Christian Paasch Archives

Our 834th Dad in the Limelight is Christian Paasch. I want to thank Christian Paasch for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Christian Paasch with all of you.

Our 834th Dad in the Limelight is Christian Paasch. Come and learn from this engaged, passionate father about being a better dad!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Christian Paasch and I was born in Germany, but grew up there, in Argentina and California. After graduating from the US Air Force Academy, I served for almost five years on active duty and then moved to the Washington, DC area. Three years ago, as a result of my experience in the family court arena, I formed a state-wide non-profit in Virginia that focuses on making shared parenting/custody the norm in child custody processes in Virginia and other states. I’m in the limelight because others can’t be and because children need it (i.e. shared parenting). I was fortunate to have the resources necessary to fight, but it still took me nearly 9 years to get to a place that we should have started from to begin with. Others do not have the same luxury, so I want to make sure other children do not have one of their parents unnecessarily torn from their lives – just because that’s “how we’ve always done it.”

2) Tell me about your family

I’m married to my beautiful (and even more amazingly patient) wife, Kristen, and am a proud dad to two boys. Kristen is an amazing step-mom to my older son and a wonderful mom to our younger son. Before I met Kristen, I was a full-time single dad to my older boy and honestly never thought I would come to lead the family law reform efforts I do today. But life has a way of leading us to where we are meant to be, and I’m just grateful to be in a position where I can help improve things for those who come after me and for those who can’t afford to fight for their kids. The heartbreak those parents and children feel is immeasurable and I believe we have a duty to help fix that and keep children connected with both healthy, loving parents.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

First of all, I think it’s important to mention here that admitting we have a hard time facing or overcoming things is important – as dads and as men. There’s nothing wrong with doing that. Admit away, fellow dads! Your kids need to know it’s ok to admit that…but even better than that, you can then show them how to overcome those things that might seem insurmountable. Personally, one of the biggest challenges I faced was how to maintain a consistent and strong presence in my older son’s life, despite a family court system predicated on forcing one or the other parent into “visitor” status. Simply stated, if we have two competent, loving, stable, healthy parents that actually want to be in their child’s life, we should say “Hallelujah” and strive to maximize the chance that the child has a significant relationship with both parents. Today, in the majority of situations, we have the opposite of that. I overcame my biggest struggle to where I have a great relationship with my older son but I was one of the lucky ones in that I had the financial and emotional resources to fight. Many others do not and that is why our non-profit focuses on making shared custody the norm in our family courts. Shared custody has been proven by 50+ studies to be best for children in most situations and is still flexible enough to allow for judicial discretion and also protect victims of domestic violence, when necessary.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I would tell other fathers to raise their kids in the best way they know how and to trust their instincts. There is no one “right” way to do it, despite what others may say. Keep your kids safe, love them, kiss and hug them, and show them how to be responsible citizens of the world. If you’re a single dad, keep the faith – know your kids need you in their lives to the maximum extent possible. And if you have that, then seek to maximize your positive impact on them. Don’t feel pressure to “take them to Disneyland” (as it were); just simply be yourself and teach them things in the most mundane, every-day things. Be present for and with them. Read with them and play outside with them. In the end, after they’re grown, they will look back on their childhood and appreciate you focusing on the important things with them.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

For me, parenthood is part of my outside life so I never feel like one is coming at the expense of the other. But I do understand and agree with the importance of having a life outside of your kids and raising them. My day job, thankfully, offers some ability to work from home – for example, while my wife and I can’t go out to dinner as often as we used to, because our son is 1 1/2 years old, we do make time to go out for lunch or catch matinee movies, instead. We talk during walks with our son, and enjoy a quiet hour or so after putting him down for the night. I also stay sharp by leading my family court reform efforts, and staying active in my older son’s Scouting and sports activities.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

The biggest thing I’ve learned is to have a (somewhat twisted) sense of humor. Kids will be kids, and they will do things that continuously blow your mind – most of the time, in a good way. But even when not, you have to laugh and make the best of it.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Your kids really do learn from what you do, as opposed to what you say. Since my older son is only with us part of the time, it augments the importance of the time we do have together. Therefore, I really focus on quality over quantity and on hands-on experiences. This has served me well with him and with his younger brother.

8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Besides the actual births of both of my sons, the most memorable experiences are those where I witness how much they are growing physically or emotionally/mentally: From first understanding how to give someone a hug to asking what it means to have a crush on someone, it’s been an amazing experience, and I’m looking forward to many more years helping and watching my boys grow.

If you have any questions for Christian Paasch, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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