self image Archives - Dad of Divas

Tuesday Talking – Daddy, Do I look pretty?

April 21, 2015 by dadofdivas 25 Comments

Daddy, do I look pretty? I mean what else can you say to this question, but yes! I think the first time any father gets this type of question they are probably as shocked as I was, as any parent thinks that their children are the most beautiful thing they have ever seen, right? If a father does not believe this then they need to truly think to consider for themselves what kind of father they are or that they want to be.

I believe that all fathers should be their daughters’ most staunch advocate. It is not for a father to criticize or demean a child in any way. In fact in my opinion, fathers who do this are not being fathers at all, they are instead being bullies which should not be father material!

A daughters’ self-esteem is so much intertwined with their relationship with their fathers, for better or worse. A daughter looks at their father for him to be the man that they want to support, uphold and encourage them from early age on. A father also sets the standard for relationships that they have in the future, and how the father treats them as well as how they treat their wife will make a HUGE impact on their emotional well-being that will stay with them for years to come.

Too often today our society shares such mixed messages with our daughters in regards to beauty. When they watch television (even from a young age) they are seeing main characters that look and act a certain way. This unconsciously teaches our daughters so much about how they should act, dress and treat others. The hard thing is that so much of what they are learning is not what parents want them to learn. I know that for me, as a father, I want my daughters to feel confident about themselves no matter how they look. Whether they look like what they see on television is inconsequential to me. What is more important is that they have the ability to be strong in their convictions and know that they are confident and comfortable with the person that they are and that no one else can ever change that.

This is not an easy task, but if you are a father of girls, I challenge you to set the example that you need to set and let your daughters know how pretty / beautiful they truly are both internally and externally as this is SO important to them in the long run!

Brave Woman ( @Brave_Woman ) Is A Great Site That Supports All Brave Women Today! #CBias #BraveWoman

December 27, 2011 by dadofdivas 22 Comments

What Is Brave Woman?

Brave Woman is a grassroots movement to shift personal and public perception of women facing domestic violence situations from a victim mentality to one of courage and strength. The ultimate goal is action to create a world community that

Supports difficult decisions involved in creating a new life of safety, healing and independence.
Is aware of the presence of domestic violence and its impact on families.

THEIR SHARED VISION is that every woman and child will have the supportive resources they need to live without fear in their homes and see themselves as courageous victors, finally free from family violence.

They are networking with international advocates to end domestic violence one woman, one family at a time. Become a Brave Woman Champion. Take the pledge today and join other brave women in your area. Everyone who joins the Brave Woman community receives a free download of Jana Stanfield’s song, What Would I Do Today If I Were Brave and other sources of reflection and encouragement.

My Take On This

As a father of two girls I have to say that I completely support this cause and this organization. While the website itself is still developing the ideals behind the site itself are great and need to be addressed. I know that I for one have been sharing the online pledge with other fathers that I know of that have daughters as this organization does a ton and the potential for this organization is endless!

I have heard the stories of many women over the years that I would consider to be brave, I cannot say that I have known anyone personally that has been abused in this way, but I know that it occurs and that it needs to stop! The women that escape from this, in my opinion, are very brave, as they set themselves out to an unknown future, but they know that they deserve better, and they do!

I know that I want my own girls to be able to grow up and be brave, to stand up for themselves and to never allow anyone take control over them. I can only hope that I am up to the task to help them to learn these skills as they get older!

I highly encourage you to go to the Brave Woman website and take the pledge to support this cause, it is definitely worth it and you will be taking a stand for something important and meaningful!

This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for CollectiveBias.

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Book Review – Please Read (If at all possible) The Girl Scout Project

August 8, 2011 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

About the Book
Female adolescence through the eyes of teenage girls for a teenage-girl audience. This empowering volume introduces the reader to an insider’s view of teenage girlhood. Through their participation in The Girl Project-created in 2007 by Kate Engelbrecht to explore the personal realities of modern female adolescence-teenage girls contributed intimate, heartwarming, diarylike text entries and photographs that capture their personal and private moments. To date, over 5,000 girls between the ages of 13 and 18 have sent in photographs, along with anonymously completed questionnaires that communicate their view of themselves and the world around them. This collection of images and text details the private and personal lives of adolescents, which together reveal an amazing narrative communicated as only teenage girls know and understand. The girls touch upon universal issues, such as their struggles with self-confidence and body image, relationships with peers and family, and their dissatisfaction with how they are presented by the media and in popular culture.

