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Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections

October 5, 2026 by dadofdivas

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter takes intention, patience, and a genuine commitment to growth—for both parent and child. That’s the heartbeat of “The Dad and Daughter Connection,” a podcast devoted to helping dads nurture confidence and independence in their daughters. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with returning guest Arpan Shah to discuss what it really takes to create lasting, positive connections, even in challenging circumstances.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Building Lasting Bonds: Intentional Fatherhood with John Azoni

September 7, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad on a mission to forge a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, “The Dad and Daughter Connection” should be your next podcast download. In a recent episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Azoni, a father of two daughters (ages 9 and 11), who opens up about the real joys and sometimes messy challenges of raising confident, independent girls.

Intentionality and Presence
From the very start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about achieving perfection, but about truly connecting and learning as you go. Each week, the podcast dives into stories and practical advice to help dads show up with intention. As John Azoni shares, “There’s no one right way to father our daughters,” but we can always add new tools to our toolbox by learning from each other.

Creating Meaningful Memories
A standout theme of this episode is making memories, both big and small. John Azoni recounts an unforgettable trip to Japan with his daughter for her 10th birthday—a tradition inspired by a parenting book. But the heart of the conversation reveals that it’s often the simplest moments, like cooking together or going for wonton soup every Thursday, that mean the most. One-on-one time, even a half hour at bedtime, can become the foundation for lifelong connections.

Honesty, Growth, and Mistakes
Both John Azoni and Dr. Christopher Lewis candidly discuss the challenges—especially during difficult times like COVID or navigating questions around faith. John Azoni is honest about making mistakes, from losing patience to not always having the answers. The key lesson? “I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that… I want my kids to grow up and know their dad was crazy about them.”

Encouragement to Other Dads
The episode wraps with powerful advice: Be intentional. Don’t let stress distract you from what really matters. As John Azoni puts it, “The grass is greener where you water it”—the relationships you invest in now will shape the future.

If you’re a dad, or know someone who is, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a heartfelt reminder that showing up, being present, and embracing imperfection are the real keys to building an unbreakable bond with your daughter.

Listen to the full episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection to get inspired and start your journey toward a stronger relationship today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another and work on building those that we want with our daughters one day at a time. I love that you come back every week because all of us are on a journey. Whether you have toddlers, whether you have a baby at home, whether you have teenagers at home, whether you have adult kids, we all are on this continuum of being a father to a daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:19]:
And we can always learn more. We can always learn more to help us to be able to be better in the role that we have. We’re gonna stumble, we’re gonna fall, That’s okay. All of us do it. There’s no one right way to father our daughters. But what we can do is we can learn from other dads what’s working for them, what’s not working for them, and build some tools for our own toolbox, add some tools for our own toolbox, and be able to get just that much better every day because that’s what we need to be doing. to be able to be there for our daughters. That’s what we need to be doing to be able to be present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]:
And I am really excited to have another new guest this week. John Azoni is with us today, and John’s a father of 2 daughters who are 9 and 11. And we’re gonna be talking about the journey that he’s been on with his daughters. And I’m really excited to have him here today. John, thanks so much for being here.

John Azoni [00:02:15]:
Thanks for having me. It’s great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]:
You know, it’s really, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and to be able to talk to you about the journey that you have been on thus far with your daughters. And I guess one of the things that I always think about when it comes to raising our daughters is we’re always running after those moments. We want those moments with our kids. And as you think back to the years that you’ve had with your daughters thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with them and what made it so special? And one thing I’ll add is they could be separate moments as well.

John Azoni [00:02:49]:
So I read this book a number of years ago called Love Does. The author is Bob Goff and it’s a faith-based book. And in it, he talks a lot about parenting. parenting. And he told the story of taking his kids when they turned 10 on a trip anywhere in the world they want to go to, really leaning into what is it that they are becoming, what is it that they’re interested in, and, and where can we go in the world to kind of deepen that. And so I always thought that that was a cool idea. And my daughter, when she turned 10 last year, my daughter Ellie, in my mind I was kind of like maybe somewhere in the United States. I don’t remember explicitly saying anywhere in the world.

John Azoni [00:03:25]:
So when my daughter was like, I want to go to Japan, I was like, oh, okay. Well, so after a lot of hemming and hawing, I talked to my wife. She’s like, just do it. It’s like once in a lifetime. We’re like, all right, we’re going to Japan. So, so we went to Tokyo last May and it was so cool just to learn about another culture together, to really press into, you know, the stuff that she likes. She’s really into K-pop. It’s obviously not in Korea, but somewhere over there.

John Azoni [00:03:54]:
She’s into that kind of Asian culture and Hello Kitty. And they have the biggest Hello Kitty store in the world there, uh, video games and arcades where she can and do all the— she loves playing those claw games, which are really popular in Asian countries. So, so it was great. I mean, we just traveled around, we ate good food, we went to Paris Disney, um, and just spent a week together. That— and, and even just like, it was a pretty short trip, but— and people were like, well, you’re just going for like 5 days? Like, aren’t you gonna be— I mean, like, a big part of that is just traveling, you know? By the time you get there, I think we had 3 full days there. And I was just like, you know, it’s, it’s the adventure. It’s like traveling is, is part of it. We’re gonna learn how to do the airport together.

John Azoni [00:04:30]:
So on the way there, I kind of led the charge, but on the way back I was like, All right, where do you think we should turn to get to baggage claim or stuff like that? Or where do you think we should go to get our bags checked? So that was fun. And, you know, I’ve had other special experiences with my youngest daughter, Ryland. Currently though, we’re planning her trip. She wants to go to Paris. So we’re planning on going to Paris next year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:50]:
Those will be experiences that they will never forget. And definitely you don’t have to do these huge moments. They can be small moments as well. But I had an experience like that last year with my oldest who is in college, but she was out in Colorado and I picked her up from a camp she was working in and we spent a week going to all the national parks all around in that area. So we went to Zion and Bryce and Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest, all kinds of places. And we hiked and we just had an amazing experience. And I think when you have those opportunities, not only are they great opportunities to be able to have to build memories, but you have time one-on-one. And I think that’s even more important.

John Azoni [00:05:32]:
Yeah, one-on-one time is really special. So last weekend, my oldest daughter went to Florida with my wife because she does dance, and her dance group went to go perform at Disney in the parade. And so that was just a life dream of hers. And she got this one-on-one time with my wife. And previously, we were kind of like, all right, we’re Disney’d out. We’ve been to Disney World. We’ve been on a Disney cruise. I took Ellie to Disney in Tokyo.

John Azoni [00:05:58]:
And we’ve been to Disneyland when we went to California last year. And my wife was kind of like, all right, this is the last time I got to go to Disney. And then I get a text from her in the middle of it. She’s like, this is so great. It’s such a different experience being one-on-one with Ellie and we’re just having the best time. And at the same time, I’m home with Ryland and we had our own special weekend. We, you know, wrote on the whiteboard, here’s all the things we wanna do and we wanna schedule all these things out. Anytime you can write a list on a whiteboard for my youngest, she’s all about it.

John Azoni [00:06:27]:
She loves to just like have a checklist, have a plan. So one-on-one time is something completely different that you just cannot replace.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
Now you talked a little bit about on that trip to Tokyo, giving your daughter some independence to be able to make some decisions and things like that. And, and as our kids are getting older, we definitely have to do that. How are you finding that you’re balancing not only guiding your daughters, but also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they’re becoming?

John Azoni [00:06:52]:
Oh, that’s a tough question. I try to lean into who are they and what is, what is my role in this? Like one of the things that I learned about Ellie on that Japan trip is how scrappy she is. And it’s so different for me. Like she has no problem going up and asking a stranger where to get directions. Or one time we were on the bus going somewhere in Tokyo and some lady was lost. And for some reason my daughter stepped in and starts trying to tell her where to go as if she knows where to go. I’m like, Ellie, where do you think you’re sending her? She just wants to get in there. And I’m just very like, I don’t like to be embarrassed.

John Azoni [00:07:27]:
I don’t like to ask for help. I’m a lot more shy, but she kind of lifts me up in that way. I really try to get on that level with her and also just try to let her be who she is and go out into the world and just talk to new people like her mom does. But I think it’s always a challenge where to step in. I think the biggest area that we are struggling with that right now is, is in faith. And I don’t know if you’re a person of faith, but when I got married, my wife and I were both devout Christians. And over the last 5 years, I’ve kind of deconstructed and my faith has evolved in a way— I wouldn’t say I’m not a believer, but I would say like I just have so many questions that I’m allowing myself to ask. And I’m engaging in these conversations with what I grew up believing versus what can be verified and things like that.

John Azoni [00:08:13]:
So I’m kind of down this more scientific path. My wife isn’t. How do we let our kids discover things on their own? And what do we teach them about the world? That’s been really hard because when you’re defining your parenthood around an entire ideology, like a religion, and that’s the lens that you’re giving your kids, and that’s the lens you’re told to give your kids, you’re instructed to teach them in this way. Well, now when you throw questions into the mix, mom and dad have different answers for what do you do? So I think we’ve kind of landed on. We want our kids to think independently. And when one of my kids has a tough question, I’ll say, well, here’s what I think. Here’s what I’m not sure about. Like, here’s what I have questions about.

John Azoni [00:08:55]:
Here’s what your mom thinks. And you can kind of make up your own decision. And that was also never more true in, you know, this most recent election. You know, my oldest had a lot of questions about who was running for president, who was the good guy, and who was the bad guy. And it’s easy to want to pick a side and train your kid on that side. But we really tried to just step back and be like, well, Well, here’s what this side says. Here’s what that side says. What do you think? And so that’s kind of where we’ve landed, I think, giving them some scaffolding, but letting them kind of figure it out themselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:26]:
And as you’ve been starting to do that with your daughters, especially around this faith journey, what has their response been?

John Azoni [00:09:33]:
It’s tough because they knew me when we were all praying every night and putting them to bed and going to church all the time and, you know, all this stuff. And so they’ve seen me kind of drift and ask these questions that they look at me as I’m supposed to have the answers To these, you’re supposed to know if if Adam and Eve are real people or not. And so that’s been tough. You know, their response has been honestly one of confusion. I wish I had a glossy answer for you. It’s not gone great. It’s very tough to navigate. And like I said, you know, we just go back to like here’s what two different people can think, and we can hold two different things in tension.

John Azoni [00:10:11]:
And certainly the Bible, there are a lot of instances where the Bible is represented as God holding two. seemingly opposing things in tension together and somehow making it work. So we kind of go with that. But yeah, I wish I could tell you that it’s gone. It’s just been perfect. And they’re— they have all the answers that I don’t have. But anytime you’re trying to sort through something on your own and your kid’s looking to you for the answer, that’s just a tough position to be in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]:
It is a tough place to be because, I mean, you try to have that solid front on everything in parenting because when you don’t have the solid front, then things tend to go awry. So I think what you’re hearing here, though, is that John and his wife still have a solid front, but they’re attacking it in different ways. And they’re providing their kids the ability to be able to move in the direction that makes more sense for them. That doesn’t mean that they’re not in alignment on other things in their parenting journey, though.

John Azoni [00:11:07]:
Yeah, I would liken it to, like, giving them— I mentioned the term scaffolding, and I really like that term. And I would just say, So we’ve just really widened the scaffolding around faith to where we’re still in this box. But what that looks like on a day-to-day basis or on an individual beliefs basis can look different. And 2 people can arrive at different conclusions and still have the same heart.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:31]:
So as you think about your daughters and you think about what you’ve been doing with your daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during times that might be more challenging?

John Azoni [00:11:43]:
COVID was a time of obviously being sort of forced into this intentional time. And at first it was very stressful because at the time I had a salaried job and a certain amount of PTO days and I’m a rule follower. So if I say I’m working, but I’m off at the park with the kids, like I don’t, I don’t feel good about that. But like there was all this stuff that you had to do from out of necessity during that time. So it was a stressful time, but it also kind of caused me to be like, let’s really soak this up. And so we did a lot of stuff together as a family, but that actually led me to leave that job. and start my own company, my own video production company. And for a big reason was to be more flexible with them and to be able to be home with them and be there when they need me and not have to worry about PTO.

John Azoni [00:12:28]:
And so that’s opened the doors to a lot of great times where I might be right in the middle of a busy project and I would get a call from the school. And my oldest, Ellie, she was the one that would call home a lot. She would feel a stomachache or something and she’d feel like she needed to go home. And we would have to navigate like a lot of times, like, what is the line that Where Dad will pick you up and where you need to tough it out. But there’s a lot of times where I could have been really stressed about work, but I had to just really be like, you know what, I’m just— I’m gonna go pick her up. I’m gonna be happy about it. I’m gonna have a smile on my face. I’m gonna make her feel like Dad wants to be here.

John Azoni [00:13:01]:
Dad cares about me. He’s not annoyed with me. You know, I think just those small acts have been great. And I remember, you know, other times too, just a lot of our special times revolve around food.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:12]:
Yeah.

John Azoni [00:13:13]:
It seems like every Thursday, a number of years ago when Ellie was in preschool, she would have a half day. And so I’d pick her up and every Thursday we’d go get wonton soup on the way home at this Chinese restaurant. And we learned— Dad stepped out of his comfort zone and learned the owner of the restaurant’s name so that when we called, we can say, hey, Lynn, our usual. She wanted that. Like, that would just be so cool. And so eventually she started calling and being like, hi, Lynn, it’s Ellie, just our usual. And then we’d go pick it up. But we cook a lot together too.

John Azoni [00:13:42]:
My daughters each really enjoy cooking and no matter what we’re making, just spending time together. And that’s where I think one-on-one time is really important because trying to cook with both of them at the same time is just a constant referee of who got to chop what, who got to pour this, who cracked the last egg, you know. So I found just one at a time, we’ll have a great time together, but let’s just, you know. So yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of opportunities, but I think it’s a lot in those small moments where it’s like my natural reaction might be to be stressed or just to be worried about the day-to-day. stuff, but like my daughters are looking to me as like, am I liked? Like, am I loved in this moment? Am I safe in this moment? Does my dad want to be here? And I really try to, to just put on a smile and just be like, you know what, this— because one of the things I say, I started saying since I started my own business was my business is in service of my kids, not in spite of them. And that’s a tough thing to, to stick to because whether or not something gets done has a very real consequences about whether, whether income comes in the door. But, but the reason why I— half the reason I started my own company was to be there for my kids and to not miss this time with them. And so, so yeah, that’s kind of how I think about work and spending time with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:01]:
All of us as dads, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. And while we try our best to be the best we can, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re fallible. We’re humans. What’s a mistake that you made as a father? And what did What did it do, or what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication and connection with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:15:20]:
I think it’s a pattern of mistakes. And when I get overstimulated, when there’s too many people talking to me at once, I get immediate, like 0 to 100 stressed out. And that’s— I’m so likely to just lash out and like snap and say something, tell them to be quiet, but in a rude way that we’re not allowed to say. So that’s where it’s such a tension of like, because they’re both in the back talking like peak back-talking phase. And honestly, my youngest is the most cutting about it. I mean, she will just go right for the jugular. And they talk back usually as a reaction and not as a response, like not as an intentional response. So when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed and I lash out, I’m not doing any service to them.

John Azoni [00:16:06]:
It’s very hypocritical to tell them that’s not how we talk to people. And then just in a, in a different way or a different use of words, I do the same thing. So I think that’s— I think we’re all learning together. How to regulate ourselves. My wife is a therapist, and so we’ve learned a lot about the concept of regulation, and we’ve read a lot of parenting books about when your kids make you mad or something, or they say something completely disrespectful, they’re dysregulated. They’re not really choosing that response. And so your job as a parent is to be the one that regulates, not escalates. And so that’s— that is the toughest thing for me, like— I have to really think I’m feeling myself escalating this situation and I need to be the, I need to be the regulator.

John Azoni [00:16:50]:
So I don’t know if that answers your question, but that’s just a slurry of thoughts of, of communication between me and my kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:58]:
No, I appreciate you sharing that because I think it is important to understand that that happens. I mean, and we’re going to, things are going to adjust and, you know, and all of us get overwhelmed at times. And especially these days, there’s so many things being thrown at every one of us. And whether it’s technology, whether it’s, you know, whatever, there are so many things that are being thrown at each one of us, not only us, but our kids, etc. So it is important to know that. And then finding ways to be able to quiet the noise, not only for ourselves, but quiet the noise for our kids, I think is also important as we think about our— the way in which we’re fathering. Because if we know— if you know that you’re triggered when that happens, you have to figure out for yourself, and you’ve probably already done that, is What can you do to quiet the noise so that you can continue being present and continue, continue being who you want to be with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:17:51]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:52]:
So there’s been a lot of things that you’ve talked about where you’re showing that you’re doing some intentional things to really connect with your daughters. What do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued and heard?

John Azoni [00:18:04]:
I think it’s just trying to get on their level and care about the things that they care about. My youngest, it’s always was so funny, and we, my wife and I laugh about this. We would pick her up from daycare when she was younger, you know, 3, 4 years old. And that could be a very stressful moment because we’re also picking up my oldest from daycare and she’s wanting to do something. Can we go out for ice cream? Or when’s mom going to be home? Blah, blah, blah. And again, too many people talking to me at once. And my youngest, all she wants to do in that moment is show me the drawings that she made and show me the little worksheets that she did. And it’s so important to her.

John Azoni [00:18:38]:
And she feels, you can just see the receiving of love when you look at her and you care about what she wrote, that she wrote her name or that she did something, that she wrote, she counted to 10 or whatever it is. And so, I mean, we have stacks and stacks of paper because that behavior has never stopped. She’s almost 9 and she still to this day wants to show us everything. She went to this art camp a couple weeks ago, made all kinds of art. And the first thing she wants to do when we get in the car is like, Dad, let me show you what I made. And it’s so important that I give her my full attention. And I can get on board with that because I’m— my background’s in fine arts. I’m a painter.

John Azoni [00:19:14]:
So I went to art school and all that stuff. So that’s a perfect thing for me to like get on board with. I think just, yeah, finding in those moments, what are they really trying to say right now? What they’re really trying to say is, Dad, I want to connect with you. Not like, not necessarily about the papers or the drawings or whatever. And I find that with my oldest too. She’s starting to outgrow like bedtime, but she still wants me to put her to bed. And, you know, and I’m kind of just like clinging to that for as long as possible. And we just have the best talks.

John Azoni [00:19:43]:
Like, there’s just no greater conversation than when we’re just— I’m just laying in her bed with her next to her and we’re just, just talking about whatever, just laughing about things. I mean, so much laughter happens in those moments. And I listen when I’m putting my other daughter to bed, my wife’s putting Ellie to bed, I hear them cracking up too because they just get into the funniest, you know, they just become a new person. They feel so safe. And so I think just being intentional about those moments, because sometimes I’m like, I’m tired, it’s 9:30, I got to get up at 5 in the morning. I don’t want to spend a half an hour, you know, laying, laying with you and waiting for you to brush your teeth and waiting for you to put your pajamas on. And it’s getting towards 10 o’clock now. And so I try, but I try to really push that aside and say, hey, she’s, she’s not going to ask me to do this for much longer.

John Azoni [00:20:29]:
And in 5 years, I’m going to miss any, any attention she gave me, like her wanting to actually hang out with me, because it’s going to be the other way around. So, so I think it’s just, I think it’s just recognizing in those moments what’s really most important and then just leaning into that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:52]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:56]:
Humor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:57]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

John Azoni [00:21:02]:
It’s probably from when you’re walking around a grocery store and you get like a whole stream of like elderly men that will say, I remember when my daughter was that age and then she started driving the next day. Like, don’t miss it. I really actually took advice to heart, like what I just said. I’m like, there’s gonna be a time when they’re not gonna want to hang out with me, so don’t miss it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:20]:
What’s one activity you and your daughters love doing together?

John Azoni [00:21:24]:
Cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:25]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Azoni [00:21:30]:
I think just don’t change for other people. Don’t be the person that you’re with. I think like maybe girls especially start dating and things like that, they want to change to be liked and to impress and things like that. And so I think my advice would just be to just be yourself and be What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad? I have learned, I have learned that I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I just want my kids to grow up and know that their dad was crazy about them. And for all my flaws, I want them to— I watched this video one time. It was my boss’s. We did a story on my boss at the time at my old job, his family.

John Azoni [00:22:11]:
And we interviewed his wife and they were talking about her parents and they asked her, what’s your favorite thing about your dad? And she said, said how much he loves me. And she started crying. And I edited that video. So of course, I’m like, I’m like tearing up and like, you know, you got the music going and stuff like that in the edit, in the video edit. So, but I’ve always kept that with me as like, that’s like my mantra as a dad. Like, I’m gonna mess up, but like, I want my kids to, to really feel and be imprinted with how like crazy I am about them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Azoni [00:22:48]:
I think it’s just being really intentional with them. I think for me, I just think about, it’s like we have 18 years if we’re lucky, and I want to build as many memories with them as possible. And I don’t want to waste this being stressed about stuff that’s just not going to matter in 50 years. And so, and I think about it the same way of like marriage advice. People contrast the saying of the grass is greener on the other side. side with, with saying the grass is greener where you water it. And I like that about marriage. And that’s something that I keep in my mind.

John Azoni [00:23:20]:
But I also think that that applies to kids too. I mean, the type of relationship that you’re going to have with your kids now and when they’re older is determined by how intentional you are in these early years and just watering that grass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:34]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing what you shared with the journey that you’ve gone through. If people want to find out more about you, I know you got a podcast. Is there a place that people can go to find out more?

John Azoni [00:23:46]:
Yeah, I’m very active on LinkedIn. My name’s spelled J-O-H-N-A-Z-O-N-I if you’re searching for me. That’s probably where I hang out the most, on LinkedIn. I don’t post a whole lot of family stuff, but once in a while you might get some sort of business advice through the lens of being a dad to 2 girls.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Well, again, John, thank you so much for being here, and I wish you all the best.

John Azoni [00:24:03]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:03]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:34]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. So bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Trust, Growth, and Connection: A Father’s Journey with a Non-Binary Child

August 10, 2026 by dadofdivas

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This week’s episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” delves into the evolving journey of fatherhood, offering a heartfelt conversation with author and workplace culture expert Ed Frauenheim. Through candid storytelling and honest reflection, the episode explores what it really means to support our children—especially when their paths unfold in ways we never expected.

Dr. Christopher Lewis opens with his signature warmth, reminding listeners that the core of fatherhood isn’t perfection, but presence. The conversation quickly pivots to Ed Frauenheim’s personal growth as a father to Skyla, his strong-willed, non-binary child. Their story is not just about adjusting to pronouns or grappling with change, but about learning the art of persistent, trusting connection.

One major theme running through the conversation is trust. Ed Frauenheim candidly shares early struggles trying to control Skyla, only to discover the power of letting go—of giving space, listening deeply, and trusting his child’s autonomy. He admits the journey wasn’t always smooth, referencing honest and sometimes painful moments of conflict that led to growth. It’s the small shifts—choosing to draw beside Skyla instead of insisting on homework—that became turning points, building a deeper bond rooted in respect.

The episode masterfully unpacks the challenges of moving past parental expectations when faced with a child’s evolving identity. Ed Frauenheim reflects on the initial mourning and adjustments after Skyla came out as non-binary, and the courage it took to support them fully, even in spaces steeped in traditional notions of masculinity. Through his vulnerability, listeners are offered a blueprint for embracing discomfort as a catalyst for connection and understanding.

Additional highlights include practical tips for other dads: creating a home where listening is prioritized, learning together about new concepts, and bringing levity to sensitive journeys through shared experiences. Ed Frauenheim emphasizes the value of apologizing, modeling openness, and never giving up on the pursuit of genuine connection.

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or anyone seeking to better support the young people in your life, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a tribute to adaptability, unconditional love, and the transformative power of trust. Tune in for actionable wisdom, moving anecdotes, and inspiration to keep showing up, even when the path is uncertain.

Catch the full episode at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and remember—the journey isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present, persistent, and ready to grow.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity, we have a great opportunity to be able to come together to and grow together to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters, to help us to be able to create those solid relationships, those solid bonds that are going to help our daughters to become the people that they are becoming in their lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:15]:
That’s why, that’s why every week I love being able to introduce you to people with different experiences, people from all different types of walks of life that have had different experiences that’ll help you to be able to, I guess, in a way, reframe and to think about How are you fathering? Because not every father will father in the same ways, and that’s perfectly fine. What’s important is that we learn along the way. We take those bits that make sense. Maybe we adjust those things that don’t work for our family, and we help ourselves to become just a little bit better every day. Because by us becoming a little bit better, our kids are going to be better, and we’re going to be able to have those relationships and those— and build those connections that are going to last a lifetime. This week, we got another great guest. Ed Frauenheim is with us. And Ed is an author, a researcher, a speaker, and a workplace culture expert whose work explores how redefining masculinity can help men lead healthier, more connected, and more fulfilling lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]:
He’s a co-author of Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection, a book that examines the shift from outdated restrictive ideas of manhood toward a more compassionate and emotionally healthy vision of masculinity. And in addition to his work on masculinity, he’s also, also a father of 2. We’re going to talk about his own journey as a father. And we’re going to be able to talk a little bit further about what he’s had to go through in this journey that he’s been on as well. So I’m really excited to have him here. Ed, thanks so much for being here today.

Ed Frauenheim [00:02:53]:
Thanks, Christopher. It’s a real pleasure to be with you here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:56]:
It’s my pleasure having you here today. And I, I’m going to be very honest with Everyone that Ed has been on a podcast with me before, he and I did a podcast on my past podcast, Dads with Daughters. And on that podcast, we talked a lot more about Reinventing Masculinity. We’re not going to talk as much about the book this go around. So I encourage you that if you want to learn a lot more about Reinventing Masculinity, I talked to Ed right when that book came out. So I encourage you to go over, I’ll put a link in the notes today where you can find that other podcast. And you can listen there and learn even more. And but Today what we’re going to do is first we’re going to start off by chatting a little bit more about being a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:38]:
And we’re going to talk about some of the journey that you’ve been on. And I know you have 2 kids, you have a son, and then you have a non-binary child that at birth was a daughter and now is non-binary. And we’re going to talk about that journey as well. So I always start off with a few questions that just to get a little bit of a sense about you as a dad.

Ed Frauenheim [00:03:56]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:56]:
And one of the things that I love being able to delve a little bit into is as fathers, one of the things that we try to do is we try to create those moments, those moments where we can really bond with our kids, really be able to share special times and special moments with our kids as well. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your youngest and what made it so special?

Ed Frauenheim [00:04:20]:
Thanks for that great question, Christopher. The one that comes to mind with my child Skyla, as you mentioned, Skyla was born in a female body and now identifies as non-binary. Maybe when Skyla was 9 or so, we were butting heads a lot. We were in conflict in, in part because Skyla is quite strong-willed and I can be a little bit controlling as well, or especially back then as a dad. And I remember this moment where I was in charge of making sure the kids, and Skyla in particular, got started on their homework. And I said, Skyla, time to do your homework now. And Skyla had been doing something with like cutouts and, and making some drawings, and they said, I’m, I’m, I’m almost done. Why don’t you draw with me.

Ed Frauenheim [00:05:02]:
And I did. I kind of let down my kind of controlling guard, if you will, and immersed myself a bit in Skyla’s world. And they were making these interesting characters, cartoon characters. I can’t remember the name right now, but I learned how Skyla was drawing them, and I drew my own, and it was a loving experience. And then after we did that for maybe 20, 30 minutes, Skyla happily went on to her homework. their homework. And I say her there, Christopher, because you and I were talking before the podcast started about how it’s— I’m still struggling to get the pronouns right, even though I’m trying to honor as best I can Skyla’s non-binary identity. But many years of calling Skyla by female pronouns are still hard to shake sometimes.

Ed Frauenheim [00:05:43]:
And Skyla, to their credit, gives me a lot of grace, a lot of room for growth there, and does not jump down my throat when I throw out a she or her. So anyways, to me, it was a moment of connection, a moment of realizing I could trust my child. I could trust that I didn’t have to be this disciplinarian and give more space in the relationship and really kind of honor Skyla’s will to chart their course and figure out what they want to do and when. And yeah, I had some boundaries to set, but being a little flexible in that moment really made a difference and I think helped us to repair a bond that wasn’t so strong and has gotten stronger ever since in a lot of ways.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:20]:
All of us are having to balance. And as you talked about, Skyla tends to be strong-willed. You said that you were strong-willed at the same time. And we try to do this balancing act Because all of our kids are trying to find that independence for themselves. And especially, I have a child that’s very strong-willed. And I know, especially in that time where they were first pushing that independence, it was challenging. It was challenging in many different ways because they really wanted that independence. How did you balance guiding Skyla while also giving them the independence to grow into the person that they want to be? ultimately have become?

