important thing, connect with support. Friends, family, people who care about you, counseling, faith leaders, you know, a hotline, whatever it is. But just connect with somebody. Start getting support. Don’t, you know, sit alone in your dark home despairing.

Eran Magen [00:23:23]:
That road leads to very bad places. Just immediately reach out and connect with support.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]:
Now I know that in looking at your site you’ve said that co parenting is more like being co workers than ex lovers. How can dads adopt a more businesslike approach to parenting with an ex without sacrificing empathy or communication?

Eran Magen [00:23:44]:
There are many flavors of co parenting, you know, depending on how the separation and divorce happen. I know co parents who used to be be romantic partners. They have a very good relationship and it’s very easy and fluid and supportive and friendly and that’s wonderful. And I think that’s ideal. And sometimes that doesn’t happen, right? Sometimes there’s neutral at best relationships or sometimes there’s a lot of bitterness and hostility and stress. And still things need to happen, right? Decisions need to happen about the kids. Logistics do need to be coordinated one, one way or another. So what I’m going to say now, I’m referring to these more high tension in or more conflict ridden relationships.

Eran Magen [00:24:19]:
Not the super friendly. If it’s super friendly then, then great, be super friendly. You don’t need to force collegial relationship on a friendship. If there’s a friendship there, that’s ideal, that’s wonderful. But if there isn’t, how do we still communicate? So tension will rise as conflict rises. Anything we can do to reduce conflict, I think is worth doing. And you know what, I’ll take another little detour here. There’s this, I think myth floating around that kids are hurt by divorce.

Eran Magen [00:24:40]:
The divorce is bad for kids. That’s not the case. What’s bad for kids is being exposed to parental conflict whether or not the parents are married or divorced. And you can see this easily in very bad relationships where people stay together. The kids have a very difficult time and will carry that difficult time for a long time and divorces that are friendly and cooperative and work well, the kids are doing fine later on, it’s so important to insulate the kids from parental conflict. So ideally reduce conflict and at any rate insulate the kids from the conflict. And so first principle is whatever we can do to reduce conflict, we should. And if we’re able to discuss it with the other parent in advance, things that we disagree on but can agree on, on solutions that work for everybody, great.

Eran Magen [00:25:18]:
If we can’t do it on our own, go to a mediator, work on that, go to a co parenting coach or counseling or something like that. These things exist and work and are well worth it in terms of treating the parent as a colleague. Create boundaries, Create boundaries that work for you and ideally work for the other parent as well. But certainly they have to work for you. Whatever makes you feel safe physically, emotionally, relationally is fair game. You can ask, please don’t contact me during these and these hours unless it’s an emergency or you can say, let’s limit our communication to email. Email, I’d rather not talk on phone or it’s too spontaneous or make up a reason or whatever you need. Right? But if it’s too activating for you to talk with the other parent or you get kind of sucked into conflict this way, then find communication methods that do work for you and respect the wishes of the other parent about this.

Eran Magen [00:26:02]:
Right. Because the goal is to reduce tension. There’s so much stuff that can easily activate either parent and so find ways to communicate that cause the least amount of activation for the other parent. And the other is like in a work setting, just have very clear delineation. Here are the to do on items. Here’s what you’re going to do. Here’s what I’m going to do. Is this correct? Just assume nothing, make it super, super clear what’s going to happen.

Eran Magen [00:26:26]:
And lastly, if the other parent is acting in ways that are upsetting to you or uncomfortable to you as you’re trying to do something for your child, just do your best to put aside, ignore the emotional layer of the communication. Focus on the logistical so you can do that. Just like if you had an annoying co worker and there was nothing you could do about it because you tried fixing it and the language didn’t change and you went to HR and they don’t care and they’re like, well, well they’re technically within the balance of whatever and so you can’t change their behavior. But focus on the actual specifics that need to happen in Order to make sure you’re taking care of your kid. And remember that this person is no longer your anything other than the parent of your children. Right. I think it’s a very helpful semantic switch to go from my ex to my kid’s mom because it’s actually true. That is the function of the person in your life right now.