Teen readers will be rewarded with a wonderful set of sincere, deep messages and the reassurance that they are not alone.

My Take on the Book
Kate Engelbrecht holds a BA in sociology. She began the Kate Engelbrecht Photography in New York City. Her project in 2007 was to reach out to girls across the country. She sent 5000 cameras and questionnaires to girls between the ages of 13-18. The girls responded with film and entries which she shares in this book.

From the photos and the entries , Kate as able to show the struggles with self confidence and body image, the girls’ relationships with peers and family, and their dissatisfaction with how they are represented in the media.

This is a photographic , as well as a journal book. It will be a challenge to relate to you the content as it encompasses so many facets and emotions, however I will attempt to do that now.

The journals portray young women who were concerned about their body image, about being loved for who they are, and being able to express themselves in the world for who they want to be and not who society wants them to be. It was interesting to read the girls descriptions of themselves: they can say they are strong, sarcastic, and funny , but then they can show themselves as quiet, compassionate, and shy. Often the brave in outward appearances are really frightened on the inside.

The photos showed young women from all areas of the country, religious backgrounds, and cultures. Sad ,happy, fashion conscious , silly, scared, and those who showed the lack of confidence in ever being enough in the eyes of the world. So many sad entries of young women who felt they could never be beautiful enough or do enough for the people around them so they would love them as they are .So many of the young girls concerned with their weight, looks, clothes, rather than the beauty that they are and in who they are already.

This book should be shared with parents,counselors, religious leaders, scout leaders, medical professionals, anyone who can be connected with young women. We need to help them see and feel how special they are , just as they are. We need to help them celebrate their uniqueness, talents and the contributions they are making to their world. Our society needs to stop the negative comments and expectations we put on young women today. Once we do this we will be able to raise and praise mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy young women. We need to cherish them.

How do we do this? It begins today with the conversations you have with a young woman in your life. You can be the catalyst for the change . You never know where you influence will begin and end.

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Glamour’s New Body Image Survey

February 12, 2011 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

In a stunning new survey done exclusively by Glamour, young women recorded an average of 13 brutal thoughts about their bodies each day (some had as many as 35, 50 or even 100!). 300 women of all sizes from across the country were asked to note every negative or anxious thought they had about their bodies over the course of one full day. The results shocked us—97 percent admitted to having at least one “I hate my body” moment. Some of the comments recorded were, “You’re bigger than her, fatty,” “Your stomach is fat. That is why you are alone,” and “Oh my God, look at her waist and legs! We’re the same height. She looks like a model. I look like a lumpy sock.” To see the full survey results, click here: http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/02/shocking-body-image-news-97-percent-of-women-will-be-cruel-to-their-bodies-today.

Book Review & Giveaway – Achieve Anything In Just One Year

February 12, 2010 by dadofdivas 18 Comments

About The Book

This is a self improvement, motivational and personal development book that is designed to be read on a daily basis. One page a day for one year. Each page starts with an inspirational quote, followed by a discussion of that day’s topic, and ends with a task or an assignment for the reader to follow. Achieve Anything in Just One Year equips readers with the tools to:

Be truly committed. Don’t just go through the motions – act like you’re making a promise to your company, or to your best friend.
Be specific. A resolution like “I want to lose weight” is easier to ignore than “I want to lose five pounds by March.”
Set a deadline. A timeframe equals commitment and helps quantify success.
Avoid overwhelming yourself. You may want to lose weight, quit smoking, achieve moderation with martinis and cut up your credit cards all at once, but let’s get real. Focus on a limited set of goals and plan on taking stock mid-year.
Change one thing at a time. Recognize that change is hard. Wait to achieve one goal before starting on the next.
Be realistic. Taking charge of a fitness regimen is a realistic goal, while exercising seven days a week may not be. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment with lofty goals.

The idea is to take daily action that creates a ripple effect in your life.

By transforming your life with small steps, you can stay motivated, focused and balanced. Best of all, you will feel happier about pursuing your personal success.

The key to a happier life is contained in the dreams you already have. Your aspirations can create new opportunities, a fresh direction for your life’s path. It is possible to unlock them. It’s never too late. You have started today by looking at this book.

With his accessible, unique approach using tangible daily steps to reach achievable goals, Jason Harvey can help you succeed by taking small steps to a better you.