Ed Frauenheim [00:06:58]:
I would say that a couple of things really helped me strike the balance. One of them was actually my former employer, Great Place to Work, and its mantra of trust. The research that originally began this organization, Great Place to Work, which is the company behind the Fortune 100 Best Companies to Work For list— it surveys employees and finds out which ones are having the best experience at work— it all came down to, do people feel like they can trust their leaders? Do they trust each other? Do they have good bonds at work? And so this mantra of trust was big for me back in that day. I’ve been out of Great Place to Work for about 6 years now, but I was reminded of it by my wife a lot. She would say, Ed, you’re not necessarily practicing what you preach with respect to Skyla. You say trust your employees and build trust with them, but are you really trusting your own child? And she was right that I often— oftentimes I wasn’t. And I worried that Skyla’s resistance, her acting out occasionally, was a sign that she could be a sociopath. You know, I was like, I was worried that she was just not going to be a civil, polite person.

Ed Frauenheim [00:07:59]:
And, but I was wrong in that. What I found, and I heard this from other parents, Skylar was really wonderfully behaved with almost all of her friends’ parents. And we had school, her teachers, they considered her a model student in a lot of ways and a model friend. They saved a lot of their resistance from Rowena and me, which I gather can happen a lot when, when parents are trying to have a more, a parenting style that’s not governed by fear. Such that we didn’t like try to scare or physically hit Skyla in punishment. It was about consequences. It was about conversations, mostly, these consequences of acting out. So we did set these boundaries.

Ed Frauenheim [00:08:35]:
And as I said with that opening story, eventually I, I kind of came to see it. I could trust Skyla. In fact, I needed to trust Skyla more. And I came to see that strong-willedness as a positive, Christopher. And I saw one of the places I got to see it more was that I think helped me was in on the soccer field. Skyla was a a standout soccer player for many years and ultimately was on the team that won the city championship in San Francisco in high school. And so I think that mantra from work applied by my wife and then seeing how, you know, being assertive, being aggressive is a positive thing in the sports realm, all those helped me to soften and make more space for Skyla in our relationship and I think build a stronger bond with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:17]:
You know, not every time, as you were just talking about, as you’re raising a child is It’s going to be many times where it’s going to be fraught with challenge. What are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Skyla, especially during those challenging times?

Ed Frauenheim [00:09:35]:
I would say that I really tried to be there for Skyla on the school front and the sports front. I coached Skyla’s soccer team up until the end of 5th grade and then was a fan throughout their high school years. And as Skyla got into middle school and then most, a very academically rigorous public high school here in San Francisco, Lowell High School. I really tried to make sure I was there to support them as they studied for AP History, AP US History, read the text with them and watched the kind of notes they were taking, helped with papers. As a trained writer, journalist, could be an editor for them as they, as they wrote papers and they became a pretty good strong writer even in the high school level. So those are some ways I did that. And I think it was a way of demonstrating my love, my deep trust, my care for Skyla. And to this day, they ask me to edit papers and edit memos.

Ed Frauenheim [00:10:29]:
We have that relationship of support, and it’s been, it’s been one of those intentional ways I’ve tried to be a good dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:35]:
As I said, none of us are infallible. We’re all humans. We’re all people that are going to make mistakes as we go through our own experiences as fathers. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering Better or more positive connections with Skyla?

Ed Frauenheim [00:10:53]:
Why do you have to ask that kind of a question, Christopher? The thing that pops up to my mind as maybe one of the worst moments and choices I made was treating Skyla like someone I could control in that early childhood phase into their late elementary years, you might say. Because I remember this moment where we were having a conflict and Skyla was having a tantrum of sorts, wasn’t doing what I, or I think my wife, wanted them to do. And I remember carrying Skylar like a football down the street to the car. I think we had to go somewhere and it was humiliating all around. Like they were too big. I mean, they might’ve been in 2nd or 3rd grade when I did this. And the whole time I’m carrying Skylar literally like kicking and screaming as I’m walking like a block and a half to my car parked in this San Francisco neighborhood. And I knew that they were embarrassed and shamed by this.

Ed Frauenheim [00:11:41]:
And, and I was feeling ashamed of like what kind of an— and especially cuz I was in public. During this time. And I think in some ways that public embarrassment helped me to— that was the last time I tried to physically control their body, you know, when raising them. We shifted toward these longer and more, in some ways, trying boundaries that were a lot about conversation. You do something that breaks a rule or breaks a boundary, we’re gonna talk about it. And Skylar hated that, you know, at times, you know, but they, they couldn’t do what they wanted to do until we talked through it. And that meant Both my wife and I and Skylar were stuck with each other, if you will. But I think that paid off over time.

Ed Frauenheim [00:12:16]:
And I tried to learn from that mistake of manhandling my child at an age that was not really appropriate for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]:
You definitely have to learn and you have to find that balance for yourself and figure out what is right at the right time and what is right that’s age appropriate. Like you said, it’s not always easy to determine and, and you’re definitely going to make mistakes along the way. But you definitely also have to do whatever we can to be able to support them in who they’re becoming, but also who we’re becoming, and know that it’s okay to trip, it’s okay to fall, and it’s okay to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep moving forward. And I’ve heard it from many fathers that have been on the show in the past that you just have to own it. And you have to say, you know, if you make a mistake, you make a mistake, and you tell your kid that. And I’m sorry.

Ed Frauenheim [00:13:05]:
Can I follow up on that, Christopher? Because I think that’s a great point you’re making. That idea of apologizing, I have seen that as a strength, something I determined I was going to do from a pretty young age as a father, if you will. And I remember feeling really frustrated that— and with my own father, who rarely if ever apologized for his own anger outbursts, for bad choices as a parent or spouse that we witnessed as the 3 kids in our family. And I feel good about that idea of at least if I have lost my cool or made a mistake as a parent, I have really tried to apologize every time. And I think that that modeled something good for my kids, that they could see that it’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to— and in fact, it’s important to acknowledge mistakes, to say you’re trying to get better. I think it’s over time helped them to give me grace as a father as I’ve continued to make mistakes along the way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:57]:
Every one of us as dads always are trying to find ways to support our kids. And I guess as Skyla has gotten older, what do you do to support Skyla in pursuing their passions and their dreams?

Ed Frauenheim [00:14:14]:
I guess some of the things that I mentioned before, like trusting them, giving them space to do their thing, and to support them academically, that’s continued and taken on some new shapes. Right now, as we talked about before, before the show, Skyla is studying in Bologna, the University of Bologna, an academy of art there in the city of Bologna. for the semester from January to about June. And that program has been wonderful for them. They’re usually— they’re a University of California at Santa Cruz student. And this time abroad has been wonderful. It’s also been really challenging to get through the bureaucracy of studying abroad, of getting visas, of getting the coursework that they need, navigating financial questions, of travel questions. So I’ve really just tried to be there for them as they’ve tried to get through these hurdles.

Ed Frauenheim [00:14:59]:
Like recently, for example, Skylar asked me to help with a a note to one of their professors asking that a class that they took at University of Bologna count as a requirement for a Santa Cruz degree. And so we worked back and forth with this memo or email to kind of make the best case that this literature class should count as a critical thinking, critical reading class for Skyla. So it’s still supporting them with time and energy, but in some newer territories of academic and institutional bureaucracy and requirements. And it’s very gratifying.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]:
Skyla.

Ed Frauenheim [00:15:34]:
is increasingly expressive about her appreciation for the help I’ve given and just the way she— they have matured. But the trust I had early on is proving true. They are not anything like a sociopath. They are like an incredibly thoughtful and kind and polite and curious young person. And I get to have that relationship with this ever more mature human being.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:56]:
So we’ve been talking about the fact that Skyla has come out to you as non-binary. Bring me back To that point, when they first shared that part of themselves with you, what was that experience like for you as a father?

Ed Frauenheim [00:16:09]:
It was intense, Christopher. I remember that the moment that it came about was when Skylar was applying to college and put on their UC, University of California application that they were non-binary. And that was the first time I learned that that’s how Skylar was identifying. And there was some mourning that I had to go through. I loved calling Skyla my little lady. That was my nickname for her. I call my wife lady. It might be a little anachronistic, but, you know, it’s part of our internal language.

Ed Frauenheim [00:16:38]:
And I would call Skyla my little lady, and I couldn’t do that anymore, you know. And so I actually started calling them my young person, which is very kind of stilted on some level, but it’s now taken on its own life. So I say, how are you doing, young person? Adapt and adopt their identity. And I would say, even though that moment was difficult in some ways, there was a sadness to kind of quote unquote losing a daughter, I feel like I gained a better relationship over time. I think Skyla, as I see it, really does embody a lot of both the archetypical feminine and masculine. All that strong-willedness, that assertiveness, to me reflects this integration of the 2 sacred genders, if you will. And so I think they’ve kind of come into their own as a non-binary person more than ever before. And so it’s a joy to see them thriving.

Ed Frauenheim [00:17:25]:
And I think the gender identity is a part of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:28]:
So many fathers have expectations. We have expectations or assumptions about who our kids will become. How did you navigate adjusting your own expectations while continuing to support and love Skyla unconditionally?

Ed Frauenheim [00:17:44]:
I would say that a lot of my expectations were turned into uncertainties with the new gender identity that came about 3 and a half years ago, maybe. And I didn’t know whether Skyla would change how they presented themselves, would change their clothes, or were they going to potentially pursue a trans transition? It was a kind of a new world for me to learn more about, but I have come to really kind of— my worries have eased, if you will, and the expectations are more just Skyla as my child. I expect that they’re going to continue this path, and I’m excited to see how it unfolds for them. They continue to kind of Mostly present themselves in a feminine way. I would say skirts and makeup and clothing that is more leaning toward what you might consider females would wear typically. And I feel like I’ve become used to who they are. And I don’t think about it that often, honestly, anymore. And those expectations that were confused maybe initially, or my uncertainties around who they were going to become, have not really plagued me much or been a lot of what I’ve worried about.

Ed Frauenheim [00:18:51]:
I worry about stuff like, are they going to get the courses they need? Are they going to find a job after college? The kind of worries of probably any father about their kid in college.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]:
What are some of the most important things that Skyla needed from you during their transition? And how did you learn to support them as they were going through that?

Ed Frauenheim [00:19:11]:
I’m guessing that Skyla needed to hear that I honored their choice. And it’s funny as I look back at it, Christopher, but I think that one sign of that was getting the pronouns right. And I think that Skylar was a little more sensitive to me misgendering in the earlier phases of their, their shift to being non-binary. And we both sort of relaxed. I mean, I, I wouldn’t say relaxed in the sense of I am completely relaxed about, I don’t care what pronouns I use. I’m trying to use the right pronouns for them. But I would say that they’re less critical of me if I don’t get the pronouns right now than they were initially. But I think I demonstrated to Skylar over time that, yeah, I’m going to honor this.

Ed Frauenheim [00:19:49]:
I don’t totally understand. what it means that I’m going to learn and did my best to do that. I went to some educational sessions or made some connections with folks to understand this relatively new way to my experience of defining oneself on gender terms. And at this point, I think the two of us are largely in sync around the identity and the non-binary identity and treating each other more like father and child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]:
I said at the very beginning that you wrote a book on reinventing masculinity. And I guess as you look at being a father of a non-binary child, how has Having a non-binary child challenged or expanded your understanding of gender and masculinity?

Ed Frauenheim [00:20:28]:
It has pushed me to be braver and walking my own talk. I speak and give workshops in some pretty hyper-masculine territories, a niche of working with folks in the ski lift profession. Kind of a strange, very specific niche that I kind of randomly stumbled into. I love it. I love the folks in there, most of whom are guys, but I still occasionally get intimidated by all these guys with beards and mirrored sunglasses on top of their caps. They’re like tough dudes out there in the snow in the middle of the night grooming hills or clearing out chairlifts. And I can feel a bit of trepidation, a bit of worry when I talk about having a non-binary child, but I typically do. And it’s caused me to have to be brave around not conforming to that old outdated, what I call confined masculinity, where we are intolerant, where guys are intolerant of difference, whether it’s sexual orientation, Whether it’s this gender identity, whether it’s non-binary identities, and to sort of like be very judgmental as men.

Ed Frauenheim [00:21:27]:
So I’ve been called to sort of be more courageous. That’s one of the six C’s they talk about around reinventing masculinity, along with curiosity and compassion, connection. You mentioned in the subtitle of the book commitment. I’ll start about contemplation, but but the courage piece to bravely say I am the proud father of a non-binary kid is something that I’ve had to live up to, and I’m glad to say I mostly have, and and most. Most of the response I’ve gotten is positive, or certainly not negative. No one’s challenged me to fight. I’m gonna have to fight you because you’re a father of a non-binary daughter. Like, not okay.

Ed Frauenheim [00:21:59]:
I think a lot of guys, when they’re given permission to open up that cramped definition of masculinity that we— many of us grew up with, they’re hungry for it, and they’re more curious than I would have maybe thought. So that, I think, is one of the main ways I’ve had to live into my own, my own words, my own philosophy. Thanks to Skyla’s choice.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:18]:
For fathers whose children may be questioning their identity, what are some practical ways that they can create a home environment where their child feels safe, seen, and accepted?

Ed Frauenheim [00:22:32]:
That’s a good one. I think one thing is to make a lot of space for listening as a dad. Really kind of open your ears up and say, I’d love to talk about what you’re reflecting on, thinking about with respect to your identity or how you’re going to define yourself. So announce that you’re ready to listen and actually do listen. A lot of talking and try to paraphrase, you know, do the active listening that we know helps relationships. I would say another thing is to demonstrate that you’re trying to learn about this territory as well and let your kid know you’re reading articles or looking at other kind of educational content that may help explain this territory. And a third thing might be to try to have some fun with it. And I’m thinking about looking at movies together that may play around with some of these questions of identity, gender identity, non-binary identity, trans identity.

Ed Frauenheim [00:23:23]:
I don’t immediately have one in mind. You know, there’s been a lot of interesting film and TV show content that has been cutting edge in this stuff. I’m even watching a series called La Brea. It’s, I guess, some years old. It’s on Netflix right now, and it doesn’t have the trans piece, but it does have same-sex couple issues in there. And so I’m just thinking about how it doesn’t have to be super heavy all the time. There can be some entertainment built into your joint exploration of these questions of identity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]:
You know, I was just thinking that in what you were just saying, that as you’ve gone through this, I’m sure that there have been moments, there’s been things and things that you’ve learned and things that you’ve been able to appreciate in the journey, along with the challenges as well. What’s been the greatest gift or unexpected blessing that has come from walking alongside Skyla on this journey?

Ed Frauenheim [00:24:12]:
Reciprocated love. One of the biggest challenges that I had as a dad of Skyla was that for a number of years, maybe going back to that middle elementary timeframe up through maybe into high school even, like, Skyla was very reticent to say I love you to me. And it might have had something to do with going through adolescence, puberty. She also was very— didn’t want to have hugs either. They didn’t want to have hugs. And I just tried to be consistent about telling them I love them every night. you know, as they’re going to bed. And gradually it has become a two-way street on sharing that we love each other.

Ed Frauenheim [00:24:50]:
It actually may have helped that I’ve had some health challenges in recent years. Like, I had a mild heart attack in 2021 during the pandemic caused by stress. That’s what the diagnosis was. And I remember Skylar giving me a hug in the hospital, and that was very dear, telling me that they love me. And then over this past year, I wrestled with appendix cancer. I’m just coming out of a year’s worth of treatments. I’m cancer-free. of now, and hoping to stay that way for a while, if not forever.

Ed Frauenheim [00:25:18]:
And again, during this time, Skyla has been very caring and giving out hugs and I love yous. And I don’t know if I would have predicted that would have ever happened back when we were in our most butting-of-heads times, around the time that I first talked about when I’m telling her to do their homework. So it’s a delight, and I’m very grateful for our mutual affections, mutual shows of affection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]:
And if Skyla was sitting here today, what would you hope that they would say about how you showed up for them as a father during this transition?

Ed Frauenheim [00:25:48]:
I would hope they would say I was— they would probably say, Dad, you’re so clueless sometimes. And that’s true. I have been. And I think they have a wonderful relationship with my wife. And I think they see us as playing different roles at times. Like, I’m the lead editor, if you will, on Skyla’s papers, even though Rowena is a great writer as well. And I would hope they would say this, and I think it’s accurate, that collectively, we parents have shown up and helped them get through this time. And thankfully, I don’t think Skyla has had some of the challenges in choosing this non-binary or identifying as non-binary as some young people around the country or the world have, because Skyla has grown up in San Francisco, a very liberal-minded city.

Ed Frauenheim [00:26:27]:
They go to University of Santa Cruz, one of the hippiest schools you can possibly go to. And they’ve been surrounded by family and friends that have been very welcoming and understanding for the most part. So it hasn’t taken a big lift of emotional support from me or my wife, I don’t think, maybe compared to someone who’s identifying this way and in a much more conservative area of the country, middle of Missouri, say. I don’t know, but that— it’s my sense is that it’s more been showing up for them as a, as a young adult, more so, or as much as being a non-binary person. That might be my guess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection. 6 more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. You ready?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:06]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:06]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with Skyla?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:11]:
I’ll go with loving. Pretty simple.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:13]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:16]:
Trust your kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
And what’s one activity that you and Skyla love doing together?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:22]:
Hiking, or more generally, outdoor recreation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:26]:
And if you could give Skyla one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:30]:
To try to calm down and trust in how things are unfolding. I haven’t always abided by that myself. I, I get pretty anxious, and I think unfortunately Skyla sometimes follows me in that trait.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:42]:
What’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Ed Frauenheim [00:27:46]:
That I can build trust, that I can loosen up. That is something that I’m pleasantly surprised by over the years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:54]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Ed Frauenheim [00:28:01]:
I think I would say keep at it. Keep being present with your kids, with your daughters. There may be times where they’re pushing you away, And I’m not saying push back to stay right next to them, but I think the key is to sort of make clear that you’re there for them. You’re ready to talk. You’re ready to engage and try to build these activities where you can do stuff together. But the overall message is persistence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:23]:
Well, Ed, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today and for sharing your journey with Skyla. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Ed Frauenheim [00:28:32]:
I would suggest come to my Substack page. I have a Substack newsletter called frauentimes.substack.com. Uh, where I’ve been chronicling a lot of the, the lessons of this past year of cancer, including my relationship with my kids and Skyla. I can be found on LinkedIn, and I have a website, edfrownheim.com, but happy to, to connect with folks.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:51]:
Again, Ed, thank you so much for being here today. I know this journey will only continue. You’ll continue to learn. Skyla will continue to learn, but I appreciate you sharing what you’ve learned thus far, and I wish you all the best.

Ed Frauenheim [00:29:03]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. And it’s great to be here with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:06]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Speaker D [00:29:37]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:29]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Speaker D [00:30:30]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Jared Mees on Fatherhood, Vulnerability, and Connection

July 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad searching for practical wisdom and heartfelt inspiration on building stronger connections with your daughter, you won’t want to miss the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Jared Mees, father, creative, and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire, for a candid conversation about the joys, challenges, and real-life lessons of fatherhood.

This episode dives deep into what meaningful connection really looks like between dads and daughters. Jared Mees shares his biggest bonding moments, like the summer road trips he’s taken with his daughters since they were little—unstructured adventures that have become cherished family memories. Whether braving uncomfortable camping trips or hours on the road, these simple, unplugged experiences spark genuine connection, laughter, and character-building for all.

As daughters grow up, the balancing act for dads shifts. Jared Mees opens up about learning to give his daughters independence as they get older—recognizing when to lean in, when to back off, and how to be present even when they aren’t seeking attention. For his younger daughter, it’s about reading and drawing together. For his teen, it’s understanding late-night chats and respecting her space.

One of the most powerful parts of the episode centers on vulnerability. Jared Mees shares honestly about a mental health crisis he faced and how it affected his family. Learning to admit mistakes, say “Daddy was wrong,” and seek real support reshaped his relationship with his daughters. His openness models strength and resilience—and shows that kids benefit deeply from witnessing their parents’ growth and recovery.

Other themes include the importance of encouraging kids’ passions without taking over, calling out the specific things that make them unique, and navigating the emotional transitions as daughters become teens. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Jared Mees also discuss letting go of ego, embracing imperfection, and being consistent in small, everyday ways.

If you’re ready to hear authentic stories and actionable advice about being the dad your daughter needs—through life’s ups, downs, and transitions—be sure to tune in. Head to dadanddaughterconnection.com, catch the latest episode, and start building those lifelong bonds, one day at a time.

Don’t miss this uplifting and honest look at fatherhood—listen now!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together, to work on identifying ways in which we can build those relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. It is going to be a journey.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]:
Having those perfect relationships is going to come in ebbs and flows. It’s not always going to be easy, but there are things that you can do to make it a little bit better one day at a time. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, for you to be able to learn, to grow and to be able to be that dad that you want to be showing up for your daughter every day. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different dance with different experiences to help you to be able to see fatherhood in a little bit of a different way and to be able to see how they are fathering their own daughters, to be able to help you in your journey. Today we got another great guest. Jared Mees is with us today, and Jared is someone I’ve known for a number of years. Jared was on another podcast that I used to have called Dads with Daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
And at that time, it was about four years ago, we were chatting about some music that he was making with his daughters, and his daughters keep growing as they always do. So I’m excited to be able to have him back, to be able to talk about how things are going today and be able to check back in. Jared, thanks so much for being here today.

Jared Mees [00:02:20]:
Thanks so much, Chris. Appreciate it. Excited to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and I always loved starting the conversation because this show is all about connection and how you build those meaningful connections with your daughters. And I. I know you have two daughters yourself. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made it so special?

Jared Mees [00:02:41]:
Yeah, I have two lovely daughters. Piper is 8 and she’s almost 9. And July is 14 going on 24. So we’re. I’m super blessed to have them in my life. And I always thought I’d be a dad of a son or something before I had kids. But then, now that I have two daughters, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, they’re definitely lights of my life.

Jared Mees [00:03:03]:
They’re both totally individual, different human beings, and they both need completely different things. And I try to provide it every day, whether I feel like it or not. And, you know, some days I succeed better than others, as we all do. But I would say, to answer your question, the biggest things that we do together are these road trips that we take every summer. Ever since COVID when Piper was two or three, two and a half, and July was eight, we’ve taken summer road trips to my hometown in Colorado from Oregon, where I live. So just driving around with them and exploring, mostly the western United States and just seeing things, camping. A lot of the. The funnest times are just when there’s no real plan and we just get into something.

Jared Mees [00:03:53]:
We’re on the beach or we’re having a conversation around a fire, or just all the little things that happen along the way. But the road tr. Definitely, we’ve taken one every summer since 2020, and they’re definitely a way to connect. And when I look back, I’m like, those are precious times. And, you know, they can be challenging. And sometimes the challenges, when you’re away from your home and you’re uncomfortable, you know, camping, they think they don’t like camping, but every time we go camping, they have a great time. They can be, you know, character building. And so I remember those fondly.

Jared Mees [00:04:29]:
We’re going on one this summer. This summer is going to be easy going. We’re just going to go down the Oregon coast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:34]:
Those moments are so important, and they’re going to be things that your daughters are going to think back on, remember fondly as they get older. Whether it’s the. The fun times or the squabbles in the car, the moments where you pull off the road to be able to see something cool, you know, it’s going to be those memories that they’re going to relate to. So it’s. It’s so exciting to hear those things. Now, I know you said your daughters are getting older and, and as your daughters do get older, as all of us that have daughters get older, there is the struggle that we go through as dads, which is allowing for us to be able to help our daughters to find that balance, that balance in having independence while still being who they are. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Jared Mees [00:05:26]:
That’s a great question. And I don’t know that I really think about it as it’s happening, but there’s a lot of connection that I feel like I try to foster every day that just kind of lets them know that I’m there and that I’m around and present for them. I try to be there every day when they get home from school, there when they leave for school. And I think just the presence allows me to be just plugged into what they’re going through on a hour to hour, day to day, week to week basis that I don’t know, there’s. That ends up. It makes it where I don’t really get in their way so much. I would say we have a lot of things going on and so trying to just make space for the small things that they want to do. Like my 8 year old wants to play and you know, you don’t always want to play, but you get down on the floor with them for 20 minutes and it means the world to them.

Jared Mees [00:06:20]:
And then my 14 year old wants space. And so sometimes that’s just like coming in, saying hi and being like, I love you, what are you up to? And then if they don’t want to talk, then just letting them have that moment and then eventually they come around and they want to talk. I noticed that my 14 year old really gets talkative right before bed and right before she goes to sleep, which is kind of like the time you want them to be winding down. And so just being around for the moments that they want you and then being okay when they don’t want you. And I think that’s where I’m not like starved for attention myself. Keeping myself really trying to be my own best friend where I’m not like trying to just go get attention from them keeps me from like being too hovery. That makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:05]:
It does make sense. And I think each of us has to find that balance for ourselves and, and also allow for our kids to be able to have that space that they need to be able to be who they are. And that becomes hard as they are transitioning, especially transitioning from that phase where they Always want to be around you to that phase where they’re like, nope, I need my space, I need to be away and I close my door, whatever it may be. But yeah, I completely get it. And I remember times where I’ve gone through that myself. As you think about your daughters and what you’ve done to be able to really work on that bond with them, what are some intentional ways you think that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters even through challenging times?

Jared Mees [00:07:50]:
Well, I think that I have a. We’ve got things that we focus on together on a day to day basis. My 8 year old is learning to read and so reading with her every day, it’s very basic. But reading, drawing, making art, it’s just day to day easygoing stuff that doesn’t feel like, oh, I’m building a bond with my daughter. But over time it kind of builds this repetition of like, this is what we do together and kind of gives them confidence in that they can, they’re developing skills and you’re watching them develop skills and encouraging them to be better while like really noting the improvement that they’ve made or noting something specific. Even if you don’t, you know, have the time to like look at like something small that they’ve made that they’re excited about, you can like, I always have the time to just be like, oh, that’s cool. I like this thing. And I think that’s like, I like this specific drawing of this the way that you did the cat’s whiskers or something versus just like, oh, that’s nice honey.

Jared Mees [00:08:52]:
And so I’ve really tried to like, because I don’t have all the time to sit down and praise them for everything they do, but there is an element of just calling out specifics of something that they’ve done that makes them feel seen. And that’s specifically my 8 year old. But you know, with my 14 year old I do it as well. And so I think that builds like the bond of like, I’m seen, I’m, I’m noted, I’m known. Even if it’s not a big time investment, just like calling out specifics of something that they’re doing. So that’s just like a little thing I do. I think I learned that from a book too. That said, even if you don’t have time, just noting a specific will make the connection for the kid that you are listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:34]:
Let me dig a little bit more on that because you know, showing them that they’re seen is important and I think One of the other things that I’ve noticed is that it’s so important with daughters to be able to let them know that they are both valued and heard. How do you show your daughters that they’re valued and heard?

Jared Mees [00:09:52]:
Well, my daughters are pretty loud and gregarious and like, in your face. And so it’s like, they are definitely heard all the time. I think it comes down to, like, important moments where they’re trying to say. It’s really like during moments of friction. That is probably where it really becomes like, am I being heard or not? Because we listen to them all the time talk about whatever they’re talking about. But it’s like there’s the moments where they need something specific or like, I didn’t. I don’t think that you did this. That you vacuumed even though I asked you to vacuum is like, I did vacuum.

Jared Mees [00:10:29]:
Well, you need to vacuum better. Let me show you how to do it. It’s like, I already know how to do it. You already showed me. And it was like, well, then why didn’t you do it correctly? And like, there’s these moments of altercation that stepping back and not allowing the heat of the moment to get in the way of. Of what they’re trying to tell you. You know, even if they, you think, you know, they did a bad job vacuuming, hearing out that they think that they did a good job and that they’re, you know, they did try and like, acknowledging that while then continuing to offer the input of how to do it better, I think is. Those are like the difficult moments, I think is really where you have to focus on making sure that they’re heard while also not letting them off the hook.

Jared Mees [00:11:16]:
Because I think it’s important to instill that kids know quality is necessary for them to be like a fully fleshed human. They’re going to have to be able to do things in a quality manner. But I don’t know if that makes sense. But it’s ultimately during moments of altercation or friction, allowing some space for them to say what they need to say while also not backing down from the truth that you’re trying to get across. And that can be a fine line. That can be difficult. I think as a man, it’s easy to get angry in those moments. And so you really have to keep your eye on what you want to get accomplished in the conversation versus being right or not being talked to in a sass with sass or anything.

