family time Archives - Dad of Divas

Dads in the Limelight – Aqeel Ash-Shakoor

July 4, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 876th Dad in the Limelight is Aqeel Ash-Shakoor. I want to thank Aqeel Ash-Shakoor for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Aqeel Ash-Shakoor with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

Aqeel Ash-Shakoor is a native North Carolinian of Cherokee Indian/West Indian descent. Aqeel is a United States Marine Corps Veteran. Aqeel is a member of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc. Relocating to Michigan in 2013, it would be April 2015, after resigning from a job that he received a call for an agency to come audition. Two weeks later, Aqeel booked a principal role/his first acting role in a commercial for The Lee Steinberg Law Firm, “Call Lee!” In May 2015, Aqeel booked his first ever modeling job as he modeled for FSL Clothing line in the Walk Fashion Show. Since then Aqeel has filmed various commercials, feature films and short films, and print work.

Aqeel is highly inspired by God. He makes no excuses for his faith and strength in Jesus Christ. He is also the Pastor of Walking With Christ Ministries, which he and his wife planted in Lansing, MI, in 2014. Also in 2014, Aqeel and his wife were appointed Ambassadors At-Large to the United Nations. He has authored and published two books, “Follow The Leader (Resurrecting Men to Leadership (2010)” and “No More Chains! The Rule 2:22 Principle (2015).” Aqeel is also known as music producer, whose stage name is Phantom Barz @phantombarz

Education:

BS in Business Administration, Saint Paul’s College, Lawrenceville, VA

MS in Criminal Justice, Everest University, Tampa, FL

PhD in Ministry, Canadian International Chaplaincy Association University & Seminary, Houston, TX

2) Tell me about your family

Other than God, my inspirations are my wife, Tanesha M. Ash-Shakoor (Western Michigan Thomas Cooley graduate May 2015), their three children, daughter, Jaylah (20 yrs old) Northwood University, and two sons, Jibril (24 yrs old) 2018 UNC Charlotte graduate and Ji’Ri (15 yrs old) High School Sophmore; and my parents who still reside in Murfreesboro, NC. All of our family family members are actors/actresses and models. We have filmed roles in a comedy series titled My StepKidz which is airing now on Sunday nights at 7:30 pm on youtube. Ji’Ri just completed a lead role in a film titled, “Coachable,” featuring NBA celebrity Alan Houston.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

My largest challenge in being a father has been to ensure that I properly lead by great example. My wife and I together ensure that we guide our children with God, love and support for them to not limit themselves in anything they engage. Though it may appear to be easy being a father at times, when your children are excelling with no disciplinary, educational, or life problems, you can sometimes miss that your children still suffer from identity crisis and a bit of low self –esteem. There my largest challenge has been learning that each child requires and has very different needs from a father. I grew up partially in a single family home since age 6 yrs old, before my mother remarried. My father, which I’ve never called him my “stepfather,” has never missed a major event in my life, except one which was the day after my sister’s funeral in North Carolina and my wife and I were receiving our Ambassadorial At-large appointments the very next day back here in Lansing, MI. I would say, “That is pretty doggone good as a father!” So, my challenge is to ensure I give my children every aspect of God, guidance, love, respect, and support that my father has given and still gives me to date.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I never give advice. What I do say to fathers is, I share my experiences with you in hope that you may find at least one nugget to greater build your capabilities to be a successful father. Do not be afraid to make mistakes. Have an open ear and heart to your children. Allow them to express themselves emotionally and spiritually without judgment. Ensure them that they have your support in all they do in the way they have been trained up. When they believe something stand on it and have a credible reason why they stand for what they believe even if may not be the best way.

This teaches them that they have a voice, they are to be respected for the decision, and it teaches them that although we may make an informed decision with substantial reason, you still may have to face consequences for you actions and choices. I truly believe that takes the limitation off their creativity and ability to excel. Conduct regularly scheduled family meetings where everyone gets to voice concerns and/or good news. This is our time to discover issues and visit problems, problem solve, and come up with healthy resolution for all parties in the family. Lastly, we pray the session in and pray the session out. Oh I must say this one we personally created and use it often. It has also become a moment revisited for family laughter. The person that has an attitude or has displayed a negative behavior must pray as we all hold hands. Try leading prayer when you’re the one with the attitude problem. What a lesson that is in itself.

Eat together with no electronic devices and have meaningful dialogue.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This is just as simple as it gets. Having a great wife that is also organized. To tell the truth, we are both have OCD personalities. It sounds chaotic, however, we compliment each other. My wife introduced us all to a FAMCAL application that we all are able to log our events and important dates, as well as messages for the rest of the family to be abreast of. We also keep personal calendars on our mobile devices that are linked with the children and some linked between my wife and me. It may even seem like over kill but we still use the stone age, write it on a paper calendar, post the print out on the refrigerator, and we also cover all events during our regular family meetings.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

What I have learned interacting with other fathers is everything I have discussed. We talk about “What works and what doesn’t work.” It’s a time of father reflection. It doesn’t mean you do exactly what they do, because all of our families are different, but it does provide some insight that maybe sometimes it’s just “you” that is off-beat with the family. This is when you really grow as a father.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

From the start, I have always guided our family in taking personal responsibility for that which you are in control of and always handle your business. Teach your families that each person is responsible for uplifting the family name. The family is also your brand. Never do anything that will tarnish your personal character, not the family’s name. What we do personally can and will affect the entire family.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

My most memorable experiences have been each and everything I’ve seen my children accomplish. I’ve learned not to minimize what things we may consider small. Small accomplishments mature to greater things. Our daughter, Jaylah is our first family Early College graduate from Lansing Community College-Early College Program, as she was an Eastern High School graduate and will graduate from Northwood University, MI next December with two degrees. Our oldest son Jibril is our very first college graduate (UNC Charlotte, NC) and recently has created his own hair product line called “Royal Riches’ and the lead personal trainer at Body By Fitness, in Charlotte, NC.. Our youngest son, Ji’Ri became our first family Valedictorian of our immediate family and extended family when he graduated 8^th grade last year. He has maintained all “A’s” since he started school and to date, in his first year of high school, he has completed 9^th grade having still maintained all “A’s” throughout the year playing on the Freshman basketball and track teams at Holt high School.