Comprehensive and inspiring, Achieve Anything In Just One Year will teach you how to:

Set goals and stick with them
Take daily action that creates a ripple effect
Stay motivated, focused and balanced that
Feel happier everyday!!!
Define, pursue and celebrate personal success

Learn to equip yourself with the tools to become your own personal life coach, without relying on outside motivation. You have the power to do anything you desire. The possibilities are within you. It’s time to nurture that spark and let it catch fire.

Jason Harvey is a Certified Life Coach and the founder of The Limitless Institute.

My Take on The Book

This book is set up as a book that you will read and work through over a year-long period with a notebook and pen close at hand. That means that each day of the year you will read and do the activity listed on the page. The page itself not only has an inspirational quote but also a brief discussion of the day’s topic and an assignment that must be completed.

I did not read through all 365 pages of this book, but I did focus on the first month of the year. What I saw in this forst month was is that would definitely allow me to learn and grow over a year-long period.

I liked the fact that the book was straight forward and did not require a long period of focus. Instead, the book allowed the reader to know exactly what they needed to do. I have read a number of self-help books both personally and professionally and one thing that I liked about this book was that it did not read like a self-help book. You instead feel like you are being encouraged daily.

If this book sounds like something that you would be interesting to have as a part of your collection, find it over at Amazon!

Giveaway

How would you like to win a copy of this book? I will be giving away 2 copies to a lucky reader! All you need to do is let me know why you would have an interest in this book to be considered. The contest will run for one week and will end on February 20, 2010.

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This contest will run until February 20, 2010 at approximately 11:59 pm Eastern.

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Winners are chosen at random, if you want all your chances counted, make sure you leave individual comments, not all of them in one!

Winner has 48 hours to contact me or another name will be chosen.

All opinions expressed in this review are my own and not influenced in any way by the company. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Please refer to this site’s Terms of Use for more information. I have been compensated or given a product free of charge, but that does not impact my views or opinions.

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Book Review – Liking Myself & The Mouse, The Monster & Me

January 16, 2010 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

About The Books
Over thirty years ago, Pat Palmer and Louise Hart met at their first graduate school class in Greeley, Colorado, sitting on the basement floor of their professor’s home. At the time, Pat was the founder and director of the Assertiveness Training Institute of Denver; Louise was a “displaced homemaker” pursuing a career. When Pat spoke up and spoke out, she surprised some of the men and the “nice girls” in the class, including Louise. Pat gave Louise a scholarship to her assertiveness class—and it changed her life.

Pat’s dissertation, on teaching assertiveness from an early age, was published as two children’s books—Liking Myself, and The Mouse, the Monster and Me. These two heartfelt and powerfully written books were uniquely designed, charmingly illustrated and hand-lettered on traditional lined elementary school paper.

They became international bestsellers in six languages, selling over half a million copies around the globe. They went out of print in the U.S. in 2000. Copies were selling on Amazon for over a hundred dollars.

Now ten years later, these two long time favorites teaching social-emotional skills are being revised and reeleased —thanks to Pat’s long time friend Louise Hart.

The Mouse, the Monster and Me focuses on the importance of finding a balance between one’s aggressive inner “monster” and one’s passive inner “mouse”. Children quickly grasp the metaphor and discover their assertive “me” self. Readers readily identify these behaviors in themselves and others. Other issues include: getting in touch with your own strengths; respect, rights, and responsibilities; how to say “no” to trouble; receiving criticism and compliments; and being yourself.

“Practice, with a friend or family member, assertive ways to ask. Remember… …to stand or sit up straight …to look at the other person …to talk in a normal (not whining or shouting) voice …and to be honest and direct. It’s OK to ask for what you want. (But don’t expect to always get it).”

Liking Myself offers advice on how to handle oneself when feeling depressed, upset, or overwhelmed. Topics include: liking yourself, feeling talk, allowing, letting go, and body talk.

“Feelings are good friends. Feelings can let us know what is happening, what we want, what is important to us…. They tell you when you need to take care of yourself, like finding a friend if you feel lonely, crying if you feel sad, singing and smiling if you feel happy, and acting frisky if you feel good.”

Both books teach healthy, non-violent conflict management skills that are more vital than ever in today’s increasingly interdependent society. Although they are written for children, when parents also read and do the exercises, both learn new skills that improve family relationships.

The books are available online, through BookSurge, or Baker and Taylor

About the Creators
Dr. Pat Palmer, now 81, is author of many books for children, tweens, and adults. A clinical psychologist and former Director of the Assertiveness Training Institute in Denver, Dr. Pat Palmer continues to write at her home on Maui.