Jared Mees [00:11:58]:
It’s like allowing what they need to say to get said, but Then knowing that the end of it, it’s going to be a. There’s going to be the. Some sort of, like, lesson is going to get taught, and you’re going to feel okay about it. I feel like dads and feel like they need to be heard, too, you know, because I live in a family with three women, and so it’s easy to, like, just have it be a lot of alternating energies and a lot of talking about disparate subjects. And, you know, you can kind of get lost in that sometimes. So it’s important to feel like you’re heard as well, you know, in those

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]:
moments that are challenging. I know that there are times as fathers where we’re not going to make all the right choices. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. There’s going to be errors of judgment. What’s a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:12:51]:
Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever made a mistake. No, it’s. There’s mistakes, you know, get made all the time. And I think that the one thing that I’ve. I’ve learned to say is. And this, like, somehow fixes it all the time is just saying daddy was wrong and just saying it plainly and quickly. And it really does just, like, help the whole thing. And you have to swallow your pride a little bit to say it, but once it’s out of your mouth, everything is like, all the tension goes down.

Jared Mees [00:13:21]:
Once you’ve made a mistake, you say, daddy was wrong. And it’s generally the mistakes I make are in, like I said before, probably letting my anger or, like, my agitation get the better of me in a specific situation because I have a certain set of emotions going on that my kids are not privy to. And I decide to snap at one thing and say, oh, you didn’t do this or you didn’t do that. You didn’t do the thing I asked. And then they say, no, we did. And then I’ve just spent all this time yammering on and getting upset about something that I was just wrong about. And so those are the moments, like, think of growth for me really is like, just saying daddy was wrong. And I think it’s hard for men to admit they’re wrong, but it just feels good once you say it, because it just lets the pressure off.

Jared Mees [00:14:13]:
Like, we don’t always have to be right or get it right, but it feels good to kids to, like, understand that, you know, you’re a human who makes mistakes. And I think trying to hold up some sort of standard, gold standard where you never make mistakes or you’re never wrong or even the illusion of that is just too much pressure on a human. And so it’s kind of nice to, to be able to just admit that and admit it up front and quickly. And it just lets a lot of the air out of things. It’s like we think sometimes that if we say we’re wrong that like our life’s going to end or that we’re going to be less of a man or just there’s some worthiness factor that’s going to enter, but you know, that’s just a lie. And so just quickly copying to things that you’re wrong about is really helpful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:00]:
Definitely. And I know that there’s plenty of times where I think being vulnerable will definitely open things up and allow your daughters to be able to see not only you in a different way, but see relationships in a different way and allow for them to feel differently about the way in which they kind of maneuver through life. So I know that you’ve done a lot of really cool things with your, your daughters and pushing them and encouraging them. You have your own passions and dreams. You have a lot of things with music that going on. You’ve done music with your, with your daughters along the way. Talk to me what you have done over your daughter’s lifetimes to be able to support them in pursuing their passions and dreams.

Jared Mees [00:15:41]:
Yeah, I mean, both my kids dance. They’re really into dance and acting. So it’s, it’s a lot of just driving to and from you. Just the work a day, driving, being in the car, taking them to the thing they want to do. And it’s. You don’t always want to do it. But the barometer I use is like, they’re happier when I pick them up than when I drop them off. And that is worth doing it.

Jared Mees [00:16:03]:
And like, I say that to myself and I say it to other people like, oh man, it’s so much work doing this driving for dance. But it’s like the happiness that you see on their faces when you pick them up from the thing they got to do, that you got to provide the money and time and effort and the car and the gas, et cetera. It’s worth it when you see that they are happier and consistently happier and like, that’s what ultimately makes a happy life. And then also, I don’t know, my 8 year old’s working on a play. She really wants to write a play and so she can’t really type or know how to like format a script or anything, but she knows exactly what she wants the play to be about and she has all these big creative dreams. So like we recently got her play from like in her head to. On a first draft and then we went through it and made it better and better and my 14 year old got involved and so she’s gonna be. We got it all printed out recently and we have.

Jared Mees [00:17:02]:
She had, they had picked the kids, they want to be in the play. And so my 8 year old is going to be directing it and my 14 year old is producing it and we’re going to put it on at the warehouse that we have and just kind of staying out of it and letting them. My 14 year old has a phone now, so she’s texting all the parents to get all the kids to show up for the rehearsals and you know, they’re working on all the costumes and stuff. So just like helping out with stuff like that and being involved while also not like taking it on as like my own project and kind of like letting it be whatever quality it’s going to be, it’s been fun. It’s like in a lot of times I would have jumped in and like made it this super extra over the top thing, but then it kind of becomes my project. It’s nice to sit back and have it be completely theirs. But providing the tech expertise to get things printed and to like share numbers with peop, you know, kind of the executive producer role, I suppose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]:
You know, one of the things that I know that we talked about at the very beginning was that over the last couple of years you had a bit of a scare, you had a bit of a mental health issue that you were dealing with and you had to maneuver through that period, that period in your life with your kids. Can you talk to me about that? And some of the things that you had to do to be able to not only get yourself in a good place, but also to help your children to understand what was going on and help them to better maneuver through that time.

Jared Mees [00:18:35]:
Yeah, you know, I’m an open book about it, but I, I had a mental health issue basically. Like they used to call them nervous breakdowns, but it’s basically a mental health event where I was not really able to function in the capacity that I normally could function because my nervous system basically was shutting down. And so for about three months I was not really the person that, that I normally was. And while I was recovering and this was a Period of basically getting clean and getting sober. I wasn’t a huge alcoholic or anything, but I definitely, I smoked weed every day for 15 years just to deal with my anxiety issue. And so I, when I stopped doing that because I wanted to have a different modality for dealing with my anxiety, there was a transitional period basically brought on a long term anxiety attack slash nervous breakdown. So the transition to getting clean really was difficult. And you know, with my 14 year old I was able to discuss it a little bit because she knew that I smoked weed and we live in Oregon and it’s a very accepted thing but it was, you know, something I had to tell her.

Jared Mees [00:19:46]:
Like I’m doing this to get better, worse. But in the meantime it’s really difficult for me to just deal with things I normally deal with. Noise was a big problem, really difficult to deal with noise for like nine or 10 weeks. And so just being in a house in a normal volume house was really difficult. And so I was like, I had to just explain that I was going through a difficult time. And they’ve gone through difficult times. They go through difficult times every day, every week. And so they understand difficult times but they didn’t understand, I think that I had to go through a difficult time and they didn’t understand why it was taking so long.

Jared Mees [00:20:24]:
And so I was just having, just having to explain the nature of what I was going through in a way, way that they could understand. It was difficult. It wasn’t easy to. Because you can’t really get too clinical and detailed because they kind of tune out. So it was really just about like I just need things to be simple and you know, I’m getting sick in my brain a little bit but my brain’s gonna get better. That’s kind of what we had to tell our 8 year old. And then my 14 year old, I was a little more upfront with her about the, the way things were working in reality. But by and large they were the North Star in the end of it all.

Jared Mees [00:21:01]:
You know, I was doing this for them to be better, not worse. And I feel like I’m definitely a better dad today than I was. I wasn’t bad before, but it was like I’m a better, I’m more confident person and I like myself better. And I think that shines through to the way I parent now. So it’s been a positive thing for them overall. But the transitional period, it was sad. It was difficult for me to try to note. I couldn’t give them what I normally give them.

Jared Mees [00:21:30]:
And you Know, but knowing that it was the best I could do at that moment and allowing that to be okay, that was what I had to focus on, that this was okay and I wasn’t messing them up. And for them to see someone go through something hard and to be better, because they really noted, oh, you’re better. I just noticed we’re doing all sorts of loud stuff and you don’t have any problem with it. And, like, that was really awesome when that came around for them. And they just, like, noticed that I had gone through something at hard and how I dealt with it. And I don’t know, maybe they’ll remember it. They’ll probably remember it as they grow up, but I don’t think there was hardly any moments that were, like, traumatic. There was a few times where I yelled because I was just, like, overwhelmed by my own emotions and the noise.

Jared Mees [00:22:12]:
And like, those were the times that kind of, like, necessitated conversations afterwards. But I don’t think it was. They were pretty quick and dealt with. And I have a support. My wife was super supportive and my extended family was super supportive. My friends were super supportive. So it was. I was able to get away when I needed to get away and deal with my own stuff, away from the audience of my family when that.

Jared Mees [00:22:39]:
When that needed to happen. So I really am thankful to them for, you know, being the North Star and being the guiding light for, like, this is why I’m doing this and why I’m going through this difficult thing. It’s not just for me. It’s for me first and for them second. But definitely they were, like, a huge important thing for getting me through it. I don’t know. I could talk about this for, like, hours and have. Obviously.

Jared Mees [00:23:00]:
But that’s Cliff Notes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:01]:
And what would you say to other dads that may be struggling with their own mental health issues and maybe they’re not getting the support that they need at this point.

Jared Mees [00:23:10]:
Um, gosh, say like that. Really examining at the bottom of it, like, what you need and whether or not you’re getting what you need and. And knowing that every day doesn’t have to be so hard. You know, often when you’re dealing with a mental health issue, it’s because there’s something underneath it that is basically just not working. And then we string it together and jury rig our lives so that it will work, and it’s often with substances and that really just examining what is it that’s not working and taking, like, a moment and knowing that just like, admitting it doesn’t mean you have to fix it. But admitting it is definitely a first step, and then deciding what you can do to fix it incrementally, if possible. And if you can fix something incrementally with discipline and with small changes, that’s definitely, I think, a better way than trying to go cold turkey like I did, and then, like, having to fall off the rails. But, like, the body keeps the score.

Jared Mees [00:24:17]:
And eventually you will have to reckon with the thing that is not working in your life, whatever it is. And to reckon with it slowly and incrementally over time is much easier than just having it reckon with you one day and having to deal with it all at once, one day. So I would say it’s just being honest with yourself about what you need. And it really takes time. Taking time away from your family and taking time away from the stress of life and examining what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it and what is important to you and what you want to do better and what you think you’re doing great. And like, that’s probably through a journal or some sort of, like, cataloging of your life in an organized way can be really powerful. But we often don’t take time for ourselves. As fathers, we’re kind of the ox that has to just continually pull.

Jared Mees [00:25:15]:
And we think that to take time or to not to admit that we are not strong is a failure in and of itself. And I think it’s ultimately the opposite. To, like, take time and to admit that we need help, even if it’s just to ourselves, is super powerful and actually makes us twice as strong. And I think that there’s a current in, like, men’s health that is moving that direction, that examining your problems makes you stronger, not weaker. And I’m excited for that because I really think that a lot of men suffer needlessly just because they don’t think that. They think that if they admit they need help or that they aren’t as strong as they put on, that they are, that somehow that’s going to be the end of something. And really, it’s just the end of your ego. And your ego dying or being minimized is actually a really positive thing for your.

Jared Mees [00:26:14]:
For your life, for being a father, for being a provider, for being a man. It’s like, it’s super important that that happens. It feels like the opposite in the moment, but it’s really important that that happens at some point in your life. I think.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:28]:
No, I think that was great. And I guess one of the other things that I was Thinking about is you talked earlier about the fact that your daughter is now transitioned into middle school and she’s moved into this. You know, you were dealing with your own issues. She’s now going into middle school and there’s a lot of things that happen in middle school, a lot of changes that happen in the lives of our daughters. Talk to me about that transition for you and balancing supporting her going through this, but also dealing with the changes that come with that and maybe the interplay with the mental health challenges that you were going through.

Jared Mees [00:27:02]:
Yeah, you know, as my daughter turned 13, I was kind of going through the mental health transition and I just cried and cried like a baby for God, like an hour one night. And it was just like kind of mourning the transition that like my baby was gone, my little girl was gone, and not feeling like I knew the new person that they were. And it’s not so black and white like that, but it felt very black and white at that moment and that it was like a new person had been placed where the old and the old one had been taken away. And I think it was important to have that moment of like acknowledging the transition because I think often the transitions are kind of just glossed over as we go through life and that we don’t get the moments to really acknowledge internally what’s happening for ourselves. Like, of course we have birthday parties and quinceaneras and bat mitzvahs and whatnot. But there’s gotta be an internal reckoning with the transition that’s happening so that you can then treat them in the now and be like communicating with them in the now and not have this constant mourning or sadness that it’s time has passed me by and where did my little girl go? And I think there’s a element of letting that out and acknowledging it. And that’s what these coming of age parties are supposed to be about. But I think often fathers don’t really do the emotional work to truly transition for themselves and the way, and like the way they’re thinking of their daughters.

Jared Mees [00:28:42]:
And I think it’s healthy to have some sort of internal moment with a journal or with yourself, just to like acknowledge that you tried your best for them, you did your best for them when they were little, and now they’re. You’re going to do their best for them as they’re this age and every age after that, you know, and then it’s really. Nothing has changed in terms of your commitment to the person, but it’s like your commitment to them being this and not that I think is important to them, really living in the now, in the present. This can take some pressure off, at least for me. It’s like taking some pressure off just having some sort of like internal transition moment, like emotional acknowledgement, like a ritual or something that is yours, that is specific to you and feels right to you rather than this, you know, these big outward public displays. Those are great and those are gonna happen, but it’s like, did you really get what you needed out of that? Did you really acknowledge it internally to where you can now transition with her and not just continue to think you have a three year old when you have a 13 year old and be frustrated that you don’t and feel like the time where did all the time go and feel sad. There’s so many emotions that come up that we press down, you know, that are nostalgic memories and et cetera. And it’s like those need to be acknowledged.

Jared Mees [00:30:05]:
It’s important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call Our Dad Connection 6, which are six more questions that delve deeper into you, you as a dad. Are you ready?

Jared Mees [00:30:14]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:14]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Jared Mees [00:30:19]:
Joyful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Jared Mees [00:30:24]:
Take life one day at a time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Jared Mees [00:30:30]:
Let’s say drawing. We all like to draw together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Jared Mees [00:30:37]:
Let’s say to love yourself and love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Jared Mees [00:30:45]:
Life is long and there’s lots of transitions and to take time with each period because it will soon be gone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:54]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Jared Mees [00:31:02]:
I would say letting your own ego go and letting expectations you may have on yourself go and just being present with your kids as often as you can in small ways is important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:18]:
Well, Jared, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Jared Mees [00:31:24]:
They can visit tenderlovingempire.com that’s my business. I run with my wife that we sell the art of 500 different artists and we run a record label here in Portland, Oregon. And or my Instagram is just aradmeese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:38]:
Well, again, Jared, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for being so honest and open. About the the highs, the lows, and everything in between of fatherhood and your own journey and being a father. And I wish you all the best.

Jared Mees [00:31:54]:
Thanks so much, Chris. I appreciate you having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:56]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:27]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the want you now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Embracing Change: Strengthening the Father-Daughter Bond as She Grows

July 13, 2026 by dadofdivas

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In the most recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes special guest Colin Gray—podcaster, international speaker, founder of The Podcast Host, and a proud father—to discuss the evolving journey of fatherhood and the unique relationship fathers share with their daughters.

This insightful conversation revolves around the central theme of connection: what it truly means to connect with your daughter as she grows, how that connection changes, and the intentional steps dads can take to foster it. Colin Gray reflects on his experience raising his now eleven-year-old daughter, candidly sharing that as children mature, simple activities like park visits or ice cream trips no longer hold the same power to bond as they once did. Instead, it’s the “little weird normal moments”—joining in on a silly dance or matching her energy in the kitchen—that create genuine connections. He urges dads to let go of preconceived expectations and instead meet their daughters where they are, embracing who they’re becoming.

Another major theme is the balance between guiding and granting independence. Colin Gray shares that encouraging his children to try things for themselves, even if it means letting them fail, has been key to building their confidence and autonomy. It’s about being there with support and constructive feedback, but resisting the urge to always be in control or solve every problem.

Intentionality shines through as a guiding principle: intentionally seeking out your daughter’s interests—even if they’re outside your comfort zone—fosters meaningful conversations and establishes trust. Whether it’s learning about makeup and hair to connect with his daughter, or simply being curious about her favorite YouTube trends, Colin Gray models engagement and the willingness to step into her world.

The conversation is honest about parental imperfection—both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Colin Gray admit to making mistakes, but emphasize the importance of being open to feedback from their kids and growing together. They highlight the value of mutual respect, adaptability, and leading by example.

This episode serves as a warm reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent presence, adaptability, and listening. If you’re a dad looking for real advice, encouragement, and stories from the trenches of parenthood, don’t miss this episode. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and keep building the bond your daughter needs—one moment at a time.

Listen now and join the journey!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to reach, work together on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters. And I say that it’s learning and growing because every day we have to learn and grow.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
We have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to set aside things that we think we know and go with the flow a lot of times with our daughters. And it’s important to be able to talk to other fathers, learn from other fathers, hear what they’re doing, and to gain some perspective, because we don’t have all the answers. Let’s be honest. None of us are infallible. There’s going to be times where we make mistakes, and many of us may not have a lot of examples of what fatherhood is before we become fathers. So that’s why every week, I love being able to have different people with different experiences that can offer you some different perspectives to help you in your own fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Colin Gray is with us, and Colin is known as the podcast host. Colin and I have known each other for a while, and I’ve loved listening to him and what he’s been doing, but he’s a podcaster, he’s an international speaker, a he’s founder of the podcast host and Alitu the podcast maker. But he started out in astrophysics before realizing how much math you had to do. So that being said, he turned to podcasting, and he has made a amazing, amazing life for himself and his family. And we’ll talk a little bit about the journey that he’s gone on, but also we’re going to be talking about his own journey in his journey as a father to two kids and especially his oldest, his daughter. And I’m really excited to have him Here. Colin, thanks so much for being here today.

Colin Gray [00:02:43]:
No worries. Thanks for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:45]:
It is my pleasure. I really appreciate you joining me. I know it’s the evening for you, the morning for me, and but I appreciate you taking some time to chat about this relationship with your daughter. And I love being able to start by really thinking about this journey that you’ve been on because every one of us as fathers wants to have those moments, those moments that we connect and we work hard to try to create those moments with our daughters. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Colin Gray [00:03:16]:
I’ll maybe avoid the question slightly, but give you a different type of answer perhaps in that. One of the things that I’ve found or I’ve learned, I suppose, over the last five years as my daughter’s become much more grown up. She’s 11 now and it used to be quite easy to make a connection with her when she was like three, four or five. You just go and you do kind of anything and they just become absorbed in what you want to do with them and just love spending the time with you and you know, they’ll often just do whatever you kind of lead them into playing, you know, a game or Lego or go outdoors to the park, whatever that might be. As my daughter’s got older, I found those things harder because obviously she has much more of her own mind, her own preferences, her own things, things that she wants to do. And I found myself even a couple of years ago when she wasn’t getting into 9 or 10, as she was getting much more of those preferences, I would choose to say, let’s go for a wee walk into town, we’ll go and have a wee walk around, we’ll grab like a nice cake or something in the shop and then we’ll walk home again. And because she’s much more her set, her own person now, she’d have preferences and maybe be a bit grumpy or, you know, it wouldn’t be perfect and I would end up getting grumpy because it wasn’t as perfect as I, you know, wanted this kind of connection to be. And I would kind of sabotage it for myself.

Colin Gray [00:04:30]:
These days I’m much more accepting of the fact that actually those connections just come in those little weird normal moments actually and it’s less about planning, like to go in for a three hour walk with her into town and a cake or an ice cream or whatever and it’s more just Actually, I walk into the kitchen and she’s sitting there, whether it’s reading a book or doing a dance or whatever it is she’s doing. And I’ll just walk up behind her and do the same thing. It’s like something about matching her energy much more. And because she’s kind of just learning who she is, I guess as a developing human, I find that’s what actually creates the connection these days. It’s actually just those little silly, messing around things where she’s doing a dance and I just walk in and join in in a super stupid, silly way, and that’s it. And it’s those little bits and it just takes like 30 seconds. But actually, those are the times when we just laugh and smile at each other much more. And there’s much less chance that the kind of budding teenager in her creates some kind of friction that ends up with both of us being angry at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:31]:
One of the things that I guess that I would ask in response to that is you said that there was a little bit of a journey for yourself in the sense of, you know, getting from where you were to where you are today. What were some intentional steps that you had to take to be able to, I guess, in some sense, let go and just be present and be a part of the energy that she’s giving versus having those. Those, I’m going to say, preconceived feelings of what you wanted to happen and then being let down because you have to be able to grow from where that was to where you are today.

Colin Gray [00:06:04]:
I mean, you know what it’s like when they’re small. You are like the definitive boss, aren’t you? Because they’re liable to do something that could hurt themselves. Or you need to teach them how to be humans, you know, how to be. How to be decent and nice and kind and share and all that kind of stuff. But there’s a point they get where they’re. Suddenly they know those things. If you’ve done your job well enough, then they mostly know those things. And you can kind of let go of that a little bit.

Colin Gray [00:06:29]:
And then actually it comes to the point where you’re trying to do nice things with them and make those connections that you’re talking about. But you can’t be the definitive boss in those. You can’t decide what their fun is. You can’t decide what their preferences are. You can’t say, oh, well, I like, I used to love going for an ice cream with you, and you used to love it as well. So now, because you say you don’t want to do that anymore, I’m going to get annoyed and grumpy. And I went through a point of that. So, yeah, you said the words there, letting go.

Colin Gray [00:06:55]:
And it was definitely a letting go of that. Partly you’re the one that’s always in charge and making the decisions, and there’s still a bit of that, you know, as a parent, no matter what age they are, of course. But you have to let go of a lot of that, I think. And let go as well of the fact that you feel like you know what they enjoy. Because I don’t know what they enjoy these days. Like, both of my kids, especially my daughter, she’ll teach her mind every other week, and that’s fine. She’s just figuring stuff out. But I can be surprised one day when I go and ask her to do something and she’s like, no, don’t like that anymore.

Colin Gray [00:07:27]:
And she doesn’t say it like that, of course, but something’s changed. So there’s something around letting go of predictability as well and kind of thinking that, you know, what will make that connection or please her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
A lot of the things that you’re talking about really talks to the fact that our kids, as they’re getting into the age that your daughter’s in, is really pushing and stretching that rubber band of independence. We’ll say they want more independence than they’ve had in the past. How, as a father, have you been able to balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needs to be able to become the person that she’s becoming?

Colin Gray [00:08:06]:
I think if there’s many things I’ve got wrong as a dad over the years, one of the things I think I have done reasonably well is the independence side of things. And I think I was. Myself and my brother were really independent kids when we were younger. My mom and dad worked. Both of them, they had to work. And also they were just quite independent themselves. They were both like farm kids, so they grew up on farms, and therefore they were given a lot of responsibility when they were kids as well. And that passed on to us.

Colin Gray [00:08:31]:
And so I come from a family that is kind of from that point of view, from an early age, you get on and you just kind of look after yourself. And I’ve always encouraged my kids reasonably gently, but sometimes forcefully, to do things for themselves. You know, they ask for little simple things done for them, and I’m like, no, you know how to do that. I’ll show you how. I’ll help you do it, but you’ll do it. And so I’ve often done that all the way through. And it’s one of the things where my wife and I differ a fair bit. But she enjoys doing things.

Colin Gray [00:09:00]:
Like she really enjoys looking after the kids and like making sandwiches for them and stuff like that. But then when she’s away for the week, the kids make their own sandwiches for their lunch. And I don’t think it’s. It’s not only because I’m lazy, it’s partly because I want them to know how to do that as well. So I’ve definitely encouraged that from the very start. Like they need to know how to do things and I’ll leave them to do those things and fail at them as well. My daughter was cleaning the car the other day and she volunteered to do the inside and I offered to pay her a bit more for the inside. And I was like, I could go out and I showed her a few things, but I just left her to it for a few hours and she came back and I went back and I told her, oh, no, that’s not right, that’s not right.

Colin Gray [00:09:37]:
And it was just. I think it’s that kind of constructive feedback is something that I do. I tend to treat them a lot more like grownups right from the start and. But then, yeah, alongside that, just play silly games as well. So there’s a bit of a balance there, isn’t there?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
There definitely is a balance there. And it sounds like there’s some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to build that bond, those connections that we have with our daughters, you talked about when she was younger and the things that you like to do and some of the things that you’re doing now, as you think about intention in intentional ways in which you’re trying to build that bond, what are some of the things that you’re doing today that you try to be intentional about as you’re building relationship and building that bond?

Colin Gray [00:10:18]:
I’m constantly trying to find the things that she likes that I can talk to her about. There’s a period she’s going through right now where she’s definitely connecting a lot with her mum because she’s getting into quite girly things like makeup and hair and things like that. And that’s cool, that’s wonderful to see them doing that. And they kind of. They go for little shopping trips in and buy like a little, you know, two pound lip balm that she gets really excited about and all these kind of things and it’s, it’s lovely to see. I can try. I can kind of like learn a bit, a bit about these things, but I’m just like, I’m a guy with no hair, so I can’t get into the hair stuff. I’m a 40 year old man, so I can’t quite get into the makeup stuff.

Colin Gray [00:10:52]:
I’ll try on the lip balm for sure, but can’t get too excited about an extra good lip balm. So I think I’m just constantly trying to ask her things like what she’s into. I think, you know, it might be the same with yourself, Chris, like around the kind of being in this world of podcasting and media and YouTube and all that kind of stuff. That’s one thing that I do find I can connect with her quite well with actually, because I’m really interested in like, you know, trends on YouTube trends and podcasting, trends in media in general. So talking to them about who they’re following and who they like and who they’re becoming fans of and even in music as well, but more so the visual media side of things, I find that a really good conversation. That’s something that I bring up often, actually, because I find that that’s a good way to connect because I probably know more about that stuff than your average mid-40s dad, just through the jobs that we do. So that’s one thing that I do a lot is try and have those conversations. So, yeah, I don’t know.

Colin Gray [00:11:40]:
Do you find that with your set, with your own daughters, you know, a little bit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:43]:
I find I still don’t completely understand TikTok. I still don’t understand it, but. But my youngest loves showing me tiktoks. And I’ll watch them and I’ll be in my mind saying, I don’t get this, but I’ll be here and I’ll be present and I try to figure out what the intrigue is. So. And I think that as podcasters and someone. For me, it’s all about storytelling, right? And it’s about how do we tell these stories or allow other people to tell their stories. And I think you do that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:18]:
And I’ve tried to impart that on my own daughters to try to explain to them the power of story and the power of allowing them to not only tell their story, but allowing for others to tell their story. And I’ve tried to show them that as well. And I’m sure you have too, right?

Colin Gray [00:12:35]:
Yeah, definitely. And you know, it’s interesting, you bring that up because it’s not something that I’d put a label on before, but something that my daughter and I particularly connect around a lot is stories around characters in our house. So something we’ve always played around with, even when she was really small. But it’s grown into. I kind of thought this would fall away, but it hasn’t. Is around, like, soft toys and dolls and that kind of stuff. And she’s not into playing with, you know, dolls and teddies and stuff like that anymore. But we have these stories around them that ends up the two of us play around with them together.

Colin Gray [00:13:07]:
So when I go in to say night to my daughter at night, she’s got a few different soft toys lying around in her bed. And they all have their names, but they also. Big backstories that we’ve made over the last, like, five years. There’s a great one, this big, massive yellow teddy that we have, which we acquired in Japan, actually, when we’re on a holiday there. And there’s a whole backstory around how we acquired it, but equally, it went for the trip around with us, and me and her were just sitting around, like, making this teddy do things all the way around this trip. And ever since then, as well, it’s had that story where it’s from Japan, and it’s. We do things around the house, and it’s got a personality. And I think.

Colin Gray [00:13:40]:
I’m not sure maybe everyone does this, to be fair, but I feel like we go a little overboard in giving all these toys personalities and backstory and making them do things over the years. And that’s definitely something that we connect around a lot. But you’re right, it’s. As you said there. It’s the story. It’s all around the backstory. It’s all around the plot, what their likes and their dislikes are and all those things. Is that kind of like.

Colin Gray [00:14:02]:
Does that make sense?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:03]:
It does. My daughters are at an age that we don’t really have those kind of stories anymore, but I do try to get them involved in what I’m doing. They’re not always interested in it, but I try to show them, explain them. I actually. I just was talking to my oldest the other day about. I said. I said, you’re a storyteller. You like to talk to people you like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]:
I said, you should have a podcast. And she’s, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, dad. And. But you never know. I mean, they watch, they. They learn, and you never know, they might decide to pick something up along the way.

Colin Gray [00:14:36]:
That’s it isn’t it. It’s all example. I think there’s so much. I fall into this trap as much as anyone. But it’s so much so easy to find yourself telling them something while doing another thing, isn’t it? Whereas if you just do the thing, you don’t need to tell them anymore because they just see that as normal. So yeah, exercise is one of those. Daphne’s a dancer so she does a fair bit of dancing and different formats and stuff. So she does a fair bit of exercise.

Colin Gray [00:15:02]:
But I think some of that has come from the fact that she sees me and my wife like we, we make a big point of, you know, working out four times a week and doing a fair bit of exercise and being active and getting out in the hills and all that kind of stuff. So I think example is so powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:16]:
It definitely is. Now every one of us as fathers want our daughters to feel valued, heard and to know that we are there for them. What do you intentionally do to help your daughter to feel valued and heard?

