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One Dad's Quest to Regain Control of his Kingdom

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#School, #Curriculum, #Kids, and How WE #Parents Fit at #DadChat

October 20, 2014 by dadofdivas 1 Comment

#dadchat-SchoolToday

When I went to elementary school (a few years back), my parents had little to do or worry about when I headed out the door. In fact, they had little to worry about after school as well because I rode my bike wherever I wanted as long as I got home before dark. Mom made sure I knew who to call and how to call “just in case” I needed to call home. These days, it’s just a tad bit different!

Common Core, Home Schooling, Political Correct History, Politics in the classroom, No Tolerance, Self-Esteem, and EVERYONE gets a trophy is the new world of primary school. How do we parents navigate this “new world” if, GULP, we have values or concerns about life and, BIGGER GULP, even are religious?! What if we have a kid with “challenges” – can we count on the schools for help? Do we EVEN DARE to discuss the horrors of Middle and High School? That’s why we have noted clinical psychologist Margot Holloman and her husband, Andy Holloman, writer, father of three, and just coincidentally Margot’s husband as our co-hosts this Thursday, October 26 at 6:00 p.m. PT/9:00 p.m. ET.

MargotHolloman

Dr. Holloman is a Clinical Psychologist located in Apex, North Carolina. She attended the University of Cincinnati in Cincinnati, Ohio. She graduated from U.C. with Honors and received the Arthur G. Bills Award for Excellence in Research. She began graduate school at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in School Psychology. After making the decision she wanted to work primarily with therapy clients, she transferred to The University of North Carolina at Greensboro where she received her Masters and Doctoral Degrees in Clinical Psychology.

She has worked in private practice in the Raleigh area since 1997. She currently specializes in anxiety and depression across the lifespan. More recently, she has developed a strong interest in treatment methods for ADHD in children and adults. She has always loved positive psychology including how one develops resilience despite difficult childhoods or adversity in one’s current circumstances. Her research interests also primarily focused on developing and maintaining positive self-esteem.

She currently works full time with individual clients and is developing several workshops designed to facilitate the participant’s development of healthy habits for greater happiness and success. These workshops will focus on the ability to establish more authentic, meaningful, and satisfying paths throughout our lives.

Dr. Holloman is married and has three teen and preteen children. She loves dogs, gardening, reading, music, photography, scrapbooking and anything crafty or creative. She has recently discovered genealogy and may need an intervention to stay off of Ancestry.com. She is currently dabbling in woodworking and loves to decorate. She has recently learned how to use wordpress and first became confident about her computer skills through learning photoshop elements. Her guilty pleasures include spider solitaire, So You Think You Can Dance, and reading self-help books

AndyHolloman

 

Writer Andy Holloman has been scribbling stories since a young age. (According to reliable sources.) Shades of Gray is his first published novel and grew out of his experiences as a travel agency owner many moons ago. He was fascinated with the true story of a client of the business that was murdered. Suspecting her line of work was drug smuggling, a story sprouted in his over-active imagination – How far would a desperate person go to save their child and their business.

His 2nd novel When His Dreams Take Flight was published in Oct. 2013 and is a Suspense/Thriller novel set in present day North Carolina.

He is the father of three and happily married for 20 years. A graduate of UNC-CH, he lives in the Raleigh, NC area and is busy carpooling, keeping his wife happy, and attending his kids sporting events. He loves the great outdoors in NC, is an avid reader, and a social media goofball. Most evenings, he can be found tapping on his well-worn keyboard as he “births” his next novel. Andy website: www.AndyHolloman.com

Here are some tweets that you can send out to bring out YOUR friends and others to join our #DadChat community. Obviously, adjust to your own liking:

  • #School – Why is it so complicated these days for our kids and US – #DadChat Thursday
  • Common Core, Bullying, Self-Esteem, Trophies for everyone – this is #School today! Let’s discuss tomorrow at #DadChat
  • How to navigate our kid’s school journey tonight at #DadChat

#dadchat-School

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Filed Under: #dadchat Tagged With: #dadchat, kids, parent, parenthood, parents, school

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Greg Kaffka ( @njDADof4 ) #dadchat

August 31, 2014 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Dads in the Limelight Series

Our 467th Dad in the Limelight is Greg Kaffka. I want to thank Greg for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

Greg-Kaffka1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

Hello, my name is Greg Kaffka and I am a husband and a proud father of 4 children.  Why am I in the limelight? I guess its because I have alot on my plate and I do all I can to provide the very best for my family.  I work as an engineer for a top digital printing company/distributor and then I freelance at night I do graphic and web design.

2) Tell me about your family

I married my beautiful wife 11 years ago this July and we have 4 amazing children.   My wife and I met 17 years ago and our 1st date was her senior prom in high school.  We met at work and hit it off from there.   I have a daughter who is 6 years old, a son who is 3 and twin girls who are 5 months old.  It was quite the shock to find out we were have twins on this last pregnancy, but what a joy these girls are.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I have to honestly say the largest challenge I have is making time equally.   I work so much and feel that I have such a hard time with it.  I make it a priority to provide for my family and I know its appreciated, but I wish I could see more of them.  When my eldest daughter and son were growing up I worked 2-3 jobs, and most nights not getting home til very late.   Nowadays I have been trying to be home more and feel guilty that I see the twins more at that age then my other two.  I make it a task to be sure I am there for my wife and kids.