Publisher Dr. Louise Hart, 71, is the author of two highly regarded books, The Winning Family Increasing Self-Esteem in Your Children and Yourself and On the Wings of Self Esteem. After presenting workshops as far as Heidelberg, Moscow, Tokyo, and Okinawa, she is still giving workshops for parents in the Bay Area of California.

Illustrator, Betty Shondeck, 71, a retired elementary school art teacher living in Denver, dusted off her pens for an update of the hand-crafted books for today’s youngsters.

What People are Saying About Both Books
“These books are delightful in their innocence, healthy in their advice, empowering in their message. I wish I’d grown up with them and their message.”

—Senator John Vasconcellos, Emeritus Dean of the California Legislature
“These books are fantastic. I really enjoyed reading them myself, and I intend to use them in my work with juvenile offenders. Many read at the 3rd and 4th grade levels, and, unfortunately many do not like themselves.”

—David, Parole Agent, Department of Youth Authority, Los Angeles, CA
“Parents can confidently provide these books to their children with full assurance that they contain the values and prescriptions for positive behavior.”

—The Behavior Therapist

My Take On The Books
Being a father of two girls I am always concerned about the fragility of their self-esteem. These books sounded like ones that would provide me and my girls with some great tools for the future so I was excited to these books provided to me.

In reviewing these books I was impressed at the simplicity as well as the imagery that the books use to convey its’ message. The books were written with young people in mind and the combination of youthful drawings as well as easy to understand concepts allow the reader and their parents the opportunity to converse openly about important issues in relation to assertiveness and self esteem.

The book also had places for parent and child to self reflect on the concepts within the chapter itself.

Overall, I found that these books were great resources to get parents and kids talking about important topics that are important for all kids to understand.

I truly recommend these books and know that they will be books that I will continue to enjoy using with my girls.

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How do you build your sandcastle?

August 12, 2009 by dadofdivas 7 Comments

Lately I have been thinking about life and how quickly it goes by as well as the people that we touch in our brief time that we have on this Earth. No, I am not being morbid, nor fatalistic, but instead, I have been thinking about how each of us do or don’t make a difference in the lives of others.

In thinking about this I began thinking of sandcastles. I started to think about not only the elaborate ones but also the ones that were ones that we made as a child (which were quite elaborate in our own minds). As I thought about these, I began to see some parallels between the building of these sandcastles and the building of all of our lives. Answer the following questions for yourself and see what you can come up with in regards to the building of your own personal sandcastle.

Do you surround yourself with others or are you the sole artist?

Is the building of your castle a community effort or a sole endeavor? For me, mine would be a community effort. I tend to surround myself with others and tend to work better in group settings. I know though that this is not for everyone and there are many artists out there that do their best works on their own. This I know can be seen in all aspects of life, from friendships within and outside of work to hobbies and extracurricular jaunts, we are creatures of habit when it comes to our social nature.

Are you traditional or do you like to stray from the norm?

How many of you have received emails over the years showing you grandiose castles that were built by expert artists, and in the back of your mind you say to yourself, wow, I don;t know if I could have done that. I know that I have been there! My castles have typically been pretty traditional, run of the mill. At the same time though I would always try and add on more to the castle to try and be creative and make it larger and grander than it sometimes needed to be. In life we do this as well. You can ask yourself about how you are raising your child, how your accomplish tasks in your job, etc. Some of us take on traditional roles that we have seen others do in the past, while there are others out there that have been paving their own path for many years and will continue to do so into the future.

What type of flare do you add to your sandcastle?

What do you do to make your castle stand out? Do you do anything? For me, when I was a child, I would always be finding “found” objects to adorn my castles such as sticks, rocks, seaweed, shells, etc. I was never happy with keeping the castle the way that it was (just being sand). I find that for me at least this remains true in my everyday life now as well as I am always trying to make adjustments, adding here, subtracting there. Doing what I can to make my life stand out for myself (mostly).

Do you keep digging deeper to strengthen your castle or do you look to the outside, bringing water in from the shore to strengthen the foundation?

In the building of our sandcastles there are two ways to strengthen your castle, one is to dig deeper, fortifying the castle with thick deep walls. The other is to strengthen the castle by sing outside assistance (water or other objects from outside of the castle area). For me, I have always been the type of person to use a bit of both of these approaches to build a strong foundation for my castles. I could never just use what I had at my fingertips, I always used this as well as outside resources to make the castle even stronger. I find this to be true ni my daily life as well. I am constantly looking internally and externally to make my personal and professional being stronger.

