I am guest posting again over at Discovering Dad about Making Friends Like A Man – Hope you will come over and check it out!
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Million Dollar Man v.1.6 – Love and Accountability
This series is set up to aid our Dads out there to upgrade their skills to become a Million Dollar Dad. If you did not read the original explaination about this series, I encourage you to visit the original post. Each week we will focus on a new upgrade for our Dads. This week’s upgrade is provided to us by Jeremy Biser from Discovering Dad!
Love and Accountability
My parents always taught me that there was no true love without accountability. I was one of those good kids who also had a wild and fearless streak in him. I pushed the limits with my parents quite often, and as a result, I spent much of my teenage years grounded.
As I got into tenth or eleventh grade, I became a little smarter about where the boundaries were and figured out how to have fun without crossing the line (most of the time). My privileges as a kid were always linked to my performance in school, at home and in the community. The better I performed, the more freedom I got. This taught me a valuable lesson about life that I have carried through to my current roles as husband, father and business/community leader.
Now, I have a daughter who is a teenager, and like me, she is in the phase of testing her limits. In fact, she has been grounded for the past month due to poor performance on her first quarter grades. I hold her accountable, just like my parents held me accountable, because I love her too much to allow her present immaturity negatively impact her education and future.
I’m not very popular with my daughter right now, but I’m sure she knows that I love her. I demonstrate that I love her every day, and I balance my love with accountability. At fourteen, I expect that she will continue to test her limits for the next couple of years, but I’ve made it very clear to her that all of her privileges will be linked to her performance in school and at home. Hopefully, she will learn faster than I did how to get her privileges back by holding herself accountable.
It would be much easier to just let her slide down the path to mediocrity, but I don’t believe that demonstrates true love for her. I want my kids to live up to their full potential, but I don’t see how they can do that if I don’t help guide them and hold them accountable for their actions. I don’t want to be so strict that the pendulum swings to extremes – a balanced approach is more my style. I’ve been told that I am a “high reward, high accountability” guy both at work and at home, meaning I extend great praise and privileges to those that hold themselves accountable for their actions. If there is a lack of self accountability, then I am quick to introduce it and get them back on track.
As my parents taught me, there is no true love without accountability. This philosophy has been worth much more than “six million dollars” in my life.
Jeremy Biser
http://www.discoveringdad.net
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My Greatest Adventure
Nothing like waiting until the last minute, but I decided to try my luck at enterring a cool contest over at Discovering Dad that closes today (yes, I said today). The premise of this contest is to talk about your greatest adventure.
In thinking of my life, I don’t know what would be considered a great adventure… would it be the out west trip my parents took me on when I was 10; the birth of either of my two daughters, the day I got married; marching with my school’s marching band in London, England???
I though and thought about this and decided to talk about a trip that my wife (at that point girlfriend) and I took to visit a few schools as I was considering graduate schools. This all started on the spring break of my Junior year/ J-Mom and I decided to take our time off to go and visit 3 graduate programs. First stopping at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio, the traveling to the University of Maryland – College Park, then finally visiting the University of Vermont (talk about a whirlwind tour). Along the way we were going to do some sightseeing as J-Mom had never been to the East Coast, and I neither of us had ever been to Vermont.
As our trip began things were going fine, our visit to Bowling Green was productive but uneventful. As we continued our path, we enterred the foothills of Pennsylvania and got a bit slowed down by fog as dense as pea soup. Let me tell you…living on the banks of Lake Michigan we get fog off the lake, but nothing to compare to this. I had never seen anything like this up to then and have not seen anything since that compares.
We survived the fog and made our way to Maryland. Let me tell you, J-Mom and I got a kick out of the town outside of DC named Foggy Bottom, call it imaturity, but what a hillarious name! We made it to College Park and of course in trying to be frugal (as I was a college student), I had booked us a low priced room and J-Mom and I searched for the facility after scoping out where I would be meeting at the Univ. of Maryland. When we pulled in we were a bit skeptical at the motel but we got the key. We went to our room and J-Mom made it clear that we would not be staying in the squaller that we saw in front of us. Luckily there were other options that we were able to access at not too much additional cost.