Colin Gray [00:15:31]:
I think the main thing I try and do, rightly or wrongly, is I’ve always tried to be as honest and constructive as possible. And I think I’ve certainly. My wife thinks I go too far with this sometimes to actually criticize a painting. They’ve done a painting or made something and you’re like, don’t criticize that. That’s not the right word. But critical feedback. Oh. So good effort on doing this.

Colin Gray [00:15:57]:
I wonder what do you like about it? Do you like this part and this part? I love this part about it. I wonder that year is not quite right. I wonder if we draw that dog. How would you normally draw a dog ear? So it looks a bit more accurate and I certainly think you don’t. This is probably something that many people would disagree on, but I’ve always done that ever since they were quite small. So I think that has built more trust over the years. So that when I do give my daughter a compliment or I tell her she’s done well at something, I think she trusts it rather than, you know, as a kid you always appreciate the praise from your parents but. But you begin to realize that your mom’s going to tell you you’re great at whatever you do, no matter how good you are at it.

Colin Gray [00:16:35]:
So I think that’s what I’ve always tried to do is to be quite honest and be a little bit critical friend when I can so that trust builds. So is that something to do yourself? Do you find that with more grown up daughters have you had any feedback on that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:52]:
I do. I try and sometimes I fail. And I think that they’re much more willing to tell me when I’m failing. And I think that that’s okay. I think that all of us, as I said before, none of us are infallible. We all make mistakes. And I think that we have to be willing to learn and grow and not be so set in our ways that we’re not willing to take that feedback ourselves. I try to give feedback to my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:22]:
But you also come to learn when you can push, when you can pull, and when you just need to be still.

Colin Gray [00:17:28]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:29]:
And I think as they get older, that’s definitely something. You have to learn that along the way.

Colin Gray [00:17:33]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you’re absolutely right there around making it mutual. It doesn’t work unless it’s mutual. And we do that quite a lot, actually, me and my wife. We say, like I often say to both of our kids, listen, I know I’m getting you in trouble for something here. I know I’m giving you, like, telling you what to do and all that kind of stuff, but if there’s ever any. I’m always willing to take feedback. If there’s anything you think I’m wrong about, I will always listen to you.

Colin Gray [00:17:56]:
If you say it to me in a reasonable, fair manner, if we can talk in normal tone of voice, and we’re not going to shout at each other. If you ever give me feedback, if you ever want to tell me something if you think I’m wrong, please just tell me and I’ll always listen to you. I might disagree, but I’ll always listen as long as we can talk about it in a civil manner. And I think that’s often built a decent bit of trust as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:
And I think a lot of fathers and parents in general get in trouble when they don’t approach parenting in that way. Because I think when you get into arguments and you’re butting heads, especially during the teenage years, because that tends to happen, that’s when things go sideways. And that’s when you say things you regret in the end or you injure or hurt the relationship in a way that becomes harder to come back from. And I like the word that you said when you said you come at this with a mutual, you know, and it’s. I think there’s a mutual respect. Right. You need to be able to provide respect for your child. You want them to have respect for you, too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
But ultimately, as they get older, you need to show that mutual respect for the decisions that they’re making as they become adults, while at the same time knowing that you may not be agreeing with the decisions that they’re making.

Colin Gray [00:19:09]:
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Because I’ve had that happen.

Colin Gray [00:19:12]:
Yeah. I’m sure that’s one of the areas where I have a big weakness. Like my. Probably my biggest weakness as a parent is I can end up stuck on a road. Stubbornly. My wife will back this up. That I have a stubborn streak whereby if I have started down some kind of path, I say it relates to what we were talking about earlier. Like I’ve decided we’re going to have a good day by walking into town and having an ice cream and then we’re going to have a nice chat and then we’re going to come home.

Colin Gray [00:19:37]:
And that’s in my head. And stubbornly I’ll stick to that. Even though I realize my daughter’s not really into this anymore or she’s actually just had a bit of a bad day because her and her friend just had a little fight or something has happened which means that we should be changing plans. And it’s kind of ironic because I think run my own business. I do a bunch of other stuff that means I need to be flexible. I need to be flexible and adapt to plans. But with my children, sometimes I’m very bad at that. I’m not good at adapting.

Colin Gray [00:20:02]:
So when something starts and I end up on a track and I stubbornly stick to it, that’s when I end up seeing things I’ll regret all the time because I’ll somehow just refuse to be able to change my mind or to be able to go back on something. Even though I realize that I’ve ended up. It’s at least half my fault, if not more, that we’re now shouting at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I think that showing them that adaptability is important because so often in life we have to be resilient and you have to bounce back. I just had an example of that with my oldest daughter up till Monday of this week. She was supposed to be flying out yesterday to go on a month long mission trip to Kenya. It got canceled Monday afternoon.

Colin Gray [00:20:45]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Because of the diseases that were happening in and around Kenya.

Colin Gray [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:51]:
And of course she’s devastated and you have to understand and you have to try to help her to be resilient. But there’s also that understanding of where your daughter is at the time to be able to be in the mindset of hearing that message while knowing that she may not be able to take that message in at the Right.

Colin Gray [00:21:13]:
Time. Yeah, yeah, totally. That’s a pretty general human thing, isn’t it? There’s certain times when we’ve had bad news or we’re in a bad mood, the last thing you want to hear is, oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. Like, I don’t get. It’s not going to be okay. Yeah, it’s hard to find that empathy, though. That’s. Yeah, it’s difficult, especially with a teenager, I think it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]:
So, you know, I think, though, that showing them that adaptability, though, leads them to be resilient and to be able to see that it’s okay to change plans and it’s okay to move in a different direction. Now, I will say that if you have neurodivergent children, changing plans and being adaptable may be harder. And I’m just going to recognize that because I know that that can be more of an issue. I don’t want to say that all kids are going to be the same in doing that, but I think that it is still important to help them to be able to understand how can we be adaptable based on the life of what’s happening in our life, what’s happening today, what’s happening tomorrow and beyond.

Colin Gray [00:22:14]:
Yeah, definitely. I think. I don’t know. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this as well, Chris. But like, when we were in Japan last year, I found that a really interesting trip in the. We planned a lot less than we usually would. So we were there for a few weeks and there were so many little problems came up on that trip. Like something went wrong, something didn’t turn up on time, and it was all because we didn’t actually plan it that well ahead because we wanted to be quite flexible.

Colin Gray [00:22:37]:
But there was so many, like, great experience moments in there, around that hopefully the kids again, from example, isn’t it like seeing my wife and I say, all right, okay, so we can’t get that train after all. So can’t get to our hotel tonight. Which means pretty unfortunate, but we’ll find something else. So we just start looking for other things and kind of about. And talking to folk. And I think that’s sometimes actually a great way or I found a great way to show them that and to teach them that is actually to take a chance on something that’s a bit less. A bit more unpredictable. Maybe plan a bit less than you would normally or try a type of trip that you wouldn’t normally take or things like that.

Colin Gray [00:23:13]:
And then obviously attempt not to entirely Panic when it goes, goes wrong yourself, which is not always the easiest thing, but give it a go at least. Have you ever tried something like that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
I have. You know, and I think I find that I tend to like to be busy when I’m on vacation, like you’re saying. And I tend to like to know what’s around and, and I try to plan things but sometimes the, the best trips that we’ve been on have been ones where we have a general sense of what we’re going to do but then we leave it open to a bit more chance of okay as we’re driving around. You know, it’s not that we have to be there right at 10 o’, clock, but hey, that sign says something’.

Colin Gray [00:23:55]:
Here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:55]:
Maybe we, let’s, let’s take that little side trip and we don’t have to be there right at 10. We could be there at 10:30. Let’s go check that out. Or you know, you’re, you’re walking and you’re headed toward a direction but then you see a, a side shop that looks really interesting. Is it going to matter that you’re 10 minutes late? Maybe it will. And if that’s the case, then you can come back. But if there, if you don’t have the specific things that you have to do at the right time, at the right, you know, in the right order, sometimes it’s fun and it makes it even more memorable.

Colin Gray [00:24:27]:
Yeah, definitely more memorable. I mean some of the most memorable things we’ve done all together as a family were completely unplanned, completely unpredictable or even it’s just a complete mess ups. Like when the car breaks down and you have to walk a mile to the garage and you get stuck somewhere in a bog because you try to take a shortcut. You know, silly things like that, that’s the stories that stick around. It’s never the ones that you, you plan for like the beautifully crafted Christmas dinner or the, or the, you know, the trip that was planned within an inch of its life that was meant to be most memorable. It’ll be, it’ll be the silly, the silly one thing that went wrong on those things every single time that comes up, isn’t it? It’s always the family stories.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Colin Gray [00:25:10]:
Go for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Colin Gray [00:25:14]:
Feisty.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received I that it’s

Colin Gray [00:25:20]:
always just a phase. So if it’s something good that’s happening right now, if they’re in a great mood, if they’re all like, if the relationship’s going well, then appreciate it, because it will probably change. But if it’s all going terribly, if they’re behaving terribly, if there’s something bad happening, you can’t get them toilet trained, whatever it might be, it’s just a phase. It’ll pass. So either way, if it’s good, appreciate it. If it’s bad, it’ll pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:42]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Colin Gray [00:25:45]:
Piggybacks still. Even though she’s getting way too heavy and it keeps me strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Colin Gray [00:25:55]:
I think it is something around what we were talking about there, around resilience and change. It’s like things will change, but you have the strength and the intelligence and the resilience to adapt it. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll figure out a way that our family is a family of problem solvers. That’s what we all do. So we love to solve problems. So just see it all as an interesting challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:17]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Colin Gray [00:26:20]:
That I am a much better person to be around when I can abandon my preconceived expectations and actually just go with the flow more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Colin Gray [00:26:36]:
There’s something around probably the hardest thing which is holding them more loosely than you feel like you should, whether that’s how much you need to protect them, whether it’s how much you need to guide them or whether it’s how much you need to tell them the way to do things. We should probably. I certainly I should. I have learned certainly to do that more loosely than I naturally would otherwise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Well, Colin, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing with podcast host or anything else that you’re doing right now. Where should they go?

Colin Gray [00:27:08]:
Yeah, probably the best place actually is just go over to Colin Gray. So my name, Colin Gray link. That’s kind of links to all the stuff I’m doing. So yeah, just Colin Gray link.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
And I’ll put a link in the notes today to for you to be able to connect with Colin. Colin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate the time today. Appreciate you sharing your story. I know it’s continuously evolving and it will continue to evolve as your daughter gets older, but I really appreciate your time today and for you sharing with us and I wish you all the best.

Colin Gray [00:27:39]:
No, thank you very much for having me on. It’s always a pleasure to chat. It was good to catch up. So, yeah, cheers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:28:14]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Art of Fatherhood: Lessons in Letting Go and Growing Together

June 29, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

How do you nurture independent, confident daughters while creating a deep, lasting relationship as a father? That’s the question at the heart of the Dad and Daughter Connection, hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis—and in a recent episode, guest Art Eddy, host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast, shares relatable, hard-earned wisdom every dad (and parent) can appreciate.

Cherishing the Small Moments

One central theme is the value of everyday experiences—the dinners, shared jokes, and simple activities that reveal how “the small things make the big impact” in your relationship. Art Eddy recounts favorite moments: attending chorus performances, bonding at Bruins games, and even just sharing movie nights or video games at home. These aren’t grand gestures, but they’re where connection is built.

Letting Go and Fostering Independence

A recurring challenge, as discussed by both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Art Eddy, is finding the right balance between protecting your kids and gradually letting go. With both dads preparing for daughters to leave for college, they reflect on that poignant “crossroads”—learning to trust the foundation you’ve laid, and accepting that your children need space to stretch, fail, and grow. Art Eddy shares a particularly touching story about watching his daughter walk a college campus by herself for the first time, a real-life metaphor for this parental transition.

The Power of Listening and Honest Conversation

Listening—truly hearing your daughter, not just advising her—is another core message. Art Eddy emphasizes “two ears, one mouth—listen more, talk less,” offering support when asked, and encouraging self-reflection instead of top-down instruction. This nurtures strong communication and respect, especially as children become teens and young adults.

Imperfectly Present

Both speakers candidly share their own mistakes, whether it’s not asking for help, occasional impatience, or the struggle of balancing technology and quality time. The takeaway? No one is perfect, and being present—putting the phone down, engaging authentically—is what matters most.

Fatherhood Is for Every Dad

Finally, Art Eddy speaks passionately about celebrating diverse stories, real fatherhood from all walks of life, and creating positive, supportive communities for dads.

If you’re a dad (or parent) looking for practical wisdom, honest conversation, and plenty of heart—and maybe a few laughs—the Dad and Daughter Connection is for you. Listen in, and start building those small moments that make the biggest difference.

TRANSCRIPT

Art Eddy [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you show up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:56]:
You’re showing up not only to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be, but you’re showing up for your daughters. Because every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn something new, to be able to meet new people, people that have gone through what you’re going through, people that have something that they can share with you to help you to be that dad that you want to be. That’s why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to be able to help you build those strong connections with your daughters who one day at a time. Because it’s not always going to be roses, it’s not always going to be easy, but showing up, being there, and being willing to put in the work, you’re going to have a ton of dividends in the end. That’s why every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences, people that can give you some of their own experiences as being either dads, two daughters, or other people with resources that can help you to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest, Art. Eddie is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]:
Art and I have known each other for a long time. He is a father of two daughters. He’s also the host of the Art of Fatherhood podcast. Great podcast. If you haven’t listened to it, definitely check it out and we’ll be talking about that. But as I said, he’s a father of two daughters. So we’re gonna learn a little bit more about his own parenting journey, and I’m really excited to have him here. Art, thanks so much for being here.

Art Eddy [00:02:17]:
Chris, appreciate being on the show. Love the work that you’re doing. It’s always good to catch up. Even before we started recording, we had like a 30 minute, like, awes podcast of just a reunion podcast. It was so good, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]:
It really was. And we didn’t record it. We probably shouldn’t have recorded it.

Art Eddy [00:02:33]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]:
But it was still fun.

Art Eddy [00:02:36]:
Yeah. No, it’s good, though, because, like, I miss these connections. I miss, like, you know, I mean, we were just talking about how fast time flies with our, you know, your daughter is in college. My daughter, my oldest. Your oldest is in college. My oldest is going to be going to college in the fall of this year. And it’s just like, where’d the time go, man?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]:
Oh, the time just flies by. I mean, my youngest is going to college this fall, too, so our daughters are my youngest. Your oldest are both the same age, so we’ll be going through that together as well. And things change, I tell you. I. I’m. I’m a little nervous about the empty nesting type of thing going on to see kind of what that dynamic brings. It’s definitely going to be a lot quieter in the house, and I don’t really know what to expect yet.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]:
So it’s gonna be a different situation at home, you know, and your relationship with your significant other is gonna change in different ways because you don’t have the kids around to be a part. And the things that you focus your time in also change because for so many years, as you know, I mean, we put all this time and effort into raising our kids to being there for their activities and their. And the things that are important to them. And then as they go away, then we have to, we have to do other things. And, you know, we’re focusing back on each other and going back to the beginning and, and really. And it’s just different. So it’s going to be interesting.

Art Eddy [00:04:01]:
No, 100%. Like, things, like, all right, how do you do things? Like, my wife and I got a little taste of it a couple weekends ago. Like, my daughters were hanging out with, like, some of their friends together, and they had like a sleepover like a Friday night. And they had something all the way through, like, Saturday. And it was just like, like Saturday night. And my wife, like, this is what it’s going to be like, huh? We had, we went to go see a movie. We had like a nice breakfast together on Saturday morning. I was like, this is cool.

Art Eddy [00:04:27]:
But we also miss, like, it was funny. Like, one of the things, like, I love hanging out with my daughters, but, like, one of the college visits, they separated the, the parents and the kids. The kids were doing like these different, like, one on one interviews with some of the admins and we had the adults, like, getting in this one room to kind of talk and, like, this one, like, couple song. They’re like, I can’t wait. You know, this is my last kid. And then, like, I get to, like, take care of their room and change it into, like, their gym. We’re so excited. And it was like, yeah, I can’t wait.

Art Eddy [00:04:55]:
I’m like, what? I was like, oh, my gosh.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:00]:
I can’t say that I. I can’t wait. I mean, I. I am going to miss having them around.

Art Eddy [00:05:05]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:05]:
I mean, there are days. I think we both know that there are days.

Art Eddy [00:05:09]:
Yes. But I had one day yesterday, actually, where I had to go search everywhere for a broken. For a. To replace a broken dryer knob that was like, I didn’t want to, like, pay or, like, get some sketchy thing from, like, a secondary source. So like, I found here in, like, North Carolina, a place that, like, sold that stuff. But I had to, like, take time out of my day, then fix it. I was like, ah. I didn’t like this.

Art Eddy [00:05:33]:
My day just got totally upside down.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:36]:
I know that you’re really engaged with your daughters, and you have had some amazing moments with them throughout their lives. As you think about some of those moments and some of those moments that have been most meaningful for you, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you would say that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Art Eddy [00:05:54]:
Yeah, for me, I would probably say, you know, as a collective, when they both are in chorus. So when I see them perform and when my youngest was playing the saxophone, it was great to see that, just to see, like, their achievements and different things. When my oldest got accepted to the college she’s going to, which was great. The trials and tribulations, you know as well as I do of, like. Like, when we were going to college, totally different, but, like, the process is totally different, and I appreciate her journey into that. And then my youngest, she and I will go to Bruins games when they play here in North Carolina, and we have those moments where we joke around. And, like, she, like, my youngest and I kind of share the same type of humor. We have different senses of humor, but we share, like, if you have a Venn diagram, certain parts of our humor, like, coexist.

Art Eddy [00:06:40]:
And so, like, we’re at the dinner table, like, one of the things that we always strive to do most of the time, I’d say, like, out of the seven days of the week, probably four to five times we’re having dinner together. And we’re all talking about our days, and we’re just kind of like, learning, like, the ups and downs and stuff. But, like, I’ll say something, and my youngest will like, look at me. And we’ll just like, have this moment and everyone, like, the other two, like my wife and my oldest, like, what? What? And I’m like, don’t worry about it. So it’s just like, those are the moments that you cherish seeing my youngest right now, she went to regional for track for her high school, and she got her own personal record, which was awesome to see that. And then I think also too, like, when you hear a teacher or in. In for me, for my oldest, when she gets a compliment or she got, like, employee of the year for the ymca, I was like, that was impressive. Like, those are the things where I’m like, that’s awesome.

Art Eddy [00:07:31]:
And I. I say, like, I’m proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. And we just kind of talk about, like, how they got to that certain spot and stuff like that. So, yeah, there are certain times where you’re having to fix a broken dryer knob and you’re just frustrated and I don’t have any hair, so I can’t pull any hair out anymore. But then there’s the good. Totally outweighs, like, the. The frustrating parts of being a dad.

Art Eddy [00:07:52]:
So, like, it’s good, but it’s just like, just those moments where I can celebrate their wins together with them and share those jokes or share those laughs. Like, my youngest and I went to see Mortal Kombat 2 recently. We had fun, and she got the different jokes from, like, playing Mortal Kombat with me and stuff. So it was just like, it was cool. Like, those moments, the bonding and listen to them, you know, man, like, is. You’ve talked about this. I love when you have, like, on LinkedIn or different places where you have those, like, five minutes of, like, hey, this is how you can connect to your daughter. Right? Like, I appreciate those because I’m, like, nodding my head listening to you.

Art Eddy [00:08:24]:
I’m like, yep, I have experienced that too. So it’s the small things. And my kids have taught me it’s the small things that make the big

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:32]:
impact of those memories, really is the small things. And a number of the things that you talked about really make me think about. You’ve done a really good job of being able to help your daughters as they’ve been older to become more independent. And you, you’re doing a lot to be able to prepare them. You’ve got your oldest going off to college. And, you know, I’ve done the same in trying to help my daughters to be able to be those independent people. But that’s not always easy. It’s not always easy to find that balance between kind of guiding your daughter while also giving them independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:06]:
How did you do that in your own parenting journey with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:09:10]:
It’s tough, man, because I think you’ve heard this probably before on your podcast. We probably had this conversation before, years ago, or at the different conferences we might be at together. But, like, your job is to make sure that you are no longer relevant in their lives anymore in the sense of, like, them needing you. Like, they can, like you said, be independent. And that’s tough. But, like, there was one time earlier this year when a metaphor actually came into reality, because you’re at that crossroads of, like, letting your daughter or your child be more independent, and they’re going off to college and they’re going to be their own. I remember we were touring the. The campus of Clemson, and it was when spring break was happening, like, right.

Art Eddy [00:09:46]:
Right around, like, March Madness. So the campus was, like, empty, according to, like, the people we’ve talked to. And it was like alumni weekend. So the weekend was kind of, like, busy with, like, alumni and all that other stuff. But, like, there are no kids there. All the buildings, for the most part, are shut down. And we’re walking the campus, and my youngest and my wife are kind of, like, looking at this one, like, plaque or memorial. And I’m in the middle between, like, the distance of them and my oldest, who’s walking it by herself, and I’m just like, oh, should I run up to her, like, you know, catch up with her and see what she’s doing? And I’m like, no, this is something where, like, the metaphor actually is happening in real life, where I’m at a crossroads of, like, maybe it was a brick crossroads, but I’m like, I’m gonna stay here in the middle, wait for my youngest and my wife to catch up, let my daughter do her own thing, because that’s what she’s going to need to.

Art Eddy [00:10:32]:
And for me to physically feel that. I was just like, this is life, man. And I think the first time that my wife and I, Reese, like, in, like, I’d say a couple years ago, really got emotional is when our oldest. I’m in the process of teaching my youngest how to drive right now. She’s almost done with her hours and requirements. But when our daughter, our first one, went off, drove by herself. Like, it was emotional. This is growing up, but it’s also scary out there.

Art Eddy [00:10:57]:
So those are the things you, like, have to trust. You can’t be that helicopter parent you were when you were, like, when they first were learning how to walk. And you’re just near them and making. Making sure that they don’t, like, fall and hit their head or something like that. But now it’s totally different and you’re letting the reins go. You have let the reins go for a while now, but it’s just those are the moments where life gives you a little push. And it’s like you got to make sure that you did the best you could. And I bet you probably when your oldest was going off to college, you’re like, did I say everything I needed to say before she left? And it’s just, like, frustrating when things pop up and it’s like, I’ll talk to them later about it, but, like, are you going to find that time? So it is always that struggle of letting go, but also making sure you give them all of your, like, the wisdom you think that they’ll need in the future.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
And you’re never going to be able to unpack everything. You’re never going to be able to give them everything. The way I look at it is, is that what you at least can hope for is that you’ve given them enough and that you’ve given them the tools to one, figure out things for themselves, or two, give them the ability to be able to say, hey, I need to call dad. I need to ask and see what he has to say. And know that you’re always gonna be able to be there if she needs you. But that at the same time, you want her to fail, you want her to learn, and you want her to grow. Now, speaking of that, in regards to helping your daughters to be able to kind of learn, grow, and be kind of ready for the things that they want in their life. Every one of our daughters has passions, they have dreams, they have things that you talked about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:34]:
Music and track and things that in high school are important to them. But as they get older, they start to up ideas for who do they want to be, what do they want to do? And those become the passion and dreams that they’re aiming for. The light at the end of the tunnel, the goals that they’ve. They’ve set for themselves. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Art Eddy [00:12:55]:
Great question. Listening. I think the biggest thing is listening. And when they ask for advice, you can give it and say like, you know, I always preface saying, when I was around your age, things were a little bit different. But there are some similarities. Cliches happen, are there for a reason because they happen throughout eons and all that. I remember one of the podcasts I had, I was talking to a gentleman and he was saying the best advice he got from his father in law is like, things change. Technology changes.

Art Eddy [00:13:22]:
Everything here and there is like the one thing that’s constant is people having babies. In parenthood there hasn’t been like this huge advancement in the sense of like yes, certain things through a medical system and all this other stuff. Yes. But it’s like for the most part nothing has really changed. So it’s like people have been doing it, people have been making mistakes, but the generations are still living on and I think just making sure that you’re listening into seeing what they want at that time. There are certain things that I’ve watched from the quote unquote sidelines being like, that’s what they want to do. But I don’t see them like having any drive or what I would have done. Like, it’s hard to separate what, how I would approach it versus how they would approach it.

Art Eddy [00:13:58]:
And there’s certain times where they’ve experienced, whether it’s through school, I mean they get good grades, great grades, they do really, really well with friends and some other things. But whether it’s like managing a budget or sometimes not studying as much, I said, hey, you know, mom and I were saying you should have kind of done this. But like, what did you think? What did you feel? Did you feel like you were online with your friends more than you should have, like playing Roblox or something? Like that’s like the whole rage where like after dinner and they get all their work done, they’ll stay up for a while and playing out. I’m like, you guys go with everything. Like, yeah. And then there’s certain times where like she had to make my youngest or my oldest had to like prepare their lunch for the next day because like I’ll get them the ingredients from like you have to, to make it, this is your lunch. If they’re running late or something, or not feeling good, sure I’ll make them breakfast and all that other stuff. But for the most part you want them to be self sufficient.

Art Eddy [00:14:44]:
But there are certain times where like you just kind of like smile and wave. And then there’s other times you’re like, how’d that turn out? And then you don’t be like mean or something. But you’re like, seriously, like, how did you feel like that worked out? And did you think you could have probably done better? And you just want to give them those learning moments while it’s in the moment. If they don’t listen to you, that’s fine. But then if they succeed doing it their own way, perfect. But if there’s other things, like, hey, I might have probably let down, like, I probably would have played less Roblox, my friends online and studied for us a little bit more. But again, like, they get great. They get great grades, but I think sometimes they get ticked off if they get a B or something.

Art Eddy [00:15:19]:
And it’s like, well, like, if you wanted the better results, you needed to put more work in. And they’re like, I know that, but we’ve all had that. This is an adult. There’s certain things I kind of need to do X, Y and Z around the house. But there’s a new Star wars animated series that just dropped two episodes. I. I’m going to watch that right now. And then my day gets a little pushed on the next day, a little bit more busy just because I kind of should have done stuff on, like, Monday.

Art Eddy [00:15:40]:
Now it’s left for Tuesday, if that makes sense. And so there are certain times where my kids call me out and I’ll be like, yeah, you’re right. I should practice what I preach. And this time I didn’t. So thanks for calling me out. And you want to make sure that you, like, I think nowadays as you see this as well, like, there are so many, whether it’s online or in conversations where if someone knows that they’re wrong, but they’re still, like, trying to prove that they’re right. It’s like, it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong and move on, say you’re sorry, or like, hey, I should have known a little bit more information before I jumped into that conversation. So those are the things that, like, we have these conversations where, yes, I’m still the parent, they’re still the kid, but we.

Art Eddy [00:16:13]:
As they get older, you’re gonna. There’s that gap where it’s shortening and letting them be more vocal instead of just telling them, like, no, it’s bedtime, like when they’re a toddler. So those are the things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:24]:
One of the things that that says to me is that none of us are perfect. Right? I mean, our daughters aren’t perfect. We’re not perfect. We’re humans. We might make mistakes, and they may make mistakes. It’s about how do you talk about it, how do you communicate, how do you work through it in the end? You know, speaking of mistakes, I know that as fathers, we always make mistakes and we don’t always show it, but we do make mistakes. What’s a mistake that you’ve made as a. As a dad, and what did you learn from it about fostering, I guess, more positive communication with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:16:56]:
I would say. And I think this maybe is a stereotype or something that dads kind of go through. There’s different levels of suffering and silence, but, like, it’s like, on a smaller scale where it’s most of the time and just with our schedules and stuff like that, even, you know, teaching a class at UNC or, you know, running the Art of Fatherhood, I’m the one that mostly picks up my youngest teaches, like, you know, gets a drive time hours and makes the meals, does the cleaning, does the cooking and all that stuff, because I’m very robotic and I’m very strategic in my weekly. I know Tuesday is going to be cleaning day, and all of a sudden, like, my laundry pattern is down to, like, a science, right? Sometimes I’m going to need help, and sometimes, whether things get, you know, more things get piled on my plate, I don’t ask for help. And there are some times where I get frustrated. If someone didn’t pick up the thing, I asked them, like, three times in a row, and then like, the fourth time I’m like, fine, I’ll just do it myself. And I. And they’re like, well, why are you upset? I’m like, because I’m doing everything.