Eran Magen [00:27:12]:
And I think it helps us remember also that this person is actually very important. Important. And we need to treat that person with the right level of respect and consideration because our kids need their mom. It’s like they need their dad. And it reminds us to just tread a little more lightly because we don’t want to actually hurt our kid’s mom or distance our kid’s mom. The kids need their mom. We just need to figure out how to coordinate.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
Some fathers worry about becoming less present or connected after a divorce. What can they do to maintain a strong bond with their kids, even if custody time is limited?

Eran Magen [00:27:45]:
Feminine There are a few things to do and I’ll say them in no particular order. One is work to have more time with the kids. It can happen through discussion and agreement or it can happen through legal action. But don’t give up on having more time with your kids. That’s really important because it’s very easy to perceive a societal message that says there’s no reason for you to have more time with your kids or of course they should be spending more time with their mom. It’s kind of a societal default at this point and you don’t have to accept the default default. And it’s okay for you to want to and act to have more time. So again, first and foremost, express your wishes clearly.

Eran Magen [00:28:19]:
And if your wishes can’t be met, if you’re not able to see them as much as you would like, consider pursuing them possibly through legal action. That’s a possibility. Consult with a lawyer and see what can happen. Or at least I mean start with mediation and then ideally go to non adversary legal representation, which is a whole thing that I wasn’t aware of before, where it’s a lawyer who, who signs an agreement with you in advance to never represent you in court. And so they’re incentivized to keep you out of court because if you go to court, you stop working with that lawyer. So the incentives become aligned through that kind of practice. So if you and your kid’s mom can get with a non adversarial practice, that’s a huge win. And if necessary, yes, go to court, of course.

Eran Magen [00:28:54]:
But step one, make your wishes known. Step two, argue and work to actualize your wishes. Having said this, in the meantime, what do you do in terms of connecting with your kids? One really important thing to remember is that, that it’s extremely hard for kids to become disconnected from their parents. There are many kids, I’m sure that all of us know, and maybe some of us have been, who see their dad once a week, twice a month, once a month, three times a year. And still as kids had this sense of like, this is my dad and it’s exciting, I’m going to go see my dad. Where, you know, as the dad in the story, you’re like, this is horrible. I’m never seeing my kids and I don’t know what’s going on with them. But the kids remain very connected to their parents.

Eran Magen [00:29:31]:
It takes a lot to disconnect, connect the kid from the parent. And so fear less, have less fear about your kids becoming estranged from you. Again, do what you can to have more time. But, but it’s unlikely your kids will stop thinking about you as their dad or as their parent and want to connect with you. So that’s, number one, just kind of reduce intensity internally. Number two, during the times that you do have together, be a hundred percent present, especially if you don’t have a lot of time together, 100% present, zero distractions, block everything off. It’s, it’s amazing what the impact of this kind of quality time is. And if you look around at friends who have access to their kids all the time, you may discover that they have a lot less quality time with their kids than you do because they’re not as focused, they kind of take it for granted.

Eran Magen [00:30:12]:
And you can build an amazing relationship off of a handful of times a week for a relatively short amount of time. If you’re 100% focused and present on the relationship, you don’t need to do crazy stuff. You don’t need to constantly bombard them with gifts. You do not need to play catch up with the things that they do with the other parent or compete on gifts and excitingness and whatnot. Just focus on being the best father you can be while you’re with them. It’ll take you such a long way and they will stay connected to you. Just be present, Just use that time that you have well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:46]:
You also provide scripts and guidance for difficult conversations. What’s a good way for a dad to explain the divorce to his child in an age appropriate, supportive way?

Eran Magen [00:30:57]:
So back to first principles. It’s really important to insulate kids from parental conflict. Exposing Kids to parental conflict and parental animosity is just very bad for the kids. The kids are strongly connected to both parents. They can’t help it. Asking them to acknowledge that you’re upset or hurt or, you know, what have you, it is tearing them apart. It’s just so damaging. And so leaving that part out, I think is very important.