Agents: Babes N’ Beaus (Chicago), PCG Talent (Ohio), iGroup & Production Plus (Michigan) Facebook: Aqeel Ash-Shakoor Instagram: @Aqeeltheactor Tweeter: @Aqeeltheactor @BarzPhantom

If you have any questions for Aqeel Ash-Shakoor, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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Dads in the Limelight – Comic & TV Personality Al Jackson

June 13, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 876th Dad in the Limelight is Comic and TV Personality Al Jackson. I want to thank Al Jackson for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Al Jackson with all of you.

1.Tell me about yourself (as well as how you are in the limelight for my reader’s knowledge).

My name is Al Jackson and I’m a 41-year-old father of 3 from Cleveland, OH. My initial passion was science so I studied biology both in undergrad and graduate school. I attended graduate school in Florida at Barry University and studied biomedical sciences. I am most well-known from being a middle school teacher who turned into a nationally touring standup comic and television personality. My big breakout was getting a Comedy Central half hour specially. I was the host of BBC’s Officially Amazing for 100 episodes, I was a character on Jim Jeffries Legit, which aired on FX, and I have appeared on Comedy Central doing standup 10 times. I am now a cohost on the nationally syndicated television show Daily Blast Live, which airs daily all over the country. I also host a podcast with the famous impressionist Frank Caliendo, I’m a regular guest and co-host of the nationally syndicated Bob & Tom Radio Show and I’m currently on tour with Hannibal Buress.

2. Tell me about your family.

My family consists of three children: Abrian (age 12), Elijah (age 10) and Baby Ford (age 4). No matter how old he gets, I will always call him Baby Ford.

3. What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I believe my challenges as a father mirror a lot of parent’s challenges in 2019 in that most adults have at least 1 job and some of us have two or three Often times, our jobs take us away from those who we love the most, our children, and I am no different. Between touring nationally as a standup comic and working in a state away from my children, I’ve had to be creative in ways that I keep in contact with them. I’m only able to see them on the weekends because my show films in Denver.

One of the largest challenges I’ve had to face as a father has been to learn to not over-parent. The love that you have for your children is the most special thing that you’ll ever feel or experience, but it also has to be kept in check so you don’t end up becoming a helicopter or smothering parent. Allowing your child make mistakes, bump their head, succeed and fail on their own is difficult, but you have to understand that it’s all part of them becoming the person they are meant to be.

4. What advice would you give to other fathers?

My advice to other fathers is to understand that there is a duality and a balance to being a father. You have to be a mentor, a role model, a disciplinarian and dozens of other roles, but while you’re doing these things, you can’t forget to be their friend, to see the world as they do, laugh with them, and create a special bond. You must be more than someone who just decides yes or no until they are old enough to make those decisions on their own. You can’t be so absorbed in the responsibility that you lose sight of the things that make life fun.

5. How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I think for myself, balancing parenthood and outside life is understanding that you’re rarely going to have a large chunk of time that you always imagine you’re going to have. You’ll rarely have the uninterrupted time you desire to be with your children. Those times should be embraced and cherished, but don’t forget to value the moments and not just the hours. Value those minutes in the car when you can connect with them and ask them a real question. The times when you have 15 minutes and can really listen to them and what’s going on in their world. It’s important to understand that all time is precious. Moments come and go and don’t necessarily happen in four or five hour chunks so appreciate all that time you’re given.

6. What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve learned that we’re all flying by the seat of our pants. The fathers who I’ve learned the most from aren’t afraid to tell their kids that they don’t know the answer to something and they realize that there’s an amazing journey to be had by finding out the answer together.

7. What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

I would share that it’s ok to be afraid from time to time. It’s ok to worry about them, but understand that somebody worried about you in the same manner and you turned out just fine. For a long time with my kids, I constantly hovered over them, literally shielding them from physical harm and shielding them from things that might hurt them emotionally. But I realized that I was neutering their experiences as young people who need these life moments. They need the things that can result in joy as well as the things that sometimes result in pain and disappointment.

8. What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There are so many memories it’s hard to pinpoint one, so I’ll speak in generalities because it’s ongoing. With my daughter, it’s been watching her personality develop. She is a warrior. She is kind hearted, smart, beautiful and talented. I’ve been able to watch her personality develop where I’ve seen her start to crack jokes, being sarcastic like her father, I’ve seen her be gentle, even to people who have tried to bully her, and it’s made me stand back in awe and take pride in being able to say I was a part of this human being’s development.

For my middle son Elijah, his intellect and his ability to figure things out shocks me. He is an expert video game player and just all around analytical kid. With him, I’ve had to do something that no one ever had to do with me: I’ve had to allow him to be upset with himself if he didn’t get an A on a test. And trust me, no one ever had to do that with me. C+ was ok in Al Jackson’s book.