The next day we explored Washington DC. We decided to take the subway system to save on cost. When we arrived at the College Park Station and were walking up to go inside, a man cam stumbling toward us mumbling “gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.” The next thing we knew he whipped out his anatomy and started doing his business in front of us. What a welcome for J-Mom’s first experience to the DC area. We quickly kept walking and got on the train. We went downtown and had a great time visiting landmarks. The one most disturbling point was when we were outside of the National History Museau and on the side of it we saw two other men peeing on the side of the building. What is it with public displays of anatomy at our nations’ capitol?
I had my meeting at the University of Maryland the next day and the guy I met with basically did not even give me the time of day. Let’s just say that they did not receive my application!
We got on the road to head north to Vermont. I will trll you that driving on the NJ Turnpike at that point in time was a pain in the rump as you had to stop every 10 feet (or so it seemed) to pay a .10 or .25 cent toll…I have heard that this has changed, but it was a bit annoying at thet time.
We got into Burlington, Vermont, after a great drive North through some beautiful country. Our hotle was wonderful as compared to what we had in Maryland. We decided to explore a bit and we ended up finding the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. Let me tell you the factory is a fun place, and it is defininitely the original Build a Bear concept. The quality though of the bears that they make is remarkable and I would recommend that people visit their site to check out the unique bears that they offer.
Burlingont was a neat town and we enjoyed exploring it. I liked the college feel of the town and I ended up having a great experience with the interview. Unfortunately I graduated early and wanted to continue my education right away in January of the next year and they made it clear that you could only start in the Fall of every year.
The interesting part of Vermont is that it has only one interstate. When we arrived in Burlington we were amazed that there was no snow on the ground (being that it was March), but we were happy with that. Well…the morning after my interview when we were supposed to be heading to the Niagra Falls area to visit some of my family, we woke up to about a foot of snow that had appeared over night. Also, to our chagrin we were informed by the local news that all state routes had been closed due to black ice and that the interstate would probably be closed in the near future. We talked with the hotel staff and they recommended that we call the ferry company north of Burlington which ran the only year round running car ferry that went across Lake Champlain to New York. We called and found that indeed they still were running but that they may shut down as well, but if we could get there within the next hour we would be able to catch the next ferry. So needless to say we got on the road to a interstate that was only partially cleared with one lane, and sluggishly made our way north to the ferry landing. Though we did slip and slide a bit, we made it over to an iced wonderland in New York. I mean that it looked like a crystal palace becuase of freezing rain which had covered all of the trees and everything that one could see.
The rest of our trip was uneventful, except for freezing our rumps off while making a quick visit to Niagra falls as J-Mom had never witnessed it before.
The funny thing with this trip was that I eneded up not applying to any of these schools due to when I was looking to start. but we definitely have memories that will last us a lifetime from the trip.
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10 Ways to Pull Off The Perfect Disagreement
How many of you are not good with disagreements? How many of you would love to have some toold to take with you in regards to pulling off a better disagreement in the future? If you answered in the affirmative to either of these I encourage you to go over to the below link where I am guest posting today! I hope you enjoy the post and look forward to your comments!
http://discoveringdad.net/10-ways-to-pull-off-the-perfect-disagreement/
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Moving With Kids – The Post-Move
This is the third part in a series of three that talks about moving with children and things that you and I can do to assist them and lessen their overall concerns and stress during this period of time. In case you missed it you can read the first part of our series, I encourage you all to read about how to assist children during the Pre-Move as well as the second part of assisting children during the move.
I asked Jeremy from Discovering Dad, Tyler from Building Camelot, Joey from Daddybrain, and Josh from Raging Dad to share their experiences with you. I hope you will enjoy this series and look forward to your comments!