Art Eddy [00:17:46]:
Like, well, tell us. You need help, right? So, like, I think sometimes asking for help and what stinks is you think, like, we can put all the burden on ourselves. It’s not a great model to teach our kids. So that’s the thing where it’s like, I’ve messed up a couple times. And that’s the thing where maybe in the beginning, as when I became a dad, like, learning how to be patient. Now it’s like, I need to, like, ask for help. And that is really hard for me to do because I don’t want to burden anybody with stuff I need to do, if that makes sense.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:13]:
It does make sense. And you’ve talked about your podcast a few times, and I want to talk a little bit about that because you’ve been doing Art of Fatherhood for many years now and probably of fatherhood podcasts that I know of. I think yours is probably one of the longest standing That I know that is still running today, but not everyone has listened to it. And I guess I want to go back in time a little bit first and talk to me a little bit about why art of fatherhood. Why did you decide that you wanted to do this? I know that your background is in radio and in media, and you worked in that for many years, but when you pivoted and you went to create the art of fatherhood, you didn’t have to do that. You could have kept doing the radio thing. You could have done something else, but you went all in. So talk to me about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:56]:
Why did you decide to do that? And why have you kept doing it for this many years?

Art Eddy [00:19:00]:
Yeah, thank you for asking. I appreciate it. I was working in radio. We had our second child, and my wife and I were like, all right, let’s. We don’t want to go to the daycare route. And again, like, for anybody doing daycare, I’m not. I always feel like I have to say, like, I’m not judging. Like, it was just something like, every family pieces of advice for new dads, if they’re listening to this.

Art Eddy [00:19:17]:
It’s like, your family does not have to keep up the Joneses or that Instagram family that looks like everything is glamorous on every photo. But my wife and I were like, yeah, one of us. You need to stay home. And radio wasn’t the most secure landscapes in career field. So I was like, all right, I’ll be the home dad. And I started writing for, like, maybe Yahoo, Bleacher Report and some other things. Once I started getting my own pattern down of being the stay at home dad and then the different groups, like, you know, meeting you, the dad 2.0 conference. I started working for a fatherhood site, doing a lot of creative and writing stuff, and then started doing the podcast.

Art Eddy [00:19:49]:
And then that kind of disbanded years ago. And so I’m like, I still want to do this because I have a passion for talking about it. I feel like not only do I love talking about father, but I feel like it makes me a better father because I’m in forest and like, I understand, like, all the different conversations and all the. The conversations that I have and me reflecting on fatherhood as through my writing, I’m like, it makes me better. And I feel like there’s a space that you and I are doing this because not just to hear ourselves talk, but we have a passion for making sure that we’re not only being good dads ourselves, but highlighting other good dads. And you Want to break those stereotypes here and there of what dads look like. And we’re not. We’re not looking to create these awesome Instagram accounts.

Art Eddy [00:20:29]:
And, like, these are the words of wisdom. It’s real life fatherhood. And so that’s my passion. So I went out on my own, obviously, have a little dad joke in there, the art of fatherhood. And sometimes, you know, people will be like. When emails are like, hey, what’s up, Eddie? I’m like, actually, my first name’s Art. And they’re like, oh, I get it now. It’s like, yeah, it’s like, so I just love it.

Art Eddy [00:20:52]:
But it’s really, for me, just seeing the different viewpoints of fatherhood. I was just. Last night, I was with. I run at our church, like a men’s ministry group, me and a couple other guys. And we try and like, throughout the year, we have, you know, some service events where we’ll clean up the church or we’ll clean up other. Do other things around community service, but then we’ll have fun events. This one was a fun event where we had some pizza. It was just a bunch of guys playing can jam and, you know, talking to just having fun, like pizza, soda, seltzer, all that good stuff, and just hang out at a park.

Art Eddy [00:21:22]:
And we were just talking about, like, how people pretty much are more connected than they see than they seem on the media, where there’s such this great divide, right? And I think for you and I, we’re trying to have positive examples of father, but also too, like, we’re seeing the connections that we’re more similar than we are different, and we’re not as divisive as different news organizations want to pin us to be. So my passion is to, like, have a great conversation on fatherhood, positive examples of fatherhood, and a community of dads are looking to do things. Like, I even feel bad we’re white guys, right? But, like, you see black dads or other minority dads, maybe in this country or worldwide, have a bad reputation and have, like, go on these stereotypes. I love bringing all guys from different walks of life, whether they’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, whatever the case may be talking about fatherhood in a positive way, seeing that you might look different, but you actually have the same goal of raising great people in this world. We need more of that instead of just looking for clickbait, like. Like, I have seen even parenting sites, and you’ve probably seen this too, where they create this controversial question just so where they can, like, create more clicks or Whatever. Like, I’m not about that. I’m just.

Art Eddy [00:22:34]:
You and I are both about positive things. Like, especially people listening to your podcast, you want dads to connect with their daughters in a healthy and positive way. So, like, you and I are on the same page with that. So that’s where, like, the art of fatherhood and, like, that’s like, what fuels my passion all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]:
And I know you’ve had a couple of different podcasts, and in the past, when you were affiliated with the Life of Dad podcast, you had a book with John Finkel called Life of Reflections on Fatherhood from Today’s Leaders, Icons, and Legendary Dads. But since then, like you said, going off on your own and having art of fatherhood, you’ve continued to have those conversations, and I guess you’ve had many of them. And I’m sure that in those conversations, some trends have popped up, some things have come out where you like. Either one, yep, it reinforces the idea. Or two, you know, I never thought of it that way, and I think all dads need to be thinking about some things in this way. So what are some of those trends? So what are some of those things that you found in all of these conversations that you’ve been able to have?

Art Eddy [00:23:40]:
Yeah, great question. Some of the trends are. I mentioned it before when I was, you know, when my kids were younger, like, having patience. I think when I ask, you know, like, a piece of advice for, you know, new dads that I’m asking my guests so that they can offer to them that are listening, it’s like, no, it’s like, you need to have patience. Everyone’s going to work on that. And another thing, too is like, people, like, especially nowadays listening to this finances, right? Like, people think, like, kids are expensive. Yes, kids are super expensive. I think if you have kids in high school and they’re kind of on the border of going to college and all this other stuff, like, like, I felt like this was the most expensive year of school and, like, getting ready for college for me and my wife, like, just, just in general of, like, all these different trips, all these different new.

Art Eddy [00:24:24]:
Like, one of my daughters went to, like, a brand new school and they have the only two classes, sophomore and freshman, and she’s a sophomore. So it’s just like all the different expenses with this and that, and it’s like, like finances. Like, there’s always going to be finances, but you find a way. And then two is just the idea of putting the phone down. Like, you hear people say, I need to Put the phone down. I need to put the phone down. And the more and more I hear about that, like, I remember my mom worked in the medical field, like, working for, like, you know, working in, like, in the office space, like, helping out with the doctors and all that other stuff when I was in, like, elementary and middle school and high school. And then my dad worked in the medical device field.

Art Eddy [00:25:03]:
So, like, he was, like, busy with certain things, but when they got home, they were home.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:08]:
Home.

Art Eddy [00:25:08]:
Chris, I’m. I’m guessing there are certain times for work or for your podcast, there’s just other things, like the phone bings and it’s like a notification. Even you have no notifications off. You might still like, did I get that email that I was waiting for, for the end of the day? And then you miss that opportunity to talk with your kids. So putting your phone down. Putting your phone down. And that’s why we love having, you know, dinner. There’s no devices at the table.

Art Eddy [00:25:29]:
And then there’s certain times we’ll be watching a show together, or my wife and the girls will go to the gym together. Whatever, whatever. I work out at home. I used to work out at the gym with them, too. But, like, when the pandemic came, I got all the stuff. I’m like, well, I’m just working out here. So, like, that’s. That’s the, like, I guess the downside, but, like, when I go to the gym as a guest pass, like, they love having you here.

Art Eddy [00:25:47]:
I’m like, yeah, just whatever. It’s just my routine. But I would say those are the trends of, like, putting the phone down. Finances. There’s always going to be tough battles that you’re going to have, like, make sure you’re communicating with your spouse about that and the patient. So those are, like, the trends I see. And then the things that I’ve learned, like, you’re asking me, I’d say, say in terms of finances, I’ve had guys who are in the financial area and just like, in the industry and. And work and different things.

Art Eddy [00:26:11]:
And it’s just the idea of, like, teaching your kids about money at an early age, I thought was like, man, I wish I kind of did that. I wish I had this conversation when my kids were, you know, 10 and 8 or something like that. Like, they have an allowance. They. We told them how to budget certain things here and there. But there’s more certain things. I was like, that would have been better if I told him that. So what about, like, managing finances and having those being, you know, financially responsible.

Art Eddy [00:26:36]:
And we’ve been having more and more conversations with that, especially with our oldest as she gets into getting to go to college and all that. I was gonna say getting into the real world, I hate that. I feel like we’re always in the real world, but like, it almost like dumbs down our kids experiences because they are in the real world. Going to school, having a part time job, all these other things. So that’s why I kind of paused for that. It’s like everyone’s like, why, why? What was going on there? So I just almost had to catch myself. But I wanted to explain it. But like just the idea of learning the finances, but then also too embracing technology is something that I’ve kind of had to learn because we always like, I think when you and I were in our heyday, when, you know, I’d say around like 2015, 2016, like dads were having a moment and I remember you and I were kind of doing campaigns on like screen time and digital age and all these other things.

Art Eddy [00:27:22]:
But if you, you negate your kids learning the technology that’s happening around them, but you want to do in a healthy way and there’s different ways you can do that, different companies and different apps and all that other stuff. But like if you tell them like, oh, they’re not having any screen time, okay, that’s fine. Like maybe they’re not watching shows. If you teach them about technology, whether it’s a smartphone or whether it’s an app or something, like developing code or whatever, that’s a thing where you got to kind of embrace that. And that was the thing where I was just like, like, oh, screen time. Okay, yes, but how do you manage that? And how do you teach the kids about the future? Because like our, like our parents growing up, their rate of technology change was a lot slower than ours. And the, the rate of technology change for our kids is super fast compared to when we were growing up. You picked up a phone, a landline, and we were online doing like a report on Abraham Lincoln for high school.

Art Eddy [00:28:15]:
The Internet just got disconnected because someone picked up and had to make a phone call. So I’m just saying like technology and learning how to embrace it and the health, but also talk about the negative sides as well, I think are certain things. And then also too, you see, I don’t know if you’ve read this as well, but a lot of kids are underage, drinking is going down, but now that weed and some other things are available, like that’s popping up like Gummies and other stuff. Like, so that’s the thing where it’s like, how do you. You gotta also be, like, talking about certain things where. When we used to say, like, oh, yeah, you know, weed, that’s illegal now. It’s legal in certain things in a certain age. Like, how do you teach your kids about that, too? And navigating that space.

Art Eddy [00:28:50]:
So that’s another thing that I’ve learned talking to some other, you know, dads and moms along the journey, too. If you shy them from everything, then as soon as they get out and expose, they’re like, what’s this? What’s this? It’s like, you should have those conversations before things get. When they’re out of your home. And like, they’re like, I wish dad and mom talked to me more about this. You know?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:07]:
Completely understand that. Now. As you think about the future of the art of fatherhood, I ask two questions. One, what’s in store if you can unveil and lift the curtain a little bit? But two, who’s that elusive guest? Who’s the one that you’ve been. Because you’ve had a lot of celebrities, you’ve had sports people, you’ve had. I mean, you’ve had a lot of people and had a lot of opportunity to have a lot of people. But who’s the unicorn? Who’s the one that you’ve really wanted to have that you’ve not been able to capture yet?

Art Eddy [00:29:37]:
Nothing to, like, unveil or nothing, like, behind the curtain, so to speak, for the art of father. I just, again, like, just kind of like you. Like, I see the work that you put in week in and week out in. It’s. I wouldn’t say slow and steady. It’s steady because I don’t think the work that you and I do are slow at all. It’s just the. The pace that we need to.

Art Eddy [00:29:54]:
It’s steady in terms of this and in the content that people expect from you and I. So, like, that’s the thing where I’m like, okay, keep it going. There are some other things I’m trying to maybe work out. Maybe some new columns, some new ideas in terms of maybe the certain questions I ask or whatever. But for the most part, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I appreciate the feedback I get from people and the reviews and the subscriptions, all that good stuff. People, when I talk to them about sponsorships, like, I really love what you’re doing. Like, all right, cool.

Art Eddy [00:30:19]:
The elusive guest, I would say, like, and and it’s funny. It’s more of, like, being a Jordan fan. My friends are like, when are you gonna get Jordan? Because I’ve had, like, Mark Ham. I’ve had. I’ve interviewed Bo Jackson, Dave Robinson, like, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, like, my sports idols. Like, people I appreciated as a kid growing up. Like, when you get in Michael Jordan, I’m like, do you know how hard it is for people in the sports landscape to talk about, like, to get an interview? I said, like, if it happens, that’d be great. But, like, right now, he’s doing this nascar.

Art Eddy [00:30:44]:
Like, I think most of my friends, especially my friends from high school, being like, oh, I see you interviewed so and so when you get in Jordan, I’m like, thanks, man. Let me celebrate this win first, and I’ll try to see if I can get Jordan. So I think that’s, like, that was the thing. And teaching at unc, everyone’s like, you’re gonna get Belichick. And I’m like, unc’s huge, man. Like, I. I don’t know, like, the. The intricacies of, like, trying to get everybody.

Art Eddy [00:31:06]:
And I don’t want to, like, put that card out there and be like, hey, like, I’m not going to be that guy, right? So it’s just the idea of, like, for me, it’s Jordan. And like I said, it’s mostly my friends being like, cool. You got this person. That’s awesome. When’s Jordan? I’m like, all right, thanks. So I’d say Jordan, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]:
For me, I have always wanted to have Dax Shepard on, and I’ve tried numerous times. Never been able to get him on. But I love the. How engaged he is as a father of daughters and how protective he is, too. But also, I think he has a lot that he could share beyond what he already shares on his own podcast. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen, but being someone. He’s also from Michigan, so love to have another Michigander and also a good dad on the show.

Art Eddy [00:31:49]:
But yeah, man, like, I keep again, like, it’s always, you gotta keep. And that’s another thing you can teach your kids, right? Whether they. They listen to this episode, but they’ll see the work that you’re putting in and what you want to do, right? And if you get him, then it’s like, they will see that win, and it’s just like, you might get 75 no’s. Sorry, he can’t do it. He’s busy. Nope, can’t do it. But then that’s 70 time. He’s like, how’s next week sound? Is there a good day? And you’re like, I’ll make it.

Art Eddy [00:32:14]:
Like, I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure this works. So, yeah, I hope you get a man. I really hope you get them. And again, it’s just, I think all the things that we try and do, not just in this fatherhood space, but we should share our victories with our kids just so that they know, okay, it is going to take work, I think, especially nowadays with the. I’m talking on both sides of my mouth about social media and technology. But, like, social media, like fomo, exists now because people are seeing other things. I think when we were kids, FOMO promo was like, you. You’re riding your bike and you see all your friends at one house with other bikes just standing in the lawn and be like, why don’t I get called? Or, why didn’t someone get me? Right? Like, now everybody has it right in their face if they, you know, are on social media and stuff like that.

Art Eddy [00:32:50]:
So, like, there is that grind that a lot of people sometimes don’t see that you’re putting in. So hopefully you get them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:56]:
Man, I appreciate it. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. You ready? Yep. What’s one word, word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:08]:
Communicative.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:08]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Art Eddy [00:33:12]:
Yeah, two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more, talk less.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:16]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Art Eddy [00:33:19]:
I would say any type of, like, video games, whether it’s NHL or whether it’s Mario Kart or something on the Nintendo Switch. A certain plane like that. Or go and see movies we love, like checking out movies.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:29]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Art Eddy [00:33:34]:
You’re enough.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:35]:
And what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Art Eddy [00:33:38]:
How much love you can have for another person.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:40]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Art Eddy [00:33:48]:
Talk to your kids on their level. Never say, like, oh, don’t worry about this. It’ll pass. Understand where they’re at, meet them where they are, then they’re going to meet you where you are, and you’ll have a great relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:59]:
Well, Art, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today for being a part of the show, for the work that you’re doing. If people want to find out more about you and the art of fatherhood, where should they go?

Art Eddy [00:34:09]:
Artofatherhood.net podcast comes out every Monday. Different articles throughout the week. But again, I really appreciate the time. I love the work that you’re doing. Again, like, our friendship is great and over the years we’ve like, you know, we can just like text each other or just send, you know, DMs or something like that to make us chuckle. But again, it’s really cool to see not just your wins, but also your family’s wins, too, and different things that we see out like that you post on social media. But yeah, it’s always been a blast and I always appreciate taking time to chat with you, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:35]:
Same here. And I wish you the best as you get your daughter ready for college and as you transition into being a dad with one daughter in the household. It does change things and it, and it definitely takes a little bit of time and patience, but you’ll get there. And as always, thanks again for all that you do.

Art Eddy [00:34:54]:
Appreciate you, man. Thank you. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:58]:
Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Art Eddy [00:35:09]:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:11]:
to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad.

Art Eddy [00:35:14]:
And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer

We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make some meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Redefining Fatherhood: Building Strong Bonds With Your Daughter

June 8, 2026 by dadofdivas

Fatherhood comes with its own set of joys, challenges, and constant learning curves—especially when raising daughters. If you’re a dad looking to deepen your connection with your daughter and help her become a confident, independent woman, the latest episode of Dad and Daughter Connection is an absolute must-listen.

Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, the podcast’s mission is clear: to provide real stories, expert advice, and practical tips so fathers can show up as the dads their daughters need. In this episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Michael Mirza, a father of two, to revisit his parenting journey since he last appeared on the show four years ago. As both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Michael Mirza share, the parenting landscape is always shifting, and what worked yesterday may need to be reimagined for the children we love today.

The Power of Presence and Pause

A central theme is the importance of being present. Michael Mirza recounts a recent moment with his daughter at a quiet park, where they simply paused to enjoy nature and each other’s company. He shares how his daughter’s insight—“it’s really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes”—reminded him of the value in stepping back from the busyness of life and savoring stillness and connection. These simple acts, often unplanned, create the foundation for deep and lasting bonds.

Embracing Neurodiversity

The episode dives deeply into Michael Mirza‘s and his daughter’s shared experience with ADHD. He discusses how receiving a diagnosis became an opportunity to empower his daughter, framing ADHD as a unique superpower rather than a setback. The family’s approach—open conversations, focusing on strengths, and using creative analogies (like referencing Elsa’s powers from Frozen)—drives home the message that differences can be celebrated, not shamed.

Nurturing Independence and Repairing Connection

Another important discussion centers on balancing guidance with independence. Michael Mirza talks about giving his daughter room to grow, whether it’s letting her walk to a friend’s house or manage her own routines. He stresses that letting go of control so children can rise to the occasion fosters confidence and trust.

Crucially, the practice of apologizing and intentionally repairing after conflict is highlighted. Michael Mirza emphasizes humility, admitting when he’s made mistakes, and always reaffirming his love—no matter the frustrations or tantrums.

Final Takeaways

From outdoor “treasure hunts” to creative home projects, this episode is filled with real-life examples of building strong, resilient relationships. Michael Mirza’s core advice to dads? Meet your daughter fully in her world, free of self-consciousness and stereotypes—paint her nails, dance, and never be afraid that vulnerability will compromise your strength as a father.

Whether you’re a new dad or have years of parenting under your belt, this episode of Dad and Daughter Connection offers wisdom, encouragement, and the firm reminder that being present and authentic is what matters most.

Tune in and let these stories inspire you to build an even stronger bond with your own daughter.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:54]:
Christopher Lewis, and I’m really excited that you’re back again this week, because every week I love the opportunities that we have to be able to learn and grow together. I’ve said this many times, but you know that I’ve got two daughters myself, and this podcast came out of the fact that I wanted to be able to talk to other dads about what they were learning along the way. And I knew that dads are not always the best at asking questions. They’re not always the best at reaching out. And when you have a daughter, that relationship is an important one, and we’ve got to show up. We’ve gotta be willing to do what we have to do to be able to be the dads that our daughters need, and that’s why this podcast exists. The conversations that we have lead to deeper connections with our daughters, and it’s an opportunity for you to be able to roll up your sleeves, to be able to learn, to grow and to take some things out of every episode. My hope is that at the end of every episode, you’ve got something, whether it’s one thing, whether it’s 10 things that you have taken away from the episode, some tools for your toolbox that will allow for you to be able to be just that little bit better.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]:
And every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have been doing this fatherhood thing in their own way, and they’re bringing some perspectives to you. Doesn’t mean that it’s going to work for you. It could. It might not, but you’re going to still learn something new. Today we got another great guest. Michael Mirza is with us today, and Michael is a father of two. He’s got both a son and a daughter. His daughter is 8, and we’re going to be talking about his relationship with his daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:36]:
And for full transparency, Michael was a guest on my past podcast called Dads with Daughters about four years ago. And so this is a great opportunity for me to be able to reconnect with him and an opportunity for you to get to meet him and to learn from him today. Michael, thanks so much for being here today.

Michael Mirza [00:02:54]:
Thank you so much. It’s an honor to be back, Christopher, and I am really grateful for the ways you have kept this conversation going and the depth and wisdom you bring to it and the intentionality. So thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:05]:
You know, I really appreciate you being back. And as we were talking before we started, things have changed a lot in four years, and not only in the sense of your daughter being where she’s at today, and you’re in a very different point in your own fatherhood and parenting. And I guess my first question for you is, as you look back at the eight years that you’ve had with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special?

Michael Mirza [00:03:33]:
Mm, I love that. Well, first of all, I just thought, wow, eight years. And we chatted four years ago, so it has literally been double her lifetime since we last talked. Like, in the scheme of things, like, she is truly a completely different person, and I am in a lot of ways as well. The first thing that came to mind when you asked that was actually a fairly recent moment. So I don’t know if it’s the most meaningful of all, but it’s one that is. Just came to mind right away with all the craziness of life. We were recently at a park, and it was a pretty quiet day at the park, and there was, like, almost nobody else around, so I was there with my two kids.

Michael Mirza [00:04:13]:
We played on the playground a little bit. Then we were just kind of strolling around the park. At one point, we ended over by the baseball diamond, and my son was drawing with a stick in the dirt, and my daughter and I were just sitting on the bleachers watching him. And there was sort of a natural pause, and she. In. In an unprovoked way, she was just noticing, like, the birds and the clouds gently passing over just in a totally, like, unsolicited way was just like, it’s really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes and just listen. And that meant a lot to me because I think it’s a good reminder to me and a good word for me and we’ve been talking a lot lately about the importance of nature, as in taking care of nature and learning from nature and also trying to get out and spend time in nature where in the area we live in. We’re grateful to have a lot of forest preserves close by where we live.

Michael Mirza [00:05:03]:
But to have her sort of reflect that without me sort of prompting like, hey, isn’t this nice? And she was just like, wow, sitting and listening to the birds. Pretty cool. That was a really special moment for me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:15]:
I love that. And you’re right, I mean, sometimes those quiet moments, those opportunities to be able to just be, are so important because so many times in our lives, life gets in the way. The busyness of life gets in the way. And you don’t sit down and just reflect or you don’t sit down and just allow for the world around you to be able to just be.

Michael Mirza [00:05:42]:
It’s something that for me, I have adhd. And that’s another thing my daughter and I now share is we both share diagnosed adhd. But so for me, like just with the noise and you know, so much of my life is on screens, those moments of pause, I haven’t fully dabbled into meditation, probably as much as I should, and yet sometimes it’s my daughter is the one reminding me was a real gift.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]:
So talk to me about that diagnosis that you both share and what that has meant not only for her, but for you. And sharing that, but also what have you been able to do to be able to help her, to be able to better understand what she is going through and what you’ve gone through.

Michael Mirza [00:06:21]:
And it’s actually pretty recent for her. So I was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school. I tried a bunch of different medications and didn’t like the side effects for various reasons. And so my parents and I decided together. I honestly don’t fully remember the details of the conversation, but actually decided to forego medication. And I made it through my life okay. My academic career and in my professional career. However, I look back at my career and I can think, I can see a lot of places where I probably struggled a lot more than I needed to.

Michael Mirza [00:06:53]:
So actually just for myself, just about two years ago, I went and got formally assessed again as an adult and got my own ADHD diagnosis again. This is. That means I had gone roughly 30 years ish, without medication and not on any sort of high horse, like good reason. I just like for whatever reason didn’t want to. And then I quickly saw the difference it made in my life. Meanwhile, with my Daughter. We were seeing some. A lot of the signs that there may have been adhd.

Michael Mirza [00:07:22]:
And it is a. You know, it has genetic components to it, and my mom has it as well. So she’s incredibly creative, brilliant, and also can struggle with regulating her emotions and slowing down to make decisions, but so creative and capable of leaning into, like, the hyper focus that is characteristic of adhd. So we just got her assessed and we finally got the results from the therapist who worked with her just a week ago. So this is super, super fresh. So the next step is actually to go meet with a psychiatrist and work with the psychiatrist and pediatrician to get medication. And so it’s all. We haven’t even gone that far.

Michael Mirza [00:08:01]:
But simply having the diagnosis has been so helpful. I can already see so much of myself in her and the strengths she has, the challenges she has. So much of it I can relate to on a very personal level. And now to have the diagnosis and the language about her experience has already created opportunities, even before we start her on medication, to start talking about her in a way that builds her up and, but also helps her understand. This is your unique body and the way you’ve been built. So the way we’ve been talking about it with her is you have this brain that has this superpower where you can make amazing things and you can really, really focus on the things that excite you. And kind of like we referenced, you remember in the movie Frozen, Elsa has these amazing ice powers, but when her emotions are dysregulated, her powers can do damage and her powers can get out of control and do things that she doesn’t actually want them to do. And so we referenced that and kind of explaining like, you have these amazing powers in your brain and sometimes you need a little bit of help to be able to know how to use your powers to do amazing things and make beautiful things.

Michael Mirza [00:09:05]:
And she really resonated with that and found it to be a very edifying way of talking. And she feels excited about it. And she’s been telling her friends and telling her teachers, like, I have adhd. It’s a superpower. And I think that’s the language that I’m trying to impart from her and learning from my own experiences of shame at times of feeling shame when I felt that I didn’t create work or perform in a way that I knew I was capable of. And it is a mental brain diagnosis. It is a medical thing in that sense. It just is a unique makeup of the body.

Michael Mirza [00:09:40]:
But to not treat it as so much as being. I’m hesitant to call it a disability, and I’m not as well versed as I should be in making sure that I’m avoiding ableist language. And so I’m cautious to say that I’m not wanting to use the term disability in any disparaging way. And yet, just the way we’re framing this diagnosis for my daughter, we’re really trying to build it as a superpower and not focus on the negative aspects.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:04]:
As now, you know, one of the things that I’d be interested in hearing a little bit about is your daughter is getting older. As I. As I said at the beginning, we talked about four years ago, and a lot changes in four years. How do you find yourself balancing guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she’s becoming?

Michael Mirza [00:10:24]:
You know, honestly, I mean, that goes hand in hand with the diagnosis as well, is that there have been places where I believe my wife and I have asserted a lot of control more than we needed to. Being like, well, we should probably still keep brushing her teeth for her, even though she’s not, because she doesn’t always do well at the dentist. So if we brush her teeth for her, well, then therefore, then she’ll have less trouble at the dentist. And we’ve realized over the years of seeing that, like, you have to let go, because otherwise, if the goal is to raise a healthy, functioning adult, I have to trust her more. And what we have found is that when we release control and trust her more, she will rise to the occasion. And it is scary and vulnerable to release control. But, for example, taking a bath, taking a shower. It used to be like we’re kind of hovering and giving instructions on next step by step, and trying to guide her through it.

Michael Mirza [00:11:18]:
Well, she’s heard the instructions enough times that now we give the instructions and we leave the room and we let her do her thing. And then we’ll check in. We’ll open the door, check in. Hey, did you do this step? Did you do the next step? Great. You did it. Awesome. Here’s the next step, and then we just leave. And the more we’ve been doing that, where we just give the instructions and leave, sometimes we still have to do reminders, of course, but she has been really rising to the occasion and demonstrating without even saying it, I can handle this.

Michael Mirza [00:11:42]:
I can do this. And it’s honestly been more my work and my wife’s work for us to release control. And I think the other area with the independence that we’re just starting to get into is. I think a lot of folks that I talk to, my age and older, have a memory of childhood in which there was this freedom in roaming the neighborhood and, you know, the. The quintessential staying out till the lights till dark and then coming. And I think over time, there’s been a shift in that there’s a lot less independence giving to kids in the way that they play. And that’s another area where we’re trying to give more independence. So one of my daughter’s best friends lives right down the block, Just has to cross one not very busy street, and she can walk there.

Michael Mirza [00:12:25]:
So just in the last month, as it’s been getting warmer, we have been saying, like, we’ll kind of text with the parents just to make sure, but we’ve been saying, like, go ahead, walk down the street. Knock on the door. Can you play? And she was really nervous at first, but getting her to the point where she’s getting more comfortable walking out the house, down. Down the street by herself. And again, the parents are still doing a little bit of coordinating to know, like, this is going to relatively work, but we want to do more and more of that, too. And we see in our neighborhood, like, kids who are 10, 11, 12, riding their bikes by themselves or in little groups. And so we’re trying to get. Get her moving in that way as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:
What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during those challenging times?

