childhood development Archives

Embracing Change: Strengthening the Father-Daughter Bond as She Grows

July 13, 2026 by dadofdivas

In the most recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes special guest Colin Gray—podcaster, international speaker, founder of The Podcast Host, and a proud father—to discuss the evolving journey of fatherhood and the unique relationship fathers share with their daughters.

This insightful conversation revolves around the central theme of connection: what it truly means to connect with your daughter as she grows, how that connection changes, and the intentional steps dads can take to foster it. Colin Gray reflects on his experience raising his now eleven-year-old daughter, candidly sharing that as children mature, simple activities like park visits or ice cream trips no longer hold the same power to bond as they once did. Instead, it’s the “little weird normal moments”—joining in on a silly dance or matching her energy in the kitchen—that create genuine connections. He urges dads to let go of preconceived expectations and instead meet their daughters where they are, embracing who they’re becoming.

Another major theme is the balance between guiding and granting independence. Colin Gray shares that encouraging his children to try things for themselves, even if it means letting them fail, has been key to building their confidence and autonomy. It’s about being there with support and constructive feedback, but resisting the urge to always be in control or solve every problem.

Intentionality shines through as a guiding principle: intentionally seeking out your daughter’s interests—even if they’re outside your comfort zone—fosters meaningful conversations and establishes trust. Whether it’s learning about makeup and hair to connect with his daughter, or simply being curious about her favorite YouTube trends, Colin Gray models engagement and the willingness to step into her world.

The conversation is honest about parental imperfection—both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Colin Gray admit to making mistakes, but emphasize the importance of being open to feedback from their kids and growing together. They highlight the value of mutual respect, adaptability, and leading by example.

This episode serves as a warm reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent presence, adaptability, and listening. If you’re a dad looking for real advice, encouragement, and stories from the trenches of parenthood, don’t miss this episode. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and keep building the bond your daughter needs—one moment at a time.

Listen now and join the journey!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:
We have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to set aside things that we think we know and go with the flow a lot of times with our daughters. And it’s important to be able to talk to other fathers, learn from other fathers, hear what they’re doing, and to gain some perspective, because we don’t have all the answers. Let’s be honest. None of us are infallible. There’s going to be times where we make mistakes, and many of us may not have a lot of examples of what fatherhood is before we become fathers. So that’s why every week, I love being able to have different people with different experiences that can offer you some different perspectives to help you in your own fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
Colin Gray is with us, and Colin is known as the podcast host. Colin and I have known each other for a while, and I’ve loved listening to him and what he’s been doing, but he’s a podcaster, he’s an international speaker, a he’s founder of the podcast host and Alitu the podcast maker. But he started out in astrophysics before realizing how much math you had to do. So that being said, he turned to podcasting, and he has made a amazing, amazing life for himself and his family. And we’ll talk a little bit about the journey that he’s gone on, but also we’re going to be talking about his own journey in his journey as a father to two kids and especially his oldest, his daughter. And I’m really excited to have him Here. Colin, thanks so much for being here today.

Colin Gray [00:02:43]:
No worries. Thanks for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:45]:
It is my pleasure. I really appreciate you joining me. I know it’s the evening for you, the morning for me, and but I appreciate you taking some time to chat about this relationship with your daughter. And I love being able to start by really thinking about this journey that you’ve been on because every one of us as fathers wants to have those moments, those moments that we connect and we work hard to try to create those moments with our daughters. What would you say is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special?

Colin Gray [00:03:16]:
I’ll maybe avoid the question slightly, but give you a different type of answer perhaps in that. One of the things that I’ve found or I’ve learned, I suppose, over the last five years as my daughter’s become much more grown up. She’s 11 now and it used to be quite easy to make a connection with her when she was like three, four or five. You just go and you do kind of anything and they just become absorbed in what you want to do with them and just love spending the time with you and you know, they’ll often just do whatever you kind of lead them into playing, you know, a game or Lego or go outdoors to the park, whatever that might be. As my daughter’s got older, I found those things harder because obviously she has much more of her own mind, her own preferences, her own things, things that she wants to do. And I found myself even a couple of years ago when she wasn’t getting into 9 or 10, as she was getting much more of those preferences, I would choose to say, let’s go for a wee walk into town, we’ll go and have a wee walk around, we’ll grab like a nice cake or something in the shop and then we’ll walk home again. And because she’s much more her set, her own person now, she’d have preferences and maybe be a bit grumpy or, you know, it wouldn’t be perfect and I would end up getting grumpy because it wasn’t as perfect as I, you know, wanted this kind of connection to be. And I would kind of sabotage it for myself.

Colin Gray [00:04:30]:
These days I’m much more accepting of the fact that actually those connections just come in those little weird normal moments actually and it’s less about planning, like to go in for a three hour walk with her into town and a cake or an ice cream or whatever and it’s more just Actually, I walk into the kitchen and she’s sitting there, whether it’s reading a book or doing a dance or whatever it is she’s doing. And I’ll just walk up behind her and do the same thing. It’s like something about matching her energy much more. And because she’s kind of just learning who she is, I guess as a developing human, I find that’s what actually creates the connection these days. It’s actually just those little silly, messing around things where she’s doing a dance and I just walk in and join in in a super stupid, silly way, and that’s it. And it’s those little bits and it just takes like 30 seconds. But actually, those are the times when we just laugh and smile at each other much more. And there’s much less chance that the kind of budding teenager in her creates some kind of friction that ends up with both of us being angry at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:31]:
One of the things that I guess that I would ask in response to that is you said that there was a little bit of a journey for yourself in the sense of, you know, getting from where you were to where you are today. What were some intentional steps that you had to take to be able to, I guess, in some sense, let go and just be present and be a part of the energy that she’s giving versus having those. Those, I’m going to say, preconceived feelings of what you wanted to happen and then being let down because you have to be able to grow from where that was to where you are today.

Colin Gray [00:06:04]:
I mean, you know what it’s like when they’re small. You are like the definitive boss, aren’t you? Because they’re liable to do something that could hurt themselves. Or you need to teach them how to be humans, you know, how to be. How to be decent and nice and kind and share and all that kind of stuff. But there’s a point they get where they’re. Suddenly they know those things. If you’ve done your job well enough, then they mostly know those things. And you can kind of let go of that a little bit.

Colin Gray [00:06:29]:
And then actually it comes to the point where you’re trying to do nice things with them and make those connections that you’re talking about. But you can’t be the definitive boss in those. You can’t decide what their fun is. You can’t decide what their preferences are. You can’t say, oh, well, I like, I used to love going for an ice cream with you, and you used to love it as well. So now, because you say you don’t want to do that anymore, I’m going to get annoyed and grumpy. And I went through a point of that. So, yeah, you said the words there, letting go.

Colin Gray [00:06:55]:
And it was definitely a letting go of that. Partly you’re the one that’s always in charge and making the decisions, and there’s still a bit of that, you know, as a parent, no matter what age they are, of course. But you have to let go of a lot of that, I think. And let go as well of the fact that you feel like you know what they enjoy. Because I don’t know what they enjoy these days. Like, both of my kids, especially my daughter, she’ll teach her mind every other week, and that’s fine. She’s just figuring stuff out. But I can be surprised one day when I go and ask her to do something and she’s like, no, don’t like that anymore.

Colin Gray [00:07:27]:
And she doesn’t say it like that, of course, but something’s changed. So there’s something around letting go of predictability as well and kind of thinking that, you know, what will make that connection or please her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]:
A lot of the things that you’re talking about really talks to the fact that our kids, as they’re getting into the age that your daughter’s in, is really pushing and stretching that rubber band of independence. We’ll say they want more independence than they’ve had in the past. How, as a father, have you been able to balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needs to be able to become the person that she’s becoming?

Colin Gray [00:08:06]:
I think if there’s many things I’ve got wrong as a dad over the years, one of the things I think I have done reasonably well is the independence side of things. And I think I was. Myself and my brother were really independent kids when we were younger. My mom and dad worked. Both of them, they had to work. And also they were just quite independent themselves. They were both like farm kids, so they grew up on farms, and therefore they were given a lot of responsibility when they were kids as well. And that passed on to us.

Colin Gray [00:08:31]:
And so I come from a family that is kind of from that point of view, from an early age, you get on and you just kind of look after yourself. And I’ve always encouraged my kids reasonably gently, but sometimes forcefully, to do things for themselves. You know, they ask for little simple things done for them, and I’m like, no, you know how to do that. I’ll show you how. I’ll help you do it, but you’ll do it. And so I’ve often done that all the way through. And it’s one of the things where my wife and I differ a fair bit. But she enjoys doing things.

Colin Gray [00:09:00]:
Like she really enjoys looking after the kids and like making sandwiches for them and stuff like that. But then when she’s away for the week, the kids make their own sandwiches for their lunch. And I don’t think it’s. It’s not only because I’m lazy, it’s partly because I want them to know how to do that as well. So I’ve definitely encouraged that from the very start. Like they need to know how to do things and I’ll leave them to do those things and fail at them as well. My daughter was cleaning the car the other day and she volunteered to do the inside and I offered to pay her a bit more for the inside. And I was like, I could go out and I showed her a few things, but I just left her to it for a few hours and she came back and I went back and I told her, oh, no, that’s not right, that’s not right.

Colin Gray [00:09:37]:
And it was just. I think it’s that kind of constructive feedback is something that I do. I tend to treat them a lot more like grownups right from the start and. But then, yeah, alongside that, just play silly games as well. So there’s a bit of a balance there, isn’t there?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
There definitely is a balance there. And it sounds like there’s some intentional things that you’re trying to do to be able to build that bond, those connections that we have with our daughters, you talked about when she was younger and the things that you like to do and some of the things that you’re doing now, as you think about intention in intentional ways in which you’re trying to build that bond, what are some of the things that you’re doing today that you try to be intentional about as you’re building relationship and building that bond?

Colin Gray [00:10:18]:
I’m constantly trying to find the things that she likes that I can talk to her about. There’s a period she’s going through right now where she’s definitely connecting a lot with her mum because she’s getting into quite girly things like makeup and hair and things like that. And that’s cool, that’s wonderful to see them doing that. And they kind of. They go for little shopping trips in and buy like a little, you know, two pound lip balm that she gets really excited about and all these kind of things and it’s, it’s lovely to see. I can try. I can kind of like learn a bit, a bit about these things, but I’m just like, I’m a guy with no hair, so I can’t get into the hair stuff. I’m a 40 year old man, so I can’t quite get into the makeup stuff.

Colin Gray [00:10:52]:
I’ll try on the lip balm for sure, but can’t get too excited about an extra good lip balm. So I think I’m just constantly trying to ask her things like what she’s into. I think, you know, it might be the same with yourself, Chris, like around the kind of being in this world of podcasting and media and YouTube and all that kind of stuff. That’s one thing that I do find I can connect with her quite well with actually, because I’m really interested in like, you know, trends on YouTube trends and podcasting, trends in media in general. So talking to them about who they’re following and who they like and who they’re becoming fans of and even in music as well, but more so the visual media side of things, I find that a really good conversation. That’s something that I bring up often, actually, because I find that that’s a good way to connect because I probably know more about that stuff than your average mid-40s dad, just through the jobs that we do. So that’s one thing that I do a lot is try and have those conversations. So, yeah, I don’t know.

Colin Gray [00:11:40]:
Do you find that with your set, with your own daughters, you know, a little bit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:43]:
I find I still don’t completely understand TikTok. I still don’t understand it, but. But my youngest loves showing me tiktoks. And I’ll watch them and I’ll be in my mind saying, I don’t get this, but I’ll be here and I’ll be present and I try to figure out what the intrigue is. So. And I think that as podcasters and someone. For me, it’s all about storytelling, right? And it’s about how do we tell these stories or allow other people to tell their stories. And I think you do that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:18]:
And I’ve tried to impart that on my own daughters to try to explain to them the power of story and the power of allowing them to not only tell their story, but allowing for others to tell their story. And I’ve tried to show them that as well. And I’m sure you have too, right?

Colin Gray [00:12:35]:
Yeah, definitely. And you know, it’s interesting, you bring that up because it’s not something that I’d put a label on before, but something that my daughter and I particularly connect around a lot is stories around characters in our house. So something we’ve always played around with, even when she was really small. But it’s grown into. I kind of thought this would fall away, but it hasn’t. Is around, like, soft toys and dolls and that kind of stuff. And she’s not into playing with, you know, dolls and teddies and stuff like that anymore. But we have these stories around them that ends up the two of us play around with them together.

Colin Gray [00:13:07]:
So when I go in to say night to my daughter at night, she’s got a few different soft toys lying around in her bed. And they all have their names, but they also. Big backstories that we’ve made over the last, like, five years. There’s a great one, this big, massive yellow teddy that we have, which we acquired in Japan, actually, when we’re on a holiday there. And there’s a whole backstory around how we acquired it, but equally, it went for the trip around with us, and me and her were just sitting around, like, making this teddy do things all the way around this trip. And ever since then, as well, it’s had that story where it’s from Japan, and it’s. We do things around the house, and it’s got a personality. And I think.

Colin Gray [00:13:40]:
I’m not sure maybe everyone does this, to be fair, but I feel like we go a little overboard in giving all these toys personalities and backstory and making them do things over the years. And that’s definitely something that we connect around a lot. But you’re right, it’s. As you said there. It’s the story. It’s all around the backstory. It’s all around the plot, what their likes and their dislikes are and all those things. Is that kind of like.

Colin Gray [00:14:02]:
Does that make sense?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:03]:
It does. My daughters are at an age that we don’t really have those kind of stories anymore, but I do try to get them involved in what I’m doing. They’re not always interested in it, but I try to show them, explain them. I actually. I just was talking to my oldest the other day about. I said. I said, you’re a storyteller. You like to talk to people you like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]:
I said, you should have a podcast. And she’s, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, dad. And. But you never know. I mean, they watch, they. They learn, and you never know, they might decide to pick something up along the way.

Colin Gray [00:14:36]:
That’s it isn’t it. It’s all example. I think there’s so much. I fall into this trap as much as anyone. But it’s so much so easy to find yourself telling them something while doing another thing, isn’t it? Whereas if you just do the thing, you don’t need to tell them anymore because they just see that as normal. So yeah, exercise is one of those. Daphne’s a dancer so she does a fair bit of dancing and different formats and stuff. So she does a fair bit of exercise.

Colin Gray [00:15:02]:
But I think some of that has come from the fact that she sees me and my wife like we, we make a big point of, you know, working out four times a week and doing a fair bit of exercise and being active and getting out in the hills and all that kind of stuff. So I think example is so powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:16]:
It definitely is. Now every one of us as fathers want our daughters to feel valued, heard and to know that we are there for them. What do you intentionally do to help your daughter to feel valued and heard?

Colin Gray [00:15:31]:
I think the main thing I try and do, rightly or wrongly, is I’ve always tried to be as honest and constructive as possible. And I think I’ve certainly. My wife thinks I go too far with this sometimes to actually criticize a painting. They’ve done a painting or made something and you’re like, don’t criticize that. That’s not the right word. But critical feedback. Oh. So good effort on doing this.

Colin Gray [00:15:57]:
I wonder what do you like about it? Do you like this part and this part? I love this part about it. I wonder that year is not quite right. I wonder if we draw that dog. How would you normally draw a dog ear? So it looks a bit more accurate and I certainly think you don’t. This is probably something that many people would disagree on, but I’ve always done that ever since they were quite small. So I think that has built more trust over the years. So that when I do give my daughter a compliment or I tell her she’s done well at something, I think she trusts it rather than, you know, as a kid you always appreciate the praise from your parents but. But you begin to realize that your mom’s going to tell you you’re great at whatever you do, no matter how good you are at it.

Colin Gray [00:16:35]:
So I think that’s what I’ve always tried to do is to be quite honest and be a little bit critical friend when I can so that trust builds. So is that something to do yourself? Do you find that with more grown up daughters have you had any feedback on that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:52]:
I do. I try and sometimes I fail. And I think that they’re much more willing to tell me when I’m failing. And I think that that’s okay. I think that all of us, as I said before, none of us are infallible. We all make mistakes. And I think that we have to be willing to learn and grow and not be so set in our ways that we’re not willing to take that feedback ourselves. I try to give feedback to my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:22]:
But you also come to learn when you can push, when you can pull, and when you just need to be still.

Colin Gray [00:17:28]:
Yes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:29]:
And I think as they get older, that’s definitely something. You have to learn that along the way.

Colin Gray [00:17:33]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you’re absolutely right there around making it mutual. It doesn’t work unless it’s mutual. And we do that quite a lot, actually, me and my wife. We say, like I often say to both of our kids, listen, I know I’m getting you in trouble for something here. I know I’m giving you, like, telling you what to do and all that kind of stuff, but if there’s ever any. I’m always willing to take feedback. If there’s anything you think I’m wrong about, I will always listen to you.

Colin Gray [00:17:56]:
If you say it to me in a reasonable, fair manner, if we can talk in normal tone of voice, and we’re not going to shout at each other. If you ever give me feedback, if you ever want to tell me something if you think I’m wrong, please just tell me and I’ll always listen to you. I might disagree, but I’ll always listen as long as we can talk about it in a civil manner. And I think that’s often built a decent bit of trust as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:
And I think a lot of fathers and parents in general get in trouble when they don’t approach parenting in that way. Because I think when you get into arguments and you’re butting heads, especially during the teenage years, because that tends to happen, that’s when things go sideways. And that’s when you say things you regret in the end or you injure or hurt the relationship in a way that becomes harder to come back from. And I like the word that you said when you said you come at this with a mutual, you know, and it’s. I think there’s a mutual respect. Right. You need to be able to provide respect for your child. You want them to have respect for you, too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
But ultimately, as they get older, you need to show that mutual respect for the decisions that they’re making as they become adults, while at the same time knowing that you may not be agreeing with the decisions that they’re making.

Colin Gray [00:19:09]:
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Because I’ve had that happen.

Colin Gray [00:19:12]:
Yeah. I’m sure that’s one of the areas where I have a big weakness. Like my. Probably my biggest weakness as a parent is I can end up stuck on a road. Stubbornly. My wife will back this up. That I have a stubborn streak whereby if I have started down some kind of path, I say it relates to what we were talking about earlier. Like I’ve decided we’re going to have a good day by walking into town and having an ice cream and then we’re going to have a nice chat and then we’re going to come home.

Colin Gray [00:19:37]:
And that’s in my head. And stubbornly I’ll stick to that. Even though I realize my daughter’s not really into this anymore or she’s actually just had a bit of a bad day because her and her friend just had a little fight or something has happened which means that we should be changing plans. And it’s kind of ironic because I think run my own business. I do a bunch of other stuff that means I need to be flexible. I need to be flexible and adapt to plans. But with my children, sometimes I’m very bad at that. I’m not good at adapting.

Colin Gray [00:20:02]:
So when something starts and I end up on a track and I stubbornly stick to it, that’s when I end up seeing things I’ll regret all the time because I’ll somehow just refuse to be able to change my mind or to be able to go back on something. Even though I realize that I’ve ended up. It’s at least half my fault, if not more, that we’re now shouting at each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I think that showing them that adaptability is important because so often in life we have to be resilient and you have to bounce back. I just had an example of that with my oldest daughter up till Monday of this week. She was supposed to be flying out yesterday to go on a month long mission trip to Kenya. It got canceled Monday afternoon.

