Our 463rd Dad in the Limelight is Sean McKenzie. I want to thank Sean for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.
1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers’ knowledge)
I’m a happily married, 32-year-old father of two wonderful boys: a 3 year old, and a 1 year old.
By day, I work as a Policy Advisor in a municipal government organization, interacting with administrators, elected officials, board members, and the provincial government. My position often puts me in the centre of consultations and negotiations.
Prior to joining the workforce, I took my Bachelor of Arts in English and my Master of Arts in English—the climax of which was a thesis combining masculinity theory and modern fantasy.
I am a self-acknowledged nerd, and have been running a website called Nerd Incognito for about two years, now. This year, I added a blog to my site called Dad Who Says N.I. (http://www.nerdincognito.com/
In my spare time, watch a lot of Netflix with my wife, read (primarily fantasy fiction, but a little bit of everything, cook, play video games, and chase my little monsters around.
2) Tell me about your family
My wife works as a music teacher in the public school system. She and I met by either fate or very random chance when we were 16. We went our separate ways for a few years, taking degrees in different provinces, but found each other again. She is a strong, intelligent, and stubborn woman, who tends to balance out my more laid-back tendencies with energy and decisiveness.
Our eldest son is 3 years old and a non-stop ball of energy. In his calmer moments, he loves to read with us and watch Pixar films. The rest of the time, he’s playing with playdough, chasing things with model dinosaurs, or jumping on his trampoline. He has always enjoyed music, but he has recently discovered a love of Michael Jackson (particularly “Beat It” and “Bad”) and makes up his own dances for the songs.
Our youngest son is 1 year old now, and already has a very distinct personality to him—a great sparkle in his eyes and regular belly laughs. He’s proven to be as challenging a child in the sleep department as his brother ever was, and has an insatiable curiosity that leads to far too many near-miss moments now that he can crawl everywhere and pull himself up.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
Sleep deprivation and everything that goes with it. Neither of my boys have been sleepers; our first didn’t wake up too often in the overnight, but it always took 45 solid minutes of holding him and singing him to sleep. He finally settled into good sleeping habits after he was 1 year old.
Our second is a frequent waker. At his peak, he woke every 45 minutes in the overnight, and took 20 minute naps. Things are still a bit rough, and we’re hoping he’ll do a sudden turnaround…any time now…
The trouble with sleep deprivation is that it affects every element of your life. You don’t have the time and energy to exercise, you’re grouchy and snappy with your spouse, and you can fly off the handle at your kids at a moment’s notice. It takes iron control, which is hard to come by when you’re on your 30th day of having 4 hours of broken sleep.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
Understand that being a parent means being a teacher, and that your role is just as important as your wife’s. You and your wife will be two of the most important models upon which your child will base him or herself. That includes everything from how much yelling you do, to how you treat your wife; from these things, your kids will learn essential things like anger management and gender roles—the foundations of how they behave publicly and privately.
Most importantly, make sure you go out of your way to teach your children empathy. It does not occur naturally; it must be taught.
5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.
It’s not easy for any employed, engaged father to balance work and home, and it’s been a bit of a challenge at times. I do have to be away from home a few times throughout the year, and I’m conscious of the pressure that puts on my wife, and how sad it makes my boys. The way I balance things is to make sure that when I am home, I act like I’m home—my phone goes on the kitchen island and stays there, ignored, until the boys are in bed. I don’t bring my work home with me unless it’s absolutely necessary, and I make sure that I spend my time at home modeling the kind of behavior I want my sons to grow into. I do most of the cooking, my share of the clean-up, and as much playing with and reading to my sons as I can manage in the time I’ve got. I do all that despite the fact that some days I would rather just flop onto the couch and have a nap after work, or watch T.V.
My advice to other fathers would be to disconnect, REALLY disconnect when you get home and focus on your kids. Don’t fall into the easy trap of plunking them in front of the T.V. unless absolutely necessary, and make sure you’re modeling the way you want them to behave.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
Not long after I started blogging, I was pointed toward a group called Dad Bloggers, which has provided me with a wonderful forum for sharing, bouncing ideas off of people, and offering advice. I can’t begin to say how much they’ve taught me in the brief time I’ve been part of their group.
Above all, though, I guess there are two major lessons that I’ve learned from Dad Bloggers, and other fathers that I’ve had the pleasure to interact with: 1) Time only moves faster as you get older and it’s essential that you take the time to be there for your kids NOW; and 2) As ugly as some days are, and as alone/maxed out/depressed/crazy as you may feel, you’re not the only one who has been overtaken by that darkness and found a way back out. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed, and it’s OK to ask for help.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far? What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
Being a good father is the most exhausting and yet rewarding thing I’ve ever undertaken. Stop worrying about the little stuff like how long it’s taking to put your little one to sleep, or that they want just one more book before bed. Stop thinking about the cleaning that you have to do before you can sit down, or how early you need to get up the next morning. Learn to just stop and take pleasure in the moments you have with your kids, whenever possible. They are frustrating, obnoxious, and embarrassing sometimes, but they’re also wonderful, adoring, and hilarious. Enjoy every moment.
Oh, and don’t forget to document things. A lot of what blogging is about for me is archiving; I want to be able to look back and remember what was going on while my boys were growing up, and share all of it with them, if they have the interest.
You can find Nerd Incognito at http://www.nerdincognito.com on Facebook at facebook.com/thenerdincognito, on Twitter at @thnerdincognito and even on Google+ at https://www.google.com/+
If you have any questions for Sean, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
——————————————————————————————-
New to the Divadom?
Please Subscribe to my RSS Feed! Subscribe in a reader
Questions?Drop me a line at [email protected]
Related articles
Leave a Reply