Should Parents Monitor Their Children’s Passwords?

For parents, technology can be a two-edged sword: it can be used for studying challenging subjects through educational websites, but it can also be used to associate with the wrong kind of people or go to the wrong types of websites. The issue of how to use technology usually surfaces for both parents and children when children become ‘tweens and teens.

The Dangers

While it is possible to use filtering software programs to prevent children from talking to predators who can manipulate, coerce, and corrupt their innocent children or from visiting pornographic websites, these programs are much more effective for younger children who are using a family computer or their own computer or device. However, as children get older, they learn how to use school and library computers or use their friend’s computers or devices.

Additionally, children can access legitimate websites and still get into trouble, posting inappropriate content. One way for parents to monitor content is to have access to all their passwords.

Another danger is that children may use weak passwords that expose the family’s entire home network to all kinds of malware.

The Heated Debate

Should parents know all their children’s passwords? Some parents believe that they should respect their children’s privacy while others believe that this is a dangerous thing to do. As for children, most are against the whole idea of parents monitoring their online behavior.

Parents Who Believe In Privacy

Parents who have focused on developing rapport and trust with their children as they grew up believe that children need to have their space and their privacy. They believe that just as they had locked diaries and private telephone conversations when they were young, their children should also have these privileges.

These parents believe that by trusting their children to do the right thing, this expectation will produce positive results. They believe that they should not be involved in their children’s social lives as this would hamper their process of maturity.

However, many do admit that the world has changed dramatically since they were little, but they think that conversations about what’s going on with their children’s online social lives by computer or mobile device will teach them how to think and act responsibly. Should their child take this permissive attitude for granted, these parents believe that they can always take away these privileges and begin monitoring their children from that point on with random spot checks.

Parents who believe in assuring their children of privacy consider monitoring their children’s behavior to be nothing more than spying. “I think spying on kids is wrong,” said Lori Day, an educational psychologist who authored “Her Next Chapter,” a book on mother-daughter relationships. “It’s a good way of sabotaging your relationship with your child if you get caught.”

Parents Who Believe In Protection

Parents who do choose to monitor their children’s behavior see it as their responsibility to keep their children safe because they don’t have the maturity to always make the right decisions.

Here are five primary reasons they have decided to monitor their children’s passwords with a password manager:

• When children know that anything they do online can be discovered, it’s like having an angel on their shoulder. They are less likely to misbehave if they know that their parents might be able to find out.
• Deterring children is much better than allowing them free rein and then being forced to come down on them when their children are reported doing something inappropriate by other parents. Prevention is far kinder than being forced into a position of shaming children.
• At sleepovers or other peerelated activities, children are much less likely to do embarrassing or inappropriate things. They also have a built-in excuse from not participating in peerelated pranks because they can always say that their parents have access to their passwords.
• Parents are much less likely to avoid embarrassing conversations with school authorities or other parents about their child’s inappropriate behavior, which might include serious issues like taking or forwarding sexy pictures or participating in cyberbullying.
• If their child is being bullied online, innocently conversing with a sexual predator, or being persuaded to try drugs, parents can catch these problems well before things get completely out of control.

These days, parents can use password management software to help with online security. The best password manager systems should have a central vault that has a master password to use so that if children do change their passwords, it will show up in the vault.

What Children Think

Almost predictably children believe their parents should trust them unless they did something to lose that trust. They also believe that they are well-aware of the dangers of what can happen online and are not likely to be suckered into doing something foolish.

What Is The Right Answer?

While many psychologists often talk about blending light monitoring with honest conversations about the danger of the internet and then tapering off as children get older and more mature, others consider this permissive attitude dangerous. “Children are not free range any more,” said psychology professor Tanya Byron at an educational conference. “There are no more predators on the streets, no more pedophiles, than when I was growing up in the 1970s, yet children are rarely seen out. Instead, they are having a blast in this fantastic global space. I would argue that they are more vulnerable there than if they were hanging out on the street.”