————————————————————————————————- Similar to losing a loved one, kids need time to mourn the move. You may need time for this as well. Personally, I’ve never felt the need to do so, but others in the family have and I respect their needs. I also try to create an environment where I validate their feelings, even if I rarely agree with them. Each move we’ve made has been for the right reasons, so while it may not be “perfect” at the time I always viewed us as being one step closer to our goals in life. As such, after the move, just like before the move, I always try to maintain a positive attitude and help family members find the good in the situation.


We moved into a neighborhood that was a little older (16 years). It is warm and inviting with plenty of trees, and a park down the street. The backyard is almost 10,000 square feet, so the kids love it (it’s a pain to mow though). We made sure the local school was one of the better ones (again, thanks to my wife). Basically, we placed ourselves in an environment that was far superior to where we were.
I’m sorry I don’t have better answers.
I do have to say that we all struggle with the isolation felt from being 800 miles away from everyone we love. There are no visits to grandma’s and grandpa’s house. There is not help for us when we’re at our wits end. It’s just us – 24/7 – and it feels pretty grueling.
Thanks for listening. I hope this helps.
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Moving With Kids – The Move
This is the second part in a series of three that talks about moving with children and things that you and I can do to assist them and lessen their overall concerns and stress during this period of time. In case you missed it you can read the first part of our series, I encourage you all to read about how to assist children during the Pre-Move.
I asked Jeremy from Discovering Dad, Tyler from Building Camelot, Joey from Daddybrain, and Josh from Raging Dad to share their experiences with you. I hope you will enjoy this series and look forward to your comments!
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Everyone needs to have enough time to say goodbye. Give hugs. Cry it out. Give out the new address. Wave out the back window of the car. Drive off into the sunset. If only it were that easy. Moves are hard. They are one of the most stressful things a family can do, if only from a logistical perspective. It is mentally and physically exhausting, especially if you’re moving a significant distance. If it’s a long car ride, you can count on the mood to be somber and, perhaps, emotional.
Although I admit this to be something difficult for me (empathy is not my biggest strength), people need to be given the chance to release their emotions safely during a move. If not, then it will be hard to move on in a more figurative sense with your life in the new location. As a father, I tend to try and listen, while fighting the urge to “fix” things for my family when they are stressed. When we moved to our current house, we had to live in an extended stay hotel for several months while construction finished. Let me tell you, there was no amount of effort big enough to “fix” the frustration of being cramped in a small space for days on end, living in flux.
As for the physical move itself, we have always taken the same approach as family vacations: the more distractions the better. Driving in a car or rental truck for hours on end may seem like a great time for teaching kids new things, but in my experience, this is a huge mistake. Let the kids do mindless things, so that they can become engrossed in an activity rather than wallowing in their sadness about the move. You will be better equipped to listen and talk things through with them without the distraction of driving or car sickness. If you’re moving and you don’t have a portable DVD player (or one built into your vehicle), then I highly recommend getting one, especially if you have young kids. It will pay for itself many times over in stress reduction during long trips in the car.
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While our house was on the market, my wife and I made every attempt to clean out all the closets, cabinets, dressers, attic, etc. and donate large amount of stuff to the local Salvation Army. This was a tremendous help because once we sold the house, and knew without a doubt that we were moving, we had a lot less to pack. We let Olivia help pack a lot of non-breakable items so she could feel like a part of the process. It also gave us additional opportunities to talk to her about moving into a “new” house with a “new room”. I think she played with cups and mugs more than she actually packed, but seeing the boxes around the house was a reminder that we were going to move.
The actual moving day was very hectic. We closed on both houses AND moved all in one day. For us, we wanted to keep her routine the same so we took Olivia to daycare. We told her that today was the last day in the house and after daycare, we’d sleep in her new room. She was very excited and kept asking, “See my new room tonight?”. I think the regular trips to the new house and all the discussions surround the new house really helped her with the transition.