Michael Mirza [00:13:11]:
We try very hard when there’s an argument or a disagreement about what needs to be done next to validate what she may be experiencing and to say, hey, I understand you want to do this. I understand that you’re really focused on this thing right now. We have to pivot and get ready for the next thing for this reason. And there are times in there where validating it isn’t enough. And there’s still frustration and emotions that will. That will come. I’ve had to be really intentional also about apologizing when I am feeling frustrated myself. And I add a lot of hurry sometimes, and sometimes that, I mean, she doesn’t respond well to being rushed and hurried.

Michael Mirza [00:13:51]:
And I have had to apologize a lot, not only sometimes for the ways I’m getting frustrated and my own emotions are coming up, but that I’ve also recognizing. Hmm. A lot of the reason we’re rushing is because I wasn’t managing my time well, and now I’m not. I’m kind of rushing at the last minute and imposing that rush and urgency onto you. And that’s why there’s a tantrum and a breakdown that’s happening when in reality, if I had managed my time better and started the get ready to leave process 20 minutes earlier, then we could be in a more relaxed and flexible space. So I’ve had to do a lot of recognizing and apologizing for my own ways in which I am adding to the stress of the environment that has taken an ongoing effort of humility that some. Sometimes I’m able to recognize in the moment, sometimes it takes a little while longer to recognize. But I think that that’s, I would say, as a baseline, I know I’m going to make mistakes, but it’s a hard and fast rule for me to always apologize.

Michael Mirza [00:14:50]:
Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone apologizes for their mistakes. And I think the apology, as almost a discipline has been important for us and building trust. And I think it has created the opportunity that even when we have a tantrum that ends with, you know, some frustration and big emotions, that we are always able to come back to an embrace and. And reconnection moment. And me being able to articulate I love you no matter what, there’s nothing that will ever cause me to stop loving you. And even when we have disagreements, even when we have fights, I will always love you no matter what. And I have to manage my emotions and not let my anger get in the way of.

Michael Mirza [00:15:27]:
Of my love for you as well. So I think that at a. Really, that that’s been one of the ways that we have done that. And then other than that, I think we connecting over nature and art and lately music as well have all been ways that we are able to strengthen our connection in those more peaceful times.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:42]:
How do you support your daughter as you identify those passions, those dreams that she has? What are you doing to support her in those?

Michael Mirza [00:15:51]:
So I’ve noticed that she’s really. She’s quite creative. She specifically has a real knack for organizing and arranging things. So one of her favorite ways to play is she has lots of little trinkets, and it’s a mix of, like, Barbie things and other things from all sorts of, like, mishmash of a bunch of different types of toys. She really likes to arrange them. And so first of all, just verbally affirming her and saying, like, oh, you have a real eye for design. That’s really cool. She doesn’t think of herself as a designer yet, but the way that she likes to arrange, it’s sort of an editorial form of creativity.

Michael Mirza [00:16:25]:
But that has also meant sometimes that sometimes the arrangements that she’s created in the little museum displays she’s building around the house. Some of that means allowing those things to stay where they are, perhaps longer than I or my wife might like them to stay put, because we want to honor the creativity that she and the hard work she put into these little displays that she has created. And sometimes I’m just like, oh, yeah, this is so amazing. We actually need to use the kitchen table to eat. However, this is so beautiful. Beautiful. And it’s not always at the kitchen table, but maybe it’s like, in the middle of the living room and other places. And my wife’s preference, and mine too, but I think my wife is particularly values having a serenity in the home, especially at the end of the night.

Michael Mirza [00:17:07]:
So kind of our nightly rhythm is as soon as bedtime goes, is done, we kind of, like, clean the house, do just a little tidying so that we feel like we can kind of rest and breathe the rest of the night. But sometimes that means honoring my daughter’s creativity by saying, we’re going to intentionally choose to leave this display that she has created, even if it might mean the house feels a little less tidy than we might like. And so we’ll let that go. And then after a couple days being like, all right, are you okay with taking this down? Usually she’s more okay with it at that point. And then we’ll often take a picture of what she has created before we clean it all up. That way, it’s like, okay, we’ve got a record of this cool display that you made. The real fun of it, at least for me, as a creative. And I think my daughter, she wouldn’t admit this, but I would.

Michael Mirza [00:17:51]:
I think it’s true for her, too. The joy is actually more in the creating than it is in the leaving it out once it’s created. The joy. She got her money’s worth from that experience, figuratively speaking. So trying to guide her and be. Yes, it’s sad to take down this thing that you worked hard on, but it actually just means you get to make a new arrangement next. So just like, little ways of trying to nuance and support her creativity in that way. I think she is a very talented designer and artist, and who knows what she’ll.

Michael Mirza [00:18:17]:
How she may choose to use that in her life and what the creative landscape will look like by time. She’s an adult, which I guess is only like 10 years away, but still, who knows? But we want to continue to affirm and nuance her creativity and her hard work, while also recognizing that the context of her creations may be fluid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:34]:
One of the things that I think that all of us try to do is we try to show our daughters that they can count on us, that we’re here for them, that we show up for them. What’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Michael Mirza [00:18:47]:
I’m thinking of relevant to some of when she has had really big emotions and whether it’s been that there’s a change of plans or asking her to stop something she’s working on so that we can move on to getting ready for the day or getting ready for bed or whatever it is. And in those moments when she has a kind of a meltdown of sorts or, and as she gets older, this gets less common. But I think it’s still something that plays into the ADHD thing. One of the ways that I think we try really hard to show up for her is this posture of always being willing to embrace and not hold bitterness towards. Even when sometimes like her dysregulation may cause her to say things we know she doesn’t mean or lash out. Trying really, really hard to not take that personally. And it’s amazing how the words of an 8 year old can still hurt. But trying really hard to demonstrate that we’re still here, that talking in that way is not kind and it’s not something we’re okay with.

Michael Mirza [00:19:45]:
But we’re still here and we will be here with you. We’re going to guide you and help you and understand that it’s not okay to talk to people that way. And we’re not going to leave you. We’re not going to punish you with isolation or shame in those moments. But I think that that’s part of the reason why we are always able to reconcile in the way that we are is because of this posture of showing that even when sometimes it’s like, I need you to take a. I need you to take a few minutes to just calm down in your room and then when you play with your fidgets, do a little drawing when you’re calm, I’m going to go take some time for me to be calm. Let’s come back together in a couple minutes and let’s talk about that. Even in those moments, making sure that she is understanding that I’m not like shutting the door and walking away and we’re done with this.

Michael Mirza [00:20:32]:
We’re moving on to making it clear like, I’m still here, but we both need a little space right now. Let’s take some space. Let’s come back and demonstrating that consistently that she is never going to be abandoned as part of her any sort of consequence for anything that might happen. Maybe that’s still a little too abstract, but that’s sort of her high level. But that’s where my mind went.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
Completely understand. And it’s definitely a journey. We talked about it being a journey, but it’s going to evolve, it’s going to change. And you have to change with it as your daughter changes as well, and as you get to better understand how you need to be there for and be able to allow for her, as we talked about earlier, become the person that she’s becoming. What’s a tradition that or a routine that you and your daughter do together, that you either create together or do together that strengthens the bond that you have together.

Michael Mirza [00:21:24]:
When we were talking about nature earlier, one of our ways that we like to do is we try to get out in the forest preserve once a month, which might not sound that hard, but you’d be surprised with the way schedules fill up just to like carve out a day. And we like to carry little buckets when we go into the woods and look for treasures. And I’ve been using some kind of found objects in nature for my own artwork as well. I’ve been exploring pattern design as a. As a medium lately. And so my daughter already liked this process of finding treasures, which may be anything from a pine cone to a mushroom to, you name it, just found objects in nature. We try to. Our rule is that you’ve got to either find it on the ground or got to be able to pluck it in a way that’s not going to damage the rest of the plants or the organism, whatever it is.

Michael Mirza [00:22:12]:
But as I have been exploring my art medium and using found objects in that the focus of our treasure hunting has changed a little bit, in which now she is ecstatic about the idea of finding treasures that I can use in my art. And it’s fun because she has also been like, taking these things beyond just the fun of finding and starting to do some kind of creativity of her own with nature. So she’s been doing like little sketches of mushrooms and pinecones that she’ll find. And then she likes to kind of put like little faces and turn them into little characters. That’s been a really kind of a fun thing we’ve been doing for a long time of trying to being intentional about going outside and going in the woods and treasure hunting. And it’s fun that now it sort of has this added layer of making art and sort of practicality to it in a way that is really, really fun. So I think that that’s something that I would, I hope, you know, as we get older that our exploration of nature and treasure hunting evolves and we’re able to do more in depth hiking. And I, I am hopeful about the idea of growing older and that even as my daughter is living on her own someday, that getting back together to go into nature together is something I hope we will continue to do for as long as we can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Michael Mirza [00:23:33]:
Let’s do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Michael Mirza [00:23:38]:
Mirroring.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:39]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Michael Mirza [00:23:43]:
Go to therapy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Michael Mirza [00:23:47]:
In addition to what? Everything else that I would say is dancing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Michael Mirza [00:23:55]:
Slow down and appreciate all the goodness around you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Michael Mirza [00:24:01]:
It’s good to do less.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:02]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Michael Mirza [00:24:10]:
There is nothing that you could do with your daughter that compromises your masculinity in any way. And you will have a more fulfilled and enriched relationship with your daughter by entering fully into her world and not caring what anyone else thinks about whether or not what you’re doing is fatherly in any sort of way. So do her hair, paint her nails, paint your nails. Meet her there. And you are actually more fulfilled as a father and as a man when you meet her fully there and aren’t concerned about how that might come off, about how you are perceived.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:41]:
Well, Michael, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing the journey that you’re on with your daughter and it’s going to continue, it’s going to evolve, it’s going to change. But I truly appreciate you being here for sharing and for coming back into this conversation. And I look forward to hearing more about how things evolve as time goes by. And I wish you all the best.

Michael Mirza [00:25:04]:
Thank you so much, Dr. Lewis. It’s been a delight.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:06]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoy enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:25:36]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

The Power of Being Present: Fatherhood Lessons with Mitesh Khatri

April 27, 2026 by dadofdivas

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What does it really mean to be a great dad to a daughter? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection digs deep into this all-important question. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis, joined by guest Mitesh Khatri—Melbourne father, writer, and corporate strategist—explores the daily challenges, triumphs, and small yet powerful moments that shape our relationships with our daughters.

A central theme of the conversation is the importance of being truly present. As Mitesh Khatri candidly shares, simply being in the room is not enough; it’s about showing up emotionally and giving your attention, especially during routines like bedtime or unstructured play. One meaningful moment he describes is when his young daughter told him to “stop rushing me.” This wake-up call led him to rethink how often stress and distraction rob us of precious connection—and how even “routine” moments can become the foundation of trust and closeness.

The episode also explores the challenge of balancing professional ambitions with family life. Mitesh Khatri discusses how corporate careers often offer clear metrics of success—promotions, projects, and accolades—whereas fatherhood can feel less measurable. The takeaway? We must create our own scorecards within our families: counting moments of connection, presence, and patience as real victories.

Perhaps most powerfully, the episode underscores the need for vulnerability. Mitesh Khatri opens up about his struggles with stress, his journey to calm his nervous system, and his realization that anger often masks deeper feelings like disappointment or sadness. He introduces practical strategies—like pausing before reacting and honest journaling—to help break generational cycles and model healthier emotional regulation for our daughters.

For dads who worry about not getting it right, Mitesh Khatri says it’s not about perfection, but about trying. He advocates for intentionality, ongoing learning, and talking openly with other dads. As host Dr. Christopher Lewis reminds listeners, “being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.”

If you’re searching for practical insight and heartfelt stories on building meaningful father-daughter relationships, this is one episode you shouldn’t miss. Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for real conversations that will leave you inspired to show up, connect, and be the dad she needs.

Listen now and start building your own toolkit for intentional, loving fatherhood.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper and into the relationships that you want to build with your kids. And I love that you’re here. Every week you’re here, you’ve rolled up your sleeves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
You are doing what you can to be able to show up for your daughters in so many different ways. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be that dad that you want to be. And I try to bring you different people, different people with different experiences every week to allow for you to be able to learn something new, to gain some tools for your toolbox that can help you to be able to be that dad. Today we’ve got another great guest. Mitesh Khatri is with us today. And Mitesh is a father from Melbourne, Australia. He’s got two kids himself and we’re going to focus on his daughter, but he also has a son and we’re going to learn a little bit more about him and I’m really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Mitesh, thanks so much for being here today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:01:53]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. And really appreciate all the work you do for fatherhood and dads and daughter in this connection. This podcast is fantastic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]:
Well, I really appreciate that you’re here today and we’re going to talk about a new book that you have out to help fathers in many different ways as well. But. But we always start our interviews talking a little bit about you as a dad and especially as a dad to a daughter. And I know you’ve got a six year old daughter and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper. And I guess as you’re thinking about your relationship with your daughter, what’s one of the most meaningful mom that you’ve been able to share with your daughter, what made it so special?

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:28]:
Yeah, I think one of my most meaningful moments has definitely been the bedtime routine. I think it’s been really. Because it’s come from a moment where it wasn’t the best moment for me. So, you know, there was a time when I was completely stressed out. Two young kids, and my daughter was four. My son was five and a half. And I remember my son is quite direct. But my daughter, she is more subtle in her ways of expressing her emotions.

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:54]:
And she said to me one night, and as I was putting her to bed, four years old, looked up to me and said, you know, stop rushing me. Those three words, I just froze. And she wasn’t being difficult. I was trying to get through the routine. Please put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, read a book or two, or cut it short. I was stressed, I was depleted, and I didn’t want to be there in the room mentally, even though, you know, my beautiful daughter was just asking me to be there and to actually be present with her. And we talk about present all the time. I hear it on your podcast.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:23]:
It’s all be present. It’s so difficult to do. You can’t think yourself to be present in the moment. You physically can sometimes not be able to be present, and your mind is rushing and your body is not allowing you to do that. So it was quite a low moment. But today, when I look at it, it’s one of the most beautiful times I have, is to put her to sleep every day, read her books, that routine, the cuddle she gives. And I look at her now, she’s six years old, just turned in April. We take time with that routine, and I really cherish that time.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:51]:
Is she’s so sweet and she has the cutest smile and the cuddles and kisses you get at that time, you think, well, you know, I’m never going to get this back. And she’s only going to be this age, like this, this moment. So we have to make the most of it, because they do fade. I hear it from people with older children. You have clearly girls that have grown up. You have to appreciate that. And so I think my best moments, they’re around the bedtime routine because you get to talk about the day. You get to talk about what they really enjoyed, what they liked in the day, what they didn’t and might do differently.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:21]:
And it’s really sort of deep, meaningful connections which you might not get it. Sort of school pickup. How was your day?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:26]:
So talk to me a little bit about that transition that you had to go through because just hearing those three words, you can’t switch on a dime. You definitely have to go through a process for yourself to, I’m going to say, reinvent yourself in many different ways to be able to change that paradigm for yourself. So talk to me a little bit about that and what you had to do to be able to make that shift. I’m guessing failing a few times along the way and then getting to the point where you are now.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:55]:
Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, what I found was I thought I could think myself to be present and calm. And actually I found at that point my, my body was tense. It was stressed out from work, stressed out from home work, life management, all things that new dads or sort of dads at least, I mean all dads, but especially with the young children, you have a lot of competing priorities. And I didn’t think to look there, but actually looked to my body and I was tense in the shoulders, my back was hurting, I felt I was short of breath. Deadlines and emails and what’s next for the kids in terms of what we need to take care of. And I had to go through a bit of journey to really understand how to relax my nervous system. Right.

Mitesh Khatri [00:05:38]:
Ultimately our. If we think back to sort of hunter gatherer times and we think about the threats we had, right? We always talk about the lion and we sort of have to run away from the lion, the threat, and then our sort of nervous system can calm down. In today’s day and age, we all know with technology and the pace of life, there’s almost this ambient stress and therefore our automatic nervous system actually never sort of calms down. So we need to be sort of this safe and secure place. Polyvagal theory sort of talks about this where you need to be safe and secure. The next stage is survival mode and then complete shutdown. And I think many of us, at least me at the time, I was at least in survival mode every day, if not shut down on every other day. And I had to get my body back and I had to sort of calm my body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:06:25]:
And I have a sort of framework in the book around how we can discharge that stress. And there’s techniques and things you can learn to do. And I sort of had to learn how to do that and how to bring my body back to its irregular state.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:38]:
And that’s never easy. And I guess one thing that comes to mind is you and I talked at the very beginning that you’re a busy guy, you have Your professional work, you’re balancing that. You’re balancing being a dad, you’re balancing other things in your life. So talk to me about balance and how you’ve been able to find that optimal balance for yourself to be able to be the professional you want to be, the person you want to be, the father you want to be as you are today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:04]:
Yeah, I think balance is a very interesting word. Right. I think you have to really dig deep. If I sort of bring a parallel to corporate life, and I’ve been in corporate Life for like 20 years, helping organizations with complex jobs, blue chip organizations. I’m a sort of marketing corporate strategist, working in research and consulting. And, you know, we’re helping brands launch new products and services and ensure they meet consumer needs and doing some complex work around that. And I was sort of succeeding in that sort of arena because I had the metrics to sort of measure and perhaps in the most important area of my life, my family and my children, I didn’t have the metrics, I didn’t have the measure, and I felt like I was failing. It always came sort of second.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:44]:
And I think myself, and when I talk to other dads in the community and friends and colleagues, I find it’s an easier thing to measure. So men sort of go towards things we can measure and we get that affirmation we’re seeking from work. We get praised with it. And it’s this scoreboard, I think, that we can easily track and see. When I think fatherhood’s not so easy, it’s in feelings, it’s in moments, it’s in those relationships where you can feel them. But you sort of. No one sort of celebrates the dad that comes home at 5pm on time to put his kids to sleep. But you do get the accolades and success at work when you succeed in your career.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:19]:
And I’m not saying that we should sort of give up and forego our careers. I think it’s. It’s finding ways to measure things that matter. Those moments at home. So it might be the time that you don’t actually have your phone on you and just. Just have unstructured play with your children. You’re just getting on the floor. You’re not in any structured piece of work or structured time is taking them to dance, taking to music, taking him to soccer practice.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:42]:
You know, that’s very structured. And kids need. Kids need that structure. But I think almost equally important or more important, they need that unstructured time. So I think when you can have those moments, you can say I’ve had 1, 2, 3, 4 moments this week where I’ve had really had unstructured time and play with my daughter. Whether we’re doing teacups or playing with Barbie dolls or kicking the ball outside. Those are the measures of success that I just didn’t have. I had all the traditional stuff, the KPIs that you get in your corporate life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:10]:
And there’s always this push and pull when it comes to raising daughters. And as you are trying to raise your daughters, you’re balancing, trying to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to become the person that she’s becoming. And I know she’s still young, but I guess as she has been growing up. How do you balance that? How do you balance guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence?

Mitesh Khatri [00:09:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s a really interesting one. I think kids in general, but daughters especially you are the model they’re looking to when it comes to men right from a very young age age. So there’s, there’s that scanning they do of the environment to see how do you react to situations, how do you carry yourself when things get tough, how do you treat your partner, her mum, you know, how are you treating different women, how do you sort of interact, how do you talk to friends that are female, how do you just treat people in general? So I think they’re modeling and learning of what a man should be. So I think you want to sort of help them with that. And in terms of independence, I think it really comes down to having honest, open conversations as much as you can for that age where you can really help them distinguish between right and wrong. What is the right kind thing to do and what is not so kind, what are the sort of right behaviors to be following? I guess. And one of the things I’m always mindful of is no one’s a perfect father, but not moving straight from a stimulus like some sort of stressor, straight to anger. And I think we as men tend to do that, perhaps more when especially I was doing that quite a bit where I’d find myself, kids are running late to school, we need to go.

Mitesh Khatri [00:10:41]:
And I actually get really angry. It’d come out in the force in my voice. And then you sort of how it is, you tell your kids not to shout at the other one and that’s what you’re doing and that’s the behavior and modeling. So I think modeling the right behavior is pretty critical. And that sort of journey of really understanding myself, modeling the right behaviors was pretty critical for Me for the last sort of two years. And, you know, recognizing that actually underneath that anger, it’s actually not anger that we’re feeling often. Maybe we’re hurt because actually we really wanted to spend that hour playing with our daughters before they go to school. Maybe we’re sad because.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:14]:
Or disappointed because we wanted the morning to go a particular way and on time and not be late for something else. And we sort of go straight. We almost skip that emotion in between. Sadness, disappointment, hurt. Because I think we just weren’t taught that. And therefore our daughters are learning that. They’re modeling that as well. You know, when I get angry, I’ll just.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:33]:
I’ll just go straight to voice, you know, raise my voice and actually not express my emotions. So I’m trying to say I’m hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t do the right thing there. And I apologize. I felt really sad that we couldn’t be on time because of these reasons. So it’s trying to label the emotion and model that. But I think the independence thing is hard. I think you’re always scanning the environment to go, how much do I let her go? How much do I pull her back in? Whether it’s at parties, whether it’s devices, whether it’s certain foods she might be eating or whatever it is.

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:02]:
That’s a tricky one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:03]:
Completely understand. And we never have all the right answers. I mean, we definitely do our best and we try our best to be the best people we can be, but we’re flawed. Everybody is flawed in talking about that, I guess. What’s the mistake that you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn about it, about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:22]:
I think I’ve made lots of mistakes. Probably like many dads, we all make lots of mistakes. I think one potential mistake I’ve made my daughter, and it probably comes from being that almost pushy parent when it comes to activities in sports. So sports or music or whatever it is really pushing them, maybe pushing them too much as well. We’re often projecting our own childhoods onto our kids. And they can lose the fun, you know, in what they’re doing, whether it’s dance or they’re playing some sport or whatever it is, and I think you want them to do well. But I think it’s also recognizing that they’re just kids, you know, we’re not sort of in the professional leagues. So I think I’ve really learned from that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:02]:
To not be the parent on the sideline shouting. I think it’s encouraging your kids, but not in a way that’s perhaps disrupting their sort of natural way to enjoy what they’re doing, whether it’s. Yeah. Dance or sport or whatever it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:16]:
Now, as I mentioned, you’ve got a new book that’s out there called the Fight or Father Using Calm to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. As a author myself, I know that many times when you’ve got this idea in your head and you got this passion to be able to get these words out and trying to connect with your people that, that you go all in. But you definitely have to have a passion for it to get to that finish line. So give me the story of the book and tell. Talk to me about why. Why you decided to write it, why you decided to put the time, the effort and the passion into it to get it out into the world.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:52]:
I never thought I’d be a writer myself, but I’ve always sort of been research and really, as I was saying to you earlier before we started, always very interested in why people do what they do and what drives our behavior, what motivates us. Right. So I mean, I’m the sort of tragic in the self help section looking at the next book and going, how can I learn from this? I wrote this book because I think modern fatherhood is really breaking men and the expectations have changed and you’re supposed to be a provider and present with your kids. You’re meant to be the breadwinner and also emotionally available. And no one really taught us. If we think about our father’s generation, they didn’t really teach us how to do that. Our fathers really had a role which was sacrifice, commit yourself and be the breadwinner and be respected at home and very traditional household. I guess I’m talking to.

Mitesh Khatri [00:14:40]:
And I think I see a lot of modern parents for really my sort of discoveries on this journey started about five years ago. Kids very young. I see a lot of dads just grinding through it, myself included, exhausted, distracted. We’re snapping at our kids. We sort of promise ourselves we’re going to do better tomorrow and. But deep down we know something’s wrong, something’s not working. We need better tools, we need better ways to parent and we know that it’s a learning process at all. So I wrote this in almost a way to sort of say we can choose to fight and react and be in that sort of survival mode or shutdown mode when stresses hit with our kids, or we can choose a almost new way to father modern fatherhood.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:19]:
I think it takes the best of what our fathers taught us. And it builds on that. And I think it builds on, you know, a lot of what you talk about, Christopher, is, is showing vulnerability. We need to show vulnerability to our children. We need to show not just the masculine side, but actually it’s okay to get things wrong. And this is what you do to repair that. And I think, I’m sure there’s lots of books that sort of talk to various things around that out there. I didn’t see something targeted specifically at that aspect.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:45]:
And therefore, yeah, really focused in my own journey of switching from a dad that was reacting all the time at his kids, didn’t have the patience. As I said, my body was chronically stressed at the time. I put on weight and wasn’t eating well. I was numbing pain through alcohol, etc. And it’s not enough to just think yourself to a better version of yourself. You need tools, you need techniques. So I wrote the book and have got some practical techniques on what dads can do. You know, simple things like just having clear boundaries between work and home.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:18]:
It’s so difficult, particularly post Covid. Many of us are working home in hybrid sort of environments and it blurs. You have your kids next to you in the school holidays. We’ve got school holidays going on now. My son or daughter will work almost in the same room in a work mode. I might close the laptop, but still mentally be processing the emails that I haven’t sent, the tasks I haven’t done. So I think it’s having those practices to say, you know, simple things, five seconds, where you might go, I’m home now, I’ve closed the laptop, let me show up. Or you might go wash your face or you might go change your clothes.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:48]:
It’s just physically doing something. You might do 20 star jumps. But you need that transition process and just one example from work to home. So that calm framework is really around that. So you clear your body of the stress. Firstly, you anchor yourself between work and home. So have a ritual around that. You lead with calm because kids follow your regulations.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:09]:
You need to be calm and have techniques for that and model and repair is probably the most important part where when you get it wrong and you will like myself every day, there’ll be something I do wrong, I need to admit to it and I need to label what that emotion is, which is then going into my vulnerable side, you know, it’s going into really understanding what that emotion is, not just anger and then coming up with a repair, you know. So yeah, I just remember I Actually had an argument with my daughter. I was stressed this A couple of days ago. She wanted to play. She can we play. She likes doing tea parties and cafes in her room. And I didn’t have the patient. And I just said to her, I’m really tired.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:47]:
I’m stressed. I’ve had a long day and a hard day. And I shouted at you, is it okay if we start again? And she just looked at me and she said, okay, dad. And I think previously I would have just shouted and said, I’m not doing this, and it’s time for bed. So I think. I think it’s having those skills. It’s. Firstly, I’ve been quite vulnerable in the book myself.

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:04]:
So, you know, I’ve had sort of beta readers say it’s been quite difficult to read at times because they’ve seen themselves in it as well. So I think it’ll. It’ll definitely make you turn the mirror on yourself and analyze your own life, your own behaviors, and perhaps you’ll pick a couple of techniques and tools that you can use to just be that modern father and not fight all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]:
And one of the things you write about in the book is being there, but not there. And many dads believe simply being physically present is enough. What helped you recognize the difference between proximity and true presence? And how can dads begin to see that difference in their own lives?

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:42]:
I like the bedtime routine with my daughter. It was actually that really broke me when she said, stop rushing me. And you really, you know, reflect on those things and try to make a change. And you don’t always get it right. But my son said to me one day, he was on the, I think, kitchen table, dining table. I was scrolling on Instagram, you know, usual blur posts that we would normally go, just mindless, scrolling, doom scrolling. And Taj was nearby and he. I don’t know what he was doing exactly.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:08]:
And that was part of the problem. And without looking up, he said, you’re always on your phone, dad. Not angry. He wasn’t whining, just like matter of the fact. Like, he was describing the weather. And I looked at him and, you know, his face was soft. He was disappointed. He wasn’t trying to start a fight with me about it, that he was just telling me the facts for what he saw.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:26]:
And I said automatically, almost automatically, I’m not quite defensive. I just need to do this one thing. And clearly I was lying to him, right? I wasn’t being honest. I was lying to him. I wasn’t being honest to myself. I put the phone down in that moment and I felt my chest get tight and I had a little shake in my hands and I felt enormous guilt that he had just seen me more clearly than I had seen myself. And I think we’ve all been there and I think researchers, you know, we’ve heard this all the time, we hear about phones all the time. But technically interference.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:57]:
Dr. Brandon Michael actually coined the term where seemingly sort of normal amounts of phone use during parent child time. It’s actually linked to increased behavioral problems in children. So the screen time, not because of the screen time itself, but what it communicates like. You’re not important to me. Right. Right now, in this moment, this is most important to me. We’ve all heard that before.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:18]:
So that’s what I mean by you’re there, but you’re not really there. You’re in the room physically, but in your mind you’re somewhere else. You’re in another place, you’re thinking about something else. You’re not actually aware of your surroundings. You’re not actually picking up the cues or the people in the room. So I think that in itself because it increases the behavioral problems and we see how much time we spend on our phones and screens. It’s something which I’ve been much more conscious with. Now the phone goes on the charger.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:44]:
Leave it there at 6pm in the evening. Sometimes I’ll throw it upstairs in the bedroom in a drawer. Because when it’s there we’re just so automatic. We’re so addicted to these devices that are in our pockets that are so powerful. So I think that’s really what I mean. We’re not there. And that can be a physical device, but it can also be actually we haven’t decompressed from the day and we’ve got all the stress from work or so we’re thinking about something else. We’re actually not there with our family.