Does the sun always shine down on your castle or is your castle covered by clouds daily?

The ultimately reflects on your outlook on life. In building your castles did you always think to yourself, “the water will destroy this pretty soon anyway so why put in all the effort”, or did you say, “I have to make this the best that I can with the time that I have.” You can see that there is a fundamental difference between the two outlooks. One tends to be (as I mention here) a cloudy outlook on the future of the castle while the other shows a view of a clearer sky. Some would say that this reflects optimism and pessimism, I can see this. I would tend to fall on the optimist side of things myself (which sometimes irks my friends and family). Yet, I respect that people have different views, and whether they have more of an optimistic, pessimistic or realistic view on life, I am hopeful that no matter what they will continue to build up their own personal castles and the castles of those around them.

So what about you? How do you build your sandcastle? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

30 Days to a Better Man-Day 30: Get a Straight Razor Shave

July 1, 2009 by dadofdivas 2 Comments

Brett over at the Art of Manliness is having a 30 day challenge for all of us guys out there – to become a better man. I encourage all of you to check it out and take the pledge. Today, he challenges all guys to talk to Get a Straight Razor Shave.

I can honestly say that I have never had this type of shave. I actually do not get to an actual barbershop much as J-Mom will cut my hair and it saves our house some money overall. In reading what Brett has to say though about this, it sounds intriguing, and something that I would like to experience at least once in my life.

My only question about this is whether it makes a difference if you are usually clean shaven or not as for me, I shave with both an electronic and manual razor daily which leaves little behind. Maybe this does not make much of a difference. For those of you who have had this done to you, what are your thoughts on this question?

My thanks to Brett for taking me and others on this 30 day journey. Some of the things were quite easy, while others took some thought and work, like all good programs should. If you haven’t started on this 30 day journey, I highly recommend it, check it out today!

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30 Days to a Better Man-Day 29: Conquer a Fear

July 1, 2009 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

I had to think about this one for a bit to see what I wanted to conquer and I am still unsure to as what it is that I want to attack. There are not a lot of true fears that I can think of. I mean, I am not afraid of heights, open spaces, spiders….

I am afraid of losing my family, even though I know that this will probably not happen. This is one that I think I will work on trying to set back further in my consciousness. I have a fear not accomplishing enough and not making a difference. This may sound strange, but I truly want to leave my mark on this world, and I do not want to leave this life without knowing that I have done what I could to make a difference on my community, my family and the others around me.

How do I alleviate this, I have to say that I am a bit at a loss right now, but I am going to ponder this some more and see what I can come up with. What do all of you think? How would you attack this fear?

30 Days to a Better Man-Day 28: Write a Love Letter

June 29, 2009 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

J-Mom, today I write to you to thank you on our anniversary for the past 11 years of wedded bliss that you have given me. We have grown both closer as friends and continue to learn more and more about each other which bonds us and helps us to further the love that we have for each other.

It is hard to believe that when I walked you down the path at Asylum Lake with my voice gone and me fighting bronchitis, that 13 years later we would be together with two wonderful girls living in a place and being in a place where we are happy and feeling like our lives are moving in the right direction. I think I can honestly say that I would not have known what direction life would have taken us, but it has been a ride that I would not trade with anyone, and you have been the best of partners to share the experience with. Actually there is no one else that I would rather of shared this “ride” with.

I still have to say that I find myself in awe of the person that you are. Each day I am amazed at how lucky I am to have married such a beautiful, smart woman. I continue to find myself weak in the knees around you as I did when we first started dating each other, and I have to thank you for that!

There are so many things that I love about you. Some of the things you probably would guess, but there are others that might surprise you. I love the fact that you are the most beautiful woman that I have ever met. I love the way the divas adore you and always want more. I love being able to relax and be just me around you. I love the fact that you always listen and are present, caring and supportive in all that I do. I love that you share your gifts with our girls. I even love your cold toes, especially on a warm night. There are so many things that I love about you, and the lists just continues to grow as the years continue on.

We have been through a lot together, and have had both good and bad times, but I have come to rely on you as my best friend and confidant and my barometer for things that I should do in my personal and professional life. I appreciate so much that I can come to you and know that even though we are not in the same field, I can bring you my concerns for an unbiased view to help guide me!

I will always love you, and I know that our love will continue to grow as the years go by. Thank you for everything that you are and everything that you have become to me and I look forward to the years to come!