Colin Gray [00:20:45]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Because of the diseases that were happening in and around Kenya.

Colin Gray [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:51]:
And of course she’s devastated and you have to understand and you have to try to help her to be resilient. But there’s also that understanding of where your daughter is at the time to be able to be in the mindset of hearing that message while knowing that she may not be able to take that message in at the Right.

Colin Gray [00:21:13]:
Time. Yeah, yeah, totally. That’s a pretty general human thing, isn’t it? There’s certain times when we’ve had bad news or we’re in a bad mood, the last thing you want to hear is, oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. Like, I don’t get. It’s not going to be okay. Yeah, it’s hard to find that empathy, though. That’s. Yeah, it’s difficult, especially with a teenager, I think it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]:
So, you know, I think, though, that showing them that adaptability, though, leads them to be resilient and to be able to see that it’s okay to change plans and it’s okay to move in a different direction. Now, I will say that if you have neurodivergent children, changing plans and being adaptable may be harder. And I’m just going to recognize that because I know that that can be more of an issue. I don’t want to say that all kids are going to be the same in doing that, but I think that it is still important to help them to be able to understand how can we be adaptable based on the life of what’s happening in our life, what’s happening today, what’s happening tomorrow and beyond.

Colin Gray [00:22:14]:
Yeah, definitely. I think. I don’t know. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this as well, Chris. But like, when we were in Japan last year, I found that a really interesting trip in the. We planned a lot less than we usually would. So we were there for a few weeks and there were so many little problems came up on that trip. Like something went wrong, something didn’t turn up on time, and it was all because we didn’t actually plan it that well ahead because we wanted to be quite flexible.

Colin Gray [00:22:37]:
But there was so many, like, great experience moments in there, around that hopefully the kids again, from example, isn’t it like seeing my wife and I say, all right, okay, so we can’t get that train after all. So can’t get to our hotel tonight. Which means pretty unfortunate, but we’ll find something else. So we just start looking for other things and kind of about. And talking to folk. And I think that’s sometimes actually a great way or I found a great way to show them that and to teach them that is actually to take a chance on something that’s a bit less. A bit more unpredictable. Maybe plan a bit less than you would normally or try a type of trip that you wouldn’t normally take or things like that.

Colin Gray [00:23:13]:
And then obviously attempt not to entirely Panic when it goes, goes wrong yourself, which is not always the easiest thing, but give it a go at least. Have you ever tried something like that?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]:
I have. You know, and I think I find that I tend to like to be busy when I’m on vacation, like you’re saying. And I tend to like to know what’s around and, and I try to plan things but sometimes the, the best trips that we’ve been on have been ones where we have a general sense of what we’re going to do but then we leave it open to a bit more chance of okay as we’re driving around. You know, it’s not that we have to be there right at 10 o’, clock, but hey, that sign says something’.

Colin Gray [00:23:55]:
Here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:55]:
Maybe we, let’s, let’s take that little side trip and we don’t have to be there right at 10. We could be there at 10:30. Let’s go check that out. Or you know, you’re, you’re walking and you’re headed toward a direction but then you see a, a side shop that looks really interesting. Is it going to matter that you’re 10 minutes late? Maybe it will. And if that’s the case, then you can come back. But if there, if you don’t have the specific things that you have to do at the right time, at the right, you know, in the right order, sometimes it’s fun and it makes it even more memorable.

Colin Gray [00:24:27]:
Yeah, definitely more memorable. I mean some of the most memorable things we’ve done all together as a family were completely unplanned, completely unpredictable or even it’s just a complete mess ups. Like when the car breaks down and you have to walk a mile to the garage and you get stuck somewhere in a bog because you try to take a shortcut. You know, silly things like that, that’s the stories that stick around. It’s never the ones that you, you plan for like the beautifully crafted Christmas dinner or the, or the, you know, the trip that was planned within an inch of its life that was meant to be most memorable. It’ll be, it’ll be the silly, the silly one thing that went wrong on those things every single time that comes up, isn’t it? It’s always the family stories.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Colin Gray [00:25:10]:
Go for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:10]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Colin Gray [00:25:14]:
Feisty.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received I that it’s

Colin Gray [00:25:20]:
always just a phase. So if it’s something good that’s happening right now, if they’re in a great mood, if they’re all like, if the relationship’s going well, then appreciate it, because it will probably change. But if it’s all going terribly, if they’re behaving terribly, if there’s something bad happening, you can’t get them toilet trained, whatever it might be, it’s just a phase. It’ll pass. So either way, if it’s good, appreciate it. If it’s bad, it’ll pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:42]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Colin Gray [00:25:45]:
Piggybacks still. Even though she’s getting way too heavy and it keeps me strong.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Colin Gray [00:25:55]:
I think it is something around what we were talking about there, around resilience and change. It’s like things will change, but you have the strength and the intelligence and the resilience to adapt it. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll figure out a way that our family is a family of problem solvers. That’s what we all do. So we love to solve problems. So just see it all as an interesting challenge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:17]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Colin Gray [00:26:20]:
That I am a much better person to be around when I can abandon my preconceived expectations and actually just go with the flow more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]:
And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Colin Gray [00:26:36]:
There’s something around probably the hardest thing which is holding them more loosely than you feel like you should, whether that’s how much you need to protect them, whether it’s how much you need to guide them or whether it’s how much you need to tell them the way to do things. We should probably. I certainly I should. I have learned certainly to do that more loosely than I naturally would otherwise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:
Well, Colin, I just want to say thank you. If people want to find out more about you and what you’re doing with podcast host or anything else that you’re doing right now. Where should they go?

Colin Gray [00:27:08]:
Yeah, probably the best place actually is just go over to Colin Gray. So my name, Colin Gray link. That’s kind of links to all the stuff I’m doing. So yeah, just Colin Gray link.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]:
And I’ll put a link in the notes today to for you to be able to connect with Colin. Colin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate the time today. Appreciate you sharing your story. I know it’s continuously evolving and it will continue to evolve as your daughter gets older, but I really appreciate your time today and for you sharing with us and I wish you all the best.

Colin Gray [00:27:39]:
No, thank you very much for having me on. It’s always a pleasure to chat. It was good to catch up. So, yeah, cheers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:28:14]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Building Lasting Bonds: Practical Tips for Dads Raising Confident Daughters

May 4, 2026 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a dad seeking to build a deeper relationship with your daughter and empower her to grow into a confident, independent woman, the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is the resource you’ve been looking for. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Donovan, a devoted father of two, to explore the ups and downs of modern fatherhood, sharing both practical tips and heartfelt stories that will resonate with any parent.

From the start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. This central message weaves through the episode as Rob Donovan recounts his own parenting journey, including the surprises he encountered as his daughters’ personalities took shape. He shares how one daughter, contrary to his expectations, turned out to be more artistically inclined, while the other took after him in her love of sports. Rob Donovan emphasizes the significance of meeting each child where they are—celebrating their uniqueness and supporting their preferred interests, whether that means roller hockey in the driveway or karaoke in the living room.

A recurring theme in the conversation is the importance of letting children develop their independence, even as we instinctively want to protect them. Rob Donovan candidly discusses the balancing act of giving his daughters space to solve their own problems—from playground squabbles to learning how to handle disappointment and frustration—while always remaining a supportive presence in their lives.

The episode also dives into how dads can intentionally foster strong bonds during challenging moments. Rob Donovan opens up about overcoming his own discomfort around childhood injuries, a legacy of his military experiences, and learning to comfort his daughters with patience and understanding. He shares the family routines that keep them connected, like special breakfast traditions and shared musical moments, underscoring that it’s often the simplest rituals that leave the deepest impact.

One of the most inspiring messages from the episode comes when Rob Donovan advises fellow dads to “just go for it” and always get involved—no matter how different your children’s passions may be from your own. As he says, “Dive right in… you never know, you might enjoy it with them.”

The “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast reminds us that fatherhood is a journey of growth—for both father and child. Each episode offers encouragement, wisdom, and a sense of camaraderie for dads everywhere. Listen in, get inspired, and start building the lasting connections that shape your daughter’s future—and your own.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:05]:
Every one of us is on a different journey as we are working to be able to be the fathers that we want to be, but also to make those meaningful connections with our daughters as they are getting older. And that’s why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to have the opportunity to introduce you to new dads that you might. That you’ve never met before, that. That are going through this process themselves. Maybe they’re succeeding, maybe they’re failing. Maybe they’re somewhere in between. No matter where they are and where you are, you showing up gives you the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be able to continue to build those tools for your own toolbox that’ll help you to be the best dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]:
So today, I am really excited we have another great guest on the show. Rob Donovan is with us. And Rob’s a father of two daughters, and they are age 5 and 4. I remember those days. It was a while back, but I do remember those days, and it was a fun time. And I am really excited to have him here today and for him to tell some of his story with you. Rob, thanks so much for joining us today.

Rob Donovan [00:02:17]:
Great to be here, Dr. Lewis.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:18]:
Well, it’s my pleasure having you here today. And I guess, first and foremost, one of the things that I love being able to start with and talk about is each one of us are going through this journey as we’re working to be that dad that we want to be. And part of that is to create those meaningful moments, moments that each of us wants to have with our daughters. What’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with each of your daughters and what made each of them so special.

Rob Donovan [00:02:44]:
I’m gonna have to say since they’re 5 and 4, their identities now are starting to come to fruition. I thought at first my firstborn daughter was gonna be all sports. She’s more arts, she’s more music and film. My second born is all sports. So it kind of flip flopped on that end. But what I love is that I can connect with them on two different levels. So obviously for my second born daughter, she loves to go outside. Roller hockey, soccer, anything outside, biking.

Rob Donovan [00:03:07]:
And then my firstborn, you know, we love to listen to music. Obviously the kids show hunt tricks is a big one for her. And then going to movies, she loves movies. So I believe we just saw the new Mario movie and we’re gonna go back again probably next week. So she just love recreate movie scenes and sometimes I’m the bad guy, sometimes I’m the animal. I don’t know. But it’s fun to create those moments with my daughters on a separate level. Sometimes they play with each other, but I can obviously tell now that they’re kind of going off in their own separate ways a little bit here.

Rob Donovan [00:03:34]:
And it’s fun to connect on each level of them on those.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:36]:
Now what the things I didn’t mention was that you also work with the hockey team at the University of Michigan Flint. And so sports is really important to you. So with your youngest having that connection and having that interest in sports, I’m sure that there’s sometimes an ability to be able to make that connection and be able to understand her a little bit more because of that. So talk to me about that connection to sports with your youngest daughter. What have you done to hone that and what have you done to work to hone your other abilities with your oldest daughter who has other interests than your own?

Rob Donovan [00:04:15]:
So I think for my youngest daughter starting out is that she became a lot like me. More than I could have ever imagined. It’s kind of like staring in the mirror. And now I know what my parents kind of saw when I was a kid. She’s very competitive. We bond over the fact that I obviously love Michigan, I love hockey, I love all sports. But I think whenever she sees the, the block em or anything, she yells go blue. She loves watching hockey, especially Michigan hockey.

Rob Donovan [00:04:34]:
And I think this year the football will be fun for her because I think she’s gonna understand that a little bit more. But she kind of laug on anything. I kind of do So I mean, if I’m out playing hockey by myself rollerblading, she wants to do that. I think at this point right now we’re just kind of working on it’s okay to have fun, it’s okay just to shoot. And if you miss the net or if you do something, it’s not the end of the world. She’s very competitive, so if she doesn’t hit the net on a soccer goal or hockey goal, she gets a little upset. So we’re kind of going through the motions of it’s okay just to play and have fun. For my firstborn daughter, she does like to jump in a few times with the athletics, but she goes off on her own quests after a while and that’s totally fine.

Rob Donovan [00:05:09]:
I kind of noticed that. And I’ll give Tilly. Tilly’s my second born and Tegan is my firstborn. And I will give Tegan, you know, the same amount of just kind of play time. So after I’m done playing hockey and kind of getting Tilly on a roll, I’ll go over to Teegan and we’ll kind of have our little side quests. Whether we’re playing Mario or some other make believe movie with sticks or going on an adventure with her outside is pretty much what she likes to do. So I just kind of got to switch switches there and kind of go from a coach to almost like a drama teacher in a way. So it’s kind of fun.

Rob Donovan [00:05:38]:
I never had that as a kid as being so playful. Like my firstborn, my parents were very athletic mindset and so it’s kind of fun going back and having that experience with my firstborn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:50]:
Now. Earlier you talked about the fact that your daughters are starting to show some of that independence and wanting that independence for themselves. And part of the role of a father is to find that balance. Some of that balance comes down to how we guide our daughters while still giving them the independence that they need to grow into their own person. Talk to me about, how are you doing that?

Rob Donovan [00:06:11]:
For me, it’s just going to be kind of just releasing the grip a bit, lessening, lessening the rope on them. I’m very protective as a father, so if we’re biking, I like to keep them close even though our neighborhood’s really safe. So I kind of now I’m kind of, you know, watching them from a distance and they know better with cars and such like that. Kind of letting them figure out when they have arguments instead of stepping in right away and like putting the kibosh on it. As soon as they start arguing now, I kind of let them try to figure it out a bit. Normally they do, but sometimes, you know, I still got to step in and referee a bit. But yeah, it’s just kind of stepping back a bit and kind of letting them learn how to live a bit. And it’s.

Rob Donovan [00:06:43]:
It’s definitely a little bit difficult for me just because I’m so protective of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:46]:
And, you know, it’s not always easy to be able to find ways to be able to work on those bonds, especially when times are challenging, because being a father is not always roses. There’s going to be challenging times, and you have to figure out where you stand as a parent, as a father in those times. What would you say are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Rob Donovan [00:07:12]:
For me, one of my biggest difficulties as a dad is going to have to be maybe injuries. And that just goes back to. For me, my, my girls, they play extremely hard, and so there’s going to be injuries. I mean, they’re filled with bruises and cuts and stuff like that. But, you know, big injuries. Such as, like, I know one time one of them went over the handlebars. Handlebars once scraped up her face, things like that. And kind of takes me back is I was in the military about eight years ago.

Rob Donovan [00:07:35]:
I came across during my time of service, some things with kids that made difficult. I always thought when having children, when they get to that age, around five to eight, I was going to have a little difficulties because I had past experiences with kids that are being injured. So for me, I know as they were growing up, whenever they got hurt or fell or anything like that, or started crying really hard, for me it was very difficult. It was very, I’d say in the new words, triggering, I guess, where I’d kind of a normal dad kneel down, you know, kiss the boo boo, and you know, stuff like that. For me, it was very difficult. It was almost like I had to step away. But now I’ve learned in the past few years, I’ve learned to slow things down and explain to them, okay, it’s just a little cut or just a little bruise. We can get up things like that.

Rob Donovan [00:08:10]:
And I think if I would have said that three years ago, for me, that would have been very difficult. So we’re both growing together, my daughters and I, so I know there’s more bumps and bruises to go on as they grow up, especially in sports. So I think for me, it’s just going to be something I’m going to continue to grow and continue to get better at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]:
And as you said, we’re not perfect individuals. There are mistakes that we make, flaws that we have. What would you say is a mistake that you’ve made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering more positive communications with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:08:40]:
I think my biggest mistake is going to have to be I’m just a very competitive, aggressive kind of person. Just comes with. I played hockey my whole life. I did the military. I’m. I’m a deputy now, sheriff deputy. And so I kind of live a life where I’m very go getter is I’m very aggressive in life. And so when the girls play and stuff, I.

Rob Donovan [00:08:57]:
I kind of let it go like I said. But then on the flip side, I got to teach them, you know, to be kind, courteous, nice with strangers and other kids when they play. They can’t be as rough as they are with their sisters. So I think that’s just one thing I kind of needed to tone down start, which I didn’t do. And now I’m kind of backtracking a bit, trying to teach them, you know, how to play a little nicer and how to include everybody and not immediately when you get mad at someone, you’re not gonna, you know, just throw them down on the ground, something like that. So something I’m backtracking now on being a little nicer. I just being an older person, an adult, you’ve kind of already grown up not knowing that’s, you know, not, not the right thing to do. But when you’re a child, you can need your parents to kind of help you along those ropes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:33]:
And I can tell that you are in there, you’re engaged. And for all of us that are engaged dads, there are things that we have to do to be validate our kids. So I guess what do you do to intentionally allow for your daughters to feel both valued and heard?

Rob Donovan [00:09:51]:
For me, I just give them the time. I know I work overnight, so I work from 7pm to 7am so I could easily go to bed and wake up at 4 and go right to work, pretty much get have a meal and go to work. But I come home every day and I feed my dogs first of all because they’re the first ones up and whining. I have two little mini dachshunds, so little wiener dogs so they need to go out and get fed. But as soon as I do that, the girls come running downstairs because they Know that as soon as I get home, I make a gourmet kind of, you know, breakfast for them. They have eggs, Belgian waffles, sausage, orange juice right before school. So it’s kind of like a little system we have where almost now, if I don’t come home, if I get delayed by something that morning, I feel bad because I know that that’s something they look forward to, is me coming home and making them nice meals. And then on the flip side, I try to go to bed as soon as they go to school, I go to bed right away.

Rob Donovan [00:10:37]:
And then I get up around, you know, 1:32. So now I have the whole back end of the afternoon when they get back from school and they have lunch, Dad’s waking up and now they know dad’s going to come out and play with, be involved. And so I may be tired, I may be 3 day work week of 12 hour shifts or something like that. But I always try to make time for them and try to, you know, play with them and give them a good meal. And I think they really appreciate that. It’s kind of something they look forward to every week now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]:
And you talked about some of the interests that your daughters have, and I don’t know if you, if you have an answer for this or not, but as your daughters have been getting older and starting to show you more of their, their passions, their dreams, their things, the things that they are most interested in and most wanting to do. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Rob Donovan [00:11:23]:
I believe that when you’re young, you’re figuring out what you like. A lot of times that’s like, if you talk to people, you know, in their older years, they grow up, be like, oh, I used to love playing saxophone as a kid, or I used to, you know, I love singing as a child, but I kind of lost doing that because I had other things or other things are more important or, you know, I got older and I realized it was never going to happen, things like that. But like I said, my first daughter loves music. She loves singing, she loves anything to do with music, film, things like that. And so I encourage you. I got her a little, little microphone to sing into and a little karaoke set on. Play her favorite songs and just kind of encourage her. No matter, you know, no matter what she likes, sports, music, dance, anything.

Rob Donovan [00:12:00]:
I’m going to be there supporting her all the way because I know that’s going to be a passion of hers. I can just tell in their eyes that she loves it on the Flip side of my youngest daughter, I mean, she’s just like me and she looks just like me. So sports, she gravitated right towards sports. I mean, I have a little knee hockey set I’ve had since sixth grade or so like for 30 years. And I brought it out and she, she loved it immediately. She loves kicking the soccer ball. Any do with movement. And for her, I always told my wife I had a son it’d be a little more difficult because like I said before, I, I push really hard.