For my youngest son Baby Ford, watching him be as distinct a personality as I’ve ever encountered has been amazing. He is strong willed, tough as nails, and probably a future NFL full back. He is completely different from me and his siblings and has definitely rounded out the puzzle of my life.

If you have any questions for Al Jackson, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Steve Lemig of Wilderdads

May 23, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 875th Dad in the Limelight is Steve Lemig of Wilderdads. I want to thank Steve Lemig for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Steve Lemig with all of you.

Steve Lemig of Wilderdads is the 875th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Steve Lemig I work in advertising, am a writer, outdoor athlete, and founder of Wilderdad.com, a leading source of tips and inspiration for outdoor family adventures. I believe the outdoors holds a key to building a happy family. Also, I believe spending time outdoors, whether urban parks, lakeshores, or remote mountains teaches kids confidence, creativity, problem solving, teamwork, self-control, and respect for each other and nature. This is founding idea behind Wilderdad. Motivate dads to get outside with their families and everyone wins.

I had a bizarre childhood. My parents divorced early on and I grew up attending churches of spiritual cults and participating in political activism. At one point, I lived in a van in a urine-soaked alley. That was for most of sixth grade. We moved nine or ten times and I went to six different schools before graduating high school. It was stressful and the only place I found peace was in the outdoors. So, I spent most of my childhood outside running trails, fishing, mountain biking, and rock climbing. Being active outdoors helped me stay balanced and express my angst in a positive way.

2) Tell me about your family

I live in Denver, Colorado, with my wife and nine-year-old daughter. My wife and I started dating 20 years ago and have been married 14 years. She’s a backpacker having guided many backpacking trips with high school kids from the Denver area. She also rafted the Grand Canyon almost 20 years ago and it’s still a highlight of her outdoor career. My daughter is an amazing little human. She loves science, art, and especially birds and plants. Ask her what she wants to be and she says she’s ALREADY an ornithologist (expert in birds), a botanist (expert in plants), and she is interested in also becoming a paleobotantist (expert in plant fossils).

She’s super athletic–loves to bike, rock climb, fish, hike and camp with us. Believe it or not, she started running with me when she was just 18 months old. I started running with her in a stroller when she was about 4 months old. She was so small I’d secure her into the stroller with a half dozen rolled beach towels all around her. And I think by the time she reached a year and a half she just was fed up sitting in the stroller with her dad pushing her around. So, she hopped out one day and just started running alongside me. She made it almost half a mile that day.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Not a whole lot of guidance. I come from a long line of fathers (and a stepfather) who had no idea what they were doing. And they passed along the tradition to me. I felt like I started from scratch. The one benefit of having father figures in my life who didn’t know what they were doing was that I learned what NOT to do.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Relax. Be Present. Have Fun. Half of parenting is just showing up, being there for your kids, and helping them through whatever the problem du jour is. Kids who have involved dads are 75% less likely to have a teen birth, 80% less likely to spend time in jail, and 43% more likely to earn A’s in school. And the more fun you can have with your kids, the more they’ll respect and listen to you. You don’t need to be a mean SOB to get your kids to behave.

Oh, and GET OUTSIDE! Spending time outside with your kids and encouraging them to play outdoors is so good for their mental and physical development.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

It’s hard. I have so many projects going on at one time that it can get really messy. Currently, I work a full-time job, I drop off and pick up my daughter from school half the week, I help with homework, cook meals, do house maintenance, and run a blog, am writing a book, and try to workout five days a week. It doesn’t always happen. But, one thing I have going for me is that I worked really hard for years to be able to work from home full-time. It cuts out five or more hours of commute time and I’m able to knock out a few chores here and there during the day that would normally get pushed to the weekends.

Also, my wife and I used to live in California and moved to Colorado to be closer to family when our daughter was born. So, we have a strong network of family and friends who help us–and we help them. Community is key!

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

No one has it easy! There’s no perfect family. No perfect formula for fatherhood. Life’s messy. Dads need each other. We need dad support groups, whether it’s just a group of good friends or an actual local support group of dads.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

My most memorable experiences with my family have been traveling or spending time outdoors. Skiing knee deep powder in the Rocky Mountains, hiking and picking huckleberries along the Continental Divide, searching for sea glass along the beaches of San Diego, scrambling on boulders in Joshua Tree National Park, watching moose stroll by while camping outside Rabbit Ears Pass, standing in the middle of the Arkansas River fly fishing with my daughter. These are the moments when all the stresses of life melt away and I feel the strongest connection with my wife and my daughter. I think they feel it too. I can tell because of the great big smiles on their faces when we’re outside together.

If you have any questions for Steve Lemig, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – James Fouche

May 16, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 874th Dad in the Limelight is James Fouche. I want to thank James Fouche for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing James Fouche with all of you.

James Fouche is the 874th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I’m an author, freelance writer/blogger and public speaker. I just returned to writing to finish my third novel. This after a four-year babymaking hiatus. We had three nuggets in three years, which will bring your world to halt. I write about wine, travel and parenting, for multiple media formats across all social media platforms, from Australia to South Africa. I write 24 hours a day, which makes being a silly daddy a very challenging, yet rewarding, exercise.