Eran Magen [00:31:23]:
Maybe that’s something you talk about with them when they’re 30. It’ll still hurt when they’re 30, but by then they will have figured some of it out. But leave out the hurt and the nastiness. And I would say talk in terms of friendship. Talk in terms of, we were such good friends for a long time, you know, and we lived together and we had you and we had your sister, and we were so happy in doing this. And at some point, and then whatever the actual story is, I think it’s fair to say maybe it was your decision, maybe it was Mom’s decision, maybe it was a mutual decision. But you could say, like, you know, at some point we realized that we don’t want to live together anymore. We want to live separately.

Eran Magen [00:31:53]:
And we, of course, continue to be our parents. And that’s a point to keep emphasizing. Right? We both love you so much, and you. You are so important to us. But we didn’t want to continue living together. We decided to go more or less our separate ways, but to continue to be your parents and make sure that we’re taking care of you and all of this and kind of present it fairly lightly. I wouldn’t say nonchalantly. It’s not like, I mean, unless that’s the model of relationships you want your kid to have in their head, if that’s how you’re thinking about it.

Eran Magen [00:32:18]:
But for me, personally, I don’t want to present it as, oh, yeah, you know, we were super committed to each other and lived together and then decided not to. And, you know, we’ll see what happens, happens next. Like, it’s a big thing. Maybe it’s a big, important decision, and it’s okay to say it was. It was sad for us or it was hard to figure out how to continue from there. But, you know, we knew all the time that the most important thing is to take care of you, blah, blah, blah. And I think that about covers it. So just kind of sanitize it a little bit in terms of conflict.

Eran Magen [00:32:41]:
Sanitize the conflict out of it. Explain that you reached a decision that was ultimately mutual. Right. Even if, let’s say it was. It was Mom’s idea And you really didn’t like it. Eventually you agreed to the separation, obviously. Right. You’re not camping out under mom’s bed against her wishes.

Eran Magen [00:32:55]:
Like you agreed at some point that this needs to happen. Sanitize the conflict. Emphasize that was a mutual decision. Emphasize repeatedly that you are committed to your kids, that they’re important to you, that you love them, that you want to do the right thing for them always. And that’s about it. You don’t need to dwell on it an enormous amount. Kids, especially when they’re younger, up until, I don’t know, maybe nine or so, are so amazingly self centered. They don’t dwell too much on like your experience of things.

Eran Magen [00:33:20]:
It doesn’t really matter to them. They just need a story that makes sense to them, to them. And I think that version of the story is reasonable that you tell them later on as they get older. If they want more detail, maybe you can share. But I would encourage everybody to not disparage the other parent ever again and not start kind of hearing the kid in both directions or say things that are can be upsetting about the other parent. And if you hit a point where the kid asks a question, which they will at some point about the other parents motivation or about the other parent’s thinking or about why would the parent do this thing? The answer is, you know, I really don’t totally understand it myself, but I respect your mom’s wishes or you know, her choices. And I don’t have a better answer that sometimes people do things that we don’t understand completely, but they still get to make the choices that they make and leave it at that. If the kid wants to go talk to the other parent about it, fine.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]:
We always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection six where six more questions to delve into you a little bit deeper as a dad. Are you ready?

Eran Magen [00:34:16]:
I am ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:17]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your son?

Eran Magen [00:34:20]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:20]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Eran Magen [00:34:24]:
I’ll give you a twofer actually. As I was going through the separation process and I was very worried about my son becoming essentially estranged from me because I didn’t see him a lot the first few years and a friend taught me to ask two questions whenever I start kind of spinning out. One is how’s my son doing? And the other is how’s my connection with my son? And as long as the answer is good and good, then there’s nothing to worry about. Sure. I might want to See him more. Sure, I might worry about what will happen in the future, but right now, he’s well, he’s taken care of. He’s fine. And my connection with him is great.