Rob Donovan [00:12:27]:
So having a daughter was kind of a godsend for me because it allows me to step back and kind of be a little softer as a parent, I believe. So with her being sports wise, I can work on, you know, being more passionate instead of, you know, let’s get out there and run drills. When they get it like 6 or when I get 8 years old to like 15, I’m gonna say, hey, let’s go play out in the field together. Instead of, let’s hit the, let’s hit the sprints and stuff like that. If I had a boy. So I think just being with both of them and being, and what they like to do and having as their dad and a friend enjoying what they do, instead of just saying, hey, go out and do this and I’m going to sit back and watch or I’m going to go inside and do my own thing. I’m going to actively, as I get older, I’m going to still be along as long as they let me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:06]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Rob Donovan [00:13:10]:
That’s going to be through honestly just being active in what they’re doing. So I said the music wise, you just got to be there for them. You got to be right next to them, you got to be engaged with them. And so if they have any questions or they want you to be along, sing along with them or show them the ropes. They’re not gonna be afraid to ask you because you’re always there helping out for their age. If they get frustrated, I know about a year ago, if I said this a year ago, they’d sit there and cry, maybe they’d get frustrated, they throw down their toy, they throw down whatever they’re doing and kind of run into the house. But now there’s like, dad, can you help me? Dad, can you come play with me? Dad this and dad that. And I love that.

Rob Donovan [00:13:43]:
I love being included with it. And now I feel like they trust me enough to, if they need help, they can just Ask instead of just running away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:49]:
It’s so important to be able to stay open, allowing for our daughters to really dictate where the conversation’s going. And that’s not always something that is at the forefront of our brain in the sense of what we would do right away. So I appreciate that you shared that. Now all of us have those routines, and you talked about the breakfast routine and traditions that are meaningful to our families. You mentioned the breakfast one, but I’m going to ask and see if there’s any other ones. What’s another tradition or routine that you’ve created together with your daughters that really strengthens your bonds?

Rob Donovan [00:14:24]:
I think one of them would be obviously the breakfast one. But for me, I love. For my second daughter and sometimes my first, I love watching anything Michigan so that they. Hockey, football, anything like that. As soon as I turn it on the past two years, they know. So they. They hear the fight song, Hail to the Victors and stuff, and they go. They come in, they yell, go blue.

Rob Donovan [00:14:41]:
And they sit down for a bit. At least my second daughter still sit for almost the whole game and watch and they cheer whenever anyone scores a touchdown. For my firstborn daughter, I used to play guitar. So when she gets feels a little artsy or she wants her favorite song, she’ll come up to me and she’ll ask me, can you play this or can you? I’ve done it a couple times with Moana and stuff like that, where I found out the chords and I’d play. But now it’s like whenever she finds a new song, she’s like, dad, can you play this? Can you figure out how to play this? So it’s kind of a tradition with her now is now that whenever she finds a new song or something, we go try to play it. And we have a drum set too, so she loves playing that. It’s like one of those electric ones. So we’ll put a return on her favorite song and she’ll so drum to it, in a way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:15]:
Is your backup singer. She can become your backup singer and backup drummer.

Rob Donovan [00:15:19]:
Exactly. Like I said, I go from coach to music teacher each day. Flip flop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:23]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Rob Donovan [00:15:30]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:30]:
Go for it. What’s one word that describes the relationship that you have with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:15:37]:
I’d say devoted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Rob Donovan [00:15:43]:
Be goofy. As much for my dad, always make your kids laugh. You have to be tough with them. But at the same time, you know, they’re. They’re looking for. They’re looking for a laugh, they’re looking for a good time. They’re. Kids can’t always just be so strict.

Rob Donovan [00:15:52]:
Even though you want them to listen to you got to spend the time to make them laugh. So got to be goofy. But you gotta teach them to laugh at yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:59]:
Now, you’ve already answered this question in a few different ways, but if there’s a different one, you can, you can answer this. What’s one activity that you and. And each of your daughters love doing together?

Rob Donovan [00:16:10]:
My second daughter loves to eat. So I cook a ton of things. I like to cook and she eats anything. And it’s amazing. Like, I would never have eaten that as a kid. And she just, she just pounds it down like it just extravagant food. So she has, she’s not picky. And so whenever I’m cooking food or whatever, she always wants to try a bite.

Rob Donovan [00:16:27]:
So that’s awesome. With her firstborn daughter, yes, I’ve already tapped on the artsy part and stuff like that, but trying to think of one other thing that she. The music, art, stuff like that. Drawing. I’d say she loves to draw, so I’ll join her in drawing. And I’m not the greatest artist, so she laughs at if I draw. Tell them to draw the dogs or something. She wants me to draw the dog as well.

Rob Donovan [00:16:47]:
Or chalk outside and I’ll make a picture and she’ll be laughing. That’s not a dog or something like that. So I think that’s two things that we’d like to do together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:54]:
If you can give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Donovan [00:16:59]:
For me, I would say just go for it. Honestly, just that. Just go for it. Just because you never know. You never know what’s going to happen. If you have a passion and you truly believe it, just go for it. For me, I’ve done a lot in my life, a million different careers, and so I think I set a good example for my daughters, especially when they get older and they ask, well, what have you done in your life? I can say, you know, I just went for it. And I hope you do too, because there’s so many experiences you can go on with your life.

Rob Donovan [00:17:23]:
After high school, I played junior hockey, pro hockey in Canada for a while. I played college hockey and then took a break from hockey. Actually, where I got music from is my wife now was my girlfriend in College, and we went to Nashville and we did music for two years out there. And once I was done with that, and I was good with that, I went to the military. Once I was on the military, I did police work. And now I’m on to hockey again. I’m onto my passion again. So just a million different avenues.

Rob Donovan [00:17:46]:
And I hope they find excitement in life like I did and they don’t get stuck on one thing and have to feel like they only have one thing in life that they could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]:
And what’s one thing that you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Donovan [00:17:59]:
For me, especially with two girls, I’ve learned a lot. Like I said before, I was really nervous being a dad just because I felt like. Like if I had boys or I didn’t even know if I had girls, if I had girls, I’d be expecting too much. You always come into being a dad, think, or at least for me, I can’t wait to see what they’re gonna do. I can’t wait to see what their passions are. And, you know, I’m gonna push them to be good at something. You kind of want to, like, not live your life through them, but at least try to give them as much passion, as much as much direction as you possibly can. But I’ve learned now that you just kind of gotta let them go and have fun for right now, and all the chips will fall where they may.

Rob Donovan [00:18:33]:
This is time where you just enjoy your life, enjoy the times that you have with your daughters and your. And things will fall where they are. They always do. Just be there to support them and be a good, devoted father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:43]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:18:50]:
I would say no matter what their passion is to try to get involved, you don’t have to extremely love what they’re doing. Just get involved. And you never know, you might enjoy it as well. They’re looking for someone to enjoy their passion with. And being a dad and being there with them, being supportive. That’s all my girls ever ask for, is just me being around and being present. So I think just dive right in. No matter what it is, you never know, you might enjoy it with them.

Rob Donovan [00:19:14]:
Might be a lasting hobby for you guys. So to try it out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:17]:
Great advice, and I really appreciate you sharing that and sharing the journey that you’ve been on with your own daughters. And it’s still a journey. You’re going to continue to go through many of the different phases of life. As they continue to get older. But I want to say thank you. Thank you for your time, and I truly wish you all the best.

Rob Donovan [00:19:34]:
Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:35]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:20:06]:
We’re all in the same boat

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
and

Musical Performer [00:20:13]:
it’s full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

From Struggles to Strength: A Father’s Path to Connection and Recovery

September 22, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Matt Strain, a devoted father and passionate advocate for intentional parenting. Matt’s candid conversation offers a heartfelt look at the ups and downs of fatherhood, highlighting the power of presence, vulnerability, and shared experiences in building deep and lasting relationships with our daughters.

Learning As You Go

One of the central themes in the episode is the recognition that there is no instruction manual for fatherhood. Matt and Dr. Lewis both emphasize that every dad is figuring it out as they go—making mistakes, learning, and growing alongside their children. The podcast exists as a toolbox, filled with stories and insights from other dads, to remind us that we are not alone in this journey.

Overcoming Personal Struggles

Matt’s story is notably powerful for its honesty. He opens up about his journey with sobriety—how a transformative conversation with his doctor prompted him to quit drinking when his daughter was just an infant. Through pain, persistence, and the support of his family, Matt rebuilt his life, learning healthier ways to cope and connect. His journey is a testament to the resilience that many fathers quietly cultivate and the courage it takes to make hard changes for the sake of our children.

In sharing his struggles with vulnerability, Matt models an important lesson for other dads: you don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be present and honest. This authenticity builds trust, showing daughters that their fathers are not only protectors, but also humans who strive, stumble, and get back up.

Building Connection Through Shared Experience

A highlight of the episode is Matt’s story of bonding with his daughter through physical activity, especially cycling and preparing for triathlons. Rather than imposing his interests, Matt encourages dads to meet their daughters where they are—even if that means learning to love something new. Whether it’s cheering at a dance recital or joining Girls on the Run, the key is to actively support the things that make them light up.

Takeaway for Dads

Matt’s journey reinforces a simple but profound message: being a great dad isn’t about perfection—it’s about being present, listening without judgment, and building memories together.

This episode is filled with wisdom, inspiration, and practical insights for any father who wants to deepen his connection with his daughter. Listen to the full conversation and discover how you too can strengthen one of the most important relationships in your life.

Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and join a community of fathers growing, learning, and connecting every week.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]:
There are no guidebooks. There’s nothing that we get. When you become a father, whether it’s a father of a son or a father of a daughter, you gotta learn along the way. And this podcast exists to be able to give you some of those tools for your toolbox, allow for you to be able to learn from others that have come before you, and allow for you an opportunity to be able to build some resiliency, some other tools to allow for you to be able to know you’re not alone and that there are so many other dads out there that struggle, just like you do, to be that dad that you want to be. And my hope every week is that you have an opportunity to be able to take some things away from each of these conversations, to learn from our guests, to. To allow for you to be able to gain that insight that will allow for you to be that father in the future that you see yourself as being. Today we got another great guest. Matt Strain is with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]:
Matt’s a father of two. He has a son and a daughter, and we’re gonna be talking about his relationship with his daughter and some of the things that they’ve been doing together to be able to strengthen that bond along the way. But as always, we’re gonna get to know Matt a little bit more as well. Matt, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Strain [00:02:25]:
Oh, thank you for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]:
You know, we always start off our conversation with some opportunities to be able to get to know you and your relationship with your daughter a little bit more. And I guess, first and foremost, as you think about your relationship With Lily, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with her thus far and what made it so special?

Matt Strain [00:02:44]:
I think a lot of it. For a lot of us who had young kids, when the COVID lockdown hit, we were all stuck in the house really, really close to our kids. A lot closer than most parents get under normal circumstances. But I think one of the moments that really, really sticks with me was after things finally slowed down and we opened things back up. After doing all of first grade and some of kindergarten remotely, my daughter went back to school in person. And it was really hard for her because she had forgotten how to interact with other kids. Now at this point, we were walking to school every day because her school was only about half a mile away. And I would walk her to school, and more often than not, when I came to pick her up, she was just porn up.

Matt Strain [00:03:29]:
We would be upset, we would be crying, and I would ask her what’s wrong? And a large amount of it was just this lack of remembering how to socialize. One of the big arguments was, you know, at recess today, nobody wanted to play the game that I wanted to play. And we went through this period of about two months where I had to remind her that, you know, but did you volunteer to play anybody else’s games that they wanted to play? And she was like, well, no, I wanted to play my game. And I’m like, well, they feel the same way. And we had a lot of these conversations over the course of about six to eight weeks. And after about six to eight weeks, she started getting re socialized and re acclimated. And it wasn’t just one aha moment or big light bulb, but I think during those walks and those conversations, we got a little bit closer. And more importantly, she got to a point where she felt like she could trust me and talk to me and that I would, number one, listen.

Matt Strain [00:04:25]:
And not try to tell her what I thought, but listen to what she had to say and that she could rely on me to not judge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:32]:
You know, that’s so important, because being able to not judge and be able to just be there, be present, is something that is not always innately male. I’m going to say so many times men are programmed to fix things, and we jump right in with that answer. Instead of just being in the moment and listening. Talk to me about that for you. And whether being a father to a daughter, whether in that situation or in others, if you’ve had to reprogram yourself in any way, well, there’s been a.

Matt Strain [00:05:06]:
Lot of reprogramming of me since I became a father. I have a lovely partner in life. My wife, Angela, she is a doctor. Which is the reason why when my daughter was born A little over 11 years ago, I stepped away from my career as a chef and became a stay at home parent. We wanted to have a parent at home. And to be blunt, Dr. Money Trump Chef money. And we had a desire to pay the house note and the bills and that type of thing.

Matt Strain [00:05:31]:
So she kept working. And her focus is she works in psychiatry. And she has helped me along a lot. And one of the things that we do as a couple is that whenever one of us starts complaining about either something happening at work or in our social lives or with the kids or whatever else, at some point during the venting session, one of us will look up and say, honest question, are you looking for answers or did you just want to vent? And a lot of the time the answer is, I just want to complain. I just need somebody to complain to. And it was hard. It’s really, really hard because I’m like you. My instinct is, well, I know how you can fix this.

Matt Strain [00:06:10]:
I know what I would do in that situation, and you want to do that, but that’s not what that person needs at that moment. So a lot of it started long before we had kids. One of the things that happened shortly after my daughter was born and I stepped away from my career as a chef, that was the biggest change. About four months after my daughter was born, I went into a doctor’s appointment, and I’m a type 2 diabetic, so I regularly get blood work done. And my primary care physician noticed some abnormalities in my blood work and had me come back in to do an additional panel and brought me back in after those results came in to have a real serious conversation with me. And basically I went into the doctor and the doctor informed me that I was going to quit drinking that day. And I laughed and I said, oh, yeah, you mean cut down, right? And to her credit, my doctor pointed at my daughter, who at that point was a little over four months old, sitting in her little car seat asleep, thank heavens, during the doctor’s appointment, and said, that really depends. And I said, depends on what? And she said, it depends on if you have any intention of living to see her graduate high school.

Matt Strain [00:07:12]:
And I said, excuse me. And she explained that the way that my liver enzymes were so far out of whack that she was fairly certain that I was within a percentage point or two of being put on a transplant list and that I would probably die before I got one. And so I went home and quit drinking. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I was a real jerk, I used to say for the first three or four months. My wife has informed me that it was closer to the first year. But at this point I am over 11 years without a drink. And that changed a lot of things for me.

Matt Strain [00:07:47]:
Having worked in the restaurant industry, drugs, alcohol, it’s all just part of the world. No one even looks twice at the idea of somebody sitting down and having three or four drinks before work. Especially when you’re somebody like me who was working in the kitchen, not out there dealing with people. Obviously it had gotten out of hand, but the thing that I wasn’t prepared for was that when I stopped drinking, I had to relearn how to function. I had no ability to control emotions whatsoever because I had spent years and years just numbing everything. So there was a really rocky period in there in the early part of my daughter’s life. Luckily, being as how this happened when she was four months old. Neither of my children have any memories of their dad when he was actively an alcoholic.

Matt Strain [00:08:35]:
They’ve only known me in recovery, which is a huge plus. But it really did prompt a lot of big changes in my life and learning new coping mechanisms, new ways to interact with people in the world and everything else. And I think that also really helped me become a better father because I was already in the process of making so many changes. It was really just one more thing added onto the pile.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:02]:
So I guess as you went through that journey for yourself and as you said, you had to go home and just stop. And for many men who may be in that situation where they either they were told that they need to and they, they don’t, or they think they need to and they struggle. Talk to me about that for yourself. And what allowed you to be able to be 11 years in, to be able to make that step for yourself as a man, as a father, to be able to stay consistent in this journey that you’ve been on?

Matt Strain [00:09:38]:
Well, in the beginning, I’m not going to lie, it was pure fear. I mean, I was terrified at that point. I was 42 years old. I was not ready to die. I had just become a father. I have this little tiny squiggling little bundle of love. I mean, we all remember that four to six month period. We’ve all blocked up the memories of the 3 o’ clock in the Morning, waking up and wishing for the sweet release of death or at the very least, a longer nap.

Matt Strain [00:10:03]:
And, I mean, I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t feel the urge to drink. I mean, it was there constantly. It helped that I have a really supportive family. One of the things that my wife and I did is we removed every bit of alcohol from this house, and it was two years before there was any alcohol of any kind in this house. And, I mean, we removed Nyquil, we removed vanilla extract, we removed cooking wines, everything. My wife, the only time she got to drink is if we were out to eat somewhere or if we had gone to a party or gone over to someone else’s house. She might have a little. But number one was that we got rid of the opportunity for it.

Matt Strain [00:10:44]:
I stopped carrying cash of any kind. I started doing everything that I do with nothing but a credit card. Because with credit cards, there are receipts, and with receipts, there’s accountability. That was a request that I made, not her. That I looked up and said, I need to do this for me. And again, after that initial period, I started to come alive again. I started doing things that I hadn’t done in decades, whether it was spending more time reading or, you know, going hiking in the woods again and getting outside, things that I just wasn’t doing and hadn’t been doing for the last 20 years and really started to enjoy living life. And after a while, it just became a personal challenge to realize that I’m stronger than this.

Matt Strain [00:11:33]:
Again, I hate to go back to those stereotypical I’m a man type mentalities, but it was, I’m not going to let this be. And I worked hard and I struggled. There’s no two ways about it. Like everyone who goes through this process, there were stumbles. There were stumbles. But one of the phrases that I use is a lot of time, you’ll hear people, people that will keep a list of, I’ve been sober for this many days, and then they stumble and they have a drink, and suddenly they’re like, well, I’ve undone the past six months worth of work, and the answer is no. No, you haven’t. You had one bad day.

Matt Strain [00:12:06]:
That doesn’t discount the six months prior to that. Unless you let it get up, dust yourself off, and get right back on the right path. After about two years, it became the new norm for me. One of the other big ones, and this was the hardest one for me, was that I realized that the best thing I could do was to be very, very public and open about the fact that I couldn’t drink. I let all my friends know. I let all of my family know because that made them help look out for me. And again, if you’ve informed your friends that I have a problem and I can’t drink and you find them still offering you drinks, newsflash, those are not your friends. Those are just drinking buddies.

Matt Strain [00:12:49]:
Your real friends are going to be like, oh, well then, yeah, let’s keep this away from you. And it makes a huge difference. One of the funniest stories. As you know, I’ve been involved with the National At Home dad Network for a number of years and they throw a convention every year. So it was in 2021, right after the COVID lockdown. We had skipped a year and done a virtual convention. And then we did an in person one in Cincinnati and we were doing our kickoff party, which was convention Eve, and it was at this Irish bar. And as an intro, after I had been sober for about probably close to five or six years, we were out to eat one day and they had some non alcoholic beers on the menu.

Matt Strain [00:13:31]:
And I thought, you know, I’m going to try one of these. I mean, I had been very nervous about doing it for years prior to that for the fear that this might trigger cravings or whatever else. But I felt pretty confident in my sobriety at that point. And also I was just buying a bottle at a restaurant. It’s not like it was here at the house. And we still had all the safety measures as far as credit cards and everything else in place and it was really tasty and it made me remember that I really like beer for the flavor, but that wasn’t what I was using to fuel my alcoholism. Honestly, beer just couldn’t get me where I needed to go. I was drinking hard liquor for that.