2) Tell me about your family

For seven years we struggled to conceive. After a short and tense operation, we were able to do the deed. Then baby number one arrived. Since we were on the older side of parenting, we decided to have number two the following year. However, baby number three was an unplanned, fantastic five minutes on the couch while the other two were asleep. Now we have two girls, the first and the last, and a boy in the middle.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Three kids in three years, means two tantrum toddlers and a baby with separation anxiety. The biggest problem we face is not having face-time as a couple. At times I really miss my wife – and she is standing right in front of me. But there is a baby at her feet screaming for milk, a girl throwing a tantrum in the living room and a boy tugging at my pants to show me something outside. We film and post little YouTube clips to remind ourselves of the good times hidden inside the chaos.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Appreciate the struggle. Soon it is all over. Remember all the firsts, because they soon become the lasts. The first nappy, the first step, the first giggle, the first time they fall asleep in your arms. Which becomes the last pack of nappies you bought, the last time you were able to pick up your child, the last time they rode horsey on your back, or the last time you gave your little girl butterfly kissies all over. It seems like a blur, but in the blur is the joy.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I still haven’t been able to balance parenthood and work. I’m sure this is impossible. Or maybe I’m doing something wrong. You learn to juggle both. I’m of the radical thought that men can multitask, too. Especially during those first four foundation years. You don’t have a choice.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

– Someone always has it worse than you, so stop moaning.

– Divorce is a killer; avoid it like the plague.

– You have a soul, and without selfcare your soul becomes a beastly thing.

– Take care of yourself and don’t allow people to steal your family time.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Don’t be too hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. You are doing a good job.

James’ social links are below:

Website: http://jamesfouche.com

Facebook: @JamesFoucheWrites

Instagram: @jamesfouchewrites

Twitter: @james_fouche

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/jamesfouche49

If you have any questions for James Fouche, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Marlon Gutierrez of Being Papa

May 9, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 873rd Dad in the Limelight is Marlon Gutierrez from the website Being Papa. I want to thank Marlon Gutierrez for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Marlon Gutierrez with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Marlon Gutierrez. I’m the dad to a really smart & funny 2-year-old who makes me gleem with joy. As far as the spotlight goes I’m usually seen in marketing conferences in my career as a growth marketer. More important to me though is the work I’ve been doing as the organizer of the Orlando City Dads Group and instagramming & blogging about my adventures as a dad to my daughter through Being Papa.

2) Tell me about your family

I’m married to one incredible woman who owns and manages a real estate management company from our home. She’s the type that reads right through my BS and knows how to pull me back when I go down a black hole stressing about things that don’t really matter. Together we parent our daughter, who at two years of age can manipulate me into what she wants me to do plainly because she’s the most hilarious kid I have ever encountered. She’s the daughter I never knew I needed so much in my life and I really can’t function without her around. She’s spunky and brave– loves scary Halloween decor, reptiles and dinosaurs, and while we live in Orlando, the literal home to Disney Princesses, the one princess she got a fascination towards so far has been Fiona from the Shrek series– and only in ogre form!! She’s also incredibly sweet, loves to sing and dance, and loves going shopping for clothes!! As a family we’re always out on the weekends, travel often and spend most of our days together.

Marlon Gutierrez of Being Papa is the 873rd dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

So far, the biggest challenge that I’ve had while being a father was realizing that there were many elements from my own upbringing that I didn’t want to pass down. I recall my childhood being extremely positive and happy for me but there were a lot of little elements that passed down from being raised in a more traditional environment that led to toxic behavior in my late teens and early twenties. Further, I’ve had to acknowledge that a lot of my culture is very heavy with toxic masculinity and I’ve had to really learn how to challenge what was wired to me and become aware of feminism, gender issues, and equality. Realizing I was part of a large problem was extremely hard for me, but my daughter has been a huge motivator for me to get educated through all the resources available.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

This one would particularly be for working fathers. Make the shift in your mindset that your role as a provider means so much more than providing financially. In fact, we have it all wrong. The second you learn that role is to provide time for your family, everything starts aligning into place. Remember that your kid would rather be living in a box and get to have playtime with you than in a house without getting a chance to ever see you.

Marlon Gutierrez of Being Papa is the 873rd dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

More and more, I’ve learned to start integrating parenthood and outside life as opposed to trying to balance them. We travel often as a family to take advantage of the time we have with our daughter before she spends her days in school. We also both work-from-home, so we are able to be present throughout the day for her while also working and getting stuff done. Sometimes there are better days than others, of course, but between both of us, we make it work. We also think it’s important for us to have the chance to “do us”. My wife and I will alternate if I just need some time to for self-care. (Usually consists of a dinner with a friend or sitting out to read a good book).

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve learned that a dad’s superpower really comes in the form of play. We’re not afraid to get on the playgrounds with them or take them out to the toy store and get just as excited about a toy they’ve never seen before. I live vicariously through my daughter’s excitement in play, and given that children learn very well through playtime, I think playing with our kids is time very well spent.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

I used to very much align my identity with that of my job title and career. Being a father has taught me that I’m so much more than that: that in reality, my job is just the paycheck that allows me to do what I need to. The second my job makes me unhappy or starts to take away from my family in an unreasonable manner, I’ve become very quick to be able to quit and look for another. So far, it hasn’t impacted my career growth and it’s made me continuously improve job environments for the better.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

It still has to be the moment my daughter was born. I went through Bradley classes with my wife and I very much went deep into the information. My wife had a natural birth and I was able to pull my daughter out and be the first person who ever held her. The memory of seeing her face and feeling her slippery tiny body is so incredibly vivid and without a doubt always fills my eyes up with tears. It was the moment my life changed for the better.

If you have any questions for Marlon Gutierrez, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Karl Staib of Bring Gratitude

May 2, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 872nd Dad in the Limelight is Karl Staib of Bring Gratitude. I want to thank Karl Staib for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Karl Staib with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
My name is Karl Staib and I’m a father of two boys. I’m the author of Bring Gratitude: Feel Joyful Again with Bitesized Mindset Practices, and it’s pushed me into the limelight. My hope is that more fathers practice gratitude with their children. Being grateful for them and showing them how to be grateful for all the blessings they have in their lives.

