We have some neighborhood kids that tend to hang out near our house and Diva-J has always been drawn to enjoying playing with kids that are older than her more than kids her own age. Sometimes this is fine, while at other times she can get taken advantage of by these older kids.
There is one, as I call it, fair weather friend that tends to come around on some days and on other days will not give Diva-J the time of day. This same “friend” tends to come over when Diva-PJ is outside as she likes babies.
It is difficult to help Diva-J understand the difference between friendship and real friendship. She also does not always understand the underlying mean nature that sometimes is occurring around her, as when I address the issue, she defends these “friends.”
It is at these times when I am at a loss for words, as I want Diva-J to have friendships, but at what cost. This also leads back to an earlier post that I had about being able to let go. It also though goes into the idea of when do you step in and save your child from others. I tend to try and let Diva-J learn some things by herself, but there have been times when I knew that she was being taken advantage of where I stepped in and said enough is enough and set the record, and the child affronting my child, straight.
So how do you teach your son or daughter about who is a true friend and who are just going through the motions so that they are somewhat held harmless? What have all of you done in the past?
In looking into this I found a few links I thought I would share with you all!
- http://improvingelationships.suite101.com/article.cfm/friendship_is_unconditional_love
- http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2002/10/friends_kids.html
- http://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-True-Friend
- http://www.life123.com/parenting/young-children/making-friends/how-to-spot-a-true-friend.shtml
- http://hubpages.com/hub/True-Friendship
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That's a really great question, and it's something that doesn't get a lot of mention ordinarily.
It is important for kids to learn to distinguish between true friends and mere acquaintances, or users; people who only want to pal up to you because you have something they want.
I find stories and parables, whether made up or published in a book, to be effective in teaching kids from four to ten, and then once they actually encounter people like this, just sitting and talking with them about their feelings and their interactions with these people to help them sort out the good and the bad.
Thanks for providing some great resources.
Great resources! I'm not to the point of discussing this with my daughters yet (they're only 5 months), I have been putting a LOT of thought into how to teach them these kinds of values when they are old enough. I am really interested in these kinds of stories… keep them coming.
I am nowhere near here either, but I feel this a problem that all parents face. When to hover and when to back off. It looks like it is a never-ending seesaw. Great post.
That's a tough question. There are a couple of "friends" I wish my kids stayed away from. I have not said anything to my kids about their friends yet. For now, I just keep an eye on the questionable ones to make sure they don't do anything bad.