Matt Strain [00:14:06]:
And so I’ve begun drinking non alcoholic beer fairly regularly. So I’m standing at the bar as we’re getting ready for this kickoff party and I had asked the bartender if they had an non alcoholic beer and he was like, oh yeah. We just got in this new Lagunitas IPA that’s non alcoholic. And I’m like, great, I’d love to try one. And they brought one up and they popped open the bottle. And here I am holding a brown bottle of non alcoholic beer in my hand, taking a sip when somebody comes up the stairs. And it’s one of the other guys that comes to the convention regularly who’s a friend of mine, and he’s not a small man, he comes running across the floor of this second story restaurant. And I mean literally, I can hear the thumping and literally jumps in my face and is like, what the hell are you doing? And I’m like, it’s not alcoholic.

Matt Strain [00:14:53]:
And he’s like, oh, oh crap. I’m really sorry, man. And my immediate response was, no, don’t be sorry. I love that. Like that shows me that you actually care. But his thing was he had never seen me with a bottled non alcoholic beer. All the stuff that I drank was always in can. But the fact is having people that are willing to have your back at that level really does help because I think you’ll find that most of the people that care about you want you to do what’s good for you.

Matt Strain [00:15:21]:
And there are some people out there who can drink in moderation. I’m just not one of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:25]:
So you’re 11 years in and your daughter is 11. And so I guess one question that I have is as she gets older, there’s going to be things that will be temptations for her. As your son gets older, you’ve gone through this yourself and how do you hope to have conversations with them about your journey and what’s brought you to where you are today and the decisions that they make in their lives?

Matt Strain [00:15:53]:
Well, we’ve already had some of those conversations early on. I mean, my wife enjoys a glass of wine every now and then, occasionally hard cider or mead. But literally she will pour herself a glass of mead with dinner one night and then put a cork in the bottle and put it in the fridge and it might sit there for like three, four, five days before she bothers pouring another one. I, on the other hand, didn’t understand why a bottle of Jameson had a screw top because once I opened it, I wasn’t stopping till it was empty. When they were younger, they were oblivious. They didn’t think anything of it. But as they’ve gotten older, they’ve noticed that mom will have a glass of wine or we’ll have company over and everybody will be having a glass of wine. But I don’t.

Matt Strain [00:16:33]:
And we’ve told them up front that dad’s problem is that he doesn’t have an off switch, that once he starts, he really can’t stop and that the best thing that I can do for me is to just not start. And we’ve explained to them that this is just the way things are for dad and that it’s not that way for mom. So she enjoys every now and then. And when the time comes, I’m really Hoping that a they inherit my wife’s genetics, not mine, and that they don’t have that little thing in the back of their head that says more, more, more, but that if they do, the experiences that I’ve had and the things that I’ve been through will help me help them. The fact is, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t start using alcohol as well as other substances back when I was in high school and living at home with my parents. And they knew some, but they had no idea of most of it. I would like to believe that when my children get to that age and those temptations hit them, if they do give in and experiment and that type of thing, that with my previous experience, hopefully I’ll be able to identify the signs a little better than my parents were able to. And more importantly, that my wife can speak to them from the perspective of a professional who knows better.

Matt Strain [00:17:49]:
And I can speak to them from the perspective of somebody who’s been there and knows what the end result and knows where it’s going to bring you. And again, I don’t make a secret of it. I’m more than happy to explain to my kids this is what it was. Now I do it in age appropriate way. I mean, I don’t talk to my daughter when she was seven with the same details that I talk to her now that she’s 11 and about to go into middle school. But there’s no benefit in hiding any of our past to anybody.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:19]:
One of the things that comes to mind is this journey that you’ve been on is, is also a health journey in many different ways. Not only going from the brink of where your doctor told you that, that you were on the verge of being on a transplant list and possibly leading toward death, to now being in a much different place. And I know that when you turn 49, you decision to do your first triathlon and now you’re starting to share some of that exercise and health journey with your daughter. So tell me a little bit more about that journey for you.

Matt Strain [00:18:54]:
So when I was 49, full disclosure, I got picked up in 2021 as a brand ambassador for a particular non alcoholic beer brewery. And they’re very involved in the fitness space and they issued a challenge over Memorial Day weekend. And the idea was that you had three days to do their version of a triathlon. You had to swim for 30 minutes and they didn’t care what you were doing. You could swim laps, you could play Marco Polo, just as long as you were moving. And in the water, you had to bike for 30 miles however you wanted, and you had to run, crawl, walk, hike, whatever, for three miles. And I did all of it at the gym because I didn’t own a bike. And they had a pool and there was a treadmill, and my wife was working one of those days, so I couldn’t go that day because I wasn’t quite comfortable with bringing my kids to the gym yet, because while masking and protocols were going relatively well, My wife works in the emergency department of the hospital, so she was on the front lines during COVID And our biggest fear was that we were going to be the vectors spreading it to our community.

Matt Strain [00:20:01]:
So we isolated ourselves as much as we could. And I made sure that anytime I went out, I was wearing a mask, not so much to protect me, but because I was always concerned that she could bring something home from the hospital. And I didn’t want to be Typhoid Mary. I ended up doing it in two days. One day, I swam laps for 30 minutes and got out and then did three miles on the treadmill. And the next day I went back and rode a stationary bike for 30 miles. And after I’d done it, in return for doing that, I got a free case of their beer. So, apparently, exercise is much more of a priority when I’m getting bribed with something that tastes good.

Matt Strain [00:20:37]:
But I told my wife, if I can do this in two days, there’s no reason why I wouldn’t be able to do all of this in one day. And to her credit, she did look me straight in the eye and say, well, yeah, but why in the world would you want to? And I laughed, and I said, well, you know, I’m 49. I should do something epic. I’m too. Before I turn 50, I’m too smart to jump out of a plane. I already own a motorcycle. This seems doable. And she laughed, and she said, sure, why don’t you actually buy a bicycle and ride it outside before you jump all over this? And so I did.

Matt Strain [00:21:06]:
I bought a bike, and I started riding around the neighborhood and decided I was going to go through with it. And I finally did my first one, and it was painful. And there were a lot of points during that race that I questioned a lot of life decisions that brought me to that point. I finished dead last. Dead last by over half an hour compared to the person who came in second to last. Literally, the plan was to do it once, check it off the list, and never do it again. And about two days later, all I could Think of is, when’s the next, When’s the next? So the next year I ended up doing five. The year after that I did four more.

Matt Strain [00:21:39]:
Two Sundays ago, I did my 15th race. Now I’ve only been doing the sprint and Olympic distance. I’m not doing the long format, 70.3 and 140.6 races yet. That’s the goal down the road, but we have to build up to that. However, while I was doing this, my daughter started saying, you know, one day I want to do a triathlon too. And I remember laughing and saying, well, you know, the first thing we got to do is get the training wheels off your bikes. I’m pretty sure they don’t let you race with training wheels. And she was like, yeah, that’s true.

Matt Strain [00:22:09]:
So about two years ago, we were out at the park and she’s made up her mind. She was ready to take training wheels off. And we took the training wheels off and she took her about two or three tries and she got it down and was absolutely hooked on the bike. And so she and I started going on bike rides together. I think our first long ride, we did a 10 mile ride on a local greenway. Here I am riding a tricked out triathlon bike and she’s riding a Disney Frozen single speed huffy and did 10 miles. I was blown away by how tough she was. Granted, the complaints started at about mile eight, but like I told her, the car’s two miles that way.

Matt Strain [00:22:47]:
There’s only one way to get there so we can rest, but we got to keep going. And she got hooked and absolutely loved it. And then I stumbled across a group this past spring called Girls on the Run, which is a wonderful nonprofit that works with girls that are in third through fifth grade. And they work on positive body image and self confidence and all the rest of it using running as a teaching element. And the idea is that the girls sign up for it. They do two practices a week for like six or eight weeks. And at the end of it, all the girls run a 5k together. And it’s a real 5k, not just one.

Matt Strain [00:23:24]:
For the girls on the run, they do like, like a community 5k with people from all over. So needless to say, they don’t just turn third to fifth graders loose in a crowd of grown adults. Each girl is required to have a running buddy. Now, the girls are welcome to choose some of the coaches. They’re welcome to bring anybody they want. My daughter asked if I would be her running buddy, and I’m not gonna lie, I Teared up. I was so absolutely touched. I’m like, absolutely.

Matt Strain [00:23:48]:
I will do that. We’re gonna do it. It’s gonna be great. And the two of us went and we ran it. We had a great experience. I’ve got amazing pictures of the whole thing. She’s got glitter on her face and they do happy hair where they put like little hair extensions and barrettes that are fun colors. And they put temporary hair dye on the girl’s hair so that they can make a big thing out of it.

Matt Strain [00:24:11]:
And we did this 5k. And on her very first ever time running a 5k for practice with the girls on the run fold. She ended up doing it in a little over an hour, which for those who aren’t familiar, It’s a, a 3.1 mile run. An hour’s a long time, but again, she’s got short legs. So that’s what I went into the race expecting. We finished the race, the two of us, in 38 minutes and change. On race day, I was a little jealous because my first ever 5k was a little over 50 something minutes long. And it took me two years to build up to a sub 40 minute.

Matt Strain [00:24:47]:
And she got it on her very first one. But she had a blast. And we came home that night and she informed me, that’s it, I want to sign up for a kids triathlete. And I said, are you sure? And she’s like, absolutely. I’m like, all right, I’m gonna sign us up, but you’re committed once I push this button. And she’s like, I’m gonna do it. So we found a local. Well, I say local, it’s gonna be about a two hour drive away, but we’re, we’ve got a little vacation planned around it, but we’re gonna do a triathlon where they’re doing an adult triathlon that starts at 7 in the morning and then at 9 in the morning they’re doing a kid’s TR, which is significantly shorter distance.

Matt Strain [00:25:23]:
But again, the idea is to get the kids involved in this when they’re young so that they learn to enjoy it and continue doing it throughout their lives and maybe move into it more in adulthood. I think the distances for her race is it’s 100 yard swim followed by like a two mile bike ride and then maybe like a half a mile or so on the run. Whereas the adult version of it for the same thing is going to be 3 or 400 yards swimming, followed by like a 13 mile bike ride followed by a 5k or 3.1 mile run. But her big thing is that she wants to compare where I place in my age group to where she places in her age group to see who’s better. My answer is it’s going to be her because she is young and has a whole lot more endurance than I do. But I’m just excited that she wants to share this with me. Since then we’ve gone out, we’ve gotten her a bike that’s like multi speed and all the rest of it that actually fits her. Took two tries to find one.

Matt Strain [00:26:22]:
The first one fit her but she couldn’t reach the brake. And you do need to be able to use the brakes on the bike. So we found it, we found a second one that she could reach the brakes on and mine’s hanging on the wall behind me. And again, it’s really nice to be able to look up on like a Saturday afternoon and decide that we’re gonna have dad daughter time. And the two of us grab our bikes and our helmets and put some water in the water bottles and we go out and hit a local green one and we go ride bikes for a while while. And we don’t. I mean yeah, we chit chat a little bit again. For anybody who’s ever done like training riding, at a certain point it gets harder to talk because you’re tired and huffing and puffing.

Matt Strain [00:26:59]:
But we make pit stops and we can talk during that time. But honestly, it’s just nice to have an 11 year old daughter that wants to spend time with me because again we’ve entered that age. I’ve been told multiple times that I am cringe and I’m sure it’s going to get worse as she moves into middle school school. But I found something that we can share and that we can bond over and I want to make sure it stays that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:23]:
You know, it’s always so important to be able to find those things that you can share together. My oldest daughter and I, we cycle together, we run together, we enjoy hiking and getting outside. My youngest daughter and I do other things because her interests are not the same. Our kids are different and you have to figure out what it makes them light up and allow for them to many times drive the boat per se. So it is great to hear that you found some of that path for yourself with Lily and being able to create those special memories and special bonds together. We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection six where I ask you six more questions to delve into you and your relationship. With your daughter a little bit more. Are you ready?

Matt Strain [00:28:07]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:07]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Matt Strain [00:28:12]:
Powerful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Strain [00:28:16]:
Nobody’s perfect that you’re gonna make mistakes. Roll with it. Admit your mistake. Apologize. If you need to apologize to your kids for the mistakes that you make and don’t make them again. The same kind of things that we try to teach our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:31]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Matt Strain [00:28:34]:
Oh, definitely riding bikes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:35]:
Now, if you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Matt Strain [00:28:40]:
Be you don’t change for anyone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:42]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Strain [00:28:46]:
That there’s so much more to life than just me. I know it’s cliche, but prior to having kids, so much of my life was wrapped up around what I want, what I need, where I want to be. It was a lot of I, I, I. And when I became a father, suddenly that went away. Don’t get me wrong, there are still things that I want out of life, but the priority is no longer me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:12]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Matt Strain [00:29:20]:
Find a place where you can meet your daughter where she is, not where you want to meet her. I got lucky in the fact that I had a hobby and my daughter decided that she liked that hobby. There wasn’t any guarantees that that was going to be the case. It could have very well been that my daughter decided that what she really love, being a cheerleader or something. And if that was the case, I was going to be the best cheerleader dad out there. And I was going to be there with her. I was going to cheer her on and support her and share that with her. Because if you can share in what they love, that’s where you’re going to connect.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]:
Well, Matt, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your own journey today. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Matt Strain [00:30:04]:
I have an Instagram AT account. It’s called Daddy’s Not Drinking where it’s largely about being a dad. Lately there’s been a lot of posts about scouting because my son got into Cub Scouts and has decided that dad needs to move into the leadership of the local scouting community. So there’s a decent amount about that. There’s also a lot about triathlon and non alcoholic beer and regularly about what sober life looks like because it’s not quite as boring as I thought it would be. It’s actually a whole lot better than I thought it would be. But, yeah, that would be the easiest place again for anybody else who’s an at home dad. And for the record, that that doesn’t mean just stay at home parents.

Matt Strain [00:30:44]:
Anybody who is an involved dad and a primary caregiver to their kids, they are at home dads. I got involved with the national At Home dad network when my daughter was about 2, almost 3 years old, and my son hadn’t been born yet. And that that community of dads has been a huge lifeline for me and anybody who’s interested. Their website is literally at home dad.org they do a lot of great stuff, both virtually and then once a year in person, they do a big convention, which is literally professional development for professional dads. This year it’s happening in San Antonio, Texas on September 11th through the 13th, but all the details are on the website. Great. And I’m also on Facebook just with my name, Matt Strain, if any of you are actually still on Facebook. I know it’s kind of corny and all, but honestly, there’s a whole lot of people that that’s the connection I have with them.

Matt Strain [00:31:37]:
And as much as I would love to just get off of it, there’s things that Facebook is good at. You just got to ignore the noise.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:43]:
Well, there’s a lot of noise on all of the social media platforms, so that Facebook is not the only place where that happens, so. Well, Matt, I just want to say a thing. Thank you. Thank you again for sharing your journey today. We’ll put links in the notes today, but I truly wish you all the best as you continue this journey that you’re on with Lily and your son. And look forward to hearing more about not only this triathlon, but many to come in the future.

Matt Strain [00:32:08]:
Thanks. And thank you for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:10]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:32:41]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny, screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing faster than time goes by Just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be can be.

Toddler Wisdom: Parenting Lessons from Dr. Hasan Merali

August 4, 2025 by dadofdivas

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re a father looking to deepen your relationship with your daughter and embrace all the wonder (and chaos) of parenthood, the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” is a must-listen. This week, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Dr. Hasan Merali, a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, researcher, and author, for an insightful conversation that flips the script on how we view toddlers—and offers practical ways dads can cultivate meaningful bonds with their daughters.

Beneath the Tantrums: What Toddlers Can Teach Us

Toddlerhood is too often painted as a stormy sea of tantrums and “why” questions, but Dr. Merali’s experience—as both a physician and a dad—reveals something different: young children are bursting with curiosity, resilience, empathy, and joy. Drawing from his new book, Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life, Dr. Merali explores how toddlers’ natural enthusiasm and openness hold powerful lessons for adults.

He urges parents to recognize that tantrums are fleeting (just a few minutes a day!)—what really fills children’s time is laughing, learning, loving, and connecting. By tuning into these moments, dads can nurture strong, joyful relationships with their daughters.

Building Bonds Through Presence and Play

One standout theme from the episode is the value of intentional time together. Dr. Merali shares how his paternity leave—six months spent at home during the pandemic—allowed him and his daughter to connect without distractions. He also discusses family traditions, like a soothing bedtime routine and regular father-daughter hikes, that help anchor their relationship even during life’s busy or challenging seasons.

Crucially, Dr. Merali encourages dads to embrace play—rediscover what you loved as a child and share that joy with your daughter, whether it’s music, sports, or just being silly together. Kids thrive off connection and fun, and those experiences build trust that lasts.

Raising Confident, Curious Daughters

The conversation delves into giving children space to struggle, fail, and try again—because confidence is built through doing, not just succeeding. Dr. Merali reminds dads to maintain a sense of curiosity, to model positive self-talk, and to let their daughters take (safe) risks, developing independence one small step at a time.

If you want both encouragement and actionable strategies for being the dad your daughter needs, tune into this episode. It’s a heartfelt reminder that the best parenting wisdom might come from the littlest voices in our lives.