Eran Magen [00:34:50]:
And so the problem is more in my head than in the world. So learning to ask these two questions, specifically, going through a divorce or separation, how’s my son doing? How’s my connection with my son?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:59]:
What’s one activity you and your son love doing together?

Eran Magen [00:35:02]:
There’s so many. I’m gonna have to go with wrestling. I’ve been doing jiu jitsu for many years now, and I love it. And I’m very careful not to sort of impose it on my son, but I would say at least every other day, he’ll sort of tackle me to the ground and then start climbing on me and kind of shriek and enjoy himself. And it’s just super fun. It’s so physical. It’s not violent. Like, we’re very gentle with each other.

Eran Magen [00:35:21]:
There’s so much physical contact that happens that’s really fun. Sometimes it’ll stop and ask a technical question, and then I feel good about being able to explain something, but it’s. We’re just messing around most of the time, so just kind of rolling around on the carpet or the beanbag. It’s just super fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:33]:
If you could give your son one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Eran Magen [00:35:38]:
I think about this a lot. One life lesson, one advice for life that I would give my son. Son feels so momentous. A message that I often convey to him is, you can learn anything. You can become great at anything if you’re willing to put in the work.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:53]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their kids?

Eran Magen [00:36:02]:
Have focused, present fun with your kids, starting now, and never stop. It’s not a later thing. Just right now, start having the relationship you want to have all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:11]:
Well, Aran, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your journey as a father, but also the resources that you have created. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Eran Magen [00:36:22]:
Well, first of all, thank you for your very thoughtful questions and responses. I really appreciate it. Like, it’s clear that you’re so connected and interested and thoughtful about it. It’s really. It’s such a pleasure to get to think about my own parenting this way to learn about me. I. Yeah, the two places would be either parenting for humans.com that you mentioned or divorcing dads.com that you mentioned then I’m very easy to find and contact through these places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:46]:
Well, again, Aran, thank you. Thank you for being here today and for sharing this and I wish you all the best.

Eran Magen [00:36:53]:
Likewise. Thank you so much.

Encouraging Curiosity: Answering the “Why” Questions with Enthusiasm

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Hey dads, and welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the place where five minutes of real talk helps you build a deeper bond with your daughter—one small moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re tackling something every dad hears a hundred times a day:

“Why?”

  • Why is the sky blue?
  • Why do I have to eat vegetables?
  • Why do people lie?

Those questions may come at you fast—and at the most inconvenient times—but today we’re talking about why your daughter’s “why” questions are one of the best opportunities to connect, inspire, and grow her confidence.

Let’s dig into the power of curiosity and how you, Dad, can fan the flame with just a little enthusiasm and intention.

Why Her Questions Matter

Curiosity is how kids learn about the world—and about themselves. Every “why” question is a window into how your daughter thinks, what she wonders about, and what she values.

  • When you answer with interest, you show her that her thoughts matter.
  • When you stay patient, you build her confidence to keep exploring.
  • And when you say “I don’t know—but let’s find out,” you teach her that learning never stops.

The way you respond helps shape whether she keeps asking—or starts holding back.

3 Ways to Encourage Curiosity (Without Getting Exhausted)

1. Say “That’s a Great Question!” First

Even if you don’t know the answer—or you’re tired or distracted—start with validation.

  • “Wow, that’s a smart question.”
  • “I’ve wondered that too!”
  • “I love that you’re thinking about this.”

That response tells her: “Dad cares about what I think. It’s safe to wonder out loud.”

2. Make It a Mini Adventure Together

You don’t have to be a walking encyclopedia. When you don’t know something, say:

  • “Let’s look it up together.”
  • “Let’s do a little experiment.”
  • “Let’s ask someone who might know.”

Whether it’s googling a fact, reading a book, or asking a grandparent—you’re showing her that curiosity leads to action.

This builds her confidence to keep asking and seeking.