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:08]:
We’re just unavailable and we’re not in tuned with not engaging with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]:
Now one of the other things that I read in the book was you talk about how many fathers suddenly hear their own dad’s voice coming out of their mouths during those stressful moments that you kind of talked about. When that realization happens, what practical steps help a father pause long enough to break that generational pat?

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:32]:
Yeah, that is a real difficult one. I think. I think what I’ve done is pause for five seconds. So when you see your voice coming, and you might even hear, you might even see in your children yourself, then your father talking to you In a particular way, that is really difficult. And I think we have to appreciate everything they did for us in terms of sacrificing, building a life and opportunities for us, and appreciate all those things. But at the same time, they maybe didn’t know how to deal with that stress or anxiety, anger. And when I say anger, it could be hurt, it could be disappointment, it could be sadness around something. So I think, you know, pausing, reflecting.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:10]:
It’s a lot of journaling. So the last five years, on and off, journaling, I haven’t been as regular. But journaling on those moments where you know that you’ve almost automatically reacted in a way, and you can hear your father’s voice, whether it’s the harshness, whether it’s the criticism, whether it was the absence of. Of a father. I think we tend to overcompensate from what we had or didn’t have. And I think it’s a lot of deep reflection that needs to be done. But I just encourage everyone to just pause, pause. You don’t have to respond straight away to your kids.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:41]:
You can pause for a couple of seconds, reflect, and actually sit with those thoughts. I think you got to do quite a bit of deep work and journal and plenty of services out there where you can talk to psychiatrists and psychologists and so forth to really understand the relationships with our parents. I think I’d also encourage if. If you can and your father’s around, have a conversation with him, Talk to him about things that you really have a lot of gratitude for and the things you wish that he could have done better. I think those things, and it’s not sort of pointing the finger or blaming anyone, it’s just having those honest conversations. And I think you’d be surprised where that might take you as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:17]:
It definitely is a journey. And a lot of times we’re constantly trying to find new ways to be able to measure up as a dad. And we look around us and we think, oh, all these dads are doing better than we are. And there’s almost that. As you talk in the book about that scorecard that we have in our book, about how we are grading ourself, how we’re scoring ourselves, and you talk about rethinking that internal scorecard that we use to measure success. What are the most common invisible scorecards that you’re seeing that fathers are running, and how do they quietly pull dads away from connection with their kids? But also, how can we change the script on those scorecards and allow for us to be able to look at that in a different way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:03]:
Yeah, I think that there’s a powerful primary story here. We almost have this deep obligation we have to build, we have to secure, we have to work long hours. We have to sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. And love looks like a mortgage paid off, a fridge that’s full, a future that’s funded for the kids. And that is important, you know, and elements of that are really important. And it’s a powerful story, and it has deep roots in human history, and male identity has been shaped by that. And I sort of talked about this a little bit earlier, earlier in the sense that fathers of men that do that, you know, they keep reinforcing that scorecard that exists.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:37]:
So, you know, status follows the achievement. Respect comes with that success. The man is getting the promotion or close the deal or starting a new business and is an entrepreneur. They get admired. But we’re not throwing the awards and accolades for the dad who’s performing really well at home with his kids and actually teaching them about vulnerability, teaching them about how to regulate themselves, teaching them about how to show kindness and how to introduce themselves and respect others and be part of the community and. And, you know, have strong values and those sort of things. So I think men chase the thing that’s being rewarded, and we pour ourselves into that, you know, into our careers and into our work, and then we don’t have much left for the family. So.

Mitesh Khatri [00:25:16]:
And I think what fathers can do is have that sort of scorecard for themselves. So I have read sort of James Clear Atomic Habits, and, you know, we’re all sort of creatures of habits. So in my diary that I physically write, I write time with my wife, specific things I want to do, time with my kids, specific activities, time for my exercise. And I tick those things off, right? So I’m not just my career ticks and successes, but actually, what are my goals for my relationship with my son, my relationship with my daughter, my wife? What are my goals? How am I working towards that and am I sharing those goals, what I’m trying to do? So I think almost like we have KPIs for work, if you have a team and you have some employees and you sort of evaluate them, you can’t evaluate them on something you haven’t actually given clear KPIs on. And I think it’s hard to evaluate yourself on your family life if you’re not clear on those KPIs as well, and your children as well. If you want them to respect other people and talk with kindness, then you need to Teach them that. So you need to sit down, maybe it’s 10 minutes, maybe it’s a couple of hours where you need to show them what kindness looks like. How do you actually talk to someone? How do you greet someone? You know, how do you leave a social situation in a respectful way? I think those things we don’t measure and therefore we just think they just happen and get done.

Mitesh Khatri [00:26:34]:
I think, you know, the adult, the age old sort of saying what gets measured gets done in corporate life also matters in our personal life. And so we need to create those measures at home. And I don’t really know what the perfect measures are. It might just be that I had a beautiful moment with my kid today, you know, have a box for that and it’s a tick. So there were three nice things that my child said to somebody else as a measure around that. I think we need to create our own measures of success and have some KPI guys similar to what we would do in our career, because that’s how you get to the next level. You sort of can’t do that in your relationships if you don’t know what those measures of success are. So I think we all need to sort of create those.

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:12]:
And they’re going to be different for different, you know, whether it’s a girl or a boy or different ages, you sort of need to come up with those and your kids can be part of it, your wife can be part of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:20]:
The one thing I really liked about your book, and I think we could spend the next few hours talking about different aspects of your book, but one of the things that I really liked was the fact that your book, as you said, wasn’t written from the perspective of someone that’s figured everything out. You talk about where you are now, what you’ve learned along the way, but at the same time that you’re still failing, that you’re still flawed, and that there’s still things to learn. So as you are continuing your journey, what are you still learning about fatherhood that is surprising you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:52]:
So there’s just everyday surprises, I guess, with kids. You know, they sort of surprise you in different ways. But I’m just trying to think of more sort of themes that surprise you. Me, I think their maturity surprises me. You sort of sometimes underestimate how much your kids are learning as they grow up and where they’re at. They’re 7 and 6 and my daughter’s 6 years old, but you know, she knows a lot about the world and she is very mature when she needs to be And I sort of sometimes don’t want that to go away. Like her being very young, that small little girl, that beautiful girl that I put to bed at bedtime, I don’t want her to grow up to too quick. So, I mean, coming back to your question, what, what am I still learning is I think our kids are becoming independent and learning more than sometimes we appreciate or sort of take notice of.

Mitesh Khatri [00:28:38]:
And I mean, that’s come back, comes back to your independence. You know how, you know, you want them to have that independence and learn and grow and not slow them down in those settings. But I think my natural instincts is maybe to slow them down at the age they’re at and make sure they don’t grow up too quickly. So I think that’s a tough sort of battle I’m sort of facing. That’s what sort of comes to mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:58]:
And I guess finally, as I think about your book and for you, as you think about the legacy that you’re leaving behind in the book, you ask fathers to consider what their children are going to remember about them. If your kids were adults today, in reflecting on your parenting journey, what do you hope that they would say, say most about you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:29:21]:
I hope my children at the start of my book, this book is for every that that’s trying and I hope they see that I really tried. I, I got it right a lot of the time and probably got it wrong a lot of the time as well. So I think if I can have them growing up seeing a man that really tried to improve themselves, really tried to improve himself around his relationship with them and worked hard at the that and didn’t take my situation and where I was, as you know, that’s how it is. And I improved on who I was and knowing that those I was never going to be perfect and that I tried, that I love them, that I wanted the best for them and wanted to support them in everything that they did. So particularly with Alia, if I think about her, she has a lot of strength and it’s through sensitivity. She feels our feelings much more than my son will. She’ll notice things in others. She’ll carry emotions that’s probably bigger than a small little body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:30:18]:
I want her to know that she really has a superpower there in terms of that emotional intelligence and she can sort of really sense the situation. I hope that I give them the foundations of what being a good person is, what a kind person is, that vulnerability is strength. Whether you’re, whether it’s my daughter or my son being vulnerable, being Self aware, being calm when things get tough, showing emotional strength. They’re going to be the backbone of everything that sort of helps you in your life, whether it’s career or family or social. I want them to get rid of emotional sort of just thinking about it, but I just want them to remember myself and my wife really loved and cared and, and did everything for them to ensure that they got the right values in life, that they got all the opportunities they wanted to have, and that we really tried, that we always loved them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:16]:
All right, let’s try it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:17]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:20]:
Beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:21]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:26]:
Work on you first. Start with yourself. Then you can serve the people you love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:35]:
There’s many, but. Bedtimes, tea parties, playing with her dolls. I’m definitely a dad that has not done that until my daughter came along. So really getting down on the floor and playing those games. Games. Originally I felt quite ridiculous doing it, but then I thought I found joy in it because I’ve just never done it before. Just freeing into my sports and, you know, all the manly activities.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:00]:
You know, always, always speak your mind and stand up for yourself. You have a lot of potential.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]:
Now, you’ve mentioned a number of these, but what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:12]:
So much. Yeah. Um, that you really need a lot of patience. We hear it all the time. But I think more importantly, everything you do has to be quite intentional and intentional. And I’ve heard you talk about it. Chris. Christopher as well.

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:23]:
Intentionality is probably one of those cornerstones of everything you’re doing in fatherhood, especially with your daughters. You’ve got to be quite intentional, but not, obviously, taking away from unstructured play time. But by being intentional, you can be present, you can be there, not outside the room.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:46]:
Treat vulnerability as strength. And I think if you were to journal or you talk to some close mates and dads and actually really get into the deep and meaningful and get vulnerable. And in my book, I have A lot of stories from other dads I run with and friends and we start to realize that we’re living parallel lives and when we get vulnerable, something unlocks, we learn something. And I think men don’t talk enough. So I’m a big advocate of dads talking about talking. And podcasts like this bring different topics and things dads are going through to, to life because we tend to bottle everything up right. We’re not very good at that. So I just encourage everyone to talk to someone and around things you’re going through and it might surprise you that actually somebody else might be going through very something very similar and can you can relate and you can bond over that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:35]:
So make sure you join these sort of podcasts or some sort of dad group or have a set of friends you can can have those conversations with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]:
Well, Mitesh, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for putting this book out into the world, for sharing your journey with us today. And it’s not over, but I know that it’ll keep continuing and you’ll keep learning. But I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:59]:
Thank you so much, Christopher. Really appreciate it. And yeah, the book comes out on 28th of July, so it’ll be available Amazon, all sort of good book stores.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]:
We’ll definitely put a link in the notes today and I congratulate you on getting this out into the world and look forward to others reading it and learning from what you’ve learned along the way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:34:17]:
Thank you so much, Christopho.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at the end dad and daughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:34:49]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the miracle we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be the best that you can be.

Healing Artfully: Creative Ways for Dads to Connect with Their Daughters

March 23, 2026 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a dad looking for meaningful ways to connect with your daughter and navigate the often tricky terrain of emotions, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is essential listening. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features Cheryl Rosenberg—a coach and creator of the Healing Artfully program. Together, they unpack the challenges and rewards of building lasting father-daughter relationships.

Understanding Through Story and Experience

Cheryl Rosenberg opens the conversation by reflecting on her own close relationship with her father, emphasizing how his steady love, honesty, and encouragement shaped her life. She shares that the simple act of her father being present—whether teaching her to paint or expressing pride in her achievements—made an enduring difference in her confidence and sense of being valued. Her story is a reminder that it’s the consistent, every-day practices—not grand gestures—that lay a foundation for trust and communication.

Reconnecting When Emotions Run High

One of the central themes of the episode is how fathers can best respond during the turbulent teenage years, when daughters might seem withdrawn or overwhelmed by big emotions. Cheryl Rosenberg notes that, for many dads, the instinct is to “fix” things or resort to logic and discipline. But often, what daughters need most is simply their dad’s calm presence and willingness to listen. As Dr. Christopher Lewis puts it, “connection doesn’t come from fixing, it comes from presence.”

Tools for Emotional Connection

The episode delves into creative solutions for building rapport, especially when words fall short. Cheryl Rosenberg’s Healing Artfully program encourages both daughters and parents to use artistic expression and journaling to process feelings and spark honest discussions. These activities don’t require artistic talent—just the willingness to explore and share emotions together. Dads are encouraged to participate, using art and even weekly “check-ins” to open new avenues of dialogue and trust.

Practical Takeaways for Every Dad

Listeners will come away with actionable advice: set aside regular time to check in, engage in shared activities (even a simple card game), and respond with compassion rather than quick solutions. And most of all, dads are reminded that their steady presence and acceptance are the anchors their daughters need to thrive.

Ready to build a closer relationship with your daughter? Tune in to this episode and start the conversation today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our own daughters to make them be as strong as they can be and to help us build those strong lasting relationships that’ll help us to be amazing dads, but also having amazing relationships with our kids. And every week I love being able to have you here to be able to work on this together. And I love being able to introduce you to people that have resources that can help you to be able to do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]:
And today’s guest is someone that I know you’re going to appreciate. Cheryl Rosenberg is a coach, and she’s the creator of the Healing Artfully program, where she helps students ages 12 to 20 who are struggling with big emotions, disruptive behaviors, or stress at home or school. But you know what I love about Cheryl’s work is that she doesn’t just focus on the child. She works closely with All of Us as Overwhelmed Parents: Helping Families Rebuild Connections, Emotional Regulation, and Peaceful Communication. If you’re a dad who’s ever felt unsure how to respond to your daughter’s big feelings or wondered how to reconnect when things may feel tense, this conversation is definitely going to be for you. Cheryl, thanks so much for being here today.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:14]:
Thank you for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:16]:
Well, I’m really excited to have you here today, and As always, I love being able to start the conversation reflecting back on your own relationship with your father. I guess first and foremost, before we even get into the relationship, tell me a little bit about your dad.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:31]:
I would love to. My father, he was raised in a very poor environment. Grandfather was out of work, and they had very little food, which made my father very self-sufficient and very driven to be crosshu— provide for his family. And he was a wonderful man. He was honest and sincere and very loving. And he had a brother who was not quite as capable as he, and he would take him to different job sites and get him work that he could do, stuff that he was able to complete and, um, contribute. He had wonderful hand skills. He could make anything.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:03:17]:
But my father was 17 when he went into the Army in— during World War II. He was all over the European theater, and he would tell me stories about being there and what they would do, and about going into farmhouses that had been vacated, and they’d find potatoes and cook those. That’s the only thing they had to eat. And about different battles and, and how they survived and the different things that they did. He was very fair. He was hands-on, and he was just so loving. And I used to love to sit next to him on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and watch a movie with him. And if he had seen the movie, he would tell me a little bit about it.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:04]:
And I, I just loved to listen to him, listen to him talk. And he had his old ways and his old patterns of speech, but he was a self-made man and he did very well for himself. He was a telegrapher on the railroad, which means that he would take the messages that were sent and he could more or less tap Morse code and, and then get down to the tracks and change the— change the direction of the tracks. And that was up in the tower, his tower too, where he worked. But Couldn’t have asked for a better father. He was there for me all the time. And I didn’t have a great mother, but I did have a great father and he made up for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:51]:
So tell me one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, or valued as a daughter.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:59]:
Well, he always taught me— I always felt like he wanted me to be my best, do my best, and he would speak to me in those terms and tell me how I could do that and what I needed to do. And then he’d say, “Try it. Just be— just be diligent in your efforts.” And he would tell me about working in school and how he was so proud of that, of me and my schoolwork. And he would say, you know, “You, you’ve done a marvelous job with—” I always— cleaning the house or doing the laundry or, like I said, schoolwork or being a good sister to my sister, helping my mother and helping him. I used to love to help him paint. I took on his ability to paint and I used to hand paint furniture artistically. So he taught me that and that was ingrained in me and he just always made me feel loved and cared for. And I would go to him with anything because he was so understanding.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:05]:
Now, looking back, was there a moment where your dad’s support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth? Or confidence?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:14]:
I don’t remember any one specific time. I just— it was constant. There was a constant feeling of support and love, and I can’t think of a one particular incident at this moment, but he was always there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:30]:
Now, no father is perfect. We all have our flaws. What are some things you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:39]:
Well, this may surprise you, but my sister and I have talked about this at length. And my sister and I both wish that our father had left our mother. But he wouldn’t do that. He was from that era where you didn’t divorce. When he was home, he would take care of a situation that she had created. But when he wasn’t, we were at her mercy. And, uh, so that was the one thing we wish that he would have left and taken us. With him because it could be bad when he wasn’t there.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:13]:
So we felt like it would have been better to— for him to step in and, and help us all the time, when some of the time he would just let her take charge and we would be— we never knew what was coming.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:27]:
What do you feel is one thing that your dad taught you that has made a huge impact on your life?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:34]:
To be and do my best at everything that I tried.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
And if you had the opportunity to spend a day with your dad now doing anything, what would it look like?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:45]:
It would look like going to an, an old park where he would take my sister and I when we were children, going there and sitting on a blanket because we did that, uh, we did that often with him and sitting around and talking and, or possibly a movie. He was a big movie buff and knew all the actors and would tell us everything that he knew about them. It was a lot of fun to be with him, and he would play games with us. And today I would so love to be able to chase around with him and just enjoy his company.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a program called Healing Artfully, and for dads who may not be familiar with your work, tell me more about Healing Artfully and what kind of challenges are families usually facing when they come to you.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:31]:
Healing Artfully is designed for children and teens who cannot express themselves in words. They, they don’t know where to begin. They really don’t know about their feelings. They’re kind of lost. And part of healing artfully is also journaling. And I teach them to spend, even if it’s 5 minutes, journal. Journal what happened that day. Journal how you feel.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:59]:
Their feelings are so important, and that’s the biggest part of the program. And I don’t just do— we don’t just do the mind, we do whole body. So you can’t just work on one part, you need to do the entire sweep of the body, okay, and the mind. So I teach them good habits, and if you establish good morning routines, that’ll keep you alive longer. It’s been proven. So I teach them to have good hygiene, to have a good exercise habit, whether it’s in the morning— even if it’s just waking up in the morning and getting out of the bed and marching for 4 minutes just to get your body started. And then later on in the day, do some exercises. We do the health, we do the, the food.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:09:55]:
We talk about a healthy diet. A healthy diet supports a healthy mind. And it just teaches them a good way to live their life. And then we work on solving the emotional part through the artwork. And there is no talent involved. It is strictly what you see in your mind, what you’re feeling. And we talk a bit about color and strokes and how those things can be— translated into your emotions. What this— what you’ve done and what you see on the paper talks about your feelings.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:10:35]:
And so we, we sit and discuss that, and that gives them an outlet to start talking. And eventually they open up and they start talking about their emotions. And that is not the only program. I have 4 other programs that we do, and it— I have a toolkit for parents where I give them dialogue and I give them worksheets and It’s bringing the parent and the team together. It’s family-oriented. You can’t have one person in the family working on their issues and no one else understands what’s going on. So we work as a unit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:14]:
I know that in a number of your programs you talk about expression and being able to use some creativity. And I guess, how can creative expression help daughters relate regulate emotions and how can dads participate in that process even if they don’t consider themselves— I’m gonna say artistic per se?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:11:36]:
Uh, well, the good thing about it is it doesn’t require any artistic skills at all as far as the healing artfully goes. They are, uh, the parents come in after sessions and we discuss the work together and a father and a daughter can really open up because I think fathers sometimes are they just feel awkward and really don’t know how to get their daughters to open up or to comfort them or— so if they’re brought in and we explain and talk about the work that their child has done, then it starts creating a little path for them to walk down to get to where they’re more comfortable approaching their daughters they’re more open and they’re ready to listen and it brings the families into— sometimes into a great discussion and they will talk about incidents that had happened throughout the week, how it was handled, what could we do now to handle that in a better way. I have had some great success with just using the art and giving the parents the know-how to handle many different situations with that child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]:
A lot of dads tell me that as they have gone through those teenage years, they sometimes feel shut out, especially when emotions run high. I guess from your experience, what’s really happening underneath those big emotions or disruptive behaviors, and how can dads be able to be helpful in those periods? But also, how can they come back in per se and not be as shut out in that whole process?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:13:22]:
Well, you’re right. Chris, that is definitely a time when fathers just kind of throw their hands in the air, and they do feel left out because a lot of times girls and their mothers don’t think that dad is really all that interested in this girly stuff. But in reality, they are, and it doesn’t have to be every little detail. But say if your daughter is preparing to go to a dance, then she can, uh, involve dad by putting on her dress and saying, “Dance with me! Let’s have a dance together before I—” have to dance at the prom, putting the dress on and asking dad what he thinks. Does he like it? Does he like the color? Just bringing him into what’s going on with his daughter. And moms can be a great service in that area too, to get dad going, get him interested, and get him to feeling comfortable about relating to his daughter in the feminine areas. I think men Um, and boys are— feel very awkward, and so they just kind of don’t respond at all when their response is so important. So it’s just an easy— it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:14:36]:
Things are much easier than people imagine. Just doing us that simple thing like, hey Dad, I’m gonna go try on my dress, I want you to tell me what you think. Hey, let’s take a few dance steps together. Just something that gets him smiling and comfortable and they’re engaging with one another.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:55]:
So what I’m hearing you say is the reaction of a father is definitely very important. And I guess when I think about that, I know that when a dad reacts to his daughter’s stress with logic, fixing, or discipline, that can have kind of the negative impact. And I guess as you have seen that and worked with families, what impact does that make when a dad does come to that situation and try to provide logic, fixing, or discipline, which is kind of an MO for a lot of men or a lot of fathers. And I guess, what is a more emotionally attuned response that a dad can do?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:15:31]:
I would suggest that the father and the daughter set aside some time each week for a short talk. Doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out affair. Just, hey, let’s check in. Let’s put this on the calendar. Let’s check in on this day, and I want to hear what you’ve done this week, and I might have some suggestions for you, and then make suggestions for the next week and what you can do. I would like to see you accomplish this. How do you feel about that? Do you feel comfortable? Do you think you can get moving on that? Do you need some suggestions? Do you need some help? It’s so important that, that they are connecting and that there’s compassion and there’s thought and compassion and that everybody feels that. Everybody can sense that we’re working on a problem, but we’re having a good time doing it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:23]:
So it sounds like a lot of daily work. And I guess, are there specific small daily practices that dads can do to either work on the relationship, rebuild trust, and provide that emotional safety to a daughter, especially if their daughter is pulling back or maybe they seem withdrawn or reactive or overwhelmed?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:16:44]:
Well, the best thing that they can do is to not react themselves, to, to calm the situation down. To have the teen or the child— sit them down and have a conversation on— or you can definitely sit at a table and drag out a game that you play all the time, a deck of cards or something, and sit down and talk while you’re doing something that you both enjoy, um, and getting— sometimes that brings out the emotion and the problem, and then the father can deal with it in a more relaxed atmosphere. And they don’t have to get so down to the nitty-gritty. Just gradually work on completing the answer to the problems, the, the solution, and scheduling— like I said, scheduling a once-a-week check-in is a great way to do it. And if they’re, if they’re having— they’re highly emotional, calming them down with just something that they enjoy and something that you enjoy, then you can get them off of the intense emotion and sit down and start doing something that you both enjoy, and you’re just Talk about it and discuss it. And you might not get anything right away, but you just keep trying and you let them tell you when they are ready. They’re not going to sit down and be able to open up right away with every emotion and every problem, but after a while you’ll see them opening up and you’ll see that the parent, the father, is much more comfortable being in the situation that is so highly emotional. And it’s a daily or a weekly practice.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:24]:
I mean, Daily is the things that they’re supposed to be doing, and the parent can always be checking in. In the morning when you see each other for the first time, hey, how, how was yesterday? What are you going to do today? And that shows love and respect and concern, and, and the kids feel it. They know it. So it is a very hands-on, a very eye-opening and rewarding experience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:49]:
Well, Cheryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing everything you’ve shared today. If people want to find out more about your programs, where should They should

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:58]:
go to Cheryl, Cheryl, at D-R-O-S-E-N-B-E-R-G-I-O.com. And I have a website there and they can ask for consultation. It’s a free consultation. And so I do that in order to start talking to them about where they need to start and what we need to start working with their child. And then I give them the supplies, the toolkit. Kit, and then I check in with them and we talk about that. I give them worksheets that they can use with their, their team. Um, it’s really a nurturing experience to go through this and have everyone be able to feel comfortable and feel cared for, and it does everybody a lot of good.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:19:49]:
And they’d be surprised, they’ll be very surprised at the results that they get. And it usually— if it’s not a, a real deep problem, then they’ll see a turnaround in as little as 2 weeks. So it’s a great way to try to get the family back together, talking, communication, hands-on. It brings everybody to that point and we’re all working to get the resolution. And so no one feels left out and everyone will benefit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
Now, I always finish my interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection 6, and usually I ask dads these questions, but when I have daughters on, I ask them some similar questions. So, quick questions for you. What’s one word that describes your relationship with your own father?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:37]:
Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:42]:
Um, before my father passed away, he said to me, “What did I teach you?” And I said, “You taught me to do the best at anything that I tried.” And that’s my best from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
Now, you mentioned what your day would look like before, but what’s one activity you and your dad loved doing together?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:59]:
Painting. I mean, he was painting walls. That’s entirely different. From what I did, but he taught me techniques and just care of the equipment. I was so much further ahead than a lot of other people because I spent those hours with him just painting walls and cleaning brushes and preventing any paint splashes or paint on the floor, paint on the woodwork, just everything, because he was so meticulous. And I learned that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:26]:
And as we finish up today, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:21:34]:
I would say that being there, loving them, guiding them with your knowledge, giving them their space and allowing them to speak to the work that you’re all accomplishing, trying to accomplish, working on, and just be open and be honest. And the two of you will always be in sync if you start when they’re an early age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:00]:
Cheryl, thank you so much for being here and for the incredible work that you’re doing with families. And dads, if there’s one thing I hope that you take away from this conversation, it’s this: it’s that your daughter’s big emotions aren’t a rejection of you. They’re often an invitation, an invitation to slow down, to listen, to regulate yourself first, to create safety. Connection doesn’t come from fixing, it comes from presence. And sometimes the strongest thing that you can do as a father is simply stay steady when— stay steady when the waves get big. If today’s conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to learn more about Cheryl’s Healing Artfully program and the tools that she shares with families. And I’ll make sure that there’s links in the notes today. Until next time, keep showing up, keep listening, and keep building that intentional connection with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:51]:
It matters more than you know.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:53]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, Being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:23]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen. Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Brotherhood: How WeBus Connects Dads for Support and Growth

October 27, 2025 by dadofdivas

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Fatherhood doesn’t come with a manual—but the journey is deeply rewarding, especially when you’re intentional about connecting with your daughters. In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Wes Piatt and Chris Roness—two dedicated dads and founders of WeBus International—to dig deep into the realities, challenges, and incredible rewards of raising daughters.

One of the main themes woven throughout this heartfelt episode is intentional presence. Both Wes and Chris reflect on their own meaningful moments with their daughters, highlighting how vital it is to be truly present. As Chris shares, “It’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer… it’s all about being present with my kids.” Wes echoes this commitment by intentionally setting aside daily time to let his daughters choose activities, stressing that, “Whatever they want to do, I’m going to be a part of it.”

The episode doesn’t shy away from the hard parts either. Both guests open up about mistakes and moments of failure, offering reassurance that vulnerability and honest communication are essential. Chris tells a story about miscommunicating with his daughter about their schedule and how owning the mistake, genuinely apologizing, and learning from it turned it into a powerful teaching moment. Wes reinforces that failure is not only inevitable but also an opportunity for growth, both as a father and for teaching his daughters resilience.

Another profound theme is connection among fathers. Wes shares his personal struggles during a challenging time and how reaching out to other dads led to the creation of WeBus—a supportive community where men can share experiences (not unsolicited advice) and lift each other up. Through this network, fathers form bonds, share practical solutions, and most importantly, realize they’re not alone on this path.

The episode wraps up with actionable wisdom: be present, cherish powerful moments, communicate openly, and seek connection—both with your children and other dads. As Wes and Chris emphasize, it’s about being the man and the example you want your daughters to look up to.

Whether you’re looking for inspiration, a reminder that imperfection is part of the journey, or simply some practical dad-to-dad guidance, this episode is packed with genuine stories and strategies. Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for insights that will help you become the dad your daughter needs—and maybe find a brotherhood along the way.