Listen to the full episode at Dad and Daughter Connection and start building an even stronger bond today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those connections that we want to have with our daughters. I love being able to talk to you every week and coming back every week to talk about this important relationship that we have with our daughters and the important journey that we all have to be on to be able to build an even stronger relationship, building stronger connections with our daughters. That’s why every week I try to bring you different people, people with different experiences, different journeys that can talk to you about their own journey, but also some tools for your own toolbox and help you along the path.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:35]:
This week we got another great guest. Dr. Hasan Merali is with us and Dr. Merali is an Associate professor in the Department of pediatric at McMaster University and a pediatric emergency medicine physician at McMaster Children’s Hospital in Hamilton, Ontario. He received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School and a Master of Public Health degree from Johns Hopkins. And his research from focuses on child injury prevention in low and middle income countries. He’s published more than 25 peer reviewed journal articles. He has a brand new book that we’re going to be also talking about today called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a happier, more successful way of life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]:
I’m really excited to have him here and to welcome him to the show. Hasan, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:29]:
Yeah, thanks for having me. Great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:31]:
It is my pleasure. Love having you here. And first and foremost, I want to talk to you a little bit about your own journey as a dad and especially a dad to a daughter. And I guess as you think about the time that you’ve been able to spend with your daughter thus far, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Your daughter thus Far.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:49]:
You know, there are so many that come to mind. We had a very special bonding experience. Kind of unique. Number one, because I live in Canada and I’m very fortunate, I was able to take a paternity leave and I took six months off with her. So I was off when she was six months to one year. And that was also the first year of the pandemic. And so everything was pretty much shut down. My wife and I are both essential workers.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:03:10]:
So she was back at work, and Aria and I just had that time alone for six months and we didn’t have anywhere to go. And it was just the two of us @ home. So we had a very, very special bonding experience. And I think what really came out of that is the fun that we can have day to day. And one of the things I talk about and write about is how much young children love to laugh. And I think that’s just this special moment in time that we had those six months kind of continue daily where she is making me laugh every day. And I’m trying to make her laugh just as much, but she certainly is a funnier person. And I think that’s the special moment that continues on each day for us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:46]:
Now, I know your daughter’s still young and she’s still becoming her own person, but as she’s getting older, she’s probably asking more questions, starting to get into that why phase of things. How do you balance the idea that you want to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:05]:
I really encourage that why question. And it’s just an important part of early childhood development and how little kids can learn at actually a much faster rate than most of us. And so. And I often don’t know the answer, and that’s okay. And I want her to teach her that. It’s an important question to ask, but it’s also okay if we don’t know the answer. And my job, I think, as a dad, is to instill that in her and maintain that curiosity, but also give her the tools of how we’re going to look things up. And so, you know, for example, one of the ways, a really great way is the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:37]:
And so we try to make it every week, but I’ll say every two weeks for sure, to the library, where we’re getting books on topics that she’s interested in or that she just becomes interested as she’s walking around and go through that. And so I really want to instill that curiosity, learning how do we get the answer Reading as part of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]:
You talked about the fact that you got to spend that quality time with your daughter at an early age during COVID And I guess as you think about either those times or where you are today, what are some intentional ways you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during times that might not be the easiest, maybe those challenging times?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:14]:
Yeah, I think one of the ways that I’ve done that, you know, I live in a larger city. There’s just a large mass of people who live between Toronto and Hamilton, and I’m a part of that. But I didn’t grow up in. In a large city. I grew up in a very small town, a lot of wilderness in Northern Ontario. So one of the things that I tried to do more with her is take her out into nature. And we know all the health benefits for young kids as they’re developing, but also for adults as well. And so we try to go on hikes, which we can get to about 30 minutes away.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:42]:
And then at least two, three times a year, just her and I, without mom will go away out into cabins without electricity or running water, and we go canoeing and do a little bit of fishing. We use propane stoves. And that’s really nice because there’s no technology either. And I think that’s, yeah, for me, the best times of the year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]:
Now, every one of us has to learn along the way. We’re not always going to be perfect. There’s going to be mistakes. There’s going to be things that we do that we look back on and say, why did I do that? What’s a mistake you’ve made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:06:20]:
I think one of the biggest mistakes certainly that I’ve made and I. And I see this in a lot of parents now that I’ve gone through the data, is jumping in when they’re struggling with something. I mean, there are certain things that she’s for right now, so she’s just not going to be able to do, and that’s fine. But there are a lot of other things where she needs to have that struggle and get to a point where she wants to ask for help or try to learn and figure out new ways to do things. And that point of where you jump in is sometimes far too early as a parent, when you’re trying to help them along, when you see them struggling or trying to work something out. And so that is something that I’ve really had to just watch and Observe her. She knows that I’m there. She knows that I’m there to support her.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:04]:
But I’m not actually going to do the thing for her until she’s given that a good shot or asked specifically for help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:10]:
Now, you just mentioned the fact that you show her that you are there. What’s one way that you tangibly show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:20]:
Yeah. So one of the things, and she’s very. She asks about this is about schedule. And so, you know, she’s at the age where schedules become very important to her. And she has a little calendar. And so we can map out not too far in the future, but maybe a week or so. And so I am going to show her for that week and for that day of when we’re going to be together. And so she kind of has her school routine.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:43]:
You know, I work in the er, so I’m not always there in the evenings. Like this evening, I won’t be there. So I just make it very clear to her that, you know, today I won’t be there. It’ll be mom, but then tomorrow I will be picking you up. And we will do X, Y, Z. We have her in a few activities and that we’re going to do those things together. And I think that schedule and understanding on what day, at least today and tomorrow, what’s happening, where I’m going to be and where I’m going to be for her is important. And that really works well for her.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:10]:
Talking about schedule, that leads to really traditions. Right. And routines, as you said, beyond what you just said in regard to that daily schedule, what’s a tradition that you’ve created thus far that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:27]:
Yeah, I think the most important one. And I actually wrote an article about this now. I’ll put it in the. In the show notes. I’ll send it to you because I think it’s really important and adaptable for adults, too. And that’s the sleep routine. It’s this toddler preschooler sleep routine that we do together every night. Takes about 45 minutes, an hour total.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:46]:
But it really helps us down and connect together at the end of each night that I’m there. And so what that means is about an hour before bedtime, we take a bath. After the bath time, we do some type of hygiene activity. Usually for her, it’s flossing and brushing. And then always before bed, we go through a book. And it doesn’t have to be any particular book. It can be one of her favorites. It can be one of the new ones that we’ve got from the library.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:11]:
But that time spent reading and that daily tradition of this is the bedtime routine before and mom is involved as well, I think really helps us bond and helps her get to sleep better and helps me get to sleep better because I do something similar a few hours later when I go to bed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:28]:
Now, I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life. And I also, in your bio, I talk about all the different hats. You’re wearing many hats as a pediatric ER doctor, a researcher, and now an author, as well as a dad, husband, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So talk to me about the journey and what inspired you to write this book.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:58]:
Yeah, so I’m very fortunate that I day to day get to work with children. And I’ve been in pediatrics for about 15 years. And these young children in particular, and I focus on this magical age between 1 and 5 toddlers and preschoolers, they just think in such a different way and they do things so differently. And I’ve had such so many positive experiences with them. And then I look at kind of the media and what’s portrayed about toddlers, and I just see Tantrum, tantrum, Tantrum, and then something else, and then Tantrum. And that just doesn’t do them justice, and it’s just not who they are. And so this book really came out of what do I want to show the world about who these people really are? You know, tantrums last. We know this from the data, and if we look at the data, a median time of one to three minutes.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:10:43]:
So that means, you know, half of them are less than that time, half of them are more. It’d be very rare to get to 10 minutes and very rare to get to 15. But let’s say that’s true. 15 minutes. They’re awake for 12 to 13 hours a day. So what are they doing all of the other times? You know, they’re making connections, they’re learning, they’re laughing, they’re doing all these wonderful things. And when I dove deeper into the data on this, the way they live their lives actually maps perfectly well onto a lot of the adult wellness literature. And people just focus on toddler tantrums and what we need to do for them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:14]:
I wanted to flip the script completely. And so my book doesn’t have anything to do with parenting. It is Wonderful for parents because they’ll get it, I think. But it is all the lessons that young children can teach us. And I really wanted to make sure that people know that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:29]:
We’ve already talked about the fact that your daughter Aria is between 4 and 5 right now. And so she’s right in the middle of the toddler and preschool years and getting toward the school years. So talk to me about that interplay of being a dad and how that. And also a doctor, and working with all these other kids in your professional practice, and how that influenced your research and writing.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:57]:
So she actually pops up quite a bit in the book because I started this book during the pandemic as well. The book proposal and my actual writing was between when she was between one and two, two and a half. So it actually occurred when she was at that age. And so I was able to pull in a lot of stories from her at that time, as well as a lot of my experience working with children in the ER as well. You know, one of my favorite stories and I and I write about this is the number of times I’ve been with young children who have had to fast because of me. I’ve told them to because they have belly pain and we have to do blood work, ultrasound, all of these things to them. And it’s been several hours that they haven’t eaten. And most of the time, good, they’re okay, they can eat.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:12:39]:
I tell the parents that the parents are ready with their favorite snack. It’s always some type of cracker, usually goldfish, something else. And they give this child these crackers. And they look at me, they’re able to tell just by my face somehow that I haven’t eaten. Also in six or seven hours. And, you know, multiple times it’s happened where they’ll just give me a cracker. I don’t even have to ask for it. Or they’ll take a couple and then offer it to me, or they’ll lick one and give it to me.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:02]:
And they’re just so kind and generous that these types of interactions really, really helped me put this all together. And I’ll say, just on kindness, hands down with the 20 years, I’d say of research I kind of dug through to write this. I don’t think there’s anyone kinder than young children.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:18]:
Let’s go a little bit deeper on that, because you do talk in the book about the fact that toddlers do show that pure empathy and kindness toward others. How can parents nurture and maintain those qualities as their kids grow older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:34]:
Yeah. So I think one of the main ways, because kids naturally have this, as I mentioned, finding ways to give back or to helping them maintain that. So I think the easiest in some ways, but hard because it requires time, is some type of volunteer work. You know, every one of us and every little child has some cause that is very meaningful to them, whether that’s taking care of pets, whether that’s taking care of elderly people, something. So I think if that can be made into a family activity where there is some type of volunteer work and maybe it can be a structured thing where you’re going every week and that’s amazing, or maybe it can just be an informal thing where that’s happening once a month when you’re able to, is I think one of the ways that we can maintain their need and want to always be kind to others and make themselves feel happy from doing those activities.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:26]:
You know, earlier you talked about the importance of connection for toddlers and building those deep connections with others around them, whether it be parents or other kids or things like that. What do you think that fathers can learn from their about strengthening the father daughter bond?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:46]:
I think one of the ways that we can do that, and my daughter reminds me about how I can do this all the time, is with play. And you know, it requires no data to know that kids love to play more than adults do. And it’s something they inject into their lives all the time. And the older, the older we get, it kind of drops away. But there’s a lot of good research with adults that it actually helps us feel more relaxed, it makes us more fun to be around and more fun for the other person and all these wonderful benefits. So I would just encourage people to have that play in their lives. And one of the things I found that has helped me is to think about what are the things that I used to like to do when I was younger and kind of bring that to my daughter. So when I was really thinking back, one of the things I did when I was maybe in elementary school was play drums.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:15:38]:
And that was something a lot of fun for me. And so modified that and found a hand drumming class recently and started learning how to do play hand drums. And I’m fortunate that my parents are from East Africa and they have a large collection of hand drums that they don’t use, they’re just on display. But we picked these up, I gave one to my daughter and after I’ve learned a few beats, I’ve come home and kind of showed her a little bit. And this is one way where something fun for me that was meaningful for me as a childhood I can bring to my daughter. And I think that would be a great way for dads to introduce something new, but also to remember what it was like to be a child as well yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:12]:
I love that. And I know earlier I talked about that your daughter was at that age where I’m sure you’re getting a lot of the why, why, why. And they ask ton. Toddlers ask hundreds of questions a day. But the interesting piece is as you look at kids as they grow older, as you look at adults, so many adults hesitate to even ask one question in a meeting. So how do you feel that dads can encourage their kids to keep that natural curiosity alive as they get older and as they grow?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:16:43]:
Yeah, it’s such an important question and I’m glad you asked it. I have a whole chapter in my book dedicated to this about asking because it’s such an incredible thing that they’re able to do. And as you said, over time we just go over this like XY graph cliff of how many questions we ask. You know, if toddlers are left to themselves and they’re recorded, this is in studies, they can ask 107 per hour. It’s really incredible how many questions they’re just able to ask. And interestingly that they’re getting to the answer faster what they need to know. And that’s something important for us. But the other reason that they ask questions and that we should be asking questions, especially follow up questions, is that it is an incredible relationship building tool and that’s really born out in the data with adults as well.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:17:28]:
And so I think both ways, like encouraging your child to keep asking those questions and just doing everything you can to not get annoyed with those and realizing that they are doing it for a couple of different reasons. And then you yourself being inspired by them, because I think they’re inspiring people to ask more questions of not just them, but other people around you, especially at work or in other types of two adult relationships. Because that’s what actually has shown to make us more likable as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:55]:
I know that in the book you also highlight the way toddlers take risks without overthinking it. How can parents balance risk taking while still ensuring safety?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:18:08]:
Yeah, it’s a tough one and it’s a really, really good question because as a pediatric ER doctor, I see both ends of the spectrum. I see the absolute worst of it and I see all the minor injuries. And so most importantly, we have to make sure car Safety and pool safety and safety around ingestions, pills is there people they have to be in the correct car seat, there have to be four walls around pools and medications have to be locked up. But you know, most injuries around kids happen on the playground because they’re just out there, they’re enjoying themselves, they’re trying to do new things, they’re developing gross motor skills and they’re going to have falls and they have falls and they have cuts. And a lot of what I do with young children is fixing fractures and fixing cuts that they have and suturing them up. And I think it’s really, really important that we let kids on the playground scenario really just play and we don’t have to hover around them. We know from years and years of data that the vast majority of injuries that kids get in the playground setting are minor injuries. And we can fix almost all of them.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:19:10]:
And then we’ve gotten to the point where we’re just hovering over them and making sure that nothing else happens to them and it’s too much for them. They need that space, they need the room to grow. And I realizing this more and more that we’ve gone a little bit too extreme with the safety and we need to pull back. And it’s not like this in other countries. A lot of European countries will let their kindergarten grade one, grade two Asia just go into the forest and they’re watching them, but they’re not hovering over them. And they’re learning to discover those new natural obstacles that they need to engage with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
Now some of what you just talked about really talks about resiliency in kids and the fact that children are resilient when they break a limb or they fall. And I guess as you have seen that and observed that in kids, not only what have you observed from children’s resiliency, but what from that resiliency can parents learn from?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:02]:
It’s a difficult issue. So many things come to mind and so many difficult diagnoses I’ve had to give over the years and more recently too. And it’s incredible the resilience of kids that I’ve seen who have to come to the hospital for so many different appointments with long term illnesses like cancer. I think one of the things we can learn from children is just that they’re able to maintain a positive attitude. They don’t get down on life as quickly and they don’t get down on themselves. And one of the things that they’re able to do much better than adults too is actually self talk and a Lot of their self talk, and it’s funny because they talk to themselves out loud. It’s so cute. Is very positive and it’s very encouraging.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:20:40]:
And a lot of our self talk that happens in our minds is very negative and we get down on ourselves a lot. And so to be able to learn from them and flip that script and get our minds in a more positive space, the way we talk to ourselves, I think is a. An easy but incredibly powerful strategy. One of the things just to give your listeners a practical takeaway is when you’re in that negative talk cycle, think of yourself talking to a close friend instead of yourself actually. And you’ll just notice the language completely changes of how you’re talking. And that can be one way to get out of that, that cycle.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]:
Following up on that self talk. I know that as you talk about that, it is a powerful tool for success with your kids and especially raising daughters. That self talk is really important because they will hear things outside of themselves. They will see things and hear things, and society will add things into the mix. So how do you believe that fathers can teach their kids to develop positive inner dialogue from that early age that continues as they get older?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:21:46]:
One of the ways, and multiple studies have shown this with older kids and adults and we can start to teach them this. And I think something that adults need to learn is substituting I for second and third person. So when we’re thinking about how we’re feeling, we have to use you and we have to use our third person name. So for example, when we’re in a very stressful situation and they put people in FMRI machines where they can measure the brain waves and they give them very aversive images and they say, what am I feeling? And then they measure the brainwaves and then the person again just says their name. So what is Hasan feeling? And when they do that, that the emotional reactivity centers in our brain are far tuned down. And so as kids get older, not at the age my daughter is at, but at maybe the age that your daughters are at, start to teach them the strategy of talking to themselves in second and third person. And it’s a very hard thing to get your head around. But once you start to do that, it starts to make a difference.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:22:38]:
And I think that’s one of the longer term things that we can definitely leave for our kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:42]:
One question that comes to mind after what you talked about in regards to resiliency in the way that kids process things is that, you know, I’ve seen so many Toddlers that just live in the moment and they embrace joy. How do you believe that parents can live more of that toddler mindset and add that into their daily lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:03]:
Yeah, I’m so glad you brought that up because, you know, we talk about living in the moment as an adult wellness thing, and there’s no one that actually is able to do that as good as toddlers are. And we can’t exactly get there because their brains are completely structurally different and they don’t have a developed prefrontal cortex. And so they’re not thinking about the future and, you know, what’s going to happen in next week or maybe even in a few days. And so they’re, they’re naturally in tune to that, and you can see that all the time because they’re looking at different objects and they’re noticing things that we would never notice. So it is an incredible skill. I wish we were able to do that more. One of the ways, and this I know has probably been repeated to your listeners so many times, is getting rid of that phone. And when I come home, I’m not perfect and I mess up a lot, but I try when I come home to put it in my nightstand drawer on airplane brain mode.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:23:50]:
And it’s there until my daughter goes to bed. And so that’s between 4 and 7:30pm at least those three, four hours when I’m with her. Not having the phone is, I think, the single best thing we can do to be more present with our kids. And I wish I was better about it. And I’m still working on it. And it’s a really good strategy to help this because they’re not interested in that as much and they just want to engage with you. And so if you’re with them and nobody has their screens, then I think that’s a wonderful way to be more in the moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]:
And I know you also talk in the book about how adults need to be more toddler. Can you share any specific examples that you might be able to offer where adults like us can be more toddler in our own lives and that may have shown positive results or that could show positive results in our lives?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:24:42]:
Yeah. And this is an incredible toddler superpower that is very obvious. And it’s their ability to say no. There is nothing more powerful than a toddler. No. When they say no, they really, really mean it. And it’s, it’s, it’s amazing. And I don’t mean to be too simplistic or that we should be rude about it, but it’s actually incredibly useful if we’re able to say no like they are, or as many times as they are.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:25:06]:
You know, we want to default to yes and we want to make sure that we don’t make the other person feel bad if we’re saying no when all these requests are coming towards us. But what that does over time, if we keep saying yes, it leads to overwhelm and an over scheduled calendar. And that’s not good for us either, especially when we have children and we need to be around them. And so I want to empower dads and I’ve had to learn to do this too because I just don’t have as much time anymore because I have a daughter is that I need to be better at saying no. And she’s taught me that really well. And so really evaluating the requests that are coming and one good strategy that can sometimes be helpful if it’s a bigger ask, is actually mapping that out on a calendar about the parts of the ask. If you have some type of report, for example, then you could break the report down into different subcategories and then actually getting a better estimate of the time before you say yes. Because we’re notoriously terrible at estimating also the time something will take.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:01]:
But the toddler no is something we should all be using more.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:04]:
Now, you’ve given a lot of pieces of advice today. If there was one other key lesson that you’d want every person to take out of the book, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:26:12]:
I think the other part is the toddler level of confidence is also incredible. They just think they’re able to do anything, including flying and things they’re not clearly able to do. And you know, we don’t have to be that extreme, but we also get to the other extreme where we don’t have the confidence to try these new things. And that’s really what helps us grow the fastest, is is trying these new things and having the confidence to do that. So I really admire them for that and I hope that everyone can see them for what they’re able to do with confidence to bring a little bit of more of that into our own lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:46]:
Now, if people want to find the book or follow your work, where should they go?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:26:50]:
So the easiest place is my website because it has everything in one place. Hasan Meraliy.com and that will have links to the book. And I’m very active mostly on LinkedIn as well as X. And you can find me there. I’m happy to connect and I post lessons we can learn from children multiple times per week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:05]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our. Our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:13]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:13]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:17]:
Fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:22]:
I think it’s to go back to living in the moment and dropping the cell phone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]:
What’s one activity you and your daughter love doing together?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:31]:
Canoeing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:37]:
It’s to keep up her curiosity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:40]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Dr. Hasan Meralis [00:27:44]:
That I absolutely love being a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]:
Finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:27:55]:
Find the activities that you really love to do and bring those to your daughter. We talked about my example of the hand drumming, but there are things, and this is what kids need, is new experiences. And so there’s. There’s things that from your childhood that you can bring to your daughter and that will be incredibly meaningful for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:14]:
Well, Hasan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for writing this book to encourage all of us to be more childlike, to be more like a toddler, and to start thinking about things differently and acting differently, but also being able to keep young no matter what age we are. And I truly wish you all the best.

