Dad of Divas

One Dad's Quest to Regain Control of his Kingdom

Managing Your Stress As A Dad – There’s No Shame In It!

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It’s not always easy to manage your stress as a parent. In fact, some parents might say that can be as tough as raising children itself. Over time, however, it is essential to care for. Neglected stress can only build, bottle itself up, and then lead to difficulty, be that losing your temper with your children in public, physical health effects like poor sleep and anxiety, or even straining your relationship. As many partners with children know, a child is the most strain you will ever have on your partnership, and so it’s important to be prepared for that.

Luckily, there’s no hard prescription required here. You just need some time to address your stress when you can, and preferably make time for it. For some, that’s harder than others, but you will no doubt have at least a little free time to focus on it. 

It’s important to emphasize that there’s no shame in this. You’re in no way less masculine or a robust father for needing to take a break, a step back, or focus on number one, even if you do provide for everyone in the household on a constant basis. It is foolish, however, to think you can constantly live with difficult stress with no respite in perpetuity:

 

Share The Load If You Can

It’s good to share responsibility with your partner. Of course, this sometimes means determining what it is both of you should take charge of. So if you have a full time job and your partner lives at home, or if the roles are reversed, then it might be figuring out who is responsible for what.

Here you can also determine how to better flip up those tasks so they seem fresher than they otherwise might be. So it might be that you drive to work straight after taking care of the school run, but your partner is happy to wash, dress, and prepare your children for the day ahead also.

 

Take Breaks Where You Need It

Of course, many issues can encroach on your free time. If you’re a single Dad with two young children, odds are you’ll have less time to play your five-a-side football game three times a week. But taking breaks where you can find them is worthwhile.

Perhaps after you’ve put your children to bed at 9pm, you get a few hours to relax, watch some television, and perhaps even enjoy a naughty drink. Just make sure your free time is healthily measured and that you always make sure to prioritize sleep where you can. If you’re struggling for sleep, sometimes herbal remedies like valerian root or Delta 8 THC Vape Carts may help.

 

Be Transparent With Your Children

It’s important to be transparent with your children where you can. If you’re feeling a little stressed, let them know. Of course, this doesn’t mean your children should be used as an emotional dump in any way. But it’s also good to beat the ‘constantly stoic Dad who never opens up’ stereotype. 

This way, you can encourage healthy emotional development in your children too, and remind them that feeling stressed or irritable if handled responsibly and communicated with respect, is not something to be ashamed of. It will also ensure that you manage the balance of emotional care between you and your partner, as opposed to letting your partner deal with the discipline and you only serving as ‘the fun Dad.’ It will help you develop a mature and caring relationship with your children. 

Of course, be reasonable here, and allow children to be children without burdening them with every issue at your job. But know that trusting them with good communication can also help you deal with your stress too, and inspire them to behave better for good reasons (as much as they can understand as children), not only the threat of discipline.

 

What Should A Dad Be?

Of course, there are some good principles as to what a Dad should be. Strong, caring, available, present, and willing to teach lessons. But don’t confuse this with being emotionally cut off, perfect in every situation, or never feeling as though your daughters can dress you up as a princess for fun’s sake. It’s often these memories that are the most hilarious and fun to cherish.

With this advice, you’re sure to manage your stress as a Dad in the best possible way. Just remember that you do need to address it, and in the future you’re sure to thrive.

9-11 – Honoring the past. Where were you 18 years ago?

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9-11

9-11 – Honoring the past. Where were you 18 years ago?

I think that for most of us we can all remember the moments that surrounded the 9-11 tragedy that struck our nation 18 years ago.
I remember where I was… I was in the my office at the university that I was working at as a Student Affairs Professional. I believe it was J-Mom who called me and told me to turn on the radio because it looked like a plane had collided with one of the twin towers. Unbeknownst to us was all the malice that was behind the first attack, let alone the subsequent attacks within New York City as well as the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania.
I remember hearing this and calling my colleagues to find a television that we could turn on and we watched in our main office as the tragedy revealed itself. I was numb, dumbstruck. Only once before had I felt this way, and that was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I simply had never witnessed such hatred, such a loss of life and later that week we found out how close to home this hit our family.

