Having an Amaze-ing Sex Talk With Your Kids!

August 15, 2017 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

Having an Amaze-ing Sex Talk With Your Kids!

WOW, I know, we’re talking Sex, and with our kids no less. Talk about daunting! This was definitely not a topic that I thought I would be ready for, especially as a father of girls. I read books, tried to be ready but as my kids got older, I found I was stalling for no good reason, that was until I learned about a great new online resource called Amaze.

Amaze is an amazing resource. It is filled with a ton of great videos that really make talking about sex, changing bodies and more so much easier. Amaze makes the topics kid-friendly and seeing that the videos are geared toward 10-14 year-olds, I am right in the age range for both my girls.

You might ask, how did you do it. It was not easy for me at first, but I was nonchalant and simply told my daughters that this is a video that is important to mom and I and I would like you to watch. I told them I was around if they had questions and then I backed off. I did not want to be a dad that freaked them out! I think the girls were a bit embarrassed but of well… they need to know the information and the topics covered in the Amaze videos are so timely for us!

My advice to you is start having these “talks” earlier than later. Don’t Wait! Amaze is filled with a ton of great topics that will get your kids way more informed. Whether it be about topics like the “mechanics” of sex, puberty, masturbation, and more complex topics you will find a little bit of everything here. Also, Amaze covers things like safety on the internet, relationships, gender identity and even consent. Some of the videos that were relevant for my daughters right now included:

What’s best is that the content found in Amaze is coming from experts in the field. If you look at the Amaze site you will find that the site is a collaboration between Advocates for Youth, Answer, and Youth Tech Health. The management team is filled with a ton of people with Masters degrees in Public Health and they have a ton of other great people on their Amaze team!

Amaze continues to surprise me, and I love how the videos and resources are made in a non-threatening way that will really encourage kids to explore, laugh, learn and have fun while doing it.

I am happy to say that as an #AmazeParents team member I highly recommend Amaze to your kids too! Check out the Amaze website and be sure to follow them on Facebook too!

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The Birds and the Bees & Living Life #ToTheEdge

June 3, 2015 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Recently I saw the below ad for the AQUOS Crystal and in that ad they talked about living #totheedge . Well…lately I have felt that I have definitely been living this journey as my daughter, being in 4th grade was about to see “THE MOVIE” and when I say “THE MOVIE” I mean the Birds and the Bees Film at school. I see myself as a pretty down to earth, cool guy but this topic has always placed me on the edge, even though I know it shouldn’t. After seeing this ad and trying out the AQUOS Crystal, I wanted to share on #totheedge experience with all of you! Now, as all of you know, I have two daughters and this alone makes me live #totheedge on a daily basis. When they were born, I knew there would be a time in their lives when we would have to start talking about the Birds and the Bees and other fun items like this (fun is a relative term). Being a guy, I did not know exactly what I was getting myself into when it came to these conversations, but I knew that along-side J-Mom we could get this done when the time came. Over the years I have tried to read things and tried to see what I could do to better prepare myself and my girls. Some of what I read and watched said that if you started talking about anatomical parts and the biology of things early that would help, but to be honest I just never was able to get myself to sit down and try to have the conversations. That being said though there have been times when we have tried to have conversations with our girls, but neither have been very interested or intrigued, which I was a bit surprised about. Even though this was the case, I knew that they needed to know about some of these things just to be informed. Now that my oldest is almost eleven, I knew that she needed to have more information. She is a voracious reader, so in talking to some other parents, I had heard that the American Girl company had a set of books called, the Care and Keeping of You. It was a two book set with the first book covering and the second book covers girls (plus they have a journal to accompany and as a third in the complete set) that covers biological/physical and emotional changes that girls go through. The books are written with girls in mind, and are written at their level. The first book was written for a bit younger girls, and the second for tweens. She read through the first book and was not too put off, and she quickly decided to start on the second book too. All of this being said, she liked the books and they spurred her to ask questions. Some of the questions were ones that I could answer and some were ones that I let J-Mom answer. What I liked best though was that the books started the conversations before she started to receive wrong information at school or from her friends. Why is this important? Well, for me, it is about safety and knowledge. I want my girl to know what is ok and what is not when it comes to boys and men getting close to her personal space. I want her to know the right names for things and to not be afraid to ask questions and to be inquisitive about her own health and eventually her own sexual health (though I still don’t know how comfortable I am with that conversation). I have to be honest and say that Diva-J was a bit weirded out by the books at first. When she saw naked cartoon caricatures she actually said “gross.” However, as she continued reading and we talked more as a family I could see that this was breaking the ice at least and that even though this was not comfortable for J-Mom, myself or for Diva-J, we all could talk about this in our own ways and at least set the table for future conversations that would come in the future. In the end I want my daughters to see J-Mom and I as go-to people when questions do arise (and they will) because the teenage years can and probably will be a whirlwind of hormonal and physical changes that can turn a world upside-down (or at least that was what I remembered) and we want to make sure that she is comfortable with herself and with us, as much as she can be, for the changes that will come. While all of the changes that my daughters will be going through will not be easy to grapple with for them or for me, I am so glad that as a father I can be there to help them along the way. I was greatly appreciative of finding these books and was glad that a company like American Girl is stepping out to make sure that girls are comfortable with themselves and with expressing and discussing themselves, as it is important that girls do care and keep themselves safe and healthy as they grow! ——————————————————————————————- New to the Divadom or to Dad of Divas Reviews? Please Subscribe to my RSS Feed! Subscribe in a reader Questions?Drop me a line at dadofdivas@gmail.com