2) Tell me about your family
I’ve been married to my amazing wife of 12 years. We have two boys, ages 9 and 4. They are amazing and frustrating. Just last week I told my oldest to go and use the bathroom before we left for our camping trip. After 5 minutes I come back in and he is brushing his teeth. I asked him why he was brushing his teeth and he said that’s what he was supposed to do. I told him to finish up. Then when he got to the garage to put his shoes on he said he needed to go to the bathroom. big sigh

I told him to go and use the bathroom and then we have to go. This one tested my patience greatly.

I love my family, but there are always challenges. Every father must understand and appreciate all aspect of a family.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
I think it’s health scares. My youngest son had blood work because he has been throwing up every so often in the middle of the night. The doctor said he might have liver issues. We took him general practitioner and they took blood to check his organs. They said he might be having liver issues. We were referred to a gastroenterologist pediatric specialist and he was diagnosed with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, which is brought on by a food allergy. We are now in the process of figuring what he is allergic to so he doesn’t throw up in the middle of the night anymore.

I was just so grateful for the amazing doctors that we have and that he didn’t have any liver issues. Health scares are what helps me remember how lucky I am to have a healthy family.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
The two greatest gifts you can give your kids are to listen and appreciate them.

When you listen to them they feel loved. I mean truly listening with asking good questions. Questions that show that you care about what they are saying.

The second gift is showing and telling them that you appreciate them. You aren’t perfect and they aren’t either, but if you show them appreciation on a regular basis that will help them build confidence.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
I love to write and go for walks while listening to podcasts and I have a full time career, so my time is limited. I’ve found that my phone is my greatest tool. I write using Google Docs when I have 15 minutes of time. Those 15 minutes here or there usually add up to an hour to an hour and a half of writing a day. I can usually get around 1,000 words each day. My last book was 40,000 words, so I can write a rough draft in approximately 40 days.

I share this with you because it’s about priorities. I make time for my family, work and writing. Everything else can wait until the next day.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
Fathers have to support each other. We are in a transitory time. We are going from old school way of raising kids to the new school. Today’s generation of fathers are much more empathetic than my father’s generation. And we still have so much room to improve. We are adjusting with the times. We have more information that we are using to help raise smarter, healthier and resilient kids. That’s why we need each other. We need to share ideas of how to raise smart, caring and resilient kids, so our community becomes stronger.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
When I started keeping a gratitude journal it was mostly to help my negative mindset. Little did I realize that it would help me become a better father. I’m more patient. Just last week when my son was throwing a fit because he didn’t want to put on his shoes. I found a tiny glimmer of gratitude by thinking someday I’ll miss this because I knew I would.

It was this thought that stopped me from escalating the situation and yelling at him to put on his shoes. I took a different tactic. I told him that I could put my shoes on before him. That’s all he needed to hear. He ran over to his shoes, threw them on, and ran to the car. It was one of my biggest wins as a father because I saw how far I’ve come.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Being lucky enough to hug and play with my kids. I get busy, but I know my role as a father is to make them laugh, be silly, set guidelines, and make sure they are loved. I think playing with them is the best way to do all of those things.

If you are interested, join Karl’s free 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge running May 1st thru 30th. It’ll help strengthen your mindset. Come join us and you’ll get email updates and a private Facebook group. If you have any questions, I’ll be available 7 days a week during this time. My goal is to get the smartest and most caring people together to create an amazing community, so we can help each other learn from our mistakes and build a life that we love.

If you have any questions for Karl Staib, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Tips on Bonding with Your Kids

April 30, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Having kids can be one of many joys of life. It’s your chance to raise little humans that will hopefully grow into upstanding citizens one day. However, to get to that point, you’ve often got to put in a significant amount of work. While every child is different and some are more difficult to raise than others, their fundamental needs are usually the same. One of these needs is to feel deeply connected to you as parents or to feel as though they’re accepted and loved. Here are some tips on bonding with your kids worth trying.

Actively Listen

Learning how to listen to your kids actively could go a long way. When kids complain about their parents, it’s not uncommon for them to feel as though they’re not listened to. Below are a few tips for active listening that could help you bond.

Avoid Being Judgmental: Sometimes it takes a lot of effort for your kids to open up and tell you how they feel. In light of this, avoid being judgmental and instead, try and take a neutral stance. When you do this, you build trust and make it easier for them to talk to you moving forward.
Offer Feedback: When your child is talking, offer verbal and nonverbal feedback as a way of showing them that you’re actively listening. It could mean smiling, mirroring their body language, asking questions, or summarizing what they say.

Learn About Them

You may feel that because you’re a parent and are raising your kids, you know all there is to know about them. However, this likely isn’t the case. See your child as another person you are curious to learn about and show an interest in who they are. You can do so by asking questions and offering to participate in activities that they usually do alone.

Learning about them also means knowing what they’re battling with whether low self-esteem or insecurities. For example, when your child is a teenager, you should also be sure they don’t have any addictions they’re fighting, especially if you’ve noticed signs. A drug and alcohol rehab may be a good solution if you find they’re struggling in this respect.

