If this is your first time here, welcome to my Maniverse! If you are returning, thanks!
My thoughts on this day….
Have you ever really thought about what you are afraid of in being a father, or what issues really trouble you in fatherhood? For me, when thinking trying to think of eight main fears/issues that are difficult for me to cope with, I came up with the following:
1) Bringing home the bacon – I am the sole income maker for my family. What would happen if for some reason I would lose my job, or become unable to work for some reason. I know that J-Mom could go back to work, but still it is something that weighs on my mind.
2) The safety and security of my family – I am constantly trying to think of the safety of my girls (including J-Mom). I know that I cannot always keep them safe from harm and cannot shelter my girls from the world, but there definitely are times when it seems like it would be so much easier to shelter them.
3) Being a good parent – I don’t think anyone is completely ready to be a parent until they become one, and then when they become one they constantly question whether what they are doing is right for the situation and for their children.
4) Caring for / Losing Other Loved Ones – This week one of our neighbors passed away and he was only 57 years old. This really brought home to me the fragility of life and how close to death we all are. I am not trying to be morbid, far from it, but this situation really made me think about the fact that I am an only child and that there will be a time in the future when I will have to deal with this myself in a much more personal way than I have had to in the past. I have been lucky to not have been touched by death too much in my life, at least not yet, and I hope to be strong enough when I do have to deal with this in the future.
5) Being able to learn and do Manly Tasks – As I referred to in my first Manly Monday post I am not the most handy person. When I think of being a Dad and father and a man I guess to me it sometimes comes withthe package deal that one should be able to do some of these things. This is not to say that I can’t do these things, they just are more difficult for me than for some others. Come back though for my next Many Monday and you will see a project that my father-in-law and I made (well…a lot of it was him – but I did help!).
6) Maintaining friendships/hobbies etc. – I don’t know if this is unique to being a Dad, but I find it increasingly difficult to have times with friends or time to spend on hobbies or other fun activities. Much of this is due to work and then being Dad when I get home and then simply being tierd beyond belief from the combination of lack of sleep, work and play. But I wonder whether other Dads are dealing with this and if so how they are balancing this.
7) Balancing the many roles which is fatherhood – Speaking of balance, I find as a father, balance goes out the window. There are so many days when I say, I should work out, or do this, or that, but then life intervenes. I go to work and try to get all that I need to get done completed, and leave work the same day finding that I still need to complete many of the things that I hoped to complete the next day. Needless to say Balance is a hard thing to come by. Have any of you come up with some surefire ways to balance life/work and other such things?
8) The future for my daughters – The world right now seems to be crazy, the price of everything is going up, there are many issues that prevail on the world scene that are sure to eventually effect the US. I am constantly thinking of the future of my daughters and what it will be like for them. What will they be, will they be successful, what must I do to help them with this? Lots of questions, but the answers are still many years off.
These are my top 8 (at least what I could think of on a Saturday morning). What are your top fears/issues? And yes, Moms you can chime in as well!
I’m sure Mr.4444 would have the same #1, followed by #3 (even though he is an amazing dad!!) I wouldn’t call them fears, but I do have a couple of goals; one is to get my son as far through high school as possible before he gets drunk. (lots of alcholism in our families). So far, so good. He is a healthy kid with lots of emotional outlets and is very active at school. I’m not naive enough to think it won’t happen; I just want him to have gained as much maturity as possible before he gets there.
The other goal is to continue to protect my daughter’s innocence; she is the sweetest 13-year-old you’ll ever meet, and my goal is to continue to guide her without protecting her too much. I was not protected as a child, and I’m very proud of the job we’ve done with Kendall. I can’t wait to see who she turns out to be!
Great post Chris! I can’t speak for other dads, but I know that I definitely worry about many of those things you listed. I tend to be an optimistic guy, but life is harder than people imagine when growing up, especially once you become a parent. The thing is, though, while life is harder, it’s also more rewarding now. Thanks for making me think!
Well I don’t have any kids but I can completely understand the reason for these fears. I just hope when I do actually become a parent I’ll have put myself in a position to not worry too much, seeing that regardless you’ll have to worry. Good post sir.
Mrs. 4444 – I wonder what I will have to do to shelter my girls (at least somewhat)…I now watch cosely for their safety and security, but I know in the future this will only expand….even when they don’t want me to be engaged in such a way.
Jeremy, I agree – life is definitely more rewarding… and it is something I look forward to each day – though some days are harder than others.
I think the biggest accomplishment my father made with me was to be my ‘father’ during those teenage years and not my ‘friend’.
He became one of my very best friends once I was able to be a man on my own.
I think sometimes Dad’s forget to differentiate the two.
Great post.
My own Dad was always short-tempered, intolerant, unable to handle the pressures of family life, and often more feared than respected. He’d often simply leave for weeks or even months at a time. So I don’t know if that’s so much a fear as it is a road map – nearly everything about my own Dad serves as a constant guide for what not to do now that I’m finally a Dad myself.
I’m concerned about how our society seem to be blindly willing to plunge our kids into the digital void where their every waking moment is saturated by media. So I fear that the old-school values we want to instill in him will buckle as our little guy gets older and is subject to intense peer pressures.
2bestrong – There definitely is a line between friendship and fatherhod and now with my divas being young I think I still have a bit of time to learn how to balance this, but even now I find that in diciplining Diva-J, it is hard when I want her to see me as a friend, and that simply is not possible in this regard.
Rob – intollerance and fear is definitely not the route to take or to go as a dad… I steer clear of this and encourage other dads to as well…regarding the digital void…I know what you mean…this is definitely not something that will be easy to shelter your kids from as they are surrounded and compleely marketed to 24-7…and even if you shelter them…there are the neighbors, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc that you have to contend with as well.