 

The Saturday before 9/11  J-Mom and I celebrated the wedding of a high school friend of J-Mom. The wedding was a wonderful event full of love and laughter. At that event I was able to meet a friend of the bride named Kelly Ann Booms who sat in front of us during the wedding. She made a comment that she had to get back to Boston on Sunday because she had a business trip that she had to fly out for (to Los Angeles) early on Tuesday morning (9/11). Later that week we found out that Kelly was a passenger on the first plane that hit Tower 1 (Flight 11). We were shocked that someone we just spoke with could be gone in an instant and it brought the national tragedy to a whole new level of meaning. We now felt a part of this tragedy and not as far removed.

 

The images of the first few hours of 9-11, the first few days afterward still are burned into my memory and I think they will never leave. For my generation, I think that this event will be the event that truly defines our generation as it may have been Pearl Harbor for my grandparents of the JFK assassination of JFK for my own parents.

 

So today, 18 years later I take a moment to remember Kelly and the other victims of the 9/11 attacks. May we never again live through such an event.

When my daughters get old enough to understand the significance of this day I will help them understand, but it will not be easy for them to grasp the severity of the events and what it did to the American Spirit that followed. I can only hope that I will be ready for this discussion when the time comes.

So my question for the day?

 

    • What are your memories of this event in our collective history?

 

    • How will you tell your children about this event in the future?
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How to Take Meditation to the Next Level

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In today’s day and age, it is important to practice self-care and take time out to bring calm and serenity into our busy schedules. With life being overwhelming, chaotic and fast-paced, you have to bring in the balance to keep your sanity and decrease the stresses and anxieties that plague so many people every day.

Add parenting to this mix, and you will most definitely need some form of meditation to keep juggling all the balls in the air. Achieving peace of mind and clarity of heart can at times feel daunting, especially when the challenges of running a household, business or parenting feel overwhelming.

By taking time out for yourself to regroup and reconnect with yourself on a deeper level, meditation even in its simplest form can work wonders on your state of mind and overall wellbeing.

Chakra Meditation

If you enjoy meditation or relaxing techniques, you may like to experiment with different types of meditation, and chakra meditation could be just what you are looking for.  The purpose of chakra meditation is to improve balance and align your main chakras (The 7 Chakras) to achieve a more peaceful state.

Chakra meditation aims to bring your mental and health states into balance by focusing on the 7 Chakras. Chakras have been described as energy points or centers within your body which, when aligned, can balance your entire being as one. This means not only physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The 7 Chakras

There are 7 main chakras or plexuses in the human body from the head down to the base of the spine namely; Limbic, optic, cervical, cardiac, solar, aortic and pelvic. These 7 chakras each have specific qualities namely; integration, forgiveness, diplomacy, love, peace, creativity and innocence.

When these chakras are open or unblocked and the energies are flowing, you can achieve your own state of nirvana or ultimate wellbeing. The trick is to learn how exactly to do this. Expert meditators say that it is as simple as closing your eyes and focusing on which chakra feels blocked to you and then focusing on visualizing opening that chakra.

You do not need to be an expert on chakra meditation to enjoy the benefits; simply researching the method or learning more about each chakra and how to unblock them can be beneficial in your meditation time.

Meditation Station

To practice any form of meditation, you need a safe, comfortable and quiet place – a place that feels warm and intimate to you. Meditating outdoors can be a wonderful way to not only achieve peace within yourself, but to connect to the elements of nature outside which have their own calming and grounding effect.

If you cannot meditate outdoors, try bringing the outdoors in by incorporating indoor plants into your meditation space. Open a window for a breeze on sunny days or make the meditation space warm and comfortable depending on your preference.

Meditating even for 20 minutes a day can bring you the tranquility and relaxation you may need in preparation for, or after a very busy day.

A Helpful Guide to Coping with Family Stress

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A Helpful Guide to Coping with Family Stress

While your family can add much enjoyment into your life, they can also be a big source of worry and stress. For example, you might be struggling with a hectic home life, going through a divorce, or are busy caring for a dependent parent, which can take its toll on your mental and physical health.

If you want to wash away your tension and enjoy a healthier home life, here are some top tips on how to cope with family stress.

 

Take Time for Yourself

Whenever your home life becomes a little too much, or you are struggling with workplace stress, take a step back from all the chaos to enjoy a little time to yourself. For example, you could go for a walk to breathe in some fresh air and enjoy a change of scenery, read a book, or go out with your friends for a coffee or lunch.

 

Get Enough Sleep

According to research by the Sleep Foundation, enjoying a minimum of eight hours of sleep every night can lead to lower stress levels and a happier mood. It can also help you to effectively manage your anger, so you will be less likely to collide with your loved ones.