Fatherhood Friday – The Birds & The Bees With a 5 Year Old

April 17, 2015 by dadofdivas 2 Comments

Last week we had a interesting question from Diva-J, “where do people come from Daddy?” We answered, a bit religiously, “God makes people” She replied, “no..no…no… I mean where do people come from” (she did truly emphasize these points). We were completely floored and had no clue that she would even want to know anything about the birds and the bees.

J-Mom and I just looked at each other and started to back peddle, as we had not thought to have an answer for this question yet for our eldest. So we used a stalling tactic that seems to work well, at least for now. We told her, “let us think about the best answer for this and we will get back to you.” She took this and hasn’t asked again, so I guess we dodged a bullet you may say.

So my question for all of you today is how have you dealt with this and how have you approached this discussion with your own children?

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Parents Need to Talk to Their Kids About Sex

August 10, 2011 by dadofdivas 4 Comments

Parents Need to Talk to Their Kids About Sex

by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

One of my colleagues works exclusively with teens and is noting an increase in oral sex among teens. It is interesting because the teens report being virgins and are adamant that they aren’t having sex. According to a recent study, researchers in California found that oral sex is the most frequently practiced sex act among teenagers engaging in sexual activity. Only 9 percent of high school students who have had oral sex are still virgins two years later. Oral sex has become the gateway to intercourse. The teen is in denial and not aware that oral sex is still sex and carries a risk of STD as well as teen pregnancy because most times sex does not stop with oral sex.

In the study mentioned above, Dr. Bonnie Halpern-Felsher Ph.D. from the University of California followed more than 600 students attending two northern California high schools from 2002 to 2005 in order to understand the role of oral sex in the progression of teen sexual behavior. The teens filled out questionnaires every six months from the start of ninth grade and the end of the 11th grade. More than 90 percent of ninth grade students said they had not yet tried vaginal sex, while 40 percent of the 11th graders reported the same. Over the course of the study, most teens reported having intercourse within the same six month period as their first oral sex experience. Overwhelmingly they had tried oral sex before trying intercourse.

Sex education programs overlook oral sex and focus on abstinence. Improving education in all forms of sex is vital for preventing teen pregnancies and STDs. The best sex education must begin in the home. We cannot rely on the schools to do what we fail to talk about at home with our teens. It is possible that preaching abstinence is enabling the denial that oral sex is sex. If you are engaging in oral sex–and your parents and school is constantly bombarding you with the practicing abstinence concept, you can rationalize that you aren’t having sex, because oral sex won’t make you pregnant. Teens don’t typically think about the consequences of what oral sex will lead to: the risk of STDs, or intercourse and pregnancy.

How parents can help protect their teen:

1. Talk to your teen about sex. This can be done by beginning when your child is young with age appropriate opportunities. TV shows, lyrics on the radio are all good branching off points for parents to begin a dialogue about sex.

2. Make sure your child has an annual exam. When you have a girl and she begins her menstrual cycle make sure you take her to a doctor who can talk to her about her body, her cycle and her breast development. Your son should go with his dad to the family doctor and his body changes should be discussed. Boys need the same focus on understanding their changing body as girls do. Parents are an integral part of teaching their children to respect their changing body and to respect the bodies of others. No parent should ever use the excuse for not teaching their child, that their parents never taught them, or that they just had a book pushed at them about sexual development, when asked why they don’t teach their child about sexuality.

3. When your child asks you a question in regards to sex, their body, or a relationship, take it seriously. If you don’t know the answer, tell them the truth, reassure them that it is a good question and you will find the answer.

4. There should be nothing your child cannot ask you in regards to their sexual body. If you are too embarrassed, tell them you have “hang ups,” but you will find them someone they can talk to. Children are very forgiving when parents trust them enough to be honest with them.

5. Make a pact with your teen that their health always takes primary importance. Let them know you may not like their decision but you will do whatever you can to keep them safe. Teens take risks when parents disengage, and the child feels like there is nothing they can do to please their parent.

It is disturbing when therapists see children as young as 10 years old who are actively having oral sex. When the parents are brought to the session and the child admits to this, everyone is in shock. They question how did it happen and when did it happen, since the boy and girl are never alone together. Believe me; they have plenty of time to be alone together.

You taught your child how to ride a bike, how to throw a ball, and how to tie their shoe. You better teach them about their changing body, what sex involves, and that oral sex is sex and can lead to consequences that will affect them for the rest of their life. Schools nor anyone else can teach your child about sex as well as you.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com.