As a father there are times when I just want to freeze time and not let my girls get any older. I want to capture their innocence and bottle it up so that they will always know what it was like to be free of inhibition, doubt, and the other cares of the world. In speaking to other parents, I know that they feel similar, and as you child gets ready to go to school for the first time, the reality hits you that this innocence could be shattered at the slightest word, action or thought that someone else may interject and there is nothing that you can do about it besides try and help your child to be ready and willing to stand up for themselves on their own two feet.
The question that continues to ring through my brain is how to best do this, and how best to slowly let go of the reigns that I have to allow for my daughters independence and personalities to develop and flourish on their own.
As Diva-J has gotten older J-Mom and I have continually played the game of give and take and as she starts to become more responsible in some areas, we tend to give a bit more in regards to autonomy, which I think is the nature of parenting. On the other hand, as I said earlier, it is s nice to have your little child, and it is difficult to let that go as they get older.
Many of the resources I found when thinking about this topic talk about the letting go process parents go through within the College years. I am thinking of something different as you might have guessed. I am truly thinking about the process of shedding my presumptions and allowing my children to become the people that they will become. This is not to say that J-Mom and I will not do my best to mold and instill in them the things that we believe deeply as is our responsibility as parents, because we will. Instead, I continue to find that I need to step back and allow her to make mistakes. I need to allow her to fail (which is not easy). I need to let her learn lessons that are not always going to be easy to learn.
In thinking about this, I came across a few interesting links that I thought I would share with all of you:
- http://www.thecutekid.com/parenting/letting-go.php
- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/urban-mindfulness/200906/letting-go-expectations-lesson-in-mindful-parenting
- http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2009/05/19/letting-go/
So my question for all of you today is how have you approached this issue? How have you been able to let go as a parent?
I look forward to your thoughts on this!
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Thanks for the links Chris. I too wish I could bottle up their innocence and protect them from hurtful people and events. It's not going to be easy watching the struggle and fall but I guess that's what makes us love them more and grow as parents.
I just recently became a mother, and I am already thinking of this subject now, and she is little Grace is only two months old. How do you hold on, but still let go enough to foster growth so that our children grow up to be independent self-confident adults? I just keep saying, I don't want to screw up lol. I know that is every parent's worst fear. Thanks for this post, and for the web-sites. It is a topic that has been on my mind for a few months, and I am sure will be on my mind for the next 18 years lol… if not longer 😉
Take care, Wendy