It is very easy as a parent to lose your top. Kids know (or learn) how to press your buttons and we all have days where we need to go and cool off (or at least I know that I do). Does this mean that you are a terrible parent? I do not believe so, in fact I believe that it means that you are just that, a parent.I haven’t spoken to my own parents, but I can imagine that there were days when they felt the same with my own behavior, or they felt frustrated by the actions or inaction that I followed within my life.
As parents we must be able to find ways to set aside anger and frustration with our children to set good examples for our kids on what is right and proper. Does that mean we cannot show anger and frustration. Again, here I would say, I don’t believe so. Being in a household where no anger is shown is somewhat realistic. It becomes important here to make sure though that your children understand why you are frustrated, and all-in-all you must attempt to keep your cool in the situation as your kids will feed off this and realize that if they got you all hot and bothered this time, they can probably do it again. I have seen this not only in my own children but countless other kids as well, so know that there is some credence to this.
So how do you keep your cool when you don’t want to. The best thing that has worked for me is to walk away and cool off. You may need to say to your kids, Daddy need a few minutes and then we will talk about this….or some other similar sentiment. You also should try and nip situations early so that your kids do not continue to push the same buttons (as much as possible). This last piece of advice is not easy, but it is important when thinking of your own sanity and in thinking about the well being of all in your household.
No one wants to live in a household where anger and frustration reign supreme. It stresses not only you but your kids out and leads to other behaviors that can create an unhealthy home environment.
In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:
- http://www.ehow.com/how_2183161_anger-out.html
- http://www.mobar.org/f4ce0ec4-5f06-478d-b02a-2ea6defc2904.aspx
- http://www.helium.com/items/1273273-single-parents-tips-for-dealing-with-frustration
- http://www.allaboutparenting.org/anger-management-parenting-faq.htm
- http://www.angermgmt.com/parents.asp
Today’s task is for you to sit down and come up with five ways you can lessen the amount of anger and frustration in your household. If you already have mastered this, come up with five things you have done to accomplish this. Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group.
I am interested to know where you find the most frustration and anger coming from as a parent. If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.
Good luck with day 9 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!
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T, our 2 and a bit your old, is particularly challenging at the moment so I’m finding the walking away and cooling down technique particularly effective.
T thinks he is in control at the moment. He seems to have associated the facts that when he asks for something we tend to do it, and if he behaves in a certain way he gets our attention, over his sister and anyone else in the room. We are working on trying to regain control.
This is hard… we have had similar issues with our oldest and youngest. Our oldest has been a bit resentful of her sister since she was born… we are working on these issues as well!
Go for a walk. Don’t react in the moment.
Good ideas Bruce!
I love the Dad point of view! Very good advice. I have (had) a bad habit of following my husband to continue to argue when we would have a disagreement. I would say “I need to be heard” But, he really needed time and I did not realize that. Over time, I understood he was just thinking and was hearing me. Now, our 15 year old daughter tends to do that same thing–kind of follow him and continue the issue! ugh. I feel so badly when I see my kids copying my bad behaviors! We are all working on this, because it really is helpful to cool down for everyone:)
I feel your pain as I see this in my own daughters as well and I have to catch myself as I am saying or doing something and my wife has to do the same… it is definitely a live wire that we balance on as parents!