Have Uncomfortable Conversations

Parents sometimes shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with their kids. However, these can be some of the most essential conversations to have, so get good at talking openly about different topics. When talking to them about tough topics, you can have a series of conversations that are age appropriate. You can also admit that it’s awkward and you don’t know all of the answers

Spend Quality Time Together

In order to bond with anyone, it’s crucial that you spend quality time together. When you spend time with your kids, it’s a way of reaffirming your relationship. Allocate time every month that is dedicated to your kids. You could decide to create a family ritual such as having a home movie date every Sunday or exploring your city together instead. During your quality time, make sure everyone feels both comfortable and free.

Dads in the Limelight – Sanderson Dean AKA Stark Raving Dad

April 11, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 871st Dad in the Limelight is Sanderson Dean, otherwise known as Stark Raving Dad. I want to thank Sanderson Dean for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Sanderson Dean with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Sanderson Dean. I’m the author of a humor book called “STARK RAVING DAD” which comes out May 7^th, 2019. Of course, my “real” job is writing advertising for movies and tv shows in the entertainment industry. I work at home, so I’ve been on the front-lines for most of our family baby battles. By this point, I’m a consummate pro at plunging toilets, and I also make a mean PB&J in seconds flat.

2) Tell me about your family

I have two boys, now in their tweens. They’re my pride and joy, as well as my source of constant aggravation. Luckily, I have an awesome, understanding wife who puts up with me and serves as a calming influence for our household. She works too – so we’re constantly doing a balancing act to stay organized (and sane). For the record, our kitchen is rarely clean.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The biggest challenge of fatherhood for me, has been dealing with the daily frustrations. These little beings that I love so much, still have minds of their own. They don’t pick up their socks, they don’t eat their vegetables (or anything healthy), they smear peanut butter on door knobs, and they never, ever flush the toilet. This, of course, comes after years of never sleeping, constantly spilling drinks, and leaving out Legos for Dad to step on. Over the years, I’ve worked very hard not to scream and yell. But it was my wife who came up with the idea of doing “something more constructive with my angst”. I started to write poems… yup poems. And that’s how “STARK RAVING DAD” came about. It’s years of fatherly angst channeled into funny poems. Now when I’m plunging toilets, I’m thinking of rhymes – rather than why my kid tried to flush another Q-tip.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I think my best advice for fathers is to try and enjoy every moment. If you spend two hours trying to force your kid to eat green beans, all you do is end up resenting each other. Plus, no one likes cold green beans, and you’ve lost two hours. I’m realizing the kids grow up really fast(seriously, my kids are already tweens!) And frankly, fighting over green beans isn’t going to make any memories. However, having ice cream on the porch is. (but only if they eat their green beans!!)

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

This feels like a trick question. I’m not sure we ever balanced parenthood and our outside life. However, over the years, we’ve learned to carve out little moments for ourselves. I guess you could call them sanity breaks. My wife likes to go to Pottery Barn. I like to play soccer. And usually when we return, we’re refreshed enough to handle the chaos and our spouse’s spiteful “what took you so long??” (Sadly, I get this response whenever I use the rest room too.)

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I have a friend who’s a father of five. Yeah, five kids! I have no idea how he does it. But he’s always very calm. So, I’ve tried to model him and take things as they come. Honestly, with five kids, you can’t be on top of everything – but you can be there when you need to be. This has helped me to be less “helicopter parent” and to take things more in stride. Additionally, I can tell you another thing I’ve learned… I’m never having five kids! That’s crazy.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Hug more, yell less. Honestly, that’s easier to say than to actually do, but I truly believe that’s a big secret. Trying to find more empathy. If you haven’t guessed, I used to do a lot of yelling – but over time, I realized that didn’t work. Now, in my attempts to be a “centered” dad, I try to follow this quote – “Go with the flow, but keep your plunger handy.” It definitely works a lot better than “yell a lot, and hope they listen.”

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There are so many awesome experiences it’s hard to pick the most memorable. I highly recommend taking as many trips and “adventures” as you can. They always result in some amazing moments together. One of the coolest was when we went to Hawaii. While snorkeling with my oldest son, we came across some sea turtles. I was pulling him along by hand, and when I paused to show the turtles to him. He turned to look at me. Sharing that astonished, wide-eyed joy – framed in his swim mask, I have to say… it was just magical!

If you have any questions for Sanderson Dean, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Matt Amundson of The DadBase

March 6, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 870th Dad in the Limelight is Matt Amundson. I want to thank Matt Amundson for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Matt Amundson with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Matt Amundson, and I’m a 43 year old father of 4. I’ve been a dad longer than I’ve been anything else. I started when I was 18, just after I finished high school, and it wasn’t planned, but that’s not the same as not being wanted. We had no intention of having a child, but as we deliberated on what to do, we couldn’t conceive of losing her.

For work, I’m a training and learning development specialist, or at least training to be one, which really means I apply my dad teaching skills to adults. In my non-dad time, I make liqueurs, watch baseball and football, play 4 year old video games (they’re less expensive when you buy them used and I’m looking forward to Red Dead Redemption when I can get it for $5 in 2 years), and my new hobby, waste money on gym memberships. I also enjoy grumbling about too many lights on in the house.

For some reason, Dad of Divas thought I should be in the limelight, and I’m not entirely sure why. I run my own web series called The Database (Thedadabase.com) where I interview other dads over a beer or two (or tea or scotch or water, etc.) and we talk about their stories and experiences as a dad, so that we can all learn from each other. Maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s our mutual admiration of traveling teddy bears.