Dr. Hasan Merali [00:28:36]:
Thank you very much. It was nice to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis

That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our dadanddaughterconnection@gmail.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:29:08]:
We’re all in the same boat is full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Building Meaningful Bonds: Rick Walker on Presence, Purpose, and Raising Confident Daughters

July 21, 2025 by dadofdivas

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If you’re a father searching for ways to build a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a must-listen. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rick Walker—business leader, father of three teenage daughters, and author of the upcoming book, Nine Steps to Build a Life of Meaning: How to Unlock Your Mind, Happiness, Power, and Your Enemy’s Demise—for a powerful and honest conversation about the realities and rewards of fatherhood.

Throughout the episode, Rick shares invaluable insights not only from his professional life but, more importantly, from his lived experience as a dad. One of the central themes is the importance of truly being present. Rick describes making family dinners a priority, and how even simple rituals—like driving home from summer camp or sharing milkshake runs—can be crucial opportunities to listen and connect. He emphasizes the need to go beyond just showing up: “Attention is the only resource I have to offer,” he says—highlighting that those everyday moments of real engagement are what matter most.

Rick also touches on the challenges of fatherhood: balancing guidance with allowing independence, recognizing each daughter’s individuality, and pushing through discomfort during tough conversations. He admits that sometimes daughters will push their dads away, and it’s up to us not to give up, but to keep returning, reaffirming our love, belief, and pride.

A particularly inspiring message from the episode is the idea that meaning often comes from confronting challenges. Drawing from his book, Rick discusses how fathers—and their children—grow through adversity, and why “avoiding an ounce of pain means drinking a gallon of regret.” For dads feeling stuck, burnt out, or disconnected, he gently suggests that often, the thing you least want to face is where real growth—and renewed connection—can be found.

Practical advice abounds: tell your daughter daily that you’re proud, that you love her, and that you believe in her. And, most importantly, let them see you strive not just in your career, but in being the kind of person you’d want them to choose as a partner one day.

If you’re ready to laugh, reflect, and gather actionable wisdom for your own journey as a dad, be sure to check out this heartfelt episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. It’s a reminder that you don’t have to walk this path alone—and that every father has the power to be the dad his daughter needs. Listen now and start building that lasting connection today!

If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community, and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Rick’s Book (9 Steps to Build a Life of Meaning): https://amzn.to/4nGYDFq

Rick’s Newsletter: https://funnel.rickwalker.com/optin?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=hostlastname

Rick on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@rickwalkertx
Rick on X: https://x.com/RickWalkerTX
Rick at Lumicre Private Equity: https://lumicre.com/
Rick’s Website: https://www.rickwalker.com

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Rick Walker [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I’m so excited that you are back again this week as we walk on this path together on this journey of raising amazing daughters.

Rick Walker [00:01:03]:
And, you know, none of us have to walk on this path alone. It’s so important that we’re willing to put ourselves out there to be willing to learn and to listen and to hear the journeys of other fathers. Because as you and I both know, the journey of fatherhood is not always easy. There are challenges, there are bumps, and sometimes you can get some bruises along the way as well. But you can learn so much from other fathers and see what they’re doing, take what they’re doing, adapt it, adjust it, make it your own, and identify ways in which you can take that learning and turn it into something amazing that’ll help you to be the dad that you want to be. That’s why this podcast exists. We want to have amazing connections with our daughters, and that’s not always going to be easy. We have to learn and grow along the way.

Rick Walker [00:02:05]:
We have to better understand the journey that they’re on. And that’s why every week, every week, I love being able to have you here to be able to learn from other fathers. And that’s why I bring someone new to you every week that allows for you to do just that. This week, we’ve got another great guest.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:21]:
Who?

Rick Walker [00:02:21]:
Rick Walker is with us. Rick is the author of a upcoming book called nine steps to build a life of meaning, how to unlock your mind, happiness, power, and your enemy’s demise. And he is a renowned leader across multiple domains. He’s been a founder CEO of a 400 employee company, and he scaled that up from there. And he also scaled a 2020 team member nonprofit into 53 countries as a chairman. So he’s done a lot of stuff. But even beyond that, he is a Father of three daughters, three teenage daughters at that. And I am really excited to be able to not only talk to him about his upcoming book, but also to talk to him about his own journey as a father.

Rick Walker [00:03:08]:
Rick, thanks so much for being here today.

Christopher Lewis [00:03:10]:
Christopher, it’s joy. Looking forward to our time together.

Rick Walker [00:03:12]:
Well, I’m really excited that you’re here today. And as I, as I said, you are a father of three daughters, and I always start these conversations with an opportunity to get to know you a little bit more as a father yourself, and especially a father of a daughter. As I said, that connection that we want to build is so important. And as you think back to the moments that you’ve had thus far in your life with your three daughters, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made it so special?

Christopher Lewis [00:03:41]:
One of the more meaningful moments has been with my daughters whenever they would finish up that summer camp. And so we’ve always tried to make it a point of being there to pick them up from summer camp camp and drive them an hour home just to hear everything. And if you’re a dad of a teenage daughter, what you know is you get one of two things. You either get the talkative girl when she’s with her friends a lot of times, or you get the quiet one who’s too cool to talk to mom and dad. But sometimes if you haven’t seen them in a week and they’ve been through a lot and they’re all together, you can get them to talk. And so just being able to listen to them and hear their stories after camp, after not seeing them for a week or so and them also not seeing their sisters for a week, that’s always just been a joy. So we do that every year. But yeah, I do find that it’s more difficult to get them to open up.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:25]:
And those handful of times where we can get them to really open up unguarded, that’s always a very meaningful time.

Rick Walker [00:04:31]:
I said that you had three daughters, and I know they range in age from 12 to 17. And every father that has kids knows that your kids are not going to be duplicated of one another. They are very unique individuals. They have different personalities, and you have to come to understand who they are as individuals. Talk to me about, I mean, you’re a busy guy, so talk to me about how have you been able to. To really identify those unique aspects of your own daughters to. And how have you been able to make those strong connections with each of your daughters individually so that you can have that connection that you want with each one of them.

Christopher Lewis [00:05:10]:
Very early on I stumbled across the work of Dr. Meg Meeker, which I imagine you’ve probably spoken about her a number of times on your podcast and began reading some of her work. And some of the work was life changing. Just the idea that if I could find opportunities to be able to share with my daughter that I, I love them, that I’m proud of them, I believe in them, that that makes all the difference sometimes between a daughter that follows a winning path versus one that doesn’t. And so that’s always been a joy to be able to do that. And so from the time they were very young, I always encouraged them to try a number of things and we always would have them in one academic activity, one musical activity, and then one sports activity at least. And so having those three things going at the same time kept us very busy. But over the long term they eventually found one thing that they really loved or two things that they really love and it’s helped them.

Christopher Lewis [00:05:57]:
But the musical capacity we’ve always found. My wife and I were musicians, we’ve had musicians on my wife’s side of the family. I have a bachelor’s degree in music. I believe that music certainly helps children with their mathematical prowess as well as their ability to I guess, consider the imaginative aspects of the intellectual. And so we’ve made that a very strong priority in our kids upbringing. And we’ve got at least one of them that’s pretty dedicated to her music. But then the sports also, the sports help develop the social and seeing them differentiating in the sports element, my 17 year old, she’s a pre professional ballerina, so that is an art and a sport. The these girls, they’ve got more muscle mass than a lot of these high school football players do, but it’s a lot of artistry too.

Christopher Lewis [00:06:37]:
And so just trying to figure out where they are has been really impactful. And my wife and I, and then My daughter, my 12 year old, she’s the rule follower and she can do anything. She can do academics, she can do sports, she can do music, she can do anything. And so we’re excited about her, but she just has a natural gift to be able to get along with people. But trying to expose them to those three different areas from very young has given us a little bit of a glimpse of what they can and they can’t do. And they’ve been able to convince themselves that they can excel in certain areas and they can sell in certain relationships dynamics.

Rick Walker [00:07:05]:
As you’re raising your daughters, you have to find that balance of being able to guide your daughters while also giving them the independence to become who they’re becoming. Talk to me about what you’ve done to be able to do just that.

Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:
Yeah, so it’s a trade off. And every child is different. We have one child who’s very, very independent or middle one and she’s in middle school. I wouldn’t second guess leaving town, leaving her at home for a week by herself. I’ve never done that. But I wouldn’t think twice about it because she’s just, she’s so independent. She has such high emotional intelligence and she just sort of figures stuff out. She’s reliable.

Christopher Lewis [00:07:41]:
But then we have other kids that, that they need to be engaged on a regular basis because they’re more social creatures and they just don’t do where do well in certain social environments with either a large number of people like a public high school or a small number of people. So you have to sort of find that mix there. But it’s my objective to obviously get them acclimated to a wide variety of social structures and social environment. But they’re not always to do that. Especially during these critical teenage years. You have other things emotionally and socially and even spiritually in play that us as men from what I found anyway, we just can’t relate to that. And so my wife, she had to speak a lot of wisdom into those, those interactions over the past number of years.

Rick Walker [00:08:22]:
What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond or your connection with your daughters, especially during challenging times.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:29]:
So one of the things I read very early on was that what teenage daughters will do is they’ll, they’ll tend to push the dad away. They’ll push them away at some see if he’s going to come back for her. And if the dad doesn’t come back for her, she begins to self reinforce this idea that I’ve got to go and find another man that’s going to sort of fill that void. Not basically the father void, but just some sort of masculine type of presence in their lives. And so I’ve always been one that whenever they sort of push me away, I encourage them, but then I’ll pursue them. They have to know that there’s nothing that they’re going to do that will get me to give up on them, to back down from my commitment to have a relationship with them and also to I guess not encourage them to be on a healthy path. Going forward. Obviously, we all make stupid decisions in our lives, with our lives, but there’s also some.

Christopher Lewis [00:09:14]:
There’s also something special about having at least one person in the world that really believes in. In you unconditionally. And that’s the role that I want to. I want to play. Not that I approve of every decision or every action, but I approve of the person themselves. And I believe that my daughters can be called higher into a better future than even they can imagine themselves to be in.

Rick Walker [00:09:33]:
I know that as a father, I’ve made my share of mistakes along the way, and I think every father makes some mistakes along the way. What’s a mist that you made as a father? And what did you learn about it? Not only about yourself, but about fostering positive connections and communication with your own daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:09:51]:
For me, anyway, I failed to listen to my gut a number of times. And whenever I didn’t listen to my gut, and I thought, no, I’m just overthinking this. I’m over worrying what may or may not be happening. I made a grievous error to doing that over the years. And so what I believe is that obviously this child who is a part of me, that there is some sort of resonance there there. That whenever I suspect there’s an issue there, I feel something kind of within my bones, that there’s something that I need to address that when I don’t address it, it’s an offense to the gods, if you kind of get what I’m saying there. It’s an offense to fathers everywhere that I need. It’s my job to be proactive, not be reactive.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:27]:
And so I’ve got to be proactively engaging in these relationships. And when I’m not, that always tends to be a failure in that situation. In the long run, eventually. But love is always a sacrifice. It’s always a sacrifice. And you often will put yourself out there. You’ll make that comment, you’ll make that assertion. You’ll call that that child to do something that she doesn’t want to do.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:45]:
And it’s always fun.

Rick Walker [00:10:46]:
No, it’s not always fun. And I definitely hear you in that. What do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued and heard?

Christopher Lewis [00:10:54]:
So, first of all, you’ve got to give them eye contact. The only thing that I have to offer anyone in the world’s attention, that’s the only thing I have to offer. That’s the only resource in the entire world, is attention. And so if I can’t give them eye contact and understand, let Them understand that I’m hearing what they’re saying, I’m processing it and repeat it back for them, and they can correct me if I misunderstood. That is a great deal of it. The other thing is we try to do family dinners as often as possible. Obviously, we’re scattered, doing all sorts of activities, and we can’t do that every night because we’ve got everything going everywhere with sports and music and stuff. But and having a sort of a protected dinner time, protected family time around the table, that is really, really critical.

Christopher Lewis [00:11:32]:
I suspect that if a man doesn’t get his dinner table right and doesn’t get his books right and he doesn’t get his quiet time right, he can’t get his life right. Like, those are the really only three, three things that matter in your life. And so focusing on the dinner table, focus on that time together is really important. And when you can’t do that, hey, you know, I’m the chauffeur. I’m driving kiddos to practices and we’re talking. Even though they’re exhausted, I’m letting them know, hey, I saw you make this play. What if we did this next time? What is this person saying on the court? How can we encourage our team members? And then we also talk about their future? I’ve also found, I’m a big believer in Viktor Frankl’s work, that if we can get people focused on their future and what their future self would want them to do in the present, well, then that gets to open up an entire world of opportunity for these girls. And it gets them off the idea that my present is the only thing that matters.

Christopher Lewis [00:12:14]:
But, no, I’ve got a future self that has certain expectations of me now, and I have a responsibility to that future self.

Rick Walker [00:12:18]:
I mentioned at the beginning that you’re the author of an upcoming book, nine steps to build a life of meaning. How to unlock your mind, happiness, power, and your enemy’s demise. And, you know, as I was looking and reading through the book, one of the questions that came to my mind is right at the beginning, you dedicate the book to your wife and daughters. How is being a father to three girls shaped your understanding of a life of meaning?

Christopher Lewis [00:12:42]:
Pent up in the idea of meaning. And people often confuse purpose and meaning to be the same thing. Purpose is a. As a condition of meaning, oftentimes. But pent up in these ideas, you have this notion of relevance. And relevance has to do with endurance, this enduring presence that I want to leave behind to the world whenever I’m dead and Gone. And I suspect for me, the most important endurance or relevance that I’m going to leave behind to the world are these three daughters and their kids and their grandkids someday. And so if I want to live a life of meaning, I have to figure out how do I get the ideas and the beliefs that I have to endure in the long run, because only by their enduring can I have a chance that they’ll be relevant long term.

Christopher Lewis [00:13:26]:
Because I think it was Lewis that said this, and this is a common quote, you’ll see Mother’s Day some years on these cards. He said that it’s not what you do, but who you raise that makes your life matter. It’s not what you do, but who you raise that makes that makes your life matter. And I suspect most of us, that’s the state. So it’s not our jobs, it’s not these hobbies that we have. It’s not these grand podcasts that you and I host. It’s not any of this stuff. It’s our kids, and they’re sitting there.

Christopher Lewis [00:13:51]:
That’s the irony of life. The most important things are the most obvious things that you most want. And most tend to snub because they’re just so commonplace. They’re there all the time. They ignore you all the time, but those are the most important things. And our kids, man, the kids. If my kids don’t love me and I don’t love my kids, none of this other stuff matters.

Rick Walker [00:14:08]:
Also in the book, you talk about picking a worthy enemy. How does that principle show up in your parenting, especially when guiding daughters through challenges in today’s world?

Christopher Lewis [00:14:19]:
So the book is primarily written towards men that are in the midst of this meaning crisis. This is the group of men that are sort of 25 to 45, sometimes up to 50, that don’t have a worthy purpose of their lives. They don’t know what they want to do. And guys like me, coming out of the business world, we always tell people to pick a goal instead of vision, and let’s work the objectives and the tactics to get back to that. Let’s accomplish your goals. But men that don’t have a vision of what the future could possibly be, they don’t have any goals. And it’s impossible for us to tell them to go do something, to be something where they can’t even envision a world with goals. And so my argument in the book for pick one worthy enemy is that you need something that breaks your heart.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:55]:
You need something that’s worth giving your life for. Some Evil to overcome in the world. And there’s evil manifesting all around us. You look at pornhub, you look at the children that have been just taken completely advantage of on that platform. Well, a man giving up his life to go fight against that manifestation of evil, well, that’s a worthy cause because you’re protecting people, you’re protecting innocents who can’t defend themselves. So we look for worthy enemies. And that pursuit against the worthy enemies is what gives us not only the energy that we need to go out and try some stuff, because that’s the main issue, is we’re not trying. We don’t have goals, we don’t try.

Christopher Lewis [00:15:26]:
But we need the energy. And we find that cause that problem that just shatters our heart that will give us the energy. And somehow, I don’t know how it happens, but we get sort of a divine onslaught of resources to help us in that fight. We find friends that want to help us in that fight, and we can begin building coalitions and purposes. And so it starts small with our daughters. It starts on the lacrosse field, on the soccer field, it starts on the basketball court. How are we going to overcome this 10 point deficit? What are you going to call forth out of your teammates? What are you going to do on the defensive end so that you can have an offensive upset? This is the way that I’ve got to talk to my daughters. Because if I don’t give them that level of pursuit, if I don’t give that mentality that they can overcome their challenges, what kind of man are they going to marry? Look, the type of man that they’re going to be looking for without that sort of mentality is a weak, defeated man who’s used to losing.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:11]:
No, I want my daughters focused on winning, overcoming challenges, realizing that there’s failures, there’s very real failures in life, but those are overcomeable as long as you have one breath left.

Rick Walker [00:16:21]:
I know you just talked about that target audience for the book, and I’m going to say that a lot of dads, especially in that target audience, some of those dads, feel stuck either in a job that they don’t love or routines that feel, I’ll say, hollow. Based on the nine steps that you list in the book, what’s the first step that a father should take when he realizes he’s lost his sense of purpose.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:44]:
You need to take a step. You need to make a move. And that move may be trying to discover what really breaks your heart. And I hate to really simplify it like that, but. But what angers you that you see out in the world? It may be something you see in your children’s school, maybe something you see in the school district, maybe in a local church, your local synagogue. It may be something that you have around you, but it may be some sort of societal issue or some online issue. Just start working against that. And the more evil that problem is, the more divine the energy you accrue fighting against it.

Christopher Lewis [00:17:14]:
I mean, the purpose of the light is invade the darkness. The purpose of the good man is invade the evil. It’s. This is the way that the nature of the world works. If you want to be a good man, you want to be a man that has definition, purpose and pursuit and energy, you got to combat that which is not good. I mean, it’s that simple. So we’re looking around for something, and I would put a cap on it. I would say I’m going to identify something in the next two weeks.

Christopher Lewis [00:17:34]:
And Sunday night at this time, this is what I’m going on. And I’m going to give it until this happens. And you’ve got to leave it out on the field. As they told us when we were growing up, you got to give it your all. And I’m not saying you ignore your family, I’m not saying you ignore your job to do this, but you’ve got to find something that you can pick up a bit of passion out of. Just a bit of passion, just a bit of energy. And that bit of energy will give you the spark that you need, need help the other steps fall in place. But we’ve got to pick up an idea about what’s possible.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]:
What difference I can make? Once you have an idea about what difference you can make, you have a potential for relevance.

Rick Walker [00:18:06]:
Also in the book, you say that aiming low is the only sin. How can fathers aim higher in their everyday lives? Especially when they’re exhausted, they’re overwhelmed, or they’re just feeling like they’re trying to keep their head above water?