Greg-Kaffka

Greg-Kaffka

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Be there for your kids all you can.  My daughter loves to see me at school events, sports and activities.  Being involved in your kids lives as much as possible means more to them than you know. Seeing her face light up when she knows I am there means the world to me and her I am sure.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? 
Making time for family when your the sole income isn’t an easy task.  It is something that I make sure I do.  I try to keep work outside of the home and leave it at the door as much as possible.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I have learned that we are not alone.  We as dads can turn to each other for advice.  As I have learned no two situations are the same, so getting more perspectives on an issue is great help.

Greg-Kaffka

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

If I have learned one thing so far as a father its that no two days are the same.   I learn so much about life from my children.  As I get older I see myself becoming the wise father that my kids are turning to for answers.. How did that happen?!

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

To not sound corny, but besides the birth of my children, I would have to say the most memorable experience as a parent was seeing my children’s faces when I come home late from a long day. It can stop all stress, relieve all tension and make all problems go away.

If you have any questions for Greg, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dad of Divas, dadofdivas.com

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Filed Under: Dads in the Limelight Tagged With: dad, dads, father, parent, parenting, parents, tips for dads, tips for fathers, tips for parents

Parents Need to Talk to Their Kids About Sex

August 10, 2011 by dadofdivas 4 Comments

Parents Need to Talk to Their Kids About Sex    

by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

One of my colleagues works exclusively with teens and is noting an increase in oral sex among teens. It is interesting because the teens report being virgins and are adamant that they aren’t having sex.  According to a recent study, researchers in California found that oral sex is the most frequently practiced sex act among teenagers engaging in sexual activity. Only 9 percent of high school students who have had oral sex are still virgins two years later. Oral sex has become the gateway to intercourse. The teen is in denial and not aware that oral sex is still sex and carries a risk of STD as well as teen pregnancy because most times sex does not stop with oral sex.
In the study mentioned above, Dr. Bonnie Halpern-Felsher Ph.D. from the University of California followed more than 600 students attending two northern California high schools from 2002 to 2005 in order to understand the role of oral sex in the progression of teen sexual behavior. The teens filled out questionnaires every six months from the start of ninth grade and the end of the 11th grade. More than 90 percent of ninth grade students said they had not yet tried vaginal sex, while 40 percent of the 11th graders reported the same. Over the course of the study, most teens reported having intercourse within the same six month period as their first oral sex experience. Overwhelmingly they had tried oral sex before trying intercourse.
Sex education programs overlook oral sex and focus on abstinence. Improving education in all forms of sex is vital for preventing teen pregnancies and STDs. The best sex education must begin in the home. We cannot rely on the schools to do what we fail to talk about at home with our teens. It is possible that preaching abstinence is enabling the denial that oral sex is sex. If you are engaging in oral sex–and your parents and school is constantly bombarding you with the practicing abstinence concept, you can rationalize that you aren’t having sex, because oral sex won’t make you pregnant. Teens don’t typically think about the consequences of what oral sex will lead to: the risk of STDs, or intercourse and pregnancy.
How parents can help protect their teen:

1. Talk to your teen about sex. This can be done by beginning when your child is young with age appropriate opportunities. TV shows, lyrics on the radio are all good branching off points for parents to begin a dialogue about sex.

2. Make sure your child has an annual exam. When you have a girl and she begins her menstrual cycle make sure you take her to a doctor who can talk to her about her body, her cycle and her breast development. Your son should go with his dad to the family doctor and his body changes should be discussed. Boys need the same focus on understanding their changing body as girls do. Parents are an integral part of teaching their children to respect their changing body and to respect the bodies of others. No parent should ever use the excuse for not teaching their child, that their parents never taught them, or that they just had a book pushed at them about sexual development, when asked why they don’t teach their child about sexuality.

3. When your child asks you a question in regards to sex, their body, or a relationship, take it seriously. If you don’t know the answer, tell them the truth, reassure them that it is a good question and you will find the answer.

4. There should be nothing your child cannot ask you in regards to their sexual body. If you are too embarrassed, tell them you have “hang ups,” but you will find them someone they can talk to. Children are very forgiving when parents trust them enough to be honest with them.

 

5. Make a pact with your teen that their health always takes primary importance. Let them know you may not like their decision but you will do whatever you can to keep them safe. Teens take risks when parents disengage, and the child feels like there is nothing they can do to please their parent.

It is disturbing when therapists see children as young as 10 years old who are actively having oral sex. When the parents are brought to the session and the child admits to this, everyone is in shock. They question how did it happen and when did it happen, since the boy and girl are never alone together. Believe me; they have plenty of time to be alone together.

 

You taught your child how to ride a bike, how to throw a ball, and how to tie their shoe. You better teach them about their changing body, what sex involves, and that oral sex is sex and can lead to consequences that will affect them for the rest of their life. Schools nor anyone else can teach your child about sex as well as you.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com.

Filed Under: Guest Post Tagged With: daughters, guest post, parenthood, parents, sex

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