Matt Amundson of the DadBase is the 870th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

2) Tell me about your family

I have 3 children from a prior marriage. They are Restory (24), Anna (18), and Rose (16). My 4th child is Maxamilia (5) years old. All girls. I also have a loving wife, Sonja, who is an amazing mom and bonus mom to all of them. Somehow, someway, I was entrusted with these wonderful gems of people. I can’t understand that reasoning from the universe, but I’m thrilled with it and still intimidated by the responsibility.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Our family has a history of mental health issues on just about every side of my children’s ancestry, and they’ve had their own bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts, and even self-harm. It’s humbling and terrifying to worry about your children, and feel helpless, and so I strongly advocate for parents to establish a healthy mindset towards therapy and counseling WELL BEFORE a child needs it. Pre-teens and teens can benefit from going to therapy when things are good just as much as when they are working through an issue. Having an unbiased 3rd party that they can talk to confidentially about ANYTHING THEY WANT is an unbelievable asset, and could save everyone so much hardship and grief down the road.

Just as equal of a challenge was the end of my first marriage. It was painful and many times very ugly, and the worst pain of it all was dealing with a transition that I couldn’t see my children every day as before. It was the most painful part in an ocean of sorrow and bitter tears. I eventually found some silver linings, but that initial separation, and not having a say in where they were, who they spent time with, or how they were cared for was incredibly difficult.

My daughter Rose has a dairy allergy as well. She carries around an epi-pen in case she has an accidental exposure/ingestion of dairy in some form. I’ve had to use it a handful of times now, and then rush her to the ER to make sure she’s safe. Getting other people to understand the severity of her allergy can be frustrating for everyone involved.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Ok, so this is going to be a long section, so just bear with me.

First and foremost, be prepared to fail. All the time. Again and again and again. And know that the next day, the next moment, is a chance to get it right. You have to be able to admit when you were wrong, and own up to that. Some of the worst feelings is when you have to apologize to your own children, and they forgive you when you feel like maybe they shouldn’t. And you’re going to be scared more often than you think, wether it’s because of actual potential harm to your children, or fear from indecision. But as my own father told me about parenting “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.” It’s not for the faint of heart, and the payoffs come in the smallest of moments. But they’re better than anything else you’ll experience.

Other advice? Sure.

Your intimate life is NOT going to be the same as it was before your children. Don’t expect it to, especially for a good few years. Yeah, I said years. Talk it out with your partner before and after the baby, and have some patience and understanding.

Take paternity leave to be home with your baby. Yes your partner needs your help. That’s not why you’re doing this. You’re doing it to spend time with your child and bond so your family gets off on the right foot. Get that time with your newly formed family, and bask in it.

As soon as it’s even possible, get skin to skin contact with your baby. And I mean… as soon as possible. Put that baby on your chest. Moms usually get first go at it, which is totally cool. In some instances like cesarean, it’s not always possible. That’s your moment. Either way, you WANT that moment. It will be monumental and you’ll wish it never had to end.

I’m not done.

Take a baby sign language class, because your baby will be able to communicate what they want long before they can use words.

Take naps with your baby as often as you can, because it’s the best quality of naps, and has nothing to do with the “sleep when they sleep” advice you’re going to hear everywhere. Remember when you slept with stuffed animals and how great that felt? This is thousands of times that.

Learn baby CPR, because you want to have those skills and never have to use them, but if you have to use them, you’re gonna want those skills.

Trust your instincts.

If you’re not sure if you should take your child in to the doctor, take them in and remove the doubt. Whatever your copay is, it’s worth the peace of mind.

If your wife/partner isn’t sure about going to the Dr, and you think it’s fine…. Go to the dr. Whatever your copay is, it’s worth your partner’s peace of mind.

When you bring the baby home, and people come to visit, your job is to protect mom. That means you have to be the bouncer sometimes. That especially applies to family.

Volunteer at the school as often as you can. Go on field trips. They will love it. Until middle school. Go anyway.

Whenever it’s possible, get down on the floor and match your child’s level. It shows them respect that they deserve, and helps them relate to you better.

Get used to being a jungle gym. Sometimes as a dad, you need to take a beating as playground equipment to keep the peace in the household.

Talk to your children like people… not like children. Treat them like people. Because they are. Don’t dumb down your language unless you absolutely have to. It will help their vocabulary, and building their minds.

Every message to your children should be supportive, whenever possible. The world is full of critics ready to tear people down. Your children need you to lift them up.

Teach consent. Teach respect for other people’s bodies and opinions and feelings.

When you argue with your spouse, argue respectfully.

YOU ARE THE EXAMPLE YOUR CHILDREN WILL FOLLOW. Remember that all the time. Give them the model that they should follow.

You can’t give kids your childhood. Things change. So don’t try. Give them as great of a childhood of their own as you can.

Write memories down. Even the little ones. ESPECIALLY the little ones. You don’t think you’ll forget, but you will.

Put the phone down. Don’t try to record even moment… savor some moments just to be in them.

Come talk to me if you need more advice, or you want clarifications on what I’ve shared.

Oh, wait! Establish a ritual of individual time with each of your children along with group family time, so that they know they are individually important to you as much as they are part of the family.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I was terrible at it. I spent so much time with my first 3 children, that I missed out on so many things. I would go to work to make the money and get the health benefits they needed, I couldn’t do the volunteer work I am doing now, or interact with them the way they deserved. It wasn’t until I was laid off that I could make up for lost time with my youngest. I established a rotating daddy-daughter night where Wednesday of each week I would take one of them out for mini golf, or Dairy Queen, or whatever just to check in and let them know I cherished my time with them.