Christopher Lewis [00:18:20]:
The widest mind looks into the most distant future for the most valued reward that he can purchase with the currency of the present. Let me repeat that. The wisest mind. This is the wisest father. The wisest mind looks into the most distant future for the most valuable reward that he can purchase with the currency of the present. And what you have in the present is your time and your attention. And so you’ve got to figure out what in the future is worth you giving your only life for. And it’s not something that’s lower than what you have, you have kids, you’ve got daughters around you, you’ve got people that you can call forth more out of.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:51]:
You can say these difficult things. If you’re not used to talking to your daughters like this, all it takes is or three times, you have to be prepared to be uncomfortable in that, in that conversation and just blurt it out, say, hey, I believe in you, I love you, I trust you, and know that you’re going to have a commanding future. Or ask them questions like this, like, what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? Or think about your most perfect ideal future self? And what would that perfect future self tell you to do? Ask reflective questions about the future to your daughters. And it’s going to be uncomfortable the first three, four, five times you do it. But the more you do it, the more easier it gets and the more the relationship grows and it becomes one of trust, not just one of immediacy and putting out fires.

Rick Walker [00:19:29]:
You also say in the book, no joy requires pain. For dads who are numb, burnt out, or emotionally disconnected, how can they reconnect with that joy? Even if it hurts first, you have.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
To say the things that you least want to say. It’s that passing comment that you thought you should have said five years ago to your wife, I’m sorry for ignoring you, or your wife, I’m sorry for going to golfing with the boys, or I’m sorry for drinking so much. It’s those little things, those little steps of humility. Because what you least want to do is the thing you most need to do next. What you least want to do right now is the thing that you most need to do next. And it is that immediate pain of doing the thing that you’ve been putting off, the thing that your, your mind and your comfort have been enslaving you to preserve. It’s that thing that’s keeping you from your future. That’s what.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
That’s what it is. And it’s that pain. If you can get rid of that pain and comfort is the number one pain, one or one thing that pain is protecting or that your comfort’s protecting, it’s protecting you against pain. If you can burst through that, then you’ve got a little bit of a glimmer of joy. But as long as you don’t do the things you know you should be doing, your life is a lie. And so we’ve got to say the things we know we’re expected to say the same things we’ve been talking about the last few Minutes, the encouragements, the love, the support, the belief in. I’m proud of you. Tell your wife she looks beautiful.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:47]:
I mean, I don’t care how crappy your marriage is. Tell her she looks lovely. Tell her that she is. Is the most amazing, whether she is or not. And you’re proud and you’re honored to be in this with her. I mean, say the most difficult thing. The worse your marriage is, the more you need to say it and the more you need to. To live like you mean it.

Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]:
Whether you mean it or not is irrelevant at this point. We’ve got to say those important things that we’ve been holding back, because that is only the way that we can burst through the pain, burst through the comfort to get to joy on the other side.

Rick Walker [00:21:14]:
So really, you know what I’m hearing, and I saw this in the book too, that you’re talking about in some aspects that you have to make some sacrifices. And many men afraid in many ways to take that leap, leaping into something new, something that. That makes them sacrifice. The things that they feel are. Are the things that make them who they are, whether it’s time or money or ego or whatever it might be. What does your book teach? Or what would you say to that person about embracing sacrifice as a path to meaning?

Christopher Lewis [00:21:46]:
No one ever knows that you love them unless you sacrifice something to be with them. If I’m going to give my daughter her attention, that means I’m sacrificing the rest of the world for her. Everything else is a sacrifice to what I’m giving my attention to. And that’s why attention connotates meaning. It means meaning. And that’s what we’ve got to do. There’s also sacrifices. Of the things that are useless in your life, you’re doing a hundred useless things that have no upside whatsoever.

Christopher Lewis [00:22:11]:
I can think about the golf with the buddies. I can think, for a lot of men, the drinking. Like, why are you going out and drinking two or three times a week? It has no upside. It only has catastrophic downside. Some of this stuff is just the most foolish thing you can imagine. Look, if you’re taking an infinite downside risk for zero upside payout, that’s kind of a foolish thing to do. That’s a great thing to sacrifice and replace it with the thing you most need to do. And that what that thing you most need to do is give attention to someone who is committed to you and you’re committed to and develop that relationship because all you have left after you die is your relationships.

Christopher Lewis [00:22:43]:
That’s all that you have. And so what we’ve got to do is try to figure out what are we sacrificing? Because you’ve already sacrificed your past. All your prior moments have been sacrificed to your present. This is all you’ve got. And all you’re going to do is sacrifice a series of presences to be able to dictate and determine what your future is. And so we’ve got to realize we’re living a life of sacrifice, whether you realize it or not. And what we sacrifice determines what we love, and what we love determines how relevant and how meaningful our lives will be. But everything worth keeping is worth sacrificing.

Christopher Lewis [00:23:13]:
Nothing not worth keeping is worthy of offering everything you value is worthy of sacrificing to someone that is higher, to a future that’s more distant and a reward that is better. Because anything you have now is always worth sacrificing for those relationships and the future that you want to see happen.

Rick Walker [00:23:33]:
So inevitably, there’s probably some dads that are listening right now that are feeling like they have failed. They failed in some aspect of their life. And whether it was at home or at work or with themselves. What would you tell him about redemption and legacy and starting again with meaning?

Christopher Lewis [00:23:54]:
I failed a lot. In fact, whenever I try something new, I’m assuming I’m going to fail 99 times before it works. Once, I failed a lot. And this book is a story of my failures. Where I’ve. I’ve been devastated on national news, where I’ve had my love with my wife just completely shattered, where I’ve had all these failures. I had a surgery that went bad and just distorted my mind for many, many years. And I had all these things.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:18]:
Things fail and just stupid things that I’ve done, just failure after failure. But what I’ve realized is the people that failed, those are the ones whose lives are actually interesting in the end. Those are the lives that have the potential to be redeemed out of this sort of muddy mire that they’ve been stuck in. And the redeemed man, in a world that’s interested in stories, a redeemed man is more perfect than a man who’s never needed to be redeemed. Because what we’re saying is that a man who’s lived a beautiful life and redemption is a beautiful act that if you’re focused on telling a beautiful story with your. That redemption is the ultimate type of beauty and the ultimate type of story that you can tell with your life. And so the worse the man the higher the upside. It’s not about the man who’s always been good.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:59]:
He got a little bit better. That’s an interesting. That’s not a story that anyone wants to hear. What I want to hear is about a man that’s been in the depths of hell, that’s made all the mistakes you could ever imagine, and he’s bounced back from that. It’s about the delta between your lowest point, your highest point, and where you in. And that delta is what matter. It’s the contrast from where you were to where you’re going, not the contrast of how good you are. And that little mediocre change that you made when you.

Christopher Lewis [00:25:25]:
When you did this or did that. It’s not about that. And so what life is. Life is just a string of failures with the occasional moment of perfection. It’s just a string of failures with just an occasional moment of perfection. And however many moments of these of perfection that you can. You can get together in a life, that’s what makes a life of relevance and a life of beauty and a story that people want to hear. And so for the men out there that have just been down on themselves, that have just made mistake after mistake, that just don’t know how they’re to come overcome it, and they just assume everything’s lost, I can tell you that I understand where you’ve been.

Christopher Lewis [00:25:59]:
I’ve made the catastrophic mistakes that many of you have made. And I can tell you there’s hope. And let me convince you with this. I’m going to convince you literally that there’s hope for you. That if a drop of hope exists, exists anywhere, it threatens all hopelessness everywhere. If a drop of hope exists anywhere in the world, it threatens all hopelessness everywhere. So my drop of hope that I have, I don’t have a lot of hope. I’ve got a little of a drop of hope right now.

Christopher Lewis [00:26:23]:
My drop of hope is now threatening your hopelessness right now. And you have a choice whether or not you’re going to allow my hope to invade your hopelessness, whether you’re going allowed my light to invade your darkness, that thing that you’re trying to protect, that comfort that’s enslaving your potential, and if you will allow my hope to invade the comfort now enslaving your potential, it’ll be ripped away. It’ll be ripped away. And you’ll be able to see that there’s a future and there’s a hope, but you could never get there unless you believe hope is possible. You believe a Future is possible unless you believe that there is beauty rising out of the act of redemption. The man that turns himself around is more beautiful than the man that was always headed the right direction. That’s not the story I want to hear. I want to hear story about a man that always had it together.

Christopher Lewis [00:27:03]:
I want to hear about a man who confronts evil with good. I want to hear about a man who finds meaning out of meaninglessness. I want to figure out a way to hear a story about a man who takes his pain and inverts it to joy. That’s what a real story is about. And if you want your kids and your grandkids to talk about you, that’s the sort of life that you need to live.

Rick Walker [00:27:21]:
So talk to me about how you have taken these nine concepts, these nine pieces from your book and how are you incorporating them into how you’re raising your daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:27:31]:
They have to understand, and this is something, this is a job of me as a dad, is that we’re going to have pain. We’re going to have pain in our lives, we’re going to pain in relationships and tragedy, we’re going to pain the sicknesses. But a painless world would only birth joyless lives. A painless world would only birth joyless lives. And so if I can encourage them to look at that spread, to look at that spread between pain and joy, that the broader that is, the higher the joy is, then they can see that there’s hope for them even in their downfall, even in their tragedy, even in these, these moments that teenage girls just assume, which is the worst thing, and it’s unsalvageable. They have to understand that there’s a mechanism that, where they can be able to tell more beautiful, more lovely story with their lives. And these are lessons that they’re going to teach their own kids, their own grandkids one day. These are all just learning opportunities for them and even for us.

Christopher Lewis [00:28:19]:
But I’ve got to convince my kids, and you’ve got to convince your kids as well, the listeners do, that there is hope on the other side of pain. And the way that we get, we, we get there is we got to convince ourselves and we got to convince our kids that whenever we see a threat, there’s always an opportunity on the other side. In fact, that’s what defines a wise person. Not only that they look in the most distant future for the most maximal reward, but that they see threats and they figure out a way to turn them into opportunity. And so if we realize that every threat we see is an opportunity. Every pain is a potential joy. And we’re able to ingrain that in our mind. Then we begin to see that there’s hope on the other side of the darkness.

Rick Walker [00:28:55]:
Now, if your daughters were to describe you using one of the nine steps from your book, which step would they say that you live out the most? And which one would they say you’re still working on?

Christopher Lewis [00:29:07]:
They know dad can be just absolutely brutal with someone who tries to come after one of my kids or someone that I love. The the first rule, pick one worthy enemy. They know that dad can just be utterly savage if he needs to be. Obviously you never turn that aggression in where that’s for protecting your inner circle, those you love from the exterior. But one of the difficulties in that I found is that we have to set forth the difference between an enemy and a counterparty. A counterparty is not an enemy. A counterparty is someone that you’re negotiating with. You’ll be able to operate in a good faith effort to be able to find a winnable outcome for both parties as much as possible.

Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]:
But an enemy, you don’t negotiate with enemies, you destroy enemies. And so I think, I think if my kids had to say one thing, they know that dad loves a good fight, but it’s got to be worthy enemy. It’s not just a counterparty.

Rick Walker [00:29:56]:
You’ve also, you’ve advised presidents, you’ve led nonprofits across the 50 states and countries. And yet you also do ballet drop offs and milkshake runs and other things that a dad would do. What’s the most unexpected place you found wisdom about being a dad?

Christopher Lewis [00:30:12]:
I found this book about daddy daughter dates. I forgot who wrote the book, but it was like 100 daddy daughter date ideas. And I kept this book on one of my tables in my office for years. I would pick it up and thumb through it maybe once a week and try to find an idea. When the kids were young and they had this, this one date idea where you would leave the house and your daughter would have a quarter and she would flip a quarter. If it’s heads, you turn right tells you turn left and you’d side in advance how many flips you would do. So you would do eight, nine, ten flips. Well, you can be a long way from your house if you’re doing 10 flips.

Christopher Lewis [00:30:40]:
But the rule is you have to eat dinner together at the nearest place that serves food. And oftentimes it’s a gas station. It’s just a gas station. And so this idea that you can have Fun would just complete and utter nonsense sense. That’s something that has been useful in the past. It is still useful today that we can just do stuff, just to do stuff, just because we’re goofing around together. And that’s been something because I’m not naturally a playful person and that’s helped me let the guard down, hear from my daughters about what’s really going on in their lives, what’s what they’re saying. And obviously we don’t get to do that as much as we used to back in the old days with all the activities and stuff.

Christopher Lewis [00:31:15]:
But it takes, it takes different forms. Takes different forms. Listen to silly music, watching silly videos together in these milkshake runs. These milkshake runs are fantastic. If you, if you’ve never been do a chick fil a after, let’s say 7:30 any night of the week. It’s an entirely milkshake business. It’s milkshake and fries after 7:30. And there will be a run on the milkshake machine.

Christopher Lewis [00:31:33]:
You’ll find 20 cars lined up and everyone’s getting milkshakes. And that’s part of the deal. So you got to figure out a way how to have these little routines, these little rituals in with the family, wherever you can fit them. And that’s been one of the useful things, these daddy daughter days and sort of these playful times of just complete, utter nonsense.

Rick Walker [00:31:47]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 66 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]:
Yeah.

Rick Walker [00:31:55]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Christopher Lewis [00:32:00]:
Productive.

Rick Walker [00:32:01]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Christopher Lewis [00:32:05]:
Tell them you’re proud of them every day.

Rick Walker [00:32:07]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together? Going to eat Mexican food and then getting shakes afterwards.

Christopher Lewis [00:32:14]:
Oh, absolutely. You got to get a shake afterwards. Yeah.

Rick Walker [00:32:16]:
Now, if you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would you leave with them?

Christopher Lewis [00:32:22]:
Avoiding an ounce of pain. You will drink a gallon of regret.

Rick Walker [00:32:26]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Christopher Lewis [00:32:30]:
That if I want my daughters to marry someone who I believe is worthy, I’ve got to be prepared to act like that most worthy example for them. Because they’re not going to marry someone that’s too far away from how good or how bad a father I want.

Rick Walker [00:32:47]:
Now, you’ve given a lot of pieces of advice today, a lot of ideas for men for fathers to think about and to incorporate into their own lives. As we finish up today, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Christopher Lewis [00:33:03]:
Tell them the things that they need to hear and make it every day and make it uncomfortable to hear. Sometimes it’ll sound like routine. But if you let them know, I’m proud of you, I believe in you. You’re awesome. I love you. If you haven’t told your daughter I love you, some other man will. But he won’t mean it. And he’ll tell it for a different reason that you won’t like.

Christopher Lewis [00:33:21]:
So tell your daughters that you love them. Tell them that you’re proud of them. Tell them that you believe in them. They need to hear those three things from you every single day. And if we can give them those ideas that they’re loved, they’re believed in, and there’s someone out there that’s proud of them. Oh, and he just happens to be the only man who they were born in the world to be in relationship with for as long as he lives. Well, that’s just a side benefit, but we’ve got to get our daughters used to hearing and believing the things that will uphold them going forward and the things that confirm their identity in such a secularizing culture that we live in now.

Rick Walker [00:33:56]:
Well, Rick, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for all that you’ve been sharing today. If people want to find out more about you about the book, where should they go?

Christopher Lewis [00:34:03]:
So my website is rickwalker.com rickwalker.com and I send out a newsletter about every one or two weeks is a three, two one model. So you get three bangers. So these quotes that I’ve been dropping, you get three of those, I call them bangers. And then I’ll give you two videos. So one will be teaching for the most part, another one will be an interview and then the third thing I’ll give you is either an essay or some reflective questions to think about. So either a long form essay or reflective question. These are big idea essays or big idea thoughts. Those are the best things.

Christopher Lewis [00:34:31]:
The book is available beginning July 5, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Walmart, anywhere you buy your book books and you can actually pre order it right now. So Kindle ebook. I just wrapped up the audiobook yesterday so that’ll be available for pre order as well and hardback and paperback.

Rick Walker [00:34:46]:
And I will put links in the notes today so you can check out this book for yourself. And Rick, again, thank you, thank you for all that you’ve shared today for what you’re putting out into the world to help other men to be able to live that life of meaning that we’ve been talking about. And I truly wish you all the best.

Christopher Lewis [00:35:04]:
Christopher, thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed our time together. That’s a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes@dad dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers we.

Rick Walker [00:35:49]:
Spend the time we give the lessons.

Christopher Lewis [00:35:55]:
We made make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dinosaur you can be Be the best dad you can.

Fatherhood, Beards, and Balance: Dan Command’s Journey

February 10, 2025 by dadofdivas

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This week on the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast, we delved deep into the challenges and joys of fatherhood with Dan Command, also known as Dan c Bearded. Join us as we explore parenting, passion, and finding balance in life.

The Journey to Fatherhood

In raising a daughter, Dan Command, a father of three, has embraced an adventure filled with both challenges and unforgettable moments. Reflecting on the initial excitement and trepidation he felt upon learning he would have a daughter, Dan shared how this milestone marked a pivotal moment in his life. With two older boys, he was already familiar with the obstacles and joys of raising sons. However, welcoming a daughter sensitized him to the unique dynamics and the responsibility to raise her as a strong, independent woman.

Managing Fears and Challenges

It’s natural for many fathers to experience a mix of excitement and fear when thinking about raising a daughter. Dan acknowledges these anxieties but views them through the lens of his upbringing alongside his strong and driven sisters. Drawing from this experience, he shared, helped alleviate his fears and instill a sense of confidence in his parenting approach. His discussion highlighted the importance of nurturing both strength and sensitivity in his daughter, instilling values that will prepare her for life’s challenges.

Balancing Work and Family Life

Switching gears from a traditional teaching career to becoming an influencer has significantly impacted Dan’s life. He transitioned from being a recognizable educator and coach to cultivating an online persona through his Dan c Bearded platform. This transformation demanded that he maintain a work-life balance like never before. Dan’s transparency about his journey underlines the importance of active participation in the lives of his children amid professional demands. By including his children in his work and sharing his experiences with them, he creates a familial atmosphere that encourages understanding and connectivity.

Learning Through Coaching

Dan’s rich history as a coach introduced another layer of depth to his parenting philosophy. He recounted the essential lessons from coaching, such as fostering passion without exerting undue pressure, which have guided him in his parenting journey. His children’s involvement in soccer, though not his sport of choice, emphasized his commitment to supporting their interests. It is through these shared experiences that Dan strengthens his bond with his kids, fostering an environment where they feel supported, loved, and encouraged to pursue their passions.