————————————————————————————————- I don’t have a really good answer here. It was stressful. Especially with a one-month old. We didn’t want to leave NY, we simply didn’t have a choice.
That being said, listening to Max, answering his questions and letting him know what was going on, worked pretty well. Overall, he was very excited.
I think too often, adults think young kids don’t understand what’s going on, so they don’t bother to really communicate with them. Although a two-year-old may not fully comprehend the event, they are people too, and deserve to be “kept in the loop,” and respected.
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Selling our house was so difficult, that it was beginning to look like I might have to return to Minnesota and abandon our plans for relocating to Portland. However, I had quit my job already and had no options for going back. Plus, I was committed to my new employer and had signed relocation agreements. We decided that if this move was going to happen, we had to get the entire family out to Portland, post haste.
We decided to drive the family across the country, rather than fly. Though it would take far longer, we hoped that it would give us a sense of perspective, of where we were in comparison to our home of 30-some years. At the time, my twin boys were two years old, and my daughter was four. All of our possessions left in a moving truck, and we hit the road in our minivan armed with a DVD player and dozens of movies.
While the 1700-mile drive could be done in three days, we decided to take it at a slower pace and reward the kids with pool time in a hotel at the end of each day. Having some time to get out of the car was critical for the sanity of our kids, even though my wife and I wanted to keep going.
While I was back in Portland, I prepared our house for the rest of the family. We let the kids select the colors of their rooms, which proved to be a good way to get them engaged in the new environment before they got there. By the time we rolled into the new city, they were excited to see their new rooms.
The single most challenging part of the entire process was being apart for three months during the move. The stress that was created for my wife was tremendous, as she had to keep the house clean and ready to be seen by purchasers, while taking three wild children all on her own.
Comparatively, the actual move was much easier than the preparation and the challenges that would come as we settled into our new home and community.
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Moving With Kids – The Pre-Move
I was recently thinking about this and saying to myself, what should a parent do to ease the stress on a child when a move is imminent. Over the next few days I will bring you some sage wisdom from four dads that I have recruited that have experiences moving with their kids in different ways.
I asked Jeremy from Discovering Dad, Tyler from Building Camelot, Joey from Daddybrain, and Josh from Raging Dad to share their experiences with you. I hope you will enjoy this series and look forward to your comments!
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Attitude is everything. If mom or dad are excited, upset or somewhere in the middle, then it has been my experience that the kids mirror that attitude with regard to a move both before and after it happens. My oldest daughter has experienced multiple moves throughout her life, although we have been settled for more than 4 years in our home now.
Each move was different, and it depended largely on where she was at in her developmental stage in life as to what information was shared or not. During her younger years, we moved twice – once near my parents and the other near her other grandparents, so we focused in on those things that she found exciting.
As a young child, she could have cared less. In fact, after we told her, she would pack her little princess bag and be ready to go that night, even though we were weeks away. As she got older, and more attached to her friends at school, things got harder to “sell” as being positive. We always tried to reassure her that she would make new friends, and new beginnings meant new opportunity to make life even better. The good thing about kids, including my daughter, is that they are incredibly resilient, as long as they receive proper support from mom and dad.
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When we moved into our new house a little over a year ago, our daughter was almost two. The world was exciting to her at the time and when we took her house hunting she had a blast running around the rooms and up and down all the steps. We didn’t have to look long because we found some new construction in the city in a safe and established neighborhood. We took our daughter into the model home a couple of times and let her just wander around the house. While we were there we would ask “Do you like it here?”, “Would you like to have a room here?” and she would always say “Yes”.
A few days later we put a contract on a muddy mess of a lot. It was early January and they were about to start pouring the foundation for the floor plan we loved and it was the best lot available. Over the next few months, we were able to take Olivia to the lot and show her the house being built. I think it really helped her understand what was going on and allowed us to talk about the new house while we were at home. It didn’t take long for her to start asking us about “my new house” and “my new room”. After I would pick her up from daycare, she would ask, “We go see my new room?” quickly followed by “We go see my new house?”. I think she was looking forward to the new house.