Ready to listen? Find the episode at dadanddaughterconnection.com and take the next step on your fatherhood journey.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]:
Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week. I love being able to reconnect with you, to talk with you, to be on this journey that we’re both on together in raising our daughters and building those strong connections that we want to have with our daughters. One step at a time. Because none of us are thrown into fatherhood with that manual, per se. We have to learn it along the way. And it is so important to have strong connections with our daughters, and especially our daughters, because of that bond that happens between a father and a daughter and all of the research that shows the power of the relationship between the father and the daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:36]:
So every week, I love being able to talk with you, to walk with you on this path that you’re on, but also introduce you to other dads that are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. And we got two great guests today. We’ve got Wes Pyatta and Chris Ronas are here. And we’re gonna be talking to them not only about being fathers of daughters. Cause Wes has two daughters himself and Chris has three daughters. And we’re also, though, going to talk about their new venture, their new business that they’ve been working on for a bit now that is called Webus International. And we’re gonna be talking about that as well. So we’ll learn a little bit more about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]:
So, Wes, Chris, thanks so much for joining us today.

Wes Piatt [00:02:23]:
Heck, yeah. Thanks for having us on.

Chris Roness [00:02:25]:
Yeah, man, thanks for having us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
This is the dad and Daughter Connection. And I think one of the things that I’d love to ask you first is as you think about the relationships with your daughters, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Wes Piatt [00:02:39]:
Man, I had some pretty amazing moments with both of My daughters, they were born early and both in the NICU for a few months. And I remember there was specifically one moment with my daughter Joey where we had a rough time in the parking lot right before we went in and just kind of soaking in the extreme nature of everything we were dealing with and our first child and all this stuff. And I’ve got my hands in the little incubator and I’m trying to change her diaper on this little tiny, tiny human. I mean, she was the size of my hand. And the nurse walks over and goes, oh, let me show you how to do that with one hand. In that moment, I was so grateful for all the time that we had in the nicu, all the time that we were going to get in the nicu, because I felt like I got like a. You said we don’t have a manual for being a. I felt like they gave me a manual on so many things.

Wes Piatt [00:03:26]:
I was in the NICU both with Joey and with June because June was also born early. And having that time going into the nicu, June and being actually excited about it, knowing she was going to be fine, and then knowing I was going to learn even more from these amazing nurses that were there for 20, 30, 40 years teaching me how to do all these little things that most dads don’t get. It was an amazing, not necessarily like moment in time, but I guess like per se, but, but amazing time within their lives where I learned like, man, bad things can really lead to some pretty awesome stuff.

Chris Roness [00:03:58]:
Wow, dude, that’s powerful, man. Dude, Chris, that’s hard. You want me to just pick one? I’ve been blessed to have millions of them. And I think if there’s a theme about any one of them, it started just like Wes was talking about. From the day they were born until even today, Even with my 12 year old who’s doing the pre teen thing, it’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer, you know, they’re coming to me as a sign of strength and all the things and. And to me it’s feedback. To me, the second that I got my first daughter, the doctor handed her to me. He goes, $150 a month.

Chris Roness [00:04:30]:
And I was like, what is this? My bill? Like, what are you talking about? He goes, $150 a month. That’s how much you need to put in the bank every month for this child. So that someday down the road, whether it’s education or a wedding or something meaningful to them, you’ve got that Money set aside to give them a good quality life. But it was the awe of having this kid in my hand and still realizing it’s so much more than that. It’s so much more than that. And, and for the kids, like this 12 year old now who doesn’t even know that I’ve been putting $150 a month towards her. You know what I mean? Like, it’s not about some sort of material thing. It’s those moments where, like we talked about that bond that we’ve had through all those little moments where they’ve come to dad because Dad’s the answer.

Chris Roness [00:05:12]:
Even at 12, it’s not exactly the same conversation. It’s not a hug, it’s not. Whatever. She loves Benson Boone now, man. Like, she just loves this dude. She loves to sing. She loves to sing his songs. And so at nighttime we connect around his videos.

Chris Roness [00:05:27]:
And that’s my moment to just give her space so that she can say whatever she wants to say. And every single time that I provide that opportunity, she capitalizes on it and she’ll say, hey, Dada, let’s talk about this or let’s talk about that. And she’ll just start going and it’s awesome. So to me, it’s those special moments where they just, they need me. And for me, that same moment was recognizing that I had to be the best human, best man I could be because I’ve got three daughters and at the time, no sons, and now I have a son. But regardless, my thought was I need to be the best example of a man I can be for them so that someday they’ll bring me home three awesome sons.

Wes Piatt [00:06:01]:
Word. That’s it right there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]:
So what I’m hearing both of you say, I mean outside of those first moments, is being intentional being intentional with your time, being intentional with the moments that you do have with your daughters. So talk to me about what are some intentional ways that now you’ve worked to or you’re working on strengthening that bond with your daughters. Even during challenging times, man, I make.

Wes Piatt [00:06:27]:
Sure that every day we do something intentional together. I literally just posted this on my Instagram this morning about how I make sure every single day my phone is away and we’re doing something that they want to do. What do you guys want to do? And Dad’s coming along for the ride. Let’s go do it. And it’s not something I had pre planned or something I want to do or are going to lead to even a goal at the end of it. It’s just Whatever they want to do, and I’m going to be a part of it.

Chris Roness [00:06:51]:
Yeah, that’s good, Chris. One thing I didn’t disclose that I should have is we actually had four daughters, but one of them, at 37 weeks, didn’t make it. And that was a really hard time as a parent and as a husband. But also, at the time, I was a senior leader in the Air Force running a unit, and I had a lot going on. But what that child taught me in that moment was the power of a moment. And I realized I was constantly like, in a minute, kid, I got to finish this thing first, or I got to finish that thing, or, I’ll be right there. Just give me one second. I got to finish up this thing.

Chris Roness [00:07:22]:
And it was always a thing that I always had to finish up because I was doing important work, right. As a dad, not realizing that the important work was right in front of me. And so now, as a result of that powerful lesson that I got from my daughter, Ava, was her name is. Her name was the power of a moment. So now, to me, being intentional is remembering that once this moment’s gone, it’s fleeting. Like I’m never going to get it back. So when my child comes to me with a picture that they’ve drawn, and I’m in the middle of 500 things that I feel are super important that have got to be done right now, I can catch myself and go, this is what’s important. Show me this picture.

Chris Roness [00:07:58]:
Let’s be intentional about this moment. Because once the moment’s gone, you can’t get it back. And I’ve been able to do that with everything. It totally has changed my perspective on everything, and I feel has made me a much better father because I’m much more present with my kids, with everything. I mean, now I’m involved in everything they do, and I don’t want to miss moment for that only reason. And life has actually been so much better and more forward. And guess what? All those things that I thought were important, they weren’t, and they still got done.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:20]:
They definitely do get done. Even though at times in our minds we’re like, oh, oh, no. You know, we gotta get it done. But I. I completely hear you there. And there’s been many moments in my own life that that’s definitely happened, and moments where, as you kind of said, you make the wrong decision and you look back later and you’re like, ah, dang. You know, I shouldn’t have done that. So I.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]:
I guess one question that I would have is none always right. And then we’re always going to make mistakes. We’re not infallible. So what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communications with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:08:59]:
That’s good. I got one just yesterday, a simple one. But we have a very busy schedule with all the kids activities. They’re all, of course, doing something different. And I communicated to one of my daughters that today was going to be a day that she was going to ride the bus to go home with her brother while I took another kid to an appointment. And yesterday she thought was the day, not today. And so as I was picking them all up yesterday, she went and got on the bus instead of getting in the vehicle. And I had to send one of her sisters to get her.

Chris Roness [00:09:31]:
And her sister was a little fiery.

Wes Piatt [00:09:32]:
She’s like, come on, you gotta go.

Chris Roness [00:09:33]:
Get off the bus. And she was. She’s a very. She has a very big heart and wears her heart on her sleeve. And she just got to the vehicle just completely upset. Dad, you told me today was the day I had the option to go home. And on that I was like, okay, guess what? I confused you. I miscommunicated.

Chris Roness [00:09:50]:
And I just took the time to explain to her how I made the mistake and that I was going to own it and that we were going to move forward though, you know, hey, so this is on me. I told you about something, but the something that I told you about doesn’t actually happen until tomorrow. And I wasn’t strong enough in my communication about what we were doing today. And so I gave her genuine apology by saying the three things that go into a genuine apology. Hey, what I did wrong, right? That I’m genuinely sorry about it, and what I’m going to do about it in the future to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Hey, I’m going to communicate better about what we’re doing today. Then I’ll go into what we’re doing tomorrow, but I’ll follow it back up with what we’re doing today just so we don’t make this mistake again. And the power of that conversation was she went from completely upset and hurt and emotionally distraught to just, okay, I’m good.

Wes Piatt [00:10:35]:
I can’t come up with a single one. But I think for me, the biggest takeaway is what I do after I mess up. It’s that I go back and I tell them I’m sorry. I explain what I did. I go through exactly what switch has talked About Chris just talked about that. It’s. I’m not perfect and it’s okay not to be perfect as long as you do these few things after you’re not perfect and you learn from it and you get better from it and you move on from it and we grow from it. It’s like, I want them when you talk about failure, they’re super into gymnastics.

Wes Piatt [00:11:07]:
That’s like their sport now. And. And we talk about failure constantly, how much we look forward to it and we can’t wait for it. And when it does, it’s opportunity to get better. And it’s like there is no such thing as bad failure. And even when dad messes up, like, look, I’ve been around this earth for almost 40 years now, like, I’m still screwing up the most basic things and that’s going to happen forever. And that’s totally okay. I think that that’s the most important thing.

Wes Piatt [00:11:29]:
And they know that failure is good and failure is okay as long as we learn from it and do it. What Chris was talking about in recovery, I guess you could say from the failure or whatever you want to call.

Chris Roness [00:11:37]:
It, we call it debrief in our family. Debrief what we learned.

Wes Piatt [00:11:41]:
Let’s go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]:
I mentioned that the two of you a organization called webus International. So talk to me about webus. What is it? And talk to me about those origin stories. What inspired you to start the organization and how did your role as dads influence the vision?

Wes Piatt [00:12:00]:
I’ve told this story now probably a dozen times and I’ve cried every single time. I’m going to do my best to hold it together because it is we bus is what has kept me alive. And there was a moment. I own a CrossFit gym, small business owner, my wife as a teacher and for context, I used to be a firefighter. So I was a full time firefighter before I opened up the CrossFit gym. And I was doing both for a little bit where I was traveling down, doing my shifts, coming back up, coaching all the classes, traveling down and doing the thing. And I had a call, I went on that made me decide like, oh, I’m actually going to follow this path instead of this one. And I really regretted that during COVID because my business was getting shut down, all my members were leaving and everything seemed like it was like, man, I just made so many bad choices up to this point.

Wes Piatt [00:12:49]:
Like, why? Also for context, me and my sister grew up with just a mom and she happened just so happened to be bipolar and have schizophrenic episodes. So we had quite the upbringing. And during COVID I was having a really hard time controlling my reactions, controlling just the simplest things would set me off. And I. And I was just so upset with all the choices I had made and where I put my family, kind of, in a sense. And I started to get nervous. And maybe, actually this was a bipolar beginning to show itself in me. And maybe I had what my mom had.

Wes Piatt [00:13:24]:
And at the time, we just had. We had one child, and we were about to have our other one. And I was thinking to myself, you know, if you off yourself, these kids won’t remember you, and your wife can remarry. Find somebody who’s not in the financial situation you’re in. Find somebody who doesn’t have these triggers that you do and doesn’t have all of this background. And you can actually, actually, really, maybe your job was really just to bring these kids here and to peace out. And I was really considering it. And I was considering it so much so that I actually created a list of things that I had to do before I did the thing, because me and Switch were in the military.

Wes Piatt [00:14:01]:
I was in the Air Force as well for four years. And I was along with Switch, but I had quite a few friends who had committed suicide after getting out of the military. And that’s what Switch does, is his other. This is where I usually start to get choked up a little bit with his other company that he has called. You Matter, and you Matter focuses on ending veteran suicide, which is obviously an epidemic that’s happening around the world, and something that we need to work on and we are working on. But I digress. I was mad at every single one of them that did that because they didn’t call me first and they didn’t just go, hey, I’m struggling. I just wanted to let you know maybe you could help.

Wes Piatt [00:14:36]:
And so one of the things on my list that I had to do is I had to reach out to people and let them know I’m not doing good. This is where I’m at, just letting you know. And I was too nervous to do that with the people that were closest to me because I didn’t want my life to feel different. I wanted to be able to go to my family and my staff and everybody else and for things to be like, hey, we’re doing our best. Like, keep it going. You know, like, we rock and roll. And not for them to be like, oh, poor you, and how can I help you? And all that. I didn’t want that.

Wes Piatt [00:15:03]:
So I reached out to a bunch of strangers on Instagram, a bunch of people that I kind of know, but don’t really know in the CrossFit space, and just told them, like, hey, I’m struggling. I don’t know if you’re feeling the same, too, owning a CrossFit gym or being a CrossFit coach or any of that kind of stuff. And I just got back nothing. But, yes, I am struggling. This is tough. I’ve actually thought about doing that as well. And, like, I’m, like, I had multiple people go, thank you for reaching out to me, because I’m actually thinking about doing that. And this is just serendipitous.

Wes Piatt [00:15:30]:
This is amazing. This is happening. And we just started meeting on this app called Marco Polo that my wife was using, actually, with her college roommate friends to stay in touch. And it’s a really cool app that you can send a FaceTime video to any, anybody, and they can respond with another FaceTime video whenever they have time. And there’s a bunch of other cool stuff you can do with it. But I was like, hey, would you guys want a battle buddy check? Let’s just check in on each other, like, once a week and just keep the momentum going. And that slowly turned into over a hundred dudes around the world that call themselves We Bus Dudes and talk vulnerably on this app called Marco Polo about their struggles. And.

Wes Piatt [00:16:05]:
And it’s become an amazing thing, because right when we started it, we had one rule, and that rule was that you could not give advice. And when we say advice, objectively, what we mean that is something that you actually haven’t experienced or been through yourself, but you feel you could maybe help somebody else out with. And this is what we call the bro advice. You call your buddy up. You’re struggling with this thing. They’ve never been through it. They have no idea what you’re going through, but they’re like, oh, bro, here’s what you’re going to do. My cousin went through this thing, and here’s the best way to fix it, and blah, blah, blah.

Wes Piatt [00:16:32]:
And you’re just like, that’s not what I want from you right now. What I want from you is just to listen and to hear me and to sympathize and empathize with me, and that’s all I really need. And so we made one rule. We said you can only share experiences. So you, come on, share your experience you’re going through. For example, I’m going nuts. I can’t get my Girls to get dressed and eat breakfast and out of the house in time and to school in time without it being just an absolute nightmare. Anybody else experiencing this as well, and you’ll have like 50 dudes that will come on there, all varying ages, all kids of all ages, all been through the gamut and all coming with experiences of how they solved it in completely different ways.

Wes Piatt [00:17:12]:
Ways. So now you have this experience where these people are getting to go, hey, yeah, here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. Here’s how I did it. And then this guy just gets to go like, oh, maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use that. Maybe I’ll use none of it. Maybe I’ll use some of it.

Wes Piatt [00:17:24]:
And the idea is that they’re going, checking in to see, like, hey, I remember going through that. Where are you at now? Because I remember where I was at. And they check in. And so we both started in my garage on the floor, literally thinking about killing myself to where it’s at now where I. We just did our last we bus camp in South Dakota and just looking around at all the guys there and all the things we were doing to Mount Rushmore, it was just. How do you go from being at that point to being at that point and within a relatively short amount of time? And the answer to that is with the brotherhood. We bus is just straight dudes that want to be better humans to make this world a better place. And the only way that they’re doing that is by just sharing their traumas and their experiences with each other and being vulnerable and being open.

Wes Piatt [00:18:10]:
And I’m very proud of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]:
Can definitely tell, I guess in thinking about that and thinking about what you went from, from where you were to where you are today, and you think about the business that you’ve created. I know that webus emphasizes collaboration, connection. And I guess as you think about that and what you’re learning from other dads in relation to your own fatherhood journey itself, how does that collaboration and connection that you’re do, that you’re building in the organization, align with the way that you’re either raising your daughters to interact with you or interact with others.

Wes Piatt [00:18:45]:
It goes back to what Chris said earlier. We’re trying to get dads to be the people they want their girls to marry.

Chris Roness [00:18:51]:
Yeah. We have a kind of a little mantra on the webus. We. We tell folks, get off the struggle bus and get on the we bus because we’re helping the world be a better place. One dad at A time and the power of the shared experience concept organically. Like, it’s not like we designed it to do what it’s doing beyond that, but the secondary and tertiary effects of what’s happened is you don’t see any really heavy discuss about beliefs regarding faith or politics or anything like that. But that’s not to say that those things don’t come up. They come up through a shared experience.

Chris Roness [00:19:22]:
Hey, I’m going through something. I’m struggling with this thing I just saw, or I’m struggling with this direction I want to go with my faith. Does anybody have an experience with this? And then those folks will either break off and have a separate conversation on what we call a solo polo, or we even have topic rooms now, where, for example, we’ve got one called the workshop. And in the workshop, this is where dads have unique skills of handyman skills, whatever those might be. You can go in and go, hey, guys, I’m working on this today. Let me show you how I’m doing it in case you ever come across this, and vice versa. Maybe somebody is a dad now that didn’t have a dad to show them how to fix a flat tire on a bicycle. Well, you could go to YouTube and look up that stuff.

Chris Roness [00:20:00]:
But the difference is on webus, you go to the workshop, you can go, hey, guys, I’m gonna fix this flat tire. And you’ve already got a group of guys that you’re connected to that will not only walk you through that, but they’ll walk you through how that connects to a life experience or a connection that you can have with your child by maybe walking your child through how you’re doing that at the exact same time, things like that. And it’s just really powerful because the other organic thing that we’ve discovered with this is that men are coming out of the woodwork to join us on we bus because of this shared experience. And one of the interesting things that happens right off the bat is a new dad. Well, he’s just going through it and he’ll listen to what the other dads are saying for a while first before he even says anything. And then that dude will come on and just let it all out. And you can watch them. You can watch them just as they’re letting it out.

Chris Roness [00:20:44]:
And that becomes the beginning of the first step to how they’re going to be a better dad. Because now they’re open to gathering all this shared experience from everybody else and learning in a whole nuanced way that is not deliberate. It’s not constructed, it’s not academic. It is just life as it’s happening in everybody’s lives as we learn from each other. It’s powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
You know, in thinking about those experiences where you’ve seen dads unburden themselves and be able to share the things that they’re going through, can you share a moment for each of you where your connection with another dad through webus had an impact on your own fatherhood journey?

Wes Piatt [00:21:23]:
Oh, my gosh, dude. So many. Every day there’s something in there that we connect with with somebody. Like just the other day, I was connecting with Nick on CrossFit stuff and he tried his first CrossFit class and he was so nervous, and I was giving him all the ins and outs on how to do it and where to go and who to talk to and where not to stand and where to stand. And it’s like a little like, insiders, insider. And that’s what, you know, Chris was talking about with the. These groups that we have in these, like, breakout rooms. So you have like the main we bus and then all these breakout rooms that people can find their little niche in.

Wes Piatt [00:21:53]:
And when they get in that niche, they really get to work through whatever that little thing is that they’re struggling with, with people that are more connected to that little thing too. Nick was really struggling just with wanting to improve his fitness a little bit more. And he just like, you know, I’m stuck at a wall. I don’t know where to go from here. And there’s like five dudes that came rushing in with, like, experience up the wazoo to be like, like, well, here’s like 15 different things that you can do and choose what you want. We’re here to support whatever way you need. That’s rock and roll.

Chris Roness [00:22:20]:
Yeah. I’m telling you, there’s like this deeper level. I can’t point to one exactly, like, one particular thing because there’s so many things that I’ve learned from all these guys across the gamut. I mean, when I started on Webus, I wasn’t doing CrossFit, although I was familiar with the sport because we would do it when I was deployed in the military and I just retired from the military, had landed myself in a small town and was trying to find, like, we got spoiled in the military. Here’s the gym, here’s the everything you need right there on the base. And now I’m in this small town trying to find those same resources, and I couldn’t find them anywhere. And I was able to go on here and talk to these guys that did CrossFit and go, hey, tell me some more. Now, I do it regularly, and I’ve learned that for me, that particular sport isn’t something I do for the fitness.

Chris Roness [00:22:59]:
To me, fitness is the byproduct. I go to the gym for the community. But in that vein, like, one of the things that happens through these dialogues, as you start to learn more about these guys at a deeper level. And so Wes, we’ve known each other what, three years maybe?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:12]:
Yeah, right.

Chris Roness [00:23:13]:
Well, check this out. I just learned. I was yesterday years old when I learned that Wes plays the drum. And it’s all because we started a recent topic group called the Bandwagon, where guys that play musical instruments or just want to talk about the songs that they enjoy can get in that chat room and play music together or talk about music or whatever. And Wes is like, yeah, here’s my trap set. I’m like, what, dude? You play the drums?

Wes Piatt [00:23:33]:
Like.

Chris Roness [00:23:33]:
Like, we’ve been very close. We’ve had very deep conversations, and I never knew this. Here’s another example. One of the guys on weboss is a good friend of mine that I went through basic training with over 20, like almost 30 years ago. And me and this guy have talked regularly for 30 years. And it was not until he joined Webus that I learned he was a Batman fanatic. Had no idea. 30 years I knew the guy, had no idea.

Chris Roness [00:23:55]:
He loved Batman. And that’s kind of what happens. You get into this level of understanding somebody just through shared experience on a different perspective or scale. And there’s all these resources right there for you. If you just. One of the things we do is what we call rfi. Request for information. Hey, guys, I’m getting ready to make a decision.

Chris Roness [00:24:11]:
Has anybody dealt with this? And it’s powerful.

Wes Piatt [00:24:13]:
Yeah, that’s how I got my financial planner, actually.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:15]:
As interacting with dads in this way and as you’re listening and you’re taking in all that they’re experiencing, I know that you’ve got dads and non dads that are in the community that. But in talking with the dads, what are some of the challenges, the unique challenges that you’re seeing that these dads are collectively having? And how is your organization working to either connect those dads together or help them to be able to work through those in different ways? What have you learned through this venture that you’ve been on?

Chris Roness [00:24:49]:
And I’ll offer one right now. The number one thing that we see consistent is that dads feel like, they’re doing it alone. They feel like they’re in it alone, that they’ve got to be the strong horse for the family. They’ve got to push through. They’ve got to do all the things, and they can’t just. Like what Wes was saying, like, they can’t let those people know that they’re going through a moment, or at least they think that, because they have to be the strong horse. And. And when they come into the we bus, we see that every single time.

Chris Roness [00:25:17]:
And I would offer that there’s a byproduct of using the app that we use with Marco Polo that everybody has benefited from because they mention it. And that is, as dads, we want to be problem solvers right off the bat. That’s our job. Hey, you got a problem? I heard my wife talk about this. I’m gonna go fix this. I heard my kid talk about this thing. I’m gonna go fix this thing. But especially as dads of daughters, you leave the video.

Chris Roness [00:25:38]:
Guess what? In order to listen to that video, you’ve got to literally sit there and watch it and listen. And the byproduct is we’ve all become much better listeners, and we’re all present as a result of that. And I think that’s one of the things that we all struggle with as dads is how not to just be problem solvers, but to be present and listening and to realize that we’re not in it alone, that there are other dads going through it too.

Wes Piatt [00:25:59]:
Do.

Chris Roness [00:25:59]:
And. And we can all connect around nothing but just that singular thing of fatherhood. And it’s just amazing.

Wes Piatt [00:26:05]:
Yeah. I mean, there’s so many things. And I think this is why we created. We call them dojos, and they’re these little breakout groups that we have. And we have dads that are going through divorces. We have dads that are thinking about getting a divorce and trying not to. We’ve got dads that are losing their job and trying to find a new job. We’ve got dads that are trying to get in shape.

Wes Piatt [00:26:23]:
We’ve got dads that have. Were in shape and now are trying to get back in shape. We’ve got dads that are trying to do everything. And so by creating these smaller group, one of the things that Chris really hammered on was Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the amount of people you can actually have in your life and actually communicate well with and make sure you’re creating actual deep connections with. It’s got to be small. So we Keep those groups relatively small, eight to 10 people max. And we keep the people that are in there experts. Like, we gotta have somebody in that group that’s an expert in this thing in some way and can give you sound advice and help you out with where you really need it the most.

Chris Roness [00:26:56]:
And to piggyback on that a little bit, it’s not just about the dad that’s struggling. It’s about the dad that’s achieving high goals like Wes talked about. I mean, one of our dads started out as an alcoholic three years ago and weighed, like, almost 300 pounds. The dude has lost, like, 150 pounds, and now he’s an Ironman athlete.

Wes Piatt [00:27:11]:
We call him 75 heart because he’s gone through that so many times, and he’s become such a different human being. It’s insane. It’s literally. It’s like biggest loser transformation, but, like, in a healthy way now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:25]:
I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I give you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as dads. You ready?

Wes Piatt [00:27:33]:
Yeah. Good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Chris Roness [00:27:39]:
Love.

Wes Piatt [00:27:39]:
I was going to ask if I could use loving kindness as one word, but yes, love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Wes Piatt [00:27:48]:
That it goes really fast and so be present. That’s the only thing I found universally true.

Chris Roness [00:27:53]:
Yeah. It’s the same as, hey, 18 years. Goes really quick. Capitalize on the moment. The power of that moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love to do together?

Wes Piatt [00:28:05]:
Oh, my gosh. Going to the beach or going skateboarding. Anything that has to do with activity, like just being. We got a big trampoline out back. It’s like 10 times a day. Can we go jump on the trampoline? You know, like, yeah, let’s go. But anything physical activity wise, they just want to go do it.

Chris Roness [00:28:18]:
Yeah, it’s the same with my daughters. They. They are all very active and. And very musically talented. One of the things that we all do together is we. We sing and play music together on our church youth group, and it’s a blast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:29]:
If you could give your daughters one lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Wes Piatt [00:28:34]:
You’re not perfect. Life’s not perfect, and that’s okay.

Chris Roness [00:28:37]:
I would say choose the person that you want to be with and the life you want to have very carefully. Those will be the two most important choices you ever make in your life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:46]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad.

Wes Piatt [00:28:51]:
Oh, man. I would say that failure is okay. I’ve learned honestly that because, like, I’ve said that my whole life. Yeah, failure is great. You learn from it. You grew from it. Let’s go. Hoorah.

Wes Piatt [00:29:00]:
You know, and then. But when you fail, you’re really upset about it. You don’t really learn from it. You don’t really take it. But I’ve really learned that. No, guess what, bro? You’re gonna fail hard no matter how much you prepare. And that’s good as long as, like what we talked about before, you come back and repair it and do what you need to do.

Chris Roness [00:29:16]:
The greatest growth and connection happens when you step out of your comfort zone. Man, changing diapers, the way I grew up was a mom’s job, but I got all into that. And the same thing with braiding hair and all the things is that big tough guy stuff. No, but man, the magic that happens with that. And that’s where the connections are at and that’s where the growth occurred.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:37]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Wes Piatt [00:29:46]:
I wouldn’t. I would just share experiences.

Chris Roness [00:29:48]:
The advice I’m going to give comes from a good friend of mine, Lindsay Ko, who lost his daughter to suicide. And I asked him what would he have done differently and he said, I would have been present more often. I would have just been present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:00]:
Well, Wes, Chris, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing what you are doing with your own daughters, but also what you’re doing with Webus. And if people want to find out more about Webus, where should they go?

Wes Piatt [00:30:11]:
Www.webusint.com and fill out the interest interest form. You’ll see it on the menu bar up top. And then our buddy Jeremy or Alan will reach out to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:23]:
Well, again, I just want to say thank you. Thank you both for all that you’re doing to be able to connect dads with other dads, men with other men. It’s so important. It’s so important for men to have those connections in their life. And I really appreciate all the work that you’re doing with that and thank you for sharing your own journeys with your daughters. And I wish you all the best.

Wes Piatt [00:30:42]:
Same to you, Chris. Thanks for doing what you do in this space and keeping it going for so long. I really appreciate it.

Chris Roness [00:30:48]:
Absolutely, dude. Keep staying awesome. Chris, we really appreciate this, man. And we look forward to seeing all the other videos that are coming after this one and the ones before for sure. That’s a wrap for this episode of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]:
The dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:31:28]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents Bring your A game cause those kids are growing fast the time goes.

Musical Performer [00:31:58]:
By just like a dynamite blast Calling.

Musical Performer [00:32:03]:
Astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to.

Musical Performer [00:32:11]:
Them.

Musical Performer [00:32:15]:
Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Performer [00:32:20]:
Be the best that you can be.