Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Ben Chambless ( @DadsTheory ) #dadchat

I am a 39 year old Systems Analyst/Database Administrator and I have a consulting business on the side. I started blogging a couple of years ago. I started a blog on mobile business/productivity apps. I couldn’t find a site that reviewed apps that helped you run a business on your mobile device…so I started one. I realized that I enjoyed blogging and writing articles but was limited by my site’s niche. So I started a new family themed blog, Dad’s Theory. I am free to write about my crazy family and anything else that crosses my mind. I love Football and I’m a movie fanatic. My main hobby (besides writing computer code) is Geocaching. I got hooked on it several years ago after a friend told me about it. I take a trip every year with several friends to different locations to complete Geocaching challenges. I am a Christian and my faith plays a huge part in every facet of my life.

I met my wife at work. She is one of the most beautiful, kind, and intelligent women that I have ever known. I definitely married up. We have 3 children. A fourteen year old daughter (she’s my step-daugher), a ten year old son (my step-son), and a four year old wild man. We have a great time as a family. My daughter is a freshman in high school and is starting her 2nd year of Lacrosse. My oldest son loves video games and is very creative. He loves making things and drawing pictures…which he then tries to sell. My four year old loves music. One of his favorite artists is TobyMac but recently (thanks to my daughter) he has become obsessed with One Direction. I am trying to be cool about that…but it isn’t easy to see your four year old boy walking around singing “Midnight Memories”.

The biggest challenge has been adapting to being a step-dad. The kids were 8 and 4 when we were married and things have gone fairly smooth. But there have been times where it was very obvious I have no idea what I’m doing. Since my son was born 4 years ago, I’ve had the new challenge of ensuring that I don’t play favorites with him over the other two. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of it and I’m always aware of how my actions may be perceived by all three children.

Be consistent and be there. Children need consistency. A happy home is hard to come by if your rules and behavior are not consistent. The kids need to know what to expect. Also, there is no replacement for one on one quality time with your kids. It’s hard sometimes when we have had a rough day at work and you just want to crash in your chair and watch Sportscenter…but those kids are craving the attention.

This was difficult at one point in my life. But as I’ve gotten older it comes down to priorities. There are certain jobs and tasks that have to take priority because I have to earn a living. But my family also is a priority. So I try to make sure that if I can’t spend time with my family because of work, then I set other time aside later to spend with them. As far as my other hobbies, my boys are old enough now that they enjoy going Geocaching with me. So now I don’t feel guilty when I go because I’m spending time with them. Of course I still have “me” time. My wife is great about that. She’ll take the kids to visit with her parents sometimes and I’ll have time to myself at home. I also have the once a year Geocaching trip with my buddies.

My father was a hard worker who put honesty and integrity above everything. Regardless of his circumstances he did not compromise his integrity. My father-in-law also has those qualities. He sacrifices for his family and puts their needs above his own. Of course, I also learned from some terrible fathers I’ve come into contact with. I’ve seen selfish fathers who only think of themselves and who treat their children as problems. When I first was married and became an instant father to an 8 yr old and 4 yr old I remember another dad at church asking me how it was going? I told him that I didn’t know what I ever did with my time before I was married. He then made the comment that if you are not exhausted when you go to bed then you aren’t doing something right.

Being a father was something I wasn’t even sure I ever wanted to be. But it is the most rewarding experience of my life. I have learned that there is MUCH I do not know and will still be learning once my kids are grown and gone. I have watched my children grow up so fast and I cherish each and every moment I have with them.

The birth of my son was by far the most memorable. One minute I’m standing there and the next I’m holding this tiny, crying, slimy baby. The instant bond I felt with him was amazing. My son had to go to the NICU when he was one day old and have a double volume transfusion. That was the most terrified I have ever been. I could only see him every few hours to feed him. Now I see him running around and I’m so thankful that God brought him through that and he is happy and healthy now.