Final Thoughts

Through his journey, Dan exemplifies the fulfillment and joy found in the role of a father. His story underscores the essence of embracing each parenting moment, cherishing the long days, and recognizing that the years are indeed short. His advice to prioritize and actively engage with children serves as a powerful reminder to all parents. Dan Command’s narrative on the Dad & Daughter Connection is a tribute to the dedication and love that shapes a father’s journey, inspiring others to be the best dads they can be. Parenting is a continuous learning process filled with highs and lows. As fathers, embracing the journey with open hearts and minds while fostering a nurturing environment is crucial. Leveraging lessons from our experiences, just as Dan Command has shared, can immensely impact our relationships with our children. Tune into more episodes of Dad & Daughter Connection and join our community to keep enriching your fatherhood journey. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, you and I get a great opportunity to be able to talk about raising our daughters and the things that we’re doing to be able to help them to become those strong, independent women that we want them to be. And it’s not always gonna be easy. There’s going to be bumps in the road. There’s going to be things that you’re going to be challenged by. But all of that helps you helps you to be able to become better if you let it. And it’s so important to be able to be open to learning, listening, and hearing from other dads that are going through the same experiences that you may be going through, but also maybe going through some different experiences. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]: Because through the conversations that we have here on this podcast, through the opportunities that you have to be able to hear them and learn from them, you can add some tools to your own toolbox and help you to be able to create ways to help you to be more engaged and more and more active in your children’s lives. So that’s why this week, I am really excited to be able to have another new guest on the show. Dan Command is with us today, and Dan is also known as Dan c Bearded, and that’s his influencer name. And if you look him up, you’re gonna see when we talk about bearded, he has a great beard. I know we we don’t have the video going on this, but you’ll see in the picture on our podcast today that he does have a very commanding beard, we’ll say. And he works with people around the world to be able to foster beard health and to be able to help them to do things to help their beard to be the best that they want it to be as well. But he is a father of 3, 2 boys and a girl, so we’re gonna be talking about that today. We’ll focus a little bit on being a father to a daughter, of course, but I’m really excited to be able to have him here and to welcome him to the show. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: Dan, thanks so much for being here today. Dan Command [00:02:27]: Oh, thank you so much. I am very excited. Everything you kinda led up with are conversations that mainly me and my wife have every single day about raising a strong girl, but the challenges that comes with that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]: Well, I’m really excited to be able to talk to you today. As I said, you have 3 kids, and your 2 oldest are boys, and then you had your daughter. And I know she’s 4. So I wanna take this back. It might be 5 years. It could be 4 years. But let’s go back to that first moment. That first moment that you found out that you were going to be a dad to a daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]: What was going through your head? Dan Command [00:02:59]: Oh, man. A lot. So my wife, Sam, she’s unbelievable superwoman. She is an only child. She had a challenging kinda decorated upbringing where she went from different parent, biological dad walked out at a young age. Mom had a bunch of challenges, lived with different people. Essentially, when she got in high school, her stepdad and mom got divorced. He tried to adopt her and was not able to, and she ended up living with him. Dan Command [00:03:26]: And so had this very decorated parenting past and essentially her whole life, she wanted to be a mom and wanted to be a mom to a girl. And she wanted to do it in the way that she felt she deserved as a kid. And so that was kind of, like, her calling. And so we got pregnant. We had a boy. We got pregnant again. We had a boy. And then we were absolutely, like, dedicated to having a daughter. Dan Command [00:03:51]: So we were gonna try to get pregnant one more time. And, essentially, it was either gonna be we were gonna have a daughter and that was it, or we were gonna have a child and then we’re gonna adopt a daughter. We even had an adoption agency lined up. It was that serious to us and something that meant so much to my wife. And we got the news that she was pregnant. And then, of course, when we went in and got the gender reveal and it was a girl, very emotional time, very just excited, very, like, relief for my wife. And so my head was kind of just focused on that, just how happy I was for her and how I was excited for this next chapter. My sons at that time, because they were 3 and 5, So we had 2 young sons at the time. Dan Command [00:04:31]: And so just kind of a whirlwind, but massive excitement. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:34]: It definitely is an exciting time and especially probably throwing you into a little bit of a loop in regard to the fact of you’re in this groove and you you know what it’s like to grow up as a boy, but you’ve got 2 boys already. 35, you have had them in your life for a while. You’ve gotten you’ve gotten into that groove of what it takes to be a dad to a son, and now you’re going back and you’re having to learn some new things to be able to be that father to a daughter. When I talk to dads, one of the things that I hear a lot is that there’s some fear that goes along with that, and there’s a lot of different reasons for that. But as you think about raising your daughter, what’s been your biggest fear in raising your daughter? Dan Command [00:05:19]: Yeah. That’s a great question. Not something I’ve really thought about, to be fully honest. I’m kind of a a one foot in front of the other guy. I don’t have a ton of anxiety or fear. I think one thing that helped me with having the concept of a daughter, other than my wife being so passionate about wanna raise a daughter, is I had I have 2 siblings and I was the oldest and both of my siblings are my sisters. So I had 2 girls that I grew up with close in age, a year and a half, and then a couple of years apart. And they were very intelligent, still are obviously, very intelligent, very strong girls that I grew up with. Dan Command [00:05:51]: Both of them are U of M Ann Arbor graduates, by the way. And my youngest sister went to U of M Ann Arbor and then went to the hospital management graduate school. And so she runs on the business side and marketing side of Northwestern Hospital in Chicago. And so I grew up with her, one of the kindest, one of the most athletic, like, genuine people you would ever meet. And then my middle sister, who’s a year and a half younger than me, she went to U of M undergrad and then Cornell Law School. And so she is an Ivy League lawyer, and she was born an Ivy League lawyer. And so growing up with a a younger sister that was very strong willed, very stubborn, very intelligent, very argumentative, I know firsthand for essentially my entire life what it’s like to have a strong, stubborn, will powered, filled girl, essentially in every room that I’ve ever been in in my life. And so it wasn’t something that was really fearful for me. Dan Command [00:06:45]: And it was actually reassuring knowing that I was gonna bring a daughter into this world that had such strong role models around her, whether it’s her aunts, whether it’s her mom, or anybody we surround ourselves with. And so for me, it was just the matter of, like, okay. How do I make sure she is safe? How do I set the example as a man by my actions on how men should treat women and show her rather than try to tell her? And then also love the fact that she had 2 older brothers kinda guiding her along the way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:13]: Now you’ve had your daughter in your life now for 4 years, and there’s high points, there’s low points, there’s everything in between. What’s been the hardest part in being a father to a daughter? Dan Command [00:07:24]: Man, high points, low points, everything in between. That’s and you’re talking on a daily basis. That’s not even zooming out. It is unbelievably challenging, unbelievably rewarding. All 3 of my kids, as anybody would say, are vastly different, but my boys are just so simple. My oldest son, Maddox, has, pretty strong ADHD, but we treat it like a superpower. He is a an unbelievable athlete. He can do 17 things at once, and he has a motor that just doesn’t stop. Dan Command [00:07:50]: And then my 7 year old son, Jax, is does not have ADHD. He’s mister Chill. He takes everything in. He processes it. He just, like, if he speaks, it’s something that’s gonna be profound, And is they’re just amazing. We can rationalize with them. We can talk them through things, and they’re really amazing to each other. And then my 4 year old, Violet, best timing of all time. Dan Command [00:08:11]: We actually had a doctor’s appointment yesterday because we do believe that she has ADHD. And with that, the biggest challenges would be that she has a motor that does not stop. And I hear a lot of parents talk about that. Her extremeness on her intensity with every aspect of her life is off the charts. When she is the cutest, she’s the cutest thing on the planet. When she is the most challenging, it is an unbelievable tsunami of attitude and sass and stubbornness. And that’s been kind of the biggest challenge is how vastly different she is from raising my boys, but then also trying to not control, but rein in the attitude, the sass, the spunk, the stubbornness because I don’t want her to lose that. You know? I want her to be a strong female. Dan Command [00:08:58]: I want any boy in the future that wants to take advantage of her to feel the wrath of of her stubbornness, but I also need to make it day in and day out my wife’s mental health. And so the the biggest challenge has been how do you foster a strong young lady, but also make it to the finish line? Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:15]: And you have to take it day by day because it definitely is going to as she gets older, you’re gonna have to pivot. You’re gonna have to adjust, and she will continue to adjust herself. And you may not know exactly where you stand sometimes. So you just have to always know that that’s going to be the case. And as long as you’ve set her up to be able to be, as you’ve kind of said, strong and independent, and you’ve given her the tools along the way, things will work out in the end. Dan Command [00:09:43]: Absolutely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:44]: Now, one of the things that I mentioned at the very beginning is that you are an influencer. You you made a transition. You had been an educator for a number of years and then started to share some of the things that you had learned about treating your own beard and helping others. And you made this pivot and this change in your life and your family’s life to go full in on your Dan c bearded persona to help others in that journey that they’re on. So you’re a busy guy and you have to balance all of that. So how do you balance work and raising your kids? Dan Command [00:10:20]: Oh, great question again. My daughter Violet’s actually home today. She went to school, wasn’t feeling well, So I was able to go get her which is one of the advantages of of kind of being my own boss. And so the balance is every single day trying to figure out. So for example, I had some work on the computer that I had to do, and then I had some work on my phone that I could do. And so I kind of tried to balance this morning by bouncing back and forth. She was on the couch just watching one of her shows that’s on on the other side of my studio. And so I would do some work on the computer, and then I would tell her, like, hey. Dan Command [00:10:51]: Just give me a few minutes over here. And then when I know I got to a point where I could work on my phone, I would just go sit by her. And even just that proximity makes a huge difference for her just having her dad close to her. And so I also try to, with all of my kids, include them in on what we do for a business, what we do for a career. It’s not something that’s this, like, big secret. I actually try to go, like, above and beyond because it’s not exactly your your typical job or your typical career. And so it was always a fear of me when I was switching from education to doing this that my kids wouldn’t get it. Where when I was teaching, they can we live across the street from my former building. Dan Command [00:11:30]: Like, from our front porch, you can see my old school. And so they used to be able to rationalize dad’s going to work. And it was a really kind of worry for me to not have them understand what work was because all kids watch and consume YouTube, at least in in some fashion or format. I didn’t want them to just be like, oh, that’s what my dad does. I wanted them to really understand it, and so we talk about all these things. And my daughter had a funny kinda line today. She said when I was getting her from school, she said, is mom home? And I said, yeah. She’s actually working. Dan Command [00:11:58]: She’s making a lot of shirts. And we have our own merch shop. And right now, we have a campaign called GrowVember, and we sell a certain shirt. And every every single penny made from the shirts are donated to the Genesee County Humane Society, which is really important to us and where we get all our pets. And so I explained that to Violet and I said, this is where what mom is doing right now. And she said, oh, so people buy shirts with dancy bearded on it. And it was just so cute for her to be able to kinda speak that language and understand it. And she gets a big part of what we do is we travel the country and we have meetups whether I’m at, like, an expo. Dan Command [00:12:32]: And so we’ll go to a place that has 30, 40, a 100 people that are there from the beard community that want to meet and hang out. And so she has had, probably in 4 years, one of the most diverse upbringings of seeing just every type of person you could ever imagine. And meeting people with different skin colors, different beard shapes, different ages, different accents all around the country and kind of just getting that exposure that no matter what people look like, no matter where they’re from, there’s amazing people all over. And it’s been kind of interesting because she is 4. She was firmly a COVID baby. She was born in January 2020. And so that work and home life balance was already from the beginning was as an educator, I was home teaching remotely, essentially her whole life. And so we’ve had kind of a unique first four years of her life, and I’m actually interested to look back on this in, let’s say, 10, 20 years, not just Violet, but all kids of that age and with the parents and the different kind of life just to see if there’s any differences and changes because Violet, as a 4 year old, can speak YouTube language and business language and beard language like many adults wouldn’t even understand. Dan Command [00:13:43]: It’s pretty amazing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:43]: So also talk to me a little bit about that transition for yourself of being the teacher that people know to being an influencer that everyone thinks they know, but that now your personality, your persona is larger than you, and your family comes along for the ride. So how have you managed all of that and helped your kids to manage that? Dan Command [00:14:09]: I love thinking about that. So I do beard care for a living. I help people trim their beards and style it and how to use products and feel confident in their beard. But what I actually do is I bring together people in a positive community. And a big part of what I do is complete transparency. YouTube is my main hub for education, but I also do a couple livestreams a week on Wednesday nights, 9 PM EST. Me and my wife are together. And so we talk all sorts of things. Dan Command [00:14:38]: We get an advice shelf. People can send in questions, get advice on their beer, their relationship, teaching, anything. And so we go over that. And I say that because on my Instagram side of things, I pretty much document most of our life just because I I love my family. I love being transparent. And that’s part of not necessarily my brand, but who I am and and why people resonate with it so much. They see that it’s a family man. They see that I value my children, that I really am in love with my wife and respect at a high level. Dan Command [00:15:08]: And so to my kids, it’s all just kind of intertwined as one thing. They don’t really see a separation of, like, dad or dancy bearded or work, and it’s just kind of all morphed into this one type of lifestyle that really is unique and kinda hard to explain. I’m I’m kind of working at all times, but also family at all times. And we found just a really good balance with that. And even early on, me and my wife would have a lot of hard conversations where especially in the in the first couple of years, and she would say things like, hey. Today, maybe I don’t know if if you know us, but maybe you’re on your phone a little bit much. And then I would have to take a step back and realize that, Or other times, I would have to kinda give her a heads up. Like, hey, babe. Dan Command [00:15:48]: It’s November. This is our busy season. I just wanna let you know. This might be a time where I gotta kinda turn things up a little bit. And so it was just really trying to keep that in mind because I do have an obsessive personality. And if I have a checklist of items I need done, I kind of get really, really, like, focused on those. But then realizing this unique world of my career and my family, I gotta find that balance. And then also be sure to respect my kids at all times. Dan Command [00:16:15]: And as they’re getting older too, making sure I’m checking with them on, hey. Are you comfortable with this stuff? Are you guys okay with that? And and so far, it’s been pretty seamless, to be honest. Everything’s just kinda fallen into place. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:27]: Now I know that in your past life as a teacher, you were also a coach, and you did a lot to be able to help kids to foster their passion without going so far or to go as far as they wanted to go. And I know that in that opportunity to to be in that type of role, you learned some things about what it really took to be able to do that. Can you tell me a little bit more about that and what you learned as a coach, but also how that’s transitioning and trans continuing on as you as a father as well? Dan Command [00:17:03]: Oh, absolutely. So my kids are all 3 into soccer. I never played soccer a day in my life before my kids started playing. I was a basketball player, but then really excelled in swimming and water polo and went pretty far with that and coached at a high level. And with doing that as a coach and as an athlete, I saw a lot of parents that, I don’t wanna say forced because I don’t think that’s the right word, but kind of led their kids into the sports that they were excelling at and passionate about because I’m assuming they enjoyed it. They thought their kids would enjoy it and they had the skills for it. So they kinda led them that way, especially in something like the swimming world. If you’re a swimmer, you’re usually a swimmer. Dan Command [00:17:41]: There’s not like you don’t see, like, oftentimes you have football, basketball players, and baseball players kinda playing sports. Swimmers are kinda just swimmers. And so I didn’t ever wanna put that pressure on my kids and and force them into something or live vicariously through them. And so we just put them in everything, and we let them kinda discover. And for some reason, soccer resonated with all of them. And other than family vacations and the daily lessons, bonding over sports with my kids has been probably the most paramount aspect of our relationships, whether it’s me coaching them now in soccer or cheering for them in soccer or just making it a family culture. And as a coach and as an athlete, I saw a lot of kids burn out. I saw a lot of pressure from their parents that wasn’t fueled by passion for them to kids. Dan Command [00:18:29]: And so we, in our house, we have high expectations, but we also are very aware of that burnout. And we wanna walk this balance of giving our kids enough opportunities to take it as far as they would like to go, like you said, or as as as short as they would like to go. It’s entirely up to them. But our biggest emphasis is fostering their passion. So with soccer, we go to pro soccer games. We allow them to get soccer cards. We watch soccer clips at home. We have a soccer net at home. Dan Command [00:18:59]: When my daughter just the other day asked to play soccer, even though I was tired, even though I had some work to do, it took a couple seconds to check myself and kinda remind myself that I would regret this if I said no. I said yes. And we went out into the yard and did that because I’ve been there before where I was so exhausted, so just burnt out from the day. And my daughter says, hey. Do you wanna play soccer? I’m like, not now. Like, it’s just not a good moment. And then I go get her to bed, cutest thing in the world, give her a hug, give her a kiss. I lay down. Dan Command [00:19:26]: Now I feel like garbage. I told my daughter no. How could I do that? And so this has taught me lessons on how to help them. This has brought us closer together, and they know their parents have their back a 100%. They know that when we’re at the game and they mess up, we had to talk about this yesterday, they don’t look over to us and and have fear about what the reaction’s gonna be. My son went to take a shot the other day and completely whiffed and fell on the ground. He looked at us and started cracking up. Like, he has that comfort with us and then the ability to build the passion through all those other avenues outside of just playing the sport has brought us closer and closer and closer together, and it’s really great for the kids too. Dan Command [00:20:05]: My sons take a lot of pride in kind of being the, like, helpful brothers with Violet and teaching her soccer and, you know, bringing it down to her level and just having a lot of fun with it. So it it’s been absolutely paramount in our, like, bonding and growth together as, like, parents and kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]: I love that. I mean, it’s so important to be able to find those ways to be go be able to make those connections with your kids, whether it’s through sports, whether it’s through whatever it is. You know, it’s so important to be able to just get on to their level no matter how what their age and be actively involved from day 1, and you’re doing just that. So I commend you on that and and the work that you’re doing to be able to help your kids to be able to make those connections in that way. Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:52]: to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Absolutely. In one word, what is fatherhood? Oh, man. Fulfilling. Now when was a time that you felt like you finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Dan Command [00:21:06]: Quite literally today, when my daughter was sick from school, she didn’t wanna go home. I went to go get her from the classroom and she was not having it. I told her I would step outside. I’d be there when she’s ready. And then when she came out, I got down to her level. For all the fathers out there, I think that’s unbelievably important. I’m a tall man and my daughter is very small. And so I get down on her level, speak to her, and I was able to get ration through to her without any kind of raising my voice, without any kind of threats of taking a tablet or treats or anything like that. Dan Command [00:21:38]: And she reasoned with it, and it was explaining that she didn’t wanna get her friends sick. It wasn’t about her. It wasn’t about the class. And she walked out, went to hold my hand. We got back, and she’s definitely she loves her mom and dad, kinda equally mommy’s girl, daddy’s girl. And she was like, will you stay with me on the couch? And it was like, really cool kinda breakthrough moment today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:57]: Now if I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Dan Command [00:22:01]: Fun and loving. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:02]: Let’s think 10 years down the road, 15 years down the road. What do you want your kids to say? Dan Command [00:22:07]: I would like for my kids to say they knew that their dad prioritized them in all situations. He created every opportunity that they could ever want to fulfill their passions, and he just unapologetically loved them unconditionally. Who inspires you to be a better dad? Absolutely my wife. She is someone who battles with more, mental struggles than I do, more physical struggles than I do, and it is constantly on her mind. She is way too hard on herself and is an unbelievable parent, and it absolutely makes me go harder every day to try and support her in that motherhood journey, but also be the best dad that I can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:51]: Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice today, things that you’ve learned along the way. As you think about other dads, what’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad? Dan Command [00:23:01]: I’m a quote guy. And when you become a father, especially a father of a daughter, you get all sorts of quotes, all sorts of things thrown at you. But the one that really resonates me on the hardest days is that days are long and the years are short. And as I reflect, especially as my sons get older and you do realize when everybody told you to enjoy the chaos because it you will miss it, you start to really realize how quickly it goes and how these long days do become short once you start looking in the rear view mirror. And so I always tell myself that in the challenging moments, the days are long, but the years are short. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:39]: Now if people wanna find out more about you and what you’re doing and they wanna keep in touch in some way, what’s the best way for them to do that? Dan Command [00:23:47]: Instagram, Dan c bearded, or YouTube, Dan c Bearded. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:51]: Well, Dan, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your own journey today, for being a great example of what fathers should be, to be engaged to be engaged with your kids and to be able to have that relationship that you want with your kids. And I truly appreciate you sharing that and being here today, and I wish you all the best. Dan Command [00:24:09]: Thank you so much for having me, and shout out to all the dads out there. It’s not easy, but it is genuinely always worth it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:15]: If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:14]: We’re all in the same boat, And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.