That said, you’ve got to be able to take care of yourself, and get some time away as well, to recharge your own batteries. I was poor at that for a long time as well, and I’ve only recently learned what it means to invest in myself. I think that comes from having children at such a young age, and having to work so hard just to scrape by.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Patience, humor, and the ability to appreciate that each child is different, and needs a different approach. It’s such a wide set of variables. What works for me might not work for you, or for your child’s temperament. Some respond differently to pressure. There’s limitless ways of being a good dad, and plenty of ways of being a poor dad.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Lessee, I’ve shared so much… what’s left?

I rarely measure up to the standards or expectations I have for myself in my head. At Christmas or Hannukah, I regularly wish I could have done more. I can beat myself up pretty good over failings. There are times when I’ve had to discipline my kids, and things feel really low, and I wonder if the kids and I are going to get through our hurt feelings. And then a day or two later, they come up and give you a hug (or vice versa) and you have a nice little moment, and everything is good in the world again.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I’m a big baseball fan, so some of what comes to mind are trips to the ball park on Fathers day. Most of the kids don’t care about the game, but they go anyway because they know how much I enjoy it, and they want to see me happy, and that feels great. Also, hot dogs, cotton candy and soft pretzels are core values.

I’m a big Twins fan, and we were in the playoffs against the Yankees a few years ago. My oldest daughter was at work, and as soon as she got out of her job, she raced to my house, walked in and grabbed 2 beers from the fridge. She opened both, handed one to me and sat down on the couch next to me. I didn’t know that was on my bucket list until it happened, but that small tiny moment is an example of where all of the hard work, and tears, and heartache that comes with raising a child pays off. It is a small moment like that which will be impossible to place value on, because of how much it means. It will mean everything to you.

There are moments when I see the older girls step up to take care of their younger sister, and seeing them interact in a positive way gives my soul rest from worry. It’s my greatest fear that they will drift apart when I am gone, and I hope they maintain a true sisterly relationship the rest of their lives, despite the age difference.

I played mini golf in the rain with my daughter Rose on the last day of a vacation at a resort. It was terrible weather, but it was worth the smile on her face throughout. I remember telling her goofy stories to help keep her calm during a dairy allergy reaction. She’s become an even better punster than I.

I sat in the crowd as my daughter Anna bared her soul at a feminism event called Roar, and saw how unbelievably strong she is. I’ve watched her compete in swimming, and listened to exasperated groans of “Daaaaaaad” at my goofiest moments.

I danced with each of my first 3 daughters at my 2nd wedding, and it was a moment I go back to often in my more wistful dreams. Another reason I wish I could go back and re-play that day, and never make any changes.

I make biscuits with Maxamilia on a regular basis, and I don’t care how they turn out. I just love the experience of working together with her. She’s also big on planting and growing tomatoes and other plants.

It’s the little moments that become memorable.

If you have any questions for Matt Amundson, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Dads in the Limelight – Angel “Papi” Santiago

March 3, 2019 by dadofdivas Leave a Comment

Our 869th Dad in the Limelight is Angel “Papi” Santiago. I want to thank Angel Santiago for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Angel Santiago with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Angel “Papi” Santiago and I am a dedicated husband and father of three living in the DC area. I own an entertainment company and perform at high end social events throughout te capital region as an “MC” or Event Host. For 15 years I was a Director at a large Entertainment Agency and began working from home three years ago to be more invested in raising my young children. This time at home became known as PAPI PRESCHOOL. I stepped down this past year to be a Full Time Stay at home dad and make Papi Preschool priority #1! When I’m not rocking an event or running Papi Preschool, I am usually creating in some way (IG posts, Voiceover work, cooking). You

2) Tell me about your family

My family is magical. My wife is a bombshell with a heart of gold who is a Spanish teacher full time. My oldest son is now 12 and is bing home-schooled tris year. He has a YouTube channel and loves to play Fortnite. My middle son is now 6 and loving Kindergarten. He is a huge Dinosaur fan and can accurately identify over 50 types of Dinosaurs! And my youngest, my princess, the boss, she is a trip! Love her energy and most certainly not afraid of anyone pulling one over on her, she is absolutely in charge, and I love it!

Angel Gonzalez is the 869th dad to be spotlighted in the Dads in the Limelight Series. Come and learn from this great dad!

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

My hardest challenge by far has been in the way I speak t my kids. As a vocalist and performer, everything I do is LOUD! I have come to learn that if your always loud, then raising your voice when the moment calls for it, means nothing. I have never one spanked my child so some stearn words need to get the job done for me. Finding my “Dad” voice was a challenge that I feel I have begun to conquer.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

ENJOY THIS! EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Most any of us can go out and earn the responsibility and title of “Dad”, the secret is realizing the blessing in being a “Father”.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

By making sure that Parenthood comes first and everyone knows it. When my 6 year old was 2 I decided to try and work from home. I didn’t ask, just did it. I got pushback but I knew once I proved this new method, all would be fine, and it was. In the process I showed my employer that Parenthood was much more valuable to me in this time of my life. No apologies necessary!

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That Fathers are NOT all made equally. My method is a bit different than fathers I live around so I was ridiculed a bit. No one could understand how I would walk away from 6 figures to “watch” my kids. I’m not a babysitter, it’s called Parenting! It took me interacting with Dads I found on Instagram to realize there are many more Dads like me out there than I thought!

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

We are going to be misunderstood and labeled incorrectly ALL THE TIME! I’ve come to accept this, while continuously working on breaking every stereotype there is. Soon enough, especially with events like DAD 2.0 SUMMIT, the conversation will change.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I mean, all of it. I’m a visual person and a visual artist so I remember things like a montage. When I close my eyes and think of the last 12 years, three words come to mind, DREAM COME TRUE!

If you have any questions for Angel Santiago, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!