3. Ask Questions Back

Sometimes, the best way to keep curiosity alive is to turn the question around.

  • “What do you think?”
  • “Why do you think that happens?”
  • “What would you do if you were in charge?”

Now, she’s not just receiving information—she’s thinking critically. You’re helping her build her own ideas, and that’s the real magic.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter asks a “why” question, don’t brush it off.

  • Start with enthusiasm—“Great question!”
  • Be curious together—“Let’s find out.”
  • Ask her opinion—“What do you think?”

Even if it’s a small moment, it makes a big impact. Every curious question she asks—and every thoughtful answer you offer—is one more brick in the foundation of her confidence, her creativity, and your connection.

Because when you fuel her curiosity, you’re not just answering a question—you’re building a lifelong love of learning and showing her that Dad is her biggest cheerleader.

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you how powerful your voice can be in shaping your daughter’s growth, send it to another dad who’s in the thick of the “why” phase. Until next time—keep showing up, keep wondering with her, and keep encouraging her to stay curious.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Celebrating Small Wins: Why the Little Things Matter

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Hey dads, welcome to Dad Connections in 5—your quick stop for five-minute insights to help you connect with your daughter in real, lasting ways. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something that can easily be missed in the hustle of daily life:

Celebrating small wins.

Not the straight A report cards or the championship games—though those matter too—but the little victories: finishing a tough homework assignment, making a new friend, getting through a hard day with courage.

Why do the little things matter so much? Because when we celebrate those, we’re telling our daughters:

  • “I see you.”
  • “You’re growing.”
  • “Your effort matters, not just your outcome.”

Let’s unpack how noticing and celebrating the small stuff builds confidence, connection, and resilience.

Why Small Wins Matter

Think about this: If your daughter only gets praise for “big things,” what message might she take in?
That she has to perform or achieve something grand to earn your attention.

But when you highlight small efforts and daily courage, you’re reinforcing:

  • Her value isn’t based on results
  • Progress matters more than perfection
  • You’re with her in the everyday, not just on the mountaintop

That kind of support builds a solid foundation—the kind she can stand on when life gets hard.

3 Practical Ways to Celebrate Small Wins

1. Call It Out in the Moment

Notice when she makes a good choice, shows effort, or keeps trying—even if it didn’t go perfectly.

Say things like:

  • “I saw how you stuck with that even though it was tough—that’s awesome.”
  • “You were nervous about that presentation, but you did it anyway. I’m proud of your courage.”
  • “You handled that with kindness. That matters.”

You’re not waiting for perfect. You’re praising the process—and that builds confidence.

2. Create a “Win Wall” or “Victory Jar”

Turn small celebrations into a visible ritual.

  • Write down little wins on sticky notes and post them on a wall
  • Drop them into a jar and read a few at the end of each week
  • Let her decorate it with her own flair

This teaches her to track her own growth, not just rely on outside praise. And it’s a fun, visual way to reflect on how far she’s come.

3. Celebrate with Connection, Not Just Rewards

You don’t need to buy anything or throw a party. Sometimes, the best reward is your time and presence.

  • “Let’s grab ice cream and talk about how you crushed that quiz.”
  • “Want to go on a walk and celebrate how brave you were today?”

These moments say: “I noticed. I care. Let’s share this joy together.”
That’s how trust grows—and how relationships deepen.

Quick Takeaway: Try This Today

Here’s your challenge:
Catch your daughter doing something small—but good. And celebrate it.

  • Did she help without being asked?
  • Finish a book she’s been reading?
  • Manage her frustration better than last week?

Whatever it is, name it. Praise it. Celebrate it.

Because every small win you see and speak into life becomes part of her inner voice—the one that says:

  • “I can do this.”
  • “My effort matters.”
  • “Dad believes in me.”

That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of the power of paying attention to the small stuff, share it with another dad who’s walking this journey too.

Until next time—keep encouraging, keep noticing, and keep celebrating the small wins that are shaping the big story.