Our 218th Dad in the Limelight is musician Billy Eli. I want to thank Billy for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.
1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers’ knowledge)I am a ne’er-do-well honky tonk musician. I have been writing and performing for over twenty years, running up and down the country playing in both beer joints and in quiet listening rooms, playing what used to be called rock and roll and is now called Americana or roots rock. I have four albums and holes in the bottom of my boots.
2) Tell me about your family
I have a wife of ten years with whom every day still feels brand new, and a combination of four teenaged kids and step kids. Dylan is 19, Griffin and Madison are twin 17 year olds, and Cassidy is 15. My family is complicated and busy and kind and loud and funny and argumentative and makes me happy. Coming home to them after being on the road makes me feel real again.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father? My two boys, Dylan and Griffin, both have serious disabilities.
So it’s hard to pick just one given the nature of our family. Dylan and Griffin certainly required a lot more eyes on attention than our daughters but at the same time we didn’t want our boys’ disabilities to become the defining thing about our family.
I would say that one of the largest challenges has been to let each family member grow into themselves as individuals and not just function as gears in a larger machine.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
I would definitely advise other fathers to simply see their children as they are, and encourage what makes the child blossom. Having a child with special needs forced me to drop any preconceived ideas I had about how they would be and what they would become, and in exchange I learned that they will always be their own person anyway, so you can get to know that person and enjoy him or her, or you can waste your relationship with them by trying to make them be something different. Our girls have benefited from what I learned raising their brothers.
I guess in a nutshell I’d have to say that being in control is an illusion. So don’t let it foul the real parts.
5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.I am able to spend a lot of time with my kids because even though I travel a lot, when I am not traveling I am at home all day. So I stay very involved in their interests and I try to keep the focus on them, not me, when I am at home. They are mostly unfazed by the public part of me. As one of my daughter’s put it when my wife tried to get her to listen to a performance of mine that was about to air on the radio, “Why should I listen to him on the radio? We have him right here!” And of course, I depend a lot on my wife to handle the family when I am on the road and keep me in the loop.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?Sadly I don’t have a lot of interaction with many of my kids friends fathers. Between my work and my family there’s not a lot of left over time. The fathers I have learned the most from are probably the fathers of special needs kids. What Ive learned from the special needs fathers is patience and how to better see my kids as they are and not through the filter of my expectations.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
The great thing about being a father is that you get a chance to do better. Wanting to do good by my kids has made me be a better person myself.
8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?They’re too numerous to count but one experience does stand out. It involved Griffin, my son with Autism.
When he was about 14 he went through a period where he had serious separation anxiety whenever I’d have to leave the house. He’d pace and get steadily more anxious sometimes to the point of aggression.
I had a two week run of club dates coming up and wasn’t quite sure how to handle Griffin.
The solution we came up with was that I would fly to the first show then rent a car and finish the tour. That way my van stayed parked in the driveway and with the door to my bedroom closed Griffin thought I was in my room asleep. Whenever he would ask, he would be told “Daddy’s asleep”. Since he was at school most of the time he accepted that explanation and the two weeks passed without a ripple. Creative parenting is essential in a household like ours!Find out more about Billy Eli by visiting
- Official Site: www.BillyEli.com
- Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/
The-Billy-Eli-Band/ 315847147110?ref=mf - Twitter: https://twitter.com/BillyEli
- YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/
MrBillyEli
If you have any questions for Billy, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!
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