To enjoy a better night’s sleep:

  • Go to bed and wake at the same time every night
  • Avoid sleeping in and napping
  • Enjoy light exercise after meals
  • Find ways to relax before bedtime (turn off your phone, read a book, enjoy a warm drink)

 

Seek Support

Stress might be building up inside your body as you are struggling to do everything yourself. If this sounds like you, it is important to seek support as and when you need it.

For example, if you are struggling to care for an aging relative, visit inhomecare.com to find out more about affordable in-home care services. It could potentially take some of the worry and pressure off your shoulders without compromising on your loved one’s quality of life.

 

Use Your Support System

There are bound to people around you who are willing to help you when needed. Rather than struggling in silence, turn to your support system when life becomes a little overwhelming.

For example, if you are forced to choose between your job or caring for your child, ask a trusted relative to babysit your children. If you are struggling with your emotions, call up a friend to discuss your feelings, as they could help you through a difficult period, such as a marriage breakdown.

 

Focus on Your Health

Dealing with family stress could lead to you adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as eating junk food or drinking alcohol each day. Unfortunately, they can damage both your mental and physical health, which can boost your stress levels.

If you want to eradicate stress and become a good role model to your children, you should embrace a healthier lifestyle, which means enjoying a balanced diet, exercising at least 30 minutes each day, and drinking alcohol in moderation.

 

Get Professional Help

If a stressful family life is causing you to feel depressed, stressed or anxious, it might be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. The act of talking could be enough to lower your stress levels and lift your mood. A therapist could also recommend various techniques to help you effectively cope with your emotions.

How to Teach Your Daughter Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Stress

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How to Teach Your Daughter Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Stress

Wouldn’t it be great if we could filter out all the negativity in our daughters’ lives? If we could act like a sieve that captures all the bad stuff and lets all the good flow through. If only that could be reality…

Unfortunately, we can’t shield our children from negativity, and that means they’ll have to deal with their share of stress. It’s inevitable. What we can do is teach them how to cope with stress in a healthy way.

 

The importance of dealing with stress

If you’ve ever had a panic attack or known someone who has, you know how stress can cause an extreme reaction in the body. When it builds up over time, stress can cause even more symptoms including:

  • Headaches
  • Muscle aches and pains
  • Gastrointestinal issues
  • Heart palpitations
  • Nausea
  • Difficulty concentrating

And there’s another drawback to stress that doesn’t get as much attention as it should. When you’re dealing with all the symptoms of stress, you’re not equipped to make the best decisions.

When teenagers have trouble dealing with stress, they may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. These substances seem to provide temporary relief, but they will inevitably make her problems worse in the long run. Not only will she end up without proper coping mechanisms, but she may leave her teenage years with a substance abuse problem.

Even though stress is a common nuisance that affects everyone, it can truly ruin a person’s life if they don’t have the proper coping mechanisms.

 

How to teach your daughter healthy coping mechanisms

Start talking to your daughter about stress at a young age. We may not realize it as adults, but stress affects people of all ages. Babies may feel a sense of stress when they’re separated from their parents. Toddlers feel stress when they can’t communicate their needs. It’s really never too early to start talking about how to cope with these feelings.

Of course, your conversations should remain age appropriate. When your daughter is very young, talk about taking a few deep breaths when she feels angry or frustrated. As she gets older, this is something you build upon to create stronger coping mechanisms.

Breathing exercises are effective for a few reasons. First, you’re taking the focus away from the problem when you concentrate on your breaths. Next, Slow and intentional breathing has a calming effect on the body. Regardless of whether you’re stressed at the moment, you can slow down your heart rate with breathing exercises.

 

How to invoke the relaxation response

The relaxation response is a technique that was developed in the 70s by cardiologist Dr. Herbert Benson at Harvard Medical School. There are six ways to invoke the relaxation response:

  1. Focus on your breath

Take a series of long, deep breaths and focus on the air flowing in and out of your body.

  1. Scan your body

As you focus on your breaths, focus on relieving tension from one area of your body at a time. Continue until you have relaxed the entire body. This technique helps with the mind-body connection.

  1. Use guided imagery

Go to your happy place in your mind. Think of soothing places or experiences to help relax your mind and body.

  1. Practice mindfulness meditation

Mindfulness meditation combines breathing exercises with a sense of awareness. To practice, sit in a quiet space and focus on your breaths without controlling them. Attempt to clear your mind by letting thoughts drift from your mind. Instead of trying to will them away, avoid following any wandering thoughts.