I think what really helped was how much my wife and I talked about the new house. It didn’t hurt that we visited the new house at least once a week. If you’re moving into an existing home you obviously don’t have that luxury. As long as you and your wife talk about the move, the “new” house and the “new” rooms, I think the transition will be a little less stressful.
————————————————————————————————-Our first son, Max, was only 2 1/2 when I accepted my job out here in Wisconsin. My second son, Joss, was still inutero.
We were very honest with Max right away as to what was going on. We let him know that we’d be moving to Wisconsin, and we’d have a house of our own with a beautiful backyard (this was one of our house requirements). We told him he’s have a room of his own. We were living in an apartment at the time, with a drug addict, alcoholic, chain smoker living in the basement – it wasn’t pretty.
We all watched videos of different homes that I filmed while commuting out here. Since my second son was now just a newborn, we wanted to wait a little bit before moving the whole family out here.
So I was out here by myself each week, living in t temporary housing. Each night after work I’d see some homes with my realtor, Phil Carouso (great guy). I’d film them and show them to the family when I got back to NY.
Max, who was very advanced for a 2-year old, was an active participant in the house-choosing process. He gave his most excellent opinion on each house we viewed.
We read books to Max about moving, going on an airplane and what it would be like to move to a far away city. We didn’t want Max to be surprised by anything that was going to happen.
————————————————————————————————In early 2006, I began looking for a new job, and my wife and I agreedthat looking out of state would be an option for us. My wife and Iwere high school sweethearts who had moved from rural, small town Minnesota to the bustling Twin Cities for college. Neither of us hadlived outside of the land of 10,000 lakes. On the plus side, we had anincredible support network of family and friends. However, we enviedour friends who had experienced living in other places. With our kidsstill young—a daughter, 4; and twin sons, 2—this was the ideal timefor us to give it a try, if there is such a thing as an ideal time.
After six months of job hunting, things finally fell in place and I landed a job in Portland, Ore. I accepted an offer in June 2006, andwas to start work at the beginning of August. This meant that we hadonly two months to get the house ready, put it on the market, and bidfarewell to our family and friends. The biggest challenge for our kidswas going to be leaving their cousins and grandparents, who they arebest of friends with, and were used to seeing each other regularly.
We explained to the kids that we were moving to another part of thecountry, and would not be able to see our family members as frequentlyas we were accustomed to. This didn’t have much meaning for any ofthem. We tried showing them maps and talking about the distance, but it was far too abstract. The best tool we found was a globe, which thekids seemed to find more interesting. Even so, we could tell that itwas going to be difficult to prepare them mentally for the move, andthe radical change in our social and familial networks.
The For Sale sign on our house went up just as the housing market fellinto the toilet. It was rapidly looking like I would have to go out toPortland on my own until the house sold. At the end of July, I set offalone across the country, into the west without my family. For me,this marked the beginning of the actual move. For my family—especiallymy children—this was only the beginning of understanding what washappening to our family. The maps and globes were abstract tools toexplain a theoretical process of pulling up our roots; my complete andtotal absence for three months was a profound signal of changes tocome. From this point on, every day would only bring greater stress,and greater challenge.
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Dad of Divas Spotlighted

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Contributing Writer and Guest Posts
I was pleased to be asked to be a contributing writer by Jeremy over at Discovering Dad. This has been a blog that I have been following for some time, and Jeremy is not only a great writer, but also has become a friend and mentor when it comes to blogging.
My first post as a contributing writer is up so I encourage you to come over and read: Time Bandits – Who’s Stealing Your Time?
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Come and Vote for Me!
I have a picture up at Discovering Dad for a photo contest. There are some great ones there and the winner will be named the master of optical discipline!
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