  1. Practice yoga, tai chi and qigong

These techniques combine movement, breathing and mindfulness. To start your practice, find a yoga studio or look for a video-based program you can do from home.

  1. Repeat prayers

This can be religious, but it doesn’t have to be. Choose a short verse that is meaningful to you and repeat it while focusing on your breaths.

While we can’t shield our children from experiencing life, we can give them to the tools they’ll need to handle anything that comes their way.

9-11 – Honoring the past. Where were you 13 years ago? #dadchat

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9-11

 

9-11 – Honoring the past. Where were you 13 years ago?

I think that for most of us we can all remember the moments that surrounded the 9/11 tragedy that struck our nation 13 years ago.

 

I remember where I was… I was in the my office at the university that I was working at as a Student Affairs Professional. I believe it was J-Mom who called me and told me to turn on the radio because it looked like a plane had collided with one of the twin towers. Unbeknownst to us was all the malice that was behind the first attack, let alone the subsequent attacks within New York City as well as the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania.

 

I remember hearing this and calling my colleagues to fins a television that we could turn on and we watched in our main office as the tragedy revealed itself. I was numb, dumbstruck. Only once before had I felt this way, and that was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I simply had never witnessed such hatred, such a loss of life and later that week we found out how close to home this hit our family.

 

The Saturday before 9/11  J-Mom and I celebrated the wedding of a high school friend of J-Mom. The wedding was a wonderful event full of love and laughter. At that event I was able to meet a friend of the bride named Kelly Ann Booms who sat in front of us during the wedding. She made a comment that she had to get back to Boston on Sunday because she had a business trip that she had to fly out for (to Los Angeles) early on Tuesday morning (9/11). Later that week we found out that Kelly was a passenger on the first plane that hit Tower 1 (Flight 11). We were shocked that someone we just spoke with could be gone in an instant and it brought the national tragedy to a whole new level of meaning. We now felt a part of this tragedy and not as far removed.

 

The images of the first few hours of 9-11, the first few days afterward still are burned into my memory and I think they will never leave. For my generation, I think that this even will be the event that truly defines our generation as it may have been Pearl Harbor for my grandparents of the JFK assassination of JFK for my own parents.

 

So today, 12 years later I take a moment to remember Kelly and the other victims of the 9/11 attacks. May we never again live through such an event.

When my daughters get old enough to understand the significance of this day I will help them understand, but it will not be easy for the to grasp the severity of the events and what it did to the American Spirit that followed. I can only hope that I will be ready for this discussion when the time comes.

So my question for the day?

 

    • What are your memories of this event in our collective history?

 

    • How will you tell your children about this event in the future?

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Why I Don’t Enjoy Traveling By Air With Children

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We traveled yesterday on a trip to visit family in Florida. Luckily we traveled by plane, or so I thought….but I am getting ahead of myself.

Let me start by saying that I am the type of person that at times will lose patience with my kids in stressful drawn out situations. I don’t try to do this, though it does happen at times (It is something I am continuously working on).

Yesterday we got to the airport in plenty of time, and we found our gate and we thought we had enough time to look around and get some lunch. We started to eat and of course it was at this time that Diva-PJ decided that she did not want to eat lunch. Then we realized that our flight was boarding and we were still eating (and we were sitting in the very back of the plane).

When we finally finished and got over to the gate they were just getting done with our section which was not too bad. We got on the plane but I think I looked like the old picture of Atlas (you know the whole greek god holding up the world – just not scantily clad or without the bulgind muscles). Yes, I was carrying about 20 things and needless to say my nerves were getting a bit stretched thin.

We got to the plan and finally made it back to our seats. I asked Diva-J to hold my drink while I carried a car seat that Diva-PJ was going to sit in. We got to out nosebleed section seats and I started to get the carseat set up. Next thing I know Diva-J had dumped the whole full 22 ounce soda all over me and the two seats that she and J-Mom were going to sit in. The stewardess was not very willing to help. It was like pulling teetch to ask her for something that we could have the two of them sit on for the flight so their bottoms were not soaked by the time we got to Florida. Finally she brought us some nice seat covers and we were on our way. The flight went pretty well…though I have to give J-Mom credit, as she had to sit with both divas and keep them occupied while I sat across the aisle (so I did get a respit)….thanks J-Mom!

I am glad that we made it to Florida and I am just hoping that the rest of the trip is uneventful, fun and stress free (though that may not be completely possible).


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